-After you. -No, after you. After you, I insist.
No, no, after you. -You first. -Fine!
I thought you said after me.
Cut! Hey, we're done. Good work, fellas. Thank you.
I aced it, Mr Wilder.
And I had to keep this amateur afloat, I tell you.
I need to make shelf space for my Oscar.
You mean, make bathroom space for your reviews.
-What's next? -Marilyn is next.
So, time is money and thanks to Marilyn,
we are running dangerously short on both.
So, vamos, go, go, go, go.
Sure thing, Mr Wilder. Could we invite Miss Monroe to the set, please? Thank you.
Yes, sir.
Christ, this is killing us!
Where is she?
Great. I have the acting coach, not the actress.
Marilyn is nearly ready. I don't mean to be rude, honey but I don't need you on my set.
You might not need me, Mr Wilder, but Marilyn does.
Where is she, then? I'm here, Mr Wilder.
Oh, Marilyn!
Sugar Kowalczyk reporting for duty.
Marilyn, you look good enough to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window.
Raymond Chandler, right? Right. Come.
It's a very simple shot, Marilyn. We just...
You. Mrs Strasberg. Stand over there.
It's a very simple shot. Walk up to the door.
Knock on the door and say, "It's me, Sugar."Yes, sir.
Orange juice.
Scene 74, take one.
Action.
It's Sugar. Me.
Cut.
The line, Marilyn, is "It's me, Sugar."
On account of her name being Sugar Kowalczyk.
Paula, what's my motivation in this scene?
Well, darling, you've just arrived backwards off a speedboat.
Your motivation is to get the god damn door open.
Let's go again.
Scene 74, take two.
Action.
Me, it's Sugar.
How was that for you, Mrs Iceberg? Cut.
Paula!
Marilyn.
Where are you going?
Take five, everybody.
Mr Wilder.
Mr Miller. Mr Wilder.
May I suggest one or two changes to Marilyn's lines?
Yeah, and Diamond only spent six months writing it but I'm sure you have done something better
in the last ten minutes right off the top of your head.
Well, I'm only trying to help.
Hmm, while we are talking about it,
may I take the liberty of pointing out some of the dialogue on your Death Of A Salesman,
it is tragically short on laughs.
But we can talk about this later.
If you want to be really helpful then please, get your wife back on set now.
You'll give Marilyn a nervous breakdown with all this relentless pressure.
She has a nervous breakdown,
I am the one due two weeks at the funny farm if we never get this picture read.
There's no need to be facetious.
Please, go get her.
If I know Marilyn, she'll be perfecting her line.
Paula, I need your help. Of course, darling.
You're Sugar Kowalczyk, let's work on her.
Why does she own a ukulele? Because her father played it before he left.
She was five years old. It reminds her of him.
Does she eat cheese? -Only on Fridays. -Why Fridays?
She gets paid on Thursday, on Friday she can afford the cheese.
Say the line. It's me, Sugar.
You don't need any more help, darling. That was perfect. You are a Godsend, Paula.
-Oh. -I just wish Sugar didn't have to sound like a sexy moron.
"The oven is hot. The fridge is cold.
But they both run on electricity. I don't get it. (GIGGLES)"
Nobody's really that dumb.
You...are...
..an...actor.
-Baby. You OK? -Please leave now. OK, darling.
Oh, Arthur, I get so nervous! Honey.
You are Marilyn Monroe.
You're so much bigger than this silly little line.
I'm sorry, Mr Wilder. I just needed to compose myself.
Quite all right, Marilyn. My wife just needed a little pep talk.
Let's go again, shall we?
Scene 74, take three.
Action.
It's me, Honey.
Cut.
Scene 74, take four.
Action.
Sugar, it's me.
Cut.
Scene 74, take five.
And action.
Me.
It's Sugar.
Cut.
Take six.
Take seven.
Take eight.
Take nine.
Scene 74, take ten.
And action.
Me.
It's my...me.
And cut.
Huh.
There goes Dracula's assistant.
Sugar has just spent the evening with a millionaire.
She thinks he's gonna propose. So, obviously, she's very excited.
What gets you excited in your own life? Books mainly, Paula.
Do you know Rosamond Lehmann? Look.
The Weather In The Streets. What's it about, darling?
It's about the weather!
