1 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:09,175 [piano playing softly] 2 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:13,178 Nick? 3 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,473 How... could you? 4 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:20,520 ♪ He's got your Missy now ♪ 5 00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:24,482 - Whoa, we did... - The kiss. Yeah. 6 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:25,960 - That was the kiss. - And it was... 7 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,277 - Uh... - ...pretty great. 8 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,361 - Yeah. - Okay. 9 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:29,320 - Okay. - Bye. 10 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:30,447 - Bye-bye. - Bye. 11 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,823 Okay, here's what we do. 12 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,908 You grab his top lip, I'll grab his bottom lip 13 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:37,203 - and we peel his fucking face off. - Yes. That way, we're not killing him. 14 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,164 - We're just peeling his face off. - Exactly. 15 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,373 No, no, wait. 16 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:44,919 He's my best friend. And fuck, we're goin' to camp together in a few days. 17 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,589 - I should give him a chance to come clean. - [door opens] 18 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:51,301 Oh, hey, uh, what are you... Why are you still at school? 19 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,427 Why are you here? 20 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,513 - What do I do? Should I tell him? - No! It'll crush him. 21 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,141 - Think of an amazing lie. - Uh, um... 22 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:02,187 I was just seeing if the cafeteria served dinner. 23 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,064 It does not. 24 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:07,025 - Anything else you wanna tell me? - Uh... 25 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:08,443 Nope, see you later. 26 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,028 - That liar. - [thunderclap] 27 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:13,615 - Jesus, Caleb. - Please sign my yearbook as Mr. Invisible, 28 00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:16,284 since no one can see you in your black turtleneck. 29 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,744 What? Your yearbook? 30 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:20,455 - Get the fuck out of here with that shit. - Okay. 31 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,295 Oh, no. Stop! 32 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,089 Stop kissing each other! 33 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,465 I'm right here. 34 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,092 I'm not invisible! 35 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,343 [screams] 36 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,845 - Oh, I just had the worst dream. - Tell me about it. 37 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,931 I just had a wet nightmare about Mickey Rourke 38 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,474 in a long paisley scarf. 39 00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:41,142 - Again? - Yeah. Every night, brother. 40 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,769 Mine was about Nick and Missy. 41 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:44,012 - They were kissing. - [farts] 42 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,188 Holy shit, Andrew. 43 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,481 - What? - You're invisible. 44 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,900 - I know. People take me for granted. - No, look. 45 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,903 [gasps] Oh my God, where did I go? 46 00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:54,239 - [knocking] - [Barbara] Andrew! Breakfast is ready! 47 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:57,242 [Marty] I put garlic powder in your oatmeal, like I've decided you like. 48 00:01:57,408 --> 00:02:00,120 Oh shit, Maury, if my parents see me, they'll freak. 49 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:01,496 They hate floating clothes. 50 00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:02,455 - Andrew! - What do I do? 51 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,820 - Uh... Quick. Undress. - Right, I'll take my clothes off. 52 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,209 Huh. 53 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,461 - He must have gone to school already. - Hmm. 54 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:12,132 Nothin' makes me more aroused than the absence of my son. 55 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,050 How about a little moofky-poofky? 56 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,554 - Oh, your hands smell like garlic powder. - [Andrew] Oh, God. 57 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:20,473 - [Marty] Oh, honey. - [Barbara] Oh, Marty. [chuckles] 58 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:24,352 Ugh! Your poor bed is being suffocated by those huge balls. 59 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,063 - [Barbara] Ooh! - [Andrew] Oh, God. Kill me. 60 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,190 - [farts] - Oh, fuck! [groans] 61 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:37,532 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 62 00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:46,708 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 63 00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:49,669 ♪ Oh, in my life ♪ 64 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:54,048 ♪ Oh, ooh, ooh ♪ 65 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:03,808 This is amazing. 66 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,186 - Every time I fart, I go in... - [farts] 67 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,021 - ...and out of invisibility. - [farts] 68 00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,189 - Invisible. - [farts] 69 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,857 I'm back. And it stinks. 70 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,567 Truly astounding, Andrew. 71 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,652 You somehow made farting even cooler. 72 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,446 I'm basically a superhero. 73 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,781 Wait until everyone sees your power, baby. 74 00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,468 Do you know what I could do with this? 75 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,703 I could shop at Lord & Taylor for hours on end 76 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:25,705 - without being judged. - Sure. Okay. 77 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:28,541 I'm gonna be the coolest dude in school. 78 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,376 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba... ♪ Oh, no. 79 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,257 That's right. There was a freak storm last night 80 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,926 and everybody has superpowers. 81 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,636 Is it related? Who cares? 82 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:44,390 It's the last week of school and it's... ♪ Fun! ♪ 83 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,478 [Caleb] I call you the Harmonizer. 