1 00:00:00,958 --> 00:00:03,621 Back in the '90s, we had a ton of toy crazes, 2 00:00:03,708 --> 00:00:06,798 but the biggest of them all was Tamagotchi. 3 00:00:06,885 --> 00:00:08,907 Long before we could play every game imaginable on our phones, 4 00:00:08,931 --> 00:00:11,281 all we had were these digital babies. 5 00:00:12,935 --> 00:00:14,260 Tom Scott! Get your head in the game! 6 00:00:16,025 --> 00:00:18,941 School is for dodge ball and sometimes books, not toys. 7 00:00:19,028 --> 00:00:20,551 The hell is this thing? 8 00:00:20,638 --> 00:00:21,639 It's a Tamagotchi. 9 00:00:26,383 --> 00:00:28,254 My God, they're everywhere. 10 00:00:28,341 --> 00:00:30,039 All right, 10 laps! All of you! 11 00:00:30,126 --> 00:00:32,911 They're not even complaining about laps! 12 00:00:32,998 --> 00:00:34,149 I'll take that. 13 00:00:34,173 --> 00:00:36,611 Thank you very much. Mine! 14 00:00:36,698 --> 00:00:40,005 Con. Fi. Sca. Ted. 15 00:00:40,092 --> 00:00:41,200 But he just said his first word! 16 00:00:41,224 --> 00:00:42,921 And his last! 17 00:00:43,008 --> 00:00:44,072 Your attention please, 18 00:00:44,096 --> 00:00:47,491 place the toys in the bag, gentlemen and lady. 19 00:00:47,578 --> 00:00:48,618 Was that really necessary? 20 00:00:48,666 --> 00:00:49,841 You, too? 21 00:00:49,928 --> 00:00:52,104 You're a teacher. Act like it, damn it! 22 00:00:52,191 --> 00:00:54,455 Actually, Tamagotchis are very educational. 23 00:00:54,542 --> 00:00:56,848 They teach kids how to be nurturing and responsible, 24 00:00:56,935 --> 00:00:58,937 kinda like taking care of a real baby. 25 00:00:59,024 --> 00:01:00,262 I mean, you know what I'm talking about. 26 00:01:00,286 --> 00:01:01,481 How would I know what you're talking about? 27 00:01:01,505 --> 00:01:02,898 Well, you're a dad, right? 28 00:01:02,985 --> 00:01:05,683 I assume... 'Cause you're older. 29 00:01:05,770 --> 00:01:07,468 For your information, Ringo, 30 00:01:07,555 --> 00:01:10,166 I'm married to that big, beautiful gymnasium over there. 31 00:01:10,253 --> 00:01:11,689 Teaching is my life. 32 00:01:11,776 --> 00:01:13,376 I do not have time for a regular family. 33 00:01:13,430 --> 00:01:15,911 What about every day after school and weekends 34 00:01:15,998 --> 00:01:18,696 and the 16 weeks a year that school's not even in session? 35 00:01:18,783 --> 00:01:20,785 That's it. I'm confiscating yours, too. 36 00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:22,371 Okay, when it's adults, it's just stealing. 37 00:01:22,395 --> 00:01:23,701 It's not stealing. Gimme that. 38 00:01:23,788 --> 00:01:25,157 - Get off. Get off it. - I am an adult! I... 39 00:01:25,181 --> 00:01:26,637 Let go of it. I'll tell the principal. 40 00:01:26,661 --> 00:01:27,768 - You want me to tell the principal? - I don't... 41 00:01:27,792 --> 00:01:29,315 - You baby... - No! 42 00:01:41,866 --> 00:01:44,521 It was January 23rd, 1990-something, 43 00:01:44,608 --> 00:01:46,305 and the school bell choir was on fire 44 00:01:46,392 --> 00:01:48,830 thanks to my star student, Reed Buccholz. 45 00:01:48,917 --> 00:01:50,266 So, what do you think? 46 00:01:50,353 --> 00:01:52,703 To be honest, I was expecting a disaster. 47 00:01:52,790 --> 00:01:54,662 This is not a disaster! 48 00:01:54,749 --> 00:01:57,273 Right? Ah! I'm so stoked. 49 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:58,685 Ooh, Reed's solo's coming up. Check this out. 50 00:02:01,451 --> 00:02:03,714 He's manning four bells at once. Can that be done? 51 00:02:03,801 --> 00:02:05,455 Yep. Reed's my rising star. 52 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:06,674 He's a natural. 53 00:02:06,761 --> 00:02:07,841 It's like he's been touched 54 00:02:07,892 --> 00:02:10,025 by the hand of God himself. 55 00:02:10,112 --> 00:02:11,916 You can pull it back a little. We're on the same page here. 56 00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:13,376 I'm really proud of you, Lainey. 57 00:02:13,463 --> 00:02:15,813 You guys are awesome. 58 00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:17,685 Remember, rehearsals for the recital 59 00:02:17,772 --> 00:02:18,966 start today after school, okay? 60 00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:21,123 Hey, you killed it today, Reed. 61 00:02:21,210 --> 00:02:22,820 You're a real "ringer"! Get it? 62 00:02:22,907 --> 00:02:24,387 Yeah! Kinda. 63 00:02:24,474 --> 00:02:26,258 Anyway, great job. 64 00:02:26,345 --> 00:02:27,409 You're gonna blow everyone away at that recital. 65 00:02:27,433 --> 00:02:28,783 About that... 66 00:02:28,870 --> 00:02:30,151 I won't be able to be in that thing. 67 00:02:30,175 --> 00:02:32,090 - Huh? - I can't make it to rehearsals. 68 00:02:32,177 --> 00:02:34,057 My dad's making me tutor after every school day. 69 00:02:34,136 --> 00:02:36,070 He's worried that I'm gonna fail all my AP classes. 70 00:02:36,094 --> 00:02:37,966 - You're taking AP classes? - I know! 71 00:02:38,053 --> 00:02:39,881 They're super sucky and hard. 72 00:02:39,968 --> 00:02:41,665 Unlike this class. I love ringing bells 73 00:02:41,752 --> 00:02:43,145 'cause anyone can do it, even me. 74 00:02:43,232 --> 00:02:44,644 Oh, then tell your dad you wanna ring the bells. 75 00:02:44,668 --> 00:02:45,930 Yeah... No. 76 00:02:46,017 --> 00:02:47,192 You're 14, Reed. 77 00:02:47,279 --> 00:02:48,735 You should be doing what makes you happy. 