1
00:00:40,956 --> 00:00:41,906
What?

2
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,013
Hello. I'm here to see Rosemary.

3
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,043
Yeah. She's dead.

4
00:00:54,876 --> 00:00:57,171
Wait a second. Who the hell are you?

5
00:00:57,197 --> 00:00:58,697
And what's with the box of rubbers?

6
00:00:58,699 --> 00:01:00,599
I'm so sorry I didn't know.

7
00:01:00,601 --> 00:01:01,600
I'm an old friend of Rosemary's.

8
00:01:01,602 --> 00:01:02,901
I thought I'd surprise her,

9
00:01:02,926 --> 00:01:04,064
'cause, you know, it's her birthday.

10
00:01:04,089 --> 00:01:05,316
Yeah, I know it's her birthday.

11
00:01:05,353 --> 00:01:06,552
She's my dead mom. What I don't know still

12
00:01:06,577 --> 00:01:07,931
is what's with the rubbers?

13
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,755
Were you banging my mom?

14
00:01:09,757 --> 00:01:10,884
Well, yes,

15
00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:13,359
but she was a lot more than a fanny-call.

16
00:01:13,361 --> 00:01:14,488
You mean "booty"?

17
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,376
I suppose I do. I suppose I mean "booty."

18
00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:18,777
I didn't know she'd passed.

19
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,013
We met years ago at
the Little Drywood Rodeo

20
00:01:21,015 --> 00:01:22,781
and sort of took up with each other.

21
00:01:23,005 --> 00:01:24,501
Whenever I come to town on business,

22
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:27,333
I'd look Rosemary up and
we'd... We'd comfort each other.

23
00:01:28,667 --> 00:01:30,123
Repeatedly, all over the house.

24
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:31,147
Oh, God.

25
00:01:31,871 --> 00:01:33,494
Jack? Jack!

26
00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:37,418
Please! We both loved her.

27
00:01:38,317 --> 00:01:40,183
Wrongo, Father time. I loved her.

28
00:01:40,185 --> 00:01:41,952
I've never even heard of you.
And how do you know my name?

29
00:01:41,954 --> 00:01:43,553
Rosemary talked a lot about you.

30
00:01:44,231 --> 00:01:47,557
May I ask, what have you
planned to celebrate her today?

31
00:01:47,729 --> 00:01:49,693
Yeah, I, uh, I don't celebrate

32
00:01:49,695 --> 00:01:50,661
dead people's birthdays.

33
00:01:50,663 --> 00:01:51,801
Here's a fun secret:

34
00:01:52,131 --> 00:01:53,263
They don't mind.

35
00:01:53,265 --> 00:01:54,398
We could visit her grave,

36
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,196
maybe have a good cry together.

37
00:01:56,669 --> 00:01:58,603
It's important to let these things out.

38
00:01:58,820 --> 00:01:59,786
Uh-huh.

39
00:02:03,987 --> 00:02:05,865
In case you change your mind.

40
00:02:10,098 --> 00:02:11,911
- Brandon?
- _

41
00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:13,800
<i>One, two, three, four!</i>

42
00:02:27,638 --> 00:02:30,724
All right, everyone shut up
and finish shutting up fast.

43
00:02:31,486 --> 00:02:33,452
I've had a very icky morning.

44
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,726
Top ten ickiest of all time.

45
00:02:35,924 --> 00:02:37,990
So I'm sitting there, enjoying my shower,

46
00:02:38,330 --> 00:02:40,459
this old guy shows up
at my door, unannounced,

47
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,480
looking to bang my dead mom.

48
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:43,996
And as if that wasn't gross enough,

49
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,631
the guy's name was Brandon.

50
00:02:45,685 --> 00:02:47,274
Yeah, Brandon. I mean, we're talking about

51
00:02:47,299 --> 00:02:49,403
an old Brandon. Now, this dude was old.

52
00:02:49,723 --> 00:02:51,404
Must be the first in the New World.

53
00:02:51,406 --> 00:02:52,939
Anyway, this creep shows up at my door,

54
00:02:52,941 --> 00:02:55,041
inviting me to some sort of crying ritual

55
00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:56,309
for my dead mom's birthday.

56
00:02:56,311 --> 00:02:57,643
What are you talking about, man?

57
00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:59,512
Old Brandon, I do not need to cry.

58
00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:07,854
Tempting to plow right past this,

59
00:03:07,856 --> 00:03:08,955
but, fine, I'll bite.

60
00:03:08,957 --> 00:03:10,489
What's with the stupid dolls?

61
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,525
These are infant
simulators from health class.

62
00:03:12,527 --> 00:03:15,127
They have to be fed, burped,
cuddled, changed regularly,

63
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,529
or otherwise they cry.

64
00:03:16,531 --> 00:03:18,664
They're perfect replicas in every way,

65
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,132
except we can't bathe them.

66
00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:21,701
This project was totally forced upon us.

67
00:03:21,703 --> 00:03:23,002
I'm so busy with everything I already do;

68
00:03:23,004 --> 00:03:24,503
I can't add a baby to it.

