1 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,007 Oh, my God. What is this? 2 00:00:15,107 --> 00:00:17,426 We're protesting you, Andrew. 3 00:00:17,526 --> 00:00:22,714 First you blammo'd on my floor and then you blammo right out the door. 4 00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:23,682 [Matthew] Tell us. 5 00:00:23,782 --> 00:00:26,143 When exactly did you know you were gonna dump Lola? 6 00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:29,021 Was it before or after you came in your Costco jeans? 7 00:00:29,121 --> 00:00:30,689 The time line's unclear. 8 00:00:30,789 --> 00:00:34,317 Oh, please. They were just two horny kids getting their rocks off. 9 00:00:34,417 --> 00:00:36,111 I don't see what the big deal is. 10 00:00:36,211 --> 00:00:39,239 The big deal is he knew he didn't like her, 11 00:00:39,339 --> 00:00:41,408 but he still chose to use her... 12 00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:44,161 ...to defile his denim dungarees. 13 00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:45,912 Oh, shit. Is that what I did? 14 00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:48,623 Nick, your friend sounds pretty gross. - Look, Gina-- 15 00:00:48,723 --> 00:00:51,460 I'm not gonna hang out with a guy who's best friends with a creep. 16 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,754 Does that mean you do wanna hang out with a guy... 17 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,964 ...who's not best friends with a creep? - Maybe. 18 00:00:56,064 --> 00:00:57,632 What're you doing this weekend? - Nothing. 19 00:00:57,732 --> 00:00:59,593 Well, you should maybe make plans, 20 00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:02,888 'cause it's weird to be alone on a weekend. 21 00:01:02,988 --> 00:01:05,182 Um, I'm gonna go to class now. - All right. 22 00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:06,391 Click click, bam! 23 00:01:06,491 --> 00:01:09,728 Lock him up! 24 00:01:09,828 --> 00:01:11,938 Jesse? You're protesting me too? 25 00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:13,732 Well, if what Lola said is true, 26 00:01:13,832 --> 00:01:16,860 and I tend to believe her because I listen to women... 27 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,321 So do I! - ...then you're a real slime bag, man. 28 00:01:19,421 --> 00:01:21,823 Yeah, Andrew. I'm honestly very disappointed. 29 00:01:21,923 --> 00:01:24,034 I didn't think you were that kind of a man. 30 00:01:24,134 --> 00:01:25,327 Oh, God. 31 00:01:25,427 --> 00:01:28,192 Harmless dweeb or disgusting sex monster? 32 00:01:28,292 --> 00:01:28,997 You decide. 33 00:01:29,097 --> 00:01:30,916 Disgusting sex monster! 34 00:01:31,016 --> 00:01:33,243 [theme song plays]... 35 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:38,848 ...♪ I'm going through changes ♪... 36 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:48,316 ...♪ I'm going through changes ♪... 37 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:53,019 ...♪ Oh, in my life ♪... 38 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,700 Rise and shine, Nickie. - [groans] 39 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,037 It's time to macho move Jesse's dad into Guy Town. 40 00:02:09,137 --> 00:02:11,706 No ladies allowed except in our hearts. 41 00:02:11,806 --> 00:02:14,417 Dad, it's too early for your enthusiasm. 42 00:02:14,517 --> 00:02:17,170 Uh-oh! Mr. Teenager has his claws out. [meows]... 43 00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:19,548 ...[chuckles softly] Please don't do that. 44 00:02:19,648 --> 00:02:21,967 I'm just so jazzed for our manly moving date. 45 00:02:22,067 --> 00:02:24,010 Check this out. - Is that a back brace for ladies? 46 00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:26,179 'Cause that's for sure Rosie the Riveter. 47 00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:28,265 Nobody messes with Rosie. She's tough. 48 00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:31,351 Like spending time with my mother-in-law. Ha-ha! 49 00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,103 That's a man joke. I'm kidding. 50 00:02:33,203 --> 00:02:34,437 I love Nana. 51 00:02:34,537 --> 00:02:35,972 [groans]... 52 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,023 ...[clattering] 53 00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:37,941 Hello? 54 00:02:38,041 --> 00:02:41,186 Duke, are you having a ghost orgy in my closet again? 55 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,438 [screaming] - Oh my God! 56 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,490 Hey there. Hey... - [breathing heavily]... 57 00:02:45,590 --> 00:02:48,160 It's okay, you can come out. - You scared me. 58 00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:50,203 I'm Tyler. - Are you my new Hormone Monster? 59 00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,789 I sure am, and you're my first kid. 60 00:02:52,889 --> 00:02:55,083 You've never done this before? - No way, Jose. 61 00:02:55,183 --> 00:02:58,211 I'm a monster-in-training. That's why I don't have my horn yet. 62 00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:00,422 I don't get it until I'm certified. - Oh! 63 00:03:00,522 --> 00:03:02,507 So... what should we do first? 64 00:03:02,607 --> 00:03:04,384 Well, I'm actually glad you're here. 65 00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:07,554 There's this girl Gina I like, and she just broke up with her boyfriend. 66 00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,764 Okay, that's great. We're diving right in. 67 00:03:09,864 --> 00:03:12,225 Girls are so cool. 68 00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:13,685 Don't understand them. 69 00:03:13,785 --> 00:03:14,978 But I love them. - Uh-huh. 70 00:03:15,078 --> 00:03:16,354 Know what you should do? - What? 71 00:03:16,454 --> 00:03:17,647 Get rose petals... - Yeah? 72 00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:19,316 ...and make a trail from her locker... 73 00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:20,692 ...to the cafeteria... - Okay. 74 00:03:20,792 --> 00:03:24,946 ...but then you're in the cafeteria standing up on a lunch table... 75 00:03:25,046 --> 00:03:27,073 ...and then you do a cool dance... - Cool dance? 76 00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:29,034 ...and then balloons drop from the ceiling, 77 00:03:29,134 --> 00:03:31,286 and the balloon say 'Gina'! 