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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

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‎戴雯和戴文今晚要辦跨年夜派對

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‎新年

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‎球落下時，你最好找個人

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‎趁著你下面兩顆球
‎掉進他們嘴裡時親吻你的球

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‎製作團隊終於讓我寫自己的笑話了

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‎很好

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‎“請加入我們的再續前緣跨年夜派對

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‎我們要再度交換來年的誓言
‎須著正式服裝出席”？

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‎你覺得尼克那個小渾球會去嗎？

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‎因為他要是去的話
‎那場派對會變成喪禮

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‎我差這麼一點就能摸到真正的奶子
‎尼克卻毀了這機會

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‎你應該去那個混蛋家，臭罵他一頓

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‎你說的對，應該要的

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‎我要用馬諦高博曼的方式臭罵他一頓

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‎對，要求他退費你們的友誼

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‎誰都不能惹安德魯，寶貝

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‎你是男子漢，安德魯
‎有鋼鐵老二和處理混蛋的槍

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‎給他們好看

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‎我不想拖著一條斷腿
‎去無聊的跨年派對

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‎更別提你石膏的味道
‎就像一堆熱氣沖天的OK繃

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‎這都是你的錯，沃特

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‎我的錯？你自己摔斷腿的，小矮個

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‎不對，你害我愛上潔西

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‎又害我恨每個人
‎再害我從那座愚蠢的山上滑下來

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‎這都是我害你的？

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‎對，我的人生這麼差勁都怪你

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‎這樣好了，隨便你

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‎我受夠了你這個臭小子

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‎再見，傻逼

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‎你要去哪？我在講話，你不准走

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‎放開我，你這沒用的遜咖

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‎柏奇醫生，我要找你沒出息的兒子

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‎我要找幫你剪頭髮的人
‎因為你的樣子好帥

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‎我愛你

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‎不准抓成蟲的尾巴

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‎尼克拉斯柏奇，天啊

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‎那是什麼鬼東西？

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‎可惡，我相信他們應該很快會出現

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‎千萬別進去

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‎除非你們想看水槽裡的便便

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‎小莫，那條像蛇的東西是什麼？

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‎那不是蛇，那是仇恨蟲

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‎牠們這種生物會用
‎敵意和暴力的慾望影響你的靈魂

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‎所以是負能量？

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‎對，負能量

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‎但現在尼克消失在你的人生

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‎他就像《犯罪心理》，沒人續約

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‎不再播出，我們不在意

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‎但是小莫，我們要救尼克回來

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‎少了八個小孩，減薪是必然的，兄弟

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‎我想買彈簧跳床

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‎我們為什麼要救尼克？

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‎你沒聽過我的奶子悲劇嗎？

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‎拜託啦，小莫？

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‎上面要加鼻屎嗎？

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‎好，我來幫忙
‎不過是看在你的面子，瑞克

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‎瑞克有一次救我離開美式大賣場
‎那種地方找不到出口

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‎只要找入口就好了

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‎出口就是入口，兄弟

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‎簡單吧，寶貝

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‎好，我會去
‎因為我本人也曾在美式大賣場迷路

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‎而且很恐怖

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‎公路旅行

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‎打包行李，寶貝

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‎妹子們要去陽光明媚的聖地牙哥

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‎跨年派對

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‎米希，我們離開這骯髒發臭的房間
‎去看看真實的人類

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‎爛提議，妳才不會想看那些低等生物

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‎到底是誰？

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‎別逼我進去，莫妮卡，她是仇恨炸彈

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‎但這次輪到你，塞勒斯

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‎好，你可以的

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‎她只是13歲大的女孩

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‎如果你是要來叫我冷靜的
‎胖子，想都別想

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‎嘿，親愛的

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‎我只想說我能感同身受

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‎讓我說清楚，爸

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‎你以為50歲、穿蘿蔔胸罩的禿頭宅
‎會知道我的感受？

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‎那胸罩不是拿來穿的

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‎快刺激這個老頭子

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‎你想知道我的感受，塞勒斯包里斯？

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‎-我恨你，我恨你老婆
‎-妳是說妳媽？

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‎我還恨潔西、愛莉、尼克
‎我亂七八糟的頭髮、噁心的背後痘

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‎我也恨角豆莢

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‎味道不像巧克力，像大便

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‎米希，別污衊角豆莢

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‎角豆莢去死，你也去死

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‎靠

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‎情況如何？

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‎這麼說吧，“我穿了胸罩”

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‎-有嗎？
‎-沒有

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‎杰的褲子車是人間仙境

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‎我剛找到2002年
‎艾默利拉加西的性感喇叭牛仔褲

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‎我玩得異常開心

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‎我也是，你看

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‎這條褲子的屁股上有拉鍊

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‎很適合隨時隨地讓人吃你的屁屁

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‎馬修，什麼東西有50顆牙齒
‎中間還有一顆棕色大眼睛？

