[ laughter ]
[ screaming ]
Let's just get this started.
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
Who's a good cat?
[ laughter ]
[ chuckles ]
[ laughter ]
Today we're rolling out looking for
America's favorite diners, drive-ins --
No, no, no. No wrong show. Our show. Wrong show.
All right. Today we're working as managers
At raising cane's in brooklyn. Yes.
And while managing, we'll be interacting with customers.
And we'll have to do and say whatever the other guys tell us.
And if you refuse, you lose.
I'm guy fieri -- no, you're not. No, you're not.
You will never be him. You will never be him.
Murr: All right, buddy, welcome to raising cane's.
You are the manager, sal.
I am. Can I help you with anything?
Sal, it pains me to do this, man,
But, "you're banned for life."
[ laughter ] you're just --
So you had a nice experience?
Thank you.
It's safe to say this might be one of your new spots?
Well, it pains me.
It absolutely pains me to do this,
But you're banned for life.
Yeah.
God bless. Did you try the coleslaw?
Yeah. Was good.
[ laughter ]
Are you okay? Can I help you with anything?
Huh?
Sal, tell her the origin story of raising cane's.
Yeah, but make it the biblical story of raising cane's.
Do you know -- do you know how we got our name?
No, actually, it's named after a biblical reference.
Really? Yeah, it's named after someone
Who treacherously murdered their own brother
By bashing their head with a rock.
And then he lied to god about it.
And then it was marked with a curse to roam and torment
For all eternity.
Should try the coleslaw.
[ laughter ]
Murr: Look at her. Look at her.
Q: "excuse me, sir, I'd love to ask
If the cashier's performance was poor, good,
Excellent, or out of this world?" wow.
Excuse me, sir. Hi. You've already ordered, yes?
Mm-hmm.
Would you say that your experience was, good,
Excellent, out of this world?
Okay. Q: Uh-oh, sal, you don't like this.
Okay. Well, you should be getting "out of this world."
Uh-oh, you got to pull the cashier to apologize, sal.
Excuse me, can I -- can I ask you to come?
Murr: This is a real employee that doesn't know the bit.
Q: No idea. So I just want to, uh --
He said that the service was good,
But we know that we're looking for excellent
Or we want out of this world.
So I just want you to apologize
For not giving out of this world service.
Fire her, sal. [ laughs ]
Okay. Thank you so much.
And listen, you can get your stuff.
And it was nice to have you, but we do have to let you go.
Okay? So come this way.
[ laughter ]
Sal, sal, bring over another real employee
And fire them in front of this guy.
So, this gentleman had service. He said it was good.
You know that we strive for out of this world.
If you would please just apologize to him
For not having the service out of this world.
And we assure you that next time you come here,
The service will be out of this world.
-Yes. Just -- -yes.
Well, about the next time. Thank you, sir.
Just come this way.
I'm going to have to let you go. We have to go in the back room.
That's it. Fire her!
[ laughter ]
He's losing his appetite.
He's now fired two real employees.
Oh, dude, he looks so upset.
Oh, yes, sal, bring dan cast into
The vestibule and just rail into him.
He said good. I need it here, dude.
Come on, dude. What am I supposed to do?!
I'm sorry. Tell him now.
Sorry. Please.
[ laughter ]
I apologize one more time.
I will find three more employees to apologize.
Oh, I'm so sorry about that.
Sal, ban him.
Ban him. Ban him from raising cane's.
It kills me that I got to do this... Mm-hmm.
...But, um, you -- you are banned.
You are banned from the system from here.
Absolutely. You can finish your food.
[ ding! ]
-All right. -All right, q.
Can you use the word cluck like the f-word?
Let's see who we got over here.
How's everything going? So everything clucking good.
All right, sir. You need some clucking napkins?
I got your clucking napkins.
I got these clucking kids working back here.
They never know what the cluck they're doing.
You know what I'm saying?
"my wife doesn't want to cluck me anymore."
