1 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,885 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:18,101 * * 3 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,488 - You picked the wrong day too, huh? 4 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,615 The faculty retreat doesn't start till tomorrow. 5 00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:35,410 [laughter] 6 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:36,578 - It went in your mouth? 7 00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:38,163 - In--in--right straight in. Oh... 8 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,873 - [chuckling] 9 00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:40,915 Mm. 10 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:43,460 That is good. - Oh. 11 00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:44,753 Wow. - What do you say? 12 00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:45,795 One more? 13 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,589 - Yeah, I... 14 00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:49,257 Jack. 15 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:52,093 This thing between us, I... 16 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:55,555 I can't deny it anymore. 17 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,141 - I, uh... 18 00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,352 I don't know what you mean. 19 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,103 - I must have you. 20 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:05,774 ["My Heart Will Go On" playing] 21 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,610 - The Upper Peninsula winds whipped against the windows 22 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:11,363 and the fire roared as the two men wondered, 23 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:14,115 "Would this be the night their forbidden passions 24 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,618 became reality?" 25 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:19,704 Durbin inhaled Jack's hot Twizzler breath 26 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,791 moaning quietly as he inched closer 27 00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:24,250 to his supple lips. 28 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,502 - Durbin wouldn't do that. 29 00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:28,797 His quiet reluctance is part of his character. 30 00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,840 And the Twizzler takes us out of it. 31 00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,425 - I'm experimenting. 32 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,718 - What are you guys doing? 33 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,803 - Nothing. - We're shipping Mr. Griffin... 34 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,430 - Nothing. - And Principal Durbin. 35 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:40,183 - So you write romance novel stories about them, 36 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,476 'cause that'd be funny? 37 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:43,937 - It's about pairing people in power. 38 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,647 - It's essentially fan fiction, 39 00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:48,149 but we write them about the teachers. 40 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,317 - Can I play? 41 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,819 - You can't just play. 42 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:53,154 There's a lot of world-building involved. 43 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,864 Listen. 44 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,991 [horse whinnying] 45 00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:59,077 Blackjack Griffin couldn't remember 46 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,496 the last time he'd had a bath, 47 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,415 couldn't remember what it felt like 48 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,501 to have a naked body pressed against his. 49 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:10,046 That was all about to change. 50 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:13,008 Or so he thought. 51 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,759 [knocks] - Whiskey. 52 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,970 - There's only one rule in the Old West, 53 00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:20,390 talk straight, shoot straight, and walk crooked. 54 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,647 - Thought you were dead. 55 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,566 How many times I gotta kill you? 56 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,234 - Principal Durbin said. 57 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,403 - Well, it doesn't seem like he'd go by that there. 58 00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:35,363 - I don't know his first name. 59 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:40,118 - I'm sorry I shot you, J-Jerry. 60 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,370 I felt bad for that prostitute. 61 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,872 - I get it. 62 00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,249 I was actin' funny, 'cause my horse thievin' wife 63 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:49,169 had gone and got herself hanged, 64 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:51,880 and I didn't have no one to...touch. 65 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:54,341 - I reckon everyone needs the warmth 66 00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:57,886 of someone else's body sometimes, 67 00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,554 or else... 68 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:00,972 - Or else they die. 69 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:11,066 Oh, Blackjack, don't. 70 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,859 - Oh. 71 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,780 Now you're shy? 72 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:20,909 - Durbin found himself taking refuge in his embrace, 73 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:24,913 hiding in its comfort. 74 00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:26,456 - Okay, I get it. 75 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:29,501 Let me try. 76 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,003 Mr. Griffin knew exactly what he was doing 77 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,005 when he pulled the brown cardigan 78 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,840 out of the drawer. 79 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,343 He was the kind of man who hid what was broken in himself 80 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,179 under three days of stubble and a wrinkled shirt, 81 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,765 like these things would make his pain into a joke, 82 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:47,936 make him into someone who didn't feel pain at all. 83 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:51,523 But Principal Durbin wore his pain on the outside 84 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:52,732 in a starched collar 85 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,734 and a belt that matched his shoes, 86 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:58,655 the kind of pain that begs to be looked at, caressed. 