1 00:00:46,341 --> 00:00:48,861 Just three sacks of mail for you this morning. 2 00:00:48,901 --> 00:00:52,341 The usual marriage requests, posies, knick-knacks. 3 00:00:52,381 --> 00:00:55,381 An invitation for you to speak in Parliament. 4 00:00:55,421 --> 00:00:57,421 Several pairs of ladies under things, 5 00:00:57,461 --> 00:01:00,301 and just one claim you sired someone's child. 6 00:01:00,341 --> 00:01:02,261 Please, God, no more children. 7 00:01:02,301 --> 00:01:05,101 And there's one for me from my publisher, 8 00:01:05,141 --> 00:01:09,541 asking when they might expect the cookbook they commissioned from me. 9 00:01:09,581 --> 00:01:11,301 This letter bears the Royal Seal. 10 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,541 From Queen Victoria herself. 11 00:01:15,741 --> 00:01:17,421 She's heard of my acclaimed portrayal 12 00:01:17,461 --> 00:01:19,301 in our production of The Frozen Deep 13 00:01:19,341 --> 00:01:22,541 and writes to request a private command performance. 14 00:01:22,581 --> 00:01:25,541 -For when? -Before she leaves for Balmoral for the summer. 15 00:01:25,581 --> 00:01:27,701 But there's no time. We both have books to finish. 16 00:01:27,741 --> 00:01:29,221 I must gather the cast. 17 00:01:29,261 --> 00:01:31,901 We shall rehearse in the drawing room at every opportunity. 18 00:01:31,941 --> 00:01:33,341 (SIGHS) 19 00:01:33,381 --> 00:01:37,501 To play to her Imperial Majesty places one beyond criticism. 20 00:01:37,541 --> 00:01:39,941 Not that I've ever been the recipient of a bad review, 21 00:01:39,981 --> 00:01:42,381 whether literary or indeed thespian. 22 00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,861 Another billet-doux from Copenhagen. 23 00:01:48,301 --> 00:01:52,781 "In honour of St Valentine, I send my fondest desirings 24 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:56,341 to one whose work I could not love more largely. 25 00:01:56,381 --> 00:01:58,821 Hans Christian Andersen." 26 00:01:58,861 --> 00:02:00,461 Warrants a reply, wouldn't you say? 27 00:02:00,501 --> 00:02:03,181 I think it best you don't encourage him. 28 00:02:03,221 --> 00:02:05,181 He is a devoted reader and Dickens enthusiast. 29 00:02:05,221 --> 00:02:06,621 Letters from Mr Andersen... 30 00:02:06,661 --> 00:02:08,381 I will not discourage someone who exhibits 31 00:02:08,421 --> 00:02:09,861 such exceedingly good taste. 32 00:02:09,901 --> 00:02:11,501 ..56, 57. 33 00:02:12,981 --> 00:02:16,021 Am I to assume the Valentine card from you, my loving husband, 34 00:02:16,061 --> 00:02:17,941 is in the afternoon post? 35 00:02:19,221 --> 00:02:20,821 'My dearest Hans...' 36 00:02:28,461 --> 00:02:31,221 "Clara... Clara... Clara..." 37 00:02:32,541 --> 00:02:34,061 "Clara, kiss me." 38 00:02:34,741 --> 00:02:36,381 "Oh, kiss me, Clara." 39 00:02:36,421 --> 00:02:38,301 (DOORBELL RINGS) I'm in the bath! 40 00:02:40,821 --> 00:02:43,021 "Kiss me, sister." 41 00:02:43,061 --> 00:02:46,181 "Kiss ME, sister. Kiss me..." 42 00:02:47,181 --> 00:02:49,021 (DOORBELL RINGS) I'm in the bath! 43 00:02:49,061 --> 00:02:51,181 (MUSIC PLAYING) 44 00:02:55,501 --> 00:02:57,861 (DOORBELL RINGS, KNOCK AT DOOR) 45 00:02:57,901 --> 00:02:59,861 (IN THE DISTANCE) "..my sister..." 46 00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:01,621 (DOORBELL RINGS) 47 00:03:01,661 --> 00:03:03,181 Will someone attend to the door?! 48 00:03:03,221 --> 00:03:04,741 (DOORBELL RINGS REPEATEDLY) 49 00:03:06,861 --> 00:03:08,341 (SIGHS) 50 00:03:09,341 --> 00:03:10,741 (DOOR SHUTS) 51 00:03:10,781 --> 00:03:12,381 -Hello. -Hello. 52 00:03:14,181 --> 00:03:15,781 (MUTTERING) ..at this ungodly hour. 53 00:03:17,141 --> 00:03:18,621 Hans? 54 00:03:18,661 --> 00:03:20,261 My own Dickens. 