1 00:00:32,341 --> 00:00:35,261 For my next trick, ladies and gentlemen, 2 00:00:35,261 --> 00:00:37,981 a film about trickery, 3 00:00:37,981 --> 00:00:40,781 and fraud, and lies. 4 00:00:40,781 --> 00:00:46,941 Well, let's face it, almost every story...is a sort of a lie. 5 00:00:49,741 --> 00:00:51,741 Action. 6 00:00:52,461 --> 00:00:54,421 What's in your pocket? 7 00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:56,421 Hold it up, please, young sir. 8 00:00:57,341 --> 00:00:59,341 Uh-huh. 9 00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:04,901 Now that...is real magic. 10 00:01:04,901 --> 00:01:07,221 Now...look in your pocket. 11 00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:12,661 Yeah? 12 00:01:17,861 --> 00:01:19,861 The coins are in your gloves. 13 00:01:22,101 --> 00:01:24,501 This kid cannot act. Cut. 14 00:01:25,421 --> 00:01:27,581 What is it, you don't like magic? 15 00:01:27,581 --> 00:01:30,341 It's not magic. You're a cheat. 16 00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:33,381 That's why this is called F For Fake, kid, 17 00:01:33,381 --> 00:01:35,501 cos I am a charlatan. 18 00:01:35,501 --> 00:01:38,861 We will shoot this whole scenario again next week 19 00:01:38,861 --> 00:01:40,941 with a different kid. 20 00:01:40,941 --> 00:01:43,461 And then we'll snit it altogether... 21 00:01:44,741 --> 00:01:47,821 ..and that will be real magic. 22 00:01:47,821 --> 00:01:49,901 Now, who do you wanna be, 23 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:51,941 do you wanna be the fool, 24 00:01:51,941 --> 00:01:55,461 or you wanna be the guy who fools everybody else? 25 00:01:56,261 --> 00:01:58,181 Huh? 26 00:01:58,181 --> 00:02:00,341 Welcome to the world of make-believe, kid. 27 00:02:00,341 --> 00:02:02,421 Let's go again, guys. 28 00:02:07,341 --> 00:02:10,621 If money was deodorant, you'd stink. 29 00:02:11,461 --> 00:02:14,141 You can't even afford to pay the crew now. 30 00:02:14,141 --> 00:02:18,341 -I've got to finish it. -What's so important about this one?! 31 00:02:18,341 --> 00:02:21,261 It's F For Fake, right? 32 00:02:22,021 --> 00:02:25,261 This is my life, wrestling with reality. 33 00:02:25,261 --> 00:02:28,061 It's...me. 34 00:02:28,861 --> 00:02:33,461 Please. I spend my life... trying to make movies 35 00:02:33,461 --> 00:02:36,981 and mostly...not doing it. 36 00:02:38,301 --> 00:02:40,621 You're a genius, Orson, 37 00:02:40,621 --> 00:02:45,261 but...no one wants to finance your picture. 38 00:02:45,261 --> 00:02:48,621 I'm sorry...we have to close down. 39 00:02:50,781 --> 00:02:52,781 Hmm. 40 00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:57,061 OK, well... I shall suspend production 41 00:02:57,061 --> 00:03:02,941 and, erm, go and raise the funds myself, as per usual. 42 00:03:02,941 --> 00:03:05,221 Any offers come in for me? 43 00:03:05,221 --> 00:03:07,741 Er, yeah. Erm... 44 00:03:07,741 --> 00:03:13,661 we have...we have a commercial from New York 45 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:18,301 Larry, have you forgotten what happens when I make commercials? 46 00:03:18,301 --> 00:03:20,421 And action. 47 00:03:20,421 --> 00:03:22,541 Do you like brandy? 48 00:03:22,541 --> 00:03:24,221 Hmm? 49 00:03:24,221 --> 00:03:27,661 Well, this...is no ordinary brandy. 