78 00:02:48,759 --> 00:02:50,195 I said that. He doesn't agree. 79 00:02:55,940 --> 00:02:58,221 Dad, it is so embarrassing when you cut in line like that. 80 00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:01,293 Never be embarrassed by 457 horsepower, son. 81 00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,904 Hi! Hey, Mr. Buccholz. 82 00:03:02,991 --> 00:03:04,949 Can I talk to you for a second about... Oh. 83 00:03:05,036 --> 00:03:06,777 Wow! That's an insane-looking car. 84 00:03:06,864 --> 00:03:08,083 Dodge Viper. 85 00:03:08,170 --> 00:03:09,475 It's the deadly snake of cars. 86 00:03:09,562 --> 00:03:11,260 I'm Lainey Lewis. I'm Reed's music teacher. 87 00:03:11,347 --> 00:03:12,827 - Music? - Yeah. 88 00:03:12,914 --> 00:03:14,872 I... I just wanted to talk to you... 89 00:03:14,959 --> 00:03:16,221 Sorry about that. 90 00:03:16,308 --> 00:03:17,745 Powerful engine, you know? 91 00:03:17,832 --> 00:03:18,963 Can't let it idle too long. 92 00:03:19,050 --> 00:03:21,226 I know Reed really enjoys music class. 93 00:03:21,313 --> 00:03:22,663 I have to say... 94 00:03:22,750 --> 00:03:24,273 Oh, sorry, my foot slipped. 95 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,101 Uh, but you were... doing this? 96 00:03:26,188 --> 00:03:28,103 I just think Reed's AP classes 97 00:03:28,190 --> 00:03:29,515 might be way too challenging for him and... 98 00:03:31,584 --> 00:03:33,214 Are you gonna keep doing that every time I say something? 99 00:03:33,238 --> 00:03:34,694 Depends, are you gonna keep talking about 100 00:03:34,718 --> 00:03:35,826 your silly little music class? 101 00:03:35,850 --> 00:03:37,068 Yeah. 102 00:03:40,550 --> 00:03:41,899 Oh, you wanna take me on? 103 00:03:41,986 --> 00:03:43,684 Yeah, you have no idea who you're... 104 00:03:43,771 --> 00:03:46,034 The car's already a mile away. Wow, that's fast. 105 00:03:46,121 --> 00:03:48,036 As Reed's dad left me in his dust, 106 00:03:48,123 --> 00:03:49,951 Coach Mellor arrived in his office 107 00:03:50,038 --> 00:03:52,214 to the sound of hundreds of Tamagotchis. 108 00:03:52,301 --> 00:03:53,868 Oh. 109 00:03:56,348 --> 00:03:58,263 Hey, yo! Help me out! 110 00:03:58,350 --> 00:04:00,004 How do you shut these Yoshinoyas up? 111 00:04:00,091 --> 00:04:01,136 Tamagotchi? 112 00:04:01,223 --> 00:04:02,572 Yoshinoya's a fast-food place 113 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,984 I've never known anybody to go to. 114 00:04:04,008 --> 00:04:05,159 Just... stop this beeping and booping. 115 00:04:05,183 --> 00:04:06,228 It's driving me nuts! 116 00:04:06,315 --> 00:04:08,796 Uh... Okay. This one's hungry. 117 00:04:08,883 --> 00:04:11,296 It's very simple. You just hold down this button and give him food. 118 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,713 Son of a gun. He ate the food? 119 00:04:13,801 --> 00:04:15,367 Huh. What's he doing now? 120 00:04:15,454 --> 00:04:16,891 Dancing. He's happy. 121 00:04:16,978 --> 00:04:18,066 What about this one? 122 00:04:18,153 --> 00:04:21,243 Oh, okay, this one made a little poopy. 123 00:04:21,330 --> 00:04:23,071 And... poopy... 124 00:04:23,158 --> 00:04:24,507 ... taken care of. 125 00:04:24,594 --> 00:04:26,378 Ah, poopy's all gone. 126 00:04:26,465 --> 00:04:28,250 What about this one? 127 00:04:28,337 --> 00:04:29,991 Okay, this one's misbehaving, 128 00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:31,185 so it needs to be disciplined. 129 00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:33,342 I'll handle this. 130 00:04:35,823 --> 00:04:37,128 I was tough but fair. 131 00:04:37,215 --> 00:04:38,739 Responded well. I like that. 132 00:04:38,826 --> 00:04:41,306 Oh, now he's saying, "I love you." 133 00:04:41,393 --> 00:04:43,047 - I love you? - Mmm-hmm. 134 00:04:43,134 --> 00:04:44,198 It's probably 'cause of the discipline. 135 00:04:44,222 --> 00:04:46,485 - You know, kids need boundaries. - Mmm-hmm. 136 00:04:46,572 --> 00:04:48,172 Look at this. He's waving at his old man! 137 00:04:48,226 --> 00:04:49,706 - Hey. - Pretty cool, right? 138 00:04:49,793 --> 00:04:51,186 Yeah. Get out. 139 00:04:51,273 --> 00:04:52,273 Yep. 140 00:04:54,276 --> 00:04:59,716 "Good evening, parents, and welcome to... to... 141 00:04:59,803 --> 00:05:01,109 William Penn Academy." 142 00:05:01,196 --> 00:05:03,154 Come on, John, you know this! 143 00:05:03,241 --> 00:05:04,329 - Hey, I gotta talk... - Gah! 144 00:05:04,416 --> 00:05:05,417 What are you doing? 145 00:05:05,504 --> 00:05:07,115 Just practicing my Parents' Night speech. 146 00:05:07,202 --> 00:05:09,073 Oh, actually, that's why I'm here. 147 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,858 I need help with a difficult parent. 148 00:05:10,945 --> 00:05:13,295 There's this obnoxious dad who's pushing his son too hard. 149 00:05:13,382 --> 00:05:15,253 The kid is drowning in his AP classes. 150 00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:17,212 Aww, look at you, ready to fight like a champ 151 00:05:17,299 --> 00:05:18,909 against some overbearing parent. 152 00:05:18,996 --> 00:05:20,345 Why are you so happy about this? 153 00:05:20,432 --> 00:05:22,565 Because this means you're becoming a real teacher. 