1
00:00:00,021 --> 00:00:04,941
This programme contains very strong
language from the outset
and throughout.

2
00:00:22,101 --> 00:00:24,581
..total fucking bollocks!

3
00:00:33,141 --> 00:00:36,421
'I bloody told Noel Edmonds to pick
me up in the field next to the
house!'

4
00:00:36,461 --> 00:00:39,781
-Right.
-Dozy bastard lands his
chopper right in my garden!

5
00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:42,101
You should see the state
of my begonias, Bob!

6
00:00:42,141 --> 00:00:45,621
Elton, I don't have an opening act.
No.

7
00:00:45,661 --> 00:00:48,421
And I need to raise five million
quid,

8
00:00:48,461 --> 00:00:51,741
and I'm trying to run a ten-hour
stadium show

9
00:00:51,781 --> 00:00:53,941
-off of four generators!
-Three.
-Three?!
-Yeah.

10
00:00:53,981 --> 00:00:55,381
Christ!

11
00:00:55,421 --> 00:00:59,341
So, while I appreciate that having
Noel Edmonds in your garden

12
00:00:59,381 --> 00:01:01,101
in any context

13
00:01:01,141 --> 00:01:04,781
must be vaguely traumatic...
Fine plants, Bob, begonias.

14
00:01:04,821 --> 00:01:07,381
They don't seek the limelight
like some of the other...

15
00:01:07,421 --> 00:01:09,741
-Do you fancy opening?
-No!

16
00:01:09,781 --> 00:01:11,381
Stage one is fantastic!

17
00:01:12,541 --> 00:01:14,941
Maybe see it as a tribute

18
00:01:14,981 --> 00:01:18,781
to your... To your plants!
And the whole famine thing!

19
00:01:18,821 --> 00:01:22,501
They wouldn't want a tribute, Bob,
I'm telling you! Christ, you're not
listening!

20
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:26,661
Begonias are some of the most
bashful plants I've ever had
the privilege of growing!

21
00:01:26,701 --> 00:01:29,501
A tribute would be their worst
fucking nightmare!

22
00:01:29,541 --> 00:01:31,541
They're humble!

23
00:01:36,741 --> 00:01:39,021
Do you fancy opening, Freddie?

24
00:01:39,061 --> 00:01:40,941
No, darling, I need to soak up
the vibe.

25
00:01:40,981 --> 00:01:42,901
That's a load of bollocks!

26
00:01:42,941 --> 00:01:45,581
You're all scared about not getting
sound checks

27
00:01:45,621 --> 00:01:47,661
and you want someone else to break
in the mics!

28
00:01:47,701 --> 00:01:51,901
Hadn't even crossed my mind, Robert.
That's the only way that you'll all
get on, Freddie.

29
00:01:51,941 --> 00:01:54,941
-Absolutely.
-Are the Irish band here
-yet?
-No.

30
00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:59,861
-I do like the singer.Bo-no?
-Boner?!

31
00:01:59,901 --> 00:02:03,221
-It's Bono, OK? It's Bono!
-Is it?
Yeah!

32
00:02:03,261 --> 00:02:04,981
-Oh.Bono.
-Oh.

33
00:02:05,021 --> 00:02:06,861
-Bono.
-What a shame!

34
00:02:11,221 --> 00:02:13,021
(KNOCKS)

35
00:02:13,061 --> 00:02:16,101
Would you fancy opening, maybe,
Sade?

36
00:02:16,141 --> 00:02:18,381
-Uh, yeah, all right.Yeah?
-Wow!

37
00:02:18,421 --> 00:02:22,741
-Well, that's great!
-As long as you
get the others to stop asking me
about Africa.

38
00:02:22,781 --> 00:02:23,981
Hm?

39
00:02:24,021 --> 00:02:25,461
-Ah.
-Shite!

40
00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:26,781
Ah, look...

41
00:02:26,821 --> 00:02:29,021
I'm... I'm sorry!

42
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:30,821
I left Africa when I was four, Bob.

43
00:02:30,861 --> 00:02:35,021
I can tell them about Colchester,
but I'm not sure today's really
about Colchester, is it?

44
00:02:35,061 --> 00:02:37,741
-No. Not primarily.
-No.

45
00:02:37,781 --> 00:02:41,261
So how can I be the African expert?

46
00:02:41,301 --> 00:02:44,461
I know the line-up. It doesn't look
great.

47
00:02:44,501 --> 00:02:47,621
-No.
-God knows, we tried!

48
00:02:47,661 --> 00:02:52,221
Prince, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross,
-Michael Jackson.
-But they didn't
want to do it.

49
00:02:52,261 --> 00:02:56,861
-What about the Brits?
-Personally,
I'd have loved to have had Aswad.

