1
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,972
[Nonnie] Patty had no idea
what was about to hit her.
2
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,099
Patty, look out!
3
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,184
[shouting]
4
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:23,481
And I had no idea
that when I bought my first dildo,
5
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,941
I'd be using it on a man...
6
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,402
to fight crime.
7
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,530
[adventurous melody playing]
8
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,833
I thought I'd be using that dildo
to surprise Dee.
9
00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,129
- Oh, shit!
- [door closes]
10
00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:48,506
But instead,
11
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:49,924
I got surprised.
12
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,634
Dee was lying to me.
13
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:52,718
What the hell?
14
00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:55,263
She said she was staying home to study,
15
00:00:55,346 --> 00:00:57,807
so I followed her to find out
what she was up to.
16
00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,728
It was weird enough
she was staying in a motel
17
00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:03,688
right across the street
from the State pageant.
18
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,735
And then my worst suspicions
were confirmed.
19
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,078
- Nonnie?
- This is you studying? Who was that?
20
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:19,871
It's not what it looks like.
21
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,873
What it looks like is you're lying!
22
00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:22,956
She's...
23
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:24,459
my editor.
24
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:25,542
Editor?
25
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:31,091
I'm working undercover as
an investigative journalist at a webzine.
26
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:34,010
I got into pageants to write
an exposé about the pageant world.
27
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,014
Are you telling me I'm living in
a real-life version of Never Been Kissed?
28
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,264
I tried to tell you.
29
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,724
Well, now that you have,
30
00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:40,808
we're done!
31
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,103
I'm sick of all the lies.
32
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,230
But in Never Been Kissed,
they forget about the lie!
33
00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:46,856
They live happily ever after!
34
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,443
[elevator bell rings]
35
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:52,987
The bad news was
my first relationship was over.
36
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:58,368
But the good news was my bestie was
right across the street for some support.
37
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,004
Patty, look out!
38
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,091
[Nonnie shouts]
39
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,509
[man yelps]
40
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,480
- Get off me!
- Shut up, ass head! I'm calling 911!
41
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,485
[Patty]
I thought I was in control of my life.
42
00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:34,863
And then someone tried to end it.
43
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,239
Why had this happened?
44
00:02:36,739 --> 00:02:39,951
Was it some kind of sign
that I shouldn't be chasing the crown?
45
00:02:40,034 --> 00:02:42,620
Do you remember anything else
about the attacker?
46
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:45,415
- Did he say anything to you or...
- [Nonnie] Patty, look out!
47
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,669
No, I just remember
the sound of the tire iron.
48
00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,505
[clattering]
49
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,967
Ms. Bladell,
did you remember something else?
50
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,386
I'm a good person! I'm a good person!
51
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,307
Patty, are you okay?
52
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:08,730
You about finished here, Detective?
You've been questioning her for hours.
53
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,775
We'll let you know if we have
any more questions. Just be aware,
54
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,153
acts of violence can often cause trauma
55
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,655
or trigger other deep-rooted fears
or anxieties.
56
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:18,948
[Bob] We'll keep an eye out.
57
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,533
All right.
58
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:23,995
I brought you some food.
59
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,373
Patty?
60
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:30,460
No, thanks. Too upset to eat.
61
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,588
Patty, is this normal, upset not-eating,
62
00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:35,548
or is this disordered not-eating?
63
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,342
Did you at least eat
at the meet and greet?
64
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,345
Yes, that's the problem.
I had too much pizza.
65
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,972
I was headed to the gym
when all of this happened.
66
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,056
[sighs] And now I can't eat
until after the pageant
67
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:47,435
because if I do then I'll have
even more calories to burn,
68
00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:50,688
and I only have a few hours left
until I get on stage, and I still haven't
69
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,691
- been able to make it to the gym...
- Patty, you almost died!
70
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,427
And all you care about is the gym?
71
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:56,694
You don't understand!
72
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,279
[Bob] We are taking you home
73
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,949
- and getting you to an OA meeting now.
- Or...
74
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:03,122
Patty's old sponsor
is right across the street.
75
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,411
- Dee? What is she doing here?
- Long story.
76
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,288
- Tell me.
- You can catch up on the way.
77
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,623
We're going to see Dee,
78
00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:10,083
and I'm calling your mom.
79
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,835
Why even bother?
It's not like she'll show up anyway.
80
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,171
[speed-dial beeping, line ringing]
81
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,674
[phone chiming and buzzing]
82
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,053
Oh!
83
00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:24,721
Well...
84
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,016
Ain't this my lucky day?
85
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,602
We need to talk about your tits.
86
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,687
These? [laughs]
87
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,523
I know. They're amazing, right?
88
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,941
But I'm on my way out...
89
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,361
- You have something that belongs to us!
- What the fuck?
90
00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:39,861
[Angie] Hey!
91
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,616
Can't believe you and Dee broke up.
You okay?
92
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,368
I'm just more worried about you.
93
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,451
Nonnie?
94
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,329
Nonnie! Move!
95
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:49,914
- [Nonnie gasps]
- [Bob Barnard sighs]
96
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,249
[Bob] Oh!
97
00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:52,875
Nonnie, thank you!
98
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,962
- Thank you.
- For what?
99
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,548
For catching the man
who killed my daughter.
100
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,676
- What are you talking about?
- The pageant killer.
101
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:04,387
Wait, I was almost attacked
by the pageant killer?
102
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:07,348
[Bob] Detective Cruz had a theory
that he'd kill again at State.
103
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:08,599
That's why we're here.
104
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:12,353
I don't know.
He didn't seem like a serial killer to me.
105
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,897
Let the professionals
take it from here, sweetheart.
106
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,442
We're headed back to Masonville now.
We're gonna build a case.
107
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,528
[Nonnie] Sweetheart? Was he kidding?
108
00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,780
If Patty's attacker
was the pageant killer,
109
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,449
I had caught him when they couldn't.
110
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:27,327
So maybe I could find a clue
to help build a case.