154 00:05:22,652 --> 00:05:25,220 Wrangling nasty-ass, jackhole parents 155 00:05:25,307 --> 00:05:27,004 is the hardest part of this job. 156 00:05:27,091 --> 00:05:28,440 - I didn't realize that. - Yep. 157 00:05:28,527 --> 00:05:31,139 My number one rule is "The Student Comes First." 158 00:05:31,226 --> 00:05:33,402 But no matter how hard I try to do that, 159 00:05:33,489 --> 00:05:35,970 I always wind up locking horns with some dipwad, 160 00:05:36,057 --> 00:05:38,537 douche-bag, bitch-mouth mother or father. 161 00:05:38,624 --> 00:05:40,670 Well, if this dad wants a battle, he's got one. 162 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:43,412 At Parents' Night, you can straighten him out face-to-face. 163 00:05:43,499 --> 00:05:45,303 I'm gonna straighten the crap out of this pushy jerk 164 00:05:45,327 --> 00:05:47,174 and get Reed Buccholz into my Bell Choir Recital! 165 00:05:47,198 --> 00:05:48,809 Wait, did you say Reed Buccholz? 166 00:05:48,896 --> 00:05:50,593 - Son of Alan Buccholz? - Yeah? 167 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,520 All right, I take it back. 168 00:05:52,551 --> 00:05:55,119 No fighting, no talking, avoid eye contact. 169 00:05:55,206 --> 00:05:57,121 - What? Why? - This is why. 170 00:05:57,208 --> 00:05:59,471 This is gonna be the school's new computer lab. 171 00:05:59,558 --> 00:06:01,473 Reed's father is paying for this. 172 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,755 Big deal. It's made of cardboard. 173 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,563 No, this is just a model. 174 00:06:04,650 --> 00:06:06,217 Look, you saw Reed in class. 175 00:06:06,304 --> 00:06:07,784 You said he was touched by God. 176 00:06:07,871 --> 00:06:09,873 And those AP classes are making him miserable. 177 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,701 We're all miserable at one time or another. 178 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,442 He can get it out of the way now. 179 00:06:13,529 --> 00:06:15,009 You just said your number one rule 180 00:06:15,096 --> 00:06:16,793 is "The Student Comes First." 181 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,577 I think you're putting words in my mouth. 182 00:06:18,664 --> 00:06:22,059 You have it written in old-timey stitching on your wall! 183 00:06:22,146 --> 00:06:24,583 Okay, look, Lainey, I have to look at the big picture, 184 00:06:24,670 --> 00:06:26,977 and that means some parents you just don't fight. 185 00:06:27,064 --> 00:06:28,892 Oh, so I have to let Reed suffer 186 00:06:28,979 --> 00:06:30,938 just so the school can get money? Is that it? 187 00:06:31,025 --> 00:06:33,331 Thank you for understanding. 188 00:06:33,418 --> 00:06:35,290 Maybe John was ignoring his duties, 189 00:06:35,377 --> 00:06:37,988 but Coach took his new responsibility very seriously. 190 00:06:38,075 --> 00:06:40,599 Hey, Coop! Welcome back, man! 191 00:06:40,686 --> 00:06:43,124 - How's the new baby? - Oh, she's beautiful, thanks. 192 00:06:43,211 --> 00:06:45,822 Although I've haven't slept in two weeks. 193 00:06:45,909 --> 00:06:47,258 Tell me about it. 194 00:06:47,345 --> 00:06:49,608 I was up all night with mine. Feedings, cleaning up poop. 195 00:06:49,695 --> 00:06:52,568 - I'm a zombie! - You have a baby, Rick? 196 00:06:52,655 --> 00:06:54,024 Sixty-seven of the cutest little buggers you ever saw. 197 00:06:54,048 --> 00:06:55,329 What's he talking about? 198 00:06:55,353 --> 00:06:57,051 I have a hunch, but I pray I'm wrong. 199 00:06:57,138 --> 00:06:58,289 Hungry again? 200 00:06:58,313 --> 00:07:00,706 You're gonna eat me out of house and home, 43. 201 00:07:00,793 --> 00:07:01,793 Okay, not wrong. 202 00:07:03,579 --> 00:07:06,016 - You okay, Rick? - I'm better than okay, CB. 203 00:07:06,103 --> 00:07:07,713 I'm A-okay. 204 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,040 And I want to thank you for showing me who the real Rick Mellor is, 205 00:07:10,064 --> 00:07:12,457 a loving, nurturing father locked deep inside 206 00:07:12,544 --> 00:07:13,763 just screaming to get out. 207 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,730 I showed you how to stop some toys from beeping. 208 00:07:15,765 --> 00:07:17,680 And my world exploded. 209 00:07:17,767 --> 00:07:20,161 Maybe it'd be a bit healthier 210 00:07:20,248 --> 00:07:23,338 if you moved on to nurturing something real? 211 00:07:23,425 --> 00:07:24,774 What do you mean "real"? 212 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,795 Like an actual eating, breathing, living organism? 213 00:07:26,819 --> 00:07:28,299 You're right! A baby! 214 00:07:28,386 --> 00:07:30,258 No! A turtle. I was gonna say turtle. 215 00:07:30,345 --> 00:07:32,303 I want to thank you for showing me my true path. 216 00:07:32,390 --> 00:07:33,739 Rick Mellor is gonna have a baby. 217 00:07:33,826 --> 00:07:36,699 Okay, to be very clear, that's not at all what I said. 218 00:07:36,786 --> 00:07:38,962 Thank you for being my rock, Charlie B. 219 00:07:39,049 --> 00:07:41,051 Charlie. I like that name. 220 00:07:41,138 --> 00:07:42,792 It works for a girl or a boy. 221 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,142 Please don't name the baby after me. Or have one at all. 222 00:07:45,229 --> 00:07:47,449 Little Charlie Mellor! It's got a nice ring to it, huh? 223 00:07:47,536 --> 00:07:49,148 You do know that you need someone else to have a baby. 224 00:07:49,172 --> 00:07:50,800 A woman. Not a problem. 