1
00:00:25,741 --> 00:00:27,701
Good evening, fun hunters.

2
00:00:29,301 --> 00:00:32,821
The French philosopher
Jean-Paul Sartre once said,

3
00:00:32,861 --> 00:00:36,261
"Life begins on the other side
of despair."

4
00:00:37,581 --> 00:00:40,781
But, for me, it was
on the other side of the Pennines.

5
00:00:41,821 --> 00:00:43,741
Hull, 1956.

6
00:00:43,781 --> 00:00:47,221
Surely one of the chilliest sprawls
of the northern hemisphere.

7
00:00:47,261 --> 00:00:51,141
It was so cold outside, brass
monkeys were lagging one another.

8
00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:54,181
Mind you, the temperature inside
wasn't much warmer.

9
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:57,861
♪ ..Coming home tonight. ♪

10
00:01:01,501 --> 00:01:03,021
Thank you.

11
00:01:09,901 --> 00:01:11,541
Thank you very much.

12
00:01:11,581 --> 00:01:14,261
I've loved being here tonight,
ladies and gentlemen,

13
00:01:14,301 --> 00:01:17,381
and I sure hope you've enjoyed
having me here too.

14
00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:23,381
I'm back tomorrow night,
so I hope to see you then.

15
00:01:31,261 --> 00:01:33,701
I think your piano's a bit off-key.

16
00:01:33,741 --> 00:01:35,741
-Oh, aye.
-Have you got a tuner?

17
00:01:35,781 --> 00:01:39,261
Yeah, yeah, course we do.
We've got tuna, mackerel, cod...

18
00:01:39,301 --> 00:01:41,141
No, I meant a piano tuner.

19
00:01:41,181 --> 00:01:43,821
I know you did.
And you know what they say

20
00:01:43,861 --> 00:01:46,981
about a bad workman and his tools.
What do you mean?

21
00:01:47,021 --> 00:01:49,581
Listen, son, I've been
in this game a long time.

22
00:01:49,621 --> 00:01:53,381
Do you mind if I give you a bit of
-constructive criticism?
-Course not.

23
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:55,541
You're crap.

24
00:01:57,621 --> 00:02:01,501
'That night, I lay awake
in a cocoon of despair.'

25
00:02:01,541 --> 00:02:03,581
If success breeds success,

26
00:02:03,621 --> 00:02:05,101
I was on the pill.

27
00:02:05,141 --> 00:02:08,781
The following day,
I managed to lose myself in drink.

28
00:02:09,981 --> 00:02:13,341
'But as I weaved my weary way
back to the dreaded club,

29
00:02:13,381 --> 00:02:15,221
'I paused to reflect on

30
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:17,941
'how different my life
might have turned out...'

31
00:02:17,981 --> 00:02:19,421
Les Dawson!

32
00:02:20,661 --> 00:02:22,781
'..if only I'd stayed in Paris.'

33
00:02:42,341 --> 00:02:44,421
'Paris was the city of light...

34
00:02:45,701 --> 00:02:47,421
'..the city of literature.

35
00:02:53,661 --> 00:02:55,901
'Maybe even the city of love.'

36
00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:58,861
Oui?'Or maybe not.'

37
00:02:58,901 --> 00:03:00,141
Oh, hello.

38
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:01,741
Leslie Dawson.

39
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:04,021
I wrote to you about the room.

40
00:03:04,061 --> 00:03:06,981
Leslie...is a man?

41
00:03:09,861 --> 00:03:11,381
Incroyable.

42
00:03:11,421 --> 00:03:12,941
Allez.

43
00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:20,101
Il y a un bain au rez de chaussee,
l'eau chaud...

44
00:03:20,141 --> 00:03:22,981
'The landlady went by the name
of Madame Gaudin.'

45
00:03:23,021 --> 00:03:24,141
..et les jeudis.

46
00:03:24,181 --> 00:03:26,461
'It's hard to describe
what she looked like,

47
00:03:26,501 --> 00:03:28,781
'but she used to be
a model for spanners.