87 00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:01,658 They were the same in a way, men like that. 88 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,952 They reach a point where there's nothing left 89 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:05,870 to talk about. 90 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:09,749 All you have is a heart beating so loud and so fast 91 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,668 you wonder if everyone can hear it. 92 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,795 And you wonder if just maybe 93 00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:16,047 what's broken in him might make a home 94 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,049 for what's broken in you, 95 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,801 wonder if the man across from you 96 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,803 is thinking about pulling you down 97 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:25,265 on the sturdy wooden desk between you. 98 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,434 * * 99 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,645 - She's good. 100 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,525 - All right, everybody, shush it. 101 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:36,943 I got tricked last night. 102 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,653 Yeah, I want everybody to line up 103 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,030 and take a bite of this, 104 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,823 and tell me if you think they were correct 105 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:44,159 in calling this mild, because I think it's too hot. 106 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,161 It's too hot. 107 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:48,663 - Faculty and students, I have just been informed 108 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,790 by the Toledo weather federation 109 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:54,002 we are officially in a tornado watch. 110 00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,503 - It's coming. It's coming. It's coming! 111 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:56,921 - I need all teachers 112 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,631 to take their students to the gym, 113 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:02,385 auditorium, or a hallway with no windows. 114 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:05,680 We are officially on lockdown. 115 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:08,391 - It's definitely too spicy, Mr. Griffin. 116 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,684 [groans] 117 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,019 [Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"] 118 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,312 - One, two, three, four! 119 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,856 - * Next time, I'll listen to my heart * 120 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:17,525 * Next time, well, I'll be smart * 121 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:25,158 * * 122 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,701 - Again, this is not a test. 123 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:30,455 Please proceed calmly to a safe area. 124 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,207 - There's no saving them, Ralph. 125 00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:35,543 This is the son of a bitch that took my Pop-Pops. 126 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,545 - Did a tornado really kill your grandfather? 127 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,339 - My grandfathers. 128 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,132 It killed both of 'em. 129 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,051 They went out to distract it 130 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:46,554 so me and my Mee-Maws could get in the root cellar. 131 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,848 And it scooped 'em up and slammed 'em together 132 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,517 like a pair of dirty flip-flops. 133 00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:53,019 And then I turned back to look. 134 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:55,063 They popped like two water balloons 135 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,481 full of Spaghetti-Os. 136 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,608 They popped my Pop-Pops. 137 00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,403 And now it's coming back to get me 138 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,113 to finish the job. 139 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,739 - Helen... - Mm. 140 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:07,909 - When this passes, would you be okay with, um, 141 00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:10,036 taking a couple of days off? 142 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,413 - That's so sweet. 143 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,539 I don't need that. 144 00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:14,666 Why--why'd you think that? 145 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,627 [eerie music] 146 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:23,133 * * 147 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,635 - Hey, there you are. Are you good? 148 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,637 - Me, yeah, I'm good. 149 00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:30,181 Yeah, no, I'm fine. Yeah, of course. Um, you? 150 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,018 - Didn't you say it was a tornado watch that made you 151 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,185 wet your pants? 152 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,854 - [wheezing] 153 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,232 - Oh. - [wheezing] 154 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,692 - Joyce, are you okay? 155 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:44,195 - I'm fine. All the excitement just made me dizzy. 156 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,573 I probably just need a piece of cheese. 157 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:49,784 Does anyone have any cheese in their pocket? 158 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,578 - You want Swiss or Havarti? 159 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,329 - Well, if it makes you feel better, 160 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:56,124 Jack here once peed his pants during a tornado watch. 161 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,168 - What? No, I didn't. - Yeah, you did. 162 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,962 - No, I didn't. It's not--not true. 163 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,465 And if you were making a joke, it wasn't a good one. 164 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,632 Clunk. 