1 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,467 [children playing] 2 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,311 [Devon] Everyone, listen up. Listen up, guys! 3 00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:14,514 Guys, hold on one second, I just wanna thank you guys all for coming. 4 00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,891 And thank you to my dawg, Charles Lu, 5 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:20,395 for throwing the best bachelor party a 13-year-old child could ask for. 6 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:21,980 - Dude. - Man of few words. 7 00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,606 Man of one word, to be exact. 8 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,026 Devon, quick question, is this wedding for real? 9 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,361 Like, do you actually think you're gonna be with Devin 10 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:29,765 for, like, the rest of your life? 11 00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:32,824 Well, yeah, she's the hottest girl in seventh grade, 12 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:35,368 - and that'll never change. - Uh, peace and love, Devon, 13 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:38,121 but I do think Gina might be the hottest girl in the grade. 14 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:41,041 Listen, listen. Gina's hot, sure, she's probably my number two. 15 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:44,586 All right, bachelor party talk, the bach boys. 16 00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,755 Okay. Now this is interesting. 17 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,089 Let's all rank our top three. 18 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,716 Yes! Top three guys and girls. 19 00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:52,135 - What? - What? No, just girls. [chuckles] 20 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,929 Girls are for fucking. Guys are for, you know, like, hugging? 21 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,057 Okay, top three girls, 22 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,140 but in what category? 23 00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,518 - 'Cause if we're talkin' boobs... - Ooh, we always are. 24 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:03,897 Well, then, Gina's my gal, but if we're talking cutest metallic smile... 25 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,357 - We always aren't. - ...then Missy wins the day. 26 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:09,986 Ooh, rankin' the girls makes us feel powerful, 27 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,197 like a Buzzfeed freelancer. 28 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,909 Yeah. This is gonna be fun. Nothing bad could come of this. 29 00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,161 Ooh, guys, my special surprise has arrived. 30 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:21,706 Devon, I got you a motherfuckin' stripper! 31 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,125 Jay, Jay, Jay... Why is nobody cheering with me? 32 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,712 The fuck? She told me she was a dancer. 33 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,297 Uhhh... 34 00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:30,882 Oh, boy, I get it now. 35 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,093 Jesus, Jay, she's a child. 36 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,220 Well, what do you want, some saggy-ass 20-year-old? 37 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,138 Sweetheart, how old are you? Oh, my God. 38 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:39,682 That's all of her fingers, Jay, she's eight. 39 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:47,774 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 40 00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:57,158 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 41 00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:00,120 ♪ Oh, in my life ♪ 42 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,499 ♪ Oh, ooh, ooh ♪ 43 00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:13,925 [school bell rings] 44 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:16,845 Ooh, look at Devin's hair, 45 00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:18,596 the shine, the swing factor. 46 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,808 Oh, yeah, she is number one for hair. 47 00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:24,561 I'd like to cut it off and stick it down my pants. 48 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:27,856 Ooh... Andrew, and I can deal with this if the answer is yes, 49 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,607 are you the Ponytail Killer? 50 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:32,694 Okay, everybody, I'd like to introduce you to our new student, Ali. 51 00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,946 She just transferred from Our Lady in the Water. 52 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:37,240 Ooh, oversized funky glasses. 53 00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:40,285 - She's makin' the eyewear list. - I bet she's into foreign films, 54 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,453 like 500 Days of Summer. 55 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,914 Ali, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? 56 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,792 Okay, um, I play soccer, I'm a Ravenclaw, 57 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:51,087 and not to make all you normies shit your Old Navy undies, 58 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,673 but I am pansexual. 59 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,050 - [all gasp] - [both] Holy shit. Jinx. 60 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,386 Robert Durst, killed 'em all, of course. 61 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:01,055 Okay, Aiden says she got kicked out of their school 62 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,974 because she made out with a nun. 63 00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:04,767 Uh, hi, Nick Birch, Gryffindor. 64 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:09,397 The pansexual thing sounds intriguing. Could you speak to that some more? 65 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,150 I'm not sure I'm ready to unravel all of this in my classroom... 66 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:15,403 Pansexual means I'm into boys, girls, and everyone in between. 67 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,155 I thought that was bisexual? 68 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:20,074 No, bisexuality is so binary. 69 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,034 [laughs] 70 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:22,702 It's pronounced bonery. 71 00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,579 - Mmm, not so sure about that. - You know, 72 00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:27,165 like when I see those ads for real estate couples on benches, 73 00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:30,001 it makes me real bonery in my pants. 