48
00:03:28,821 --> 00:03:32,621
'I wouldn't say she was fat, but
when she went for a dress fitting,

49
00:03:32,661 --> 00:03:34,901
'the assistants worked in shifts.'

50
00:03:34,941 --> 00:03:37,221
..necessaire reserver le bain

51
00:03:37,261 --> 00:03:39,901
deux semaines en avance.

52
00:03:41,861 --> 00:03:44,421
Hot water's available
Tuesdays and Thursdays,

53
00:03:44,461 --> 00:03:47,101
but if you want a bath,
you have to book in advance,

54
00:03:47,141 --> 00:03:49,261
though, sadly,
she won't let people share.

55
00:03:49,301 --> 00:03:51,021
-I'm Brian.
-Oh, Leslie.

56
00:03:51,061 --> 00:03:53,381
Ooh, as in Leslie Caron,
An American In Paris?

57
00:03:53,421 --> 00:03:55,781
No, Leslie Dawson,
from the Co-op in Collyhurst.

58
00:03:55,821 --> 00:03:59,621
I thought I heard a Northern twang.
Pleased to meet you. ..Oh.

59
00:04:04,141 --> 00:04:05,781
So, do you have a title?

60
00:04:05,821 --> 00:04:07,941
No, just Mr Dawson.

61
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,461
I meant for your novel.

62
00:04:09,501 --> 00:04:11,621
Oh, no. Not yet.

63
00:04:11,661 --> 00:04:13,981
How did you know I was a writer
anyway?

64
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,621
You're renting a Parisian garret
on the Left Bank

65
00:04:16,661 --> 00:04:20,421
and you haven't got an easel. What
else are you gonna do, knit doilies?

66
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:24,061
Besides, takes one to know one.
Alors, j'ai change les draps,

67
00:04:24,101 --> 00:04:25,461
plies, gratuit.

68
00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:29,461
She says she's changed the sheets
-for you, no extra charge.
-Oh.

69
00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:32,021
Merci beaucoup!
Well, she had to, really.

70
00:04:32,061 --> 00:04:34,621
Her last tenant used them
to hang himself.

71
00:04:38,061 --> 00:04:39,421
Bloody hell.

72
00:04:40,621 --> 00:04:44,661
'Yes, I'd come to Paris to be
a novelist. Hardly original.

73
00:04:45,941 --> 00:04:49,941
'Even a little foolhardy, as I was
greener than an unripe banana.

74
00:04:51,501 --> 00:04:54,101
'But as my hero Sartre said,

75
00:04:54,141 --> 00:04:56,781
'"Man is what
he wills himself to be."

76
00:04:59,621 --> 00:05:02,141
'And my will was to write.'

77
00:05:14,861 --> 00:05:16,261
Oh, excuse me.

78
00:05:16,301 --> 00:05:18,341
I'm renting the room upstairs.

79
00:05:18,381 --> 00:05:21,101
The facilities,
there's no actual bowl.

80
00:05:21,141 --> 00:05:22,261
Pardon?

81
00:05:22,301 --> 00:05:24,901
The toilet.
There's nowhere to sit.

82
00:05:24,941 --> 00:05:26,781
You can shit in the hole.

83
00:05:26,821 --> 00:05:28,981
No, sorry, I meant to sit.

84
00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:30,861
You know, to park yourself.

85
00:05:30,901 --> 00:05:34,141
Ah, in France,
you must squat and go.

86
00:05:34,181 --> 00:05:36,101
Oh, right.

87
00:05:36,141 --> 00:05:38,261
I thought someone had
nicked your bog.

88
00:05:39,701 --> 00:05:42,901
Well, I didn't know they didn't have
proper toilets.

89
00:05:51,781 --> 00:05:54,621
May I?

90
00:06:45,341 --> 00:06:47,981
I admire your playing.

91
00:06:48,021 --> 00:06:50,981
This place could do with
some atmosphere.

