1 00:00:01,392 --> 00:00:01,610 . 2 00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:03,786 [chiming tones] 3 00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:05,483 [car door creaks, slams] 4 00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:08,486 ["The Fire That Keeps You Warm" playing] 5 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:12,577 ♪ 6 00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:16,538 - ♪ Hey, hey, hey 7 00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:22,283 ♪ Let me walk in the sunshine of your smile ♪ 8 00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:27,070 ♪ Let me hide in the shadows of your eyes ♪ 9 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,724 - ♪ Of your eyes 10 00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:33,337 - ♪ Let me lie in the safety of your arms ♪ 11 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,122 - Hey, good morning, Lynette. 12 00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:37,167 How's the cult going? Has it turned yet, 13 00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:39,387 or are you guys still in the peace and love phase? 14 00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:41,171 - Nice one, Jack. - Thank you. 15 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:42,651 - But just so you know, you are the one that's blowing it. 16 00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:45,393 - How so? - Spirit week. 17 00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:47,656 It's 70's day. We play Prairie tomorrow. 18 00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,832 - Okay, so you're doing a whole new look just because 19 00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:52,182 of a stupid school rivalry. Why? 20 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,445 - Basic idea is that it's fun. 21 00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:55,577 Also, to be honest, 22 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:56,839 I really hope we beat them by a lot, 23 00:00:56,882 --> 00:00:59,146 and hope their bus crashes into the swamp. 24 00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:01,496 - Gosh, it must be exhausting pretending to care about stuff. 25 00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:03,280 - Nope. Not exhausting at all. 26 00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:05,195 Suck it Prairie! 27 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:06,675 - Oh, suck it Prairie! 28 00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:08,372 Yeah! - Oh, this guy. 29 00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:11,810 - Jack, happy Spirit Week. My favorite week of the year-- 30 00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:13,203 oh, well, it would be 31 00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:15,553 if we can just beat the Prairie Rams once 32 00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,338 during my regime. - Wait, wait, wait. 33 00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:18,730 They're the Rams too? - Yeah. 34 00:01:18,774 --> 00:01:20,297 That's why it's called the Ram Cup, 35 00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:21,733 as I was telling you last night. 36 00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,300 - Right, right. Speaking of, 37 00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:25,259 thanks for helping move my old fridge out. 38 00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:26,564 I really appreciate that. Yeah. 39 00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,827 And your delts are thanking you as well. 40 00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:31,134 - Really? - Yeah. Yeah. 41 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,570 Uh-oh. - [laughs] 42 00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:35,312 - Well, you know, anytime you need an old appliance 43 00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:36,618 moved to the curb, you let me know, 44 00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:40,404 or we could go to the gym and you know, 45 00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:41,623 lift weights for real. 46 00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:42,972 That could be cool, 47 00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:46,454 assuming no one there is mean. - Right, right. 48 00:01:46,497 --> 00:01:48,151 Hay, since you offered, 49 00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,327 I do need some help moving in my new fridge. 50 00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:52,242 - All I require is my usual payment 51 00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:54,766 of 2.5 beers and a full sesh of B.S.. 52 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,507 - [laughs] You got it, pal. Thank you. 53 00:01:56,551 --> 00:01:57,508 - Oh, and don't forget 54 00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,249 about my birthday dinner tonight, 55 00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:01,295 7:00 p.m. sharp at Mancy's. 56 00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:03,601 - Oh, yes, that's right. Yeah, tonight. 57 00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:06,604 - Mm-hmm. - Okay. Yeah. Okay. 58 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:09,651 [door opens] 59 00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:11,957 - Hi, birthday boy. 60 00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,482 - Don't make a big deal out of it, okay? 61 00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:15,787 - [sing-song] I wouldn't go in there 62 00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:17,441 if I were you. 63 00:02:17,485 --> 00:02:19,182 - Oh, my God. 64 00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,489 Okay. Mm-hmm. 65 00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,404 Guys, you did not have 66 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:24,709 to do this. I am very... 67 00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,930 - [throwing up] - Blessed. 68 00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:30,802 - Oh God, no, please, Helen. 69 00:02:30,846 --> 00:02:32,804 You were supposed to keep people out. 70 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589 Oh God, don't look at me. 71 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:37,287 Don't look at my body! [cries] 72 00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:38,375 - He came in fifth 73 00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:40,421 in the snow crab- eating contest. 74 00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,292 Turns out all the snow crabs were rotten. 75 00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:44,642 - Helen, why did you tell me not to come in here 76 00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,296 in such a sing-song-y voice? 