1 00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:07,311 - All right, sit down, everybody. 2 00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:10,140 Start to shut up. I... 3 00:00:17,408 --> 00:00:19,062 [quirky music] 4 00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:23,240 [cheers and applause] 5 00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:25,460 - A little history lesson for you. 6 00:00:25,503 --> 00:00:28,332 Thousands and thousands of people have died 7 00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:29,812 trying to climb Mount Everest, 8 00:00:29,855 --> 00:00:32,162 but I refuse to give my life to that bitch. 9 00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:34,164 - Hmm. - Oh, no! 10 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,079 Did I swear again? [laughter] 11 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,212 Sometimes your only friend is the howling of the wind. 12 00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:39,735 - Is that Greg Miller? 13 00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:41,171 You actually liking this? 14 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,086 - Yas, queen. Get right. 15 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,827 He had his frostbit toe amputated. 16 00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,611 - Mm-hmm, on the side of a dang mountain. 17 00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:48,831 - With a steak knife. Get right, queen. 18 00:00:48,874 --> 00:00:50,659 [laughs] - What? 19 00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:53,531 - Anyway, my buddy Iceman, he hands me my severed toe. 20 00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:54,880 It's dripping with blood. 21 00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,621 And I--I whisper to her. 22 00:00:56,665 --> 00:00:59,668 I say, "One day, you and me, girl, 23 00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:02,105 we are gonna climb to the summit." 24 00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:03,628 And guess what, folks? 25 00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:05,543 Three years later, that's exactly what we did! 26 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,502 [cheers and applause] 27 00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:11,593 Now, I've got a special guest here I wanna introduce you to. 28 00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:12,637 - Oh! 29 00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:16,598 Guess what's in here? My big toe. 30 00:01:16,641 --> 00:01:17,860 Here she is. 31 00:01:17,903 --> 00:01:19,731 This toe means everything to me. 32 00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:20,776 [clears throat] 33 00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:22,517 - Weird. 34 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,345 - It reminds me that nothing's gonna stop my ass. 35 00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:26,390 Whitlock, you wanna see this toe? 36 00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:27,609 - No. 37 00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:29,350 [cheers and applause] - Huh? 38 00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:31,221 I'm afraid you're gonna have to earn it. 39 00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:34,529 - Now, Greg is gonna be here all week helping each of you 40 00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:35,834 achieve a personal goal. 41 00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:39,142 - Your own personal Everest. - Ooh. 42 00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:41,884 - And so to all the losers out there, 43 00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:46,236 all the weak, bullied, people that look in the mirror 44 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:47,542 and don't like what they see... 45 00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:52,242 I was you. We're gonna get there. 46 00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:55,463 And on Friday when you summit, I'm gonna show you the toe! 47 00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:57,160 [cheers and applause] 48 00:01:57,204 --> 00:02:01,730 I was defeated, but now I am "vic-toe-rious." 49 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:03,645 [cheers and applause] 50 00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:06,169 - Stop it, stop it, stop it! This guy sucks. 51 00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,388 - Are you crazy? Don't block my clap. 52 00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,389 - Yes, he's the worst. 53 00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:11,261 - [cheering] 54 00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:13,350 Yeah! 55 00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,700 - ♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪ 56 00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:18,529 ♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪ 57 00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:25,580 ♪ 58 00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,191 - All right, everyone sit down and shut up. 59 00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:30,280 There will be no Everesting in this class, okay? 60 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:31,629 And anyone who plays this dumb Neanderthal's game 61 00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:33,370 gets an immediate F. 62 00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:34,937 - You don't think it's impressive that he climbed 63 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:37,200 the world's tallest mountain with only nine toes? 64 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:38,332 - Uh, you know what, Sarika? 65 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,768 No, I don't think it's impressive. 66 00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:41,422 Actually, I find it a little bit easier. 67 00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:42,466 Did you guys realize that Everest isn't even 68 00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:43,728 the hardest Himalayan peak? 69 00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:45,208 That's probably why he picked it. 70 00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:46,470 You know, 'cause K2 is way harder. 71 00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:47,863 - Actually, he did K2 last year. 72 00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:50,344 - Did he? Damn it, did he, though? 73 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:51,867 Did he? - Yeah. 74 00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,260 - And whose side are you guys on, anyway? 75 00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:54,261 M--Mine or Greg's? 76 00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:55,262 all: Greg's. 77 00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:56,698 - Greg's? 78 00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:58,221 All right, give me the shirts, you patsies. 