92
00:06:51,021 --> 00:06:54,581
You are in Paris for some time?
Till I've written my great novel

93
00:06:54,621 --> 00:06:56,501
and enjoyed my great romance.

94
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,061
Could be weeks, months, years,
who knows?

95
00:06:59,101 --> 00:07:02,021
How would you like a job here, Les?

96
00:07:02,061 --> 00:07:05,461
-A job?
-Oui.
Playing the piano in the evening.

97
00:07:05,501 --> 00:07:07,341
Shall we say 12 until 3?

98
00:07:07,381 --> 00:07:09,021
Er, I came here to write.

99
00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:12,341
Drinks on the house,
tips from the clientele.

100
00:07:12,381 --> 00:07:14,981
What clientele? It's dead.
I will make you hot meal.

101
00:07:15,021 --> 00:07:17,781
No, I just can't.
100 francs a night.

102
00:07:17,821 --> 00:07:19,501
Done.

103
00:07:19,541 --> 00:07:21,821
There is one condition.

104
00:07:21,861 --> 00:07:25,381
You will play only this one tune,

105
00:07:25,421 --> 00:07:27,461
nothing else, all evening.

106
00:07:27,501 --> 00:07:29,661
You're kidding!
Three hours of Limelight?

107
00:07:29,701 --> 00:07:32,541
You're trying to drive people away?
It is what I wish.

108
00:07:32,581 --> 00:07:34,861
You have a problem with that?
No, no.

109
00:07:34,901 --> 00:07:37,261
She who pays the piper
-calls the tune.
-Mm.

110
00:07:37,301 --> 00:07:39,421
Ah. Allez.

111
00:07:57,541 --> 00:08:02,261
'And so I gradually settled into
my life in La Vie Lumiere.

112
00:08:05,781 --> 00:08:08,221
'By day, I sat at my typewriter...

113
00:08:12,021 --> 00:08:15,461
'..trying desperately to think of
something to write about.

114
00:08:30,461 --> 00:08:32,781
'And by night...

115
00:08:32,821 --> 00:08:35,701
'I played the piano
for Madame Gaudin...

116
00:08:35,741 --> 00:08:37,541
'and barely anybody else.

117
00:08:39,861 --> 00:08:42,821
'Customers came and went,
but never stuck around.

118
00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:46,341
'It amazed me
how she made any money.

119
00:08:52,381 --> 00:08:55,621
'Meanwhile, my literary endeavours
were going downhill

120
00:08:55,661 --> 00:08:57,581
'faster than a rabbit on a promise.'

121
00:09:00,101 --> 00:09:02,221
So, how's the novel coming on?

122
00:09:02,261 --> 00:09:03,701
It isn't, really.

123
00:09:03,741 --> 00:09:05,781
I think I've got writer's block.

124
00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:07,701
Rubbish. There's no such thing.

125
00:09:07,741 --> 00:09:09,941
You're either writing
or you're not writing.

126
00:09:09,981 --> 00:09:13,261
If you're not, it's because you're
too distracted by bloody Paris

127
00:09:13,301 --> 00:09:17,061
when you'd be better off
in Manchester writing about
real life instead.

128
00:09:17,101 --> 00:09:18,701
I'm not distracted.

129
00:09:18,741 --> 00:09:21,461
-I'm hard at it.
-Flirting with
the barmaid, you mean.

130
00:09:21,501 --> 00:09:24,901
Well, she is cute.
Whatever ras's your berries.

131
00:09:29,181 --> 00:09:31,581
I have done a sort of
pithy travelogue.

132
00:09:31,621 --> 00:09:34,861
First impressions of the city,
that type of thing.

133
00:09:34,901 --> 00:09:37,821
You mean you've written
-some postcards.
-Yeah, basically.

134
00:09:37,861 --> 00:09:41,421
I'm serious, Les. Don't you know
the existential creed?

135
00:09:41,461 --> 00:09:43,901
No. You hum it and I'll play it.

136
00:09:43,941 --> 00:09:45,981
Man is the sum of his actions.