50 00:03:27,661 --> 00:03:30,541 Trust me, I know. 51 00:03:37,381 --> 00:03:40,741 Cut! 52 00:03:40,741 --> 00:03:43,621 And that one you did for garden peas. 53 00:03:43,621 --> 00:03:45,461 I was not overtly sexual. 54 00:03:45,461 --> 00:03:50,261 You said, "Housewives love the pea-ness." 55 00:03:50,261 --> 00:03:54,341 I was... simply describing the flavour. 56 00:03:56,741 --> 00:04:00,221 Now, anything else? Only...this, 57 00:04:00,221 --> 00:04:02,181 er, from England. 58 00:04:02,181 --> 00:04:05,141 Hmm? Er, a television drama. 59 00:04:05,141 --> 00:04:08,181 Hmm. Shoots in Nor-wich. 60 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,861 Oh. And where is Norwich? 61 00:04:10,861 --> 00:04:13,701 It's...it's out of town. 62 00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:17,101 You know, like, erm... Vegas. 63 00:04:22,781 --> 00:04:25,461 Move, Linda. 64 00:04:25,461 --> 00:04:27,541 We're back from the break 65 00:04:27,541 --> 00:04:30,701 in three...two, one. Which camera? 66 00:04:32,501 --> 00:04:35,941 You're in my eyeline, Billy. Quiet, please. 67 00:04:36,861 --> 00:04:40,861 And the police are treating today's events as a serious incident, 68 00:04:40,861 --> 00:04:44,181 but Mrs Gray said she didn't touch him or his pigs. 69 00:04:44,181 --> 00:04:47,861 In other news, Anglia is proud to announce 70 00:04:47,861 --> 00:04:51,421 that Hollywood star, Orson Welles, will present Great Mysteries, 71 00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:54,501 a new Sunday night series of weird plays. 72 00:04:54,501 --> 00:04:58,501 Mr Welles was Harry Lime in the Oscar-winning film The Third Man, 73 00:04:58,501 --> 00:05:00,901 he's the director of Citizen Kane, 74 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:04,221 voted third best movie ever by the Yarmouth Gazette. 75 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,821 And he produced a radio play 76 00:05:05,821 --> 00:05:09,541 that made Americans think Martians have landed. 77 00:05:09,581 --> 00:05:12,941 That wouldn't fool us in Norfolk, would it? 78 00:05:12,941 --> 00:05:16,461 Mr Welles starts work in Norwich this week. 79 00:05:16,461 --> 00:05:18,941 And now for a look at the weather. 80 00:05:24,701 --> 00:05:27,421 Tomorrow, sunshine all over Norfolk. 81 00:05:27,421 --> 00:05:31,341 Just like Hollywood...only colder. Good night. 82 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:46,821 Ohh! Did something die in here? 83 00:05:46,821 --> 00:05:48,821 That's right. 84 00:05:50,181 --> 00:05:52,301 Did you actually meet those Martians? 85 00:05:52,341 --> 00:05:56,061 Oh, yeah. Those little guys got me into the movies. 86 00:05:56,061 --> 00:05:58,141 -I'm a fan of yours. -Oh. 87 00:05:58,141 --> 00:06:01,821 Well, not you specifically, I like American films. 88 00:06:01,821 --> 00:06:04,141 Hmm. Oh. 89 00:06:04,141 --> 00:06:08,501 So, they tell me that Nor-wich is a little like Las Vegas. 90 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:11,181 No, you're thinking of Swaffham. 91 00:06:16,421 --> 00:06:18,901 What the hell was that?! 92 00:06:18,901 --> 00:06:21,741 It's the Yanks. From the airbase. 93 00:06:21,741 --> 00:06:27,701 Where we Americans keep our secret doomsday machines, huh, Billy? 94 00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:31,181 Off we go. 95 00:06:41,261 --> 00:06:46,061 (MAN)"And now, from Norwich, it's the quiz of the week!" 96 00:06:47,861 --> 00:06:49,861 Janet, sir. 97 00:06:50,541 --> 00:06:52,221 I'm grateful to have you, Mr Welles. 