1 00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:09,510 [soft grunts] 2 00:00:09,594 --> 00:00:10,470 [moaning] 3 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:14,474 [Walter] She has always found a way to hurt you, Nick. 4 00:00:14,557 --> 00:00:19,687 You wrote her a heartfelt melody, and she rejected you quick. 5 00:00:19,771 --> 00:00:22,231 -Maybe you were just a joke… -[gasping] 6 00:00:22,315 --> 00:00:25,068 …and Judd was always her pick. 7 00:00:25,151 --> 00:00:26,778 -[laughing] -She humiliated you 8 00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,780 -worse than when everyone saw… -Ahh! 9 00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:31,657 -…your tiny little dick. -[all laughing] 10 00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:32,867 [truck revs, honks] 11 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,203 -Huh? -You're having a nightmare about me? 12 00:00:35,286 --> 00:00:37,997 -So pathetic. -[grunts] Ew. I'm stuck! What is this? 13 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:41,125 You're standing in the middle of the road like an idiot! 14 00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,836 -[laughs] -What the fuck? Jessi? [screams] 15 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,965 -[gasps] -[deep voice growls] Glazer… 16 00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:49,842 -Walter? -[roars] 17 00:00:49,926 --> 00:00:51,677 Walter? What happened to you, man? 18 00:00:51,761 --> 00:00:53,262 Jessi did this to me. 19 00:00:53,346 --> 00:00:55,973 I was a gorgeous butterfly, 20 00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:58,601 and she turned me into this horrid worm! 21 00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:00,520 Yeah, because she's a goddamn nightmare. 22 00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:03,189 You hate her. Don't you, Nick? 23 00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:05,942 I wish she'd get really bad diarrhea and then vanish. 24 00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:09,654 Zip-zap, she treats you like crap. 25 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,532 We want her to take a permanent dirt nap. 26 00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:15,493 Oh, man, this is gonna be a scary episode. 27 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,286 I hope I don't spill my popcorn. 28 00:01:17,370 --> 00:01:18,538 A-booga-booga-booga, bitch! 29 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:19,872 [screams] My popcorn! 30 00:01:19,956 --> 00:01:22,166 ["Changes" by Charles Bradley plays] 31 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:27,755 ♪ I'm going through changes ♪ 32 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:37,306 ♪ I'm going through changes ♪ 33 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,017 ♪ Oh, in my life ♪ 34 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,397 ♪ Oh! Ooh! Ooh! ♪ 35 00:01:52,989 --> 00:01:54,323 -[caws] -[people clamoring] 36 00:01:54,407 --> 00:01:57,243 -Cheater, cheater, pussy eater! -Ew! 37 00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:59,579 Save some snatch for the rest of us! 38 00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:02,206 Dang, Missy, your rumor worked! 39 00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,584 The whole school's going medieval on Ali and Jessi. 40 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:07,420 If V is for "Vendetta", then M is for 41 00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:11,174 "Motherflippers shouldn't have stolen my affinity group!" 42 00:02:11,257 --> 00:02:13,092 Die from shame, you heathen scum! 43 00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:14,385 -Ow! -[all cheering] 44 00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:15,845 [Missy chuckles, snorts] 45 00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:18,598 Firefly, what's so funny on your cellular device? 46 00:02:18,681 --> 00:02:22,518 Oh, uh, nothing much. Just looking at Instagram. 47 00:02:22,602 --> 00:02:23,477 Lie to 'em, girl! 48 00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:27,398 Ooh! Say it's a new Internet challenge where people draw eyes on their balls, 49 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,650 then smush their dicks down between their balls 50 00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:31,777 so their genitals look like Squidward! 51 00:02:31,861 --> 00:02:34,280 -[giggles] -Share some of those giggles, Don Rickles. 52 00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:35,823 Um, it's just a meme 53 00:02:35,907 --> 00:02:38,993 where SpongeBob is wiping the counter with a tiny version of himself. 54 00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,746 Well, that's clever because he's a sponge! 55 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,582 Now, c'mon, girl. Let's refresh the comments every 30 seconds. 56 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,418 -Give me some. -Blue Cross Blue Shield just followed me. 57 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,753 Get into it, influencer! 58 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:52,006 Look, I know you guys thought Charles Lu was awesome… 59 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:57,511 He gets that magic is the perfect storm of art, science and sex. 60 00:02:57,595 --> 00:03:01,390 See, the problem was I wanted him to swallow me whole like a pelican, 61 00:03:01,474 --> 00:03:02,767 but in the end, 62 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:07,396 he wanted to wet-shit me out all over the pier like a common seagull. 63 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,066 That's tragic, Jay. Like my life. 64 00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:15,196 No! It helped me realize that I have a boner for intimacy, 65 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:18,741 and the only one who can jack my heart off is Lola Skumpy. 66 00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,451 But how will you win her back? 67 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,371 Money? Jewels? A romantic indie rock song? 68 00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:27,166 Guys, I think it might be time to perform the ultimate magic trick. 69 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:30,753 Sawing your finger in half, then having your cock double in size, 70 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,588 but now your cock has a fingernail? 71 00:03:32,672 --> 00:03:35,007 Todd, that's an amazing trick, but no. 72 00:03:35,091 --> 00:03:36,968 I'm gonna admit that I was wrong. 73 00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:40,304 I wish you the most sensual of fortunes, Jay. 74 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:41,389 Thank you, Paul. 75 00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:43,599 And I hope that pawn shop gives you good money 76 00:03:43,683 --> 00:03:45,518 for your missing daughter's ukulele. 77 00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:46,936 Ah, another goddamn day. 78 00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:49,605 -Hey. -Jesus, Nick, you don't look so good. 79 00:03:49,689 --> 00:03:51,691 Did you drink too much water before bed 80 00:03:51,774 --> 00:03:54,235 and you stayed up all night pissing with a big water belly? 