[Patty] My boyfriend was kissing another girl.
He was the nicest guy alive.
Which meant there must have been something wrong with me.
Oh, shit.
[Brick] Patty, wait! No!
Patty, I am so, so sorry.
I was trying to prove I was a better kisser. I did it for you.
You expect me to believe that?
Yes. Why else do you think I would want to?
Maybe because she looks amazing in that costume that didn't fit me.
Patty, that's crazy.
Is it? 'Cause you literally just said
how great she looked, and then you ditched me.
That's not what happened!
So why don't you tell me what happened then?
Yeah...
Maybe it's because Magnolia doesn't make everything about her.
Excuse me?
My parents are getting a divorce. All right?
I'm not getting into college. Did you ever even ask me about that?
- Of course, I... - No, not even once!
So at least Magnolia listens to me.
I listen.
Of course I listened.
Brick just couldn't tell me the truth.
I knew the real reason he liked Magnolia better than me.
The one thing she had that I didn't.
She was thinner than me.
[sighs] Whatever, Brick.
We're done.
Patty...
[Bob] I couldn't believe my mom killed herself.
She just checked out and left me and my dad behind.
And I almost did the same thing.
I tried to kill myself twice,
and I would've left my son.
I couldn't believe I had been so selfish.
Hi.
Are you here 'cause you heard Patty and I broke up?
What?
Oh, no. I... I had no idea.
Uh-huh.
I didn't, but I am here,
if you want to talk about it.
All right.
Um...
I kissed Magnolia, and Patty dumped me.
Oh. How is Patty?
Seriously?
I thought you said you were here for me.
- Oh, no, I am. - You're more worried about Patty.
No, I'm... I'm not more worried...
Okay, I knew I shouldn't have told you, and I knew you'd take her side.
Brick, I'm always on your side.
Yeah, okay. Good talk, Dad.
I was on Brick's side.
I just didn't always know how to show up.
And after everything that happened,
I wondered if maybe that's how my own dad felt about me.
Thanks for coming, Dad.
Well, I almost didn't.
Your apology on TV...
Jesus! Real pussy move, son.
Dad, I wanted to tell you something nice,
but, wow, you are making it hard.
It was just that whiny "I'm sorry!"
So embarrassing.
My friends at the club actually asked me if you were Canadian.
Dad, stop.
I wanted to thank you.
Thank me?
For how you protected me...
from knowing about Mom.
You know, I spent... so many years
feeling sure that you hated me, but...
now I think maybe you were always on my side.
You just...
didn't exactly know how to show up.
Hard time back then.
No problem.
Well, maybe we could spend some time together...
sometime.
Sure. Retirement's boring as shit.
I mean, how many Judge Judys can you watch? [laughs]
You know, they do a free breakfast at some of the strip clubs in Atlanta.
Maybe you and I could do a waffles and big time titties kinda thing, huh?
You do still like titties, right?
Ye... Mm, yeah. Um...
But... Or you could...
come to a pageant sometime?
Yeah, that's never gonna happen.
[chuckles] Okay, Dad. Good talk.
Yeah, okay.
[laughs and grunts]
[sighs]
I do have one regret, though.
Oh, yeah, just the one.
I never should've left your mom alone.
I knew she was in a fragile state of mind. I just...
[exhales]
I had a big case and...
I thought that she'd be fine for a few hours.
But when I got back, she was gone.
And you were crying.
You tried for a half an hour to wake her up...
and neither one of us could save her.
I do have one other regret.
The Ice Capades.
You begged and begged until I finally took you there just to shut you up...
- I was finally bonding with my dad... - How 'bout that time...
...but now all I could think about was Patty.
She was in a fragile state, just like my mom.
She just broke up with Brick,
and the last time she ended a relationship,
- she didn't exactly make the best choices. - Dad...
I gotta go.
Uh, well...
Oh. Uh, okay.
Careful.
Go!
[cleans throat] Good job.
[Patty] I refused to let Brick and Magnolia get the best of me,
so I decided to take control of my life.
I was gonna lose a bunch of weight, get a revenge body, win State,
and let Brick Armstrong eat his cheating little heart out.
[Angie] You don't feel like eating anything?
Figured you'd be starving after your workout.
I can't eat this.
I'm paleo now.