84 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:51,981 You're a very talented artist, Caleb. Is that your superpower? 85 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,067 No, I am known as Lord Infinite. 86 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,902 I am an all-powerful being. 87 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,362 Jay, what the fuck is that? 88 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,988 It's jizz, Matthew. [laughs] 89 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,075 I'm the first and last cum bender. 90 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,910 [Asian-inspired music] 91 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:06,412 - Check this out. iI's an Escalade. - Amazing. 92 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,914 Gina, how about you? 93 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,667 Well, Matthew, I can stretch any part of my body. 94 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,836 Hey guys, it's me, Bull-ola. 95 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,964 [bellowing] 96 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:19,050 I've got the legs of a bull and the body of me. 97 00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:20,468 And ultimately, 98 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:23,137 I would swat a fly with my tail. 99 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,055 [grunts] 100 00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:25,223 Holy shit. 101 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:26,391 Look at Nick. 102 00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:28,226 Hey, Andrew, check it out. I'm Big Dick Boy. 103 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,228 [heavy metal riff] 104 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,478 [yells] 105 00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,441 Big Dick Boy destroyin' property. 106 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:39,153 Big prostate, peein' all night, a little concerned. 107 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,489 Pretty dope, huh? Hey, what's your power? 108 00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:44,492 Uh, when I, uh... ahem, fart, 109 00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:45,994 - I turn invisible. - Oh. 110 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:48,830 And it only really works, uh, if I'm totally nude. 111 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,790 [upbeat orchestral music] 112 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:52,833 [farts] 113 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,377 Invisible farting. 114 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,004 That's a really great power, bud. 115 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,672 Jessi, what's your power? 116 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:58,756 I, uh... 117 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,341 I don't seem to have one. 118 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,176 Maybe you're the newspaper reporter 119 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,303 - who gets saved. - Oof. 120 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,930 - Or maybe you're just a face in a locket. - [groans] 121 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:09,350 Oh God, there's Nick. I shouldn't have kissed him, right? 122 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:10,977 Oh, Lars is gonna be crushed. 123 00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:12,186 Who cares? 124 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,271 I care! 125 00:05:13,354 --> 00:05:14,188 I'm a cheater. 126 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:17,775 So break up with Lars, get together with Nick and lie about the timeline. 127 00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:20,403 - Do people do that? - Fuck, yeah! All the time. 128 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,697 - Hey, Missy. - Hi, Missy. I mean, hello, Missy. 129 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,325 No, I mean, hi, lips. Or hi, Nick. 130 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,076 - Wow, smackeroonies. - Nice to see ya. 131 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,579 - For sure. How lovely. - Hey, so what are your powers? 132 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,582 Well, what it is, is that I can make storms. 133 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:33,583 - [yelps] - [girl screams] 134 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,918 But I really can't control them at this point. Sorry. 135 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,795 I'm the Her-ricane. 136 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,174 Spelled H-E-R, because unfortunately, female superheroes 137 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,343 have to have their gender specified in their names. 138 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:46,512 Well, Missy. I think your powers are kind of electrifying. 139 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,139 [giggles and snorts] 140 00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:51,726 [gasps] Great superhero word play, cool personality. 141 00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:52,643 - Okay. - Anyhow. 142 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,663 - I guess I'll see you later or something. - Great. 143 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,689 Ooh, he likes you. 144 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,941 - Do you really think so? - Absolutely. 145 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,402 It's time to give Lars the pink slip. 146 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,571 And give Nick the pink slit. 147 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:04,530 [shudders] 148 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:07,950 Moving forward, slit is not a word that I'm comfortable with 149 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,786 and I really don't see that changing. 150 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,954 [playing smooth jazz] 151 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,790 Whoa, how are you doing that? 152 00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:14,999 I'm telekinetic. 153 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,168 - I can move objects with my mind. - Huh. 154 00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:18,878 I'm making lasagna at home right now. 155 00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,004 That's amazing. 156 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,214 So... [chuckles] 157 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,299 Not to be an asshole but, in theory, 158 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,510 you could use your mind to make your legs... 159 00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:27,571 - What do you want, Andrew? - Okay. All right. Okay. 160 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:31,224 I'm afraid I have some troubling information about Nick and Missy 161 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:33,107 - and their lips... - I don't want to hear it. 162 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:35,269 - ...which kissed each other. - Lies. 163 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,687 - Truth! - Lies! [grunts] 164 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,731 - Holy shit! - [farts] 165 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,441 Sorry, still here. Just invisible. 