225 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,671 Well, meeting the right person takes time, 226 00:07:52,758 --> 00:07:55,152 - and you work so much... - Of course. 227 00:07:55,239 --> 00:07:58,460 I'll just choose somebody who works at William Penn. 228 00:07:58,547 --> 00:08:00,331 You are full of good ideas, my friend. 229 00:08:00,418 --> 00:08:03,421 No, please don't shop for a baby mama on the faculty! 230 00:08:03,508 --> 00:08:06,598 Who knew? The mother of my future child walks amongst us! 231 00:08:06,685 --> 00:08:10,646 - Please reconsider the turtle! - I shan't! 232 00:08:10,733 --> 00:08:12,624 Coach decided it was time to start a family, 233 00:08:12,648 --> 00:08:14,476 and he wasn't going to waste any time. 234 00:08:14,563 --> 00:08:16,608 Morning, CB. - Oh, no. 235 00:08:16,695 --> 00:08:18,523 Uh, Rick, Rick, what's happening here? 236 00:08:18,610 --> 00:08:20,612 Why are you wearing little-boy church clothes? 237 00:08:20,699 --> 00:08:23,311 Follow me and watch your vision become a reality, my friend. 238 00:08:23,398 --> 00:08:24,965 No, I have no vision. No vision. 239 00:08:25,052 --> 00:08:27,402 What are you doing? Stop! What are you doing? 240 00:08:27,489 --> 00:08:29,795 I'm gonna walk into that teachers lounge alone 241 00:08:29,882 --> 00:08:32,233 - and walk out with the mother of my child. - Rick! 242 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:33,601 You can't just tell a group of ladies 243 00:08:33,625 --> 00:08:35,212 one of them needs to make a baby with you. 244 00:08:35,236 --> 00:08:36,933 You're right. I should ask. 245 00:08:38,152 --> 00:08:40,067 As always, you got my back. 246 00:08:42,373 --> 00:08:43,809 Excuse me! 247 00:08:43,896 --> 00:08:46,769 I have a business proposition for all female staff 248 00:08:46,856 --> 00:08:48,176 with healthy reproductive organs. 249 00:08:48,249 --> 00:08:49,250 I'm so sorry. 250 00:08:49,337 --> 00:08:51,817 I have decided to procreate, 251 00:08:51,904 --> 00:08:53,558 thanks to the advice of Big Charlie here. 252 00:08:53,645 --> 00:08:55,734 And so, I'm looking for a partner who can help me 253 00:08:55,821 --> 00:08:57,998 bring forth the next generation of Mellor. 254 00:08:58,085 --> 00:09:00,739 And after it's born... Well, who knows. 255 00:09:00,826 --> 00:09:03,133 I guess we'll figure it out on the fly. 256 00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:04,526 So! 257 00:09:04,613 --> 00:09:05,788 Who's interested? 258 00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:11,533 Nobody? 259 00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:13,056 Shocking. 260 00:09:13,143 --> 00:09:15,145 I can give you my answer. 261 00:09:15,232 --> 00:09:16,973 Your proposal is sexist, misogynist, 262 00:09:17,060 --> 00:09:18,148 infantile, and ludicrous. 263 00:09:19,845 --> 00:09:20,846 And I accept. 264 00:09:20,933 --> 00:09:22,587 Okay, what is happening right now? 265 00:09:22,674 --> 00:09:24,241 I'll tell you what's happening. 266 00:09:24,328 --> 00:09:26,287 I just became the happiest man on Earth. 267 00:09:28,115 --> 00:09:29,203 - Oh. - Ah. 268 00:09:29,290 --> 00:09:30,465 Sorry. 269 00:09:30,552 --> 00:09:32,162 Eh. 270 00:09:34,121 --> 00:09:36,123 A baby. 271 00:09:36,210 --> 00:09:38,212 It was Parents' Night, 272 00:09:38,299 --> 00:09:40,494 and even though Glascott told me not to challenge Reed's dad, 273 00:09:40,518 --> 00:09:42,918 I couldn't just step aside when it came to helping a student. 274 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:45,610 Alan. Alan Buccholz. Hi. Lainey Lewis. 275 00:09:45,697 --> 00:09:47,719 We met the other day when you almost ran over my foot? 276 00:09:47,743 --> 00:09:49,658 Uh... 277 00:09:49,745 --> 00:09:51,747 No, nothing. 278 00:09:51,834 --> 00:09:53,942 I thought Parents' Night would be a good time to talk about my class. 279 00:09:53,966 --> 00:09:56,186 Okay, well, consider it talked about. 280 00:09:56,273 --> 00:09:58,469 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to move on to some classes 281 00:09:58,493 --> 00:10:00,016 that colleges actually care about. 282 00:10:00,103 --> 00:10:02,149 Well, that's a shame, 'cause your son is failing. 283 00:10:02,236 --> 00:10:04,325 What, hey! Failing? Come here! 284 00:10:04,412 --> 00:10:06,092 Hold on, now. Wait a second. What was that? 285 00:10:06,153 --> 00:10:08,111 Ah, it's fine. Head on over to the real classes. 286 00:10:08,198 --> 00:10:11,723 Oh, come on. Ple... Is it even possible to fail music? 287 00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:13,377 I mean, really. 288 00:10:13,464 --> 00:10:15,249 Do-re-mi, hey-bop-a-ree-bop. 289 00:10:15,336 --> 00:10:17,033 See? I just got an A. 290 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,731 For Reed to pass, he has to perform in the bells recital, 291 00:10:19,818 --> 00:10:22,734 which he can't do 'cause he's so overwhelmed by all the AP classes. 292 00:10:22,821 --> 00:10:24,693 Of course he's overwhelmed! 293 00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:27,130 I'm grooming him to take over my business! 