1 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,972 [Nonnie] Patty had no idea what was about to hit her. 2 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,099 Patty, look out! 3 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,184 [shouting] 4 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:23,481 And I had no idea that when I bought my first dildo, 5 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,941 I'd be using it on a man... 6 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,402 to fight crime. 7 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,530 [adventurous melody playing] 8 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,833 I thought I'd be using that dildo to surprise Dee. 9 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,129 - Oh, shit! - [door closes] 10 00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:48,506 But instead, 11 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:49,924 I got surprised. 12 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,634 Dee was lying to me. 13 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:52,718 What the hell? 14 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:55,263 She said she was staying home to study, 15 00:00:55,346 --> 00:00:57,807 so I followed her to find out what she was up to. 16 00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,728 It was weird enough she was staying in a motel 17 00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:03,688 right across the street from the State pageant. 18 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,735 And then my worst suspicions were confirmed. 19 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,078 - Nonnie? - This is you studying? Who was that? 20 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:19,871 It's not what it looks like. 21 00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,873 What it looks like is you're lying! 22 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:22,956 She's... 23 00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:24,459 my editor. 24 00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:25,542 Editor? 25 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:31,091 I'm working undercover as an investigative journalist at a webzine. 26 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:34,010 I got into pageants to write an exposé about the pageant world. 27 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,014 Are you telling me I'm living in a real-life version of Never Been Kissed? 28 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,264 I tried to tell you. 29 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,724 Well, now that you have, 30 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:40,808 we're done! 31 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,103 I'm sick of all the lies. 32 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,230 But in Never Been Kissed, they forget about the lie! 33 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:46,856 They live happily ever after! 34 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,443 [elevator bell rings] 35 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:52,987 The bad news was my first relationship was over. 36 00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:58,368 But the good news was my bestie was right across the street for some support. 37 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,004 Patty, look out! 38 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,091 [Nonnie shouts] 39 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,509 [man yelps] 40 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,480 - Get off me! - Shut up, ass head! I'm calling 911! 41 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,485 [Patty] I thought I was in control of my life. 42 00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:34,863 And then someone tried to end it. 43 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,239 Why had this happened? 44 00:02:36,739 --> 00:02:39,951 Was it some kind of sign that I shouldn't be chasing the crown? 45 00:02:40,034 --> 00:02:42,620 Do you remember anything else about the attacker? 46 00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:45,415 - Did he say anything to you or... - [Nonnie] Patty, look out! 47 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,669 No, I just remember the sound of the tire iron. 48 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,505 [clattering] 49 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,967 Ms. Bladell, did you remember something else? 50 00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,386 I'm a good person! I'm a good person! 51 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,307 Patty, are you okay? 52 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:08,730 You about finished here, Detective? You've been questioning her for hours. 53 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,775 We'll let you know if we have any more questions. Just be aware, 54 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,153 acts of violence can often cause trauma 55 00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,655 or trigger other deep-rooted fears or anxieties. 56 00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:18,948 [Bob] We'll keep an eye out. 57 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,533 All right. 58 00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:23,995 I brought you some food. 59 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,373 Patty? 60 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:30,460 No, thanks. Too upset to eat. 61 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,588 Patty, is this normal, upset not-eating, 62 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:35,548 or is this disordered not-eating? 63 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,342 Did you at least eat at the meet and greet? 64 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,345 Yes, that's the problem. I had too much pizza. 65 00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,972 I was headed to the gym when all of this happened. 66 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,056 [sighs] And now I can't eat until after the pageant 67 00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:47,435 because if I do then I'll have even more calories to burn, 68 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:50,688 and I only have a few hours left until I get on stage, and I still haven't 69 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,691 - been able to make it to the gym... - Patty, you almost died! 70 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,427 And all you care about is the gym? 71 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:56,694 You don't understand! 72 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,279 [Bob] We are taking you home 73 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,949 - and getting you to an OA meeting now. - Or... 74 00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:03,122 Patty's old sponsor is right across the street. 75 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,411 - Dee? What is she doing here? - Long story. 76 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,288 - Tell me. - You can catch up on the way. 77 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,623 We're going to see Dee, 78 00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:10,083 and I'm calling your mom. 79 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,835 Why even bother? It's not like she'll show up anyway. 80 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,171 [speed-dial beeping, line ringing] 81 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,674 [phone chiming and buzzing] 82 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,053 Oh! 83 00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:24,721 Well... 84 00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,016 Ain't this my lucky day? 85 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,602 We need to talk about your tits. 86 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,687 These? [laughs] 87 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,523 I know. They're amazing, right? 88 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,941 But I'm on my way out... 89 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,361 - You have something that belongs to us! - What the fuck? 90 00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:39,861 [Angie] Hey! 91 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,616 Can't believe you and Dee broke up. You okay? 92 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,368 I'm just more worried about you. 93 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,451 Nonnie? 