79 00:02:58,265 --> 00:02:59,483 They're going in the dump. 80 00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:01,703 - Oh, jeez, are we out of bananas? 81 00:03:01,746 --> 00:03:03,574 - Oh, sorry, Dave. 82 00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:05,663 - Ah, it's fine. 83 00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,665 - Wait, why did you say sorry? 84 00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,667 Do you think a man would apologize 85 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,408 for taking the last community banana? 86 00:03:11,452 --> 00:03:13,758 Women apologize way more. 87 00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,847 Our Everest should be the mountain of sexism 88 00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,762 we face every damn day. - Yes. 89 00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:19,329 Preach. 90 00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:21,418 You know, I've got to stop saying sorry. 91 00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:22,811 That's gonna be my Everest. 92 00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:24,421 - Preach it. 93 00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,597 I'm sick of yielding to every man whenever 94 00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:28,295 I walk down the hallway. 95 00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:31,559 No more getting stuck in between the vending machines 96 00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:32,864 waiting for the hallway to clear out. 97 00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:33,952 - [chuckles] 98 00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:35,519 I never yield. 99 00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:38,479 I'm like a bull in a glass plate shop. 100 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:42,004 - China shop? - I try to be woke. 101 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,310 Racially. 102 00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:44,920 - Okay. 103 00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:48,663 - Oh, no more bananas, huh? - Oh, sorry, Ralph-- 104 00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:51,361 - Do not now. - I--I ate the last-- 105 00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:53,494 - You better stop. 106 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:56,018 - Take an apple, bitch. - Okay, let's-- 107 00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,455 guys, let's remember to be respectful. 108 00:03:58,499 --> 00:04:01,893 - Uh, we are not guys. We are ladies. 109 00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:04,374 - I'm just gonna cut my losses here. 110 00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:06,028 - You know what? Y'all inspire me. 111 00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:08,770 As strong women, we need to take care of ourselves. 112 00:04:08,813 --> 00:04:10,467 The last time I truly spoiled myself 113 00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:12,077 was at Sandals Resort, Jamaica. 114 00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:14,776 And if I cannot go there, it's got to come to me. 115 00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:16,734 That's my Everest, me. 116 00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,301 You know, I'm tired of the inequality 117 00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:20,912 and women making way less than men. 118 00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:23,959 - Oh, I mean, I'm even more way less, 119 00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:26,004 'cause I haven't had a raise in 15 years. 120 00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:28,398 - Excuse me? That's a no. 121 00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:31,096 You have got to demand a raise. - I do? 122 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,576 - Yeah. - Yes, you go, girl. 123 00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,056 - I'm fired up already. [bell rings] 124 00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:36,363 - Go get you it, baby. - Hop off that sofa. 125 00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,582 - I gotta rock it. I gotta rock it up. 126 00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:39,627 - [groans] - Pop off it. 127 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:42,630 [quirky music] 128 00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:48,331 ♪ 129 00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,681 - Jack? Jack Griffin. 130 00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:51,856 It's Greg Miller. 131 00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,902 - Uh, wow. Have we met? 132 00:04:53,945 --> 00:04:55,120 - Uh, yeah. 133 00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,426 I used to call you Pimple Butt Jack. 134 00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,472 Remember that? "PBJ, PBJ?" 135 00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,604 - Uh, that's--that is not my name. 136 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:01,649 - Well, I heard you blew it at Harvard 137 00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:03,346 and had to move back home. 138 00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,087 Meanwhile, I'm raking it in convincing these losers 139 00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,784 that they're winners. 140 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:10,135 Joke is, they are losers, just like you, Pimple Butt. 141 00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:11,920 - [laughs] Yeah. 142 00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:13,661 You know, it's funny, you kinda sound like an idiot 143 00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,140 right now 'cause I don't have pimples on my butt. 144 00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:16,446 That was a lie you made up in tenth grade. 145 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:17,708 - Oh, so what do you want to do, 146 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:18,709 prove it to me by showing me your butt? 147 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:20,015 I don't think so. 148 00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:21,451 - I don't wanna show you my butt. 149 00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:22,931 - I'm gonna go wash up somewhere else. 150 00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:24,149 - I didn't say that. - That's not my scene. 151 00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:26,587 - What are you-- - Bye-bye. 152 00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:27,979 [door closes] 153 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:29,807 [toilet flushes] 154 00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,645 - You know, if you tell anybody about this-- 155 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,604 - I know, I get an F. 156 00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:44,866 - No, no, no, no. 157 00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:47,912 You get a murder. 