166 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,628 - I fart when I'm scared. - Why are you telling me this? 167 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,570 I thought Nick was your best friend. 168 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,864 Until he betrayed me. 169 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:51,411 So now, you and I, Lars, it appears we've become unlikely allies. 170 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,579 - Where are you going? What will you do? - Simple. 171 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:56,207 Nick must die. 172 00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:00,378 [farts slowly] 173 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:07,760 I just stole this big pretzel from Six Flags. 174 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:08,845 My power's lit. 175 00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:11,305 Ugh, even Lump has powers? 176 00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:14,684 - Nick Birch, you've got some nerve. - [grunts] 177 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,353 - [yells] What the hell, Lars? - I know what you did. 178 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,439 [roars] 179 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,357 Wait. Missy told you? 180 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,360 No! I was gonna talk to him after school. I'm sorry, Lars. 181 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:28,531 - It was I who told him that stuff. - [farts] 182 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:29,782 - Andrew? - Told him what? 183 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,367 - Nick kissed Missy. - [all gasp] 184 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,452 Gaaah! 185 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:35,872 Oof! You snitched to Lars? You weasel. 186 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,582 You're the fuckin' weasel. 187 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:40,710 - I went to you, you lied to me about it. - [yells] 188 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:41,878 Move! 189 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:45,631 - [yells] - Guys, stop fighting. 190 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,467 You should be mad at me, Lars. 191 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:48,759 I'm the one who cheated. 192 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,429 I thought you were gonna lie about the timeline. 193 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,764 This isn't how I wanted you to find out. 194 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,267 [sobs] I wanted to let you down gently 195 00:07:56,350 --> 00:08:00,021 in the young adult section at Barnes & Noble. 196 00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:02,148 - [sobbing] - Quit staring at her. 197 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:05,359 The show's over, you judgmental little fucks. 198 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:08,070 Okay, enough with the superpowers. 199 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,573 I have two days left until retirement. 200 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,825 You can kill each other when I'm on a pontoon boat 201 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,495 drinking my grandchildren's names out of my mind. 202 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,662 [cicadas chirping] 203 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:20,458 And it's a jizzasaurus sex. 204 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,001 [screams] 205 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,378 [cackles] 206 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:27,131 - What the fuck, guys? - We woke up even bigger assholes 207 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:30,968 - than we already were. - Society is our butt to fuck. 208 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,387 [melodramatic orchestral music plays] 209 00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:36,474 What the fuck are you guys... [muffled grunting] 210 00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:37,975 [cackling] 211 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,894 Now that you're a drug-dealing cum god, 212 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:42,355 you're cool enough to be a true Bilzerian. 213 00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:46,943 Father says you're ready to take the Bilzerian oath. 214 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,363 Wow, I'm finally becoming a member of my own family? 215 00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:54,700 Now put your hand on this Criterion DVD of The Devil's Advocate. 216 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:58,246 - Whoa! - I swear to fuck shit up goodly 217 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,122 and to always remain... 218 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,124 A loyal Bilzerian. 219 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,878 [all in unison] Asses to asses, nuts to nuts. 220 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:09,882 - [giggles] - Welcome to the family, Cum Bender. 221 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:14,679 And if you'll follow me this way, this is my fruit dehydrator. 222 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:18,307 I'm finally making my own raisins, so I can cross that off my bucket list. 223 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,018 Yeah, uh, your new place is great, Dad. 224 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,104 - You all right, jelly bean? - I just... [sighs] 225 00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:26,148 Everybody seems to be doing super great, and I'm kind of not. 226 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,650 Oh, come here. 227 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,068 - I have a new girlfriend. - What? 228 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:31,821 Oh, whoa, I was not gonna tell you about that yet. 229 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,657 But I'm dating the cheese sample girl at Trader Joe's. Yay. 230 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,410 - You are? - Wait, Jessi, try touching him again. 231 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:40,329 She's 25 and she has braces. They're colored ones and I like 'em. 232 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,289 [both] Holy shit! 233 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,624 You can make people tell the truth by just touchin' 'em. 234 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,876 You're like a demon Oprah. 235 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,712 - I don't know when your birthday is. - Dad! 236 00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:51,048 Sorry, I... I know it's like, July fourth, but it's not as hot... 237 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,734 - Dad! - Give me a second, hold on, it's... 238 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:56,304 God, what are the months? Uh, April, April fourth, see? I got there. 239 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,139 Oh, my God. It's April 16th. 240 00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,473 Sorry. You know what? 241 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:02,643 I'll write it down on this envelope, and I promise I'll never forget it again. 242 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:07,523 All right, since I'm back at school now, you guys can call me Coach Steve. 243 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,483 I'm handsome now, Coach Steve. 244 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,319 Let's play dodgeball. 