111
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,662
I needed to go back
to the scene of the crime.
112
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:33,082
Do you guys mind if I just stay here?
113
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,626
I just don't want things
to be weird with Dee.
114
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,128
Yeah. No, of course.
115
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,380
Do whatever you need. We'll text you.
116
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:40,465
- Love you.
- Love you.
117
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,177
[knock at door]
118
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,473
Hi, I don't know if you remember me.
119
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:51,059
Yeah. You're Patty's pageant coach.
120
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,561
And hi, Patty.
121
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,315
I know you're not her sponsor anymore,
but she's in crisis.
122
00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:58,598
[man] Dee, is everything okay?
123
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,569
Who's in there with you?
124
00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:07,200
You?
125
00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,202
Nosy guy from the gym!
126
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,621
Hey, girl. And hey, girl.
127
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,748
You guys know each other?
128
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:15,333
What are you doing here?
129
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,796
He's my sponsor in OA.
130
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,714
I called him when Nonnie dumped me.
131
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:22,882
Wait, you're in OA?
132
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,750
So that's why you were so concerned
about me at the gym!
133
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,389
This is so weird!
134
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:30,640
The day that I met you,
135
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:33,393
I went to the gym
instead of going to an OA meeting.
136
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,144
And then I met you.
137
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,938
And now here you are.
138
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,132
That sounds like a God shot to me.
139
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,819
- What's a God shot?
- [sponsor] It's a program term.
140
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,947
It's when the universe gives you
what you need at just the right moment.
141
00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,032
Sort of like you showing up here now.
142
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:51,327
Jonathan was telling me
to reach out to you to make amends...
143
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,412
Me?
144
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,247
Why would you be making amends to me?
145
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,165
Nonnie's the one you lied to.
146
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,347
[Jonathan] Tell her, otherwise you'll eat.
147
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,880
I was writing a pageant exposé.
148
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,465
You were my way in.
149
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:08,344
- Patty the Pageant Killer was my angle.
- [Patty] Seriously?
150
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,139
Come on. Let's go.
We'll find you help somewhere else.
151
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:12,223
No, wait!
152
00:07:12,306 --> 00:07:13,850
I know I should've told you,
153
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,144
but let Jonathan help you.
154
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,938
Please. As a way for me to make amends.
155
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,732
He's a great sponsor,
and you said you were in crisis.
156
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,176
[Jonathan] I mean, I am available.
157
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,027
What's going on?
158
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,447
I told you. I can't do this.
159
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,532
[Bob] Patty, if you don't eat,
I'm taking you home.
160
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:32,660
Maybe we need to take the focus
off the food for a second.
161
00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:33,743
Look...
162
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,092
There's a lot
of different ways to recover.
163
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,248
Mine was spiritual.
164
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:38,791
First things first,
165
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,751
we need to get you a higher power.
166
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,211
You mean like God?
167
00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:45,131
It can be anything more powerful than you.
168
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:48,634
Like the universe, the ocean, nature.
169
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:49,968
For me,
170
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,679
it's my higher self.
171
00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:52,597
What's that?
172
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,725
The me that hasn't bought
into all the obsession
173
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:59,270
and calorie counting
and fat shaming and self-loathing.
174
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:00,854
I don't know.
175
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,190
Close your eyes.
176
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:07,195
Imagine the most loving,
177
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:10,281
wise version of yourself you can.
178
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:18,622
Got it?
179
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,168
[Patty] I think so, yeah.
180
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:28,090
[Jonathan] So whenever you're trying
to figure out your next right action,
181
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,675
just ask her for guidance.
182
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:34,722
I need to stay,
183
00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:36,224
to compete in the pageant.
184
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:37,433
I'm afraid if I don't,
185
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,895
if I just give up on myself,
I'm just gonna binge...
186
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,314
or something worse.
187
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,693
Jonathan may have known recovery,
but I knew Patty.
188
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,112
And I knew what could happen if she lost.
189
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,989
If you are really gonna stay,
190
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,867
I'm gonna make sure that you win.
191
00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:59,205
But you need to be
in the right head space,
192
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:02,458
and if that means working with young
Richard Simmons here, fine.
193
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:06,546
But none of us are going anywhere
until you eat.
194
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:07,629
Got it?
195
00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:19,433
- [knock at door]
- [Coralee] Bob was gone,
196
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:22,979
Brick had plans,
and Barnard was otherwise engaged.
197
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:26,524
I hated being alone,
so I decided to order in.
198
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:28,024
[man] Hi.
199
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,527
Okay.
200
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:42,539
[man] Ooh!
201
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:46,877
These are some serious knots.
What's going on with you, Mrs. Armstrong?
202
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:51,799
Well, for starters,
I'm not Mrs. Armstrong anymore.
203
00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:53,634
Oh! Cool.
204
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,012
My sister transitioned last year, so...
205
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:58,598
No, that's not what I meant.
206
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,641
Bob and I are getting a divorce.
207
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,561
Oh! That explains why you called.
208
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,771
I haven't heard from you
since you and I...
209
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,064
You know.
210
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,084
Now that Bob's out of the picture,
maybe we can...
211
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:12,945
No, no, no, Shane.
That's not why I called.
212
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,990
I didn't call you for sex.
I just... I needed a massage.
213
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:17,908
Massage it is, then.
214
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:19,952
[exhales]
215
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,622
- [Coralee] Hmm!
- [chuckles]
216
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,915
[Coralee chuckles]
217
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:27,877
I swear I didn't call you for sex.
218
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,800
It's just you were always
such a good listener,
219
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,088
and now that Bob's gone,
220
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:34,467
and my son's never home,
and my bestie has a new boy crush...
221
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,801
Are you open to some feedback?
222
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:39,555
- Too much teeth?
- I mean, yes.
223
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,434
But no. I'm only a semester away
from being certified as a life coach,
224
00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,277
and I think
it's pretty important that you...
225
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,229
Okay. What is it, Shane?