98 00:06:52,221 --> 00:06:55,821 Great Mysteries will be fabulous. Oh, mysteries. I love mysteries 99 00:06:55,821 --> 00:06:59,301 I'll be... Well, I'm looking forward to directing your little pieces. 100 00:06:59,301 --> 00:07:02,621 Didn't your people tell you? You're not here to... 101 00:07:02,621 --> 00:07:06,181 Your job in this project is much more important than director. 102 00:07:06,181 --> 00:07:08,821 Is that...possible? 103 00:07:09,821 --> 00:07:13,861 Your voice is beautiful and... Oh, you've got me as an actor. 104 00:07:13,861 --> 00:07:16,141 You're not acting either. 105 00:07:16,141 --> 00:07:18,581 You're introducing the episodes. 106 00:07:18,581 --> 00:07:20,741 What? 107 00:07:21,421 --> 00:07:24,301 And we think you're gonna to be amazing. 108 00:07:24,301 --> 00:07:27,341 You hired me to read the continuity?! 109 00:07:33,421 --> 00:07:37,861 We'll begin by zooming in on you. Ah, so you're directing, Janet? 110 00:07:37,861 --> 00:07:39,861 I do a bit of everything here. 111 00:07:39,861 --> 00:07:42,821 I'd like you to laugh before your first line. 112 00:07:42,821 --> 00:07:45,461 I do beg your pardon, why am I laughing? 113 00:07:45,461 --> 00:07:48,901 I could do a whimsical laugh maybe. Great! 114 00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,221 Everyone ready? 115 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:54,661 And action. 116 00:07:54,661 --> 00:07:58,141 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Great Mysteries. 117 00:07:58,141 --> 00:08:00,541 Cuts. Reset, please. Sorry. 118 00:08:00,541 --> 00:08:04,941 We'll go again. You wanna lose the laugh, maybe? 119 00:08:04,941 --> 00:08:07,981 Could it be... Could it be diabolical? 120 00:08:07,981 --> 00:08:12,261 It certainly is headed that way, Janet. 121 00:08:12,261 --> 00:08:16,381 Yes, I can do diabolical. That'd be super. 122 00:08:16,381 --> 00:08:18,341 And action. 123 00:08:18,341 --> 00:08:20,541 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, 124 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:24,221 and welcome to Great Mysteries. Cut. My name's... 125 00:08:24,221 --> 00:08:26,221 Reset, please. 126 00:08:26,221 --> 00:08:28,941 Perhaps I could were a false nose. Hmm? 127 00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:30,821 I've always liked false noses, 128 00:08:30,821 --> 00:08:33,861 they give a wonderful illusion of reality. 129 00:08:34,661 --> 00:08:36,501 Like this, Orson. 130 00:08:36,501 --> 00:08:39,661 Good evening. 131 00:08:39,661 --> 00:08:42,701 Tonight's on Great Mysteries... Huh? 132 00:08:49,421 --> 00:08:52,221 And action. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, 133 00:08:52,221 --> 00:08:54,861 and welcome to Great Mysteries. 134 00:08:54,861 --> 00:08:57,661 My name is Orson Welles. And tonight's tale 135 00:08:57,661 --> 00:09:01,421 concerns an old lady who liked to interfere with kittens. 136 00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,861 Are you feeling all right, Mr Welles? 137 00:09:05,861 --> 00:09:09,061 I've been laughing six hours straight and nothing is funny. 138 00:09:09,061 --> 00:09:12,261 The Pope's balls have seen more action than Nor-wich. 139 00:09:13,701 --> 00:09:15,701 I'm vulnerable here, Lotte. 140 00:09:16,421 --> 00:09:18,261 A sitting target. 