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‎什麼？我不能再寫自己的笑話了？

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‎好吧，你們可能不想要這節目有笑料

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‎馬修，我在想

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‎也許我們可以去戴雯的新年派對

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‎我是說…一起去？

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‎-好啊
‎-可以嗎？

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‎-好
‎-太好了

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‎新年狼

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‎來吧，馬修，跟我一起嚎叫

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‎我不知道我適不適合狼嚎

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‎因為我比較像天鵝，臭傢伙

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‎新年天鵝

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‎你知道你下流的天鵝屁
‎要怎樣才能生出蛋嗎？

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‎如果我們開這輛調皮的車去兜風

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‎慢著，什麼？這輛車能發動？

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‎那還用說
‎這輛車的里程數只有96600公里

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‎別這樣，要不要兜一下風？

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‎靠，這小子是瘋子

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‎-你穿這是什麼東西？
‎-這是丹寧束縛衣

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‎馬修，我愛死這件了

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‎-出發囉
‎-杰，不要，外頭結冰

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‎這是舊車，你是小孩，不能開車上路

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‎路？我們要去的地方不需要路

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‎因為我開在人行道，寶貝

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‎你最好給我退後

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‎等等，你要去哪？你不能丟我在這

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‎賤人，我留下你了

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‎靠

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‎不好意思，先生，我需要幫忙

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‎-章魚小姐
‎-沒空

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‎-你，行走的麵團
‎-抱歉，我沒有零錢

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‎天啊，這裡的每個人一樣也是混蛋

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‎去客訴部門啊，小子

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‎客訴部門？太好了，在哪？

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‎跟我來，我要去客訴每次我生氣時

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‎雞雞就會從頭頂穿出來

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‎你看這東西

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‎我不明白為何米希這麼生氣

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‎她有想法，我有想法
‎只是大家比較喜歡我的

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‎大家喜歡妳的東西，這妳也沒辦法

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‎這就叫魅力

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‎海馬羅南也有同樣的問題

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‎-她好像叫莎柔絲
‎-這不是名字

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‎潔西，米希不是有想聊聊
‎妳奪走她的同溫層小組會議嗎？

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‎結果妳忽略她？

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‎我記得她在學校有來找我

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‎但我不記得她說過什麼

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‎如果海馬有說話，妳就會記得內容

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‎辦公室有個很掃興的傢伙
‎他不是很討喜

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‎但我覺得他或許能幫妳

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‎沒錯，桑雅

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‎因為有時候羞愧恰當到不行

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‎天啊，不要是他，他糟透了

153
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‎我本來也要這樣對妳說

154
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‎這是怎麼回事？那是我嗎？

155
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‎對，妳透過米希的眼睛
‎跟她一起體驗這一刻

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‎潔西，妳奪走我的同溫層小組

157
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‎我不是要妳拍我的馬屁

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‎妳應該道歉

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‎好，對不起
‎大概是因為我幫妳擺脫吉祥物吧

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‎這正好符合妳的心意

161
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‎妳當下不覺得很酸嗎？

162
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‎那不是…妳別再來同溫層小組會議

163
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‎慘了，我不能再參加妳無聊的會議？

164
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‎真是可惜了

165
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‎天啊，這都是我說的？

166
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‎我好羞愧

167
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‎太好了

168
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‎我不知不覺就搶走她的鋒頭

169
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‎誰會做這種事？

170
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‎八成是白人

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‎還有，當時妳很喜歡愛莉

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‎其他人妳都沒放在眼裡

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‎這算是我不對

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‎不對，這是我的錯

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‎女士們，拜託

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‎這全都得怪妳們

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‎主題標籤：責怪女性

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‎所以你想客訴自己的女兒

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‎她說我穿蘿蔔胸罩

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‎那你有穿胸罩嗎？

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‎好，先生，不用提高音量

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‎別說出去，我覺得他有穿胸罩

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‎-什麼？
‎-我能幫你什麼，小可愛？

184
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‎你們其中一隻仇恨蟲留我在這等死

185
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‎親愛的，這樣可不是太好，對吧？

186
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‎-貴姓大名？
‎-尼克柏奇

187
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‎天啊，你在這的資料豐富

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‎對，因為你們派來的每隻怪物
‎都沒好好善待我

189
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‎沃特、瑞克、泰勒
‎愧感巫師、蒂托、康妮

190
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‎這整套作業爛透了

191
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‎天啊，我不負責怪咖
‎丹尼斯萊瑞先生

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‎我不管，我要答案

193
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,233
‎我要跟負責的人說話

194
00:09:26,317 --> 00:09:29,069
‎這主意其實很好

195
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:31,739
‎很好，終於稍微尊重我了，謝謝

196
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,867
‎直走到底，紅色電梯，上頂樓

197
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:38,329
‎快去吧，就是那扇紅色會動的門

198
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:43,000
‎沒事的，親愛的，這是你自找的

199
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:47,838
‎尼克跟一隻叫沃特的仇恨蟲在一起