55 00:03:21,021 --> 00:03:22,781 Good Lord. 56 00:03:22,821 --> 00:03:24,621 (LAUGHS) 57 00:03:24,661 --> 00:03:26,661 What brings you to my door? Your invitation. 58 00:03:26,701 --> 00:03:28,301 My what?(CHUCKLES) 59 00:03:30,941 --> 00:03:34,541 "My dearest Hans. If ever you happen to be in England, 60 00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,781 you'll be most welcome at Gad's Hill." 61 00:03:37,781 --> 00:03:40,061 I ever happen to be in England. 62 00:03:41,061 --> 00:03:42,941 -Hello! -Ah... 63 00:03:42,981 --> 00:03:44,941 Charles, to whom are you talking? 64 00:03:44,981 --> 00:03:47,021 The house of Dickens. Catherine... 65 00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:49,421 this is Hans Christian Andersen. 66 00:03:49,461 --> 00:03:51,061 Hans, please meet my wife, Catherine. 67 00:03:51,101 --> 00:03:52,861 The wife of Dickens. 68 00:03:54,021 --> 00:03:55,941 (SMOOCHES) Oh. 69 00:03:55,981 --> 00:03:59,421 We've been expecting a visit from Mr Andersen, haven't we, my dear? 70 00:03:59,461 --> 00:04:00,901 Of course. 71 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:04,541 It is such a delightful surprise to finally meet you 72 00:04:04,581 --> 00:04:07,101 after all of your tireless correspondence. 73 00:04:07,901 --> 00:04:09,341 Oh, you're staying with us. 74 00:04:09,381 --> 00:04:11,421 These will be the happiest days of my life. 75 00:04:12,221 --> 00:04:13,821 How wonderful. 76 00:04:17,701 --> 00:04:20,461 Here you are. A Timber Doodle to set you right. 77 00:04:23,621 --> 00:04:26,301 Most esteemed Dickens. 78 00:04:26,341 --> 00:04:28,981 I have for you a gift. 79 00:04:29,901 --> 00:04:31,821 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 80 00:04:34,501 --> 00:04:37,941 "To Be Or Not To Be, by Hans Christian Andersen." 81 00:04:37,981 --> 00:04:40,061 The children will be delighted! 82 00:04:40,101 --> 00:04:43,301 No, no, no. It is a novel for the adults. 83 00:04:43,341 --> 00:04:45,741 I wish to be a writer of serious, like you. 84 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,101 "For Charles Dickens." 85 00:04:50,141 --> 00:04:52,021 Oh, Hans. 86 00:04:52,061 --> 00:04:54,501 You should read it. Read it tonight. 87 00:04:54,541 --> 00:04:56,261 In bed. 88 00:04:56,301 --> 00:04:59,021 This is a book that should be savoured. 89 00:04:59,061 --> 00:05:00,701 I must take my time. 90 00:05:00,741 --> 00:05:02,661 Yes. Yes, you are right. 91 00:05:02,701 --> 00:05:04,701 You should begin it now. 92 00:05:04,741 --> 00:05:07,781 It is, I dare to say, a master's piece. 93 00:05:08,901 --> 00:05:10,301 Read it. 94 00:05:10,341 --> 00:05:11,941 Yeah. I will watch. 95 00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:17,701 I should see how Mrs Dickens fares. 96 00:05:21,701 --> 00:05:24,581 I have had to remove all my work from the guest bedroom 97 00:05:24,621 --> 00:05:26,501 to accommodate Mr Andersen. 98 00:05:26,541 --> 00:05:28,541 What on Earth is he doing here? 99 00:05:28,581 --> 00:05:30,501 It's quite the mystery. How long is he staying? 100 00:05:30,541 --> 00:05:31,981 Oh, not long. I'm sure. 101 00:05:32,021 --> 00:05:33,421 I do hope not. 102 00:05:33,461 --> 00:05:36,141 I was midway through writing up my recipe for badger ham. 103 00:05:36,181 --> 00:05:39,261 Oh, I love badger ham! I'm already behind on my deadline. 104 00:05:39,301 --> 00:05:41,461 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 105 00:05:41,501 --> 00:05:43,061 Dickens! 106 00:05:43,101 --> 00:05:46,661 (PANTING) You are great England's national treasure maybe. 107 00:05:46,701 --> 00:05:49,261 But you forgot my book. Definitely. 108 00:05:49,301 --> 00:05:51,861 Oh, so I did. It is impressively upsetting. 109 00:05:51,901 --> 00:05:54,101 Your room is ready, Mr Andersen. 110 00:05:54,141 --> 00:05:56,701 Mrs Dickens, I have for you. 111 00:05:56,741 --> 00:05:58,581 Oh, how lovely. 