1 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,262 [narrator] As puberty begins, hormones are released 2 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,597 and the sexual organs begin to change. 3 00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:18,977 The uterus is the center of female reproductive activity... 4 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:22,147 The uterus? I thought girls had vaginas. 5 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,065 I thought that, too, but I guess they don't. 6 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,776 Maybe vagina is, like, slang. 7 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,154 [voice] Did someone say "vagina"? 8 00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:31,197 -Oh, no, no, no. Not now. -Fuck, yeah, now! 9 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,866 [laughing] 10 00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:34,701 Go away. You are not real. 11 00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:38,121 You're just some hormone monster my brain created. 12 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:40,665 If I'm not real, then how come I'm sending blood 13 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,251 to your sweet penis right now? 14 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:46,212 -[moans] Come on. -[narrator] The ovaries release the egg, 15 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,381 then travel down the Fallopian tube. 16 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:51,384 "Fallopian." What a savory word. 17 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:54,763 Describes exactly what it is, you know what I mean? 18 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:58,141 Okay, I should tell you, this is school and we need boundaries. 19 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:01,394 If you want me to go away, you know what you have to do. 20 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:04,481 -[sighs] Jerk off-- -Jerk off, yeah, yeah, yeah! Exactly. 21 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:08,234 Let's go to the bathroom and climax into that thin toilet paper. 22 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:09,152 [groans] 23 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:10,862 How come in all these videos 24 00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:14,240 puberty for boys is like the miracle of ejaculation 25 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,993 and for girls we're just a yarn ball of aching tubes? 26 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,287 -Ew, that's gross. -Yeah, exactly. 27 00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:20,747 And that's why we need equal pay. 28 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:23,416 My dad says when you take into account maternity leave, 29 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,836 -you do get equal pay. -Your dad's a scumbag DUI attorney. 30 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,463 Yeah, and he makes bank. 31 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:31,341 Too bad he can't afford tweezers for that unibrow. 32 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,343 -[screams] Shut up, Matthew! -Come on, come on, come on! 33 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:34,636 Wheels up in 30 seconds. 34 00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:36,888 Ms. Kazan, can I please go to the bathroom, please? 35 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,640 If you don't get out of here right now, 36 00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:40,683 we're gonna "Jackson Pollack" all over your pants. 37 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,936 -Who? -He's a famous abstract expressionist. 38 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,729 -Oh, my God... -I'll take notes for you, Andrew. 39 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,314 -Thanks, Missy. -Let's go, let's go. 40 00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:47,982 -I'm coming, I'm coming. -Not yet. 41 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,568 That's why we gotta get to the bathroom, sweetheart. 42 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,356 Am I a lucky guy or what? 43 00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:31,234 I've got this beautiful family, a gorgeous home, 44 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:35,321 the sounds of Duke Ellington-- a great African-American American. 45 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,907 Andrew, did you know that Duke Ellington died in this house? 46 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,368 I did, Dr. Birch. This house has rhythm. 47 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:43,538 That's right. What can I say? I love cocktail facts, 48 00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:46,916 -and I also love this woman. -[chuckles] 49 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,919 Not only did she prepare a fantastic meal 50 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,505 and birthed three beautiful children-- 51 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,757 -no drugs. -Oh, please. Nick slipped right out of me. 52 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,926 -Mom, Andrew's here. -He's family. 53 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,887 Anyway, he shouldn't be afraid of a vagina. 54 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,849 -Okay, can we be excused? -Once you pay the "snuggle tax." 55 00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:03,975 -Come here. -Come here. 56 00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:05,810 -Mom! -[sighs] 57 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:09,105 -Oh, I could eat you alive. -Can you not do this in front of Andrew? 58 00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:11,441 -You smell like fresh-buttered baby. -Give me a whiff. 59 00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:14,110 -Mom, loosen your grip. -I want to put you back up inside. 60 00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,737 Okay, we're going up now. Goodbye. 61 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:19,032 Love you, Nicholas. Love you. And you, too, Andrew. 62 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:20,617 [thumps] Ooh! Ow! Sorry. 63 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,870 What a fantastic best friend. The kid's dynamite. 64 00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,039 From the corner! Swish-hh! 65 00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,958 Hey, so this, like, dance on Friday, 66 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,544 -I think I'm not gonna go. -Oh, please. Yes, you are. 67 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,797 I'm not gonna ask a girl. I don't need that kind of rejection. 