I'm not thinking as fast --
My wife, she wouldn't cluck me last night.
All right, I'm going to go cluck off
And let you finish eating.
So, q, somebody in the store is the 10,000th customer.
Mm-hmm.
And, so, you're going to bestow upon them
The coveted chicken bone necklace.
Oh, this is it. [ laughs ] eww.
I want that disgusting chicken bone around someone's neck.
All right. Here we go. There you go.
Hey. Congratulations, man. You are the 10,000th customer.
You get the coveted chicken bone necklace.
Congratulations, sir.
"people pay top dollar for that."
That'll get you a free fries in any raising cane's.
Q, tell him to test it out.
Let's make them go up to the counter
And try to order free fries and see what they do.
Why don't you go up and get some free fries, my friend?
"test it out." test it out. Take it for a spin.
Just hold it and show them.
"they'll know." they'll know.
Yeah, q you stay back.
The staff doesn't know. [ laughs ]
Let's see what happens.
[ laughter ]
I want to see how long you can keep this guy
At the counter demanding free fries from a chicken bone.
Show the bone.
The staff is shaking their head. They have no idea what it means.
[ laughs ] he's baffled.
What are you talking about not buying it?
He's -- he's the 10,000 customer.
Yeah, yeah. Go see if you can help him.
He's coming. Now his friend's coming.
He's telling him about the chicken bone.
Dan, "that's not from one of our chickens."
That's not -- that's not one of our chickens though.
Q, disappear. Right now. Hurry up.
Stay out of sight. Dan -- "who told you this?"
Who told you this?
Point him out.
[ ding! ]
Get him some fries.
Guys, how is the -- the food? Everything good?
Oh, where are you from?
Oh, my gosh. Amazing. Welcome.
Is that right?
Murr, go out actually into that vestibule
On the other side of the glass from them.
[ sal and q chuckling ]
First just stand there.
Start waving your farts away, too.
Phew.
[ laughter ]
This is so stupid.
Dan cast, could you walk into that vestibule from the outside
And just act like you walked into a death chamber?
What the [bleep]?! Holy [bleep]!
[ laughter ]
Who died inside of you? Holy...
Pass them and go, "it smells [bleep] in there."
Oh, god, it smells awful, like [bleep] in there.
[ laughter ]
Murr, so just turn around
And start talking after you notice them.
Be like, "oh, hey!"
Oh. Hey!
Food's good? Just stare at 'em.
Now just start talking like you're speaking to them, okay?
You know, I forgot to mention
That we started raising cane's in 1981.
[ laughter ]
While you're talking, wave behind you.
Murr, offer for the guy in the coat a job.
"point blank, I'm the manager."
Hi, guys. Hi. How are you, sir?
I'm the manager here at raising cane's.
Uh, listen, point blank, I want to offer you a job.
"we need a mascot." we need a mascot.
"someone to play a big, goofy [bleep] chicken."
To --
[ laughter ]
I want to offer you a job.
Sal: "we need a mascot." we need a mascot.
"someone to play a big, goofy [bleep] chicken."
To --
To play a big [bleep] goofy chicken.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
[ laughter ]
It was the jacket? It was the jacket.
So you know what I'm talking about.
[ clucks ] [ clucking ]
[ ding! ]
Narrator: Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Murr, q, and sal are safe from the loser board.
Today we're in union square park, asking
Fellow new yorkers to help us move furniture to the curb.
While these good samaritans help us out,
We're going to have to do
And say whatever the other guys tell us.
The goal is to get them to keep going back and forth
To help you move more stuff.
Whoever moves the least amount of stuff loses.
Q, can you help me move this?
Move what? You know what.
[ chuckling ]
Where do you want it?
[ groaning ]
How am I gonna get this table over there?
Yeah. I just -- I need help getting this table over here.
-Yeah. -Cheers. Let's do it.
Why don't we get -- we'll get the carpet.