141 00:09:18,261 --> 00:09:20,661 You understand? (WOMAN)"Yeah. What do we do?" 142 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:23,141 See you in the morning, Mr Welles. 143 00:09:23,141 --> 00:09:25,341 Oh, right. Good night, Janet. Good night. 144 00:09:25,341 --> 00:09:29,221 Cheerio. Send something to put me out of my misery. 145 00:09:29,221 --> 00:09:31,501 I mean it. 146 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:43,181 Oh, Janet. Erm, bad news. 147 00:09:43,181 --> 00:09:46,701 -He's gone. -What? Orson's disappeared. 148 00:09:46,701 --> 00:09:48,701 You're having a laugh. 149 00:09:56,661 --> 00:09:58,861 He's not in make-up. Where is he, Billy? 150 00:10:20,261 --> 00:10:23,021 "Dear Anglia, I am Orson Welles. 151 00:10:23,021 --> 00:10:27,261 I've been taken hostage for crimes against cinema. 152 00:10:27,261 --> 00:10:30,061 My films are travesties, 153 00:10:30,061 --> 00:10:33,101 apart from the opening of A Touch Of Evil, 154 00:10:33,101 --> 00:10:35,101 which is quite good. 155 00:10:36,021 --> 00:10:41,581 For my safe return, £5,000 must be wire transferred without delay. 156 00:10:41,581 --> 00:10:46,861 Fail to comply immediately and my captors, an anarchist group, 157 00:10:46,861 --> 00:10:48,781 will remove parts of me, 158 00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:53,261 beginning with one... that I am particularly attached to. 159 00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:57,741 Any funny business and my captors will shoot me in the face! 160 00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:02,781 Curtains for Falstaff, farewell Harry Lime. 161 00:11:02,781 --> 00:11:05,421 God! Please help me!" 162 00:11:05,421 --> 00:11:07,621 (WOMAN)"Cut." 163 00:11:19,381 --> 00:11:23,181 Hmm! Did it seem believable? You were terrific, Orson. 164 00:11:23,181 --> 00:11:25,741 This will cut well. We can use all the footage in Fake, 165 00:11:25,741 --> 00:11:28,741 and the ransom money will get the debts off your back. 166 00:11:28,741 --> 00:11:32,061 Have you loaded the new roll, Clara? Yeah. 167 00:11:33,141 --> 00:11:36,581 Now, Lotte is not a terrorist, she is however German. 168 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,061 Ja? Ja. 169 00:11:41,061 --> 00:11:44,061 And our technician Clara isn't. 170 00:11:44,741 --> 00:11:49,101 Say hello. Schonen tag! Say hello, Clara. 171 00:11:49,101 --> 00:11:51,461 Er, hi. 172 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:56,341 And these are my partners in crime. 173 00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:59,061 We're working on F For Fake. 174 00:11:59,061 --> 00:12:05,421 Anglia's Great Mysteries was not...floating my boat. 175 00:12:05,421 --> 00:12:08,221 So... 176 00:12:08,221 --> 00:12:12,781 we created out own mystery, entitled The Missing Genius. 177 00:12:12,781 --> 00:12:15,661 We're gonna have to put a chapter -heading on that. -Yeah. 178 00:12:15,661 --> 00:12:17,661 -Yeah? -Yeah. Yeah. 179 00:12:18,861 --> 00:12:22,341 Now we've got 'em hooked, let's reel them in. 180 00:12:32,861 --> 00:12:38,101 So should I call the police or not? -No, Billy. -So what'll we do? 181 00:12:38,101 --> 00:12:40,741 This is the biggest thing to hit Norwich since... 182 00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:44,301 This is the biggest story to hit Norwich. 183 00:12:44,301 --> 00:12:46,541 I've got to make the most of it. 184 00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:56,581 How? I'm gonna speak with him upstairs. 