94 00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,329 Nonnie! Move! 95 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:49,914 - [Nonnie gasps] - [Bob Barnard sighs] 96 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,249 [Bob] Oh! 97 00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:52,875 Nonnie, thank you! 98 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,962 - Thank you. - For what? 99 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,548 For catching the man who killed my daughter. 100 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,676 - What are you talking about? - The pageant killer. 101 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:04,387 Wait, I was almost attacked by the pageant killer? 102 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:07,348 [Bob] Detective Cruz had a theory that he'd kill again at State. 103 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:08,599 That's why we're here. 104 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:12,353 I don't know. He didn't seem like a serial killer to me. 105 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,897 Let the professionals take it from here, sweetheart. 106 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,442 We're headed back to Masonville now. We're gonna build a case. 107 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,528 [Nonnie] Sweetheart? Was he kidding? 108 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,780 If Patty's attacker was the pageant killer, 109 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,449 I had caught him when they couldn't. 110 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:27,327 So maybe I could find a clue to help build a case. 111 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,662 I needed to go back to the scene of the crime. 112 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:33,082 Do you guys mind if I just stay here? 113 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,626 I just don't want things to be weird with Dee. 114 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,128 Yeah. No, of course. 115 00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,380 Do whatever you need. We'll text you. 116 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:40,465 - Love you. - Love you. 117 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,177 [knock at door] 118 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,473 Hi, I don't know if you remember me. 119 00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:51,059 Yeah. You're Patty's pageant coach. 120 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,561 And hi, Patty. 121 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,315 I know you're not her sponsor anymore, but she's in crisis. 122 00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:58,598 [man] Dee, is everything okay? 123 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,569 Who's in there with you? 124 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:07,200 You? 125 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,202 Nosy guy from the gym! 126 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,621 Hey, girl. And hey, girl. 127 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,748 You guys know each other? 128 00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:15,333 What are you doing here? 129 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,796 He's my sponsor in OA. 130 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,714 I called him when Nonnie dumped me. 131 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:22,882 Wait, you're in OA? 132 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,750 So that's why you were so concerned about me at the gym! 133 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,389 This is so weird! 134 00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:30,640 The day that I met you, 135 00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:33,393 I went to the gym instead of going to an OA meeting. 136 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,144 And then I met you. 137 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,938 And now here you are. 138 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,132 That sounds like a God shot to me. 139 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,819 - What's a God shot? - [sponsor] It's a program term. 140 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,947 It's when the universe gives you what you need at just the right moment. 141 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,032 Sort of like you showing up here now. 142 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:51,327 Jonathan was telling me to reach out to you to make amends... 143 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,412 Me? 144 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,247 Why would you be making amends to me? 145 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,165 Nonnie's the one you lied to. 146 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,347 [Jonathan] Tell her, otherwise you'll eat. 147 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,880 I was writing a pageant exposé. 148 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,465 You were my way in. 149 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:08,344 - Patty the Pageant Killer was my angle. - [Patty] Seriously? 150 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,139 Come on. Let's go. We'll find you help somewhere else. 151 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:12,223 No, wait! 152 00:07:12,306 --> 00:07:13,850 I know I should've told you, 153 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,144 but let Jonathan help you. 154 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,938 Please. As a way for me to make amends. 155 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,732 He's a great sponsor, and you said you were in crisis. 156 00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,176 [Jonathan] I mean, I am available. 157 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,027 What's going on? 158 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,447 I told you. I can't do this. 159 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,532 [Bob] Patty, if you don't eat, I'm taking you home. 160 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:32,660 Maybe we need to take the focus off the food for a second. 161 00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:33,743 Look... 162 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,092 There's a lot of different ways to recover. 163 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,248 Mine was spiritual. 164 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:38,791 First things first, 165 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,751 we need to get you a higher power. 166 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,211 You mean like God? 167 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:45,131 It can be anything more powerful than you. 168 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:48,634 Like the universe, the ocean, nature. 169 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:49,968 For me, 170 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,679 it's my higher self. 171 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:52,597 What's that? 172 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,725 The me that hasn't bought into all the obsession 173 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:59,270 and calorie counting and fat shaming and self-loathing. 174 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:00,854 I don't know. 175 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,190 Close your eyes. 176 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:07,195 Imagine the most loving, 177 00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:10,281 wise version of yourself you can. 178 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:18,622 Got it? 179 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,168 [Patty] I think so, yeah. 180 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:28,090 [Jonathan] So whenever you're trying to figure out your next right action, 181 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,675 just ask her for guidance. 