Murr: Oh, q, we planted something inside the --
The rug for you.
Oh, oh. Oh, [bleep]. Oh, [bleep].
-[ laughs ] -oh, [bleep]!
It's bricks of cocaine.
All right, here we go. We got it.
Q, tip him with a bag of cocaine.
All right. This is great. Thank you.
Yep. Hey, bud.
All right. Thank you. Cheers.
Cheers. Yeah.
Oh, he's -- now he's following you back.
Yeah, this one's a little lighter, but it's just unwieldy.
Every errand he helps you run, tip him another bag of cocaine.
All right. Thanks, bud. That's for you.
That's for you. Thank you.
Oh, have a party. Have a party.
He thinks he's being paid
In a quarter-million-dollar bricks of cocaine.
Q, tell him, "you've got the body of a tight young calf."
You got the body of like, a tight young calf.
Man, I like it.
I'm looking at you, and it puts me in the mood for veal.
Yeah, you tight young calf. You know what I'm saying?
Say, "get it, pump daddy!"
All right, get it, pump daddy, get it, pump daddy!
[ murr laughs ]
Yeah, pump daddy.
[ ding! ]
Q: Sal, do you notice who's sitting behind you?
A preg--
[ laughter ]
That is chá in a pregnant belly
Just enjoying a day in the park.
I want chá to pick up one end of the cooler.
Yeah. Sal, pick up the other end.
Okay. Now, when someone offers to help chá,
Sal, then I want you to give them your end
And continue to let chá carry it.
One, two. You got it?
That would be -- yeah, that would be helpful. Thank you.
-Yeah, I know. -So there you go, sal.
Let her take your end.
And then, you get that one, honey. Okay. All right.
I thought you asked if I need help.
She's -- she's okay. You're okay. No?
Come on, let's do it. Yeah. She's good.
You want me to take this one?
-Help me though. -Okay.
-Just go right there. -Over here.
Murr: There you go. Now, sal, let go.
You got it? Let go.
Chá: I got it. Ohh!
[ laughter ]
I was. You had offered, so I knew it's on the light side.
All right, sal. Let him carry it.
Can you help? Can you help?
-Okay. -Okay, you...
Q: Look at, he's got two people.
Chá.
[ laughter ]
They're carrying it for a pregnant...
This mother[bleep] this shit all the time.
[ laughter ]
Only -- there's just three carpets
And the two tables, and that's it.
Man: Not gonna help you.
Murr: You have lost, my friend.
One! One!
All right. What's going on here?
The headband is attached to the backpack,
Which has, like, gallons of water in it.
Yeah, when you squeeze it --
Which, when squeezed, will make you sweat.
Sweat. It doesn't even look believable.
There's a tube coming up the back of my neck.
Excuse me. You look very strong. Could you give me a hand?
Oh, here he goes. Moving this. They left me all this stuff.
I gotta get it to the van over there. What's your name?
"um, hi, I'm phyllis."
Rick. Hi. I'm -- I'm phyllis.
Nice to meet you.
Thank you buddy. Appreciate it.
"who did your lips?"
Who d--
Thank you, rick. "phyllis must know."
Yeah, I -- I got to tell you,
Phyllis must know, who did your lips?
Yeah, who did 'em?
No? They look great.
"can I take a photo with you?"
Can I take a photo with you?
"my niece says I don't have any gay friends."
Rick, can -- before we finish our time together, can --
[ laughter ]
Q: "can I take a photo with you?
My niece says I don't have any gay friends."
Rick, can we take a photo together?
Because my niece says I don't have any gay friends,
And I want to prove to her that I do.
Okay. One second, rick. "those lips."
I mean, with those lips.
Those lips have got to be gay, right?
[ laughter ]
Squeeze the bag, man. Start sweating.
All right. [ grunts ]
Was that it shooting out of the back of your neck?
That's three. The water's just shooting down my ass.
[ laughter ]
There's one spritz down the middle of your back.
