1 00:00:06,583 --> 00:00:08,916 ♪ Dirty dick patriots taking it back ♪ 2 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,500 ♪ We're gonna wash our dicks 'Til the balls turn black ♪ 3 00:00:11,583 --> 00:00:12,875 Jesus fuck! 4 00:00:12,958 --> 00:00:14,166 Hey, guys! As you know, 5 00:00:14,250 --> 00:00:16,541 Kurt and I, aka Krumpy, 6 00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:19,791 are literally the couple of the summer. 7 00:00:19,875 --> 00:00:22,750 Yeah, and listening to them dry hump every day 8 00:00:22,833 --> 00:00:26,291 has not broken my spirit one bit. 9 00:00:26,375 --> 00:00:29,041 Who gives a shit about your spirit? 10 00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:29,958 -[grunts] -[groans] 11 00:00:30,041 --> 00:00:33,458 But sadly, the summer is coming to an end, which means-- 12 00:00:33,541 --> 00:00:35,500 Party at my house! 13 00:00:35,583 --> 00:00:38,958 Booze, hookups, someone falling through a window. 14 00:00:39,041 --> 00:00:43,458 It's gonna be American Pie meets Fury Road! 15 00:00:43,541 --> 00:00:45,416 Be there, bitches! 16 00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:46,375 [tires screech] 17 00:00:46,458 --> 00:00:50,083 I've got a primo fake ID. It says I'm from the state of Boston. 18 00:00:50,166 --> 00:00:53,083 Ooh la la, where Ben Affleck's penis grew up? 19 00:00:53,166 --> 00:00:55,291 I like them apples. [chuckles] 20 00:00:55,375 --> 00:00:57,750 And you, just stand out here and be the lookout. 21 00:00:57,833 --> 00:00:59,750 -The lookout? -Yeah, look out! 22 00:00:59,833 --> 00:01:00,708 -[groans] -[laughs] 23 00:01:00,791 --> 00:01:03,375 Oh my God, hilarious wordplay, babe. 24 00:01:03,458 --> 00:01:05,583 -[Bad Mitten] Hey, shitbag. -Oh no, Steve. 25 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,625 Are you still having a psychotic break? 26 00:01:07,708 --> 00:01:11,500 Yeah, the Bad Mitten's got me drinking this funny tasting soda. 27 00:01:11,583 --> 00:01:14,291 -I don't know what to do. -[groans] Me neither. 28 00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:16,875 Lola and Kurt are throwing a rager tonight, 29 00:01:16,958 --> 00:01:19,291 and I'm gonna have to pretend in front of everybody 30 00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:21,458 that I'm, like, super happy for them. 31 00:01:21,541 --> 00:01:23,000 [Bad Mitten] Hear that, Thunderhead? 32 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,291 They're throwing a party, and you're not invited. 33 00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:27,250 What? No, no, that's not true. 34 00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:30,250 I think everyone would love to party with their adult gym teacher. 35 00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:34,083 [Bad Mitten] Fuck off! We're not going to some bullshit kids party. 36 00:01:34,166 --> 00:01:36,083 Told you my fake ID would work. 37 00:01:36,166 --> 00:01:38,625 To be fair, it is the worst liquor store in town. 38 00:01:38,708 --> 00:01:40,833 The clerk is a straight-up cat. 39 00:01:40,916 --> 00:01:43,250 Let's get wasted and fill my house with barf! 40 00:01:43,333 --> 00:01:44,500 -Wait, guys! -[tires screech] 41 00:01:44,583 --> 00:01:46,541 -High school party! -Wait! 42 00:01:46,625 --> 00:01:49,875 Everyone is getting fingered, baby! 43 00:01:49,958 --> 00:01:52,083 ["Changes" by Charles Bradley playing] 44 00:01:52,166 --> 00:01:57,708 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 45 00:02:01,625 --> 00:02:07,333 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 46 00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:08,708 ♪ Oh ♪ 47 00:02:08,791 --> 00:02:10,083 ♪ In my life ♪ 48 00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:14,541 ♪ Oh! Ooh! Ooh! ♪ 49 00:02:19,375 --> 00:02:20,375 [songs fades] 50 00:02:22,958 --> 00:02:25,000 [Missy groans] I'm a little nervous. 51 00:02:25,083 --> 00:02:28,625 This is a real high school party, with real high school kids! 52 00:02:28,708 --> 00:02:31,333 Babe, hold my legs while I suck off this keg! 53 00:02:31,416 --> 00:02:34,166 Oh, sweetie, your skills are stupefying. 54 00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:37,000 I've hitched my wagon to such a star. 55 00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:38,166 -Mwah. -[Jay groans] 56 00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:40,500 -Keg stands? Heinie kisses? -Yes! 57 00:02:40,583 --> 00:02:42,666 Jessi, I don't think I'm ready for this. 58 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,750 Ew, and there's a urinal in the living room? 59 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:49,083 -[gasps] These people are fucking animals. -That's right, ladies. 60 00:02:49,166 --> 00:02:52,791 Welcome to the jungle, where it's finger or be fingered. 61 00:02:52,875 --> 00:02:54,666 Ooh, I choose both. 62 00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:57,750 And as freshman girls, we're the hot new flesh 63 00:02:57,833 --> 00:03:02,708 ready to be absolutely devoured by the upper classmen. 64 00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:07,166 Ugh! So we're just here to be preyed upon like wild game? Like wildebeests? 65 00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:08,208 Okay, hold on. 66 00:03:08,291 --> 00:03:11,041 What if you think about it this way? 67 00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,583 You're the new crop of freshmen girls. 68 00:03:13,666 --> 00:03:15,250 You're sexy vegetables. 69 00:03:15,333 --> 00:03:16,541 Ooh, think of it, Missy. 70 00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:18,583 You're like a fresh ear of corn 71 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:22,375 ready to be plucked and shucked by big, stinky farmers. 72 00:03:22,458 --> 00:03:24,458 As a young cob on the rebound, 73 00:03:24,541 --> 00:03:26,875 that does sound pretty shucking good. 74 00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:32,000 Sorry, but isn't this whole older guy, younger girl dynamic sort of gross? 75 00:03:32,083 --> 00:03:34,083 Oh, fucking grow up, Jessi. 76 00:03:34,166 --> 00:03:35,333 Yeah, grow up! 77 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:39,041 I snagged Kurt with my eyes and mouth wide open. 78 00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:42,375 If anything, I'm using him to make Jay jealous. 79 00:03:42,458 --> 00:03:44,125 -Wait, what? -What?! Who said that? 80 00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:45,875 Not me, bitch. Fuck you. 81 00:03:45,958 --> 00:03:50,208 Now do you think that psycho Pumbaa will be able to recognize me? Be honest. 82 00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:54,000 -I'm sorry, who's Pumbaa again? -Come on, Nick. From the season premiere. 83 00:03:54,083 --> 00:03:56,583 I accidentally honked his girlfriend's hooters. 84 00:03:56,666 --> 00:03:58,125 He vowed to end my life. 85 00:03:58,208 --> 00:04:01,083 Oh yeah, Pumbaa. You look like an idiot. 86 00:04:01,166 --> 00:04:03,125 I think it's the perfect disguise. 87 00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:08,083 Why would someone murder Abraham Lincoln who has famously already killed himself? 88 00:04:08,166 --> 00:04:10,583 Just don't embarrass me in front of Danni, okay? 89 00:04:10,666 --> 00:04:12,708 I think I have a shot with her tonight. 90 00:04:12,791 --> 00:04:14,833 I thought you guys were "just friends." 91 00:04:14,916 --> 00:04:16,541 For now, but I'm laying in wait, 92 00:04:16,625 --> 00:04:20,416 and methinks in time, the friend will become the lover. 93 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:21,333 Boo! Bitch ass. 94 00:04:21,416 --> 00:04:23,333 -Jesus! -Oh, my nuts went into my tummy. 95 00:04:23,416 --> 00:04:26,291 Nick Birch, this is my friend Erica. 96 00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:28,416 -Hi. -Oh, nice to meet you, Erica. 97 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,958 And this is my friend Andrew. 98 00:04:30,041 --> 00:04:32,291 You might recognize him from the five-dollar bill. 99 00:04:32,375 --> 00:04:33,875 All right, Party Lincoln. 100 00:04:33,958 --> 00:04:35,333 Oh, I, uh… [chuckles] 101 00:04:35,416 --> 00:04:38,500 I didn't know Danni was bringing a winsome young friend. 102 00:04:38,583 --> 00:04:42,416 Yes, Andrew! Dazzle this teen with your old-timey vocabulary. 103 00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,916 Ooh, "winsome." That means I'm hot, right? 104 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,750 [chuckles] Fuck yeah, baby. 105 00:04:46,833 --> 00:04:49,458 So, are you coming to Cobblestones next year too? 106 00:04:49,541 --> 00:04:53,750 Actually, I will be public school filth. Uh, I'm going to Bridgeton High. 107 00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:57,125 Oh, my brother Henry goes there, and he is literal filth. 108 00:04:57,208 --> 00:05:01,375 Andrew, I don't know why my Christian god keeps giving you chances with new girls, 109 00:05:01,458 --> 00:05:03,375 but you cannot mess this one up. 110 00:05:03,458 --> 00:05:05,416 I will do my absolute best. 111 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:07,208 Oh fuck, we're fucked. 112 00:05:07,291 --> 00:05:09,583 Hey, Nick, you can totally say no, 113 00:05:09,666 --> 00:05:12,125 but would it be cool if Travis came tonight? 114 00:05:12,208 --> 00:05:14,666 Travis? Come here to this… [stammers] 115 00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:17,625 Yeah, I would lo-- I would love to hang with the T-man. Trav. 116 00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:19,500 You're the best. I'll let him know. 117 00:05:19,583 --> 00:05:22,416 This sucks. I thought I was gonna have Danni all to myself tonight. 118 00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:26,000 Yeah, and I thought I was gonna get more compliments 119 00:05:26,083 --> 00:05:28,750 on my new chambray shirt. Hint, hint. 120 00:05:28,833 --> 00:05:31,833 [Bad Mitten] Look at those snot-nosed brats having fun. 121 00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:34,416 They're all glad to be rid of you forever. 122 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,041 -Steve? -Huh? 123 00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:38,791 I was just taking an outside nap. 124 00:05:38,875 --> 00:05:41,166 I didn't know you were here. 125 00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:45,041 [Bad Mitten] Lady, what you don't know could fill your cavernous twat. 126 00:05:45,125 --> 00:05:47,625 -Steve! -Ah, I'm sorry, Jay's Mom. 127 00:05:47,708 --> 00:05:50,250 You've never spoken to me that way. 128 00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:52,125 [Bad Mittens] That's because I'm not Steve, 129 00:05:52,208 --> 00:05:54,208 I'm a bad fucking mitten. 130 00:05:54,291 --> 00:05:56,916 You are a naughty mitten, 131 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,833 and I know exactly what to do with you. 132 00:05:59,916 --> 00:06:02,416 -All right, I'll fuck your brains out. -Oh. 133 00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:04,500 But I ain't sleeping over. 134 00:06:04,583 --> 00:06:06,500 -[chuckles] -So I'm in the headmaster's office 135 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:10,375 lying through my teeth about taking this rando's phone. 136 00:06:10,458 --> 00:06:12,583 And I'm fully fake crying. 137 00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:13,958 -[laughs] -Oh my God. 138 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,541 -Teresa must have been shitting herself. -Ha ha. 139 00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:18,333 And you shouldn't do that, right? 140 00:06:18,416 --> 00:06:22,166 -Good job, Andrew. Way to get in there. -Attention, dinks and donks. 141 00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:25,666 Flip cup tournament in the garage starting right fucking now. 142 00:06:25,750 --> 00:06:28,291 Hey, Party Lincoln, you ever play flip cup before? 143 00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:30,041 Technically, no, 144 00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:32,583 but I am a natural athlete and a fast learner. 145 00:06:32,666 --> 00:06:34,791 -And such a good liar. -Oh, thank you, Nick. 146 00:06:34,875 --> 00:06:35,916 -Let's go. -Whoa, okay. 147 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,916 So, something I should tell you about Jay's house, 148 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,416 if you see a Triscuit with vanilla frosting, it's, uh… 149 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:42,416 it's not frosting. 150 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:43,916 -[phone vibrates] -Sorry, I should-- 151 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,708 Oh yeah, sure, it's actually a very disgusting story, 152 00:06:46,791 --> 00:06:48,166 but totally, no, check your texts. 153 00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:50,250 Damn! 154 00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:53,125 Why do lazy teenage boys still get to have abs? 155 00:06:53,208 --> 00:06:56,083 Damn is right. It's definitely on tonight. 156 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,625 -Send him back a picture of your feet. -My feet? 157 00:06:58,708 --> 00:07:00,916 Yeah, girl. Feet are more original than titties, 158 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,750 and let's be honest, your titties are teeny tiny tatas. 159 00:07:03,833 --> 00:07:05,750 -Hey! -Now those toes… 160 00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:10,666 Holy moly, that's a hog load of fireworks. Ooh, but these Triscuits look pretty good. 161 00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:13,583 Oh, I would not eat those if I were you. 162 00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:16,416 Oh, I was just, uh, looking for something to drink that-- 163 00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:18,791 Doesn't have alcohol? I got you. 164 00:07:18,875 --> 00:07:20,791 Ooh la la, pamplemousse. 165 00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:24,250 Somebody knows their sparkling waters. I'm impressed. That's incredible. 166 00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:27,000 Now take a big chug and belch in his face. 167 00:07:27,083 --> 00:07:30,833 So, you don't think it's lame that I'm a teetotaler? 168 00:07:30,916 --> 00:07:33,791 Hey, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not drinking. 169 00:07:33,875 --> 00:07:36,041 I actually partied too hard sophomore year, 170 00:07:36,125 --> 00:07:38,750 and I felt like it was keeping me from getting close to people. 171 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:43,000 Oh, wow. That's, like, so mature. Thank you. 172 00:07:43,083 --> 00:07:46,541 I'm Owen, by the way. You must be one of the incoming freshmen. 173 00:07:46,625 --> 00:07:49,750 Mona, could this be the big stinky farmer I've been waiting for? 174 00:07:49,833 --> 00:07:52,958 -Yes! Let's get plowed! -Mona! 175 00:07:53,041 --> 00:07:56,500 And by the way, these Triscuits are divine. 176 00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:58,375 Mmm. Reminds me of summers 177 00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:01,666 eating cum sandwiches on Prince Andrew's yacht. 178 00:08:01,750 --> 00:08:03,583 Okay, flip cup. You chug it, 179 00:08:03,666 --> 00:08:06,208 and then you flip the cup over so it lands upside down. 180 00:08:06,291 --> 00:08:07,125 Like this. 181 00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:09,416 -Nice! -Ow! Yeah! 182 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:10,916 Okay, so I chug… 183 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,583 [gulps, groans] 184 00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:15,333 …burp it into my nose, it burns, and then flip. 185 00:08:15,416 --> 00:08:17,083 -Wow! -Oh my God, something worked. 186 00:08:17,166 --> 00:08:18,333 You are a natural. 187 00:08:18,416 --> 00:08:21,166 Has anyone ever told you you have incredible wrist control? 188 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:25,041 [chuckles] Well, that's probably because every night before I go to sleep 189 00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:27,333 and every morning when I wake up, I-- 190 00:08:27,416 --> 00:08:29,083 Andrew, you cannot tell this girl 191 00:08:29,166 --> 00:08:31,708 that you masturbate every single time you're alone. 192 00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:34,916 I wr-- I write poems about trees and shit. 193 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,500 Oh, you'll never see 'em. 194 00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:38,791 That's why my wrist is so strong. 195 00:08:38,875 --> 00:08:41,208 Wow, a poet and an athlete? 196 00:08:41,291 --> 00:08:45,458 Yeah, I didn't know you write poems. That's cool. You're… you're a cool guy. 197 00:08:45,541 --> 00:08:47,541 [groans] Travis should be here by now. 198 00:08:47,625 --> 00:08:50,208 [groans] What's taking so long? I mean, the legs are shaved, 199 00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:52,250 -and the panties match the bra. -[phone vibrates] 200 00:08:52,333 --> 00:08:54,291 And… this motherfucker's not coming. 201 00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:57,416 If he not coming, then you not cumming. What the fuck, Travis? 202 00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,958 Hey, I got you a beer. 203 00:08:59,041 --> 00:09:01,416 I could not work the keg, so it is mostly foam. 204 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,791 Oh, thanks. 205 00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:05,458 Is, uh, everything okay? 206 00:09:05,541 --> 00:09:06,875 -No, bitch! -Oh, yeah. 207 00:09:06,958 --> 00:09:09,166 It's no big deal, but Travis flaked. 208 00:09:09,250 --> 00:09:13,125 Really? So I guess that means you're kind of just stuck with me? 209 00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:16,458 Yeah, I guess we're, uh, kind of stuck with each other. 210 00:09:16,541 --> 00:09:18,958 Well then, here's to being stuck with each other. 211 00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:23,083 You know, I'm actually stuck in this chambray shirt. 212 00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:24,000 Okay. 213 00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:27,125 The buttons are really hard. 214 00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:28,708 Boy, are you flirtin' with me? 215 00:09:28,791 --> 00:09:31,166 No! I need help! 216 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,583 I mean, isn't it kinda fucked up? 217 00:09:33,666 --> 00:09:37,458 Like, upperclassmen on the prowl for younger, inexperienced girls? 218 00:09:37,541 --> 00:09:39,750 Honestly, all men should be in jail. 219 00:09:39,833 --> 00:09:41,333 Uh, hey, uh, excuse me? 220 00:09:41,416 --> 00:09:44,291 Oh shit, Jessi, abandon your principles! This guy's hot! 221 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:47,333 -Oh my God, he really is cute. -So, flirt with him. 222 00:09:47,416 --> 00:09:48,916 It's a high school party, 223 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,666 and I am not letting you leave until you see some dick. 224 00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:55,125 Hey, my name's Jessi, 225 00:09:55,208 --> 00:09:58,625 and, um, I'm gonna be a freshman next year, so-- 226 00:09:58,708 --> 00:10:02,083 That's great, Jenny, but you're standing in front of the living room urinal, 227 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,041 and I really have to piss. 228 00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:08,041 Oh, of course. [chuckles] So sorry. I just keep forgetting it's there. 229 00:10:08,125 --> 00:10:09,958 -Fuck. -[sighs] Oh boy. 230 00:10:10,041 --> 00:10:12,291 Well, at least you saw some dick. 231 00:10:12,375 --> 00:10:13,541 [Bad Mitten] What gives, lady? 232 00:10:13,625 --> 00:10:17,083 I came up here for tits and ass, not arts and crafts. 233 00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:18,791 I'm sorry, Jay's Mom. 234 00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:21,583 It's the Bad Mitten. He's just so angry. 235 00:10:21,666 --> 00:10:25,250 Oh, sweetheart, I don't think you're angry. 236 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,166 I think you're sad. 237 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,000 [Bad Mitten] You don't know shit about dick. 238 00:10:29,083 --> 00:10:31,791 But I do know sadness, 239 00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:35,583 so I made you a sad mitten. 240 00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:40,291 [Sad Mitten] Oh, Steve, I know it's hard to see the kids grow up and move on. 241 00:10:40,375 --> 00:10:43,166 -[Bad Mitten] They're abandoning you. -[Sad Mitten] No, they're not, Steve. 242 00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:45,041 Change is a part of growing up. 243 00:10:45,125 --> 00:10:47,083 [Steve] Change makes me sad. 244 00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:49,500 [Sad Mitten] You should cry if you feel sad. 245 00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:51,583 It's okay to let it out. 246 00:10:51,666 --> 00:10:53,708 [Bad Mitten] That's it. You insensitive prick. 247 00:10:53,791 --> 00:10:56,666 I'm gonna fucking kill you! [yells] 248 00:10:56,750 --> 00:11:00,458 [Steve] Oh! Oh, guys, stop fighting on me! 249 00:11:00,541 --> 00:11:05,750 Someday, that man is gonna take me away from all this. 250 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:09,500 Yeah, that's why I prefer seitan for sandwiches… 251 00:11:09,583 --> 00:11:11,916 -No! -…and texturized soy protein for pastas. 252 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,083 That is so wild. I don't eat meat either. 253 00:11:14,166 --> 00:11:16,583 That's crazy. Just chicken and cheese, of course. 254 00:11:16,666 --> 00:11:18,416 -[giggles] -I'd love to cook for you sometime. 255 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,000 Uh, yes, chef. [chuckles] 256 00:11:20,083 --> 00:11:24,083 Hey, this is random, but I'm, like, endlessly curious. 257 00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:27,625 Would you wanna go explore upstairs with me? 258 00:11:27,708 --> 00:11:29,708 Weird Al Franken! Upstairs? 259 00:11:29,791 --> 00:11:31,750 He wants to hook up with you, Missy! 260 00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:35,500 Now, do you want to smoke his curious dick like it's a cigar or not? 261 00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:37,791 I don't know. That's a lot to chew on. 262 00:11:37,875 --> 00:11:40,250 No, you don't chew on it, darling. 263 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,666 Unless they ask. 264 00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:44,916 Go, Andrew! Go, Andrew! 265 00:11:45,958 --> 00:11:47,083 -Yeah. -Yes! 266 00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:51,541 Eat shit in hell, you fucking losers! My partner's wrist is insane. 267 00:11:51,625 --> 00:11:53,416 From poem writing. 268 00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:56,541 Goddamn Travis letting us get all primped and primed, and then fucking bailing. 269 00:11:56,625 --> 00:11:58,333 I can't believe I wore a thong for him. 270 00:11:58,416 --> 00:12:01,291 You are getting a yeast infection for nothing. 271 00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:03,541 -Unless… -Unless what? 272 00:12:03,625 --> 00:12:07,208 Unless you hooked up with someone else. What about little big head over there? 273 00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:09,125 [chuckles] I thought you weren't into Nick. 274 00:12:09,208 --> 00:12:12,041 Hey, he cute, he like you, and he here. 275 00:12:12,125 --> 00:12:13,708 Bitch, that's pussy bingo. 276 00:12:13,791 --> 00:12:16,500 Well, we do have chemistry, 277 00:12:16,583 --> 00:12:19,125 and he's got those big-ass lips. 278 00:12:19,208 --> 00:12:21,000 -Hey, Nick? -Yeah? 279 00:12:21,083 --> 00:12:24,083 -You, um… wanna go upstairs? -Upstairs? 280 00:12:24,166 --> 00:12:25,791 Yeah, upstairs. 281 00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,916 Oh, you mean up-upstairs? 282 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,875 [chuckles] Yes, of course, I would like to go up the stairs, 283 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:34,041 uh, let's… so let's begin to ascend the steps. 284 00:12:34,125 --> 00:12:36,958 [whispers] Rick, I can't believe it. Is this actually happening? Pinch me. 285 00:12:37,041 --> 00:12:38,208 Okay. 286 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,500 What the fuck are you doing? 287 00:12:39,583 --> 00:12:41,791 Sorry, I just got so excited. 288 00:12:41,875 --> 00:12:43,833 I got pussy bingo. 289 00:12:43,916 --> 00:12:48,208 Oh shit, I think the keg's tapped. Is that what straight people say? 290 00:12:48,291 --> 00:12:51,250 Hey, babe, let's make a run back to the liquor store. 291 00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:53,125 I'll let you sit on my lap and honk the horn. 292 00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:54,500 -Oh! Oh, sorry. -[lamp shatters] 293 00:12:54,583 --> 00:12:58,750 But, um, my king, haven't you been, like, imbibing? 294 00:12:58,833 --> 00:13:02,166 Yeah, Kurt, you've been "ben-bibing" all night. 295 00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:05,541 [scoffs] Only rum and beer. I drive better when I'm drunk. 296 00:13:05,625 --> 00:13:06,916 Uh, h-hey, man, 297 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,875 I know drinking and driving is a proud part of Bilzerian culture, 298 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,666 but, um, maybe tonight's not a good idea? 299 00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:16,375 -Shut up, nerd. -Brothers Against Drunk Driving over here 300 00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:19,458 doesn't want your girlfriend to crash through the windshield. 301 00:13:19,541 --> 00:13:21,208 Let's go, Lola. Time to die. 302 00:13:21,291 --> 00:13:22,833 Well, c'est la vie. 303 00:13:22,916 --> 00:13:26,333 This is the price I pay for being an older boy's girlfriend. 304 00:13:26,416 --> 00:13:27,958 I knew it when I signed the contract. 305 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,333 -[keys jangle] -[grunts] No way. 306 00:13:29,416 --> 00:13:30,416 Hey, give those back! 307 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:31,708 Give what back? 308 00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:32,708 [laughs] 309 00:13:32,791 --> 00:13:34,750 -Oh my God, it worked! -Oh, you're dead. 310 00:13:34,833 --> 00:13:37,125 -I fucking hate magic! -[both grunt] 311 00:13:37,208 --> 00:13:39,458 Oh no! Scanning for audience. 312 00:13:39,541 --> 00:13:44,208 Could it be? The Brothers Bilzerian are fighting over little old moi? 313 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,041 Drama! 314 00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:47,458 -[Kurt grunts] -[Jay groans] 315 00:13:47,541 --> 00:13:49,708 [Steve groaning] 316 00:13:49,791 --> 00:13:52,708 [Sad Mitten] It's okay to be sad, Steve. 317 00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:55,541 [Bad Mitten] But it's easier to be mad. [grunts] 318 00:13:55,625 --> 00:13:58,500 Oh no, it's a battle of the mittens! 319 00:13:58,583 --> 00:14:02,541 Oh God, which of my hands is gonna run my brain? 320 00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:04,083 [Sad Mitten] Let go of him! 321 00:14:04,166 --> 00:14:07,250 [Bad Mitten] If I can't have him, no one can. [grunts] 322 00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:08,625 Whoa! 323 00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:10,041 -[thud] -Steve! 324 00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:12,125 So, here we are. 325 00:14:12,208 --> 00:14:14,916 Yeah, here we are. No, no, no, don't touch the pillows. 326 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,250 Oh, okay, jeez. 327 00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:19,708 No, I honestly wouldn't touch anything really in this room if you can help it. 328 00:14:19,791 --> 00:14:23,250 Well, uh, can I touch you? 329 00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:26,791 [clears throat] Yeah, that… that would be fine. 330 00:14:26,875 --> 00:14:28,458 -Ow, fuck. Ow. -Ow. 331 00:14:28,541 --> 00:14:31,458 -Ooh, you have a hard head. [chuckles] -Yeah, and a big mouth. 332 00:14:31,541 --> 00:14:33,500 -Do you… you wanna taste it? -Um… 333 00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:35,166 -Sorry, that was weird. -Okay. 334 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:38,125 -That sounded sexier in my head, but-- -Yeah, let's just-- 335 00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:40,583 Yeah, why don't… let's just do a little… 336 00:14:40,666 --> 00:14:41,541 Mmm. 337 00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:44,333 Okay, okay, what now? 338 00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:47,541 You wanna take those shoes off? Maybe put your toes in his mouth? 339 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,708 Maybe I'll just take my shirt off. 340 00:14:49,791 --> 00:14:51,291 -Go for it. -Oh. [chuckles] 341 00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:53,291 -Okay. -Bra-llelujah! 342 00:14:53,375 --> 00:14:56,875 Now take your shirt off for skin-to-skin contact 343 00:14:56,958 --> 00:14:58,958 so she knows who the daddy is. 344 00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:01,291 -Guess I'll take my shirt off. -[Danni chuckles] 345 00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:04,250 [Danni] Oh man, what's going on? 346 00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,291 I feel so, like, in my head right now. 347 00:15:06,375 --> 00:15:08,416 Yeah, you in your head and out of your body. 348 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,916 [groans] This is so awkward. 349 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,375 Get back in there, girl! You supposed to be enjoying yourself. 350 00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:16,000 I don't know. It's just kind of muggy in here, 351 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:17,958 and the sheets are crunchy. 352 00:15:18,041 --> 00:15:21,750 Blech! He should have kept his shirt on. That kid does not have the goods. 353 00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:24,333 Oh yeah. You're the man, Nick. 354 00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:26,833 Now do something smooth. 355 00:15:26,916 --> 00:15:28,583 [Nick] Uh… 356 00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:29,875 -Oh, uh… -Great. 357 00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:31,916 -Yeah, that's… there. -This is… Mm-hmm. 358 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,708 Yeah, baby. She is putty in your hands. 359 00:15:35,791 --> 00:15:38,750 I don't know, Rick. Am I doing a bad job? 360 00:15:38,833 --> 00:15:40,583 No. You're killing it, man. 361 00:15:40,666 --> 00:15:44,291 I guess I just, like, imagined this all so much, like, sexier. 362 00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:48,625 ♪ Ooh, I feel your body Go limp and lifeless ♪ 363 00:15:48,708 --> 00:15:51,291 ♪ In my clammy, fumbling hands… ♪ 364 00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:52,250 [chuckles] Sorry. 365 00:15:52,333 --> 00:15:55,958 ♪ The scent of cum-stained pillows Hangs in the air… ♪ 366 00:15:56,041 --> 00:15:57,583 You're biting a little hard. 367 00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:58,583 ♪ Ooh ♪ 368 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:01,791 ♪ This night was made For sweet, sweet lovin' ♪ 369 00:16:01,875 --> 00:16:04,083 ♪ But you were never part of the plan… ♪ 370 00:16:04,166 --> 00:16:05,541 -[chuckles] Sorry. -[Nick] Mm-hmm. 371 00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:09,416 ♪ You look so frail and awkward In the stark fluorescent glare… ♪ 372 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:10,625 [Danni] Oh. 373 00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:13,458 [both] ♪ We're having us a bad hookup ♪ 374 00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:17,625 ♪ Maybe this was not the best idea ♪ 375 00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:22,416 ♪ There ain't nothing about this moment That feels right ♪ 376 00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:24,083 ♪ Nothing feels right, baby ♪ 377 00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:26,416 [both] ♪ Yeah, it's a bad hookup ♪ 378 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,375 ♪ And now I feel that Every time I see ya ♪ 379 00:16:30,458 --> 00:16:35,500 ♪ We'll be reminded Of this bummer of a night ♪ 380 00:16:36,916 --> 00:16:40,375 ♪ Girl, you so trapped in your head I think your pussy gone dead ♪ 381 00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:42,958 ♪ And if you keep it up That thing gonna rot ♪ 382 00:16:43,583 --> 00:16:47,208 ♪ Hey, I gotta go pee-pee And I'm feeling kinda sleepy ♪ 383 00:16:47,291 --> 00:16:49,500 ♪ Will you wake me When things start to get hot? ♪ 384 00:16:49,583 --> 00:16:52,375 [both] ♪ Ooh, it's a bad hookup ♪ 385 00:16:52,958 --> 00:16:56,250 ♪ We probably should've Just hung out as friends ♪ 386 00:16:56,333 --> 00:17:01,208 ♪ I don't know how much more Of this passion I can fake ♪ 387 00:17:01,291 --> 00:17:03,208 ♪ I know you're faking it too ♪ 388 00:17:03,291 --> 00:17:05,666 [both] ♪ 'Cause it's a bad hookup ♪ 389 00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:09,583 ♪ We're riding out a night That never ends ♪ 390 00:17:09,666 --> 00:17:14,333 ♪ And baby, we both know We've made a huge mistake ♪ 391 00:17:14,416 --> 00:17:16,083 ♪ What were we thinking, girl? ♪ 392 00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:22,083 [both] ♪ I don't know how we came To make this huge mistake ♪ 393 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,833 So what do you say, señorita? 394 00:17:24,916 --> 00:17:25,791 [chuckles] 395 00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:27,791 You want to go upstairs-a-rita? 396 00:17:27,875 --> 00:17:29,458 Uh, sure. I-I mean, uh… 397 00:17:29,541 --> 00:17:30,791 Well, I mean, I don't… 398 00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:31,833 I, uh… 399 00:17:31,916 --> 00:17:34,583 -Missy, what are you doing? -I don't even know this guy's last name! 400 00:17:34,666 --> 00:17:37,541 Smith, Jones, Waititi, who cares? 401 00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:38,500 I do! 402 00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:39,541 I'm sorry, Owen. 403 00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:40,833 You seem amazing, 404 00:17:40,916 --> 00:17:45,708 but it just feels like we should get to know each other better 405 00:17:45,791 --> 00:17:47,625 before going "upstairs-a-rita." 406 00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:51,333 Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. I mean, I would never pressure you. 407 00:17:51,416 --> 00:17:53,583 We're getting to know each other still, right? 408 00:17:53,666 --> 00:17:55,833 Yes, of course. 409 00:17:55,916 --> 00:17:58,916 Let me just, uh, go take a quick pee in the living room, 410 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,916 then we can keep this repartee going. 411 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,541 See, Mona? We're gonna keep the repartee going. 412 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,708 -[girl 1] Oh, pamplemousse. -[girl 2] Very refreshing. 413 00:18:06,791 --> 00:18:07,708 What the bleep? 414 00:18:07,791 --> 00:18:10,083 I actually partied too hard sophomore year, 415 00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:13,375 and I felt it was keeping me from getting close to people. 416 00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:15,250 -[Missy groans] -Oh, you're so mature. 417 00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:18,125 And very well-aged, like smoked Gouda. 418 00:18:18,208 --> 00:18:21,333 -Which is our favorite toothpaste flavor. -Ja, das gut. 419 00:18:21,416 --> 00:18:24,000 That farmer fuck made someone else his ho. 420 00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:25,500 -[groans] -[grunting] 421 00:18:25,583 --> 00:18:29,250 You little fuck nugget! I knew you still wanted Lola. 422 00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:32,875 No, I just don't want you to drive while you're wasted 423 00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:35,250 and smash into a telephone pole. [groans] 424 00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:38,000 I'm gonna pound you back into dad's dick! 425 00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:38,916 Oh my God. 426 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:43,083 Walking through a hole in the wall. Kurt! Stop it! You're hurting him! 427 00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:45,541 Why you standing up for my shithead little brother? 428 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,916 -You're supposed to be my girlfriend! -I know. 429 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,541 But, like, at the end of the day, Jay and I do have history, 430 00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:55,416 and, like, I don't want anything bad to happen to him. 431 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,000 -Really? -I knew it! 432 00:18:57,083 --> 00:19:00,208 Well, if you care about my brother, then that makes you gay. 433 00:19:00,291 --> 00:19:01,750 And a little something about me, 434 00:19:01,833 --> 00:19:04,416 I don't date lesbos, I just watch 'em online. 435 00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:08,083 Wait, hold your horseradish. What are you saying to me right now? 436 00:19:08,166 --> 00:19:10,166 -I'm breaking up with you, Skumpy… -[gasps] 437 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,500 …and I watch a shit ton of porn. 438 00:19:12,583 --> 00:19:16,458 Holding back tears. Lip quivering. 439 00:19:16,541 --> 00:19:17,458 [sobs] 440 00:19:17,541 --> 00:19:21,250 [groaning] I'm sorry, Lola. You deserve so much better. 441 00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:22,875 -Shut up, Jay! -[groans] 442 00:19:22,958 --> 00:19:24,375 I don't want your pity. 443 00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:25,500 -[Lola sobs] -[Jay grunts] 444 00:19:25,583 --> 00:19:26,583 [Nick] Mmm. 445 00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,666 What's wrong with me? 446 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:30,875 This is, like, all I've ever wanted, and now I'm so not horny. 447 00:19:30,958 --> 00:19:33,791 And I have a horn on my head, so… 448 00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:36,916 -Not helpful, Rick. -Oh God, this is grim. 449 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,375 Uh, so stop hooking up! 450 00:19:38,458 --> 00:19:40,750 What? But that's, like, the most awkward thing 451 00:19:40,833 --> 00:19:42,041 in the entire world. 452 00:19:42,125 --> 00:19:44,625 Girl, if the pussy dry, you say goodbye. 453 00:19:44,708 --> 00:19:48,208 What? I just pull away from Nick and say, "Hey, let's stop"? 454 00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:50,583 -Exactly! -I basically dragged him up here. 455 00:19:50,666 --> 00:19:52,791 I'm just gonna keep doing this until he gets sick of it. 456 00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:54,958 Fuck this. You can stop hooking up whenever you want. 457 00:19:55,041 --> 00:19:57,583 It says it here in the Dickclaration of Pussypendence. 458 00:19:57,666 --> 00:19:58,666 What? 459 00:19:58,750 --> 00:19:59,583 [clears throat] 460 00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,541 The Dickclaration states that, 461 00:20:01,625 --> 00:20:04,000 "When engaged in intercourse or the like, 462 00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:08,041 each party reserves the right to dissolve the union at any time." 463 00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:08,958 Huh? 464 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,833 Baby, you can always change your mind and stop hooking up. 465 00:20:11,916 --> 00:20:13,000 [sighs] 466 00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:14,958 Okay. Here goes. 467 00:20:15,041 --> 00:20:18,708 Hey, you mind if we just pause for a moment? 468 00:20:18,791 --> 00:20:21,916 Yes! I mean, I don't mind. That's… that's… that would be fine. 469 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,083 I'm actually kind of cold. 470 00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:24,958 Yeah, and I'm actually kind of embarrassed 471 00:20:25,041 --> 00:20:27,083 that I don't have an upper body. [chuckles] 472 00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:29,125 -[chuckles] Yeah, I mean, ditto. -[chuckles] 473 00:20:29,208 --> 00:20:31,791 You know, it's kind of cool the way your boy was all respectful. 474 00:20:31,875 --> 00:20:33,083 He must get it from you. 475 00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:35,416 You know he does, Danni's mom. 476 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:40,000 And that's why I'm going to steal the Dickclaration of Pussypendence. 477 00:20:40,083 --> 00:20:42,041 Oh. Like Dickalos Cage. 478 00:20:42,125 --> 00:20:43,541 National Treasure. 479 00:20:43,625 --> 00:20:46,166 Ugh, Jesus, Jay. Are you okay? 480 00:20:46,250 --> 00:20:48,541 Yeah, my bones will grow back. 481 00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:52,041 I'm like a starfish. I'm just pissed Kurt embarrassed Lola like that. 482 00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:56,625 Public dumping is the woof of all woofs. But at least she's rid of that asshole. 483 00:20:56,708 --> 00:20:59,041 [Bad Mitten] Just stop breathing already. 484 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:02,333 Okay, so, um, Coach Steve is-- is, uh, fully choking himself. 485 00:21:02,416 --> 00:21:04,041 No, it's the Bad Mitten! 486 00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:07,125 -Get off my friend, you woolen demon! -[Steve coughing] 487 00:21:07,208 --> 00:21:08,208 Holy shit! 488 00:21:08,291 --> 00:21:10,541 [Bad Mitten] You're not his friend. You're abandoning him. 489 00:21:10,625 --> 00:21:13,583 [Steve] Yeah, you're ademdeming me. 490 00:21:13,666 --> 00:21:15,500 [Sad Mitten] And that makes us sad. 491 00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:17,750 What the fuck is going on? 492 00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:21,375 Jessi, summertime is really hard for gym teachers, okay? 493 00:21:21,458 --> 00:21:24,125 And Coach Steve is gonna miss us when we go to high school. 494 00:21:24,208 --> 00:21:27,166 Well, we're gonna miss you too, Steve. 495 00:21:27,250 --> 00:21:28,083 You are? 496 00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:31,333 Well, I definitely don't wanna watch you choke yourself to death. 497 00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,166 [Sad Mitten] You see? They do care. 498 00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,166 [Bad Mitten] Bullshit. They don't give a-- 499 00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:36,625 -[gunshot] -[Steve groans] 500 00:21:36,708 --> 00:21:37,750 That smarts. 501 00:21:37,833 --> 00:21:40,250 Mom! You saved him. 502 00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:43,375 That was a very bad mitten. 503 00:21:43,458 --> 00:21:45,000 Seriously, what the fuck? 504 00:21:45,083 --> 00:21:48,250 Oh no, it's fine. My bones, they'll grow back. It's fine. 505 00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:50,916 I feel like we could have just taken the mitten off? 506 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,125 So, uh, what do you guys wanna do now? 507 00:21:53,208 --> 00:21:57,000 You guys wanna go to Virgin Megastore, pick out some CDs, get an Eminem-- 508 00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:58,375 [mumbling] 509 00:21:58,458 --> 00:21:59,416 [tense music playing] 510 00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:01,625 Okay. This is it, buttmunches. 511 00:22:01,708 --> 00:22:03,166 Winner takes all. 512 00:22:03,250 --> 00:22:05,500 [yells] Go! 513 00:22:05,583 --> 00:22:08,083 -Go, Erica! Flip it! -[rock music playing] 514 00:22:08,166 --> 00:22:09,125 Yes! 515 00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:10,041 [grunts] 516 00:22:10,625 --> 00:22:11,833 You got this! 517 00:22:12,458 --> 00:22:15,000 [tense music playing] 518 00:22:16,541 --> 00:22:21,708 [in slow motion] Please let me win. 519 00:22:21,791 --> 00:22:22,791 [gasping] 520 00:22:23,416 --> 00:22:24,416 Yeah! 521 00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:26,416 Andrew, we did it! You're amazing! 522 00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:28,000 Me? Amazing? 523 00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:29,458 [sighs] 524 00:22:29,541 --> 00:22:31,875 [chuckles] Andrew, everything worked out! 525 00:22:31,958 --> 00:22:34,708 My Christian god has truly blessed us. 526 00:22:34,791 --> 00:22:39,458 Forgive me, Father, for I am about to tap that ass. 527 00:22:39,541 --> 00:22:40,458 [tires screech] 528 00:22:40,541 --> 00:22:43,666 Erica? What the fuck are you doing with that little creep? 529 00:22:43,750 --> 00:22:45,250 Uh-oh, is that-- 530 00:22:45,333 --> 00:22:47,041 -Pumbaa. -[Maury groans] 531 00:22:47,125 --> 00:22:48,541 Wait, Andrew, you know my brother? 532 00:22:48,625 --> 00:22:50,583 I thought you said your brother's name was Henry? 533 00:22:50,666 --> 00:22:52,833 Yeah, we don't call him "Pumbaa" at home. 534 00:22:52,916 --> 00:22:57,416 Erica, that's the little pervert who grabbed my boobs in front of everyone. 535 00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,500 Ew! What? You're that creepy kid? 536 00:22:59,583 --> 00:23:02,166 Yes, but I'm so much more. 537 00:23:02,250 --> 00:23:04,291 -Get to know me. -All right, that's it! 538 00:23:04,375 --> 00:23:07,833 I was waiting for the first day of school, but this is happening now! 539 00:23:07,916 --> 00:23:09,041 -[screams] -Run, Andrew! 540 00:23:09,125 --> 00:23:10,708 Run for your chubby little life! 541 00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:14,250 It was a pleasure flipping cups with you, Erica! I love you! 542 00:23:14,333 --> 00:23:15,250 [screams] 543 00:23:15,833 --> 00:23:20,458 So, yeah, I thought maybe I was ready to hook up at a high school party, 544 00:23:20,541 --> 00:23:23,416 but now I'm thinking all men should be in jail. 545 00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:25,916 I'm sorry. I'm sure you had a rough night, 546 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,750 but I just watched Coach Steve get his hand blown apart. 547 00:23:28,833 --> 00:23:31,291 Oh, and let us take you somewhere a little more private 548 00:23:31,375 --> 00:23:33,333 where we can slather you in goat butter. 549 00:23:33,416 --> 00:23:35,208 That sounds so hot. 550 00:23:35,291 --> 00:23:39,750 Yes, 230 degrees Celsius for one half hour, two half hour. 551 00:23:39,833 --> 00:23:41,208 [both chuckle] 552 00:23:41,291 --> 00:23:43,208 [Jay] Hey, I thought you went home. 553 00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:45,041 I have to calm down first. 554 00:23:45,125 --> 00:23:48,625 Women get a bad Uber rating when they look upset. 555 00:23:48,708 --> 00:23:51,791 Well, thanks for stopping Kurt from beating my brains out. 556 00:23:51,875 --> 00:23:53,708 Uh, don't get it twisted, honey. 557 00:23:53,791 --> 00:23:59,250 You saved me first because you think I'm, like, too beautiful to die. 558 00:23:59,333 --> 00:24:01,666 You are pretty goddamn breathtaking. 559 00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:02,958 Oh yeah? Well, you're… 560 00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:05,416 Wait, hold the phone. What did you just say? 561 00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:08,291 I want you, Lola. I want you bad. 562 00:24:08,375 --> 00:24:10,583 No! I can't. 563 00:24:10,666 --> 00:24:14,583 For you see, my enlarged heart has been torn asunder, 564 00:24:14,666 --> 00:24:17,500 and another boy is not the answer. 565 00:24:17,583 --> 00:24:19,333 But I'm not just another boy. 566 00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:22,083 Exactly. You're the same boy. 567 00:24:22,166 --> 00:24:24,916 And like a crocodile, I cannot go backwards. 568 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:26,833 -But-- -I must forge ahead, 569 00:24:26,916 --> 00:24:29,458 letting my snout lead me into new marshes, 570 00:24:29,541 --> 00:24:31,541 and occasionally eating a goat. 571 00:24:31,625 --> 00:24:32,500 [sniffles] 572 00:24:32,583 --> 00:24:34,125 Ciao for now. 573 00:24:34,208 --> 00:24:35,333 [sighs] 574 00:24:35,416 --> 00:24:37,791 I'm sorry, Jay, but you know what? 575 00:24:37,875 --> 00:24:39,625 It's okay to be sad. 576 00:24:39,708 --> 00:24:42,583 [Sad Mitten] You can even cry if it makes you feel better. 577 00:24:42,666 --> 00:24:45,000 Thanks, Sad Mitten. And thanks, Steve. 578 00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:46,625 For what? What'd I do? 579 00:24:46,708 --> 00:24:48,875 Um, text me when you get home? 580 00:24:48,958 --> 00:24:50,750 Yeah, uh, totally. 581 00:24:50,833 --> 00:24:54,416 [sighs] I was right, huh? Little big face can't get you off. 582 00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:57,375 Yeah, and I'm not even sure we could hang out anymore. 583 00:24:57,458 --> 00:24:59,666 It's just gonna be so awkward after-- 584 00:24:59,750 --> 00:25:01,458 He saw your little tiny titties? 585 00:25:01,541 --> 00:25:04,125 Yeah. And I saw his. 586 00:25:04,208 --> 00:25:06,083 Well, that was super weird, 587 00:25:06,166 --> 00:25:08,833 but I guess it would have been worse if we kept going? 588 00:25:08,916 --> 00:25:12,625 Hey, man, you can always stop in the middle of a hookup. 589 00:25:12,708 --> 00:25:17,208 It says so right here in the Dickclaration of Pussypendence. 590 00:25:17,291 --> 00:25:21,666 Rick, this is the Declaration of Independence. 591 00:25:21,750 --> 00:25:23,916 Aw, man, I stole the wrong thing! 592 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,666 -Rick! No, no, no! Oh my gosh. -Stupid thing. Goddamn. 593 00:25:26,750 --> 00:25:29,791 ♪ We don't have to take our clothes off ♪ 594 00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:30,833 ♪ Mmm ♪ 595 00:25:30,916 --> 00:25:32,916 ♪ To have a good time ♪ 596 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:33,958 ♪ Oh no ♪ 597 00:25:34,041 --> 00:25:36,833 ♪ We could dance and party all night ♪ 598 00:25:36,916 --> 00:25:38,750 -♪ All night ♪ -♪ We can dance all night ♪ 599 00:25:38,833 --> 00:25:40,791 ♪ And drink some cherry wine ♪ 600 00:25:40,875 --> 00:25:42,291 ♪ Uh-huh ♪ 601 00:25:42,375 --> 00:25:45,416 ♪ We don't have to take our clothes off ♪ 602 00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:46,458 ♪ No, no, no ♪ 603 00:25:46,541 --> 00:25:48,458 ♪ To have a good time ♪ 604 00:25:48,541 --> 00:25:49,833 ♪ Oh no ♪ 605 00:25:49,916 --> 00:25:53,291 ♪ We could dance and party all night ♪ 606 00:25:53,375 --> 00:25:56,041 -♪ All night ♪ -♪ And drink some cherry wine ♪ 607 00:25:56,125 --> 00:25:57,625 ♪ Uh-huh ♪ 608 00:25:57,708 --> 00:26:00,083 ♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na-na ♪ 609 00:26:00,166 --> 00:26:01,666 ♪ Na, na ♪ 610 00:26:01,750 --> 00:26:04,125 ♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na-na ♪ 611 00:26:04,208 --> 00:26:05,625 ♪ Na, na ♪ 612 00:26:05,708 --> 00:26:08,166 ♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na-na ♪ 613 00:26:08,250 --> 00:26:09,166 ♪ Na, na ♪ 614 00:26:09,250 --> 00:26:11,166 ♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na-na ♪ 615 00:26:15,416 --> 00:26:16,250 Chirp.