112 00:05:59,501 --> 00:06:01,181 And this is... 113 00:06:01,221 --> 00:06:03,221 It is my special bowl for my eatings. 114 00:06:04,981 --> 00:06:06,581 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 115 00:06:13,261 --> 00:06:16,221 (DOOR CLOSES) Oh. Good morning, Mr Andersen. 116 00:06:16,261 --> 00:06:17,701 Did you sleep well? 117 00:06:17,741 --> 00:06:21,661 Terribly. It must be the most uncomfortable night of my life. 118 00:06:21,701 --> 00:06:24,181 Or maybe that was the brothel in Antwerp. 119 00:06:26,301 --> 00:06:28,181 No, no. It was definitely here. 120 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,781 Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that. 121 00:06:30,821 --> 00:06:34,381 The one consolation was knowing that you were reading my book, Dickens. 122 00:06:34,421 --> 00:06:36,301 Hans, let me introduce you to my children. 123 00:06:36,341 --> 00:06:38,061 This is Chickenstalker. 124 00:06:38,101 --> 00:06:39,861 Mr H. 125 00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:42,261 And the noble Plorn! Charles! 126 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:45,221 Francis, Henry and Edward. 127 00:06:45,261 --> 00:06:47,341 -Mary.Mamie.Kate. -Lucifer Box. 128 00:06:47,381 --> 00:06:49,821 -And Walter. -Young Skull! 129 00:06:49,861 --> 00:06:52,381 (CLATTERING) Ow! Alfred and Sydney. 130 00:06:52,421 --> 00:06:54,421 Skittles and the Admiral. 131 00:06:54,461 --> 00:06:56,501 And this is Charlie. 132 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,101 -Charlie. -Damn. 133 00:06:58,141 --> 00:07:01,661 And they say your stories have too many peoples in them. (CHUCKLES) 134 00:07:01,701 --> 00:07:04,341 Busy old Dickens! (CHUCKLES) 135 00:07:04,381 --> 00:07:07,821 Please, sir. Can I have some more? (LAUGHS) 136 00:07:09,181 --> 00:07:11,981 Children, this is Hans Christian Andersen, 137 00:07:12,021 --> 00:07:14,141 the world-famous children's author. 138 00:07:14,861 --> 00:07:17,021 And now the writer for the adults. 139 00:07:17,061 --> 00:07:21,461 He has come to witness my genius first hand. 140 00:07:22,421 --> 00:07:26,581 (SLURPS) I have no wifes and no childrens, 141 00:07:26,621 --> 00:07:29,461 but I have sown my seeds across the corners of the world. 142 00:07:30,421 --> 00:07:33,461 Are you planning to stay in England long, Mr Andersen? 143 00:07:33,501 --> 00:07:35,261 Is someone looking after your house? 144 00:07:35,301 --> 00:07:37,621 House? No, I have no house. 145 00:07:37,661 --> 00:07:40,421 I stay wherever I am invited. 146 00:07:43,581 --> 00:07:45,181 (BURPS) 147 00:07:45,221 --> 00:07:47,101 (CHILDREN SNICKER) 148 00:07:49,341 --> 00:07:50,861 (PEN SCRAWLING) 149 00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:01,021 It is an honour to watch your father at his works. 150 00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,501 Sorry. 151 00:08:09,621 --> 00:08:11,421 (PEN CONTINUES SCRAWLING) 152 00:08:15,341 --> 00:08:18,101 (GASPS) This is unsupportable! 153 00:08:18,141 --> 00:08:20,981 I have a deadline to meet, not to mention a play to rehearse! 154 00:08:21,021 --> 00:08:23,861 How can I concentrate with this relentless racket?! 155 00:08:29,461 --> 00:08:31,501 I could read them something. 156 00:08:31,541 --> 00:08:34,261 Yes, well. That's very generous of you, Hans, thank you. Er... 157 00:08:34,301 --> 00:08:35,901 Something of mine. 158 00:08:35,941 --> 00:08:37,621 Oh, YOUR book? 159 00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:41,661 (CHUCKLING) Do not worry. I shall return it in the blink of a thigh. 160 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:50,381 Oh! (CHUCKLES) "The night was bitterly cold but the bed was warm. 161 00:08:50,421 --> 00:08:54,301 And as he pulled his legs up to the body of the woman he had paid..." 162 00:08:59,741 --> 00:09:01,501 Ah, good morning, Mrs Dickens. 