137
00:09:46,021 --> 00:09:49,781
If you're not picking up a pen or
a paintbrush and using it every day,

138
00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:52,141
then you're not an artist,
you're a tourist.

139
00:09:53,501 --> 00:09:56,061
My English teacher said
I had a way with words,

140
00:09:56,101 --> 00:09:59,421
but...the more I think about it,
the more constipated I become.

141
00:10:00,781 --> 00:10:02,541
We all love words, dear.

142
00:10:02,581 --> 00:10:04,421
Words can say anything.

143
00:10:05,661 --> 00:10:07,381
What you need...

144
00:10:07,421 --> 00:10:08,821
is a voice.

145
00:10:09,861 --> 00:10:14,661
And so, to find my voice, my mind
turned from Paris to Manchester.

146
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,781
If I was going to be a writer,

147
00:10:16,821 --> 00:10:20,581
I needed to draw inspiration
from closer to home.

148
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,141
Another satisfied customer.

149
00:10:36,781 --> 00:10:39,701
I suppose you've heard the story
about the young couple

150
00:10:39,741 --> 00:10:42,821
-from Collyhurst.
-I don't have time
-for this.
-No, sit down.

151
00:10:42,861 --> 00:10:47,261
It was the wedding night, see, and
they were just going upstairs to bed

152
00:10:47,301 --> 00:10:49,461
and she says, "I love you."

153
00:10:49,501 --> 00:10:51,861
And he said, "I love you too.

154
00:10:53,341 --> 00:10:55,581
"Shall we consummate our marriage?"

155
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,461
"Yeah, if you like."

156
00:10:57,501 --> 00:10:59,701
"Right, blow out the candle."

157
00:10:59,741 --> 00:11:00,821
"Yeah."

158
00:11:04,261 --> 00:11:06,461
"What's up? I can't blow it out."

159
00:11:06,501 --> 00:11:08,421
"Give it to me, stupid."

160
00:11:08,461 --> 00:11:10,901
Look...
No, sit down, you'll like this.

161
00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:12,541
"Give it to me, stupid."

162
00:11:14,661 --> 00:11:16,981
"I can't blow it out either."
"I can't."

163
00:11:17,021 --> 00:11:18,541
"Well, who's downstairs?"

164
00:11:18,581 --> 00:11:19,941
"Me mother."

165
00:11:19,981 --> 00:11:21,301
I said, "Mother!"

166
00:11:22,461 --> 00:11:25,781
She says, "What's up?"
"Can't blow this candle out.

167
00:11:25,821 --> 00:11:27,621
"I've tried, can't blow it out."

168
00:11:27,661 --> 00:11:29,221
"Let me have a go."

169
00:11:29,261 --> 00:11:30,901
Oh!

170
00:11:32,221 --> 00:11:34,181
"I can't blow it out either.

171
00:11:34,221 --> 00:11:36,141
"I'll shout your father. Father!"

172
00:11:37,661 --> 00:11:38,661
"What?"

173
00:11:39,621 --> 00:11:43,621
"Can't blow this candle out.
I've tried, they've tried,
can't blow it out."

174
00:11:46,541 --> 00:11:48,781
He said, "I can't blow it out
either.

175
00:11:48,821 --> 00:11:50,781
"What are we gonna do?

176
00:11:50,821 --> 00:11:53,021
"The vicar's downstairs.
Shout the vicar."

177
00:11:53,061 --> 00:11:54,581
"Vicar!"

178
00:11:54,621 --> 00:11:58,261
"Hello. What seems to be amiss?"

179
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,421
"Can't blow this candle out.

180
00:12:00,461 --> 00:12:03,341
"I can't, he can't, she can't.
Can't blow it out."

181
00:12:05,301 --> 00:12:06,701
"Allow me."

182
00:12:10,821 --> 00:12:12,421
This is the end?

183
00:12:12,461 --> 00:12:13,821
Yes.

184
00:12:13,861 --> 00:12:16,741
I'm sorry, but I don't understand.

185
00:12:16,781 --> 00:12:20,581
Nor do I. It's just a joke
my grandma used to tell.