Last one, last one.
Rick. Just last item.
Rick! Rick, just last --
How am I going to carry this light cooler on my own? I...
You know what, though? You got your wish in the end.
Rick [bleep] you.
[ laughter ]
[ ding! ]
Narrator: Murr and q carried this challenge,
Making sal tonight's big loser.
So, sal's on his way here
For what he believes to be a punishment against me.
And it kind of is. Oh, you are going to suffer.
Yeah. But we made an alliance against sal.
That's right. What we're going to do sal is far worse.
Enjoy, and rest assured,
I'm not getting hurt in the making of this punishment.
All right, well, murr lost.
He has no idea where we are or what he's doing.
Right. God! Stop!
Is that the punishment? Now you can take the blindfold off.
I just had to do that. Has nothing to do with this.
That's right, bud, you are at englishtown racetrack,
And today is one for the books. Audiobooks, to be exact,
Because today you are going to be recording one chapter
From your brand-new book, "you better watch out."
My friend, you're going to be recording it
While strapped to the top... No, no, no.
...Of this stunt car. Yes, you are.
[ laughter ]
It's just gonna be curse words.
No, it's not. You gotta read the book.
It don't stop until you read the chapter.
Finally, the book will be a thriller.
[ laughter ]
-How do you feel? -I feel like a stuffed sausage.
I gotta be honest.
This feels like an extra long shoelace.
I'm just -- I'm just calling it like I see it.
-Is this tight enough? -It's fine.
You want a little give.
You don't want it to be too tight.
[ laughter ]
Have fun, man.
It don't stop till you get through the chapter, you know?
All right. You better watch out.
This is batshit crazy.
Sal: Can you imagine going from never,
Ever doing a stunt on the hood of a car to doing nine?
-All right, shall we? -Jesus, jesus, jesus.
A murr in motion today is going to stay in motion.
You got that right. Holy [bleep].
All right, murr.
[ laughing nervously ]
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
My legs are flying off. Dude, if this is the way you feel just driving...
Well, what do you think you're gonna do when he does
Like a hard brake, like right now?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Ohh!
So we're here until as long as you read the chapter.
So I leave the ball in your court as to
When to start reading. Okay.
All of this is going in the audiobook now, so...
"you better watch out."
A thriller by international bestselling author
James m. Murray is everywhere now.
[ laughter ]
Chapter three.
[ laughter ]
It's so funny. It's so ridiculous.
"most of the inhabitants were straight!"
[ groans ]
How does that brake feel?
It feels like my balls are in my mouth.
All that's going in the audiobook.
Read, murray, read.
"the people here had money. Lots of it."
[ laughter ]
Whoa! Aah!
Oh, my god!
Are you kidding me?!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god. Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Oh!
Oh, my god! I've never seen that trick done before.
Do you think, if he does a donut, he'll die.
Well, we're gonna see.
How about a donut? That's a donut possible?
No, no, no, no, no, no!
"and he needed a puff of smoke!"
Whoa, that's a donut.
"on a cold winter night was a match made in heaven!"
Oh, my -- oh, my god.
"the store entrance swung open,
Sending a shaft of light into the street."
Aah! [bleep]!
He's tokyo drifting!
How are those tires holding out?
"glancing back and forth between his" --
[bleep] you guys.
"the type of humorous asshole
That would give you a ticket"...
Oh, my god!
"he told himself to play it cool."
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
They're gonna hear that in the audiobook!
Gonna hear... [ imitates tires squealing ]
[bleep] [bleep] slow the -- holy [bleep]!
"slow down"? Wrong thing to say, bud.
Yeah. Can we get him up to
"back to the future speed?
Yeah, like an 88 miles per hour right on the straightaway.
Murr, do me a favor.
Say hi to 1955 for me when you get there, all right?
Holy [bleep]!
That's the straightaway over there? Where's the straightaway?
Oh, baby.
Ah! "you're a gentleman who" --
Here he comes. There's smoke billowing out of the back.