185 00:13:07,301 --> 00:13:09,581 Ohh! 186 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:12,941 I'm not allowed to make a crime special about the kidnapping. 187 00:13:12,941 --> 00:13:16,221 Is the boss gonna pay the ransom? He won't negotiate with terrorists. 188 00:13:16,221 --> 00:13:20,621 -The tight bastard! -Orson's a dead -man. -We have to save him, Billy. 189 00:13:20,621 --> 00:13:23,581 There isn't 5,000 in petty cash. Hmm. 190 00:13:23,581 --> 00:13:25,581 There's barely 100 in the tin. 191 00:13:29,061 --> 00:13:31,941 Actually... there's nothing left in the tin. 192 00:13:32,701 --> 00:13:35,021 What are we gonna do, Billy? 193 00:13:47,181 --> 00:13:49,181 Might be a bone. 194 00:13:49,181 --> 00:13:51,181 It's definitely bony. 195 00:13:51,181 --> 00:13:54,261 And it's not bendy. Is it his bellend? 196 00:13:55,141 --> 00:13:57,941 It's a cigar. 197 00:13:57,941 --> 00:14:00,061 It's a warning. 198 00:14:00,061 --> 00:14:02,421 We've gotta send them something. 199 00:14:03,701 --> 00:14:06,181 Didn't you just get your bonus? 200 00:14:14,181 --> 00:14:17,501 They only sent £200. The note says 201 00:14:17,501 --> 00:14:20,541 it's all Anglia have got, but I've seen their hit quiz show. 202 00:14:20,541 --> 00:14:23,861 -Sale Of The Century? -They have money for camping equipment, 203 00:14:23,861 --> 00:14:27,341 crystal decanters, carpets. That ain't real crystal, 204 00:14:27,341 --> 00:14:29,421 not in Norwich. 205 00:14:29,421 --> 00:14:31,621 What do we do now, Orson? 206 00:14:39,741 --> 00:14:42,221 Hello? Just a minute. 207 00:14:42,221 --> 00:14:44,741 Janet, it's Orson Welles for you. 208 00:14:48,101 --> 00:14:50,101 Mr Welles, are you all right? 209 00:14:50,101 --> 00:14:53,781 5,000 saves my life. Get it to them. 210 00:14:53,781 --> 00:14:58,061 It's half-day closing. What is the matter with you?! 211 00:15:01,261 --> 00:15:03,621 Infuriating... 212 00:15:03,621 --> 00:15:05,981 parochials! 213 00:15:05,981 --> 00:15:08,021 We're gotta get something out of 'em. 214 00:15:08,021 --> 00:15:11,141 I've always wanted to work with the great Burt Reynolds. 215 00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:14,021 Get me my hood, it's...hoodwinking time. 216 00:15:28,821 --> 00:15:32,701 "My captors have decided to spare me, 217 00:15:32,701 --> 00:15:34,541 despite your insult, 218 00:15:34,541 --> 00:15:38,821 but they now wish to make...a revolutionary film. 219 00:15:38,821 --> 00:15:42,501 And I will not be released until it is finished. 220 00:15:42,501 --> 00:15:47,181 And Anglia must provide the lead actor in this film. 221 00:15:48,101 --> 00:15:50,101 You have 24 hours. 222 00:15:50,861 --> 00:15:53,861 They want... Burt Reynolds. 223 00:15:54,901 --> 00:15:56,301 Cut." 224 00:15:56,301 --> 00:15:58,261 Burt Reynolds is a massive star. 225 00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,701 No shit, Billy 226 00:16:00,701 --> 00:16:04,621 Burtie would be great for Fake, and he owes me. 227 00:16:04,621 --> 00:16:07,621 Yeah, but how will they get a Hollywood star? 228 00:16:07,621 --> 00:16:09,621 We should be more realistic. 229 00:16:09,621 --> 00:16:13,221 Maybe ask for Nicholas Parsons. 230 00:16:13,221 --> 00:16:16,261 No, no, no. No, the ransom was a setback, 231 00:16:16,261 --> 00:16:19,981 but great generals...absorb defeat. 