74 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:33,129 Ugh, no. Being pansexual means 75 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:36,424 my sexual preference isn't limited by gender identity. 76 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,928 And gender is, like, male or female, right, and it's a choice, no? 77 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,429 Uh, how do people talk these days? 78 00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:45,058 Oh, my God, okay, it's, like, some of you borings like tacos 79 00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:47,936 and some of you like burritos, and if you're bisexual, 80 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:49,520 you like tacos and burritos. 81 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:52,649 Oh, my God, I'm fucking hungry now. 82 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:55,443 But I'm saying I like tacos and burritos, 83 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:58,655 and I could be into a taco that was born a burrito, sure, 84 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:02,242 okay, or a burrito that's transitioning into a taco, comprende? 85 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,035 - Okay. - And honey, anything else 86 00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,037 on the fucking menu. 87 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:09,082 I was really just looking for a quick, curse-free intro here. 88 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:13,878 I gotta update my list. Ali is muy interesante. 89 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,923 Pardon me, dummies, but what list are you referring to? 90 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:19,401 We made lists of the hottest girls at Devon's bachelor party. 91 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:20,718 Ugh, come on. Gross. 92 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:26,266 [laughs] It was a bachelor party, NBD, no big deal, boys will be boys. 93 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,559 - There was a child stripper. - Ew. 94 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:33,606 So, one thing cool about Ali is, uh, she likes guys and girls. 95 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,525 Yeah, she's double horny. 96 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,277 Ali's just cool, you know, 97 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,862 there's just something, like, cool about her, I don't know... 98 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,948 [mumbles] I don't know what it is, she's just cool. 99 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:45,076 Cool, cool, cool, okay. So you guys think it's cool 100 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:46,661 that she's into, uh, girls and guys? 101 00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:48,121 - A hundred percent. - Fuck, yeah. 102 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,914 - Yes, hell, yes. - [giggles] 103 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,207 Why is that so hot? 104 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,960 I'll give you two words. Three... somes. 105 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:57,046 I see, two girls and me. 106 00:04:57,171 --> 00:05:00,383 Yeah, I know just how that would go down. 107 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:06,306 Hey, Andrew. I invited my friend, Leah's Friend, over to join us. 108 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,558 The one from the Instagram post at the beach? 109 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:12,145 Yeah, where you zoomed in on her boobs but you didn't even look at her face. 110 00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:13,938 [gasps] You can tell when I zoom? 111 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:17,066 - Yeah, but we liked it. - Mm, mm, mm. 112 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:20,153 Is it okay if we French kiss in front of you? 113 00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:23,781 Leah, Leah's Friend, that sounds mighty fine. 114 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:27,201 Oh, yeah. Lick her blank face. 115 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,745 Do you wanna join us? 116 00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,371 I thought you'd never ask. 117 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:34,375 [groaning] Aah! Oh, no, holding... Already out, it's already out. 118 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:35,918 Do you think they came too? 119 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,338 Andrew, I really, really do. 120 00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,548 So, Andrew... 121 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:44,552 tell me more about these fun lists you guys made at the bachelor party? 122 00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:47,638 Oh, they're not fun. There's so many variables. 123 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,140 Like, what's most important? 124 00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:52,018 A hefty bosom or a perfectly centered belly button? 125 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:53,978 Yeah. Oh, it does sound hard. 126 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,856 White men, the hardest time. Tell me about the other guys' lists. 127 00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:59,525 Oh, uh, I don't think that's my place. 128 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,986 The boy's weak. Use your wiles. 129 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:05,198 You know, Andrew, I bet if you named names, 130 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:08,117 you'd get some real, um, currency with the girls, you know. 131 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,745 - No, no, I can't betray my... - You could be a real ally 132 00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:12,789 to all the women in our grade, you know, 133 00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:14,749 - like, a sexy friend. - Hand on arm... 134 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:15,832 List number one. 135 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,378 Nick Birch. In order, Gina, Mila-slash-Lotte... 136 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:19,295 - Ew. - ...and Devin. 137 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,047 Mila-slash-Lotte, really? 138 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:25,051 Well, to be fair, he hasn't factored in Ali yet. So, anyone's ball game. 139 00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:26,636 What about you? 140 00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,638 So, like, am I on anyone's list? 141 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:31,474 Don't care if I am or I'm not, just wanna know for the record. 142 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:34,018 - Nope, you didn't make anyone's. - Mm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. 143 00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:37,730 - But that's a good thing, right? - Yeah. 144 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,066 'Cause these lists ain't woke, they're gross. 