1 00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:08,500 [birds chirping] 2 00:00:08,583 --> 00:00:10,916 - [Jay] Ho-ho-ho! Whoo! - [phone chimes] 3 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:15,541 Well, well, well, another text from Danni. Look at that text to response ratio, guys. 4 00:00:15,625 --> 00:00:18,375 Fuck reading. Call me when I can smell her tongue in your throat. 5 00:00:18,458 --> 00:00:20,791 - [phone chimes] - Boo, she just doubled texted me. 6 00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:22,416 I think she's obsessed. 7 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:26,333 Boy wonder's leaving me for a new school and a new girl 8 00:00:26,416 --> 00:00:30,583 who, wow, texted twice in a row. That's rich. 9 00:00:30,666 --> 00:00:32,041 Andrew, can we please not? 10 00:00:32,125 --> 00:00:33,291 Not abandon each other? 11 00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:36,041 No! It's too late, 'cause you already abandoned me. 12 00:00:36,125 --> 00:00:39,416 We're together right now. La Familia! 13 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:42,291 Why don't we just try to enjoy this last summer before high school? 14 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,875 Enjoy the summer? That too is rich. 15 00:00:44,958 --> 00:00:47,416 My dad's making me mow the lawn, paint the garage, 16 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:50,541 and if it rains, I gotta hold an umbrella over the patio furniture. 17 00:00:50,625 --> 00:00:52,916 At least you don't have to go to stupid summer school. 18 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,416 If I can't learn when it's cold, 19 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:57,250 there's no way I can learn when I'm sweating my fuckin' tits off. 20 00:00:57,333 --> 00:01:00,083 Wow, sucks for you guys. Can't relate. 21 00:01:00,166 --> 00:01:03,416 Andrew, look alive. It's the little traitor's big sister. 22 00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:05,833 Oh, bikini time. 23 00:01:05,916 --> 00:01:07,375 Ew, Andrew, you have to leave. 24 00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:11,666 Oh, come on! I promise to be good. I'll sit on my hands with my eyes closed. 25 00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:13,583 Somehow that's more disgusting. 26 00:01:13,666 --> 00:01:15,833 Yeah, that's fair. I'll see myself out. 27 00:01:15,916 --> 00:01:18,333 [Jay] Oh shit, Andrew! It's a string bikini! 28 00:01:18,416 --> 00:01:20,083 - Oh. - [Jay] And there's under boob? 29 00:01:20,166 --> 00:01:21,916 - No! - [Jay] One of 'em just popped out! 30 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,125 Oh, this summer sucks! 31 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,041 [Jay] Uh-oh, I think she can hear me. 32 00:01:25,125 --> 00:01:28,458 Yep, she's making me leave now too. You can roll the titles now. 33 00:01:28,541 --> 00:01:30,708 {\an8}["Changes" by Charles Bradley playing] 34 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:36,291 {\an8}♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 35 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:45,916 {\an8}♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 36 00:01:46,458 --> 00:01:47,291 {\an8}♪ Oh ♪ 37 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:48,666 {\an8}♪ In my life ♪ 38 00:01:50,083 --> 00:01:53,125 {\an8}♪ Oh! Ooh! Ooh! ♪ 39 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,000 [songs fades] 40 00:02:01,625 --> 00:02:04,791 - [doorbell rings] - Hey! Right on time. 41 00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:08,916 Well, you know me. My mom drops me off whenever I want. Huh? 42 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,583 {\an8}Oh, uh, Travis, this is my friend, Nick. 43 00:02:11,666 --> 00:02:15,083 {\an8}- Nick, this is my entanglement, Travis. - Hey. 44 00:02:15,166 --> 00:02:17,500 Oh, this is the Travis from the thing? 45 00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:19,708 - I thought we... I thought we hated... - [laughs] 46 00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,875 Yeah, the situation is fluid. 47 00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:23,833 You know it, motherfucker. Lots of fluids. 48 00:02:23,916 --> 00:02:24,958 'Sup, lil' dude? 49 00:02:25,041 --> 00:02:27,375 Fuck this guy! Make your voice big too. 50 00:02:27,458 --> 00:02:29,178 - [deep voice] What's up, dude? - [chuckles] 51 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,476 - See you when I see you. - Yeah. Nice meeting you, Aaron. 52 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:35,125 Hold on, is your name Aaron? Oh my God, that is so embarrassing. 53 00:02:35,208 --> 00:02:38,208 I've been calling you Nick the whole time like an idiot. 54 00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:39,291 Ugh, this sucks. 55 00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,666 That asshole gets to be, like, an "entanglement," 56 00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:43,833 and I'm just a stupid fucking friend. 57 00:02:43,916 --> 00:02:46,333 Yeah, we also want to be tangled! 58 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,291 Ew! Who the fuck are you? 59 00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:49,958 The name is Rick, 60 00:02:50,666 --> 00:02:52,875 and you must be Danni's mom. 61 00:02:52,958 --> 00:02:54,875 Can I please have some juice? 62 00:02:54,958 --> 00:02:56,583 Ew! Boy, you're stupid. 63 00:02:56,666 --> 00:02:59,958 Don't call me stupid. I'm trying my best. 64 00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,791 Okay, what else? Bedtime is at 6:45 p.m. 65 00:03:02,875 --> 00:03:05,875 And please, don't touch the computer in the kitchen. 66 00:03:05,958 --> 00:03:07,166 It's the hub of the house. 67 00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:09,375 Last time it went down, we lost everything. 68 00:03:09,458 --> 00:03:12,083 Absolutely, yes, 6:45, lost everything. 69 00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:13,958 - Shall we, my pet? - [chuckles] 70 00:03:14,041 --> 00:03:18,125 Oh, they're so weird and so in love, just like you and Elijah were. 71 00:03:18,208 --> 00:03:20,625 Mona, enough grieving my failed relationship. 72 00:03:20,708 --> 00:03:24,583 I'm a single woman now, so I'm just gonna focus on my career. 73 00:03:24,666 --> 00:03:26,375 Professional slut to the stars? 74 00:03:26,458 --> 00:03:28,000 No, babysitting. 75 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:31,000 Ew. Well, that doesn't pay nearly as well. 76 00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:32,500 [birds chirping] 77 00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:35,833 Eh, these summer school kids, they seem pretty tough. 