158 00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:50,959 [quirky music] 159 00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:55,964 . 160 00:05:56,007 --> 00:05:58,053 [bell ringing] - You can do this. 161 00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:03,711 [suspenseful music] 162 00:06:03,754 --> 00:06:05,321 [thuds] 163 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,236 ♪ 164 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:08,977 - [groans] 165 00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,457 Wh--Whoa, excuse me. 166 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,372 I--I'm actually--I'm--I-- 167 00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,025 ♪ 168 00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,549 Yeah, okay. 169 00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:16,724 Right. 170 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,465 Excuse me. 171 00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:22,425 Can I just--can I--can you-- I had--my-- 172 00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,427 You know what? This actually works out. 173 00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:27,430 [clock ticking] 174 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:29,563 - I'm worried about Mr. Griffin. 175 00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,521 - Why? He's always late. 176 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,700 - Guys, Mr. Griffin is hiding from his bully. 177 00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,267 That Everest dude called him Pimple Butt 178 00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:39,964 when they went to Whitlock. 179 00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:41,531 He almost made Mr. Griffin cry in the bathroom, 180 00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:43,011 and I felt so bad-- - Damn it! 181 00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:45,100 Vic--Victor, what did I say, man? 182 00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:46,406 [groans] 183 00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:47,450 - Your rage makes more sense now. 184 00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,060 - Mm-hmm. 185 00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:51,106 - You were a nerd too. - No, stop, okay? 186 00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:52,629 Everybody just chill out. I wasn't bullied. 187 00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:54,457 I wasn't a nerd. 188 00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:55,763 This isn't one of those things where you guys find out, 189 00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,591 "Oh, Mr. Griffin's just like me." 190 00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:59,244 - Lots of us are in denial too. 191 00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:00,463 - Guys, stop, okay? 192 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,117 I hate Greg because he's a liar. 193 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,510 It's as simple as that, okay? 194 00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:05,468 He--he constantly spread lies in high school. 195 00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:08,079 - About your pimple butt? - No, not about my pimple butt. 196 00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,604 I don't have a p--guys, there's no pimples on my butt. 197 00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:12,083 There never were. 198 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,607 Look, the guy's a liar. 199 00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:15,478 He was lying then, and I bet you he's lying now. 200 00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:17,045 I bet you he didn't even climb Everest. 201 00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:19,177 And you know what? I'm gonna prove it. 202 00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:22,311 - We're gonna help you, Chief, because you were bullied. 203 00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:25,053 - Okay, well then don't help, because I wasn't, all right? 204 00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,055 If you want to help, help because you hate Greg. 205 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:30,493 - What if we don't say why we're helping? 206 00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:35,193 - Yeah, all right, fine. That's good enough. 207 00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:38,632 - Well, I was the most popular donor there at the clinic, 208 00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:41,330 so, you know, the odds of these lovebirds 209 00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:44,115 being related is very high. 210 00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:45,552 Oh, I gotta call you back. 211 00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,118 - You can't keep stalling. 212 00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:48,511 It's go time, girl. - Oh, no kidding. 213 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,382 I gotta stop a wedding this weekend. 214 00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:52,428 - No, Helen, it's time to go get that money. 215 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,777 Let's go! - Oh, not today. 216 00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:56,214 No, it's not a good time. No, no. 217 00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:58,521 - Cut the crap, Durb. - What--what crap? 218 00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,349 - You need to give Helen a raise. 219 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:03,308 - Oh, yes, ab--absolutely. I would love to. 220 00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:05,049 - Oh. 221 00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:07,443 Well, now, see, this is what happens when strong women 222 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,359 come together. - Yes, we cannot be stopped. 223 00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:12,100 Let's go! - Oh. 224 00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:13,405 - Mm. 225 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,585 - I'd apologize, but that was not my fault. 226 00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:20,456 That's was the dab's fault, Durb. 227 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,458 - You gotta stop dabbing. - But it's who I am. 228 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,764 - It's aggressive. 