I can make pancakes.
I can't have anything processed.
You know what? Whatever. I'll make myself some egg whites.
So...
how's the food stuff going?
- You still going to OA? - Why?
Uh, because I get it. [laughs]
I know food and alcohol issues aren't exactly the same, but...
you ever want to talk, I'm here.
For how long?
Honey...
Listen.
I know I made a lot of mistakes.
And that probably added to you feeling like you had to turn to food.
But I'm not gonna let you down, not ever again.
Thank you for saying that, Mom.
My baby.
All right. Well, I gotta go to work.
Dixie called an emergency staff meeting.
- All wiens on deck. - [snorts]
Call me if you need anything, okay? All right.
The egg whites weren't gonna be enough. Maybe some yogurt.
Just a little. For some crunch.
It was supposed to be a couple of bites,
but I was so stressed about getting thinner, it just made me want to eat.
[crunching]
Probably should've gone to an OA meeting.
Screw it. The next hour would be way better spent in the gym,
burning off all those calories. [knock at door]
Hey, I heard from Brick about the breakup.
I wanted to check on you.
[Patty] I was a mess.
Thanks. I'm okay.
You sure? I mean, you wanna talk about it?
I didn't have time for talk.
No, I'm just headed out to the gym.
Patty, I'm worried that you might be triggered.
I'm not. I'm great. I'm inspired.
I'm gonna win State. I'm taking care of myself.
You said it yourself, Brick was a distraction.
- I know, but... - So this worked out great, right?
I just want to let you know that I am here for you. Anything you need.
What I need is for you to help me find a talent for State.
Great! I can do that. Let's get started on that right away.
But the gym...
Well, the gym can wait. There's no emergency, right?
The faster I found a talent, the faster I could get to the gym.
[Bob] We'd been trying to find a talent all day.
We were both grasping at straws.
Patty, what is that?
A sword. Or a fairy wand.
Eiffel Tower? Leaning Tower of Pisa?
- This is not gonna work. - I don't know what else to do.
We've tried singing and handbells and bongos.
How am I gonna win State?
We're running out of time.
Whoa! Whoa! Let's take a break, huh?
We'll grab some food. Wiener Taco. My treat.
I couldn't eat wiener tacos and stay thin.
I can meet you there in an hour. I'm gonna just hit the gym first.
Patty was acting weird.
There was no way I was letting her out of my sight.
[song playing]
Patty, this is so great.
We should do all our workouts together.
Hi. Jonathan.
[panting]
You're either trying to pick me up or sell me training sessions, but...
either way, it's not happening.
Okay, first of all, you have horrible gaydar,
and I'm not trying to sell you anything. I just want to say hi.
Hi.
It's your second time in here today. Impressive.
Yeah. Well, it's pageant season. I've got calories to burn.
I noticed. Three hours on the bike this morning and now a run?
Aren't you exhausted?
No. I have tons of energy.
Just be careful. It's not healthy to over-cardio.
I'm not. I'm pushing myself.
People can get crazy.
Well, I'm not crazy, but thank you so much for your concern.
- [beeping] - Bob, let's go.
Oh!
Thank God. I'm starving. Shower up.
Meet me back here in five?
Patty,
I know you just broke up with Brick, and it is nice to get attention,
but I'm pretty sure that guy is gay.
[song playing]
[speaking Korean]
K-pop!
[Patty] Dixie!
What's all this?
I decided, now that I'm Korean,
I wanted to make this place look more like Korea.
What makes you think this looks like Korea?
She googled Korea and found a bunch of K-pop videos.
Just go with it.
Hey, I was looking for you after the dance, but you split.
I'm Henry, Dixie's bio bro.
Uh, hi.
Mm, I'm so sorry. She...
She can't right now.
Wh... Hey!
Bob, what are you doing? He's hot!
You need some time to heal.
Let's just leave bio bro alone,
at least until we find you a talent.
Well, spit on my tits! Ain't this a nice surprise?
- You want to join us? - Oh, no, I can't.
I'm on my new Korean-style two-minute break.
If I sit down, I'll get electro-shocked by this godforsaken new tie.
That poor girl's got her Koreas confused.
What are you guys doing here?
Oh, it's just a little food break.
Before we can go back to figuring out more things that I suck at.
