1 00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:19,394 For years, losing my virginity 2 00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,396 felt just as impossible as losing the weight. 3 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,440 So I hadn't given it much thought. 4 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:24,983 But now... 5 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,987 I wanted to take out my new body and see what it could do. 6 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,035 I still wasn't totally comfortable in my new skin. 7 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:38,455 But feeling Brick's skin against mine was driving me crazy. 8 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:42,084 I was making out with the guy I'd been crushing on since junior high. 9 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:44,795 It was my schoolgirl fantasy come true. 10 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,048 I didn't care if it was love. 11 00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:51,385 For the first time in my life, I was hungry 12 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:52,970 for something other than food. 13 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,347 And I wanted more. 14 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:58,141 Wow, wow. Hey, slow down. 15 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,602 Why? Am I doing something wrong? 16 00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,187 No. I just... 17 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:06,692 I really like you and Magnolia always said I was going too fast, so. 18 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,193 I'm not Magnolia. 19 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,196 Unless you're not sure? 20 00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:13,323 Are you not attracted to me? 21 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,618 No, no, no. No. I am. 22 00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,370 I definitely am. 23 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:19,621 I... 24 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:21,456 I just... 25 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,500 I still think it should be special. 26 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,836 Let me do something nice for you. 27 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,462 I know what you can do for me. 28 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,758 Oh my God. 29 00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:35,512 Magnolia's freaking that you're not returning her texts. 30 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:38,557 She's asking me if I think you're hooking up with someone else. 31 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:39,725 You guys are friends? 32 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:42,519 We won't be for long if she finds out about us. 33 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:46,940 God, it's so unfair. Magnolia gets everything she wants. 34 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:49,484 Pageant crowns and friends and you. 35 00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:52,821 Now that's finally my turn, she gets to make me feel guilty about it. 36 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:53,739 Hey. 37 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,449 I won't tell her if you don't. 38 00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:59,161 Could you also not tell your dad? 39 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,165 He'll just get worried that you're gonna distract me from Miss Magic Jesus. 40 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,209 Trust me, the last thing I want is for him to get involved. 41 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,466 Why won't Magnolia... 42 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:13,925 Oh, it's your dad. 43 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:15,677 Crap! 44 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,930 I gotta go get my baptism certificate. 45 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,809 - Could you give me a ride? - Mm-hm. 46 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,275 You were never baptized? 47 00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:33,111 Patty, I asked you about this weeks ago! 48 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,866 I assumed that I was. 49 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:40,535 I know we don't go to church, but we're in the Bible Belt. 50 00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:42,788 Everyone I know has been baptized, even Jews. 51 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,039 Why would I be the exception? 52 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:47,084 I kept meaning to do it. 53 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,504 I was kinda busy after you were born, making up six... 54 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,005 nine months of not drinking. 55 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:57,010 Besides, you don't really believe in all that stuff, do you? 56 00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,596 What, God? A higher power? 57 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,765 The thing that you said got you sober 58 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,767 and kept you from ending up dead in a ditch? 59 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,478 You're right. Why would I believe in any of that? 60 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:10,232 I figured maybe you would protect my immortal soul from eternal damnation. 61 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,817 You know, just in case hell is real. 62 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,277 Oh, it is real. All right? 63 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:18,198 Without that baptism certificate, you are in pageant purgatory. 64 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,742 No Miss Magic Jesus, no Miss American Lady. 65 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,870 I have to talk to Pastor Mike before orientation. 66 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:24,788 Pastor who? 67 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,873 He just took over the Fourth Baptist Church. 68 00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:29,376 He is in charge of the pageant. 69 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:33,255 Maybe he'll make an exception, show us some of the Lord's mercy. 70 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:36,466 No way, Jose. Look. 71 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:41,430 I may be new to the whole pageant thing, but it's just common sense. 72 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:45,517 Patty can't be in a pageant called Miss Magic Jesus if she isn't baptized. 73 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,978 It just wouldn't be kosher. 74 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,773 Well, could you do a quickie baptism, you know, like a dunk 'n' go? 75 00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:56,194 I don't do dunk 'n' goes. The big boss wouldn't approve. 76 00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:59,239 - The big boss? - God, Bob. 77 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,241 And you don't wanna piss him off. 78 00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:04,703 I'd have to baptize Patty properly. 79 00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:07,914 She would need spiritual counseling first and then godparents. 80 00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:09,833 Well, is one enough? 81 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,084 I suppose so. 82 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:14,421 Great. Then I will be her godfather. 83 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,674 Are you sure you are up to the task? 84 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:22,554 Isn't it like you just say, I'm her godfather and then it's done? 85 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:25,432 - Like bibbidy bobbidi... - That's a fairy godmother, Bob. 86 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:26,683 Right. Got it. 87 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:30,103 You would be pledging to be Patty's spiritual mentor and role model 88 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:31,480 for her entire life. 89 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:35,567 Do you feel that you embody the Fruits of the Spirit? 90 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:37,778 I mean, yeah. 91 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,989 I feel like my insides are appropriately fruity. 