145 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,150 Yep, totally, bleugh. 146 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:44,153 - But you still wanna be on 'em. - I know, why is that? 147 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,239 - It's like Schindler's List. - How so? 148 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:49,042 You wish there didn't have to be a list, but if there's gonna be one, 149 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,577 you wanna be on that motherfuckin' list. 150 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,121 [theme music plays] 151 00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:57,375 The child wedding of the century has a new twist. 152 00:06:57,458 --> 00:07:00,253 At Devon's bachelor party, the boys all made lists 153 00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:04,882 of the hottest girls in the grade, and the girls are fucking pissed. 154 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:08,469 These lists are so not cool, and I'm sick of the boys objectifying us. 155 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,222 Yeah, I feel like a dirty piece of meat. 156 00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:15,518 Like a slab of prime rib that knows what's what. 157 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:16,436 [chuckles] 158 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:19,397 I should be the only one on Devon's list, 159 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,443 and it makes me feel like he is not mature enough to get child married. 160 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,695 Oh, I'm so screwed. 161 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,738 - Who fucking snitched? - Yeah! 162 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:30,533 Who told Jessi this morning who then told Matthew 163 00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:33,327 who, let's change the subject, is doing some solid reporting. 164 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:37,039 Nick Birch has Mila-slash-Lotte in his number two spot. 165 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,417 - Oh, dear Lord. - Two girls, one schmuck. 166 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,919 I am sorry, guys, that is messed up. 167 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:45,756 Eh, we understand, this is only the opinion of one small boy. 168 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,967 [in unison] We are confident in our individualism. 169 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,927 I agree with the hot Janssen. 170 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,805 Hold the donkey, Lotte is the hot one? 171 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,265 Yeah, Lump likey. 172 00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:57,560 This is exactly the kind of thing that could tear our grade asunder. 173 00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:58,811 Missy, I want you to know 174 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,938 - I would never make a list like that. - [sighs] 175 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,565 How will the girls respond? 176 00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:05,568 Let's turn to the new girl, with a final thought. 177 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:09,363 You know, I... I thought this school was so basic, but a weird kid wedding, 178 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:13,034 rankings, and you get to swear on an in-school TV show... 179 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:17,121 This place is fucking awesome, you cocksucking pussy lickers! 180 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,166 Welcome to Devin's bachelorette party. 181 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:24,879 - Wow, Mila, you look... - Like a sexy Lego woman. Love the bangs. 182 00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:26,714 Just, you know, trying something different. 183 00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:27,673 Yeah, okay, bitch. 184 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:31,928 You guys, it's time to play Pin the Lenny on the Kravitz. 185 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:32,845 I'm sorry, what? 186 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,431 Devin, you get to go first, but don't lick it, 187 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,391 it just tastes like paper. 188 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,353 How can I play a game? I'm too upset about Devon's list. 189 00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,730 If you're so pissed, why don't you make your own? 190 00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:46,275 Oh, my God, everyone, I just had the best idea. 191 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:50,404 What if we made our own lists ranking the boys? 192 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,199 - Oh, my God, I'm so in. - Fuck it, me too. 193 00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:57,078 I just got Uma Thurman bangs, you guys. It's not, like, a big deal, everyone. 194 00:08:57,161 --> 00:08:58,161 You got bangs. 195 00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:02,208 - Hey, Duke. - Fifty Shades of Jay! What's up? 196 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:05,419 Well, there's this new girl at school, and everyone thinks it's so cool 197 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,422 - that she likes boy holes and girl holes. - Uh-huh. 198 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,509 And I'm thinkin' maybe it's time for me to tell everyone that I'm bisexual. 199 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:14,887 Oh, I don't know, maybe you should keep it to yourself, 200 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,514 like my dear friends... 201 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:21,727 ♪ The ghosts of Richard Pryor And Marlon Brando ♪ 202 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,855 - Ho-ho-ho! - Holy shit, gotta love it. 203 00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,400 They are full-on devouring each other. 204 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:30,194 I'm gonna give you a blow job you can't refuse. 205 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,655 Shit, motherfucker, goddamn, put some coke on it, then. 206 00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:36,033 Richard! Richard! 207 00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:40,413 - Okay, I'm gonna send 'em back. - No, no, no, no, no! Aww, come on. 208 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:41,414 But you know something? 209 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:44,667 Watching 'em yin-yang each other's wing-wangs makes me think 210 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,587 they might've liked to have done it openly while they were alive. 211 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:53,342 Yeah. I wanna suck dick while I'm alive, like, at halftime, at a basketball game, 212 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:56,095 while I'm sinking the shot to win a Kia Sorento. 