200
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,298
‎仇恨部門到了

201
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,800
‎這地方讓我起雞皮疙瘩，小莫

202
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:54,637
‎要是我太害怕，大便在水槽怎麼辦？

203
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,514
‎-天啊
‎-靠

204
00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,726
‎安德魯高博曼？大家快過來，是他

205
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:03,646
‎把小孩從輪椅上拉起來
‎仇恨滿點的那個瘋子

206
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:04,730
‎操，我愛你

207
00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:07,399
‎還記得他參加納粹會議的情景嗎？

208
00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:10,361
‎你超惡劣，我可以跟你自拍嗎？

209
00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:13,489
‎小莫，我的名人新身分讓我很不自在

210
00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:16,200
‎你確實有做那些事情

211
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,869
‎-快做點壞事
‎-你說什麼？

212
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,664
‎捅我，捅我耳朵，這會是我的榮幸

213
00:10:21,747 --> 00:10:23,248
‎對啊，快點，混蛋，動手啊

214
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,793
‎捅他脖子，不是耳朵

215
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,170
‎這是怎樣，在逛少女配件店？

216
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,547
‎沃特，我們在找你，尼克呢？

217
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,715
‎不知道，莫里斯

218
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,677
‎我把那個屎尿多的小鬼頭留在那等死

219
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,053
‎完全可以理解

220
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:39,306
‎你到底來這裡做什麼？

221
00:10:39,390 --> 00:10:40,474
‎找尼克

222
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:45,187
‎你知道他覺得你是戴眼鏡的痔瘡吧？

223
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,689
‎這是從他口中說出來的？

224
00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:49,942
‎這不會讓你對他恨之入骨嗎？

225
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:53,696
‎-我是說…
‎-你需要仇恨蟲，嚴格說來我有空

226
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:56,281
‎你跟尼克完成了不起的創舉

227
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:58,826
‎親愛的，我最厲害

228
00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:02,746
‎但不了，我不用
‎我知道身處幽暗、憤怒的情境

229
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:05,249
‎而且我不恨尼克，我想幫他

230
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,875
‎-好嚇人
‎-胡說八道

231
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,210
‎別見到英雄本人比較好

232
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:12,423
‎快點，小莫
‎我們要繼續找那個惡毒的小渾球

233
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,633
‎好吧，等一下，瑞克呢？

234
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:17,094
‎好棒，我做到了，我在水槽大便

235
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,804
‎什麼？你為什麼要一直沖水？

236
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,765
‎我喜歡那個聲音，走吧，用跑的

237
00:11:22,266 --> 00:11:26,019
‎聖約瑟夫騎士，我現在好慘

238
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:29,857
‎我跟杰的感情好像完蛋了

239
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,233
‎拜託，大人

240
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:34,069
‎我求您別沉浸在悲傷之中

241
00:11:34,153 --> 00:11:38,532
‎但我重重傷害了他
‎而且絕對是故意的

242
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:42,578
‎就像我在我的倉鼠伊萊
‎英年早逝後問牠

243
00:11:42,661 --> 00:11:46,498
‎“我們為什麼要把最愛的人
‎拿去微波？”

244
00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,667
‎你知道，我們遲早

245
00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:51,670
‎會看到那台微波爐的內部

246
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:53,464
‎我們該告訴她那則預言嗎？

247
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:57,217
‎預言？你們在說什麼預言？

248
00:11:57,301 --> 00:12:01,764
‎陛下，我們說的是
‎幾年前告知您的預言

249
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:04,266
‎與您的愛情命運有關

250
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,642
‎繼續說

251
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:07,269
‎那是誰？

252
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:10,564
‎這是您小時候，陛下

253
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:13,025
‎老實說，咕咕

254
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:16,862
‎小公主，您注定會找到真愛

255
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,698
‎這個人既無父又無母

256
00:12:19,782 --> 00:12:22,493
‎他的頭上戴著王冠

257
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,619
‎我的咕咕

258
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:26,580
‎天啊，這真是驚人的消息

259
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,374
‎這則預言說的就是杰

260
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,669
‎他是我的真愛

261
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:35,672
‎很多人符合這預言，我的女王

262
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:36,840
‎沒有，一定是他

263
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:41,136
‎杰基本上算孤兒
‎他刺刺的頭髮就是王冠

264
00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:43,931
‎-結案
‎-在下擔心您太快做出結論，女王

265
00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:46,934
‎對，再不閉嘴的話
‎很快就會到微波爐了

266
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,061
‎-對，沒事，抱歉
‎-對，我覺得是杰

267
00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:53,690
‎做好準備，杰
‎女王要去找臭臭國王了

268
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,151
‎那是什麼鬼東西？

269
00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:58,529
‎我知道妳不想跟我說話

270
00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,989
‎但有人可能知道妳的感受

271
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:02,074
‎孩子

272
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,867
‎我們才不是她的孩子，掛掉

273
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:07,329
‎不行，我要看著她的臉，嚴加斥責她

