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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

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‎聖誕節爛透了

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‎你拿到超爛的禮物

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‎尼克，我沒聽到你打包的聲音

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‎現在我得去超討人厭的滑雪之旅

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‎跟我超討人厭的家人
‎住在超討人厭的華麗度假村

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‎別忘了，超討人厭的安德魯也要去

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‎而且我很期待搭豪華大飛機

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‎按下座椅周圍的所有按鈕

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‎我這樣算有恨意嗎？

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‎不算

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‎好，我愛你們

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‎莉婭，真不敢相信
‎妳終於可以睡到瓦爾了

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‎對，做就對了，是吧，邦妮？

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‎反正大家都知道第一次不會好到哪

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‎等一下

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‎就像我的姊妹康妮說的
‎性愛應該要細細品嘗

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‎就像美味小巧的義大利餃

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‎什麼？我不知道妳有姊妹

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‎有，我跟康妮是雙子雙胞胎

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‎我們以69式的體位出生

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‎好

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‎除了妳愛舔鮑的姊妹外
‎第一次可能不會太好吧？

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‎很難說

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‎瓦爾確實答應你弟
‎他會做到讓妳快樂地哭出來

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‎我希望妳得到這樣的經驗

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‎好吧

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‎說不定會很好，那好

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‎我要把我的第一次給瓦爾比瑟瑞恩

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‎不對

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‎妳要讓瓦爾比瑟瑞恩得到妳的第一次

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‎不是吧，要討論第一次嗎？

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‎得到、索取還是退還第一次？

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‎康妮拉西納加，妳來這做什麼？

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‎邦妮拉西納加，我想先提醒妳

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‎小莫也要一起去玩

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‎你們兩個可以和平相處嗎？
‎就這麼一次？為了我？

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‎妳的69式雙胞胎姊妹？

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‎康妮，那傢伙是個無賴

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‎要是妳了解他，妳就會跟他上床了

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‎好，他有沒有用妳的信用卡

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‎買價值10萬美元的
‎比妮費爾德斯坦寶寶豆豆娃娃？

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‎那個比妮寶寶豆豆娃娃是一筆投資

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‎寶貝，我們私下說就好
‎他不該買那個比妮寶寶豆豆娃娃

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‎這可不是我願意奉獻生命的喬納希爾

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‎玩得愉快

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‎莫特辣味番茄汁

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‎你看，有《馬達加斯加4》耶

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‎這就是柏奇家的生活，尼克寶貝

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‎他的腳有沙拉醬的味道

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‎莉婭，妳記得帶溜冰鞋嗎？

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‎記得，媽

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‎瓦爾，你一定要看莉婭溜冰

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‎我帶她去看冰上版《大城小妞》後
‎她就迷上溜冰了

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‎我很想看莉婭溜冰

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‎是嗎？你想跟我一起溜冰嗎？

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‎我想用棍子打妳的膝蓋

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‎我們來加入高空性愛俱樂部吧

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‎我才不要在飛機廁所失去童貞

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‎而且安德魯已經去上廁所兩次了

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‎他喝了那麼多番茄汁

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‎妳不喜歡在有屎味的小空間愛愛嗎？

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‎小莫，你噁心又浪費大麻的小孩
‎毀了這趟旅行

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‎妳對番茄汁有什麼意見？很好喝啊

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‎味道很像蔬菜的經血

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‎我說不上來，艾略特
‎不過莉婭好像太早帶男友出遊了

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‎要是他們在這週末做愛怎麼辦？

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‎黛安基頓柏奇

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‎我們當家長時考過試
‎結果是性態度積極正面

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‎我只是不知道自己準備好了沒

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‎只要莉婭好了，我們就好了

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‎我個人等不及要破除
‎我為人父的處女膜

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‎（藥局）

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‎“您好，我是蘿娜史康比”

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‎“我有義務告知您

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‎我因為進行色情報復
‎而成為登記有案的性犯罪者”