77 00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,776 - I don't know, maybe it's 'cause 78 00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:50,648 you're my favorite person in the whole wide world. 79 00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:53,303 [sing-song] I wouldn't look in that garbage can 80 00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:54,870 behind you if I were you. 81 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:57,002 - Fine. - [laughs] 82 00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:59,570 - [throws up] 83 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,444 - Someone's a little dense. 84 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:04,836 - Ugh! - Oh! 85 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,665 - ♪ Next time I'll listen to my heart ♪ 86 00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:11,669 ♪ Next time, well I'll be smart ♪ 87 00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:17,588 ♪ 88 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,723 [clock ticking] 89 00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:26,293 [door opens] 90 00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:29,948 - Shh. 91 00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:32,951 [jaunty clock-like music] 92 00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:35,780 ♪ 93 00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:36,955 Huh. 94 00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:38,827 Today, guys, I need excuses I can use 95 00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,350 to ditch a birthday party. 96 00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:42,439 - Just tell your mom there will be drugs at the party. 97 00:03:42,483 --> 00:03:44,049 Then your mom will call their mom 98 00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:46,835 and it'll get canceled. - That was you? 99 00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,576 - You could say you are memorizing 100 00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,795 portions of the Torah for a bar mitzvah. 101 00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:52,319 - Mm, mm-hmm. 102 00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,538 Again, guys, this would be me saying this, 103 00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,540 an adult Gentile. 104 00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,325 - So, I actually use this one all the time. 105 00:03:58,368 --> 00:03:59,891 So you pour a glass of water on your shoes 106 00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,850 and then you tell people that your sister's water broke 107 00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:03,330 right before you got there, 108 00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,461 and they'll be like, "Well, why don't you 109 00:04:04,505 --> 00:04:06,550 go be there with her at the hospital?" 110 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,900 And then you jet, baby. 111 00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:11,903 - Hmm, interesting. Uh, anyone else? 112 00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:13,557 - Mr. G, whose party is it? 113 00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,472 - So, Durbin helped move my fridge the other day, 114 00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:16,821 and he's leveraging that 115 00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:19,041 into a forced appearance at his birthday thing. 116 00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,303 - He helped you move your fridge? 117 00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:21,565 - Mm-hmm. - And furthermore, 118 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,045 he's inviting you to a party? 119 00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:24,786 That's two good things: 120 00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,701 moving the fridge as one 121 00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:29,399 and an invitation to a party as two. 122 00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:30,400 Two good things. 123 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:31,488 - You have to go if he helped you 124 00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:32,794 move your fridge. 125 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:33,969 - Yeah, okay. All right, I get it, I get it. 126 00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,057 Thank you. 127 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,928 All right, well, I guess I gotta 128 00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,408 at least make an appearance, you know? 129 00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:39,670 Especially since I need his help moving 130 00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:42,020 my new fridge in tomorrow. 131 00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,371 Ah, let's see. Sarika, make a list 132 00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,721 of reasons to leave Durbin's stupid party early. 133 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,940 All right, everybody call out those reasons again. 134 00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:51,073 - Uh, there's the drug one, 135 00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:52,553 the Jewish one... 136 00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:53,771 - Just sit regular and it'll be fine. 137 00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,295 - And... 138 00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,340 - Well, we did our part to win the Spirit Week blood drive. 139 00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,908 You know, if we won, it'd make Durbin so happy. 140 00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:01,910 - Plus, we got these free cookies. 141 00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,651 [laughter] 142 00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,348 - It's so much fun to spoil Durbs once a year. 143 00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:07,611 - I spent the last three months working on a banner 144 00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,787 for the basketball game. I hope he likes it. 145 00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,006 all: Oh! - Nice. 146 00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:12,442 Unrelated: I found us three 147 00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:13,661 Barbara Streisand tickets. 148 00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,489 - Oh! - Eh, eh. 149 00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:18,056 I won't seat above mezzanine. I plan on dancing big 150 00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,580 and I don't need some mom telling me 151 00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,582 that I'm blocking the view for her sick son. 152 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,497 - Em, I think that was a one-time thing. 