1 00:00:09,594 --> 00:00:11,637 -[majestic music plays] -[animal chirps] 2 00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:18,102 Oh, my God, Sonya, did I tell you what Blake did for Gwen this weekend? 3 00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,772 Let me guess, another loving gesture? 4 00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:23,274 He made her breakfast in bed! 5 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:26,444 It was B-A-N-A-N-A-S. 6 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:30,573 [chuckles] That's from one of her songs, and he made her banana pancakes too! 7 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:33,993 Hey, have they ever fucked on those spinning chairs? 8 00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:35,328 Sonya! 9 00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:36,454 Of course. 10 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,580 [laughs] 11 00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:40,708 -God, I love being a lovebug! -Yeah, it's a living. 12 00:00:40,792 --> 00:00:41,751 [whooshes] 13 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:44,462 Walter, this one's for you. 14 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,630 Thanks, Emmy. 15 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,673 Ooh! You look chipper this morning. 16 00:00:47,757 --> 00:00:51,719 I met a gremlin on the train, and we're getting Negronis later! 17 00:00:51,803 --> 00:00:55,431 -I can't. She was 45 minutes late today. -Ooh, a new assignment! 18 00:00:55,515 --> 00:00:58,267 "Love is in the Air, Bridgeton Middle." 19 00:00:58,351 --> 00:01:02,814 Oh, young love, it is so pure. It's so passionate, so-- 20 00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:03,940 So detached. 21 00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:06,526 -Kids these days, always on their phones. -Hmm. 22 00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:09,737 They'd rather tweet at their senators than actually talk to each other. 23 00:01:09,821 --> 00:01:12,073 Oh, wait, you've got one too. 24 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,324 "Nick Birch." 25 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,493 And I have "Jessi Glazer." 26 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,829 -Jew! -Ooh, you love those! 27 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:21,249 Hi, guys, look who's here to sell Penis Scout cookies! 28 00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:22,333 [Walter] So cute! 29 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,085 Don't feel obligated to buy any. 30 00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:26,504 That being said, the Thin Dicks are pretty good. 31 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,048 Especially if you put them in the freezer! 32 00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:32,844 Aww, come on, right? I pocket all the money. 33 00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:35,221 ["Changes" by Charles Bradley plays] 34 00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:40,852 ♪ I'm going through changes ♪ 35 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:50,153 ♪ I'm going through changes ♪ 36 00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:53,030 ♪ Oh, in my life ♪ 37 00:01:54,574 --> 00:01:57,451 ♪ Oh! Ooh! Ooh! ♪ 38 00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:06,669 [blows whistle] 39 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:11,382 Okay, Jay and Charles, it's your turn to hug each other on the floor. 40 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,885 Heads up, sometimes when I wrestle, I black out 41 00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:17,597 because my brothers tea-bagged me my senior year of Kindergarten. [grunts] 42 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:22,643 Okay, I'm feeling very self-conscious in this tight, little singlet, Maury. 43 00:02:22,727 --> 00:02:25,438 I mean, my messed up dingle hasn't even healed yet! 44 00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:27,106 Yeah, but that ass! 45 00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:29,192 What? You talkin' about this ass? 46 00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:32,153 Take that little blimp on a trip around the world for everybody! 47 00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:33,779 -Oh, like this? -Yeah! 48 00:02:33,863 --> 00:02:35,156 Put on a show, baby! 49 00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,491 I could do this all day. 50 00:02:37,575 --> 00:02:40,953 Me too. I just have a haircut at 4:30 that I can't miss. 51 00:02:41,037 --> 00:02:42,872 Wow, Maury, you are right. 52 00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:45,875 This singlet really shapes my bulbous ass. 53 00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,418 [farts] Whoa-ho-ho! 54 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,794 Well, that's new. 55 00:02:48,878 --> 00:02:50,922 -[grunts] -[straining] Now you see me, 56 00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,590 -now you don't! -[gasps, grunts] 57 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,759 -[grunts] -[blows whistle] That's the end. 58 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,135 Hey, what was that move? 59 00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:58,012 You mean my full-body sleight of hand? 60 00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,931 Fucking magic, obviously. 61 00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,016 -"Magic"? Tight. -Are you making fun of me? 62 00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:04,435 Because I will have a tea-bagging flashback 63 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,062 right here, right now! 64 00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:08,356 I'm not playing. Magic's cool. 65 00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:09,941 "Cool"? Really-- 66 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:10,942 [explodes] 67 00:03:12,235 --> 00:03:13,402 Wow, you really prepared. 68 00:03:13,486 --> 00:03:15,696 Well, it is the first meeting of my affinity group… 69 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:20,076 I mean, everyone's affinity group that I organized and I am the head of. 70 00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:21,744 Hey, Nick. What are you doing here? 71 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,663 Where are the allies supposed to go? 72 00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,456 You are so smooth, man. 73 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,960 You are like a dolphin that works at the lotion factory. 74 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:31,128 Oh, dear Lord, he's with Rick? 75 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,546 I thought Rick retired. 76 00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:34,131 I thought Rick died. 77 00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,217 Okay, welcome, everybody. 78 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:39,929 I would like us to think of this meeting as a serious partay, 79 00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:41,597 but instead of cheese doodles, 80 00:03:41,681 --> 00:03:44,392 it's issues… [chuckles] …we'll be munching on. 81 00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:45,643 You can't eat issues! 82 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,144 As our first project, 83 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:52,108 I'd like to propose we do something about Bridgeton's highly problematic mascot, 84 00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,651 the Scheming Gypsy. 