We are having a little trouble finding a talent for State, but we will nail it!
We still have a few weeks, and then
your mother and I will be there to cheer you on when you get that crown!
Uh, yeah. Um... About that...
What?
I can't make it.
Seriously?
You said you would never let me down again.
Except this one last time.
I am so, so sorry!
Dixie's making us get new hairdos from this K-pop stylist that day.
- You can't get one day off? - I wish I could,
but I need this job for us.
You know what? Whatever. Keys?
I'm taking the car.
The least you can do for me is get a ride home.
You wanna go after her, or should I?
Oh, no, don't. She needs her space.
She'll get over it.
You know she always does, right?
[crackling]
God... Goddamn it!
- What? - I didn't... I...
I could blame Brick's rejection on the size of my body...
- but my mom's? - [engine turning over]
That must've been about me.
[engine turning over]
All I wanted to do was go home and eat.
Was that too much to ask?
[sighs]
[yelling]
Hey, I can help you with that.
All right. You're gonna have to tell me what's wrong
'cause I'm pretty sure it's not just about the car.
I'm not telling you my problems.
Then I'm not fixing your car.
Fine. You really wanna know?
My mom pretty much bails on me at every turn.
So, shocker: I feel horrible about myself.
I totally relate to that.
Really?
Yeah. I'm pre-law and pre-med, which is, like, impossible, okay?
And it's still not enough.
Ever since Dixie disappeared, the pressure to succeed was just put on me...
Screw Brick. Was this my shot at getting an even hotter boyfriend?
All right. All fixed.
Loose alternator wire.
You wanna get outta here?
Oh, I wish. I have somewhere to be though.
But, hey, you can totally come with if you can give me a ride.
[electronic music playing]
[crowd cheering]
[girls screaming]
For the first time in a week, I didn't think about food
because Henry was a snack.
[crowd cheers]
[girls screaming]
[man] Ladies, give it up for Diesel!
And suddenly, I had a new obsession.
So, let me get this straight,
you're a pre-law, pre-med stripper.
Do you do this to pay for school, or to piss off your mom?
Pissing my mom off is definitely an added benefit,
but I do it to feel good about myself.
How exactly does taking your clothes off in front of strangers
make you feel good about yourself?
It gives me confidence.
Right, 'cause you had a confidence problem.
I did. Look, Asian-American guys get treated like the bottom of the barrel.
We're the least swiped on all the dating apps. It's a thing.
After a while,
that kinda stuff messes with your head, no matter what you look like.
So you decided to strip.
Yeah, as a way to get comfortable in my skin.
When the clothes come off, your skin's the only thing left, right?
He had everything I wanted.
He was better than a sponsor.
Do you think you could teach me...
to feel good in my body?
Yeah! Through meditation, breath work, movement.
It takes time, but it's worth it.
Whoa! What's worth it?
What are you doing here?
I followed you from the Wiener Taco to save yourself from your own bad judgment.
It's not bad judgment. I think I might've found my talent for State.
What? You want to strip?
Stripping...
[yelling]
Stripping is not a talent!
[man] Screw you! You get up here and do this!
Oh, no, I meant for her. You guys are...
Oh! You're doing amazing.
Here... Thank you...
for your service. Mmm.
Bob, not strip! Dance!
Do you think you could teach me to dance?
Yeah. I mean...
I guess.
Fine. As long as the clothes stay on.
How soon can you start?
[keyboard keys tapping]
So are you gonna just keep staring at me,
or are you gonna tell me why you wanted to come over?
We need to talk about our kiss.
Look,
I care about you...
a lot,
but I'm really trying to just focus on myself right now,
so I think we should just keep things simple and...
stay friends.
Right. Um...
Friends. Totally.
So, how's the Hughes application going?
[sighs] Hard.
Especially these essay questions.
Well, I'm sorry. I'd help, but essays aren't exactly my thing.
I guess that's one good thing about me skipping college.
Have you figured out what you wanna do yet?
Well, I have one idea, but it's probably stupid.
Tell me.
So, remember when you told me to watch those YouTube kissing videos?
I still can't believe you did that. [laughs]
Turns out the people who make those can make a ton of money.
So you want to make kissing videos?
No, but I want to be an influencer doing something...
that I'm good at.
The only problem is I have no clue what that is.
You are good at...
being a good guy.
I mean, whenever we talk,
I feel like you're always listening.
Hm.
Like...
really...
listening.
So...
- that might be something. - Right. Um...
I could make a video of me really listening.
And then people could watch it!
It would be like those aquarium videos for dogs!
Like this. Here...
[Magnolia laughs]
What are you doing with your face?
Okay, you might be onto something with this whole good guy thing, but...
not this.
[Bob Barnard] Rudy just invited me to his apartment.
So what's the big deal?
- The big deal is he's hot. - Yeah, I guess he is handsome.
Come on. He looks like gay Superman with his muscles
and the dimples and the perfect teeth.
I think
it'd be good for me to have a rebound, even if it's just a distraction.
Don't you think?
[clattering, yelling]
Sure. I gotta go.
[thudding]
[distant footsteps]
[clattering]
[footsteps getting closer]
[creaking]
Sh...
[low whine]
[screaming]
[sneezes]
What in the world?
- Goddamn, it's dusty in there! - Regina, what are you doin'?
I don't know if you heard, but...
I stole Dixie from the Mall of Minneapolis.
Yes, I heard.
- So, I'm hiding from the cops. - In my closet?
Technically, it's the space between the closet and the wall.
Luckily, I still had a key from when I sold you the house.
Okay. You know what? I'm calling the cops
- because this is creepy. - Oh, no! I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Otherwise, I won't give you the name and number of our Tampoozle investor,
so you can carry on while I'm gone.
You know what?
You're a convicted felon, and if you think that I am gonna let...
What? Shelby? Okay, what's Shelby's last name?
[woman] You've reached the Georgia Department of Corrections.
Please stay on the line as our menu has changed.
- [gasps] - [knock at door]
Hey, man. Thanks for coming.
Here. I brought some wine.
Come in. [laughs]
Uh, thanks. I don't usually drink when I work.
Wait. Uh...
This is a work meeting?
Yeah.
What'd you think it was?
That. A work meeting.
Just the two of us working professionally, here in your apartment.
Why are we in your apartment?
'Cause I have a theory about Roxy's murder.
Of course. You want to talk to me about Roxy.
And the chief told me to drop it, but...
I can't.
So, you know, we needed to meet in secret.
Got it.
What is your theory?
Your daughter's murder seemed too ritualistic to be a one-time thing.
The way the body was staged, that's the behavior of a serial killer.
Do you have any suspects?
Well...
Patty Bladell.
[scoffs] No. There's no way Patty Bladell is a serial killer.
- I'm not so sure. - Well...
I'm also looking at
Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson.
- You know, the runner-up behind Patty. - Hm-mm.
You know she went to compete in another region and won.
Now that sounds like a girl who'd do anything to win.
I'm not waiting for another murder,
so I'm going to State on my own dime.
All right.
There's just one problem.
I don't know anything about the pageant world.
That's why I called you.
You were a pageant dad for so long with Magnolia,
I figured you could help me navigate the waters, give me the inside track.
Of course, especially if I can help catch Roxy's killer.
Great. Then you can share my hotel room.
Y... Your hotel room?
It's a pageant weekend, and the hotel's almost completely booked.
- I got us the last room. - Yeah.
[both laugh]
[music starts] Ready? And five, six, seven, eight.
And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
- Dang it! - [music stops]
Patty, it's not that hard.
Hm?
It's just one, two, shave that cake,
pop that Tic Tac, 'round the world, and jazz feet. Now you try.
No! This is the 45th talent I've tried! I'm worthless!
Calm down! We will get it!
Do you really have to be here every second? Why can't you just leave me alone?
- Because you are fragile. - What's that supposed to mean?
You just broke up with Brick.
And we both know what happened the last time
- a relationship didn't work out. - What happened?
- Nothing! - Nothing!
Bob, back off. You are making me angry.
Hey, why don't we take advantage of this rage?
I could teach you capoeira.
What's capoeira?
It's an Afro-Brazilian discipline that blends martial arts and dancing.
It's perfect!
You mean a Korean-American guy is gonna teach
a Caucasian girl an Afro-Brazilian dance?
Isn't that cultural appropriation?
At some point, doesn't it all just cancel itself out?
