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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

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‎她總能找到方法傷害你，尼克

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‎你寫了一首感人的歌給她
‎她卻馬上拒絕你

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‎或許你只是笑話，她選的永遠是賈德

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‎她對你的羞辱
‎比大家看到你的奈米屌還嚴重

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‎你在做跟我有關的惡夢？真可悲

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‎我被困住了，這是什麼？

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‎你像笨蛋一樣站在路中間

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‎這是怎樣？潔西？

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‎格拉瑟…

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‎沃特？

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‎沃特？你出了什麼事？

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‎潔西害我變成這樣的

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‎我本來是漂亮的蝴蝶

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‎結果她把我變成噁爛的蠕蟲

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‎對，因為她是噁翻天的惡夢

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‎你恨她，對不對，尼克？

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‎我希望她嚴重拉肚子然後消失不見

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‎拍手，她把你當垃圾

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‎我們要讓她一睡不醒

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‎天啊，這集會變成恐怖片

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‎希望我不會打翻爆米花

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‎嚇死你，爛咖

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‎我的爆米花

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‎劈腿，劈腿，舔鮑的嘴

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‎留點時間給我們其他人

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‎好跩，米希，妳造的謠奏效了

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‎全校要公審愛莉和潔西

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‎若說《V怪客》是復仇
‎那此刻上演的就是

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‎《婊子不該偷我的同溫層小組》

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‎死於羞恥，妳們這些異教徒人渣

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‎螢火蟲，妳的手機有什麼這麼好笑？

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‎沒什麼，我只是在看IG

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‎騙他們，妹子

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‎跟他們說這是新網路挑戰
‎要在蛋蛋上畫眼睛

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‎然後把雞雞掛在蛋蛋中間

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‎這樣生殖器就會像章魚哥

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‎說些好笑的來聽聽，搞笑藝人

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‎這只是一個迷因

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‎是海綿寶寶用更小的自己擦櫃臺

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‎這真聰明，因為他是海綿

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‎現在開始，每30秒更新一次留言

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‎-給我看
‎-藍十字藍盾協會剛追蹤我了

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‎多說點吧，網紅

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‎聽好，我知道
‎你們覺得查爾斯盧很優秀

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‎他知道魔術完美結合
‎藝術、科學和性愛

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‎問題是我希望他像大嘴鳥一口吞掉我

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‎但到頭來

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‎他只想跟一般的海鷗一樣
‎吃完我，然後到處拉在碼頭

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‎太悲慘了，杰，跟我的人生一樣

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‎不會，這幫助我了解我渴望親密關係

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‎只有一個人能撫慰我的心
‎那就是蘿娜史康比

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‎但你要怎麼贏回她的心？

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‎金錢？珠寶？浪漫的獨立搖滾歌曲？

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‎各位，表演終極魔術的時候到了

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‎把手指切斷，然後把雞雞變大兩倍

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‎只是你的雞雞會有指甲？

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‎陶德，這超很帥，不過不是

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‎我要承認我錯了

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‎我祝你享盡肉體的喜悅，杰

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‎謝謝你，保羅

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‎希望你典當失蹤女兒的烏克麗麗時
‎當鋪能給你好價錢

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‎又是該死的一天

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‎-嘿
‎-天啊，尼克，你看起來很慘

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‎你睡前喝太多水

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‎整晚沒睡，捧著滿肚子的水在尿尿？

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‎-潔西真是個婊子
‎-尼克

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‎怎樣？她本來就知道愛莉有女友

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‎然後又跟我搞曖昧，臭婊子

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‎尼克，兄弟，那只是謠言

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‎那只是性感的女女監獄謠言

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‎沒有，這不性感，潔西是垃圾

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‎如果你看不出來，那就快滾

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‎真是個小王八蛋
‎我們把他打趴，讓他閉上肥嘴

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‎不要，我現在不跟別人一般見識了

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‎天啊，你還來“溫柔的安德魯”那套？

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‎沒錯，高處的視野還不錯

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‎可以往下看女生的上衣
‎看到她們的胸骨

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‎對，胸骨，心臟的牢籠
‎卻是乳房的根基

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‎（《早晨公告》）

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‎早安

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‎今日頭條新聞是

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‎今天貝尼特茲老師由新男友載來學校

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‎他有留馬尾

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‎但我先跟受到惡意謠言中傷的
‎受害者聊了一下

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‎潔西、愛莉，兩位還好嗎？

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‎謝謝你的關心

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‎我必須說，這整個情況
‎糟透了而且不公平

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‎我沒有背著莎蜜拉偷吃

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‎潔西只是朋友

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‎我的杯子是空的

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‎來賓才有水喝，凱勒

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‎潔西，如果大白話醫生
‎正在他們散佈八卦的醫療機構

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‎看這個節目
‎妳有什麼話要對他們說？

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‎我會說：“我不曉得
‎你們為何想毀壞我們的名聲

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‎但你們的作為
‎只讓我們的友誼更堅固”