163 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,141 Good morning... Mr Andersen. 164 00:09:04,701 --> 00:09:07,461 I have abandoned my underwearings in the bathroom. 165 00:09:07,501 --> 00:09:11,501 Kindly reunite them with your...legs. 166 00:09:12,181 --> 00:09:14,381 You are so full of the liquorice today, Catherine. 167 00:09:18,781 --> 00:09:20,181 No, Mr Andersen! 168 00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,221 Mr Andersen! No! 169 00:09:23,141 --> 00:09:24,901 -No! -CHILD SHOUTING: Ass! 170 00:09:24,941 --> 00:09:27,301 -Edward, stay in there. -Ass! 171 00:09:32,861 --> 00:09:34,861 (HANS SINGING TO HIMSELF) 172 00:09:38,861 --> 00:09:40,461 (SINGING CONTINUES) 173 00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:46,061 (DISTANT, NOISY THUMPING) "I know nothing. 174 00:09:46,101 --> 00:09:48,141 Only that he... Father!" 175 00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:52,181 I imagined he might be of some service entertaining the children 176 00:09:52,221 --> 00:09:55,861 with his fairy stories. But instead, he fills their heads 177 00:09:55,901 --> 00:09:59,821 with all sorts of er... dockside ballyhoo! 178 00:09:59,861 --> 00:10:02,461 This morning, Edward asked me what a brothel was. 179 00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:05,341 Oh, Catherine. You do not understand writers. 180 00:10:05,381 --> 00:10:07,661 Men of literary genius should be indulged. 181 00:10:07,701 --> 00:10:10,421 Yet you have not indulged Hans by reading his book. 182 00:10:10,461 --> 00:10:11,861 (LAUGHING) No, I have not. 183 00:10:11,901 --> 00:10:14,461 I fear he will not depart our home 184 00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:17,581 until you bestow some favourable opinion upon his novel. 185 00:10:17,621 --> 00:10:20,261 It is enormous. I will not have time. 186 00:10:20,301 --> 00:10:22,381 Why must people write such colossal books? 187 00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:24,501 (DISTANT THUMPING, LAUGHTER AND MUSIC CONTINUE) 188 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:28,421 Read his book, tell him you love it, and then he will go! 189 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,381 What if it is no good? I will not know what to say. 190 00:10:31,421 --> 00:10:33,981 Harsh criticism can hurt people... 191 00:10:34,021 --> 00:10:35,501 I imagine. 192 00:10:35,541 --> 00:10:38,901 -You imagine? -It's unfortunate, but I alone among authors 193 00:10:38,941 --> 00:10:41,621 would be unable to comfort the poor man.(DOOR OPENS) 194 00:10:41,661 --> 00:10:44,501 (RECORDER WHISTLING, DRUM THUMPING, CHILDREN SHOUTING) 195 00:10:44,541 --> 00:10:46,901 -Oh, ho! -No, Edward! 196 00:10:46,941 --> 00:10:48,501 -Edward, no! -Yeah! 197 00:10:48,541 --> 00:10:51,061 (CHILDREN CONTINUE SHOUTING) Sssh! 198 00:10:51,101 --> 00:10:53,581 No! Francis, you should not... 199 00:10:55,301 --> 00:10:56,901 (LAUGHING) 200 00:10:57,781 --> 00:11:00,741 I simply do not understand where he got the idea 201 00:11:00,781 --> 00:11:02,581 that he was welcome to come and stay with us. 202 00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:04,421 No, me neither. 203 00:11:04,461 --> 00:11:06,781 'Tis peculiar, is it not? 204 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,941 "My dearest Hans. 205 00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:33,741 If you ever happen to be in England, you will be most welcome at... 206 00:11:35,421 --> 00:11:37,021 ..Gad's Hill." 207 00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:44,701 "My mind clears, but my eyes grow dim. 208 00:11:44,741 --> 00:11:47,501 My sister... Clara. 209 00:11:48,421 --> 00:11:50,581 Kiss me, sister. 