78 00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,333 I think they look sweet. 79 00:03:37,416 --> 00:03:38,333 Are you serious? 80 00:03:38,416 --> 00:03:41,250 That one's got a face tattoo that just says "face." 81 00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:45,041 Okay. Now, since I can't read, this is how we're gonna take attendance. 82 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,833 On the count of tree, everyone yell your name. 83 00:03:47,916 --> 00:03:49,458 One, shoe, tree. 84 00:03:49,541 --> 00:03:50,791 Jay Bilzerian, here! 85 00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:51,708 Hi, Jay! 86 00:03:51,791 --> 00:03:54,458 - What a fuckin' moron! - That makes me wanna harm him. 87 00:03:54,541 --> 00:03:57,458 Yeah, in exactly the way others have harmed me. 88 00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:00,708 - [group grunts] - Ooh, my truck nuts! 89 00:04:00,791 --> 00:04:02,125 Uh, hey, hey, guys, 90 00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:05,291 I hate books too, but hitting Coach Steve with them isn't the answer. 91 00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:06,708 [groans] He's right. 92 00:04:06,791 --> 00:04:10,291 - Come on, you'll be safe in here. - Thank you. You must be a good kid. 93 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,250 Yeah, good at farting. [farts] 94 00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:15,166 - Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? - Filling it with farts! 95 00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:16,833 Yeah, fart box. 96 00:04:16,916 --> 00:04:19,750 - [all chanting] Fart box! Fart box! - No fart box! No, no! 97 00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:22,083 Oh God! Steve, try and hold your breath! 98 00:04:22,166 --> 00:04:24,875 [Coach Steve] Don't worry, Jay, I like the smell of farts, 99 00:04:24,958 --> 00:04:27,291 but I'm afraid of the dark, so I'm gonna light a match. 100 00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:28,375 Wait, no! 101 00:04:29,125 --> 00:04:32,416 [Coach Steve] All right! Now I'm naked except for smoke. 102 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:36,625 Ugh, Maury, this is misery. This is pure misery. 103 00:04:36,708 --> 00:04:38,291 Hey, Andrew, you missed a spot! 104 00:04:38,375 --> 00:04:40,458 Why does your dad have to stand in the window 105 00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:42,291 shouting negative reinforcement? 106 00:04:42,375 --> 00:04:45,708 And if you're asking me, you don't have the legs for those shorts. 107 00:04:45,791 --> 00:04:47,625 At least he stopped throwing pebbles at me. 108 00:04:47,708 --> 00:04:48,708 [girl] Hi, hello? 109 00:04:48,791 --> 00:04:51,291 - Oh, hi. - Hey, I'm Marissa. 110 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,416 My mom and I just moved in across the street. 111 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:56,583 [gasps] A pretty neighbor, in this economy? 112 00:04:56,666 --> 00:05:00,041 Um, our recycling bin is full. Is it cool if we use yours? 113 00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:02,166 Oh, sure. My dad doesn't recycle. 114 00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:04,750 He says he's "not trying to save the earth for free." 115 00:05:04,833 --> 00:05:06,333 [laughs] Thanks. 116 00:05:06,416 --> 00:05:09,833 Um, hey, do you by any chance go to Bridgeton Middle? 117 00:05:09,916 --> 00:05:13,291 I'm starting eighth grade in the fall, and I know, like, nobody. 118 00:05:13,375 --> 00:05:15,958 Oh. I did my undergraduate work at Bridgeton Middle, 119 00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:17,666 but I'm going to Bridgeton High now. 120 00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:20,791 Ooh, a high school man. Very cool. 121 00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:24,208 Holy shit, you fucking stud. She's actually into you. 122 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,291 [laughing] You. 123 00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:26,541 [woman] Hey, Marissa. 124 00:05:26,625 --> 00:05:29,208 What the fuck? 125 00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:31,291 ♪ Just one look ♪ 126 00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:34,833 ♪ And I fell so ha... ♪ 127 00:05:34,916 --> 00:05:35,833 ♪...a... ♪ 128 00:05:35,916 --> 00:05:38,250 ♪...ard ♪ 129 00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:40,875 - Who... Who dat? Who is that? - Oh, that's my mom. 130 00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:41,875 [growls] 131 00:05:41,958 --> 00:05:45,125 Marissa's mom has got it goin' on. 132 00:05:45,208 --> 00:05:47,708 Yeah. I was, uh, gonna go with a more elegant 133 00:05:47,791 --> 00:05:50,083 "Mrs. Robinson" reference, but yeah. 134 00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:52,166 Oh look, you've already made a friend. 135 00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:56,125 Hey, I'm Andrew Kent. I mean Glouberman. But my friends call me Kent. 136 00:05:56,208 --> 00:05:58,541 And my lovers, heh. I don't have any right now, though. 137 00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:01,333 Friends or lovers? I hope the latter. 138 00:06:01,416 --> 00:06:04,666 Oh-ho, Marissa, you're a hoot. What is your name, please, Marissa's mom? 139 00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:05,625 I'm Priya, 140 00:06:05,708 --> 00:06:10,125 and, you know, the old owners let our yard get pretty overgrown. 141 00:06:10,208 --> 00:06:13,250 Oh, the Sperdutos. Yeah, I'll kill 'em, those asshole motherfuckers. 142 00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:14,208 - Oh! - [laughter] 143 00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:17,166 Actually, I was hoping I could hire you to cut it. 144 00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:19,208 Oh, indubitably. I mean, yes. 145 00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:20,625 - Perfect. - Bye, Andrew. 146 00:06:20,708 --> 00:06:22,000 What? Oh yeah. Yeah, bye. 147 00:06:22,083 --> 00:06:23,333 My goodness, Andrew. 148 00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:27,125 Those two are the most fuckable duo since the Property Brothers. 149 00:06:27,208 --> 00:06:30,333 I'd let them turn a mud room into a too small office. 150 00:06:30,416 --> 00:06:33,166 Goodnight, Moon, which is your actual name. 151 00:06:33,250 --> 00:06:34,250 [sighs] 152 00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:37,541 6:45 p.m. This is usually when Elijah starts reducing 153 00:06:37,625 --> 00:06:39,708 - his blue light intake before bed. - [phone rings] 154 00:06:39,791 --> 00:06:44,625 Hey, how's babysitting? Find anything good in any drawers? 