226
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,315
Maybe stop avoiding being alone.
227
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,483
If I were you,
228
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,527
I'd look at this time as an opportunity.
229
00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:55,111
Look inward.
230
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,031
Get to know yourself.
231
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,872
Wow! You two should really get a room.
232
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,042
Uh, it's not...
It's not what it looks like.
233
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:11,337
I'm reenacting a crime scene.
Seeing what I missed.
234
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,589
My friend was the girl who got attacked.
235
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,216
Uh, I saved her.
236
00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:18,552
Oh! You're Detective Dildo? [laughs]
237
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,304
No, I'm Nonnie.
238
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,307
Hm. You should stick with Detective Dildo.
239
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,686
I'm Fiona, and this is
Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall.
240
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,396
Jackson Johnson.
241
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:30,856
Really? And you're gonna
make fun of my name?
242
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,483
Can we help
243
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,276
with the reenacting and stuff?
244
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:36,445
What?
245
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:40,157
I love all that CSI, SVU, HPV stuff.
246
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:43,244
It would be helpful to have
someone play the attacker,
247
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,246
and you could be Patty.
248
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:48,582
- Ew!
- Fine. I'll be Patty. You be the killer.
249
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,711
No! Patty'll have more lines. I'll be her.
250
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,295
Just tell us what to do.
251
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:58,676
Okay, so the attacker
was behind Patty, about to hit her...
252
00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:05,474
Um, no, not like that.
It was more like this.
253
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,434
Like this?
254
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,394
Um, no.
255
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,104
It was like this...
256
00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:13,649
Like he was aiming for her knee?
257
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,025
Yes, exactly!
258
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,735
But wait!
259
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:19,196
If he was gonna kill her,
why bother to kneecap her first?
260
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,573
It just doesn't make sense.
261
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:21,657
Right!
262
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,451
None of this makes sense.
263
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:25,327
Come on, Fiona. Let's go.
264
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,747
Unless he wasn't trying to kill her.
265
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,726
Maybe he was just trying
to make sure she couldn't compete!
266
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,711
[gasps] Like that movie
with the girl who plays Harley Quinn.
267
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:36,756
You know, the one who tries
to take out that Olympic skater?
268
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,841
Yes! I love that movie.
269
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:39,800
[Heather] I'm bored.
270
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:43,345
Can we go? We still have to finish
getting ready for the pageant.
271
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:44,597
[giggles]
272
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:45,680
See you around.
273
00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,031
Whose keys were these?
274
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,867
Could they have belonged
to Patty's attacker?
275
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,368
Was this a clue?
276
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:12,583
God damn it!
277
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:14,418
Oh!
278
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,504
[wheelchair whirring]
279
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,092
[yelps]
280
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,430
Where the hell is everybody?
281
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,307
- [all] Surprise!
- [screams]
282
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,726
[all] Happy birthday!
283
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,436
My birthday's in July.
284
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,687
[man] No, honey.
285
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,231
Your birthday's today.
286
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,148
What?
287
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,318
We didn't want to tell you
because it would have ruined the surprise.
288
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,613
We're gonna make up for all the birthdays
we missed during your childhood.
289
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,865
There's gonna be clowns, a bouncy house...
290
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:45,949
A bouncy house?
291
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,326
A cotton candy machine!
292
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:48,285
And a magician?
293
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,496
The magician just canceled.
294
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,248
- He has the flu.
- [Dixie] Oh, man!
295
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,834
Growing up, I always wanted
a magician at my parties,
296
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:58,712
but my mom always said never to trust
a man who pulls rodents out of a hole.
297
00:13:58,796 --> 00:13:59,880
You mean out of a hat.
298
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,507
Well, it depends on the trick.
299
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:03,843
I know some magic.
300
00:14:04,718 --> 00:14:06,428
Maybe I could do a show.
301
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,721
You know magic?
302
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,098
Yeah. Well, a little.
303
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,261
It's been years.
I haven't done it since I was a kid,
304
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:15,479
but if you could get a deck of cards,
a cocktail napkin, some quarters,
305
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,231
and a salt shaker, I can try.
306
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:25,948
Jonathan could save Patty from the food,
but I could save her from herself.
307
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:29,869
I still believed if I could get her
that crown, it would heal all her wounds.
308
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,370
- Argh!
- Okay,
309
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,265
so the sooner we get through
the steps, the better.
310
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,666
But we're kind of in a triage situation,
311
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,877
so I'm thinking
I'll just talk you through it.
312
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,563
Can we do it while she tries on her dress?
313
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,921
Can we just wait?
314
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,424
Not if you don't want her naked on stage
in an hour.
315
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:44,425
Okay, man wig.
316
00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:46,218
It's a hair system.
317
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,303
You can tell?
318
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,346
- You can't?
- [phone ringing]
319
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:50,472
[Bob] Hmm.
320
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,141
I'm assuming that's for you.
321
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,395
Hey! Are you on your way?
322
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:59,815
Patty! Thank God you're okay.
I've been trying to call your cell!
323
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,317
Yeah, it got smashed.
324
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,694
I don't know what to do.
I want to be there for you,
325
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,405
but it's the first time we're having
a birthday party for Dixie,
326
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,282
and my mom's giving me a hard time.
327
00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:11,660
Look, I get it, but I miss you.
Can you get here after the party?
328
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:12,828
I'll see what I can do.
329
00:15:13,537 --> 00:15:16,832
Okay. Tell Dixie I said happy birthday.
I've gotta go. Bye.
330
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:20,544
The pageant is in an hour.
I'm gonna try your mom again.
331
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,630
What's the point? She doesn't care.
332
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:25,257
Her daughter got attacked
and she still hasn't called back.
333
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,009
Wonder what she's up to this time.
334
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:30,054
Did she skip town, or on a bender,
or face down in a pile of dicks?
335
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,556
Okay! Now I want to meet your mom.
336
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,809
[vibrating]
337
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,188
[Angie sniffs and sobs]
338
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:50,032
Make yourself comfortable.