229 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,374 - You were woman, and we heard you roar. 230 00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:26,375 [door closes] 231 00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:27,768 I don't want a raise. 232 00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:30,422 The school needs the money much more than I do. 233 00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:32,860 I just got all jacked up because everyone was being 234 00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:36,472 all empowering and it was fun, that's all, so disregard. 235 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,692 - I put the money aside every year. 236 00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:40,302 I want you to get this raise. 237 00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:43,174 Th--the students want you to get this raise. 238 00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:45,220 My mother wants you to get this raise. 239 00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:47,222 - Tell Debbie to mind her own business. 240 00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:49,703 - Okay, well, Debbie Durbin doesn't mind her own business, 241 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,443 and neither does her son Dennis Durbin, 242 00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:53,794 and neither does Dennis' brother Ralph. 243 00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:57,624 So, Helen, take the GD raise. 244 00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:02,237 - Okay, I'll take the raise... 245 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,544 when I'm dead and stupid! 246 00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,502 [door slams] - [groans] 247 00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:10,288 [bell rings] 248 00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:12,116 - [laughing] 249 00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:15,250 I've got him. I have got him. 250 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,252 So why don't you guys go ahead and prepare to lift me 251 00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,820 on your bony little shoulders in triumph? 252 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:24,259 This is a manifest that I received after a very long, 253 00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:26,478 very, very flirty conversation with Ditya 254 00:09:26,522 --> 00:09:28,306 at the, uh, Nepalese embassy, 255 00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,830 and this shows every single person 256 00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,527 who climbed Everest in 2015. 257 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,442 That's the year that Greg supposedly summited. 258 00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:35,792 And guess what, my little cornichons? 259 00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:39,404 He's not on the list. 260 00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:40,362 He's a liar. 261 00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:44,453 You guys are staring at me. What's going on? 262 00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:46,237 - So we got all the yearbooks Greg was in, 263 00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:47,848 and you were right. He's a liar. 264 00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,589 He wasn't weak. 265 00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:50,633 He actually took really good care of himself. 266 00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,243 - Yep, he's a liar. 267 00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:54,158 - You also said you weren't a nerd, 268 00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:58,249 and there's a lot of evidence to the contrary. 269 00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:01,644 - Uh, we saw that you were in band and that you played oboe. 270 00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:03,951 - Uh-huh. - I play oboe. 271 00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:05,953 We're o-bros. 272 00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:08,303 - Also, we saw that your senior quote was, 273 00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:10,305 "All around the world, statues crumble for me." 274 00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:12,655 - We cross-referenced it because we thought it was 275 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:15,571 a quote from Julius Caesar. - But it's not. 276 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,704 It's from a band called Sugar Ray. 277 00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:22,317 - And, Mr. Griffin, they're not great. 278 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:23,797 - Yeah, no, I know, okay? 279 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,929 But at the time, there was this California sound. 280 00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:27,583 It was sweeping the na-- 281 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,976 I don't have to explain myself to you two. 282 00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:31,892 The point is, I've got him. 283 00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:33,763 And over the course of the next half hour, 284 00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,504 I'm gonna weave a web around him 285 00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:38,594 waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. 286 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,510 Toy with my prey. 287 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:42,685 - Howdy, hikers. 288 00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:43,860 - I've got you! I've got you! 289 00:10:43,904 --> 00:10:44,948 I've got him! He's a liar! 290 00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:46,384 You're a liar, and I got ya! 291 00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:49,213 . 292 00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,781 - Read it and weep, sucker. 293 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,348 It seems that no one named Greg Miller 294 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:56,090 climbed Everest in 2015. 295 00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,876 - [laughs] 296 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,749 Oh, PBJ. 297 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:03,924 You wanna know the truth? 298 00:11:05,621 --> 00:11:08,798 After I lost my toe in my first attempt to summit, 299 00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:12,019 I came home to months of grueling physical therapy. 300 00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:15,196 - For a toe? Come on, man. 301 00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:19,243 - My beautiful, gorgeous wife stood by my wobbly side 302 00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:21,811 as I recovered, and out of that darkness, 303 00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:25,597 I decided to legally change my last name to hers, 304 00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:28,557 Bouvier, so let me ask you, 305 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:33,562 did a Greg Bouvier climb Mount Everest in 2015? 