245 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:13,112 Hey, Jessie, Where's Missy? 246 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:15,656 After that whole scene yesterday, she didn't come to school. 247 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:16,782 See what you did, Andrew? 248 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,909 Fuck you, sit on this. Fuck your family. 249 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:21,454 Now because my power is reading rooms, 250 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:24,165 I'm gonna have Nick and Andrew, the super friends, 251 00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:27,376 - be team captains, baby. - Okay. I guess I'll go first. 252 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,545 Typical Nick, putting himself first. 253 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,256 - Typical Andrew, playing the victim. - Oh yeah, fuckface? 254 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,841 Well, at least I'm not a liar. 255 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:36,927 I only lied because I know how crazy and possessive you can be. 256 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:37,845 No, Nick. 257 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:41,140 You lied because you knew what you did was reprehensible. 258 00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:42,850 Thank you. Lars, you're on my team. 259 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:46,854 Missy isn't yours, Andrew. Nick didn't steal her from you. 260 00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:47,772 Exactly. 261 00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:49,482 But Nick and Andrew are bros, 262 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:50,858 and as the old saying goes, 263 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,068 men before women. 264 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,695 I'm Team Andrew. Surf's up. 265 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,073 Dibs is heteronormative bullshit. 266 00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,991 ♪ Team Nick! ♪ 267 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,326 Let me ask you this, Nick. 268 00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:02,995 How would you feel if I hooked up with Gina? 269 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,279 [laughs] Well, I don't think I have to worry about that. 270 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,875 Oh, Nick, you cocky little shit. 271 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,085 I'm on Andrew's team. 272 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,629 Well, I'm Team Nick, because he's got a pool. 273 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:12,546 Really, Lola? 274 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,341 What? I'm covered in flies. 275 00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:18,260 - Jessi, what about you? - I have no opinion on this, OK? 276 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,596 Oh, please, Jessi. You have an opinion about everything. 277 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,600 Just tell the truth. That's your power, isn't it? 278 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,434 No, her power is making other people tell the truth. 279 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,812 I call her the Scarlet Truther. 280 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,731 I don't like that name, Caleb, 281 00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:33,275 and I don't want any part in this dumb pissing contest. 282 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,193 I'm out of here. 283 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:35,903 - Jessi, come on. - Come back, honey. 284 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:39,365 - You don't know what you're saying. - Well, let's play some dodgeball. 285 00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:43,285 [roars] 286 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,453 You're like, out. 287 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,205 Sports! 288 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:51,042 [yells] 289 00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:54,547 Yah! Yes! I win! I win! 290 00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,340 The universe agrees with me. 291 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,926 Missy is off-limits. 292 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:01,303 Andrew's penis is bigger than Nick's penis. 293 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,221 Also, that. 294 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:05,474 I'm keeping track of all the penises I see. 295 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,684 That asshole. 296 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,228 He can't tell me that somebody's off-limits. 297 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,398 Yeah! If you like Missy, that's your business. 298 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:15,609 - Yeah. - Who cares if Andrew's got a bigger dick? 299 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,903 - Yeah. - Because she likes you. 300 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:21,574 - Yeah. - So clearly big dicks are not her thing. 301 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:23,659 Yeah. Yeah... 302 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,536 I know I should be sad, 303 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,038 but I can't stop thinking about that kiss. 304 00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:29,962 It felt like there was lightning in my stomach. 305 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,960 - And thunder in your unders. - [thunder rumbling] 306 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,420 - [tapping] - Huh? 307 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:35,713 - Nick! - Hi, Missy. 308 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:37,506 Uh, I wanted to ask you something. 309 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,341 Do you maybe want to go out with me tonight? 310 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,469 - What? - We could go play some mini golf 311 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:42,720 at Golf Lundgren. 312 00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:44,305 - [screams] - [laughing] Yeah! 313 00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:46,015 Okay... 314 00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,892 I'll take that as a yes, 315 00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:50,436 and I'm just gonna put out this fire. 316 00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,980 Excuse me, somebody's soaking in here. 317 00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:56,275 - And, uh, I will see you tonight. - It's a date. [squeals] 318 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:59,820 - I've always wanted to say that. - Big dick jump! Brump! Brump! 319 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,822 - [sighs] - [Nick] Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! 320 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,324 [Andrew] The nerve of this boy. 321 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:07,411 - [farts] - The absolute chutzpah of this child. 322 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:10,539 We need to do something, we need to... Wow. Whoa. [inhales] 323 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,334 That fart really resonated. Uh, I'm nauseous. 