1 00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,050 - Oh, yes! 2 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,135 Look, there's a new one of these. 3 00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,553 - Your students' show? - Yeah. 4 00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:13,346 - You love those little brainiacs. 5 00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,390 - I--I don't love them. 6 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,058 I love good content, okay? 7 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,143 I've said that a million times. 8 00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,979 [person screaming] 9 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,230 - Don't forget to write. 10 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,149 [suspenseful music] 11 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,443 - Those backstabbers. They betrayed me. 12 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:35,827 * * 13 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,205 - [sighs] 14 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:41,833 [tires squealing outside] 15 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:42,917 [car horn honking outside] 16 00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:44,836 - Hey, watch out! 17 00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:49,924 - But you don't need to concern yourselves with that. 18 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:53,053 Let's see, I might be forgetting something. 19 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,971 Uh, mentally breaking my nemesis, 20 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,556 sex with everyone in California. 21 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,391 No, that was it. 22 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,226 Welcome to AP Bio. 23 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:01,978 [Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"] 24 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,063 - One, two, three, four! 25 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:04,397 - Actually, wait. 26 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,815 One more thing. 27 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,487 This is my pen. 28 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,113 You cannot borrow my pen. 29 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,532 You cannot touch my pen. 30 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,034 It's mine. 31 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,453 If there were to be a fire and I had to save one of you, 32 00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:19,871 I would save the pen. 33 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,709 [intense music] 34 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,712 [metal scraping] 35 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,798 * * 36 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:31,716 This piece of shit. 37 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,309 - [clears throat] 38 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,103 [timer ticking] 39 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,771 - Yeah, I see it. 40 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,356 But I'm ignoring it. 41 00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:49,067 I'm gonna take a 20-minute power nap. 42 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,903 [suspenseful music] 43 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:58,868 * * 44 00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,640 [alarm rings] 45 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:28,064 [sighs] 46 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,025 Man, that hit the spot. 47 00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,235 Anyone else grab a snooze? 48 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:33,486 No? 49 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,577 [metal scraping] 50 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,203 [Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"] 51 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,705 - One, two, three, four! 52 00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:46,166 - * Next time, I'll listen to my heart * 53 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:49,085 * Next time, well, I'll be smart * 54 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:56,134 * * 55 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,095 [inquisitive music] 56 00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,014 * * 57 00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:02,891 - Hey. You wanted to talk? 58 00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:07,896 - Listen, we've been hooking up for, what, a month now? 59 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,356 - Five weeks and two days, yeah. 60 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,732 - I feel like this is a summer thing. 61 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:11,941 I mean, we're at a point where 62 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,443 we can either get serious and date 63 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,195 or decide that we've learned enough 64 00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,072 to not embarrass ourselves sexually 65 00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,615 in college and call it quits. 66 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:21,159 - I'd say definitely the first thing. 67 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,619 I love you. 68 00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,204 I-I love you, Sarika. 69 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:27,791 - Caleb, I was trying to say we should call it quits. 70 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,335 - [groans] 71 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,423 [groaning] 72 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,391 - Um, this may not be the best time, 73 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,101 but I do have a nondisclosure agreement 74 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:47,894 I would love for you to sign. 75 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,479 It's very standard stuff. 76 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:52,524 It just says you can't discuss our relationship at Whitlock, 77 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:55,110 Toledo, in perpetuity throughout the universe. 