213 00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:57,930 Ha-ha! Me too. 214 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,808 I don't know who to put on my list. 215 00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:02,602 The boys at school are so lame. 216 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,604 Ooh, you know who's not lame? 217 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:05,896 - Who? - Judd. 218 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,983 Stop, he's Nick's brother and he's a legit maniac. 219 00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:12,820 A maniac that turns your undies into a Slip 'N Slide. 220 00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:13,738 Ugh. 221 00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:16,532 I'm a little worried because the boys' lists made us feel bad 222 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,200 and now we're doing the same thing. 223 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:22,204 Oh, shut up, Missy, we'll learn our lesson later. 224 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,040 I've got my list! 225 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:28,961 Charles Lu, like a fart, silent but deadly, Mr. Lizer... 226 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,546 - Ew, he's a teacher. - Yeah, 227 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:34,717 a hot teacher with an ass made for Lee jeans. 228 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,346 - Oh, wow. - And, lastly but not leastly, Nick Birch. 229 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:41,474 - Really? - I like a little rascal I can bat around. 230 00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:44,143 Okay, I'm ready too. Mila Janssen, love the hair. 231 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,728 This is a comedy joke. 232 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,772 - Then, Matthew. - Uh, Matthew's gay. 233 00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:50,316 So what? He's obviously the hottest guy in the grade. 234 00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:52,568 - Uh, it's true, you're right. - And finally... 235 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,486 Lola. 236 00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,154 Wait, what? 237 00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:58,699 What? Lola? You're into this mess? 238 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,618 I know, there's just something about her. 239 00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:04,205 She's like a sexy refrigerator, and I wanna know what's inside. 240 00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:08,042 Cat medicine and a white onion, sweetheart. 241 00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:08,959 [chuckles] 242 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,961 - Okay, this is ridiculous. - [doorbell rings] 243 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:14,548 Oh, my God, you guys, I almost forgot, because of my acne medication. 244 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,968 I got us a dank-ass stripper! 245 00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,887 - Oh. - Lola, that is so inappro... 246 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:24,809 Eww! Coach Steve, you're not an erotic dancer. 247 00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:30,398 What? No, the agency told me they wanted an aerobic hamster. So... 248 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:31,982 - [cheering and whooping] - Go on! 249 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,693 Let me see that tail. 250 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,153 - Be careful. - Drink from the water thingy. 251 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,323 Okay. How do I stop? Whoa! 252 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,575 Now, show us your dick. 253 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,830 Breaking news. The child wedding is on life support. 254 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:49,500 The reason? List fever, and it's contagious. 255 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:53,212 With me now is our statistician Caleb to break down the rankings. 256 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:57,007 What up, fam? It's your boy, Caleb, I'm reading cue cards. 257 00:11:57,091 --> 00:12:00,720 The number one ranked boy is Devon and the number one girl is Ali. 258 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:05,099 Holy shit, the pansexual girl is number one? This is happening. 259 00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:07,685 Let's chart Ali's meteoric rise to the top, 260 00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,688 and you can all follow along at home with our downloadable app. 261 00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,898 I went to coding camp last summer. 262 00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,860 - Whoa, Jessi, you low. - [sighs] 263 00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:19,196 Quick, stuff your bra with bacon. Boys love bacon. 264 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,158 No! Fuck that. I don't even care what these losers think. 265 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,326 Oh, my God, I'm number seven. 266 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,245 And I'm number 14? 267 00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,330 Up is down, left is right! 268 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,308 - How does it feel, you little prick? - Excuse me? 269 00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:32,252 I'm sorry. Number seven went straight to my head. 270 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:35,463 You couldn't get laid in a fuck dungeon, you fourteen motherfucker. 271 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:37,465 I'm not even on Ali's list. 272 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,925 Oh, that's okay, Fourteen, you're third on Gina's. 273 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,720 Really? I guess I'm back in the mix with Gina. [chuckles] 274 00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:47,725 - You're also number three on Lola's list. - Yeah, this Gina situation's interesting. 275 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,977 Wait, babe, I can't... I can't find you on the list. 276 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,646 - I'm number 13. - What? 277 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,649 You have to... scroll down. 278 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,067 [sobs] 279 00:12:57,401 --> 00:13:00,488 Hey, Lump, bro, uh, why didn't you put Devin on your list? 280 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:03,783 - She just doesn't do it for me. - What? What does that mean? 281 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:06,744 - Sorry I'm not into your wife. - Hey man, we're not married yet. 282 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,914 So, I see that Charles Lu is your number one. 283 00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:10,831 - Yeah. - Interesting. 284 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,750 He's a great athlete and he's super nice. 285 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:15,211 Nice? How can we know? He barely speaks. 286 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,588 What do you care, anyway? Ali's your number one. 287 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:19,298 Oh. So, you looked at my list? 288 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:20,781 - Interesting. - I might've glanced. 289 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:24,428 Well, you might be intrigued to see who's gonna be at the top of my list 290 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,722 as soon as I get somewhere with Wi-Fi. 291 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,848 Is that so? 292 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,351 That's right, I'm going to the Holiday Inn at lunch. 293 00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:31,727 - Wow. - And that means 294 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,355 I'm walkin' on the highway, baby. 295 00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:37,107 - I'm gonna be scared as shit. - Okay. 296 00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:38,901 And that's how the algorithm works. 297 00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,528 Caleb, you have a beautiful mind. 298 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:41,654 Breaking news! 299 00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,280 ♪ Da-ra-da-da, da-da-ra-da da! ♪ 300 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,032 I have a sick-ass announcement. 301 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:49,662 - Jay. This is a closed set. - I jack down to girls and boys. 302 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,539 I, Jay Bilzerian... 303 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,584 am bisexual! 304 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:59,255 Here you go, Matthew, my new official fuck list. 305 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,549 - Uh, Ali. - Mm-hm. 306 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:02,883 - Gina. - Boobs. 307 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:06,262 - And Charles Lu. - I'm sorry to throw everything into chaos, 308 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,681 but everybody can start adjusting your lists now, 309 00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,851 because I wanna fuck everyone. 310 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,353 We have got to put a delay on these broadcasts. 311 00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:16,188 Well, that was fun, that was good today. 312 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:18,232 I don't know if you heard any of what I just said, 313 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,025 but, uh, pretty sweet I'm bi, huh? 314 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:24,113 Oh, honey, you can just say you're a top, you don't have to say you're bi. 315 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:26,156 - What? - Hm, how do I say this? 316 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,618 Usually, when a guy comes out as bi, he's just making a rest stop 317 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,288 - on his way to Gay Town. - Gay Town sounds fun, 318 00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:35,583 but I have thought a lot about it, and I belong in Biami. 319 00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:36,542 [chuckles] 320 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:39,753 - Biami is not a real place. - See, Caleb gets it. 321 00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,298 Hey, hey! So? 322 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:43,650 - What? - What about my big news? 323 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,486 Oh, that you're bi? Yeah, we just assumed that was a ploy for attention. 324 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:47,928 What? No way! 325 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,930 Seriously, guys, I'm bisexual. 326 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,182 - Oh, okay. - Good for you. 327 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:55,144 - Congratulations. - More like conflatulations. 328 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,187 - [both chuckling] - Mazel-toot. 329 00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:58,415 - [blows raspberry] - [laughs] 330 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,399 Yeah, we're, we're pretty uncomfortable with this. 331 00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,192 No judgment, bi's... bi's weird. 332 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,987 You guys suck. When you heard that Ali was into guys and girls, 333 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,614 you thought it was so cool. 334 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:07,990 Because in her case, it is. 335 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:11,035 I mean, Ali has very smooth, porcelain skin. 336 00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,718 - She's number one on my skin list. - Okay, easy, Hannibal Lecter. 337 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,308 I wish you could take skin off a person but they'd still be alive. 338 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,500 I guess what Andrew's trying to say is 339 00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:22,838 bisexuality just feels different for boys than girls. 340 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,173 Well, that's totally fucked! 341 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,216 Yeah, man, you're right, it's a double standard. 342 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,178 But standing here with you half-naked, ah, I'm a little uncomfortable. 343 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,388 Uh, Andrew you just exposed your full dick. 344 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:35,100 - Oh, good Lord. - So... are you, like, into either of us? 345 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,353 What? Eww, no, not you. 346 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,021 Mayb, Andrew, I don't know. 347 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,023 You'd rather hook up with him? 348 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:42,900 Oh, Nick, you cannot catch a break. 349 00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:45,152 I don't wanna hook up with either of you ass potatoes. 350 00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:46,445 You're not even on my list. 351 00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:49,657 My number one guy is Charles Lu. 352 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,743 - Sorry dude, I'm straight. - Oh, now you have something to say. 353 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:55,871 You guys can all suck my dick, 354 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,539 but not in the way I'd like! 355 00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,792 - How do you like it? - Like... Like... Like... 356 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,875 like everybody likes their dick sucked, with teeth. 357 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,796 Oh, this is impossible. 358 00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:05,881 See, I like Devin's hair and Ali's glasses, 359 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:09,009 but I like Gina's boobs and Lola's relentless front rubbing. 360 00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:11,011 But... but... how can I make just one list? 361 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,847 - Andrew, I've done it. - Ah! Frightening. 362 00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,265 - Done what? - Peegor! 363 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:18,811 - Remove the cover. - Yes, monster. 364 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,187 [moans] 365 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:23,023 It's alive! It's alive! 366 00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:24,566 [babbling] 367 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:25,943 What the hell is that? 368 00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:27,695 It's your perfect woman. 369 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,656 Good God, Maury, have you no respect for nature? 370 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,032 Her face is tits. 371 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,409 Gina's tits. 372 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,786 - I've truly thought of everything. - [burbles] 373 00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:38,205 Well, I hate it. It's disgusting. It's blasphemous. 374 00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:40,457 But she's got all the parts you love. 375 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:45,796 Missy's smile, Diane's hands, and her vagina, it's Leah's butt. 376 00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,774 - [thunderclap] - I also gave her two cup holders. 377 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,091 [babbling] 378 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,719 Ooh, look, she's really taken to Peegor. 379 00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:53,470 [wailing] 380 00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:55,055 Oh, Jesus Christ, fuck. 381 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:58,350 No! Peegor! I mourn you. 382 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,894 But, truthfully, he was not a very good assistant. 383 00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,855 Just write stuff down, you know? 384 00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:06,400 [sighs] I can't believe I'm ranked so low. 385 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:09,778 You're below Lola Skumpy? This is bullshit. 386 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:10,779 Wait, what the hell? 387 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,614 Gina took me off her list completely? 388 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,616 What the fuck is goin' on? 389 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,036 - It's these goddamn lists. - Damn right. 390 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,705 - They're making everybody feel shitty. - Darn tootin'. 391 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:22,684 - Why don't any of the boys like me? - How come none of the girls like me? 392 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,626 I don't get it, you're great. 393 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:25,919 [both in unison] I think so. 394 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,129 I mean... 395 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:30,132 ♪ I got charm and wit, I'm all funny and shit ♪ 396 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,135 ♪ But I guess that's not enough ♪ 397 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:36,472 ♪ I got brains and sass Comin' out of my ass ♪ 398 00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:39,141 ♪ But I can only act so tough ♪ 399 00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:42,644 ♪ I thought the nice guy got The girl in the end ♪ 400 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,564 ♪ Who'd have guessed all the movies lie? ♪ 401 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:48,984 ♪ I must have traded my heart For funny and smart ♪ 402 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:53,447 ♪ Now I'm all alone till I die ♪ 403 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:58,952 ♪ So tell me why, why does nobody get How great I am? ♪ 404 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:05,375 ♪ I got it all goin' on But the world doesn't seem to understand ♪ 405 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:09,379 ♪ In this endless sea Of chumps and fools ♪ 406 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:12,841 ♪ Well, they oughta be crown' me the king of cool ♪ 407 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:17,179 ♪ So why, why, why does nobody get it? ♪ 408 00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:21,058 ♪ Someday, babies, the clouds will part ♪ 409 00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:23,977 ♪ The world will take notice And your life will start ♪ 410 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,897 ♪ Your talent will shine Your dick will grow ♪ 411 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:31,360 ♪ You'll be the belle of the ball And the star of the show ♪ 412 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:32,486 ♪ Someday ♪ 413 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:34,905 - Someday? Who cares? - How does that help me now? 414 00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:37,783 ♪ Why, why does nobody get ♪ 415 00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:41,954 - ♪ How great I am? ♪ - ♪ Why does nobody get it? ♪ 416 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,000 Why? 417 00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:50,045 [chamber music plays] 418 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,849 [Matthew] Here we are at Nick's house, Lola, 419 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,592 and it's a beautiful day for two minors in major love. 420 00:18:55,676 --> 00:19:00,305 But this fairy-tale wedding may be turning into a nightmare. 421 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,640 I hope. [chuckles] 422 00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:04,351 And speaking of drama, here come the Janssen twins, 423 00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:05,644 who are on the outs. 424 00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:08,438 You stolen my hairstyle, you copy cow. 425 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:11,733 And here comes Ali, the official hottest girl in our grade. 426 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:16,113 Hey, Ali, I saved you a seat, it's right here. Hey, guys, I said it. 427 00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:19,158 I wouldn't sit on your face if I had hemorrhoids 428 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,035 - and your nose was a suppository. - What? 429 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,662 What are you talking about? 430 00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:26,790 Must be nice to be Ali, everybody's on her dick. 431 00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:29,376 Forget all these dumb middle-school boys. 432 00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:32,671 Why don't you go talk to a high-school man? 433 00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:33,754 Whew. Okay. 434 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,132 Hey, Judd. 435 00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:38,594 - Hey, Nick's friend Jessi. - What's the haps, Mr., uh... Mr. Guy? 436 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,346 - Hm. - Quick, Jessi, say more stuff. 437 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:44,683 [laughs] I won't be ignored, I am a dangerous lady. 438 00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:47,269 - See you later. - What? Why are you being so weird? 439 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,730 - I'm not being weird. - Ow. No one saw that. Fuck you. 440 00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:52,608 Mmm, Judd smelled like wood chips and cigarettes. 441 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,234 Hmm, I wanna eat his T-shirt. 442 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:55,694 [yowls] 443 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:56,653 Oh, shit. 444 00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,113 What is that thing doing here? 445 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,283 - Oh, she loves you, Andrew. - No, no, down, down. 446 00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,744 Oh, and she's got Lola's zest for humping. 447 00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:05,412 Down! Make it stop, Maury. 448 00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:08,582 "It"? She's got a name, you know. And it's Krewkie. 449 00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:10,876 - Krewkie! - Yeah, the name doesn't help. 450 00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:14,254 Either that or she wants Krewkie, I don't know. 451 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,591 Hey, man, everybody's, uh, kind of waiting on you. 452 00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:21,011 Dude, I am freaking the fuck out. I don't know if I can go through with this. 453 00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:24,681 Well, that makes a huge amount of sense considering you're a child, right? 454 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,683 I'm the number one boy in the grade. Swag. 455 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,269 And Devin is number 13? Not swag. 456 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:31,772 Oh, that's what's troubling you. 457 00:20:31,855 --> 00:20:33,732 Bro, what am I missing with this girl? 458 00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:37,027 Okay, well, Devin... Devin's kind of, uh... 459 00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:38,946 Come on, Nick, just be real with me. 460 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,864 Kind of a... a bitch. 461 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:43,200 What? Everyone knows she's a bitch? 462 00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:44,785 - Total B. - I thought only I knew. 463 00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,787 - You know too? Wait, what? - Oh, my God. 464 00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:50,874 And we're back, it's 20 minutes past call time and still no sign of the groom. 465 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,209 Lola, what's the scoop? 466 00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:53,978 - Oh, my God, that's bullshit. - [chattering] 467 00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:56,505 If you don't give me another pig in a blanket, 468 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,633 you're gonna be a raccoon in a coffin. 469 00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,468 Okay, she's terrifying. 470 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:02,970 Let's check in with my plus one. 471 00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,097 - Aiden, how do I look on camera? - You look hot. 472 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:08,058 - Oh, thank you, Aiden. - You're the Oprah to my Gayle. 473 00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,476 I don't like Aiden. 474 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,771 - Hey. - You got a lot of nerve showing up here 475 00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:15,274 after you come to our school and ruin everything 476 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:19,653 with your pansexuality and your smooth skin 477 00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:21,238 and your sexy glasses, 478 00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:22,990 and I wasn't even on your list! 479 00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:25,575 Whoa, okay! I mean, you're hot, but... 480 00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:30,580 - What the fuck? - What, I thought you were pansexual? 481 00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:33,917 That doesn't mean I wanna kiss everybody, you sociopath. 482 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,586 Uh-oh, folks, we've got a runaway groom. 483 00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:38,171 Devon, wait, look. 484 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:40,799 If you don't wanna get married because you're a child, 485 00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:42,509 then that makes perfect sense. 486 00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:45,804 Or because Devin's a total bitch, sure. 487 00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:47,431 But if you don't wanna get married 488 00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:50,183 just because of these stupid, bullshit lists, 489 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:54,104 then that's crazy, because... because it doesn't matter 490 00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:55,564 what everyone else thinks. 491 00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,482 Why do you want to marry Devin? 492 00:21:57,566 --> 00:21:59,901 She said if we got married, she'd give me a hand job. 493 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,695 See, there you go! 494 00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:04,156 - That's beautiful. - I said maybe. 495 00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:06,742 Damn, girl, you look amazing in that wedding dress. 496 00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,452 You're goddamn right I do. 497 00:22:08,535 --> 00:22:10,829 Devin, let's you and me get child married. 498 00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:16,001 [cheering] 499 00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:16,918 Whoo! 500 00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:18,545 [sniffs and chuckles] 501 00:22:18,628 --> 00:22:22,758 - Maury, aww. - I'm sorry, I... I always cry at hand jobs. 502 00:22:23,383 --> 00:22:26,511 We are gathered here today because no adult has stopped us 503 00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:28,096 and because love truly conquers all. 504 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,265 Ooh, uh... [babbles] 505 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,059 You may now tongue the bride. 506 00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,268 [cheering] 507 00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:39,107 I don't think she's ever gonna give him a hand job. 508 00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:43,153 Totally. Hey, have you seen Devin's sister? She is so wasted. 509 00:22:43,236 --> 00:22:46,490 Hey, what are you guys going after... [hiccups] after this? 510 00:22:46,573 --> 00:22:48,492 I say let's do karaoke. 511 00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:50,410 [grunting] 512 00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:52,746 Maury, please, get rid of this thing. 513 00:22:52,829 --> 00:22:57,667 Why? She's gorgeous, simply glamorous, and she came from your mind. 514 00:22:57,751 --> 00:23:00,837 I know, but I don't think I should be looking at girls that way. 515 00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:03,340 They're people, not a collection of parts. Down, girl. 516 00:23:03,507 --> 00:23:06,927 And if I can't see that, well, then, maybe I'm the monster. 517 00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:09,596 Wow, Andrew, that's really beautiful. 518 00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:13,141 All right, I'm gonna stick my nose dick in Krewkie's front butt 519 00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:16,520 - if, of course, you'll have me, Krewkie? - Krewkie! 520 00:23:16,603 --> 00:23:20,107 Front butt? Is that technically anal? You know what? I want no part of this. 521 00:23:20,190 --> 00:23:21,233 [slow jazz playing] 522 00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:24,152 - Shit, is Gina with Charles Lu now? - [sighs] 523 00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:28,240 I guess you don't have to say much if you got rock-hard butt cheeks. 524 00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:29,408 [sighs] 525 00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,535 Missy, there's a reason I didn't make a list. 526 00:23:31,618 --> 00:23:32,452 There is? 527 00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:34,663 Yes. Because you'd be the only one on it. 528 00:23:34,746 --> 00:23:36,623 - Oh, gosh. - May I kiss your cheek? 529 00:23:36,706 --> 00:23:37,749 You'd better. 530 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:40,960 Ugh. 531 00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:42,336 Whew. 532 00:23:43,004 --> 00:23:44,881 Hey, Judder Butter, what's meltin'? 533 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:48,343 - What are you talkin' about? - Um, I was just wondering, um... 534 00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:52,347 So dumb, but if you might, um, fancy a dancey, or... 535 00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:53,431 Oh, Jessi. 536 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,267 I don't dance with kids. 537 00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:57,561 I am not a kid, for your information. 538 00:23:57,644 --> 00:24:02,691 I am 60 years old. [chuckles] I remember when Moses was president. 539 00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:03,692 [chuckles] 540 00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:05,902 Okay, well, fuck. Bye. 541 00:24:06,194 --> 00:24:10,031 Ugh, why do I like guys that I can't have? I'll grow out of that, right? 542 00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:12,534 Weeeelll... 543 00:24:12,617 --> 00:24:14,953 Hey, um, it's cool you came out. 544 00:24:15,036 --> 00:24:17,581 Is it? 'Cause everybody's being super weird, 545 00:24:17,664 --> 00:24:19,458 and some people don't even believe I'm bi. 546 00:24:19,541 --> 00:24:22,043 - Oh, that's lame. - It'd be so much easier if I was a girl. 547 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:26,131 [scoffs] Are you kidding? Do you have any idea why I left my old school? 548 00:24:26,214 --> 00:24:29,843 Ooh, I know this! I heard you finger blasted a nun in the b-hole. 549 00:24:29,926 --> 00:24:31,386 - Um. - Up top, girl. 550 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:32,512 - No. - Yas, queen! 551 00:24:32,596 --> 00:24:34,407 - That's not it. - Am I allowed to say that now? 552 00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:36,266 - I told my best friend I liked her. - Oh. 553 00:24:36,516 --> 00:24:39,853 And she called me a lesbo and made everyone stop talking to me. 554 00:24:39,936 --> 00:24:41,771 Dude, that sucks. 555 00:24:41,855 --> 00:24:43,815 Yeah. I mean, no matter what, 556 00:24:43,899 --> 00:24:46,818 coming out is hard and you should be proud. 557 00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:49,696 Thanks. Look, I'm pretty good at reading people, 558 00:24:49,779 --> 00:24:51,406 and I think what you're saying is 559 00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:54,910 you wanna squeeze my dong so hard that I shit myself. 560 00:24:54,993 --> 00:24:57,746 Or we could just dance? 561 00:24:57,829 --> 00:25:00,248 Okay. Great compromise! 562 00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:03,793 Be honest, if I wasn't smuggling a ham under my dress, 563 00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:05,795 would you still be dancing with me? 564 00:25:05,879 --> 00:25:07,130 [chatters] 565 00:25:07,214 --> 00:25:10,425 Oh, my God, that's, like, actually very sweet. 566 00:25:10,634 --> 00:25:12,844 We have found jealousy in each other's hairs. 567 00:25:12,928 --> 00:25:15,805 And now, look at us, we dance at a child's wedding. 568 00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:18,308 We are truly becoming of Americans. 569 00:25:18,391 --> 00:25:20,977 [Lotte] And soon we will feast on the childrens. 570 00:25:21,061 --> 00:25:24,523 Mmm, feel the muscle tearing away from their bones. 571 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:26,274 - Yes, exactly. - As they shriek. 572 00:25:26,358 --> 00:25:27,859 Until we bite off their lips. 573 00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:29,027 [both giggle] 574 00:25:29,110 --> 00:25:30,904 [in unison] I love you, sister. Mwah. 575 00:25:31,613 --> 00:25:32,739 [laughs] 576 00:25:33,114 --> 00:25:34,114 Ugh. 577 00:25:34,407 --> 00:25:35,407 [sighs] 578 00:25:35,784 --> 00:25:37,619 Hey, at least we have each other, right? 579 00:25:37,702 --> 00:25:39,913 - This old gang. - Yeah, we're... 580 00:25:39,996 --> 00:25:41,790 - Amigos? - We're great. 581 00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:45,043 Nick, Andrew, and Jessi, virgins until college. 582 00:25:45,126 --> 00:25:47,087 - Fuck me. - Sophomore year. 583 00:25:50,757 --> 00:25:54,636 ♪ This is for all the lonely people ♪ 584 00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:00,308 ♪ Thinkin' that life has passed them by ♪ 585 00:26:02,727 --> 00:26:05,063 ♪ Don't give up until you ♪ 586 00:26:05,689 --> 00:26:07,649 ♪ Drink from the silver cup ♪ 587 00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:11,778 ♪ And ride that highway in the sky ♪ 588 00:26:14,781 --> 00:26:18,868 ♪ This is for all the single people ♪ 589 00:26:20,745 --> 00:26:23,999 ♪ Thinkin' that love has left them dry ♪ 590 00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:29,087 ♪ Don't give up until you ♪ 591 00:26:29,671 --> 00:26:31,673 ♪ Drink from the silver cup ♪ 592 00:26:32,507 --> 00:26:35,343 ♪ You never know until you try ♪ 593 00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:37,846 Haha. Good At Bizness. 594 00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:39,264 [kazoo plays] 595 00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:41,850 - Chirp. - Fathouse.