210 00:11:50,621 --> 00:11:52,341 Kiss me before I die." 211 00:11:52,381 --> 00:11:54,621 (DOOR OPENS) You invited him! 212 00:11:54,661 --> 00:11:56,821 Catherine, I was just dying! 213 00:11:56,861 --> 00:11:59,261 Good! You were terribly good, Mr Dickens. 214 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:02,781 You invited that boorish ne'er-do-well into our home, 215 00:12:02,821 --> 00:12:05,981 and now we are unable to cast him o... 216 00:12:08,741 --> 00:12:10,581 Oh! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 217 00:12:10,621 --> 00:12:13,861 -Mr Andersen. -Are you not happy with me as your guest? 218 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,341 -What? Of course. -Ye... N.. Yes... -We are happy with you. -No, no. 219 00:12:16,381 --> 00:12:19,261 -You misunderstand. -I haven't over-remained my welcomes, no? 220 00:12:19,301 --> 00:12:21,181 No. The children love you. I love you. 221 00:12:21,221 --> 00:12:22,941 Catherine...likes you. 222 00:12:22,981 --> 00:12:25,781 Oh, thank you! 223 00:12:25,821 --> 00:12:28,141 Oh, I am so happy to be your rest. 224 00:12:29,341 --> 00:12:31,221 May I have a word? 225 00:12:34,181 --> 00:12:36,861 What possessed you to invite that Nordic cuckoo? 226 00:12:36,901 --> 00:12:38,861 I did not really invite him, I was being polite. 227 00:12:38,901 --> 00:12:40,941 Polite? You? 228 00:12:40,981 --> 00:12:43,461 It's impossible for me to get any work done with him here. 229 00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:47,021 Personally, I find having him here quite helpful. A bit of a boost. 230 00:12:47,061 --> 00:12:49,661 It's good to have someone here who has faith in my genius. 231 00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:52,421 Who does not prattle on about cuckoos and cookbooks. 232 00:12:52,461 --> 00:12:55,621 Someone who's prepared to put my welfare before their own! 233 00:12:58,061 --> 00:12:59,581 Where are you going? 234 00:12:59,621 --> 00:13:01,221 Wife! 235 00:13:01,261 --> 00:13:03,061 Wife? (BOX SLAMS SHUT) 236 00:13:05,541 --> 00:13:11,061 For 21 years I have been putting your welfare before my own. 237 00:13:13,061 --> 00:13:14,461 There. What are these? 238 00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:17,221 Bad reviews of your work. 239 00:13:17,261 --> 00:13:18,901 See? 240 00:13:18,941 --> 00:13:21,781 From Pickwick Papers to Little Doritt. 241 00:13:21,821 --> 00:13:24,341 Oh, some veritable stinkers for that last one. 242 00:13:24,381 --> 00:13:26,261 Did you write these? Are you... 243 00:13:27,021 --> 00:13:28,661 -..a critic?! -No. 244 00:13:29,461 --> 00:13:32,421 I removed them whenever they appeared in your daily newspaper 245 00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:34,661 and concealed them in my trousseau. 246 00:13:34,701 --> 00:13:37,381 -Why? -So you could remain Dickens! 247 00:13:37,421 --> 00:13:40,101 The mighty un-criticised Dickens! 248 00:13:40,141 --> 00:13:41,901 I did that for you. 249 00:13:41,941 --> 00:13:43,581 And why preserve them? 250 00:13:43,621 --> 00:13:47,101 So I could read them privately, whenever I was furious with you. 251 00:13:48,421 --> 00:13:50,461 So I would not feel quite so alone. 252 00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:55,101 (DOOR OPENS) 253 00:13:55,861 --> 00:13:57,261 (DOOR SLAMS) 254 00:14:05,621 --> 00:14:07,581 "Mr Dickens is a..." (SHUDDERS) 255 00:14:08,901 --> 00:14:11,501 "..vain, silly and transparent cockscomb." 256 00:14:13,501 --> 00:14:15,101 That's just mean. 257 00:14:21,941 --> 00:14:23,901 You're wearing my bridal gown! 258 00:14:23,941 --> 00:14:28,261 Yes. Imagine being married to the great Charles Dickens 259 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,541 wearing this dress. 