50
00:02:56,901 --> 00:02:58,381
Or Steel Pulse.

51
00:02:58,421 --> 00:03:00,661
But they don't have the profile,
Sade.

52
00:03:00,701 --> 00:03:03,141
It has to be about the money, Sade,
it has to be!

53
00:03:03,181 --> 00:03:06,061
And I know they're a bunch of
bleeding lunatics,

54
00:03:06,101 --> 00:03:09,181
but they're the biggest acts
in the country, yeah?

55
00:03:09,221 --> 00:03:14,301
And if I can get those acts on that
stage, then we get the money!

56
00:03:14,341 --> 00:03:15,821
No, it's cool.

57
00:03:15,861 --> 00:03:17,701
I just didn't think today would
involve me

58
00:03:17,741 --> 00:03:20,221
explaining to an off-their-tits
Status Quo why Africa

59
00:03:20,261 --> 00:03:22,181
is hot in the winter.

60
00:03:22,221 --> 00:03:23,981
Yeah.

61
00:03:25,661 --> 00:03:27,341
-Do you know what I mean?Yeah.
-Mm.

62
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:29,581
-Yeah?OK.
-It's fine.

63
00:03:29,621 --> 00:03:31,381
It's not.

64
00:03:33,261 --> 00:03:35,501
-Look, you're not opening, Sade.
-No.

65
00:03:35,541 --> 00:03:38,781
And I'll make sure that you get
-a sound check.
-What?!

66
00:03:38,821 --> 00:03:41,141
No, it's fine. Everything's...

67
00:03:41,181 --> 00:03:43,621
-Jesus!
-Everything's fine. Great.

68
00:03:44,501 --> 00:03:46,941
What's wrong with Steel Pulse?
I like Steel Pulse.

69
00:03:51,101 --> 00:03:52,421
Tony!

70
00:03:52,461 --> 00:03:54,661
Tony, speak to me!

71
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,221
They're running too low, Bob!

72
00:03:56,261 --> 00:03:59,621
It isn't a sustainable situation!
What?!

73
00:03:59,661 --> 00:04:02,901
You're asking me to transcend
the rules of kinetic energy.

74
00:04:02,941 --> 00:04:05,861
To play God in the atheist world
of physics!

75
00:04:05,901 --> 00:04:09,301
Tony, just tell me in a way that
-I'll understand.
-Yes.

76
00:04:09,341 --> 00:04:12,101
Right. If one goes, you're fucked.

77
00:04:12,141 --> 00:04:15,741
If two go, you're massively fucked.
Bob!

78
00:04:17,061 --> 00:04:21,341
-Midge!
-I've really got to check
on those snacks.

79
00:04:21,381 --> 00:04:24,101
I was just looking for you.

80
00:04:24,141 --> 00:04:27,421
Could I have a wee word?
Absolutely. Yeah.

81
00:04:27,461 --> 00:04:29,341
OK, Tony.

82
00:04:29,381 --> 00:04:31,861
There's two billion people watching
this,

83
00:04:31,901 --> 00:04:34,101
so it's all down to you.

84
00:04:39,901 --> 00:04:41,621
So we're on quite early.

85
00:04:41,661 --> 00:04:45,141
Yeah. Yeah, I'm just trying to fit
everyone in, like, you know?

86
00:04:45,181 --> 00:04:47,341
I'm surprised to see your mob
higher up the bill.

87
00:04:47,381 --> 00:04:49,341
No. Really? Are we?

88
00:04:49,381 --> 00:04:50,821
Aye.

89
00:04:50,861 --> 00:04:52,541
How long's your slot?

90
00:04:52,581 --> 00:04:53,861
Um...

91
00:04:53,901 --> 00:04:55,621
I dunno!

92
00:04:55,661 --> 00:04:57,861
Aye, 18 minutes. Hm.

93
00:04:57,901 --> 00:04:59,541
I checked.

94
00:04:59,581 --> 00:05:01,421
Oh, yeah. That's right - 18.

95
00:05:01,461 --> 00:05:03,021
And remind me.

96
00:05:03,061 --> 00:05:04,661
How long is I Don't Like Mondays?

97
00:05:04,701 --> 00:05:07,421
I'd say probably like four minutes.

98
00:05:07,461 --> 00:05:09,381
Three minutes, 52 seconds.

99
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:11,941
Yeah.

100
00:05:11,981 --> 00:05:13,581
-I checked.
-Right.

101
00:05:16,301 --> 00:05:18,021
So are you gonna play it four times?

102
00:05:18,061 --> 00:05:19,981
Huh.

103
00:05:20,021 --> 00:05:21,861
I mean, come on, Midge.

104
00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:24,901
We do have other songs.