186
00:12:20,621 --> 00:12:23,381
Hm. How do you make these faeces?

187
00:12:23,421 --> 00:12:24,741
Eh?

188
00:12:24,781 --> 00:12:27,941
-The... Oh, the faces!
-Yes.

189
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,421
I used to box when I was a kid.

190
00:12:30,461 --> 00:12:31,621
Ah, oui, la boxe.

191
00:12:31,661 --> 00:12:35,181
I wasn't very good. I was carried
out of the ring so often

192
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:36,941
I had handles sewn in my shorts.

193
00:12:37,981 --> 00:12:41,861
But the good thing about breaking
your jaw is, you can do this.

194
00:12:44,021 --> 00:12:45,981
See? Sexy, eh?

195
00:12:47,461 --> 00:12:48,661
Mm.

196
00:12:50,861 --> 00:12:51,861
Emerald.

197
00:12:54,061 --> 00:12:57,861
I had no idea why Madame Gaudin
wanted me to play the same tune

198
00:12:57,901 --> 00:13:01,181
for three hours a night
on such a defective instrument.

199
00:13:01,221 --> 00:13:04,061
But it wouldn't be long
before I found out.

200
00:13:21,621 --> 00:13:23,341
What do you think?

201
00:13:23,381 --> 00:13:25,221
It's good.

202
00:13:25,261 --> 00:13:26,581
-Really?
-Yes.

203
00:13:26,621 --> 00:13:29,901
There's a few...purple patches.

204
00:13:29,941 --> 00:13:32,701
What do you mean?
Like you've swallowed a thesaurus

205
00:13:32,741 --> 00:13:34,261
and sicked it up on the page.

206
00:13:35,341 --> 00:13:36,821
Here, um...

207
00:13:36,861 --> 00:13:42,221
"grimy, hunched warehouses severing
the skyline with dissipated profiles

208
00:13:42,261 --> 00:13:44,581
"that lurch above narrow tenements,

209
00:13:44,621 --> 00:13:47,741
"gazing, eyeless,
onto litter-pitted streets."

210
00:13:48,741 --> 00:13:51,701
Yeah. Took me ages, that sentence.

211
00:13:51,741 --> 00:13:55,541
Literature isn't drapery, Les,
you don't get paid by the yard.

212
00:13:55,581 --> 00:13:57,301
-It's crap.
-No, it's good.

213
00:13:57,341 --> 00:13:59,341
You just...you don't need
to write like

214
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,861
you're trying to impress
your English teacher.

215
00:14:01,901 --> 00:14:04,701
Some of it's verging on
the, dare I say, comic.

216
00:14:04,741 --> 00:14:06,701
Great Oh, come one.

217
00:14:06,741 --> 00:14:09,661
Let me buy you dinner, cheer you up.
I'm not hungry.

218
00:14:09,701 --> 00:14:12,261
Ever had the shish kebabs?
Ever since I arrived.

219
00:14:15,701 --> 00:14:18,101
Hell... Les, don't.

220
00:14:25,621 --> 00:14:27,181
Emerald?

221
00:14:27,221 --> 00:14:30,421
Les, leave, go back downstairs.
-Allez, allez!
-What's going on?

222
00:14:30,461 --> 00:14:32,861
Fat man, he tried to make pipi
on our rug.

223
00:14:32,901 --> 00:14:35,501
-Degueulasse!
-Is this
some sort of knocking shop?

224
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,861
What happens here is
none of your concern.

225
00:14:40,381 --> 00:14:43,221
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I like you.

226
00:14:43,261 --> 00:14:45,941
Because I did not want you
to judge me.

227
00:14:45,981 --> 00:14:48,301
Ah, you are the penis.

228
00:14:48,341 --> 00:14:49,661
What?

229
00:14:49,701 --> 00:14:51,301
You are the penis.

230
00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:53,661
You play the bad piano downstairs?

231
00:14:53,701 --> 00:14:55,701
Oh, the pianist.