69
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,105
You're, uh, gripping
that little baby's skull

70
00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:27,888
pretty tightly there, Sarika.

71
00:03:27,913 --> 00:03:29,709
I have tried all of
the cuddle configurations

72
00:03:29,711 --> 00:03:30,913
in the manual and none of them work.

73
00:03:30,913 --> 00:03:33,725
No, no. I will not be sidetracked by this.

74
00:03:33,757 --> 00:03:36,749
Today's mission is to
retaliate against Old Brandon.

75
00:03:36,751 --> 00:03:39,485
This old bitch dropped
a bombshell on my life,

76
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,422
and I vow to pay him back in kind.

77
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:43,785
At the risk of incurring your wrath...

78
00:03:44,737 --> 00:03:46,303
Don't you think you should consider

79
00:03:46,305 --> 00:03:47,755
genuinely commiserating with this man?

80
00:03:47,755 --> 00:03:49,488
I mean, you obviously
have some unresolved issues

81
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:50,543
about your mom.

82
00:03:50,568 --> 00:03:52,273
What? Where you getting that from?

83
00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:54,174
You seem very glib about how she's...

84
00:03:54,174 --> 00:03:55,190
Dead?

85
00:03:57,350 --> 00:03:58,482
Yeah, well, that is the adjective

86
00:03:58,484 --> 00:03:59,713
that best describes her.

87
00:03:59,713 --> 00:04:01,017
I'd say you guys should be more concerned

88
00:04:01,017 --> 00:04:02,955
if I start describing her as "alive"

89
00:04:03,004 --> 00:04:05,566
or "mommy who resides in the attic."

90
00:04:06,074 --> 00:04:07,212
Besides...

91
00:04:07,212 --> 00:04:09,042
even if I did have feelings about this,

92
00:04:09,044 --> 00:04:11,477
I wouldn't need some sort
of hokey grieving ceremony

93
00:04:11,479 --> 00:04:12,530
to get over them.

94
00:04:12,530 --> 00:04:14,520
My therapist said you
need to find a healthy outlet

95
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:16,845
for your feelings,
otherwise you'll act out.

96
00:04:17,053 --> 00:04:19,453
For me, it was annihilating mailboxes.

97
00:04:19,455 --> 00:04:21,589
I don't need help with
my dead mom's birthday.

98
00:04:21,881 --> 00:04:24,812
I need personal bombshells that
will rock Old Brandon's world.

99
00:04:27,923 --> 00:04:28,986
Ugh.

100
00:04:29,326 --> 00:04:31,897
This is... this is untenable. No, come on.

101
00:04:32,483 --> 00:04:34,116
Grab your babies, and
I want you to throw them

102
00:04:34,118 --> 00:04:36,231
in the closet right now,
guys... Or you get an F.

103
00:04:36,231 --> 00:04:37,964
Mr. Griffin, these
simulators measure how well

104
00:04:37,966 --> 00:04:39,198
we take care of them.

105
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,433
If we abandon them in a closet,

106
00:04:40,435 --> 00:04:41,531
we'll get an F in Health.

107
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,164
What? Threatening "F" s is my thing.

108
00:04:43,165 --> 00:04:44,815
I... Screw this.

109
00:04:45,349 --> 00:04:46,515
Gonna go talk to Durbin.

110
00:04:57,161 --> 00:04:58,195
Hi, Dale.

111
00:04:58,195 --> 00:04:59,769
You didn't have to do that.

112
00:05:00,298 --> 00:05:02,717
Oh, well, you shouldn't
have to pick up trash

113
00:05:02,717 --> 00:05:04,210
someone throws on the floor.

114
00:05:04,210 --> 00:05:07,911
No one has ever said that to me before.

115
00:05:07,913 --> 00:05:09,101
Here it goes.

116
00:05:09,102 --> 00:05:11,264
Uh, Miss Stef, fair warning:

117
00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:13,236
I'm coming at ya.

118
00:05:13,485 --> 00:05:15,085
- Oh.
- I, uh...

119
00:05:15,087 --> 00:05:18,152
Would very much like to
buy you a drink sometime.

120
00:05:18,340 --> 00:05:19,817
Maybe go bowling or something.

121
00:05:19,842 --> 00:05:21,649
- Like, as friends?
- No, ma'am.

122
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:25,221
This would be a full-on romantic date.

123
00:05:25,557 --> 00:05:27,457
Perfect version of it ends in some kissing.

124
00:05:27,459 --> 00:05:29,525
Um, you know what,
actually, I just got this

125
00:05:29,527 --> 00:05:31,593
really expensive manicure,

126
00:05:31,627 --> 00:05:33,863
so I really should not be bowling.

127
00:05:33,865 --> 00:05:36,299
Well, then, simply do me
the courtesy of watching me

128
00:05:36,301 --> 00:05:38,647
throw a few frames and
then we could adjourn

129
00:05:38,647 --> 00:05:40,937
into the game room for some Big Buck Hunter

130
00:05:40,939 --> 00:05:42,372
and an appetizer sampler.