153 00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:26,413 - Yeah? - Oh, shoot, my phone is dying. 154 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,458 - Oh, plug it in! - It's okay. 155 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,025 - Go. - We have got to see this. 156 00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:31,505 - Mm-hmm. - I can't believe the Mom 157 00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,942 from "Meet the Fockers" is gonna try and sing. 158 00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:37,162 [laughs] - Sorry, classroom TV. 159 00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,860 - What up? 160 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:43,865 - Hi, I'm looking for the Durbin party. 161 00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:46,607 - Mr. Griffin? - Yeah. 162 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,956 - So nice of you to show up. 163 00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:51,002 That sweet man has been waiting for over an hour. 164 00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:52,047 - Oh, no. 165 00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,527 Please tell me I'm not this late 166 00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:55,006 for a one-on-one birthday dinner. 167 00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:57,139 - Yep. 168 00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,401 - Agh. 169 00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,011 [animated music] 170 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:02,927 . 171 00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,581 - Hi. - Jack, you're here. 172 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,061 - Yeah, um, I made it. [laughs] 173 00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,454 Thank you. Yeah, I'm so sorry I'm late. 174 00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:10,935 I, ah, I was um... 175 00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:12,415 I had to study the Torah. 176 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,069 - Oh, you are converting to Judaism? 177 00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:15,287 I had no idea. 178 00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:17,159 - Yeah, no, I'm-- I'm just considering it. 179 00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:19,074 You know, they want me pretty bad. 180 00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:21,424 - Well... [laughs] - [laughs] Yeah. 181 00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,121 So is it really just you and me, man? 182 00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,340 - Yeah, every year, for my birthday, 183 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,559 I invite one friend 184 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:26,951 so we can really talk, 185 00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,126 and this year, 186 00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:29,476 you are that friend. 187 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:32,261 - Well, I am honored. [laughs] 188 00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:33,480 - Can I get you started with anything? 189 00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,612 - Yeah, no, I can be probably be ready soon. 190 00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,222 Birthday boy, you want to go first? 191 00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:39,094 - No, Jack, you go ahead. I'm having surgery tomorrow, 192 00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,401 so I can't have any food after 8:00. 193 00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:42,619 That's why I made the reservation for 7:00. 194 00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:44,578 - Oh, my God. You're having surgery tomorrow? 195 00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:47,189 - Super early. Reverse vasectomy. 196 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:49,452 Kind of a birthday present for myself. 197 00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,454 - Oh, gosh, everything you're saying 198 00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:52,673 is making me very sad. 199 00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,457 - No, no, it should make you feel happy. 200 00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,981 - Oh. - I'm reclaiming my virility. 201 00:06:57,025 --> 00:06:58,113 - [clears throat] 202 00:06:58,156 --> 00:06:59,288 I'm gonna give you some more time. 203 00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,463 - No. no, no. 204 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,465 He is gonna have a ribeye and a martini. 205 00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,728 Nothing for me, of course. At least I can see and smell 206 00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:08,123 and maybe touch my favorite meal. 207 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,691 - Oh, well... [laughs] Okay. 208 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:14,608 Ah. - So.... 209 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,479 What's in the bag? 210 00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:19,482 - The b-- Oh. 211 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:20,744 Uh, that's your birthday present. 212 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,180 - What? 213 00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:24,182 - Yeah. Yeah, I had to. 214 00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:25,575 Just from the bookstore across the street. 215 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:29,492 - Jack. 216 00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:34,105 "A Bayesian Perspective on Queeny." 217 00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:35,498 - Quine. - Quine. 218 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,021 - Yeah. He was a philosopher. - Oh! 219 00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:38,327 I just learned two things. 