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‎要是我找到你們，小人

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‎我會扭下你們的奶頭，當耳環戴

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‎大家一定會搶著問
‎“愛莉，這是哪個設計師的？”

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‎“耳環嗎？幾個不知名的小人的”

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‎“小人？”才不是，妳是大小人

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‎沒錯，我大到不行

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‎潔西根本滿口胡言

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‎“我不喜歡你，快看我的紅髮”

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‎對，潔西真的只會滿口胡言

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‎你有聽到她說“敗壞”的語氣嗎？

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‎那種感覺是
‎我們懂啦，妳爸媽離婚了

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‎妳用詞藻填滿空虛，恭喜

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‎沒錯，剛就是那樣，很可悲

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‎這妹子真有趣

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‎很高興認識你，我是蘿榭兒

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‎蘿榭兒，是我，沃特拉斯帕瑪斯

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‎靠，沃特，你現在好有氣勢

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‎-你怎麼變得這麼猛？
‎-妳喜歡嗎？

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‎我整週都在吃仇恨餐

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‎只吃餅乾，說人壞話

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‎-你以前友善到讓人討厭
‎-妳沒說錯

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‎現在你就像濕答答的垃圾
‎因為你的生活多了恨

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‎我要哭了，太感謝妳了

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‎我怎麼說的？放掉愛，讓恨滿溢

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‎太棒了，看到尼克和米希
‎重新交談真的很好

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‎這集很棒

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‎你的頭殼裡有死洋蔥，你知道嗎？

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‎還有你，宅在家卻嘲笑這塊木頭？

125
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‎你們都是共犯

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‎沒錯，我是壞到爆手套
‎這集講的是仇恨

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‎現在吃掉這個爛燈泡，爛人

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‎好

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‎這讓我想到一件事

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‎我等下應該會拉血

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‎-好，有人有問題嗎？
‎-我

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‎跟我綁馬尾的男友無關的問題

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‎不好意思，蘿娜史康比有快遞

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‎有人送40歲的男魔術師給她

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‎我等著看事情發展

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‎其實我也想看結果會怎樣

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‎-蘿娜烏法格里奧史康比
‎-什麼？

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‎我什麼都錯了，我欠妳一個道歉

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‎我在聽

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‎妳要知道，我想給妳我的心

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‎唯一的問題是我的心卡在身體裡

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‎陶德，麻煩你

143
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‎這其實很溫馨

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‎我還活著

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‎我的死可能是假的，蘿娜

146
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‎但與妳分開的痛苦

147
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‎卻非常真實

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‎回到我身邊，我的女王
‎我熱切盼望從妳的腳品嘗大地

149
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‎不然我怎麼知道妳去過哪？

150
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,506
‎但我要怎麼知道你信得過？

151
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,424
‎因為我曾遭背叛之火燙到過

152
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‎主要是因為
‎我吃了微波爐的爆炸微波披薩

153
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,430
‎那時候披薩還在微波中

154
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‎-妳沒有衝動控制力太性感了
‎-天啊，我們應該同居

155
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‎我也在想同一件事

156
00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,604
‎-真的嗎？
‎-真的

157
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‎貝尼特茲老師，麻煩拆開妳的捲煙

158
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‎“蘿娜加上杰等於家”

159
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,363
‎太帥了，杰

160
00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:11,867
‎-我一定會跟你同居
‎-真不敢相信這是真的

161
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‎天啊，杰，你真是設想周到

162
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,830
‎妳知道嗎？有個地方很適合

163
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:20,000
‎好，一定要有兩房
‎因為我需要居家辦公室

164
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‎我在網路商店生意大好
‎山寨漢米爾頓商品超好賣

165
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‎我不喜歡這樣

166
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‎對，大家都盯著我們看

167
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‎不是以性感的方式
‎而是碰到西恩威廉史考特的感覺

168
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‎“不好意思，這是你掉的嗎？

169
00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:41,105
‎他往下看，妳手上握著他的雞雞