131
00:05:42,374 --> 00:05:44,874
And honestly, if bowling is the issue,

132
00:05:44,876 --> 00:05:46,242
I have other ideas.

133
00:05:46,244 --> 00:05:49,263
We could go to the movies or go to the zoo.

134
00:05:49,981 --> 00:05:51,714
- I could show you the roof.
- Listen, Dale,

135
00:05:51,716 --> 00:05:53,179
I gotta be honest.

136
00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:56,941
I would... I would never
go on a date with you.

137
00:05:58,156 --> 00:06:01,603
Because, um, my best friend, Mary,

138
00:06:01,605 --> 00:06:04,139
she has a huge crush on you.

139
00:06:04,141 --> 00:06:05,859
- Art room Mary?
- Yep.

140
00:06:05,859 --> 00:06:07,476
- Korean American?
- Yep.

141
00:06:07,478 --> 00:06:08,966
- This tall?
- Yep.

142
00:06:08,966 --> 00:06:10,565
- Eats lunch with you?
- Mm-hmm.

143
00:06:10,567 --> 00:06:12,000
Always goes, "Huh?"

144
00:06:12,002 --> 00:06:13,468
That Mary, yes.

145
00:06:13,984 --> 00:06:16,021
I think I know who you're talking about.

146
00:06:17,242 --> 00:06:18,539
Didn't know she had a crush on me.

147
00:06:18,539 --> 00:06:20,413
So it would violate Girl Code

148
00:06:20,811 --> 00:06:22,374
for me to date her crush.

149
00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:24,542
So, uh, it just can't happen.

150
00:06:24,814 --> 00:06:27,494
But thank you for your service.

151
00:06:27,842 --> 00:06:29,474
It smells good in here.

152
00:06:30,267 --> 00:06:31,600
Thank you very much.

153
00:06:34,487 --> 00:06:36,054
This is my class.

154
00:06:36,056 --> 00:06:38,115
Why can't I talk about safe sex?

155
00:06:38,358 --> 00:06:40,545
Look, Michelle, this is
coming from above, really, okay?

156
00:06:40,570 --> 00:06:42,404
And I think it's good that students feel

157
00:06:42,429 --> 00:06:44,099
how hard it is to have a baby.

158
00:06:44,197 --> 00:06:45,461
You know, I don't have any babies,

159
00:06:45,461 --> 00:06:46,927
but I've been in a restaurant
where one is screaming,

160
00:06:46,929 --> 00:06:48,262
and it's like, no.

161
00:06:48,506 --> 00:06:50,606
Ralph, you know these robot babies?

162
00:06:50,608 --> 00:06:52,375
- They suck!
- Ding, ding, ding.

163
00:06:52,377 --> 00:06:53,709
- Exactly.
- Yeah, you gotta

164
00:06:53,711 --> 00:06:55,993
shut this down, man. I
need my kids focused on...

165
00:06:57,749 --> 00:06:58,914
Uh...

166
00:06:58,916 --> 00:07:00,082
Pass the A.P. test?

167
00:07:00,084 --> 00:07:02,318
Yeah. Yes. Yeah, perfect. The A.P. te...

168
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:03,886
The babies are messing up test prep.

169
00:07:03,888 --> 00:07:05,654
You know what, guys,
there's nothing I can do here.

170
00:07:05,656 --> 00:07:08,824
I mean, Ohio is back to
abstinence-only education.

171
00:07:08,826 --> 00:07:10,026
- Our...
- Come on.

172
00:07:10,028 --> 00:07:11,804
I need to give these kids condoms.

173
00:07:11,829 --> 00:07:13,516
Ralph, they work.

174
00:07:13,784 --> 00:07:15,482
Otherwise Keith and I would have...

175
00:07:16,154 --> 00:07:17,653
100 or so kids.

176
00:07:18,201 --> 00:07:19,464
Maybe two-hundy.

177
00:07:19,464 --> 00:07:22,298
Okay, Michelle, thank
you for being so open,

178
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,714
but the only thing that we're
allowed to say about condoms

179
00:07:24,716 --> 00:07:26,683
is that they are 2% ineffective

180
00:07:26,685 --> 00:07:28,818
and everyone is watching
you while you buy them.

181
00:07:28,820 --> 00:07:32,342
So our only option is to scare
these kids off of sex entirely.

182
00:07:32,342 --> 00:07:33,402
Ralph. Ralph, Ralph.

183
00:07:33,402 --> 00:07:35,533
My kids are in no danger
of getting laid, okay?

184
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,326
They do not need a sex deterrent, trust me.

185
00:07:37,351 --> 00:07:39,084
If anybody needs a sex deterrent,

186
00:07:39,086 --> 00:07:40,853
it's wrinkly old gigolos
who travel from town to town,

187
00:07:40,855 --> 00:07:44,290
seducing innocent old moms who
just want to enjoy a nice day

188
00:07:44,292 --> 00:07:46,189
at the rodeo. That's all they want.