[music playing]
It took me a minute to get up to speed, but Henry was right.
I was a capoeira natural.
I had finally found my talent.
Plus, I had found the solution to my bingeing.
With Henry around, I totally forgot about eating.
And we were dancing so much, I didn't have to go to the gym.
But while this should've been the hottest montage ever,
I had my coach as a constant cockblocking companion.
I still felt like I was starving,
but this time, not for food.
Leave room for Jesus!
And the student surpasses the teacher.
Nope.
We leave for State tomorrow,
and you need to get home and get a good night's rest.
I'll drive. She'll call ya.
[sighs]
I just wish Bob would leave me and Henry alone.
- Feels like we're soul mates. - Soul mates?
You guys have known each other for, what, three weeks?
Four! But it feels like my whole life.
Plus, we've been spending every waking moment together.
It all seems kind of fast. I mean, you just broke up with Brick.
Look, before I met Henry, I was a mess.
I was broken and self-destructive.
But now, I... I have a great talent,
I have a hot guy, and I'm totally gonna win State!
And Brick will be totally jealous.
- So, this is about Brick. - No!
This is about me!
Henry is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
How is OA?
I mean, aren't you supposed to not, like, date for a year or...
Whatever. That's a dumb rule.
And besides, ever since I met Henry, I haven't even thought about food.
Maybe that's because you've replaced one addiction with another.
Can't you just be happy for me?
Not everyone takes things as slowly as you.
What's that supposed to mean?
Nonnie, I mean, you and Dee have been dating for, what, three months?
And you still haven't swiped your V card?
That's not my fault!
She keeps canceling on me!
She's using college as an excuse, but maybe she's just not that into me.
Or maybe you need to just up the romance factor.
Drive over there! Surprise her! Bring dinner or flowers, or...
you know, toys, accessories.
[knocks, girls scream]
- Oh, my God! - Henry!
I thought we were about to get ax-murdered!
- Hi! - Hey!
Henry, this is Nonnie. Nonnie, this is Henry.
- Hey. - What are you doing here?
Well, I thought we could use some alone time, away from Bob.
[giggles]
And that's my cue.
Love you. Thanks, Nonnie. Bye.
[romantic song playing]
[knock at door]
[Angie] Patty!
[knocking]
Patty! Sweetie, are you awake?
Yes, Mom! Hang on!
Crap. I'm late!
- Hey, wake up! - Hey.
- We fell asleep. You've gotta go! - Last night was...
- Yeah, listen. Please just get dressed. - [knocking]
- [Bob] Patty! Open this door right now! - Bob?
Bob, I can explain!
Now I know why you aren't answering any of my calls!
Everybody just calm down.
Do you have any idea how important this is for her? And you!
You let her have a boy sleep over the night before State?
[stammering] I didn't know.
That's even worse. This is the most important day of her life!
She doesn't care.
If she did, she'd be coming with us.
I have to go to work.
You should apologize.
Why? I'm not the one who keeps bailing.
I want Henry to come with us.
Absolutely not!
Finish getting dressed, and meet me downstairs in five minutes!
[door shuts]
It's okay. I'll drive up tomorrow, in time for the pageant.
You would do that for me?
Of course I would.
I love y...
Pageants!
- I love pageants, yes. - You love pageants?
Yeah, I'm not usually the guy that says he loves pageants.
Like ever.
It's just these past few weeks have been incredible.
I think that I love pageants too.
Nonnie was wrong.
Henry wasn't just a replacement drug.
He was my cure, and I wasn't ever gonna let him go.
You okay?
My gosh! I should've stayed away.
No matter what I do, I always manage to fuck things up with her.
We all mess up.
I mess up with Brick all the time.
Doesn't mean I stop trying.
If I can find common ground with my dad,
I mean, anything is possible.
So, stop feeling sorry for yourself and just do better.
And...
take it from me,
nobody's better off without a mom.
All right, yeah.
All right. Ready to go.
Well, good luck, sweetie.
I know you're gonna be amazing.
[door shuts]
[sighs]
I decided to take Patty's advice and give Dee a sexy surprise.
Oh, shit!
But since I had zero experience in the sexy department,
I figured I might need backup.
Dee was supposed to be studying, so what was with the suitcase?
What the hell?
Was she going on a secret weekend getaway without me?
I did what a cop would do.
Follow the suspect and collect as much evidence as possible.
[Dixie] Oh, my God!
Y'all look so Korean!
Dixie, I need the weekend off.
No way! Today is hair.
Tomorrow is optional plastic surgery.
Fine. No job is more important than showing up for my daughter.
I quit.
- What? - Me too!
I googled what it says on my name tag! It doesn't say Carly.
It says "cock face."
Um, you can't just leave Korea
without permission!
That's the wrong Korea, idiot!
- You know what? I'm quitting too! - What?
- [man] Now I'm stuck with this haircut! - What? No! I don't think so!
- Hey! - Peace out!
You can't just walk away with your uniforms!
What is going on? Why is everyone leaving?
Apparently they all hate Korea.
There's more to being Korean than just K-pop, Dixie.
Look, I get it. You've been through a lot.
It makes sense you'd be spinning out.
I am not spinning out!
I just wanted to be a part of the family,
and I thought maybe if I embraced my new cultural identity...
You already are a part of the family, Dixie.
We came all the way here from Minnesota just to find you.
Why do you think I've been hanging out here every day?
I wanted to get to know my sister.
Oh.
You're really sweet.
Are you sure we're blood related? Because you are so hot.
Good guys do give to charity.
Good guys...
don't catcall women.
Good guys do wipe the toilet seat.
Good guys...
don't think no means yes.
Brick, what is this?
It's "Good Guys Do and Good Guys Don't."
It's my new YouTube channel.
You are always telling me that I'm such a good guy, so I figure
why not teach other guys to be good too?
Good guys do open the door for a lady. Good guys don't fart in an elevator.
[laughing]
- Why are you laughing? - I'm sorry because
you're being so serious, and... but you're talking about farting! It's funny!
No, it is serious! It's super rude to fart in an elevator! Not funny!
You're right. It's... It's not funny.
It's... totally perfect.
And totally you, in the best possible way.
Uh, good guys don't kiss girls
who just told them they're trying to focus on themselves.
Do you think this hotel has a gym?
There's no time for that!
We should go over the itinerary,
decide what you're gonna wear for the meet and greet with...
[gasps]
Gloria Reyes?
I didn't realize she was gonna be here!
That must be a last minute addition to the schedule!
Who is Gloria Reyes?
Only a former Miss Philippines and Miss Universe,
and the fiercest pageant coach on the planet!
It is imperative that you make a good impression!
Why? It's just a meet and greet.
These meet and greets are a ruse!
They say they're just casual,
a way for the contestants to get to know each other and have a photo op,
but Gloria is a spy.
She will be watching all of you from the second you walk in that door,
and she could have a huge influence on the judges' decision.
Oh, my God! She's here!
[song playing]
She's a legend. I've met her before.
I'll introduce ya.
Excuse me. Miss Reyes?
I'm Bob Armstrong.
We've actually met before.
Are you the fellow who parked my Benz?
Hm... no. I'm a pageant coach.
We sat next to each other at the welcome brunch for Miss Beeftips.
It's not important that you remember me,
but I promise you will remember my client, Patty Bladell!
Patty! Now is not the ti...
Your client might want to work on her manners,
Mr. Barnstrong.
I knew Henry was a bad influence. You're obsessed!
I'm not!
I told you to make a good impression!
This could be devastating to your chances!
Who knows what Gloria's gonna tell the judges or...
It'll be fine!
I am gonna make a great impression! Look!
Your dress!
It's too big!
I know! I'm thinner! Isn't it amazing?
No! The pageant is tomorrow!
I'll have to call the concierge and see if they have a sewing machine.
But aren't you proud of me for losing weight?
I never told you to lose weight.
Have you been eating?
You mean overeating? No!
When I'm with Henry, I don't want to!
I'm telling you, he's like the best thing that has ever happened...
I mean, have you been eating at all?
Well, I'm not bingeing.
I'm losing weight. What is the problem?
The problem is I'm concerned.
You have issues with food, you've been acting erratic,
and that dress fit before.
Are you starving yourself?
Hello! I've been doing capoeira for like eight hours a day for weeks!
- Patty... - This is such bullshit!
First, my mom bails on me. Now you're just assuming the worst.
Is anyone on my side?
Of cour... I am on your side.
Great! Then can you just get a sewing machine and fix my dress?
I have to change.
Can you promise me that you will eat something at the meet and greet?
I promise.
You know what? I'm going with you.
You can't! No coaches allowed!
Bob, please.
Don't make this weird.
Just go. I have to get dressed.
[jail alarm rings]
You're too old to be one of my kids, and I'm not into brunettes,
so who the hell are you?
Oh, I'm Coralee Armstrong.
I own Tampazzle, or you might know it as Tampoozle.
Where the hell is Regina?
Oh, she's on the run from the law.
Attagirl!
Which means she won't be involved anymore.
And while Regina being a criminal herself might be okay with this situation,
I am not.
So I just wanted to let you know that I have signed a letter of intent,
and I'm planning on reimbursing you just as soon as I find another investor.
One that's more, um...
What's the word?
Legitimate.
Oh!
Well, um...
what's the word?
No fuckin' way!
Excuse me?
Just because Regina's out doesn't mean I am!
Who exactly do you think you are?
I am the boss.
Okay? Because you are in there,
and I am out here.
And there is nothing you can do about it.
[song playing]
[cameras clicking]
[people talking]
Bob was dead wrong.
If I wanted to make a good impression on Gloria,
eating was the last thing I was about to do.
Welcome, Miss Georgia American Lady contestants!
I am Candy Mullholland, this year's pageant director.
- [applause] - We are so excited...
Was that Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson?
...our very special guest with us tonight, Miss Gloria Reyes!
[cheering and clapping]
[Patty] What are you doing here?
Didn't I beat you at Regionals?
I competed in another region and won.
And who cares?
The only reason you're here is because you murdered Roxy.
- Killer! - Runner-up.
It's no wonder nobody wants to be around you.
[Patty] I thought we were past that?
After Roxy's memorial.
I guess you thought wrong. [chuckles]
You never get past being a killer.
Heather was right.
It didn't matter if I got a revenge body or a hotter guy.
I was still me.
So what was the point of trying to be in control?
[people muttering]
Patty Bladell!
It's your turn to sit with Gloria.
I should've been worried she'd heard the rumor.
But now all I could think about was pizza.
Hello, Patty. It's nice to see you again.
You have become quite infamous around here.
What do you mean?
I heard a little rumor.
That you killed Roxy Graham.
Who told you?
That Heather girl
with that exceptionally long and stupid name.
She's telling everyone.
Oh, my God.
I can't imagine what you must think of me now.
What I think
is that I'm impressed.
It seems that you and I have something more in common than I thought.
What do you mean?
The night before I won Miss Universe,
everyone was talking about how my father was the leader
of the most notorious gang in the Philippines.
And if anyone beat me,
they would meet the wrong end of a machete.
Was it true?
Doesn't matter.
Everyone was so terrified of me,
they couldn't focus.
That rumor helped me win.
So can you.
It doesn't matter. I'll still be the same person.
No, you won't! Don't you get it?
Nobody talks about my father anymore.
Nobody cares.
All they can see is the crown.
And once you get it,
the past is erased.
And then I'll be happy?
Happiness is for princesses.
Queens take control.
Why do you think I started that rumor about my father in the first place?
Gloria was right.
Queens take control.
Which meant I was gonna do whatever it took to get that crown.
Detective? What are you doing here?
Are you still following Patty?
I'm here on official police business.
I can't talk about it without compromising the investigation.
What about compromising my client's reputation
and her chances at the biggest pageant of her career?
[Barnard] Is there a problem, Bob?
Makin' another public scene?
What?
Are you two here together?
Well, that is none of your business.
You know what? I don't even care.
- [mocking] I don't even care! - You know what?
Why don't we just take a breath? Hmm?
[inhales]
Let's just go...
grab a drink at the bar.
There's no reason why we can't all get along.
There's a ton of reasons.
Yeah, do me a favor. Just stay away from my client.
I couldn't afford any distractions.
I didn't want to make the same mistake my dad did with my mom.
I needed to keep my eye on the prize.
Where the hell was Patty?
I had done the math on that pizza,
and I had just enough time to burn it off.
I'd lock myself in my room, work out,
and not eat until after the pageant.
I wasn't gonna let anything stop me.