182 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:34,722 I need to stay, 183 00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:36,224 to compete in the pageant. 184 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:37,433 I'm afraid if I don't, 185 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,895 if I just give up on myself, I'm just gonna binge... 186 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,314 or something worse. 187 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,693 Jonathan may have known recovery, but I knew Patty. 188 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,112 And I knew what could happen if she lost. 189 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,989 If you are really gonna stay, 190 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,867 I'm gonna make sure that you win. 191 00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:59,205 But you need to be in the right head space, 192 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:02,458 and if that means working with young Richard Simmons here, fine. 193 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:06,546 But none of us are going anywhere until you eat. 194 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:07,629 Got it? 195 00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:19,433 - [knock at door] - [Coralee] Bob was gone, 196 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:22,979 Brick had plans, and Barnard was otherwise engaged. 197 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:26,524 I hated being alone, so I decided to order in. 198 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:28,024 [man] Hi. 199 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,527 Okay. 200 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:42,539 [man] Ooh! 201 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:46,877 These are some serious knots. What's going on with you, Mrs. Armstrong? 202 00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:51,799 Well, for starters, I'm not Mrs. Armstrong anymore. 203 00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:53,634 Oh! Cool. 204 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,012 My sister transitioned last year, so... 205 00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:58,598 No, that's not what I meant. 206 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,641 Bob and I are getting a divorce. 207 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,561 Oh! That explains why you called. 208 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,771 I haven't heard from you since you and I... 209 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,064 You know. 210 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,084 Now that Bob's out of the picture, maybe we can... 211 00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:12,945 No, no, no, Shane. That's not why I called. 212 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,990 I didn't call you for sex. I just... I needed a massage. 213 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:17,908 Massage it is, then. 214 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:19,952 [exhales] 215 00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,622 - [Coralee] Hmm! - [chuckles] 216 00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,915 [Coralee chuckles] 217 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:27,877 I swear I didn't call you for sex. 218 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,800 It's just you were always such a good listener, 219 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,088 and now that Bob's gone, 220 00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:34,467 and my son's never home, and my bestie has a new boy crush... 221 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,801 Are you open to some feedback? 222 00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:39,555 - Too much teeth? - I mean, yes. 223 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,434 But no. I'm only a semester away from being certified as a life coach, 224 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,277 and I think it's pretty important that you... 225 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,229 Okay. What is it, Shane? 226 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,315 Maybe stop avoiding being alone. 227 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,483 If I were you, 228 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,527 I'd look at this time as an opportunity. 229 00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:55,111 Look inward. 230 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,031 Get to know yourself. 231 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,872 Wow! You two should really get a room. 232 00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,042 Uh, it's not... It's not what it looks like. 233 00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:11,337 I'm reenacting a crime scene. Seeing what I missed. 234 00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,589 My friend was the girl who got attacked. 235 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,216 Uh, I saved her. 236 00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:18,552 Oh! You're Detective Dildo? [laughs] 237 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,304 No, I'm Nonnie. 238 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,307 Hm. You should stick with Detective Dildo. 239 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,686 I'm Fiona, and this is Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall. 240 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,396 Jackson Johnson. 241 00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:30,856 Really? And you're gonna make fun of my name? 242 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,483 Can we help 243 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,276 with the reenacting and stuff? 244 00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:36,445 What? 245 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:40,157 I love all that CSI, SVU, HPV stuff. 246 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:43,244 It would be helpful to have someone play the attacker, 247 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,246 and you could be Patty. 248 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:48,582 - Ew! - Fine. I'll be Patty. You be the killer. 249 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,711 No! Patty'll have more lines. I'll be her. 250 00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,295 Just tell us what to do. 251 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:58,676 Okay, so the attacker was behind Patty, about to hit her... 252 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:05,474 Um, no, not like that. It was more like this. 253 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,434 Like this? 254 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,394 Um, no. 255 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,104 It was like this... 256 00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:13,649 Like he was aiming for her knee? 257 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,025 Yes, exactly! 258 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,735 But wait! 259 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:19,196 If he was gonna kill her, why bother to kneecap her first? 260 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,573 It just doesn't make sense. 261 00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:21,657 Right! 262 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,451 None of this makes sense. 263 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:25,327 Come on, Fiona. Let's go. 264 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,747 Unless he wasn't trying to kill her. 265 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,726 Maybe he was just trying to make sure she couldn't compete! 266 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,711 [gasps] Like that movie with the girl who plays Harley Quinn. 267 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:36,756 You know, the one who tries to take out that Olympic skater? 268 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,841 Yes! I love that movie. 269 00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:39,800 [Heather] I'm bored. 270 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:43,345 Can we go? We still have to finish getting ready for the pageant. 