260 00:14:30,581 --> 00:14:32,661 Everyone watching. 261 00:14:32,701 --> 00:14:36,581 I was just this moment reading about the happy day, here in your diaries. 262 00:14:36,621 --> 00:14:40,261 Mr Andersen, my diary, like my wardrobe, is private! 263 00:14:40,301 --> 00:14:45,821 I find, tucked in your diary also, these works in your hand, yes? 264 00:14:45,861 --> 00:14:47,461 I did write those, yes. 265 00:14:48,461 --> 00:14:50,381 You are an artist. 266 00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:52,021 Really, you think so? 267 00:14:52,061 --> 00:14:55,221 That is most kind. Is not kindness. Is truth. 268 00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:58,141 He must be so proud of you to write such poems. 269 00:14:58,181 --> 00:15:00,301 Er...they're not poems. They're recipes. 270 00:15:00,341 --> 00:15:02,221 What-ipes? For a cookbook. 271 00:15:03,141 --> 00:15:05,461 Mrs Dickens, your... 272 00:15:06,061 --> 00:15:08,261 ..recipes make me weep. 273 00:15:09,381 --> 00:15:12,941 I am honoured to make the acquaintance of such a poet of soup. 274 00:15:33,821 --> 00:15:36,661 (CLEARS THROAT) Maybe we could pick it up from after your death. 275 00:15:36,701 --> 00:15:38,181 You could just lie there. 276 00:15:38,221 --> 00:15:39,861 How can I lie there? 277 00:15:39,901 --> 00:15:43,941 I am, it seems, a "maudlin boob" and a "circumloquacious ninny." 278 00:15:49,941 --> 00:15:51,341 Oh. 279 00:15:52,101 --> 00:15:53,501 What is your matter, my friend? 280 00:15:53,541 --> 00:15:55,701 Mr Dickens fears that he's no Earthly good. 281 00:15:55,741 --> 00:15:57,501 What absolute nonsense. 282 00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:01,621 Without the fire that this man has lit inside my bottom, 283 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,381 I would not have written this. 284 00:16:04,141 --> 00:16:07,461 And when my new novel transforms my reputation 285 00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:11,981 from ugly fairy-tale duckling to fat literary swan, 286 00:16:12,021 --> 00:16:16,341 it will be down to the encouragement of this wonderful man. 287 00:16:17,301 --> 00:16:19,341 Good, is it, Mr Andersen's book? 288 00:16:19,381 --> 00:16:21,501 Er...yes, it's marvellous. 289 00:16:21,541 --> 00:16:23,141 You have read it? 290 00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:26,141 What was your favourite part? 291 00:16:27,101 --> 00:16:29,381 All of it.(GASPS) Oh, you burst my chest. 292 00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:31,901 I particularly enjoyed that you ended with an inheritance plot 293 00:16:31,941 --> 00:16:33,701 so convoluted and improbable 294 00:16:33,741 --> 00:16:35,981 it would insult the intelligence of a whelk. 295 00:16:36,021 --> 00:16:37,821 -What? -No, my mistake. 296 00:16:37,861 --> 00:16:39,461 That was me... 297 00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:43,101 ..according to the London Weekly Post. 298 00:16:43,821 --> 00:16:46,981 -You insult yourself? -No, sir! I insult whelks. 299 00:16:47,021 --> 00:16:48,741 It is here in black and white. 300 00:16:54,701 --> 00:16:57,501 This, Charles, is criticism. 301 00:16:57,541 --> 00:16:59,341 (BLOWS) 302 00:16:59,381 --> 00:17:00,861 And she is gone. 303 00:17:01,541 --> 00:17:06,541 A work that is good lives by itself and needs no opinions, 304 00:17:06,581 --> 00:17:08,021 save those of friends. 305 00:17:08,741 --> 00:17:10,301 I believe in you. 306 00:17:11,221 --> 00:17:12,941 -Thank you. -No, thank you. 307 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:16,301 Aw! 308 00:17:17,301 --> 00:17:19,021 Ow! (GROANS) 309 00:17:19,541 --> 00:17:21,141 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 310 00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:29,141 Whenever will he leave? 