189
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,672
Eh...

190
00:07:48,863 --> 00:07:50,254
Has that been happening?

191
00:07:50,254 --> 00:07:52,082
I don't recognize this country anymore.

192
00:07:52,356 --> 00:07:54,456
If we're gonna settle
the score with Old Brandon,

193
00:07:54,458 --> 00:07:56,764
we're gonna have to divide and conquer.

194
00:07:56,764 --> 00:07:58,897
All right, B-squad's got
the babies under control.

195
00:07:58,899 --> 00:08:01,567
A-squad, let's hear what you've
got on devastating Old Brandon.

196
00:08:01,569 --> 00:08:02,835
Just tell him that your mom

197
00:08:02,837 --> 00:08:04,370
slept with everyone on the block.

198
00:08:04,372 --> 00:08:05,938
Come on, Anthony, I can't use that.

199
00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:07,473
All right, keep in
mind, this is a bombshell

200
00:08:07,475 --> 00:08:08,807
that's gonna be dropped at her grave.

201
00:08:08,809 --> 00:08:10,342
And today's her birthday?

202
00:08:10,661 --> 00:08:12,581
And it's her birthday, Anthony.
Show some respect.

203
00:08:12,581 --> 00:08:15,315
You know, sometimes I get mad
because I don't want to be sad.

204
00:08:15,317 --> 00:08:16,872
Cool, Dan. So what?

205
00:08:16,873 --> 00:08:18,619
I'm just saying maybe you're really sad.

206
00:08:19,121 --> 00:08:20,888
About your mom's birthday.

207
00:08:20,890 --> 00:08:22,590
You know what's really
sad is watching you guys

208
00:08:22,592 --> 00:08:24,741
trying to analyze me with
your unfinished brains.

209
00:08:24,741 --> 00:08:26,619
Somebody give me something
I can use, please.

210
00:08:26,644 --> 00:08:27,676
Heather, go.

211
00:08:27,678 --> 00:08:29,478
sucker punch.

212
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:30,646
All right, that's in the right area.

213
00:08:30,648 --> 00:08:31,751
Can't do that, though.

214
00:08:31,752 --> 00:08:33,452
Fighting an old man's kind
of what got me banished

215
00:08:33,454 --> 00:08:34,954
at Toledo in the first
place. Come on, guys!

216
00:08:34,956 --> 00:08:36,057
Come on!

217
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,163
Don't you care that this man banged my mom?

218
00:08:38,188 --> 00:08:39,984
- Son of a bitch!
- Seems like you're being

219
00:08:40,009 --> 00:08:41,147
a bit of a prude.

220
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:43,642
A prude? Well, that's not possible.

221
00:08:43,735 --> 00:08:46,465
How could I be a prude
when I have had sex with...

222
00:08:46,671 --> 00:08:49,172
Twenty-four women.

223
00:08:49,174 --> 00:08:51,031
- We get it.
- Do you?

224
00:08:51,229 --> 00:08:53,196
Mr. Griffin, I think I have something.

225
00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:54,564
Despite being in B-squad,

226
00:08:54,566 --> 00:08:56,212
I have discovered that Old Brandon

227
00:08:56,237 --> 00:08:57,927
has a daughter here in Toledo.

228
00:08:59,170 --> 00:09:02,389
Sadie Rodonski. A personal injury lawyer.

229
00:09:03,127 --> 00:09:05,466
You know what, this
could actually be perfect.

230
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,411
I could tell his daughter
about his disgusting affair

231
00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:09,545
with my dead mom. She'd
be completely yucked out

232
00:09:09,547 --> 00:09:11,180
just like I was. It'll ruin all their

233
00:09:11,182 --> 00:09:13,015
family dinners for the rest of their lives.

234
00:09:13,017 --> 00:09:14,016
Even Steven.

235
00:09:14,018 --> 00:09:15,351
That doesn't sound even.

236
00:09:15,353 --> 00:09:17,664
That just sounds like harassing a stranger.

237
00:09:17,996 --> 00:09:20,686
Uh, yes, hi. I have been severely

238
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:21,929
personally injured.

239
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,809
I'd like to speak to
your top attorney, please.

240
00:09:24,805 --> 00:09:25,863
No, no, no. Not her.

241
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:28,047
Get me Sadie Rodonski.

242
00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:33,964
All right, Mr. Griffin.

243
00:09:35,146 --> 00:09:36,717
Thanks for waiting.

244
00:09:37,282 --> 00:09:38,746
Let's see if we can get you paid.

245
00:09:39,417 --> 00:09:43,386
So what is the nature of your injury?

246
00:09:43,388 --> 00:09:45,888
Well, I have been severely grossed out.

247
00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:47,295
Severely grossed out?

248
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,580
Unfortunately, yeah, to the max.

249
00:09:50,019 --> 00:09:51,918
Sadie, I hate to spring this on you,

250
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,756
but our old parents...