78 00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:56,903 [giggles] 79 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,030 - [groans] 80 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:06,705 * * 81 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,289 - Oh! 82 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,375 You gonna scuff my nude pump? 83 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,043 This is mine now. 84 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,507 Okay, this'll be perfect. 85 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,801 Now, what'd everyone bring for their lunch roulette? 86 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:22,637 And it'd better be good. Mary? - Huh? 87 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,639 Oh, uh, I would go first, 88 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,641 but I want to see what Helen's got. 89 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,519 - Oh, well, I had some time this morning, 90 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,397 so I just whipped up some seared duck breast 91 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,232 in a balsamic reduction. 92 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,525 - Oh! - Wow. 93 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:36,818 - And I would've made dessert, too, 94 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,654 if the duck had gone down easier. [laughs] 95 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,532 - Helen, did you kill this duck, like, this morning? 96 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,493 - Well, yeah, I wasn't gonna pan-fry it alive. 97 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,245 I'm not a psychopath. 98 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:52,375 - Okay, well, I put together a little French picnic. 99 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,668 I brought some of that Brie. 100 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,171 - Ooh, bonjour, Monsieur Cheese. 101 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,590 - Some of that baguette. - Bonjour, Monsieur Bread. 102 00:04:58,631 --> 00:04:59,841 [women giggle] 103 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,594 - And some of them grapes. - Oh, la, la! 104 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,637 C'est magnifique! Bon appétit! 105 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:07,390 - Mary, are you overly flattering 106 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:08,725 my lunch roulette contribution 107 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,435 because you forgot we were doing this? 108 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,520 - What? I did not forget. 109 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,189 Lunch roulette means a lot to me, 110 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:18,109 which is why I made... 111 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,362 this fresh sandwich. 112 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:22,322 - We split that last week. - [sighs] 113 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,282 - My turn. [clears throat] 114 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,368 For lunch roulette, I brought 115 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:31,748 one normal, unadulterated banana. 116 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:38,588 - Is this a rusty nail? 117 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,881 - [scoffs] If it's roulette, 118 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,717 there's got to be one bullet to make it fun. 119 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,594 Whatever, you guys suck. Let's just play. 120 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:47,138 [women chuckle] - Okay, I'm feeling lucky. 121 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,598 Come on, sandwich! 122 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:52,602 * * 123 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,647 - Welp, had to confiscate this. 124 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,066 Inappropriate, also patently false. 125 00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,609 - Ralph, you got to hide that right now. 126 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,403 The superintendent's gonna be here any moment. 127 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,071 - No. Okay, we have to nail this. 128 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,073 She's gonna keep hitting us with monthly inspections 129 00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,075 until we have an incident-free visit. 130 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,077 - Tell me she's not still hung up on the time 131 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,620 that we let her fall through a hole. 132 00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:13,289 - Well, that is 50% her fault for walking and texting, 133 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,791 and it's 50% your fault 134 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,960 for covering the hole with sticks and twigs. 135 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:19,921 - Well, do you know a better way to catch raccoons? 136 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,006 - Yes. 137 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,924 - Good morning, Helen. - Hi. 138 00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,634 - That's Helen? We have a positive ID! 139 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,845 - Down! Eat linoleum, mother[bleep]. 140 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,054 You're under arrest for murder. 141 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:31,975 - Okeydokey. I'll be back next month. 142 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,644 - I'm a hand model. I'm a prosthetic hand model. 143 00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,688 Hundreds of people have my hands. 144 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,524 My fingerprints end up in the darndest places. 145 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,401 Did I kill a Cambodian drug lord? 146 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,194 No. Did I steal a Rembrandt 147 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,904 from the Rijksmuseum in Nederlands? 