1 00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:13,513 Come on! Are ya golden brown yet, you lazy son of a bitch? 2 00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:15,348 It is a beautiful turkey, Marty. 3 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,183 Hey, Barbara, don't compliment the bird. 4 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:20,854 It'll get complacent and dry and disappoint me for years. 5 00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:24,524 -Ooh, speaking of… Andrew! -Dad, you screamed? 6 00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:27,569 Help me load this masterpiece into the Zappos box. 7 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,529 Uh, it kind of feels wrong 8 00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:32,574 to bring an uninvited turkey to the Birch's Thanksgiving. 9 00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:33,533 What, are you kidding? 10 00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:35,410 When they taste my juicy bird, 11 00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:37,579 they're gonna crown me king of Thanksgiving. 12 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,539 Now get in the car, Prince Fat Ass. 13 00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:44,878 Ooh, I like that name, Prince Fat Ass, and I bow to your mushy tushy. 14 00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:47,172 -Wait, oh, wait! Not the trunk. 15 00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:49,424 Can't I please just hold the turkey in the back seat? 16 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:52,844 What? And get hot grease all over the ultra suede?! You out of your mind? 17 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:54,804 Maury, aren't you gonna get in the trunk with me? 18 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:58,224 Oh, I'd love to squeeze in there next to your dad's sandals, 19 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,018 but I've got a touch football game. 20 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:02,353 John Wayne Bobbitt's picking me up in ten minutes. 21 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,481 -What? -Turn on your headlamp, idiot! 22 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:07,817 -And keep that turkey upright. -Dad, no! Mommy! 23 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,861 Take shallow breaths, Andrew! 24 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:47,398 Bridgeton Middle is proud to welcome the inspiration for our new mascot, 25 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:48,983 Steven Van Zandt! 26 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:52,737 All right, girls, I'm gonna let you shake my Steven Van hands. 27 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,824 And now, the car will take me straight to the airport. 28 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:57,492 -I can't believe 29 00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:59,828 Jessi and Ali got to meet Little Steven! 30 00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:04,666 What I wouldn't give to have his meaty jowls buried in my gabagool. 31 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:08,503 I don't want to think about Jessi, or Ali, or your gabagool. 32 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,422 I'm just jazzed because my cousins are coming for Thanksgiving! 33 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,383 Ooh, the Hotlanta crew! 34 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:17,595 There's something about your cousin Lena that makes me want to fall on my back 35 00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:20,098 -and open my vulva to the sky! 36 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:22,350 Ah! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! They're here! 37 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,394 -What's up, Uncle Urkel? 38 00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,146 -I would take exception, 39 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,939 but family matters. 40 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:30,150 Did I just make that joke? 41 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,568 Oh, God, no! 42 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:32,527 Hey, guys! 43 00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:33,736 Hey, baby cuz! 44 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,991 Ooh-hoo! Look at those braids, you haven't gotten them redone. 45 00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:40,201 -What? You have to get them redone? 46 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,870 But they hurt so much the first time. 47 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:44,831 Missy, your braids are a struggle. Look at your edges. 48 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:47,542 She out here looking like Frederick motherfucking Douglass. 49 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,544 Okay, thank you for the compliment. 50 00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:51,087 He was a great abolitionist. 51 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,256 I hope everyone brought their appetite. 52 00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:56,759 I made mashed cauliflower, Brussels sprouts with tempeh gravy… 53 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:57,886 What's tempeh? 54 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,637 …and a tofurkey with acorn gravy. 55 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,222 My baby laid it down! 56 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:06,144 Oh, and I almost forgot. For dessert, a carob pie! 57 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,861 -Oh, my God. They are-- -The whitest Black people on the planet? 58 00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:17,363 You know what? I think we should take "the walk." 59 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,406 Eyebrows, eyebrows. 60 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,241 Oh, oh, yeah. "The walk." 61 00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,660 I want to get some of that fresh Northeast air. 62 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:23,578 Double eyebrows. 63 00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:26,080 What kind of eyebrows are you guys talking about? 64 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,208 Just put your coat on, Questlove. 65 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,544 Oh, God, here comes the speed bump on Ogden Avenue. 66 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:32,462 -Ow! 67 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,006 -Hola. Hi. -Fuck, who's speaking? Who said that? 68 00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:38,051 Oh, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. 69 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,260 A talking turkey? 70 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,846 Well, I am a turkey, but my name is Fernando. 71 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,431 Nice to meet you, Fernando. 