105
00:05:24,941 --> 00:05:27,621
-You know?
-Ho-ho-ho-ho.

106
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,341
-We do!
-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

107
00:05:32,581 --> 00:05:34,901
Well, thanks for having me.
It's good to be here.

108
00:05:34,941 --> 00:05:37,781
Come on, Midge. Don't be like that!
Like what?

109
00:05:37,821 --> 00:05:39,461
(EXASPERATED SIGH)

110
00:05:43,141 --> 00:05:45,021
Well, I mean, would you...
Would you...

111
00:05:45,061 --> 00:05:47,341
Would you...fancy...

112
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,781
opening? No. Just... No, no, no.

113
00:05:49,821 --> 00:05:51,341
No. No.

114
00:05:51,381 --> 00:05:53,461
Definitely not.

115
00:05:55,501 --> 00:05:57,781
Right, Midge. Well, it's lovely
speaking to you,

116
00:05:57,821 --> 00:06:00,741
but just go on and have fun,
like everyone else.

117
00:06:00,781 --> 00:06:02,141
Please.

118
00:06:02,181 --> 00:06:04,861
I've gotta get past you, now.

119
00:06:09,461 --> 00:06:11,261
Jesus Christ!

120
00:06:11,301 --> 00:06:12,901
Crazy bastard!

121
00:06:14,061 --> 00:06:16,301
Can you sign for...
Will you fuck off, will you?

122
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:22,821
I'm not sure about having your name
plastered all over your guitar,
Brian. It looks a bit...showy.

123
00:06:22,861 --> 00:06:25,621
I dunno. I quite like it, you know?

124
00:06:25,661 --> 00:06:29,261
You got your name on it. It reminds
you whose guitar it is, you know?

125
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:31,781
It would mean you wouldn't keep
losing yours, I suppose.

126
00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:33,901
Not a bad point!

127
00:06:33,941 --> 00:06:36,301
Hey, did you come in on Edmonds'
chopper, as well?

128
00:06:36,341 --> 00:06:37,821
Yeah, that was incredible.

129
00:06:37,861 --> 00:06:39,861
Being up there, looking down
on the fans.

130
00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:42,621
They were like little ants crawling
about.

131
00:06:42,661 --> 00:06:44,621
We got a taxi here, Rick.

132
00:06:44,661 --> 00:06:46,301
-Did we?
-Yeah, big time.

133
00:06:46,341 --> 00:06:48,421
Oh, fucking hell! What a taxi!

134
00:06:48,461 --> 00:06:50,021
Here we go!

135
00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:53,421
♪ Here we go and here we go
and here we go! ♪

136
00:06:54,141 --> 00:06:56,021
That's one of ours.

137
00:06:56,061 --> 00:06:59,181
Edmonds shouldn't even be involved,
Freddie. He's not rock'n'roll!

138
00:06:59,221 --> 00:07:01,741
-Which one's Edmonds?
-He's on TV
with a fucking beard.

139
00:07:01,781 --> 00:07:04,861
Oh, yeah. The nature stuff.
-That's David Bellamy!
-Right.

140
00:07:04,901 --> 00:07:07,181
Wish it had been David Bellamy!

141
00:07:07,221 --> 00:07:09,901
David Bellamy wouldn't land
-in my fucking garden!
-No?

142
00:07:09,941 --> 00:07:13,381
Wouldn't dream of it. There's only
one big white chopper allowed
in my garden

143
00:07:13,421 --> 00:07:17,821
and it belongs to a Scandinavian
called Horst! Put some fucking
trousers on - you look ridiculous!

144
00:07:17,861 --> 00:07:20,461
-Fucking Edmonds! Hello, love.
-Hiya.

145
00:07:21,901 --> 00:07:25,181
It's like velvet, darling. What do
-you use?
-Just shampoo.

146
00:07:25,221 --> 00:07:27,581
Don't you dare!'Sade!'

147
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:30,941
Phil, are you all right?
I'd love to send a message to Africa
during my set.

148
00:07:30,981 --> 00:07:35,421
OK. Yeah, of course. You can do
-that. Absolutely.
-Great.

149
00:07:35,461 --> 00:07:39,221
Is there an Ethiopian tribal word
that means, "This is your day
to shine"?

150
00:07:39,261 --> 00:07:42,461
Oh, and it would be great
if it rhymed with Sussudio.

151
00:07:42,501 --> 00:07:43,821
Fuck's sake!

152
00:07:43,861 --> 00:07:45,461
Did you see Hadley's jacket?

153
00:07:45,501 --> 00:07:48,421
-Christ Almighty!
-Hi, Bob.
How are you?

154
00:07:48,461 --> 00:07:50,461
-Good, thank you.
-Grand. Fantastic.