232 00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:42,421 Hi, Janet Spring, Norwich. 233 00:16:42,421 --> 00:16:45,541 I'm enquiring about the availability of Mr Reynolds 234 00:16:45,541 --> 00:16:48,181 for a short terrorist film set in Norfolk. 235 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,501 Directed by Orson Welles. 236 00:16:50,501 --> 00:16:53,621 (MAN)"Uh-huh. We'll be sure to get back to you." 237 00:17:16,261 --> 00:17:18,941 Did Burt Reynolds' agent call back? 238 00:17:18,941 --> 00:17:20,981 The kidnappers phone in half an hour. 239 00:17:22,821 --> 00:17:24,821 I don't wanna lose my job. 240 00:17:30,741 --> 00:17:33,941 Orson says lies are fun and false noses create character. 241 00:17:34,861 --> 00:17:37,181 Smile, Billy. 242 00:17:44,861 --> 00:17:48,141 Huh! I think that's pretty good, actually. 243 00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:00,141 Smile. 244 00:18:00,141 --> 00:18:03,221 That's what they do in Hollywood. Sure thing, sugar. 245 00:18:03,221 --> 00:18:07,061 Best not say anything. Just...here, chew gum. 246 00:18:11,741 --> 00:18:14,021 Don't play with it! It'll come off! 247 00:18:14,021 --> 00:18:16,541 It's clever they found a flat area. 248 00:18:16,541 --> 00:18:18,501 In Norfolk? 249 00:18:18,501 --> 00:18:22,541 They won't chop off my... will they? 250 00:18:23,501 --> 00:18:25,981 They're Burt Reynolds fans. 251 00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:27,981 Get out! 252 00:19:11,461 --> 00:19:13,821 Say something, Burt. 253 00:19:14,301 --> 00:19:19,821 -Howdy, Orson. -As I live and breathe, it's the real Burt Reynolds! 254 00:19:19,821 --> 00:19:24,181 You're as much like Burt Reynolds as my arse. 255 00:19:24,181 --> 00:19:26,181 Burt Reynolds weren't available, so... 256 00:19:26,181 --> 00:19:28,741 You don't spend your entire life in show business 257 00:19:28,741 --> 00:19:32,261 and fail to recognise a phoney Burt Reynolds... 258 00:19:33,141 --> 00:19:35,141 ..baby! 259 00:19:36,061 --> 00:19:38,061 Aren't you about to get shot? 260 00:19:38,781 --> 00:19:41,901 Maybe we should shoot him? You couldn't shoot shit, Lotte. 261 00:19:41,901 --> 00:19:44,221 It was a joke. I was being comical. 262 00:19:44,221 --> 00:19:46,221 So you're not terrorists, then? 263 00:19:48,261 --> 00:19:53,261 This is worse than when I made The Merchant Of Venice in two days. 264 00:20:18,621 --> 00:20:21,981 Did you really think I wanted to execute this boy, Clara? 265 00:20:21,981 --> 00:20:24,421 Because I know what you wanted to do with him, 266 00:20:24,421 --> 00:20:26,741 yeah, put him in an avant-garde porno. 267 00:20:26,741 --> 00:20:29,301 It doesn't have to be avant-garde. It always comes back 268 00:20:29,301 --> 00:20:32,341 to the pornos with you, Clara. You get it more often 269 00:20:32,341 --> 00:20:34,541 if you weren't such a 270 00:20:36,981 --> 00:20:38,981 What's going on, Billy? 271 00:20:38,981 --> 00:20:41,381 Be careful, please. You'll put out an eye with that. 272 00:20:41,381 --> 00:20:43,301 It's not a real gun, Janet. 273 00:20:43,301 --> 00:20:45,741 They're not real kidnappers. It's a scam. 274 00:20:47,461 --> 00:20:49,461 And where's Orson Welles? 275 00:20:59,381 --> 00:21:02,261 I'm an artist, I play with reality. 276 00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:07,941 And yet... Anglia put my worth at 200. 