232
00:14:55,741 --> 00:15:00,141
Your terrible music makes our
clients come quickly and go quickly.

233
00:15:00,181 --> 00:15:02,741
More money for Madame
means more money for us.

234
00:15:02,781 --> 00:15:04,941
Very clever. Thank you.

235
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,701
You're welcome.

236
00:15:10,741 --> 00:15:12,381
Glad to be of service.

237
00:15:12,421 --> 00:15:15,181
Les... I did try to warn you.

238
00:15:16,301 --> 00:15:17,701
So that was it.

239
00:15:17,741 --> 00:15:19,461
I was a brothel Beethoven.

240
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:21,661
A prostitute's Prokofiev.

241
00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:24,661
A cathouse Khachaturian.

242
00:15:25,701 --> 00:15:27,941
Not for the first time...

243
00:15:27,981 --> 00:15:29,661
I felt like a failure.

244
00:15:38,181 --> 00:15:42,741
-La vie humaine commence
de l'autre cote du desespoir.

245
00:15:42,781 --> 00:15:44,381
Eh?

246
00:15:44,421 --> 00:15:48,421
Life begins on the other side
of despair.

247
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:52,501
May I join you?

248
00:15:58,021 --> 00:16:00,901
You know, this afternoon,
I went to a cafe

249
00:16:00,941 --> 00:16:03,221
and ordered a coffee with no cream.

250
00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:05,261
The waitress came back and said,

251
00:16:05,301 --> 00:16:08,461
"I'm sorry, Monsieur Sartre,
we don't have any cream.

252
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:11,301
"Can I bring you a coffee
with no milk instead?"

253
00:16:11,341 --> 00:16:12,701
You see?

254
00:16:12,741 --> 00:16:14,621
Not really.

255
00:16:15,661 --> 00:16:18,581
We create ourselves, our essence,

256
00:16:18,621 --> 00:16:21,781
by what we do, the choices we make.
Action.

257
00:16:22,821 --> 00:16:25,541
Our dreams and our intentions
are futile.

258
00:16:25,581 --> 00:16:27,381
Hm. Tell me about it.

259
00:16:28,581 --> 00:16:30,061
I came here to be a writer.

260
00:16:30,101 --> 00:16:31,741
-Then write.
-I can't.

261
00:16:33,621 --> 00:16:35,381
I haven't found my voice.

262
00:16:35,421 --> 00:16:37,261
Then do something else.

263
00:16:37,301 --> 00:16:39,101
Be true to who you are.

264
00:16:39,141 --> 00:16:40,781
But that's the point.

265
00:16:40,821 --> 00:16:42,261
Who am I?

266
00:16:43,781 --> 00:16:46,301
I'm a writer that hasn't written
anything.

267
00:16:47,781 --> 00:16:51,621
A fat, boozing Northerner
who likes music and literature.

268
00:16:57,181 --> 00:17:01,621
I think you have the ability to make
people laugh, to bring them joy.

269
00:17:01,661 --> 00:17:04,861
Your stories, your piano,
your funny faces.

270
00:17:04,901 --> 00:17:08,501
-Faces.
-I would give my right hand
to have this skill,

271
00:17:08,541 --> 00:17:10,701
but you think,
what, it is beneath you?

272
00:17:10,741 --> 00:17:12,701
People want to be entertained.

273
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:17,821
They don't want to see a miserable,
fat man playing a wonky piano.

274
00:17:19,461 --> 00:17:21,421
You would be surprised.

275
00:17:23,421 --> 00:17:26,341
Your best work is what you do best.

276
00:17:26,381 --> 00:17:29,821
Find this,
and you will find happiness.

277
00:17:29,861 --> 00:17:33,981
We cannot choose to have no cream
if the cream does not exist.

278
00:17:34,021 --> 00:17:36,301
But we can choose...

279
00:17:36,341 --> 00:17:38,061
to have no milk.

280
00:17:42,141 --> 00:17:43,661
A bientot.