155
00:07:50,501 --> 00:07:52,181
On we go. Yep.

156
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,981
So, how long?20 minutes.

157
00:07:54,021 --> 00:07:57,901
Then Charles, Diana, and two billion
people get to watch an empty stage!

158
00:07:57,941 --> 00:08:00,581
Why won't anybody bloody open?
Because of the sound check!

159
00:08:00,621 --> 00:08:02,181
It can't just be the sound checks.

160
00:08:02,221 --> 00:08:05,781
McCartney? The later they play,
the closer they are to him?
I don't know!

161
00:08:07,501 --> 00:08:11,021
-America!
-ABC haven't picked up
the feed yet.

162
00:08:11,061 --> 00:08:14,501
Sneaky bastards! They all want to
make sure they go out in the States!

163
00:08:14,541 --> 00:08:16,421
When did rock stars get so smart?!

164
00:08:20,181 --> 00:08:21,621
You say that...

165
00:08:23,221 --> 00:08:25,621
Come on, Sade! Look out! Oi!

166
00:08:31,661 --> 00:08:34,501
(ROAR OF CROWD)# Here we go and
here we go... #Listen to that!

167
00:08:34,541 --> 00:08:36,541
Congratulations, lads!

168
00:08:36,581 --> 00:08:38,261
-Pinch me, Rossi!
-What a slot!

169
00:08:38,301 --> 00:08:41,541
They're banging on about some
American thing.

170
00:08:41,581 --> 00:08:43,701
Yeah, some palaver with the time
difference.

171
00:08:43,741 --> 00:08:46,261
Yeah, well, they're five hours
ahead,

172
00:08:46,301 --> 00:08:49,301
so you'll be going out just as the
Americans are having their tea.

173
00:08:49,341 --> 00:08:51,741
-Prime time.
-Lovely-jubbly!

174
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,381
Hang on. Wait, wait, wait.

175
00:08:53,421 --> 00:08:56,541
Isn't it five hours behind?
-No.No.
-No.

176
00:08:56,581 --> 00:09:01,381
What it is, lads, is the way that
we're using the satellites,

177
00:09:01,421 --> 00:09:04,541
we actually end up reversing
the time.

178
00:09:04,581 --> 00:09:07,421
-Yeah?
-What are they gonna come up
with next?

179
00:09:07,461 --> 00:09:08,861
Christ knows! Go on, then.

180
00:09:08,901 --> 00:09:11,141
Yeah. Go on, lads. On you go!

181
00:09:11,181 --> 00:09:12,581
Go on!

182
00:09:13,461 --> 00:09:16,061
Knock them out, fellas!

183
00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:19,141
(CROWD ROARS)

184
00:09:19,181 --> 00:09:20,701
-Are they gonna be all right?
-Yep.

185
00:09:20,741 --> 00:09:23,221
They've only got to remember two
chords, so...

186
00:09:23,701 --> 00:09:25,301
Hello!

187
00:09:25,341 --> 00:09:26,941
(FEEDBACK)

188
00:09:26,981 --> 00:09:29,701
How you doing? All right?

189
00:09:29,741 --> 00:09:31,981
The Quo.

190
00:09:32,021 --> 00:09:34,181
The fucking Quo!

191
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:37,341
♪ Rockin' All Over The World

192
00:09:37,741 --> 00:09:41,501
♪ Here we are and here we are
and here we go ♪

193
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:50,621
Should it be doing that?

194
00:09:50,661 --> 00:09:52,541
-What do you think?
-Seems unlikely.

195
00:09:52,581 --> 00:09:54,861
If you don't lose sound soon,
it'll be a miracle.

196
00:09:54,901 --> 00:09:56,461
Well, what can you do?

197
00:09:56,501 --> 00:09:59,061
I could rob some power
from backstage.

198
00:09:59,101 --> 00:10:01,901
Well, they've all done their hair.
Just bloody do it!

199
00:10:03,181 --> 00:10:04,821
-MAN:
-All right, Bob?
How are you?

200
00:10:06,541 --> 00:10:09,181
How are we for time?
On track, more or less.

201
00:10:09,221 --> 00:10:10,621
-U2 only played two songs.
-What?

202
00:10:10,661 --> 00:10:14,181
Bono had to "save" a girl
"from being crushed".

203
00:10:14,221 --> 00:10:16,261
Oh. It'll go far, that one.

204
00:10:16,301 --> 00:10:18,421
And the donations?

205
00:10:18,461 --> 00:10:19,981
I'll ask.

206
00:10:20,021 --> 00:10:23,381
Wait. Hang on. Where are we going?
I have to get ready!

207
00:10:23,421 --> 00:10:26,621
No, you've got to go and say hello
to Diana and her bloke. Come on.