339
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:52,701
We're waiting for the surgeon.
340
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:54,411
[moans]
341
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:02,002
How in the world
did you go through all that gum?
342
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,130
You know, it's a thing
since I quit smoking.
343
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:08,842
You know, when I'm piecing a case together
in my head, I...
344
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,302
Yeah, I chew a lot of gum.
345
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:12,513
You okay?
346
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,016
Yeah. I mean...
347
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,228
Yeah, I'm glad Roxy's killer was caught.
I just...
348
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:20,938
wish I was the one.
349
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,606
Yeah, it's stupid, I know.
350
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,442
No, it's not stupid.
I wish I'd caught him too.
351
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:26,943
I just...
352
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,363
I wanted to be a hero.
353
00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:30,531
Well,
354
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:33,033
it's a big relief
to know he's behind bars, huh?
355
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,874
I wanted to be a hero to you.
356
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:42,792
Oh!
357
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,004
Well...
358
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:46,880
Well, that's sweet.
359
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,424
[laughs, cleans throat]
360
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,258
You're blushing.
361
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,177
I'm just confused.
362
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,972
We had a hotel room,
and you didn't make a move.
363
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,307
I didn't want
to mix business with pleasure.
364
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,101
But now that the killer's been caught...
365
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,816
[both panting]
366
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,154
[applause]
367
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:11,739
[woman] Ladies and gentlemen,
368
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:15,200
welcome to this year's
Miss Georgia American Lady.
369
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,537
I know there was a lot of drama earlier,
370
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:22,958
but I want to assure everyone
that there is nothing to fear.
371
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,378
They've caught the pageant killer,
and he's behind bars.
372
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,922
- [crowd cheers]
- So it's time to rejoice.
373
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:32,384
Think about everything
that pageants have overcome.
374
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,094
Feminism,
375
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,971
the no-makeup challenge,
376
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,931
and now murder.
377
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:40,475
So let's celebrate...
378
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,852
[cheering]
379
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:44,104
...by welcoming our contestants!
380
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,190
First off,
381
00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:49,651
from Alpharetta,
Miss Western Georgia Bounty.
382
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,570
She's a twin who loves pink
383
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,031
and thinks 9/11 was a hoax.
384
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:57,951
Heather Kristina Pamela
Kendall Jackson Johnson.
385
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,578
[cheering]
386
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,830
This is so exciting!
387
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,665
I'm so proud of you for pushing through.
388
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:07,336
It reminds me of that time
Enrique Iglesias cut his hand
389
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,755
on that camera drone
in the middle of a concert,
390
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,924
and he just kept on performing.
391
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:13,318
[Heather]...underneath the walnut,
392
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:18,680
and that's when I realized I could crack
a walnut without using my hands!
393
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:22,976
Thank you, Heather Kristina
Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson.
394
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,896
And now for our next contestant.
395
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:28,148
She speaks three languages,
396
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,651
hopes to someday become a vet
397
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:33,612
and says she can move furniture
with her mind!
398
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:34,695
Please welcome
399
00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:39,118
Miss Historic Georgia Abundance,
Fiona Karen Jeffries.
400
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,410
[cheering]
401
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:44,581
Just remember,
the results are up to God. So let go.
402
00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:45,749
Hey!
403
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,876
No! She can't just let go.
404
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,962
Whatever happens, you'll be fine.
405
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:51,588
[Bob] As long as you win.
406
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:53,090
Remember to smile.
407
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,177
[Fiona]
...so the backup plan was Buttercups!
408
00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:02,474
And that horse made for the most delicious
Thanksgiving dinner we ever had.
409
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:03,558
[host] Thank you, Fiona.
410
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:07,646
And now for our next contestant.
411
00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:10,315
Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams,
412
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,233
Patty Bladell.
413
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,360
- Wish me luck!
- [both] Luck!
414
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:18,740
She's a Scorpio who loves
Drew Barrymore movies
415
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,368
and just survived a vicious attack.
416
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:25,621
Miss Bladell,
417
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:30,127
I'd like to commend you
on continuing to compete in the pageant,
418
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:33,881
in light of the recent
attempt on your life.
419
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,300
You've set a shining example
420
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:40,262
for the young women here on this stage
of what it means to show up
421
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,222
in the face of adversity.
422
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,141
[cheering]
423
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,769
They loved me.
424
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:51,023
Maybe getting attacked was
the best thing that ever happened to me.
425
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,649
Maybe it was all a God shot.
426
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:55,652
The question I have for you is:
427
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,614
how does it feel to be a hero?
428
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:01,992
You're not a hero! You're the villain!
429
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:03,952
Miss Bladell.
430
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,373
I...
431
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:13,670
personally believe that US Americans
are heroes because...
432
00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:22,095
diversity, education, and GPS.
433
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,099
Such as...
434
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:30,729
Julio Iglesias for...
435
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:36,193
singing onstage
when a flying robot tried to kill him.
436
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:41,198
Also Iglesias means churches in Spanish.
437
00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:42,950
Thank you.
438
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,409
[crowd gasps]
439
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,080
Patty, what happened?
440
00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:50,164
I...
441
00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,918
I am not a hero. Nonnie is.
442
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,841
I mean, she hit that guy one time,
and then she called the cops, not me.
443
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,673
Patty! Stop talking now!
444
00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,259
I don't deserve to be here.
445
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,927
I have done horrible things.
446
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:03,178
Honey, we all have.
447
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,763
But we're gonna get you through this.
448
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:07,140
- Yes.
- You're going to write a list
449
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,285
of anything bad you're holding onto
and read it to me.
450
00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:12,229
- No!
- In program, we call it an inventory.
451
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:13,814
It's a way to get out your secrets
452
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:15,315
so you can let go and move on.
453
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,110
Wait here.
454
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:19,653
I have a note pad in my bag.
455
00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:21,863
Patty could not write that inventory.
456
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,241
It was as good as a written confession.