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‎但我是以完全搞笑的方式拍攝
‎家裡多數人都支持我

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‎我是真的以蘿娜式大笑笑出來

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‎小子，這邊

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‎聽著，魔術店不讓我進去

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‎可以進去幫我買兩個連結環嗎？

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‎李墨瑞，別跟那個怪異的魔術師說話

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‎說笑的是妳吧，太太

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‎因為我不是魔術師了

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‎我破壞神聖的行規了

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‎看看那隻貓在鬼叫什麼

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‎你現在肯定很想掐死我

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‎沒有，蘿娜，我再也不想對妳怎樣

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‎我只是空虛的包皮
‎裡頭沒有硬幣，妳贏了

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‎終於，跟毒品戰爭一樣

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‎我或許贏了，但賠上了什麼？

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‎各位，這太扯了

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‎廁所裡竟然有電話

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‎我們叫人來播電影

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‎晚點見，各位

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‎你們倆要去哪？

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‎-去我們的房間？
‎-我以為瓦爾要跟賈德一起睡

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‎我要睡在樹林裡

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‎再見了，窩囊廢

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‎一共只有三間房
‎爸爸說我跟瓦爾可以自己睡

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‎沒先問過我？

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‎我以為我代表妳，妳代表我

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‎這是誰說的？

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‎我說的，但我代表妳
‎所以等於是妳跟我說的

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‎好，我要去洗澡了，還有啊，艾略特

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‎我會在上面灑自己的玫瑰花瓣

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‎不好了

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‎妳想要怎麼做？

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‎我跟康妮通常睡成一團
‎用拇指互插屁眼

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‎我的標準比康妮高

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‎例如她自稱為荷爾蒙“女怪”

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‎我則偏好荷爾蒙“怪物”

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‎你不會稱呼女性醫生為“女醫生”

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‎我很常這樣叫

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‎但我不會叫牙醫“女牙醫”

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‎我會稱她為理牙師

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‎你怎麼稱呼口腔衛生師？

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‎理牙師的小助手

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‎看來我的魔術道具再也派不上用場了

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‎天靈靈，都丟掉

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‎小子，我喜歡魔術

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‎我願意讓你迷惑我

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‎真的嗎？我是被吊照的魔術師也行？

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‎對，但首先，你要幫我一個忙

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‎我要你光著屁股坐在我身上
‎像我其中一個大學生一樣

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‎好，如果我拿蛋蛋揉遍你的臉

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‎你就會幫我抽一張牌嗎？

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‎沒問題，但我的臭蟲可以看

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‎對，把我們當性愛蟑螂
‎幹我們的床墊

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‎食譜說要用蒙特瑞傑克乳酪

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‎但任何一種乳酪絲都行

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‎你把這些東西都放在一條內褲裡？

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‎對，這是內褲捲餅
‎輕鬆省事的週間晚餐

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‎天啊，杰

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‎你到底在幹什麼？

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‎我準備要迷惑這骯髒的床墊

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‎太好了，杰跌到谷底了

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‎你搖他屁股的完美時機到了

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‎我看起來像在機場廁所的
‎共和黨議員嗎？

140
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‎我不會佔他便宜，這樣太悲哀了

141
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‎我其實想幫他吧？

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‎真變態

143
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‎杰，穿上褲子，我們來幫你清乾淨

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‎我無意冒犯，馬修
‎但我不值得同志的巧手改造

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‎我沒被冒犯，杰
‎因為我只會在我家車道用水管沖你

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‎我爸媽根本不在意
‎瓦爾今晚要跟莉婭上床？

147
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:11,098
‎像他這樣的壞人永遠不會有事

148
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‎此時你卻跟呆瓜界的天行者困在一起

149
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‎安德魯，可以關掉那個蠢玩意嗎？

150
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‎肯定不行

151
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,648
‎如果沒有我的兒科睡眠呼吸機

152
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‎我會窒息在生死邊緣

153
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‎不是他喜歡的那種窒息法

154
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‎我們要來做愛愛嗎？

155
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:29,492
‎你為什麼告訴莉婭
‎她可以跟瓦爾同房？

156
00:07:29,575 --> 00:07:32,786
‎莉婭問我，我拒絕不了我的孩子們

157
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‎除非他們問我能不能更愛他們

158
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‎現在為了愛

159
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‎我不要“做愛愛”，艾略特

160
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‎我很生氣，我要睡了

161
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‎不行，妳要是帶著怒意入睡
‎我會睡不著覺

162
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‎這樣明天我就沒力氣珍惜妳了

163
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‎他一直拿自己的老二
‎戳妳屁屁30多分鐘了

164
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‎所以我覺得他在等妳準備好

165
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‎“溜冰”的時間好像到了

166
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‎對，但我寧可做愛

167
00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:05,986
‎對，做愛，我說的是做愛，瓦爾

168
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‎對，我知道，讓我穿上我的“冰刀”