81 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,570 -Jessi's such a bitch! -Whoa! Nick! 82 00:03:56,654 --> 00:03:59,949 What? She knew Ali had a girlfriend and then she fucking teased me. 83 00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:02,618 -Fucking bitch. -Oh, Nick, man, that's just a rumor. 84 00:04:02,702 --> 00:04:07,081 It's just a sexy, girl-on-girl, jailhouse rumor. 85 00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:11,210 No, it's not sexy! Jessi is trash. And if you don't see that, then fuck off! 86 00:04:11,294 --> 00:04:14,213 What a little asshole. Let's curb stomp his fat mouth! 87 00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:16,757 No, I'm taking the high road now, okay? 88 00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:20,219 Oh, God, you're still doing that "Tender Andrew" thing? 89 00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:23,139 I am, and the view up here is pretty nice. 90 00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:26,851 You can look down girls' shirts and see their sternum! 91 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,352 Ah, yes, the sternum. 92 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:32,481 The jail of the heart, but the foundation for them titties. 93 00:04:32,565 --> 00:04:34,400 -[news theme plays] -Good morning! 94 00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:35,609 Our top story today, 95 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:38,612 Ms. Benitez got dropped off at school by her new boyfriend, 96 00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,948 and he's got a ponytail. 97 00:04:41,032 --> 00:04:44,660 But first, I had a quick conversation with the victims of a vicious rumor. 98 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,246 Jessi, Ali, how are you gals holding up? 99 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:48,497 Well, thank you for asking. 100 00:04:48,581 --> 00:04:51,834 I have to say, this whole situation sucks and is unfair! 101 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,627 And I didn't cheat on Samira. 102 00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:55,129 Jessi is-is just a friend. 103 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:58,799 -There is no water in my mug. -Water is for guests, Caleb. 104 00:04:58,883 --> 00:05:03,095 Now, Jessi, if Dr. PlainTalk were watching right now from the medical facility 105 00:05:03,179 --> 00:05:05,723 where they practice gossip, what would you say to them? 106 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:09,852 I would say I don't know why you're trying to besmirch our reputations, 107 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,730 but all you're really doing is making our friendship stronger. 108 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,358 And if I find you, you little fucker, 109 00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:18,235 I'm gonna twist your nipples off, wear them as earrings, 110 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:22,698 and everyone's gonna be like, "Ooh la la, Ali, who are you wearing?" 111 00:05:22,782 --> 00:05:24,742 "Oh, these? Just some little fucker!" 112 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,536 "Little fucker"? Oh, hell no! You a big fucker. 113 00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:29,538 That's right! I fuck big! 114 00:05:29,622 --> 00:05:31,123 Jessi's so full of shit. 115 00:05:31,207 --> 00:05:34,794 "Oh, I don't like you. Oh, look at my red hair. Nyuh!" 116 00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:36,921 Yeah, Jessi is full of shit, actually. 117 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,964 Did you hear the way she said "besmirched"? 118 00:05:39,048 --> 00:05:41,300 It's like, we get it. Your parents are divorced. 119 00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:44,512 You're filling a void with vocabulary words. Congrats. 120 00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,640 Yeah, that's totally what's happening there. And it's sad! 121 00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:50,184 Ha-ha! This girl is on fire! 122 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,269 Hey, nice to meet you, I'm Rochelle. 123 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:55,773 Rochelle, it's me, Walter Las Palmas. 124 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,984 Oh, shit! Walter! You look amazing now! 125 00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:01,278 -How'd you turn into such a bad bitch? -Do you like? 126 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,280 I've been on this hate diet all week. 127 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,449 I just eat cookies and talk shit. 128 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,243 Before, you were so annoying being all nice. 129 00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:09,161 -I agree. -Now you look like wet garbage 130 00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:10,746 'cause you got some hate in your life. 131 00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:12,289 I'mma cry. Thank you so much. 132 00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:15,626 What I tell you? Let the love go and let the hate overflow. 133 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:19,755 Wow! It's really sweet to see Nick and Missy reconnecting. 134 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:21,549 This is a nice episode. 135 00:06:21,632 --> 00:06:24,427 [in gruff voice] You have a dead onion in your skull, you know that? 136 00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:28,013 And you, you at home, you're laughing at this block of wood? 137 00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:29,765 You're all complicit. 138 00:06:29,849 --> 00:06:34,478 That's right, I'm a bad fucking mitten, and this is the hate episode. 139 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,481 Now eat this fucking light bulb, you ass fuck. 140 00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:38,566 [normal voice] Okay! 141 00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,443 [munches] Oh! 142 00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,361 -It's giving me an idea. -[dings] 143 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:45,156 I think I'm gonna poop blood later. 144 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,825 All right, does anyone have any questions? 145 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,910 -[clamoring] -That aren't about my boyfriend 146 00:06:49,994 --> 00:06:51,328 -with the ponytail. -[all groan] 147 00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:54,957 Excuse me, I have a delivery for a Lola Skumpy. 148 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,544 Someone sent her a 40-year-old jacked magician. 149 00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,129 Mmm, I'll let this play out. 150 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,046 You know what? 151 00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:03,424 I also would like to see where this is going. 152 00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:05,468 -Lola Ugfuglio Skumpy. -What? 153 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:09,513 I was wrong about everything, and I owe you an apology. 154 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:10,556 Listening. 