85 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:57,071 There's a statue of the Scheming Gypsy on the south lawn. 86 00:03:57,154 --> 00:04:01,033 -A hawk lives in her bosom. -Holy shit! That's what the mascot is? 87 00:04:01,117 --> 00:04:03,661 I thought it was Steven Van Zandt from the E Street Band. 88 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:06,122 I know! Can you believe that shit? 89 00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:08,749 If you believe it, I do, because I believe women. 90 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,626 -Okay. You're cute for trying. -[chuckles] 91 00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:13,713 Cute? I don't know if I'd use that word, but you already did, so… [mumbles] 92 00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:18,843 Sonya, I think Nick might be goo-goo gaga for Jessi! 93 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,720 You never know until you glow! 94 00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:23,222 This mascot is fucked. How do we get rid of it? 95 00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:27,101 Uh, if you refer to your handout, I actually have a 20-point plan. 96 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,978 Guys, there's a wrestling meet tomorrow. 97 00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,396 We should do a protest there. 98 00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:32,481 -I think Jessi's super right. -Yeah! 99 00:04:32,565 --> 00:04:34,692 We need to surprise attack those fuckers! 100 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,653 Guys, a surprise attack was not part of my plan, 101 00:04:37,737 --> 00:04:40,573 and again, I direct you to the handout. 102 00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:41,866 Then let's revise the plan! 103 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:44,952 It's hard to revise the plan when you haven't even heard the plan, Ali! 104 00:04:45,036 --> 00:04:46,579 Missy, do you want change or not? 105 00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:49,749 It's 4:30 p.m. Maury is getting his haircut. 106 00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:53,419 -Of course I want change, but I just-- -All right, let's take a vote. 107 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,629 -Who wants to protest tomorrow? -[Nick] Yes! 108 00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:57,965 I protest this abandonment of procedure! 109 00:04:58,049 --> 00:05:00,509 Great, it's settled. Let's fuck shit up! 110 00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:02,511 Yeah, let's get balls deep, Glazer! 111 00:05:02,595 --> 00:05:04,096 -So deep! -[chuckles] Yes, please! 112 00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:07,391 -[excited chatter] -Does no one want to hear my plan? 113 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:10,144 You are crestfallen, please confirm. 114 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,312 Confirmed. 115 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,356 Hey, that was awesome. What do we do next? 116 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,733 Well, I'm going over to Ali's tonight to make posters. 117 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:16,817 -You should come. -Really? 118 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,027 -Yeah. -Yeah, great. 119 00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,488 I have this insane collection of markers 120 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:23,240 because I once told my grandma that I like to draw, 121 00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:27,036 and now she sends me a pack every few months because she has dementia. 122 00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:27,953 Ok-- okay. 123 00:05:28,037 --> 00:05:30,623 I-- I don't know why I feel comfortable sharing this with you. 124 00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:34,418 Anyway, one thing, Jessi, you should know about me is that I have a lot of markers. 125 00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:37,129 Oh, here we glow. 126 00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:40,883 It's pulsating through my butt hole and tingling up my spine. 127 00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,052 I know what it feels like, Walter! 128 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,303 But the audience doesn't. 129 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:46,347 -I'm trying to paint a picture here. -Okay, sorry. 130 00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:50,393 All right, Nick, I'll see you and your many, many markers tonight. 131 00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:52,978 Okay. I already know I'm gonna forget the markers. 132 00:05:53,062 --> 00:05:55,439 Isn't she remarkable? 133 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,483 Oh, hi. Uh, who are you? 134 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,443 I'm Walter, your lovebug, 135 00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,363 and I'm here because you are in love with Jessi. 136 00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:03,447 What? No, I'm not. 137 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,157 I just like her more than anyone 138 00:06:05,241 --> 00:06:06,909 I've ever liked before ever. Shut up! 139 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:10,454 Ooh, baby boy, if you didn't love her, I wouldn't be here. 140 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:11,455 What do you mean? 141 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:14,417 -♪ From every Antony and Cleopatra ♪ -[upbeat music plays] 142 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,794 ♪ To the Beyoncés and Jay-Zs ♪ 143 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,213 ♪ We've been stokin' The flames of passion ♪ 144 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,882 ♪ Since y'all climbed down Out of the trees ♪ 145 00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:24,343 ♪ And we can help you seal the deal ♪ 146 00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:26,804 ♪ But first we got to know it's real ♪ 147 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,931 ♪ So tell me just one thing ♪ 148 00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:31,851 -♪ Do you feel the love? ♪ -I--I think so? 149 00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:34,437 ♪ Is there a warm, electric tingle ♪ 150 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,064 -♪ From your nipples to your chub? ♪ -There is! 151 00:06:37,148 --> 00:06:41,652 ♪ You feel bubbles of elation Like your heart farted in the tub? ♪ 152 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,280 -Yeah! -♪ Or like you did a huge line of blow ♪ 153 00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:47,158 ♪ Well, maybe, but I wouldn't know ♪ 154 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,034 ♪ What I'm asking you, my friend, is ♪ 155 00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:50,744 ♪ Do you feel the love? ♪ 156 00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:52,288 ♪ I think I feel the love ♪ 157 00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:54,665 ♪ Do you long to suck her eyeballs ♪ 158 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,334 -♪ And run naked through her hair? ♪ -Well, of course. 