208
00:10:26,661 --> 00:10:28,381
Fuckin' bollocks!

209
00:10:31,661 --> 00:10:34,021
Quo! Quo! Quo! Quo! Quo!

210
00:10:34,061 --> 00:10:35,821
My heart was going like that.

211
00:10:35,861 --> 00:10:39,061
-Got any coke?
-I'm trying to stay off
-it, Francis.
-Fucking dry in here.

212
00:10:39,101 --> 00:10:41,781
There's 72,000 people outside!

213
00:10:42,461 --> 00:10:47,341
Are you gonna do Money For Nothing?
-Probably.
-It's a classic, innit?

214
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:51,221
-DIANA:
-Where's Phil Collins?
Your Highness,

215
00:10:51,261 --> 00:10:53,141
with the greatest of respect,

216
00:10:53,181 --> 00:10:58,541
I think you have some very strange
-tastes.
-Tell me about it.

217
00:11:00,541 --> 00:11:02,781
Well, I shall look forward to
playing for you.

218
00:11:02,821 --> 00:11:05,701
We're leaving soon. Lunch with Mummy
at HQ.

219
00:11:05,741 --> 00:11:07,101
Right.

220
00:11:10,501 --> 00:11:14,261
Please, um, excuse me just for one
second.

221
00:11:14,301 --> 00:11:16,341
(KNOCKING)

222
00:11:16,381 --> 00:11:18,381
OK, Midge, um... A-hem.

223
00:11:18,421 --> 00:11:22,981
Bit of a technical - we're having
to move you up a few slots.
That's fine, love.

224
00:11:23,021 --> 00:11:24,421
OK.

225
00:11:24,461 --> 00:11:28,581
MAN:'Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome to the stage

226
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,341
'The Boomtown Rats!'

227
00:11:30,381 --> 00:11:32,421
(AUDIENCE ROARS)

228
00:11:32,461 --> 00:11:34,181
That fucking...

229
00:11:36,461 --> 00:11:38,221
Did you see Charles dancing?

230
00:11:38,261 --> 00:11:41,061
Good God, I thought he was having
a bleedin' stroke!

231
00:11:45,821 --> 00:11:47,661
I should have known it would end
like this.

232
00:11:47,701 --> 00:11:51,981
Do you want me to check on snacks?
Look, Midge, I didn't know...

233
00:11:52,021 --> 00:11:53,701
After everything I've done.

234
00:11:54,341 --> 00:11:56,141
Everything YOU'VE done?

235
00:11:58,541 --> 00:12:02,581
Midge, I've sacrificed my whole
career for this!

236
00:12:02,621 --> 00:12:04,461
You didn't have one to sacrifice!

237
00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:06,501
-What?!
-OK, boys. Let's calm down.

238
00:12:06,541 --> 00:12:08,581
I wrote the bloody song, Bob!

239
00:12:08,621 --> 00:12:12,781
No, you wrote the theme tune to
Z Cars and we changed the words!

240
00:12:12,821 --> 00:12:15,181
Oh, really? Well, at least I've got
timing!

241
00:12:15,221 --> 00:12:17,341
I'm sorry?

242
00:12:17,381 --> 00:12:19,501
Tell me, Bob.

243
00:12:23,581 --> 00:12:26,021
Why don't you jump at the end of
songs any more?

244
00:12:29,581 --> 00:12:31,421
I don't know what you're talking
about.

245
00:12:31,461 --> 00:12:33,181
You can't land on the beat.

246
00:12:33,221 --> 00:12:35,021
I can't what?

247
00:12:35,061 --> 00:12:37,581
That is... That is totally
subjective.

248
00:12:37,621 --> 00:12:39,101
Rockstar 101.

249
00:12:39,141 --> 00:12:43,101
-And you can't do it.
-Oh, I can land
-on the beat.
-You're incapable
of landing on the beat.

250
00:12:43,141 --> 00:12:45,541
I can land on the beat.
That is not something you can do.

251
00:12:45,581 --> 00:12:47,181
OK, boys.

252
00:12:48,741 --> 00:12:50,501
-I can land on the beat!
-You cannot!

253
00:12:52,501 --> 00:12:54,141
I can land on the beat!

254
00:12:54,181 --> 00:12:55,701
No-o-o!!

255
00:12:57,301 --> 00:12:58,861
I can land on the beat!

256
00:12:58,901 --> 00:13:00,621
The beat cannot be landed.

257
00:13:01,821 --> 00:13:04,021
It was the bravest thing I've ever
seen, darling.

258
00:13:04,061 --> 00:13:07,301
I don't want the day to become
-about me.
-Of course!

259
00:13:07,341 --> 00:13:09,781
-That's the last thing I want.
-Yes.