311 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:31,221 He's a good man. He means well. 312 00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:33,021 I think we have misjudged him. 313 00:17:33,061 --> 00:17:35,301 Oh, sweet Lord. 314 00:17:35,341 --> 00:17:36,901 (BLOWS) 315 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,821 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 316 00:17:43,781 --> 00:17:45,381 (DOOR CREAKS OPEN) 317 00:17:46,781 --> 00:17:49,421 It is very raining on the windows in my room. 318 00:17:50,181 --> 00:17:52,221 I will come and sleep here with you instead. 319 00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:59,101 Ah! (KISSES BOTH) 320 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,581 (THUMPS) 321 00:18:16,621 --> 00:18:18,741 We must be rid of him. 322 00:18:18,781 --> 00:18:21,061 He was tossing and turning all night. 323 00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:22,661 -I know. -And when I say tossing - 324 00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,421 I know, I know! 325 00:18:24,461 --> 00:18:26,901 What else can I do? I've told him I love his wretched book. 326 00:18:26,941 --> 00:18:29,861 -You must tell him to leave! -Yes, well, I'm just not very good with... 327 00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:32,741 words. You are Charles Dickens! 328 00:18:33,461 --> 00:18:36,741 And you will find the words, or God help me! 329 00:18:36,781 --> 00:18:38,221 (DOOR OPENS) 330 00:18:43,461 --> 00:18:45,381 Oh, Mr Andersen. 331 00:18:45,421 --> 00:18:47,261 Are you going somewhere? 332 00:18:47,301 --> 00:18:49,221 Yes, yes. Indeed. 333 00:18:50,141 --> 00:18:53,341 I will partake of a small breakfast biscuit, perhaps. 334 00:18:53,381 --> 00:18:56,901 And then I must be taking my leaves. You're going? 335 00:18:56,941 --> 00:19:00,421 -Oh, what a shame. -I hoped in my heart you would praise my new book, 336 00:19:00,461 --> 00:19:03,141 -and you have. -Yes! Yes, I did. 337 00:19:03,181 --> 00:19:04,741 So now I go. 338 00:19:04,781 --> 00:19:06,461 I will miss you very much. 339 00:19:07,661 --> 00:19:09,261 Oh! 340 00:19:10,581 --> 00:19:12,461 (CLEARS THROAT) 341 00:19:12,501 --> 00:19:14,461 Where will you go, Hans? 342 00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,021 I... 343 00:19:16,061 --> 00:19:20,181 sent a copy of my book to the famous novel writer Anthony Trollope, 344 00:19:20,221 --> 00:19:24,581 and I plan to spend a few nights or months with him 345 00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:26,381 reading through his favourite passages. 346 00:19:26,421 --> 00:19:28,221 Capital idea. Tony will love that. 347 00:19:28,261 --> 00:19:29,941 Yes, he will love that! 348 00:19:29,981 --> 00:19:31,501 He will.(CHUCKLES) 349 00:19:31,541 --> 00:19:36,181 My book is excellent. I know because my idol, Charles Dickens, says so. 350 00:19:36,221 --> 00:19:41,261 Yes-s-s-s-s! 351 00:19:41,301 --> 00:19:43,421 Catherine, are you shushing to conceal the fact 352 00:19:43,461 --> 00:19:46,021 you're tearing a portion out of the London Weekly Post? 353 00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:48,181 -No! -You know what I said. 354 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:51,821 If there is a review of my work, fair or foul, I will read it! 355 00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:54,741 I am Charles Dickens. 356 00:19:54,781 --> 00:19:56,821 -It is like soot in the wind. -Indeed. 357 00:19:58,461 --> 00:20:00,061 No. 358 00:20:00,821 --> 00:20:02,541 -Catherine. -No. 359 00:20:02,581 --> 00:20:05,101 -Catherine. -No, just try - (FIRMLY) Catherine. 360 00:20:05,141 --> 00:20:06,741 No. 361 00:20:07,621 --> 00:20:09,021 Oh. 362 00:20:11,901 --> 00:20:14,981 Catherine, as a gentleman, you know I cannot retrieve it from there! 