251
00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:57,319
well, they, uh, they...

252
00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:00,592
they put their stuff all over each other.

253
00:10:00,592 --> 00:10:02,926
Oh, my God. Are you Rosemary's kid?

254
00:10:03,132 --> 00:10:04,573
Wait a minute, you already know about this?

255
00:10:04,573 --> 00:10:05,672
Yes.

256
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,158
Damn it.

257
00:10:07,442 --> 00:10:10,209
I... I was hoping to devastate
you to get back at your dad.

258
00:10:10,645 --> 00:10:12,299
Oh, my God. I totally get that.

259
00:10:12,299 --> 00:10:14,580
I mean, I hated your mom when I found out.

260
00:10:14,689 --> 00:10:16,851
They got together, like, eight
weeks after my mom's funeral.

261
00:10:16,852 --> 00:10:19,619
Oh, ouch. So your mom's dead too, huh?

262
00:10:19,621 --> 00:10:20,553
She's dead.

263
00:10:20,555 --> 00:10:22,021
Yeah, sounds like your dad's got a type.

264
00:10:22,023 --> 00:10:23,223
Oh.

265
00:10:23,225 --> 00:10:24,927
Almost-dead people.

266
00:10:27,562 --> 00:10:29,462
So what was this plan?

267
00:10:29,464 --> 00:10:30,930
I mean, did you just want
me to get me to picture

268
00:10:30,932 --> 00:10:34,300
these two white raisins stuck together

269
00:10:34,302 --> 00:10:35,869
so I'd pick a fight with my dad?

270
00:10:35,871 --> 00:10:36,970
Yeah, that was pretty much it.

271
00:10:36,972 --> 00:10:38,588
Yeah, that's pretty conniving.

272
00:10:39,274 --> 00:10:40,573
So I guess you're not just a face.

273
00:10:40,575 --> 00:10:42,458
You've got a brain too.

274
00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:43,691
Oh, yeah, I got a big old brain.

275
00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:45,178
Yeah, PhD from Harvard.

276
00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:50,064
You know, I just
thought of a really fun way

277
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:52,650
that we could get back at our folks.

278
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,024
Lock the door.

279
00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:01,635
For real? You sure?

280
00:11:03,379 --> 00:11:04,579
Devastate me.

281
00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:15,925
I'll get the art room today.

282
00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:18,025
Oh, okay, just 'cause
they gave you the keys,

283
00:11:18,027 --> 00:11:19,420
you my boss now?

284
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:20,570
Hans?

285
00:11:23,284 --> 00:11:24,588
Oh, hey, Dale. What's up?

286
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:28,392
Oh, boy. Uh, let me stop you right there.

287
00:11:28,686 --> 00:11:31,687
You are clearly a good and kind person

288
00:11:31,689 --> 00:11:33,720
who deserves happiness with someone.

289
00:11:34,818 --> 00:11:36,517
But I am not that someone.

290
00:11:36,517 --> 00:11:38,688
And you have to get that through your head.

291
00:11:39,404 --> 00:11:41,632
- Huh?
- The best thing for you to do

292
00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:44,039
is just forget about me.

293
00:11:47,704 --> 00:11:50,261
You can tell your parents
we're dating, if that's helpful.

294
00:11:54,937 --> 00:11:56,403
What the crap just happened?

295
00:12:08,887 --> 00:12:10,587
Twenty-five, bitches.

296
00:12:11,194 --> 00:12:14,070
Yeah, after a very productive
meeting with Sadie Rodonski

297
00:12:14,095 --> 00:12:17,630
this morning, I have now
had sex with 25 women.

298
00:12:18,010 --> 00:12:21,767
And I am armed with a bombshell
that is going to destroy

299
00:12:21,769 --> 00:12:22,973
Old Brandon's life.

300
00:12:23,137 --> 00:12:25,152
So you just had sex before work?

301
00:12:25,152 --> 00:12:26,084
Yeah, man.

302
00:12:26,086 --> 00:12:28,253
Are you prepared for the consequences?

303
00:12:28,255 --> 00:12:29,621
She could get pregnant.

304
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:30,722
- No, we were safe.
- We were safe.

305
00:12:30,724 --> 00:12:31,938
It's fine. It's fine.

306
00:12:32,292 --> 00:12:33,273
I think...

307
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,133
I think we'll be... fine.

308
00:12:35,135 --> 00:12:36,302
Are you guys in love?

309
00:12:36,302 --> 00:12:37,769
The sperm can't crack the lady's eggshell

310
00:12:37,770 --> 00:12:39,068
unless they're in love.

311
00:12:39,099 --> 00:12:41,114
Wow, you guys really do need Sex Ed.

312
00:12:41,139 --> 00:12:42,772
Plus, you're focused
on the wrong part, man.

313
00:12:42,774 --> 00:12:44,378
I have my bombshell. This is great.

314
00:12:44,710 --> 00:12:46,543
All I have to do now is call Old Brandon,

315
00:12:46,545 --> 00:12:48,044
arrange to meet him at my mom's grave,

316
00:12:48,046 --> 00:12:49,446
and then...