306 00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:36,173 You take a look. 307 00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:41,091 - It checks out. - Yeah, I bet it does. 308 00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,137 You know, those things can easily be forged. 309 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,966 And I--I bet you--I bet you he never even lost a toe. 310 00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,445 - Wow. 311 00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:49,926 I really didn't wanna do this but, uh, 312 00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:51,623 take a look. 313 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:54,104 That's us approaching the Lhotse wall, 314 00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:55,410 bottom of Everest. 315 00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:57,455 And that is Iceman with the knife. 316 00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:59,457 - [knife zings] 317 00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:02,591 And that's him screaming as the knife cuts through the bone. 318 00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,811 - [screams] 319 00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:08,292 - Now, I never screamed. I didn't cry. 320 00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,860 I sure as hell didn't lie about my toe. 321 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,951 [sighs] Jackie, baby. 322 00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:17,519 You need professional help, my boy. 323 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:21,001 And I'm the one that's gonna give it to you. 324 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,611 I just talked Durbin into hiring me 325 00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:25,353 for a three-day mandatory employee seminar. 326 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:27,224 That's the big bucks, boy. 327 00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:31,881 Ooh, I cannot wait to get my hands on you, 328 00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:34,144 my little pimple butt. 329 00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:36,364 [suspenseful music] 330 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,540 - If you won the lottery or "Price is Right" 331 00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,542 or "Wheel of Fortune," isn't there a prize 332 00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,283 you'd wanna win? 333 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:45,155 - I mean, there was a time I was very jealous of a woman 334 00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:47,897 who won an impact-resistant self-collapsing 335 00:12:47,941 --> 00:12:50,595 DuraGuard protected carry-on collection from Visionair. 336 00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:53,163 Oh, Mama, that was traveling in style. 337 00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:54,861 That was sexy. 338 00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:58,342 - Helen, you are worth more than some luggage, okay? 339 00:12:58,386 --> 00:13:01,345 So please take this check. 340 00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:06,263 Hmm? 341 00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:09,266 [quirky music] 342 00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:10,659 [sighs] 343 00:13:10,702 --> 00:13:17,884 ♪ 344 00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:23,150 [waves crashing] 345 00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:28,938 - This Sloppy Joe is gross. 346 00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,592 LeBron! 347 00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:36,467 - Uh, hello. 348 00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:38,295 - Hi, Dave. 349 00:13:38,339 --> 00:13:40,341 - Dang it, Mary. 350 00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,909 I gotta go straight to my son's christening after work. 351 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:46,521 - Stay strong. 352 00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:50,220 - Not my problem. - Oh. 353 00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,222 Wow. Okay. 354 00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:55,051 Have a good day, Mary. 355 00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:59,708 - That sucked. I'm shook. 356 00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:03,581 - Climbing a mountain's hard, girl, but gotta persevere. 357 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:05,975 [slurping] 358 00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:08,195 Mmm, hits me right in my teeth. 359 00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:11,589 [bell rings] 360 00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:14,592 [L7's "Shove"] 361 00:14:14,636 --> 00:14:15,942 [thuds] 362 00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:22,992 ♪ 363 00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:26,213 [thuds] 364 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:31,044 ♪ 365 00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:33,524 - ♪ Bill collector called today ♪ 366 00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:34,961 ♪ 367 00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:36,049 ♪ Shove 368 00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:45,319 ♪ 369 00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,497 ♪ Get out of my... 370 00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:55,633 - Hey. Ralph. 371 00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:57,157 You okay, man? 372 00:14:57,809 --> 00:14:59,986 - I miss the hummingbirds in winter, Jack. 373 00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,031 - O--okay. 374 00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:05,469 Uh, listen, Greg Miller is not who he says he is. 375 00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:06,644 This is a bad guy. 376 00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:08,646 - I--I disagree, Jack. 377 00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:11,519 We went out for Shock Tops last night. 378 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,260 I--I'd never heard of this beer. 379 00:15:13,303 --> 00:15:17,090 Have you seen their logo? It's an orange with a Mohawk. 380 00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,744 I looked him up. His name is Wedgehead. 381 00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,790 - Look, I've known Greg for 20 years, okay? 382 00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:23,139 He is a liar. 383 00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:26,229 - He showed me the toe last night. 