165 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,635 [plucky music] 166 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,929 * * 167 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,765 - Where is the bunker? - I'm just, like, 168 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,558 how is this structure not built to protect us? 169 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,435 - That's what I'm saying. - Hi! 170 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,854 We need to bust outta here now. 171 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,439 - Hell, no. I'm not going outside. 172 00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:20,774 There's probably cows flying around. 173 00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,150 - Yeah, I'm not trying to get hit upside the head 174 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,943 by no barn or something knocking my baby 175 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,111 straight outta me before I even get 176 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,738 to paint the nursery, girl. - Okay. 177 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,822 - Listen to me. 178 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,866 Keith is sound-mixing today. 179 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,826 He works in a glass gazebo 180 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,495 in our backyard with a blindfold 181 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,372 and noise-cancelling headphones. 182 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:39,417 And the song he's working on is mostly wind and sirens. 183 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,712 I need to sneak out of here and save my husband, 184 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,589 and I need your help. 185 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,675 - Oh, I'm sure he's dead. 186 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,301 And you need to let him go. 187 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:49,678 But I'll help you get out. 188 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:52,597 - At least to identify the body. 189 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,057 Okay. 190 00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,518 [thunder booming] 191 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,186 - "Mr. Griffin continued. 192 00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:01,022 "'Alice Ball developed a drug to treat leprosy from what?' 193 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,066 "Sarika's hand was first to raise. 194 00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,901 "'The oil of the chaulmoogra tree.' 195 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,194 She was correct again." 196 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:09,114 - Learning biology is not a fantasy. 197 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,824 - For me it is. - I'm sorry. 198 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,617 We're just not inviting new members right now. 199 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,078 - Oh, got it. 200 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,705 - Oh, [bleep] me. 201 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,456 Fine, Sarika, you're in. 202 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,417 - Yes. - Dan, wait. 203 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,376 Let's hear it. 204 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,545 - Okay. 205 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,629 - All right, gang, 206 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:27,340 the tornado watch has been upgraded 207 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:28,633 to a tornado warning. 208 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,593 But do not worry. 209 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,720 There's nothing to fear. 210 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,763 Papa Durbs will keep you safe. 211 00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,265 - It's a stone-cold killer! - No, Helen. 212 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,851 It got a taste of my bloodline, and it wants seconds. 213 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,394 We're all dead. We're dead. - No, no. 214 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,603 No, do not live in fear. 215 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,397 Bye. - Dead! 216 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:45,400 - Sounds like it's more serious than we thought. 217 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,069 - Yeah, yeah, this could definitely be it. 218 00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,530 - Like, people should definitely say 219 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:54,743 everything they need to say to the people they snapped at. 220 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,036 - Yeah, or, you know, 221 00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,245 if they embarrassed the other person 222 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,705 in front of a bunch of people, you know, 223 00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:01,666 then they should probably say something to make amends. 224 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,793 - I agree. 225 00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:07,255 - I agree more. - Me too...even more. 226 00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:10,300 * * 227 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,516 [quirky upbeat music] 228 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,895 - Hey, there you are. 229 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:25,065 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up, girl. 230 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,941 You with me? 231 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,360 - [sobs] 232 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:32,739 - Hey, hey, come here, come here, come here. 233 00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:34,074 * * 234 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,368 What's got you shook, Janette? 235 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,286 - [sobs] 236 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,287 - G-Money. 237 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,291 - Step away from her now. 238 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,292 - What is this? 239 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,377 - Mr. G said. 240 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,087 - Do as they say, Griff-daddy. 241 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:49,381 - She's not who you think she is, G-dawg. 242 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,674 In fact, 243 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:53,426 she's not even what you think she is. 244 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,803 - Nice, sci-fi. 245 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,054 Great call. 246 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,847 - Are you out of your mind, Durbin? 247 00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,934 Tell them to stop pointing guns at my girl! 248 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,352 - Griff... [sloshing] 249 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:08,692 I'm... 250 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,319 - A goddamn alien. 