457
00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:28,203
[Nonnie] I was missing Patty's big moment,
458
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,788
but I hoped she'd understand.
459
00:21:29,871 --> 00:21:32,541
After all, I was trying to find out
why she was under attack.
460
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:33,625
[unlocking beeps]
461
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,628
[beeping]
462
00:21:54,771 --> 00:21:57,941
He wasn't the pageant killer!
He was a hired hit!
463
00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,067
Somebody paid him
464
00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,819
to take Patty out of the running.
465
00:22:00,902 --> 00:22:01,902
But who?
466
00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:06,742
Now that I had some leverage,
467
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:09,536
maybe I could pay him a visit
and ask him myself.
468
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:17,794
Oh, my God! Brick!
469
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,798
- You really are magic!
- I can do another trick.
470
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,799
I just need some straws and a plastic cup.
471
00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:25,218
Oh, no.
472
00:22:25,302 --> 00:22:26,345
What's wrong?
473
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:29,306
Well, you're being trolled
on your YouTube videos.
474
00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:31,766
Look.
475
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:35,437
[Brick] "Quit mansplaining
476
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,481
how to mansplain."
What does that even mean?
477
00:22:37,981 --> 00:22:40,901
It means instead of all this
good guys do and don't bullshit,
478
00:22:40,984 --> 00:22:42,444
you should do magic videos.
479
00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:43,727
Teach people how to do tricks.
480
00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:46,656
No, a good magician
never reveals his secrets.
481
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:48,742
Come on, Brick!
You're really good at this!
482
00:22:48,825 --> 00:22:49,951
Plus,
483
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:52,329
I could be your hot assistant.
484
00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:55,207
And you could make my clothes disappear.
485
00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:57,209
[giggles]
486
00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,961
What are you still doing here?
487
00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,755
You should be at the pageant with Patty.
488
00:23:01,838 --> 00:23:03,131
- You sure?
- Yes!
489
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:04,215
I mean...
490
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,259
thank you for staying,
491
00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:08,178
but please go!
492
00:23:09,429 --> 00:23:11,223
Okay. Well, before I leave,
493
00:23:11,306 --> 00:23:13,600
I wanted to give you...
494
00:23:14,267 --> 00:23:16,061
your birthday present.
495
00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:18,480
[giggles]
496
00:23:20,357 --> 00:23:21,983
It's a plane ticket to Minnesota.
497
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:23,485
You're sending me away?
498
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:26,154
No. We would love for you
to come back home with us.
499
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:27,614
Make up for lost time.
500
00:23:29,032 --> 00:23:30,033
Wow.
501
00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:31,534
Really?
502
00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:33,376
I mean, it doesn't have to be forever.
Just...
503
00:23:34,037 --> 00:23:35,163
Think about it, Dixie.
504
00:23:36,706 --> 00:23:37,791
Go!
505
00:23:37,874 --> 00:23:39,668
I'll cover for you with Mom.
506
00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:40,751
Oh, my God!
507
00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:43,171
That was like our first real
brother/sister moment ever!
508
00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:45,632
Okay. Well, it won't be our last.
509
00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:52,347
[Dixie] I had spent 18 years
not knowing my bio-fam,
510
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:55,350
but getting them back
was the best birthday gift of all.
511
00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:59,479
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
512
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:04,276
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
513
00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:05,569
♪ Happy birthday... ♪
514
00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:06,652
What?
515
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:09,030
I'm 20?
516
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:13,869
[song playing]
517
00:24:24,045 --> 00:24:25,297
[cheering]
518
00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:26,506
[splashing]
519
00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:30,218
[cheering]
520
00:24:32,345 --> 00:24:35,265
I couldn't write a list
of all the bad things I had done.
521
00:24:35,348 --> 00:24:37,934
It was the most incriminating thing
I could ever do.
522
00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:40,687
Well, other than killing two,
maybe three people.
523
00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:41,605
What've you got?
524
00:24:41,688 --> 00:24:43,231
I got nothing.
525
00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:47,777
Patty, the big book says
the only people who can't recover
526
00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:50,697
are those who are constitutionally
incapable of being honest.
527
00:24:50,780 --> 00:24:52,782
Then maybe the 12 steps aren't for me.
528
00:24:52,866 --> 00:24:55,118
You said there are many ways
for someone to recover.
529
00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:57,329
Yeah, but they all require you
to dig deep.
530
00:24:57,412 --> 00:24:58,497
Tell the truth.
531
00:24:58,580 --> 00:24:59,998
Then I was definitely screwed.
532
00:25:00,081 --> 00:25:03,418
[host] Please welcome
Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams,
533
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:04,836
Miss Patty Bladell.
534
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,171
[cheering]
535
00:25:06,254 --> 00:25:08,757
[applause, music starts]
536
00:25:15,305 --> 00:25:17,307
Maybe I didn't need an inventory.
537
00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:20,018
If I won, my list of sins would be erased.
538
00:25:28,026 --> 00:25:31,613
Unless my sins erased
any chance I had of winning.
539
00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:34,074
[heart thumping]
540
00:25:36,117 --> 00:25:39,621
And just like that, I watched the crown
slip through my fingers.
541
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,418
[crowd gasps]
542
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:52,342
What is happening?
543
00:25:52,425 --> 00:25:54,219
- I ruined everything.
- No, you didn't.
544
00:25:54,302 --> 00:25:56,346
Look, I'll ask the judges for a redo.
545
00:25:56,429 --> 00:25:58,629
I'm sure they'll be forgiving
under these circumstances.
546
00:25:58,682 --> 00:26:00,058
No, I don't deserve forgiveness.
547
00:26:01,893 --> 00:26:04,062
- What are you doing?
- I can't.
548
00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:06,439
I can't be honest...
549
00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:07,523
with anyone.
550
00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:11,570
Which means recovery is not for me.
551
00:26:14,322 --> 00:26:16,324
- Don't.
- What do you mean? She needs me.
552
00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,994
She has to choose recovery.
You can't choose it for her.