274
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:10,040
‎妳打來幹嘛，琨塔？要來罵我？

275
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,543
‎好，不是這樣的，我其實很過意不去

276
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:14,545
‎感恩節那天的發展

277
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:15,546
‎-什麼？
‎-狗屁

278
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:18,841
‎塞勒斯舅舅說妳整個假期都關在房裡

279
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:20,384
‎尿在罐子裡什麼的

280
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,135
‎妳的樣子看來不太好，妳沒事吧？

281
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:25,639
‎妳幹嘛在意我的樣子？
‎妳說我的辮子像佛德瑞道格拉斯

282
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:29,434
‎抱歉，雖然很好笑
‎但不該這樣開妳玩笑

283
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:32,020
‎-對，是不應該
‎-我來幫妳整理髮型

284
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:33,272
‎好，拜託妳

285
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:36,984
‎別理她，那廢物幫不了妳，她是廢物

286
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,777
‎她不是廢物

287
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:39,987
‎她是琨塔

288
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:42,281
‎她是全家我最喜歡的人

289
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:45,325
‎她懂很酷的音樂，還稱男人為渣男

290
00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:48,328
‎對，她是我表姐，我愛她

291
00:13:48,412 --> 00:13:49,997
‎不行，米希，掛斷

292
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,832
‎琨塔，我想要妳的幫忙

293
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:54,835
‎好，為什麼要大叫，孩子？別激動

294
00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:57,087
‎這是怎樣？

295
00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:00,591
‎《克羅爾脫口秀》、《哈囉百老匯》

296
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:02,009
‎《青春無密語》

297
00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:03,260
‎有人在嗎？

298
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,515
‎對，快進來，沒錯，進來吧

299
00:14:08,599 --> 00:14:11,643
‎瞧你，小時候的我，你看起來真不賴

300
00:14:11,727 --> 00:14:13,353
‎搞什麼？

301
00:14:13,437 --> 00:14:16,940
‎你是誰？為什麼看起來這麼奇怪？

302
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,109
‎我是尼克克羅爾
‎《青春無密語》的創作者

303
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,904
‎也是長大成人、在真實世界的你

304
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,322
‎這真的很怪

305
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:28,410
‎對，我知道，這麼做很冒險
‎之後就知道是否有效，但現在無法

306
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,370
‎但現在我們要轉到下一幕

307
00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:31,538
‎“下一幕”？什麼？

308
00:14:31,622 --> 00:14:33,373
‎“車內：杰的褲子車”

309
00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:35,834
‎杰有褲子車？聽起來真有趣

310
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,837
‎真要命，小莫，這太瘋狂了

311
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:41,798
‎對啊，為什麼杰的車
‎有掛“車上有嬰兒”的標語？

312
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,550
‎這堆褲子下面有嬰兒嗎？

313
00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:45,302
‎開車狼

314
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:47,554
‎杰，你在搞什麼鬼？

315
00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:49,348
‎什麼？我喜歡加速

316
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,391
‎然後把褲子從車窗對著陌生人丟出去

317
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:56,438
‎我有證據證明馬尾殺手是誰，是…

318
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,899
‎天啊，那傢伙剛才被車撞了

319
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,234
‎開車天鵝

320
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,861
‎沒有什麼開車天鵝

321
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,947
‎停車，杰，快點停車

322
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:10,744
‎我這次沒飛出擋風玻璃

323
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:14,539
‎-我越來越厲害了
‎-靠，你瘋了，杰

324
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:17,084
‎對，謝謝你，我們來親熱吧

325
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:19,002
‎不要，你差點害死我們

326
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:24,007
‎你就像一頭野獸
‎不先撲殺就會有小孩受害

327
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,385
‎慢著，我以為這是你喜歡我的點

328
00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:30,180
‎我原本這麼認為，直到你搞出
‎暴力丹寧堆成山

329
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,682
‎“暴力丹寧堆成山”

330
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,059
‎我跟傑雷諾和他結褵40年的漂亮太太

331
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,562
‎梅菲絲雷諾搞3P時都這樣說

332
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,022
‎我懂了

333
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:43,652
‎完美馬修不想要肇事逃逸的永久紀錄

334
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:45,737
‎你可能不覺得我應該開車

335
00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:46,863
‎當然不行

336
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,907
‎你剛撞上消防栓，杰

337
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:52,995
‎你知道嗎？也許狼跟天鵝差別太大了

338
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,956
‎一個是狗，另外一個是水裡雞

339
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,249
‎“水裡雞”？

340
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:58,667
‎我們怎麼會讀同年級？

341
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,085
‎對，我知道，馬修

342
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,254
‎你比我優秀，比我聰明

343
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:04,673
‎絕不會用腳指甲來剔牙

344
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:08,927
‎你猜怎麼著
‎賣場華麗的噴水池先生？

345
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:12,014
‎我再也不想跟你去跨年派對了

346
00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:14,516
‎很好，因為我不想跟你一起去