251 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:14,114 She was sent to analyze vitals for our planet 252 00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,700 so space cockroaches can drain it dry. 253 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,451 - But stupid me, 254 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,620 I had to fall in love. 255 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,330 - Love? 256 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:26,042 - Yeah, love. 257 00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,752 - [sighs] 258 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:28,962 - So Jackie, like, 259 00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,839 brushes his hand across her alien cheek, 260 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,966 then in slow motion 261 00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:35,552 he reaches inside his sweater and pulls out not one 262 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:36,886 but two guns, right? 263 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,346 And he starts blasting at the feds like 264 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,806 blow, blow, blow, blow, blow! - Wow. 265 00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:40,974 - Diving to the side. 266 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,809 They all firing back. Blow, blow, blow! 267 00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,978 Maybe some doves are flying in slow motion. 268 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:45,979 And maybe some of them get hit by the bullets. 269 00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:46,980 You know what I'm saying? - Wow. 270 00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,481 - So good. - Love it. 271 00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,651 [dramatic music] 272 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:54,654 - [breathing heavily] 273 00:10:54,696 --> 00:11:01,661 * * 274 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,663 - Griff... 275 00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:06,666 they got me. 276 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:10,962 - Oh, no. Oh, no. 277 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,673 - Don't worry about me, Mr. G. 278 00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:16,384 Go save... 279 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,844 the world. 280 00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,388 - Don't you see? 281 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,223 You are my world. 282 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,351 * * 283 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:27,270 No, no. 284 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:33,276 - [screaming] 285 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,028 [applause] 286 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,279 - I still feel like 287 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,531 we're letting too many people into this. 288 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:41,534 - I will cut your throat open with the pen I'm holding. 289 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,787 - Okay, but no more after him. 290 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,790 [plucky music] 291 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,459 * * 292 00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,961 - Thanks again for helping sneak me out, Dale. 293 00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,089 I just hope my husband's still alive. 294 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,882 - I hear ya. I'd be worried sick 295 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,384 about my wife if she hadn't left me 296 00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,803 and gone back to Russia with half my money. 297 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,471 - Damn, Dale. 298 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,473 Just damn. 299 00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:04,974 - I'll just grab the key to the south wing. 300 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,559 We'll sneak you out from there. - Okay. 301 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:13,483 * * 302 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:15,402 - What the hell is this? 303 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,362 - Don't! 304 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,781 - It's trash, all of our old trash... 305 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:22,200 made into dolls. 306 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,662 - Dale, these are beautiful. 307 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,914 - Be gentle with them. 308 00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,582 They're precious to me. 309 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:30,792 [dramatic music] 310 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,627 - They moved closer to him. 311 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:36,715 They wanted to be-- dare they even think it? 312 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,925 One with him. - Hold on. 313 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,719 Why are they wearing that? 314 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,595 - I--in this scenario, 315 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:43,930 I just figured the women 316 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,598 would want to be in something more comfortable. 317 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,767 - Your idea of "more comfortable" for women 318 00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,769 means tank tops and short skirts? 319 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:52,897 - Uh, no. Wait, check this out. 320 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,524 - It's time we flee. 321 00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,651 - No, you piece of meat. 322 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,194 We want to stay with you. 323 00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,572 - She said, strong and confident, 324 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,283 as any strong and confident woman would say. 325 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,451 - Good. 326 00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:06,995 Then back to the task at hand... 327 00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,622 us kissing. Come here. 328 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,459 - Oh, you brute! You pig! 329 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:17,047 * * 330 00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,507 - Why, you pig. 331 00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,634 You brute! 332 00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,595 - What is happening? 333 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,139 - Sorry, Kozlowski, this simply isn't a fit. 334 00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:27,807 - Yeah, why are they punching his chest? 335 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:28,975 - That's what they always do 336 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,477 in the classic films my dad watches 337 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,978 with his new girlfriend. 