317
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,080
Is this healthy?

318
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,640
Using sex as a weapon
seems extreme, even for you.

319
00:12:55,665 --> 00:12:57,465
Marcus, I'm not using sex as a weapon.

320
00:12:57,466 --> 00:12:59,833
I'm using the fact that I happened into

321
00:13:00,015 --> 00:13:02,749
organic, consensual, wonderful love-making

322
00:13:02,751 --> 00:13:05,699
as a tool to destroy my enemy.

323
00:13:05,888 --> 00:13:07,487
Plus, Saddie and I are cool, man.

324
00:13:07,489 --> 00:13:08,496
You know, we're having drinks on Friday,

325
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,628
so, yeah.

326
00:13:09,630 --> 00:13:10,838
Now, if guys will excuse me,

327
00:13:10,863 --> 00:13:12,732
I'm gonna call the old letch.

328
00:13:14,470 --> 00:13:16,137
Guys, just let him go.

329
00:13:16,139 --> 00:13:17,505
He's being self-destructive.

330
00:13:17,507 --> 00:13:19,666
So what? I already deal with this brat.

331
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:20,965
I can't care of another one.

332
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,432
At what age do you think we'll start

333
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:25,322
"happening into organic,
wonderful love-making"?

334
00:13:26,058 --> 00:13:28,385
I don't think we're those kind of guys.

335
00:13:29,207 --> 00:13:31,708
Oh, yeah, man. I'm so down to grieve.

336
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,676
Yeah, you know, I need this for my heart.

337
00:13:34,328 --> 00:13:35,718
Yeah, no, I'll meet you right there.

338
00:13:35,743 --> 00:13:37,276
I'll meet you right at the gravestone.

339
00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:39,346
We'll turn on the waterworks.
It's gonna be great.

340
00:13:42,779 --> 00:13:43,786
Hey, Mary.

341
00:13:43,786 --> 00:13:45,752
You know, let's eat lunch in my car today.

342
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:48,935
All these crying babies
got my womb twitching.

343
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,929
Mm-hmm. Just give a minute.

344
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:54,532
And by the way, so I might have told

345
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,912
Dale the janitor that you
might have a crush on him.

346
00:13:57,912 --> 00:13:59,604
He asked me out, and I kind of panicked.

347
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,272
Oh, well, this explains a lot.

348
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,374
He just came in here
and shot me down, hard.

349
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:04,375
Like, out of nowhere.

350
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,110
Mary, I am so sorry.

351
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,796
See, this is my fault. I'm gonna go.

352
00:14:07,821 --> 00:14:09,287
I don't have time to be mad at you.

353
00:14:09,312 --> 00:14:11,082
He took it way too far.

354
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,685
I'm gonna hook him and
then dump him on his ass.

355
00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:16,367
This here is a janitor trap.

356
00:14:16,367 --> 00:14:19,422
See, tonight, Dale's gonna
come in and spot this $5 bill

357
00:14:19,422 --> 00:14:21,837
sitting conspicuously on my trashcan.

358
00:14:21,839 --> 00:14:23,505
- That's the bait.
- Okay.

359
00:14:23,507 --> 00:14:24,773
And now you know he's gonna dive right now,

360
00:14:24,775 --> 00:14:26,175
rooting around for more.

361
00:14:26,177 --> 00:14:27,376
Greedy little pig.

362
00:14:27,378 --> 00:14:28,711
But what we'll find instead

363
00:14:28,713 --> 00:14:30,985
is a selection of carefully curated items,

364
00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:33,515
which you might call sexy trash.

365
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,352
Such as a flattering photo of<i> moi.</i>

366
00:14:36,354 --> 00:14:37,496
Yeah.

367
00:14:38,233 --> 00:14:39,455
The novel "Dune."

368
00:14:39,887 --> 00:14:41,019
All guys like that.

369
00:14:41,509 --> 00:14:43,976
A yoga award for most flexible.

370
00:14:43,978 --> 00:14:45,378
- Mm-hmm.
- Hmm.

371
00:14:45,380 --> 00:14:47,046
And then just some old regular trash

372
00:14:47,048 --> 00:14:48,681
so he feels good about doing his job.

373
00:14:49,073 --> 00:14:51,951
Once he gets all thirsty,
that dirty like dastard's

374
00:14:51,953 --> 00:14:53,419
gonna come running back to mama,

375
00:14:53,421 --> 00:14:54,854
begging for a drink,

376
00:14:54,856 --> 00:14:56,751
which I'll be delighted to deny him.

377
00:14:56,751 --> 00:14:58,217
This is a lot, Mary. Okay?

378
00:14:58,220 --> 00:15:00,611
I mean, I would have just keyed his car.

379
00:15:00,636 --> 00:15:02,983
Well, I teach Art, Stef. I like crafts.

380
00:15:09,261 --> 00:15:10,347
Hey.