159 00:06:57,418 --> 00:07:01,338 ♪ Is there a buzzing in your skull And lights are flashing? ♪ 160 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:02,423 ♪ All the time ♪ 161 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:04,341 ♪ Could be you've gone insane ♪ 162 00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,510 ♪ Or there's a tumor's Growing in your brain ♪ 163 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,428 Wait, what? 164 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:10,806 ♪ Or more likely, boy You're in the throes of passion ♪ 165 00:07:10,890 --> 00:07:12,349 ♪ I think it's passion ♪ 166 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:14,685 ♪ You feel a cool, refreshing blast ♪ 167 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,146 [both] ♪ Like an Altoid up the ass ♪ 168 00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:19,440 ♪ Oh, tell me, tell me, friend ♪ 169 00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:21,984 -♪ Do you feel the love? ♪ -♪ I feel the love ♪ 170 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,445 -♪ Do you feel the love? ♪ -♪ I feel the love! ♪ 171 00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:25,988 ♪ Do you feel the love? ♪ 172 00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:28,115 -♪ In your nostrils ♪ -[Nick] ♪ I feel it ♪ 173 00:07:28,199 --> 00:07:30,701 -[Walter] ♪Pumpin' in your hips ♪ -[Nick] ♪ I feel it ♪ 174 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,245 -[Walter] ♪ In your metatarsals ♪ -[Nick] ♪ I feel it ♪ 175 00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:36,624 ♪ In your big, fat lips Do you feel the love? ♪ 176 00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:38,334 ♪ I feel it ♪ 177 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:42,880 -♪ Yes, I feel the love ♪ -[Walter sustains last note] 178 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,217 Holy shit. I'm in love with Jessi. 179 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,343 Shut up! 180 00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:50,346 So I said, "Father Joseph, I get that you're married to God, 181 00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:54,058 but a good husband would never let his partner wear that outfit." 182 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,060 [laughs] That's hilarious. 183 00:07:56,143 --> 00:08:00,731 Hey, Matt. Remember when Jay consensually showed us his rock-hard dick? 184 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:01,732 Yes, I remember. 185 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,318 -I found that very moving. -Will you shut up? 186 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:07,780 So, I know we said no gifts for our nine-month anniversary, 187 00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:10,157 but we both love stuff, so I got you a thing. 188 00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:13,285 Oh, my God! A digital picture frame! 189 00:08:13,369 --> 00:08:16,664 It's stupid, but it cost a lot of money, so that's cool. 190 00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:19,124 You know what's stupid but costs no money? 191 00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:20,709 Jay's dick. So that's cool. 192 00:08:20,793 --> 00:08:23,671 I actually got you something too. 193 00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:25,589 -[chuckles] -It's a vest? 194 00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,341 Yeah, he wants you to look like Jay. 195 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,177 First, it's the vest, then a reverse circumcision. 196 00:08:30,261 --> 00:08:32,304 -We take a piece of skin-- -Not what's happening here! 197 00:08:32,388 --> 00:08:34,765 I just thought you'd look cute in it. Put it on! 198 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:38,310 Okay. Wow, you were right, I actually do look pretty good in this. 199 00:08:38,394 --> 00:08:39,895 Yeah, pretty good. 200 00:08:39,979 --> 00:08:42,940 Aiden reminds me of Snoopy when he put sunglasses on. 201 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,235 Yeah, he looks cool, but that doesn't mean you want to suck his D. 202 00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:50,364 Okay, mine's gonna say, "#Romani grabs back." 203 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,282 -[chuckles] -Ooh! 204 00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:53,867 She's funny. You didn't tell me how funny she was, Nick. 205 00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:55,327 -I didn't? -No, you did not! 206 00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:57,162 Oh, no, she's funny. 207 00:08:57,246 --> 00:09:00,791 She's just naturally funny, while still being her dazzling self. 208 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:05,170 Ooh, and herself, well, it's as charming as a pig with shoes on. 209 00:09:05,254 --> 00:09:06,755 I don't-- I don't know what that is. 210 00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:08,340 -Never seen a pig with shoes on? -No. 211 00:09:08,424 --> 00:09:09,425 -It's cute. -It's charming. 212 00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:10,676 Ooh, whee! 213 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:14,013 Jessi, did you know Ali's got one of those modern toilets? 214 00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:16,682 It's a true pleasure to shit in her house. 215 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,476 Connie? Man, it's so good to see you. 216 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,520 -Sonya! -What have you been up to? 217 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,814 Oh, you know, this and that, 218 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,482 -fucking your mom. -[both laugh] 219 00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:28,277 -I wouldn't be surprised. -Hold up, you here for Jessi? 220 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,737 You bet your clean ass I am. 221 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,573 Hot ham in a pair of wedges! 222 00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:34,658 Jessi's gonna be in love? Who is it? 223 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,327 Don't tell me. Oh! Is it Judd? 224 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,787 Oh, I don't know. I haven't met Judd yet. 225 00:09:38,871 --> 00:09:42,833 Oh, well, you gotta meet Judd, and you got to use Ali's bathroom. 226 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,210 I took a nice, hot shit up in it. 227 00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,630 Okay, I think I'm gonna write, "Not my mascot." 228 00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:50,591 Okay, I love that. You have surprisingly good handwriting for a boy. 229 00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:53,761 And if you ever let your bangs grow out, I'll kill myself. 230 00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:55,512 Then, I guess I'll keep trimming my bangs. 231 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,514 I guess then I won't throw myself off a building. 232 00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,392 -[laughs] Well, I guess not. -Oh, my God, you two, get a room. 233 00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:02,227 -What? Stop it! -Oh, my God, please! 234 00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,021 What room? What room would we even get? 235 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,775 Their attraction to each other's being called out by a peer! 236 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,360 Please don't get too excited, Walter. 237 00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:12,529 You can't get too excited when it comes to Jessi Glazer. 