92 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,327 You wanna be my godfather? 93 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,829 I have to be, if we're gonna get you baptized. 94 00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,040 Otherwise, Pastor Mike won't let you compete. 95 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,375 I'm already your coach. 96 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,710 It's not that big a leap, 97 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,713 except being responsible for you for the rest of your life. 98 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,799 'Til death do us part? 99 00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,843 Hmm, more like a father figure. 100 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,763 Meet me in Pastor Mike's office as soon as orientation is over. 101 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,598 We'll start spiritual counseling. 102 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,892 I've never looked at Bob as a father. 103 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:12,813 He was always more of a DILF, but I was dating Bob's son. 104 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,899 So, why not put Bob in charge of my Holy Spirit? 105 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,360 - Move out of the way, Fatty. - Suck it, Dixie. 106 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,529 Not you. Her. 107 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,281 Wasn't the plus-size pageant last week? 108 00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,492 Wasn't the pocket-sized pageant last month? 109 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:29,079 Or did you make a wrong turn on the way to Smurfs, the Musical? 110 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,373 It's cool. I got this. 111 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:32,999 I like the way I look. 112 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,501 That's why I do pageants. 113 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,838 To show people that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. 114 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,507 Even short little mofos like you. 115 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,384 I think you might be my new best friend. 116 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,594 I thought I was your new best friend. 117 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,721 Did you get my text? 118 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,474 Yeah, sorry. I was tied up. 119 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:54,896 So, what do you think? Is Brick seeing someone else? 120 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:58,817 No way. I'm sure you're just being paranoid. 121 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,403 I saw you kiss him at the dog wash, you slut! 122 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,241 I gave you the chance to come clean 123 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:09,327 and you just kept digging yourself deeper and deeper into a hole. 124 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,622 Screw you and your hole. Nobody messes with my sister. 125 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,333 We are not sisters. 126 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,336 Yes, we are. We share a bedroom. And a toothbrush. 127 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,755 I knew you were using my toothbrush. Don't do that. 128 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,050 And you, you broke the girl code. 129 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,553 You can't steal your friend's boyfriend. 130 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,763 I didn't steal him. You guys were broken up. 131 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,892 I told you I wanted him back and you went after him anyway. 132 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,768 Could you be anymore selfish? 133 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,271 You're selfish. Brick is happy. 134 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:39,482 You dumped him and now he likes me, so get over it. 135 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,737 Oh, no she didn't. 136 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,616 You think you're hot shit now because you're skinny? 137 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,619 You're a basic bitch. 138 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:54,289 And I'm gonna beat your ass in this pageant and every other pageant 139 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:55,957 until the end of time. 140 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:59,336 Hello, ladies. Welcome to Miss Magic Jesus. 141 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,712 Everybody take a seat. 142 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:03,006 And if the choir would start us off, please. 143 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,722 What did she mean, "now that you're skinny"? 144 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:15,268 I lost 70 pounds. So now it's my turn to get the guy. 145 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:20,482 Being skinny don't mean shit if you're ugly on the inside. 146 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:29,658 Patty, the act of baptism means dying to your old self 147 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:32,953 and committing yourself to a Christly existence. 148 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:36,790 Jesus was so fully committed to serving others, 149 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,167 he was willing to die for their sins. 150 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,836 A woman worthy of winning Miss Magic Jesus 151 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:46,091 needs to focus on serving others, instead of self-gratification. 152 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,134 - What? No. - Patty. 153 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,261 I'm sorry. What's wrong with self-gratification? 154 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:54,224 I deserve to be happy. I've spent years being miserable. 155 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,394 The source of all misery is selfishness. 156 00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,312 That's the original sin. 157 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,607 And I bet you could think of examples from your own life 158 00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:06,820 when acting on selfish impulses has caused pain to you or other people. 159 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,073 Well I... 160 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:14,494 I did just kiss my friend's boyfriend. Or ex-boyfriend. 161 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,371 And now she's really mad at me. 162 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:19,749 - Wait, what? - And I may have broken up Bob's marriage. 163 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,961 Wow. You mean, you two are "involved"? 164 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,504 Absolutely not. 165 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:32,095 Patty, let it slip to my wife that I had an affair twenty years ago. 166 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,388 Which I regret. 167 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:37,267 Coralee is taking a break to think. 168 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,021 And how's the rest of your family taking the separation? 169 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,149 I... Ugh, I don't know. 170 00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:48,903 My daughter's in Iraq and my son Brick and I don't talk that much, so. 171 00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:51,656 Bob, you can't be a good godfather to Patty 172 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,200 if you can't be a good father to your son. 173 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:59,080 And being a parent is the perfect way to practice being of service. 174 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,916 Trust me, I know. 175 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,044 You have children? 176 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:05,503 A son. 177 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,172 Christian. 178 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:15,680 You guys, this baptism is a perfect opportunity 179 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,474 for you both to change your lives. 180 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,018 But you cannot reap the benefits of being of service 181 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,270 if you don't do the footwork first. 