169
00:08:09,073 --> 00:08:12,618
‎我是說保險套
‎品牌叫冰刀，這牌尺寸最大

170
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‎好，開始吧

171
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‎沒錯，我的小伏特加馬鈴薯

172
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‎我們來伺候他的小雞雞

173
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‎對，好，我可以的

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‎各位女士、先生們

175
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‎我們來上莉婭吧

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‎-我要插…
‎-不是那裡

177
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‎-是這邊嗎？
‎-不是，不好意思，這裡不開放

178
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‎-好，有點痛
‎-請問圖書館在哪？

179
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‎對，你插入了

180
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‎我們應該從簡單的動作開始

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‎繞場一周，對評審揮手

182
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‎-小心
‎-爽，妳喜歡嗎？

183
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‎喜歡，還可以

184
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‎我們換新姿勢，進行冰上跳躍

185
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,948
‎我快要在冰上創造奇蹟了

186
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‎很厲害，對吧，寶貝？

187
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‎對，非常厲害，寶貝

188
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‎騙子，厲害個屁啊

189
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:03,711
‎那是快槍俠加一團亂

190
00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:04,628
‎我知道

191
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:08,966
‎他說過要讓妳快樂到哭
‎結果只有慘到哭

192
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,885
‎我要去廁所看電影時間

193
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,972
‎謝謝你們讓杰在療情傷時住在這

194
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,307
‎那可憐的孩子

195
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:19,393
‎我聽說史康比那小妞徹底擊倒他了

196
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:20,853
‎妳從哪聽說的？

197
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,772
‎她本人，她挨家挨戶告訴每個人

198
00:09:23,856 --> 00:09:26,317
‎我這年紀的人都在聊這件事

199
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,320
‎他來了

200
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:33,073
‎瞧你，看起來就像要去面試的花栗鼠

201
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:34,867
‎謝謝，馬修先生

202
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,661
‎杰，我兒子說你會變魔術

203
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,788
‎要不要變魔術給我們看，杰？

204
00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:41,832
‎我也希望可以，馬修太太

205
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:45,711
‎但我什麼都不是，只能等死，就這樣

206
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,630
‎小莫，這樣就不性感了

207
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:51,342
‎對，他打理乾淨，就像馬修的馬子

208
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,093
‎沒別的意思，不過你就吃這套

209
00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:54,011
‎不會，我知道

210
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,139
‎艾略特，我跟莉婭一起坐

211
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,725
‎因為我現在想跟你保持距離

212
00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:04,229
‎瓦爾，你在跟黛安的女兒交往
‎可以幫我說點好話嗎？

213
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:08,567
‎好，這些椅子動得好快
‎要不要叫人調慢一點？

214
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:10,569
‎快給我坐上去！

215
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,530
‎先生，你越催，我只會越慢

216
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:14,990
‎安德魯，上去就對了

217
00:10:15,491 --> 00:10:17,117
‎妳為什麼這麼生爸的氣？

218
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:20,871
‎我不喜歡他讓妳跟瓦爾同住，行嗎？

219
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,749
‎天啊，我就知道妳說什麼寧可我

220
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,752
‎”在妳的屋簷下做”，全都是違心之論

221
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,171
‎不是，而且我應該願意吧

222
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:30,339
‎我也說不上來

223
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,800
‎我有困難接受，知道嗎，莉婭？

224
00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:36,470
‎就像瓦爾控制不了何時要射

225
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:40,641
‎這麼說會讓妳好過點的話
‎這件事讓我不開心，我覺得遺憾

226
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:43,769
‎這麼說會讓妳好過點的話
‎做愛爛透了

227
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,229
‎我再也不想做了

228
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,691
‎不會，這沒讓我好過點，太慘了

229
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:51,151
‎妳是我女兒，如果妳要做愛

230
00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:54,488
‎我希望妳有心滿意足的性愛

231
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,156
‎好噁，媽，別說這個

232
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,991
‎你們是青少年

233
00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,159
‎還在學習

234
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:02,871
‎妳要跟伴侶說怎樣激發妳的慾望

235
00:11:02,955 --> 00:11:04,039
‎“激發”？

236
00:11:04,123 --> 00:11:07,459
‎說不定妳喜歡玩奶頭或互相自慰

237
00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:10,170
‎或大聲數妳的腳趾頭

238
00:11:10,254 --> 00:11:12,631
‎媽，我求妳別再說了

239
00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:17,094
‎妳要是還沒準備好談性說愛
‎說不定也還沒準備好付諸行動

240
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:21,306
‎好，為了證明妳媽說錯了
‎妳要再做一次愛

241
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:22,558
‎很性感吧？

242
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:26,228
‎尼克，我們來自拍
‎再加上主題標籤：“柏奇的生活”

243
00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:27,479
‎比較像“勃起的生活”吧

244
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:30,357
‎糟了，我的皮夾，我白色的皮夾

245
00:11:30,441 --> 00:11:31,775
‎尼克，記住掉的地方

246
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,402
‎現在要丟東西？

247
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:36,155
‎好，再見，廢物

248
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:40,659
‎我或許該跳下去
‎就像那白色的皮夾消失在雪裡

249
00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:43,078
‎為什麼你太太對你生氣
‎會讓你這麼難過？