338 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,105 She hates me. 339 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,441 I guess everyone does. 340 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,776 - Fine, you can join. 341 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,903 Just don't have the women punch the men's chests. 342 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:40,945 - Roger that. 343 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,781 Super helpful. 344 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,158 - [straining] 345 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,623 Oh, okay. 346 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,791 - Hey. - Oh. 347 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,626 Need a hand there, buddy? - Oh, yeah, yeah. 348 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:57,879 I, uh, bit off a little more than I could chew. 349 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,299 [drill whirring] 350 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,219 - Looks good. - Hey, you had a little, uh, 351 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,262 moment with Lynnette back there. 352 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,598 - Oh, well, yeah. I mean, I'm like, 353 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,308 if I tell you something in confidence, 354 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,185 do you mind not blabbing it to all my co-workers? 355 00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,478 - I know it's tough, all right? 356 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,271 But you gotta let that stuff go. 357 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:18,358 My ex-wife told all of our friends 358 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,696 that I shave my earlobe hair, and I freaked out. 359 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,240 - Let me see. 360 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:27,617 Yeah, look at that, a little stubble on there. 361 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,869 - Yeah, so... 362 00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,746 smooth as a duck's flipper. 363 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:34,708 [gentle music] 364 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:37,836 * * 365 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,879 - Okay. Well, um, 366 00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,006 I'm gonna go see if she's around. 367 00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,048 - Oh, yeah, hey, thanks for the hand. 368 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,675 - No problem. - All right. 369 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:46,386 - Hey, can I tell you mine? 370 00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:47,762 - You wrote one? 371 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:48,930 Where's your notebook? 372 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,640 - Bitch, I don't need a notebook. 373 00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,183 I know who I want to ship. 374 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,145 Just tell me where it happens, and I'll bring the magic. 375 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,564 - Well, nothing's sexier than the Old West, 376 00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:02,610 chaps, stirrups, dust, lassos, leather. 377 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:06,322 - There you go, sir. 378 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,825 Oh, well, welcome to Harriet's House of Harlots. 379 00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,076 I'm Harriet. 380 00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,119 Would you like something to drink? 381 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,996 We have, basically, like, 382 00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,831 everything you would have in the Old West. 383 00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:17,375 - Well, give me whatever. That's not the point of this. 384 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,503 I'm here to get fully weird, and I don't care who it's with. 385 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:23,298 Obviously, I don't want it to be, like, a gross old drifter 386 00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:24,716 but otherwise I'm open. 387 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,676 - Well, you've come to the right place. 388 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,804 [upbeat music] 389 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,765 - Um, yes, please. 390 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,433 * * 391 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:36,186 Are you guys, like, cool with me buying your shots 392 00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,188 and joining your group, or do you totally hate that? 393 00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:39,481 - Get your buns in here. 394 00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,983 - Coach sat down with his new friends. 395 00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,569 - I am officially dead. 396 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:45,904 How do you guys know each other? 397 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,615 - We, like, met doing a traveling medicine show, 398 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,866 blah, blah. 399 00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:52,369 - I am, like, already in love with you all. 400 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,996 - Uh, we are, like, 100% loving you. 401 00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:56,831 - I'd literally tell you anything. 402 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,625 - I'm officially dead again. 403 00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:02,879 - You are a frickin' rock star traveling from town to town 404 00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:07,092 walking into saloons where you literally know nobody. 405 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:11,429 - Literally, how do you do it? 406 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:16,142 - * It's so hard for a fella * 407 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,853 - * Who ain't got no home * 408 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:22,023 - Wow. Nice pipes, Anthony. 409 00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,191 I got peanut butter sandwiches 410 00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,359 for anyone who's getting hungry. 411 00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:25,694 Oh. 412 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:28,238 Keep at it. Wow. 413 00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,447 - I was not mean to you. 414 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,407 - Oh, come on. - You were mean to me. 415 00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,117 You used my childhood trauma 416 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,660 as a source of workplace comedy. 