155 00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:12,725 -See, I want to give you my heart. -Hmm. 156 00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:16,687 The only problem is it's stuck inside of my guts. 157 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,397 -Todd, if you will. -[Todd] Mm-hmm. 158 00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:19,648 [chainsaw revs] 159 00:07:19,732 --> 00:07:21,066 -[screams] -[students gasp] 160 00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:24,153 -[all exclaim in disgust] -That's actually, like, very sweet. 161 00:07:24,737 --> 00:07:25,988 [students exclaim] 162 00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,698 Ha-ha! I live! 163 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,783 My death may have been fake, Lola, 164 00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,411 but the pain of being apart from you is… 165 00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:34,830 very real. 166 00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:36,415 Come back to me, my queen. 167 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:41,545 I yearn to taste the earth from your feet. How else will I know where you've been? 168 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,506 But how do I know I can trust you? 169 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,424 For I've been burned before. 170 00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:48,552 Mainly from eating Totino's Pizza Blasts from the microwave 171 00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,138 while they're still, like, very much in the microwave. 172 00:07:51,222 --> 00:07:53,390 Ooh, your lack of impulse control is so hot. 173 00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,226 Oh my God, we should move in together! 174 00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:57,353 -I was thinking the exact same thing! -Really? 175 00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:58,604 Uh, yeah! 176 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:02,191 Ms. Benitez, if you will kindly unroll your cigarette, please. 177 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:05,653 -"Lola plus Jay equals house." -[claps] 178 00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,363 Oh, my God, Jay! 179 00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:11,867 -I will totally house with you! -I can't believe this is happening! 180 00:08:11,951 --> 00:08:14,662 Oh, my God, Jay, you thought of everything! 181 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,830 And you know what? I know just the place. 182 00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:20,000 Okay, but it has to be two bedrooms because I need a home office. 183 00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:24,588 My Etsy shop for unlicensed Hamilton merch is, like, blowing up. [chuckles, snorts] 184 00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:26,048 [both giggle] 185 00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:29,134 -[both giggle] -I don't like this! 186 00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:30,844 Yeah. Everybody's staring at us. 187 00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:35,182 And not in a sexy way, like when you walk up to Seann William Scott and say, 188 00:08:35,266 --> 00:08:38,978 "Excuse me, did you, Seann William, drop this?" 189 00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:41,188 And Sean looks down, and you're holding his dick. 190 00:08:41,272 --> 00:08:44,817 Mmm, no, Connie, it's not like any of what you just said. 191 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:47,736 Guys. I heard Ali spread Jessi's boobs so far, 192 00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:50,155 -her areolas touched in the back. Boop! -[laughs] 193 00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:51,782 Get the fuck out of here, Lars! 194 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,451 When I get my hands on whoever started this rumor, 195 00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,120 it's gonna be titty-twist city! 196 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,163 -[imperceptible] -I have a tingle in my tummy 197 00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:00,958 telling me a slimy little fucker is behind this. 198 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,669 -[both chuckle] -Yeah, I'm starting to feel that same 199 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,629 "slimy little fucker" tingle. 200 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,506 I have a tingle in my tummy too! 201 00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:10,676 I put a remote control vibrator in my vagina. 202 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,720 I bet you can't guess who's controlling it. 203 00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:13,846 Seann William Scott? 204 00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,347 No, it's Jason Biggs. 205 00:09:15,431 --> 00:09:19,393 I asked him to give it to Seann William, and he kept it for himself. 206 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,396 I would like to propose a toast to Dr. PlainTalk. 207 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,648 Whoever that guy is, he is a genius. 208 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,525 Tell him it's you, Missy. Get that glory! 209 00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:31,488 Well, let me bust up your gender norms, because that guy is a girl! 210 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,825 -What? -And that girl is Missy, and Missy is me! 211 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:35,868 I'm confused. 212 00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,244 I'm Dr. PlainTalk. 213 00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:40,164 I started the rumor. I made it up from my brain. 214 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,124 I'm a fucking maniac! [chuckles] 215 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,251 Holy shit. You? Missy? 216 00:09:44,335 --> 00:09:47,379 Ms. Missy if you're nasty. Uh, which I am. 217 00:09:47,463 --> 00:09:49,089 -Yes, honey! -Come on, Miss Nasty! 218 00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:50,424 Nick and Missy? 219 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,968 Yeah, it's, uh… It's kind of weird, right? 220 00:09:53,052 --> 00:09:55,179 You do know that according to the bro code, 221 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,057 you'd be well within your rights to pull his tongue so hard 222 00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,517 that his asshole comes out of his fucking mouth. 223 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,145 And while that may be a fun visual for everyone, 224 00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,272 for all we know, they're just having a friendly lunch. 225 00:10:05,356 --> 00:10:07,524 Well, I'm still gonna do that tongue thing to Rick. 226 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:08,525 What tongue thing? 227 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,527 -[Maury grunts] -[screams] 228 00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,989 -[splats] -Uh-oh, I'm made of SpaghettiOs! 229 00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:18,327 -[chittering] -Hey! Gentle with my castle, you idiot! 230 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:21,705 And you, put that Gronk Bobble-Butt on my nightstand. 