In the streets.
Screw you, Paula!
I'm sorry, darling... Please leave now, Paula. OK, darling.
Furthermore, I had this idea about this line... Ah, Tony, you remember Arthur Miller?
Sure, I met Mr Miller before. Oh, Arthur, please. The pleasure is all mine.
I really liked A View From The Bridge.
Ah, thank you. It's short on laughs, though.
And what is happening here, apart from nothing?
"It's me, Sugar".
Ten takes already. Jesus Christ. Is she, uh...
Oh, she's something all right. Mood swings all over the place.
You go and talk to her.
Kick her in the ass, give her some flowers.
Just get her back on the set.
Consider it done, Mr Wilder.
Who is it? It's Tony. Please leave now, Paula. OK, darling.
Tony! What are you doing?
I'm not sure but, uh... I think I like it.
You think I'd cheat on my husband?
Guess what?
-What? -I got a hotel suite in Hawaii
on hold under a false name.
The sooner we wrap this picture, the sooner you and I can spend a long weekend together.
What'll I tell Arthur? That you need to be alone so you can memorise your lines.
You're a bad, bad boy.
Yes, I am.
So?
The sacrifices I make for you, Mr Wilder.
It's like kissing Hitler. What did you say to her?
I told her she got the line right, I'd take her to Hawaii and screw her.
What if say the line?
Same deal except Poughkeepsie -instead. -Good.
-I'm ready now, Mr Wilder. -OK.
Scene 74, take 11.
Action.
Honey, it's me.
Cut.
Scene 74, take 12. Action.
Sugar, I'm home.
Cut.
Scene 74, take 13. Action.
Me. It's Sugar.
Cut.
Take 17.
Take 18.
Scene 74, take 19.
Hey. Action.
Sugar, it's me.
I'm a girl. I'm a girl. I'm a girl.
I'm a girl.
Tony. What's happening, are they ready for me?
I don't think, uh, anybody is ready for you.
For Christ's sake. I have to sit around strapped in this outfit all day.
These heels are killing me! I tell you, making this film, wearing this outfit,
my respect for women, it has gone right up!
Well if you want it to go right back down again, then come watch Marilyn at work.
Ladies first. Thank you.
Scene 74, take 25.
And action.
Honey, I'm home. Cut.
This is horrible.
$50 says she don't get it before take 50.
You're on.
Sit down and enjoy the show.
Scene 74, take 26.
Action.
It's me. What's my name again?
Sugar. Sugar.
Scene 74, take 27.
28.
29.
Don't say anything to me.
I'll forget how I want to play it.
Action.
I forgot how I wanted to play it!
Cut! Paula!
I have a nasty feeling I'm gonna leave this set in a box.
-Who is it? -It's Daphne, sugar.
Please leave now, Paula. OK, darling.
-Come in, Jack. -Marilyn, honey.
I've made a suggestion and I hope you aren't gonna hate me for it. What do you mean?
Well... Thank you.
On set, dear, there's a blackboard, with a line on it for you to read.
Jesus Christ, Jack!
Where everyone can see it!
They'll think I really am a moron. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I have notes pinned all over the place if I need them. We all do.
You know Groucho Marx? Never learned a line in his whole life
and I'll tell ya, it's the same thing with Marlon.
-Really? -Absolutely. You do not have to care what anyone thinks.
That's the trouble. I do care.
Well I think that you are the bee's knees.
And I think you're the cat's pyjamas.
And I'll tell you what else. I think you're the flea's eyebrows.
Oh, my! That good? Yes, that good.
Us girls have -to stick together. -Exactly.
Oh.
Plus, I have $50 riding on you.
-What? -Tony bet me that you could not say the line in 50 takes.
I took that bet. Tony!
That two-faced bastard!
He's been in here...
Well, never mind.
Let's just say I won't be going to Hawaii any time soon.
Jack told me. About the blackboard, too!
But it's OK.
-Bet's off. -Oh, certainly not.
All she needs to do is read from the board, how's that fair? Tony, life isn't fair.
And a gentleman, he doesn't welch after shaking hands.
Call yourself a gentleman? No.
I'm a girl!
Let's put this sucker to bed, huh?
Scene 74, take 30.
Action.
It's me, Marilyn.
I'm sorry, Mr Wilder!