148 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:48,074 Nee. Nee. Not I, sir. 149 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,368 [tense music] 150 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,619 - I'm good with that. 151 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:52,871 - Yeah, sorry about the trouble, ma'am. 152 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,664 - Yeah. - Thank you, officers. 153 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,624 Good luck catching the murderer. 154 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,919 - I wish the superintendent had been here for my exoneration. 155 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:03,590 - He says, "I can come fix your heater on Wednesday." 156 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:06,301 I says, "Oh, what a coincidence 157 00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:09,179 that you'd come on hump day." 158 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:14,100 I'm telling you, this guy has had a thing for me for years. 159 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,478 He says it's a regular reminder call 160 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,854 about tomorrow's appointment. 161 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,773 I'm like, "Flirt much? 162 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,859 We just made the appointment yesterday, you horn dog." 163 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,987 Well, anyway, this guy's gonna-- 164 00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:30,450 You want to be paid in Visa or smooches? 165 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:31,701 Visa? 166 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:35,455 Okay, okay, hold your horses. 167 00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:36,915 God, I thought I had it together. 168 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,500 Think he wants something, he doesn't want it! 169 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,752 [bell ringing] 170 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,837 I says, "If you're so uninterested, 171 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,548 why you leaving me a refrigerator magnet?" 172 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,217 I got it right here. You guys want to see it? 173 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,843 It's crazy. 174 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:07,987 * * 175 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:27,257 all: H-E-N-- 176 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,426 - You're moving it. - I'm not. I promise. 177 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,053 all: R-Y. 178 00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:33,388 [all gasp] 179 00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,390 - It spelled Henry. The spirit's name is Henry. 180 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,309 [all screaming] 181 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:43,064 - [laughing] 182 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,984 Sorry to intrude, ladies, but legally, 183 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,278 I have to inform you that you have been pranked. 184 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,863 - You did this? 185 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,948 But how did you get the pointer thingy to move? 186 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,742 [dramatic musical sting] 187 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:54,993 - Allow me to answer that. 188 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,163 Magnets and robotics. 189 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,914 - But how did you get it under the table? 190 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,332 [dramatic musical sting] 191 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,876 - That's where I come in. 192 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,253 I placed the device that was controlling the pen. 193 00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:08,006 For once, being unremarkable worked in my favor. 194 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,800 - But how did you know that we would be doing this? 195 00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:12,719 This isn't even mine. Marissa brought it. 196 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,888 - Don't look at me. I borrowed it from-- 197 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,890 - From Yuyao, yes. 198 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,892 I did not find that game wrapped in chains 199 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,352 on the beach as I told you. 200 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,770 I lied, and you bought it. 201 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,605 - But we only invited Marissa yesterday 202 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,482 'cause Anthony couldn't come. 203 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,442 - Oh, couldn't I? 204 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:31,112 - Anthony, you were in on it and you didn't tell me? 205 00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:34,115 I'm just kidding. He did tell me. I knew. 206 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,534 - I knew, too. Victor paid me ten bucks to play along. 207 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,913 - I knew too. I'm the one who built the robot for Eduardo. 208 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,082 - What about you, Heather? - Of course I knew. 209 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:44,793 This is my house. I'm the one who let Marcus in. 210 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,961 all: Marcus? - Marcus is here? 211 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,297 - Hey. [all gasp] 212 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,257 Yeah, I made the lights flicker. 213 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,300 Watch this. 214 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,720 Good, right? 215 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,639 [sighs] 216 00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,599 - Wait, if everyone was in on it 217 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,059 and no one was getting pranked, 218 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,561 then what are we even doing? 219 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,523 [inquisitive music] 220 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,609 * * 221 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,403 - Okay, okay, so third time's a charm. 