182 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:24,773 So, where do we start? 183 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:29,444 You should each pick a simple act of selflessness. 184 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,322 Bob, you should reach out to your son. 185 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,365 Do something nice for him. 186 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:37,619 And Patty, you might wanna reach out to your friend. 187 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:41,247 The one whose boyfriend you stole. Might be a good way to make amends. 188 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,752 Now if you both pursue this in earnest, 189 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,714 I will baptize Patty in time for Miss Magic Jesus. 190 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:53,676 But, mark my words, if you don't take it seriously, 191 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:54,886 I will know. 192 00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,847 I didn't believe this God stuff, but he would never know. 193 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,683 I did love my son and I needed to get Patty baptized, so... 194 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,977 Bob, I'm serious. 195 00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,772 I have been blessed with the gift of discernment. 196 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:10,318 I can put my hands on someone's body and see into their soul. 197 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,403 I'll prove it. 198 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,748 You were desperate. 199 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:28,419 Ready to throw in the towel, end it all. 200 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:29,921 End it all? 201 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,382 He couldn't possibly know about the gun in my glove box. 202 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:33,716 But she saved you. 203 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,884 Okay, that's enough. 204 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,138 Um, so we will see you tomorrow. 205 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,600 Be of service. 206 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:48,648 Maybe Pastor Mike was right. With God, all things were possible. 207 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,776 I could save my soul and win the crown. 208 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,238 But first things first, I needed to get baptized. 209 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:58,283 Which meant I needed to do something nice for Magnolia. 210 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,952 I'm gonna set Magnolia up with Christian. 211 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,747 It's like a good deed to make up for dating her ex. 212 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,875 Couldn't you just stop dating Brick? 213 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,042 I don't want to. 214 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:12,088 Besides, Brick likes me now and Christian and Magnolia are perfect for each other. 215 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:15,466 He's hot, available, and they already know each other 'cause he's her drug dealer. 216 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,385 Sounds divinely inspired. 217 00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,596 Just don't become too pure to watch Drew eat human flesh 218 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,098 because we're binging season one of Santa Clarita Diet. 219 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,892 Oh, I can't. 220 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:28,271 I've just got a lot to do this weekend with the pageant and getting baptized 221 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,689 and Brick. 222 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,941 We'll watch it next weekend, I promise. 223 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,612 I'll watch Santa Clarita Diet with you. 224 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,323 It's not the same. 225 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:41,034 So, do you wanna do something else? 226 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,953 There's an open mic night at a coffee house I like. 227 00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:47,123 You like to hang out in coffee houses? 228 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,667 There's more to Choi than meets the eye. 229 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,216 Hey. 230 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,593 I think you should ask out Magnolia Bernard. 231 00:11:58,676 --> 00:11:59,886 I think I should ask you out. 232 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,556 Um, no. You screwed me over. 233 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,766 Remember? 234 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,726 Besides, you're a drug dealer. 235 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,478 So judgmental. 236 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,648 And anyway, I'm dating Brick Armstrong. 237 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,442 Good for you. There's just one problem. 238 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,862 You're not into Brick. You're into me. 239 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:19,989 - That's not true. - No? 240 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:21,532 Hmm-mm. 241 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,284 Why do you want me to ask out Magnolia? 242 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,996 Because I'm trying to do something nice for her by setting her up with a hot guy. 243 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,581 Oh, see? 244 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:31,793 You think I'm hot. 245 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,254 That's not the point. 246 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:39,550 So, you're not... feeling anything? 247 00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,886 Nope. 248 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,265 Nothing at all? 249 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,433 Hmm-mm. 250 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,438 Then I'll never... 251 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,733 ever... 252 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:58,987 kiss you. 253 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:01,781 Thanks for the tip about Magnolia. 254 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,915 Hey. I have a proposition for you. 255 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,875 I'm listening. 256 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,920 I hear you're pissed Brick is seeing Patty Bladell. 257 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,255 You want him back? 258 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,299 Why is this any of your business? 259 00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:23,636 What better way to make Brick jealous than go out with the guy he hates most? 260 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,472 What's in it for you? 261 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:30,893 I'm into Patty and she's into me. She's just in denial right now. 262 00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:34,856 So, you think if we go out... it'll make them both crazy? 263 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,775 Yeah. Like in one of those stupid movies from the 80's. 264 00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:42,113 We could go to Brick's wrestling match, make a spectacle of ourselves. 265 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:46,451 I love spectacles. Like the circus. I'll bring snacks. 266 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,744 You are not coming. 267 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,830 But I'm lonely! And I miss my momma. 268 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,832 I have nobody to plot with. 269 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,293 And now you're plotting revenge and I want in. 270 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,170 It's not a plot. 271 00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,380 It's a date. 272 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:05,511 Hey. 273 00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:11,476 My dad has a pastry cooking class tonight, so we'll have the house all to ourselves. 