381
00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,863
I know we started off on a bad foot.

382
00:15:12,887 --> 00:15:14,637
And I'm glad you decided to come.

383
00:15:14,637 --> 00:15:17,225
Yeah. Well, you really threw me
for a loop there, you know.

384
00:15:17,331 --> 00:15:18,543
But it's okay, it's fine.

385
00:15:18,568 --> 00:15:20,103
So, no big.

386
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,425
Uh, you wanna get this thing going or what?

387
00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:24,749
Oh, would you like to
start by saying a few words

388
00:15:24,774 --> 00:15:25,907
about your mom?

389
00:15:25,909 --> 00:15:27,058
Uh, no, you know what,

390
00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:28,168
I think it's better if you go first.

391
00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:29,611
I want to go last. You
go first. Go, go, go.

392
00:15:30,091 --> 00:15:33,334
Oh, well, after my wife...

393
00:15:33,957 --> 00:15:36,385
died, I didn't think
I'd ever feel passion...

394
00:15:36,387 --> 00:15:37,887
- Right.
- Again.

395
00:15:37,889 --> 00:15:41,697
But my heart found its feet
once more with Rosemary.

396
00:15:41,722 --> 00:15:42,882
I banged your daughter.

397
00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:49,025
Why aren't you reacting?
Did I break your old brain?

398
00:15:50,968 --> 00:15:52,701
Well, color me not surprised.

399
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,739
You two are a couple of hot tamales.

400
00:15:54,739 --> 00:15:57,127
I'm glad the two of you found
comfort in each other's arms.

401
00:15:57,127 --> 00:15:59,167
You know, that's your daughter, you sleaze.

402
00:15:59,344 --> 00:16:01,797
I'm what you call "sex positive."

403
00:16:01,798 --> 00:16:04,614
Daughters have sex, Jack. So do mothers.

404
00:16:04,614 --> 00:16:07,398
And it seems our families
generate some pretty potent

405
00:16:07,423 --> 00:16:08,709
sexual chemistry.

406
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:09,899
God, will you shut up?

407
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,602
Look, you're bound to feel big feelings

408
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,032
here at this place.

409
00:16:13,213 --> 00:16:16,557
It's okay to let it out, Jack. Huh?

410
00:16:16,557 --> 00:16:18,542
Come on, son. It's okay to cry.

411
00:16:20,411 --> 00:16:21,499
Ooh!

412
00:16:22,263 --> 00:16:23,496
Oh!

413
00:16:23,498 --> 00:16:25,402
- Ah!
- What are you doing, Jack?

414
00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:28,181
Stop!

415
00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:37,176
These babies are
getting out of hand, Ralph.

416
00:16:37,178 --> 00:16:38,844
The students aren't sleeping,

417
00:16:38,846 --> 00:16:40,179
the parents are complaining.

418
00:16:40,181 --> 00:16:41,716
And all the other teachers hate me!

419
00:16:41,716 --> 00:16:43,516
Okay, Alyssa, Alyssa. I'm
sure they don't hate you.

420
00:16:43,518 --> 00:16:46,285
Coach Novak threw a
dirty diaper at my head.

421
00:16:46,634 --> 00:16:49,435
Which I'm now realizing must
have been from his nephew

422
00:16:49,437 --> 00:16:52,679
or something, which means
he drove to school with it.

423
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,312
I'll talk to Dick, all right?

424
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,600
But for now, we got to tough
it out with these babies,

425
00:16:56,625 --> 00:16:57,983
for the next couple of days.

426
00:16:58,102 --> 00:17:00,477
They're not responding to
the soothing techniques anymore.

427
00:17:00,502 --> 00:17:02,668
I think there's something
really wrong with them, Ralph.

428
00:17:02,931 --> 00:17:06,211
Okay, I may have gone
outside official supply lines

429
00:17:06,236 --> 00:17:08,779
to get a discount, but when
the guy sold them to me,

430
00:17:08,779 --> 00:17:10,312
he said they were slightly irregular.

431
00:17:10,314 --> 00:17:12,748
I assumed that meant
it was how their fingers

432
00:17:12,750 --> 00:17:14,183
looked like tiny penises.

433
00:17:14,183 --> 00:17:15,649
I didn't know they were gonna malfunction.

434
00:17:15,651 --> 00:17:18,786
Well, they are, Ralph.
What are we gonna do?

435
00:17:19,118 --> 00:17:20,117
Oh, God.

436
00:17:20,197 --> 00:17:21,253
Sorry.

437
00:17:21,253 --> 00:17:22,619
It looks like Willem Dafoe.

438
00:17:24,822 --> 00:17:27,233
Oh. It's a compliment.

439
00:17:27,864 --> 00:17:29,597
It says this should work.

440
00:17:29,622 --> 00:17:30,884
Why isn't it working?

441
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,018
I can't swaddle any tighter.

442
00:17:34,472 --> 00:17:36,672
Can't find my sucky...

443
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,653
food juice can.

444
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,458
Stupid mom brain.