222 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,196 All right, just don't trip. 223 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,827 [all groan] - I want this so bad. 224 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,496 When you get it, I'm gonna explode. 225 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,374 - Let me try. - Yeah. 226 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:31,047 [alarm rings] - [chuckles] 227 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,302 Did anyone see that? 228 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:40,098 - Well, the sleep pole's a huge success. 229 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,268 I was out. Good first week, guys. 230 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,228 [bell rings] 231 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,273 - Heather, I-- 232 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,819 Dan, it's just--if you just-- 233 00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:57,907 [suspenseful music] 234 00:10:57,949 --> 00:10:59,534 - Where's my pen? 235 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:06,458 * * 236 00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:18,553 There was a pen here. Did you take it? 237 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,513 - [laughs] 238 00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:22,474 That thing is long gone, brother. 239 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,893 This school finds out what you love, 240 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:28,355 and it takes it from you every time. 241 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:31,024 - Well, I'm gonna find out who took it. 242 00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:33,568 Then there'll be hell to pay. 243 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,570 - What's that? 244 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,197 - I was, uh... 245 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,990 I wasn't talking to you. I was doing a thing. 246 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,576 - Oh. Carry on. 247 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,454 [tense music] 248 00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:54,547 [inquisitive music] 249 00:11:54,589 --> 00:12:01,513 * * 250 00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,435 [animal chittering] 251 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:11,022 - I can hear you running around up there, Mr. Raccoon. 252 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,651 I'm just trying to get you outside to the hole. 253 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,111 Come on. 254 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,745 Huh. I believe we've met. 255 00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,580 [raccoon chitters] 256 00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:29,791 Oh, you little-- 257 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,960 you little shit, I got you. 258 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:35,422 [indistinct chatter] 259 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,923 - Well, you said-- 260 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,592 - Could you please sign these cards when you got a sec? 261 00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:42,721 One is for Stef's baby shower, and the other one's for Rhonda. 262 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,182 - Oh, such a shame. 263 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:49,686 - Ooh, sexy-ass water man, 264 00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:54,024 you put the jumbled spelling of "man" in "damn." 265 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:58,778 So ripped and beautiful, but you dumb, ain't ya? 266 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,613 Yeah, no rocket scientist 267 00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,198 lugs stuff around to make a living. 268 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,617 You're like a donkey. 269 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,327 Mmm, mmm, mmm. 270 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:10,457 I want to get with you, big dumb donkey water man. 271 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,959 - Okay, just sign here. Last spot left. 272 00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:18,298 - It'll be nice for Rhonda to see how much we care. 273 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:21,634 I tell you this, when Keith goes, I'm... 274 00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,136 [imitates gunshot] 275 00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:25,138 - Hold up. Goes? Goes where? 276 00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,639 - Weren't you listening? 277 00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:29,559 Rhonda's husband died. What did you write on the card? 278 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,770 - I wrote "Yippee. You're back in the game. 279 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,646 Get some, X-X-X." 280 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:36,399 - Feels like that would've been better for Stef's card. 281 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,819 - So the IRS needs the money tomorrow, 282 00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:43,198 and the best way is to FedEx cash? 283 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,824 Okay, no, I-- Yeah, wait, wait, wait. 284 00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:47,243 I'm sorry. I need a pen. I need a pen. 285 00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,079 Thank you. Yeah, no, I'm sorry. 286 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,289 Your accent's really throwing me--just slow down. 287 00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,958 Well, I guess I should've been suspicious 288 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,795 that the IRS had an office in Bulgaria. 289 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,047 Okay, right. Well, so hang on. 290 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:02,926 If I send you $10,000, you can get my money back? 291 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,511 Done and done. All right, bye. 292 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,806 - The superintendent is back. - Oh, hey, how do I look? 293 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,516 - Coconut crap. 294 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:10,725 - Oh, damn it, Durbin! 