72 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,475 Welcome to the trunk of my dad's brown car. 73 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:48,353 Oh, you're so polite. When your father was basting me, 74 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,438 he called me a flightless bastard 75 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:52,857 unworthy of the sack of lemons plugging my asshole. 76 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:56,694 Yeah, he once told me he regrets crapping me out of his balls. 77 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:59,405 Ay, Dios mío. You need to stand up for yourself. 78 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,116 Hey, you know what would drive my dad really crazy? 79 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,744 -Paying someone to wash his car? -Well, we can't go that far. 80 00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:07,956 But I was thinking, what if I refuse to eat you? 81 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,916 I mean, obviously, I love that idea. 82 00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:12,961 Yes. Prince Fat Ass is going to topple 83 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,712 -the mighty king-- Oh, Jesus! 84 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:15,755 -Oh! Oh! 85 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:16,798 That's right, Luda. 86 00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:20,510 This Thanksgiving, we're going house-to-house burgling food, 87 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:25,890 and nobody's gonna give a fuck because Santa's allowed to break and enter. 88 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,976 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 89 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,602 Brrawr. Brear. Brear. 90 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:33,439 Year. Why have none of my kids called me this year? 91 00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:37,735 Mmm, Greg, these Trader Joe's tacos are scrumptious. 92 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,905 My secret is I ignore the instructions and just freestyle. 93 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,991 I like to jam band the tacos. 94 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:47,036 Oh! "Jam band the tacos." That sounds like a good time. 95 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,956 -Jessi! Tacos means vaginas. 96 00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:52,333 That's the first thing they teach at hormone monster school. 97 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,836 Mom, what's wrong with you? Why are you so happy? 98 00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:58,214 I didn't mean to upset you by being in a good mood. 99 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,009 -Teenage girls. Am I right, Caitlin? -Totally. 100 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:03,553 Greg, you have a little… …schmutz in your hair. 101 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,764 Oh, yeah. There was an aioli explosion in the storage room at work. 102 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,599 -It's all right, I got it. -Thank you. 103 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:12,186 I'm actually not feeling too well. I'm gonna go lay down for a minute. 104 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,187 Ooh! 105 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,607 Cheese Girl's sick of watching your parents' fuck vibes. 106 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,568 -"Fuck vibes"? -I don't know, Connie. 107 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,237 I'm feeling, maybe, "love vibes." 108 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,823 You don't think they're gonna, like, get back together, do you? 109 00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:27,076 Yes! Mommy and Daddy are in love again! 110 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,621 They're gonna fuck, and you're gonna listen, and you're gonna learn. 111 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,123 Sure. That. 112 00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:35,335 But also, you guys would be a family again. 113 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,503 Like the Juggalos. Whoop-whoop! 114 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,006 Greg, what's happening? 115 00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:42,175 -Oh, I think you know. 116 00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:45,595 Guys, what are you doing? Caitlin's in the other room. 117 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:47,388 -Oh, good call. -What? 118 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,766 I'm gonna kill Caitlin. Isn't that what you wanted? 119 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,267 Yes, but not literally! 120 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,269 Too late. I already pulled the pin. 121 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,480 Let's get out of here before it blows. 122 00:05:57,106 --> 00:06:00,693 We're floating away in our old house. This is incredible. 123 00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,195 How-- How is this even happening? 124 00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:05,740 -I stopped eating edibles. -And I stopped eating pussy, sweetie. 125 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:06,908 Oh, okay. Wow. 126 00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:09,994 Damn, I didn't realize how much we wanted this. 127 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,663 -Yeah. -Too bad none of it's real. 128 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,374 Ow! That fucking hurt. 129 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,959 -Shut up! Little baby. -Oh, Greg! 130 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,878 They do seem really happy. 131 00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:22,382 Yeah, but how do we get Shannon to stop eatin' pussy? 132 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,342 It's so good. 133 00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:29,013 Oh… Oh, Jessi, my heart. My heart, it hurts! 134 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,432 Did he get bitten by a Dracula? 135 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:34,852 No! He's the victim of unrequited love. 136 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,771 Our hearts are shattered! 137 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:40,608 Shattered? Maybe we should get that fixed at the Genius Bar. 138 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,861 No, we didn't get AppleCare. Remember? 139 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,780 -Jessi! -Jessi! 140 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,740 AppleCare! 141 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:51,828 Oh, sweetheart, we are so excited to meet your new boyfriend. 142 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:55,456 Is he the one, Leah? Is he the one you'll love your whole life? 143 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,500 -Tell me you have no doubts. 