78 00:03:31,386 --> 00:03:34,623 Um... my first instinct is that sounds kind of corny. 79 00:03:34,723 --> 00:03:35,999 Dang! Stupid! 80 00:03:36,099 --> 00:03:38,168 What about something else? Other ideas? - Sure. 81 00:03:38,268 --> 00:03:39,753 Okay, here's what you do. - Okay. 82 00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:43,673 You sneak up on her, and you put your shirt over her head, 83 00:03:43,773 --> 00:03:46,801 and she's blind, you scream, 'Gina!' 84 00:03:46,901 --> 00:03:49,554 That seems like assault. - Yep, it is. 85 00:03:49,654 --> 00:03:51,514 Okay, reboot. - Uh-huh. 86 00:03:51,614 --> 00:03:53,975 Girls love to be saved. - Do they? 87 00:03:54,075 --> 00:03:56,937 So let's find a nice remote set of train tracks--... 88 00:03:57,037 --> 00:04:00,148 I'm gonna stop you right there, okay? - God, I suck at this! 89 00:04:00,248 --> 00:04:02,567 Tyler, you shitty tit-sucker. 90 00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:05,195 You're never gonna get your horn. Nick hates you! 91 00:04:05,295 --> 00:04:06,988 I don't hate you. - You don't? 92 00:04:07,088 --> 00:04:08,240 No, not yet. 93 00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:10,325 Good. We're friends again! - Yeah. 94 00:04:10,425 --> 00:04:12,369 Let me take a picture of your penis. - What? 95 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:16,906 For my phone! So when you call, I know it's you. 96 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:19,209 I don't understand why they call it the bitch seat. 97 00:04:19,309 --> 00:04:22,629 I got to rest my hands on the knees of two men who I truly love. 98 00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:24,464 Take your hand off my knee. 99 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,958 I really appreciate you guys being here for me. 100 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:30,720 Look at his place! It's like a daycare center for lonely men. 101 00:04:30,820 --> 00:04:32,931 Why would anybody move into Guy Town? 102 00:04:33,031 --> 00:04:35,350 Well, since Guy Bilzerian is my divorce lawyer, 103 00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:37,560 I get 200 bucks off the first month's rent. 104 00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:38,979 Okay, that's enough for me. 105 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:42,274 Besides, this is what I deserve for exposing Jesse to my edibles. 106 00:04:42,374 --> 00:04:44,859 I'm trash. - No. You are not trash. 107 00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:46,611 You're just in the recycling bin, 108 00:04:46,711 --> 00:04:49,531 waiting for life to turn you into two-thirds of a coffee cup. 109 00:04:49,631 --> 00:04:51,950 Oh, please! Recycling's a scam, 110 00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:53,576 like stuffed crust pizza. 111 00:04:53,676 --> 00:04:55,370 It's just more cheese and bread. 112 00:04:55,470 --> 00:04:58,530 You're actually losing tomato sauce! 113 00:04:58,631 --> 00:04:59,541 [Marty grunts] 114 00:04:59,641 --> 00:05:01,001 Did you boys have fun back there? 115 00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,752 No, not really. - I had fun. 116 00:05:02,852 --> 00:05:05,005 I threw up in that Simplehuman garbage can. 117 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:08,758 Oh! That's no good, 'cause that's a nice ass trash can. 118 00:05:08,858 --> 00:05:11,511 That's right, I'm back, you motherfuckers. 119 00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:12,929 What's my life span? 120 00:05:13,029 --> 00:05:15,006 It is unclear. 121 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:17,309 You're Maury, right? - Yeah, no pictures. 122 00:05:17,409 --> 00:05:19,769 I'm Tyler. I'm a huge fan. 123 00:05:19,869 --> 00:05:22,814 Your work with Bret Michaels was truly inspiring. 124 00:05:22,914 --> 00:05:24,941 I know. Rock of Love was my idea. - Really? 125 00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:27,235 What's that you got there? - It's a present for Nick. 126 00:05:27,335 --> 00:05:29,029 I'm really good at drawing weapons, 127 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:32,657 so I drew him a sword and I have a wicked crossbow! 128 00:05:32,757 --> 00:05:34,409 Don't bring him presents. That's weird, man. 129 00:05:34,509 --> 00:05:35,827 Okay. Thanks for the advice. 130 00:05:35,927 --> 00:05:37,704 God! I'm so excited. 131 00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:40,707 I'm gonna make this little boy's dick so hard! 132 00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:41,916 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 133 00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:44,294 Hey, man. That's not how we talk about these things. 134 00:05:44,394 --> 00:05:45,920 Oh, sorry. Thank you. Yeah. 135 00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:49,299 I'm gonna make this little boy's penis so hard. 136 00:05:49,399 --> 00:05:50,300 That's better. 137 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:51,843 I'm here in Guy Town, 138 00:05:51,943 --> 00:05:54,554 the local hive of toxic masculinity. 139 00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:56,097 Matthew? What are you doing here? 140 00:05:56,197 --> 00:05:57,599 I'm exposé-ing you. 141 00:05:57,699 --> 00:06:00,477 People wanna continue hating you, and I'm gonna give them what they want. 142 00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:02,562 I'm using my backpack as a dolly. 143 00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,189 [Matthew] Defend yourself, pig. 144 00:06:04,289 --> 00:06:07,359 Okay, yes. I did give into my most primal urges, 145 00:06:07,459 --> 00:06:12,364 but in my defense, who among us has not excited their shaft for carnal relief? 146 00:06:12,464 --> 00:06:13,531 I would appreciate-- - Cut! 147 00:06:13,631 --> 00:06:15,200 Was that no good? I was just being honest. 148 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:18,036 You were being creepy and weirdly formal, Professor Pervert. 149 00:06:18,136 --> 00:06:20,372 Indeed, Professor Pervert. 150 00:06:20,472 --> 00:06:22,415 What are you teaching next semester? 151 00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:24,834 Ogling 101? Jizz-a-nomatry? 152 00:06:24,934 --> 00:06:28,129 Oh, please.  