324 00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:15,085 Oh, God. I need to sit down. 325 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,838 Whoa, I need to... I need to lie down. 326 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:19,295 [Shannon] The cheese girl? 327 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:22,426 The one with the braces? Okay. Great, good for him. 328 00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,678 Ugh, I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you. 329 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:27,097 I'm sick of living in Bridgeton. I wanna move to the city! 330 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,516 What the fuck? 331 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:31,519 Oh, God, I'm sorry. I just... I think we both could use a change. 332 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:34,814 But what about my school and my friends and... what about Dad? 333 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:37,297 Dad and the cheese slut? They can come visit you in the city. 334 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:38,609 I don't wanna move. 335 00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:41,821 Okay, let's just calm down. We don't have to decide anything right... 336 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:45,366 I've already put the house on the market. I'm experimenting with BDSM in Brooklyn. 337 00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,117 - [gasps] - This is so unfair. 338 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,577 I don't wanna go to a new school. 339 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,538 Where in Brooklyn you goin', Shannon? 340 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,373 - Maybe we can carpool. - [groans] 341 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,874 Sorry about your life, Jessi. 342 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,294 Even though Dolph Lundgren played a Russian in Rocky IV, 343 00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:58,818 which I haven't been allowed to see, 344 00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:00,297 - but I did IMDb him... - Oh, yeah. 345 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,842 He's actually from Sweden, which is a social democracy. 346 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,528 - Okay. Cool. - Not technically socialist. 347 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,680 - That is not what I'm saying. - Missy's kind of a... 348 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,974 Dork, she's a dork. 349 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:13,018 Big Dick Boy can't be with big dork girl. 350 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,437 I don't know if you know, but Dolph Lundgren went to MIT... 351 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,691 It's time for me to reveal my twisted plan. 352 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,651 We're going to use our powers 353 00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,153 - to move Nick's ball... - Uh-huh. 354 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:26,031 ...so he will never get his precious hole in one. 355 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:29,285 - [clears throat] - Missy seeing he is not good at the game 356 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,871 will never let him get to third base, 357 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,123 which is my biggest fear. 358 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,207 [cackles] 359 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,125 It's perfect. 360 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:39,044 That's a weak plan. I'm gonna make him swallow a hundred golf tees 361 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,130 and watch him hemorrhage from the inside out. 362 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,924 Uh... Oh. So, like, a... like, a murder? 363 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,593 [Val] All righty, fuck nuggets. 364 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,679 Plant these in the Dolph Lundgren Porta Potties. 365 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:49,597 What are they? 366 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,850 - Radioactive Cotton Candy Brandy Bombs. - [laughs] 367 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,184 My favorite. 368 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:57,897 We're gonna blow these dookie coffins sky high. 369 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,399 I... I don't know. That sounds pretty dangerous. 370 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,527 [grunts] Hey! Let me out! 371 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:04,611 Val, what are you doing? 372 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:06,322 Just having a little fun. 373 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,158 [groaning] 374 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,534 - Kurt! - [roaring] 375 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,077 [groaning] 376 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:16,790 I am the Shit Monster! 377 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,792 [shouting and screaming] 378 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,211 [roars] 379 00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:24,173 A Dolph Lundgren shit monster. 380 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,467 This looks like a job for Big Dick Boy. 381 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,469 And the Her-ricane. 382 00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,473 [snarls] 383 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:33,974 Oof! 384 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,392 [roars] 385 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,478 - Oh, Nick. No! - [groans] 386 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,398 Come on, Lars, they need our help. 387 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,900 Andrew, what are you doing here? 388 00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:45,819 I was on a date... with, uh... Lars. First date. 389 00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,863 Were you two spying on us? 390 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,282 Okay, yes, we were spying on you. But we're here to help. 391 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,076 [all yelling] 392 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,120 Ooh! [chuckles] 393 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,497 No! Don't hurt them. 394 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:57,831 Don't worry, guys. 395 00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,583 Help is coming. 396 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,086 Hey, I'm Spermvester Stallone. 397 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,963 I'm made of cum, but I wanna fight. 398 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,046 This is great. 399 00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,341 - [Rocky style music] - [grunting] 400 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,389 Ugh, ugh. 401 00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,348 What the fuck? 402 00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:17,851 How dare you use cum on your own family? 403 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,728 What? Me? You're the one that blew up Kurt. 404 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,523 You're not a Bilzerian. 405 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:23,606 [Jay] Wait, please. 406 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,401 - [both laughing] - Guys! Guys! 407 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:31,073 Nooooooooo! 