294 00:10:27,217 --> 00:10:30,046 He's gonna make a lot more money as a CEO than a, what? 295 00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,830 A... a town crier? 296 00:10:31,917 --> 00:10:33,571 "Hear ye, hear ye!" 297 00:10:33,658 --> 00:10:37,401 Those guys make about 40 grand a year, tops. Tops! 298 00:10:37,488 --> 00:10:40,187 Your son loves my class. Don't you care if he's happy? 299 00:10:40,274 --> 00:10:43,059 He's a kid! He's supposed to be miserable! 300 00:10:43,146 --> 00:10:44,800 Hey, hey, hey, what's going on? 301 00:10:44,887 --> 00:10:47,281 Your teacher here is trying to make my son happy! 302 00:10:47,368 --> 00:10:48,823 Well, why would you do something like that? 303 00:10:48,847 --> 00:10:51,285 Because you said, "The student comes first!" 304 00:10:51,372 --> 00:10:52,831 No, uh, you have me confused 305 00:10:52,832 --> 00:10:55,637 with some confused idiot who says stupid stuff. 306 00:10:55,724 --> 00:10:57,421 You and I need to have a serious discussion 307 00:10:57,508 --> 00:11:00,294 about the Alan T. Buccholz Computer Lab. 308 00:11:00,381 --> 00:11:01,817 9:00 a.m. sharp, your office. 309 00:11:03,949 --> 00:11:06,300 You see? That's why I told you not to get involved. 310 00:11:06,387 --> 00:11:08,867 Now I gotta deal with an angry parent man. 311 00:11:08,954 --> 00:11:12,654 - Isn't that your entire job? - No! Most of it. 312 00:11:12,741 --> 00:11:14,830 All I wanted was to do what's best for the students. 313 00:11:14,917 --> 00:11:17,198 Call me crazy, but I thought that's what we were here for. 314 00:11:18,834 --> 00:11:20,792 I've looked into many fertility options, 315 00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:23,143 but they're so expensive and impersonal. 316 00:11:23,230 --> 00:11:24,535 Your timing was excellent. 317 00:11:24,622 --> 00:11:26,798 Well, we've both wound up childless over 40, 318 00:11:26,885 --> 00:11:28,583 so might as well team up, right? 319 00:11:28,670 --> 00:11:30,846 I am childless because I choose to be childless, 320 00:11:30,933 --> 00:11:33,588 and I am over 40 because I choose to be over 40. 321 00:11:33,675 --> 00:11:34,893 Fine. 322 00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,940 Now, there are multiple items we need to agree on. 323 00:11:37,026 --> 00:11:38,462 First off, conception. 324 00:11:38,549 --> 00:11:40,334 There's obviously the artificial way, 325 00:11:40,421 --> 00:11:42,336 and then, of course, there's the natural... 326 00:11:42,423 --> 00:11:43,772 - Artificial. - You sure? 327 00:11:43,859 --> 00:11:45,445 - Artificial. - All right, then! 328 00:11:45,469 --> 00:11:47,297 Next, I will be cocooning the baby 329 00:11:47,384 --> 00:11:49,038 for the first six months on my chest 330 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,040 to approximate the feeling of the uterus. 331 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,563 I want to do that, too. 332 00:11:52,650 --> 00:11:55,087 Oh, I'm sorry, do you have a uterus that I don't know about? 333 00:11:55,175 --> 00:11:57,535 Well, fine, but you can cocoon the baby and I'll cocoon you. 334 00:11:57,568 --> 00:11:58,850 What do you weigh, about a buck 50? 335 00:11:58,874 --> 00:12:01,050 - No man will cocoon me, sir! - I can! 336 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,617 I'll wrap you up and carry you around 337 00:12:02,704 --> 00:12:04,140 as you carry the baby around! 338 00:12:04,227 --> 00:12:07,230 Okay, you can't cocoon someone who's cocooning someone else! 339 00:12:07,317 --> 00:12:09,189 I think maybe we let the baby's godfather 340 00:12:09,276 --> 00:12:10,755 make the call on this one. 341 00:12:10,842 --> 00:12:12,540 Don't want to be the godfather. 342 00:12:12,627 --> 00:12:13,907 Well, who's gonna raise the baby 343 00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:15,562 if Liz and I both go down in a plane crash? 344 00:12:15,586 --> 00:12:17,762 I'm sorry, where would we be flying together? 345 00:12:17,849 --> 00:12:19,721 The Bahamas. It was gonna be a surprise. 346 00:12:19,808 --> 00:12:21,810 - I'm fair-skinned. - We'll rent a cabana! 347 00:12:21,897 --> 00:12:24,465 Can we please stay on the subject of raising the child? 348 00:12:24,552 --> 00:12:26,641 - Please. - I will be raising the child. 349 00:12:26,728 --> 00:12:28,730 You can visit at prearranged times. 350 00:12:28,817 --> 00:12:30,558 No unscheduled pop-ins. 351 00:12:30,645 --> 00:12:32,710 But Little Charlie needs to know that his daddy's nearby! 352 00:12:32,734 --> 00:12:33,972 I'm sorry, who's Little Charlie? 353 00:12:33,996 --> 00:12:35,452 It's the baby's name! After CB over here. 354 00:12:35,476 --> 00:12:36,825 Oh, that's actually quite nice. 355 00:12:36,912 --> 00:12:38,087 It works for a boy or a girl. 356 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,523 That you agree on? 357 00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:42,265 No, actually, we don't agree on anything. 358 00:12:42,352 --> 00:12:44,093 Rick, I thought this was just going to be 359 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:48,184 a business transaction between two co-workers in a teachers lounge. 360 00:12:48,271 --> 00:12:50,752 I don't understand how such a simple idea got so complicated. 361 00:12:50,839 --> 00:12:52,884 I don't know. I thought maybe, you know, 362 00:12:52,971 --> 00:12:55,670 we'd be kind of like a family. 