220 00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:40,329 - I thought maybe you would love that. 221 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:42,505 - No one has ever given me anything like this. 222 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,681 I cannot wait. - Yeah... 223 00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:47,162 - I'm gonna save the bag. - Cool. 224 00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:50,339 Ah, so... Yeah. Yeah. 225 00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:53,342 [piano music] 226 00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:56,519 [loud swallowing] 227 00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:59,522 [animated music] 228 00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:01,655 ♪ 229 00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:03,439 [phone chimes] 230 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,268 - I got the Streisand tickets! [laughs] 231 00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:08,226 Yes. Okay. 232 00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:10,228 All right. 233 00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:13,057 [refrigerator whirrs] 234 00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,189 ♪ 235 00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:17,192 Oh no! 236 00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:20,108 That's gonna be some hot blood. 237 00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:25,374 ♪ 238 00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:29,421 - Ooh, that is cutting nice. - It is. Ah, God. 239 00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:30,553 Are you sure you don't want a bite? 240 00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:32,599 - Oh, I wish. It's too risky. 241 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,731 It's only a couple of hours before they re-doodle 242 00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,559 my noodle. - [laughs] 243 00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:38,430 They're you gonna tinker with your dinker. 244 00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:41,608 - They are gonna let loose my baby juice! 245 00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,435 all: ♪ Happy birthday to... 246 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:48,223 - I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. 247 00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:51,095 - I just... I can't believe I just 248 00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:53,402 talked about my junk to the wait staff. 249 00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,230 Here, let me make a wish. 250 00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:56,797 Hang on, no, it's still happened. 251 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,320 - [laughs] - Here, you know what? 252 00:08:58,363 --> 00:08:59,321 You can thank my doodle for this, 253 00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:00,322 'cause I can't eat it. 254 00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:01,715 [both laugh] 255 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:03,586 [bell rings] 256 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,240 - I heard the hicks from Prairie 257 00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:06,546 are gonna toilet paper Whitlock tonight. 258 00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:09,113 - Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! 259 00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:10,767 - We should kidnap their peppiest cheerleader 260 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,464 and put her in a glass case. 261 00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,641 - You guys talking about Prairie? 262 00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:17,426 I got mixed up with one of those Prairie hicks. 263 00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:22,126 It was the summer. 2017. 264 00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,433 I met Chaz Gurd at 4-H. 265 00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:28,611 He had a pond--rowboat, frogs, the whole deal. 266 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,135 We skinny dipped in the moonlight 267 00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:32,920 and held each other as the black night 268 00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:34,443 bore down upon us. 269 00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:37,707 - Okay, we get it. All right. 270 00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,753 [door opens] 271 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,844 - [laughs] Guys, you are not gonna believe this. 272 00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:45,628 I had the best time 273 00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:48,500 at Durbin's birthday thing last night. 274 00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,459 Huh, what's this? - Principal Durbin came by 275 00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:52,896 and returned your book. He seemed pretty upset. 276 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:55,159 - I think he might have been crying-- 277 00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,640 and limping. - Oh, no. 278 00:09:57,684 --> 00:09:59,686 - What did you do this time, Jack? 279 00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:02,645 - Well, Marissa, I... 280 00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,908 I left a very incriminating bookmark 281 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:09,913 in the book I panicked-gifted to Durbin. 282 00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:11,523 Ooh! 283 00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:14,918 . 284 00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,746 - This is a bad sucky feeling. [laughs] 285 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:17,834 It's just an all-around 286 00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:20,228 crappy, sucky-ass situation, 287 00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:23,927 and there's nothing that can be done. 288 00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:26,626 - You could apologize. - Nah. 289 00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:28,323 No. No, I thought about that, 290 00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:31,065 but it kind of doesn't work in real life, you know. 291 00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,676 - You're right boss. It doesn't work. 292 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,373 I tried apologizing to Chaz Gurd 293 00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:37,071 for breaking his heart, 294 00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:38,115 but he keeps sending me 295 00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,248 shirtless photos on his tractor. 296 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,337 - Counterpoint. It worked when I wet 297 00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:44,252 my younger brother's bed from beneath it. 298 00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:45,296 He forgave me. 299 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,821 - You wet his bed from underneath? 