408 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,992 [sighs] Holy shit. 409 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,952 - You okay? - Yeah. What about you? 410 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:35,911 Yeah. 411 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,038 - Hey, thanks for your help. - No problem. 412 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:41,709 Listen, Nick. If you and Missy really like each other, 413 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,545 I'm not gonna be the guy that stands in the way of love, 414 00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,005 but you take care of her. 415 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:46,964 You hear me? 416 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:48,047 Thanks, Andrew. 417 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:51,218 Would it be cool if I grabbed your forearm while we shake hands? 418 00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:52,594 I'd like that, Nick. 419 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,430 I would like that very much. 420 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,810 Whoa, what a date, huh? There was action and comedy, romance. 421 00:16:59,893 --> 00:17:01,562 Yeah, there was, like, shit everywhere. 422 00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,022 - Yeah. - So... 423 00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:04,565 - Oh, uh... - Oh. 424 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,608 I think I just cut my lip on your braces a little. 425 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,694 Oh. Sorry. I guess I went a little bit turbo. 426 00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:09,945 No, it's... it's fine. 427 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,869 I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna cry or anything. 428 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:14,065 Did you maybe wanna come in? My dad cries all the time. 429 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:17,703 Oh, I would love to see your dad cry, but, um... I wanna be fresh 430 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:19,681 - for the last day of school tomorrow. - Oh, yeah. 431 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,707 I can't wait to see you in your graduation gown. 432 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:23,917 - Send me a picture tonight? - You'll see it tomorrow. 433 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,378 - But I'd really like to have it tonight. - Okay, tomorrow. 434 00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:27,772 - Call me when you get home. - Bye. 435 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,840 Walk away! Go, go, go! Move it. 436 00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:31,717 See you by the lockers tomorrow, Connie. 437 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,844 And don't forget to bring your tongue. 438 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,139 All right, tomorrow. 439 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,307 Bye. 440 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,808 This bitch is crazy. 441 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,172 ["Land of Hope and Glory" plays] 442 00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,729 Welcome to seventh grade graduation, 443 00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:47,483 because every moment in your lives deserves a four-hour ceremony. 444 00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:50,611 [sighs] My mom's clearly already decided we're moving. 445 00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:51,528 Isn't that messed up? 446 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:55,157 Yeah. Everything's so weird and complicated right now. 447 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,034 - You mean you and Andrew? - Mm... No. 448 00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,368 [sighs] Sorta. 449 00:17:58,452 --> 00:17:59,828 - Never mind. - Nick, what is it? 450 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,538 - Hey, guys. - Oh, it's nothing. 451 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,207 - Come on. - I don't really like Missy. 452 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:06,090 It was just the excitement of the play and now I don't know what to do. 453 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:06,960 - What? - Oh, no. 454 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:07,878 - Jessi! - Sorry. 455 00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:10,589 So you kiss Missy. Then I give my blessing 456 00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:13,509 and now you decide that you don't even like her? 457 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:16,720 Let's circumcise this asshole. Wolver Peen. 458 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,889 [dramatic theme plays] 459 00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,016 Hey, future eighth graders. Hi, Nick. 460 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,118 - Tell her. - Tell me what? 461 00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,144 - Nothing. Everything's fine, Missy. - Oh, yeah? 462 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,771 - Hey! - I don't actually like you. 463 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,694 I got caught up in the play but in reality we're not a good fit at all. 464 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,318 - [gasps] Ooh. - Ooh. Oh... 465 00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:32,611 Oh, man. I'm sorry. 466 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,113 - Oh, no. - [thunderclap] 467 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,516 - Missy, no, no, no... - [sobbing] 468 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,741 What the fuck, Andrew? Why would you do that? 469 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,451 - Kick his ass! - All right. 470 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,287 I'm finally gonna give you the beating you deserve. 471 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:44,413 [Andrew] Ha-ha! 472 00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:45,499 That's right, idiot. 473 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:47,626 I was nude under my robe. 474 00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,002 Oh, where did I go? [grunts] 475 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:52,047 - Oh! What's wrong? Cat got your knee? - [farts] 476 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,340 - [chuckles] - Oh, God. 477 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,843 If you want, the studio will hire a writer for you. 478 00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:57,344 - [yells] - [roars] 479 00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:59,930 Hey, Nick, try rebounding from this. 480 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:09,606 There's gotta be a way I can be a Bilzerian but still be a good guy. 481 00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:12,734 Ugh. I wish Diane were here. She'd know what to do. 482 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,820 Jay, I am here. 483 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,239 Diane mommy, made of cum? 484 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:20,576 You need to show your family how to love. 485 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,078 But how? That seems impossible. 486 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:27,082 Well, you could start by turning this shithole into a home. 487 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,794 - Huh. - Take it from me, I'm your cum. 488 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,255 She's right, we can't live like this. 489 00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:37,718 I know what I have to do, but it will take all of my cum. 490 00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:40,179 Cummmmmm... 491 00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:44,057 Cummmmmm... 492 00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:47,144 - [sobbing] - [roars] 493 00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:48,729 What the heck is going on? 494 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,439 - [yells] - [screams] 495 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,691 Ow, I squished my hog. 496 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:53,984 Andrew! Andrew! 497 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,903 It's more of a chode. 498 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,029 [whimpering] 499 00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:58,780 [roars] 500 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:04,578 Everybody, please stop fighting. Whoa! 501 00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,371 Missy, if you come back to me now, 502 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,290 I promise I won't destroy you. 503 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,751 I don't belong to you. 504 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:13,795 I don't belong to anyone! 505 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,881 [screams] 506 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,718 Cummmmmm... 507 00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:20,802 [groans] 508 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,764 Cummmmmm... [moans] 509 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,393 - [growls] - Aah! Basic-ass bitch. 510 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,855 I'm not basic, my husband is black. 511 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,565 Baby, no. No, no, no, no, no. 512 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,317 What a shitshow. 513 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,154 Yeah. I can't believe this is my last day at Bridgeton. 514 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,918 - What are you talking about? - My mom wants us to move to the city. 515 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:45,202 - Oh! You can't move. I need you. - Oh, Matthew. 516 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,246 But honestly, I have a boyfriend so I'll be fine. 517 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:48,372 Oh, damn your power. 518 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,415 - Ugh. Even you. - Wait, Jessi. 519 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,000 - Whatevs. - Ohh... 520 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,253 If I can't have you, nobody can. 521 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,754 Stop! Lars! 522 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:57,130 You don't have to do this. 523 00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:58,799 [yelling] 524 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:01,260 Why are you such a fuckin' asshole to me? 525 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:04,596 God, I'm sorry I kissed Missy. Okay? 526 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,440 - [grunts] - But I'm not talkin' about Missy. 527 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:07,933 I'm talkin' about everything. 528 00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,685 Every moment of our friendship, 529 00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:11,061 you've treated me like shit. 530 00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:14,273 Like I'm second class 'cause my parents are embarrassing, 531 00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,899 because I'm hairy and weird-looking. 532 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:18,527 And then you have the nerve to say you're my best friend. 533 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,529 I'm sick of it, Nick. 534 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,030 I'm sick of it! 535 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,114 Do it, Missy. 536 00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:25,909 Unleash the storm! 537 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:28,078 [groaning] 538 00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:31,498 [screams] 539 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:37,796 Hey, Caleb, my dude. What are you drawing? 540 00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:41,883 Big Dick Boy kissed Her-ricane and that made Mr. Invisible feel angry. 541 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,303 They used to be allies, and now they're mortal enemies. 542 00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:47,764 Whoa, good story. And then what happened? 543 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:50,392 Even I, Lord Infinite, do not know. 544 00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:52,728 Oh, so this whole thing was in your head? 545 00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:54,563 Reality is only a construct. 546 00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:56,148 Wow, yeah, no, I knew that. 547 00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:58,025 [birdsong] 548 00:21:58,108 --> 00:21:59,108 You okay, Nicky? 549 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,652 You've hardly touched your blins. 550 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,362 - Too much lemon ricotta? - [sighs] 551 00:22:02,446 --> 00:22:04,366 I'm just worried about going to camp with Andrew. 552 00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:05,688 We got in a pretty nasty fight. 553 00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,701 Well, whenever your mother and I quarrel, 554 00:22:07,784 --> 00:22:09,953 I try to look at things from her point of view. 555 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,830 - He puts on my nightgown. - Ooh! 556 00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:14,166 Maybe you should put yourself in Andrew's nightgown. 557 00:22:14,249 --> 00:22:16,668 Yeah, you're right. I guess I should put myself in his shoes. 558 00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:18,962 Nicky, I never raise my voice with you, 559 00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:20,922 but it needs to be a nightgown. 560 00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:23,175 - [door closes] - [Guy] Holy fuck. 561 00:22:23,258 --> 00:22:27,637 - It's as clean as a doctor's cunt in here. - Jay, did you do this? 562 00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:29,264 [sighs] I love you guys. 563 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,266 - Fuck you. - What the hell is this? 564 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:34,353 I stole plates from the Birches and I made us a turkey. 565 00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:35,645 - All right. - For eating. 566 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:36,605 Not fucking. 567 00:22:36,688 --> 00:22:37,939 I know. Duh. 568 00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:40,859 Jay, you're such a good boy. 569 00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,819 And a worthy Bilzerian. 570 00:22:42,903 --> 00:22:44,738 Wait till I teach you guys about mouth sauce. 571 00:22:44,821 --> 00:22:46,365 I know what mouth sauce is, son. 572 00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:48,617 It's what I keep in my nuts for your mom. 573 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,410 [all laughing] 574 00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:53,080 Dad, you gotta do stand-up comedy. 