363 00:12:55,757 --> 00:12:58,063 What is that? 364 00:12:58,150 --> 00:12:59,287 That's my Tamagotchi, 365 00:12:59,288 --> 00:13:00,781 although I've never heard it make that noise before. 366 00:13:00,805 --> 00:13:01,806 That means it died. 367 00:13:03,417 --> 00:13:05,810 - Died? - It's dead. 368 00:13:08,509 --> 00:13:09,869 You can't even take care of a toy. 369 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:13,644 This isn't going to work. I'm sorry. 370 00:13:21,522 --> 00:13:23,045 - Hey, John? - Gah! 371 00:13:23,132 --> 00:13:26,222 - Come on, stop that. - Sorry. 372 00:13:26,309 --> 00:13:28,616 And I'm sorry for the timing of my blow-up last night. 373 00:13:28,703 --> 00:13:30,139 Well, I appreciate that. 374 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,620 But I am definitely not sorry for trying to... 375 00:13:32,707 --> 00:13:34,578 "Work Hard Play Hard"? 376 00:13:34,665 --> 00:13:37,146 - You took down "The Student Comes First"? - No. 377 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,669 I know it was there, John. 378 00:13:38,756 --> 00:13:41,498 Look, I have to give in to Alan for this computer lab. 379 00:13:41,585 --> 00:13:43,892 So where do you draw the line, John? 380 00:13:43,979 --> 00:13:45,937 Does a parent get to call the shots 381 00:13:46,024 --> 00:13:47,896 because they give the school a new minivan, 382 00:13:47,983 --> 00:13:50,028 a few tether balls, a box of chalk? 383 00:13:50,115 --> 00:13:51,334 A new minivan. 384 00:13:51,421 --> 00:13:53,467 Look, I know. You're right. 385 00:13:53,554 --> 00:13:56,948 I wish that I was stronger dealing with mean, entitled parents, 386 00:13:57,035 --> 00:13:58,709 but that's the thing that I am the worst at. 387 00:13:58,733 --> 00:14:00,624 Well, you better start learning how to handle this, 388 00:14:00,648 --> 00:14:02,824 'cause it's gonna happen over and over. But how? 389 00:14:02,911 --> 00:14:03,794 I don't know if you know this, 390 00:14:03,795 --> 00:14:06,088 but I get sweaty and flustered very easily. 391 00:14:06,175 --> 00:14:09,526 What if I told you I had a foolproof way for you to stand strong 392 00:14:09,613 --> 00:14:12,355 and always have the exact, perfect words to say? 393 00:14:12,442 --> 00:14:13,617 I'd say that I'm intrigued. 394 00:14:13,704 --> 00:14:16,011 The only way to fight a difficult parent 395 00:14:16,098 --> 00:14:18,796 is with the most difficult parent this school has ever seen. 396 00:14:18,883 --> 00:14:21,059 - Don't say it... - A woman whose overbearing smotherhood 397 00:14:21,146 --> 00:14:24,106 - is still legendary a decade later. - Don't say it! 398 00:14:24,193 --> 00:14:26,151 Beverly Goldberg. 399 00:14:26,238 --> 00:14:28,153 I said don't say it! 400 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:29,870 We both know she's the best shot you have at fighting fire with fire. 401 00:14:29,894 --> 00:14:32,506 Fine. 402 00:14:32,593 --> 00:14:35,509 Okay. Let's dance with the devil. Summon her. 403 00:14:35,596 --> 00:14:37,685 - I'm already here! - Aah! 404 00:14:40,165 --> 00:14:42,951 Glascott needed help dealing with a difficult parent, 405 00:14:43,038 --> 00:14:44,387 so I brought in my secret weapon. 406 00:14:44,474 --> 00:14:45,538 Well, there's nothing I hate more 407 00:14:45,562 --> 00:14:47,564 than a demanding, bossy parent 408 00:14:47,651 --> 00:14:50,524 with unrealistic expectations for their schmoopy. 409 00:14:50,611 --> 00:14:52,613 So, what's the plan? 410 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:56,834 Oh. We're gonna put your words in John's mouth using this. 411 00:14:56,921 --> 00:14:59,315 It's called an America Online chat session. 412 00:14:59,402 --> 00:15:00,922 Whatever scathing things you type here 413 00:15:00,969 --> 00:15:03,145 will appear on John's computer screen in there. 414 00:15:03,232 --> 00:15:05,234 He'll sneak a look and say what you wrote. 415 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,888 Oh, my God! Alan is coming! 416 00:15:06,975 --> 00:15:08,237 Lainey, hide! He hates you! 417 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,021 Hey there, good sir! 418 00:15:10,108 --> 00:15:12,217 Let's make this quick. I'm flying to lunch in a half hour. 419 00:15:12,241 --> 00:15:13,634 Okay. 420 00:15:15,549 --> 00:15:17,246 So, it's, uh, a beautiful morning. 421 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,422 - Can I offer you a cup of co... - Here's the deal. 422 00:15:19,509 --> 00:15:21,903 Fire the music teacher and you got yourself a computer lab. 423 00:15:21,990 --> 00:15:24,601 He wants a teacher fired? That's my move! 424 00:15:24,688 --> 00:15:26,168 And I know just what I'd say, too. 425 00:15:26,255 --> 00:15:27,996 I'd say, "I am the principal of this school. 426 00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:30,346 You don't get to tell me who to fire, -face!" 427 00:15:30,433 --> 00:15:32,043 - Type it! - Oh. Right. Okay. 428 00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:33,697 Uh... 429 00:15:33,784 --> 00:15:34,872 I... 430 00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:37,700 I... 431 00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:40,660 You what? 432 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,316 Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba. 433 00:15:44,404 --> 00:15:46,904 This keyboard is not the same as the keyboard I have at home. 434 00:15:46,928 --> 00:15:48,756 - I'm sorry. - Well, that's impossible. 