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《青春無密語》

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7月4日快樂，愛國同胞們

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我直接對著鏡頭說話

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這樣你就知道這集非常特別了

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美國就是核心重點

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自由之地、同性戀之家

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本影集想讚頌獨特的美國體驗

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那就是唯有美國人
才會經歷到的青春期

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等一下

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等等，小莫！

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你以為只有美國人會有青春期嗎？

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對，就像自由或猖獗的槍枝暴力

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才不是，你這個死混蛋

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世界各地的人們都會經歷青春期

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我不確定耶
這聽起來像是妳的陰謀論

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那Netflix為我們節目
提供了不同語言選擇又怎麼說？

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什麼？我們節目有配音成別的語言？

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來，我弄給你看

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該死的Apple遙控器

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我討厭這玩意，不知道該按下還是…

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還是亂按一通

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天啊，康妮，妳的聲音變了

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還有德語的“靠”是絕妙文字

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哇靠

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（日語）

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如果全世界的觀眾又不會切換語言

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Netflix幹嘛花那麼多錢
聘請演員跟譯者？

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就是說啊，我他媽完全不懂

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我講日語聽起來像猛男耶

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等你聽過另一個語言再下定論…

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義大利語

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媽媽咪呀！

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這整集都會有字幕嗎？

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-對
-我不想讀電視上的字

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我想一邊看電視，一邊滑手機

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太可惜了
因為我們要走向全球，寶貝

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（《青春無密語》國際秀）

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你會看見全世界的人都像美國人一樣

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整個超噁心

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其實南韓有一個小男孩

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現在這一刻正想要“打手槍”