271 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:44,597 [giggles] 272 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:45,680 See you around. 273 00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,031 Whose keys were these? 274 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,867 Could they have belonged to Patty's attacker? 275 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,368 Was this a clue? 276 00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:12,583 God damn it! 277 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:14,418 Oh! 278 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,504 [wheelchair whirring] 279 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,092 [yelps] 280 00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,430 Where the hell is everybody? 281 00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,307 - [all] Surprise! - [screams] 282 00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,726 [all] Happy birthday! 283 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,436 My birthday's in July. 284 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,687 [man] No, honey. 285 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,231 Your birthday's today. 286 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,148 What? 287 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,318 We didn't want to tell you because it would have ruined the surprise. 288 00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,613 We're gonna make up for all the birthdays we missed during your childhood. 289 00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,865 There's gonna be clowns, a bouncy house... 290 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:45,949 A bouncy house? 291 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,326 A cotton candy machine! 292 00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:48,285 And a magician? 293 00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,496 The magician just canceled. 294 00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,248 - He has the flu. - [Dixie] Oh, man! 295 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,834 Growing up, I always wanted a magician at my parties, 296 00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:58,712 but my mom always said never to trust a man who pulls rodents out of a hole. 297 00:13:58,796 --> 00:13:59,880 You mean out of a hat. 298 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,507 Well, it depends on the trick. 299 00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:03,843 I know some magic. 300 00:14:04,718 --> 00:14:06,428 Maybe I could do a show. 301 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,721 You know magic? 302 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,098 Yeah. Well, a little. 303 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,261 It's been years. I haven't done it since I was a kid, 304 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:15,479 but if you could get a deck of cards, a cocktail napkin, some quarters, 305 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,231 and a salt shaker, I can try. 306 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:25,948 Jonathan could save Patty from the food, but I could save her from herself. 307 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:29,869 I still believed if I could get her that crown, it would heal all her wounds. 308 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,370 - Argh! - Okay, 309 00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,265 so the sooner we get through the steps, the better. 310 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,666 But we're kind of in a triage situation, 311 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,877 so I'm thinking I'll just talk you through it. 312 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,563 Can we do it while she tries on her dress? 313 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,921 Can we just wait? 314 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,424 Not if you don't want her naked on stage in an hour. 315 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:44,425 Okay, man wig. 316 00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:46,218 It's a hair system. 317 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,303 You can tell? 318 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,346 - You can't? - [phone ringing] 319 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:50,472 [Bob] Hmm. 320 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,141 I'm assuming that's for you. 321 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,395 Hey! Are you on your way? 322 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:59,815 Patty! Thank God you're okay. I've been trying to call your cell! 323 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,317 Yeah, it got smashed. 324 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,694 I don't know what to do. I want to be there for you, 325 00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,405 but it's the first time we're having a birthday party for Dixie, 326 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,282 and my mom's giving me a hard time. 327 00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:11,660 Look, I get it, but I miss you. Can you get here after the party? 328 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:12,828 I'll see what I can do. 329 00:15:13,537 --> 00:15:16,832 Okay. Tell Dixie I said happy birthday. I've gotta go. Bye. 330 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:20,544 The pageant is in an hour. I'm gonna try your mom again. 331 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,630 What's the point? She doesn't care. 332 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:25,257 Her daughter got attacked and she still hasn't called back. 333 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,009 Wonder what she's up to this time. 334 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:30,054 Did she skip town, or on a bender, or face down in a pile of dicks? 335 00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,556 Okay! Now I want to meet your mom. 336 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,809 [vibrating] 337 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,188 [Angie sniffs and sobs] 338 00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:50,032 Make yourself comfortable. 339 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:52,701 We're waiting for the surgeon. 340 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:54,411 [moans] 341 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:02,002 How in the world did you go through all that gum? 342 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,130 You know, it's a thing since I quit smoking. 343 00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:08,842 You know, when I'm piecing a case together in my head, I... 344 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,302 Yeah, I chew a lot of gum. 345 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:12,513 You okay? 346 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,016 Yeah. I mean... 347 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,228 Yeah, I'm glad Roxy's killer was caught. I just... 348 00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:20,938 wish I was the one. 349 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,606 Yeah, it's stupid, I know. 350 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,442 No, it's not stupid. I wish I'd caught him too. 351 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:26,943 I just... 352 00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,363 I wanted to be a hero. 353 00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:30,531 Well, 354 00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:33,033 it's a big relief to know he's behind bars, huh? 355 00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,874 I wanted to be a hero to you. 356 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:42,792 Oh! 357 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,004 Well... 358 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:46,880 Well, that's sweet. 359 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,424 [laughs, cleans throat] 360 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,258 You're blushing. 361 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,177 I'm just confused. 362 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,972 We had a hotel room, and you didn't make a move. 363 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,307 I didn't want to mix business with pleasure. 