260
00:13:09,821 --> 00:13:13,301
He said he was told to land in my
garden. That he was only following
orders.

261
00:13:13,341 --> 00:13:15,821
Where have we heard that before,
-David?
-Yeah, it sucks.

262
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:18,941
I'm not saying Noel Edmonds
is an active Nazi.

263
00:13:18,981 --> 00:13:21,581
-No.
-But I'm not saying he's not!

264
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,261
Where's Alison Moyet?

265
00:13:24,301 --> 00:13:26,781
We want them to have it.
Yeah. Royalty-free.

266
00:13:26,821 --> 00:13:30,341
-For what purpose?
-To use as a, um,
a what's it?

267
00:13:30,381 --> 00:13:32,141
-National anthem.
-National anthem.
OK.

268
00:13:32,181 --> 00:13:36,981
So you're suggesting that Ethiopia
change their national anthem

269
00:13:37,021 --> 00:13:38,581
to Rockin' All Over the World?

270
00:13:38,621 --> 00:13:41,221
There ain't no cure
-like rock'n'roll.Amen.
-Sister.

271
00:13:45,381 --> 00:13:46,941
She liked that, I think.

272
00:13:46,981 --> 00:13:48,501
Do I smell?

273
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,021
Yes!

274
00:13:56,621 --> 00:13:58,021
Bob! Bob!

275
00:13:58,061 --> 00:13:59,541
Here you go.

276
00:14:05,701 --> 00:14:07,501
Is that it?

277
00:14:10,221 --> 00:14:13,141
That's all we've raised?
There was an issue at the start.

278
00:14:13,181 --> 00:14:16,021
The BBC didn't have quite enough,
um...phones.

279
00:14:16,061 --> 00:14:18,061
-Enough what?
-Phones.

280
00:14:18,101 --> 00:14:20,341
-Phones?!
-Yeah.

281
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:22,661
Well, what happened?

282
00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:25,781
Bob. OK, I'm your assistant.

283
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:27,501
I'm not in charge of the phones!

284
00:14:29,941 --> 00:14:32,061
And why's the music stopped?

285
00:14:32,101 --> 00:14:35,861
Because the acts know that the
sound's on the blink, so they're
scared to go on.

286
00:14:35,901 --> 00:14:37,941
Well, this is a bloody mess!

287
00:14:37,981 --> 00:14:39,661
Of course it's a bloody mess!

288
00:14:39,701 --> 00:14:43,621
You decided to throw the world's
biggest gig in history

289
00:14:43,661 --> 00:14:45,301
with four months' warning

290
00:14:45,341 --> 00:14:47,901
despite everyone in the whole world
telling you not to.

291
00:14:47,941 --> 00:14:49,661
It was only ever gonna be a bloody
mess,

292
00:14:49,701 --> 00:14:51,461
you stupid Dublin wanker!

293
00:14:51,501 --> 00:14:53,141
Oh, God!

294
00:14:53,181 --> 00:14:55,101
Oh, Jesus.

295
00:14:58,621 --> 00:14:59,941
That's it!

296
00:15:01,221 --> 00:15:03,581
(SIGHS DEEPLY)

297
00:15:03,621 --> 00:15:07,941
I had a chat with Jimmy Savile
and he said, "You look out for him
because he's fucking trouble."

298
00:15:07,981 --> 00:15:10,221
A beard like an angry vagina.

299
00:15:10,261 --> 00:15:11,741
Listen up.

300
00:15:11,781 --> 00:15:14,301
Will yous listen up, please?

301
00:15:14,341 --> 00:15:16,221
Big, fat, hairy bitch!

302
00:15:16,261 --> 00:15:17,861
(CHATTER CONTINUES)

303
00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:20,541
OK. Shut the fuck up!

304
00:15:23,141 --> 00:15:27,461
I don't want to hear another word
about sound or slots

305
00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:29,421
or bloody begonias!

306
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:32,941
I will not be silenced!
They're plants, Elton, OK?

307
00:15:32,981 --> 00:15:34,541
Flowers.

308
00:15:36,421 --> 00:15:40,661
I need five million quid to get food
to people who are fucking dying!

309
00:15:40,701 --> 00:15:42,861
OK? They're fucking dying!

310
00:15:45,141 --> 00:15:46,741
So, who's up next?

311
00:15:46,781 --> 00:15:48,181
Hmm?

312
00:15:54,941 --> 00:15:58,901
It would be the greatest honour
of my life.

313
00:15:58,941 --> 00:16:01,141
We've already been up, Rick.

314
00:16:02,141 --> 00:16:03,941
-Have we?
-Yes.

315
00:16:03,981 --> 00:16:05,461
What is going on today?