You can't learn Jizz-a-nomatry in a classroom. 153 00:06:28,229 --> 00:06:31,841 You gotta get out in the field and you know, jack off in a field. 154 00:06:31,941 --> 00:06:33,468 Some scarecrow watching. 155 00:06:33,568 --> 00:06:35,428 Oh, man, that dude's a fucking weirdo. 156 00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,180 What's up, jerks? - Hey, Jay. 157 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:41,601 Get ready for your minds to end up like my dad's dick on my mom's birthday: 158 00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:43,311 Totally sucked off. - Ugh! 159 00:06:43,411 --> 00:06:45,397 I present to you... Guy Town! 160 00:06:45,497 --> 00:06:47,482 Jay, this place is a total bummer. 161 00:06:47,582 --> 00:06:49,809 Are you kidding me? 162 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:53,071 ♪ There's a place I know Where the dudes all go ♪... 163 00:06:53,171 --> 00:06:56,491 ...♪ Where there's no female Scorn and hassle ♪... 164 00:06:56,591 --> 00:06:58,284 ...♪ It's a bachelor's dream ♪... 165 00:06:58,384 --> 00:06:59,953 ...♪ Every man is a king ♪... 166 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:03,248 ...♪ Of his one room shag rug castle ♪... 167 00:07:03,348 --> 00:07:06,584 ...♪ We've got booze and lube and Lexapro ♪... 168 00:07:06,684 --> 00:07:10,413 ...♪ We don't need the outside world ♪... 169 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:14,092 ...♪ And sex position topiary garden ♪... 170 00:07:14,192 --> 00:07:16,928 ...♪ Where every bush is girl-on-girl ♪... 171 00:07:17,028 --> 00:07:18,763 ...♪ We're talking about Guy Town ♪... 172 00:07:18,863 --> 00:07:21,015 ...♪ It's a bachelor's stay-cation ♪... 173 00:07:21,115 --> 00:07:22,183 ...♪ Guy Town ♪... 174 00:07:22,283 --> 00:07:24,269 ...♪ A testosterone celebration ♪... 175 00:07:24,369 --> 00:07:25,478 ...♪ Guy Town ♪... 176 00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,814 ...♪ We're a lonely dude nation ♪... 177 00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:30,900 ...♪ Forget your woes Embrace the bros ♪... 178 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,770 ...♪ In Guy Town... ♪... 179 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,989 ...♪ Oh, you can do as you please ♪... 180 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,699 ...♪ Hang your balls in the breeze ♪... 181 00:07:37,799 --> 00:07:40,577 ...♪ Free of society's uptight gaze ♪... 182 00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:41,703 ...♪ In Guy Town ♪... 183 00:07:41,803 --> 00:07:44,539 ...♪ I lived here in 1971 ♪... 184 00:07:44,639 --> 00:07:47,083 ...♪ And saw more shaft than Isaac Hayes ♪... 185 00:07:47,183 --> 00:07:48,042 ...♪ Shut your mouth ♪... 186 00:07:48,142 --> 00:07:51,421 ...♪ You can park and lounge By the swimming pool ♪... 187 00:07:51,521 --> 00:07:54,757 ...♪ Don't mind the sheen Of sweat and pubes ♪... 188 00:07:54,857 --> 00:07:58,428 ...♪ Just be careful of the penis worms ♪... 189 00:07:58,528 --> 00:08:01,181 ...♪ And even we're all dudes ♪... 190 00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,266 ...♪ Because we're in Guy Town ♪... 191 00:08:03,366 --> 00:08:05,435 ...♪ A bro-topian sensation ♪... 192 00:08:05,535 --> 00:08:06,603 ...♪ Guy Town ♪... 193 00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,938 ...♪ A divorcee plantation ♪... 194 00:08:09,038 --> 00:08:10,190 ...♪ Guy Town ♪... 195 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,525 ...♪ It's a player's coronation ♪... 196 00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:15,195 ...♪ Lose the ring and live the dream ♪... 197 00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:16,946 ...♪ In Guy Town ♪ 198 00:08:17,046 --> 00:08:18,072 Well, okay, fine. 199 00:08:18,172 --> 00:08:21,034 The song is pretty catchy, but this place is still gross. 200 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,995 Yeah. Did you see that Fleshlight at the poker game? 201 00:08:24,095 --> 00:08:26,039 If you didn't, you should definitely rewind. 202 00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,207 ♪ Guy Town ♪... 203 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,375 ...♪ It's the something Something, something... ♪ 204 00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:32,337 Andrew... oh, this is my new hormone monster, Tyler. 205 00:08:32,437 --> 00:08:34,589 Hey! I like your mustache. 206 00:08:34,689 --> 00:08:37,383 I bet you have lots of pubes. Can I see them? 207 00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:39,385 Hey, again, not the way we do things. 208 00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:42,263 Andrew, will you be a dear and refasten my locket? 209 00:08:42,363 --> 00:08:44,599 Dad... - Actually, the locket is for Greg. 210 00:08:44,699 --> 00:08:48,311 Inside is a picture of who he needs to love the most: 211 00:08:48,411 --> 00:08:49,562 Himself. 212 00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:51,564 Okay, if it's Greg's, why are you wearing it? 213 00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:52,774 To warm it up. - What? 214 00:08:52,874 --> 00:08:55,527 Boys, look at me. You know when you put on a fresh locket, 215 00:08:55,627 --> 00:08:57,654 and it's just too darn cold on your skin? 216 00:08:57,754 --> 00:09:00,490 No, no idea. - Dad, can we not talk about the locket? 217 00:09:00,590 --> 00:09:02,825 Sure. What do you wanna talk about? Other family members... 218 00:09:02,925 --> 00:09:04,410 ...who are having a tough time? - What? No. 219 00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,287 We're just talking about this girl Nick likes. 220 00:09:06,387 --> 00:09:07,664 Andrew-- - He doesn't know how to get her. 221 00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:10,124 Boys, a real man doesn't get a girl. 222 00:09:10,224 --> 00:09:12,669 He woos her. Woo. 223 00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:15,296 Maybe he's right. I mean, he did get your mom, 224 00:09:15,396 --> 00:09:16,798 and she's hot. - Hey, rookie! 225 00:09:16,898 --> 00:09:18,841 Don't talk about the mom stuff in front of the kid. 226 00:09:18,941 --> 00:09:21,511 But mommy titties are the softest. 227 00:09:21,611 --> 00:09:23,846 Nickie, you have to tell her how you feel. 228 00:09:23,946 --> 00:09:26,224 Be vulnerable and romantic. 229 00:09:26,324 --> 00:09:27,141 [sighs deeply] 230 00:09:27,241 --> 00:09:32,522 Gina, you make me feel vulnerable and romantic. 