364 00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,101 But now that the killer's been caught... 365 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,816 [both panting] 366 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,154 [applause] 367 00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:11,739 [woman] Ladies and gentlemen, 368 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:15,200 welcome to this year's Miss Georgia American Lady. 369 00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,537 I know there was a lot of drama earlier, 370 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:22,958 but I want to assure everyone that there is nothing to fear. 371 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,378 They've caught the pageant killer, and he's behind bars. 372 00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,922 - [crowd cheers] - So it's time to rejoice. 373 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:32,384 Think about everything that pageants have overcome. 374 00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,094 Feminism, 375 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,971 the no-makeup challenge, 376 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,931 and now murder. 377 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:40,475 So let's celebrate... 378 00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,852 [cheering] 379 00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:44,104 ...by welcoming our contestants! 380 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,190 First off, 381 00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:49,651 from Alpharetta, Miss Western Georgia Bounty. 382 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,570 She's a twin who loves pink 383 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,031 and thinks 9/11 was a hoax. 384 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:57,951 Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson. 385 00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,578 [cheering] 386 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,830 This is so exciting! 387 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,665 I'm so proud of you for pushing through. 388 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:07,336 It reminds me of that time Enrique Iglesias cut his hand 389 00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,755 on that camera drone in the middle of a concert, 390 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,924 and he just kept on performing. 391 00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:13,318 [Heather]...underneath the walnut, 392 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:18,680 and that's when I realized I could crack a walnut without using my hands! 393 00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:22,976 Thank you, Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson. 394 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,896 And now for our next contestant. 395 00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:28,148 She speaks three languages, 396 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,651 hopes to someday become a vet 397 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:33,612 and says she can move furniture with her mind! 398 00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:34,695 Please welcome 399 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:39,118 Miss Historic Georgia Abundance, Fiona Karen Jeffries. 400 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,410 [cheering] 401 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:44,581 Just remember, the results are up to God. So let go. 402 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:45,749 Hey! 403 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,876 No! She can't just let go. 404 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,962 Whatever happens, you'll be fine. 405 00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:51,588 [Bob] As long as you win. 406 00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:53,090 Remember to smile. 407 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,177 [Fiona] ...so the backup plan was Buttercups! 408 00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:02,474 And that horse made for the most delicious Thanksgiving dinner we ever had. 409 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:03,558 [host] Thank you, Fiona. 410 00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:07,646 And now for our next contestant. 411 00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:10,315 Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams, 412 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,233 Patty Bladell. 413 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,360 - Wish me luck! - [both] Luck! 414 00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:18,740 She's a Scorpio who loves Drew Barrymore movies 415 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,368 and just survived a vicious attack. 416 00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:25,621 Miss Bladell, 417 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:30,127 I'd like to commend you on continuing to compete in the pageant, 418 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:33,881 in light of the recent attempt on your life. 419 00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,300 You've set a shining example 420 00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:40,262 for the young women here on this stage of what it means to show up 421 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,222 in the face of adversity. 422 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,141 [cheering] 423 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,769 They loved me. 424 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:51,023 Maybe getting attacked was the best thing that ever happened to me. 425 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,649 Maybe it was all a God shot. 426 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:55,652 The question I have for you is: 427 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,614 how does it feel to be a hero? 428 00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:01,992 You're not a hero! You're the villain! 429 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:03,952 Miss Bladell. 430 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,373 I... 431 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:13,670 personally believe that US Americans are heroes because... 432 00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:22,095 diversity, education, and GPS. 433 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,099 Such as... 434 00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:30,729 Julio Iglesias for... 435 00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:36,193 singing onstage when a flying robot tried to kill him. 436 00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:41,198 Also Iglesias means churches in Spanish. 437 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:42,950 Thank you. 438 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,409 [crowd gasps] 439 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,080 Patty, what happened? 440 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:50,164 I... 441 00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,918 I am not a hero. Nonnie is. 442 00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,841 I mean, she hit that guy one time, and then she called the cops, not me. 443 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,673 Patty! Stop talking now! 444 00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,259 I don't deserve to be here. 445 00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,927 I have done horrible things. 446 00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:03,178 Honey, we all have. 447 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,763 But we're gonna get you through this. 448 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:07,140 - Yes. - You're going to write a list 449 00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,285 of anything bad you're holding onto and read it to me. 450 00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:12,229 - No! - In program, we call it an inventory. 