435 00:15:48,843 --> 00:15:50,627 We're the apostrophe? I want to spell "I'm." 436 00:15:50,714 --> 00:15:51,759 It's there! 437 00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:56,894 I'm... 438 00:15:56,981 --> 00:15:58,766 Stay off the top line! That's only numbers! 439 00:15:58,853 --> 00:16:02,204 I'm 7... 440 00:16:02,291 --> 00:16:03,291 Is that a 7? 441 00:16:04,859 --> 00:16:08,210 "I'm 7% colon." I'm 7% colon. 442 00:16:08,297 --> 00:16:09,646 Well, I'm 8%. 443 00:16:09,733 --> 00:16:10,841 Doctor checked it last month. 444 00:16:10,865 --> 00:16:12,465 Said it's the most colon he's ever seen. 445 00:16:14,608 --> 00:16:16,348 - Four... - How do I erase? 446 00:16:16,436 --> 00:16:17,437 Nope. 447 00:16:17,524 --> 00:16:19,221 Oh, poop. 448 00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:20,894 Well, this is a stupid and bizarre waste of time, 449 00:16:20,918 --> 00:16:22,572 so you just lost yourself a computer lab. 450 00:16:22,659 --> 00:16:24,574 Damn it. Fine. 451 00:16:24,661 --> 00:16:26,533 Well, at least we still have this one. 452 00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:27,901 - Nope, I'm taking that one, too. - Ohh! 453 00:16:27,925 --> 00:16:29,187 All right, fine! 454 00:16:29,274 --> 00:16:31,078 You know what, you can take all of your computer labs, 455 00:16:31,102 --> 00:16:33,496 but I will not fire Lainey Lewis. 456 00:16:33,583 --> 00:16:35,585 In fact, I wish I had more teachers like her. 457 00:16:35,672 --> 00:16:38,066 Not a lot more... Maybe one. 458 00:16:38,153 --> 00:16:39,328 You know why? 459 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,069 Because she puts the students first. 460 00:16:41,156 --> 00:16:44,420 If Reed is not at her recital, she will fail him. 461 00:16:44,507 --> 00:16:45,769 Did you type that for him? 462 00:16:45,856 --> 00:16:46,857 Not a word. 463 00:16:46,944 --> 00:16:48,729 I couldn't have. There's no "H." 464 00:16:48,816 --> 00:16:50,470 Are you telling me to shove it? 465 00:16:50,557 --> 00:16:53,951 Nnnnn... 466 00:16:54,038 --> 00:16:55,083 Yes. 467 00:16:55,170 --> 00:16:57,085 Well, all right. 468 00:16:57,172 --> 00:16:59,391 My son can ring the bells. 469 00:16:59,479 --> 00:17:01,393 Not because you're right, 470 00:17:01,481 --> 00:17:03,110 but because he needs straight A's to get into Princeton. 471 00:17:03,134 --> 00:17:04,788 Thank you. 472 00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:06,355 And if it makes any difference, 473 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,749 this is really gonna make him a happy kid. 474 00:17:08,836 --> 00:17:11,012 What is it with you all wanting kids to be happy? 475 00:17:11,099 --> 00:17:13,405 Huh? Enough! 476 00:17:13,493 --> 00:17:14,755 My God! 477 00:17:16,757 --> 00:17:18,106 I guess my job here is done. 478 00:17:18,193 --> 00:17:21,196 - You did nothing. - And everything. 479 00:17:21,283 --> 00:17:22,323 You're welcome. 480 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:27,202 Coach Mellor's dream of being a father had disappeared, 481 00:17:27,289 --> 00:17:28,986 and now he couldn't bear to hold on to 482 00:17:29,073 --> 00:17:31,206 the tiny, electric reminders of what he had lost. 483 00:17:31,293 --> 00:17:33,730 I'm sorry, Ed. He didn't make it. 484 00:17:33,817 --> 00:17:35,166 - Huh? - It's my fault. 485 00:17:35,253 --> 00:17:37,255 Although, I don't know why I thought 486 00:17:37,342 --> 00:17:38,542 I could take care of anything. 487 00:17:38,605 --> 00:17:40,215 Oh. Sure. Whatever. 488 00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:44,306 So, giving 'em all back? 489 00:17:44,393 --> 00:17:47,962 Yeah, although, most of the kids don't seem to want 'em. 490 00:17:48,049 --> 00:17:49,964 Something called Pogs is sweeping the nation. 491 00:17:50,051 --> 00:17:52,227 Yeah, it's a game you play with these things. 492 00:17:52,314 --> 00:17:53,509 We can give it a shot when you're feeling better. 493 00:17:53,533 --> 00:17:55,360 Nah. It's funny, eh. 494 00:17:55,447 --> 00:17:57,885 My whole life, I thought all I wanted to be was a teacher. 495 00:17:57,972 --> 00:17:59,930 And now I realize I want to be a dad, 496 00:18:00,017 --> 00:18:01,976 but it may not be in the cards for me. 497 00:18:02,063 --> 00:18:03,412 Rick, you are a dad. 498 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,153 To every single kid in this school. 499 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,025 - That's different. - It's not that different. 500 00:18:08,112 --> 00:18:10,811 You not only teach these kids, you inspire them, man. 501 00:18:10,898 --> 00:18:13,074 You show them that if they believe in you, 502 00:18:13,161 --> 00:18:15,642 if they believe in themselves, anything is possible. 503 00:18:15,729 --> 00:18:17,426 Thanks, CB. 504 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:20,908 Now get back to work and be a dad to these kids right here. 505 00:18:20,995 --> 00:18:22,779 Maybe one day, the right person will notice. 