231 00:09:32,622 --> 00:09:34,182 Send. 232 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,942 She's gonna love it! 233 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:37,443 She's gonna hate it. 234 00:09:37,543 --> 00:09:40,113 Why is she typing so slowly? 235 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,656 What did she say? - 'Ha.' 236 00:09:41,756 --> 00:09:44,576 Just says 'Ha.' - Ooh! A single ha. 237 00:09:44,676 --> 00:09:46,319 Yeah, that ain't laughing. 238 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,247 This unit has a killer layout. 239 00:09:49,347 --> 00:09:51,207 The Jerk-off Nook has a view of the pool. 240 00:09:51,307 --> 00:09:53,209 Are you boys moving in? 241 00:09:53,309 --> 00:09:55,587 No, we're helping our dear friend Greg. 242 00:09:55,687 --> 00:09:57,630 [gasps] I have that same kimono. 243 00:09:57,730 --> 00:10:01,542 If this kimono could talk, it would be nothing but bullshit. 244 00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:05,054 You know, I had to stop wearing mine because the silk was too rough. 245 00:10:05,154 --> 00:10:06,264 You didn't have that problem? 246 00:10:06,364 --> 00:10:09,892 Baby doll, with the amount of tanning I've done, I feel nothing. 247 00:10:09,992 --> 00:10:11,352 My tummy's like a wallet. 248 00:10:11,452 --> 00:10:13,062 Can I borrow a 20? 249 00:10:13,162 --> 00:10:15,398 Nick, I'm pretty sure this guy thinks your dad is... 250 00:10:15,498 --> 00:10:16,566 I can see what's happening. 251 00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:18,484 A proud member of the LGBT. - I get it! 252 00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:21,279 Bye! Stop by if you need a cup of sugar. 253 00:10:21,379 --> 00:10:22,405 Or tequila! 254 00:10:22,505 --> 00:10:24,198 Well, what do we have here? 255 00:10:24,298 --> 00:10:26,951 You must be the sad old queen of Guy Town. 256 00:10:27,051 --> 00:10:30,413 Ah! You must be the catty little gay character. 257 00:10:30,513 --> 00:10:34,083 I'm sorry, but I don't want a flyer for your cabaret show. 258 00:10:34,183 --> 00:10:36,336 I'm busy at noon on a Thursday. 259 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:39,172 Oh, that's quick. Listen, baby Billy Eichner, 260 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:42,091 being young, gay, and mean is not a personality. 261 00:10:42,191 --> 00:10:44,719 Nick, I think we're witnessing a gay duel. 262 00:10:44,819 --> 00:10:46,679 I've never seen anyone talk to Matthew like this. 263 00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:49,140 Uh, for your information, Martha Raye, 264 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,559 I'm more than young, gay, and mean. 265 00:10:51,659 --> 00:10:53,269 Really? What else you got? 266 00:10:53,369 --> 00:10:57,231 Uh... I happen to be investigating a boy who jizzed in his pants. 267 00:10:57,331 --> 00:10:59,317 Oh, honey, that's how I wasted my 20s. 268 00:10:59,417 --> 00:11:01,110 Goodbye Peter Twink-lage. 269 00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:03,771 [puffing] 270 00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:06,908 Matthew, I don't think that you're just gay and mean. 271 00:11:07,008 --> 00:11:10,328 Who cares what you think, you bag of burrata! 272 00:11:10,428 --> 00:11:12,622 You know, burrata is actually pretty expensive, 273 00:11:12,722 --> 00:11:14,207 so I take that as a compliment. 274 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,834 I do it with tomato and peach. No one's listening. 275 00:11:16,934 --> 00:11:19,545 I'm listening. That shit sounds good. 276 00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:21,964 Sweet and savory? Okay. 277 00:11:22,064 --> 00:11:24,175 Argh! Nothing is up to code in here! 278 00:11:24,275 --> 00:11:26,552 See that? That's supposed to be a smoke detector. 279 00:11:26,652 --> 00:11:30,390 ♪ I'm a lady bass With a belly full of eggs ♪ 280 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,974 That's disgusting. 281 00:11:32,074 --> 00:11:35,386 Also, is that a parody of a song we're supposed to know? 282 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,188 Whoa! Greg gets a waterbed? 283 00:11:37,288 --> 00:11:38,940 Cool, right? We also have water-cribs... 284 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,693 ...if you're dumb enough to get custody of your stupid baby. 285 00:11:41,793 --> 00:11:43,653 [bones snapping] - [groans] Oh boy! 286 00:11:43,753 --> 00:11:46,489 I knew I was pushing it with this box of blankets. 287 00:11:46,589 --> 00:11:49,742 Big Nickie, help lower your little daddy to the floor. 288 00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:52,870 [groans] - Gently! Your little daddy's delicate. 289 00:11:52,970 --> 00:11:54,163 [Nick grunts] - Ouch! 290 00:11:54,263 --> 00:11:57,041 I think we should look away. You know, out of respect. 291 00:11:57,141 --> 00:12:00,503 But it seems like he's doing it for our benefit? 292 00:12:00,603 --> 00:12:03,748 [meows] 293 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,633 Why is there carpet in the kitchen? 294 00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:07,885 You have any idea the mold that could form? 295 00:12:07,985 --> 00:12:09,345 What is this place? 296 00:12:09,445 --> 00:12:12,306 What am I supposed to do? Go out and find an apartment I like? 297 00:12:12,406 --> 00:12:14,392 Get my credit checked? Buy some furniture? 298 00:12:14,492 --> 00:12:16,561 Stop waking up in the middle of the night to smoke pot? 299 00:12:16,661 --> 00:12:19,647 Yes, Greg! That's what you're supposed to do. 300 00:12:19,747 --> 00:12:21,190 It's called being a man. 301 00:12:21,290 --> 00:12:23,776 Well, clearly I failed as a man. - Argh! 302 00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:25,737 Jay, can you take my lease up your dad? 303 00:12:25,837 --> 00:12:28,781 [screams] Dammit! And tell him we need a surge protector. 304 00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:29,949 There are no outlets! 305 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:36,155 Just one extension cord that goes all the way to the Chevron next door. 306 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,207 [grunts] My dad is such a wuss. 307 00:12:38,307 --> 00:12:41,169 I wish he could be more like your dad. - Oh! Cheap and angry? 308 00:12:41,269 --> 00:12:42,837 No! Like a man. 309 00:12:42,937 --> 00:12:44,756 Well, my dad is not a man. 310 00:12:44,856 --> 00:12:47,341 He is a one-star Yelp review come to life. 311 00:12:47,441 --> 00:12:49,260 All right, guys. You better Yentl your tits, 312 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:53,089 'cause we're about to enter the most macho place on Earth. 313 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,056 [Nick] Whoa! 314 00:12:54,156 --> 00:12:58,227 This is like the nicest suite at the worst hotel in Atlantic City. 315 00:12:58,327 --> 00:13:00,480 Yeah, this blood smuggler couldn't pay my dad, 316 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,483 so he gave him a fuck-ton of marble. It's super easy to hose down. 317 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:06,360 Jay! I need more ketchup. - Nice! I'll get you some more packets. 318 00:13:06,460 --> 00:13:08,988 Hey, Jay, why is your dad eating a steak dinner... 319 00:13:09,088 --> 00:13:11,657 ...in an old fashioned barber chair? - Jay, jack me up! 320 00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:12,825 You got it, Dad! 321 00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:15,369 Guy, your toilet's out of water again. 322 00:13:15,469 --> 00:13:17,246 That's how I know you're not shitting in there. 323 00:13:17,346 --> 00:13:19,415 [giggling] Oh Guy, you're terrible. 324 00:13:19,515 --> 00:13:20,750 Yeah, he really is. 325 00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:24,003 Guys, this is my dad's super-cool receptionist, Taffiny. 326 00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:26,547 Oh! What happened to your wrist, sweetie? 327 00:13:26,647 --> 00:13:28,049 [softly] Go on. Tell her. 328 00:13:28,149 --> 00:13:29,634 Oh, nothing. 329 00:13:29,734 --> 00:13:32,011 He dry-humped a girl and dumped her, so she broke his wrist. 330 00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:34,388 [laughs] Wow! This kid humped and dumped. 331 00:13:34,488 --> 00:13:37,016 Well, I came, and then went. 332 00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:40,311 You're a little pimp, aren't you? - Oh, I don't know. Maybe. 333 00:13:40,411 --> 00:13:42,230 Uh, you know, some say I'm a creep. 334 00:13:42,330 --> 00:13:45,149 Fuck that! You're just a 13-year-old man... 335 00:13:45,249 --> 00:13:46,442 ...who took what he wanted. 336 00:13:46,542 --> 00:13:49,237 Ha! - Like me. I live balls out, 337 00:13:49,337 --> 00:13:51,948 and I give zero fucks. 338 00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:53,658 That's pimp. Right, Taffiny? 339 00:13:53,758 --> 00:13:55,701 That's what I'm talking about. 340 00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:58,037 Let's live that pimp life. Whoop! Whoop! 341 00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:00,122 Is that what you are, Andrew? 342 00:14:00,222 --> 00:14:02,875 A greasy little pimp? - I don't know. 343 00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:05,294 It does seem like a lot more fun than being a creep. 344 00:14:05,394 --> 00:14:07,505 And I got the whole outfit-- - At the Halloween store? 345 00:14:07,605 --> 00:14:09,757 Yeah, the Halloween store. - You know what, little stud? 346 00:14:09,857 --> 00:14:11,843 You're coming to the players' ball tonight. 347 00:14:11,943 --> 00:14:15,096 I'm making you Pimp of the Month. - Mazel tov, baby. 348 00:14:15,196 --> 00:14:17,765 Okay, yeah! I'm the Pimp of the Month. 349 00:14:17,865 --> 00:14:21,635 Give me the cash, bitches. 350 00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:25,189 Nick! Jay's Dad is a total stud muffin. 351 00:14:25,289 --> 00:14:26,899 You should ask him about Gina. 352 00:14:26,999 --> 00:14:28,985 Ha. That's actually not a bad idea. 353 00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,611 Um... Mr. Bilzerian, 354 00:14:30,711 --> 00:14:32,738 there's this girl at school who I really like, 355 00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:35,741 but I don't know how to ask her out. What do you think I should do? 356 00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:36,659 That's simple. 357 00:14:36,759 --> 00:14:39,704 You just need to remind her that you're better than she is. 358 00:14:39,804 --> 00:14:41,873 That seems mean. - Yeah, mean guys fuck. 359 00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:44,000 Nice guys clean it up. - [Tyler] Ew! 360 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:47,169 I don't wanna clean up someone else's oopy-soup. 361 00:14:47,269 --> 00:14:48,087 Ugh! 362 00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:50,548 [Matthew] So Andrew, you're a pimp now. 363 00:14:50,648 --> 00:14:52,466 How does that change things for you? 364 00:14:52,566 --> 00:14:53,885 Well, if I had my druthers, 365 00:14:53,985 --> 00:14:56,053 I'd invest in a bejeweled chalice... - Fancy drink. 366 00:14:56,153 --> 00:14:58,472 A shirt with a collar that goes past my shoulders. 367 00:14:58,572 --> 00:15:01,309 This motherfucker looks good. - I may dabble in a little black voice, 368 00:15:01,409 --> 00:15:03,644 I'm sure I'll pull back on that quick. - That's what's up. 369 00:15:03,744 --> 00:15:07,148 And I certainly won't be afraid to strut my stuff. 370 00:15:07,248 --> 00:15:09,775 Not scared of the strut! - It's an equilibrium thing. 371 00:15:09,875 --> 00:15:11,152 Oh, look at you. 372 00:15:11,252 --> 00:15:13,529 You're wobbling around like a newborn horse. 373 00:15:13,629 --> 00:15:15,364 That's right. Newborn horse. 374 00:15:15,464 --> 00:15:17,575 Big ass knees. Wibble-dy wobble-dy. 375 00:15:17,675 --> 00:15:20,286 Andrew, you're not a pimp! Quit pretending to be one. 376 00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:21,579 Maybe I wanna be a pimp! 377 00:15:21,679 --> 00:15:24,415 I'm sick of feeling bad about all the bad things that I do, 378 00:15:24,515 --> 00:15:26,125 and I wanna forget them and be pimp. 379 00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:29,537 That's right. Living that unexamined life! 380 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,298 Why do you have cassette tapes of a band called 'Puh-Hish'? 381 00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:34,759 It's Phish, Marty. - Who cares! It's all clutter. 382 00:15:34,859 --> 00:15:37,044 That's not clutter. Those are memories. 383 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:38,054 Whoa! - I know you think... 384 00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:40,264 ...because my vision's bad I don't smell well, 385 00:15:40,364 --> 00:15:42,183 but nothing could be further from the truth. 386 00:15:42,283 --> 00:15:44,268 I'm sorry, who are you? - I'm your new roommate, Leo. 387 00:15:44,368 --> 00:15:46,479 Huh? I have a roommate? - Couple ground rules. 388 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,105 I like to fall asleep to Frasier, 389 00:15:48,205 --> 00:15:50,524 and the dishwasher, my friend, is only for jewelry. 390 00:15:50,624 --> 00:15:53,778 I know you. You're Rabbi Poblart's adult son. 391 00:15:53,878 --> 00:15:57,406 I heard about your failed wigs for religious dogs business. 392 00:15:57,506 --> 00:15:59,951 Uh-huh. Well, if you heard about it from the dogs, 393 00:16:00,051 --> 00:16:02,036 you're only getting one side of the story. 394 00:16:02,136 --> 00:16:04,872 Okay. So what's the other side of the story? 395 00:16:04,972 --> 00:16:08,000 This motherfucker's scary, and he's Greg's roommate? 396 00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:09,669 No. No, no, no. 397 00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:11,045 Darkness ascends... 398 00:16:11,145 --> 00:16:12,380 Mm-mmm. No, thank you. 399 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,591 Caleb, do you think I'm just young, gay, and mean? 400 00:16:15,691 --> 00:16:17,426 [Caleb] Yes. - I'm a lot more than that. 401 00:16:17,526 --> 00:16:19,971 I have a whole backstory about how I used to live in Texas, 402 00:16:20,071 --> 00:16:22,848 and I got bullied online. They called me the steer queer. 403 00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:25,476 [Caleb] Nobody wants to hear about that. - Exactly! 404 00:16:25,576 --> 00:16:27,937 They just want me to be sharp and cutting, and funny. 405 00:16:28,037 --> 00:16:29,563 [Caleb] Are you funny? - Yes! 406 00:16:29,663 --> 00:16:32,233 And stylish, and I'm a good person. 407 00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:34,402 [Caleb] That is not what others say about you. 408 00:16:34,502 --> 00:16:36,153 Okay, turn off the camera. 409 00:16:36,253 --> 00:16:38,572 Why won't Gina write back? - I don't know. 410 00:16:38,672 --> 00:16:40,741 Do you think my text was too mean? - What did you say? 411 00:16:40,841 --> 00:16:42,785 Well, Guy said I should be mean to her. - Gotcha. 412 00:16:42,885 --> 00:16:44,829 So I wrote, 'You want to do something tomorrow,' 413 00:16:44,929 --> 00:16:47,164 and then, 'Oh shit, that was meant for someone else.' 414 00:16:47,264 --> 00:16:48,749 Ooh, yes! 415 00:16:48,849 --> 00:16:51,168 That's pimp. - That's what's up. Pimps and scrimps. 416 00:16:51,268 --> 00:16:53,254 No boys, that's ew. - Dad... 417 00:16:53,354 --> 00:16:55,006 I hate to insult someone behind their back, 418 00:16:55,106 --> 00:16:57,800 but Guy Bilzerian, he's not the kind of man you wanna be. 419 00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:00,302 What? No. - He may look fancy from the outside, 420 00:17:00,402 --> 00:17:03,639 but he's falling apart on the inside, just like this building. 421 00:17:03,739 --> 00:17:06,434 Uh, Dr. Birch, you're sounding like a hater. 422 00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:08,227 Haters gonna hate. - I hate this hater! 423 00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:09,729 Yeah, what do you know, Dad? 424 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,731 You gave me terrible advice about Gina, 425 00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:14,984 and you can't even carry a couple of blankets without hurting yourself. 426 00:17:15,084 --> 00:17:17,945 Uh-oh! The claws are out again. [meows]... 427 00:17:18,045 --> 00:17:19,655 Stop doing that. - [purring]... 428 00:17:19,755 --> 00:17:21,741 Stop purring, Dad. - Yeah, stop it! 429 00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:25,202 Why can't you be more of a man and not such a pussy? 430 00:17:25,302 --> 00:17:27,696 [gasps, imitates cat wailing] 431 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:30,866 What does your pretty mommy even see in him? 432 00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:32,251 [phone chimes] - She wrote back. 433 00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:34,003 What did she say? - She said, 'Ew.' 434 00:17:34,103 --> 00:17:37,006 Titty-shits! Now I'm never gonna get my horn. 435 00:17:37,106 --> 00:17:39,091 So you're making this about you? 436 00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:40,751 Yeah. 437 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:42,344 [Steve] DJ Pendejo, 438 00:17:42,444 --> 00:17:46,057 coming at you live from the players' ball. 439 00:17:46,157 --> 00:17:47,558 Scritchy-scitchy-scratch! 440 00:17:47,658 --> 00:17:49,643 Coach Steve? Why are you at Guy Town? 441 00:17:49,743 --> 00:17:54,523 I do my laundry here, and in return, I DJ for free. 442 00:17:54,623 --> 00:17:56,317 But I do accept tips. 443 00:17:56,417 --> 00:17:59,945 Like how do you get people to make eye contact with you? 444 00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:02,490 So is this a monthly thing, or-- 445 00:18:02,590 --> 00:18:05,576 Time has lost all its meaning for me. Soon it will for you, too. 446 00:18:05,676 --> 00:18:07,661 Oh, no, I don't plan on staying here long. 447 00:18:07,761 --> 00:18:10,831 That's what my last roommate said. Then, he died of penis worms. 448 00:18:10,931 --> 00:18:13,250 They ate his flesh from the dick out. - Whoa! 449 00:18:13,350 --> 00:18:16,629 Ah! There you are! Your father's very upset. 450 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:19,590 He won't even drink the little saucer of milk I gave him. 451 00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:21,467 How did I end up with such a weirdo for a dad? 452 00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:24,261 Look, your dad does a lot of stuff that drives me crazy. 453 00:18:24,361 --> 00:18:27,264 The kissing on the mouth. He orders appetizers. 454 00:18:27,364 --> 00:18:30,518 He asks me how I'm doing. Who cares? ! - But Mr. Glouberman, I'm just saying-- 455 00:18:30,618 --> 00:18:33,521 The point is, the man is smart and he knows who he is, 456 00:18:33,621 --> 00:18:35,689 which is more than you can say for most people. 457 00:18:35,789 --> 00:18:37,775 Yeah. - Now if you'll excuse me, 458 00:18:37,875 --> 00:18:39,860 I'm gonna go break down boxes, 459 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,779 which is my favorite thing to do. 460 00:18:41,879 --> 00:18:43,280 Guy Townies, 461 00:18:43,380 --> 00:18:46,367 ladies I found on the street in Trenton. 462 00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:50,162 I want to introduce you to the Pimp of the Month. 463 00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:51,747 [man 1] All right! - Pimp of the Month! 464 00:18:51,847 --> 00:18:52,915 Jesus! 465 00:18:53,015 --> 00:18:56,043 These sad men keep getting younger and younger. 466 00:18:56,143 --> 00:18:57,711 [chanting] Pimp of the Month! 467 00:18:57,811 --> 00:19:01,799 Will you please tell us all about your signature move, 468 00:19:01,899 --> 00:19:04,260 the Cream and Shuffle. - Cream and Shuffle? 469 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:07,096 Oh, what do you mean? A hump and dump? Oh, okay. 470 00:19:07,196 --> 00:19:10,516 Hello. So I was at this girl's condo... 471 00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:11,976 What's the address? 472 00:19:12,076 --> 00:19:14,061 Uh... Dad? - Hey. 473 00:19:14,161 --> 00:19:15,855 What are you doing here, jelly bean? 474 00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,606 I wanted to surprise you. 475 00:19:17,706 --> 00:19:19,608 Ugh! Who are these guys? 476 00:19:19,708 --> 00:19:21,318 And what's Andrew doing? 477 00:19:21,418 --> 00:19:23,946 So I don't like this girl at all, 478 00:19:24,046 --> 00:19:26,657 but she wanted to rub fronts. - [man 1] Rub fronts! 479 00:19:26,757 --> 00:19:28,450 Yeah, this guy knows what I'm talking about. 480 00:19:28,550 --> 00:19:30,536 and I thought it would feel good, you know? 481 00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,079 So I did it anyway, 482 00:19:32,179 --> 00:19:34,623 even though I knew that I didn't like her. 483 00:19:34,723 --> 00:19:35,833 [man 2] Speak up! 484 00:19:35,933 --> 00:19:37,376 And then I broke up with her. 485 00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:39,211 And she cried, 486 00:19:39,311 --> 00:19:41,839 and, uh... yeah, now that I say it out loud, 487 00:19:41,939 --> 00:19:44,216 I don't feel very good about it at all. - [man 3] Whoo! 488 00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:46,177 It's just, it's hard, man, 489 00:19:46,277 --> 00:19:48,345 'cause I'm horny. 490 00:19:48,445 --> 00:19:50,214 I'm horny all the time. 491 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,674 And I'm making bad choices, 492 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:54,593 but at the end of the day, 493 00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,512 I'm not a pimp, 494 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:59,306 and I don't want to be one. 495 00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:01,358 Boo! That sucked. 496 00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:03,068 I knew he wasn't a pimp. 497 00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:06,030 He's more of a john. He will pay for sex in his lifetime. 498 00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:07,323 I truly believe that. 499 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:09,700 Of course he will, and I shall be there. 500 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,619 Yeah, me too. Wanna carpool? 501 00:20:11,719 --> 00:20:13,871 Dad, what is this place? 502 00:20:13,971 --> 00:20:15,664 It's Guy Town. 503 00:20:15,764 --> 00:20:19,210 And you must be Greg's ex. My, my. - This is my daughter. 504 00:20:19,310 --> 00:20:21,378 Your daughter's an eight for the figure alone. 505 00:20:21,478 --> 00:20:23,255 What the fuck? - Okay, that's it! 506 00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,549 I might deserve this shithole, but she doesn't. 507 00:20:25,649 --> 00:20:28,385 Guy, I'm sorry, but you gotta let me out of my lease. 508 00:20:28,485 --> 00:20:29,595 [laughs] 509 00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:31,847 Oh, Greg. No one leaves Guy Town. 510 00:20:31,947 --> 00:20:33,924 [explosion] - [screams]... 511 00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:35,434 Oh, shit! - Is he okay? 512 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:38,270 He's not breathing. We need a doctor. 513 00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,897 I've got a doctor... 514 00:20:39,997 --> 00:20:43,192 Dre signed basketball in the trunk of my car. 515 00:20:43,292 --> 00:20:44,693 Just kidding. I wish. 516 00:20:44,793 --> 00:20:46,779 What I do have is a nurse... 517 00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,031 Jackie signed T-shirt. 518 00:20:49,131 --> 00:20:50,241 Over here! 519 00:20:50,341 --> 00:20:51,784 I'm a doctor. 520 00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,702 [panting]... 521 00:20:53,802 --> 00:20:57,882 ...[meows] 522 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,210 My dad's kind of a badass. 523 00:21:01,310 --> 00:21:06,155 Yeah, your little kitty daddy is a tiger mommy. 524 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,083 [screaming] 525 00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,710 Oh! Hello. 526 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:12,546 Everyone, he's going to be okay! 527 00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:15,474 Dad! That was amazing. You're like a hero. 528 00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:19,812 I guess this pussy is pretty good at meowth to meowth resuscitation. 529 00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:21,313 Okay. - Meowth. 530 00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:23,357 Look, I don't care if I signed a lease. 531 00:21:23,457 --> 00:21:25,818 I won't have my daughter spend another minute... 532 00:21:25,918 --> 00:21:27,444 ...in this electrical deathtrap! 533 00:21:27,544 --> 00:21:28,737 You listen to me, Bilzerian. 534 00:21:28,837 --> 00:21:31,073 We'll get the city council to shut this place down! 535 00:21:31,173 --> 00:21:33,534 Good luck. I've bribed half the city council, 536 00:21:33,634 --> 00:21:34,994 and blackmailed the other half. 537 00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:37,871 We just got you saying all that Scooby-Doo stuff on tape. 538 00:21:37,971 --> 00:21:39,873 It's not on tape. It's a memory card. 539 00:21:39,973 --> 00:21:41,333 Give me that camera! 540 00:21:41,433 --> 00:21:43,836 This camera belongs to the AV Club! 541 00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:45,546 [Guy screams] 542 00:21:45,646 --> 00:21:47,339 Oh, no! My hair! 543 00:21:47,439 --> 00:21:49,967 No! Don't look! Don't look at me! Look away! 544 00:21:50,067 --> 00:21:51,510 Pimp of the Month. 545 00:21:51,610 --> 00:21:54,263 [Guy] I think I can feel the penis worms going up my dick hole. 546 00:21:54,363 --> 00:21:57,607 I can feel them devouring my cock! 547 00:21:58,275 --> 00:21:59,935 Hey, um... 548 00:22:00,035 --> 00:22:01,020 ...are you okay? 549 00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:04,356 I just ordered a Hawaiian pizza from Little Caesars. 550 00:22:04,456 --> 00:22:05,399 What does that tell you? 551 00:22:05,499 --> 00:22:06,442 [chuckles] 552 00:22:06,542 --> 00:22:08,277 I'm sorry if I was rude before. 553 00:22:08,377 --> 00:22:11,196 Yeah, well, I probably owe you an apology, too. 554 00:22:11,296 --> 00:22:13,699 I shouldn't be picking fights with little kids. 555 00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:15,367 That's probably a good policy. 556 00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:17,745 What can I say? I got issues. 557 00:22:17,845 --> 00:22:19,872 And I guess I saw a little bit of myself in you. 558 00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:22,458 [stammers] I would never wear a kimono. 559 00:22:22,558 --> 00:22:24,752 Okay, right there. That's what I'm talking about. 560 00:22:24,852 --> 00:22:26,879 You don't have to be a little prick all the time. 561 00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:28,922 You can let your guard down once in awhile. 562 00:22:29,022 --> 00:22:30,549 And what? Be nice? 563 00:22:30,649 --> 00:22:33,886 Wouldn't kill ya. You know, I wish I was a little nicer. 564 00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:35,387 I might not have ended up here. 565 00:22:35,487 --> 00:22:37,389 How did you end up in Guy Town? 566 00:22:37,489 --> 00:22:41,018 You're in luck, kid. I've written a one-man musical about it. 567 00:22:41,118 --> 00:22:42,019 Sit down! 568 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:43,604 We open on Stonewall. 569 00:22:43,704 --> 00:22:45,105 1969. 570 00:22:45,205 --> 00:22:46,940 A minimal set. - Oh, shit. 571 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,026 What's that now? - I can't wait! 572 00:22:49,126 --> 00:22:51,487 I need to be home in 17 minutes. 573 00:22:51,587 --> 00:22:54,907 [Marty grunts] - So kiddo, what's going on with Gina? 574 00:22:55,007 --> 00:22:57,276 Uhh... I think I'm just gonna give up. - Give up? 575 00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,619 But you really like her. 576 00:22:58,719 --> 00:23:00,621 Yeah, but I don't know how to ask her out. 577 00:23:00,721 --> 00:23:03,040 That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 578 00:23:03,140 --> 00:23:05,459 Just do what you like to do and bring her along. 579 00:23:05,559 --> 00:23:09,579 Well, I like go-karts. - That's a terrible interest! 580 00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:12,341 Nickie, why don't you invite Gina to do go-karts? 581 00:23:12,441 --> 00:23:14,426 [honks] - Come on, Greg! Let's go! 582 00:23:14,526 --> 00:23:16,637 What's your hurry? I don't even know where I'm sleeping tonight. 583 00:23:16,737 --> 00:23:18,514 I got three words for you: 584 00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:21,892 Be my roommate in the storage unit where I live, 585 00:23:21,992 --> 00:23:24,478 which is on the diaper barge. 586 00:23:24,578 --> 00:23:25,679 Greg. 587 00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:27,606 This is Guy Town. 588 00:23:27,706 --> 00:23:32,152 I originally came here to do a story about a lumpy gourd of a boy, 589 00:23:32,252 --> 00:23:36,815 but I ended up learning a few things about what it means to be a man. 590 00:23:36,915 --> 00:23:40,902 [Matthew] Sometimes being a man means putting the people you love first, 591 00:23:41,002 --> 00:23:43,622 and sometimes it means owning up to your mistakes. 592 00:23:43,722 --> 00:23:45,207 Go away, Andrew! 593 00:23:45,307 --> 00:23:47,042 I just want to say that I'm sorry. 594 00:23:47,142 --> 00:23:48,544 Get out of here and never come back, 595 00:23:48,644 --> 00:23:52,414 like every single one of my pageant coaches. 596 00:23:52,514 --> 00:23:55,375 [Matthew] Not all men value the same things, 597 00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:58,628 and that means you can be any man you want. 598 00:23:58,728 --> 00:24:02,141 ♪ Marsha P. Johnson Threw the first brick ♪... 599 00:24:02,241 --> 00:24:05,635 ...♪ The pigs beat the homos With really big sticks ♪... 600 00:24:05,735 --> 00:24:07,146 ...[gasps] Oh! 601 00:24:07,246 --> 00:24:08,939 Steve... hey. 602 00:24:09,039 --> 00:24:10,816 Where is this diaper barge going? 603 00:24:10,916 --> 00:24:12,776 To Diaper Island, of course. 604 00:24:12,876 --> 00:24:14,227 Good night, Greg! 605 00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:17,072 [Matthew] All you need to do is figure out who you are, 606 00:24:17,172 --> 00:24:20,192 and be true to yourself. - [meows]... 607 00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:22,828 I got a golf cart engine. - Whatever! You're cheating! 608 00:24:22,928 --> 00:24:25,038 Whoo! [laughs] - [laughing] 609 00:24:25,138 --> 00:24:27,991 Winner! 610 00:24:28,091 --> 00:24:30,811 Yeah! We kicked buns! 611 00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:34,414 Ooh, yeah! 612 00:24:34,514 --> 00:24:35,466 What's happening? 613 00:24:35,566 --> 00:24:38,051 [screaming] 614 00:24:38,151 --> 00:24:39,553 Oh, my horn! 615 00:24:39,653 --> 00:24:40,520 [Tyler groans] 616 00:24:40,620 --> 00:24:43,256 Nobody warned me it would hurt this much! 617 00:24:43,356 --> 00:24:46,268 It feels like I'm being impaled by my own spine! 618 00:24:46,368 --> 00:24:48,470 [groaning] 619 00:24:48,570 --> 00:24:51,205 Oh, God! 620 00:24:51,364 --> 00:24:52,733 [panting]... 621 00:24:52,833 --> 00:24:54,958 ...[groaning continues] 622 00:25:18,725 --> 00:25:19,801 No! 623 00:25:19,901 --> 00:25:22,804 God! Jesus Christ! Fuck! 624 00:25:22,904 --> 00:25:25,624 [breathing heavily] 625 00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:27,851 It's cool! 626 00:25:27,951 --> 00:25:30,529 Oh, my horn looks cool!