144 00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,043 -Ooh! I'll get it! -No, I'll get it! 145 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:02,797 -Out of my way, Nick's sister! -Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! 146 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,383 I'd like to apologize in advance for everything. 147 00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:06,968 We brought the good turkey! 148 00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:09,011 Oh, how rude of me, of course. 149 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,430 Into the garbage with you! 150 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,765 Wait till you taste this juicy bird! 151 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:14,475 You'll realize that none of you 152 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,687 have ever accomplished anything in your entire lives! 153 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:20,398 -Hey, buddy. How's it going? 154 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:21,315 I know. 155 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,192 Jessi told you in no uncertain terms 156 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,777 -that you're fucking dog shit. 157 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,196 But here's something that'll make you feel better. 158 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,907 -I'm not eating my father's turkey today. -Why? 159 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:33,536 Because I'm standing up for myself, and I'm going at it sideways. 160 00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:34,454 Okay. 161 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:37,206 Hey! I'm back. You missed a hell of a touch football game. 162 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,583 O.J.'s still got it. 163 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:39,625 O.J. Simpson? 164 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:42,920 Oh, yeah, it's me, the Juice, Buttafuoco, Gillooly, 165 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:44,547 all the '90s monsters. 166 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:47,425 -Steven Seagal looks like shit. 167 00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:50,136 Ugh. That's probably Leah's new boyfriend. 168 00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:52,930 "Boyfriend"? I thought you promised Leah to me. 169 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,599 That sounds like a wet dream you had, 170 00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,476 and I told you I don't want to be in those! 171 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,644 Oh, Nick, I have no control. 172 00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:01,272 Well, hello, gentlemen. 173 00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:05,568 -What the fuck? -Leah is dating Val Bilzerian? 174 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:10,072 You know, Val's dad, Guy Bilzerian, also plays in the '90s monsters game. 175 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,241 -Do you know who he carpools with? -Someone awful? 176 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,409 No. No, no, no. 177 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:14,785 Robert Durst. 178 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,122 -Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. 179 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:21,250 Hello, hello. Hi. Is that real marijuana? 180 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,710 Oh, God. It's weed. 181 00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:25,463 You know we gotta be high to eat your mama's nasty-ass tree gravy. 182 00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:27,798 Cool. Totally cool. Everything's cool here. 183 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:31,636 It's just marijuana, the gateway drug, as they say on the street. 184 00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:33,346 -Yo, Missy, you want to hit this? -Ah! 185 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,516 I'm not doing drugs because I care deeply about my brain development! 186 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,684 -We're fucking with you. 187 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,811 You're our baby cousin. We're not letting you smoke. 188 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,940 Oh. What an insane and totally unnecessary prank. 189 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,358 You got me. Ha! 190 00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,318 So Missy Miss, how's school and shit? 191 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:50,279 Well, let's see. Uh, I started an affinity group, 192 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,449 and my first project was to get rid of the school's offensive mascot. 193 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,951 Okay. Little Takiyah Thompson. 194 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,370 But nobody listened to my 20-point plan-- 195 00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:58,913 Twenty points? God damn! 196 00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:02,041 Missy! Baby boo! Why are you such a dork? 197 00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:04,126 Oh, I'm not a dork. I don't think. 198 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,712 I'm just smart and passionate and earnest and committed. 199 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,548 She really is her daddy's daughter. 200 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,841 -She a little baby Steve Urkel. 201 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:14,095 Oh, shit, your cool cousins also think you're a dork. 202 00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:16,305 Why do you say "also"? Who else does? 203 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,808 Well, I do, and everyone at school. 204 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,227 That's probably why they didn't want to hear your plan, 205 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,354 because nobody wants to listen to a dork. 206 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:26,315 People listened to Obama. Barack Obama? 207 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,150 Obama's not a dork! 208 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,528 He ripped lines of coke off the Harvard Law Review. 209 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:34,782 Oh, yeah? Well, did Obama ever do this? 210 00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:36,158 -Yes! All the time! -Shit! 211 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,369 -No! Why the fuck would you do that? 212 00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:39,954 Because I'm not a dork! 213 00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:43,541 I'm the first Black president of these United States. 