170
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‎不是，康妮，情況跟妳說的完全無關

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‎我聽說愛莉把潔西的奶子撥得很開

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‎她的乳暈都能碰到背後

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‎快滾開，拉爾斯

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‎等我揪出散播謠言的人

175
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‎我會狂扭他的奶子

176
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‎我的肚子有種預感
‎背後的主謀是狡猾的小人

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‎對，我也開始有
‎同樣的“狡猾小人”預感

178
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‎我的肚子也有預感

179
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‎我在陰道放了遙控震動器

180
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‎妳一定猜不到是誰在遙控

181
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‎西恩威廉史考特？

182
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,347
‎不是，是傑森畢格斯

183
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‎我請他交給西恩威廉
‎結果他留下來自己用

184
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‎我想向大白話醫生致敬

185
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,648
‎不管那個人是誰，他都是天才

186
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,525
‎快告訴他是妳，得到這個殊榮

187
00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:31,488
‎我要打破你的性別標準
‎因為那個人是女的

188
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,825
‎-什麼？
‎-那個女孩是米希，正是我本人

189
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:35,868
‎我聽不懂

190
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,244
‎我就是大白話醫生

191
00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:40,164
‎謠言起於我，我在腦海裡編出來的

192
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,124
‎我瘋到極致

193
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,251
‎靠，是妳？米希？

194
00:09:44,335 --> 00:09:47,379
‎壞壞的米希小姐，我就是

195
00:09:47,463 --> 00:09:49,089
‎-真棒，親愛的
‎-來吧，米希小姐

196
00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:50,424
‎尼克和米希？

197
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,968
‎對，怪怪的，對不對？

198
00:09:53,052 --> 00:09:55,179
‎你知道根據“兄弟守則”

199
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,057
‎你完全有權用力拉他的舌頭

200
00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,267
‎拉到他的屁眼從嘴巴跑出來

201
00:10:00,351 --> 00:10:03,145
‎對大家來說這畫面或許很好笑

202
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,230
‎我們只知道他們只是坐下來吃頓飯

203
00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:07,775
‎我還是要這樣用力拉瑞克的舌頭

204
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,360
‎拉什麼舌頭？

205
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,989
‎被看穿了，我是義大利麵圈組成的

206
00:10:15,074 --> 00:10:18,327
‎小心搬我的城堡，你們這些白痴

207
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:21,705
‎還有你，把足球員扭臀公仔
‎放在我的床頭櫃

208
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:25,459
‎它的足球員屁股一搖
‎我的蘿娜陰蒂就會充血

209
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,127
‎在胡搞什麼，杰？

210
00:10:27,211 --> 00:10:30,756
‎-你回來了？這女生是誰？
‎-這個機車精靈是誰？

211
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,133
‎我不是精靈，我是鬼魂

212
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:35,052
‎我是艾靈頓公爵

213
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:39,473
‎你是艾靈頓公爵的話
‎我就是鬼扯女王，快聞我的屁股

214
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,266
‎她是不是最棒的？

215
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:43,268
‎等你瞄到她的腳就知道

216
00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:45,270
‎兄弟，我懂

217
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:51,694
‎壞心的金髮女郎有種魔力
‎會讓你那話兒硬起來，寶貝

218
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:54,822
‎閉嘴，我不想聽你無聊的歌，死人

219
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:57,950
‎我家只能播
‎安娜坎卓克的《杯子之歌》

220
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:01,161
‎親愛的老天，拜託再殺了我一次吧

221
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:05,124
‎大家請注意這邊

222
00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:07,835
‎為了搶走蘿娜的光芒

223
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:12,047
‎我跟戴文也決定修補我們的感情

224
00:11:12,131 --> 00:11:14,675
‎不用想也知道
‎戴文會像小孬種一樣回到她身邊

225
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,177
‎對，他們兩個很配

226
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:19,638
‎恭喜沒人在意夫婦

227
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,306
‎親愛的，我們在意

228
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:25,853
‎妳想用妳的下面親吻戴文的雞雞
‎或用雙唇也行

229
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:29,022
‎我跟兄弟們瘋狂發洩了一番

230
00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:31,483
‎發現自己年紀大了，不適合街頭生活

231
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,652
‎戴文，沒人在意你的思路

232
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:36,238
‎能恢復真好，寶貝
‎這是我渴望的架構

233
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,366
‎妳知道我渴望什麼嗎？
‎戴文狂拉肚子然後消失

234
00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:40,534
‎天啊，太棒了

235
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:43,162
‎然後戴雯踩到排泄物站不穩滑倒

236
00:11:44,455 --> 00:11:47,708
‎因此摔斷脖子，太棒了

237
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,378
‎妳真行，缺德的蠕蟲

238
00:11:51,462 --> 00:11:54,256
‎跟妳一起恨別人最有趣了

239
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:55,507
‎你也一樣，小親親

240
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:57,885
‎米希，好像只有我們倆最清楚…

241
00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:00,304
‎大家有多蠢又遜？

242
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,889
‎沒錯，就是這樣

243
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,223
‎去他的

244
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:09,188
‎以傲氣逼人的態度
‎一同自以為是的小臭鼬