575 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:54,581 [sobbing] 576 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,000 My heart... 577 00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,379 it just hurts so much, Mona. 578 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:02,005 Why doesn't Nick like me? 579 00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:05,092 'Cause he's a shitty little idiot. 580 00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:08,178 Andrew, Lars, they're all fucking shit-iots. 581 00:23:08,261 --> 00:23:10,722 - Right. - None of them are worth your tears. 582 00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:13,183 - They don't deserve me. - Let's burn them all 583 00:23:13,266 --> 00:23:17,396 and rise from the ashes stark naked with three dragons. 584 00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:20,565 Yeah, I think I'm finally ready to watch Game of Thrones this summer. 585 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:22,651 Mm, I'm more into Westworld, but okay. 586 00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:26,029 Hey, uh, Andrew, 587 00:23:26,113 --> 00:23:29,157 I wanted to come by and... and just say I'm sorry. 588 00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:31,827 I think I thought I was, like, a big dick boy, 589 00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:33,870 but I think I was just a big dick. 590 00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:35,122 Thanks, Nick. 591 00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:36,081 I'm sorry, too. 592 00:23:36,164 --> 00:23:39,501 Cool. Uh, okay, we are done with that fight. [chuckles] 593 00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:42,212 - I'm very excited for camp. - Oh. Um... 594 00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:44,775 - I'm not going to camp. - What do you mean, not going to camp? 595 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,384 Nick, I bear you no ill will, 596 00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:48,677 but I think... 597 00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,804 I think you're a piece of shit. 598 00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:53,849 - Oh. - You're not a good person... 599 00:23:53,932 --> 00:23:54,766 at all. 600 00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:56,643 And I don't wanna be friends with you. 601 00:23:56,726 --> 00:23:57,811 Uh... okay... 602 00:23:57,936 --> 00:23:59,729 Maury, is the boy serious? 603 00:23:59,813 --> 00:24:00,647 Afraid so, Connie. 604 00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:03,442 He practiced that speech in the mirror, like, all morning. 605 00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:04,805 Okay, that's all I had prepared. 606 00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:06,236 Fucking nailed it, in my opinion. 607 00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:08,238 Okay. I guess I'll... 608 00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:10,198 see you in eighth grade, then. 609 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,533 Yeah, I guess. 610 00:24:12,367 --> 00:24:14,161 Hey, look at that, you made one in. 611 00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:18,748 Aw, come here, big guy. 612 00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:19,875 Six weeks. 613 00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:21,460 Lot of big feelings, huh. 614 00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:23,920 I can't believe he's really not coming. 615 00:24:24,004 --> 00:24:27,424 That's cause he don't love you no more. 616 00:24:27,507 --> 00:24:31,678 Why? Whyyyy? 617 00:24:33,054 --> 00:24:34,639 [sobbing] 618 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:40,270 Burn, baby. Burn. 619 00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:43,648 ♪ Did you have to do this? ♪ 620 00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:46,151 ♪ I was thinkin' you could be trusted ♪ 621 00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:47,777 Maybe it's for the best. 622 00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:50,947 I mean the city's cool and everyone here sucks anyway. 623 00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:54,367 Ooh, yeah, I love the city. First I'm gonna hit up Times Square, 624 00:24:54,451 --> 00:24:58,538 then I might go to TKTS. I am dying to see Lion King. 625 00:24:58,622 --> 00:25:00,183 - You go right. He's so slow. - [laughing] 626 00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:02,167 - Whoa! Whoa! - You almost got me. 627 00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,543 Oh, Guy, stop it. 628 00:25:03,627 --> 00:25:06,087 - [giggles] Here we go, uh-oh. - [all laughing] 629 00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:08,048 - Birch! Oh-ho! - Yeah, there he is. 630 00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:10,091 Are you gonna moon those girls at Tapawingo again? 631 00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:11,176 Ha-ha, you know it. 632 00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:13,345 - I'll show my butt to anyone. - [laughing] 633 00:25:13,428 --> 00:25:14,428 - Yeah. - All right. 634 00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:15,888 It's summer. 635 00:25:16,681 --> 00:25:19,559 ♪ 'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood ♪ 636 00:25:19,893 --> 00:25:22,812 ♪ You know it used to be mad love ♪ 637 00:25:23,146 --> 00:25:25,857 ♪ So take a look what you've done ♪ 638 00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:29,778 - ♪ So, baby, now we got bad blood ♪ - ♪ Bad blood ♪ 639 00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:32,531 - ♪ Now we got problems ♪ - ♪ Problems ♪ 640 00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:35,450 ♪ And I don't think we can solve them ♪ 641 00:25:36,034 --> 00:25:38,286 ♪ Made a really deep cut ♪ 642 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:39,955 Andrew! Why aren't you at camp? 643 00:25:40,038 --> 00:25:43,959 - Because I am not going to camp, Dad. - What the hell are you talking about? 644 00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:45,669 We said goodbye to you last night. 645 00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:46,752 You didn't say goodbye. 646 00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:49,923 You said goodnight to the TV, which you do every night. 647 00:25:50,006 --> 00:25:52,551 Well, you're goin' to camp. I already paid for it. 648 00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:55,053 No, Nick is there and he and I are fighting. 649 00:25:55,303 --> 00:25:56,972 Nick? Who the hell is Nick? 650 00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:59,057 He's nobody to me. 651 00:26:00,016 --> 00:26:02,143 Aren't you gonna ask me about my eye patch? 652 00:26:02,227 --> 00:26:05,063 ♪ Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes ♪ 653 00:26:05,313 --> 00:26:08,191 ♪ You say sorry just for show ♪ 654 00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:13,029 ♪ You live like that You live with ghosts ♪ 655 00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:17,075 ♪ 'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood ♪ 656 00:26:17,158 --> 00:26:20,245 ♪ You know it used to be mad love ♪ 657 00:26:20,328 --> 00:26:23,290 ♪ So take a look what you've done ♪ 658 00:26:23,498 --> 00:26:26,793 - ♪ 'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood ♪ - ♪ Bad blood ♪ 659 00:26:27,335 --> 00:26:29,796 ♪ Now we got problems ♪ 660 00:26:29,879 --> 00:26:33,049 ♪ And I don't think we can solve them ♪ 661 00:26:33,133 --> 00:26:35,969 ♪ You made a really deep cut ♪ 662 00:26:36,303 --> 00:26:40,015 ♪ And, baby, now we got bad blood ♪ 663 00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:44,686 Haha. Good At Bizness. 664 00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:46,021 [kazoo plays] 665 00:26:46,771 --> 00:26:48,189 - Chirp. - Fathouse.