316
00:16:05,501 --> 00:16:07,181
Sit down.

317
00:16:12,541 --> 00:16:14,581
I'll do it.

318
00:16:15,701 --> 00:16:17,541
Thank you, Sade.

319
00:16:17,581 --> 00:16:19,101
Now...

320
00:16:19,141 --> 00:16:21,101
I'm gonna raise some money.

321
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:27,541
Is Bob in trouble?

322
00:16:27,581 --> 00:16:29,701
No, no, no. Rick, do you want a
glass of water?

323
00:16:29,741 --> 00:16:31,941
Yeah, if I could, yeah.
Thanks, Marsha.

324
00:16:33,461 --> 00:16:36,661
We've got some great acts coming up.

325
00:16:36,701 --> 00:16:39,861
And I hope the people at home are
enjoying the show

326
00:16:39,901 --> 00:16:42,341
but please, come on,
let's not forget

327
00:16:42,381 --> 00:16:46,381
'the reason why we're here.
It's to raise money, you know?'

328
00:16:46,421 --> 00:16:49,341
'Absolutely. So, the address...'

329
00:16:49,381 --> 00:16:51,941
'Fuck the address. Just read out the
phone number.'

330
00:16:51,981 --> 00:16:56,901
'I think we're gonna have the
address.''Look, pick up the phone
and make a donation.

331
00:16:56,941 --> 00:16:59,101
'Just don't go down the pub tonight,
please!

332
00:16:59,141 --> 00:17:02,621
'Just stay in, watch the telly
and give us the money instead.

333
00:17:02,661 --> 00:17:05,301
'There are people dying, now!

334
00:17:05,341 --> 00:17:06,941
'So give me the money!'

335
00:17:06,981 --> 00:17:10,221
Oh, let's just play the bloody hits,
shall we?

336
00:17:14,621 --> 00:17:17,661
♪ QUEEN: Hammer To Fall

337
00:17:20,661 --> 00:17:22,501
♪ Here we stand

338
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,301
♪ Or here we fall

339
00:17:25,341 --> 00:17:28,581
♪ History won't care at all

340
00:17:28,621 --> 00:17:29,941
♪ Make the bed... ♪

341
00:17:29,981 --> 00:17:33,421
Freddie has them
in the palm of his hand!

342
00:17:33,461 --> 00:17:35,661
Course he has!

343
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:37,141
OK.

344
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:39,541
So... You're banned from the BBC.

345
00:17:39,581 --> 00:17:44,421
-Good.
-And donations are up £300
a second!

346
00:17:44,461 --> 00:17:46,341
-What?!Yeah!You're joking!
-No!

347
00:17:46,381 --> 00:17:49,781
No. And while it was wholly
justified...

348
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:53,221
..I'm sorry for calling you a
wanker.

349
00:17:53,261 --> 00:17:55,941
Oh, well, come on. You wouldn't be
the first!

350
00:17:57,141 --> 00:17:59,541
We're gonna get the food trucks!
I know.

351
00:17:59,581 --> 00:18:02,381
I fucking know. I fucking know!
Come on!

352
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:08,621
Especially when you add in
the Band Aid money.

353
00:18:08,661 --> 00:18:10,661
From Midge's song.

354
00:18:10,701 --> 00:18:12,181
-I know.Yeah?
-I know. I know.

355
00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:13,861
Go on, then.

356
00:18:13,901 --> 00:18:15,741
-For Christ's sake.
-Yeah.

357
00:18:15,781 --> 00:18:17,541
Come on.

358
00:18:19,261 --> 00:18:21,221
FREDDIE:# Give it to me one more
time! ♪

359
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,261
I shouldn't have nicked your slot.

360
00:18:33,301 --> 00:18:37,021
I shouldn't have said that stuff
-about your career.
-No, but it's
true.

361
00:18:38,581 --> 00:18:41,621
I spent two grand buying copies of
our last single.

362
00:18:41,661 --> 00:18:44,101
I thought it didn't chart?
It fucking didn't!

363
00:18:44,141 --> 00:18:45,981
-Jesus.
-I know.

364
00:18:54,541 --> 00:18:56,821
(CONCERT ANNOUNCEMENTS IN DISTANCE)

365
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,621
You know what?

366
00:19:03,661 --> 00:19:06,581
That's what makes today
so impressive, Bob.

367
00:19:08,141 --> 00:19:11,381
You didn't do this as a big star
that people want to be seen with.

368
00:19:11,421 --> 00:19:15,061
You did it as a washed-up wanker
clinging to a record deal.

369
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,101
This wanker thing is relentless.

370
00:19:18,141 --> 00:19:20,101
You had no right to make the day
happen.

371
00:19:20,141 --> 00:19:23,141
You built it with your bare hands.