300 00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:49,039 How did...? 301 00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,911 - I'm not gonna discuss it any further. 302 00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,913 - Yeah. 303 00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:57,265 Ah, hey, Helen, is, um, Ralph in? 304 00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:58,353 - No, he's at the morgue! 305 00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:00,007 He didn't make it through surgery. 306 00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:01,704 - Helen, let me handle this. 307 00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:04,185 And could you get some more crotch ice 308 00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:06,753 for my paper underpants, please? 309 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:09,277 Mr. Griffin, can I help you? 310 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,323 - Ah, do you mind if we...? 311 00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:17,807 [loud typing] 312 00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,471 - Ralph, I am, um... 313 00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:31,952 I'm so sorry. Man, really, I... 314 00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:33,301 I wasn't trying to get out 315 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:34,345 of a one-on-one dinner with you. 316 00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:35,825 I need you to know that. 317 00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:37,305 I thought it was going to be a whole big group thing... 318 00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:39,699 Ralph, it's not about that. - Jack, Jack, it's okay. 319 00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:42,702 Hey, I realized that this friendship 320 00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,704 is--it's fool's gold. 321 00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:46,401 Th-there's no gold in this river, 322 00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:49,056 so I'm gonna pack up my pan and shovel, 323 00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:51,362 and my sluice boxes and my suction dredges, 324 00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,234 and I'm gonna move on. 325 00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:56,367 - You're reading about gold panning? 326 00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:58,065 - Maybe. 327 00:11:58,108 --> 00:12:00,937 But that's something I would tell a friend, 328 00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:02,939 not a coworker. 329 00:12:02,983 --> 00:12:04,985 Have a good day, Mr. Griffin. 330 00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:10,381 - Okay. 331 00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:13,733 [sighs] 332 00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,175 [dramatic music] 333 00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:22,176 Oh God! 334 00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:23,177 - Have a good day, Mr. Griffin. 335 00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:25,527 - I know. Ralph, I'm--she's-- 336 00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:26,789 All right, I'm going. 337 00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,357 I'm gonna... 338 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,055 ♪ 339 00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:34,144 [bell rings] 340 00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:37,147 [animated music] 341 00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:38,148 ♪ 342 00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:39,367 - Ladies, do you see that? 343 00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,412 Do you see that blood being thrown out? 344 00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:43,763 I did that. I ruined that blood. 345 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,373 I unplugged the fridge to charge my phone. 346 00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:48,202 - You ruined a full day of blood donations? 347 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,812 - Don't say it like I meant to do it. 348 00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:50,813 It was a mistake. 349 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,162 - We have to catch Whitlock up, 350 00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:54,034 or we're gonna lose to those Prairie hicks. 351 00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:55,992 - We need to find more donors stat. 352 00:12:56,036 --> 00:13:00,780 - I hear you need blood! 353 00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,869 We are winning this blood drive, 354 00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:05,393 and I will be God dang if Jack is gonna ruin 355 00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:09,049 Spirit Week and Ralph's birthday. 356 00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,354 Drain me. 357 00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:13,401 - Are you sure? You've already given twice. 358 00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:16,056 - Oh, honey, I'm a regular tomato soup factory. 359 00:13:16,099 --> 00:13:18,014 I gonna make myself go to sleep 360 00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:21,452 and you tell them to just keep on taking it. 361 00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:24,412 - Okay. - All right. 362 00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:25,543 - Hey. - Hey. 363 00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,589 - Word on the street is Durbin hates you. 364 00:13:27,632 --> 00:13:29,417 - Oh, yeah, yeah, it's a little rough. 365 00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:30,984 You know I lost my principal friend, 366 00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,855 and just when he was about to hook me up 367 00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,465 with JV volleyball tickets. 368 00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:36,424 Bummer, man. Front row too. 369 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:39,166 - You know, Jack, this whole detached routine 370 00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:41,211 is getting a little boring. 371 00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:42,909 I know you care about Durbin. 372 00:13:42,952 --> 00:13:45,085 Isn't it exhausting pretending that you don't? 373 00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:48,871 - Not exhausting. Suck it, Prairie. 374 00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:50,873 What? Where are you going? 