238 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,282 She's as cute as a squirrel in an acorn hat. 239 00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:18,869 Zip, zap, that ain't no rat. That's a little squirrel in an acorn hat! 240 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,371 Ah! [laughs] 241 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,081 She's cast a spell over us. 242 00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,832 I love my job. 243 00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,585 If you're just joining us, welcome to wrestling, 244 00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:28,671 the gayest sport on the planet. 245 00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,714 Sports cannot be gay or straight. 246 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,383 [laughs] Hilarious. 247 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:33,509 And false. 248 00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,844 First matchup, we have Andrew Glouberman, who… 249 00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:36,762 [Andrew] Oh! Ow. 250 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:40,057 Yep, got pinned immediately, perfectly fulfilling all expectations. 251 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,476 Hey, Andrew! I came to watch! 252 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:43,769 You're such a loser! 253 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:46,605 Yeah, but you know who wins? The crowd. 254 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:50,234 That singlet is tight and just right, baby. 255 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,528 -[cheering] -Here comes our beloved mascot, 256 00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:55,155 -the Scheming Gypsy! -[whooping] 257 00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:59,702 Uh-oh, I'm looking into my crystal ball to, like, see the future! 258 00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:03,539 Holy fucking shit, this is wildly offensive. 259 00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:06,083 [crowd] Gypsy! Gypsy! What do you see? 260 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,962 -I see Charles Lu with a victory! -[crowd cheers] Victory! 261 00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:13,257 And I see Jay dying alone from choking on his brothers' gonads! 262 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,800 -[crowd cheers] -Gonads! 263 00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,635 People don't know we're protesting. 264 00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:18,679 They think we're watching the wrestling match! 265 00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,723 Okay, guys, we have to do something. 266 00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:22,224 Oh, shit! 267 00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:26,145 Check it out, Matthew, my nuts are all grubbled up on top of my shaft. 268 00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:27,896 -Uh… Oh. Um… -[laughs] 269 00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:31,650 [cheering] Zip, zap, grubbled up sack! You want to take Jay from the back. 270 00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:35,571 From the back, to the sack. Jack his stack, eat his cum for a snack. 271 00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:36,947 Navarro! 272 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,657 [straining, grunts] 273 00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:41,744 I don't like this mat! 274 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,704 I don't like the mat. [blows whistle] 275 00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:46,039 -[people cheering] -You used my move! [laughs] 276 00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,792 -That was amazing. -You know any more wrestling magic? 277 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,919 Fuck yeah, I know more wrestling magic. 278 00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:54,590 [laughs] Okay, Charles Lu, feel free to join me at Panera after the meet 279 00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:57,092 and bring your sense of fucking wonderment. 280 00:11:57,176 --> 00:11:58,469 Sick. I love bread. 281 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:01,263 Pop it, lock it, pick that pocket. 282 00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:04,057 Okay, that is enough. We are going down there. 283 00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:06,852 No! This is supposed to be a peaceful protest! 284 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,229 -Fuck peaceful! -Those two words don't go together. 285 00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:11,315 [cheering] Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 286 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,026 -This racist mascot's got to go! -[crowd booing] 287 00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:17,321 Yes! Look around! Everyone is so annoyed and confused. It's working! 288 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:20,866 Oh, my God, Nick, we're being the change we want to see in the gym. 289 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:24,036 Sweet mercy, she's touching your arm. 290 00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:25,621 Isn't it exhilarating? 291 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,706 Yeah, I can barely breathe. 292 00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:30,250 Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Fuck all you guys! 293 00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:32,377 Wow, look at you, all fired up. 294 00:12:32,461 --> 00:12:34,463 I like this side of you, Nicholas Birch. 295 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:37,090 Yeah, "Nicholas." Like a fucking man, not a kid. 296 00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:40,135 Whoa, whoa, whoa! We're not getting rid of our mascot. 297 00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,845 I feel represented by the Gypsy! 298 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,597 What? You're not even Romani! 299 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,474 But I'm a schemer! 300 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,392 I come from a long line of schemers! 301 00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:51,563 We scheme and scheme until we can't schemes no more! 302 00:12:51,647 --> 00:12:53,524 -I'm with the feral boy! -[howls] 303 00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:54,650 Some things are wrong. 304 00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:58,403 But if they're wrong for long enough, they become tradition! 305 00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:01,073 But it's a bad tradition that needs to be changed. 306 00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:04,284 What's next? You're gonna change the Braves or the Chiefs, 307 00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:05,828 or my mom wiping me? 308 00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,496 Yeah. All those things. 309 00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:11,291 -But we're on a winning streak. -Yeah! Can it wait till after the season? 310 00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:14,920 That's what I've been saying, DeVon! This is a lengthy process! 311 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,713 Missy! Whose side are you on? 312 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:19,132 Jessi, we tried it your way and it failed. 313 00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:21,176 It didn't fail. This is how it starts! 