445
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,327
Hey, hold on to my grade for a second

446
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:43,883
while I stop by my locker.

447
00:17:45,095 --> 00:17:47,289
Latch on, damn it. Latch on.

448
00:17:47,430 --> 00:17:48,613
Shut up!

449
00:17:48,765 --> 00:17:51,491
Shut up your silly cybernetic offspring.

450
00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:53,401
Whoa, did you get in a fight?

451
00:17:53,403 --> 00:17:54,769
At your mom's grave?

452
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,576
Yeah, Old Brandon frickin' decked me.

453
00:17:56,578 --> 00:17:58,696
But get this, guys: I told
him I boinked his daughter;

454
00:17:58,721 --> 00:17:59,812
he didn't give a hoot.

455
00:17:59,814 --> 00:18:01,514
Stupid hippie thought it was neat.

456
00:18:01,516 --> 00:18:03,116
So why did he knock you around then?

457
00:18:03,118 --> 00:18:05,384
Well, because I tried to
sucker punch him, Heather.

458
00:18:05,763 --> 00:18:07,453
And how are old men so strong?

459
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:10,221
I mean, this guy had the
grip strength of an orangutan.

460
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:11,930
- It was insane.
- Shh!

461
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:19,230
Seriously, shut those babies up.

462
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,185
We can't! They won't stop.

463
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:22,966
This is how the world is now.

464
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:24,231
Mother of God.

465
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,437
The sound is burrowing into my brain.

466
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,739
- It's worse than Marcus.
- Hey, that's unfair.

467
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,975
Unfair? I am the bereaved party here.

468
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,842
Some traveling pervert steals
my mom's birthday from me

469
00:18:33,842 --> 00:18:36,178
and then has the grey-haired balls

470
00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:38,014
to tell me how to deal with her death?

471
00:18:41,305 --> 00:18:42,576
Give me the babies.

472
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,922
Just give me all the babies.

473
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,799
Stupid thing. Come on, give it to me.

474
00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,937
Give this to me. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

475
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,162
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it, guys.

476
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,798
Yeah, yep, all the babies.

477
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,867
I'm gonna deal with this
baby problem right now.

478
00:19:00,190 --> 00:19:01,181
Give me that.

479
00:19:01,858 --> 00:19:03,491
Gimme, gimme. Gimme babies.

480
00:19:03,493 --> 00:19:04,482
Throw it in.

481
00:19:04,627 --> 00:19:05,809
Baby.

482
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:08,354
Here we go.

483
00:19:09,932 --> 00:19:11,799
Anthony, what the hell? Where's my baby?

484
00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:13,574
Mr. Griffin sort of took it.

485
00:19:13,574 --> 00:19:14,645
Took it where?

486
00:19:14,646 --> 00:19:17,214
He took them all. We're free.

487
00:19:17,415 --> 00:19:18,714
But I'll get an F in Health.

488
00:19:18,972 --> 00:19:20,648
My baby! My baby!

489
00:19:32,029 --> 00:19:34,152
- No!
- It's okay, Sarika.

490
00:19:34,398 --> 00:19:35,664
There's no more assignment.

491
00:19:35,666 --> 00:19:37,361
We can't be graded on any of this now.

492
00:19:39,170 --> 00:19:40,323
All quiet.

493
00:19:45,707 --> 00:19:46,997
No more grades?

494
00:19:47,831 --> 00:19:48,933
It's over.

495
00:19:53,037 --> 00:19:54,223
There we go.

496
00:20:02,222 --> 00:20:03,276
Whoo!

497
00:20:05,158 --> 00:20:06,827
That was the ticket right there.

498
00:20:07,393 --> 00:20:09,026
I feel refreshed, you know?

499
00:20:09,028 --> 00:20:11,019
Nothing like a dip sometimes.

500
00:20:11,749 --> 00:20:13,364
So, uh, what do you guys want to do?

501
00:20:13,366 --> 00:20:14,673
Go back to class?

502
00:20:16,536 --> 00:20:17,536
Yeah.

503
00:20:19,443 --> 00:20:21,242
Old Brandon's probably an all right guy.

504
00:20:21,731 --> 00:20:22,784
Yeah.

505
00:20:28,848 --> 00:20:29,847
Ms. Wagner?

506
00:20:30,527 --> 00:20:32,176
I have got to tell you.

507
00:20:32,418 --> 00:20:34,268
You have the sexiest trash

508
00:20:34,293 --> 00:20:37,040
I have ever dumped into a larger bin.

509
00:20:37,757 --> 00:20:39,806
You ever been to the good gravel pit?

510
00:20:40,894 --> 00:20:43,060
Ooh, now, you know, I would love to,

511
00:20:43,302 --> 00:20:44,333
but...

512
00:20:44,396 --> 00:20:47,439
my friend Stef has the
biggest crush on you.

513
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:48,743
Ooh.

514
00:20:52,739 --> 00:20:54,122
You two have fun.

515
00:20:55,597 --> 00:20:57,980
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com