347
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:17,644
‎好極了，看來我們都如願了

348
00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:21,898
‎好，最後一個

349
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,860
‎梳尖順過頭髮

350
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,029
‎好痛

351
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:30,449
‎當然會痛，小胸部
‎妳的頭皮敏感，之後就會好多了

352
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:34,453
‎妳看起來好美，美女警報

353
00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:35,787
‎我還安珀警報咧

354
00:16:35,871 --> 00:16:38,498
‎綁架米希的醜八怪是誰？

355
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:41,376
‎米希？妳在裡面嗎？

356
00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:43,086
‎潔西？妳想幹什麼？

357
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,297
‎我過來道歉

358
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:48,550
‎不接受，叫她趕快滾出去

359
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,762
‎也許妳該聽她說完
‎通常白人女生出現在我們家

360
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,764
‎都是來把臉埋進莉娜的小穴

361
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:56,808
‎那不是我的喜好，不過也許妳是對的

362
00:16:56,892 --> 00:16:59,227
‎-好，再見，琨塔
‎-被舔愉快

363
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:00,645
‎嘿

364
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,940
‎如果道歉不管用
‎舔穴會是不錯的備案

365
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:06,443
‎我喜歡妳的髮型

366
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,029
‎騙人，如果潔西喜歡，那就是垃圾

367
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,405
‎對，我有點忙

368
00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:13,241
‎所以妳要像雕像呆站在那的話…

369
00:17:13,325 --> 00:17:15,327
‎對，對不起

370
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,662
‎說到呆蠢這件事

371
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:24,169
‎我想為我做出最愚蠢的事道歉

372
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,587
‎我說錯話了

373
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:28,507
‎潔西，幫她口交的時候到了

374
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:30,592
‎這個道歉有夠爛

375
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,761
‎米希，叫這個紅髮傻妞滾蛋

376
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,888
‎妳應該是我的朋友

377
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:37,432
‎結果卻逼我就範，兩次

378
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,227
‎我知道，是我做的

379
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:43,814
‎這很惡劣，我覺得自己真是混蛋

380
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:46,149
‎我真的非常抱歉

381
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,567
‎還有我很想妳

382
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:48,819
‎騙人，妳這蕩婦

383
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,654
‎對，我也有點想妳

384
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:51,947
‎妳在做什麼？

385
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:55,617
‎這個混蛋承認她是混蛋
‎妳幹嘛幫她找台階下？

386
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,035
‎因為她拉下臉

387
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,538
‎混蛋拉下臉的情況並不常見

388
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,997
‎通常情況是相反的

389
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,166
‎說不定我今晚會在派對上看到妳？

390
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,417
‎對，說不定會

391
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,753
‎太好了，再見，米希

392
00:18:06,837 --> 00:18:07,712
‎再見，潔西

393
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,549
‎剛是在演哪齣？

394
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,717
‎“再見，潔西，說不定我會去派對”

395
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,053
‎我不想再恨別人了，蘿榭兒

396
00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:16,388
‎我是有愛的人

397
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,932
‎-妳是傻瓜
‎-對，我是傻瓜

398
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,226
‎-我喜歡自己這樣
‎-什麼？

399
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:24,479
‎-我喜歡我的傻瓜媽、傻瓜爸…
‎-靠

400
00:18:24,563 --> 00:18:26,898
‎-…還有他的傻瓜蘿蔔胸罩
‎-叫他們全去死

401
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:30,902
‎-還有妳知道嗎？我喜歡傻瓜角豆莢
‎-不要

402
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:35,407
‎對，很好吃，沒咖啡因還有豐富鈣質

403
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:36,408
‎阿門！

404
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,869
‎還有，我愛妳，莫娜

405
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,204
‎我也愛妳，親愛的

406
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,790
‎妳們這些脆弱的八婆真可悲

407
00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:45,417
‎妳沒有

408
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:48,336
‎妳真的幫助我為自己說話，蘿榭兒

409
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:49,713
‎真討厭，我不得不說

410
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,423
‎妳試試看

411
00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:52,632
‎我也愛妳

412
00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:55,677
‎靠

413
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,932
‎天啊，蘿榭兒，妳沒事吧？

414
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:03,476
‎我好極了

415
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:04,853
‎就是好極了

416
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,771
‎看看我可愛的翅膀

417
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,523
‎我懷念當愛蟲

418
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:10,942
‎我也懷念當愛蟲

419
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,611
‎妳看起來容光煥發

420
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:14,487
‎快跟妳的髮型一樣好了

421
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:16,823
‎妳喜歡嗎？我就知道妳剛在說謊

422
00:19:16,907 --> 00:19:20,535
‎沒錯，孩子
‎我只是餓到生氣，妳懂的

423
00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:22,120
‎讓我先搞清楚

424
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:27,334
‎你利用我和這整個節目
‎處理你自己小時候的問題？

425
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:31,171
‎我的還有其他編劇的
‎不過大部分是我的

426
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:32,339
‎搞什麼？

427
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:35,800
‎你從哪弄來的膽
‎創造我出來只為了折磨我？