314 00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:24,012 Ladies, ladies, there's no need to fight. 315 00:13:24,096 --> 00:13:27,266 The solution you seek is these tasty cheeks. 316 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:28,892 -Those cheeks! -That ass! 317 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,353 Hormone monsters! We got sass! 318 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:32,688 -[grunts, groans] -[gasps] 319 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:33,814 Turn off the camera. 320 00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:35,440 [laughs] 321 00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:37,526 -That was fuckin' wild! -Oh, yeah. Right? 322 00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:40,070 Uh-oh. Caught in the act! Dehydrating pineapple. 323 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,865 -Ugh. So sorry, let's go to my room. -Wait, hold on. 324 00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:44,283 ♪ Who's your friend? ♪ 325 00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:45,868 -I would like to meet her. -Oh, my God. 326 00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,412 -Hey, Mr. Glazer. I'm Ali. -We're just passing through. 327 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,914 We're trying to do big things, like overturn a mascot! 328 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,624 Well, if you need some sustenance, 329 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,835 here's a bag of Daddy Greg's pineapple chews. 330 00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:56,837 Ew, they look like dried-up little butt holes. 331 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,881 I wish my butt tasted this sweet! 332 00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:01,091 Dad! Oh, he's so embarrassing. 333 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,551 My dad's embarrassing, too. 334 00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,094 He wears True Religion jeans. 335 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,304 He sounds cool. 336 00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:07,514 -Is he looking for male friends? -Bye, Dad! 337 00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:10,893 Hey, Jessi! You have my info, right? To pass along to Ali's dad? 338 00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:13,437 Hey, guys, I need to make weight for wrestling, 339 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,398 and I have a nine-pound parasite living in my guts. 340 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:17,566 But here's the thing! 341 00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:19,735 We've become very dear friends, 342 00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:23,822 so I want him out of my body but not out of my life. 343 00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:24,781 Any suggestions? 344 00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:27,200 What in sweet fucking Joseph is wrong with him? 345 00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:29,661 Nothing! He just doesn't want to lose a friend. 346 00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:31,955 Jay is, to me, a very special person. 347 00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:33,707 Why do you like him so much? 348 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:37,210 Because! He's uninhibited, unwashed, uncut, 349 00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,755 and he's got that funk to make your junk spunk. 350 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:43,300 But Aiden… He's smart, he's kind, he likes me. 351 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:46,970 Well, of recent, Aiden gives you mushy pee-pee. 352 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,347 You need to ditch him. 353 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,182 Oh, stop it. I'm not breaking up with Aiden. 354 00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:54,519 You never take any of my advice, and I have good ideas. I'm not dumb. 355 00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:56,897 -Oh, Maury-- -No! I don't want to talk right now. 356 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,398 I'm going for a run. 357 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,778 Charles Lu, prepare to have your dick blown off your body 358 00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,697 by the Sorcerers of the Square Table. 359 00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:07,240 Smoke bomb! [grunts] 360 00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:09,242 Hm-hmm! 361 00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:10,535 [dramatic music playing] 362 00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:17,709 And gone! 363 00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:19,503 Ta-da! 364 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:20,587 Whoa. [chuckles] 365 00:15:20,671 --> 00:15:21,630 Fire. [munches] 366 00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,507 Your friend is so cool, Jay. 367 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,050 Yeah, no shit, Todd! 368 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:29,846 He's only the number-one kid in our grade, and he's hanging out with me! 369 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:34,476 Listen, sweetie, I am carbo-loading this juicy, wide roundy. 370 00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:37,521 So why don't you get me one of everything on the menu? 371 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:41,775 That's right, Andy, feed your curves that they may expand. 372 00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:44,569 Sir, I'm not sure that fat ass can get any fatter, 373 00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,697 but I'm willing to go on the journey with you. 374 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,908 -Well, then, away we go! [smacks] -[rumbles, squishes] 375 00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,495 So, you and Samira. Didn't see that coming. 376 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:56,665 I know. I know. I'm loud, she's super quiet, 377 00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,458 but Samira's actually really deep. 378 00:15:58,542 --> 00:16:00,877 -Really? -And she looks like an old colonial ghost. 379 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,963 -And that makes me horny. -I get that. I see that. 380 00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:05,882 -What about you? Who do you like? -Oh, God, no, I can't. 381 00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,968 -I shared, you share! -Ugh! 382 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:10,554 Let's tell her about Judd, how you stole his shirt 383 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,931 and how you floss your vagine-gine with it every night. 384 00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:14,349 -No, thank you! -Come on! 385 00:16:14,433 --> 00:16:16,143 We're all girlfriends here, right? 386 00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:18,437 We like to pinch each other's nipples. Come on, tell her! 387 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,857 Okay. You know Nick's brother, Judd? Well, I'm kind of into him… 388 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,734 -[squeals] -I know! 389 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,569 -He is so hot! -Right? 390 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,446 Well, in a weird, serial-killer kinda way. 391 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:30,907 Okay, so the other day, I stole this from his house. 