384 00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:28,188 He was very vulnerable. 385 00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:29,711 I think if you saw it, you would understand him 386 00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:31,278 on a deeper level. 387 00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:34,281 Maybe you would join us for Shock Tops. 388 00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:35,673 - You know what? Thanks for nothing. 389 00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,327 I'll get someone else to help. 390 00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,199 And, by the way, just so you know, 391 00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,592 hummingbirds don't migrate in the winter. 392 00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:43,333 They just die. 393 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,334 [door closes] 394 00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:48,164 [percussive music] 395 00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:52,212 - Mr. Bouvier, we just wanna apologize for yesterday. 396 00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:54,214 - Well, I'm running late for my closing assembly. 397 00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:55,737 - Can you help me with my Everest? 398 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,347 My dad always wanted me to be good at tennis, 399 00:15:57,391 --> 00:16:01,308 but I'm afraid of the balls. Please? 400 00:16:01,351 --> 00:16:02,831 I don't wanna be weak anymore. 401 00:16:02,874 --> 00:16:04,702 - So you guys finally came around. 402 00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:07,140 All right, climber, get your ass to the trailhead. 403 00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:11,535 Let's do this. What you got? 404 00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:13,450 That is badass. All right, let her rip. 405 00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:15,365 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, where did you guys get that? 406 00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:16,801 [motor whirs] 407 00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:19,282 - Come on, stay with it! Whoo! 408 00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:20,544 - Ow! - Come on, take it! 409 00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:22,155 What are you doing? Come on, Iceman. 410 00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,678 You got this. - [screaming] 411 00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:28,378 - 25,000 feet. 27,000 feet. 412 00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:30,728 29,000 feet. You did it! 413 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,382 That's the summit, bro! 414 00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:33,775 [clapping] [laughs] 415 00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:35,429 Nice work, man. I was wrong about you. 416 00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:37,257 - Oh, my gosh. That was awesome. 417 00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:40,608 Oh, that was so cool. - That is the system in action. 418 00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:42,610 - Back-stabbing traitors. 419 00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:47,571 . 420 00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:49,965 - Wow. Wow. 421 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:53,099 You know, and to think I was just starting to like you guys, 422 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,057 and here you are siding with a bully, 423 00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,885 the guy who used to tell everybody 424 00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:58,626 that I was still breastfeeding on my mom, 425 00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:03,631 my hardworking singlemother's boobies. 426 00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:06,373 Yeah, he used to--he used to take little ketchup packets 427 00:17:06,416 --> 00:17:08,201 and he would put a little tear in it, 428 00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:10,029 put it on my chair so that when I sat down, it exploded, 429 00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:12,074 and he'd be like, "Hey, Jack just had his period. 430 00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:13,162 Check it out, everybody." 431 00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:14,990 And he'd call me Period Boy Jack, 432 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:18,211 yeah, one of two PBJ nicknames. 433 00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:20,039 That's who you just sided with. 434 00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:25,914 You guys suck. 435 00:17:25,957 --> 00:17:28,917 - Boss, the tennis balls were just a distraction so that 436 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,006 we could grab this. 437 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,312 We got the toe. 438 00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:34,792 - Oh. 439 00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:37,273 My babies. [laughs] 440 00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:39,275 My beautiful, sweet babies. 441 00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:40,624 He's gonna freak out when he realizes that 442 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:41,799 this toe is missing. 443 00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:43,149 We gotta make it to that assembly. 444 00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:44,889 Come on, let's go. I don't wanna miss this. 445 00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,326 This is really gross. 446 00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:47,631 [quirky music] 447 00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,068 Come on. 448 00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:51,940 - I'm no stranger to adventure myself. 449 00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:54,203 When I was a gnat's butt older than you, 450 00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:57,641 I went on a class-five rapids expedition 451 00:17:57,685 --> 00:18:00,122 through the Appalachians with my friend Gale. 452 00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:02,820 I had been trying to convince her to do a gal's trip 453 00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:04,126 in the wilderness... - Hey, Greg. 454 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,432 Hey, man, um, listen. 455 00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:06,955 I just wanted to apologize, uh, 456 00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:07,956 about what happened the other day. 457 00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:09,436 I'm--I'm sorry. 