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（大韓民國）

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“太美味了，妳會吸得一滴也不剩“

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我是這麼想的

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酒瓶就是你的老二，而那位辣妹在…

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-在吸我的“初飲初樂燒酒”？
-真可口

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好，2分15秒後我才要去上學

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好好撸一撸你的小魷魚

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藝俊，快吃早餐

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我們必須快點出門，你今天很忙

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真是的！每天都很忙啊

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奉萬，別擔心

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我以我媽討厭的人生起誓

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我們今天會擠出2分15秒來手淫

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當然了！把精液存起來不健康

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我叔叔就是這樣死的

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-真的嗎？
-不是，是癌症

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一毫升等於一立方公分…

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這樣你要怎麼專心？
我滿腦子都是燒酒姊姊

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我懂，我也是

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這個燒瓶裡有700毫升的硫酸鈉…

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我想吸得一滴也不剩

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天啊，她好像很渴

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我真的好渴

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也好濕

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-我要射了
-快跟老師說你要去男廁！

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燒酒姊姊…

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我是說，老師

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我得去上廁所

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滾開！我們都在打手槍！

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我們只剩這點時間了！

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不！

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沒事，我們放學後再打手槍吧

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藝俊，讓你勃起的人來了

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幫幫我，我的燒酒都沒了
我需要喝點別的東西

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我真的超想打手槍

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但媽媽和奶奶都在前面

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你媽媽忙著開車
你奶奶已經神遊了，直接打手槍吧！

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那應該可以吧

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甚至來點更猛的？

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你別搞得那麼噁心

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到了，快去吧！

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你好，音樂大師

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天啊

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她在我大腿之間

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用你絕望的小雞雞磨蹭她

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你好，藝俊

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拜託讓我榨乾我的蛋蛋！

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終於獨處了

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太好了！我去拿護手霜來

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你媽媽用的好東西，成分有蜂毒

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我珍貴的小子

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我要給你史上最大

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最濕軟的春夢

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對，好好睡吧，可愛的小豬豬

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好，現在我懂了

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所以美國和韓國都有青春期

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你這個蠢混蛋！

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我說過世界各地都有青春期

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我不蠢，我有仇外情節，行嗎？

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比如印度有個女孩

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她即將見到一位很特別的訪客

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（印度）

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怎麼搞的？

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感覺像是有大象在踩我的肚子

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搞什麼…

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這玩意兒跑進我所有的孔洞裡了啦

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不好意思，妳是誰？

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我當然是妳的荷爾蒙女怪

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而且我有好消息

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妳要成為女人了

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恭喜

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那到底是什麼意思？

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這有諸多意義

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跟我去兜風一趟

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我唱歌解釋給妳聽

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解開辮子

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年輕姑娘長大了

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花苞盛開

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小姑娘魅力十足

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我們來辦派對吧

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胸部都發育了

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叔叔伯伯、阿姨大嬸

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聽見了嗎？她成年了

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又大又圓

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她現在有人間胸器

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又大又圓

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她現在有人間胸器

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在上唇

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在下臀區

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毛髮到處長

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這裡、哪裡，無所不在

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毛髮到處長

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在臥房

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洗衣房

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污漬到處有

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內褲底下都髒髒

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污漬到處有

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女孩開心點

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愁雲慘霧之中也有歡樂

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我的屁屁有歡樂？

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月經就是朋友

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所以才說“密友”來了

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阿姨們會派發糖果

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叔叔們會送禮物

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不用禱告、不進寺廟

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可以好好休息一下

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別給燈添油了，幫頭皮上油吧

149
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洗頭髮吧

150
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又大又圓

151
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她現在有人間胸器

152
00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:03,875
又大又圓

153
00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:04,916
她現在有人間胸器

154
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,000
又大又圓

155
00:07:07,083 --> 00:07:08,291
她現在有人間胸器

156
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,416
又大又圓

157
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:11,708
她現在有人間胸器

158
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天啊，到處都是！
我的內褲看起來像命案現場

159
00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:17,458
別擔心，大概只會有五、六天這樣

160
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那還不算太糟

161
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每個月都來一次

162
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長達40年

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靠

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至少每次都會有一首有趣的歌吧？

165
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不會，並沒有

166
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:29,958
我親愛的康妮

167
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女人的悲慘困境…

168
00:07:32,875 --> 00:07:34,333
各文化皆然

169
00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:36,833
媽的，我坐到Apple遙控器了

170
00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:38,458
它插得很深

171
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趁我搞懂這爛東西怎麼使用時

172
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我們去澳洲吧

173
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（澳洲）

174
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可惡，黛比阿姨這一生很辛苦

175
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但她死的時候在做自己熱愛的事

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-對，一天抽六包煙
-天啊！

177
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他媽的

178
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有著多汁小蜜瓜的
性感小羚羊是哪位？

179
00:07:58,583 --> 00:08:00,083
-莫瑞，冷靜點
-好耶！

180
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我們在參加葬禮

181
00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:03,166
這裡真的有一具屍體

182
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,625
老兄，那裡有活生生的軀體

183
00:08:05,708 --> 00:08:07,375
她擁有迷人的軀體

184
00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:10,375
對，簡直電力十足

185
00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:13,000
我從來沒見過他

186
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這就是葬禮的美妙之處

187
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可以帶來新的老二

188
00:08:17,375 --> 00:08:18,666
-伊拉諾拉！
-幹嘛？

189
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:21,625
妳可以同時哀悼跟好色啊

190
00:08:21,708 --> 00:08:24,541
好吧，但就算我去接近她
我要說什麼？

191
00:08:24,625 --> 00:08:26,958
就說她讓你
比黛比阿姨的屍體還更硬梆梆

192
00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:30,125
向他表示慰問，用小穴安慰他

193
00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:32,041
把你老二埋進她大腿之中！

194
00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:33,458
騎在他臉上！

195
00:08:33,541 --> 00:08:35,875
好啦，我要直接去攀談了

196
00:08:35,958 --> 00:08:39,291
親愛的卡拉，好久不見

197
00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:41,375
亞當，要踢足球嗎？

198
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,666
-妳好嗎？
-還行

199
00:08:47,208 --> 00:08:48,833
妳的衣褲套裝很好看

200
00:08:48,916 --> 00:08:52,958
我也喜歡你的西裝，也有褲子呢

201
00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:54,708
其實這是三位叔叔給我的三套西裝

202
00:08:54,791 --> 00:08:56,916
後面用我妹妹的髮圈綁起來了

203
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,875
現在我說出來之後，覺得很難為情

204
00:08:59,791 --> 00:09:01,291
我是卡拉

205
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,041
-我嗎？我是亞當
-你好，亞當

206
00:09:04,416 --> 00:09:07,250
你們兩個是在幹什麼？

207
00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,750
-抱歉！在這裡調情太不敬了
-我們很抱歉！

208
00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:11,125
我保證下不為例

209
00:09:11,208 --> 00:09:12,291
好了啦

210
00:09:12,375 --> 00:09:14,458
你們打情罵俏我才不管

211
00:09:14,541 --> 00:09:18,000
我不爽是因為你們兩個騷貨很沒本事

212
00:09:18,083 --> 00:09:19,833
-什麼意思？
-我告訴你們

213
00:09:19,916 --> 00:09:23,083
人生苦短
所以別再旁敲側擊，直接行動吧

214
00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:25,625
-我也一直這樣說！
-我也是

215
00:09:25,708 --> 00:09:30,291
卡拉，妳想不想去拿三明治吃？

216
00:09:30,375 --> 00:09:34,125
或者我們可以去水箱後面愛撫彼此

217
00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:36,625
-好！太神啦！
-這樣就對了！

218
00:09:36,708 --> 00:09:38,250
我巔峰時期就死了

219
00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:40,458
我願意不計代價
換得最後一次調情的機會

220
00:09:40,541 --> 00:09:42,958
伊拉諾拉，妳覺得呢？我們該不該…

221
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:46,541
帶這隻鬼魂到水箱後面
我們一起跟她爽一下？

222
00:09:46,625 --> 00:09:47,916
我還以為你不會開口呢

223
00:09:49,791 --> 00:09:51,791
在澳洲射精的時候

224
00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:55,875
會從陰莖往上，從屁股出來
因為是在南半球

225
00:09:55,958 --> 00:09:58,750
-那不對
-尊重不同意見

226
00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:00,916
現在我們往西北去

227
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,708
前往中東

228
00:10:02,791 --> 00:10:04,458
（伊朗）

229
00:10:04,541 --> 00:10:05,708
納扎寧！

230
00:10:05,791 --> 00:10:07,000
要洗重點部位

231
00:10:07,083 --> 00:10:08,625
好，媽媽，我會洗！

232
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:10,708
那個新的便潔寶我們全額付清買的

233
00:10:10,791 --> 00:10:12,083
我說了我會洗嘛！

234
00:10:14,958 --> 00:10:16,125
妳好

235
00:10:16,208 --> 00:10:18,041
那感覺很舒服吧？

236
00:10:18,125 --> 00:10:21,916
對，這就像喝下第一口冷飲的感覺

237
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,041
不過是在體內

238
00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:25,375
這樣合理嗎？

239
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:29,000
超合理的，要來再一次嗎？

240
00:10:29,833 --> 00:10:31,041
當然要！

241
00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:34,375
像對法國女孩那樣噴我吧

242
00:10:34,458 --> 00:10:37,541
小納，我得上大號！

243
00:10:37,625 --> 00:10:38,750
靠，我得走了

244
00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:41,250
爺爺得上大號

245
00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:43,375
原來如此

246
00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:46,458
還有親愛的，妳餓了嗎？我有小黃瓜

247
00:10:46,541 --> 00:10:48,041
等一下，爺爺

248
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,250
妳覺得家裡還有其他東西

249
00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:52,916
能帶給我“那種感覺”嗎？

250
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,541
我不知道，我只跟馬桶住在這裡

251
00:10:56,625 --> 00:10:59,833
但妳還年輕，妳應該多去探索

252
00:10:59,916 --> 00:11:00,750
謝謝妳，便潔寶

253
00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,500
我永遠都會在這裡

254
00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:04,250
連在馬桶管線上

255
00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:05,916
但願爺爺善待妳

256
00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:12,000
還有哪裡可以
讓我的重點部位有興奮感？

257
00:11:12,083 --> 00:11:15,666
納扎寧，來跨坐我的扶手

258
00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:19,250
妳會發現我在該硬的地方都很硬

259
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:20,583
我不確定耶

260
00:11:20,666 --> 00:11:22,166
妳太高貴了

261
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:24,375
我不想玷汙妳或撕爛妳

262
00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:27,125
親愛的，妳可以撕爛我

263
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,583
好噁，你太噁心了

264
00:11:29,666 --> 00:11:30,583
不了，謝謝

265
00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:32,750
這好舒服

266
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:34,541
那真是太好了

267
00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:38,791
對，我又可以想到老二跟翹臀…

268
00:11:38,875 --> 00:11:40,333
糟糕！

269
00:11:40,416 --> 00:11:42,833
該進行脫水循環了！

270
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:44,750
你太粗魯了！

271
00:11:44,833 --> 00:11:47,666
對不起，我自己也很痛

272
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,166
我的存在即地獄！

273
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:51,500
我的天啊

274
00:11:51,583 --> 00:11:53,208
真的要這麼做嗎？

275
00:11:53,291 --> 00:11:55,083
我知道，這很怪

276
00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:57,333
我是妳的八歲生日禮物

277
00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,250
-我看著妳長大…
-對

278
00:11:59,333 --> 00:12:01,333
妳變成了漂亮的年輕姑娘

279
00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:04,083
天啊，自行車

280
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:07,875
靠！這太瘋狂了！

281
00:12:09,333 --> 00:12:10,875
我的重點部位好痛！

282
00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:12,916
小納！親愛的，妳還好嗎？

283
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,250
等等，如果你在這裡

284
00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:18,000
那表示廁所裡沒人！

285
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:21,083
我的便潔寶

286
00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:22,583
我的納扎寧

287
00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:25,208
我還擔心妳不會回來了

288
00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:28,375
我真是太蠢了，妳在生我的氣嗎？

289
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:30,708
我無法一直生妳的氣

290
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:33,416
是妳，始終都是妳

291
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,708
我知道，來吧，我的寶貝

292
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,166
我的便潔寶！我愛妳

293
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:44,625
我的便潔寶

294
00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:47,666
真是的

295
00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:53,291
這是關於一個年輕姑娘
強力沖洗生殖器的美好故事

296
00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:57,291
我們現在前往超少布料比基尼

297
00:12:57,375 --> 00:12:59,791
跟大翹臀之地吧

298
00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,416
巴西

299
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,333
（巴西）

300
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:03,625
天啊

301
00:13:03,708 --> 00:13:06,375
岡薩洛太帥了吧？

302
00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:10,416
對，但還沒帥到值得坐六小時的巴士

303
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:13,500
真不敢相信我們得大老遠跑去聖保羅

304
00:13:13,583 --> 00:13:15,625
只為了讓你擁有同性戀初吻

305
00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:17,333
你能想像如果有人告訴我家人

306
00:13:17,416 --> 00:13:19,875
他們看見我親一個男孩會怎樣嗎？

307
00:13:19,958 --> 00:13:21,500
他們會跟你斷絕關係

308
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:23,375
就像他們對你的同性戀叔叔男同一樣

309
00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:25,375
那不是他的名字

310
00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:27,208
只是我媽都那樣叫他

311
00:13:27,291 --> 00:13:30,916
對，因為你媽很固執

312
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,041
但她好漂亮

313
00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:36,458
老兄，都過了兩小時

314
00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:38,125
岡薩洛應該不會來了

315
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:41,083
他說他會在這一大間
詭異的麥當勞門口

316
00:13:41,166 --> 00:13:42,166
所以他一定會來的

317
00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:44,041
網路陌生人都是這樣的

318
00:13:44,125 --> 00:13:45,541
也許他退縮了？

319
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:48,541
怕被認識的人看到他跟男生在一起？

320
00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:50,583
拉斐爾？卡洛斯？

321
00:13:50,666 --> 00:13:52,083
梅拉，妳好

322
00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:54,458
你們兩個混蛋在這裡幹嘛？

323
00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:57,833
我們只是來買薯條的

324
00:13:57,916 --> 00:14:00,250
對，來這一大間奇怪的麥當勞買

325
00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:02,083
出於某種原因

326
00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:04,541
這裡看起來像美國白宮

327
00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:06,791
等一下

328
00:14:06,875 --> 00:14:11,833
兩個穿緊身牛仔褲的男生
行事鬼鬼祟祟的？

329
00:14:11,916 --> 00:14:13,125
你們兩個是同性戀！

330
00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:16,250
誰？我們？不是，我們喜歡足球！

331
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,000
還有柔軟的胸部？

332
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:19,750
越軟越好

333
00:14:19,833 --> 00:14:21,041
放輕鬆

334
00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:24,625
我比你們兩個相加起來還更加同性戀

335
00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:27,375
-真的嗎？
-拉斐爾跟一個男孩約在這裡見面

336
00:14:27,458 --> 00:14:28,833
但對方放他鴿子

337
00:14:28,916 --> 00:14:29,916
他可能還是會來

338
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,208
他不會來了！

339
00:14:31,291 --> 00:14:34,625
梅拉，預算有限的兩個同性戀男孩
在聖保羅能做什麼？

340
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:37,000
所以你想當同性戀啊？

341
00:14:37,083 --> 00:14:38,375
超像同性戀的！

342
00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:41,083
帶上你們的老二跟我來

343
00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:43,250
這是弗雷卡內卡街

344
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,750
如果你是酷兒、好奇寶寶

345
00:14:45,833 --> 00:14:48,333
或是想要便宜的山寨路易威登包
來這裡就對了

346
00:14:48,416 --> 00:14:50,500
岡薩洛還是沒回應，裘奧

347
00:14:50,583 --> 00:14:52,833
老兄，誰在乎啊？看看你四周吧！

348
00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:55,583
色彩絢爛、人山人海、一堆腰包

349
00:14:57,666 --> 00:15:01,166
簡直就像我們死了之後
來到一間同性戀餐廳

350
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:03,791
老二吃到飽！

351
00:15:03,875 --> 00:15:05,166
天啊

352
00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:06,750
忘了岡薩洛吧

353
00:15:06,833 --> 00:15:08,541
你錯過一切了

354
00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:11,833
梅拉在跟一整個沙灘排球隊親熱耶！

355
00:15:11,916 --> 00:15:16,041
好，妳擊我，妳托我
然後妳殺我球吧

356
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:20,750
來吧！像預算有限的
亮麗酷兒一樣狂舞

357
00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:22,583
好吧，我來了

358
00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:24,208
這是不是很棒！

359
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:27,500
是，但我還是沒有初吻

360
00:15:28,208 --> 00:15:29,541
別抱怨了，老兄

361
00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,041
你想要初吻？來吧！

362
00:15:34,458 --> 00:15:36,416
真希望岡薩洛現在出現

363
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,625
因為我就愛看狗血套路

364
00:15:38,708 --> 00:15:41,833
好，這真是火辣的初吻

365
00:15:41,916 --> 00:15:44,666
太神奇了，快看

366
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:48,416
那一大間詭異麥當勞裡的人都來了

367
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:53,083
好，我要讓漢堡神偷
把我的丁字褲拉到一邊去

368
00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:55,916
他可以對我為所欲為

369
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,291
-接下來要去哪裡，康妮？
-你知道我們美國…

370
00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:03,791
-全世界最棒的國家！
-有最普通、無聊的巴士嗎？

371
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,541
世上最棒的巴士！

372
00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:09,750
在肯亞，他們稱巴士為馬塔圖斯

373
00:16:09,833 --> 00:16:14,291
有一些改裝加了超多時髦燈光
音樂也放很大聲

374
00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:17,000
簡直就是有輪子的迪斯可舞廳嘛

375
00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:18,666
（肯亞）

376
00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:23,291
好，騰出空間讓大家上車！

377
00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:24,958
請走這邊，寶貝

378
00:16:25,458 --> 00:16:28,458
那輛馬塔圖斯看起來好好玩

379
00:16:28,541 --> 00:16:29,833
音樂很酷

380
00:16:29,916 --> 00:16:32,375
還有一堆小帥哥

381
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:33,791
我覺得妳準備好了

382
00:16:33,875 --> 00:16:37,666
別再觀望了，快上車吧

383
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,791
我不確定耶

384
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:40,833
別這樣嘛

385
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,541
現在妳的胸部終於開始發育了

386
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:45,166
就應該在性愛巴士上彈來彈去

387
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:48,375
我是覺得自己還算性感啦

388
00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:50,833
可不是嘛，快去吧

389
00:16:50,916 --> 00:16:54,208
我們帶著奶子擠上那輛馬塔圖斯吧

390
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,916
好，但不能讓祖母看見我這樣

391
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,291
當然了，親愛的

392
00:17:01,375 --> 00:17:05,291
-我馬上回來，祖母
-好，親愛的，別惹麻煩

393
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:08,750
她還不知道妳就是麻煩精

394
00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:14,416
快捏妳乳頭，會變更硬挺

395
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,708
嘿

396
00:17:15,791 --> 00:17:17,708
這位真是大美女

397
00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:19,041
不，跟我來

398
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:22,041
天啊，我覺得自己像碧昂絲

399
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,583
親愛的

400
00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:26,916
碧昂絲絕對不會搭巴士

401
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,833
這比我想像的還酷

402
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:32,458
而且所有男生都在看我

403
00:17:32,541 --> 00:17:35,916
當然了，畢竟妳的乳頭就像鑽頭

404
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,291
-雪倫？妳在做什麼？
-祖母？

405
00:17:38,375 --> 00:17:41,750
妳怎麼這麼沒教養？
妳這麼沒格調嗎？

406
00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:44,083
妳沒有羞恥心嗎？

407
00:17:44,166 --> 00:17:45,291
妳是誰？

408
00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:51,041
我當然是妳的愧感巫師

409
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,291
妳想要我做什麼？

410
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:56,750
像妳這種噁心蕩婦沒什麼能給我的

411
00:17:56,833 --> 00:17:59,250
喂！她不是噁心蕩婦

412
00:17:59,333 --> 00:18:00,875
她是性感蕩婦

413
00:18:00,958 --> 00:18:03,125
妳吸排氣管去死啦

414
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,250
妳這個性怪物！

415
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:08,583
-妮琪！
-瞧瞧妳，穿得那麼暴露

416
00:18:08,666 --> 00:18:12,083
炫耀妳淫蕩的胸部讓下流男窺視

417
00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:13,291
我沒有，我只是…

418
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:16,583
讓妳家族蒙羞？沒錯！

419
00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:19,625
雪倫，我們哪裡對不起妳了？

420
00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:22,125
也是國家恥辱

421
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:24,250
妳是國恥！

422
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:27,416
我也對妳感到非常失望

423
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,125
唐奇鐸？但你又不是肯亞人

424
00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:36,250
我不必是肯亞人
也可以覺得妳淫蕩的臉很噁心

425
00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:38,958
天啊，我很抱歉，唐奇鐸

426
00:18:39,041 --> 00:18:41,916
請停車！我要下車！

427
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,750
雪倫？

428
00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:48,208
親愛的，怎麼了？

429
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:49,833
祖母

430
00:18:49,916 --> 00:18:54,833
我是噁心妓女跟國恥

431
00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:57,958
她害唐奇鐸哭了

432
00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:59,125
什麼？

433
00:18:59,208 --> 00:19:02,416
我上了一輛馬塔圖斯，還穿成這樣

434
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,458
祖母，我好丟人現眼

435
00:19:04,541 --> 00:19:05,791
親愛的孩子

436
00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:07,250
我真的很抱歉

437
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:11,291
擁有女人的性感沒什麼好丟臉的

438
00:19:11,375 --> 00:19:12,875
-真的嗎？
-相信我

439
00:19:12,958 --> 00:19:13,958
祖母！

440
00:19:14,041 --> 00:19:17,000
全家都是蕩婦

441
00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:19,333
這件我是早上織好的

442
00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:20,708
話說

443
00:19:20,791 --> 00:19:25,166
我好久沒上去馬塔圖斯了

444
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:29,875
天啊！妳祖母很會跳耶

445
00:19:29,958 --> 00:19:33,083
我都不知道她是這麼酷的老太太

446
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:38,000
妳現在就盡情搖臀吧，但我會回來的

447
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,333
每當妳感到肚子脹氣

448
00:19:40,416 --> 00:19:45,291
每當妳的淫蕩小孔洞不小心放屁

449
00:19:45,375 --> 00:19:46,625
我會回來的

450
00:19:46,708 --> 00:19:51,416
妳得離開才能回來，妹子，所以…

451
00:19:53,166 --> 00:19:54,125
-掰掰！
-再見！

452
00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:55,083
再見

453
00:19:56,166 --> 00:20:00,833
天啊，真不敢相信我們
讓奧斯卡金像獎得主露琵塔尼詠歐

454
00:20:00,916 --> 00:20:02,916
說出“淫蕩小孔洞”

455
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,958
小莫，你別那麼老古板

456
00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:06,333
在其他國家

457
00:20:06,416 --> 00:20:08,958
人們很公開談論性

458
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,291
他們是陰道與陰莖

459
00:20:11,375 --> 00:20:12,833
-你們好
-很高興見到你們

460
00:20:12,916 --> 00:20:16,875
他們是瑞典兒童節目裡的
擬人化生殖器卡通角色

461
00:20:16,958 --> 00:20:19,750
什麼？來自兒童節目？太噁心了

462
00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:22,583
瑞典那些變態不這麼認為

463
00:20:22,666 --> 00:20:24,166
（瑞典）

464
00:20:25,083 --> 00:20:26,625
好，艾絲翠來了！

465
00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:30,833
尼可拉茲
我們很期待終於要見到你女友了

466
00:20:31,458 --> 00:20:34,291
也許艾絲翠
會是你的第一個性經驗對象？

467
00:20:34,375 --> 00:20:37,875
我們當然鼓勵你在我們家裡這麼做

468
00:20:37,958 --> 00:20:39,666
好了，你們兩個看著我

469
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:42,000
酷一點，知道嗎？

470
00:20:42,083 --> 00:20:43,333
沒問題，老兄

471
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:46,125
沒錯，超酷的，老兄

472
00:20:46,208 --> 00:20:48,958
他們會毀了我的今晚

473
00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:50,458
艾絲翠，妳好啊

474
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,208
這是我父親，安比昂醫生

475
00:20:52,291 --> 00:20:54,416
還有我的母親，安比昂醫生

476
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,125
家裡附帶這兩位

477
00:20:56,208 --> 00:20:57,500
謝謝你們邀請我來

478
00:20:57,583 --> 00:21:00,000
艾絲翠，妳真有禮貌

479
00:21:00,083 --> 00:21:02,625
我明白尼可拉茲為什麼會為妳著迷了

480
00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:03,541
媽媽！

481
00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:08,416
我認為他緊張是他想親吻妳的表現

482
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,416
如果妳享受接吻的話，艾絲翠

483
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:11,708
我可能會喔

484
00:21:11,791 --> 00:21:13,041
我們可以吃東西嗎？

485
00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:15,083
當然了

486
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:18,083
空腹是無法滿足彼此的

487
00:21:19,416 --> 00:21:25,375
那你們今晚打算如何進行性探索呢？

488
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:27,500
爸爸！他們在開玩笑

489
00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:29,458
我不介意，我父母是挪威人

490
00:21:29,541 --> 00:21:31,708
他們甚至不知道如何取悅自己

491
00:21:34,416 --> 00:21:35,250
挪威人啊

492
00:21:35,333 --> 00:21:39,958
我應該打給妳母親
建議她在陰蒂上輕輕畫圈愛撫

493
00:21:40,041 --> 00:21:43,166
-媽媽！
-尼可拉茲，這沒什麼好丟臉的

494
00:21:43,250 --> 00:21:45,708
性是人生中很正常的一部分

495
00:21:45,791 --> 00:21:47,625
拜託你們住口

496
00:21:47,708 --> 00:21:51,333
艾絲翠，妳知道前戲的重要性嗎？

497
00:21:52,083 --> 00:21:54,666
前戲要持續夠久

498
00:21:54,750 --> 00:21:57,208
讓伴侶的小荳荳充飽血

499
00:21:57,291 --> 00:21:58,583
搞什麼鬼啊？

500
00:21:58,666 --> 00:21:59,875
有些人誤以為

501
00:21:59,958 --> 00:22:02,583
你得用舌頭在陰蒂上舔出所有字母

502
00:22:03,750 --> 00:22:08,666
但你媽的生殖器只喜歡我反覆舔ABBA

503
00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:10,333
好，夠了

504
00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:14,833
-一旦你媽濕透了…
-你爸的陰莖因充血硬挺…

505
00:22:15,583 --> 00:22:18,041
就該套上保險套啦

506
00:22:18,583 --> 00:22:20,333
這樣就可以開始抽插了

507
00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:21,833
-住口！
-什麼要住口？

508
00:22:21,916 --> 00:22:23,958
鉅細靡遺地描述性愛！

509
00:22:24,541 --> 00:22:26,750
你們為什麼不像
挪威父母們一樣有羞恥心？

510
00:22:26,833 --> 00:22:28,416
尼可拉茲，真的沒關係

511
00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,791
不，有關係，他們是怪胎

512
00:22:30,875 --> 00:22:32,708
我們只是想教育你們

513
00:22:32,791 --> 00:22:34,458
你們毀了我的約會！

514
00:22:34,541 --> 00:22:36,250
其實，是你毀了約會

515
00:22:36,333 --> 00:22:38,958
我之前不知道你這麼壓抑，尼可拉茲

516
00:22:39,041 --> 00:22:40,625
看來我要直接回家

517
00:22:40,708 --> 00:22:44,833
自己在陰蒂上輕畫小圈圈了

518
00:22:44,916 --> 00:22:46,250
但是…艾絲翠，等等！

519
00:22:47,625 --> 00:22:49,375
老兄，抱歉我來晚了

520
00:22:49,458 --> 00:22:52,875
我之前在屁眼上輕畫小圈圈

521
00:22:52,958 --> 00:22:54,750
沒注意到時間

522
00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:56,625
你也知道是怎麼回事，寶貝

523
00:22:58,333 --> 00:23:00,333
各位觀眾

524
00:23:00,416 --> 00:23:03,750
接下來，我們有非常特別的內容

525
00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:05,041
沒錯，寶貝

526
00:23:05,125 --> 00:23:08,083
我屁屁插了點燃爆竹

527
00:23:08,166 --> 00:23:10,250
為了慶祝7月4日

528
00:23:10,333 --> 00:23:11,791
不是你，瑞克

529
00:23:11,875 --> 00:23:17,375
我是說我們請到了林曼努爾米蘭達
為我們寫了一首陰毛之歌

530
00:23:17,458 --> 00:23:20,125
那我幹嘛在屁股插一根煙火火箭？

531
00:23:22,833 --> 00:23:24,583
（波多黎各）

532
00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:30,583
我爺爺

533
00:23:31,541 --> 00:23:32,750
有毛髮

534
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:34,708
全身都是

535
00:23:35,208 --> 00:23:36,416
全身都是

536
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,666
我叔叔佩德羅

537
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:40,208
他會掉毛

538
00:23:40,708 --> 00:23:42,041
掉在浴缸

539
00:23:42,125 --> 00:23:43,958
造成堵塞

540
00:23:44,791 --> 00:23:46,250
-我表姊琪琪
-琪琪

541
00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:48,083
-穿著比基尼
-熱帶風

542
00:23:48,166 --> 00:23:49,666
毛都跑出來了

543
00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:51,458
彷彿就像春天到來

544
00:23:52,041 --> 00:23:53,833
-而我留下來
-留下來

545
00:23:53,916 --> 00:23:55,666
站在鏡子前

546
00:23:55,750 --> 00:23:57,125
想像著

547
00:23:57,625 --> 00:23:59,000
我所沒有的東西

548
00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:01,625
在這裡等待小毛髮長出來

549
00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:03,666
我肚臍下的毛

550
00:24:03,750 --> 00:24:04,916
但卻光禿禿的

551
00:24:06,916 --> 00:24:09,125
在這裡等待小毛髮長出來

552
00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:11,125
能有自己的小毛窩

553
00:24:11,208 --> 00:24:13,250
但卻光禿禿的

554
00:24:14,750 --> 00:24:16,666
天啊，何時才會長出來？

555
00:24:16,750 --> 00:24:18,583
幾乎全世界的人都有

556
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:20,375
我檢查陰莖下方

557
00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:22,250
卻只找到我的蛋蛋

558
00:24:22,333 --> 00:24:24,333
在我的小房間裡

559
00:24:24,416 --> 00:24:26,041
等待小毛髮長出來

560
00:24:26,125 --> 00:24:30,208
告訴我，你何時才要長出來？

561
00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:37,500
嘿

562
00:24:37,583 --> 00:24:41,416
我終於來了，來狂歡吧

563
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:43,541
就像登月的太空人

564
00:24:43,625 --> 00:24:45,416
來到了處女地

565
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:47,083
我會帶來好運

566
00:24:47,166 --> 00:24:48,958
伊甸園裡的一條蛇

567
00:24:49,458 --> 00:24:50,750
伊甸園

568
00:24:50,833 --> 00:24:52,541
伯利恆的第一個小禮物

569
00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:55,541
天啊，可憐的傢伙
瞧瞧他的小雞雞跟小蛋蛋

570
00:24:55,625 --> 00:24:56,750
好迷你喔

571
00:24:56,833 --> 00:25:00,541
如今純真年代結束了

572
00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:02,375
沒錯

573
00:25:02,458 --> 00:25:04,000
開始狂歡吧，好耶

574
00:25:04,083 --> 00:25:07,916
而證據就在這裡

575
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,750
耶，開始狂歡吧，好耶

576
00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:11,833
下面的毛髮

577
00:25:11,916 --> 00:25:12,750
上面的毛髮

578
00:25:12,833 --> 00:25:13,666
胸前的毛髮

579
00:25:13,750 --> 00:25:14,583
肚皮的毛髮

580
00:25:14,666 --> 00:25:16,333
免費的毛髮，不用付費

581
00:25:16,416 --> 00:25:17,375
毛髮，不是比利

582
00:25:17,458 --> 00:25:18,291
他是足球員

583
00:25:18,375 --> 00:25:21,833
而我是在左邊乳頭旁的彎曲毛髮

584
00:25:21,916 --> 00:25:23,125
我是最漂亮的一根毛

585
00:25:23,208 --> 00:25:25,250
從你屁眼長出來的，還會卡到屎

586
00:25:25,333 --> 00:25:29,125
我是你一字眉的直毛，超級長又醜

587
00:25:29,208 --> 00:25:32,666
我們是你會陰部的毛
但永遠聞起來有屁味

588
00:25:32,750 --> 00:25:36,208
-喔咧
-嘿

589
00:25:36,291 --> 00:25:38,625
-喔咧
-快瞧這小鬼

590
00:25:38,708 --> 00:25:40,583
他看起來已經像個小男人

591
00:25:40,666 --> 00:25:44,083
如今純真年代結束了

592
00:25:44,166 --> 00:25:46,041
快瞧這小鬼

593
00:25:46,125 --> 00:25:47,833
他看起來已經像個小男人

594
00:25:47,916 --> 00:25:51,875
踏入青春期

595
00:25:51,958 --> 00:25:53,583
瞧瞧他的小鬍子

596
00:25:53,666 --> 00:25:55,250
他看起來已經像個小男人

597
00:25:58,666 --> 00:26:00,708
天啊，何時才會長出來？

598
00:26:00,791 --> 00:26:02,625
幾乎全世界的人都有

599
00:26:02,708 --> 00:26:04,541
我檢查陰莖下方

600
00:26:06,208 --> 00:26:08,291
在我的小房間裡

601
00:26:08,375 --> 00:26:11,333
等待小毛髮長出來

602
00:26:11,833 --> 00:26:14,541
小毛髮，你何時才會長出來？

603
00:26:15,333 --> 00:26:18,000
天啊，我們去了好多地方喔

604
00:26:18,083 --> 00:26:21,041
康妮，也許妳還沒發現

605
00:26:21,125 --> 00:26:24,333
但世界各地的人都會經歷青春期

606
00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:29,000
雖然我們在許多地方都不一樣

607
00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:31,333
但我們都一樣非常噁心

608
00:26:31,416 --> 00:26:34,791
那還用說嘛，我一開始就說了啊

609
00:26:34,875 --> 00:26:38,750
甚至在那個韓國男孩
噴得滿床都是之前

610
00:26:38,833 --> 00:26:40,458
全世界的人們！

611
00:26:40,541 --> 00:26:42,208
在家看電視的所有人

612
00:26:42,291 --> 00:26:44,416
或是開車還滑手機的人

613
00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:47,000
我們大家一起來高潮吧

614
00:26:47,083 --> 00:26:49,458
小莫，你是說…

615
00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:51,000
沒錯，康妮

616
00:26:51,083 --> 00:26:53,125
全世界最大型的雜交派對

617
00:26:53,208 --> 00:26:56,583
對！為了世界和平而幹！

618
00:26:56,666 --> 00:26:58,833
然後再點一個披薩吃

619
00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:02,875
好爽

620
00:27:02,958 --> 00:27:04,333
這好怪

621
00:27:04,416 --> 00:27:05,833
那是唐奇鐸嗎？

622
00:27:05,916 --> 00:27:09,500
尼克，只有在美國才是

623
00:28:13,583 --> 00:28:15,000
字幕翻譯：許晨翎