1 00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:11,625 ["Changes" by Charles Bradley playing] 2 00:00:11,708 --> 00:00:17,250 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 3 00:00:21,166 --> 00:00:26,875 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 4 00:00:27,416 --> 00:00:28,250 ♪ Oh ♪ 5 00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:29,625 ♪ In my life ♪ 6 00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:34,125 ♪ Oh! Ooh! Ooh! ♪ 7 00:00:38,958 --> 00:00:39,916 [songs fades] 8 00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:44,250 ["Battle Hymn of the Republic" playing] 9 00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:47,166 [in English] Oh. Happy Fourth of July, fellow patriots. 10 00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:51,666 I'm talking directly to camera, so you know it's a very special episode. 11 00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:53,416 It's all about America, 12 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:56,458 land of the free, home of the gays. 13 00:00:56,541 --> 00:01:00,541 Big Mouth wants to celebrate a uniquely American experience 14 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,416 that only Americans experience. 15 00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:04,416 Puberty. 16 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,833 -Wait, wait, wait. Hold up, Maury. -[record scratch] 17 00:01:06,916 --> 00:01:09,833 Do you think puberty only happens in America? 18 00:01:09,916 --> 00:01:12,958 Yeah, like liberty, or rampant gun violence. 19 00:01:13,041 --> 00:01:14,875 No, you fucking jackass. 20 00:01:14,958 --> 00:01:17,958 Puberty happens to everybody all over the world. 21 00:01:18,041 --> 00:01:21,166 I don't know, Connie. This sounds like one of your conspiracy theories. 22 00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:24,583 Then what about all the different language options Netflix has for our show? 23 00:01:24,666 --> 00:01:27,625 What? Our show is dubbed into other languages? 24 00:01:27,708 --> 00:01:28,791 Here, I'll show you. 25 00:01:28,875 --> 00:01:31,458 [scoffs] Goddamn Apple remote. 26 00:01:31,541 --> 00:01:34,041 I hate this thing. I don't know whether to press it or… 27 00:01:34,125 --> 00:01:35,208 [in German] …or to fuck it. 28 00:01:35,291 --> 00:01:37,500 Oh shit, Connie. You sound different. 29 00:01:37,583 --> 00:01:39,750 Also, "shit" is such a great word in German. 30 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,375 Shit, shit, shit. 31 00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:45,333 [in Japanese] Why would Netflix spend all that money hiring actors and translators 32 00:01:45,416 --> 00:01:48,666 if people around the world aren't all going through changes? 33 00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:51,333 Huh, I had no fucking idea. 34 00:01:51,416 --> 00:01:54,083 Wow, I sound like a stud in Japanese. 35 00:01:54,166 --> 00:01:56,041 Well, wait until you hear yourself in… 36 00:01:56,125 --> 00:01:57,291 [in Italian] Italian. 37 00:01:57,375 --> 00:01:58,666 Mamma mia! 38 00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,083 Is the whole episode going to be subtitled? 39 00:02:01,166 --> 00:02:03,250 -Yeah! -I don't want to read TV. 40 00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,541 I want to read my phone while watching TV. 41 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:09,958 [in English] Well, too bad, because we're going global, baby. 42 00:02:10,041 --> 00:02:13,666 [triumphant music playing] 43 00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:16,208 You're gonna see people all around the world 44 00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:18,375 are just like Americans, 45 00:02:18,458 --> 00:02:20,333 completely disgusting. 46 00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:23,083 In fact, there's a young boy in South Korea 47 00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:27,666 looking to "masturbate his penis" at this very moment. 48 00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:29,166 SOUTH KOREA 49 00:02:31,541 --> 00:02:35,333 [in Korean] "So good, you'll suck out every drop." 50 00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:36,291 Oh. 51 00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:37,666 Here's what I'm thinking. 52 00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:40,750 The bottle is your dick, and the hot lady is-- 53 00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:43,833 -Sucking out my Chum Churum? -Yum, yum. 54 00:02:43,916 --> 00:02:46,166 Okay, I have exactly two minutes and fifteen seconds 55 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,875 before I leave for school. 56 00:02:47,958 --> 00:02:49,416 So stroke that squid! 57 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,458 Ye Joon, eat your breakfast now. 58 00:02:51,541 --> 00:02:54,291 We have to go. You have a very busy day. 59 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,583 Oh, come on! Every day is a busy day. 60 00:02:56,666 --> 00:02:57,833 Don't worry, Bong Man. 61 00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,666 I swear on my mom's annoying life 62 00:02:59,750 --> 00:03:02,500 we'll find two minutes and fifteen seconds to jerk off today. 63 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,375 We better! It's not healthy to bottle up your boy juice. 64 00:03:05,458 --> 00:03:06,750 That's how my uncle died. 65 00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:08,916 -Really? -Nah, it was cancer. 66 00:03:09,416 --> 00:03:11,750 One milliliter is equal to one cubic centimeter… 67 00:03:11,833 --> 00:03:14,791 How can you concentrate? All I can think about is that soju vixen. 68 00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:17,583 I know. Me too. 69 00:03:17,666 --> 00:03:21,583 This flask contains seven hundred milliliters of sodium sulfate… 70 00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:24,416 …and I want to suck out every drop. 71 00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,708 -Oh. -Oh boy, I think she's thirsty. 72 00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,458 I'm so thirsty. 73 00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:31,166 And so wet. 74 00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:34,416 -Oh, I'm gonna burst. -Quick! Ask to go to the boys' room! 75 00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:36,041 Uh, Soju Vixen-- 76 00:03:36,125 --> 00:03:37,083 I mean, Teacher. 77 00:03:37,166 --> 00:03:39,750 I need to go to the bathroom. 78 00:03:39,833 --> 00:03:42,333 [groaning] 79 00:03:42,416 --> 00:03:44,500 [boy] Go away! We're all jerking off! 80 00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:46,000 This is the only time we have! 81 00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:47,958 -[school bell rings] -No! 82 00:03:48,041 --> 00:03:51,208 No, we'll jerk it after school. 83 00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:55,583 Ye Joon, the object of your erection is here! 84 00:03:55,666 --> 00:03:59,208 Help, I'm all out of soju, and I need something else to drink. 85 00:03:59,291 --> 00:04:01,416 I'm literally dying to jerk off, 86 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,250 but Mom and Grandma are right here. 87 00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:06,875 Your mom's busy driving, and your grandma's brain is gone. Come on! 88 00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:08,833 I guess it could work. 89 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,875 And maybe even be more exciting? 90 00:04:10,958 --> 00:04:12,958 Ew, don't be gross about it. 91 00:04:13,041 --> 00:04:13,958 -[tires screech] -Oh! 92 00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:15,750 We're here. Go, go, go! 93 00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:17,500 -[tires screech] -Oh, oh, oh! 94 00:04:17,583 --> 00:04:19,583 [instruments tuning] 95 00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:21,375 Hello, maestro. 96 00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:25,416 -Dear God, she's between my legs! -[sensual music playing] 97 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,583 Rub her with your desperate little penis! 98 00:04:29,083 --> 00:04:29,916 Ah! 99 00:04:30,541 --> 00:04:33,000 -[Soju Woman moaning] -Oh, oh, oh, oh! 100 00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:34,375 -[Soju Woman giggling] -Ah! 101 00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:35,666 [whimpering] 102 00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:37,666 Hello, Ye Joon. 103 00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:40,333 Just let me drain my balls! 104 00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:42,125 [sighs in relief] 105 00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:43,708 Privacy at last. 106 00:04:43,791 --> 00:04:45,250 Yes! I'll get the hand cream. 107 00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:47,833 The good stuff from your mom with the bee venom in it. 108 00:04:47,916 --> 00:04:48,833 [Ye Joon snoring] 109 00:04:48,916 --> 00:04:51,208 Oh, my precious boy. 110 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,083 I'm gonna give you the biggest, 111 00:04:53,166 --> 00:04:56,166 -squishiest wet dream ever. -[Ye Joon moaning] 112 00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:59,916 Yeah. Sleep in it, you little piggy. 113 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,083 [ding] 114 00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:03,125 [in English] Okay, I get it now. 115 00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:06,583 So they have puberty in America and Korea. 116 00:05:06,666 --> 00:05:07,666 You stupid fuck! 117 00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:10,750 I told you, they have puberty everywhere. 118 00:05:10,833 --> 00:05:13,625 Hey, I'm not stupid. I'm xenophobic, okay? 119 00:05:13,708 --> 00:05:19,125 Like, here's a young girl in India who's about to get a very special visitor. 120 00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:20,791 INDIA 121 00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:23,541 [groans, speaking in Hinglish] What's going on? 122 00:05:23,625 --> 00:05:29,208 It feels like an elephant is stomping around in my stomach. 123 00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:31,458 -[thudding] -[grunts] Whoa! 124 00:05:31,541 --> 00:05:32,541 -[elephant trumpets] -Ah. 125 00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:35,500 What the… 126 00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:36,750 -Oh! -[groans] 127 00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:38,750 That stuff got in all my holes. 128 00:05:38,833 --> 00:05:40,416 I'm sorry, who are you? 129 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,166 I'm your Hormone Monstress, of course. 130 00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:45,375 And I have wonderful news. 131 00:05:45,458 --> 00:05:46,333 [gags] 132 00:05:46,416 --> 00:05:48,208 You are becoming a woman. 133 00:05:48,291 --> 00:05:49,375 Congratulations. 134 00:05:49,458 --> 00:05:51,250 Uh, what does that mean exactly? 135 00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,625 It means a million things. 136 00:05:54,583 --> 00:05:58,083 Come, take a ride with me, and I'll explain it with a song. 137 00:05:58,166 --> 00:05:59,750 ♪ The braids have come undone ♪ 138 00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:01,416 ♪ The young thang has come of age ♪ 139 00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:02,916 ♪ The basket is now abloom ♪ 140 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,500 ♪ The little one is now a baddy ♪ 141 00:06:04,583 --> 00:06:07,750 ♪ Let's throw a party, party Those hooters have blossomed ♪ 142 00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:09,416 ♪ Uncles and aunties, aunties… ♪ 143 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,000 Did you hear? She's come of age. 144 00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:14,083 ♪ Big, big, bad, bad She's a big baddy now ♪ 145 00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:17,208 ♪ Big, big, bad, bad She's a big baddy now ♪ 146 00:06:17,291 --> 00:06:19,000 ♪ On the upper lip ♪ 147 00:06:19,083 --> 00:06:20,625 ♪ On the lower hip ♪ 148 00:06:20,708 --> 00:06:22,208 ♪ Hair, hair, hair, hair ♪ 149 00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:23,750 ♪ Here, there, everywhere ♪ 150 00:06:23,833 --> 00:06:25,375 ♪ Hair, hair, hair, hair ♪ 151 00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:27,000 ♪ In the bedroom ♪ 152 00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:28,583 ♪ In the washroom ♪ 153 00:06:28,666 --> 00:06:30,250 ♪ Stains, stains, stains, stains ♪ 154 00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:31,791 ♪ Underwear, under there ♪ 155 00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,625 ♪ Stains, stains, stains, stains ♪ 156 00:06:33,708 --> 00:06:35,541 ♪ Cheer up, girl ♪ 157 00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,750 ♪ There's some joy in this gloom ♪ 158 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,916 ♪ Joy in my bum? ♪ 159 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,000 ♪ Periods are friends ♪ 160 00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:46,208 ♪ That's why they call them chums ♪ 161 00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:47,833 ♪ Aunties will distribute sweets ♪ 162 00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:49,291 ♪ Uncles will give some gifts ♪ 163 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,958 ♪ No prayers, no temples ♪ 164 00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:52,583 ♪ Take a break from it all ♪ 165 00:06:52,666 --> 00:06:57,500 ♪ Don't oil those lamps, oil your scalp… ♪ 166 00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:58,708 Wash your hair. 167 00:06:58,791 --> 00:07:02,000 ♪ Big, big, bad, bad She's a big baddy now ♪ 168 00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:04,916 ♪ Big, big, bad, bad She's a big baddy now ♪ 169 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,291 ♪ Big, big, bad, bad She's a big baddy now ♪ 170 00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,000 ♪ Big, big, bad, bad ♪ 171 00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:11,708 ♪ She's a big baddy now ♪ 172 00:07:11,791 --> 00:07:14,500 Oh my God, it's everywhere! My underwear looks like a crime scene. 173 00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:17,458 Don't worry. It should only last about five or six days. 174 00:07:17,541 --> 00:07:19,291 Well, that's not so bad. 175 00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,000 -Every month. -Oh. 176 00:07:21,083 --> 00:07:22,500 For the next forty years. 177 00:07:22,583 --> 00:07:23,458 Shit. 178 00:07:23,541 --> 00:07:26,041 Will there at least be a fun song every time? 179 00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:28,541 No. No, there will not. 180 00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,875 [in French] My sweet Connie, the plight of woman is… 181 00:07:31,958 --> 00:07:34,333 -[accordion music playing] -…tragic in every culture. 182 00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:38,458 [in French] Oh damn, I sat on the Apple remote, and it went in deep. 183 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:42,291 While I figure out this piece of shit, let's go to Australia. 184 00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:46,750 [woodwind music playing] 185 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,250 [in English] Damn. Auntie Deb sure lived hard. 186 00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:51,458 But, uh, she died doing what she loved. 187 00:07:51,541 --> 00:07:53,750 -Yeah, smoking six packs a day. -Whoa! 188 00:07:53,833 --> 00:07:55,166 Fuck me dead. 189 00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:58,416 Who's the sexy antelope with the juicy cantaloupes, eh? 190 00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:00,083 -Murray, take it easy, man. -Oh yeah! 191 00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:03,166 We're at a funeral. There's literally a dead body right here. 192 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,458 Well, there's a live body over there, mate, 193 00:08:05,541 --> 00:08:07,375 and she's built like a brick shithouse. 194 00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:10,375 Yeah. That is the best kind of shithouse. 195 00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:13,000 I've never seen him before. 196 00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:15,458 Well, that's what's so great about funerals. 197 00:08:15,541 --> 00:08:17,291 They bring fresh dick to the mission. 198 00:08:17,375 --> 00:08:18,625 -Elanora! -What? 199 00:08:18,708 --> 00:08:21,625 You can grieve and be horny at the same time. 200 00:08:21,708 --> 00:08:24,500 Okay, but even if I did go up to her, what would I even say? 201 00:08:24,583 --> 00:08:26,958 Tell her she makes you stiffer than Auntie's Deborah's corpse. 202 00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:30,125 Offer him your condolences, and a pussy to cry into. 203 00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:33,458 -Bury your dick between her thighs! -Mount his face! 204 00:08:33,541 --> 00:08:34,416 -Okay! All right! -Enough! 205 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:36,458 -I'm just gonna go talk to her. -I'm just gonna go talk to him. 206 00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:39,291 Oh, my sweet Kara. It's been so long. 207 00:08:39,375 --> 00:08:40,208 -[grunts] -Ah! 208 00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:41,375 Hey, Adam, wanna play footy? 209 00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:42,708 -[grunts] -Ah! 210 00:08:42,791 --> 00:08:44,250 -Yeah, uh… -Uh… 211 00:08:44,333 --> 00:08:46,625 -So, um, what's doing and that? -Nothing. 212 00:08:46,708 --> 00:08:48,833 Um, cool pantsuit. 213 00:08:48,916 --> 00:08:52,833 Well, I like your suit that also has… pants. 214 00:08:52,916 --> 00:08:54,916 It's actually three suits from three different uncles 215 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,875 tied in the back with my sister's scrunchie. 216 00:08:56,958 --> 00:08:58,875 Now that I've said that out loud, I'm embarrassed. 217 00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:01,250 Um, I'm Kara. [chuckles] 218 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,125 -Me? I'm Adam. -Hi, Adam. [chuckles] 219 00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:04,333 -Oy! -[both scream] 220 00:09:04,416 --> 00:09:07,250 What the bloody hell do you two think you're doing? 221 00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,833 -So sorry! Flirting here is disrespectful. -We are sorry! 222 00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:12,291 -I won't ever do it ever again. I promise. -Oh, come on. 223 00:09:12,375 --> 00:09:14,375 I don't give a shit you're flirting. 224 00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:17,541 I'm going off 'cause you little root rats have no game. 225 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:19,833 -Uh, what do you mean? -Let me tell you something. 226 00:09:19,916 --> 00:09:23,083 Life's short, so quit beating around the bush and get it done. 227 00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:25,625 -That's what I've been saying! -Me too! 228 00:09:25,708 --> 00:09:30,250 So, uh, Kara, do you maybe wanna get a sandwich from the buffet? 229 00:09:30,333 --> 00:09:34,125 Or we could go behind that water tank and feel each other up. 230 00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:36,625 -Yes! Legend! -That's my girl! 231 00:09:36,708 --> 00:09:40,458 Cut down in my prime. What I wouldn't give for one last fling. 232 00:09:40,541 --> 00:09:42,958 Well, what do you reckon, Elanora? Should we, uh… 233 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:46,541 Take this ghost behind the water tank and double team her? 234 00:09:46,625 --> 00:09:49,291 -I thought you'd never ask. -[Murray laughs] 235 00:09:49,791 --> 00:09:51,708 You know, when you cum in Australia, 236 00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:55,958 it goes up your penis and out your butt because of the Southern Hemisphere. 237 00:09:56,041 --> 00:09:58,708 -That is incorrect. -Uh, agree to disagree. 238 00:09:58,791 --> 00:10:00,916 Now, let's head north and west, 239 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,708 to the Middle East. 240 00:10:02,791 --> 00:10:04,458 IRAN 241 00:10:04,541 --> 00:10:06,958 [woman in Farsi] Nazanin! Wash your sweet parts. 242 00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:08,625 Okay, Maman. I will! 243 00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:10,708 We paid full price for that new bidet. 244 00:10:10,791 --> 00:10:12,125 I told you I will! 245 00:10:13,166 --> 00:10:14,875 -[water spraying] -Oh! Oh! 246 00:10:14,958 --> 00:10:18,041 Hey there. That felt nice, right? 247 00:10:18,125 --> 00:10:21,916 Yeah, it felt like taking the first bite of ice cold faloodeh, 248 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,000 but like, on the inside? 249 00:10:24,083 --> 00:10:25,166 Does that make sense? 250 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:29,166 Mm. So much sense. Wanna go again? 251 00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:31,041 Oh! Hell yeah! 252 00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:34,208 Blast me like one of your French girls. 253 00:10:34,291 --> 00:10:37,541 -[knocking on door] -[man] Nazy, I have to take a big dump! 254 00:10:37,625 --> 00:10:41,250 Shit, I gotta go. Grandpa has to take a big dump. 255 00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:43,375 Oh, I see. 256 00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:46,458 Also, are you hungry, mooshi? I have cucumbers. 257 00:10:46,541 --> 00:10:48,166 -[continues knocking] -One second, Grandpa. 258 00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:51,041 Do you think there are other things around the house 259 00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:52,875 that can give me "that feeling"? 260 00:10:52,958 --> 00:10:56,500 I don't know. I just live here, with the toilet. 261 00:10:56,583 --> 00:10:59,833 But you're young. You should go out and explore. 262 00:10:59,916 --> 00:11:00,750 Thank you, Bidet. 263 00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,500 And I'll always be here, 264 00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:04,208 attached to the plumbing. 265 00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:05,875 Good luck with Grandpa. 266 00:11:05,958 --> 00:11:06,791 [sighs] 267 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:11,958 Mm, what else here could make me feel like I have fireworks in my sweet parts? 268 00:11:12,041 --> 00:11:15,750 Nazanin, come straddle my arm. 269 00:11:15,833 --> 00:11:19,250 I think you'll find I'm firm in all the right places. 270 00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,166 Oh, I don't know. You're too fancy. 271 00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:24,375 I wouldn't want to stain or tear you. 272 00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:27,125 You can tear me, honey. 273 00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,583 Oh, yikes. You're too gross. 274 00:11:29,666 --> 00:11:30,583 No, thanks. 275 00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:32,750 Mmm, now this is nice. 276 00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:34,541 Oh, I'm so glad. 277 00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:38,791 Yeah, I think just another minute of thinking about dicks and butts and-- 278 00:11:38,875 --> 00:11:40,333 Uh-oh! 279 00:11:40,416 --> 00:11:42,833 It's time for the spin cycle! 280 00:11:42,916 --> 00:11:44,666 Oh! You're too rough! 281 00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:47,583 I'm sorry. It hurts me too. 282 00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:50,166 My existence is hell! 283 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,208 Oh my God. Are we really gonna do this? 284 00:11:53,291 --> 00:11:55,083 I know. It's weird. 285 00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:57,333 I was your eighth birthday present. 286 00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,250 -I've watched you grow up… -Right. 287 00:11:59,333 --> 00:12:01,333 …into a beautiful young woman. 288 00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:04,083 Oh my God, Bike. 289 00:12:04,166 --> 00:12:05,708 Whoa! 290 00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:07,875 Oh shit! This is too crazy! 291 00:12:07,958 --> 00:12:09,166 [grunting] 292 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,875 My fucking sweet parts! 293 00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:12,916 Nazy! Are you okay, Joonam? 294 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,916 Wait. If you're here, that means the bathroom is free! 295 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,625 [panting] 296 00:12:19,708 --> 00:12:21,083 My bidet. 297 00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:22,583 My Nazanin. 298 00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:25,208 I was worried you wouldn't come back. 299 00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:28,375 Oh, I was a fool. Are you mad at me? 300 00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:30,708 I could never stay mad at you. 301 00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:33,416 It's you. It was always you. 302 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,708 I know. Come to me, my love. 303 00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:39,416 -[water spraying] -[moaning] 304 00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:43,166 -Oh, my bidet! I love you. -Oh. Ohh. 305 00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:45,041 -My bidet. -[sighs] 306 00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:47,583 [in English] Oh, fuck me. 307 00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:53,291 What a beautiful story about a young woman absolutely power-washing her genitals. 308 00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:57,291 Now, let's go to the land of itty-bitty bikinis 309 00:12:57,375 --> 00:12:59,791 and big ol' butt lifts, 310 00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,416 Brazil. 311 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,333 BRAZIL 312 00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:06,375 [in Portuguese] Oh my God, isn't Gonçalo so hot? 313 00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:10,416 Yeah, but he's not six-hour-bus-trip hot. 314 00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:13,375 I can't believe we have to drive all the way to São Paulo 315 00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:15,625 just so you can have your first gay kiss. 316 00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:17,125 Could you imagine what would happen 317 00:13:17,208 --> 00:13:19,833 if somebody told my family they saw me kissing a boy? 318 00:13:19,916 --> 00:13:23,375 Oh, well, they'd disown you, like they did to your gay uncle, Homo. 319 00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:27,208 That's not his name. That's just what my mom calls him. 320 00:13:27,291 --> 00:13:30,916 Right, because your mom is a bigot. 321 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,041 But she's so pretty. 322 00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:36,458 Dude, it's been two hours. 323 00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:38,083 I don't think Gonçalo's coming. 324 00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:40,791 He told me he'd be here in front of the big weird McDonald's, 325 00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:42,166 so he'll be here. 326 00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:44,041 That's how internet strangers work. 327 00:13:44,125 --> 00:13:45,458 Maybe he chickened out? 328 00:13:45,541 --> 00:13:48,541 Got afraid somebody he knows would see him with a guy? 329 00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:50,541 Rafael? Carlos? 330 00:13:50,625 --> 00:13:52,083 Mayra, hi. 331 00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:54,458 What are you two assholes doing here? 332 00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:57,875 We're just here to get some French fries. 333 00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:01,541 Yeah, at this big weird McDonald's 334 00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:04,541 that looks like the American White House for some reason. 335 00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:06,750 Mm-mm. Wait a minute. 336 00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:11,833 Two boys acting sneaky wearing skinny jeans? 337 00:14:11,916 --> 00:14:13,125 You two are gay! 338 00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:16,291 Who? Us? No! We love futebol! 339 00:14:16,375 --> 00:14:18,000 And floppy boobs? 340 00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:19,750 The floppier, the better. 341 00:14:19,833 --> 00:14:21,000 Relax. 342 00:14:21,083 --> 00:14:24,625 I'm gayer than both of you put together and shoved up each other's butts. 343 00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:27,375 -Really? -Rafael was supposed to meet a boy here, 344 00:14:27,458 --> 00:14:28,833 but he stood him up. 345 00:14:28,916 --> 00:14:29,916 He still might come. 346 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,208 He's not coming! 347 00:14:31,291 --> 00:14:34,625 Mayra, what should two young gay boys on a budget do in São Paulo? 348 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:37,000 Oh, so you wanna be gay, huh? 349 00:14:37,083 --> 00:14:38,375 So gay! 350 00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:41,083 Then grab your dicks and follow me. 351 00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:43,250 This is Frei Caneca Street. 352 00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,750 It's the place to be if you're queer, curious, 353 00:14:45,833 --> 00:14:48,333 or just want a cheap knockoff Louis Vuitton bag. 354 00:14:48,416 --> 00:14:50,500 Gonçalo's still not responding, João. 355 00:14:50,583 --> 00:14:52,833 Who cares, man? Look around! 356 00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:55,583 The colors, the people, the fanny packs. 357 00:14:55,666 --> 00:14:57,583 [dance music playing] 358 00:14:58,166 --> 00:15:01,125 It's like we've died and gone to a gay Churrascaria, 359 00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:03,791 and it's all-you-can-eat penis! 360 00:15:03,875 --> 00:15:05,166 Wow. 361 00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:06,750 Forget about Gonçalo. 362 00:15:06,833 --> 00:15:08,541 You're missing everything. 363 00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:11,833 Whoa! Mayra's making out with an entire beach volleyball team. 364 00:15:11,916 --> 00:15:16,041 Okay, you bump me, you set me, and then you spike me. 365 00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:20,750 Come on! Let's dance like fabulous queer men on a budget. 366 00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:22,583 Okay, fine. I'm coming. 367 00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:24,208 Isn't this great? 368 00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:27,500 Yeah. But I never got my first kiss. 369 00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:29,541 Ugh, stop whining, dude. 370 00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,041 You want a first kiss? Here! 371 00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:32,166 [both moan] 372 00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:34,375 [crowd cheering] 373 00:15:34,458 --> 00:15:36,416 I hope Gonçalo shows up now, 374 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,625 because I unapologetically love drama. 375 00:15:38,708 --> 00:15:41,833 Okay, now that was a hot first kiss. 376 00:15:41,916 --> 00:15:44,666 This is so magical, and look. 377 00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:47,666 Everyone from the big weird McDonald's showed up. 378 00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:53,083 Okay, I'm gonna let the Hamburglar pull my G-string to the side 379 00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:55,791 and do whatever the fuck he wants. 380 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,291 -[in English] Where to next, Connie? -Well, you know how in America… 381 00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:03,791 -Greatest country in the world! -…we have regular, boring-ass buses? 382 00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,541 Greatest buses in the world! 383 00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:09,666 Well, in Kenya, their buses are called matatus. 384 00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:14,291 And some of them are so tricked out with funky lights and loud music, 385 00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:17,000 it's like a disco on wheels. 386 00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:18,666 KENYA 387 00:16:18,750 --> 00:16:21,166 [bass beat pulsing] 388 00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:23,291 [in Kenyanese] All right, make room, everybody! 389 00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:24,750 Right this way, baby. 390 00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:28,458 [gasps] That matatu looks so fun. 391 00:16:28,541 --> 00:16:29,833 It's got cool music. 392 00:16:29,916 --> 00:16:32,375 And look at those cute boys! 393 00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:37,666 I think you're ready to stop looking and start riding. 394 00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,791 I don't know. 395 00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:40,833 Come on! 396 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,541 Now that your boobs have finally come out, 397 00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:45,166 they should be bouncing around that fuck bus. 398 00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:48,333 I mean, I guess I do feel kinda sexy. 399 00:16:48,416 --> 00:16:50,833 -[giggling] -That's what I'm talking about. Now come. 400 00:16:50,916 --> 00:16:54,375 Let's squeeze ourselves into the matatu with those matitties! 401 00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,916 Okay, but we can't let my grandma see me like this. 402 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,291 Of course, darling. 403 00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:02,708 I'll be back soon, Grandma. 404 00:17:02,791 --> 00:17:05,291 Okay, my dear. Stay out of trouble. 405 00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:08,625 Little does she know, you are the trouble. 406 00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:10,250 [laughs] 407 00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:14,416 Quick, squeeze your nipples so they're extra pointy. 408 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,708 Ooh, hey. This way, pretty lady. 409 00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:19,041 No, follow me. 410 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:22,041 Oh my God, I feel like Beyoncé. 411 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,583 Sweetheart, 412 00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:26,916 Beyoncé would never ride a bus. 413 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,833 It's even cooler than I imagined. 414 00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:33,500 -And all the boys are looking at me. -Of course they are. 415 00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:36,500 -Your nipples are like drill bits. -[woman] Sharon? 416 00:17:36,583 --> 00:17:38,291 -What do you think you're doing? -Grandma? 417 00:17:38,375 --> 00:17:41,791 Where are your manners? Have you no class? 418 00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:44,083 Have you no shame? 419 00:17:44,166 --> 00:17:45,291 Who are you? 420 00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:51,041 I'm your Shame Wizard, of course. 421 00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,291 What do you want from me? 422 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:56,708 There's nothing a disgusting slut like you could offer me. 423 00:17:56,791 --> 00:17:59,125 Hey! She is not a disgusting slut. 424 00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:00,875 She is a sexy slut. 425 00:18:00,958 --> 00:18:04,250 Suck on an exhaust pipe and die, you sex monster! 426 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,291 [bones crack] Aah! 427 00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:08,541 -Nichi! -Look at you, putting on a skin show, 428 00:18:08,625 --> 00:18:12,041 showing off your wanton bosom for dirty boys to ogle. 429 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,291 I wasn't. I was just-- 430 00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:16,583 Bringing shame to your family? Agreed! 431 00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:19,625 Sharon, how did we wrong you? 432 00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:22,041 And to your country. 433 00:18:22,125 --> 00:18:24,250 You're a national disgrace. 434 00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:27,416 [in English] I, too, am deeply disappointed. Deeply. 435 00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,125 Don Cheadle? But you're not even Kenyan. 436 00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:36,250 I don't have to be Kenyan to be disgusted by your slutty, slutty slut face. [sniffs] 437 00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:38,958 -Oh God. I'm sorry, Don Cheadle. -[sobbing] 438 00:18:39,041 --> 00:18:41,916 [in Kenyanese] Stop the bus, please! I need to get off! 439 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,166 [wicked laughter] 440 00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,750 -[sobbing] -Sharon? 441 00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:48,208 What's wrong, my dear? 442 00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:54,833 Grandma, I'm a disgusting whore and a national disgrace. 443 00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:57,875 She made Don Cheadle weep. 444 00:18:57,958 --> 00:18:59,125 What? 445 00:18:59,208 --> 00:19:02,416 I rode a matatu, and I wore this. 446 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,458 Grandma, I'm so ashamed. 447 00:19:04,541 --> 00:19:05,875 Oh, my dear child. 448 00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:07,166 I'm so sorry. 449 00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:11,250 Owning the sexiness of your womanhood is nothing to be ashamed of. 450 00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,458 -For real? -Trust me. 451 00:19:13,541 --> 00:19:17,000 -Grandma! -A family of skanks. 452 00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:19,250 I finished knitting it this morning. 453 00:19:19,333 --> 00:19:25,166 And, you know, it's been so long since I've been on a matatu. 454 00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:26,791 -[dance music playing] -[laughter] 455 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:29,833 Damn! Your grandma's got moves. 456 00:19:29,916 --> 00:19:33,083 I didn't know she was such a cool old lady. 457 00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:37,750 Enjoy shaking your bum for now, but I'll be back. 458 00:19:37,833 --> 00:19:38,666 [chuckles] 459 00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,333 Whenever you feel bloated, 460 00:19:40,416 --> 00:19:45,208 whenever you let a fart escape your slutty little hole, 461 00:19:45,291 --> 00:19:46,625 I'll be back. 462 00:19:46,708 --> 00:19:51,291 Well, you have to leave to come back, girl, so… 463 00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:53,083 [screaming] 464 00:19:53,166 --> 00:19:55,000 -Bye-bye! -Goodbye! 465 00:19:55,083 --> 00:19:56,083 [Sharon laughs] 466 00:19:56,166 --> 00:20:00,750 [in English] Oh man, I can't believe we got Academy Award winner Lupita Nyong'o 467 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,916 to say, "slutty little hole." 468 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,958 Oh, don't be such a prude, Maury. 469 00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:08,958 In other countries, people talk about sex very openly. 470 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,208 These guys are Snippa and Snopp. 471 00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:12,833 -[in Swedish] Hello. -Nice to meet you. 472 00:20:12,916 --> 00:20:14,916 [in English] They're anthropomorphic genitals 473 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,875 from a kids' show in Sweden. 474 00:20:16,958 --> 00:20:19,750 What? From a kids' show? That's disgusting. 475 00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:22,583 Not for those perverts in Sweden, it's not. 476 00:20:22,666 --> 00:20:24,166 SWEDEN 477 00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:25,083 [doorbell rings] 478 00:20:25,166 --> 00:20:26,625 [in Swedish] Okay, Astrid's here! 479 00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:30,625 Oh, Niklas, we're so excited to finally meet your girlfriend. 480 00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:34,208 Ooh! Perhaps Astrid will be your first sexual experience? 481 00:20:34,291 --> 00:20:37,916 Which we, of course, encourage you to do under our roof. 482 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,625 Okay, look at me, you two. 483 00:20:39,708 --> 00:20:41,958 Be fucking cool. Okay? 484 00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,250 You got it, dude. 485 00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:46,125 Oh yeah. So fucking cool, man. 486 00:20:46,208 --> 00:20:48,833 They are gonna ruin my night. 487 00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,375 'Sup, Astrid. 488 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,125 This is my father, Doctor Ambjörn, 489 00:20:52,208 --> 00:20:54,375 and my mother, Doctor Ambjörn. 490 00:20:54,458 --> 00:20:57,500 -They came with the house. -[laughs] Thank you for having me. 491 00:20:57,583 --> 00:21:00,000 Oh, Astrid, you are so respectful. 492 00:21:00,083 --> 00:21:02,625 I can see why Niklas is infatuated with you. 493 00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:03,541 Mama! 494 00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:08,333 I think his nervousness is an indication he hopes to open mouth kiss you. 495 00:21:08,416 --> 00:21:10,416 If you would enjoy that, Astrid. 496 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:11,708 [giggles] Oh, I might. 497 00:21:11,791 --> 00:21:13,041 Can we please just eat? 498 00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:15,083 Yes, of course. 499 00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:18,125 You cannot satisfy each other on an empty stomach. Mmm. 500 00:21:18,208 --> 00:21:19,333 [groans] 501 00:21:19,416 --> 00:21:24,875 So, how do you two intend to sexually explore each other tonight? 502 00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:27,500 -Uh… [laughs] -Pappa! They're joking. 503 00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:29,500 I don't mind. My parents are Norwegian. 504 00:21:29,583 --> 00:21:31,708 They don't even know how to pleasure themselves. 505 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,625 [laughter] 506 00:21:33,708 --> 00:21:35,208 Oh, Norwegians. 507 00:21:35,291 --> 00:21:39,958 I should call your mother and recommend small circular motions on her clitoris. 508 00:21:40,041 --> 00:21:43,166 -Mamma! -Niklas, there's nothing to be ashamed of. 509 00:21:43,250 --> 00:21:45,708 Sex is a natural part of life. 510 00:21:45,791 --> 00:21:47,625 Please, please, please stop. 511 00:21:47,708 --> 00:21:51,333 Astrid, do you know the importance of foreplay? 512 00:21:51,416 --> 00:21:54,583 Mmm, foreplay should last at least as long as it takes 513 00:21:54,666 --> 00:21:57,208 for your partner's lingonberry to become engorged. 514 00:21:57,291 --> 00:21:58,416 What the fuck?! 515 00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:01,500 Some people mistakenly believe you need to spell out the alphabet 516 00:22:01,583 --> 00:22:03,666 -on the clitoris with your tongue. -[laughing] 517 00:22:03,750 --> 00:22:08,666 But Mamma's genitals just like it when I spell ABBA over and over. 518 00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:10,333 Okay. That's enough. 519 00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:14,833 -And once Mamma is sufficiently wet… -And Pappa's penis is stiff with blood… 520 00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:18,041 -[Niklas groans] -…it is time to unfurl the prophylactic 521 00:22:18,583 --> 00:22:20,333 so insertion may begin. 522 00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:21,833 -Stop it! -Stop what? 523 00:22:21,916 --> 00:22:23,833 Methodically describing sex! 524 00:22:23,916 --> 00:22:26,750 [groans] Why can't you be ashamed like Norwegian parents? 525 00:22:26,833 --> 00:22:28,375 Niklas, it's totally cool. 526 00:22:28,458 --> 00:22:30,791 No, it's not. They're freaks. 527 00:22:30,875 --> 00:22:32,708 We're just trying to educate you. 528 00:22:32,791 --> 00:22:34,458 Well, you're ruining my date! 529 00:22:34,541 --> 00:22:36,125 Actually, you're ruining it. 530 00:22:36,208 --> 00:22:38,958 Ugh, I didn't realize you were so very repressed, Niklas. 531 00:22:39,041 --> 00:22:40,541 I guess I'll just have to go home 532 00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:44,833 and make small circular motions on my clitoris by myself. 533 00:22:44,916 --> 00:22:46,250 But Astrid, wait! 534 00:22:47,625 --> 00:22:49,375 Hey, man, sorry I'm late. 535 00:22:49,458 --> 00:22:52,791 I was making small circular motions on my butthole, 536 00:22:52,875 --> 00:22:54,750 and I just lost track of time. 537 00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:57,291 -You know how it is, baby. -[groans] 538 00:22:57,375 --> 00:22:58,250 [crickets chirping] 539 00:22:58,333 --> 00:23:00,291 [in English] Ladies and gentle-thems, 540 00:23:00,375 --> 00:23:03,750 up next, we have a very special treat. 541 00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:05,041 That's right, baby. 542 00:23:05,125 --> 00:23:10,125 I am here with a lit firecracker up my ass for the Fourth of July. 543 00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:11,750 Not you, Rick! 544 00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:17,375 I meant we got Lin-Manuel Miranda to write us a song about pubies. 545 00:23:17,458 --> 00:23:20,125 Well then, why did I stick a rocket up my ass? 546 00:23:20,208 --> 00:23:22,750 -[screaming] -[firecrackers streaming] 547 00:23:22,833 --> 00:23:24,583 [melancholy electronic music playing] 548 00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:31,166 [in Spanish] ♪ My grandfather ♪ 549 00:23:31,666 --> 00:23:32,666 ♪ Has hair ♪ 550 00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:34,666 ♪ Everywhere ♪ 551 00:23:35,208 --> 00:23:36,416 ♪ Everywhere ♪ 552 00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,666 ♪ My uncle Pedro ♪ 553 00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:40,208 ♪ He leaves hair ♪ 554 00:23:40,708 --> 00:23:42,041 ♪ In the tub ♪ 555 00:23:42,125 --> 00:23:44,208 ♪ And clogs the tub ♪ 556 00:23:44,291 --> 00:23:46,250 -♪ My cousin Chiqui ♪ -♪ Chiqui ♪ 557 00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:48,083 -♪ In her bikini ♪ -♪ Kiki ♪ 558 00:23:48,166 --> 00:23:49,666 ♪ Hair pokes out ♪ 559 00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:51,458 ♪ It looks like springtime ♪ 560 00:23:52,041 --> 00:23:53,833 -♪ And I stay ♪ -♪ Stay ♪ 561 00:23:53,916 --> 00:23:55,666 ♪ Before my mirror ♪ 562 00:23:55,750 --> 00:23:57,125 ♪ Imagining ♪ 563 00:23:57,625 --> 00:23:58,958 ♪ What I don't see ♪ 564 00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:01,625 ♪ Here waiting for little hairs ♪ 565 00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:04,958 ♪ Below my bellybutton, but no ♪ 566 00:24:06,916 --> 00:24:09,125 ♪ Here waiting for little hairs ♪ 567 00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:13,250 ♪ In my own nest, but no ♪ 568 00:24:14,750 --> 00:24:16,666 ♪ Oh God, when will it get here? ♪ 569 00:24:16,750 --> 00:24:18,583 ♪ Almost the whole world has it ♪ 570 00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:20,375 ♪ I check below the penis ♪ 571 00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:22,250 ♪ And only find my balls ♪ 572 00:24:22,333 --> 00:24:26,958 ♪ Waiting for little hairs Here in my little room ♪ 573 00:24:27,041 --> 00:24:30,208 ♪ Tell me, when will you arrive? ♪ 574 00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,791 Yow! 575 00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:37,500 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 576 00:24:37,583 --> 00:24:41,416 ♪ I'm finally here And bringing the party ♪ 577 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:43,541 ♪ Like an astronaut on the moon ♪ 578 00:24:43,625 --> 00:24:45,416 ♪ Here on virgin territory ♪ 579 00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:47,083 ♪ And I bring good fortune ♪ 580 00:24:47,166 --> 00:24:48,958 ♪ A snake in the Garden of Eden ♪ 581 00:24:49,458 --> 00:24:50,750 ♪ The Garden of Eden ♪ 582 00:24:50,833 --> 00:24:52,541 ♪ The first little gift in Bethlehem ♪ 583 00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:55,541 ♪ Oh my goodness, poor thing Checking his peepee and little balls ♪ 584 00:24:55,625 --> 00:24:56,750 ♪ They look tiny ♪ 585 00:24:56,833 --> 00:25:00,416 ♪ Now innocence ends ♪ 586 00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,208 ♪ Yah, yah, yah, yah ♪ 587 00:25:02,291 --> 00:25:04,000 ♪ And the party starts, hey ♪ 588 00:25:04,083 --> 00:25:07,791 ♪ And here comes the evidence ♪ 589 00:25:07,875 --> 00:25:10,750 ♪ Yah, yah, yah, yah And the party starts, hey ♪ 590 00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:12,750 ♪ Hair down, hair up ♪ 591 00:25:12,833 --> 00:25:14,500 ♪ Hair on the chest, hair on the belly ♪ 592 00:25:14,583 --> 00:25:16,333 ♪ Hair for free, don't pay a toll ♪ 593 00:25:16,416 --> 00:25:18,166 ♪ Hair, not Pelé He plays in FIFA ♪ 594 00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:21,833 ♪ And I am the curvy hair That grows next to the left tit ♪ 595 00:25:21,916 --> 00:25:23,125 ♪ And I am the prettiest hair ♪ 596 00:25:23,208 --> 00:25:25,250 ♪ That grows out of your asshole And traps your shit ♪ 597 00:25:25,333 --> 00:25:27,625 ♪ And I am the straight hair In your unibrow ♪ 598 00:25:27,708 --> 00:25:29,125 ♪ Super long and ugly ♪ 599 00:25:29,208 --> 00:25:32,666 ♪ And we are the hair in your perineum But we always smell like farts ♪ 600 00:25:32,750 --> 00:25:36,125 -♪ Olé ♪ -♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 601 00:25:36,208 --> 00:25:38,625 -♪ Olé ♪ -♪ Look at this little kid ♪ 602 00:25:38,708 --> 00:25:40,583 ♪ He already looks like a little man ♪ 603 00:25:40,666 --> 00:25:44,083 ♪ Now innocence ends ♪ 604 00:25:44,166 --> 00:25:45,916 ♪ Look at this little kid ♪ 605 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,833 ♪ He already looks like a little man ♪ 606 00:25:47,916 --> 00:25:51,875 ♪ Now begins adolescence ♪ 607 00:25:51,958 --> 00:25:53,583 ♪ Look at his little mustache ♪ 608 00:25:53,666 --> 00:25:55,250 ♪ He already looks like a little man ♪ 609 00:25:58,666 --> 00:26:00,625 ♪ Oh God, when will it get here? ♪ 610 00:26:00,708 --> 00:26:02,625 ♪ Almost the whole world has it ♪ 611 00:26:02,708 --> 00:26:04,541 ♪ I check below the penis… ♪ 612 00:26:05,250 --> 00:26:06,125 [sighs] 613 00:26:06,208 --> 00:26:08,083 ♪ Waiting for little hairs ♪ 614 00:26:08,166 --> 00:26:10,166 ♪ Here in my little room ♪ 615 00:26:10,250 --> 00:26:14,541 ♪ Little hair, when will you arrive? ♪ 616 00:26:15,333 --> 00:26:18,000 [in English] My God, what a journey we've taken. 617 00:26:18,083 --> 00:26:21,041 And, I mean, this probably hasn't occurred to you, Connie, 618 00:26:21,125 --> 00:26:24,166 but puberty actually happens all over the world. 619 00:26:24,250 --> 00:26:25,083 Uh-huh. 620 00:26:25,166 --> 00:26:29,000 And even though we may be different in so many ways, 621 00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:31,250 we're all very gross in the same ways. 622 00:26:31,333 --> 00:26:34,791 Well, no shit. I said that way in the beginning, 623 00:26:34,875 --> 00:26:38,750 even before that horny Korean boy skeeted all over his bedspread. 624 00:26:38,833 --> 00:26:40,458 Hey, people of the world! 625 00:26:40,541 --> 00:26:44,375 Everyone watching at home or on their phone while driving a Lyft! 626 00:26:44,458 --> 00:26:46,958 Let's all come together. Literally! 627 00:26:47,041 --> 00:26:49,458 Maury, are you suggesting… 628 00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:51,000 That's right, Connie. 629 00:26:51,083 --> 00:26:53,125 The world's biggest orgy. 630 00:26:53,208 --> 00:26:56,583 -Yeah! Let's fuck for world peace. -[all cheering] 631 00:26:56,666 --> 00:26:58,833 And then let's order a pizza! 632 00:26:58,916 --> 00:27:01,375 [chattering, moaning] 633 00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:04,291 Oh yeah. This is weird. 634 00:27:04,375 --> 00:27:05,833 Is that Don Cheadle? 635 00:27:05,916 --> 00:27:09,500 Only in America, Nick. Only in America. 636 00:27:09,583 --> 00:27:11,208 [in Spanish] ♪ Hair down, hair up ♪ 637 00:27:11,291 --> 00:27:13,083 ♪ Hair on the chest, hair on the belly ♪ 638 00:27:13,166 --> 00:27:15,000 ♪ Hair for free, don't pay a toll ♪ 639 00:27:15,083 --> 00:27:16,833 ♪ Hair, not Pelé He plays in FIFA ♪ 640 00:27:16,916 --> 00:27:20,333 ♪ And I am the curvy hair That grows next to the left tit ♪ 641 00:27:20,416 --> 00:27:21,708 ♪ And I am the prettiest hair ♪ 642 00:27:21,791 --> 00:27:24,125 ♪ That grows out of your asshole And traps your shit ♪ 643 00:27:24,208 --> 00:27:26,250 ♪ And I am the straight hair In your unibrow ♪ 644 00:27:26,333 --> 00:27:27,500 ♪ Super long and ugly ♪ 645 00:27:27,583 --> 00:27:31,125 ♪ And we are the hair in your perineum But we always smell like farts ♪ 646 00:27:31,208 --> 00:27:34,708 -♪ Olé ♪ -♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 647 00:27:34,791 --> 00:27:37,125 -♪ Olé ♪ -♪ Look at this little kid ♪ 648 00:27:37,208 --> 00:27:39,291 ♪ He already looks like a little man ♪ 649 00:27:39,375 --> 00:27:43,041 ♪ Now innocence ends ♪ 650 00:27:43,125 --> 00:27:44,541 ♪ Look at this little kid ♪ 651 00:27:44,625 --> 00:27:46,541 ♪ He already looks like a little man ♪ 652 00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:52,791 ♪ Now begins adolescence ♪ 653 00:27:52,875 --> 00:27:54,291 ♪ Hey, hey… ♪ 654 00:27:54,375 --> 00:27:57,000 [melancholy electronic music playing] 655 00:27:57,083 --> 00:27:59,000 [Miguelito] ♪ Oh God, when will it get here? ♪ 656 00:27:59,083 --> 00:28:01,000 ♪ Almost the whole world has it ♪ 657 00:28:01,083 --> 00:28:03,000 ♪ I check below the penis… ♪ 658 00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:04,916 [sighs] 659 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,000 ♪ Waiting for little hairs ♪ 660 00:28:07,083 --> 00:28:10,000 ♪ Here in my little room ♪ 661 00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:13,000 ♪ Tell me, when will you arrive? ♪ 662 00:28:13,083 --> 00:28:15,000 [song ends] 663 00:28:18,250 --> 00:28:19,083 Chirp.