214 00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:46,794 And my wife is even cooler than me! 215 00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:49,171 -Quinta, we are so fucked, man. -Oh, God! 216 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,257 She gonna be even weirder now that she high. 217 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:57,054 Ai-ida! I must be dazed and confused 218 00:09:57,138 --> 00:10:00,558 because I'm pretty sure I just saw Santa doing parkour! 219 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:02,435 Ho! Ho! 220 00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:03,644 Ho! 221 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,271 Ho! 222 00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,481 Merry Thanksgiving! 223 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,483 Ho, ho, ho, ho! 224 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:15,072 So, Val, when your family abandoned Jay over spring break and I called your mom, 225 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,907 was it you who farted into the phone? 226 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,993 -Mom! -It's okay, I'm a Bilzerian. 227 00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:22,955 I was raised by a deeply flawed patriarch, which is why it's so lovely to be here. 228 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,540 There's a real warmth in this home. 229 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:28,336 Oh, yeah, like the warmth of the cum on the cracker you tried to make me eat? 230 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,421 This guy almost ruined Triscuits for me! 231 00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,256 You jizzed on our couch a week ago! 232 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,009 Okay, that's my cue. Back to the kitchen. 233 00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:36,177 These guys are right. 234 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:38,471 I've done things in my past that I'm not proud of, 235 00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,056 but I'm different with Leah. 236 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,099 She's really very special. 237 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,977 Oh, well, yes. She is very special. 238 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,021 Aww, you're special, too, babe. 239 00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,272 This is so unfair! 240 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,192 A piece of shit like Val Bilzerian gets to find love? 241 00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:55,696 And you, a certified snack, is rejected by Jessi? 242 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,281 This is a fucking joke. 243 00:10:57,365 --> 00:11:01,077 Thanksgiving is about bringing people together! 244 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,871 Oh, my God, I love your hat. 245 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:06,666 I made it at school. It's made of paper. 246 00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:09,835 Are you very old or very young? 247 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:13,798 Well, time is a flatbread pizza, so you do you, baby. 248 00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:15,216 You okay, babe? 249 00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:17,009 You've hardly touched your mini spanakopitas. 250 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,261 Yeah, I'm just not super hungry right now. 251 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:22,765 Ooh! Hard to have an appetite when you're about to get dumped! 252 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,684 -Fuckin' chump. 253 00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:27,770 Greg, do you remember our first Thanksgiving as a family? 254 00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:28,896 Oh, yeah! 255 00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:30,481 Jellybean, we'd just had you, 256 00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:33,526 and your mother was exhausted, so I had to be hunter and gatherer. 257 00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,860 He went to Quiznos. 258 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,362 -Okay, Your Honor, 259 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:38,739 but in my defense, you said you wanted a hot meal. 260 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,784 Oh, man, my uncle had a heart attack in a Quiznos. 261 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,744 Oh, that's a bummer, babe. 262 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,913 Read the room, Caitlin. Damn! 263 00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:49,333 Seriously, dude, love is being rekindled. 264 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,043 Rekindled like a mofo! 265 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,294 Excuse me. 266 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,588 Everyone, all this talk of family makes me feel like 267 00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:58,050 this is the perfect time to share a big announcement with you, Jellybean. 268 00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,343 Really, Greg? Now? 269 00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:03,389 Oh, my God, is he about to dump Caitlin for my mom on Thanksgiving? 270 00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:08,144 Hey, Cheese Girl, have fun finding discount dick on Black Friday! 271 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,520 -Caitlin and I… -Holy shit! 272 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,564 …are baking a brie in her tummy! 273 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:12,648 -Wait, what? -What? 274 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,817 We are having a baby! 275 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,110 -No! -Oh, shit. 276 00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:17,653 We're starting a family! 277 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,156 You already have a family, asshole! 278 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,575 And we don't want a damn cheese baby! 279 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:24,285 I'm lactose intolerant! 280 00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:26,370 Um, can I please be excused? 281 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,080 -Oh, Jessi-- -Jellybean, are you okay? 282 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,206 Yeah, I'm fine. 283 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:32,209 I just, um, need to get out of here right now. 284 00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:35,921 Hey! Vidal Sassoon! What do you think of my turkey? It's good, right? 285 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,048 Oh, it's very good, Mr. Glouberman. 286 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:42,011 Diane! What do you think of my turkey? Doesn't it make you hate your husband? 287 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:45,055 No, but it is very moist, Marty. What's your secret? 288 00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,182 -Anger! -Of course. 289 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,184 You've got to insult it! 290 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,019 That's what keeps the juices in. 291 00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:53,731 I learned that trick from my father, and he learned it from his father. 