245
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:15,110
‎可以更好的冷血臭女人
‎偏偏只愛虛有其表的帥哥

246
00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:18,322
‎自私自利的小蕩婦配上她們的工具人

247
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,116
‎乖乖聽話的馬子狗

248
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:25,621
‎去你們的，全都是腦袋裝屎的窩囊廢

249
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,915
‎-感覺好極了
‎-恨意滿點

250
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:30,334
‎-想看他們放聲大哭，因為我的
‎-恨意滿點

251
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:33,837
‎-他們可以一起死一死，當我
‎-恨意滿點時

252
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,255
‎我不能否認

253
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:38,550
‎恨意滿點時感覺真好

254
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,806
‎漂亮的人自稱為阿宅

255
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:46,517
‎新來的想當女性主義的討厭鬼

256
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,311
‎虛偽做作、不懂裝懂的人

257
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,189
‎過氣的社群媒體網紅

258
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,858
‎充滿窩囊廢、混蛋和笨蛋的世界

259
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,444
‎他們通通可以下18層地獄

260
00:12:57,528 --> 00:12:58,946
‎我的恨意滿點

261
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:00,656
‎你們這些笨蛋，我就是

262
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:01,782
‎恨意滿點

263
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,492
‎每頭蠢豬，而我

264
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:04,451
‎恨意滿點

265
00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:05,953
‎希望你睡一睡死掉

266
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,996
‎對，仇恨讓人心情好

267
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:08,997
‎“去你的”掛嘴邊

268
00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:10,666
‎恨意滿點心情真好

269
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:11,750
‎你們都滾吧

270
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:16,713
‎恨意滿點心情真好

271
00:13:20,259 --> 00:13:21,134
‎看看你

272
00:13:21,218 --> 00:13:22,135
‎可不是嗎？

273
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:25,180
‎我該長胖的地方都胖了

274
00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:27,975
‎你的恨意滋養了我，尼克

275
00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:29,268
‎天啊，米希

276
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,812
‎尼克的一頭亂髮讓他好性感

277
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,939
‎我們在他帶刺的項圈綁上繩子

278
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,233
‎在花生醬裡替他藏膠囊

279
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,528
‎不對，莫娜，我們不是在思春
‎我們是在恨人

280
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:40,612
‎不能兩樣兼顧嗎？

281
00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:43,198
‎我想要蕩婦的意見時，自己會問

282
00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:45,409
‎妳怎麼不快滾去打板球之類的

283
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,035
‎妳是這樣想的嗎，米希？

284
00:13:47,119 --> 00:13:48,078
‎蕩婦說什麼？

285
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,705
‎那就去妳的吧

286
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:52,708
‎再見，我們不需要
‎行走的《每日郵報》文章

287
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,793
‎-我們已經有完美組合了
‎-沒錯

288
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,128
‎我希望她嗑藥過量

289
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:59,339
‎然後撐過急救
‎利用復原期間調整自己

290
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:00,799
‎臭婊子

291
00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:03,927
‎好，大白話醫生嫌犯

292
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,972
‎戴雯勒瑟文
‎猶太學者普巴長大的兒子里昂

293
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:09,641
‎說真的，我覺得可能是尼克

294
00:14:09,725 --> 00:14:11,059
‎想也知道

295
00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:13,270
‎他可能在生氣，因為妳跟全校說

296
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,355
‎他讓妳想把穴穴縫起來

297
00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:17,357
‎我不是這樣說的

298
00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:18,400
‎我聽到的是這樣

299
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:23,071
‎如果造謠生事的是尼克
‎我絕對無法原諒他

300
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:25,782
‎-我會…
‎-妳會對他恨之入骨？

301
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,492
‎這麼說又有點過頭了

302
00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:29,620
‎這很難說喔

303
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,079
‎妳希望尼克出事嗎？

304
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,081
‎妳想要他死得透頂嗎？

305
00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:34,249
‎我的心很亂

306
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,752
‎-潔西，救命
‎-尼克？

307
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,379
‎妳要碾過這個屎人嗎？

308
00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:43,091
‎對，妳要當賤人
‎像個賤人把我碾過去？妳這賤人

309
00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:45,344
‎兄弟，你有什麼毛病？

310
00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:47,012
‎你想要我撞你？

311
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,639
‎看起來是的

312
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,142
‎不要

313
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:57,522
‎尼克的作為很混帳
‎但我應該不想要他死掉

314
00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,108
‎所以妳並沒有恨他到底

315
00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:03,278
‎對，那好像…這是怎麼回事？