231 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:25,459 He's got that Gronk-a-donk that makes my Lola lumps plump! 232 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,127 What the fuck, Jay? 233 00:10:27,211 --> 00:10:30,756 -You're back? And who's this girl? -Who's this fucking genie? 234 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,133 I'm not a genie. I'm a ghost! 235 00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:35,052 ♪ I'm Duke Ellington! ♪ 236 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:39,473 Well, if you're Duke Ellington, then I'm Queen Shit, so smell my ass! 237 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,266 Ooh, isn't she the best? 238 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:43,143 And wait till you peep her feet. 239 00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:45,270 -[laughs] -Hey, man, I get it. 240 00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,022 -[piano plays] -♪ There's something about ♪ 241 00:10:47,106 --> 00:10:48,732 ♪ A mean blonde lady ♪ 242 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:51,694 -♪ That makes your wisp stiff, baby ♪ -[boings] 243 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:54,822 Zip it! None of your boring music, you dead dud. 244 00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:58,158 Only Anna Kendrick's "Cups" is allowed in my house! 245 00:10:58,242 --> 00:11:01,120 Sweet Lord, please kill me again. 246 00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,037 [chuckles] 247 00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:05,124 Attention! Attention, everyone. 248 00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:07,835 In an obvious effort to steal Lola's thunder, 249 00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:12,047 Devon and I have also decided to repair our relationship. 250 00:11:12,131 --> 00:11:14,758 Of course Devon went back to her like a little bitch. 251 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:17,302 Yeah, those two are really perfect for each other. 252 00:11:17,386 --> 00:11:19,638 Mazel Tov to Mr. and Mrs. Who Cares! 253 00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,306 Sweetie, we care. 254 00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:25,853 You wanted to kiss Devon's pee-pee with your vee-vee. Or your lippies. 255 00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:29,022 Dude… [exhales] …I had one crazy rager with the boys, 256 00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:31,483 and realized I am too old for the street life, man. 257 00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,652 Devon, nobody cares about your thought process. 258 00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:36,238 Good to be back, babe. This is the structure I crave. 259 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,366 You know what I crave? Devon getting diarrhea and vanishing. 260 00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:40,534 Oh, my God. Yes! 261 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:44,371 And then Devin slips on the diarrhea, and she's like, "Ooh! Whoa! Whaa!" 262 00:11:44,455 --> 00:11:47,583 And then she breaks her neck. I love that! 263 00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:48,709 [all celebrating] 264 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,378 Damn! You wicked worm! 265 00:11:51,462 --> 00:11:54,256 Hating with you is, like, uh, the most fun! 266 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:55,507 Right back at you, boo! 267 00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:57,885 Missy, I feel like we're the only ones who get-- 268 00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:00,304 Like, how stupid and lame everyone is? 269 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,889 Yes! Exactly! 270 00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:04,057 -Fuck yeah! -[punk rock music plays] 271 00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:09,188 ♪ Smug little skanks who stick together With their stuck-up attitudes ♪ 272 00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:12,441 ♪ Coldhearted bitches That could do much better ♪ 273 00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:15,110 ♪ But they only like dumb, hot dudes! ♪ 274 00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:18,322 ♪ Selfish little hussies And their boy-toy tools ♪ 275 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,116 ♪ Dipshit bros Who are pussy-whipped fools ♪ 276 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:25,621 [both] ♪ Fuck you All you shit-head, loser scum! ♪ 277 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,915 -♪ It feels so good to ♪ -♪ Hate, hate, hate ♪ 278 00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:30,918 -♪ Want to see them cry from my ♪ -♪ Hate, hate, hate ♪ 279 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:33,837 -♪ They can fudge off and die when I ♪ -♪ Hate, hate, hate ♪ 280 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,255 ♪ Oh, I cannot deny that it ♪ 281 00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:38,550 [both] ♪ Feels so good to hate! ♪ 282 00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,806 ♪ Beautiful people who claim to be nerds ♪ 283 00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:46,517 ♪ Co-opting, wannabe feminist turds ♪ 284 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,311 ♪ Arty-farty posers Fakes and pretenders ♪ 285 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,189 ♪ Vapid social media influencers ♪ 286 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,858 ♪ A world full of losers Jerks and pricks ♪ 287 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,444 ♪ They can all go To H-E-double toothpicks ♪ 288 00:12:57,528 --> 00:12:58,946 ♪ Oh, I hate, hate, hate ♪ 289 00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:00,656 ♪ You idiot sheep, I just ♪ 290 00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:01,782 ♪ Hate, hate, hate ♪ 291 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,492 ♪ Every jackass creep and I ♪ 292 00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:04,451 ♪ Hate, hate, hate ♪ 293 00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:05,953 ♪ I hope you die in your sleep ♪ 294 00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,996 ♪ Yeah, it feels so good to hate ♪ 295 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:08,997 Just say, "Fuck it!" 296 00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:10,666 ♪ It feels so good to hate ♪ 297 00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:11,750 You all can suck it! 298 00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:16,630 ♪ It feels so good to hate ♪ 299 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,924 -[clatters, shatters] -[feedback whines] 300 00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,134 Whoa, look at you! 301 00:13:21,218 --> 00:13:22,135 Right? 302 00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:25,180 I feel thick in all the right places. 303 00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:27,975 Your hate nourishes me, Nick! 304 00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:29,268 Holy shit, Missy. 305 00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,812 Nick looks so hot with his Sid Vicious hair. 306 00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,939 Let's attach a leash to that spiked collar 307 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,233 and hide a pill for him in some peanut butter! 308 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,528 No, Mona, we're not being horny, we're being hateful. 309 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:40,612 Can't we be both? 310 00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:43,198 Hey, when I want a slut's opinion, I'll ask for it. 311 00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:45,409 Why don't you go get lost and play cricket or some shit. 312 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,035 Is that how you feel, Missy? 313 00:13:47,119 --> 00:13:48,078 Slut says what? 314 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,705 Well, fuck you, then! 315 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:52,708 Bye, ho! We don't need that walking Daily Mail article. 316 00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,793 -We already have the perfect crew. -Damn right! 317 00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,128 I hope she ODs! 318 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,379 And then pulls through, 319 00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:00,799 taking the recovery time to work on herself. Ahh! Bitch! 320 00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:03,927 Okay. Potential Dr. PlainTalk suspects. 321 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:07,097 Devin LeSeven, Rabbi Paulblart's adult son Leore… 322 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,766 Honestly, I think it might have been Nick. 323 00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,059 Of course! 324 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:13,270 He's probably pissed because you told the whole school 325 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,355 he makes your pussy want to sew itself shut. 326 00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:17,357 Okay, that is not what I said. 327 00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:18,400 It's what I heard. 328 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:23,071 If Nick did this, I will never be able to forgive him. 329 00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:25,782 -I--I will just-- -You'll hate his fucking guts? 330 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,492 Well, that seems a tad harsh. 331 00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:29,620 Maybe, maybe not. 332 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,079 Do you wish ill on Nick? 333 00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,081 Do you want him dead like a doornail? 334 00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:34,875 -I don't know! -[truck revs] 335 00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,752 -Jessi, help! -Nick? 336 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,379 So you gonna flatten the little shit or what? 337 00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:43,091 Yeah, you gonna be a bitch and run me over like a bitch, you bitch? 338 00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:45,344 Dude, what is your problem? 339 00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:47,012 Do you want me to hit you? 340 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,639 Seems like he does. 341 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,474 [suspenseful music building] 342 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,351 -No! -[tires screech] 343 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:57,522 Ugh! Nick is being such a dick right now, but I guess I don't want him to die. 344 00:14:57,606 --> 00:15:00,108 Huh, so you don't completely hate him. 345 00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,360 Yeah, that seems to be… 346 00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,278 -[buzzing] -What's going on? 347 00:15:03,362 --> 00:15:06,823 -Connie, what's happening? -Whoo! Jason Biggs just made me cum. 348 00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,409 Yeah, I'm--I'm never gonna get used to saying that. 349 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:12,454 Alright, just gonna hang out at Nick's house like normal. 350 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,206 Or you could burn the house down. 351 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:15,958 Might not even mention how weird it was 352 00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,751 that he and Missy were having lunch together. 353 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:22,130 Or you could mention it while you're pissing on his tiny, charred corpse. 354 00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:24,299 No, no, I'm just gonna say hi. Okay? 355 00:15:24,383 --> 00:15:26,760 -I'm just gonna… Whoa, Nick! -Hey, Andrew. Shut the door. 356 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:29,429 Darrell, get out of here, man. It's scary! 357 00:15:29,513 --> 00:15:31,348 What the hell are you two doing in here? 358 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,768 -If you're having sex, I hope it's safe! -No, it's not like that, Andrew. 359 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,895 We're shitting all over Jessi's bitch face. 360 00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:39,064 Check it out, I photoshopped her mugshot. 361 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,566 Ooh, send me that. I'll post it on Dr. PlainTalk. 362 00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:43,568 Whoa! You're Dr. PlainTalk? 363 00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:46,196 Oh, the doctor is a woman! 364 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,533 She must be a gynecologist. This was a good riddle. 365 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,202 Missy, I never figured you for a troll. 366 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,913 I'd get off your high horse if I were you, Fart Boy. 367 00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,374 You're the poster child for yucky behavior. 368 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,960 Yeah, but nobody wants to touch the poster because it's covered-- 369 00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:02,504 "Covered in my jizz." I know that line. 370 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,881 We're all having fun at ol' Andrew's expense. 371 00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,967 Well, that's what the show is, dumb ass. 372 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,970 Hey, hey! Don't you dare undercut what we're doing here. 373 00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:14,975 This show is middle-aged people playing masturbating children with big feelings! 374 00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:16,643 And they get their periods! 375 00:16:16,727 --> 00:16:18,437 Wait, Maury, have we done a queefing episode? 376 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,522 No, there's no queefing episode. I keep pitching it. 377 00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:21,481 -It'd be funny. -Right? 378 00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:25,360 Well, this big, fat masturbator and his big feelings are hurt right now. 379 00:16:25,444 --> 00:16:27,279 So, what are you gonna do, cry about it? 380 00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:29,072 Oh, are you a crybaby? 381 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:33,243 You know what, "friends" in quotes? Being here is bad for my anger sobriety. 382 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,705 Well, good! Don't let the door hit your lumpy butt on the way out. 383 00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:40,625 Okay! Well, now I know you're just jealous because I've got cheeks for weeks, 384 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,503 and you both just have flat kid ass. 385 00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:44,671 [rasping] 386 00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:47,841 Hey, babe, Steve's gonna pop by for a drink before dinner. Is that cool? 387 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:51,386 Oh, that's great. I'll start heating up some almond milk on the radiator. 388 00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:52,304 Hey. [kisses] 389 00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:55,390 What was that for, you stinky stud? 390 00:16:55,474 --> 00:16:57,809 I love you, Lola Ugfuglio Skumpy. 391 00:16:57,893 --> 00:17:02,981 Well, for peak's sake, I love you, Jayzerian RicFlairian Bilzerian. 392 00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:05,400 Oh, my God. You said it! You love me? 393 00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:06,735 Like, duh! 394 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:07,652 Whoo! 395 00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:10,572 Jay is loved! Jay is loved! 396 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,407 My dad was wrong. 397 00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:15,619 We're in such, like, a healthy place right now, Jay. 398 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,705 I agree. Coming home to a woman who loves me, 399 00:17:18,789 --> 00:17:21,166 stealing dinners from the Birch's kitchen… 400 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:25,420 This is exactly what I was missing when I was deep-tonguing down with Charles Lu. 401 00:17:25,504 --> 00:17:28,465 Hold on. Pause. Play that back one more time! 402 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,967 No, no, it's cool. It happened after we broke up. 403 00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,719 Charles Lu? 404 00:17:32,803 --> 00:17:36,556 In fact, sucking on his mouth snake is what made me realize 405 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,934 how much I missed your mouth snake. 406 00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:42,312 So what do you say we pay a visit to the reptile house? 407 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,814 -[grunts, screams] -[muffled] 408 00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,273 I'll fucking kill you, Jay! 409 00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:48,360 -[thuds, muffled arguing] -What's going on upstairs? 410 00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:50,403 Oh, Jay and his girlfriend moved into the attic. 411 00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:51,321 -What? -Oh, yeah. 412 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:55,158 I said it was okay because any girlfriend of Jay's is a daughter of mine. 413 00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:57,953 -I'll tear your face from your skull! -[grunts] 414 00:17:58,036 --> 00:18:01,123 Jesus, babe, are you mad because Charles is a guy? 415 00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:03,667 -What is this? -How dare you insinuate that! 416 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,294 I am nothing if not a future gay icon. 417 00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:07,796 My pubes are even gay! 418 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:11,758 -Uh, we're just British, Your Majesty. -We've explained this several times. 419 00:18:11,842 --> 00:18:14,928 I'm upset because you were supposed to be mourning me, 420 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,973 but instead you were scorning me! 421 00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:21,476 So you're saying you wouldn't have made out with the hottest guy in school 422 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:22,727 if it was offered to you? 423 00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:26,273 How dare you speak of someone else's hotness in front of me! 424 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:28,066 I'm taking back my "I love you"! 425 00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:29,943 Stop quoting my dad's wedding vows! 426 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:33,780 I will not, and I want you out of our humble abode! 427 00:18:33,864 --> 00:18:38,910 Oh, you can't throw me out because, baby, I'm outta here! 428 00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:41,913 Charles Lu might not have given me the intimacy I ache for, 429 00:18:41,997 --> 00:18:45,417 but at least he wasn't a fucking psycho! 430 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,878 [screams] I am not a psycho! 431 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:52,632 With my gay pubes as my witness, I will get my vengeance, Jay! 432 00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:55,468 [knight] We're not gay, Your Majesty, we're just British! 433 00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:56,678 What's the difference? 434 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,263 [school bell rings] 435 00:18:58,346 --> 00:18:59,431 Hey, fat tits! 436 00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:01,308 Oh, God! [chuckles] Okay! 437 00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:04,811 Whatever you do, I want you to be as rough as possible. 438 00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:08,690 [chuckling] There are no limits. And my safe word is "Mama's calzone." 439 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:12,194 Ew, gross! Now where's your little fucker of a friend? 440 00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,653 He owes me nipples! 441 00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:14,571 What friend? Who? 442 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,324 Don't play dumb, dummy! We know Nick started the rumor. 443 00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,075 Oh, no, Nick didn't start that rumor. 444 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:22,370 [chuckling] I know who did, though, but I'm so shy. 445 00:19:22,454 --> 00:19:27,918 I can't disclose that information unless you make me almost pass out from pain. 446 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,377 -[grunts] -Oh, fuck! Yes. 447 00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:31,755 Okay. Missy did it. She's Dr. PlainTalk. 448 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,465 -[grunts] -Oh, outrageous! 449 00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:35,800 What? Missy started the rumor? 450 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:39,012 Oh, God, we knew Nick hated you, but Missy? 451 00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,722 Why would she hate me? 452 00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:43,350 Missy hates you? I wonder who else hates you. 453 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:44,684 I don't-- I don't know. 454 00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:48,438 Well, so far, we've got Nick, Michael Angelo, Cantor Dina, Tito, 455 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,941 Lizer, the cheese girl, the cheese baby! 456 00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,276 Why do all these people hate me? 457 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:57,697 -Is it possible you're a bad person? -Oh, he's got a point. 458 00:19:57,781 --> 00:19:59,282 I've often worried about that! 459 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:00,283 Oh, God. 460 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:04,454 Probably best to just curl up and fall asleep for a week. 461 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:08,208 -The world could use a break from you. -They'll be happy you're gone! 462 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:12,003 -There's too many creatures in your head! -Yeah, this does seem like a lot. 463 00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:13,338 [Jessi] Oh god, I can't breathe. 464 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,966 -[screams] -Hey, honey, Jessi. You okay? 465 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,134 I don't know, are you? 466 00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:20,679 I will be, once I fucking kill Missy! 467 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:23,974 -[phones chiming] -Oh, snap. Lola's up in my DMs. 468 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:27,227 It's an AirDrop, Lump, we all got it. And it's a video of Jay? 469 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,604 Here we go, ready? Coin… 470 00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:31,147 [claps] No coin. 471 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,190 [laughs] See? 472 00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:35,819 Much like The Giving Tree, I'm positively stumped. 473 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,613 -[chuckles] More like "Skumped"! -However does it work? 474 00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:40,573 Babe. I can do the tricks for you, 475 00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:43,118 but it's against the magician's code to tell you how to do it. 476 00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:45,912 No, that's okay. I totally respect your code. 477 00:20:45,996 --> 00:20:48,748 You know what? Fuck it. I trust you, Lola. [chuckles] 478 00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:50,750 -Okay, here's how you do the trick. -No! 479 00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,335 Fuck! No, no, no! 480 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,587 -Throw your phones out the window! -The secret is… 481 00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:57,507 -[Jay screams] -I hide it in my ample foreskin. 482 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,425 [all gasp] 483 00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,260 -[Jay] No! -[Jay on video] See? 484 00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:02,262 Lola! Why the fuck would you do that? 485 00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:05,515 Because I'm a psycho. Remember, Jay? 486 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,393 Yeah, but you can't be sending videos to people of Jay's dick. 487 00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:09,519 I think that's a crime. 488 00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,646 I don't give a shit that everyone saw my dick! 489 00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:15,066 That's right. The brilliance of my diabolical plan 490 00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:18,570 is that I revealed how he does his stupid magic trick. 491 00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:21,948 Oh, no, I broke the Magician's Code. 492 00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,616 I'll be disgraced. 493 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,868 How could you do this? 494 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,537 You called me a name, so I ruined your life. 495 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,914 Your move, David Copperfuck. 496 00:21:29,998 --> 00:21:33,335 -[sad music plays] -I have no more moves. You've broken me. 497 00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:34,753 You win, Lola. 498 00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:36,296 The magic is gone. 499 00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:39,341 Good. So, like, mission accomplished. [chuckles weakly] 500 00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:40,508 Go, Lola. 501 00:21:40,592 --> 00:21:44,846 Oh, my God, did you see Jessi's purple fucking shirt today? 502 00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:47,057 -She's such a tease. -[chuckles] Yeah. 503 00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:49,351 Wait, what? Did you say "tease"? 504 00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:52,479 Yeah, she's a total slut. She led me on and then rejected me. 505 00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:54,481 Jessi definitely sucks, 506 00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:57,609 but I don't know if she actually led you on. 507 00:21:57,692 --> 00:21:59,903 Oh, really? She touched my arm. 508 00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:02,947 Ooh! Okay. Well, let's unpack that, 509 00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:06,117 because I'm not so sure that's a very fair thing to hate someone for. 510 00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:08,912 Who is this one to tell us how to hate Jessi? 511 00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:12,707 She called me ugly in front of everyone after I professed my love! 512 00:22:12,791 --> 00:22:15,126 -She said she wasn't attracted to you… -Ugh. 513 00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:18,129 …after you, like, cornered her in front of the whole class. 514 00:22:18,213 --> 00:22:20,298 -Whatever! -You basically pushed her to say it. 515 00:22:20,382 --> 00:22:21,508 I was there, dude. 516 00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:22,509 Okay, "dude". 517 00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:24,260 What exactly did Jessi do to you? 518 00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:27,138 Talk over you at some stupid affinity group meeting? 519 00:22:27,222 --> 00:22:30,433 Ooh, see? I never fucked with that little Creamsicle Nick anyway. 520 00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:32,519 -Uh, excuse you? -[screeches] 521 00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:34,979 Bitch! Jessi has been running all over my girl. 522 00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:36,731 Y'all new to this hatin' Jessi shit. 523 00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:38,733 It doesn't matter who hated Jessi first. 524 00:22:38,817 --> 00:22:42,195 What matters is whose hateful flame burns the brightest. 525 00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:45,198 And, girl, I am a phoenix 526 00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:49,661 emerging from Wendy Williams' morning matcha. 527 00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:53,248 Do not let this little fuck minimize what she did to you. 528 00:22:53,331 --> 00:22:55,834 Jessi didn't just interrupt me, Nick. 529 00:22:55,917 --> 00:22:57,877 She stole my whole group from me. 530 00:22:57,961 --> 00:23:00,088 She's a jackal. She's a cracker jackal. [hisses] 531 00:23:00,171 --> 00:23:04,592 Because you roofied everybody comatose with your boring-ass plans, you dork. 532 00:23:04,676 --> 00:23:06,594 Well, a dork is a whale's penis, 533 00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:10,348 and I would be proud to be any part of that noble creature. 534 00:23:10,432 --> 00:23:11,933 Only a dork would know that! 535 00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:13,977 Wow, Jessi was right. 536 00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:16,938 You are ugly inside and out. 537 00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:19,858 No wonder she wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot dork! 538 00:23:19,941 --> 00:23:23,278 -Hey, Dr. PlainTalk, your nips are mine! -[Missy gasps] 539 00:23:23,361 --> 00:23:25,113 Yes, it's finally happening. 540 00:23:25,196 --> 00:23:26,698 -Boop, boop. -[yells] 541 00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:29,659 -[both grunting] -An altercation has started! 542 00:23:30,994 --> 00:23:34,706 Yes, yes, whoever wins gets me as a piss boy. 543 00:23:34,789 --> 00:23:37,125 And whoever loses gets to take a shit in his ass. 544 00:23:37,208 --> 00:23:38,626 -What? -Trust me, you want it. 545 00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:39,586 Okay. Yeah. 546 00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:42,130 Fuck the high road! Poop in my butt hole! 547 00:23:42,213 --> 00:23:44,466 Take a bite of my Skechers, bitch! 548 00:23:44,549 --> 00:23:45,925 -Hiya! -[Ali] Ah! 549 00:23:46,009 --> 00:23:49,262 -[boy] Whoa! -Missy, stop! Please. Somebody help! 550 00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:51,181 Shut up. Fuck you. Eat shit. 551 00:23:51,264 --> 00:23:54,392 -[Benitez] Oh, my God. -You want some more, huh? Screw you! 552 00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:56,269 And screw Jessi too! 553 00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,104 I hate you, Jessi! 554 00:23:58,188 --> 00:24:01,608 -I hate it here! [crying] -Missy is fucking crazy, okay? 555 00:24:01,691 --> 00:24:03,443 She ripped out my permanent retainer. 556 00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:06,696 I don't know what's going on with her. She's so different. 557 00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:08,239 That's hate, man. 558 00:24:08,323 --> 00:24:11,075 It'll get inside you, bring you to your knees, 559 00:24:11,159 --> 00:24:13,620 and make you say shit you never thought you'd say. 560 00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:16,039 Just like Jason Big-ig-ig-ig-ig-ig-igs! 561 00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:19,334 [in sing-song] Oh, God, not again! 562 00:24:19,417 --> 00:24:21,336 [melancholy music plays] 563 00:24:23,588 --> 00:24:25,340 What were you thinking, Lols? 564 00:24:25,423 --> 00:24:28,009 What you did was a child pornography. 565 00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:29,552 You're not my dad, Rodney! 566 00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:32,472 -You're just my mom's parole officer. -Hey! 567 00:24:32,555 --> 00:24:35,099 And it's so obvious that you're in love with her, 568 00:24:35,183 --> 00:24:38,853 and FYI, she doesn't love anyone who loves her back. [sniffles] 569 00:24:38,937 --> 00:24:41,564 And that's not a lesson that I want to learn right now. 570 00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:43,399 Esteemed sorcerers, please! 571 00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:46,945 You have to understand, I--I was betrayed by the woman I love! 572 00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:49,739 You chose the wand between your legs. 573 00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:52,617 And now you must relinquish your wand 574 00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:54,869 that's in your magician's JanSport. 575 00:24:54,953 --> 00:24:56,162 I understand. 576 00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:03,628 -Hi, Nicky. How was school? -How was staying home and being stupid? 577 00:25:03,711 --> 00:25:05,880 Oh, shut up. Fuck you. Eat shit. 578 00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:08,091 Missy, I am at a loss. 579 00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:10,051 It wasn't my fault. Jessi started it! 580 00:25:10,134 --> 00:25:13,638 Enough! You're smoking marijuana, getting into fights at school, 581 00:25:13,721 --> 00:25:15,014 starting rumors? 582 00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:16,849 This isn't the little girl we raised. 583 00:25:16,933 --> 00:25:22,897 Well, you really have become a hateful, loathsome creature, haven't you, Missy? 584 00:25:22,981 --> 00:25:24,107 Maybe he's right. 585 00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:26,526 I've never gotten in trouble at school before. 586 00:25:26,609 --> 00:25:29,279 You're an embarrassment and a disgrace! 587 00:25:29,362 --> 00:25:30,905 -Oh! -[grunts] Fuck that noise. 588 00:25:30,989 --> 00:25:33,324 -You a bad bitch for choking out Ali. -Really? 589 00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:36,119 Hell yeah! You don't need that crusty old wizard, 590 00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:38,288 or your parents, or Nick, or anybody. 591 00:25:38,371 --> 00:25:39,372 You got me, baby. 592 00:25:39,455 --> 00:25:42,375 -Yeah, I do. [grunts] -[whooshes, slithers] 593 00:25:42,917 --> 00:25:44,669 -[Missy moans] -[Cyrus] Well, Missy? 594 00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:46,963 -What do you have to say for yourself? -Missy? 595 00:25:47,046 --> 00:25:50,383 [echoing] I fucking hate you! 596 00:25:50,466 --> 00:25:51,301 [door slams] 597 00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:53,094 -["IFHY" plays] -♪ I fucking hate you ♪ 598 00:25:53,177 --> 00:25:54,345 ♪ But I love you ♪ 599 00:25:54,887 --> 00:25:57,098 ♪ I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled ♪ 600 00:25:57,181 --> 00:26:00,226 ♪ You're good at being perfect We're good at being troubled ♪ 601 00:26:00,768 --> 00:26:01,603 ♪ Yeah ♪ 602 00:26:03,771 --> 00:26:05,481 ♪ I fucking hate you ♪ 603 00:26:05,565 --> 00:26:07,317 ♪ But I love you ♪ 604 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,652 ♪ I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled ♪ 605 00:26:09,736 --> 00:26:12,739 ♪ You're good at being perfect We're good at being troubled ♪ 606 00:26:13,364 --> 00:26:14,198 ♪ Yeah ♪ 607 00:26:16,242 --> 00:26:19,662 [echoing] ♪ Girl, you fucking With my emotions ♪ 608 00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:22,040 ♪ The fuck is all this noise about? ♪ 609 00:26:22,123 --> 00:26:24,709 ♪ I even considered picking up smoking ♪ 610 00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:28,087 ♪ You turned to a bitch Who let the dogs out? ♪ 611 00:26:28,171 --> 00:26:29,380 ♪ But in my dog house ♪ 612 00:26:30,465 --> 00:26:31,966 ♪ My bitch is the raddest ♪ 613 00:26:32,050 --> 00:26:34,969 ♪ Crazy who makes me the happiest Can make me the saddest ♪ 614 00:26:35,053 --> 00:26:37,138 ♪ Look, Alice Let's get lost in your wonderland ♪ 615 00:26:37,263 --> 00:26:39,682 ♪ Fuck an atlas You're perfectly perfect for me ♪ 616 00:26:40,224 --> 00:26:41,351 ♪ Yeah ♪