392 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,285 -You're a little psycho, Jessi! -Am I? 393 00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:35,412 I bet you floss your snatch with it every night. 394 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,371 She knows! 395 00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:37,956 Okay, I only did it once! 396 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,084 I mean, God, to be honest, I actually thought you liked Nick. 397 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,003 -Really? -You guys have, like, chemistry. 398 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,714 -We do? -Química, as they say in español. 399 00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,758 I mean, we've always just been friends. 400 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:49,926 In a couple years, Nick might look just like Judd. 401 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:50,844 What's that now? 402 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,180 Wow, I never even thought about that point of view. 403 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:54,389 Buy short, sell tall. 404 00:16:54,473 --> 00:16:56,475 Sonya, is that why you're here? 405 00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:58,935 Jessi and Nick? Are they Ross and Rachel? 406 00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:01,313 You know, I didn't watch Friends. 407 00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:03,440 I guess I was too busy 408 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,483 fucking your mom. 409 00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:07,569 Okay, you know what? My mom has passed. So why don't you shut the fuck up? 410 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,780 -[phone vibrates] -Hey, Missy just texted us. 411 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:13,325 "Good news. I got us a meeting with the school board in six months"? 412 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,786 Fuck that shit! We have to do something right now! 413 00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,871 -Let's go knock down that racist statue! -Yes! 414 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,415 I'm all hopped up on your dad's pineapple butt holes. 415 00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:21,625 -Oh, my God, Ali! -Sorry! 416 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,668 -Whatever. Let's go! We're going! -Let's go! 417 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,588 Guys, I really think I have momentum with Jessi. 418 00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,465 All righty! The big mo! 419 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,051 You should have heard the way she said his name. 420 00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,552 "Nicholas Birch." 421 00:17:32,636 --> 00:17:35,097 Yeah, she likes the taste of my name in her mouth. 422 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,933 Bickolas Snirch. Yum, yum, yum. 423 00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:41,019 Nick, what you need now is a grand gesture! 424 00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:43,939 When I liked a girl, I'd write her a song, 425 00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:47,651 or buy her a pair of gloves that go all the way up to her armpits. 426 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:51,571 And then smell the gloves while she slept. [laughs] 427 00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:54,366 I don't know, a grand gesture seems kind of risky. 428 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:56,618 But think of all you have to gain. 429 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:59,746 Okay, I've done some quick oil paintings projecting your future. 430 00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:01,289 Jessi at Columbia. 431 00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:02,749 She worked hard, good for her. 432 00:18:02,833 --> 00:18:07,087 You at NYU, probably on some kind of comedy scholarship. 433 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,213 I learn differently. 434 00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,215 You'll meet halfway in Times Square, 435 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:13,718 get married, make a bunch of babies in Miami. 436 00:18:13,802 --> 00:18:16,763 Wow! That's exactly as I pictured it too. 437 00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:17,764 I'm in, Walter. 438 00:18:17,848 --> 00:18:21,434 Let's make a grand gesture for the heart of Jessi Glazer. 439 00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:23,770 Well said, Bicholas Snirch. 440 00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:26,273 Hey, that's my line. All right, I'm in the mix. 441 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:27,274 [crickets chirping] 442 00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,692 [both straining] 443 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,404 -Jeez, this thing's really a statue, huh? -[groans] 444 00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:35,031 Do you have chains and a pickup truck, by any chance? 445 00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,658 -There's a Lime scooter over there. -Ooh! 446 00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:39,244 What if we throw the scooter as hard as we can at the statue? 447 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,745 Oh, my God, great idea. 448 00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:43,498 -We're gonna kill this statue. -I feel crazy right now, Jessi! 449 00:18:43,582 --> 00:18:45,542 -I do too! -I think it's all the fucking pineapple. 450 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,377 -[straining] It's so heavy. -[farts] 451 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:51,256 -[laughs] Did you just fart? -[giggles] No! It--it was the statue. 452 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:54,259 We better knock that bitch over before she shits on the ground. 453 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,343 Pfft! Okay. 454 00:18:55,427 --> 00:18:56,386 [both yell] 455 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,472 -We suck! -Oh, we're so bad. Um… 456 00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:02,350 -The crystal ball looks loose. -Should we fucking kick it? 457 00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:04,769 Let me hold your shoulder. I'll fuckin' nail it with my heel. 458 00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:05,812 [farts, grunts] 459 00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:08,356 -[laughs] -I'm sorry! I think it's the pineapple. 460 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,275 Okay, enough of this bullshit! 461 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:11,860 -[yells] -[screeches] 462 00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:14,279 You have freed me from my curse. 463 00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:17,866 -I'm a man again. Thank you. -Wait, he's still a hawk, right? 464 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,452 Yeah, but don't tell him, he seems so happy. 