316
00:15:03,362 --> 00:15:04,738
‎康妮，妳怎麼了？

317
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,823
‎傑森畢格斯剛讓我高潮了

318
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,409
‎對，我永遠習慣不了這麼說

319
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:12,371
‎只要像平常一樣在尼克家打發時間

320
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:14,206
‎也可以把房子燒了

321
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:17,751
‎或甚至不要提到
‎他跟米希一起用餐有多奇怪

322
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:22,130
‎或者你也可以
‎在他燒焦的小屍體上尿尿時提到

323
00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:24,299
‎不用這樣，我只要打個招呼，行嗎？

324
00:15:24,383 --> 00:15:26,760
‎-我只要…尼克
‎-安德魯，把門關上

325
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:29,429
‎達洛，趕快離開，這裡很恐怖

326
00:15:29,513 --> 00:15:31,348
‎你們兩個在這做什麼？

327
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,768
‎-如果是在做愛，希望有安全措施
‎-不是這樣的，安德魯

328
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,895
‎我們在惡搞潔西這婊子

329
00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:38,981
‎你們看，我在她的罪犯檔案照上作畫

330
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,441
‎發給我，我要貼在大白話醫生那

331
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:43,568
‎妳就是大白話醫生？

332
00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:46,196
‎醫生是女的

333
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,365
‎想必是婦產科醫生

334
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,533
‎這是很棒的謎題

335
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,202
‎米希，我沒想過妳會是酸民

336
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,913
‎我如果是你就不會在那裝清高，屁孩

337
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,374
‎你是噁男標準範例

338
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,626
‎沒人想碰標準範例，因為

339
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:02,504
‎“噴滿我的精液”，我知道那句台詞

340
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,881
‎犧牲老安德魯，大家最開心

341
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,925
‎對，這就是本節目的宗旨，笨蛋

342
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:09,970
‎你竟敢小看我們的貢獻

343
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:14,975
‎這節目是中年人
‎假扮愛自慰又玻璃心的孩子

344
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:18,437
‎而且她們有月經，慢著，小莫
‎我們的節目有講過陰道排氣嗎？

345
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,397
‎沒講過陰道排氣，我一直在提案

346
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,481
‎-那會很有趣
‎-對吧？

347
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:25,360
‎這個愛打手槍哥
‎和他脆弱的心靈現在受傷了

348
00:16:25,444 --> 00:16:27,195
‎你打算怎樣，大哭一場嗎？

349
00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:29,072
‎你是愛哭包嗎？

350
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,824
‎引述《六人行》的一句話

351
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,243
‎待在這裡不利於我戒除憤怒

352
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,705
‎那好，走出去時別被門打到你的肥臀

353
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:40,625
‎我現在知道妳只是嫉妒
‎因為我有翹臀

354
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,503
‎你們倆只有小孩的扁屁股

355
00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:47,841
‎寶貝，史提夫要在晚餐前
‎過來喝一杯，可以嗎？

356
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:51,386
‎太好了，我要開始用暖氣
‎加熱杏仁牛奶

357
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:52,304
‎嘿

358
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:55,390
‎為什麼親我，臭小子？

359
00:16:55,474 --> 00:16:57,809
‎我愛妳，蘿娜烏法格里奧史康比

360
00:16:57,893 --> 00:17:02,981
‎你也幫幫忙，我愛你啊
‎杰瑟瑞恩摔角手比瑟瑞恩

361
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:05,400
‎天啊，妳說出口了，妳愛我？

362
00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:06,860
‎那還用說

363
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:10,572
‎杰有人愛

364
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,407
‎我爸看走眼了

365
00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:15,619
‎我們處於很健康的狀態

366
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,705
‎我同意，回到家有我愛的女人

367
00:17:18,789 --> 00:17:21,166
‎從柏奇家偷晚餐

368
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:25,420
‎這就是我在跟查爾斯盧
‎上演深喉嚨時所缺乏的

369
00:17:25,504 --> 00:17:28,465
‎等一下，先暫停，倒帶再說一次

370
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,967
‎別誤會，現在沒事了
‎這是在我們分手後發生的

371
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,636
‎查爾斯盧？

372
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:36,556
‎事實上，跟他舌戰時我才明白

373
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,934
‎我有多想念妳的舌頭

374
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:42,771
‎妳覺得我們
‎要不要去參觀兩棲動物館？

375
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:45,273
‎我要宰了你，杰

376
00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:48,360
‎樓上怎麼了嗎？

377
00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:50,403
‎杰跟他女友搬進閣樓了

378
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:51,321
‎-什麼？
‎-對

379
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:55,158
‎我答應了
‎因為杰的女友都是我的女兒