451 00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:13,814 It's a way to get out your secrets 452 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:15,315 so you can let go and move on. 453 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,110 Wait here. 454 00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:19,653 I have a note pad in my bag. 455 00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:21,863 Patty could not write that inventory. 456 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,241 It was as good as a written confession. 457 00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:28,203 [Nonnie] I was missing Patty's big moment, 458 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,788 but I hoped she'd understand. 459 00:21:29,871 --> 00:21:32,541 After all, I was trying to find out why she was under attack. 460 00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:33,625 [unlocking beeps] 461 00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,628 [beeping] 462 00:21:54,771 --> 00:21:57,941 He wasn't the pageant killer! He was a hired hit! 463 00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,067 Somebody paid him 464 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,819 to take Patty out of the running. 465 00:22:00,902 --> 00:22:01,902 But who? 466 00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:06,742 Now that I had some leverage, 467 00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:09,536 maybe I could pay him a visit and ask him myself. 468 00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:17,794 Oh, my God! Brick! 469 00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,798 - You really are magic! - I can do another trick. 470 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,799 I just need some straws and a plastic cup. 471 00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:25,218 Oh, no. 472 00:22:25,302 --> 00:22:26,345 What's wrong? 473 00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:29,306 Well, you're being trolled on your YouTube videos. 474 00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:31,766 Look. 475 00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:35,437 [Brick] "Quit mansplaining 476 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,481 how to mansplain." What does that even mean? 477 00:22:37,981 --> 00:22:40,901 It means instead of all this good guys do and don't bullshit, 478 00:22:40,984 --> 00:22:42,444 you should do magic videos. 479 00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:43,727 Teach people how to do tricks. 480 00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:46,656 No, a good magician never reveals his secrets. 481 00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:48,742 Come on, Brick! You're really good at this! 482 00:22:48,825 --> 00:22:49,951 Plus, 483 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:52,329 I could be your hot assistant. 484 00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:55,207 And you could make my clothes disappear. 485 00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:57,209 [giggles] 486 00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,961 What are you still doing here? 487 00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,755 You should be at the pageant with Patty. 488 00:23:01,838 --> 00:23:03,131 - You sure? - Yes! 489 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:04,215 I mean... 490 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,259 thank you for staying, 491 00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:08,178 but please go! 492 00:23:09,429 --> 00:23:11,223 Okay. Well, before I leave, 493 00:23:11,306 --> 00:23:13,600 I wanted to give you... 494 00:23:14,267 --> 00:23:16,061 your birthday present. 495 00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:18,480 [giggles] 496 00:23:20,357 --> 00:23:21,983 It's a plane ticket to Minnesota. 497 00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:23,485 You're sending me away? 498 00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:26,154 No. We would love for you to come back home with us. 499 00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:27,614 Make up for lost time. 500 00:23:29,032 --> 00:23:30,033 Wow. 501 00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:31,534 Really? 502 00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:33,376 I mean, it doesn't have to be forever. Just... 503 00:23:34,037 --> 00:23:35,163 Think about it, Dixie. 504 00:23:36,706 --> 00:23:37,791 Go! 505 00:23:37,874 --> 00:23:39,668 I'll cover for you with Mom. 506 00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:40,751 Oh, my God! 507 00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:43,171 That was like our first real brother/sister moment ever! 508 00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:45,632 Okay. Well, it won't be our last. 509 00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:52,347 [Dixie] I had spent 18 years not knowing my bio-fam, 510 00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:55,350 but getting them back was the best birthday gift of all. 511 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:59,479 ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪ 512 00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:04,276 ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪ 513 00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:05,569 ♪ Happy birthday... ♪ 514 00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:06,652 What? 515 00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:09,030 I'm 20? 516 00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:13,869 [song playing] 517 00:24:24,045 --> 00:24:25,297 [cheering] 518 00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:26,506 [splashing] 519 00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:30,218 [cheering] 520 00:24:32,345 --> 00:24:35,265 I couldn't write a list of all the bad things I had done. 521 00:24:35,348 --> 00:24:37,934 It was the most incriminating thing I could ever do. 522 00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:40,687 Well, other than killing two, maybe three people. 523 00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:41,605 What've you got? 524 00:24:41,688 --> 00:24:43,231 I got nothing. 525 00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:47,777 Patty, the big book says the only people who can't recover 526 00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:50,697 are those who are constitutionally incapable of being honest. 527 00:24:50,780 --> 00:24:52,782 Then maybe the 12 steps aren't for me. 528 00:24:52,866 --> 00:24:55,118 You said there are many ways for someone to recover. 529 00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:57,329 Yeah, but they all require you to dig deep. 530 00:24:57,412 --> 00:24:58,497 Tell the truth. 531 00:24:58,580 --> 00:24:59,998 Then I was definitely screwed. 532 00:25:00,081 --> 00:25:03,418 [host] Please welcome Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams, 533 00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:04,836 Miss Patty Bladell. 534 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,171 [cheering] 535 00:25:06,254 --> 00:25:08,757 [applause, music starts] 536 00:25:15,305 --> 00:25:17,307 Maybe I didn't need an inventory. 537 00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:20,018 If I won, my list of sins would be erased. 538 00:25:28,026 --> 00:25:31,613 Unless my sins erased any chance I had of winning. 539 00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:34,074 [heart thumping] 540 00:25:36,117 --> 00:25:39,621 And just like that, I watched the crown slip through my fingers. 541 00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,418 [crowd gasps] 542 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:52,342 What is happening? 543 00:25:52,425 --> 00:25:54,219 - I ruined everything. - No, you didn't. 544 00:25:54,302 --> 00:25:56,346 Look, I'll ask the judges for a redo. 545 00:25:56,429 --> 00:25:58,629 I'm sure they'll be forgiving under these circumstances. 546 00:25:58,682 --> 00:26:00,058 No, I don't deserve forgiveness. 547 00:26:01,893 --> 00:26:04,062 - What are you doing? - I can't. 548 00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:06,439 I can't be honest... 549 00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:07,523 with anyone. 