375 00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:52,440 Wait. 376 00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:55,443 [drum music] 377 00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:57,575 ♪ 378 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:00,535 . 379 00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:02,015 - Thanks. - Enjoy the game. 380 00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:03,581 - And I can now announce 381 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:05,670 that Prairie has won the tug of war! 382 00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:08,717 [applause] 383 00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:11,502 - Oh my God, Mary! 384 00:14:11,546 --> 00:14:13,809 That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 385 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,506 - Ooh, I should get a quick pic for Durbin. 386 00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:18,596 He hasn't seen it yet. I guess he's in the bathroom. 387 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,643 [animated music] - Oh! 388 00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:25,690 - Ah, I was trying to find the dang camera app. 389 00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:27,040 Why did I put it in a folder? 390 00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:29,607 - And now for the results of this year's 391 00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:31,653 Spirit Week blood drive challenge. 392 00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:33,960 The winner is... the Whitlock Rams! 393 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,700 [applause] 394 00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,920 - Oh my God, Helen, you did it. 395 00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,400 You gave so much blood 396 00:14:39,443 --> 00:14:40,749 that you won the blood drive for us. 397 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,272 - Oh, that's so great. 398 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:46,189 - All right, next up, we've got the mascot dunk contest. 399 00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:49,627 First up, Helen DeMarcus as the Whitlock Ram. 400 00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:51,934 - That's me. 401 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:55,546 I have a quick question. Are we in a tunnel? 402 00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:56,939 - No, we're in a gym. 403 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,811 - And you are not falling down toward me from above? 404 00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:02,118 - You sure you wanna do this? - Oh, yeah, I'm good. 405 00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,729 - Okay. 406 00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:07,950 - For Durbin. 407 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,082 [cheers and applause] 408 00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,736 Okay, Helen, you've got this. 409 00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:14,435 Stay focused. 410 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,959 All right, here we go. 411 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:19,744 No! 412 00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:22,573 [distorted] This is not good! 413 00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:24,880 Holy...! 414 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,100 [shattered glass] 415 00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:30,973 Font! 416 00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,540 [crowd murmuring] 417 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:35,021 - What do you think? Low two? 418 00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:36,065 - Two? 419 00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:37,675 [whistle blows] 420 00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:40,678 [animated music] 421 00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:43,681 [cheers and applause] 422 00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:50,732 ♪ 423 00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,911 [doorbell rings] 424 00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:03,005 - Ah, yo, a little help here? 425 00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,789 - Ask one of your friends, dummy. 426 00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:06,966 See you. Wouldn't want to be you. 427 00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:33,688 [heavy breathing] [grunts] 428 00:16:38,693 --> 00:16:41,652 [animated drum music] 429 00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:45,787 crowd: Five, four, three, two, one! 430 00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:47,876 [buzzer sounds] [cheers and applause] 431 00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:50,183 - And Prairie beats Whitlock, 432 00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:54,013 74 to 9. 433 00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,145 - That was in poor taste. 434 00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:58,278 - Damn, we got housed. 435 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,543 - Well, it all comes down to this, ladies and gents. 436 00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,849 It's the principal showdown, 437 00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:06,938 featuring Principal Durbin 438 00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:09,680 from Whitlock High, 439 00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:15,164 versus Dr. Stumpf, from Prairie High! 440 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,166 Remember, the principals don't know 441 00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:19,038 what the mystery challenge is. 442 00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,127 Will it be a battle of wits? 443 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:26,132 No! It's riding mechanical rams... 444 00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:28,917 - Oh my God. - From hell! 445 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,092 [engine roaring] 446 00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:32,921 - What the hell? 447 00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,706 Whichever principal stays on longer wins. 448 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:38,231 - No. 449 00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:40,972 - Ralph, you cannot do this. Your tubes are too tender. 450 00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:44,237 - Helen, I have to. I can tough it out 451 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,977 for Whitlock. - Hey, Ralph. 452 00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,892 - This does not concern you, Mr. Griffin. 