458 00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:12,091 - Oh, okay, well, I wanted to tell you something too. 459 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:14,397 I--I heard you lost your mom. 460 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:15,833 Man, I'm sorry. 461 00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:17,052 - Thank you. 462 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,271 - Bet you're starving. 463 00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:19,794 [slurping] 464 00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:22,057 Little baby needs his milk. - Right. 465 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,190 - [laughs] 466 00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:26,235 Now I gotta go inspire these losers, so, uh, 467 00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,411 I forgive you. We're good. 468 00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:30,109 - Good. 469 00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:33,721 - And then the natives, they served me the stew. 470 00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:37,203 And while I was eating-- 'cause I was hungry-- 471 00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:41,163 I kept asking, "Did you find my friend Gale in the wreckage?" 472 00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:43,383 And suddenly I felt a bone in my mouth. 473 00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:45,733 And I understood. 474 00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:48,388 I had eaten my best friend. 475 00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:55,177 Well, without further ado, let's welcome back Greg Miller. 476 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,832 [cheers and applause] 477 00:18:57,875 --> 00:19:00,182 - What's going on, Whitlock? 478 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,706 Boy, we had some great summits this week, didn't we? 479 00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:05,100 I'm so proud of you guys. - Show us the toe! 480 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,015 - Oh, you wanna jump to it, huh? 481 00:19:07,058 --> 00:19:08,930 I think you deserve it. [cheers and applause] 482 00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:11,802 - Yeah. - Let's do this thing. 483 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:14,414 She might be a little shy. Let's see how it goes. 484 00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:15,458 You wanna come out and say hi? 485 00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:18,069 [cheers and applause] 486 00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:22,073 This little piggy went to Whitlo-- 487 00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,467 My t--where's my toe? 488 00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:26,252 What the hell? Somebody stole my toe! 489 00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:27,470 - No, no, no, hey. 490 00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:28,732 - I just saw it ten minutes ago. 491 00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:31,126 - Whitlockians are not thieves. 492 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,216 I'm gonna give everyone a countdown from five 493 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,175 to return the toe, okay? Counting down. 494 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:39,265 Five, four--it's okay. Three... 495 00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:42,268 - It's not okay. - Two, one. 496 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,227 Okay, another five starting now. 497 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:48,491 Five, four-- - You dumb inbred dog turds! 498 00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,145 - [laughing] - You're trying to rattle me? 499 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,103 I climbed Everest, okay? 500 00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:53,757 You think you're better than that, bitch? 501 00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:55,455 Your Everests were the worst I've ever heard. 502 00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,544 You got "do more footbaths" over here. 503 00:19:57,587 --> 00:19:59,067 What the hell is that? 504 00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:01,200 And your quarterback has a broken leg. 505 00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:03,202 Okay, I don't know about you, but I like quarterbacks 506 00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:06,857 who can actually run, not walk around on crutches. 507 00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:11,558 [booing] 508 00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:13,473 My toe! My toe! 509 00:20:13,516 --> 00:20:15,039 [booing] 510 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,302 - Don't let the door hit you! 511 00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:18,913 - [laughs] 512 00:20:18,956 --> 00:20:22,482 [booing] 513 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,792 - You broke a bad, bad man today, my little cherubs. 514 00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:31,099 - We had to. He was your bully, boss. 515 00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:32,361 - Mr. G, you know what? 516 00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:34,276 I feel one of our hugs coming on. 517 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,104 [dramatic music] 518 00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:38,367 - [groans] [laughs] 519 00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,108 Oh, what--what are you guys doing there? 520 00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:41,414 Come on, this is just a me-and-Anthony thing. 521 00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,242 Come on, guys. 522 00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:45,287 Ah, a lot of teenage smells happening. 523 00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:46,288 [laughs] 524 00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:52,599 - Helen Henry Demarcus, come on down. 525 00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:56,603 You've won the impact-resistant self-collapsing 526 00:20:56,646 --> 00:21:00,476 DuraGuard-protected carry-on collection from Visionair! 527 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,130 - [laughing] 528 00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:05,089 - Oh, but you can't touch unless you agree to take 529 00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:07,091 the luggage and a raise. 530 00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:10,138 - Oh, can I just have those three beautiful little bags? 531 00:21:10,181 --> 00:21:11,835 - Nope. 532 00:21:11,879 --> 00:21:14,055 - Okay, I agree. - Have at 'em. 533 00:21:14,098 --> 00:21:16,144 - Yes! [laughs] 534 00:21:16,187 --> 00:21:18,451 Oh, they're beautiful. I wanna hug them so much. 535 00:21:18,494 --> 00:21:19,887 Oh!