380
00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:57,410
‎我要讓你的臉皮跟頭殼分離

381
00:17:58,036 --> 00:18:01,623
‎天啊，寶貝，妳在生氣
‎查爾斯是男的嗎？這算什麼？

382
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,667
‎你竟敢暗諷我

383
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,294
‎我就是未來的同志偶像

384
00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:07,796
‎我連陰毛都是同性戀

385
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:09,965
‎我們只是英國人，女王陛下

386
00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,758
‎我們解釋過好幾遍了

387
00:18:11,842 --> 00:18:14,928
‎我生氣是因為你應該要哀悼失去我

388
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,973
‎結果你卻藐視我

389
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:21,476
‎妳是說妳不會跟
‎全校最火辣的帥哥親熱

390
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:22,727
‎送到妳眼前也不會？

391
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:26,273
‎你竟敢在我面前提到別人很火辣

392
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:28,066
‎我要收回我的“我愛你”

393
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:29,943
‎別再抄我爸的婚禮誓言

394
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:33,780
‎我不會，我要你搬出我樸實的住所

395
00:18:33,864 --> 00:18:38,994
‎妳沒辦法趕我出去
‎因為寶貝，我要走了

396
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,872
‎查爾斯盧或許不會給我想要的親密感

397
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:45,417
‎但至少他不是神經病

398
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,878
‎我不是神經病

399
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:52,632
‎以我的同志陰毛為證
‎我會復仇的，杰

400
00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:55,510
‎我們不是同志，女王陛下
‎只是英國人而已

401
00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:56,678
‎哪有差？

402
00:18:58,346 --> 00:18:59,431
‎大胸男

403
00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:01,308
‎天啊，好啦

404
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:05,228
‎不管妳要做什麼
‎我希望妳能盡可能粗暴

405
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,897
‎我沒有極限

406
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,690
‎我的安全暗號是“媽媽的披薩餃”

407
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,192
‎好噁心

408
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:12,194
‎你的小人朋友呢？

409
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,653
‎他的乳頭是我的

410
00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:14,571
‎什麼朋友？誰？

411
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,324
‎別裝傻，傻逼
‎我們知道造謠的是尼克

412
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,075
‎不是，造謠的不是尼克

413
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:22,370
‎我知道是誰，但我太害羞了

414
00:19:22,454 --> 00:19:27,918
‎我不能揭露這個資訊
‎除非妳讓我痛到差點暈倒

415
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,377
‎靠，好爽

416
00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:33,465
‎好，是米希幹的
‎大白話醫生就是她，太狂了

417
00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:35,800
‎什麼？造謠的是米希？

418
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:39,012
‎天啊，我們知道尼克恨妳
‎但是米希呢？

419
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,722
‎她為什麼恨我？

420
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:43,350
‎米希恨妳？不曉得還有誰恨妳

421
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:44,559
‎很難說

422
00:19:44,643 --> 00:19:48,438
‎現在有尼克、米開朗基羅
‎康托迪娜、蒂托

423
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,941
‎萊瑟老師、討厭鬼女、討厭鬼嬰兒

424
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,276
‎為什麼這些人全要恨我？

425
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,446
‎有沒有可能妳是壞人？

426
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:59,282
‎他說的有道理，我很常擔心這點

427
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:00,283
‎真要命

428
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:04,454
‎最好還是蜷著身子睡一整週吧

429
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:08,208
‎-放過這世界一週吧
‎-妳消失他們就開心了

430
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,126
‎妳腦袋裡的生物太多了

431
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,003
‎對，看來是太多了

432
00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:13,338
‎天啊，我不能呼吸了

433
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,966
‎親愛的，潔西，妳沒事吧？

434
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,134
‎我不知道，妳呢？

435
00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:20,971
‎我會沒事的，等我殺了米希就行

436
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,974
‎好意外，蘿娜傳私訊給我

437
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:27,227
‎那是蘋果的隔空傳訊，拉普
‎我們都收到了，是杰的影片嗎？

438
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,562
‎要開始了，準備好沒？有硬幣

439
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,190
‎沒硬幣，看到沒？

440
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:35,819
‎很像《愛心樹》這本書
‎我整個人非常困惑

441
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,153
‎應該說“史康比式”的困惑

442
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,613
‎怎麼變的？

443
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:40,573
‎寶貝，我可以變魔術給妳看

444
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:43,118
‎但是告訴妳訣竅就違反魔術師行規

445
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:45,912
‎不用，沒關係，我完全尊重你的行規

446
00:20:45,996 --> 00:20:48,248
‎這樣吧，管他的，我信任妳，蘿娜

447
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:50,750
‎-好，秘訣是這樣的
‎-不行

448
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,335
‎靠，不行

449
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,587
‎-大家快把手機丟到窗外
‎-秘密是…