Woman: Oh, [bleep].
-He fell off. -[bleep]. Oh, [bleep].
Wait, what? What the [bleep] is going on?
Get in there, ambulance. Wait, what?
Man: Yeah, he fell off. Yeah, yeah, he fell off.
Woman: What the [bleep]?
Sal: Oh, baby.
Murr: Aah! "you're a gentleman" --
There's just smoke billowing out of the back.
Woman: Oh, [bleep]!
[bleep] oh, [bleep]!
Man: Murray dropped. Wait, what?
Guys, check murray. Check murr, check murr.
Wait, what? Woman: Guys, what the [bleep] is going on?
Man: Get in there, ambulance. Check murr. Wait, what?
-He just fell. -Yeah, he fell off.
-Is there a medic? -[bleep] fell off.
-What the -- -he fell off.
Man: Chá, can you get in the car? Chá: Yeah.
Ambulance, ambulance! Move, move, move, move, move!
[ siren wailing ] check murr, check murr.
-Murr, are you okay? -You okay?
Can you hear us?
Q: Is he talking? Woman: He's not responding.
Get a bird in the air. Kenny, get the traction splint.
It's all right. Is he talking?
It's all right. No, he's not.
Is he awake? Man: Where's that board?
Where's that board?
Man: Did they call for the helicopter? Did he say anything?
Murr! Murr! Murr, murr, murr.
I need to get the medic team to respond.
Well, sal...
Well... I was always okay.
Well, this is actually a punishment against you.
This is actually a punishment against sal.
And, sal, just for you, buddy,
Since this is your punishment and not mine,
I'm going to autograph a copy of "you better watch out."
My stomach. Oh, my god, you [bleep] did all this?
You all [bleep] knew this? You all knew this.
You're all running? Your heads are --
-Sal. Sal. -What the [bleep] going on?
-My stomach. -"all the best, love, murr."
There you go. There's your copy of
"you better watch out."
Go right now to wherever books are sold to get your own copy.
Oh, my god. I can't believe that.
This was always your punishment, buddy.
Feel my heart?
Chá: At least you know he love you, boo.
Yeah. You knew?
I've been here since 10:00 am rehearsing with the whole crew.
Is that all true? That's true.
I have never... My friend, today was always your punishment.
...More duped in my life.
Wait. How did you get dressed so --
Q: They had a double. They had a whole double car.
There's a whole double car with --
Everybody here knew this?
This has been years in the making.
I'm having side conversations about this bit.
You're wasting my life.
[ laughter ]
Dude, I swear to god -- what happened in the moment.
You stood up and turned around, you walked right at me.
And I literally was staring you in the face.
The only thing I thought was,
"he looks so much like murr." never did I think it was you.
Oh, if anything, like, I didn't think this,
But, like, I would think that you were just
Fooling around down there.
I didn't think you'd turn around and be a -- scooby-doo me.
[ laughter ]
So what happens to the audiobook?
You can get it right now, wherever audiobooks are sold.
So it's not gonna be in the audiobook? What's that?
Oh, yeah. We're gonna put it in the audiobook, too.
Oh, my god.
Are you going to read the book, though?
I'm going to take a shit on that book.
Oh, my god. Q: Yeah.
I thought you -- I love you, buddy.
I thought you -- it's okay. It was just --
I just wanted to give you a little bit of a heart attack.
Just to remind you how much you love him.
It's hurting my...
Do we have a real medic for sal?
Actually, it really is hurting.
Argh. Woman: Why don't you drink some water?
It's really hurting, actually. Can we get water for him?
Yeah, yeah.
Ah, [bleep] it really does hurt.
-His chest is tight. -I don't know, man.
It's so stressful, I swelled.
It just feels, like, really, really tight.
It's like shooting pains. It's like jolting pain.
Like every, like, you know,
Like it's like a sharp, sharp pain.
No. I'm okay.
[ laughter ]