428
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,219
‎“膽”這個字用得很好

429
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,679
‎不對，你是編劇，台詞是你寫的

430
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,640
‎你只是在稱讚自己

431
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:44,726
‎不對，我們一起在寫台詞
‎此時此刻，你跟我

432
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:46,895
‎你看，這是空白的
‎你接下來要說什麼？

433
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,105
‎我想知道我上來做什麼

434
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:52,734
‎你要求要上來這，因為你滿懷恨意

435
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,402
‎想把錯推到別人身上

436
00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:56,529
‎說真的，你讓我很沒面子

437
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:57,948
‎是你讓我很沒面子

438
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,824
‎我們讓彼此很沒面子

439
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,910
‎我們到底要怎麼做？

440
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:05,830
‎我個人過得挺好的
‎但或許你可以自己去死

441
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:08,083
‎-什麼？
‎-我是開玩笑的啦

442
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:11,670
‎這一幕需要笑話
‎但老實說，撇開笑話不談

443
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,546
‎你就是個愛抱怨的小鬼

444
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,757
‎這樣吧，去你的，尼克克羅爾

445
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,634
‎這是我的人生

446
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:21,930
‎每次受苦的都是我，大家都討厭我

447
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:25,183
‎對，因為仇恨是你表現出來的

448
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:28,353
‎這不能怪我，沃特出現然後…

449
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:33,108
‎不行，我不想聽到沃特
‎我也不想聽到瑞克

450
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:34,567
‎知道嗎，兄弟？

451
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:39,155
‎我們都有自己的怪物
‎荷爾蒙、焦慮、沮喪、仇恨

452
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:41,449
‎重點在於你如何面對這些

453
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,368
‎你的怪物是你自己

454
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,078
‎-什麼？
‎-對

455
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,454
‎全都是你，小子

456
00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:51,042
‎我怪沃特的事情算是我的錯？

457
00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:52,085
‎對，基本上是

458
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:54,963
‎你想知道是誰在負責？是你

459
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:55,880
‎我真該死

460
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:58,758
‎對，所以我才叫你去死

461
00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:00,510
‎所以我只有自己？

462
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:04,306
‎不是，你有瘋狂的家庭
‎他們太愛你了

463
00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:07,350
‎你有思春的朋友，他們老是在打手槍

464
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:10,979
‎說到這，你的變態小兄弟
‎思春最嚴重的那個來了

465
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:11,980
‎你是說安德魯？

466
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,482
‎對，你看他全身汗

467
00:21:14,566 --> 00:21:17,277
‎他好像在找你
‎或自慰，或兩件同時做

468
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,654
‎他真的是好朋友，對吧？

469
00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:21,323
‎對，他真的是

470
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:24,200
‎所以這一幕已經到了尾聲

471
00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:26,870
‎你有什麼事想問未來的自己嗎？

472
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,330
‎有，我…

473
00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:30,749
‎我的雞雞會長大嗎？

474
00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:33,209
‎有，有長大

475
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,754
‎有長到…很大嗎？

476
00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:37,088
‎有長大啦

477
00:21:37,172 --> 00:21:38,882
‎這樣啊，好吧

478
00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:40,425
‎對

479
00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:42,010
‎安德魯

480
00:21:42,093 --> 00:21:43,636
‎尼克，我找到你了

481
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:47,098
‎我為人這麼機車，你居然還是來找我

482
00:21:47,182 --> 00:21:49,184
‎聽著，我知道仇恨有多誘人

483
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:51,019
‎但我選擇愛，親愛的

484
00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:52,354
‎因為我愛你，尼克

485
00:21:52,437 --> 00:21:53,772
‎我也愛你，兄弟

486
00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:56,566
‎我的心都融化了

487
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:57,484
‎沃特

488
00:21:57,567 --> 00:22:00,320
‎你好，我的大頭天使寶寶

489
00:22:00,403 --> 00:22:01,237
‎你回來了

490
00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:03,948
‎親愛的，我從沒離開過

491
00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:06,034
‎但你本來是仇恨蟲

492
00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:08,036
‎我熱愛當仇恨蟲

493
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:11,247
‎但我討厭不當愛蟲

494
00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:14,250
‎天啊，他們真的在“經歷改變”
‎對吧，小莫？

495
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,461
‎對，主題曲，大笑

496
00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:18,630
‎我可以再寫自己的笑話嗎？

497
00:22:18,713 --> 00:22:20,215
‎不行，我不喜歡說你的笑話

498
00:22:20,298 --> 00:22:22,717
‎-慢著，你幫我配音？
‎-對

499
00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:25,762
‎真是的，我還以為是威爾阿奈特

500
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:27,555
‎對，很多人這麼認為

501
00:22:27,639 --> 00:22:30,475
‎這真是…讓人失望

502
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,435
‎說不定大家以為我是波傑克

503
00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:34,020
‎沒有，沒人這麼想

504
00:22:34,104 --> 00:22:35,105
‎對，我知道

505
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:38,441
‎各位，我是白痴DJ

506
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:43,238
‎歡迎來到戴雯和戴文的
‎再續前緣跨年搖滾派對

507
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:46,991
‎現在要再度交換來年的誓言
‎歡迎各位的主持人

508
00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:51,371
‎萊恩海馬和海馬羅南

509
00:22:51,454 --> 00:22:53,540
‎戴雯，我發誓有女生在附近時

510
00:22:53,623 --> 00:22:56,084
‎我會看地板，連我媽也不例外

511
00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:59,671
‎戴文，我發誓要成為你親愛的妻子

512
00:22:59,754 --> 00:23:01,172
‎直到高中開學

513
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:05,718
‎好，一定要找到人在午夜時接吻

514
00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:08,054
‎不然你會變成南瓜

515
00:23:08,138 --> 00:23:11,349
‎我最清楚，因為我是南瓜

516
00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:14,936
‎我今晚應該不會親任何人，史提夫

517
00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:17,689
‎我大概注定要地球獨自飆風

518
00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:20,942
‎開著載滿牛仔褲的車子，副座沒人

519
00:23:21,025 --> 00:23:24,529
‎我的頭殼裡有種子和柳橙義大利直麵

520
00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:27,323
‎好喔，有音樂，這選擇真有趣

521
00:23:27,407 --> 00:23:30,201
‎天啊，潔西在那，我應該去跟她說話

522
00:23:30,285 --> 00:23:31,286
‎對，你快去

523
00:23:31,369 --> 00:23:34,914
‎我要去舞池跳舞
‎好好搖一下我的電臀

524
00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:39,043
‎安德魯的屁股很引人注目

525
00:23:39,127 --> 00:23:40,170
‎我移不開視線

526
00:23:40,253 --> 00:23:43,756
‎對，這居然是本季的劇情

527
00:23:44,299 --> 00:23:46,134
‎兩位，新年快樂

528
00:23:46,217 --> 00:23:48,094
‎米希，妳來了

529
00:23:48,178 --> 00:23:49,888
‎妳又要來痛扁我一頓？

530
00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:50,930
‎以愛為重，寶貝

531
00:23:51,014 --> 00:23:54,809
‎不，我來這是為了向妳道歉
‎我說了妳的八卦

532
00:23:54,893 --> 00:23:56,394
‎扯掉妳的永久固定器

533
00:23:56,478 --> 00:23:58,396
‎還把妳最愛的螢光筆丟進馬桶

534
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,064
‎-什麼？
‎-對不起

535
00:24:00,148 --> 00:24:01,941
‎這是我痛扁妳一頓之前的事

536
00:24:02,025 --> 00:24:07,197
‎好，新年到了，那我們重新開始吧？

537
00:24:07,822 --> 00:24:09,574
‎我非常樂意

538
00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:11,993
‎我問一下
‎有人感受到安德魯在舞池上

539
00:24:12,076 --> 00:24:14,621
‎他甜美翹臀所散發出來的
‎一股吸引力嗎？

540
00:24:14,704 --> 00:24:16,331
‎好，來跳舞吧

541
00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:19,375
‎潔西，我們可以聊聊嗎？

542
00:24:19,459 --> 00:24:22,086
‎這個機車哈比人想幹嘛？

543
00:24:22,170 --> 00:24:23,254
‎怎麼了，尼克？

544
00:24:24,088 --> 00:24:27,383
‎我只想說我對妳的態度很差

545
00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:28,343
‎對，廢話

546
00:24:28,426 --> 00:24:31,429
‎妳不喜歡我，不表示我可以恨妳

547
00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:32,931
‎對，兩倍的廢話

548
00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:36,851
‎對不起，因為這是我的錯
‎我完全搞砸了

549
00:24:37,644 --> 00:24:39,521
‎這台詞一定是女生寫的

550
00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:42,065
‎謝謝，我很感謝

551
00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:43,191
‎新年快樂，潔西？

552
00:24:43,274 --> 00:24:44,359
‎新年快樂，尼克

553
00:24:44,442 --> 00:24:46,903
‎親他，然後用頭頂他
‎然後再親他一次

554
00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:49,239
‎-什麼？
‎-我知道，我知道我瘋了

555
00:24:49,322 --> 00:24:50,990
‎現在是跨年夜耶

556
00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:56,079
‎各位，聽好了，杰比瑟瑞恩
‎你是我的真命天子

557
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:57,372
‎蘿娜，妳在做什麼？

558
00:24:57,455 --> 00:25:00,708
‎杰，我對你做的事十惡不赦

559
00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:03,795
‎-我覺得“灰常”後悔
‎-真的嗎？

560
00:25:03,878 --> 00:25:06,047
‎我知道我們的感情不順利，杰

561
00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:09,509
‎但我真的覺得我們是天造地設的一對

562
00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:12,178
‎我們都很有熱情、嚴重被忽略

563
00:25:12,262 --> 00:25:16,391
‎我們為一個世代重新定義性慾

564
00:25:16,474 --> 00:25:19,185
‎因此，我們注定要在一起

565
00:25:19,269 --> 00:25:22,230
‎天啊，我要跟蘿娜搶杰嗎？

566
00:25:22,313 --> 00:25:23,398
‎我淪落至此了嗎？

567
00:25:23,481 --> 00:25:26,067
‎你一直是這樣，馬修拳擊手

568
00:25:26,150 --> 00:25:29,612
‎上場吧，去搶沒割包皮哥

569
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:32,282
‎靠，也許妳說的對，蘿娜

570
00:25:32,365 --> 00:25:33,825
‎我們好像很配

571
00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:37,912
‎-杰瑟瑞恩摔角手比瑟瑞恩
‎-馬修？

572
00:25:37,996 --> 00:25:40,665
‎我知道你說狼跟天鵝行不通

573
00:25:40,748 --> 00:25:43,501
‎-因為一個是狗，另一個…
‎-水裡雞，對

574
00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:45,503
‎但你讓我快樂，杰

575
00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:49,716
‎所以我想要一匹狼
‎毛茸茸、瘋狂又沒割包皮的狼

576
00:25:49,799 --> 00:25:53,052
‎現在這到底是怎麼回事？

577
00:25:53,136 --> 00:25:55,847
‎我喜歡他，蘿娜，我還能說什麼？

578
00:25:55,930 --> 00:25:58,850
‎很遺憾，你晚了一天
‎又落後一根雞雞

579
00:25:58,933 --> 00:26:00,977
‎我跟杰剛復合了，對吧，杰？

580
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:01,936
‎杰，真的嗎？

581
00:26:02,020 --> 00:26:05,273
‎靠，等一下，真該死

582
00:26:05,356 --> 00:26:06,733
‎-杰，怎麼樣？
‎-你要選誰？

583
00:26:06,816 --> 00:26:08,026
‎對，你要選誰？

584
00:26:08,109 --> 00:26:10,111
‎馬修，很抱歉

585
00:26:10,194 --> 00:26:12,572
‎-但我選擇你
‎-什麼？

586
00:26:12,655 --> 00:26:17,869
‎蘿娜，妳是我不會選的那個

587
00:26:17,952 --> 00:26:19,871
‎因為馬修才是我的選擇

588
00:26:19,954 --> 00:26:21,581
‎搞什麼，杰？

589
00:26:21,664 --> 00:26:22,790
‎很抱歉，蘿娜

590
00:26:22,874 --> 00:26:25,376
‎但我看過兩匹狼一起會有什麼下場

591
00:26:25,460 --> 00:26:27,170
‎牠們會生吞活剝彼此

592
00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:29,756
‎但馬修讓我感覺很好

593
00:26:29,839 --> 00:26:33,509
‎也許我該跟水裡雞上床

594
00:26:33,593 --> 00:26:35,303
‎太誇張了，杰

595
00:26:35,386 --> 00:26:37,555
‎希望你新的一年衰到爆

596
00:26:38,681 --> 00:26:42,852
‎各位，距離猶太新年只剩十秒鐘

597
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:44,812
‎快答應我在大家面前親你

598
00:26:44,896 --> 00:26:46,147
‎-快樂狼
‎-五、四…

599
00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:48,650
‎-快樂天鵝
‎-…三、二、一

600
00:26:48,733 --> 00:26:51,486
‎-新年快樂
‎-快樂屁屁

601
00:26:51,569 --> 00:26:52,987
‎屁股好正，莫里斯

602
00:26:53,071 --> 00:26:56,199
‎如果妳把手伸進去，會像在勸架

603
00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:58,368
‎那把腳伸進去呢？

604
00:27:00,328 --> 00:27:04,332
‎我們今年真的讓這些孩子
‎吃盡苦頭了，對吧？

605
00:27:04,415 --> 00:27:06,000
‎確實是這樣

606
00:27:06,084 --> 00:27:08,795
‎不對，這是他們自找的

607
00:27:08,878 --> 00:27:11,839
‎這是我們本季學到的，我們就是他們

608
00:27:11,923 --> 00:27:14,300
‎我們是他們？慢著，去你的，我是我

609
00:27:14,384 --> 00:27:16,427
‎顯然我是尼克克羅爾

610
00:27:16,511 --> 00:27:18,554
‎等一下，我以為你是威爾阿奈特

611
00:27:18,638 --> 00:27:20,807
‎妳還想把腳插進我的屁股嗎？

612
00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:22,308
‎小莫

613
00:27:22,392 --> 00:27:24,852
‎我想把整顆頭塞進去

614
00:27:24,936 --> 00:27:26,062
‎等等，什麼？

615
00:27:27,271 --> 00:27:28,398
‎爽

616
00:27:28,481 --> 00:27:30,858
‎祝大家新年快樂

617
00:28:17,488 --> 00:28:19,407
‎字幕翻譯：林佩孜