274 00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,480 It'd be really special. 275 00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,320 Pastor Mike was right. 276 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:25,198 I'd done something selfless, and I was being rewarded. 277 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,159 Maybe I could be of service to Brick too. 278 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:36,334 Hey, buddy. I was thinking about our talk. 279 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,628 About how we never spend time together, 280 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:42,090 and I was thinking maybe I could take you shopping for some new clothes or... 281 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:43,841 No, thanks. I have a date. 282 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:50,431 Changing your own sheets? Roses, candles. 283 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:53,017 You are having a sex date. 284 00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,186 Don't you have a pastry class to get to? 285 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,522 - Are you back together with Magnolia? - No. 286 00:14:58,815 --> 00:14:59,816 Well, who is it? 287 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,609 None of your business. 288 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,780 Is it another mom from school? 289 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:10,618 Not funny, Dad. 290 00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,203 I agree. 291 00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:14,872 The fact that you had sex with the one person 292 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,666 I hate the most in the world 293 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,167 is not funny. It's not funny at all. 294 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,627 I'm not talking to you about this. 295 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,379 Oh, I think we should. 296 00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,966 Did you do it to get back at me? 297 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,885 You think I slept with Regina because of you? 298 00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:31,514 I know that you were angry that I am not more involved in your life. 299 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,642 Maybe you did it to try and get my attention. 300 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,978 - I did it to get laid. - Okay. 301 00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,729 Trust me, when I was with Regina, 302 00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:41,107 you were the last person I was thinking about. 303 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,859 But once again, thank you. 304 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,902 Thank you for making everything about yourself. 305 00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:46,571 Mom's right, you are a narcissist. 306 00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:49,532 Yeah. The last time I talked to her, she called you that. 307 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,742 I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up. 308 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,828 Your mother should not be calling me names, 309 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:55,997 but I'm glad you are improving your vocabulary. 310 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,876 How are the rest of your studies? Oh, come on. 311 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,545 I'm trying to be more involved in your life. 312 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,423 Really? Do you even know I have a huge wrestling tournament tomorrow? 313 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,426 Oh, are you still doing that? 314 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,552 Good talk, Dad. 315 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:17,143 It was clear, I needed to connect with Brick on his terms, not mine. 316 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,812 Which meant I had some research to do. 317 00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,022 - Coach Al? - Yeah? 318 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:24,317 I'm Bob Armstrong. Brick's dad. 319 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,736 I... Your assistant coach said I could find you here. 320 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,447 Brick's a great kid. It's nice to finally meet you. 321 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,408 I'm sorry that I haven't come to see you sooner. 322 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,953 I was hoping you could explain wrestling to me, 323 00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:37,955 so I could be more supportive. 324 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:41,584 - Bob? - Bob? 325 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,127 What are you doing here? 326 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:46,631 I'm a wrestling booster. Gotta keep up the team spirit. Go Merlins! 327 00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,592 Now, if you wanna know wrestling, Mr. Armstrong, 328 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,469 there's nobody better to explain it than Bob. 329 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:56,265 Really? 'Cause you're the coach. It's kinda your job to explain. 330 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,936 Who better than the former captain of Masonville's championship team? 331 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:05,107 The last thing I wanted was to ask Bob "Booster Club" Barnard for anything. 332 00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:08,194 Happy to help. Here, put this on. 333 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:11,280 What? You want me to wear a unitard? 334 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:14,408 It's called a singlet. Get dressed, I'll show you some moves. 335 00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:17,411 Oh, no. I just came here to talk. 336 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:21,958 Easier to show than to tell. That is, unless you're chicken. 337 00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:25,503 I am not... chicken. 338 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,130 Great. Meet me in the gym in ten. 339 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,636 Watch and follow. 340 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,265 Now, you gotta lower your level. Bend your knees, tuck your elbows. 341 00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:41,185 You gotta go lower, Bob. It's gotta be lower. 342 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,104 Yeah, that's it, just like that. 343 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:48,067 Okay, first move I'm gonna show you, it's called the penetration shot. 344 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,654 Yeah. All right, now. 345 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,448 Back, you step, knee down. 346 00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,367 Bring your knee up. 347 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:57,660 Okay, your turn. 348 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,165 That's it. 349 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,334 How's Coralee? Talked to her? 350 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:06,335 Have you? 351 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,462 She's been checking in. 352 00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:12,675 Seems like she's still pretty upset. You guys think you're gonna work it out? 353 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,055 I'd be more worried about Magnolia if I were you. 354 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:20,474 How's she doing? You talked to her about the drugs? 355 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,852 - She's fine. - I'm happy to hear. 356 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,103 I was concerned. 357 00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:27,273 Especially with Miss Magic Jesus. 358 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:35,740 The only thing I'd be concerned about is Magnolia kicking Patty's ass. 359 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,288 That's called finishing. 360 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,426 I had waited for this moment for so long. 361 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,261 To have Brick all to myself, 362 00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,973 but I couldn't get Christian out of my head. 363 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,308 I felt guilty. 364 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:06,437 I have a surprise for you. 365 00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,190 So you... 366 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:16,155 open it while I open these. 367 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,741 But I couldn't help it. 368 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,702 Christian smelled so good and when he whispered in my ear, 369 00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,704 it was like my body was on fire. 370 00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,706 I was consumed with thoughts about... 371 00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,668 Brick, you decent? 372 00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,129 Dad? I thought you had a pastry class? 373 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:33,964 I canceled. Permission to enter? 374 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,759 Denied. Talk through the door. 375 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,845 Well, after you pointed out my lack of interest in wrestling, 376 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,305 I did some research. 377 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:44,016 Turns out the night before a big match, you're supposed to keep 378 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,061 all that testosterone and fluids inside your body. 379 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,480 Dad, go away. 380 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:52,358 So, I'm gonna give you five seconds to get decent. 381 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,527 Five, four, 382 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,029 - three, two... - Shh! 383 00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:00,950 Patty. 384 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,203 She's the sex date? 385 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:08,249 - You told him we were gonna have sex? - No, I didn't tell him anything about us. 386 00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,334 - I told him not... - I can't believe you. 387 00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:12,461 First, you sleep with my mortal enemy, 388 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,839 and now you are trying to seduce my protégée. 389 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:17,341 Seriously? You're gonna make this about you, again. 390 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:20,594 Wait, is this some kind of sick "eff you" to your dad? 391 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:23,472 - No, Patty, I promise... - You know what? I'm gonna go. 392 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:36,360 If Brick was using me, I picked the wrong guy. 393 00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,364 But the guy I wanted, I had set up with someone else. 394 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:43,159 By being selfless, I had screwed myself. 395 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:48,497 What the hell, Dad? I like Patty and you just cock blocked me. 396 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:52,168 Brick, you have to be careful. You can't toy with Patty's emotions. 397 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,587 Seriously? You're more worried about her than me? 398 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,422 No. I am trying to protect you. 399 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:59,800 Patty is... complicated. 400 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:02,845 And when she gets upset, she acts out. 401 00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:05,181 I just don't wanna see you get hurt. 402 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,767 Bullshit! You just don't want her to lose. 403 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:11,645 Why are you suddenly so interested in everything I do? 404 00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:13,606 I wanna be a good dad. 405 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,108 Out of the blue. I mean, why now? 406 00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:20,154 I have been meeting with Pastor Mike 407 00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,698 and he says that if I wanna be a good godfather, 408 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,408 I need to be a better dad. 409 00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:26,285 - So I'm really trying. - Godfather? 410 00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:29,079 - To who? - To Patty. 411 00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:31,874 You're gonna be Patty's godfather? Since when do you go to church? 412 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:35,127 I don't. But Patty needs to be baptized for Miss Magic Jesus, 413 00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:36,837 so it looks like I'd better start. 414 00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:40,424 Wow! Two children of your own, but that's not enough to make you find religion. 415 00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:42,802 - But for Patty, I mean, we just... - That's not what I meant. 416 00:21:42,885 --> 00:21:46,847 Look, hmm? It's just Patty needs a father figure. 417 00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:48,766 Her mom is a mess. 418 00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,142 Right, and you're not? 419 00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:57,858 Thanks for the ride. 420 00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:01,237 I was glad you called. 421 00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:06,075 My AA meeting is starting soon, but it's just around the corner. 422 00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:07,993 I could drop you off at home or... 423 00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,412 you could come with. 424 00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:13,833 I'd love to spend a little extra time, you know? 425 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:18,462 You okay? 426 00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:20,589 You've been unusually quiet. 427 00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:25,636 I think Brick might not be into me for the right reasons. 428 00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:28,389 Oh, babe. I'm sorry. 429 00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:30,850 I know how excited you've been about that. 430 00:22:30,933 --> 00:22:33,310 You've been into him for such a long time. 431 00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:34,895 Hmm. 432 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:40,776 And I'm sorry about the whole baptism thing. 433 00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:44,321 You know, you were right. It's a big deal. I should have done it. 434 00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:46,365 But I'll be there Sunday. 435 00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:48,742 Better late than never, right? 436 00:22:48,826 --> 00:22:51,287 Yeah, if Pastor Mike agrees to go through with it. 437 00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:55,291 He wants me to think less about myself and more about other people, 438 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,001 but I already did a selfless good deed. 439 00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:59,920 I set Magnolia up with another guy to make up for stealing Brick. 440 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:02,006 Wait, you stole Brick? 441 00:23:03,674 --> 00:23:05,467 Oh my God, he's here. 442 00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,761 The guy that I set Magnolia up with. 443 00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:09,680 That I like better. 444 00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:10,973 Maybe that's a sign... 445 00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:13,225 that I should be with him instead. 446 00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:15,644 Wait, you stole Brick from Magnolia 447 00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,022 and now you're gonna steal the other guy too? 448 00:23:18,105 --> 00:23:21,358 - Does Pastor Mike sign off on this? - No. 449 00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:24,153 'Cause it doesn't sound like you're thinking about other people. 450 00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:26,906 It sounds like you're being selfish. 451 00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:29,825 Says the woman who was too busy getting drunk to get me baptized. 452 00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:32,786 You think I'm selfish? Great. Turning out just like you. 453 00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:41,337 Hey. What are you doing here? 454 00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,714 It doesn't matter. Do you have a car? 455 00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:46,383 Do you wanna go for a drive or something? 456 00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:08,948 You have a great voice too. You should get up there and sing. 457 00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:09,990 Shh. 458 00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:23,963 Thank you. 459 00:24:24,046 --> 00:24:27,675 If any of you are interested in seeing a beauty pageant contestant 460 00:24:27,758 --> 00:24:30,594 who eats something besides celery and rice cakes, 461 00:24:30,678 --> 00:24:34,348 come out and support me in Miss Magic Jesus this weekend. 462 00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:42,314 So... 463 00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:47,945 you never answered my question about Patty. 464 00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:51,573 I told you to let me know when you've figured out how you feel 465 00:24:51,657 --> 00:24:53,742 and you've been dodging me ever since. 466 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:55,953 I'm not dodging you, I'm here with you right now. 467 00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:58,789 But I want this to be like a date 468 00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:03,002 and I don't know if it is because I don't know if you're gay. 469 00:25:03,085 --> 00:25:04,586 Neither do I, okay? 470 00:25:10,884 --> 00:25:12,553 Look, I'm not stupid. 471 00:25:13,971 --> 00:25:15,764 I know what people say about me, 472 00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:20,227 even before the whole Dixie vag pic thing. 473 00:25:21,979 --> 00:25:24,940 And I've thought about it... a lot. 474 00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:27,818 Like, whether or not it's true. 475 00:25:29,069 --> 00:25:29,903 And? 476 00:25:31,155 --> 00:25:33,866 And it's not like I check out girls in school, 477 00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:37,119 like, in the hallway or in the locker room. 478 00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:40,289 Except normal, 479 00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:43,167 are-her-boobs-bigger-than-mine kinda stuff. 480 00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:44,376 That's so hot. 481 00:25:44,668 --> 00:25:46,712 I just don't think I'm into girls. 482 00:25:48,047 --> 00:25:53,385 - Okay. So... - But I do think I might be into Patty. 483 00:25:59,475 --> 00:26:01,310 Oh my God! You must hate me. 484 00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:05,397 The opposite, actually. 485 00:26:05,814 --> 00:26:08,650 Like, a lot the opposite. 486 00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:13,322 - Which sucks for me a little bit. - I can't believe I just told you that. 487 00:26:13,781 --> 00:26:15,115 I gotta... 488 00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:32,925 Hey. You okay? 489 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:34,384 I'm fine. 490 00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:36,095 You don't look fine. 491 00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:38,680 I'm not fine. 492 00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,266 - Wanna talk about it? - Ugh. 493 00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:42,851 Definitely not. 494 00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:47,564 I've already overshared tonight. And you're a total stranger. 495 00:26:48,690 --> 00:26:52,277 Which means you can tell me pretty much anything and it'll be safe. 496 00:26:54,196 --> 00:26:57,157 Beats hiding out in a bathroom... feeling alone. 497 00:26:57,991 --> 00:26:58,951 Right? 498 00:27:01,370 --> 00:27:04,248 I just told a guy who likes me that I'm in love with my best friend. 499 00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:08,585 Does she know? Your best friend? 500 00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:11,255 What makes you think it's a she? 501 00:27:12,047 --> 00:27:13,090 I don't know. 502 00:27:13,757 --> 00:27:15,008 Just a vibe. 503 00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:17,886 Is it not a she? 504 00:27:17,970 --> 00:27:21,265 No, it is, but I'm putting out a vibe? 505 00:27:21,348 --> 00:27:23,934 - Have you told your friend how you feel? - No. God, no. 506 00:27:24,017 --> 00:27:25,477 Have you guys ever...? 507 00:27:25,561 --> 00:27:27,771 Okay, you ask a lot of questions. 508 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,107 I'm a very curious person. 509 00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:39,449 Listen. 510 00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:43,078 I know we're strangers, but if you don't wanna be, 511 00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:46,665 you should call me. 512 00:27:50,460 --> 00:27:52,337 Or you can just tell your friend. 513 00:27:52,421 --> 00:27:55,924 Because if I was her, I'd be all in. 514 00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:07,936 So... 515 00:28:09,396 --> 00:28:11,565 about setting you up with Magnolia. 516 00:28:13,233 --> 00:28:15,068 I think maybe I shouldn't have done that. 517 00:28:15,152 --> 00:28:16,945 Why? It was a great idea. 518 00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:20,824 Going to the wrestling meet together, so, thanks. 519 00:28:21,491 --> 00:28:22,409 She's hot. 520 00:28:23,410 --> 00:28:24,995 I get why she's a beauty queen. 521 00:28:25,913 --> 00:28:27,289 But not you. 522 00:28:27,915 --> 00:28:30,083 Why, because you think she's prettier than me? 523 00:28:30,167 --> 00:28:32,461 Because you seem rock n' roll. 524 00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:37,257 Pageants seem so... Michael Bublé. 525 00:28:37,841 --> 00:28:39,092 Rock n' roll? 526 00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:40,928 Are you, like, forty? 527 00:28:41,011 --> 00:28:43,055 Don't even get me started. 528 00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:46,975 AC/DC. 529 00:28:47,684 --> 00:28:49,228 Led Zeppelin. Ozzy? 530 00:28:49,853 --> 00:28:51,313 They're all, like, old. 531 00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:55,859 There's no real rock anymore, nothing that tells the truth. 532 00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,279 Okay. Clearly this is a subject you've thought a lot about. 533 00:28:59,363 --> 00:29:00,948 We all have our passions. 534 00:29:01,657 --> 00:29:04,952 Yours apparently is pageants, which I'll never understand. 535 00:29:05,035 --> 00:29:06,453 I do it for revenge. 536 00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:11,291 Oh, that's rock n' roll. 537 00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:18,215 What are you doing? 538 00:29:18,298 --> 00:29:20,259 I wanna give this my full attention. 539 00:29:21,843 --> 00:29:22,970 What revenge? 540 00:29:24,263 --> 00:29:25,555 I used to be fat. 541 00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:28,350 And people tortured me. 542 00:29:29,226 --> 00:29:32,729 And I wanna show everyone who was mean to me that they're all losers 543 00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:34,231 and that I'm a winner. 544 00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:35,565 I knew it. 545 00:29:36,275 --> 00:29:38,860 From the second I sat next you, I could feel it. 546 00:29:38,944 --> 00:29:40,028 Knew what? 547 00:29:40,112 --> 00:29:41,530 You're angry. 548 00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:43,156 Twisted. 549 00:29:43,782 --> 00:29:44,825 Hungry. 550 00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:47,077 Like me. 551 00:29:50,539 --> 00:29:51,707 No, we can't. 552 00:29:52,541 --> 00:29:53,417 We can. 553 00:29:56,253 --> 00:29:57,296 What about Magnolia? 554 00:29:58,046 --> 00:30:00,632 You said you shouldn't have set us up. Who cares? 555 00:30:01,550 --> 00:30:04,136 I do. I'm trying not to be selfish. 556 00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:15,397 - Who is it? - Brick. 557 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,858 Loser. 558 00:30:18,775 --> 00:30:20,110 He's not a loser. 559 00:30:22,112 --> 00:30:23,530 He's my boyfriend. 560 00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:27,701 And I'm gonna call an Uber. 561 00:30:30,245 --> 00:30:32,831 Christian may have seen the person I was, 562 00:30:32,914 --> 00:30:35,042 but Brick saw the person I wanted to be. 563 00:30:35,584 --> 00:30:38,086 And if I wanted Pastor Mike to see that I had changed, 564 00:30:38,170 --> 00:30:41,590 I needed to stay as far away from Christian as possible. 565 00:30:44,092 --> 00:30:47,262 I got into a fight with my daughter. She called me selfish. 566 00:30:47,846 --> 00:30:49,097 And I think she's right. 567 00:30:50,390 --> 00:30:52,559 - Just makes me wanna say, "Fuck it". - I hear you. 568 00:30:52,642 --> 00:30:55,145 Throw out my 33 days and get drunk. 569 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,522 - Exactly. - To feel good. 570 00:30:57,898 --> 00:30:59,316 Or even just better. 571 00:31:00,650 --> 00:31:03,737 Anything to fill this God-sized hole. 572 00:31:05,739 --> 00:31:08,825 Shit! Oh my God! I did it again. 573 00:31:09,326 --> 00:31:12,954 Uh... Oh. And you're my sponsor, so... 574 00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:16,166 What the hell is wrong with me? 575 00:31:17,626 --> 00:31:20,712 - There is nothing wrong with you. - What are you talking about? 576 00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:23,882 I slept with the closest thing I had to a spiritual advisor. 577 00:31:23,965 --> 00:31:28,929 And now I need a new one so badly that I had to ask you to make a house call. 578 00:31:30,514 --> 00:31:33,558 - Thank you for coming, by the way. - Oh, no, I was glad you reached out. 579 00:31:34,351 --> 00:31:38,939 Everything happens for a reason, Angie, and God is everything or God is nothing. 580 00:31:39,481 --> 00:31:41,483 They say that in AA. 581 00:31:42,025 --> 00:31:43,527 Are you a twelve-stepper? 582 00:31:44,694 --> 00:31:46,405 Let's just say I have a past. 583 00:31:46,488 --> 00:31:47,656 Booze? 584 00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:49,616 Drugs? Gambling? 585 00:31:49,699 --> 00:31:50,534 Strippers? 586 00:31:50,617 --> 00:31:53,203 It doesn't matter, except that it brought me to God. 587 00:31:54,454 --> 00:31:56,915 Fine. Don't tell me. You're no fun. 588 00:31:56,998 --> 00:31:59,418 No, I'm fun. But it's the kind of fun that lands you in jail. 589 00:32:00,293 --> 00:32:04,339 The good news about hitting bottom is that the only place to go is up. 590 00:32:04,423 --> 00:32:08,260 But you have to be willing to do the work. You have to be willing to save yourself. 591 00:32:08,718 --> 00:32:11,430 You need to bring your attention back to you. 592 00:32:11,513 --> 00:32:14,224 But I thought you told Patty to be less focused on herself? 593 00:32:14,307 --> 00:32:17,310 Well, I'm not talking about selfishness, I'm talking about self-care. 594 00:32:18,395 --> 00:32:22,441 You need to be able to meet your own needs without looking outside yourself. 595 00:32:22,524 --> 00:32:26,403 Because no amount of drinking or drugging 596 00:32:26,486 --> 00:32:29,281 or sex is gonna fix you. 597 00:32:30,282 --> 00:32:32,409 It really is an inside job. 598 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:36,663 See, Pastor Mike, when you say "inside job," 599 00:32:37,247 --> 00:32:38,999 I think of something else. 600 00:32:39,207 --> 00:32:43,920 Angie, we need to get you back to the real you. 601 00:32:44,004 --> 00:32:48,508 Before the booze and the sex and the drugs. 602 00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:54,639 Honestly, I don't remember. 603 00:32:58,059 --> 00:32:59,769 Hey, but I have some old journals. 604 00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:02,314 Maybe I could find some answers in there. 605 00:33:02,397 --> 00:33:03,899 Here's to finding answers. 606 00:33:04,441 --> 00:33:05,484 Answers. 607 00:33:06,902 --> 00:33:10,530 I was determined to show Brick that I cared about him. 608 00:33:10,614 --> 00:33:12,991 And now that I knew some tricks of the trade, 609 00:33:13,074 --> 00:33:15,994 I was gonna be the most supportive father in the crowd. 610 00:33:16,077 --> 00:33:18,371 That is a technical violation! 611 00:33:19,539 --> 00:33:21,917 - Hey, how's Brick doing? - Great! 612 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,627 But that other boy is a cheater, 613 00:33:23,710 --> 00:33:25,962 plus his onesie is not doing him any favors. 614 00:33:26,630 --> 00:33:29,007 - I don't think that's what it's... - Go, Brick! 615 00:33:30,509 --> 00:33:32,093 Be his boss! 616 00:33:32,886 --> 00:33:36,306 Listen, Patty. I hope you understand, but I am here to support Brick. 617 00:33:36,389 --> 00:33:38,600 I don't want him to think I'm here to talk to you, so. 618 00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:40,810 Yeah, sure. I get it. 619 00:33:49,569 --> 00:33:52,072 - Patty's totally looking. - Brick's not. 620 00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:55,408 So. Do you wanna stop? 621 00:33:55,492 --> 00:33:56,618 Actually... 622 00:33:57,786 --> 00:33:58,620 no. 623 00:34:01,706 --> 00:34:02,749 This one's for you, babe. 624 00:34:08,421 --> 00:34:10,048 Hey. I didn't know you were coming. 625 00:34:10,131 --> 00:34:12,676 Your mom said you'd be here. I wanted to talk to you. 626 00:34:12,759 --> 00:34:15,262 A weird thing happened to me last night and I feel kind of crazy. 627 00:34:15,345 --> 00:34:17,055 Oh my God, I feel crazy. 628 00:34:17,138 --> 00:34:19,933 I set up Magnolia and Christian so Magnolia wouldn't be mad about Brick, 629 00:34:20,016 --> 00:34:21,977 but now I can't stop thinking about Christian. 630 00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:25,438 But I can't steel her boyfriend a second time, that would be selfish. 631 00:34:25,522 --> 00:34:26,731 Oh my God! Seriously? 632 00:34:27,274 --> 00:34:30,277 Uh! Which hot guy should I be with? Nobody cares! 633 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:31,903 Helmet, helmet! 634 00:34:35,365 --> 00:34:36,908 Nonnie, slow down! 635 00:34:36,992 --> 00:34:39,661 Hey, wait! What's wrong? 636 00:34:39,744 --> 00:34:42,956 I told you something crazy happened to me, but you ran right over it. 637 00:34:43,039 --> 00:34:46,293 - I'm sorry. What happened? - A girl asked me out. 638 00:34:46,585 --> 00:34:49,337 - What d'you say? - I didn't really say anything. 639 00:34:51,006 --> 00:34:52,632 Okay, so what's the crazy thing? 640 00:34:52,966 --> 00:34:53,883 That's it! 641 00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:57,304 I just told you. It totally freaks me out. 642 00:34:57,387 --> 00:34:59,222 She said I put out a vibe. 643 00:35:03,476 --> 00:35:05,520 Do you think I put out a vibe? 644 00:35:05,604 --> 00:35:07,772 - A vibe, what kind of vibe? - A gay vibe! 645 00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:11,318 I don't know, I've never really thought about it. 646 00:35:11,401 --> 00:35:13,278 Yeah, of course you've never thought about it. 647 00:35:13,361 --> 00:35:17,032 You've never, ever thought about it, that's the fucking problem! 648 00:35:17,115 --> 00:35:19,242 - Why are you getting so upset? - Because! 649 00:35:20,201 --> 00:35:21,202 This! 650 00:35:32,589 --> 00:35:33,590 Nonnie. 651 00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:35,675 I love you. 652 00:35:38,303 --> 00:35:40,138 More than anyone in the world. 653 00:35:40,930 --> 00:35:43,099 But not like that. 654 00:35:47,187 --> 00:35:48,396 Oh, God. 655 00:35:49,022 --> 00:35:50,315 Oh my God. 656 00:35:50,398 --> 00:35:51,858 I've ruined everything. 657 00:35:51,941 --> 00:35:53,985 No. No you didn't. 658 00:35:54,069 --> 00:35:56,029 - Nothing has to change. - Of course it does. 659 00:35:56,112 --> 00:35:58,365 - Wait. - Everything's different now. 660 00:35:58,448 --> 00:36:00,408 Why? I don't care. 661 00:36:01,743 --> 00:36:04,829 Oh my God! You always make it about you! 662 00:36:04,913 --> 00:36:06,206 What do you mean, "always"? 663 00:36:07,165 --> 00:36:08,750 Even before you got skinny, 664 00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:13,088 even before Bob and pageants and the fucking hot guys, 665 00:36:13,171 --> 00:36:15,423 all we ever talked about was you. 666 00:36:15,507 --> 00:36:17,676 How you felt, what you wanted, 667 00:36:17,759 --> 00:36:21,513 and now I'm finally, finally figuring out what I want 668 00:36:21,596 --> 00:36:23,932 and you're still making it about you? 669 00:36:25,433 --> 00:36:27,769 God! Could you be more self-involved? 670 00:36:35,485 --> 00:36:36,986 Penetrate him! 671 00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:39,739 Penetrate him! 672 00:36:39,823 --> 00:36:41,324 Finish him off! 673 00:36:45,954 --> 00:36:48,790 - Brick Armstrong is down... - Hold up, son. Easy. 674 00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:50,250 What happened? 675 00:36:51,501 --> 00:36:52,544 I messed up. 676 00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:54,421 Yeah, me too. 677 00:36:54,504 --> 00:36:55,547 Easy. 678 00:36:55,839 --> 00:36:56,965 Are you... Is he all right? 679 00:36:57,048 --> 00:36:58,925 Yeah, it looks like it's just a sprain. 680 00:36:59,008 --> 00:37:01,386 - Oh, thank God. - Are you kidding me? 681 00:37:02,011 --> 00:37:04,389 This was my biggest meet of the season and you ruined it. 682 00:37:05,682 --> 00:37:08,393 I like it a lot better when you didn't care about me, so... 683 00:37:09,310 --> 00:37:10,979 don't ever come to any of my matches again. 684 00:37:12,188 --> 00:37:15,191 Let's hear it for him, folks. Brick Armstrong. 685 00:37:18,111 --> 00:37:22,824 All I do is hurt him, like my dad did to me. I... 686 00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:27,495 I wish I could just wave a magic wand and be a better dad. 687 00:37:27,787 --> 00:37:29,414 Like a fairy godmother. 688 00:37:30,498 --> 00:37:31,332 Maybe you can. 689 00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:34,544 Get baptized with me tomorrow. 690 00:37:35,628 --> 00:37:38,047 Pastor Mike says it's a new beginning, a fresh start. 691 00:37:38,131 --> 00:37:40,133 Look. I'd love to believe 692 00:37:40,216 --> 00:37:42,719 that a dip in a kiddie pool will wash away all my sins 693 00:37:42,802 --> 00:37:46,931 and save my marriage and improve my relationship with Brick, 694 00:37:47,015 --> 00:37:51,019 but it seems like kind of a lofty expectation, don't you think? 695 00:37:53,313 --> 00:37:54,647 What do you have to lose? 696 00:37:56,232 --> 00:37:59,944 She had already saved me once when I was going to end it all. 697 00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:01,738 Maybe she could do it again. 698 00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:04,032 A double dunk. 699 00:38:04,741 --> 00:38:07,494 Well, I like it. That is, if you're both ready. 700 00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:12,248 Bob. 701 00:38:15,919 --> 00:38:18,963 Mm. So much longing. 702 00:38:19,047 --> 00:38:22,300 Yeah, to fix things with my son. I really screwed that up. 703 00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:23,802 It's more than that. 704 00:38:25,053 --> 00:38:27,972 You have a God-sized hole. 705 00:38:29,724 --> 00:38:31,768 I don't know what that means. 706 00:38:31,851 --> 00:38:35,647 It means nothing will ever be enough to fill you up. 707 00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:38,817 Nothing, except the Holy Spirit. 708 00:38:41,486 --> 00:38:44,447 Okay. Am I good to go or what? 709 00:38:45,073 --> 00:38:46,074 You are. 710 00:38:46,699 --> 00:38:49,619 And Bob, whatever it is you're yearning for, 711 00:38:50,119 --> 00:38:51,371 God will provide. 712 00:38:54,499 --> 00:38:55,500 Patty. 713 00:39:01,589 --> 00:39:03,550 What? What's wrong? 714 00:39:04,175 --> 00:39:05,260 That's a lot going on there. 715 00:39:05,927 --> 00:39:08,137 - You need this more than I thought. - I know. 716 00:39:08,596 --> 00:39:10,515 I'm starting to wonder if I'm terminally selfish. 717 00:39:10,598 --> 00:39:12,433 Patty... Shh! Of course you're not. 718 00:39:12,517 --> 00:39:14,561 Hold on, Bob. Patty, what do you mean? 719 00:39:15,103 --> 00:39:16,896 My best friend told me she was in love with me. 720 00:39:16,980 --> 00:39:19,899 - I could have told you that. - And I said all of the wrong things. 721 00:39:19,983 --> 00:39:22,485 All I can think about is getting what I want. 722 00:39:22,569 --> 00:39:24,904 I think even this selfless thing that I did was all about me. 723 00:39:24,988 --> 00:39:27,156 Patty, stop! We need to get you baptized. 724 00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:29,868 We really do. She really needs this. 725 00:39:32,287 --> 00:39:33,788 What if it doesn't work? 726 00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:37,417 Have you ever had someone who couldn't be saved? 727 00:39:37,500 --> 00:39:38,626 No. 728 00:39:40,169 --> 00:39:41,004 Not yet. 729 00:39:42,422 --> 00:39:43,715 We'll start in a few minutes. 730 00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:48,469 - Hi. - Pastor Mike. 731 00:39:48,553 --> 00:39:51,222 - Oh, hi. - I found something. In my journal. 732 00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:52,307 Okay. 733 00:39:53,683 --> 00:39:56,769 It's a list of all the guys I slept with. 734 00:39:56,853 --> 00:39:58,313 From when I was 17. 735 00:39:58,396 --> 00:40:00,982 Wow. Wow! You were busy. 736 00:40:01,190 --> 00:40:03,318 Kinda thought of it as a badge of honor. 737 00:40:03,693 --> 00:40:05,069 But I was only Patty's age. 738 00:40:05,153 --> 00:40:09,365 And the thought of her like this, I don't want her to turn out like me. 739 00:40:10,283 --> 00:40:11,326 I need your help. 740 00:40:12,118 --> 00:40:14,579 Tomorrow. Today is Patty's day. 741 00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:17,457 Right. Today's not about me. 742 00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:21,711 Oh. 743 00:40:28,509 --> 00:40:29,344 Hey. 744 00:40:30,637 --> 00:40:33,389 I'm sorry for overreacting to you guys dating. 745 00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:36,100 You are? 746 00:40:37,518 --> 00:40:39,312 Turns out it was for the best. 747 00:40:40,647 --> 00:40:42,982 I like Christian, a lot. 748 00:40:44,567 --> 00:40:46,819 So... friends? 749 00:40:49,155 --> 00:40:50,281 - Friends. - Friends. 750 00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:51,658 To you guys. 751 00:40:56,788 --> 00:40:57,830 Wow. 752 00:40:58,623 --> 00:40:59,666 That's a relief. 753 00:40:59,749 --> 00:41:01,417 Did you just make up with Patty? 754 00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:04,963 No. I spiked her cider with liquid molly. 755 00:41:05,046 --> 00:41:08,800 When Pastor Mike sees she's high, she'll be out of Miss Magic Jesus. 756 00:41:09,092 --> 00:41:10,551 Nobody fucks with a Barnard. 757 00:41:12,011 --> 00:41:13,012 Oh my God. 758 00:41:14,889 --> 00:41:16,849 We are sisters. 759 00:41:19,018 --> 00:41:23,398 We are therefore buried into baptism with Him through death. 760 00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:28,778 Just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, 761 00:41:28,861 --> 00:41:31,197 we too may live a new life. 762 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:32,115 Bob. 763 00:41:32,198 --> 00:41:35,952 For the first time in days, I finally felt peace. 764 00:41:40,832 --> 00:41:43,668 I could already feel the power of the Spirit. 765 00:41:46,587 --> 00:41:51,509 I felt warm, ecstatic. Like I was pure love. 766 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:56,014 It was a truly religious experience. 767 00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:58,683 I almost felt like I was high. 768 00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:02,770 I just knew once I was dunked, 769 00:42:03,396 --> 00:42:09,485 all my selfishness would be gone and everything was going to be fine. 770 00:42:21,748 --> 00:42:24,584 Hey. Hey! 771 00:42:24,959 --> 00:42:26,252 Down here. 772 00:42:26,335 --> 00:42:29,005 Yeah, it's me, the donut. 773 00:42:29,797 --> 00:42:31,466 I'm talking to you. 774 00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:34,260 Are you God? 775 00:42:34,343 --> 00:42:38,014 No. I'm your hole. Your God-sized hole. 776 00:42:38,097 --> 00:42:42,852 The reason you're obsessed with food and boys and Bob. 777 00:42:42,935 --> 00:42:44,812 What do you want? 778 00:42:45,021 --> 00:42:47,190 I want you to fill me up. 779 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,985 Oh, you'll never be satisfied unless you take what you want. 780 00:42:51,069 --> 00:42:55,698 I thought I was supposed to be self "less." 781 00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:59,243 Screw selflessness. You only live once. 782 00:42:59,327 --> 00:43:02,330 Don't let that hot bad boy get away. 783 00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:21,557 Patty's high. Look! 784 00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:27,980 Yes! She was moved by the Spirit. 785 00:43:28,064 --> 00:43:29,482 Oh, that's just bullshit. 786 00:43:31,150 --> 00:43:33,152 God damn it. I'm so sorry, all. 787 00:43:34,403 --> 00:43:38,324 I knew exactly what I wanted. And exactly what I had to do. 788 00:43:38,908 --> 00:43:40,743 We need to break up, sorry. 789 00:43:40,827 --> 00:43:42,703 - Pastor Mike was wrong. - Hey, babe... 790 00:43:43,162 --> 00:43:44,789 It wasn't time to be selfless... 791 00:43:45,164 --> 00:43:46,999 You. Come with me. 792 00:43:47,375 --> 00:43:49,710 It was time for me to finally get what I want. 793 00:43:53,756 --> 00:43:57,176 Patty may have been moved by the Spirit, but I just felt... 794 00:43:57,260 --> 00:43:59,428 Wet. 795 00:44:00,304 --> 00:44:01,597 Nothing had changed. 796 00:44:02,890 --> 00:44:03,975 Hey, buddy. 797 00:44:07,019 --> 00:44:07,854 You okay? 798 00:44:09,147 --> 00:44:10,398 Patty broke up with me. 799 00:44:11,899 --> 00:44:15,444 My first straight blow off and I really... 800 00:44:17,238 --> 00:44:18,197 I really liked her. 801 00:44:20,449 --> 00:44:21,576 I'm sorry... 802 00:44:22,076 --> 00:44:23,536 for making it about me. 803 00:44:25,204 --> 00:44:26,164 Well, I... 804 00:44:27,456 --> 00:44:28,958 I was thinking about the Regina thing. 805 00:44:30,251 --> 00:44:31,586 You were right, Dad... 806 00:44:32,962 --> 00:44:34,172 that was about you. 807 00:44:36,048 --> 00:44:36,924 So... 808 00:44:38,676 --> 00:44:39,510 sorry. 809 00:44:47,435 --> 00:44:48,936 Coach told me you stopped by. 810 00:44:50,146 --> 00:44:52,440 - And that you let Barnard kick your ass. - Yeah. 811 00:44:52,523 --> 00:44:55,318 - I even put on a body suit. - It's a singlet. 812 00:44:57,778 --> 00:44:58,613 Thanks, Dad. 813 00:45:05,036 --> 00:45:08,372 Maybe miracles were possible after all. 814 00:45:23,596 --> 00:45:27,475 It was finally my time to get what I wanted. 815 00:45:28,476 --> 00:45:32,188 Wait. I don't have protection. We don't want any surprises. 816 00:45:32,939 --> 00:45:33,981 Seriously? 817 00:45:34,065 --> 00:45:37,401 Relax. There's other stuff we can do. 818 00:45:39,111 --> 00:45:42,240 I'm gonna do something nice for you. 819 00:45:50,706 --> 00:45:51,707 Oh, God.