453 00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:50,808 - Come on, Durbin, time for you to lose again. 454 00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:52,245 Tenth year in a row for you to lose, 455 00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:55,944 you loser. [laughs] 456 00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:58,903 - Ralph, you cannot do this. He can't do this. 457 00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:02,907 - That means Whitlock forfeits and loses the Ram Cup. 458 00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:03,908 - Hold on a second. Hold on. 459 00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:06,259 What if, uh...? 460 00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,348 What if I ride the bull instead of Principal Durbin? 461 00:18:08,391 --> 00:18:10,263 You know, for medical reasons. 462 00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:14,789 - That is some [bleep] typical Whitlock [bleep]. 463 00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:17,096 Eh, let me see. 464 00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,836 - Jack, what are you doing? 465 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,664 I'm not gonna help you move your new fridge in your house. 466 00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,188 - My new fridge is in, don't worry about it. 467 00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:24,233 I'm doing this for you, pal. So, you can, you know, 468 00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:25,974 let loose you baby juice, remember? 469 00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:28,019 From the restaurant dinner? 470 00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:31,153 - I agree to let you ride if I can have 471 00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,764 a designated rider as well. 472 00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:36,767 - Yeah. That seems fair. - Ah. 473 00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:39,248 Hey, Chaz. 474 00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:41,642 [cheers and applause] 475 00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:45,167 - Alright from Prairie High, third year senior 476 00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:48,779 and semi-professional bull rider, Chaz Gurd. 477 00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:51,347 - Yeah! Let's go! 478 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,784 [cheers and applause] 479 00:18:53,828 --> 00:18:55,873 - Is that? - Yep. 480 00:18:55,917 --> 00:19:00,748 And from Whitlock, middle-aged A.P. Bio teacher 481 00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:03,185 Jack Griffin! 482 00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,274 - Middle-aged? - That's what it says. 483 00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:07,276 - Come on, man. I'm, you know. 484 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,235 - I crap bigger than you. 485 00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:10,714 - Come on, dude, that's from "City Slickers." 486 00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:12,020 Eh? - [spits] 487 00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:13,674 - Oh. 488 00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:19,288 [engines rev] 489 00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:24,293 - And here we go! 490 00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:26,208 - Let's go! Get up! 491 00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:29,385 crowd: Ride the ram! Ride the ram! 492 00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:32,345 Ride the ram! Ride the ram! 493 00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:35,261 Ride the ram! Ride the ram! 494 00:19:35,304 --> 00:19:38,307 [cheers] 495 00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:44,400 - On your mark, get set... ride! 496 00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:47,882 - [laughs] [indistinct] 497 00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:50,363 [engine roaring] 498 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,283 - Don't worry. I got this. 499 00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:01,939 Chaz. [voice echoing] 500 00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:04,942 [soft guitar music] 501 00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:09,338 ♪ 502 00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:13,037 Oops. - Heather? 503 00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,344 ♪ 504 00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:18,173 - Come to me. 505 00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,919 - And Chaz Gurd has been thrown! 506 00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:27,487 Whitlock High are the 2019 Champions! 507 00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:30,185 - Yes. - Whoo-hoo! 508 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,927 Yeah, baby! I did it! I did it! 509 00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,233 [laughs] 510 00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:35,321 - Aw, man. 511 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,454 - Hey, so, friends? - Best friends. 512 00:20:38,498 --> 00:20:40,064 - That's a little much. 513 00:20:40,108 --> 00:20:41,805 - Come on, just razzing you, man, 514 00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:44,068 like friends do. - All right. 515 00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:46,375 Go ice those balls. - I will. 516 00:20:46,419 --> 00:20:49,378 - I'm not far behind. Oof. 517 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:51,293 - [laughs] - Hey. 518 00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,469 - I see you found your school spirit, Jack. 519 00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:55,515 - No, I've just grown to hate these Prairie hicks so much 520 00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,343 that I wanted to see them lose, you know? 521 00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:58,474 And feel deep humiliation. 522 00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,563 - That is exactly what school spirit is. 523 00:21:00,607 --> 00:21:02,348 - Here. 524 00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:05,133 - [indistinct] - Geez. 525 00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:07,918 - Oh, come on, don't make a big deal out of this. 526 00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:12,836 - ♪ In the sunshine of your smile ♪ 527 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,577 - Why not, huh? 528 00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:17,928 ♪ That keeps you warm 529 00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:20,191 ♪ I'll keep you warm 530 00:21:20,235 --> 00:21:22,237 - ♪ I'll keep you warm