250
00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:45,664
‎又不是你的沙灘車被偷了之類的

251
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,875
‎但我的沙灘車被剝奪了

252
00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:51,670
‎因為沙灘車對我來說
‎跟欣賞陰道一樣重要

253
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:54,590
‎也對，陰道跟車子有點像

254
00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:56,049
‎可以進去跟出來

255
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:59,553
‎陰蒂就像喇叭，叭叭，我愛妳

256
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,346
‎陰蒂？我聽說那是迷思

257
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,432
‎對，我看過你爸的法律廣告

258
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,434
‎但陰蒂很真實，而且很重要

259
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,478
‎真的嗎？我不曉得

260
00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,189
‎你不知道
‎怎麼按我女兒的喇叭，瓦爾？

261
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:12,983
‎性愛應該是讓雙方歡愉的活動

262
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,028
‎是很歡愉，我很開心，她應該也是

263
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:17,780
‎我不知道她是不是

264
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:21,200
‎我不知道我是否開心

265
00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:22,117
‎很糟嗎？

266
00:12:22,201 --> 00:12:25,954
‎或許你該試著傾聽你的愛人，我女兒

267
00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:28,123
‎搞清楚如何按喇叭

268
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:31,752
‎對，我不知道
‎也許你該試著聽黛安的話

269
00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,212
‎瓦爾，你是很貼心的孩子

270
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:36,215
‎但是不要直呼我老婆的名諱

271
00:12:36,298 --> 00:12:38,133
‎好，滑雪板向上，要滑雪了

272
00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,387
‎尼克，你要去哪？

273
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:44,807
‎我要跟瓦爾和莉婭去溜好漢坡

274
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:49,269
‎-好漢坡是黑鑽石
‎-你應該還沒準備好

275
00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:51,021
‎-什麼？
‎-那安德魯呢？

276
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,439
‎你可以溜黑鑽石嗎？

277
00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:55,275
‎抱歉，我以為剛坐的纜車就算滑完了

278
00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:57,694
‎我先說，我沒滑過雪

279
00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,947
‎黑鑽石是最高階的坡道

280
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:03,992
‎只要沒有凸起處
‎我又可以坐下就沒問題

281
00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:05,410
‎-尼克，你陪安德魯
‎-媽

282
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:08,080
‎-一定要讓他安全下山
‎-媽，拜託

283
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,541
‎你們應該去滑可愛小鴨坡道

284
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,042
‎再見，柏奇太太

285
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,045
‎-你跟來我家的滑雪之旅…
‎-沒錯

286
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,047
‎…跟我們一起搭車到山頂

287
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,131
‎太過份了

288
00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:19,925
‎現在居然說你不會滑雪？

289
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,803
‎我再也受不了這個討厭鬼，煩死了

290
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,638
‎去你的，安德魯

291
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:27,057
‎真沒天良，太屌了

292
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,184
‎你知道嗎，小莫？我可以的

293
00:13:29,268 --> 00:13:31,103
‎安德魯，我得老實跟你說

294
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,145
‎你的體力很差

295
00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:35,774
‎爬樓梯會累，連倒牛奶都有困難

296
00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:37,484
‎你會弄死自己的

297
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:40,988
‎你說的沒錯
‎安德魯高博曼會弄死自己

298
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:44,533
‎但安德魯柏奇會稱霸這個坡道

299
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:46,660
‎我用屁股坐著

300
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,745
‎完了，前面有樹

301
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,330
‎還在前進中

302
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,416
‎你還好吧？

303
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,710
‎不好，我根本不該上來這裡

304
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:57,921
‎我也是，我媽說的對，我會摔斷脖子

305
00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:00,757
‎跟甘迺迪家的人一樣
‎因為這家族被詛咒了

306
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:02,509
‎-這就是我要說的
‎-烏鴉嘴

307
00:14:02,593 --> 00:14:04,094
‎-嗨，我是伯妮黛特
‎-嗨

308
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,889
‎伯妮黛特桑德斯，但大家叫我伯妮

309
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,141
‎-我是…
‎-安德魯？

310
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,642
‎-對
‎-照片很帥

311
00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:14,563
‎天啊，妳撿到我顏色跟雪一樣的皮夾

312
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:17,441
‎對，我被絆倒
‎結果你的皮夾卡在我的股溝

313
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,276
‎聞聞看，快聞你的皮夾

314
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,738
‎我很感激妳找到我的皮夾而且…

315
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,448
‎不行，味道還是跟我的屁股一樣

316
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,866
‎問她願不願意放回去

317
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:28,994
‎我有一個很沒創意的提議

318
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:32,080
‎要不要一起用屁股滑下去？

319
00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:35,751
‎伯妮桑德斯
‎沒什麼能降低我的孤獨感

320
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:38,837
‎我壓到一個松果

321
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:42,883
‎真不敢相信他們不讓我滑好漢坡

322
00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:44,551
‎我的權利被踐踏了

323
00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:48,931
‎我不想讓你從我口中聽到此事
‎不過西邊有真正的山

324
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:53,060
‎你滑的這邊只是小雪堆而已

325
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:55,896
‎-你有看過《羅丹薩的夜晚》嗎？
‎-當然有

326
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:57,564
‎我是李察吉爾的忠實粉絲

327
00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:01,360
‎少來，妳會是吉爾粉？
‎我是黛安蓮恩粉

328
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,528
‎那還用說，她很討人喜歡

329
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,489
‎這是怎樣？

330
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,032
‎尼克，這位是伯妮

331
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,910
‎嗨，尼克，我很想站起來跟你握手
‎但我現在憋著屁

332
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:12,371
‎而且熱水池上的公告說

333
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:15,791
‎“若您48小時內曾拉肚子
‎請勿進熱水池”

334
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,376
‎這應該不是成文規定吧？

335
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:20,879
‎不可能，誰會48小時內沒拉過肚子？

336
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:22,839
‎我沒有，烏鴉嘴

337
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,758
‎安德魯找到來學滑雪的女生？

338
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:28,053
‎安德魯耶？這趟旅程糟透了

339
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,513
‎來吧，尼克，跟我們一起泡

340
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,473
‎對，憋屁是我開玩笑的

341
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,016
‎我早就放完了啊

342
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,685
‎我不會讓屁在裡面沸騰的

343
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,980
‎我還是光腳站在雪裡好了
‎但謝謝你們的好意

344
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,648
‎妳好，邦絲坦斯

345
00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:41,733
‎其實我叫邦拉德

346
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:44,403
‎如果你要泡熱水池，那我等下再過來

347
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,863
‎不用麻煩，這裡很大

348
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:50,659
‎只有妳、我
‎還有這兩個死垃圾桶小孩

349
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:53,870
‎我真的很喜歡便便按摩浴

350
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,914
‎就像妳的姊妹和她的泡泡浴

351
00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:58,333
‎泡泡浴是用來洗乾淨的

352
00:15:58,417 --> 00:16:00,794
‎熱水浴是用來做壞事的

353
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:04,715
‎靠，我滾燙的老二現在好硬

354
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:09,720
‎瓦爾，我想買電廠

355
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:12,389
‎因為東西需要“開機”

356
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:16,435
‎如果這樣能讓妳開心，那我很樂意

357
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:20,480
‎那個骯髒的比氏家人
‎一定有人類乳突病毒

358
00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:22,149
‎快把那愚蠢的骰子給我

359
00:16:22,858 --> 00:16:24,651
‎-馬文花園
‎-好棒

360
00:16:24,735 --> 00:16:27,821
‎糟糕，我跟伯妮在那
‎開了一間豪華大飯店

361
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,823
‎跟你的大屁股一樣大

362
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:31,616
‎-伯妮，別鬧了
‎-我才不聽

363
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,786
‎天啊，你們兩個都住口，搞什…

364
00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:37,289
‎歡迎光臨落賽飯店

365
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,916
‎讓你付錢付到脫褲子的地方

366
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:40,959
‎-尼克
‎-靠

367
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:43,503
‎你看，我在你姊體內

368
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:46,757
‎-爸媽，謝了，你們讓做愛變簡單
‎-不要

369
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,384
‎要是我們家小孩不做愛
‎就不算我們的驕傲

370
00:16:49,468 --> 00:16:51,553
‎-尼克，怎麼不找個情人？
‎-什麼？

371
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:55,682
‎你形單影隻
‎這遊戲還要再玩兩個半小時

372
00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:56,808
‎開火

373
00:16:56,892 --> 00:16:58,226
‎去你們的

374
00:16:58,310 --> 00:16:59,895
‎我不想再玩了

375
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,772
‎尼克拉斯，你這是怎麼了？

376
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,648
‎我？你們才怎麼了？

377
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:07,152
‎你們要讓這種痞子睡我們家莉婭嗎？

378
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,320
‎-天啊！
‎-對

379
00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:11,531
‎讓瓦爾睡我們家莉婭
‎然後讓莉婭睡我們家瓦爾