553
00:26:19,619 --> 00:26:20,787
Screw that.
554
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,837
Patty! Wait!
555
00:26:30,422 --> 00:26:31,631
- Wait!
- Why?
556
00:26:32,382 --> 00:26:35,594
It's over, Bob!
No Miss Georgia! No Miss American Lady!
557
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:38,471
Whatever is going on,
you can be honest with me.
558
00:26:38,555 --> 00:26:39,389
[Patty] Except...
559
00:26:39,472 --> 00:26:40,557
I couldn't.
560
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,183
Even Bob didn't know about Gordy.
561
00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:43,267
I can't.
562
00:26:43,935 --> 00:26:45,580
There are some things
I still can't tell you.
563
00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:47,105
What are you talking about?
564
00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:49,774
You can tell me anything.
565
00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:52,110
I helped you bury a body!
566
00:26:52,193 --> 00:26:53,194
Yeah, exactly!
567
00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:57,157
And now neither one of us can ever
be honest with anyone ever again!
568
00:26:57,699 --> 00:26:58,950
Look, I get it.
569
00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:00,994
All you ever wanted to do was help me.
570
00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:02,703
But you can't.
571
00:27:03,204 --> 00:27:04,331
Too much has happened.
572
00:27:04,914 --> 00:27:06,249
You can't save me, Bob.
573
00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:08,208
Nobody can.
574
00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:14,132
[Bob] I thought Patty was my destiny.
575
00:27:14,799 --> 00:27:16,885
I thought I was doing the right thing.
576
00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:18,720
But maybe I was wrong.
577
00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:23,266
She wanted to turn herself in
for Christian and Stella Rose,
578
00:27:23,850 --> 00:27:25,518
but I stopped her,
579
00:27:25,602 --> 00:27:28,521
and now she couldn't get recovery
because of me.
580
00:27:30,273 --> 00:27:32,025
How could I have let this happen?
581
00:27:32,609 --> 00:27:34,277
Was I broken just like her?
582
00:27:34,819 --> 00:27:36,279
What was wrong with me?
583
00:27:37,739 --> 00:27:39,866
I've been doing it my entire life.
584
00:27:41,284 --> 00:27:42,994
With my mom, with...
585
00:27:43,870 --> 00:27:44,954
Stella Rose,
586
00:27:45,622 --> 00:27:47,957
Coralee, all those pageant girls.
587
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:50,042
Patty.
588
00:27:52,253 --> 00:27:53,755
I try and fix 'em.
589
00:27:54,130 --> 00:27:56,633
But when I'm done,
they just end up more broken.
590
00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:58,426
My mom died.
591
00:27:59,886 --> 00:28:01,554
Stella Rose went insane.
592
00:28:01,930 --> 00:28:05,809
Coralee is better off alone,
and I ruined Patty's life.
593
00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:07,935
I...
594
00:28:09,437 --> 00:28:12,941
Every time I try and help,
I just end up hurting them.
595
00:28:13,441 --> 00:28:14,818
Dude, for the third time,
596
00:28:14,901 --> 00:28:17,612
I'm not the bartender.
I was just looking for some ice.
597
00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:20,573
But good luck
with the savior complex stuff.
598
00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:21,657
Sounds rough.
599
00:28:22,826 --> 00:28:25,662
A savior complex? Is that what it was?
600
00:28:25,745 --> 00:28:28,123
[scoffs]
How do you get recovery from that?
601
00:28:28,206 --> 00:28:29,958
Could I just stop, cold turkey?
602
00:28:30,709 --> 00:28:31,709
Then what?
603
00:28:31,751 --> 00:28:33,878
Maybe I needed a God shot of my own.
604
00:28:33,962 --> 00:28:36,381
[host]...the winner
of Miss Georgia American Lady.
605
00:28:36,464 --> 00:28:38,675
- Whoop-de-friggin'-doo.
- [host] But first,
606
00:28:38,758 --> 00:28:40,802
I'd like to make a special announcement.
607
00:28:40,885 --> 00:28:45,473
This year, for the first time ever,
we're crowning a third runner-up
608
00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:47,434
to honor an exceptional young lady.
609
00:28:47,934 --> 00:28:51,312
Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams,
Patty Bladell.
610
00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:52,564
Patty?
611
00:28:52,647 --> 00:28:54,399
[applause]
612
00:28:58,862 --> 00:28:59,904
[host] Patty?
613
00:29:00,947 --> 00:29:02,115
Patty Bladell?
614
00:29:03,324 --> 00:29:04,826
[Bob] She's indisposed!
615
00:29:06,119 --> 00:29:07,119
Uh...
616
00:29:07,996 --> 00:29:10,957
I'm Bob Armstrong. I'm her coach.
617
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,585
Would you like to accept this
on her behalf?
618
00:29:14,753 --> 00:29:16,755
[applause]
619
00:29:22,635 --> 00:29:24,637
[cheering]
620
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:36,524
Bob,
621
00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:41,529
you're the one who encouraged Patty
to stay and compete, despite her trauma.
622
00:29:42,530 --> 00:29:44,574
Well, yes, but, um...
623
00:29:44,657 --> 00:29:46,493
Because of your guidance,
624
00:29:46,576 --> 00:29:50,914
Patty displayed courage,
perseverance, determination...
625
00:29:50,997 --> 00:29:54,584
Qualities that we look for
in a Miss Georgia American Lady.
626
00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:58,838
Which is why we created
this special prize just for her.
627
00:29:59,214 --> 00:30:00,590
Since she's not here,
628
00:30:01,174 --> 00:30:04,010
ladies and gentlemen, Bob Armstrong.
629
00:30:04,093 --> 00:30:06,429
[cheering]
630
00:30:10,016 --> 00:30:11,226
I didn't deserve this.
631
00:30:11,768 --> 00:30:14,813
I hadn't helped Patty. I'd hurt her, so...
632
00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:17,357
what did this all mean?
633
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:21,110
I had asked for a God shot,
and I ended up on stage?