295 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,936 - Oh, God, oh, God, what are we gonna do? 296 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,855 Okay, I got it. I'll kill her. 297 00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,607 I meant I'll killher. 298 00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:19,609 I meant I'll stall her. 299 00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,027 - Just tell her I'll be right back, okay? 300 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,737 Tell her I'm finishing a burrito. 301 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,197 No, not that. Something better. 302 00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,116 - Quesadilla? - Just stall her. 303 00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:33,289 * * 304 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,501 Oh, damn! Ah! 305 00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:39,963 Damn it, Durbin! 306 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,383 - No, it's "2 Fast 2 Furious," 307 00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:44,968 so they're not really family yet, 308 00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,219 but they definitely have each other's backs. 309 00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:47,929 - I'm in the ladies' room! 310 00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:53,977 Damn it, Durbin. 311 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:59,733 * * 312 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,736 Hey, hey, ah, Jack. 313 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:05,030 Hey, um, shot in the dark. 314 00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,365 Uh, could I borrow all your clothes? 315 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,075 - Oh, sorry, bud, well, I'm, you know, 316 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,744 kind of using my clothes. 317 00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,538 - Oh, yeah, well, how about um, your cardigan as a diaper? 318 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,498 - Ah, but then, you know, 319 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,125 my favorite sweater is a diaper. 320 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,251 - Yeah, it's-- 321 00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,419 - You're putting me in a tough spot. 322 00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:21,254 - I am. I am. You know, I had to try. 323 00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,715 - Sure. Sure. - Okay. 324 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:26,718 - Here's your coffee, you lucky duck. 325 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,888 I can't have coffee past Monday, or I'll be up all week. 326 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,098 - I am sorry I'm late. 327 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,059 I was--I was, um... 328 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,769 finishing a burrito. 329 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,688 - You said it was a quesadilla. 330 00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:41,858 And school sucks ass? 331 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:46,529 I would certainly not call this an "incident-free inspection." 332 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,157 See you next month. 333 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,743 - [mouthing words] 334 00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:54,954 [toilet flushes] 335 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,957 [mischievous music] 336 00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:02,295 * * 337 00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:04,881 [eerie ethereal whispering] 338 00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,467 - Okay, so this is probably too big of a clue. 339 00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:11,805 I'm Diego Rivera, so Miss Wagner is... 340 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,057 - Bert from "Sesame Street"? 341 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,475 - No. 342 00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:18,436 What famous artists from history are we? 343 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,898 Here's another clue-- bus accident. 344 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,983 Nothing? All right, how about this? 345 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:27,153 Everyone write down a few ideas of who you think it could be. 346 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:31,074 - Dot, dot. Dash. Dash, dash. 347 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,992 Dot, dot. Dash. 348 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,620 Dash, dash, dash. 349 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,540 [eerie music] 350 00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:42,711 * * 351 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:17,120 * * 352 00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:19,039 - That tapping is driving me crazy. 353 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,459 Or as Frida Kahlo would say, loco. 354 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,170 Anyone want to guess why I brought her up? 355 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,880 [bell rings] 356 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,883 [inquisitive music] 357 00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:31,968 * * 358 00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:35,638 - "Yippee. Get some, X-X-X"? 359 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,851 I know what X-X-X means. I have gotten some. 360 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,394 - Rhonda, I am so sorry. 361 00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:44,939 I was looking at this sexy water donkey-- 362 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:48,485 - Thinner. Thinner. 363 00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:51,279 - Uh-- 364 00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:58,453 * * 365 00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:18,765 - Dan Decker wants to be in "Janet Fist"? 366 00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:23,186 - Oh, Caleb, you just got bumped to corpse number two. 367 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:36,282 - * Janet Fist * 368 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,201 [suspenseful music] 369 00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:40,453 - If you're lucky, I'll let you live. 370 00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,622 - [scoffs] Yeah, right, receptionist. 371 00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,000 [laughing] 372 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:46,459 You know what's crazy? 373 00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:51,172 You about to be buried under 20 feet of cold cement. 374 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,841 [scoffs] 375 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,176 Send a little receptionist to get me. 376 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,721 [laughs] 377 00:18:57,762 --> 00:19:04,477 * * 378 00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:09,691 [screaming] 379 00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:16,698 * * 380 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,786 - Don't forget to write. 381 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,873 - * She hates when people don't write * 382 00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,459 - Those backstabbers, they betrayed me. 383 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,294 [tense music] 384 00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:31,129 They took my pen. 385 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,715 * * 386 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:42,057 - Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 387 00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:45,977 I need to talk to you guys about this. 388 00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:51,649 - I think you have to plug it in. 389 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,318 - Yeah, duh. 390 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,946 I know that, Eduardo. I'm just--I'm so mad. 391 00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,076 [sighs] All right. 392 00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,494 - Have you adjusted the inputs? 393 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,079 - I--I'm too furious 394 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,247 for logistics right now, Eduardo. 395 00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:09,334 It's my pen, okay? 396 00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:12,003 My pen that I begged you guys not to touch. 397 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,630 It's been missing since the first week of school. 398 00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:16,049 And then, out of the blue, I'm trying to enjoy 399 00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:18,343 an episode of "Janet Fist," and what do I see? 400 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,636 My pen. 401 00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:21,096 - You watch my web series? 402 00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:23,098 - Of course I watch-- Guys, I-- 403 00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,975 For the millionth time, I enjoy good content. 404 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,852 Now, I have two questions for you all. 405 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,689 Who took my pen? And give it to me. 406 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,315 - You mean your Harvard pen? 407 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:34,943 - No, my University of Florida pen. 408 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,444 I mean, I hate to slam you, Heather, 409 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,822 but, you know, that's how angry I am. 410 00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:39,864 It's fine. 411 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,157 Mistakes were made, 412 00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,535 but as long as the pen's okay, all is forgiven. 413 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,578 - Um, it's not okay. 414 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,289 When Janet stopped the orphanage fire, 415 00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:51,251 it got broken... 416 00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:52,460 and torched. 417 00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:55,463 [somber music] 418 00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,424 * * 419 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:58,633 - You ruined it. 420 00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:01,803 * * 421 00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:04,222 You monsters ruined it. 422 00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:09,060 - We can definitely grab you a new pen, Mr. Griffin. 423 00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,187 - It wasn't just a pen. 424 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,108 - You know, I never even went to college, 425 00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:16,401 and somehow, here you are, 426 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:19,487 going to the best college there is. 427 00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:21,364 Oh, cheese and rice. 428 00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:25,285 I almost forgot. 429 00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:27,120 It's not much... 430 00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:32,000 But I know you'll do great things with it. 431 00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:38,131 [sentimental music] 432 00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:40,133 - It's perfect. 433 00:21:42,385 --> 00:21:46,056 She said, "I know you'll do great things with it." 434 00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:50,352 I was always planning to use it to-- 435 00:21:50,393 --> 00:21:54,147 I don't know--sign the mortgage on my beachfront mansion 436 00:21:54,189 --> 00:21:57,400 next to fellow Nobel Laureate Deepak Chopra. 437 00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:00,653 - Pretty sure Deepak Chopra hasn't won a Nobel Prize. 438 00:22:00,695 --> 00:22:03,448 - Well, it's about goddamn time he does. 439 00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,700 - You know, there are lots of great things 440 00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:07,285 you could do with the pen that I'm sure your mother 441 00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,079 would be very proud of. 442 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,747 - Well, I won't be doing anything great with it now 443 00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:13,667 because... 444 00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:15,001 it's gone. 445 00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:17,962 [somber music] 446 00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:22,592 * * 447 00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:27,347 - Well, here's a tip-- 448 00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:29,599 never care about anyone or anything, 449 00:22:29,641 --> 00:22:31,309 and that includes dead people and children. 450 00:22:31,351 --> 00:22:32,644 - Jack? - Yeah. 451 00:22:32,686 --> 00:22:35,855 - The baby's coming. I'm gonna have a baby now. 452 00:22:35,897 --> 00:22:37,565 - Wha--Oh, God. 453 00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:39,442 Uh, Dale, help clear a place for Stef. 454 00:22:39,484 --> 00:22:41,152 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 455 00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:43,071 [suspenseful music] 456 00:22:43,113 --> 00:22:45,407 Not there! - [groans] 457 00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:48,868 [grunting] 458 00:22:48,910 --> 00:22:52,288 [yelling] 459 00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:55,250 - Dale! - I don't know what I'm doing! 460 00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:56,668 - Okay, okay, all right, listen, listen. 461 00:22:56,710 --> 00:22:58,586 Look at me. Look at me. We got this. 462 00:22:58,628 --> 00:23:00,255 Let's get you over to the couch. 463 00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:01,381 - I'm gonna need more of these. 464 00:23:01,423 --> 00:23:03,675 Oh, unworthy! [shrieks] 465 00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:06,136 - Jack, I don't want to have my baby like this. 466 00:23:06,177 --> 00:23:08,263 - Listen, I got you. 467 00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:10,932 - Okay. - Sit here. Here we go. 468 00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:12,517 Okay. Look at me. - Okay. 469 00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:15,812 - Now, you took one of those baby-having classes, right? 470 00:23:15,854 --> 00:23:17,272 - Yeah. - Oh, great. 471 00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:19,733 So we're gonna do that, okay? We can do that, right? 472 00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:21,443 - Okay. 473 00:23:21,484 --> 00:23:24,154 - I'll admit, you two do seem 474 00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:27,032 to finally have this school under control. 475 00:23:30,827 --> 00:23:31,953 - [yelling] 476 00:23:31,995 --> 00:23:33,288 - Get out of here! - Push! Push! 477 00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:34,873 - Whoopsy-daisy! That's a closet. 478 00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,584 - Clearly, there is something going on in there. 479 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:40,295 Either you show me, or I'll be back next month. 480 00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,130 - Well, see you then. - Bye. 481 00:23:49,012 --> 00:23:51,056 - Oh, God. 482 00:23:51,097 --> 00:23:52,557 Mr. Griffin, what have you done? 483 00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:53,683 - I have a go bag, Boss. 484 00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:55,769 Whatever you need, no questions asked. 485 00:24:03,068 --> 00:24:06,196 - We made this pen for you, 486 00:24:06,237 --> 00:24:09,366 but if it makes you angry, we can take it back. 487 00:24:09,407 --> 00:24:12,535 [sentimental music] 488 00:24:12,577 --> 00:24:15,372 * * 489 00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:17,123 - Wow. 490 00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:21,044 Life is a miracle. 491 00:24:21,086 --> 00:24:23,296 Each one of you is a little miracle. 492 00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:30,512 - [clears throat] Um, can you please just confirm 493 00:24:30,553 --> 00:24:32,180 that you didn't actually kill anyone? 494 00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:33,390 - Oh, they're gonna be fine. 495 00:24:33,431 --> 00:24:35,058 They're on their way to the hospital. 496 00:24:36,518 --> 00:24:38,186 Now, I have something to say to you, 497 00:24:38,228 --> 00:24:40,105 and I want you to listen very carefully. 498 00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:44,567 This is my pen. 499 00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:48,029 It's my pen. 500 00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:50,657 No one can touch my pen. 501 00:24:50,699 --> 00:24:52,575 It's mine. 502 00:24:52,617 --> 00:24:59,499 * * 503 00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:02,002 - Oh, my God, you guys, I am so excited. 504 00:25:02,043 --> 00:25:05,088 If this baby has chubby elbows, I'm gonna pass out. 505 00:25:05,130 --> 00:25:07,215 - Me too, I love a chubby joint. 506 00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:10,719 - I just wish I could hold her, but I'll lactate 507 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,179 'cause I was a wet nurse during the Great Recession. 508 00:25:13,221 --> 00:25:14,389 - Yeah, I'm gonna have to pass, too. 509 00:25:14,431 --> 00:25:15,849 I mean, I-I like to wait 510 00:25:15,890 --> 00:25:18,309 for the, you know, neck muscles to come in, otherwise... 511 00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:20,186 - I'm excited to see her again. 512 00:25:20,228 --> 00:25:21,521 - This is my second time hanging out with her. 513 00:25:21,563 --> 00:25:23,940 We're buds. Yeah. - [laughs] 514 00:25:23,982 --> 00:25:26,276 [all clamoring] 515 00:25:26,317 --> 00:25:29,404 Look at my friend's post-glow pregnancy. 516 00:25:29,446 --> 00:25:31,448 - Oh, nobody's rolling the footage on my baby? 517 00:25:31,489 --> 00:25:34,075 I'ma go back and redo it. - Come on. 518 00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:35,243 - What's her name? 519 00:25:35,285 --> 00:25:38,997 - Her name is Evelyn Jack Duncan. 520 00:25:39,039 --> 00:25:40,331 - Oh! - [squeals] 521 00:25:40,373 --> 00:25:41,875 - Will you make her name official? 522 00:25:41,916 --> 00:25:44,919 - I'd be honored. - Here's the birth certificate. 523 00:25:44,961 --> 00:25:48,256 - Ah, I, uh, have my own pen. 524 00:25:48,298 --> 00:25:51,926 - This is a really cool thing, Jack. 525 00:25:51,968 --> 00:25:54,387 - I would go so far as to say 526 00:25:54,429 --> 00:25:57,390 that it's a great thing. 527 00:25:57,432 --> 00:26:00,685 - Oh, God. Here come the waterworks. 528 00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:02,062 all: Aww. 529 00:26:02,103 --> 00:26:03,355 - Oh. 530 00:26:03,396 --> 00:26:06,149 [heartwarming music]