292 00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:55,775 That's the Glouberman way. 293 00:12:55,858 --> 00:13:00,237 I remember every Thanksgiving, my dad standing over that worthless bird. 294 00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,781 You stupid turkey. 295 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:05,201 My family is gonna eat you and then shit you out because you are nothing! 296 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,703 And before him was my Zaide Shlomo. 297 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,956 You see, in the Depression, all he had was a street pigeon, 298 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:14,251 but he would berate it until it tasted like a turkey! 299 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:17,296 You stupid pigeon, you're a repulsive bird. 300 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:19,924 You're a rat with wings, that's all you are. 301 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,427 And who can forget my great Zaide Chaim in the shtetl? 302 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,471 There was no fowl of any sort! 303 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,681 You shmegegge cabbage! 304 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:31,185 God wouldn't even grant you the honor of being a lettuce! 305 00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:35,523 Ooph, you spin quite a yarn, Father. 306 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:38,818 But tonight, I won't be eating your trunk turkey. 307 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:39,735 Oh, God. 308 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,821 What do you mean, you're not eating my turkey? 309 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,948 It shall not pass my lips! 310 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:46,367 -Oh, yes, it shall pass! -Ah! 311 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:49,370 -You're gonna eat my turkey. -The hell I am, you old bitch! 312 00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,497 -Holy shit! -Marty, Andrew, knock it off! 313 00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:53,999 I'm not eating Fernando. He's a good listener. 314 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,918 -Elliot, do something! -Hey! 315 00:13:56,001 --> 00:14:00,172 Go, Andrew. Go, Marty! It's Thanksgiving! I love you. 316 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,674 -Marty! -Ah! 317 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,176 -Eat it, you ungrateful little bastard! -Hold his nose. 318 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,636 I hate you! 319 00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,680 I wish Dr. Birch was my dad! 320 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,974 And I wish the turkey was my son! 321 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,309 That's enough, you two! We're leaving! 322 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:15,271 Elliot, Diane, I'm sure you regret inviting us. 323 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:18,315 -Only a little bit. -Oh, yeah? Well, I'm taking my turkey. 324 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:19,984 Come on! In the box. Let's go. 325 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:23,112 Andrew, I made a video of you getting force-fed by your daddy 326 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:24,822 -for your future therapist. 327 00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:28,909 I'm gonna call it, "Papa face-fucks son with meat." 328 00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:33,497 I am ready to chow down, everybody! Just throw it into my mouth. 329 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:34,957 -Missy, be cool. 330 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:39,962 I actually think I'm very cool with these big-ass fingy-tips. 331 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,006 Oh shit, this bitch gon' get us caught! 332 00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:45,509 Ooh, la, la, she's so beautiful! 333 00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,928 Well, family, I'd like to start off 334 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,764 by acknowledging that we are on indigenous land. 335 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,057 -And of course… 336 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,560 …I'd like to thank my sweet Monica, 337 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:58,814 because this heart of mine beats for nobody but you, baby! 338 00:14:58,898 --> 00:14:59,732 Ooh! 339 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,401 -Whoa! Cyrus! 340 00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,528 -Did I do that? 341 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,116 Missy, what's gotten into you? 342 00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:11,410 That baby is high as hell. 343 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,703 -High? No! -What? 344 00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:15,247 I'm not high, I'm low! 345 00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:18,834 Oh, my God, my daughter is under the influence of drugs! 346 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,086 Girls, what the hell happened on that walk? 347 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,756 -Lena gave her weed! -Whoa, no, no. Missy took the weed. 348 00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:27,635 I can't believe you hooligans were smoking marijuana in front of her! 349 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:32,640 Cyrus-Byrus Foreman-Greenwald, I know you not calling my babies "hooligans"! 350 00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:33,933 -Yeah! -Thanks, Mom! 351 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,267 Shut it. You two are fucked! 352 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:38,145 -Missy, what the hell? -Why do you always have to act so lame? 353 00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,855 Oh… Oh… 354 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,358 Mona, I don't like being stoned anymore! 355 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:43,817 I'm freaking out too. 356 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,111 Your grandma is staring right in my eyes. 357 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,404 I think she can see me. 358 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,406 You need to leave, Mona. 359 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,033 Oh, shit! 360 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,496 Merry Thanksgiving, you sad little fuck. 361 00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:59,708 Jesus, Jay. What are you doing in my garb… Oh, are you gonna fuck the turkey? 362 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:03,754 What? I'd never fuck a turkey that's been in the trash. Please think better of me. 363 00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:05,464 -Okay. -Trash turkey? 364 00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:07,299 Now, that's for eating! 365 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,677 Did you know that Val and Leah are dating? 366 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:10,886 What? 367 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,805 Oh, my God! That's incredible. 368 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:15,265 -This means I'm gonna be your uncle! -No, it doesn't. 369 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:19,561 Hey, don't talk to Uncle Jay like that. You treat me with respect! 370 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,647 Jay, get the fuck out of my house. 371 00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:23,065 Luda! 372 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,067 -Let's roll. -Rrr. 373 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:28,988 Rrrin. Bin. I took a shit in the recycling bin. 374 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,656 My dad's such an asshole. 375 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:33,450 I'm angry, I'm embarrassed, I'm humiliated. 376 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,869 I'm all these things, Maury. 377 00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,038 Honestly, I don't know what to say. 378 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,666 -Oh, perhaps the audience should decide. -What? 379 00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:44,336 Should I tell Andrew to jack off or kill himself? 380 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:48,465 -No, oh, don't… No, no. -Text "Jack" or "Die" to 6969. 381 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:49,883 What the fuck? 382 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,093 Ooh, that was close. 383 00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:52,094 That's chilling. 384 00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,887 And these are fans of the show. 385 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:57,850 -I hope you can still get hard now. -How can I get hard? I'm starving! 386 00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,727 Well, there's still some trunk turkey left. 387 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,061 -Hmm. -Get a little white meat 388 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,896 so you can pound your white meat? 389 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,858 Get some gravy so you can make your gravy. 390 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,360 -Get some stuffing so-- -Okay, we get it. Enough. 391 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:12,239 Well, why don't we go to the audience to see if they want one more? 392 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,118 Oh, come on, why did you even put that as an option? 393 00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,412 I didn't. It's truly chilling. 394 00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,290 How are you okay with this? 395 00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,126 I don't know. Caitlin and your father are a good fit. 396 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:26,962 You mean they're both stupid and don't know how condoms work? 397 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:30,132 Jessi, you know your father can't afford condoms. 398 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,593 The point is, Caitlin makes your dad happy. 399 00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:35,554 -But you and Dad were laughing together. -We're trying to get along. 400 00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:40,184 I just-- It looked like maybe you guys would, um, I don't know. Nev-never mind. 401 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:41,685 Oh, sweetie, did you think-- 402 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:44,313 It's stupid. I know. Just forget it. 403 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,398 Honey, I love your dad, 404 00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,568 and because of you, we are always going to be in each other's lives, 405 00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,320 but I like women. 406 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:54,323 I wanna smooch 'em, I wanna hug 'em, I wanna sniff 'em, I wanna-- 407 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:57,159 -Okay, Mom. -They're yummy. What can I say? 408 00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,995 Knock, knock? Hey, Jellybean. How are you feeling? 409 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,122 -Not good, Dad. -Maybe this will cheer you up. 410 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,333 Are you ready to meet the cheese baby? 411 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,794 -What are you talking about? -Isn't it adorable? 412 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:11,340 My name is Cheese Baby! Change my diaper! 413 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,842 Oh, fuck, its teeth are like sharp crackers! 414 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:18,055 Let me grab your hair with my fat little fist! 415 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:21,350 Oh, no, the Cheese Baby is popping all the balloons! 416 00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:22,851 -What? -Okay. 417 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,312 We need to get rid of some dead weight. Sorry, Jessi! 418 00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:26,271 -Hey! 419 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,107 -Ah! -Condoms are for millionaires. 420 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,151 -Jessi! This is terrible! -I know! 421 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,112 Good thing none of it's real! 422 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,781 Ow! Would you please stop hitting me? 423 00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,575 Okay. Next time, I'll poke you in the tuckus with a pitchfork. 424 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:40,160 Jess, are you okay? 425 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,496 I, um… I think I just need to get some air. 426 00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:45,833 -Ooph, this place is a dump. 427 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:49,503 -What's up, little guy? -Hey, you know what? I'm onto you. 428 00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:51,797 Oh, oh, yeah? What'd you find out, Detective? 429 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,091 That I'm gonna fuck your sister until she happy cries? 430 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:55,926 "Happy cries"? Wait, what? 431 00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:59,972 Yeah, I'm gonna have sex with your sister in your bed with my dick. 432 00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:01,932 -Ew! -Happy Thanksgiving! 433 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:12,609 Oh, shit, that bald rage volcano makes a good turkey. 434 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,695 -Hey. -Oh, hello, Fernando. 435 00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,071 I'm sorry I'm eating you. 436 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:19,408 It's okay. I'd offer you some of my juicy ass, but it's all gone. 437 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:24,079 Oh, yeah. My sweaty father gobbled it up like it was the antidote to a poison. 438 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,832 The man is a savage. A savage, I say! 439 00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:30,502 He's a lot, for sure, but I've been thinking about that story he told. 440 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,254 What, with the pigeons and the cabbage? 441 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:36,133 Yes, but also about how anger has haunted your family for generations. 442 00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:39,720 You know, my Zaide used to brag that he invented road rage. 443 00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:42,890 And this is your father's first Thanksgiving without Zaide. 444 00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,391 Yes? That must be very hard for him. 445 00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:46,852 Oh, I don't think he has real feelings. 446 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:49,521 He only seems to care about his ultra suede seats 447 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,773 and his stupid turkey. No offense. 448 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:52,900 None taken. 449 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,777 But is it possible that I am more than just a turkey? 450 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,529 How do you mean? Like a goose? 451 00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,448 Oh, goose is a garbage bird. No! 452 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,659 What I'm saying is maybe all of those angry Gloubermans 453 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:05,370 express their love by cooking a delicious turkey. 454 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,705 Hold on, juicy turkey. 455 00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:09,833 Are you saying that you are my father's love language? 456 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,460 -Perhaps. -Oh, God. 457 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:16,465 He was trying to shove his love into my mouth by force, and I refused. 458 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:19,635 Yes, you were too busy reacting to his anger with your own anger. 459 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,929 Wow, you're a freakishly perceptive turkey. 460 00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,472 It's the hormones. 461 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:27,517 But Andrew, maybe you can break the cycle of Glouberman rage. 462 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,228 What do you think, audience? 463 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,605 Should he break the cycle or should-- 464 00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,106 No, no! No more votes. 465 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,192 I'm gonna make my own choices. 466 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:36,610 Oy, yoy, yoy. Ugh. 467 00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:37,736 Chilling. 468 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,656 Oh, Mona, now my cousins hate me! 469 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,492 Oh, your life is total shite! 470 00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:47,079 Melissa, I never thought I'd have to say this to you, but you're grounded. 471 00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,622 No more after-school activities! 472 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,458 Who cares? Nobody wants to hang out with me anyway. 473 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,501 It's a moot point. 474 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:55,003 Well, then, no more NPR! 475 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,797 Their programming has become stale! 476 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,967 Okay, you're clearly still high as a kite! 477 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,134 You, go to your room! 478 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,761 Fine! I'd like to do that, 479 00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:04,054 and I'm taking some pie. 480 00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:05,097 No, Missy. 481 00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:14,147 This is the worst Thanksgiving ever. 482 00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:15,941 Except for the first one! 483 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:19,987 What we did to the indigenous people of this land is shameful! 484 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,072 "Pie" means vagina. 485 00:21:22,155 --> 00:21:25,993 That's the second thing they teach you at hormone monster school. 486 00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:29,162 Mmm. God damn, this is some good vagina. 487 00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:32,708 -Tonight was really special. 488 00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:36,962 Usually on Thanksgiving, I have to coax my mom off the roof with pills. 489 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:38,630 Aw, I had a nice time too. 490 00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:41,550 Hey! You--you need to know something. 491 00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:42,968 Ew! Were you watching us? 492 00:21:43,051 --> 00:21:45,721 Yeah, whatever. It doesn't… That's not what's important. 493 00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:47,889 Guess what the Talented Mr. Rip-ass told me. 494 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,182 -You mean Val? -Yeah. 495 00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:53,687 That fucking con artist said he wants to have sex with you until you happy cry. 496 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:54,604 Whoa! 497 00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:57,357 That sounds like a very positive experience. 498 00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,026 And none of your business. 499 00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:00,068 Good night, Nick! 500 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,320 What the fuck? 501 00:22:01,403 --> 00:22:03,864 Val is a bad guy, and Leah doesn't care? 502 00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:07,242 And you're a good guy, and Jessi doesn't care. 503 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,119 Isn't love just the worst? 504 00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:11,038 Wait, hold on. How can you say that? 505 00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:12,372 You're a lovebug. 506 00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:14,666 Which means I know it better than anyone. 507 00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:16,126 I mean, don't get me wrong, 508 00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:21,715 being with a girl is as exhilarating as holding a star in your hand. 509 00:22:21,798 --> 00:22:23,425 -Really? -But up close, 510 00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:28,930 that star will explode in your face and melt the skin off your bones. 511 00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:32,434 Oh, great. Well, thanks for showing up and ruining my fucking life. 512 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:33,894 Now, hold on, little fella. 513 00:22:33,977 --> 00:22:36,605 Oh, Jesus, the Gratitoad. Here we go. 514 00:22:36,688 --> 00:22:39,107 -Oh, sure, it's Thanksgiving. -Ew. No. 515 00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:40,650 When I'm down in the dumpers, 516 00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,362 I like to make a list of all the things 517 00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:44,696 that I'm grateful for. 518 00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:45,614 Fuck that! 519 00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:49,785 Come on, everybody! Oing! 520 00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:51,286 -Feel any better? -A little. 521 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,538 I like the sound he made when you hit him. 522 00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:57,709 Well, this is it. The last of my Halloween candy. 523 00:22:57,793 --> 00:23:01,505 The wrapper says "fun size", but it doesn't feel fun. 524 00:23:01,588 --> 00:23:04,257 Oh, my gosh, should I do stand-up? Go, Lola! 525 00:23:04,341 --> 00:23:08,261 Oh, man, I can't wait to get home and eat all this inside the bathtub. 526 00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:09,679 -What's that? 527 00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:12,307 Lola? Oh, fuck. 528 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:16,103 -Huh! A clatter outside. 529 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:17,562 Whomst ever could it be? 530 00:23:18,647 --> 00:23:21,483 Gasp! A cornucopia! 531 00:23:21,566 --> 00:23:26,279 Father Thanksgiving has truly smiled upon me this year. 532 00:23:27,614 --> 00:23:28,573 Come on, Luda, 533 00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:32,285 let's go home and see if there's any burnt cheese at the bottom of the toaster. 534 00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:34,454 Rrrrrst. Rrressed. Stressed. 535 00:23:34,538 --> 00:23:37,999 Stressed. I'm already stressed about Christmas. 536 00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:41,211 Hey! What do you want? 537 00:23:41,294 --> 00:23:43,964 I had some of your turkey, and it was really good. 538 00:23:44,047 --> 00:23:46,049 Yeah? Well, you shoulda had it when it was hot. 539 00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:48,468 You're right, Dad. I should've had it when it was hot. 540 00:23:48,552 --> 00:23:50,470 Wait--wait a minute! Wait a minute! 541 00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:51,888 What, are you agreeing with me? 542 00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:54,266 You trying to get back on my health insurance? 543 00:23:54,349 --> 00:23:56,309 No, no. I know, they're all crooks. 544 00:23:56,393 --> 00:23:57,894 I just wanted to talk. 545 00:23:57,978 --> 00:24:00,897 Dad, was it hard not going to Florida this year? 546 00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:03,608 I don't know. You know, it was, um… It was different. 547 00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:05,777 Yeah, I-I-I thought so too. 548 00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:09,281 So do you, you know… Do you miss Zaide? 549 00:24:09,364 --> 00:24:12,492 Of course I miss him. He's my father. What kind of a question is that? 550 00:24:12,576 --> 00:24:14,494 But, Dad, he was so mean. 551 00:24:14,578 --> 00:24:16,413 He wasn't mean, he was tough. 552 00:24:16,496 --> 00:24:18,081 You know, he was tough like I'm tough, 553 00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:21,501 and maybe he didn't always know how to say it, but I knew he loved me. 554 00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:23,336 I love you too, Dad. 555 00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:26,339 Uh, um, I'm glad you liked the turkey, son. 556 00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:28,467 And, uh, in retrospect, 557 00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:31,428 I'm sorry for how I voted in those polls. 558 00:24:34,931 --> 00:24:38,101 Oh, hey, you're here. What's going on? 559 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:41,938 Look, I, um, I know you're still mad at me about Samira, 560 00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:45,650 but my life's a fucked-up mess and I just really need someone to talk to. 561 00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:48,737 Oh, shit. Uh, okay. What's wrong? 562 00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:51,448 My parents are never getting back together. 563 00:24:51,531 --> 00:24:53,492 Oh, honey Jew-Jew. 564 00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:57,537 And my dad and Cheese Girl are having a demon cheese baby with cracker teeth. 565 00:24:57,621 --> 00:24:58,830 Putting a pin in that. 566 00:24:58,914 --> 00:25:02,626 And I think my family is really officially over. 567 00:25:02,709 --> 00:25:05,170 I'm sorry, Jessi, that sucks! 568 00:25:05,253 --> 00:25:09,382 Look, I'm sorry… I'm sorry I broke up you and Samira. 569 00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:11,009 Oh, uh, that's okay. 570 00:25:11,092 --> 00:25:13,970 It's not your fault, even though it kind of is. 571 00:25:14,054 --> 00:25:15,764 Uh, but I still love you. 572 00:25:16,389 --> 00:25:17,933 I love you too. 573 00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:20,894 Ugh! Isn't she the fucking best? 574 00:25:20,977 --> 00:25:22,771 Yeah, she really is. 575 00:25:22,854 --> 00:25:25,315 I'm glad you came over. I've missed you. 576 00:25:25,398 --> 00:25:26,525 I missed you too. 577 00:25:27,150 --> 00:25:28,777 -Um… 578 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:31,571 Jessi, this is totally hot! 579 00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:32,489 I know! 580 00:25:32,572 --> 00:25:34,574 I did not see that coming. 581 00:25:34,658 --> 00:25:36,910 Too bad it's not real. Pitchfork! 582 00:25:36,993 --> 00:25:37,827 Ow! 583 00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:40,247 -What the fuck? -I told ya the slap was better. 584 00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:41,706 Hey, are you okay? 585 00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:46,002 I'm sorry. I actually, um… I need to get back home, okay? 586 00:25:46,086 --> 00:25:48,129 Um, thank you for talking to me. Bye. 587 00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:50,423 Wait, Jessi! Don't you wanna French her for real? 588 00:25:50,507 --> 00:25:53,093 Oh! Oh, hey Gratitoad! 589 00:25:53,176 --> 00:25:55,887 Oh, hey, Connie! Happy Thanksgiving. 590 00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:58,640 I, for one, am grateful for your ample bosom. 591 00:25:58,723 --> 00:26:03,019 -Permission to motorboat you, please? -It's Thanksgiving, baby. Gobble away! 592 00:26:04,312 --> 00:26:08,900 -Thanks for the mammaries! -Happy Thanksgiving indeed!