550 00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:11,570 Which means recovery is not for me. 551 00:26:14,322 --> 00:26:16,324 - Don't. - What do you mean? She needs me. 552 00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,994 She has to choose recovery. You can't choose it for her. 553 00:26:19,619 --> 00:26:20,787 Screw that. 554 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,837 Patty! Wait! 555 00:26:30,422 --> 00:26:31,631 - Wait! - Why? 556 00:26:32,382 --> 00:26:35,594 It's over, Bob! No Miss Georgia! No Miss American Lady! 557 00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:38,471 Whatever is going on, you can be honest with me. 558 00:26:38,555 --> 00:26:39,389 [Patty] Except... 559 00:26:39,472 --> 00:26:40,557 I couldn't. 560 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,183 Even Bob didn't know about Gordy. 561 00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:43,267 I can't. 562 00:26:43,935 --> 00:26:45,580 There are some things I still can't tell you. 563 00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:47,105 What are you talking about? 564 00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:49,774 You can tell me anything. 565 00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:52,110 I helped you bury a body! 566 00:26:52,193 --> 00:26:53,194 Yeah, exactly! 567 00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:57,157 And now neither one of us can ever be honest with anyone ever again! 568 00:26:57,699 --> 00:26:58,950 Look, I get it. 569 00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:00,994 All you ever wanted to do was help me. 570 00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:02,703 But you can't. 571 00:27:03,204 --> 00:27:04,331 Too much has happened. 572 00:27:04,914 --> 00:27:06,249 You can't save me, Bob. 573 00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:08,208 Nobody can. 574 00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:14,132 [Bob] I thought Patty was my destiny. 575 00:27:14,799 --> 00:27:16,885 I thought I was doing the right thing. 576 00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:18,720 But maybe I was wrong. 577 00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:23,266 She wanted to turn herself in for Christian and Stella Rose, 578 00:27:23,850 --> 00:27:25,518 but I stopped her, 579 00:27:25,602 --> 00:27:28,521 and now she couldn't get recovery because of me. 580 00:27:30,273 --> 00:27:32,025 How could I have let this happen? 581 00:27:32,609 --> 00:27:34,277 Was I broken just like her? 582 00:27:34,819 --> 00:27:36,279 What was wrong with me? 583 00:27:37,739 --> 00:27:39,866 I've been doing it my entire life. 584 00:27:41,284 --> 00:27:42,994 With my mom, with... 585 00:27:43,870 --> 00:27:44,954 Stella Rose, 586 00:27:45,622 --> 00:27:47,957 Coralee, all those pageant girls. 587 00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:50,042 Patty. 588 00:27:52,253 --> 00:27:53,755 I try and fix 'em. 589 00:27:54,130 --> 00:27:56,633 But when I'm done, they just end up more broken. 590 00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:58,426 My mom died. 591 00:27:59,886 --> 00:28:01,554 Stella Rose went insane. 592 00:28:01,930 --> 00:28:05,809 Coralee is better off alone, and I ruined Patty's life. 593 00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:07,935 I... 594 00:28:09,437 --> 00:28:12,941 Every time I try and help, I just end up hurting them. 595 00:28:13,441 --> 00:28:14,818 Dude, for the third time, 596 00:28:14,901 --> 00:28:17,612 I'm not the bartender. I was just looking for some ice. 597 00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:20,573 But good luck with the savior complex stuff. 598 00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:21,657 Sounds rough. 599 00:28:22,826 --> 00:28:25,662 A savior complex? Is that what it was? 600 00:28:25,745 --> 00:28:28,123 [scoffs] How do you get recovery from that? 601 00:28:28,206 --> 00:28:29,958 Could I just stop, cold turkey? 602 00:28:30,709 --> 00:28:31,709 Then what? 603 00:28:31,751 --> 00:28:33,878 Maybe I needed a God shot of my own. 604 00:28:33,962 --> 00:28:36,381 [host]...the winner of Miss Georgia American Lady. 605 00:28:36,464 --> 00:28:38,675 - Whoop-de-friggin'-doo. - [host] But first, 606 00:28:38,758 --> 00:28:40,802 I'd like to make a special announcement. 607 00:28:40,885 --> 00:28:45,473 This year, for the first time ever, we're crowning a third runner-up 608 00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:47,434 to honor an exceptional young lady. 609 00:28:47,934 --> 00:28:51,312 Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams, Patty Bladell. 610 00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:52,564 Patty? 611 00:28:52,647 --> 00:28:54,399 [applause] 612 00:28:58,862 --> 00:28:59,904 [host] Patty? 613 00:29:00,947 --> 00:29:02,115 Patty Bladell? 614 00:29:03,324 --> 00:29:04,826 [Bob] She's indisposed! 615 00:29:06,119 --> 00:29:07,119 Uh... 616 00:29:07,996 --> 00:29:10,957 I'm Bob Armstrong. I'm her coach. 617 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,585 Would you like to accept this on her behalf? 618 00:29:14,753 --> 00:29:16,755 [applause] 619 00:29:22,635 --> 00:29:24,637 [cheering] 620 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:36,524 Bob, 621 00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:41,529 you're the one who encouraged Patty to stay and compete, despite her trauma. 622 00:29:42,530 --> 00:29:44,574 Well, yes, but, um... 623 00:29:44,657 --> 00:29:46,493 Because of your guidance, 624 00:29:46,576 --> 00:29:50,914 Patty displayed courage, perseverance, determination... 625 00:29:50,997 --> 00:29:54,584 Qualities that we look for in a Miss Georgia American Lady. 626 00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:58,838 Which is why we created this special prize just for her. 627 00:29:59,214 --> 00:30:00,590 Since she's not here, 628 00:30:01,174 --> 00:30:04,010 ladies and gentlemen, Bob Armstrong. 629 00:30:04,093 --> 00:30:06,429 [cheering] 630 00:30:10,016 --> 00:30:11,226 I didn't deserve this. 631 00:30:11,768 --> 00:30:14,813 I hadn't helped Patty. I'd hurt her, so... 632 00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:17,357 what did this all mean? 633 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:21,110 I had asked for a God shot, and I ended up on stage? 634 00:30:21,194 --> 00:30:24,864 [host]...Capital Georgia Hope, Penelope Ann Penelope. 635 00:30:24,948 --> 00:30:28,076 What was the universe trying to tell me? 636 00:30:28,159 --> 00:30:29,919 [host] This year's Miss Georgia American Lady 637 00:30:29,953 --> 00:30:32,789 is Miss Western Georgia Bounty, 638 00:30:32,872 --> 00:30:35,458 Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson! 639 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,377 If this was a sign, 640 00:30:37,752 --> 00:30:39,838 I needed a clearer message. 641 00:30:39,921 --> 00:30:41,548 [cheering] 642 00:30:43,049 --> 00:30:44,133 Oh, my God! 643 00:30:45,134 --> 00:30:46,134 Dad? 644 00:30:47,971 --> 00:30:49,180 [Robert laughing] 645 00:30:49,264 --> 00:30:51,266 Dad, what are you doing here? 646 00:30:51,349 --> 00:30:52,642 You invited me! [laughs] 647 00:30:55,603 --> 00:30:58,273 Besides, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. 648 00:30:58,356 --> 00:31:00,733 Yeah, well, you picked the wrong pageant. Patty lost. 649 00:31:00,817 --> 00:31:01,817 Yeah. 650 00:31:02,569 --> 00:31:03,903 But look at you. 651 00:31:03,987 --> 00:31:06,698 Okay, I really... I don't need you to mock me right now 652 00:31:06,781 --> 00:31:10,076 for being on stage with the flowers and the sash like a pansy. 653 00:31:10,493 --> 00:31:12,053 I've never been more proud of you, son. 654 00:31:14,163 --> 00:31:15,248 Standing up there, 655 00:31:15,331 --> 00:31:16,916 everybody clapping for you. 656 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,334 You looked like a winner. 657 00:31:18,835 --> 00:31:20,670 That's all I've ever wanted for you. 658 00:31:21,546 --> 00:31:23,673 And I'm gonna give you a chance to get it for real. 659 00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,551 It's time for you to be in the spotlight for once. 660 00:31:26,634 --> 00:31:29,971 I'm pulling my money from Barnard, and I'm backing you for mayor. 661 00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:32,348 Was this my God shot? 662 00:31:32,974 --> 00:31:36,060 Was it finally time for me to focus on me? 663 00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:38,938 There is just one small problem. 664 00:31:39,689 --> 00:31:42,734 If you're gonna win, you're gonna have to get out of that motel. 