363 00:20:22,981 --> 00:20:24,701 Mr Andersen! 364 00:20:24,741 --> 00:20:27,021 I will read it to you. No, please don't. 365 00:20:27,061 --> 00:20:28,741 Pish pish.(CHUCKLES) 366 00:20:28,781 --> 00:20:30,501 Oh, "The great Hans." 367 00:20:31,181 --> 00:20:32,781 Oh. 368 00:20:33,621 --> 00:20:37,541 "Hans Christian Andersen has delighted generations for decades 369 00:20:37,581 --> 00:20:41,941 with his tales of princesses, emperors and Mer creatures. 370 00:20:41,981 --> 00:20:47,181 His debut foray into the adult novel asks the question... 371 00:20:48,061 --> 00:20:50,501 ..'Should he have strayed from the fantasy land 372 00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,701 in which he was so popular?'" 373 00:20:52,741 --> 00:20:54,901 Yes, yes, yes, he should. There you go. 374 00:20:54,941 --> 00:20:57,301 They love the book as much as I do, no need to read any further. 375 00:20:57,341 --> 00:21:01,741 "When compared to the contemporaries he pitches himself against, 376 00:21:01,781 --> 00:21:05,581 like the matchless Charles Dickens..." (CHUCKLES) 377 00:21:05,901 --> 00:21:08,421 "..Mr Andersen's attempts are laughable." 378 00:21:09,701 --> 00:21:11,101 (SIGHS) 379 00:21:13,901 --> 00:21:15,701 (WHINES) 380 00:21:21,021 --> 00:21:22,781 (WHINING CONTINUES) 381 00:21:27,621 --> 00:21:29,421 (WHINING CONTINUES) 382 00:21:32,661 --> 00:21:35,901 Like soot in the wind, Hans. Like soot in the wind. 383 00:21:35,941 --> 00:21:37,581 (WHINING CONTINUES) 384 00:21:41,621 --> 00:21:43,101 (MOUTHING) 385 00:21:45,621 --> 00:21:47,101 (KISSES) Ah! 386 00:21:51,421 --> 00:21:52,821 You love my book? 387 00:21:52,861 --> 00:21:55,221 Yes. Yes. 388 00:21:56,621 --> 00:21:58,541 What did you like best about my book? 389 00:21:59,541 --> 00:22:01,901 Er...the... 390 00:22:03,541 --> 00:22:04,941 ..the mermaid. 391 00:22:05,781 --> 00:22:07,981 -The mermaid? -The duckling? The ugly duckling? 392 00:22:08,021 --> 00:22:10,421 (GASPING) Oh, you never read my book! 393 00:22:10,461 --> 00:22:12,061 (GRITTING TEETH) I will, Hans. I will! 394 00:22:12,101 --> 00:22:13,581 -He lied to me! -No! 395 00:22:13,621 --> 00:22:16,221 No, I was going to read it after I finished my play, 396 00:22:16,261 --> 00:22:19,101 but books are so long these days, one seldom gets the time. 397 00:22:19,141 --> 00:22:21,741 Well, I cannot go to see Mr Trollope now, can I? 398 00:22:21,781 --> 00:22:23,901 I will be his laughing sock. 399 00:22:23,941 --> 00:22:28,301 No! No, you must...stay...here with us! 400 00:22:28,341 --> 00:22:30,781 Take off your hat, take off your coat. 401 00:22:30,821 --> 00:22:32,821 Oh, I can unpack my suitcases. 402 00:22:32,861 --> 00:22:34,341 Yes, do that. 403 00:22:34,381 --> 00:22:36,821 Oh, oh, thank you. 404 00:22:36,861 --> 00:22:38,821 Dickens, thank you. 405 00:22:38,861 --> 00:22:40,461 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 406 00:22:40,501 --> 00:22:42,101 Oh. 407 00:22:43,181 --> 00:22:46,261 I know I am safe if I am with you. 408 00:22:59,781 --> 00:23:01,621 (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) 409 00:23:05,501 --> 00:23:08,861 'Hans stayed with us for five whole weeks. 410 00:23:08,901 --> 00:23:11,661 He wrote a glowing review for a Danish newspaper 411 00:23:11,701 --> 00:23:14,701 of his stay with, and I quote, 412 00:23:14,741 --> 00:23:17,421 "The happy and cordial Dickens."' 413 00:23:17,461 --> 00:23:19,301 'By the time it was published, 414 00:23:19,341 --> 00:23:22,141 Charles and I were already divorced.' 415 00:23:24,741 --> 00:23:26,701 'Dickens never wrote to me again. 416 00:23:28,141 --> 00:23:30,141 I never understood why.' 417 00:24:03,501 --> 00:24:05,501 subtitles by Deluxe e-mail: AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk