1 00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:08,842 [bell ringing] 2 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,804 - [laughing] 3 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,141 Darling, I am in the most beautiful classroom 4 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,309 I have ever seen. 5 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,062 You can just feel the science and the learning. 6 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:24,065 And I'm looking at some of the most breathlessly exciting, 7 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,859 young students. 8 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,360 Explore the school, darlin'. 9 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:28,653 I'll talk to you soon. 10 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,113 My God. 11 00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:33,783 What a stunning young woman with such fashion sense. 12 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:36,494 Where did you get that blouse? I must know. 13 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:39,497 - My dog was Mrs. Doubtfire for Halloween. 14 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,292 - I doubt he pulled it off half as well as you have. 15 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:45,295 Look at you. What's your name, good sir? 16 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:48,048 - Victor Kozlowski. - A fellow Pol. 17 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:50,300 - To assume all names ending in "ski" are Polish 18 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:51,760 is actually a pretty common mistake. 19 00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:55,263 They can also be Russian, Czech, even Slovakian. 20 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:56,765 - Hmm. Don't like that so much. 21 00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,767 All right. Now, where's my son Jack? 22 00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:01,144 It's not like him to be late, I imagine. 23 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:04,773 - Whoa. Are you Mister Mr. Griffin? 24 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:08,234 - I suppose I am. - Holy shit. 25 00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:09,736 [The Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"] 26 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,112 - * One, two, three, four * 27 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:13,740 * Next time, I'll listen to my heart * 28 00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:16,659 * Next time, well, I'll be smart * 29 00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:23,667 * * 30 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,087 - And that's why you're afraid of belly buttons? 31 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,923 - Not other people's. Just mine. 32 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,009 - Brave young man. 33 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:36,304 [cell phone rings] 34 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,473 My love. I see. 35 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,725 Is there a name on it? 36 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,478 Well, then I say the yogurt is yours. [laughs] 37 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,689 Be safe, my love. Ta-ta. 38 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:48,650 - Okay, so you're sliding into first 39 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:49,984 and you feel something burst. 40 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,319 Sure, got that. 41 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:52,654 But then you're sliding into second 42 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:54,739 and you feel the toilet beckon? 43 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,075 We're assuming that the toilet wants this? 44 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,284 Like, ew. - No. 45 00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:00,495 - I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm Celes. 46 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,289 So, I'm a witch and I was curious. 47 00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:05,291 Is one of you a water sign? 48 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:08,211 - I'm a water sign. Scorpio. - I knew it. 49 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,672 - Okay. Yes to all of this. 50 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,799 Please sit immediately. [laughs] 51 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:16,302 - So I can tell you're all intuitive spirits. 52 00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:17,971 - That's true. 53 00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:21,307 - One time, I had a dream that a dog was killed. 54 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,143 Guess what was on the news when I woke up. 55 00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:24,352 - A dog was killed? 56 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:27,313 - Yep. Bin Laden had been shot. 57 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:28,982 Dirty little dog. 58 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:31,276 - Do you guys want to get into some real stuff? 59 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,653 - Ohh, yes, we do. 60 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,405 - I could show you a glimpse of your life 61 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,199 at the high point of the next full moon. 62 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,993 - When is that? 63 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:42,412 - Exactly 48 hours from now. 64 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:46,583 No, wait. That math's not right. Okay. 65 00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:52,005 58--okay. A day is 24, minus-- 66 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,882 It's sometime Saturday night. 67 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,759 all: Ooh! 68 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,387 - Stare into the stone and concentrate. 69 00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:05,602 And remember, what you see is yours and yours alone. 70 00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:08,855 Now, close your eyes and glimpse your future. 71 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,442 For it has already been written. 72 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,237 [all scream] 73 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,656 - Oh, that's not good. 74 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:21,326 - So, little Jack says, 75 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,496 "Daddy, I'm not asking to leave the party 76 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,915 "because of my bloody nose. 77 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:30,627 I also wet my pwants!" [laughter] 78 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:37,050 - Hey, what's with all the chuckles? 79 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,093 Dad? 80 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,136 - [laughs] Jack Sprat. 81 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,305 My God, look how big you are. 82 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,099 - I've been this size for over 20 years. 83 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,642 What--what are you doing here? 84 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:49,646 - I received your heartfelt letter, with your forgiveness, 85 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:53,108 your love, your apology for your role in our estrangement. 86 00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:55,610 - Okay, well, first of all, I don't forgive you 87 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,445 for abandoning us, and second of all, 88 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,781 I sure as hell didn't write that letter. 89 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:02,450 - We wrote that letter, but we didn't send it. 90 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,327 It was just supposed to be a threat. 91 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,829 - Should we discuss this in private? 92 00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,330 - Oh, no. No. 93 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,873 You can speak in front of them. 94 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,960 You see, I treat my students with respect and transparency 95 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,545 because, unlike you, 96 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:16,214 I don't believe the people in my life are disposable. 97 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,091 - Do you know my name? 98 00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,592 - Yeah. 99 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,972 Let's circle back on it. 100 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,641 - I'm still processing that you didn't write this letter. 101 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,019 But you know, it's never too late to start anew. 102 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,186 I'm gonna hold you now. 103 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,772 - Why? No. Let's-- 104 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,399 - I hate to see a hug go to waste. 105 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,608 I'll take that action. 106 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,110 - It would be my pleasure, Caleb. 107 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,574 All right. 108 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,284 Listen, Jack. I'm sorry. 109 00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,494 But the person who abandoned you and your mother 110 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,163 was not yet a man. 111 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,456 - You were 32. 112 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:51,583 Nicholas, right? 113 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,794 - All right. All right, Caleb. 114 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,756 Yes, I was 32. But spiritually, I was just a child. 115 00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:01,509 I finally became complete when my beloved fiancée Celes, 116 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,970 and her gorgeous son Max came into my life. 117 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,513 - Mm. So what you're saying 118 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,099 is that my mom wasn't the right woman, 119 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,601 and I wasn't the right son. 120 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:12,479 Can you imagine how furious I would be 121 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,397 if I actually cared what you thought? 122 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,816 - Hey. Got bored in the car. 123 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,860 - Max, my boy. [chuckles] 124 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:21,780 Oh, you have little beads of glass in your sweater. 125 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:22,822 Did you-- 126 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,949 - Broke the window to get out. 127 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:28,328 - You know, we can just get out from the inside, remember? 128 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,871 With the handle? 129 00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:32,624 - Did I mess up? Do you not want to be my dad anymore? 130 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,710 - Nothing would ever make me feel that way. 131 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:39,255 No one has ever loved anyone more than I love you, Max-- 132 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:42,258 than I love both of my boys. 133 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,511 - That's my big brother? - [laughs] 134 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,389 - What is this? What's happening? 135 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,848 - [laughs] Straight to roughhousing. 136 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,183 Are these two brothers or what? 137 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,060 - Wait. John, tell him I don't want it. 138 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,728 I don't know what this is, but I don't want it. 139 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,230 I don't want it. I-- 140 00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:57,190 [grunting] [John laughs] 141 00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,609 [struggling efforts] 142 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,153 Dan, save me! 143 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,113 - I'm sorry, Mr. G. 144 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,948 I can't step in when it's a kid. 145 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:10,078 - When I woke up, the cold Rocky Mountain air 146 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,747 had turned my hot tub to pure ice. 147 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,791 And it trapped me from the waist down, 148 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,460 and I knew that if I had to catch something to eat, 149 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:21,798 I was gonna have to hold very still. 150 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,883 I'm sorry. What did you ask? 151 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:26,011 - The bathroom. - Oh, right. 152 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,138 Oh, it's up at the top of the stairs. 153 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,640 Hey, but before you go, 154 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,434 there are some rumors swirling 155 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,769 that you can show people their futures? 156 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,647 - In a sense. - What about the past? 157 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,399 - I have to go real bad. 158 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:42,944 - 'Cause the closeness I have with that beautiful man, 159 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,573 it could only have been forged over lifetimes. 160 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,616 And I want to know whether Ralph Durbin 161 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:51,036 and I knew each other in a former life. 162 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,455 - It's possible. - Oh, yes. Do it, do it, do it. 163 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:54,581 Zap me! 164 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:55,999 - If I had time, 165 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:57,959 I would guide you through a lengthy visualization 166 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:02,422 where you walk down a stairwell that exists in all our minds, 167 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:04,507 open a door to your past life. 168 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,718 - Oh, that's what those stairs are for? 169 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,387 Oh. I got it from here. 170 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,139 You can go take your number two. 171 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,309 - Oh, that's not-- - Shh, honey, I know. 172 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,561 That's my gift. 173 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,812 Enjoy. 174 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:25,070 Okay, now. Where are those stairs at? 175 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:28,239 Okay. [thud] 176 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:31,159 Ah, I hear that. 177 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:35,663 Oh, yeah. And here's the door, and-- 178 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,165 Hello, there! [Renaissance music] 179 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:41,544 Here are 50 farthings for 10 bales of hay over there. 180 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:48,677 Uh, no. There's only nine here. I paid for 10. 181 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,887 No, my horse didn't eat 'em. 182 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,140 [slams desk] Can I speak to the manager, please? 183 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:56,768 [clattering] 184 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,728 Excuse me, ma'am. 185 00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:02,065 Okay, buster, I got a bone to pick with you. 186 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,194 Oh, my dear crap. Ralph? 187 00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:12,325 - Look at my boys. It's fun to see 'em so happy. 188 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:13,993 - Die! 189 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,245 - Ohh! 190 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,915 Good one, Jack! 191 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,084 - [growls] - No, no! 192 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,338 - That ruled. 193 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,173 - Here you go, kiddo. 194 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:28,717 Round one for Jack. 195 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,137 - Get out! 196 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,054 - Will do. 197 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:35,890 But Jack, I truly have changed. 198 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,600 We're gonna stay through the weekend, 199 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,893 and if you can find it in your heart 200 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,478 to spend an evening with me and Celes and Max, 201 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,231 I've given Nicholas my number. 202 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,316 Let's go, bud. 203 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,239 - Yeah, right. 204 00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,825 "I've changed. I've changed, Jack." 205 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,076 No, you know what? He hasn't changed. 206 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,453 Let me tell you, this is the guy 207 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:57,787 who took an extended business trip 208 00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,914 during my mom's entire pregnancy. 209 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,083 - Yeah, I got bad vibes from him too. 210 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,960 - Oh, well, now I don't know what to think. 211 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,921 - Human are complex creatures capable of growth. 212 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,090 Maybe he really wants to reconcile. 213 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:12,093 - I've given him chances, Vic. Okay? Trust me. 214 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,304 When I--when I turned 21, I asked him to meet me 215 00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,264 for a scotch, and he said, "Yes". 216 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,766 But then he stood me up. 217 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,976 Okay, so, excuse me if I don't believe that he just meets 218 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,479 some woman and suddenly, he's a different person. 219 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,314 - Well, not suddenly. 220 00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,191 They've been engaged for four years. 221 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,400 - [laughs] 222 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,944 - They've been engaged? For four years? 223 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,613 Okay, let me tell you guys something. 224 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,490 That wedding's never gonna happen. Okay? 225 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,117 The day they set a date is the day my dad splits. 226 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,791 They set a date, he splits. 227 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,251 And everyone sees what a phony he is. 228 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,296 [laughs] Ah. 229 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,965 I'm gonna need that number, Chief. 230 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,425 - Are you calling me Chief because-- 231 00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:53,843 - Yeah, 'cause I forgot it. 232 00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:57,097 Just give the number and don't bust my balls, Chief. 233 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,189 [light music] 234 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:08,483 * * 235 00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,777 - Jack, it's so nice of you to have invited us 236 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:11,945 into your home. - Aw. 237 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,780 - Mmm. - Spaghetti with meat sauce 238 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:14,906 for you. - Mm-hmm. 239 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,158 - And the vegan option for Celes. 240 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,119 Say when. 241 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,624 - I'll admit after how things went in the classroom today, 242 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:26,251 I didn't expect your call. 243 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,796 It means a lot, you know, that type of gesture. 244 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,297 - Oh, hey, bud. 245 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,966 Whatcha got there? A tree branch? 246 00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,592 - I didn't take it from anybody. 247 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,845 It's mine. Can I go play with it? 248 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,555 - Uh, yeah, sure. 249 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,682 Oh, inside. You're gonna-- 250 00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,392 - He's showing off for you. 251 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:45,729 - Uh-huh. Well, it's working. [chuckles] 252 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,605 Hey, so guys, tell me something. 253 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,190 What you got planned for the wedding? 254 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,817 - Well, we haven't set anything. 255 00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:51,818 - Well, not yet. 256 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,278 - But obviously, 257 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,155 we want a ceremony in the modern mystic tradition. 258 00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:58,324 - Oh, okay. And what exactly would that look like? 259 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,660 - Well, my friend Bernar would officiate. 260 00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:01,828 He's a chaos magician. 261 00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,246 - And an excellent accountant. 262 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,247 - Oh. 263 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,082 - It would start with a meditation. 264 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:09,336 And then we'll cleanse our hands in a bath of rue. 265 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,421 That's a herb that promotes love. 266 00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:14,758 - Well, listen, you gotta have tons of rue, you know. 267 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,634 I guess my only question is why wait? 268 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,094 - Excuse me? 269 00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,846 - You know, why not get married this weekend? 270 00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:22,223 I mean, didn't you say it was a full moon this weekend, right? 271 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,684 That's probably something, right? 272 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,561 - Yeah, yeah. It's very auspicious. 273 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,521 - So auspicious. [chuckles] 274 00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:29,647 Dad? 275 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,901 - [laughs] Uhh--I-- 276 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,820 I love it. I adore it. 277 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,073 Of course, we'll have to make sure that Bernar is available. 278 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,909 And, um, well, we would need a clearing. 279 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,036 - Oh, Toledo's jam packed with clearings. 280 00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:45,080 You need a clearing? I'll get you a clearing. 281 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:50,585 - Could I keep this faucet? - Yeah, why not? 282 00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,295 Hey, Max, listen. 283 00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:55,632 You want John and your mom to get married this weekend? 284 00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:58,843 - I'm not wearing a hat. All right? 285 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,054 - Well, all right! Max is in. 286 00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,722 Wow. Would you look at that? 287 00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,933 This is great. [laughs] 288 00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:08,061 The old man's getting married. 289 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,905 - Okay. I can't hold it in anymore. 290 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,740 I am freaking out. 291 00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,159 In my vision, I was dead. 292 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,912 It was just pure blackness. - [gasps] 293 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,497 - Mine was just as bad as that. 294 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,333 I was eating a grilled cheese sandwich! 295 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:31,960 And I didn't see a gun to my head, 296 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,503 which is the only way I would ever do that. 297 00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:35,255 I don't really like grilled cheese sandwiches. 298 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,883 - Michelle, did you not just hear me say that I was dead? 299 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,261 But you know, maybe I can avoid it. 300 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,929 I guess I gotta start wearing my seat belt 301 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,097 like a frickin' dork. 302 00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:46,182 - Uh, hey, ladies, um, 303 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:49,352 I assume you've all met my dad and that you love him? 304 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:50,437 all: Oh, yeah. 305 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:53,732 - He is amazing. - He's not amazing. 306 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,942 What are you guys doing on Saturday? 307 00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:58,611 - Dying. - Eating grilled cheese. 308 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,071 - And what time are those things happening? 309 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,574 - At the high point of the full moon. 310 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,492 - Okay. Well, great. Mine's an afternoon thing. 311 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,995 Yeah, I'm gonna expose my dad as a fraud, 312 00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,205 and it'd be really fun to have an audience there. 313 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,416 He's going to leave his witch girlfriend at the altar. 314 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,960 - You want me to spend my riskiest day 315 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,379 with a pissed witch and her furious coven? 316 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,589 - All right, you know what? Forget it. 317 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:21,217 Oh, hey, Rhonda! Wanna see a witch get owned? 318 00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,887 - Hey, Mary, you haven't said a peep about your scary vision. 319 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,096 What did you see? 320 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,431 - It's not--not a big deal. 321 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:31,061 Um, I, I get hit in the head with a bongo drum. 322 00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,771 - Oh. I mean, 323 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,939 I wouldn't volunteer to get hit in the head with a bongo drum, 324 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:38,360 but at least, it's not a change to the core of who you are. 325 00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,694 Like my thing. 326 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,112 - Oh, my God, Michelle! 327 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,615 You're eating a damn sandwich! 328 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,326 - That I don't like very much! 329 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,453 Jeez! Ugh! 330 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,208 - All right, so listen, um, I lied about my vision. 331 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,377 I'm hooking up with a man. 332 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,003 And it was Keith! 333 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,838 - Michelle's husband Keith? 334 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,217 - And I'm telling you, I was all over his little ass. 335 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,014 [pounding] 336 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:10,016 - Good morning, Helen. Would you mind 337 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,852 sending the rabbit through the last hole? 338 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,521 - You're a grown man, Mr. Durbin. 339 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,856 I'm sure you can send the rabbit through your own hole. 340 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,566 - Uh-oh. Is this because you think 341 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,068 that I forgot your quarter birthday? 342 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,195 Because I didn't. There is a cookie cake 343 00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,531 warming in a sun spot on my dashboard. 344 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:27,534 - Well, cookie cake can't feed my former horse! 345 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,120 - What? 346 00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,539 - I did a past life regression, and I found out 347 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,374 that centuries ago, when we were peasants, 348 00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,585 you sold me 10 bales of hay and all I got was nine. 349 00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,213 Like I couldn't count. But I could count. 350 00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,507 I had learned it the week before, and I was up to 14. 351 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,092 Which is more than enough to know 352 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,053 that nine is different than 10. 353 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:50,390 - Are you sure that your horse didn't eat it? 354 00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,559 - For the more than fourteenth time, 355 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,686 my horse did not eat it. 356 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:55,895 Bye! 357 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:59,024 - Helen, come on. - [slamming stapler] 358 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,442 Ouch. 359 00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:07,407 * * 360 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,830 - That shirt Brooks Brothers? 361 00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,749 Yeah. 362 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:18,418 Oof, looks like the groom's running a little late. 363 00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:19,961 Who could have seen that coming, huh? 364 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,588 [laughs] 365 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,757 - Hey! Oh, my. 366 00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:25,425 What a sight. 367 00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:29,929 I feel like I'm in a dream, and you made it happen. 368 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,431 I'm sorry I'm late. 369 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,099 I had to find the perfect boutonnière for Max. 370 00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,684 Look. It's your favorite color. 371 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:39,939 What's wrong, my boy? 372 00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:41,483 - Just reminded of the time 373 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,152 that you didn't get me a boutonnière for my prom. 374 00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:46,529 - Hey, look. I know that milestones were missed. 375 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,866 But hey, I didn't forget this time. Huh? 376 00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:50,992 - Oh, nice. - Yeah. 377 00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,827 - Hey, let me just put this over here. 378 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,663 - Oh. My boys are peas in a pod. 379 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,540 Hey. Okay. Okay. 380 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,419 [laughs] 381 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,712 All right. 382 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:07,884 Time to marry the woman of my dreams. 383 00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:09,427 Bernar. 384 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,098 [rings bell] 385 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:20,271 * * 386 00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:23,692 [rings bell] 387 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,992 - [whispering indistinctly] 388 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,995 [somber music] 389 00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:37,706 * * 390 00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:40,542 - Well. 391 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,043 She's not coming. 392 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,547 - Screw this. 393 00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:51,428 [people shouting] 394 00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:09,070 * * 395 00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:15,827 - Stef, are you sure we shouldn't wait out 396 00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,495 your impending death at home? 397 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,582 - Girl, I don't have jalapeño poppers at home. 398 00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,042 - Oh. 399 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,753 - [gasps] Sh! Sh! 400 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:27,172 Mary, don't move. 401 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,052 [humming] 402 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,725 [grunts] 403 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:44,105 I disabled the bongo. You're safe. 404 00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:46,691 And, in other good news, 405 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,736 Keith's joining us. He's just parking now. 406 00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:53,073 - Um, so, Michelle, my vision wasn't that I get hit 407 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,116 in the head with a bongo. 408 00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:57,077 I'm about to make out with Keith. 409 00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,745 - [gasps] Please don't! 410 00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:00,288 - It's already written. 411 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:02,832 [dramatic sting] 412 00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:05,877 - Oh, shoot. 413 00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,212 - Oh! - Ooh! 414 00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,631 - I'm so sorry. Just, please, don't move. 415 00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:12,384 That was Bacardi 151. It's extremely flammable. 416 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,094 I'm required to inform you that if you get near 417 00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,637 even a tiny flame, you'll immediately 418 00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,764 be as charred as a campfire marshmallow. 419 00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:19,224 [dramatic sting] 420 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,517 - I'll get napkins. - Okay. 421 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:21,893 - And I'll get a fire extinguisher 422 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,728 because our napkins are also extremely flammable. 423 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,439 I'm just gonna set this order right here for one second. 424 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,774 Oh, look, the full moon 425 00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,401 is officially at its highest point. 426 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,860 [dramatic sting] - [gasps] 427 00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,529 - Oh, Mary. 428 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,197 I gotta give you a squeeze. 429 00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,074 - [chuckles] Hey, Keith. 430 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:39,077 [dramatic music] 431 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,371 * * 432 00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:43,873 Wait. My earring's caught. Ow, ow. 433 00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:46,751 Hold on, my earring's caught. Hold on. Ow, ooh! 434 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,670 * * 435 00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:52,382 [people singing "Happy Birthday" in slow motion] 436 00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,596 * * 437 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:02,100 - Everything's black. It's so dark. 438 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,978 [clapping] 439 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:08,314 - [gasps] - Stef, are you dead? 440 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,567 Mary? Keith? 441 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,194 You! 442 00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,780 * * 443 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:21,286 No! 444 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,789 No! [groans] 445 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:25,790 [sobs] 446 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,877 I prefer cold cheese sandwiches. 447 00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:33,882 [grumbling] 448 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:37,510 [bell rings] 449 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,433 - Knock, knock, knock. 450 00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:46,853 Look, I'm sure that whatever happened between us 451 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:49,397 in the past life was a misunderstanding. 452 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:51,900 Let me go back and get to the bottom of it. 453 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,318 - Be my guest. 454 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,612 You know the stairs that are in your mind? 455 00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,072 - Yeah. - Okay, you go down 456 00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,531 that case of stairs, 457 00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,075 and then you open that door, 458 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,285 and that's where your past life is. 459 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:05,288 - That's what those are for. Okay. 460 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:08,249 [mystical music] 461 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:13,338 * * 462 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:16,508 Oh, Greta, my good wife. 463 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:20,220 Thank you for the fresh yak's milk. 464 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:22,847 Oh, my hark, we have a customer. 465 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,516 Hail and well met, Edith. 466 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,102 - Yep. That's me. I'm Edith. 467 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,354 - Bale of hay, you say? 468 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,357 Are you sure your horse didn't eat it? 469 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:36,361 Seven, eight. 470 00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:40,198 Oh, boo bos and barleycorn, she was right! 471 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:44,994 Here is the tenth bale. In Thomas' cart! 472 00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:51,042 Knock, knock, knock. Edith, are you home? 473 00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,961 I've an extra bale of hay here. 474 00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:56,965 I'll just leave it inside of the door. 475 00:20:57,007 --> 00:21:00,510 Oh, Greta. My God! 476 00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:04,806 Oh. Oh. 477 00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:07,559 - What happened? - I went to your hovel 478 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,771 and you were having revenge sex with my wife. 479 00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:13,982 - What? I was not! 480 00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:16,234 Well, I'm just gonna have to see for myself. 481 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:21,990 * * 482 00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:26,036 What's up, Greta? Oh God, you're so hot. 483 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:30,290 - Oh. Oh. Helen, you-- 484 00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:31,583 - Oh, flatten me, Greta. 485 00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:35,086 - Okay, well-- - Oh, Greta. 486 00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:36,629 Yeah. 487 00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:39,716 - Is there's a world where gentiles get Yom Kippur off? 488 00:21:39,758 --> 00:21:43,428 Jeez, put a necktie on the doorknob, Helen. 489 00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,055 - Oh, God, yeah. 490 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,185 - Well, my little chickadees, 491 00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:51,519 I won. 492 00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,271 - Wait, wait. He didn't show up? 493 00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:55,815 - It was she who didn't show up. 494 00:21:55,857 --> 00:21:57,317 all: Aww. 495 00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,069 - He told me over breakfast. 496 00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:00,695 He barely touched his frittata, 497 00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:02,864 and he hardly spoke at the museum. 498 00:22:02,906 --> 00:22:04,491 all: Aww. 499 00:22:04,532 --> 00:22:06,326 - No, don't "aww" for him. Okay, he's a bad guy. 500 00:22:06,368 --> 00:22:08,203 He deserves this. Oh, and get this. 501 00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,413 He wants to get a drink with me tonight to talk about it. 502 00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:12,499 I'm still trying to figure out the best way to mess with him. 503 00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:14,542 - Or you could just get the drink. 504 00:22:14,584 --> 00:22:16,378 The fact that he showed up at the wedding proves 505 00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:17,796 that you were wrong about him. 506 00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,215 Isn't this the chance to get the father-son scotch 507 00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:22,634 you said you always wanted? 508 00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:24,344 - No, Sarika. Okay? 509 00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,346 I've made it this far without a real relationship with my dad. 510 00:22:26,388 --> 00:22:29,891 Why--why would I start now? 511 00:22:29,933 --> 00:22:31,810 I don't want that. 512 00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:43,029 - Maybe you could go to watch him cry and make fun of him. 513 00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:47,117 - Ha! [laughs] 514 00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:48,702 I like that, Heather. 515 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,502 - So I guess I probably deserve to be stood up 516 00:22:57,544 --> 00:23:00,630 after how crappy I was to you and your mom. 517 00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:03,133 - Look, if I'm being honest, 518 00:23:03,174 --> 00:23:04,509 I really hated the idea 519 00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:06,845 of you finding happiness with another family. 520 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:09,681 - Well, happiness might be a bit of a stretch. 521 00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:12,934 You know, the, uh, the witch thing was a lot. 522 00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:15,145 - [chuckles] - Dress it up all you want. 523 00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:17,647 It's still 90% rock collecting and drug abuse. 524 00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:21,568 And Max is a constant challenge. 525 00:23:22,569 --> 00:23:25,947 - What, uh, happened to him? 526 00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:28,867 - He was left in a x-ray machine 527 00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:30,618 for a weekend when he was little. 528 00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:34,539 Technician took off and forgot about him. 529 00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:36,750 - Tough stuff. 530 00:23:36,791 --> 00:23:38,460 - Yeah. 531 00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:41,963 So, Jack, I want to do better. 532 00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:46,426 - Well, maybe this is a start. 533 00:23:51,806 --> 00:23:55,727 Sorry, I just-- I have to ask you. 534 00:23:55,769 --> 00:23:58,897 Why did you leave us in the end? 535 00:23:58,938 --> 00:24:01,608 For real. 536 00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:06,780 - I think I should have ordered a double. [laughs] 537 00:24:08,281 --> 00:24:12,035 - Yeah, I'm serious though. 538 00:24:12,077 --> 00:24:16,498 Mom never wanted to talk about it and I want to know. 539 00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:19,751 - And I'm gonna tell you. 540 00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:23,046 So here, get us another round. 541 00:24:23,088 --> 00:24:26,257 If we're about to get into it, I gotta pee. 542 00:24:26,299 --> 00:24:28,093 - Cool. 543 00:24:30,387 --> 00:24:32,389 [chuckles] 544 00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:35,308 [rock music playing on jukebox] 545 00:24:35,350 --> 00:24:42,482 * * 546 00:24:50,323 --> 00:24:54,786 - Sir, your guest just crawled out the bathroom window, 547 00:24:54,828 --> 00:24:59,499 so you can settle up the bill whenever you're ready. 548 00:25:04,754 --> 00:25:07,924 [somber music] 549 00:25:09,259 --> 00:25:12,137 - I was right all along. 550 00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:14,097 Oh, I called it. 551 00:25:14,139 --> 00:25:16,975 I win. I win. 552 00:25:17,017 --> 00:25:19,102 I win again. 553 00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:23,023 [sighs]