665 00:31:42,817 --> 00:31:47,155 It's outside of Masonville city limits, and you've gotta be a resident to run. 666 00:31:47,488 --> 00:31:48,488 [door closes] 667 00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:50,742 What happened? Did I miss it? 668 00:31:50,825 --> 00:31:53,077 Yeah, it's over. Patty got third runner-up. 669 00:31:53,161 --> 00:31:54,203 What do you mean? 670 00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:55,663 It means she lost. 671 00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:59,626 But she gets to be on a float in the parade. Here. Take those to her. 672 00:31:59,709 --> 00:32:01,210 Shouldn't you do it? 673 00:32:01,836 --> 00:32:03,963 I mean, you got her to this point. You're the coach. 674 00:32:04,672 --> 00:32:06,591 I've got something else I've gotta do. 675 00:32:06,674 --> 00:32:08,927 [song playing] 676 00:32:09,677 --> 00:32:14,057 I took Shane's advice, and I spent the day with myself. 677 00:32:18,728 --> 00:32:20,688 I'd avoided being alone for so long 678 00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:24,984 I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed my own company. 679 00:32:25,068 --> 00:32:26,986 Maybe being alone wasn't so bad. 680 00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:30,490 I could do what I wanted whenever I wanted. 681 00:32:31,574 --> 00:32:33,576 I could make a lot of noise. 682 00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:36,454 I could sleep in the middle of the bed. 683 00:32:36,537 --> 00:32:39,791 And if I wanted to dance around the house with no pants on, 684 00:32:39,874 --> 00:32:41,167 I could do that too. 685 00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:43,378 - [Coralee] Ooh! - [sighs] 686 00:32:43,461 --> 00:32:46,047 - What the hell are you doing here? - My name is on the deed. 687 00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:49,050 I own this house, and I am moving back in. 688 00:32:50,718 --> 00:32:52,553 [Coralee] So much for being alone. 689 00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:54,263 [alarm blares] 690 00:32:58,559 --> 00:32:59,435 Recognize me? 691 00:32:59,519 --> 00:33:03,231 - I'm the one who caught you. - Oh, right. Detective Dildo. 692 00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:04,857 Here's the thing, asshole. 693 00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:08,695 You got caught red-handed trying to attack Patty Bladell, 694 00:33:08,778 --> 00:33:11,280 which means you're going to prison for a few years. 695 00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:14,617 And I have something you might want once you're free. 696 00:33:17,203 --> 00:33:19,580 - How the hell did you get that? - Not important. 697 00:33:19,872 --> 00:33:21,124 But I'll make you an offer. 698 00:33:21,207 --> 00:33:24,544 I put it in a safety deposit box, and I'll give you the number, 699 00:33:24,627 --> 00:33:28,339 but you have to tell me who wanted Patty out of the running. 700 00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:29,423 Okay, fine. 701 00:33:31,342 --> 00:33:32,635 You go first. 702 00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:53,656 Kentucky Fried... 703 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,826 California Pizza Kitchen? 704 00:33:58,244 --> 00:33:59,245 [Nonnie gasps] 705 00:33:59,954 --> 00:34:03,791 Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson! 706 00:34:08,963 --> 00:34:12,925 [Patty] There was no higher power, no God shot, no crown. 707 00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,552 It was all bullshit. 708 00:34:14,635 --> 00:34:16,596 Fuck recovery. Fuck Bob. 709 00:34:17,138 --> 00:34:18,723 And fuck my mom. 710 00:34:18,806 --> 00:34:21,309 Her car was just sitting here in the driveway. 711 00:34:21,392 --> 00:34:25,438 I couldn't believe she was home the whole time, ignoring Bob's calls. 712 00:34:25,521 --> 00:34:27,482 Didn't she care that I was in trouble? 713 00:34:27,565 --> 00:34:28,565 [whirring] 714 00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:33,488 Unless she was in trouble too. 715 00:34:47,210 --> 00:34:48,210 Shit! 716 00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:02,600 Fuck Southwest! 717 00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:04,435 The flight delayed 4,000 times! 718 00:35:04,936 --> 00:35:06,270 And then the Super Shuttle 719 00:35:06,354 --> 00:35:07,855 - dropped me off dead last! - Sh! 720 00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:10,399 - Enter. - [sighs] 721 00:35:15,655 --> 00:35:18,032 I assume these are the sweater melons I'm cutting open. 722 00:35:18,491 --> 00:35:19,534 Fantastic. 723 00:35:19,617 --> 00:35:21,017 Whatever was happening wasn't good. 724 00:35:21,077 --> 00:35:23,871 [man] You're going to behave yourself, right? 725 00:35:24,580 --> 00:35:27,959 Otherwise, we'll have to kill you. 726 00:35:28,042 --> 00:35:29,919 Since I couldn't trust a higher power anymore, 727 00:35:30,211 --> 00:35:32,171 I had to save her myself. 728 00:35:32,255 --> 00:35:34,924 What side shall we start with, huh? 729 00:35:37,718 --> 00:35:39,720 [light tapping] 730 00:35:40,429 --> 00:35:41,430 Is that your phone? 731 00:35:44,350 --> 00:35:45,893 - There! - Oh! 732 00:35:46,102 --> 00:35:47,603 [screaming] 733 00:35:47,687 --> 00:35:49,397 - What the... - Shoot her! 734 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,400 Shit! I didn't bring the gun. I brought the machete! 735 00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:53,776 Grab it! 736 00:35:54,443 --> 00:35:55,653 [Patty gasps, man yelps] 737 00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:03,619 [splutters] 738 00:36:08,666 --> 00:36:09,834 Not bad! 739 00:36:09,917 --> 00:36:11,586 For a cultural appropriator. 740 00:36:11,919 --> 00:36:14,172 It's not appropriation. It's inclusion. 741 00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:17,758 Well, I happen to be a Brazilian capoeira master. 742 00:36:17,842 --> 00:36:18,885 What are the odds? 743 00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:21,262 He was right. What were the odds? 744 00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:23,347 Just bring it, asshole. 745 00:36:23,764 --> 00:36:26,642 Huh? Let's dance. To the death. 746 00:36:29,437 --> 00:36:31,355 What were the odds I knew capoeira, 747 00:36:32,982 --> 00:36:35,526 and that I was fighting Brazilians, 748 00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:39,655 and that I left the pageant just in time to save my mom? 749 00:36:40,448 --> 00:36:41,908 [Patty gasps] 750 00:36:43,701 --> 00:36:45,703 Could this be a God shot? 751 00:36:49,790 --> 00:36:52,501 Maybe I was exactly where I was supposed to be. 752 00:36:53,544 --> 00:36:54,629 [both grunt] 753 00:36:58,090 --> 00:36:59,090 [Patty exclaims] 754 00:37:12,605 --> 00:37:14,190 [shouting] 755 00:37:23,991 --> 00:37:27,495 Maybe there was a higher power out there guiding me after all. 756 00:37:30,873 --> 00:37:31,958 [yelps] 757 00:37:33,209 --> 00:37:34,543 And it was all leading me here, 758 00:37:34,961 --> 00:37:36,212 back to my mom. 759 00:37:38,714 --> 00:37:41,467 [gasps] Hold on one sec. I'm coming to you, mom. 760 00:37:42,301 --> 00:37:44,470 Holy shit! I got cocaine in my tits, 761 00:37:44,553 --> 00:37:47,890 and I was a drug mule and didn't know it, and you just killed all those drug dealers 762 00:37:47,974 --> 00:37:49,433 and saved my life! 763 00:37:49,517 --> 00:37:50,518 [gasping] 764 00:37:50,601 --> 00:37:54,146 - My God! - Okay. It's okay. [sobbing] 765 00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:55,898 Okay. 766 00:37:55,982 --> 00:37:58,067 I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you. 767 00:37:58,150 --> 00:38:01,487 I quit my job, and I was coming to see you. 768 00:38:01,570 --> 00:38:02,697 You were? 769 00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:04,991 I thought you just bailed on me again. 770 00:38:05,074 --> 00:38:06,701 No! Okay! 771 00:38:08,369 --> 00:38:12,290 [gasping] Unless I get duct-taped and threatened by more drug dealers, 772 00:38:12,373 --> 00:38:14,083 I'm never gonna bail on you ever again. 773 00:38:14,917 --> 00:38:16,961 Thank you for saving me! 774 00:38:17,545 --> 00:38:19,547 I swear to God, I'm gonna spend the rest of my life 775 00:38:19,630 --> 00:38:21,549 trying to prove to you that I deserved it. 776 00:38:21,632 --> 00:38:22,633 [sobbing] 777 00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:30,766 [laughing] 778 00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:34,312 Oh, Patty! Look out! Get the gun! 779 00:38:34,395 --> 00:38:36,230 What gun? These are machete people! 780 00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:37,732 Bob's gun. It's in that drawer! 781 00:38:37,815 --> 00:38:40,359 - Why do you have Bob's gun? - Just do it, Patty! 782 00:38:40,609 --> 00:38:41,986 [gun cocks] 783 00:38:50,578 --> 00:38:53,205 [panting] 784 00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:56,751 How's that for a God shot?