372
00:19:23,181 --> 00:19:25,461
And your anger and your
stubbornness.

373
00:19:27,381 --> 00:19:29,181
I'm proud of you, Bob.

374
00:19:30,661 --> 00:19:31,861
And...

375
00:19:33,701 --> 00:19:35,861
..I can land on the beat.

376
00:19:36,621 --> 00:19:38,941
No. You can't.

377
00:19:40,381 --> 00:19:41,621
No.

378
00:19:41,661 --> 00:19:43,381
No, I can't.

379
00:19:43,421 --> 00:19:44,781
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

380
00:19:44,821 --> 00:19:46,941
Who's playing?

381
00:19:46,981 --> 00:19:49,461
It's McCartney, I think.

382
00:19:49,501 --> 00:19:51,421
Why isn't he singing?

383
00:19:55,781 --> 00:19:57,181
Bob? Bob?

384
00:19:57,221 --> 00:20:00,581
He's not coming through.
-I can't hear... Marsha!
-Yes?

385
00:20:01,781 --> 00:20:03,741
Talk to me!
And then there was one.

386
00:20:03,781 --> 00:20:06,501
The sound's gone on his mic.
They can't hear his vocals.

387
00:20:06,541 --> 00:20:09,101
-What?! On McCartney?!
-Yes!

388
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:10,941
Jeez, I'll have to leave
the country!

389
00:20:10,981 --> 00:20:13,021
Credit to the drummer,
he's hanging in there.

390
00:20:13,061 --> 00:20:14,701
Just like on the Titanic.

391
00:20:14,741 --> 00:20:17,661
ANNOUNCER:'Sorry about that,
folks. Gremlins in the system.'

392
00:20:17,701 --> 00:20:19,221
Fuck it!

393
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:21,341
Tony, Tony.

394
00:20:21,381 --> 00:20:24,181
What are the chances of just one
more!

395
00:20:24,221 --> 00:20:27,541
If you get it from backstage
and make it acoustic,
you might squeeze one

396
00:20:27,581 --> 00:20:29,621
but we're running on fumes, mate!

397
00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:31,901
Marsha, get the lyric sheets.

398
00:20:31,941 --> 00:20:34,861
-What song?
-Midge's song!
Come on, let's go!

399
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:38,261
Feed the fucking world!

400
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:43,461
Let's go.

401
00:20:43,501 --> 00:20:45,301
Marsha, bring them in!

402
00:20:45,341 --> 00:20:46,701
Midge.

403
00:20:47,701 --> 00:20:49,861
Snow in Africa at Christmas time?!

404
00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:51,581
Best not scrutinise it, yeah?

405
00:20:51,621 --> 00:20:54,941
"Where nothing ever grows"?
Reminds me of my fucking garden.

406
00:20:54,981 --> 00:20:58,501
"Feed the Welsh"?!"World", Rick!
"Feed the world."

407
00:20:58,541 --> 00:21:00,901
-Fucking cool.
-OK, people, listen up.

408
00:21:00,941 --> 00:21:02,861
This is it. It's done.

409
00:21:02,901 --> 00:21:05,221
Now, where's David?

410
00:21:05,261 --> 00:21:06,421
Yes?

411
00:21:06,461 --> 00:21:08,181
David, you start, OK?

412
00:21:08,221 --> 00:21:11,301
Give this shite some credibility.
Shite?

413
00:21:11,341 --> 00:21:12,981
OK, come on. Let's go.

414
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:15,461
Let's go.

415
00:21:15,501 --> 00:21:17,941
(CROWD ROARS)

416
00:21:30,781 --> 00:21:32,501
Well, go on, then!

417
00:21:39,341 --> 00:21:41,101
Thank you so much!

418
00:21:43,421 --> 00:21:45,341
It's been a great day!

419
00:22:04,621 --> 00:22:06,261
♪ Here we stand

420
00:22:06,301 --> 00:22:08,221
♪ Or here we fall

421
00:22:08,261 --> 00:22:11,821
♪ History won't care at all

422
00:22:11,861 --> 00:22:13,701
♪ Make the bed

423
00:22:13,741 --> 00:22:15,821
♪ Light the light

424
00:22:15,861 --> 00:22:19,421
♪ Lady Mercy won't be home tonight

425
00:22:19,461 --> 00:22:23,181
♪ You don't waste no time at all

426
00:22:23,221 --> 00:22:27,221
♪ Don't hear the bell but you answer
the call

427
00:22:27,261 --> 00:22:30,701
♪ Comes to you as to us all

428
00:22:30,741 --> 00:22:34,461
♪ Yeah, we're just waiting
for the hammer to fall ♪

429
00:22:35,981 --> 00:22:38,261
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