380
00:17:11,615 --> 00:17:13,116
‎因為我們的本性如此

381
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,660
‎艾略特，你知道自己在講什麼嗎？

382
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:16,870
‎尼克，坐下

383
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,038
‎吃點哈瓦提乳酪

384
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,165
‎吃點橄欖，放鬆心情

385
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,918
‎我們是柏奇家人，有先進的性愛觀

386
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,961
‎我有積極的性愛觀

387
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,255
‎讓我捏一把那多汁的蜜臀

388
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:29,299
‎妳為什麼在這？妳算老幾？

389
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,468
‎我是伯妮桑德斯，加入我們吧

390
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,719
‎我恨你們所有人

391
00:17:32,803 --> 00:17:34,805
‎你真是被寵壞的小孩

392
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,057
‎我沒有被寵壞

393
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:40,602
‎我的家人去死
‎安德魯去死，伯妮桑德斯去死

394
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:43,897
‎你要讓那些性愛成癮的傢伙知道
‎你不是小孩

395
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,565
‎對，我要怎麼做？

396
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,567
‎男子漢要做什麼？

397
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:50,237
‎稱霸黑鑽石

398
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,696
‎一定要

399
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:55,909
‎男子漢也要綁鞋帶，還要拿好水杯

400
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,911
‎全部自己來

401
00:17:57,994 --> 00:17:58,995
‎好

402
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,623
‎我知道你可能想要我走

403
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,834
‎我會消失，但不曉得你有沒有聽說

404
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,585
‎我不能再變魔術了

405
00:18:05,669 --> 00:18:07,087
‎這我知道

406
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,631
‎馬修，你放他走，我就不幹了

407
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:12,384
‎-你可以不幹嗎？
‎-有種試試看

408
00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,886
‎其實呢，杰，你不見得要離開

409
00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:16,888
‎你為什麼要對我這麼好？

410
00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:19,307
‎大家沒看走眼，我是窩囊廢

411
00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:22,727
‎是沒錯啦，你整個人散發沒用的氣場

412
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:23,770
‎看吧，你看出來了

413
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:25,605
‎-但這不是你
‎-不是嗎？

414
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:27,399
‎你很有自信又強悍

415
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:31,069
‎人生讓你鳥事一堆
‎就像在鳥庇護中心的雕像

416
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:32,279
‎但你是杰

417
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:35,448
‎-你會繼續走下去
‎-沒錯，他是人中之龍

418
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,284
‎話說同時，我真是個膽小鬼

419
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:40,120
‎我沒辦法告訴男友真正的分手原因

420
00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,455
‎說的也是，這真是太蠢了

421
00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:43,707
‎艾登很完美

422
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,584
‎我知道，但他…

423
00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,379
‎杰，他不是你

424
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,799
‎等等，什麼？
‎你為什麼要說這些鬼話？

425
00:18:52,883 --> 00:18:56,595
‎我又蠢又粗魯
‎老二長得像瘀青的蕃薯

426
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,889
‎因為我喜歡你，行了嗎？

427
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,265
‎好，我說出口了

428
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,100
‎我對你的喜歡比朋友多一點

429
00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:04,561
‎我的媽媽咪呀，希望他也喜歡我們

430
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,479
‎你現在是在整我嗎？

431
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:07,981
‎別整我，馬修

432
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,149
‎你不喜歡我

433
00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:12,777
‎是真的，很扯，但我真的喜歡你

434
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,821
‎-我喜歡你的不羈
‎-對

435
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:16,406
‎-不洗澡
‎-好髒

436
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,824
‎沒割包皮

437
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:19,743
‎你說的沒錯，我沒割

438
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:24,039
‎還有杰，你有種味道
‎讓我的雞雞充血

439
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,957
‎你用了我的台詞

440
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,627
‎快答應讓我用嘴蹂躪你的嘴

441
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:30,712
‎同意，水手

442
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:36,176
‎終於，現實與我的刺青相符

443
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,803
‎我用力夾臀時，他們會相吻

444
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:45,602
‎瓦爾翠克斯朱利安尼比瑟瑞恩
‎什麼能激起你的性慾？

445
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,230
‎我是說什麼會讓你“性”奮？

446
00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:49,773
‎一般類型的都可以

447
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,901
‎繼姊妹、繼母、繼父的類型

448
00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:56,238
‎但我現在喜歡的是“取悅妳”的類型

449
00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:57,781
‎所以妳喜歡什麼？

450
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:58,698
‎我要說什麼？

451
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:01,952
‎說出心裡話，跟妳的穴穴有關的

452
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,161
‎直接說嗎？

453
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:05,080
‎不會吵的孩子沒糖吃

454
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,249
‎緊閉的穴穴不會濕

455
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:10,919
‎我想要你幫我口交

456
00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:13,171
‎好，我可以的，我準備好了

457
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,172
‎但我先提醒妳

458
00:20:14,256 --> 00:20:17,926
‎我不確定我能像妳爸一樣“欣賞陰道”

459
00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:21,888
‎瓦爾，我不想要從你嘴裡聽到我爸

460
00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:24,140
‎風景很好吧？

461
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:28,395
‎我們在罕見的
‎拉肚子中場暫停時坐在床上

462
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:29,896
‎你想做什麼？

463
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:32,649
‎-小莫，我想做什麼？
‎-我想想看

464
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,235
‎告訴她…天啊，我不知道

465
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:39,281
‎親親，親摸，靠，親摸雞雞？

466
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:42,575
‎妳想要我做什麼，伯妮？

467
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,703
‎我想要你親我吧？

468
00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:46,746
‎親摸雞雞

469
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,626
‎我喜歡你的鬍子聞起來像芥末

470
00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:55,964
‎我的孩子們在這集的表現好棒

471
00:20:56,047 --> 00:21:00,969
‎好，既然你搞定冰面了
‎要不要再試一次溜冰？

472
00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:03,805
‎慢著，寶貝，既然我們要說心事

473
00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:07,142
‎我應該跟妳說昨晚是我的初夜

474
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,727
‎天啊，我好遜

475
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:09,644
‎不會

476
00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:12,355
‎昨晚都是我們倆的初夜，這樣很好

477
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:16,067
‎太貼心了，但速度加快
‎親摸雞雞，別拖拉

478
00:21:16,151 --> 00:21:18,695
‎-這樣行嗎？
‎-很好，可以再快一點

479
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,613
‎真的嗎？這樣行嗎？

480
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:22,115
‎可以，感覺很舒服

481
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,284
‎-我知道
‎-你知道怎麼向後溜嗎？

482
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,328
‎其實，我們可能要跳躍了

483
00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:29,039
‎這麼快嗎？好，那就跳吧

484
00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:33,501
‎剛才還不錯

485
00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:35,962
‎沒錯，剛才還不錯

486
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,506
‎對，就像少了糖漿的鬆餅

487
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:40,091
‎還不錯

488
00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:41,384
‎想再試一次嗎？

489
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:42,385
‎應該可以

490
00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:43,887
‎太好了，來吧

491
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:47,349
‎來幫鬆餅加點女性花蜜吧

492
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:49,225
‎好，我懂了，我知道妳的意思

493
00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:52,062
‎妳不愛我了，想離婚嗎？好

494
00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:55,065
‎我只要妳完整的監護權

495
00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:57,400
‎我不想離婚，艾略特

496
00:21:57,484 --> 00:22:00,987
‎我只想好好跟你談女兒做愛這件事

497
00:22:01,071 --> 00:22:03,823
‎-妳想好好跟我談嗎？
‎-是的

498
00:22:03,907 --> 00:22:05,116
‎我的想法是這樣的

499
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,036
‎莉婭說她準備好做愛
‎那就是準備好了

500
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:11,206
‎因為我們讓莉婭
‎在她準備好做愛時做愛

501
00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:14,042
‎我知道，但你要讓我
‎述說對這件事的感受

502
00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:17,170
‎我用吼的，但其實我抱著歉意

503
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:22,384
‎-坦白說，我也有點緊張
‎-我們不討論此事，我怎麼知道？

504
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:25,637
‎天啊，她彷彿昨天才五歲大

505
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:30,141
‎我們在跟她解釋
‎她所說的陰道其實是外陰部

506
00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:35,980
‎我知道這很為難
‎但你知道你對我坦承有多性感嗎？

507
00:22:36,064 --> 00:22:37,065
‎真的嗎？

508
00:22:37,148 --> 00:22:39,526
‎我可以欣賞妳的陰道了嗎？

509
00:22:39,609 --> 00:22:42,737
‎不行，因為我要賞鳥

510
00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:44,614
‎妳是說欣賞陰莖？

511
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:46,366
‎不，榨乾它

512
00:22:49,452 --> 00:22:51,704
‎在《托斯卡尼艷陽下》好熱

513
00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:54,624
‎沒錯，我的汗都穿透處方箋止汗劑了

514
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:57,377
‎要脫掉衣服嗎？

515
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:59,921
‎天啊，這一刻到了

516
00:23:00,004 --> 00:23:01,965
‎感受伯妮旋風的時候到了

517
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:02,966
‎小莫

518
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:05,635
‎我跟我的姊妹做了兩個決定

519
00:23:05,718 --> 00:23:08,263
‎第一，該把我們的父親送進養老院

520
00:23:08,346 --> 00:23:10,932
‎第二，我們要來搞3P

521
00:23:11,015 --> 00:23:14,060
‎我覺得這兩個決定是最好的

522
00:23:15,395 --> 00:23:19,149
‎妳們有想好要把父親送到哪嗎？
‎還是才要開始研究？

523
00:23:19,232 --> 00:23:20,650
‎拿手指插我的屁股

524
00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:23,319
‎那些混蛋，他們不能指揮我

525
00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:26,156
‎說得對，我們用恨意征服這座山

526
00:23:26,239 --> 00:23:27,073
‎沒錯

527
00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:32,495
‎再見，廢物

528
00:23:35,039 --> 00:23:36,541
‎天啊

529
00:23:36,624 --> 00:23:42,213
‎雖然我說過討厭酸橘汁醃魚
‎但我從來沒吃過這料理

530
00:23:44,299 --> 00:23:45,341
‎我的腿

531
00:23:45,425 --> 00:23:47,510
‎我恨滑雪

532
00:23:47,594 --> 00:23:49,387
‎我恨星期一

533
00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:53,183
‎我恨我的人生

534
00:23:53,266 --> 00:23:55,768
‎但我喜歡千層麵

535
00:23:55,852 --> 00:23:57,896
‎我喜歡被取悅

536
00:23:57,979 --> 00:24:01,566
‎我在12小時內做第三次愛

537
00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:04,235
‎我快摸到胸部了

538
00:24:04,319 --> 00:24:06,279
‎我也快摸到胸部了

539
00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:10,366
‎我快把美乃滋擠到拉辛內加三明治了

540
00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:11,993
‎真好吃

541
00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:17,248
‎靠

542
00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:20,043
‎不要

543
00:24:22,045 --> 00:24:25,048
‎伯妮，妳在嗎？我們要繼續親熱嗎？

544
00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:26,674
‎我想摸妳的胸部

545
00:24:26,758 --> 00:24:30,345
‎康妮、邦妮？
‎妳們在下面互相舔陰嗎？

546
00:24:32,722 --> 00:24:34,390
‎賈德，你救了我一命

547
00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:36,851
‎我叫你去死，你才可以死

548
00:24:38,937 --> 00:24:41,981
‎尼克，你弄斷腳
‎也破壞我們對你的信任

549
00:24:42,065 --> 00:24:43,483
‎這不是我的錯

550
00:24:43,566 --> 00:24:44,859
‎你在想什麼？

551
00:24:44,943 --> 00:24:46,027
‎這不是我的錯

552
00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:47,904
‎是他的錯，我什麼都看到了

553
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:50,448
‎他詛咒我們所有人
‎然後哭得跟娘們一樣

554
00:24:50,949 --> 00:24:54,494
‎我得走了，我媽被雪崩嚇壞了

555
00:24:54,577 --> 00:24:57,080
‎我爸的大卵蛋被拉鍊夾住

556
00:24:57,163 --> 00:24:59,249
‎等等，我明天會看到妳嗎？

557
00:24:59,332 --> 00:25:01,584
‎抱歉，我們要送尼克回布里奇頓

558
00:25:01,668 --> 00:25:03,002
‎-他要動手術
‎-不行

559
00:25:03,086 --> 00:25:05,338
‎你們帶那傢伙走，我留在這陪伯妮

560
00:25:05,421 --> 00:25:09,592
‎我會沿著太陽的方向逆行
‎一路走回紐約，現在走吧

561
00:25:09,676 --> 00:25:10,552
‎再見了，安德魯

562
00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:15,014
‎再見，伯妮桑德斯
‎說不定我們四年後能再戰

563
00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:17,100
‎很難說，到時我年紀就很大了

564
00:25:17,642 --> 00:25:19,102
‎希望這下你滿意了，尼克

565
00:25:19,185 --> 00:25:21,479
‎你的自私毀了我們的家族旅遊

566
00:25:21,563 --> 00:25:25,775
‎而且你知道媽和爸
‎不會讓瓦爾睡我在家裡的房間，蠢貨

567
00:25:26,317 --> 00:25:28,194
‎我本來要摸胸部的，小子

568
00:25:28,278 --> 00:25:29,654
‎胸部，女生的

569
00:25:29,737 --> 00:25:31,072
‎她本來要摸我的

570
00:25:31,155 --> 00:25:32,949
‎你們全都別說了

571
00:25:33,032 --> 00:25:36,286
‎我會為此復仇的，尼克
‎就算這是我做的最後一件事

572
00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:38,496
‎不過這可能不會是我做的最後一件事

573
00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:39,956
‎我可能會吸快克

574
00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:42,041
‎你為什麼要逼我從山上滑下去？

575
00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:44,377
‎你少來，我哪有逼你

576
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:46,170
‎我恨你，沃特

577
00:25:46,754 --> 00:25:49,299
‎賤貨，我先恨你的

578
00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:37,889
‎字幕翻譯：林佩孜