634
00:30:21,194 --> 00:30:24,864
[host]...Capital Georgia Hope,
Penelope Ann Penelope.
635
00:30:24,948 --> 00:30:28,076
What was the universe trying to tell me?
636
00:30:28,159 --> 00:30:29,919
[host]
This year's Miss Georgia American Lady
637
00:30:29,953 --> 00:30:32,789
is Miss Western Georgia Bounty,
638
00:30:32,872 --> 00:30:35,458
Heather Kristina
Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson!
639
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,377
If this was a sign,
640
00:30:37,752 --> 00:30:39,838
I needed a clearer message.
641
00:30:39,921 --> 00:30:41,548
[cheering]
642
00:30:43,049 --> 00:30:44,133
Oh, my God!
643
00:30:45,134 --> 00:30:46,134
Dad?
644
00:30:47,971 --> 00:30:49,180
[Robert laughing]
645
00:30:49,264 --> 00:30:51,266
Dad, what are you doing here?
646
00:30:51,349 --> 00:30:52,642
You invited me! [laughs]
647
00:30:55,603 --> 00:30:58,273
Besides, I wanted to see
what all the fuss was about.
648
00:30:58,356 --> 00:31:00,733
Yeah, well, you picked
the wrong pageant. Patty lost.
649
00:31:00,817 --> 00:31:01,817
Yeah.
650
00:31:02,569 --> 00:31:03,903
But look at you.
651
00:31:03,987 --> 00:31:06,698
Okay, I really... I don't need you
to mock me right now
652
00:31:06,781 --> 00:31:10,076
for being on stage with the flowers
and the sash like a pansy.
653
00:31:10,493 --> 00:31:12,053
I've never been more proud of you, son.
654
00:31:14,163 --> 00:31:15,248
Standing up there,
655
00:31:15,331 --> 00:31:16,916
everybody clapping for you.
656
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,334
You looked like a winner.
657
00:31:18,835 --> 00:31:20,670
That's all I've ever wanted for you.
658
00:31:21,546 --> 00:31:23,673
And I'm gonna give you a chance
to get it for real.
659
00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,551
It's time for you to be
in the spotlight for once.
660
00:31:26,634 --> 00:31:29,971
I'm pulling my money from Barnard,
and I'm backing you for mayor.
661
00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:32,348
Was this my God shot?
662
00:31:32,974 --> 00:31:36,060
Was it finally time for me to focus on me?
663
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:38,938
There is just one small problem.
664
00:31:39,689 --> 00:31:42,734
If you're gonna win, you're gonna
have to get out of that motel.
665
00:31:42,817 --> 00:31:47,155
It's outside of Masonville city limits,
and you've gotta be a resident to run.
666
00:31:47,488 --> 00:31:48,488
[door closes]
667
00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:50,742
What happened? Did I miss it?
668
00:31:50,825 --> 00:31:53,077
Yeah, it's over.
Patty got third runner-up.
669
00:31:53,161 --> 00:31:54,203
What do you mean?
670
00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:55,663
It means she lost.
671
00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:59,626
But she gets to be on a float
in the parade. Here. Take those to her.
672
00:31:59,709 --> 00:32:01,210
Shouldn't you do it?
673
00:32:01,836 --> 00:32:03,963
I mean, you got her to this point.
You're the coach.
674
00:32:04,672 --> 00:32:06,591
I've got something else I've gotta do.
675
00:32:06,674 --> 00:32:08,927
[song playing]
676
00:32:09,677 --> 00:32:14,057
I took Shane's advice,
and I spent the day with myself.
677
00:32:18,728 --> 00:32:20,688
I'd avoided being alone for so long
678
00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:24,984
I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed
my own company.
679
00:32:25,068 --> 00:32:26,986
Maybe being alone wasn't so bad.
680
00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:30,490
I could do what I wanted
whenever I wanted.
681
00:32:31,574 --> 00:32:33,576
I could make a lot of noise.
682
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:36,454
I could sleep in the middle of the bed.
683
00:32:36,537 --> 00:32:39,791
And if I wanted to dance
around the house with no pants on,
684
00:32:39,874 --> 00:32:41,167
I could do that too.
685
00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:43,378
- [Coralee] Ooh!
- [sighs]
686
00:32:43,461 --> 00:32:46,047
- What the hell are you doing here?
- My name is on the deed.
687
00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:49,050
I own this house, and I am moving back in.
688
00:32:50,718 --> 00:32:52,553
[Coralee] So much for being alone.
689
00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:54,263
[alarm blares]
690
00:32:58,559 --> 00:32:59,435
Recognize me?
691
00:32:59,519 --> 00:33:03,231
- I'm the one who caught you.
- Oh, right. Detective Dildo.
692
00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:04,857
Here's the thing, asshole.
693
00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:08,695
You got caught red-handed
trying to attack Patty Bladell,
694
00:33:08,778 --> 00:33:11,280
which means you're going
to prison for a few years.
695
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:14,617
And I have something
you might want once you're free.
696
00:33:17,203 --> 00:33:19,580
- How the hell did you get that?
- Not important.
697
00:33:19,872 --> 00:33:21,124
But I'll make you an offer.
698
00:33:21,207 --> 00:33:24,544
I put it in a safety deposit box,
and I'll give you the number,
699
00:33:24,627 --> 00:33:28,339
but you have to tell me
who wanted Patty out of the running.
700
00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:29,423
Okay, fine.
701
00:33:31,342 --> 00:33:32,635
You go first.
702
00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:53,656
Kentucky Fried...
703
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,826
California Pizza Kitchen?
704
00:33:58,244 --> 00:33:59,245
[Nonnie gasps]
705
00:33:59,954 --> 00:34:03,791
Heather Kristina
Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson!
706
00:34:08,963 --> 00:34:12,925
[Patty] There was no higher power,
no God shot, no crown.
707
00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,552
It was all bullshit.
708
00:34:14,635 --> 00:34:16,596
Fuck recovery. Fuck Bob.
709
00:34:17,138 --> 00:34:18,723
And fuck my mom.
710
00:34:18,806 --> 00:34:21,309
Her car was just sitting here
in the driveway.
711
00:34:21,392 --> 00:34:25,438
I couldn't believe she was home
the whole time, ignoring Bob's calls.
712
00:34:25,521 --> 00:34:27,482
Didn't she care that I was in trouble?
713
00:34:27,565 --> 00:34:28,565
[whirring]
714
00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:33,488
Unless she was in trouble too.
715
00:34:47,210 --> 00:34:48,210
Shit!
716
00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:02,600
Fuck Southwest!
717
00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:04,435
The flight delayed 4,000 times!
718
00:35:04,936 --> 00:35:06,270
And then the Super Shuttle
719
00:35:06,354 --> 00:35:07,855
- dropped me off dead last!
- Sh!
720
00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:10,399
- Enter.
- [sighs]
721
00:35:15,655 --> 00:35:18,032
I assume these are the sweater melons
I'm cutting open.
722
00:35:18,491 --> 00:35:19,534
Fantastic.
723
00:35:19,617 --> 00:35:21,017
Whatever was happening wasn't good.
724
00:35:21,077 --> 00:35:23,871
[man]
You're going to behave yourself, right?
725
00:35:24,580 --> 00:35:27,959
Otherwise, we'll have to kill you.
726
00:35:28,042 --> 00:35:29,919
Since I couldn't trust
a higher power anymore,
727
00:35:30,211 --> 00:35:32,171
I had to save her myself.
728
00:35:32,255 --> 00:35:34,924
What side shall we start with, huh?
729
00:35:37,718 --> 00:35:39,720
[light tapping]
730
00:35:40,429 --> 00:35:41,430
Is that your phone?
731
00:35:44,350 --> 00:35:45,893
- There!
- Oh!
732
00:35:46,102 --> 00:35:47,603
[screaming]
733
00:35:47,687 --> 00:35:49,397
- What the...
- Shoot her!
734
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,400
Shit! I didn't bring the gun.
I brought the machete!
735
00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:53,776
Grab it!
736
00:35:54,443 --> 00:35:55,653
[Patty gasps, man yelps]
737
00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:03,619
[splutters]
738
00:36:08,666 --> 00:36:09,834
Not bad!
739
00:36:09,917 --> 00:36:11,586
For a cultural appropriator.
740
00:36:11,919 --> 00:36:14,172
It's not appropriation. It's inclusion.
741
00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:17,758
Well, I happen to be
a Brazilian capoeira master.
742
00:36:17,842 --> 00:36:18,885
What are the odds?
743
00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:21,262
He was right. What were the odds?
744
00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:23,347
Just bring it, asshole.
745
00:36:23,764 --> 00:36:26,642
Huh? Let's dance. To the death.
746
00:36:29,437 --> 00:36:31,355
What were the odds I knew capoeira,
747
00:36:32,982 --> 00:36:35,526
and that I was fighting Brazilians,
748
00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:39,655
and that I left the pageant
just in time to save my mom?
749
00:36:40,448 --> 00:36:41,908
[Patty gasps]
750
00:36:43,701 --> 00:36:45,703
Could this be a God shot?
751
00:36:49,790 --> 00:36:52,501
Maybe I was exactly
where I was supposed to be.
752
00:36:53,544 --> 00:36:54,629
[both grunt]
753
00:36:58,090 --> 00:36:59,090
[Patty exclaims]
754
00:37:12,605 --> 00:37:14,190
[shouting]
755
00:37:23,991 --> 00:37:27,495
Maybe there was a higher power out there
guiding me after all.
756
00:37:30,873 --> 00:37:31,958
[yelps]
757
00:37:33,209 --> 00:37:34,543
And it was all leading me here,
758
00:37:34,961 --> 00:37:36,212
back to my mom.
759
00:37:38,714 --> 00:37:41,467
[gasps]
Hold on one sec. I'm coming to you, mom.
760
00:37:42,301 --> 00:37:44,470
Holy shit! I got cocaine in my tits,
761
00:37:44,553 --> 00:37:47,890
and I was a drug mule and didn't know it,
and you just killed all those drug dealers
762
00:37:47,974 --> 00:37:49,433
and saved my life!
763
00:37:49,517 --> 00:37:50,518
[gasping]
764
00:37:50,601 --> 00:37:54,146
- My God!
- Okay. It's okay. [sobbing]
765
00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:55,898
Okay.
766
00:37:55,982 --> 00:37:58,067
I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you.
767
00:37:58,150 --> 00:38:01,487
I quit my job,
and I was coming to see you.
768
00:38:01,570 --> 00:38:02,697
You were?
769
00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:04,991
I thought you just bailed on me again.
770
00:38:05,074 --> 00:38:06,701
No! Okay!
771
00:38:08,369 --> 00:38:12,290
[gasping] Unless I get duct-taped
and threatened by more drug dealers,
772
00:38:12,373 --> 00:38:14,083
I'm never gonna bail on you ever again.
773
00:38:14,917 --> 00:38:16,961
Thank you for saving me!
774
00:38:17,545 --> 00:38:19,547
I swear to God,
I'm gonna spend the rest of my life
775
00:38:19,630 --> 00:38:21,549
trying to prove to you that I deserved it.
776
00:38:21,632 --> 00:38:22,633
[sobbing]
777
00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:30,766
[laughing]
778
00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:34,312
Oh, Patty! Look out! Get the gun!
779
00:38:34,395 --> 00:38:36,230
What gun? These are machete people!
780
00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:37,732
Bob's gun. It's in that drawer!
781
00:38:37,815 --> 00:38:40,359
- Why do you have Bob's gun?
- Just do it, Patty!
782
00:38:40,609 --> 00:38:41,986
[gun cocks]
783
00:38:50,578 --> 00:38:53,205
[panting]
784
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:56,751
How's that for a God shot?