281
00:18:03,221 --> 00:18:05,981
The great WC Fields one said,

282
00:18:06,021 --> 00:18:09,421
"If at first you don't succeed,
try, try again.

283
00:18:09,461 --> 00:18:13,701
"Then quit, there's no point being
a damn fool about it."

284
00:18:19,501 --> 00:18:21,421
God, I feel terrible.

285
00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:25,661
Me head's banging
like a shithouse door in a gale.

286
00:18:31,461 --> 00:18:34,221
I asked the doctor
if he could recommend anything

287
00:18:34,261 --> 00:18:36,741
for persistent wind.
You know what he said?

288
00:18:36,781 --> 00:18:39,381
A kite.

289
00:18:40,581 --> 00:18:44,621
I'm sorry, but...the sadder you are,
the funnier you are.

290
00:18:44,661 --> 00:18:46,381
That's a fat lot of good, innit?

291
00:18:47,741 --> 00:18:52,981
Dr Bernard tells me the police
raided La Maison Chabanel last week

292
00:18:53,021 --> 00:18:54,741
and the Sphinx the week before.

293
00:18:54,781 --> 00:18:58,221
It is the new Conseiller.
He wants to clean up this area.

294
00:18:58,261 --> 00:19:00,621
That's a shame.
He was your best customer.

295
00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:02,381
We will have to move elsewhere.

296
00:19:02,421 --> 00:19:05,861
Maybe it is time you started
looking for another job.

297
00:19:05,901 --> 00:19:07,261
No, no need.

298
00:19:07,301 --> 00:19:09,461
I'm going back to Manchester.

299
00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,101
Ferry leaves tonight.

300
00:19:11,141 --> 00:19:13,141
I've failed at being a writer.

301
00:19:13,181 --> 00:19:16,461
-I never said that.
-I'm sure
they'll let me back at the Co-op.

302
00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:18,141
Don't worry.

303
00:19:18,181 --> 00:19:20,581
Lady Luck will smile on you soon.

304
00:19:20,621 --> 00:19:24,461
Hm. By the time she smiles on me,
she won't have any teeth left.

305
00:19:25,781 --> 00:19:27,221
Quel dommage.

306
00:19:28,381 --> 00:19:31,501
Do you still have a few hours left?

307
00:19:31,541 --> 00:19:32,621
Hm?

308
00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:49,101
♪ I'll be loving you eternally... ♪

309
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:54,461
Ruby?

310
00:19:54,501 --> 00:19:56,261
Tu me laisses la place?

311
00:20:01,741 --> 00:20:04,341
♪ ..From the start, within my heart

312
00:20:04,381 --> 00:20:09,461
♪ It seems I've always known... ♪

313
00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:11,701
How do you do it?

314
00:20:15,261 --> 00:20:17,221
Now...

315
00:20:18,381 --> 00:20:19,741
Voila.

316
00:20:21,661 --> 00:20:24,061
♪ ..Forever true

317
00:20:25,221 --> 00:20:28,981
♪ And loving you

318
00:20:30,541 --> 00:20:37,261
♪ Eternally. ♪

319
00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:44,661
'So that was it.

320
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:47,741
'My Parisian sojourn was over.'

321
00:20:47,781 --> 00:20:51,661
I went back to Manchester and
started as an apprentice electrician

322
00:20:51,701 --> 00:20:53,301
but that was a disaster.

323
00:20:53,341 --> 00:20:56,981
I was to that employ what
the Pope is to brothel management.

324
00:20:58,261 --> 00:21:00,181
I played piano with a jazz band.

325
00:21:00,221 --> 00:21:03,261
We were that bad, we got paid off
at a charity gig.

326
00:21:03,301 --> 00:21:05,221
But it did get me an agent...

327
00:21:05,261 --> 00:21:10,061
who got me a booking at
the Emperor's Club, Hull, 1956,

328
00:21:10,101 --> 00:21:13,181
where it seemed like
things couldn't get any worse.

329
00:21:13,221 --> 00:21:16,741
Right, bit of hush, please.

330
00:21:16,781 --> 00:21:19,941
Come on, hey, look, we've paid
good money for these turns.

331
00:21:19,981 --> 00:21:22,261
And I, for one,
-want to bloody hear 'em.
-Ssh!

332
00:21:22,301 --> 00:21:25,861
Thank you. Right, this next
young lad has complained

333
00:21:25,901 --> 00:21:29,381
that some of his jokes have been
going over the audience's heads.

334
00:21:29,421 --> 00:21:31,461
But that's partly my fault

335
00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:34,261
because I fitted these speakers
too bloody high.

336
00:21:36,661 --> 00:21:40,141
Ladies and gentlemen, will you
please give a warm welcome

337
00:21:40,181 --> 00:21:42,421
to Mr Les Dawson!

338
00:22:05,461 --> 00:22:08,861
Jesus Christ, he's pie-eyed.

339
00:22:13,301 --> 00:22:17,741
'We cannot choose to have no cream
if the cream does not exist.

340
00:22:17,781 --> 00:22:19,821
'But we can choose...

341
00:22:19,861 --> 00:22:22,021
'to have no milk.'

342
00:22:38,301 --> 00:22:41,461
Well, thank you for that
brief spatter of applause.

343
00:22:42,941 --> 00:22:46,461
It's nice to be here
in this renovated fish crate.

344
00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:49,981
Hm, what an audience.

345
00:22:50,021 --> 00:22:52,101
I've seen more life
in a tramp's vest.

346
00:23:12,941 --> 00:23:14,941
Now, you may be thinking...

347
00:23:14,981 --> 00:23:17,981
why's he standing up there,
half drunk?

348
00:23:18,021 --> 00:23:20,261
Well, I thought it was obvious.

349
00:23:20,301 --> 00:23:22,061
I ran out of money.

350
00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:24,901
I wasn't always an entertainer.

351
00:23:24,941 --> 00:23:28,021
No, there was a time
when I had regular meals.

352
00:23:29,981 --> 00:23:33,301
For a time, I was a pianist
in Parisian brothel.

353
00:23:33,341 --> 00:23:35,581
Pay was lousy,
but I saw plenty of tips.

354
00:23:35,621 --> 00:23:37,221
I said tips.

355
00:23:40,941 --> 00:23:43,141
Oof!

356
00:23:47,261 --> 00:23:49,741
In awe, I saw the waxing moon

357
00:23:49,781 --> 00:23:53,061
ride across the zenith of the
heavens like an amber chariot...

358
00:23:53,101 --> 00:23:55,861
towards the ebony void
of infinite space...

359
00:23:57,341 --> 00:24:00,901
..wherein the tethered belts
of Jupiter and Mars hang...

360
00:24:02,261 --> 00:24:04,141
..forever festooned...

361
00:24:05,501 --> 00:24:07,421
..in their orbital majesty.

362
00:24:17,261 --> 00:24:20,181
And as I looked at all this,
I thought to myself...

363
00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:25,141
..I must put a roof on this toilet.

364
00:24:42,341 --> 00:24:43,861
Come on.

365
00:24:46,901 --> 00:24:50,181
'For the first time,
I was hearing genuine laughter

366
00:24:50,221 --> 00:24:53,781
'from one of the toughest audiences
a comedian can face.'

367
00:24:56,181 --> 00:24:59,981
And although it took me
another ten years playing the clubs

368
00:25:00,021 --> 00:25:02,141
to become an overnight success,

369
00:25:02,181 --> 00:25:04,421
I'd finally found my voice.

370
00:25:05,661 --> 00:25:08,661
And that's all a true artist
can ever ask for.

371
00:25:11,741 --> 00:25:13,261
Have you heard enough?

372
00:25:13,301 --> 00:25:16,541
Absolutely, that's brilliant.
-Thanks, Les.
-No worries.

373
00:25:16,581 --> 00:25:18,821
See you in a couple of weeks, then.

374
00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:35,501
♪ Bye-Bye Blackbird

375
00:26:03,981 --> 00:26:06,541
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