Cut. Just...
Just...relax, Marilyn. Don't...don't worry.
About what?
Just read the line off the blackboard.
I completely forgot it was there!
Yes, right there. Yeah.
Let's go again.
The blackboard!
Scene 74, take 31.
Action.
Can we make it bigger?
Cut.
Paula, your finger's making me dizzy.
Oh, that's better!
Scene 74, take 32.
Action.
It's my sugar. Cut.
It is not your sugar.
Sugar...
..is your name.
Action.
Cut.
Take 46.
Action.
Cut. Cut, cut!
Darling, my darling.
Baby, baby, baby.
Tyrant.
Take ten minutes, everyone.
Both my doctor and my psychiatrist tell me, you are too old
and too rich to ever go through this again!
Gentlemen, if you find that I am the director of another Marilyn Monroe movie,
you have my permission to shoot me.
Jesus H fuckin' Christ!
When this is all over, we're gonna take a long vacation. I'll take you to Hawaii.
Oh, not you, as well. -What? -Nothing.
Who is it?
Mr Miller.
Could I please have a few moments alone with your wife?
I'll be right outside.
Paula.
Please leave now. OK, darling.
Sit down, Marilyn.
I'm sorry, Mr Wilder.
I know I'm getting us behind schedule.
I am gonna give you a speech now.
Are you ready to...
..to hear it?
I'm fired?
No. No!
No, you're not fired.
Marilyn.
After The Seven Year Itch,
I vowed I would never work with you again.
Then I changed my mind. You know why I changed my mind?
Cos I realised something.
You are an incredible person.
You know, you had a most hellish start in life.
Don't know who your father is.
You go to a...to a foster home and your mother to a funny farm.
You end up going to an orphanage and then get married at 16
to stop yourself going into another orphanage.
Am I leaving anything out?
When my stepdad. He... Oh yeah.
You ended up with that, uh, that stutter.
Here, here.
You overcame it. Yeah.
You overcame all of this to become
the biggest movie star in all the world.
You're scarcely believable.
If I read this in a script, I would tear it up and throw it in the garbage. That's just too corny.
-I did, didn't I? -Yeah.
The reason I am directing you today
is because you are the biggest star there is.
Out there, that's not a Billy Wilder movie.
This is a Marilyn Monroe movie.
I'm not having too good a day, though, Mr Wilder.
If my Aunt Minnie was in your position, she would be punctual all the time.
And production would never be behind schedule.
But who the hell would pay a dime to see my Aunt Minnie?
So you should take 100 takes. Take 1,000 takes.
Take all the takes you need.
Because you...
..are Marilyn Monroe.
And don't you ever forget that, kid.
Thank you, Mr Wilder.
I mean it. Thank you.
I'm gonna get that line!
Damn right you are!
Hey.
You can call me Billy.
Thank you, Willy.
Bill-e.
You're funny.
Being a director, you gotta be a policeman,
a midwife, psychoanalyst,
a sycophant, and a bastard.
And which one were you with Marilyn?
All of them.
This had better work.
Or we are caput.
I am ready.
Mr Wilder.
"I am Sugar."
Scene 74, take 47.
And action.
It's me, Sugar.
Cut.
Print!
Thank you!
Oh!
Bravo!
Bravo. Bravo.
Thank you!
Chin chin!
You know, I watched the way Mr Wilder bought that shot. It looked wonderful.
Yeah, you should be in the movies.
I enjoyed The Crucible, by the way, -Mr Miller. -Thank you.
Yeah, but I gotta say... I know, I know.
Short on laughs!
Gentlemen, could I get a little privacy?
I need to get ready for --the next shot. -Sure. -Sure thing.
Hey, Mr Miller, maybe back in New York,
I could be in one of those egghead plays of yours?
Are you OK, darling? Heavens, Paula, you frightened me.
I didn't realise you were still here.
I'm sorry, darling. Please leave now, Paula. OK, darling.
Well, you got it in the end, Marilyn.
I'm sorry it took so long, Willy. I mean Billy!
I was just having a bad day.
-It happens. -Exactly.
Nobody's perfect.
♪ I wanna be loved by you, just you,
♪ Nobody else but you
♪ I wanna be loved by you, alone
♪ Boop-boop-de-boop ♪
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