155 00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:45,892 - Dildos? Pills? - [Missy] What? 156 00:06:45,916 --> 00:06:47,750 Homemade pornos just laying around? 157 00:06:47,833 --> 00:06:50,083 No. I've just been, you know, doing my job. 158 00:06:50,166 --> 00:06:51,500 Ew, why? 159 00:06:51,583 --> 00:06:55,041 Snooping through a stranger's house is the whole point of babysitting. 160 00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:57,625 She's right. This is an exotic new house, Missy, 161 00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:01,708 and I want to snoop like Mister D-O-double-G himself. 162 00:07:01,791 --> 00:07:04,500 Okay, I-I-I... I guess I could just look in the fridge. 163 00:07:04,583 --> 00:07:08,375 Maybe they have some sprouted almonds or a nice spelt cracker. 164 00:07:08,458 --> 00:07:11,625 What are these words you're saying? Are these foods? 165 00:07:11,708 --> 00:07:17,458 Jessi, I'm gonna hang up on you now and give in to my deepest darkest desires. 166 00:07:17,541 --> 00:07:19,083 - [Jessi] What? - Do it, Missy! 167 00:07:19,166 --> 00:07:22,541 Deep throat that two-liter bottle of high fructose corn syrup. 168 00:07:22,625 --> 00:07:23,458 [belches] 169 00:07:23,541 --> 00:07:26,333 [echoing] I'm a fucking God! 170 00:07:26,416 --> 00:07:30,041 So, uh, what's the, uh, deal with Travis? I thought we were mad at him. 171 00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:31,541 Yeah, I was, 172 00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,625 but then I realized, like, who cares? 173 00:07:33,708 --> 00:07:35,628 I mean, we never put a label on our relationship. 174 00:07:35,708 --> 00:07:37,468 The fuck? I thought it was an "entanglement." 175 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:38,940 Now she's calling it a relationship? 176 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,583 This sucks! Let's take her to small claims court! 177 00:07:41,666 --> 00:07:45,708 I mean, I just met him, but Travis? I don't love his vibe. 178 00:07:45,791 --> 00:07:48,041 I mean, sure, okay, he's a little attractive, 179 00:07:48,125 --> 00:07:49,583 but what do you see in him? 180 00:07:49,666 --> 00:07:51,083 Um, well, little big face, 181 00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:53,750 Travis happens to be the prince of our pussy. 182 00:07:53,833 --> 00:07:55,958 - The king of our clit. - The lord of our labia. 183 00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:57,916 The viscount of our vagina! 184 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,958 [both] Yes! 185 00:08:00,041 --> 00:08:03,333 - We could go on for days. - And so could Travis. Ah. 186 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:04,250 [both laugh] 187 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,625 - Honestly, it's just chill with Travis. - Oh. 188 00:08:06,708 --> 00:08:08,875 We have chemistry, and it's fun hooking up with him. 189 00:08:08,958 --> 00:08:12,125 When we say "hooking up," what do we really mean, you know? 190 00:08:12,208 --> 00:08:15,291 I mean, I know what I mean when I say it, but everybody's different. 191 00:08:15,375 --> 00:08:17,375 So what are you talking? Like, kissing? 192 00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:20,583 Boob stuff? Underwear on? Like, what even is it? 193 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:23,208 - Nick, you're funny. - Yeah, he funny, but he ain't fine. 194 00:08:23,291 --> 00:08:25,041 But he is kind of cute, right? 195 00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:29,000 And what if I told you that he has little bacon and egg pajamas. 196 00:08:29,083 --> 00:08:30,208 Is that sexy? 197 00:08:30,291 --> 00:08:32,291 Oh, so you funny too, huh? 198 00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:36,458 Yeah, I'm funny, but I'm also fine as a motherfucker. 199 00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:40,666 I don't know, you kinda fucking raggedy, but somehow, you make it work? 200 00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:42,666 [Coach Steve] All right, level with me, Jay. 201 00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:45,708 Do I still smell like the farts of my new friends? 202 00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:48,291 Those kids are not your friends, Steve. 203 00:08:48,375 --> 00:08:50,500 - You need to learn to fight back. - Okay. 204 00:08:50,583 --> 00:08:54,000 Pretend I'm one of those asshole kids and I threw a book at your nuts. 205 00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:55,458 What are you gonna say? 206 00:08:55,541 --> 00:08:58,333 Please be nice to me. I love you. You're my best friends. 207 00:08:58,416 --> 00:09:00,875 And if you want to be mean to me, that's fine too. 208 00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:03,458 Aw, come on, Steve. Don't those bullies piss you off? 209 00:09:03,541 --> 00:09:08,083 Oh, I-I don't like to get angry, because then Bad Mitten things happen. 210 00:09:08,166 --> 00:09:10,416 [as Bad Mitten] That's right, I'm a bad fucking mitten. 211 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:13,458 Take a wild guess where I was on January 6th. 212 00:09:13,541 --> 00:09:17,208 Oh, no, no, no. Let's put the evil sock puppet away. 213 00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:20,416 [Bad Mitten] Hey, I'm a fucking mitten, you snot-nosed dickbag. 214 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:25,500 Hang on. Maybe you should have the Bad Mitten discipline those kids. 215 00:09:25,583 --> 00:09:27,333 [laughs] Then they'll respect you. 216 00:09:27,416 --> 00:09:29,541 [as Bad Mitten] That's right, Coach Shit-for-brains, 217 00:09:29,625 --> 00:09:31,708 let me handle things. 218 00:09:31,791 --> 00:09:32,791 Okay. 219 00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:36,166 [gulps] Whoo! All right, I'm feeling jazzed! 220 00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:38,041 What else we gonna do? Go to the racetrack? 221 00:09:38,125 --> 00:09:39,791 Should we take a bus to Atlantic City? 222 00:09:39,875 --> 00:09:41,555 Ooh, let's go through the parents' bedroom. 223 00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:44,625 Yeah, I want to see where they lay as man and wife. 224 00:09:44,708 --> 00:09:47,166 Oh, Missy, Missy! I found lube! 225 00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:52,458 - They use that for sex, don't they? - Yes, darling. You know so much. 226 00:09:52,541 --> 00:09:56,000 Oh, look at this! My stupid mom only has a stick of Burt's Bees. 227 00:09:56,083 --> 00:10:00,291 Missy, now listen to me. You must put on Mrs. Lenardo's makeup. 228 00:10:00,375 --> 00:10:01,750 It is your destiny! 229 00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:03,458 Well, if it's my destiny, 230 00:10:03,541 --> 00:10:06,166 then let's rouge me up like a cigarette girl! 231 00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:08,750 Hey, guys! It's your girl Lola Skumpy, 232 00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:11,333 here to teach you how to achieve "slut face." 233 00:10:11,416 --> 00:10:13,791 Oh yeah, I'm a naughty little slut face. 234 00:10:13,875 --> 00:10:16,333 Oh, Missy, it's a lacy brassiere. 235 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:19,333 It's like my tatas broke into somebody else's boob house. 236 00:10:19,416 --> 00:10:21,416 Ooh, ooh, look at you, Missy. 237 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,208 You're a grown-up lady 238 00:10:23,291 --> 00:10:25,708 with a husband who loves to have sex with you. 239 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:30,375 - He's a lucky man, and he knows it. - That's why he worships me in the boudoir. 240 00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:33,375 Now let's wriggle around on the bed where the maritals happen. 241 00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:37,541 Oh yeah! Time to be a wife! 242 00:10:37,625 --> 00:10:39,041 So, yeah, 243 00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:42,041 then I just cut the legs off, and, boom, shorts. 244 00:10:42,125 --> 00:10:44,375 Well, you certainly have the legs for them. 245 00:10:44,458 --> 00:10:49,291 Oh, this is incredible. She has no idea what hot people look like. 246 00:10:49,375 --> 00:10:51,291 She is so perfect for you. 247 00:10:51,375 --> 00:10:53,500 Hey, kids, who wants lemonade? 248 00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:56,000 Oh, Priya. God, you spoil me. 249 00:10:56,083 --> 00:10:58,958 Are you kidding? Andrew, you are a lifesaver. 250 00:10:59,041 --> 00:11:00,500 Oh stop, but do go on. 251 00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:03,708 [sighs] You know, Marissa's dad used to mow the lawn. 252 00:11:03,791 --> 00:11:06,666 Yeah, until he bailed on us for his physical therapist. 253 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,250 What? No. That's insane! 254 00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:09,458 It's really okay. 255 00:11:09,541 --> 00:11:12,750 I don't mean to disparage the child's father in front of her, darling, but... 256 00:11:12,833 --> 00:11:14,458 Don't worry, he's a piece of shit. 257 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,083 But any man who would take you for granted, Priya... 258 00:11:17,166 --> 00:11:20,125 Damn it, you're lucky to have that son of a bitch out of your life, 259 00:11:20,208 --> 00:11:22,291 because, honey, you're magnificent, 260 00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:26,166 and someday you're gonna find a not very toned, but not fat teen 261 00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:28,500 who will worship you like the goddess you are. 262 00:11:28,583 --> 00:11:30,833 - [sighs] Andrew. - You are so sweet. 263 00:11:30,916 --> 00:11:33,833 Well, yeah, that's why mosquitoes keep biting my heinie. 264 00:11:33,916 --> 00:11:35,375 [all laugh] 265 00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:39,291 Wow. Andrew, I've never met a young man quite like you. 266 00:11:39,375 --> 00:11:42,166 Mom, would it be cool if we invited Andrew over for dinner tomorrow? 267 00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:43,375 Of course! 268 00:11:43,458 --> 00:11:45,500 Andrew, would you like to join us? 269 00:11:45,583 --> 00:11:48,625 Priya, I will be there with bells on. And maybe some clothes too. 270 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:49,541 [all laugh] 271 00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:51,333 - Or maybe no clothes. - You're crazy. 272 00:11:51,416 --> 00:11:53,625 Can you imagine? Ah, I'm terrible. 273 00:11:53,708 --> 00:11:55,625 - Such an unusual boy. - Right? 274 00:11:55,708 --> 00:11:57,958 - Andrew, this is astounding. - I know. 275 00:11:58,041 --> 00:12:00,083 - Marissa is so into you. - Priya is divine. 276 00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:02,166 What? Priya? Are you nuts? 277 00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:04,666 Marissa's your age, and you're gonna blow it! 278 00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:08,250 You're right. Priya's an adult. A mature and sensitive... 279 00:12:08,333 --> 00:12:09,583 - Andrew! - Sorry, sorry. 280 00:12:09,666 --> 00:12:12,375 - Marissa! - Yes, Marissa, the... the child. 281 00:12:12,458 --> 00:12:14,083 Yes, which is what you are. 282 00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:16,833 I know, but Priya... 283 00:12:16,916 --> 00:12:17,958 [groans] 284 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:22,916 Whoo! Mamma mia, papa pia, that was some high-level orgasming. 285 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,708 - Oh, indeed. - [phone rings] 286 00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:27,458 Oh. Uh, hi, Mrs. Lenardo. 287 00:12:27,541 --> 00:12:30,458 [Mrs. Lenardo] Hey, wanted to let you know we're on our way home. 288 00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:31,625 Here? At your house? 289 00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:34,125 - Oh fuck. - Okay. Holy fudging shit. 290 00:12:34,208 --> 00:12:35,333 Clean, Missy! Hurry! 291 00:12:35,416 --> 00:12:37,541 Clean like you've never cleaned before! 292 00:12:37,625 --> 00:12:40,083 [sped up] Cleaning, cleaning, moving, washing, 293 00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:41,375 folding, bed-making, 294 00:12:41,458 --> 00:12:44,000 mop the floors, scrubbing, trash, throw it away. 295 00:12:44,083 --> 00:12:45,291 [panting] 296 00:12:45,375 --> 00:12:49,666 [winded] Hi. I've just been sitting here waiting for you, 297 00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:52,500 enjoying only the public rooms of your house. 298 00:12:52,583 --> 00:12:56,583 Oh, it's so nice to finally have a responsible babysitter. 299 00:12:56,666 --> 00:12:59,541 - You know, we had to fire our last one. - My goodness. Why? 300 00:12:59,625 --> 00:13:04,291 Well, she kept having boys over, and she was always stealing my lipstick. 301 00:13:04,375 --> 00:13:05,666 How did you find out? 302 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:08,541 - We watched the nanny cams. - The nanny cam, you say? 303 00:13:08,625 --> 00:13:10,666 Nanny cams. They're all over. 304 00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:14,625 Well, you have nothing to worry about. You're so responsible. 305 00:13:14,708 --> 00:13:17,875 Mona, what are we gonna do? There is video of me masturbating. 306 00:13:17,958 --> 00:13:19,666 You made child pornography. 307 00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:24,708 Oh God! Missy and Mona made a porno, and everyone's gonna know! 308 00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:29,458 Okay, so I really like Danni, but she's hooking up with this other guy. 309 00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:30,583 Is he hot? 310 00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:34,041 Unfortunately, the dude's like a fucking smoke show. 311 00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:35,125 Yikes. Continue. 312 00:13:35,208 --> 00:13:39,000 And I'm worried that Danni just wants to be, like, "friends" with me. 313 00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:40,458 Well, is that so bad? 314 00:13:40,541 --> 00:13:41,458 What? Yeah. 315 00:13:41,541 --> 00:13:43,958 - Okay, but hold on. Is she cool? - She's the coolest. 316 00:13:44,041 --> 00:13:46,416 - Is she smart? - She's like a criminal mastermind. 317 00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,000 And do you like hanging out with her? 318 00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:50,375 Oh my God, so much. 319 00:13:50,458 --> 00:13:53,833 Well, Nicky, sounds like you have a cool female friend. 320 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:54,916 - No! - [Leah] Come on. 321 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,291 Some of my best relationships started out as friendships. 322 00:13:58,375 --> 00:14:01,625 - Ohh. So you're saying it's a scheme. - What? 323 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,791 Yeah. Okay, I get it. I'll be her "friend," 324 00:14:04,875 --> 00:14:07,125 and then when this Travis joker fucks up, 325 00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:10,750 I'll be laying in wait, ready to slither my way into her heart. 326 00:14:10,833 --> 00:14:13,333 No, that's absolutely not what I said. 327 00:14:13,416 --> 00:14:16,041 Do not do any slithering. 328 00:14:16,125 --> 00:14:18,666 Just be a good guy. 329 00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:22,041 - Yes, yes, a good guy. - [sinister music playing] 330 00:14:22,125 --> 00:14:26,166 Yes, yes, with fingers that do this. 331 00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:27,166 [birds chirping] 332 00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:29,541 - Everyone, shut up! He's coming. - [Jay yelling, muffled] 333 00:14:29,625 --> 00:14:33,875 Ready? Aim your Super Soakers full of piss, and f... 334 00:14:33,958 --> 00:14:35,125 [all scream] 335 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,208 [as Bad Mitten] Take that, you ugly fucking latchkey fucks. 336 00:14:38,791 --> 00:14:39,625 Ha-ha! 337 00:14:39,708 --> 00:14:41,416 You tell 'em, Coach Steve! 338 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:42,958 [boy 1] I think he broke my rib! 339 00:14:43,041 --> 00:14:46,000 [as Bad Mitten] That's right, you unteachable fuck bags. 340 00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:49,416 I'm gonna drown you like your parents wish they had. 341 00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:52,041 {\an8}Holy crap, this guy's a psycho. 342 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,625 {\an8}[boy 2] Let's just do whatever he says. 343 00:14:54,708 --> 00:14:58,916 Oh yeah, I guess we should probably listen to him, right? 344 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,916 [Bad Mitten] Get your dirty little paw away from me, you stinking animal. 345 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,541 Okay, Steve. Good job, keep it up. 346 00:15:03,625 --> 00:15:06,333 [Bad Mitten] And don't call me Steve. I'm a Bad Mitten! 347 00:15:06,416 --> 00:15:08,541 And you fucking perverts. 348 00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:12,333 If you had a shred of dignity, you'd be watching Grace and Frankie. 349 00:15:12,416 --> 00:15:15,250 Now those are a couple bitches I respect. 350 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,291 Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. What are we gonna do? 351 00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:20,208 [phone ringing] 352 00:15:20,291 --> 00:15:23,125 - Jessi! - Hey, how'd it go last night? 353 00:15:23,208 --> 00:15:25,458 You give in to your deepest darkest desires? 354 00:15:25,541 --> 00:15:30,916 Ah, well, I did. So deep, so dark, and their nanny cam caught it all on tape! 355 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,208 What are you talking about? 356 00:15:32,291 --> 00:15:35,083 I took your advice! I masturbated all over their bed! 357 00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:37,333 Whoa, that girl is a freak. 358 00:15:37,416 --> 00:15:40,541 - Um, I did not tell you to do that, Missy. - It was implied! 359 00:15:40,625 --> 00:15:43,500 [Jessi] Okay, calm down. There's gotta be something we can do. 360 00:15:43,583 --> 00:15:44,583 Oh, wait a minute. 361 00:15:44,666 --> 00:15:47,559 There was a laptop in the kitchen that controlled everything in the house. 362 00:15:47,583 --> 00:15:50,583 - Oh, great. So let's erase the footage. - Really? You'll come with me? 363 00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:54,625 Yeah, I'll come, but unlike you, it won't be all over their house, ya perv. 364 00:15:54,708 --> 00:15:57,458 It wasn't all over the house, just on the parents' bed. 365 00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:58,791 - [Jessi] Oh. - Five times. 366 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,500 Jesus, that's a lot of times. 367 00:16:00,583 --> 00:16:04,250 You could be doing those numbers. You just gotta want it, Jessi. 368 00:16:05,166 --> 00:16:06,166 Ugh, fuck. 369 00:16:06,208 --> 00:16:08,875 Oh, that was so close. Why don't you try again? 370 00:16:08,958 --> 00:16:09,791 [grunts, groans] 371 00:16:09,875 --> 00:16:11,515 I wanna pounce. Is it time to pounce yet? 372 00:16:11,541 --> 00:16:13,916 No, we're pretending to be her friend, remember? 373 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,833 You know, I have an idea on how to make this game more interesting. 374 00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:18,875 - Playing for our parents' money? - No. 375 00:16:18,958 --> 00:16:21,083 I was thinking we should play for secrets. 376 00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:22,625 - Okay, yeah, I like that. - Oh. 377 00:16:22,708 --> 00:16:24,500 This boy, he'll tell you anything. 378 00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:25,916 If one of us sinks a shot, 379 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,458 the other one has to tell a secret they've never told anyone before. 380 00:16:29,541 --> 00:16:32,083 Okay. Well, ladies first. 381 00:16:32,166 --> 00:16:33,625 - [grunts] - Whoa! 382 00:16:33,708 --> 00:16:35,500 You hustled me. 383 00:16:35,583 --> 00:16:37,333 Yep. So, what do you got? 384 00:16:37,416 --> 00:16:39,875 Tell her about how you're pretending to be her friend. 385 00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:42,625 No, no. It's gotta be something not too embarrassing 386 00:16:42,708 --> 00:16:46,541 that simultaneously makes her think she wants to spend her life with me. 387 00:16:46,625 --> 00:16:49,875 Ticktock, Nicky Birch. You owe me a secret. 388 00:16:49,958 --> 00:16:51,666 Okay, I'm gonna make something up. 389 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:54,166 - Ooh, tell her you created Star Wars. - Please shut up. 390 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:57,750 I, uh... I once, uh, stole a pack of cigarettes 391 00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,750 from the, uh, cigarette store, 392 00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:02,708 and then I smoked the cigarettes in the woods with a girl. 393 00:17:02,791 --> 00:17:05,166 Oh, come on. That's bullshit. 394 00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:07,833 Give me something real. And I'll know if you're lying. 395 00:17:07,916 --> 00:17:10,791 Uh, okay. How about, uh, this? 396 00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:12,791 I'm... [clears throat] 397 00:17:12,875 --> 00:17:16,125 I'm kind of pretending to be friends with you because, 398 00:17:16,208 --> 00:17:20,000 in actuality, I like-like you. 399 00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:21,875 - Interesting. - Okay. 400 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,041 - Lil' big face came to play. - [grunts] 401 00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:25,750 Whew, thank God. 402 00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:27,625 - Okay, your turn. - Okay. 403 00:17:27,708 --> 00:17:29,958 Well, my secret, 404 00:17:30,041 --> 00:17:33,208 you hanging out and being friends with me is kind of working. 405 00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:36,541 Yeah. I ain't gonna lie, it's getting sexy. 406 00:17:36,625 --> 00:17:41,375 Yeah, it was sexy like this when Nick came up with Star Wars. 407 00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:44,000 You tellin' me this little boy is George Lucas? 408 00:17:44,083 --> 00:17:47,708 I have no idea who that is, baby. 409 00:17:48,291 --> 00:17:51,583 Wow, look at you. Andrew, you are a natural pasta maker. 410 00:17:51,666 --> 00:17:52,791 Eh, grazie. 411 00:17:52,875 --> 00:17:55,875 Oh, you have a little flour on your nose. Let me just get that. 412 00:17:55,958 --> 00:17:59,166 Oh, she's touching your nose, which is the dick of your face. 413 00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:01,125 Right. 'Cause when you sneeze, you come. 414 00:18:01,208 --> 00:18:04,333 And I think Marissa wants to make you sneeze. 415 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:07,083 Wow, Andrew, you have such good technique. 416 00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:09,791 I actually learned watching Under the Tuscan Sun. 417 00:18:09,875 --> 00:18:12,750 - There's this scene where Diane Lane... - Cooks for the workers? 418 00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:16,625 - Yes, yes! Who were renovating her villa. - Oh my God. Marissa hated that movie. 419 00:18:16,708 --> 00:18:18,750 - Well, it's not Nickelodeon. - Andrew! 420 00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:19,666 [moans] Oh. 421 00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:22,000 Holy shit, bless the angels. 422 00:18:22,083 --> 00:18:24,833 Andrew, Andrew, stay with me, here, with Marissa. 423 00:18:24,916 --> 00:18:27,666 It's too late, man. I'm going to Tuscany. 424 00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:30,041 - [romantic music playing] - Andrew, should we pull over 425 00:18:30,125 --> 00:18:33,500 so I can ravish you in that lush field of poppies? 426 00:18:33,583 --> 00:18:36,000 Feeling the delicate petals on my bare buttocks? 427 00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:39,208 - Yeah. - Only if I can weep in your arms after. 428 00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:41,458 - Uh, Andrew? - What? What? I'm back. 429 00:18:41,541 --> 00:18:44,250 - Could you help me crank the pasta? - Oh, yeah, sure. I guess. 430 00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:47,208 What the hell are you doing? You're blowing it with Marissa. 431 00:18:47,291 --> 00:18:49,875 Forget Marissa! Her mom is my destiny. 432 00:18:49,958 --> 00:18:52,083 But you can actually get with the daughter. 433 00:18:52,166 --> 00:18:54,541 Touch her boobs, get a handy, or even a mouthy! 434 00:18:54,625 --> 00:18:58,041 Maury! This isn't about sex, this is about love, 435 00:18:58,125 --> 00:18:59,958 and Marissa might be a sure thing, 436 00:19:00,041 --> 00:19:04,083 but if there's even a one in 100 chance that I could make a life with Priya, 437 00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:05,541 charming, elegant Priya, 438 00:19:05,625 --> 00:19:08,333 with a laugh like wind chimes in the summer breeze, 439 00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:10,833 then brother, I must take that chance. 440 00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:13,083 I hate you so much right now. 441 00:19:13,166 --> 00:19:14,083 [doorbell rings] 442 00:19:14,166 --> 00:19:15,833 You sure this is gonna work? 443 00:19:15,916 --> 00:19:18,708 I'm telling you, it's the perfect lie. She'll have to let you in. 444 00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,875 Hey, Missy, what are you doing here? 445 00:19:20,958 --> 00:19:24,541 Hello. I think I left my grandmother's Holocaust ring in the powder room. 446 00:19:24,625 --> 00:19:26,125 Oh my God. Come in. 447 00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:29,000 When they took her to Buchenwald, she hid it deep in her crevices... 448 00:19:29,083 --> 00:19:30,916 No, no, I get it. Just come in. 449 00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:33,833 No one can deny the Holocaust ring. 450 00:19:33,916 --> 00:19:37,416 Jessi, let's not use "deny" and "Holocaust" 451 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:39,166 in the same sentence, okay? 452 00:19:39,250 --> 00:19:40,458 Steve, it worked! 453 00:19:40,541 --> 00:19:43,000 The Bad Mitten scared the shit outta everyone. 454 00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:45,166 The only reason they're not reporting you is, 455 00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,666 nobody in the school district cares about us. 456 00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:50,000 [as Bad Mitten] Fuck you, kid. You think I give a shit? 457 00:19:50,083 --> 00:19:53,916 [nervous laugh] Okay. Steve, you can take the mitten off now. 458 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,916 I tried, I can't... [growling] 459 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,880 [as Bad Mitten] That's right, I'm in charge now, 460 00:19:57,916 --> 00:20:00,166 you dirty dick David Blaine wannabe fuck. 461 00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:02,958 - Hey! - I'm sorry, Jay, I can't control... 462 00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:05,500 [as Bad Mitten] Don't apologize to that little bitch. 463 00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:08,208 He's abandoning you, just like they all are, 464 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:11,500 'cause you're a dumb fucking piece of shit loser. 465 00:20:11,583 --> 00:20:12,916 [Coach Steve] Ow! Help me, Jay! 466 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,375 Oh, fuck. This whole thing was my idea! What have I done? 467 00:20:16,458 --> 00:20:19,375 [as Bad Mitten] You released the mitten, and I ain't never going back. 468 00:20:19,458 --> 00:20:23,125 - Now get the fuck outta my house. - [screams] No, no, no! 469 00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:24,875 [birds chirping] 470 00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:28,166 - Priya, the pappardelle was a revelation. - So good, Ma. 471 00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:29,375 Aw, thanks, guys. 472 00:20:29,458 --> 00:20:32,833 Shall I plate the tiramisu? I think I shall. [chuckles] 473 00:20:32,916 --> 00:20:35,916 - Um, hey, Andrew? - Yes, what? What do you want? 474 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,791 I-I was wondering, since I'm, like, new in town, 475 00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:42,791 if you might like to take me out and show me around? 476 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:43,875 Yes. Say yes! 477 00:20:43,958 --> 00:20:47,291 Oh, sweetheart, I-I wish I could, but I simply cannot. 478 00:20:47,375 --> 00:20:49,041 Are you fucking kidding me? 479 00:20:49,125 --> 00:20:51,333 - Oh. Okay. - Marissa, honey, what's wrong? 480 00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:54,500 Oh, nothing. Andrew just doesn't wanna go out with me. It's cool. 481 00:20:54,583 --> 00:20:55,666 Oh. Why not? 482 00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:57,125 - 'Cause, Priya... - Don't! 483 00:20:57,208 --> 00:20:59,166 - ...dear, sweet Priya... - I said don't! 484 00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:00,583 ...I'm in love with you. 485 00:21:00,666 --> 00:21:02,666 - [both] What? - Jesus Christ! 486 00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:05,875 I know it seems crazy in this cockeyed world. 487 00:21:05,958 --> 00:21:07,833 What the fuck are you even talking about? 488 00:21:07,916 --> 00:21:11,708 Of course there will be challenges. People will talk. But who cares? 489 00:21:11,791 --> 00:21:15,083 Andrew, I'm an adult. You are a child. 490 00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:17,916 Oh, I know, but, Priya, I have a vision. 491 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:18,833 Oh, Andrew. 492 00:21:18,916 --> 00:21:21,375 It's the stroke of midnight on my 18th birthday. 493 00:21:21,458 --> 00:21:23,416 We toast, water with no ice. 494 00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:28,416 You lay me down on a rose petal strewn bed and we make love, wild love. 495 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,166 - What? - We elope the next morning, 496 00:21:30,250 --> 00:21:33,625 and we never sleep apart until both of us are dead and in the ground. 497 00:21:33,708 --> 00:21:36,166 Jesus. Are you out of your fucking mind? 498 00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:37,875 Yes! It's a big problem! 499 00:21:37,958 --> 00:21:39,083 Oh my God! 500 00:21:39,166 --> 00:21:41,791 None of that is ever going to happen. 501 00:21:41,875 --> 00:21:42,958 I see. 502 00:21:43,041 --> 00:21:46,166 - Okay, Marissa, I'll go out with you. - Get the fuck out of my house! 503 00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:48,458 So, what? Nobody? So nothing for me? 504 00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:49,375 - Go! - Go! 505 00:21:49,458 --> 00:21:51,958 Yeah, that's fair. I'll see myself out. 506 00:21:53,041 --> 00:21:55,958 [Missy] Okay, now I stick the tampon between the two pads. 507 00:21:56,041 --> 00:21:58,250 That's right, making a period panini. 508 00:21:58,333 --> 00:22:00,000 - And flush. - [toilet flushes] 509 00:22:00,083 --> 00:22:03,166 Gadzooks! The toilet is overflowing, 510 00:22:03,250 --> 00:22:06,500 and I was just in here taking a regular pee! 511 00:22:06,583 --> 00:22:09,000 Oh, Jesus. I'm coming! 512 00:22:09,916 --> 00:22:11,541 Shit, there's a password. 513 00:22:11,625 --> 00:22:15,583 Try mine. It's "jizz" with six z's and a pound sign. 514 00:22:15,666 --> 00:22:17,208 It didn't work. What now? 515 00:22:17,291 --> 00:22:19,250 Ooh. Pour a full glass of water on the keyboard. 516 00:22:19,333 --> 00:22:20,625 That's where the brains live. 517 00:22:20,708 --> 00:22:21,708 Ooh, I love that. 518 00:22:21,791 --> 00:22:24,833 Yeah, fill it up nice and high, right up to the rim. 519 00:22:25,750 --> 00:22:28,958 Okay, wow. This is kind of fun when it's on purpose. 520 00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:31,541 - Let me grab paper towels. - Shit. 521 00:22:31,625 --> 00:22:32,458 [both] Aah! 522 00:22:32,541 --> 00:22:36,166 - Who are you, and what are you doing? - [screams] Oh God, an intruder! 523 00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:37,375 - Missy! - Call the cops! 524 00:22:37,458 --> 00:22:38,875 What the hell is going on here? 525 00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:40,333 Okay, fine, I admit it. 526 00:22:40,416 --> 00:22:43,291 I used your lipstick and dressed up like an elegant married woman 527 00:22:43,375 --> 00:22:45,625 and masturbated all over your bed. 528 00:22:45,708 --> 00:22:48,875 Five times. The cat was staring at us, and we didn't care. 529 00:22:48,958 --> 00:22:51,500 And then I came back to the scene of the crime 530 00:22:51,583 --> 00:22:55,500 to destroy the nanny cam footage, but you caught us, lady, you caught us! 531 00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:58,458 The nanny cam footage deletes every 24 hours, 532 00:22:58,541 --> 00:23:02,541 and we weren't even gonna look at it because you seemed so responsible. 533 00:23:02,625 --> 00:23:04,416 - Oh. - But then you snuck in here, 534 00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:08,083 lied to me, broke my computer and my toilet? 535 00:23:08,166 --> 00:23:10,666 I guess the cover-up was worse than the crime, huh? 536 00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:14,458 - Missy, get the fuck out of my house. - Oh, uh, absolutely. 537 00:23:15,041 --> 00:23:17,125 - And please don't tell my mom. - [Mrs. Lenardo] Out! 538 00:23:17,208 --> 00:23:18,916 [both laughing] 539 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,541 - Hi, you must be the famous Danni. - Mom! 540 00:23:22,625 --> 00:23:24,083 I've told her nothing about you. 541 00:23:24,166 --> 00:23:28,125 You're not, like, super important to me or anything, so... 542 00:23:28,208 --> 00:23:30,916 Well, you're not, like, super important to me either. 543 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,083 - Good. So we're on the same page. - Yeah. 544 00:23:33,166 --> 00:23:36,333 So, how do, uh, two people who are not, like, you know, 545 00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:38,500 super important to each other say goodbye? 546 00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:41,625 We could, I don't know, hug? 547 00:23:41,708 --> 00:23:44,059 A hug? You mean where our bodies pressed against each other? 548 00:23:44,083 --> 00:23:46,458 [blows raspberry] Sure, I guess so. That'd be fine. 549 00:23:47,041 --> 00:23:48,291 Aw, so sweet. 550 00:23:48,375 --> 00:23:50,041 - Mom, you're ruining my life! - [laughs] 551 00:23:50,125 --> 00:23:51,250 [car door closes] 552 00:23:51,333 --> 00:23:52,791 Come on, you're telling me 553 00:23:52,875 --> 00:23:55,166 you didn't feel anything when Nick and I hugged? 554 00:23:55,250 --> 00:23:58,875 I mean, maybe a little drip, but with Travis... 555 00:23:58,958 --> 00:24:01,291 Oh my God, enough about Travis. 556 00:24:01,375 --> 00:24:04,166 That boy turns on the hose and floods your basement. 557 00:24:04,250 --> 00:24:06,875 Yeah, but Nick's nice. He makes me laugh. 558 00:24:06,958 --> 00:24:08,958 Eh, but you can't fuck laughter. 559 00:24:09,041 --> 00:24:10,666 But he really likes me. 560 00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:14,250 Nick is the kind of guy I should be with. Why won't you get on board? 561 00:24:14,333 --> 00:24:17,041 Because it don't work like that, baby. 562 00:24:17,125 --> 00:24:20,958 ♪ Girl, I hate to see you stressing So I'mma hit you with a helpful lesson ♪ 563 00:24:21,041 --> 00:24:22,517 ♪ It ain't up to you who you feel into ♪ 564 00:24:22,541 --> 00:24:24,434 ♪ When you got a pussy That you need to attend to ♪ 565 00:24:24,458 --> 00:24:28,500 ♪ You got one dude smart and funny Making you laugh, dude's sweet as honey ♪ 566 00:24:28,583 --> 00:24:30,541 ♪ But if he's so brainy Tell me why can't he ♪ 567 00:24:30,625 --> 00:24:32,476 ♪ Figure out a way To put a thrill in your panties ♪ 568 00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:35,458 ♪ Then there's the hot dude The not so smart dude ♪ 569 00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:37,351 ♪ Motherfucker's so lit When he bringin' that shit ♪ 570 00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:39,791 ♪ Put you in that Need to hit your clit mood ♪ 571 00:24:39,875 --> 00:24:41,750 ♪ So just quit that funny boy dreaming ♪ 572 00:24:41,833 --> 00:24:43,726 ♪ 'Cause there's laughing Then there's creaming ♪ 573 00:24:43,750 --> 00:24:45,267 ♪ Does he make your pussy wet or dry? ♪ 574 00:24:45,291 --> 00:24:47,267 ♪ That's the only question And the pussy don't lie ♪ 575 00:24:47,291 --> 00:24:49,375 - ♪ The laws of attraction ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 576 00:24:49,458 --> 00:24:52,708 ♪ Don't care about nothing But your carnal satisfaction ♪ 577 00:24:52,791 --> 00:24:54,711 ♪ It's all in the pussy And the pussy don't lie ♪ 578 00:24:54,791 --> 00:24:57,000 - [singers] ♪ The laws of attraction ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 579 00:24:57,083 --> 00:25:00,666 [singers] ♪ Gotta trust that feeling 'Cause your brain is out of action ♪ 580 00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:01,958 [singer vocalizing] 581 00:25:02,041 --> 00:25:03,958 [Megan] ♪ It ain't me Who made the system ♪ 582 00:25:04,041 --> 00:25:07,375 ♪ Lady Pussy, she's filled with wisdom She and Dick got their own damn mind ♪ 583 00:25:07,458 --> 00:25:09,416 ♪ Calling all the shots Since the dawn of time ♪ 584 00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:11,059 ♪ You see, everybody got their should ♪ 585 00:25:11,083 --> 00:25:13,250 ♪ But baby, their should Don't give you that wood ♪ 586 00:25:13,333 --> 00:25:14,934 ♪ So girl Take a little bit of that pressure off 587 00:25:14,958 --> 00:25:17,125 ♪ You gonna land with the man That gets you off ♪ 588 00:25:17,208 --> 00:25:19,958 So Danni, what is your pussy telling you? 589 00:25:20,041 --> 00:25:21,375 [groans] 590 00:25:21,458 --> 00:25:24,250 She says I wanna keep hooking up with Travis? 591 00:25:24,333 --> 00:25:25,916 There it is! I knew it! 592 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,916 ♪ The laws of attraction ♪ 593 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,416 ♪ Don't care about nothing But your carnal satisfaction ♪ 594 00:25:31,500 --> 00:25:33,309 ♪ It's all in the pussy And the pussy don't lie ♪ 595 00:25:33,333 --> 00:25:35,583 [singers] ♪ It's the laws of attraction ♪ 596 00:25:35,666 --> 00:25:40,458 ♪ You can't out think it 'Cause your brain is out of action ♪ 597 00:25:40,541 --> 00:25:42,392 [Megan] ♪ It's all about the pussy And the pussy don't lie ♪ 598 00:25:42,416 --> 00:25:44,583 ♪ Ain't up to you When you're picking your guy ♪ 599 00:25:44,666 --> 00:25:46,500 ♪ It's a force of nature Primitive, primal ♪ 600 00:25:46,583 --> 00:25:49,875 ♪ Ain't in your brain, it's all vaginal You can't choose who lights your fuse ♪ 601 00:25:49,958 --> 00:25:52,000 ♪ If he don't make you wet That dude gonna lose ♪ 602 00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:54,000 ♪ It's deep in your wiring, can't deny ♪ 603 00:25:54,083 --> 00:25:56,184 ♪ It's all about the pussy And the pussy don't lie. Ah! ♪ 604 00:25:56,208 --> 00:25:58,125 [hip-hop playing] 605 00:26:43,375 --> 00:26:44,375 Chirp.