465 00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:22,454 -Freeze there, fuckos! -Oh, shit! 466 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,873 You're under arrest for destruction of property 467 00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,666 here, there, over there, actually right here. 468 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,919 -[farts] -I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 469 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,378 [both laughing] 470 00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:32,380 Jesus Christ. That smells sweet. 471 00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:33,924 -[farts] -On my aunt's grave 472 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,508 who I loved like a mother, 473 00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:37,844 those girls' farts smell like a piña colada. 474 00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:40,055 -[both laugh] It's the pineapple! -[farts] 475 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,515 [music plays on laptop] 476 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,684 Um, if you're just gonna be on your phone all night, 477 00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:45,977 then we don't have to hang out. 478 00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:47,896 Whoa, I was just seeing what time it was. 479 00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:50,815 -Is something wrong? -No! Why are you always asking me that? 480 00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:53,526 Um, I have literally never asked you that before. 481 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:56,988 I guess I just feel like you're always up my ass about everything. 482 00:19:57,072 --> 00:19:58,949 Matt, I'm-- I'm confused. What's your game here? 483 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:02,953 And by the way, why would you put that hideous photo of me in there? 484 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:05,372 -Is that what you think I look like? -What is your problem? 485 00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,249 -You're being kinda psycho. -Are you… 486 00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:09,834 [chuckles] I'm sorry, are you breaking up with me? 487 00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:12,128 Oh, I see what you're doing. 488 00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,256 You're Inceptioning him to dump you. 489 00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:15,298 -Genius! -[clatters] 490 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,592 I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Matthew. 491 00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:21,096 Well, obviously you don't want to be with me if you think I'm such a psycho! 492 00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:24,224 Wait a minute. Are you trying to get me to break up with you? 493 00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:26,268 What? What does that even mean? 494 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,395 [chuckles] Oh, my God, you are. 495 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,105 You are such a fucking coward. 496 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:34,025 If I'm a fucking coward, maybe you should just continue dumping me. 497 00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:36,486 You're right in the middle of it, you're almost done! 498 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,655 No, no, no. No, no. You are dumping me. 499 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:42,325 That's so funny, because it feels like you're dumping me! 500 00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,577 You know what? Screw this, I'm out of here. 501 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,121 And for the record, you dumped me. 502 00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:48,123 You just weren't brave enough to actually do it. 503 00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,166 -Uh-oh. -Which, after all this time, 504 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,876 is really fucked up. 505 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,295 -[slams door] -Ugh. 506 00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:54,629 I'm such a dick. 507 00:20:54,713 --> 00:20:57,257 Sure, you're sad. I'm sad too! 508 00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,174 But not really. 509 00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:01,428 Not even at all, because now you can go after Jay. 510 00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:02,887 Huh. I guess I can. 511 00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:06,266 Hey, hey! Jay's hole! Lick his ass and stroke his pole. 512 00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:08,560 Ow, ow, ow, ow. Oh, ooh, it's tearing. 513 00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:10,770 That was dope. Those magic guys are cool. 514 00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:14,232 And what's really cool is they're, like, always available. 515 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:16,818 You can hit them up on their beepers day and night. 516 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:19,612 Tight. Hey, you know any more wrestling magic? 517 00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:20,822 Hell, yeah, I do! 518 00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:22,699 Get in here, Charles Lu! [grunts] 519 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:23,616 [both grunting] 520 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:25,994 -[grunts] -[thuds] 521 00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,204 [kissing] 522 00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:29,914 [Jay moans] Oh. 523 00:21:29,998 --> 00:21:30,874 Whoa! 524 00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:32,250 Later, dude. 525 00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:35,712 Oh, shit, my dick is levitating! 526 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,298 Oh, Maury, I don't feel so good. 527 00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:42,761 Yeah, no shit. You just powered down, like, six clam chowder bread bowls. 528 00:21:42,844 --> 00:21:45,805 I think I'm gonna shit my goddamned singlet. Ah! 529 00:21:45,889 --> 00:21:48,975 Okay. Hi. What's the code for the bathroom, good sir? 530 00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:52,854 -Six-seven-three-nine-oh-eight-eight… -What? Now what? Six… One more time. 531 00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,647 -Eight… -What the fuck? One more time! 532 00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:56,524 -Six, seven… -Fuck you. Fuck your door. 533 00:21:56,608 --> 00:21:59,611 Oh, no, lady. You're not gonna wanna be here for this. 534 00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:01,571 -My pocketbook! -It's fine! 535 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,698 I'm not sure I'm gonna make it, Maury. 536 00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:07,243 It's gonna be one of those where you're shitting as you're sitting down. 537 00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:08,161 One of those? 538 00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,330 My God, my singlet, I can't get it off. 539 00:22:10,413 --> 00:22:12,332 Rip that thing from bow to stern! 540 00:22:12,415 --> 00:22:13,875 Okay, good, nude as a baby! 541 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:15,168 -Oh… -[splashing] 542 00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:16,252 Buzzer beater! 543 00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:20,131 You're shitting as you're sitting down. Yes, okay. Yeah, I've done that. 544 00:22:20,215 --> 00:22:24,677 All right, girls, after all the rigmarole, we're letting ya off with a warning. 