417 00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:37,414 - I was just trying to comfort Joyce when she... 418 00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:39,207 just... 419 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:40,500 listen, dude. 420 00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,127 I get that tornadoes make you freak out, 421 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,962 but it's no excuse to be a bad boyfriend. 422 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,005 - Wait... 423 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:48,133 [wind whooshing, windows rattling] 424 00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:53,555 [upbeat music] 425 00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,056 You know what? 426 00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,183 I'm glad this tornado happened. 427 00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,310 We were never gonna work. 428 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,770 We're just too different. 429 00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,397 - Total opposites. 430 00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:05,191 I like wine and Toledo. 431 00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,694 - And I like bourbon and France. 432 00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:08,778 [chimes jingling] 433 00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:11,114 * * 434 00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:14,743 - Baby, loving you is a whirlwind. 435 00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:17,370 * * 436 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,872 - Their tongues danced 437 00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:21,082 like hypnotized snakes 438 00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,835 in each other's mouth baskets. 439 00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:25,962 - Whoa. - Oh, my gosh. 440 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,380 Come sit with us. - Yeah, yeah. 441 00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:28,840 - And high school was different 442 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,842 for Ashley Joy Minette from then on. 443 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:35,722 In some ways, it had just begun. 444 00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,019 - What is the big damn deal? 445 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,354 So you had an accident when you were young. 446 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,731 - The point is, I was alone when a tornado hit, 447 00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:47,567 because my mom had to work all the time after my dad left. 448 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:51,196 It sucked, okay, to be a kid and to be scared. 449 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,448 - How was I supposed to know all those layers 450 00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:56,242 if you don't tell me? You have zero vulnerability. 451 00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,660 - The one time I was vulnerable, 452 00:17:57,702 --> 00:17:59,204 you went and blabbed about it, you know? 453 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:02,123 I'm supposed to trust a b-b-b-blabbermouth? 454 00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,878 God. 455 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,256 - This is a sentence I never thought I'd have to say. 456 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:11,841 But the... 457 00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:14,219 the door to the lawnmower shed has been ripped off. 458 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:17,347 It's lying in the grass. 459 00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:21,101 However, I urge all of you to remain calm. 460 00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:24,270 - It's here. Dear God, it's here. 461 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,940 I've put you all in so much danger. 462 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,650 I'm gonna offer myself up 463 00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:30,777 as a sacrifice in order to save the school. 464 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,320 - No, Helen. No, Helen! - Yes, I am. 465 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,912 - Hi, Keith. 466 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,164 It's me again. [chuckles] 467 00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:44,582 I know the song you're mixing 468 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,252 also has a lot of phone ringing sounds, 469 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,755 but again, there's a tornado warning, 470 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:54,676 and you really gotta get out of that glass gazebo. 471 00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:57,095 Call me if you get this. Mwah! 472 00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,763 - Michelle! There you are. 473 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,932 Helen just burst past Coach and ran outside. 474 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,684 - What? 475 00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:03,977 [thunder booming] 476 00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:05,603 - I don't see her. 477 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,980 [loud thud] 478 00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:10,066 [dramatic music] 479 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,277 all: Eduardo! 480 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,319 - 'Sup. 481 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:15,280 She's a bit banged up. 482 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,656 She'll be all right. 483 00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,742 - Oh. 484 00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:22,495 He saved my butt! 485 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:25,915 - I never knew you were master blackbelt level strong. 486 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,710 - Your compliments are greatly appreciated, art teacher. 487 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,087 You may touch my arm. - [gasps] 488 00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,048 - Ooh, my turn, my turn! 489 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:37,594 I wanna feel the arm that's keeping me and my baby safe. 490 00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:42,474 - Is it over? Can we come out now, Eduardo? 491 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,142 - You saved us, Eduardo. 492 00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:45,810 - Will you open this for me? 493 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:48,521 * * 494 00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:50,357 all: Oh! 495 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,275 * * 496 00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:55,320 - Ahh! 497 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:56,321 [glass shattering] 498 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,406 all: All hail Eduardo! 499 00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,867 The great tornado slayer! 500 00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:03,703 All hail Eduardo! 501 00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:05,705 - Eduardo French-kissed each of the teachers, 502 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,375 and he did it totally correctly. 503 00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:14,464 - Okay, French-kissing bandit and crew, 504 00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:16,841 let's get all those notebooks. - Ralph! 505 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,009 Ralph, there you are. 506 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,511 It took a left. 507 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,138 Thank God the tornado took a left. 508 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,682 Oh, my God. 509 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,017 It's going for my sister in Cincinnati. 510 00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,435 - [sighs] - Oh, God. 511 00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,312 - It's over. 512 00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,731 You're all free to go home, 513 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,358 except the A.P. Bio students. 514 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,319 [upbeat bouncy music] 515 00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:38,029 * * 516 00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:41,282 - [gasps] 517 00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,201 Keith, you're okay! - Yeah. 518 00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,953 Just barely. It was really windy, 519 00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:46,496 and I didn't know it. 520 00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:48,540 - Well, how's the song? 521 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,583 - It's coming apart at the seams, you know. 522 00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,210 I'm really worried about my vision 523 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:53,920 for a song that's all sound effects. 524 00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:55,505 - Oh. - My manager, 525 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:59,050 he called it "not a song." 526 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:00,552 - What? 527 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,928 - "Along with their..." 528 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:04,472 Guys, what are you doing? 529 00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:05,932 You're supposed to be my good kids. 530 00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:07,434 - Yeah, really. You know, I'm actually 531 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,893 with Durbin for once. 532 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,812 All these scenarios where we're kissing? 533 00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,481 - Yeah, oh, yeah. I'm sorry, that's the joke? 534 00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:15,692 'Cause, frankly, I don't see the punch line. 535 00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:17,402 - Or is it that just that you guys like seeing 536 00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:20,488 people in positions of power act like... 537 00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:23,450 [sensual music] 538 00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,202 * * 539 00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:28,621 Like goddamn animals? 540 00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:31,249 Already? You wrote one while we were filing in? 541 00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:33,209 - Yeah, that was me. 542 00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:34,377 I'm quick like that. 543 00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:35,879 - What are you guys doing? 544 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,881 You're supposed to be my good kids? 545 00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:40,258 You all have detention starting now. 546 00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,426 You're gonna sit here 547 00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:42,552 and think about what you've done, 548 00:21:42,594 --> 00:21:47,307 and we are taking these. - Yep. 549 00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:49,059 Bad kids. 550 00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:50,518 Bad. 551 00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:55,857 [upbeat music] 552 00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:57,108 * * 553 00:21:57,150 --> 00:22:00,779 - Okay, I'll go first. 554 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,615 Durbin and Mr. Griffin were still charged up 555 00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,492 from scolding the students. 556 00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:10,121 * * 557 00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,415 [laughter] 558 00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:13,958 - Oh, Eduardo really did his research 559 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,002 on unusual sex practices, didn't he, 'cause... 560 00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:18,213 - Oh, wait till you get to 561 00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:21,299 the Ancient Egyptian public masturbation ceremony 562 00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:22,634 starring Durbin. - No. 563 00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:24,844 - Yeah, mm-hmm. - No, no! God. 564 00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:26,471 - [laughs] - Yeah, I'm not--no. 565 00:22:26,513 --> 00:22:28,723 I'm not gonna read that one. I'm just not. 566 00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:32,894 - Hey, I'm sorry about today. 567 00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:34,813 - No, no, I-- 568 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:37,273 no, I'm--I'm sorry that I lashed out at you. 569 00:22:37,315 --> 00:22:38,817 - Well, I shouldn't have told everyone 570 00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,777 that you peed your pants. - [sighs] 571 00:22:40,819 --> 00:22:43,321 - I didn't realize it was connected to deeper stuff. 572 00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:47,283 - Well, yeah, 'cause I didn't tell you. 573 00:22:47,325 --> 00:22:50,370 - Maybe we could both stand to be a little more vulnerable. 574 00:22:52,205 --> 00:22:56,126 - Yeah. 575 00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:58,670 - She brushed her hand across his sinewy chest 576 00:22:58,712 --> 00:23:00,964 and turgid nipples. 577 00:23:01,006 --> 00:23:03,675 She'd always admired his turgid nipples 578 00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:05,760 but most of all his intense vulnerability 579 00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:07,595 and almost alarming openness 580 00:23:07,637 --> 00:23:10,098 about every painful thought and feeling 581 00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:11,474 that crossed his mind. 582 00:23:11,516 --> 00:23:16,855 - * Someday soon I'll just live over yonder * 583 00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:20,525 * Bring you coffee to taste * 584 00:23:20,567 --> 00:23:23,987 * Crossword puzzles to ponder * 585 00:23:24,029 --> 00:23:28,033 * And I hope you're well * 586 00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,743 - Bye, Jack. - * And you know * 587 00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:32,412 * That I love you *