506 00:18:25,652 --> 00:18:27,349 ♪ Backbeat, the word is on the street ♪ 507 00:18:27,436 --> 00:18:31,005 ♪ That the fire in your heart is out ♪ 508 00:18:31,092 --> 00:18:33,050 ♪ I'm sure you've heard it all before ♪ 509 00:18:33,137 --> 00:18:35,531 ♪ But you never really had a doubt ♪ 510 00:18:35,618 --> 00:18:38,229 Well, what do you think? 511 00:18:38,316 --> 00:18:42,233 I think the little knucklehead looks happy. 512 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,279 ♪ Feels the way I do about you now ♪ 513 00:18:44,366 --> 00:18:46,411 I know you think he needs to end up just like you. 514 00:18:46,498 --> 00:18:48,196 And maybe he will. 515 00:18:48,283 --> 00:18:50,764 But for now, I think he's doing pretty good just being him. 516 00:18:59,207 --> 00:19:01,165 ♪ Today was gonna be the day ♪ 517 00:19:01,252 --> 00:19:02,819 ♪ But they'll never throw it back to you ♪ 518 00:19:02,906 --> 00:19:05,909 You know, I used to play a pretty mean trombone when I was a kid. 519 00:19:05,996 --> 00:19:07,432 - Really? - Mmm-hmm. 520 00:19:07,519 --> 00:19:10,392 - So why'd you stop? - Eh, Grandpa made me. 521 00:19:10,479 --> 00:19:12,481 Dude, he sucks. 522 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,614 Yeah, he really does. 523 00:19:16,746 --> 00:19:18,269 You know, when I started this job, 524 00:19:18,356 --> 00:19:20,726 you said even though we don't get paid much and the hours suck, 525 00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:22,910 there would be moments that would make it all worth it. 526 00:19:23,405 --> 00:19:24,711 You were right. 527 00:19:24,798 --> 00:19:26,277 Well, enjoy it. 528 00:19:26,364 --> 00:19:28,497 - I know I used to. - Used to? 529 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:31,413 Before I became Principal, I always looked down on the administration 530 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,894 because money was their only priority. 531 00:19:34,721 --> 00:19:36,070 And now look at me. 532 00:19:36,157 --> 00:19:37,787 Come on, you did the right thing in the end. 533 00:19:37,811 --> 00:19:40,074 - Only 'cause you got me there. - So? 534 00:19:40,161 --> 00:19:42,598 A few months ago, I was broke and desperate. 535 00:19:42,685 --> 00:19:45,645 But thanks to you, I ended up here. 536 00:19:45,732 --> 00:19:47,274 Doesn't matter how you get somewhere as long as you do. 537 00:19:47,298 --> 00:19:48,648 Hmm. 538 00:19:49,518 --> 00:19:51,215 Thank you. 539 00:19:51,302 --> 00:19:53,087 But yeah, next time, show some balls 540 00:19:53,174 --> 00:19:54,368 so we don't have to call Beverly Goldberg. 541 00:19:54,392 --> 00:19:55,872 Oh, God, no. 542 00:19:55,959 --> 00:19:57,874 ♪ I said maybe ♪ 543 00:19:57,961 --> 00:20:00,007 I know you can do this! There it is! 544 00:20:00,094 --> 00:20:01,095 Splay your hands! 545 00:20:01,182 --> 00:20:02,313 Yes! 546 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,576 - Oh! - Oh! 547 00:20:04,664 --> 00:20:05,815 Sometimes our lives don't turn out exactly like we'd planned. 548 00:20:05,839 --> 00:20:07,797 That's what I'm talking about! Good stuff! 549 00:20:07,884 --> 00:20:10,080 We often find ourselves in places we never thought we'd be. 550 00:20:10,104 --> 00:20:13,194 ♪ You're my wonderwall ♪ 551 00:20:13,281 --> 00:20:15,979 But if we take the time to look around 552 00:20:16,066 --> 00:20:17,589 to see the good we do for others... 553 00:20:17,677 --> 00:20:19,679 ♪ I said maybe ♪ 554 00:20:21,768 --> 00:20:24,727 ... how we teach them, inspire them, 555 00:20:24,814 --> 00:20:26,879 and give them the tools to be the best they can be... 556 00:20:29,601 --> 00:20:32,256 ... we may find that the reality of our lives 557 00:20:32,343 --> 00:20:34,041 exceeds all of our expectations. 558 00:20:40,308 --> 00:20:43,050 - Hi, I'm Liz Fleming. - And I'm the real Liz Flemming. 559 00:20:43,137 --> 00:20:44,791 All right, Liz, get real with me. 560 00:20:44,878 --> 00:20:47,924 Uh, what are the politics of the teachers lounge? 561 00:20:48,011 --> 00:20:49,331 What goes on behind closed doors? 562 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,058 There's a fair amount of complaining. 563 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:53,840 Um, complaining about faculty meetings 564 00:20:53,887 --> 00:20:56,933 or administrative decisions or about specific students. 565 00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:58,718 So what goes on in the teachers lounge... 566 00:20:58,805 --> 00:21:00,110 Stays in the teachers lounge. 567 00:21:00,197 --> 00:21:03,244 How do you deal with, like, a really tough parent? 568 00:21:03,331 --> 00:21:05,333 I try to kill them with kindness, 569 00:21:05,420 --> 00:21:06,943 and I've been lucky. 570 00:21:07,030 --> 00:21:10,033 Maybe it's your, uh, gentle, stoic calm? 571 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:12,340 Definitely. 572 00:21:12,427 --> 00:21:13,907 So, speaking of difficult parents, 573 00:21:13,994 --> 00:21:16,561 what was it like working with the real Beverly Goldberg? 574 00:21:16,648 --> 00:21:19,042 She was one of the ones who liked me. 575 00:21:19,129 --> 00:21:21,871 Um, I think I gave Adam good enough grades that she was okay. 576 00:21:21,958 --> 00:21:24,918 And so I was one of the rare lucky ones, I think. 577 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:32,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -