1
00:01:33,958 --> 00:01:35,208
[in German] …or to fuck it.

2
00:01:35,291 --> 00:01:37,500
Oh shit, Connie. You sound different.

3
00:01:37,583 --> 00:01:39,750
Also, "shit" is such a great word
in German.

4
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,375
Shit, shit, shit.

5
00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:45,333
[in Japanese] Why would Netflix spend all
that money hiring actors and translators

6
00:01:45,416 --> 00:01:48,666
if people around the world
aren't all going through changes?

7
00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:51,333
Huh, I had no fucking idea.

8
00:01:51,416 --> 00:01:54,083
Wow, I sound like a stud in Japanese.

9
00:01:54,166 --> 00:01:56,041
Well, wait until you hear yourself in…

10
00:01:56,125 --> 00:01:57,291
[in Italian] Italian.

11
00:01:57,375 --> 00:01:58,666
Mamma mia!

12
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,083
Is the whole episode
going to be subtitled?

13
00:02:01,166 --> 00:02:03,250
-Yeah!
-I don't want to read TV.

14
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,541
I want to read my phone while watching TV.

15
00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:29,166
SOUTH KOREA

16
00:02:31,541 --> 00:02:35,333
[in Korean]
"So good, you'll suck out every drop."

17
00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:37,666
Here's what I'm thinking.

18
00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:40,750
The bottle is your dick,
and the hot lady is--

19
00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:43,833
-Sucking out my Chum Churum?
-Yum, yum.

20
00:02:43,916 --> 00:02:46,250
Okay, I have exactly
two minutes and fifteen seconds

21
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:47,875
before I leave for school.

22
00:02:47,958 --> 00:02:49,416
So stroke that squid!

23
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,458
Ye Joon, eat your breakfast now.

24
00:02:51,541 --> 00:02:54,291
We have to go. You have a very busy day.

25
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,583
Oh, come on! Every day is a busy day.

26
00:02:56,666 --> 00:02:57,833
Don't worry, Bong Man.

27
00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,666
I swear on my mom's annoying life

28
00:02:59,750 --> 00:03:02,500
we'll find two minutes and fifteen seconds
to jerk off today.

29
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,375
We better! It's not healthy
to bottle up your boy juice.

30
00:03:05,458 --> 00:03:06,750
That's how my uncle died.

31
00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:08,916
-Really?
-Nah, it was cancer.

32
00:03:09,416 --> 00:03:11,750
One milliliter
is equal to one cubic centimeter…

33
00:03:11,833 --> 00:03:14,791
How can you concentrate?
All I can think about is that soju vixen.

34
00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:17,583
I know. Me too.

35
00:03:17,666 --> 00:03:21,583
This flask contains seven hundred
milliliters of sodium sulfate…

36
00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:24,416
…and I want to suck out every drop.

37
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,708
-Oh.
-Oh boy, I think she's thirsty.

38
00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,458
I'm so thirsty.

39
00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:31,166
And so wet.

40
00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:34,416
-Oh, I'm gonna burst.
-Quick! Ask to go to the boys' room!

41
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:36,041
Uh, Soju Vixen--

42
00:03:36,125 --> 00:03:37,083
I mean, Teacher.

43
00:03:37,166 --> 00:03:39,750
I need to go to the bathroom.

44
00:03:42,416 --> 00:03:44,500
Go away! We're all jerking off!

45
00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:46,500
This is the only time we have!

46
00:03:47,083 --> 00:03:47,958
No!

47
00:03:48,041 --> 00:03:51,208
No, we'll jerk it after school.

48
00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:55,583
Ye Joon,
the object of your erection is here!

49
00:03:55,666 --> 00:03:59,208
Help, I'm all out of soju,
and I need something else to drink.

50
00:03:59,291 --> 00:04:01,416
I'm literally dying to jerk off,

51
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,250
but Mom and Grandma are right here.

52
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:06,875
Your mom's busy driving,
and your grandma's brain is gone. Come on!

53
00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:08,833
I guess it could work.

54
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,875
And maybe even be more exciting?

55
00:04:10,958 --> 00:04:12,958
Ew, don't be gross about it.

56
00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:15,750
We're here. Go, go, go!

57
00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:21,375
Hello, maestro.

58
00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:25,416
Dear God, she's between my legs!

59
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,583
Rub her with your desperate little penis!

60
00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:37,666
Hello, Ye Joon.

61
00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:40,333
Just let me drain my balls!

62
00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:43,708
Privacy at last.

63
00:04:43,791 --> 00:04:45,250
Yes! I'll get the hand cream.

64
00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:47,833
The good stuff from your mom
with the bee venom in it.

65
00:04:48,916 --> 00:04:51,208
Oh, my precious boy.

66
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,083
I'm gonna give you the biggest,

67
00:04:53,166 --> 00:04:55,333
squishiest wet dream ever.

68
00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:59,916
Yeah. Sleep in it, you little piggy.

69
00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:20,791
INDIA

70
00:05:22,041 --> 00:05:23,541
[in Hinglish] What's going on?

71
00:05:23,625 --> 00:05:29,208
It feels like an elephant
is stomping around in my stomach.

72
00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:35,500
What the…

73
00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:38,750
That stuff got in all my holes.

74
00:05:38,833 --> 00:05:40,416
I'm sorry, who are you?

75
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,166
I'm your Hormone Monstress, of course.

76
00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:45,375
And I have wonderful news.

77
00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:48,208
You are becoming a woman.

78
00:05:48,291 --> 00:05:49,375
Congratulations.

79
00:05:49,458 --> 00:05:51,250
Uh, what does that mean exactly?

80
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,625
It means a million things.

81
00:05:54,583 --> 00:05:58,083
Come, take a ride with me,
and I'll explain it with a song.

82
00:05:58,166 --> 00:05:59,750
The braids have come undone

83
00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:01,416
The young thang has come of age

84
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:02,916
The basket is now abloom

85
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,500
The little one is now a baddy

86
00:06:04,583 --> 00:06:07,750
Let's throw a party, party
Those hooters have blossomed

87
00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:09,416
Uncles and aunties, aunties…

88
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,000
Did you hear? She's come of age.

89
00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:14,083
Big, big, bad, bad
She's a big baddy now

90
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:17,208
Big, big, bad, bad
She's a big baddy now

91
00:06:17,291 --> 00:06:19,000
On the upper lip

92
00:06:19,083 --> 00:06:20,625
On the lower hip

93
00:06:20,708 --> 00:06:22,208
Hair, hair, hair, hair

94
00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:23,750
Here, there, everywhere

95
00:06:23,833 --> 00:06:25,375
Hair, hair, hair, hair

96
00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:27,000
In the bedroom

97
00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:28,583
In the washroom

98
00:06:28,666 --> 00:06:30,250
Stains, stains, stains, stains

99
00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:31,791
Underwear, under there

100
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,625
Stains, stains, stains, stains

101
00:06:33,708 --> 00:06:35,541
Cheer up, girl

102
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,750
There's some joy in this gloom

103
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,916
Joy in my bum?

104
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,000
Periods are friends

105
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:46,208
That's why they call them chums

106
00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:47,833
Aunties will distribute sweets

107
00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:49,291
Uncles will give some gifts

108
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,958
No prayers, no temples

109
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:52,583
Take a break from it all

110
00:06:52,666 --> 00:06:57,500
Don't oil those lamps, oil your scalp…

111
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:58,708
Wash your hair.

112
00:06:58,791 --> 00:07:02,000
Big, big, bad, bad
She's a big baddy now

113
00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:04,916
Big, big, bad, bad
She's a big baddy now

114
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,291
Big, big, bad, bad
She's a big baddy now

115
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,000
Big, big, bad, bad

116
00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:11,708
She's a big baddy now

117
00:07:11,791 --> 00:07:14,500
Oh my God, it's everywhere!
My underwear looks like a crime scene.

118
00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:17,458
Don't worry. It should only last
about five or six days.

119
00:07:17,541 --> 00:07:19,291
Well, that's not so bad.

120
00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,000
-Every month.
-Oh.

121
00:07:21,083 --> 00:07:22,500
For the next forty years.

122
00:07:22,583 --> 00:07:23,458
Shit.

123
00:07:23,541 --> 00:07:26,041
Will there at least be
a fun song every time?

124
00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:28,541
No. No, there will not.

125
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,875
[in French] My sweet Connie,
the plight of woman is

126
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:34,333
tragic in every culture.

127
00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:38,458
Oh damn, I sat on the Apple remote,
and it went in deep.

128
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:42,291
While I figure out this piece of shit,
let's go to Australia.

129
00:10:02,791 --> 00:10:04,458
IRAN

130
00:10:04,541 --> 00:10:06,958
[in Farsi] Nazanin! Wash your sweet parts.

131
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:08,625
Okay, Maman. I will!

132
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:10,708
We paid full price for that new bidet.

133
00:10:10,791 --> 00:10:12,125
I told you I will!

134
00:10:14,958 --> 00:10:18,041
Hey there. That felt nice, right?

135
00:10:18,125 --> 00:10:21,916
Yeah, it felt like taking the first bite
of ice cold faloodeh,

136
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,000
but like, on the inside?

137
00:10:24,083 --> 00:10:25,166
Does that make sense?

138
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:29,166
Mm. So much sense. Wanna go again?

139
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:31,041
Oh! Hell yeah!

140
00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:34,208
Blast me like one of your French girls.

141
00:10:34,291 --> 00:10:37,541
Nazy, I have to take a big dump!

142
00:10:37,625 --> 00:10:41,250
Shit, I gotta go.
Grandpa has to take a big dump.

143
00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:43,375
Oh, I see.

144
00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:46,458
Also, are you hungry, mooshi?
I have cucumbers.

145
00:10:46,541 --> 00:10:48,166
One second, Grandpa.

146
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:51,041
Do you think there are other things
around the house

147
00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:52,875
that can give me "that feeling"?

148
00:10:52,958 --> 00:10:56,500
I don't know.
I just live here, with the toilet.

149
00:10:56,583 --> 00:10:59,833
But you're young.
You should go out and explore.

150
00:10:59,916 --> 00:11:00,750
Thank you, Bidet.

151
00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,500
And I'll always be here,

152
00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:04,208
attached to the plumbing.

153
00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:05,875
Good luck with Grandpa.

154
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:11,958
Mm, what else here could make me feel
like I have fireworks in my sweet parts?

155
00:11:12,041 --> 00:11:15,750
Nazanin, come straddle my arm.

156
00:11:15,833 --> 00:11:19,250
I think you'll find I'm firm
in all the right places.

157
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,166
Oh, I don't know. You're too fancy.

158
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:24,375
I wouldn't want to stain or tear you.

159
00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:27,125
You can tear me, honey.

160
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,583
Oh, yikes. You're too gross.

161
00:11:29,666 --> 00:11:30,583
No, thanks.

162
00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:32,750
Mmm, now this is nice.

163
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:34,541
Oh, I'm so glad.

164
00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:38,791
Yeah, I think just another minute
of thinking about dicks and butts and--

165
00:11:38,875 --> 00:11:40,333
Uh-oh!

166
00:11:40,416 --> 00:11:42,833
It's time for the spin cycle!

167
00:11:42,916 --> 00:11:44,666
Oh! You're too rough!

168
00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:47,583
I'm sorry. It hurts me too.

169
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:50,166
My existence is hell!

170
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,208
Oh my God. Are we really gonna do this?

171
00:11:53,291 --> 00:11:55,083
I know. It's weird.

172
00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:57,333
I was your eighth birthday present.

173
00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,250
-I've watched you grow up…
-Right.

174
00:11:59,333 --> 00:12:01,333
…into a beautiful young woman.

175
00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:04,083
Oh my God, Bike.

176
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:07,875
Oh shit! This is too crazy!

177
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,875
My fucking sweet parts!

178
00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:12,916
Nazy! Are you okay, Joonam?

179
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,916
Wait. If you're here,
that means the bathroom is free!

180
00:12:19,708 --> 00:12:21,083
My bidet.

181
00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:22,583
My Nazanin.

182
00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:25,208
I was worried you wouldn't come back.

183
00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:28,375
Oh, I was a fool. Are you mad at me?

184
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:30,708
I could never stay mad at you.

185
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:33,416
It's you. It was always you.

186
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,708
I know. Come to me, my love.

187
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:43,166
-Oh, my bidet! I love you.
-Oh. Ohh.

188
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:45,041
My bidet.

189
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,333
BRAZIL

190
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:06,375
[in Portuguese] Oh my God,
isn't Gonçalo so hot?

191
00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:10,416
Yeah, but he's not six-hour-bus-trip hot.

192
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:13,375
I can't believe we have to drive
all the way to São Paulo

193
00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:15,625
just so you can have your first gay kiss.

194
00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:17,125
Could you imagine what would happen

195
00:13:17,208 --> 00:13:19,833
if somebody told my family
they saw me kissing a boy?

196
00:13:19,916 --> 00:13:23,375
Oh, well, they'd disown you,
like they did to your gay uncle, Homo.

197
00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:27,208
That's not his name.
That's just what my mom calls him.

198
00:13:27,291 --> 00:13:30,916
Right, because your mom is a bigot.

199
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,041
But she's so pretty.

200
00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:36,458
Dude, it's been two hours.

201
00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:38,083
I don't think Gonçalo's coming.

202
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:40,791
He told me he'd be here
in front of the big weird McDonald's,

203
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:42,166
so he'll be here.

204
00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:44,041
That's how internet strangers work.

205
00:13:44,125 --> 00:13:45,458
Maybe he chickened out?

206
00:13:45,541 --> 00:13:48,541
Got afraid somebody he knows
would see him with a guy?

207
00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:50,541
Rafael? Carlos?

208
00:13:50,625 --> 00:13:52,083
Mayra, hi.

209
00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:54,458
What are you two assholes doing here?

210
00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:57,875
We're just here to get some French fries.

211
00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:01,541
Yeah, at this big weird McDonald's

212
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:04,541
that looks like
the American White House for some reason.

213
00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:06,750
Mm-mm. Wait a minute.

214
00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:11,833
Two boys acting sneaky
wearing skinny jeans?

215
00:14:11,916 --> 00:14:13,125
You two are gay!

216
00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:16,291
Who? Us? No! We love futebol!

217
00:14:16,375 --> 00:14:18,000
And floppy boobs?

218
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:19,750
The floppier, the better.

219
00:14:19,833 --> 00:14:21,000
Relax.

220
00:14:21,083 --> 00:14:24,625
I'm gayer than both of you put together
and shoved up each other's butts.

221
00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:27,375
-Really?
-Rafael was supposed to meet a boy here,

222
00:14:27,458 --> 00:14:28,833
but he stood him up.

223
00:14:28,916 --> 00:14:29,916
He still might come.

224
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,208
He's not coming!

225
00:14:31,291 --> 00:14:34,625
Mayra, what should two young gay boys
on a budget do in São Paulo?

226
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:37,000
Oh, so you wanna be gay, huh?

227
00:14:37,083 --> 00:14:38,375
So gay!

228
00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:41,083
Then grab your dicks and follow me.

229
00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:43,250
This is Frei Caneca Street.

230
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,750
It's the place to be
if you're queer, curious,

231
00:14:45,833 --> 00:14:48,333
or just want
a cheap knockoff Louis Vuitton bag.

232
00:14:48,416 --> 00:14:50,500
Gonçalo's still not responding, João.

233
00:14:50,583 --> 00:14:52,833
Who cares, man? Look around!

234
00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:55,583
The colors, the people, the fanny packs.

235
00:14:58,166 --> 00:15:01,125
It's like we've died
and gone to a gay Churrascaria,

236
00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:03,791
and it's all-you-can-eat penis!

237
00:15:03,875 --> 00:15:05,166
Wow.

238
00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:06,750
Forget about Gonçalo.

239
00:15:06,833 --> 00:15:08,541
You're missing everything.

240
00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:11,833
Whoa! Mayra's making out
with an entire beach volleyball team.

241
00:15:11,916 --> 00:15:16,041
Okay, you bump me, you set me,
and then you spike me.

242
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:20,750
Come on! Let's dance
like fabulous queer men on a budget.

243
00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:22,583
Okay, fine. I'm coming.

244
00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:24,208
Isn't this great?

245
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:27,500
Yeah. But I never got my first kiss.

246
00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:29,541
Ugh, stop whining, dude.

247
00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,041
You want a first kiss? Here!

248
00:15:34,458 --> 00:15:36,416
I hope Gonçalo shows up now,

249
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,625
because I unapologetically love drama.

250
00:15:38,708 --> 00:15:41,833
Okay, now that was a hot first kiss.

251
00:15:41,916 --> 00:15:44,666
This is so magical, and look.

252
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:47,666
Everyone from the big weird McDonald's
showed up.

253
00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:53,083
Okay, I'm gonna let the Hamburglar
pull my G-string to the side

254
00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:55,791
and do whatever the fuck he wants.

255
00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:18,666
KENYA

256
00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:23,291
[in Kenyanese]
All right, make room, everybody!

257
00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:24,750
Right this way, baby.

258
00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:28,458
That matatu looks so fun.

259
00:16:28,541 --> 00:16:29,833
It's got cool music.

260
00:16:29,916 --> 00:16:32,375
And look at those cute boys!

261
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:37,666
I think you're ready
to stop looking and start riding.

262
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,791
I don't know.

263
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:40,833
Come on!

264
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,541
Now that your boobs have finally come out,

265
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:45,166
they should be bouncing around
that fuck bus.

266
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:48,333
I mean, I guess I do feel kinda sexy.

267
00:16:48,416 --> 00:16:50,833
That's what I'm talking about. Now come.

268
00:16:50,916 --> 00:16:54,791
Let's squeeze ourselves
into the matatu with those matitties!

269
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,916
Okay, but we can't let my grandma
see me like this.

270
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,291
Of course, darling.

271
00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:02,708
I'll be back soon, Grandma.

272
00:17:02,791 --> 00:17:05,291
Okay, my dear. Stay out of trouble.

273
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:08,625
Little does she know, you are the trouble.

274
00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:14,416
Quick, squeeze your nipples
so they're extra pointy.

275
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,708
Ooh, hey. This way, pretty lady.

276
00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:19,041
No, follow me.

277
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:22,041
Oh my God, I feel like Beyoncé.

278
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,583
Sweetheart,

279
00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:26,916
Beyoncé would never ride a bus.

280
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,833
It's even cooler than I imagined.

281
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:33,500
-And all the boys are looking at me.
-Of course they are.

282
00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:36,500
-Your nipples are like drill bits.
- Sharon?

283
00:17:36,583 --> 00:17:38,291
-What do you think you're doing?
-Grandma?

284
00:17:38,375 --> 00:17:41,791
Where are your manners?
Have you no class?

285
00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:44,083
Have you no shame?

286
00:17:44,166 --> 00:17:45,291
Who are you?

287
00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:51,041
I'm your Shame Wizard, of course.

288
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,291
What do you want from me?

289
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:56,708
There's nothing
a disgusting slut like you could offer me.

290
00:17:56,791 --> 00:17:59,125
Hey! She is not a disgusting slut.

291
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:00,875
She is a sexy slut.

292
00:18:00,958 --> 00:18:04,250
Suck on an exhaust pipe and die,
you sex monster!

293
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:08,541
-Nichi!
-Look at you, putting on a skin show,

294
00:18:08,625 --> 00:18:12,041
showing off your wanton bosom
for dirty boys to ogle.

295
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,291
I wasn't. I was just--

296
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:16,583
Bringing shame to your family? Agreed!

297
00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:19,625
Sharon, how did we wrong you?

298
00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:22,041
And to your country.

299
00:18:22,125 --> 00:18:24,250
You're a national disgrace.

300
00:18:39,041 --> 00:18:41,916
[in Kenyanese] Stop the bus, please!
I need to get off!

301
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,750
Sharon?

302
00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:48,208
What's wrong, my dear?

303
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:54,833
Grandma, I'm a disgusting whore
and a national disgrace.

304
00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:57,875
She made Don Cheadle weep.

305
00:18:57,958 --> 00:18:59,125
What?

306
00:18:59,208 --> 00:19:02,416
I rode a matatu, and I wore this.

307
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,458
Grandma, I'm so ashamed.

308
00:19:04,541 --> 00:19:05,875
Oh, my dear child.

309
00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:07,166
I'm so sorry.

310
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:11,250
Owning the sexiness of your womanhood
is nothing to be ashamed of.

311
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,458
-For real?
-Trust me.

312
00:19:13,541 --> 00:19:17,000
-Grandma!
-A family of skanks.

313
00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:19,250
I finished knitting it this morning.

314
00:19:19,333 --> 00:19:25,166
And, you know, it's been so long
since I've been on a matatu.

315
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:29,833
Damn! Your grandma's got moves.

316
00:19:29,916 --> 00:19:33,083
I didn't know
she was such a cool old lady.

317
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:37,875
Enjoy shaking your bum for now,
but I'll be back.

318
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,333
Whenever you feel bloated,

319
00:19:40,416 --> 00:19:45,208
whenever you let a fart
escape your slutty little hole,

320
00:19:45,291 --> 00:19:46,625
I'll be back.

321
00:19:46,708 --> 00:19:51,291
Well, you have to leave
to come back, girl, so…

322
00:19:53,166 --> 00:19:55,000
-Bye-bye!
-Goodbye!

323
00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:13,041
-[in Swedish] Hello.
-Nice to meet you.

324
00:20:22,666 --> 00:20:24,166
SWEDEN

325
00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:26,625
[in Swedish] Okay, Astrid's here!

326
00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:30,625
Oh, Niklas, we're so excited
to finally meet your girlfriend.

327
00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:34,208
Ooh! Perhaps Astrid
will be your first sexual experience?

328
00:20:34,291 --> 00:20:37,916
Which we, of course,
encourage you to do under our roof.

329
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,625
Okay, look at me, you two.

330
00:20:39,708 --> 00:20:41,958
Be fucking cool. Okay?

331
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,250
You got it, dude.

332
00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:46,125
Oh yeah. So fucking cool, man.

333
00:20:46,208 --> 00:20:48,833
They are gonna ruin my night.

334
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,375
'Sup, Astrid.

335
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,125
This is my father, Doctor Ambjörn,

336
00:20:52,208 --> 00:20:54,375
and my mother, Doctor Ambjörn.

337
00:20:54,458 --> 00:20:57,500
-They came with the house.
- Thank you for having me.

338
00:20:57,583 --> 00:21:00,000
Oh, Astrid, you are so respectful.

339
00:21:00,083 --> 00:21:02,625
I can see why Niklas
is infatuated with you.

340
00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:03,541
Mama!

341
00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:08,333
I think his nervousness is an indication
he hopes to open mouth kiss you.

342
00:21:08,416 --> 00:21:10,416
If you would enjoy that, Astrid.

343
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:11,708
Oh, I might.

344
00:21:11,791 --> 00:21:13,041
Can we please just eat?

345
00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:15,083
Yes, of course.

346
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:18,291
You cannot satisfy each other
on an empty stomach. Mmm.

347
00:21:19,416 --> 00:21:24,875
So, how do you two intend
to sexually explore each other tonight?

348
00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:27,500
-Uh…
-Pappa! They're joking.

349
00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:29,500
I don't mind. My parents are Norwegian.

350
00:21:29,583 --> 00:21:31,750
They don't even know
how to pleasure themselves.

351
00:21:33,708 --> 00:21:35,208
Oh, Norwegians.

352
00:21:35,291 --> 00:21:39,958
I should call your mother and recommend
small circular motions on her clitoris.

353
00:21:40,041 --> 00:21:43,166
-Mamma!
-Niklas, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

354
00:21:43,250 --> 00:21:45,708
Sex is a natural part of life.

355
00:21:45,791 --> 00:21:47,625
Please, please, please stop.

356
00:21:47,708 --> 00:21:51,333
Astrid, do you know
the importance of foreplay?

357
00:21:51,416 --> 00:21:54,583
Mmm, foreplay should last
at least as long as it takes

358
00:21:54,666 --> 00:21:57,208
for your partner's lingonberry
to become engorged.

359
00:21:57,291 --> 00:21:58,416
What the fuck?!

360
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:01,500
Some people mistakenly believe
you need to spell out the alphabet

361
00:22:01,583 --> 00:22:03,666
on the clitoris with your tongue.

362
00:22:03,750 --> 00:22:08,666
But Mamma's genitals just like it
when I spell ABBA over and over.

363
00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:10,333
Okay. That's enough.

364
00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:14,833
-And once Mamma is sufficiently wet…
-And Pappa's penis is stiff with blood…

365
00:22:15,583 --> 00:22:18,041
…it is time to unfurl the prophylactic

366
00:22:18,583 --> 00:22:20,333
so insertion may begin.

367
00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:21,833
-Stop it!
-Stop what?

368
00:22:21,916 --> 00:22:23,833
Methodically describing sex!

369
00:22:23,916 --> 00:22:26,750
Why can't you be ashamed
like Norwegian parents?

370
00:22:26,833 --> 00:22:28,375
Niklas, it's totally cool.

371
00:22:28,458 --> 00:22:30,791
No, it's not. They're freaks.

372
00:22:30,875 --> 00:22:32,708
We're just trying to educate you.

373
00:22:32,791 --> 00:22:34,458
Well, you're ruining my date!

374
00:22:34,541 --> 00:22:36,125
Actually, you're ruining it.

375
00:22:36,208 --> 00:22:38,958
Ugh, I didn't realize
you were so very repressed, Niklas.

376
00:22:39,041 --> 00:22:40,541
I guess I'll just have to go home

377
00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:44,833
and make small circular motions
on my clitoris by myself.

378
00:22:44,916 --> 00:22:46,250
But Astrid, wait!

379
00:22:47,625 --> 00:22:49,375
Hey, man, sorry I'm late.

380
00:22:49,458 --> 00:22:52,791
I was making small circular motions
on my butthole,

381
00:22:52,875 --> 00:22:54,750
and I just lost track of time.

382
00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:57,291
You know how it is, baby.

383
00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:05,041
That's right, baby.

384
00:23:05,125 --> 00:23:10,125
I am here with a lit firecracker up my ass
for the Fourth of July.

385
00:23:17,458 --> 00:23:20,125
Well then, why did I stick
a rocket up my ass?

386
00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:31,166
[in Spanish] My grandfather

387
00:23:31,666 --> 00:23:32,666
Has hair

388
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:34,666
Everywhere

389
00:23:35,208 --> 00:23:36,416
Everywhere

390
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,666
My uncle Pedro

391
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:40,208
He leaves hair

392
00:23:40,708 --> 00:23:42,041
In the tub

393
00:23:42,125 --> 00:23:44,208
And clogs the tub

394
00:23:44,291 --> 00:23:46,250
-My cousin Chiqui
-Chiqui

395
00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:48,083
-In her bikini
-Kiki

396
00:23:48,166 --> 00:23:49,666
Hair pokes out

397
00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:51,458
It looks like springtime

398
00:23:52,041 --> 00:23:53,833
-And I stay
-Stay

399
00:23:53,916 --> 00:23:55,666
Before my mirror

400
00:23:55,750 --> 00:23:57,125
Imagining

401
00:23:57,625 --> 00:23:58,958
What I don't see

402
00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:01,625
Here waiting for little hairs

403
00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:04,958
Below my bellybutton, but no

404
00:24:06,916 --> 00:24:09,125
Here waiting for little hairs

405
00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:13,250
In my own nest, but no

406
00:24:14,750 --> 00:24:16,666
Oh God, when will it get here?

407
00:24:16,750 --> 00:24:18,583
Almost the whole world has it

408
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:20,375
I check below the penis

409
00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:22,250
And only find my balls

410
00:24:22,333 --> 00:24:26,958
Waiting for little hairs
Here in my little room

411
00:24:27,041 --> 00:24:30,208
Tell me, when will you arrive?

412
00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:37,500
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

413
00:24:37,583 --> 00:24:41,416
I'm finally here
And bringing the party

414
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:43,541
Like an astronaut on the moon

415
00:24:43,625 --> 00:24:45,416
Here on virgin territory

416
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:47,083
And I bring good fortune

417
00:24:47,166 --> 00:24:48,958
A snake in the Garden of Eden

418
00:24:49,458 --> 00:24:50,750
The Garden of Eden

419
00:24:50,833 --> 00:24:52,541
The first little gift in Bethlehem

420
00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:55,541
Oh my goodness, poor thing
Checking his peepee and little balls

421
00:24:55,625 --> 00:24:56,750
They look tiny

422
00:24:56,833 --> 00:25:00,416
Now innocence ends

423
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,208
Yah, yah, yah, yah

424
00:25:02,291 --> 00:25:04,000
And the party starts, hey

425
00:25:04,083 --> 00:25:07,791
And here comes the evidence

426
00:25:07,875 --> 00:25:10,750
Yah, yah, yah, yah
And the party starts, hey

427
00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:12,750
Hair down, hair up

428
00:25:12,833 --> 00:25:14,500
Hair on the chest, hair on the belly

429
00:25:14,583 --> 00:25:16,333
Hair for free, don't pay a toll

430
00:25:16,416 --> 00:25:18,166
Hair, not Pelé
He plays in FIFA

431
00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:21,833
And I am the curvy hair
That grows next to the left tit

432
00:25:21,916 --> 00:25:23,125
And I am the prettiest hair

433
00:25:23,208 --> 00:25:25,250
That grows out of your asshole
And traps your shit

434
00:25:25,333 --> 00:25:27,625
And I am the straight hair
In your unibrow

435
00:25:27,708 --> 00:25:29,125
Super long and ugly

436
00:25:29,208 --> 00:25:32,666
And we are the hair in your perineum
But we always smell like farts

437
00:25:32,750 --> 00:25:36,125
-Olé
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

438
00:25:36,208 --> 00:25:38,625
-Olé
-Look at this little kid

439
00:25:38,708 --> 00:25:40,583
He already looks like a little man

440
00:25:40,666 --> 00:25:44,083
Now innocence ends

441
00:25:44,166 --> 00:25:45,916
Look at this little kid

442
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,833
He already looks like a little man

443
00:25:47,916 --> 00:25:51,875
Now begins adolescence

444
00:25:51,958 --> 00:25:53,583
Look at his little mustache

445
00:25:53,666 --> 00:25:55,250
He already looks like a little man

446
00:25:58,666 --> 00:26:00,625
Oh God, when will it get here?

447
00:26:00,708 --> 00:26:02,625
Almost the whole world has it

448
00:26:02,708 --> 00:26:04,541
I check below the penis…

449
00:26:06,208 --> 00:26:08,083
Waiting for little hairs

450
00:26:08,166 --> 00:26:10,166
Here in my little room

451
00:26:10,250 --> 00:26:14,541
Little hair, when will you arrive?

452
00:26:56,666 --> 00:26:58,833
And then let's order a pizza!

453
00:27:09,583 --> 00:27:11,208
[in Spanish] Hair down, hair up

454
00:27:11,291 --> 00:27:13,083
Hair on the chest, hair on the belly

455
00:27:13,166 --> 00:27:15,000
Hair for free, don't pay a toll

456
00:27:15,083 --> 00:27:16,833
Hair, not Pelé
He plays in FIFA

457
00:27:16,916 --> 00:27:20,333
And I am the curvy hair
That grows next to the left tit

458
00:27:20,416 --> 00:27:21,708
And I am the prettiest hair

459
00:27:21,791 --> 00:27:24,125
That grows out of your asshole
And traps your shit

460
00:27:24,208 --> 00:27:26,250
And I am the straight hair
In your unibrow

461
00:27:26,333 --> 00:27:27,500
Super long and ugly

462
00:27:27,583 --> 00:27:31,125
And we are the hair in your perineum
But we always smell like farts

463
00:27:31,208 --> 00:27:34,708
-Olé
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

464
00:27:34,791 --> 00:27:37,125
-Olé
-Look at this little kid

465
00:27:37,208 --> 00:27:39,291
He already looks like a little man

466
00:27:39,375 --> 00:27:43,041
Now innocence ends

467
00:27:43,125 --> 00:27:44,541
Look at this little kid

468
00:27:44,625 --> 00:27:46,541
He already looks like a little man

469
00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:52,791
Now begins adolescence

470
00:27:52,875 --> 00:27:54,291
Hey, hey…

471
00:27:57,083 --> 00:27:59,000
Oh God, when will it get here?

472
00:27:59,083 --> 00:28:01,000
Almost the whole world has it

473
00:28:01,083 --> 00:28:03,000
I check below the penis…

474
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,000
Waiting for little hairs

475
00:28:07,083 --> 00:28:10,000
Here in my little room

476
00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:13,000
Tell me, when will you arrive?