450
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:57,507
‎藏在我寬大的包皮

451
00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,260
‎-不要
‎-看到沒？

452
00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:02,262
‎蘿娜，妳到底為什麼要這樣做？

453
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:05,515
‎因為我是神經病，記得嗎，杰？

454
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,393
‎沒錯，但妳不能
‎把杰的老二影片傳給大家

455
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:09,519
‎這好像違法了

456
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,646
‎我才不管大家看到我的老二

457
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:15,275
‎沒錯，我邪惡的精彩計畫是

458
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:18,570
‎讓大家知道他愚蠢的魔術手法

459
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:21,948
‎完了，我破壞魔術師行規了

460
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,616
‎我會被唾棄的

461
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,868
‎妳怎麼能這麼做？

462
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,537
‎你羞辱我，所以我要毀了你的一生

463
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,914
‎你的招數，大衛王八魔術師

464
00:21:29,998 --> 00:21:32,042
‎我沒有別招了

465
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,335
‎妳讓我崩潰了

466
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:34,753
‎妳贏了，蘿娜

467
00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:36,296
‎魔術消失了

468
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:39,341
‎很好，那就是任務結束了

469
00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:40,508
‎好棒，蘿娜

470
00:21:40,592 --> 00:21:44,846
‎真要命，你有看到
‎潔西今天穿的紫色醜上衣嗎？

471
00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:47,057
‎-她真愛賣弄風騷
‎-對啊

472
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:49,351
‎慢著，什麼？你剛說賣弄風騷嗎？

473
00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:50,810
‎對，她就是不折不扣的蕩婦

474
00:21:50,894 --> 00:21:52,479
‎她勾引我然後又拒絕我

475
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:54,481
‎潔西確實很差勁

476
00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:57,609
‎但我不知道她有沒有真的勾引你

477
00:21:57,692 --> 00:21:59,903
‎是嗎？她摸了我的手臂

478
00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:02,947
‎好，那我們來整理一下

479
00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:06,117
‎因為我不太確定
‎為了這理由而恨別人很公道

480
00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:08,912
‎她算老幾？
‎憑什麼教我們怎麼恨潔西？

481
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:12,707
‎她在我公開愛意後
‎在大家面前說我很醜

482
00:22:12,791 --> 00:22:15,001
‎她說她不受你吸引

483
00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:18,129
‎是你在全班面前把她逼到絕境後

484
00:22:18,213 --> 00:22:20,298
‎-隨妳怎麼說
‎-是你逼她這麼說的

485
00:22:20,382 --> 00:22:21,508
‎我在現場，兄弟

486
00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:22,509
‎好，“兄弟”

487
00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:24,177
‎潔西到底對妳做了什麼？

488
00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:27,138
‎在蠢同溫層小組會議的聲量壓過妳？

489
00:22:27,222 --> 00:22:30,350
‎看到沒？
‎我從沒喜歡過小孬孬尼克

490
00:22:30,433 --> 00:22:32,519
‎妳說什麼？

491
00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:34,979
‎賤貨，潔西一直在欺壓我的姊妹

492
00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:36,731
‎你們才剛開始討厭潔西這件事

493
00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:38,733
‎誰先討厭潔西不重要

494
00:22:38,817 --> 00:22:42,195
‎重點是誰的仇恨之火燒得最旺

495
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:45,198
‎還有，小妞，我是鳳凰

496
00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:49,661
‎從溫蒂威廉斯早上喝的抹茶變出來的

497
00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:53,248
‎別讓這個小混球減少她對妳的傷害

498
00:22:53,331 --> 00:22:55,834
‎潔西不是只打斷我，尼克

499
00:22:55,917 --> 00:22:57,877
‎她從我手中偷走了整個同溫層小組

500
00:22:57,961 --> 00:23:00,088
‎她是白人，她是白人小偷

501
00:23:00,171 --> 00:23:04,592
‎因為妳用超無聊的計畫
‎讓大家陷入昏睡，怪咖

502
00:23:04,676 --> 00:23:06,594
‎怪是用來形容鯨魚的生殖器

503
00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:10,348
‎能跟高尚生物共享形容詞，我很驕傲

504
00:23:10,432 --> 00:23:11,933
‎只有怪咖才會知道這種事

505
00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:13,977
‎天啊，潔西是對的

506
00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:16,938
‎你從裡到外都很醜陋

507
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:19,858
‎難怪她死也不想跟你接近

508
00:23:19,941 --> 00:23:23,278
‎大白話醫生，妳的奶頭是我的

509
00:23:23,361 --> 00:23:25,238
‎太棒了，終於成真了

510
00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:29,659
‎打起來了

511
00:23:30,994 --> 00:23:34,706
‎沒錯，打贏的人就能看我尿尿

512
00:23:34,789 --> 00:23:37,125
‎輸的人可以拉屎在他的屁股上

513
00:23:37,208 --> 00:23:38,626
‎-什麼？
‎-相信我，你會想要

514
00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:39,586
‎那好，也行

515
00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:42,130
‎去他的不一般見識，快拉在我的屁眼

516
00:23:42,213 --> 00:23:44,466
‎嚐嚐我的運動鞋，臭女人

517
00:23:46,509 --> 00:23:49,262
‎米希，拜託住手，誰來幫忙

518
00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:51,181
‎閉嘴，去妳的，吃屎吧

519
00:23:51,264 --> 00:23:54,392
‎-天啊
‎-還要嗎？妳去死

520
00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:56,269
‎潔西也去死

521
00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,104
‎我討厭妳，潔西

522
00:23:58,188 --> 00:23:59,689
‎我討厭這裡

523
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:01,608
‎米希抓狂了

524
00:24:01,691 --> 00:24:03,443
‎她扯掉我的永久性固定器

525
00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:05,278
‎我不曉得她怎麼了

526
00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:06,696
‎她變得好不一樣

527
00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:08,239
‎那就是恨

528
00:24:08,323 --> 00:24:11,075
‎恨意會進入妳的體內，讓妳屈服

529
00:24:11,159 --> 00:24:13,536
‎讓妳說出沒想過會說出口的話

530
00:24:13,620 --> 00:24:16,039
‎就像傑森畢格斯

531
00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:19,334
‎天啊，別又來了

532
00:24:19,417 --> 00:24:21,336
‎（布里奇頓中學）

533
00:24:23,588 --> 00:24:25,340
‎妳在想什麼，蘿娜？

534
00:24:25,423 --> 00:24:28,009
‎妳拍的東西叫兒童色情片

535
00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:29,552
‎你不是我爸，羅尼

536
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:32,472
‎-你只是我媽的保釋官
‎-嘿

537
00:24:32,555 --> 00:24:35,099
‎很明顯你愛上她了

538
00:24:35,183 --> 00:24:38,853
‎我先聲明，她不會愛上愛她的人

539
00:24:38,937 --> 00:24:41,564
‎這不是我現在想得到的教訓

540
00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:43,399
‎受敬重的魔法師，求求你們

541
00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:46,945
‎你們要明白，我被我所愛的女人背叛

542
00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:49,739
‎你選擇雙腿之間的魔杖

543
00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:52,617
‎現在必須放棄你的魔杖

544
00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:54,869
‎在你魔術師背包裡的那根

545
00:24:54,953 --> 00:24:56,162
‎我明白

546
00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:01,793
‎尼克，上學愉快嗎？

547
00:25:01,876 --> 00:25:03,628
‎待在家耍蠢愉快嗎？

548
00:25:03,711 --> 00:25:05,880
‎閉嘴，去你的，吃屎吧

549
00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:07,966
‎米希，我不知該拿妳怎麼辦

550
00:25:08,049 --> 00:25:10,051
‎這不是我的錯，是潔西先開始的

551
00:25:10,134 --> 00:25:13,638
‎夠了，妳抽大麻、在學校打架

552
00:25:13,721 --> 00:25:15,014
‎造謠生事？

553
00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:16,849
‎我們可不是這樣教妳的

554
00:25:16,933 --> 00:25:22,897
‎妳真的變成恨意滿點
‎討人厭的生物了，對吧，米希？

555
00:25:22,981 --> 00:25:24,107
‎或許他說的對

556
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:26,526
‎我不曾在學校惹出麻煩

557
00:25:26,609 --> 00:25:29,279
‎妳真是丟臉丟到家了

558
00:25:29,946 --> 00:25:30,905
‎別管那聲音

559
00:25:30,989 --> 00:25:33,324
‎-妳勒住愛莉超強悍的
‎-真的嗎？

560
00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:36,119
‎那還用說，妳用不著那個老巫師

561
00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:38,288
‎妳的爸媽、尼克或任何人

562
00:25:38,371 --> 00:25:39,372
‎妳有我，寶貝

563
00:25:39,455 --> 00:25:41,207
‎沒錯

564
00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:44,669
‎米希？

565
00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:46,963
‎-妳有什麼話要說的？
‎-米希？

566
00:25:47,046 --> 00:25:50,633
‎我超討厭你們

567
00:26:39,432 --> 00:26:41,351
‎字幕翻譯：林佩孜