68 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,425 We're gonna go as a group-- me, you, Jessi and Jay. 69 00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:41,179 But Jay's been bragging that he's gonna get fingered at the dance. 70 00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:43,306 -What? -He's gonna get fingered. 71 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:46,059 Okay, first of all, I think he's got that wrong. 72 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:48,937 Either that or you have grossly misquoted him. 73 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,522 And Jay hasn't even kissed a girl, I guarantee it. 74 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,733 None of us have. Not, you know, with tongue anyway. 75 00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:57,153 Of course, 'cause when you do kiss a girl, to make it official... 76 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,280 -There's gotta be tongue. -Major tongue. 77 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,199 -You want to flick your tongue around. -Ideally. 78 00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:03,701 And you really want to get your tongue underneath hers, too. 79 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,412 Yeah, you want to get in there like a Claritin to just dissolve. 80 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,622 -Yeah. [chuckles] -Yeah. 81 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:10,333 -We know what we're talking about. -It's nice to talk like men. 82 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,626 Yeah. 83 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,086 [bangs] 84 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:16,881 Ow! It stings. 85 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,633 But it's worth it. 86 00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,720 -[growls] -[screams] 87 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,222 -What are you doing? -Oh, my God! 88 00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:25,139 -Hi. -Hi. 89 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,558 -Don't look. -Of course. I'm not looking at all. 90 00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:29,811 -No! Sorry. -Oh, my God. 91 00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:31,145 -Sorry for what? -I don't know. 92 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,397 I don't know either. 93 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,314 [slams] 94 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,779 You know, I actually didn't even see anything. 95 00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:43,157 I don't even know what you're talking about. 96 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,076 Okay. Well, good night. 97 00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:46,494 [ticking] 98 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,749 Knock knock. Who's there? It's the Hormone Monster. 99 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:52,667 [chuckles] 100 00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,502 No, no, no, you gotta be kidding me. 101 00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,838 -Nick is right there, sir. -And? 102 00:04:56,921 --> 00:05:00,133 And I'm a good person. I wouldn't do that laying next to a friend. 103 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:03,136 -Then why am I here? -Oh, my God, you're always right. 104 00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,096 -What the hell is wrong with me? -Nothing. 105 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:08,266 You're a perfectly normal gross little dirtbag. 106 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:11,102 Now stare at that cat clock and massage your dinger. 107 00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:13,479 No. Nick's grandmother gave him that clock. 108 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,940 -She knew what she was doing. -Yeah, she did. 109 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,775 -Okay. -Oh... 110 00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:19,444 What a little clock-tease. 111 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,446 Her eyes are darting back and forth, 112 00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,531 thinking, "Meow-meow, who's got the cream?" 113 00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:26,200 -Me. I've got the cream. -Yeah. 114 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,201 [moans] 115 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,662 -Oh, my God. -It's okay. It's okay. 116 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,373 Just picture your dad's associate Susan. 117 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,459 -[Andrew] Oh, Susan. -[Hormone Monster] Mmm... 118 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,836 Susan actually came to the summer outing, 119 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:39,839 and she said that I was really sprouting into a fine young man. 120 00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:42,216 That's right. Look at her sinewy arms. 121 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,552 -Susan, show me your top naked. -Yeah. 122 00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,679 -Oh, God. -And she's got Fallopian tubes. 123 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,598 Oh, God, okay. 124 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,017 So, Susan, um, what's it like 125 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,769 [grunts] to be in human resources? 126 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:53,686 Uh...! 127 00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,063 I'm done. 128 00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:59,734 Good night, you prince of Westchester, you king of the tri-state area. 129 00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:03,988 -Wait. What do we do about the mess? -Sleep in it, pig. Mwah. 130 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:11,120 So we're not going to Jay's to play basketball? 131 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,872 No. Um... 132 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,333 it turns out that I have family stuff this weekend. 133 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,879 Oh. Well... this is me. 134 00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:22,381 -I'll see you at school on Monday? -Yeah. 135 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,843 Totally. Uh... have a nice rest of your weekend. 136 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:29,097 -Thank you. -Um, you're welcome. 137 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:31,808 -I'll get out on the curb side now. -Yeah, great. 138 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,851 -Traffic side. -Yeah, that's smart. 139 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,604 Bye, Mrs. Birch. 140 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:45,905 What's going on? I thought Andrew was staying over all weekend. 141 00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:48,241 I just-- it's nothing. 142 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:50,993 -Nick? -Nicholas, we're your parents. 143 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,954 You can tell us anything. 144 00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:54,622 Okay. 145 00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:57,375 Last night, when he was changing... 146 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,835 I saw Andrew's penis. 147 00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,586 And now you're worried you're a homosexual? 148 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:05,550 Nicky, a man can touch another penis or even kiss one, very lightly, 149 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:08,761 and it still doesn't necessarily mean he's a homosexual. 150 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,305 When I was an undergraduate-- your mother knows this story-- 151 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,266 Dad, I'm not worried I'm gay. 152 00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:16,102 -Honey, it's fine if you are. -It's better. 153 00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:19,021 And by the way, you could do a lot worse than Andrew Glouberman. 154 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,065 It's not that, it's Andrew's... 155 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:24,235 Andrew's was... was different, 156 00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:27,155 like bigger and hairier. 157 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,490 Sweetheart, Andrew's started to become a man. 158 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,408 That's right. 159 00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,201 He's developed secondary sex characteristics. 160 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,953 -He has. -Thicker eyebrows... 161 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,496 -Mm-hmm. -engorged nipples. 162 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:36,831 -Engorged nipples. -Mom! 163 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:40,668 His penis is changing, from a boy penis to a man's penis. 164 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,920 -Mom! -And you may, like me, 165 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:45,173 never have a very big penis. 166 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,634 But if you understand a woman's body, 167 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:52,180 and more importantly her emotions, it doesn't matter. 168 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,182 It's true, Nicky. Before I met your father 169 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,684 I was with some men who were very well-endowed, 170 00:07:56,767 --> 00:08:00,354 -and honestly, it was too much for me-- -Okay. 171 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:04,233 -Your father's penis is my glass slipper. -And you're my Cinderella. 172 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,569 -Guys, please, stop! -Gimme a break. 173 00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:09,572 I'm sure Andrew and his parents have had very similar conversations. 174 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,991 Eh... I don't know about that. 175 00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:15,244 And then, you kinda jhoosh it down. 176 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,206 Barbara, what are you doing with my last good banana? 177 00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,458 Dr. Oz says they need to learn. 178 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,418 Oh, he doesn't need to know anything. 179 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,669 -Actually-- -Please, the next time 180 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:27,131 you think you need to know something, Andrew, shut your face! 181 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:28,883 Now give me the banana. 182 00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:31,010 Jesus, it tastes like condom. 183 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,929 Thanks a lot, Mr. Sex Maniac. 184 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,430 [class bell ringing] 185 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,686 -Hey. -How's it going? 186 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,522 -Uh, good. -Oh, okay. 187 00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,607 [claps] All right, look alive, you little maniacs. 188 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:48,361 I bet you're all, like, completely distracted by the big dance, 189 00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:50,613 which I happen to be chaperoning. 190 00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,073 You know, not a big deal. 191 00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:55,243 I mean, they could have asked anyone, but, you know, I volunteered. 192 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,787 Let's just stop talking about the dance 193 00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,373 and just focus on the fundamentals of basketball. 194 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:03,209 Oh, man, I hope they play music we like. 195 00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:05,878 Bruh, I can't believe the dance is the same night as the Knicks game. 196 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,464 Yeah, it sucks. Porzingis is awesome, though, right? 197 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,133 [Andrew] Oh, yeah. For a seven-footer, he's got an amazing shot. 198 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,760 Either way they gotta start playing defense. 199 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:14,595 [muffled] Oh, yeah, they gotta defend better in the paint. 200 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:15,763 -What? -I said, 201 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,056 they gotta defend better in the paint. 202 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,975 [mutters] Oh, my God, I'm losing my mind. 203 00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:20,226 ♪ Big dicks! ♪ 204 00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:22,019 ♪ Hoops, hoops, hoops, hoops! ♪ 205 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,813 ♪ Penises playing basketball ♪ 206 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,773 -♪ Big dicks shootin' hoops ♪ -♪ Hoops, hoops! ♪ 207 00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:27,692 ♪ Passin', dribblin', bouncin', jigglin' ♪ 208 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,151 ♪ Big dicks on the loose ♪ 209 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,279 -♪ What? ♪ -No! Get away! Stop it! 210 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,572 [grunts] 211 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,282 What the hell, man? 212 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,370 All right, knock it off, you two. Jeez, Louise. 213 00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:41,289 Who wants to watch me grab rim? 214 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,082 -[bangs] -[whimpers] Ooh! 215 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:45,334 I knocked the wind outta my balls. 216 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,003 Hope I'm okay for the dance. 217 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,215 Why would Nick push me? Why is he being so weird? 218 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,925 Who cares? Nick's a baby. 219 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,261 Let's watch the sex scene from Dallas Buyers Club. 220 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:57,847 Oh, my God, do you think Nick saw me jerking off? 221 00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,890 I told you I shouldn't do it in his room. 222 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:03,769 Or, here's an idea-- maybe he's jealous of what a fucking man you are. 223 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,021 You should kick his ass. 224 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:08,316 Do that curbing thing where you stick his teeth on the edge of a curb 225 00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,693 and stomp on the back of his head, what's that called? 226 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,486 -"Curbing"? -Yeah, that makes sense. 227 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,030 You should curb Nick. 228 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:17,158 Now let's watch McConaughey bang two meth heads at a rodeo, 229 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:20,286 and try not to think about AIDS. 230 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,829 -Andrew... -Yeah? 231 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:23,372 I'm thinking about AIDS. 232 00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:27,627 Duke? Duke Ellington? 233 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,920 Ghost of Duke Ellington, are you up here? 234 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:33,132 Hey, hey, Nick! [laughing] 235 00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,800 You up here for some advice? 236 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,470 You know, sometimes, it feels like you're the only one I can turn to. 237 00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:40,556 I get it, the living don't always have all the answers. 238 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,932 -Yeah. -Lucky for you, 239 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,727 I'm trapped between two realms. [laughing] 240 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,647 -So, what's the problem? -Duke, I saw Andrew's penis, 241 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,441 and it was, like, way bigger and hairier than mine. 242 00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,652 [chuckles] Happened to me once, too. 243 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,695 The Cotton Club, 1938. 244 00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:56,989 I saw Charlie Parker's penis in a bathroom, 245 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,991 and, good Lord, I felt inferior. 246 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,619 I mean, there's a reason they called him "The Bird." 247 00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:02,620 What's the reason? 248 00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,497 Because his pubic hair looked like feathers. 249 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,956 [laughing] 250 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,500 -So what'd you do? -I went out 251 00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:10,378 and made sweet love to Eva Gabor. 252 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,797 -No shit? -[cackling] 253 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:17,301 That's right, I balled a white woman back when it really meant something. 254 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,427 So you're saying-- 255 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,763 I'm saying, having a pretty girl on your arm 256 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,057 can make you feel a thousand feet tall. 257 00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:26,143 So I should find the prettiest girl in school and ask her out? 258 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:30,481 Bingo-bango! "Furry triangle," if you know what I'm saying. 259 00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:31,524 [chuckles] 260 00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:33,401 I think I do. Thanks, Duke. 261 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,736 Happy to help, little big guy. 262 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,239 -Shall I play you out? -Yeah, that'd be nice. 263 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,157 [scat singing] 264 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:43,285 ♪ Talkin' about a furry triangle, yeah ♪ 265 00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,454 - ♪ Furry triangle, baby ♪ -[bell ringing] 266 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,126 Oh, hey, guys, I just wanted to remind you, 267 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,546 the theme of the dance is "A Night in Ancient Mesopotamia." 268 00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:56,132 We're gonna put the "social" back in social studies. 269 00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:58,175 Missy, do you mind? I'm doing a magic trick. 270 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:01,470 I love magic! It's like juggling, but it's definitely more confrontational, 271 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,596 that's for sure. 272 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,015 Yeah, it's like one person playing cards at you. 273 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,642 Okay, guys, shut up. 274 00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:10,688 Okay, anyway, I think I have something in my mouth. 275 00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:13,107 [gurgles] 276 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,900 Is this your card? 277 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,610 Wow, Jay! I could barely tell 278 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:19,321 that you had the card palmed in your hand when you reached into your mouth. 279 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,282 -Damn it, Missy! -If it's any consolation, 280 00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:24,827 I literally never gave a shit about this from the beginning, so-- 281 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,704 You guys are the fucking worst! 282 00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:29,123 It doesn't get any cooler when you get, like, really angry. 283 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:32,001 ♪ Talkin' about a furry triangle ♪ 284 00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:34,378 Here we go, Nick. 285 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,047 Whoa. What the hell is he doing? 286 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,134 Hello! Nick's going to talk to the eighth graders. 287 00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:43,471 My God, he's got that Brian Grazer bravery. 288 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,973 -He's a petite, but he'll talk to anyone. -Oh, no. 289 00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:48,058 Those girls are gonna eat him alive, 290 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,977 and then barf him out because they're bulimic. 291 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,812 You're fucking funny. She's funny! 292 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:52,938 We're friends now. 293 00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:00,654 [thinking] Don't mess this up, don't mess this up. 294 00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:03,365 Play it cool. You've got the chops. 295 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,326 [narrator] ...travel down the Fallopian tube... 296 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:09,538 -I want to put you back up inside. -Kiss the penis lightly. 297 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,457 - I knocked the wind out of my balls. -Ugh! 298 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,628 Hey, Olivia, this is like a stupid idea, 299 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,880 but do you wanna, like, go to the dance with me? 300 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,466 Dance? Cute. Yeah. 301 00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:22,676 Oh. Okay, great. 302 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,512 Great. Cute, yeah. 303 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,931 Yeah, cute. Great. 304 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,807 -It's a palindrome. -Yeah. 305 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,226 [laughs] 306 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:31,143 Okay, bye. 307 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,186 Huh. 308 00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,980 I kinda thought we were going to the dance as a group. 309 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:38,234 That weasel bailed on you. He's such a slippery little shit. 310 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:39,360 -Hey, guys. -Tell him. 311 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:42,404 What the hell? You asked Olivia to the dance? 312 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:43,781 Yeah. What's the big deal? 313 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,199 You said you were going with us. 314 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:48,786 Yeah, but I mean, it's not like we had definitive plans. 315 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:52,081 [growls] Rage, rage, fucking rage! That's bullshit! 316 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:54,458 -That's bullshit. -Andrew, dial it down. 317 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,628 -Everybody can see your feelings. -Yeah, you're acting kinda weird. 318 00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:59,630 I'm not acting weird, you're acting weird. 319 00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:02,007 Dude, I'm allowed to go to the dance with whoever I want. 320 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,717 It's not like you're my girlfriend or something. 321 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:06,136 All right, that's it! Let's find a curb 322 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,973 and smash that pretty little smile off his face! 323 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:10,558 Fuck you. 324 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,102 -[students gasp] -[murmuring] 325 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,813 Fight, fight! Worldstar! 326 00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:17,356 Fight! 327 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:20,192 [Matthew] Exclusive-- "Laurel and Farty" are about to fight. 328 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:24,280 Just... fuck you, man. 329 00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:29,535 [coughing] 330 00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,495 [wheezing] I got a card stuck in my windpipe. 331 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:32,746 -[slaps] -Ugh! 332 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,582 -Was that your card? -Nope. 333 00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:35,958 [snaps] Oh, come on! 334 00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:40,546 Andrew hasn't been over since the night of the penis, 335 00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,339 and I think Nicky misses him. 336 00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,425 Poor kid. You know, when I was Nicky's age 337 00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:46,427 I had a bald little cashew, 338 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:50,014 and my friend Don Kinney, he had this great big sausage 339 00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:53,142 nestled in a thick robin's nest of pubic hair. 340 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,144 It was something to behold. 341 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:58,647 Is Don the one who only got house arrest for insider trading? 342 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,442 Yeah. The system is so broken. 343 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:04,945 Oh, Elliot, I love it when you talk about broken institutions. 344 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:05,946 -[moaning] -[Elliot] You like that? 345 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,990 -Oh, yeah. -[Elliot] Mm-hmm. 346 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:08,908 [Diane chuckles] 347 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,244 Wow, 12 hours and one minute. 348 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:14,288 Whew! That was astounding. 349 00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:16,498 Anyway, I think this is something 350 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:19,084 the boys need to figure out for themselves. 351 00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:26,091 Nick the Trick. [laughs] 352 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,093 -Hey, Duke. -What's wrong, kid? 353 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,637 You nervous about your big date? 354 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,264 I'm honestly more nervous about seeing Andrew. 355 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:35,392 -He said, "Fuck you" to me yesterday. -Ah! 356 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:39,730 I regret one fight I had with my saxophonist, Studs Dupree. 357 00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:42,441 -It got pretty ugly. -What happened? Did you guys make up? 358 00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:47,655 Well, I was waiting for him to apologize, and then he died of a heroin overdose. 359 00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,323 Wow. That must have been really tough. 360 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:52,117 Yeah. I never did get that apology. 361 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,953 [laughing] 362 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,455 [music playing] 363 00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,667 -Oh, hi, Missy. -Hey, Andrew. 364 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,920 Oh, actually, just for tonight could you refer to me as "Nanshe"? 365 00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:05,589 The goddess of social justice... 366 00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,257 -and also fishing. -That's great. 367 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:10,302 So should I pay for my ticket in ancient Sumerian silver? 368 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,512 [laughing] 369 00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,722 I get it. Mesopotamian silver mines 370 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,850 weren't actually operational until the mid-Bronze Age. 371 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,769 That's a great one. Where's Nick? 372 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:21,313 I wouldn't know. We decided to come alone. 373 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:24,608 You know, I find that being alone is actually a great gift 374 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:28,821 because it prepares you for what real life is, um, is like. 375 00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,072 Yeah, I guess. 376 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:33,617 So, what's the deal after this thing? You guys wanna go get drinks? 377 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:36,078 I don't know, go to Panera, split a bread bowl? 378 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,830 Yeah, no, thanks. 379 00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:40,582 We'll probably just go home and grade papers. 380 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,961 [snorts] Teachers at this school, you know, they never wanna hang out. 381 00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:46,964 -They're always "so busy." -They're a gaggle of rancid cunts. 382 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:50,134 Yeah! I mean, that's, you know... pff-fft! That's a little harsh, 383 00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,678 but I think we're basically on the same page. 384 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:54,596 Hey, ladies, you havin' fun? 385 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,599 -I think tonight's gonna be pretty... hot! -[girls scream] 386 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:58,559 Oh, my God, what the hell? 387 00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:01,520 Yeah, we're wearing a ton of hairspray, you psycho! 388 00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,272 [screams] I am not a psycho! 389 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:06,275 -Well played, Jay. -Look, your butt buddy's here. 390 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,192 -[Jay snickers] -Oh. 391 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,319 We're not actually butt buddies anymore. 392 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:12,990 So, like, you've got an opening? I'd love to throw my butt in the ring. 393 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:15,576 -I don't like going to your house. -Oh, no, I promise, 394 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,870 my brothers aren't gonna make you poop in a litter box again. 395 00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:19,788 [music playing] 396 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,791 -[phone clicking] -Good evening, Nicholas. 397 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,085 -Good evening, Jessica. -You psyched for your "big date"? 398 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,713 Yeah, well, Olivia's pretty much the hottest girl in school, 399 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:30,299 -so... mm, I'm pretty psyched. -Yeah, you should be psyched. 400 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:33,093 Just be prepared for some super-intellectual conversation. 401 00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:35,512 -Why do you keep looking over at Andrew? -I'm not looking at Andrew, 402 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:38,057 -I'm excited for my date with Olivia. -Of course, yeah. 403 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,976 She's a beautiful complex woman whose eyes go dead when she applies lip gloss. 404 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,854 -Well, Jessi, this has been so much fun. -Yeah. 405 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:47,775 But it looks like my super hot eighth-grade date has arrived. 406 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,193 [Jessi] Yeah, I can see her. 407 00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:52,946 Holy shit, Olivia's hot. 408 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:56,075 I'm gonna pump my pillow full of Jay jizz later thinking about it. 409 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,994 Oh, hey, Olivia. You want to get a drink or something? 410 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,330 I think they have La Croix. It's only the coconut kind, 411 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,082 which is a little gross, but it's still kinda-- 412 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:05,334 No, sorry. Dylan. 413 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:09,004 Oh-- who? I thought we were going to this dance, like, together. 414 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:12,299 No, no, no. 415 00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:14,009 Sorry, bro, she wants a real man. 416 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,512 Ninth grade, top of the food chain. 417 00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:20,432 Um, actually, sweets and fats are at the top of the food chain. 418 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:25,229 Oh, poor Nick. He's confusing the food pyramid with the food chain. 419 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:29,900 Oh, hi, Andrew. Would you perchance like to celebrate the autumnal equinox 420 00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:33,237 with a, um... with a... with a dance with me? 421 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:37,074 -Oh, I would, Missy, but-- -Hey, are you out of your goddamn mind? 422 00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:40,119 -This is a real girl. -She's not a girl, she's Missy. 423 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:43,247 Oh, she's a girl, and she wants to dance with you. 424 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:46,625 -But Nick looks really upset-- -Fucking forget about that little Pikachu 425 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,585 [growls] and dance with a girl! 426 00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:50,629 -Um, sure, Missy. -Oh, great. 427 00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:53,382 We can just-- so we can start now, 'cause I know how to do it. 428 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,092 I've practiced with my dad. 429 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,176 [music playing] 430 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,680 -Hey, Mr. DJ, you take requests? -No, I do not. 431 00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:02,558 -What about "Lady in Red"? -If I play it, will you leave? 432 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:05,936 Yeah, sure, unless, I don't know, you want me to stick around. 433 00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:07,396 -Nah. -Are you streaming that? 434 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:11,024 What is that, Wi-Fi? They gave you the Wi-Fi password. 435 00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,776 Heh. Okay. 436 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,657 -Hi. -Jessi, please, 437 00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,868 I don't want to hear "I told you so." 438 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:23,120 I know, but I want to say it so bad. 439 00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:26,498 Can I just say it one time and you cover your ears? 440 00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,041 I told you so! 441 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,544 -Well, I'm glad you feel better. -I do, a little. 442 00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:32,588 -But I feel like I can feel even better... -Uh-huh. 443 00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:33,964 -...if you heard it. -[chuckles] 444 00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:37,718 [screeching] ♪ Lady in red ♪ 445 00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:44,474 ♪ Is dancing with me ♪ 446 00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:45,976 ♪ Cheek to cheek ♪ 447 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:50,272 I've never danced with a boy before. What am I supposed to say? 448 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,191 I don't know. That was great. 449 00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:54,151 You're doing great. I think we're both doing great. 450 00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,987 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're both doing great. 451 00:19:57,070 --> 00:20:00,073 Now let's get a little friction going. 452 00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:04,912 ♪ And I hardly know... ♪ 453 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:05,996 uh! 454 00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:10,083 ♪ This beauty by my side ♪ 455 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,961 ♪ I never will forget-- ♪ 456 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,172 I got a great memory. 457 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:19,676 [Hormone Monster, Coach] ♪ The way you look tonight ♪ 458 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,594 [Hormone Monster] Yeah. 459 00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:23,263 I don't know, I guess I thought Olivia liked me. 460 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,015 Really? Olivia only likes jeggings. 461 00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,017 I get it, Jessi, I'm an idiot. 462 00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:30,145 No! She's the idiot. You're... 463 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,232 you're cute, even though you're tiny. 464 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:36,526 You're like a troll doll who's figured out his hair. 465 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:39,613 -Thank you...? -You're welcome...? 466 00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:43,367 [thinking] What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? 467 00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:45,661 Stick your tongue underneath her tongue... 468 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,246 Pay the snuggle tax. 469 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:50,332 Can I just get a hint for the Wi-Fi password? 470 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:52,834 [whimpers] 471 00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:56,046 [slurping] 472 00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:59,216 [Jessi gurgles] Uh! Tongue. 473 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:01,051 ["Lady In Red" playing] 474 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:05,806 Oh, yeah, yes, that's it. 475 00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:09,810 Don't be afraid to lead with your groin, the world's slowest hula hoop. 476 00:21:09,893 --> 00:21:11,979 [moans] Oh-hh! This is working. 477 00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:13,689 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it easy. 478 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:15,440 We're 70 yards from the bathroom, brother. 479 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:16,775 You need to slow it down. 480 00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:18,485 [grunting] No, can't slow it down, can't slow it down. 481 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,153 Fuck it. If you're okay with it, I'm okay with it. 482 00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:22,364 I'm okay with it. [grunting] 483 00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:26,285 - ♪ Jai ho! ♪ -[grunts] 484 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,704 -Whoa, what's wrong? -Uh... 485 00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:32,457 -I have to go, Missy. -But the dance isn't-- oh, darn it. 486 00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:33,542 [slurping] 487 00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:37,296 You have a really big mouth. 488 00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:39,089 Thank you, I think? 489 00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,966 The flicking was an interesting choice. 490 00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:43,051 Yeah. Tongues feel weird. 491 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,970 [muttering] Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 492 00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:46,513 Oh, my God! 493 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:50,726 Oh, no! That's the most I've ever made. 494 00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:51,935 [splashing] 495 00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:53,812 Oh, shit, my phone. 496 00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:55,147 -Wait, what the-- -[splashes] 497 00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:01,528 -Oh, my God, isn't this exciting? -There's no time for excitement. 498 00:22:01,611 --> 00:22:03,739 We gotta find the egg. Where are we, Fallopian tube, uterus? 499 00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:05,574 We're in a pussy right now, right? 500 00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:08,744 Uh... you guys are gonna be really disappointed. 501 00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:11,788 -Are we in another sock? -No, no, no. 502 00:22:11,872 --> 00:22:14,708 -A toilet. -What is wrong with you, Andrew? 503 00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:17,294 -You're completely out of control. -I didn't mean to! 504 00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:20,839 This girl asked me to slow dance, and I got all tingly and lightheaded. 505 00:22:20,922 --> 00:22:22,966 Hey, jizz pants, there's your stupid phone. 506 00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,885 -Oh, thank God. -There is no God. 507 00:22:24,968 --> 00:22:27,512 Come on, let's swim to that giant brown rock. 508 00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:30,849 Not to sound gay, but I miss the balls. 509 00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:35,062 Ahem. Yeah, I guess I should probably go check on Andrew. 510 00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:37,272 Yeah, no, I think that's like a good idea. 511 00:22:37,355 --> 00:22:39,691 Yeah, but thank you for the... 512 00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:41,610 -Sure, no problem. -Ahem. 513 00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:44,654 -Good night, milady. -Good evening, good sir. 514 00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:47,240 Oh, boy. 515 00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:48,408 [gasps] 516 00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:52,412 -[sighs] -What happened to you? 517 00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:53,914 I came in my pants. 518 00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:55,916 And that made you soaking wet? 519 00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:58,668 -Why are you being so mean to me? -What are you talking about? 520 00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:02,005 You've been mean to me all week. What did I do? 521 00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:04,341 You didn't do anything! I-- 522 00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:06,885 I saw your... 523 00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:10,263 -and it was big and hairy. -Yeah, so? 524 00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:13,809 And mine isn't, and I don't know if it ever will be. 525 00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,853 Well, count your blessings. Mine's not so great either. 526 00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:21,191 [sobs] Mine just made me jizz in my nice pants. 527 00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:22,734 It's embarrassing. 528 00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:24,569 Everything's embarrassing. 529 00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:27,405 Everything is so embarrassing. 530 00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:30,325 -My pants are in the toilet. -Oh, man. [chuckles] 531 00:23:30,408 --> 00:23:32,619 Andrew, why didn't you wash them in the sink? 532 00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:34,955 [laughing] That is a great question, Nick. 533 00:23:35,038 --> 00:23:39,000 It's because I panicked. What am I gonna do? 534 00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:52,305 Nick and Andrew, you're friends again. Nick's pants are gone. 535 00:23:52,389 --> 00:23:54,808 The teachers look poor. What the fuck is going on? 536 00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:57,853 Well, Matthew, it's been a great night in ancient Mesopotamia-- 537 00:23:57,936 --> 00:24:01,606 [Matthew] Boring! Nick, we heard you kissed Jessi in the hallway. 538 00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:06,695 Uh, Jessi and I would appreciate that you respect our privacy at this time. 539 00:24:06,778 --> 00:24:08,321 Sounds like he fingered her. 540 00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:10,448 Join us tomorrow when we find out Coach Steve 541 00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:12,742 lives in a joke of an apartment near the airport. 542 00:24:12,826 --> 00:24:16,454 LaGuardia, and, technically, I live in a storage unit, so... 543 00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:18,540 [dog barking] 544 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:22,961 -Hello? -Oh, uh, good evening. 545 00:24:23,044 --> 00:24:24,796 -Who are you? -Don't worry about it. 546 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,883 I'm just here to give your friend a nocturnal emission. 547 00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:30,552 [moaning] 548 00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:33,013 Are you the puberty fairy? 549 00:24:33,096 --> 00:24:36,099 -The fuck did you just call me?! -The puberty fairy? 550 00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:39,102 "Puberty fairy"? I'm the Hormone Monster. 551 00:24:39,186 --> 00:24:40,478 I'm not a fairy. 552 00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:43,773 I mean, sure, I fuck around with dudes but I'm not a fairy. 553 00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,488 "[I Don't Wanna Grow Up" playing] Extracted by DAKINPex