545 00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:27,889 But for all that's good and holy, lay off the pineapple. 546 00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:29,891 We're gonna have to fumigate our squad car. 547 00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:30,809 Yes, sir. 548 00:22:30,892 --> 00:22:32,977 I'm sorry we farted and broke a crystal ball. 549 00:22:33,061 --> 00:22:34,354 [both snickering] 550 00:22:34,437 --> 00:22:36,106 Well, they don't seem sorry at all, do they? 551 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:39,567 It's all giggles and bullshit till someone dies. 552 00:22:39,651 --> 00:22:41,736 Well, obviously you're grounded. 553 00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:44,155 I know. But it was totally worth it. 554 00:22:44,239 --> 00:22:47,784 Ali is a blast. You guys should rob a bank together. 555 00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:50,954 It's just so nice to have a new friend that makes me feel good 556 00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:53,331 and doesn't, like, jack off in front of me. 557 00:22:53,415 --> 00:22:56,793 Speaking of, is that Andrew wearin' a bread bowl on his butt? 558 00:22:56,876 --> 00:23:00,338 Hey, Jessi! You're probably asking yourself, 559 00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:04,008 "Why is Andrew wearing a rustic loaf over his sweet, fat can?" 560 00:23:04,092 --> 00:23:07,637 You see… Hey! No, no, no, no, wait! Can I get a ride home? 561 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,014 Oh, my underbreads! 562 00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:13,017 What the… 563 00:23:13,685 --> 00:23:14,519 -Hey! -Hey! 564 00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:15,770 -Hi! -Hey, Nick. 565 00:23:15,854 --> 00:23:18,064 -Um… -What are you doing outside of my house? 566 00:23:18,148 --> 00:23:20,024 -I, uh… -I'll give you five minutes, Jess, 567 00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:22,110 but only because Nick has an acoustic guitar. 568 00:23:22,193 --> 00:23:24,279 You do have an acoustic guitar. How come? 569 00:23:24,362 --> 00:23:25,321 Oh, um… 570 00:23:25,405 --> 00:23:28,408 Uh, because there's something I need to tell you. 571 00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:30,076 You got this, Nicholas. 572 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,494 You got the look. 573 00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:33,121 Jessi… [clears throat] 574 00:23:33,204 --> 00:23:35,206 [plays folksy melody] 575 00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:39,502 ♪ I love the way you fight the patriarch ♪ 576 00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:42,589 ♪ You're cool and funny And you're really smart ♪ 577 00:23:42,672 --> 00:23:47,218 ♪ I love when you get stubborn And you double down ♪ 578 00:23:48,970 --> 00:23:51,890 ♪ I like the way you stutter When you try to lie ♪ 579 00:23:51,973 --> 00:23:54,893 ♪ You're an easier hang Than most any guy ♪ 580 00:23:54,976 --> 00:23:59,772 ♪ Oh, I love your ponytail And your pouty frown ♪ 581 00:23:59,856 --> 00:24:01,191 [whispers] Connie, what do I do? 582 00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:04,527 Baby, I think you have to let him finish. Maybe at the end, it's a joke. 583 00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:09,699 ♪ Jessi, I see how great you are ♪ 584 00:24:10,366 --> 00:24:12,785 In case it wasn't clear, what I'm saying is, 585 00:24:12,869 --> 00:24:13,912 I love you. 586 00:24:13,995 --> 00:24:16,289 I'm in love with you, Jessi Glazer. 587 00:24:16,372 --> 00:24:18,666 Oh, my God, I don't know what to say. 588 00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:21,336 Sonya, where's the glow, darling? 589 00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:22,921 Oh… Walter. 590 00:24:23,004 --> 00:24:25,548 Nick, you don't… You don't love me. 591 00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:29,010 What? Of course I do. Like, it's so cheesy but, like, 592 00:24:29,093 --> 00:24:30,887 with all, like, my heart and soul. 593 00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:35,016 Like, I want to, like, make babies with you on a balcony in Miami. 594 00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:36,976 -Like, not now, but one day. -What? 595 00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:40,104 Oh, no, Nicky, no, no, no, no, no, no, Nicky, no. Stop. 596 00:24:40,188 --> 00:24:42,440 Can you just… Can you say something back now? 597 00:24:42,524 --> 00:24:45,401 I'm so sorry. I just don't think I feel the same way about you. 598 00:24:46,736 --> 00:24:50,406 -Cool, uh, cool. I see. That's, uh… -I'm so sorry. 599 00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:53,284 No, that's good, uh, good information to have. 600 00:24:53,368 --> 00:24:54,202 [chuckles] 601 00:24:54,285 --> 00:24:55,537 Walter, what do I do? 602 00:24:55,620 --> 00:24:58,164 Uh… I-- I don't know. This always works. 603 00:24:58,248 --> 00:24:59,874 Tell her you love her! 604 00:24:59,958 --> 00:25:02,877 -Okay, I feel like I should go? -Yeah, me too. 605 00:25:02,961 --> 00:25:05,797 So I think I'll just… I'm gonna go for a run. [pants] 606 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:06,839 -[clatters] -Ow! 607 00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:08,216 Oh! Dear Lord! 608 00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:10,843 Woof! That was rough. 609 00:25:10,927 --> 00:25:12,679 Why did Nick have to do that? 610 00:25:12,762 --> 00:25:13,972 And then he fell! 611 00:25:14,055 --> 00:25:15,557 Scraped his little hands. 612 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,226 You know he's not gonna clean the pebbles out of those hands. 613 00:25:18,309 --> 00:25:20,311 -[rock clacks] -Oh, God, he's back. 614 00:25:20,395 --> 00:25:21,646 Nick, I… 615 00:25:21,729 --> 00:25:22,689 -Ali! -Hey! 616 00:25:22,772 --> 00:25:23,898 Aren't you grounded? 617 00:25:23,982 --> 00:25:26,401 Well, yeah, but I-- I just wanted to let you know 618 00:25:26,484 --> 00:25:29,070 that my dad is super into hanging out with your dad. 619 00:25:29,153 --> 00:25:30,405 -Really? -No! 620 00:25:30,488 --> 00:25:33,616 I snuck out to tell you that you're a fucking bad-ass, Jessi Glazer! 621 00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:36,911 Me? You're the one who smashed a crystal ball with a rock! 622 00:25:36,995 --> 00:25:38,413 You farted at cops! 623 00:25:38,496 --> 00:25:39,706 Well, we both did that. 624 00:25:39,789 --> 00:25:41,249 We really did, didn't we? 625 00:25:41,332 --> 00:25:42,250 Hell yeah. 626 00:25:42,333 --> 00:25:45,128 All right, well, I gotta get back before my dad realizes 627 00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:47,797 the lump in my bed is a pile of True Religion jeans. 628 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:48,715 Love you! 629 00:25:48,798 --> 00:25:49,882 Love you! 630 00:25:49,966 --> 00:25:52,677 That girl is so cool, right? 631 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:54,679 [sighs] She's the fucking coolest. 632 00:25:54,762 --> 00:25:57,932 -["Love Bug" plays] -♪ That little bitty teeny weeny thing ♪ 633 00:25:58,016 --> 00:25:59,350 ♪ They call the love bug ♪ 634 00:26:01,102 --> 00:26:05,231 ♪ Nobody's ever seen it But it's got the whole world shook up ♪ 635 00:26:06,316 --> 00:26:09,319 ♪ It all started With a little bitty kiss and a hug ♪ 636 00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:14,616 ♪ It's a little bitty teeny weeny thing They call the love bug ♪ 637 00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:40,016 ♪ Well, I always thought That I had me a pretty good style ♪ 638 00:26:41,184 --> 00:26:44,562 ♪ But I lost that race By a good old country mile ♪