277 00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:11,581 Most of that came out of my savings. 278 00:21:13,141 --> 00:21:15,141 Well, that's something. 279 00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:18,061 You're ambitious, Janet, I like that. 280 00:21:18,061 --> 00:21:20,341 You wanted a star for your movie. 281 00:21:21,621 --> 00:21:24,421 But you pulled a fake on me too, remember? 282 00:21:25,221 --> 00:21:29,621 To save your life, you haven't been truthful with me for a minute. 283 00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:35,221 From the age of six, I realised that everything in this world is phoney. 284 00:21:36,181 --> 00:21:38,181 What's your problem with reality? 285 00:21:38,181 --> 00:21:40,981 I don't have a problem. 286 00:21:40,981 --> 00:21:43,101 I've spent hours with you on camera... 287 00:21:43,821 --> 00:21:46,381 ..and every line and laugh was fake. 288 00:21:47,461 --> 00:21:49,381 I know who I am. 289 00:21:50,181 --> 00:21:52,581 Then why are you always someone else? 290 00:21:52,581 --> 00:21:54,581 Cos I'm a magician. 291 00:21:58,341 --> 00:22:00,661 You don't like yourself very much, do you? 292 00:22:02,621 --> 00:22:04,501 Hmm. 293 00:22:04,501 --> 00:22:07,901 Sorry...that was harsh. 294 00:22:08,701 --> 00:22:12,381 -Do you want the truth? -Please don't tell me about your childhood. 295 00:22:14,701 --> 00:22:17,661 I grew up in this twisted industry, 296 00:22:17,661 --> 00:22:21,461 and the fake me is the best of me. 297 00:22:22,061 --> 00:22:23,621 It doesn't mean 298 00:22:23,621 --> 00:22:27,021 you have to behave like an arsehole. What if I am an arsehole? 299 00:22:27,021 --> 00:22:29,021 Then, try and be a lovable one. 300 00:22:30,141 --> 00:22:32,141 That sounds like hard work. 301 00:22:33,301 --> 00:22:35,661 All this talk of arseholes has made me hungry. 302 00:22:35,661 --> 00:22:37,901 Where you taking me for lunch? 303 00:22:37,901 --> 00:22:40,821 You know what, you can get it. 304 00:22:40,821 --> 00:22:43,341 We'll split the bill. 305 00:23:07,141 --> 00:23:09,301 Television is the future, Janet. 306 00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:12,221 Film...is dead. 307 00:23:13,221 --> 00:23:14,981 Action. 308 00:23:14,981 --> 00:23:16,581 Good evening. 309 00:23:16,581 --> 00:23:19,341 I'm Orson Welles, ladies and gentlemen, 310 00:23:19,341 --> 00:23:22,101 and welcome to Great Mysteries. 311 00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:24,581 Tonight, a true tale... 312 00:23:25,461 --> 00:23:29,301 ..about a man who told... so many lies 313 00:23:29,301 --> 00:23:32,821 that eventually he believed them himself... 314 00:23:32,821 --> 00:23:35,701 and...lost his way. 315 00:23:36,661 --> 00:23:38,741 And...cut. 316 00:23:39,741 --> 00:23:41,741 How was that? 317 00:23:41,741 --> 00:23:44,501 -It was truthful. -Hmm. It was real. 318 00:23:45,541 --> 00:23:47,781 It was moving. 319 00:23:49,661 --> 00:23:52,261 But how much of it was true? 320 00:23:52,261 --> 00:23:54,181 Hmm? 321 00:23:54,181 --> 00:23:58,421 Does the magician really saw the beautiful lady in half? 322 00:23:58,421 --> 00:24:03,621 Or are we all just complicit because we want to believe it? 323 00:24:05,541 --> 00:24:07,541 What do you think? 324 00:24:08,541 --> 00:24:10,541 Good night. 325 00:24:26,501 --> 00:24:30,101 Subtitles by Sky AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk