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00:00:01,061 --> 00:00:03,741
The following programme
contains adult humour.

2
00:00:15,021 --> 00:00:17,981
You don't even have the balls
to say the words.

3
00:00:18,021 --> 00:00:21,461
-You're pathetic!
-I'm sorry
things didn't work out.

4
00:00:21,501 --> 00:00:24,701
Say it, you fraud.
You silver-spoon fed joke.

5
00:00:24,741 --> 00:00:27,501
Thanks for stopping by, Howard.
Say it.

6
00:00:27,541 --> 00:00:30,501
"You're fired. You're fired," say it.

7
00:00:30,541 --> 00:00:33,621
You can't even say the words,
-you pussy!
-I'll tell you what.

8
00:00:33,661 --> 00:00:36,141
Change my kid's diaper on
the way out and I'll make sure

9
00:00:36,181 --> 00:00:39,381
your Christmas bonus cheque
doesn't get lost in the mail.

10
00:00:39,421 --> 00:00:42,781
You can't do it. I'll... You'll what?
What, are you gonna sue me?

11
00:00:42,821 --> 00:00:45,661
I have two floors of lawyers
in this building swatting away

12
00:00:45,701 --> 00:00:48,301
bullshit lawsuits like
gnats in a barbecue.

13
00:00:48,341 --> 00:00:51,141
Change...the diaper, Howard!

14
00:00:57,381 --> 00:00:59,661
Hey, take the garbage out
on the way out.

15
00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:03,341
Whoa. Here's my tax returns.

16
00:01:12,661 --> 00:01:15,261
Charybdis, can you turn the music up?

17
00:01:18,821 --> 00:01:20,821
All right.

18
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I want you to make art

19
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to each other.

20
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I'll be here, filming it.

21
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Here. And...action!

22
00:01:36,941 --> 00:01:39,101
♪ Yes, walk away...

23
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,621
Oh?
# You're telling me you can make it

24
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♪ On your own...
Goodness gracious!

25
00:01:43,941 --> 00:01:48,301
♪ ..all alone without my help
Mister, you just made a big mistake

26
00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:52,141
♪ You think you're a man
but you are only a boy

27
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♪ You think you're a man,
you are only a toy... ♪

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Hi! Oh, hi. Yeah.

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I've got a bit of celebrity gossip
for the Page Six gang.

30
00:02:02,821 --> 00:02:08,061
Are you ready? Donald Trump
is the best golfer in New York.

31
00:02:08,101 --> 00:02:11,141
Yeah, you can quote me on that.
Oh, my name?

32
00:02:11,181 --> 00:02:13,181
Uh, John...

33
00:02:14,181 --> 00:02:16,581
..Baron. Yeah, the girls
go crazy for him.

34
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They throw their bras at him
on the fairway.

35
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OK, well, there you go,
that's a little story for you.

36
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OK, great. Bye-bye!

37
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Mm! Mm...

38
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Reception said Howard was sobbing,
in the lobby.

39
00:02:31,421 --> 00:02:34,101
Yeah, about Howard. Christ, Kay.

40
00:02:34,141 --> 00:02:36,221
We can't have these people
in my office.

41
00:02:36,261 --> 00:02:38,621
We let people go over the phone.
Of course.

42
00:02:38,661 --> 00:02:41,461
But I thought Howard was safe.
I mean, he was in your wedding.

43
00:02:41,501 --> 00:02:43,741
He clogged up the toilet
at the reception.

44
00:02:43,781 --> 00:02:46,101
No, that was you at
Howard's wedding, sir.

45
00:02:46,141 --> 00:02:48,741
Ah, I certainly don't
remember it that way,

46
00:02:48,781 --> 00:02:51,621
but I guess we'll never know.
He's depressing.

47
00:02:51,661 --> 00:02:54,541
Make sure you lose his Christmas
bonus cheque in the mail.

48
00:02:54,581 --> 00:02:57,101
You know, next time you
gotta do something like that,

49
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for both of your sakes, you should
just rip the band-aid off.

50
00:03:00,141 --> 00:03:03,181
You know, don't count 10, just
dive right into the cold water.

51
00:03:03,221 --> 00:03:06,261
No metaphors, what are you saying?
I mean, just get it over with.

52
00:03:06,301 --> 00:03:09,061
A simple "you're terminated,"
does the job,

53
00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:12,701
doesn't leave any grey area. There's
no point dancing around things.

54
00:03:12,741 --> 00:03:15,621
Speaking of dancing around things,
and I mean tits,

55
00:03:15,661 --> 00:03:19,021
just so there's no grey area, when
are we gonna see the cheerleaders?

56
00:03:19,061 --> 00:03:23,301
OK, so most of the press are here...

57
00:03:23,341 --> 00:03:25,941
-Mm!
-So, yeah, as soon as
you finish your hamburgers,

58
00:03:25,981 --> 00:03:28,181
we can head down to the basement.
Basement?!

59
00:03:28,221 --> 00:03:31,061
Yeah, we had to move everything
from the lobby to the basement.

60
00:03:31,101 --> 00:03:33,501
The TV people said the
noise from the fountain

61
00:03:33,541 --> 00:03:36,541
was making it hard to record sound.
And all the gold everywhere

62
00:03:36,581 --> 00:03:38,581
was causing flares
with the lighting.

63
00:03:38,621 --> 00:03:41,141
These people have no class!
We gonna have cheerleaders

64
00:03:41,181 --> 00:03:44,381
dancing around in a basement?
I didn't even know we had a basement.

65
00:03:44,421 --> 00:03:46,741
Ivana's office is in the basement.

66
00:03:46,781 --> 00:03:48,941
As a matter of fact,
she's down there right now

67
00:03:48,981 --> 00:03:51,661
putting finishing touches on
the cheerleaders' uniforms.

68
00:03:52,901 --> 00:03:55,381
Ooh, swish! Rim job.

69
00:03:58,101 --> 00:04:01,541
"The United States Football League
will play in the summer.

70
00:04:01,581 --> 00:04:05,541
"The NFL are small fries, and
we're the whole baked potato,

71
00:04:05,581 --> 00:04:07,781
"says franchise owner Donald Trump."

72
00:04:07,821 --> 00:04:10,141
Did you know I did
some paintings for him?

73
00:04:10,181 --> 00:04:14,421
He commissioned them for his
big, ugly eyesore skyscraper

74
00:04:14,461 --> 00:04:17,901
on Fifth Avenue and I did them.
Eight of them.

75
00:04:17,941 --> 00:04:22,221
Black and silver, with
glittering diamond dust.

76
00:04:22,261 --> 00:04:26,301
-Wow!
-Well, he decided
he didn't want them.

77
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He never explained why.

78
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He didn't have the decency
to call me either.

79
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Had one of his minions do it.

80
00:04:33,821 --> 00:04:37,141
He never paid me. I suspect
he's cheap, you know.

81
00:04:37,181 --> 00:04:38,941
-Vile!
-Hm.

82
00:04:39,941 --> 00:04:42,381
I would love to give him
a piece of my mind.

83
00:04:42,421 --> 00:04:45,581
It's appalling behaviour.
You should, Andy.

84
00:04:45,621 --> 00:04:50,061
Mm. I'll probably just write
something mean about him in my diary.

85
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:54,261
It just makes so mad, though.

86
00:04:54,301 --> 00:04:57,541
Maybe I shouldn't go to
-that thing today.
-So, don't.

87
00:04:57,581 --> 00:04:59,821
He should be so lucky
to have you there.

88
00:04:59,861 --> 00:05:02,941
It's just when I go out now,

89
00:05:02,981 --> 00:05:06,701
sometimes I don't even
recognise New York any more.

90
00:05:08,021 --> 00:05:12,101
And I worry that New York
doesn't recognise me back.

91
00:05:15,261 --> 00:05:17,701
There will be press there, though.

92
00:05:19,061 --> 00:05:21,621
Right. Go.

93
00:05:21,661 --> 00:05:23,341
Do it!

94
00:05:23,381 --> 00:05:27,061
And tell him where he can
stick his stupid skyscraper.

95
00:05:27,101 --> 00:05:28,661
Ah!

96
00:05:28,701 --> 00:05:31,901
Ooh! Judges, who do we got?

97
00:05:31,941 --> 00:05:34,581
Uh... Um, yeah,

98
00:05:34,621 --> 00:05:38,101
so many people were already
booked for other things.

99
00:05:38,141 --> 00:05:40,621
Let's see, we got LeRoy Neiman.

100
00:05:40,661 --> 00:05:43,621
The black guy from Fame?
He's a terrific dancer.

101
00:05:44,621 --> 00:05:48,221
Yeah, I think you're thinking
of the character Leroy from Fame.

102
00:05:48,261 --> 00:05:50,261
That's Gene Anthony Ray.

103
00:05:51,261 --> 00:05:53,741
The guy who shot Martin Luther King?
He's here?

104
00:05:54,741 --> 00:05:58,301
-So, we got LeRoy Neiman.
-Spock?
No, that's Leonard Nimoy.

105
00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:00,581
I'm talking about the artist.

106
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:04,661
He's done a lot of work for Hefner.
Ooh, Hef! He's here?

107
00:06:04,701 --> 00:06:07,821
No. We got Beverly Sills!

108
00:06:07,861 --> 00:06:11,141
From the Beverly Sillsbillies?
What? No!

109
00:06:11,181 --> 00:06:13,661
-The opera singer.
-What has
this gotta with football?

110
00:06:13,701 --> 00:06:16,581
You wanted Farrah Fawcett.
What's she got to do with football?

111
00:06:16,621 --> 00:06:20,581
Hello? Hamburgers,
titty-titty tatas?

112
00:06:20,621 --> 00:06:22,941
America, you know!

113
00:06:22,981 --> 00:06:26,981
OK, one person from your list
was available and said yes.

114
00:06:27,981 --> 00:06:31,741
-Andy Warhol.
-Andy? Oh,
you know what he said once?

115
00:06:31,781 --> 00:06:36,581
-I do.
-He said that
making money is art,

116
00:06:36,621 --> 00:06:40,381
and working as art... Yeah.
Good business is the best art.

117
00:06:40,421 --> 00:06:43,421
-Yeah.
-That's an actual
Andy Warhol quote.

118
00:06:43,461 --> 00:06:48,141
I mean, smart guy. Weird guy,
total queer, but a smart guy.

119
00:06:49,181 --> 00:06:50,941
All set?

120
00:06:55,741 --> 00:06:57,221
Oh?

121
00:06:57,261 --> 00:06:59,261
Wonderful!

122
00:07:03,661 --> 00:07:05,461
Taxi?

123
00:07:14,341 --> 00:07:16,341
Really incredible.

124
00:07:16,381 --> 00:07:19,661
It was the best Match Game
I've seen yet.

125
00:07:19,701 --> 00:07:22,581
Charles Nelson Reilly,
that guy is so funny!

126
00:07:22,621 --> 00:07:26,141
He made this great joke.
You don't watch Match Game?

127
00:07:27,221 --> 00:07:30,381
No, I don't know...
# Over Bridges of Sighs

128
00:07:31,381 --> 00:07:35,461
♪ To rest my eyes in shades of green

129
00:07:35,501 --> 00:07:38,941
♪ Under Dreaming Spires

130
00:07:38,981 --> 00:07:42,061
♪ To Itchycoo Park,
that's where I've been

131
00:07:42,101 --> 00:07:45,701
♪ What did you do there?
I got high!

132
00:07:45,741 --> 00:07:49,381
♪ What did you feel there?
Well, I cried!

133
00:07:49,421 --> 00:07:53,981
♪ But why the tears there?
Tell you why-yyyyy!

134
00:07:54,021 --> 00:07:57,061
♪ It's all too beautiful

135
00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:00,901
♪ It's all too beautiful

136
00:08:01,901 --> 00:08:04,581
♪ It's all too beautiful

137
00:08:05,661 --> 00:08:08,301
♪ It's all too beautiful

138
00:08:09,301 --> 00:08:11,981
♪ It's all too beautiful

139
00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:15,981
♪ It's all too beautiful...

140
00:08:16,021 --> 00:08:19,101
Ladies and gentlemen, the owner
of the New Jersey Generals,

141
00:08:19,141 --> 00:08:21,141
Mr Donald J Trump.

142
00:08:22,261 --> 00:08:24,661
I should introduce
myself to the girls.

143
00:08:24,701 --> 00:08:27,461
In case they're nervous.
Which way's their dressing room?

144
00:08:27,501 --> 00:08:29,861
Ivana is actually in the
dressing room at the moment,

145
00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:32,981
just putting finishing touches on
-their outfits.
-What a cock block!

146
00:08:33,021 --> 00:08:35,101
-Is that you?
-Just this way, sir.

147
00:08:38,541 --> 00:08:42,221
--Mr Trump?
-Jimmy.
-I would
like you to meet LeRoy Neiman!

148
00:08:42,261 --> 00:08:44,701
May the force be with you.

149
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:46,981
-I'm sorry?
-Is that not you?

150
00:08:48,181 --> 00:08:50,381
Um, Beverly Sills.

151
00:08:50,421 --> 00:08:53,461
Oh, boy. Did they tell you
that I love the opera?

152
00:08:53,501 --> 00:08:56,461
Ironically, I have a
no fat chicks policy,

153
00:08:56,501 --> 00:08:59,101
so I usually leave before the end.

154
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:03,301
It's a joke! I really
do love the opera.

155
00:09:03,341 --> 00:09:06,421
Beverly, this is my wife, Ivana.

156
00:09:06,461 --> 00:09:08,701
-Hi.
-She just finished
tailoring all the outfits

157
00:09:08,741 --> 00:09:12,381
for the cheerleaders today.
Which I realise now,

158
00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:14,541
is a clever way of
keeping all of them

159
00:09:14,581 --> 00:09:16,781
from hitting on a
happily-married man.

160
00:09:16,821 --> 00:09:18,821
Am I right?

161
00:09:18,861 --> 00:09:20,981
-Wait, where's Warhol?
-Good question,

162
00:09:21,021 --> 00:09:23,141
he should've been here
half an hour ago.

163
00:09:23,181 --> 00:09:25,621
Don't bend me over
today, Andy. Christ!

164
00:09:26,701 --> 00:09:30,141
♪ I would like to climb
High in a tree

165
00:09:30,181 --> 00:09:33,821
♪ I could be happy, I could be happy

166
00:09:33,861 --> 00:09:37,621
♪ Or go to Skye
On my holiday

167
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:41,021
♪ I could be happy, I could be happy

168
00:09:41,061 --> 00:09:44,861
♪ Maybe swim a mile
Down the Nile

169
00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:48,501
♪ I could be happy,
I could be happy...

170
00:10:02,021 --> 00:10:05,301
You know, Steven Spielberg has
an apartment in this building?

171
00:10:05,341 --> 00:10:07,861
No shit. You wanna meet him?

172
00:10:07,901 --> 00:10:10,501
You could be in one of his pictures,
like I don't know,

173
00:10:10,541 --> 00:10:14,461
ET, or the other one.
I can totally arrange it.

174
00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:17,261
Cheri, Susie, come on over!

175
00:10:17,301 --> 00:10:20,821
Mr Trump, uh, I'm told
Mr Warhol is stuck in traffic

176
00:10:20,861 --> 00:10:24,381
and will be here shortly. Now, I am
thinking we should get cracking.

177
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,421
Oh! No, yeah.

178
00:10:32,421 --> 00:10:34,661
OK, gang. Let's get started.

179
00:10:35,981 --> 00:10:40,141
And find that little peroxided
freak! Find out where he is.

180
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,821
The boss is gonna fill his diapers
if Warhol is a no-show.

181
00:10:43,861 --> 00:10:45,861
All right. OK, on it.

182
00:10:47,461 --> 00:10:50,221
All right. Danny,
let's hit the lights!

183
00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:54,741
All right, just a reminder, we
are looking for the best answers

184
00:10:54,781 --> 00:10:57,261
New York has to offer.
The best of the best.

185
00:10:58,341 --> 00:11:01,661
Psst! More like "the breast
of the breast," am I right?

186
00:11:02,741 --> 00:11:05,941
Wait till you see the cans
on the redhead. Ooh, boy!

187
00:11:07,301 --> 00:11:10,461
Oh, will you relax?
It's a joke, First Amendment.

188
00:11:10,501 --> 00:11:12,981
All right, let's get started.

189
00:11:13,021 --> 00:11:16,781
Our first cheerleader,
from Passaic, New Jersey,

190
00:11:16,821 --> 00:11:19,381
it's Susie Baraff!

191
00:11:19,421 --> 00:11:22,181
♪ Are you ready for the pony girls?

192
00:11:22,221 --> 00:11:26,501
♪ The ride, ride, fast,
ride, pony girls?

193
00:11:26,541 --> 00:11:29,101
♪ Are you ready for
-the lonely girls?
-Next!

194
00:11:29,141 --> 00:11:32,221
From Rehoboth Beach,
Delaware, Sandra Hayes.

195
00:11:34,741 --> 00:11:37,261
♪ They've got time on their hands...

196
00:11:37,301 --> 00:11:40,221
Are they all...?All what?

197
00:11:40,261 --> 00:11:41,701
Uh...

198
00:11:41,741 --> 00:11:46,581
Are they all going to
dance the same way?

199
00:11:46,621 --> 00:11:50,421
I mean, couldn't some of them
dance the tango or something?

200
00:11:50,461 --> 00:11:52,821
LemRay? Thoughts?

201
00:11:53,901 --> 00:11:56,541
No? OK, let's keep going.

202
00:11:56,581 --> 00:12:00,621
Next. From right here in
New York City, it's Courtney Booker.

203
00:12:00,661 --> 00:12:02,301
Ooh!

204
00:12:03,301 --> 00:12:06,741
♪ Are you ready for the sex girls?

205
00:12:06,781 --> 00:12:10,181
♪ No-one is ready for the sex girls!

206
00:12:10,221 --> 00:12:13,821
♪ Are you ready for the sex girls?
I like that one!

207
00:12:13,861 --> 00:12:15,701
♪ No-one is ready for... ♪

208
00:12:31,381 --> 00:12:33,381
Mr Warhol?

209
00:12:33,421 --> 00:12:36,181
We've been waiting
for you downstairs.

210
00:12:36,221 --> 00:12:38,781
My pieces are better
than this stuff.

211
00:12:39,821 --> 00:12:43,261
Mr Trump will be so pleased
you're here, Mr Warhol.

212
00:12:43,301 --> 00:12:45,781
-Andy.
-Andy.

213
00:12:45,821 --> 00:12:47,421
Yes?

214
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:52,261
Uh, we, we should...
We should really go downstairs.

215
00:12:52,301 --> 00:12:54,941
You know, he asked me
to do some work.

216
00:12:54,981 --> 00:12:57,701
We really better get going.
If you just...

217
00:12:59,141 --> 00:13:01,141
♪ Hello!

218
00:13:02,901 --> 00:13:04,901
♪ Hello again!

219
00:13:06,981 --> 00:13:08,781
♪ Hello!

220
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:10,861
♪ Hello again!

221
00:13:25,741 --> 00:13:29,421
♪ You might have forgot
The journey ends

222
00:13:29,461 --> 00:13:32,981
♪ You tied your knots
You made your friends

223
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:36,781
♪ You left the scene
Without a trace

224
00:13:36,821 --> 00:13:40,341
♪ One hand on the ground
One hand in space...

225
00:13:43,061 --> 00:13:45,221
Oh. That's a no for you.

226
00:13:45,261 --> 00:13:47,261
Andy?

227
00:13:47,301 --> 00:13:50,621
Andy Warhol is here, everybody.
Let's take five.

228
00:13:50,661 --> 00:13:53,741
Andy, where the hell have you been?
I mean, you're later than a...

229
00:13:53,781 --> 00:13:56,301
Well, I was gonna make
a Puerto Rican joke, but A,

230
00:13:56,341 --> 00:14:00,581
I'm not 100% certain about that guy,
and B, I'm just happy you're here.

231
00:14:00,621 --> 00:14:03,901
-Hello, Donald.
-Uh, can I
get you something to drink?

232
00:14:03,941 --> 00:14:08,901
Well, coffee's gone, but we have an
incredible new soft drink called Tab.

233
00:14:08,941 --> 00:14:11,461
Now, full disclosure, it's warm.

234
00:14:11,501 --> 00:14:14,461
I could get you something else.
Then we have to send a girl out,

235
00:14:14,501 --> 00:14:17,341
-and it gets expensive.
-I'm fine.
Thank you, Donald.

236
00:14:17,381 --> 00:14:20,421
You remember Beverly,
and Lemurn, right?

237
00:14:20,461 --> 00:14:23,901
Of course. Beverly, saw you the
other week with Shirley MacLaine,

238
00:14:23,941 --> 00:14:26,861
-Waldorf Towers.
-I told you
the sports world

239
00:14:26,901 --> 00:14:29,381
wasn't done with you yet, Andy.

240
00:14:29,421 --> 00:14:32,381
We had a joint exhibition
of sports paintings at the

241
00:14:32,421 --> 00:14:35,301
Institute Of Contemporary Art
in LA couple of years back

242
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:38,621
for a guy called Richard Weisman.
Yes. As I recall,

243
00:14:38,661 --> 00:14:41,621
that was a scenario where we
were both commissioned and paid

244
00:14:41,661 --> 00:14:44,021
for our work, wasn't it?
You bet it was.

245
00:14:44,061 --> 00:14:47,341
Bought me a Cadillac, to start with.
You know what Andy said once?

246
00:14:47,381 --> 00:14:51,581
-What's that?
-Andy said that making
money is art, working is art,

247
00:14:51,621 --> 00:14:54,941
good business is the best art.
Isn't that brilliant?

248
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:58,461
So, I'm an artist, too.
Andy paints groceries,

249
00:14:58,501 --> 00:15:00,861
and I make millions. Am I right?

250
00:15:02,781 --> 00:15:04,941
I'm gonna grab a sandwich.

251
00:15:06,581 --> 00:15:10,621
Actually, I would love to talk
to you about a little thing.

252
00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:13,421
As I'm sure you recall...
Sorry to interrupt.

253
00:15:13,461 --> 00:15:16,101
I have a photographer here
from The New York Post

254
00:15:16,141 --> 00:15:18,661
who would just love to get
a photo of the two of you.

255
00:15:18,701 --> 00:15:21,901
Yeah, well, send him over.
It's a her, actually,

256
00:15:21,941 --> 00:15:24,901
-and she's right here.
-Mm.
Mr Warhol, Mr Trump,

257
00:15:24,941 --> 00:15:27,981
this is Agnieszka Kowalovic
from The New York Post.

258
00:15:28,021 --> 00:15:30,621
What's your name again?
It's Agnieszka.

259
00:15:30,661 --> 00:15:35,101
-Oh, well, gesundheit.
-It is a huge
honour to meet you, Mr Warhol.

260
00:15:35,141 --> 00:15:37,661
-Oh, I like your camera.
-Thank you.

261
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:40,221
Hello, Donald.
Please, call me Donald.

262
00:15:40,261 --> 00:15:42,381
How do you do?

263
00:15:42,421 --> 00:15:44,901
Ah, now your name, let me guess?
Mexican?

264
00:15:44,941 --> 00:15:48,181
-I'm from Poland.
-Oh, I got
a great Polish joke for you.

265
00:15:48,221 --> 00:15:49,941
No, no!

266
00:15:49,981 --> 00:15:53,621
Uh, Andy and I are no
strangers to your pages.

267
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:57,061
But I got the hat-trick. I'm on
the front page three times a week

268
00:15:57,101 --> 00:16:01,301
for my businesses, I'm on page 6
three times a day for my social life,

269
00:16:01,341 --> 00:16:05,141
and now I'm all over your back page
with my football team.

270
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:06,781
Um...?

271
00:16:11,301 --> 00:16:14,941
Patricia, are you married?
It's Agnieszka.

272
00:16:14,981 --> 00:16:17,261
-Now?
-Sorry to but in, guys.

273
00:16:17,301 --> 00:16:19,501
We only got a couple
more girls to dance.

274
00:16:19,541 --> 00:16:22,101
We want to wrap this thing up?
Christ, I never thought

275
00:16:22,141 --> 00:16:24,861
in a million years I'd get tired
of tits bouncing in Lycra.

276
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,901
This is taking forever!

277
00:16:26,941 --> 00:16:29,501
I have to leave now, sorry.
I have nausea.

278
00:16:29,541 --> 00:16:32,581
Agnausea? I'd love to
take you to dinner.

279
00:16:32,621 --> 00:16:35,101
I always have time for my friends
at The New York Post.

280
00:16:35,141 --> 00:16:37,621
-I can have Kay set it up.
-Please, no.

281
00:16:37,661 --> 00:16:40,901
No, you please no. You're delightful.

282
00:16:40,941 --> 00:16:42,421
Oh.

283
00:16:44,661 --> 00:16:47,261
Donald, I really need
to ask you something.

284
00:16:47,301 --> 00:16:50,301
Yeah, if she went up two cup sizes,
she'd be an 8.

285
00:16:50,341 --> 00:16:52,301
What?

286
00:16:52,341 --> 00:16:54,581
Patrish-nish, the photographer!

287
00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:57,461
Earth to Andy. Come in, Andy!

288
00:16:57,501 --> 00:17:00,901
Exactly how much of this
space cadet stuff is schtick.

289
00:17:00,941 --> 00:17:02,941
You little kook!

290
00:17:09,901 --> 00:17:13,181
Oh, what about her? She'd be good!

291
00:17:13,221 --> 00:17:15,941
Uh, can someone get Andy his glasses?

292
00:17:16,941 --> 00:17:21,301
-What's your name?
-It's Phyllis.
You'd make a great cheerleader.

293
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:23,981
Actually, I have a prosthetic leg.

294
00:17:24,021 --> 00:17:27,181
Then, make that head cheerleader!

295
00:17:27,221 --> 00:17:30,181
You're looking to break ground
with this football league, right?

296
00:17:30,221 --> 00:17:32,501
-Isn't that the idea?
-Andy, buddy,

297
00:17:32,541 --> 00:17:35,141
cheerleaders are supposed
to get people excited.

298
00:17:35,181 --> 00:17:38,781
-No offence.
-Who wants a boring 10?

299
00:17:38,821 --> 00:17:40,861
Such a dull number.

300
00:17:40,901 --> 00:17:45,661
Beauty has such a very close
relationship with pain, you know?

301
00:17:45,701 --> 00:17:50,221
Don't get me wrong, ladies.
Your dancing is out of this world,

302
00:17:50,261 --> 00:17:55,901
but I'd like to try to find out
what really pushes your buttons.

303
00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:58,261
May I talk to the cheerleaders?

304
00:17:59,261 --> 00:18:01,901
-Press really love this shit.
-Yeah.

305
00:18:01,941 --> 00:18:04,061
All right. Line up, ladies.

306
00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:08,901
Oh, boy.

307
00:18:08,941 --> 00:18:11,381
OK, you with the perm.

308
00:18:11,421 --> 00:18:16,381
If you had to choose between never
speaking to your mother again

309
00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:20,741
or never watching TV again,
what would you choose?

310
00:18:20,781 --> 00:18:22,901
Um, bye, Mom.

311
00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:25,661
Nothing comes between me
and my Falcon crest!

312
00:18:25,701 --> 00:18:29,341
You, with
the blue eye shadow.

313
00:18:29,381 --> 00:18:35,461
Which animal do you genuinely find
the most sexually attractive?

314
00:18:37,261 --> 00:18:39,781
Are we not gonna get to dance?

315
00:18:40,941 --> 00:18:43,781
All right. Leg warmers here.

316
00:18:43,821 --> 00:18:46,701
If you woke up one morning
and you were the mayor,

317
00:18:46,741 --> 00:18:48,941
what's the first law you would pass?

318
00:18:50,021 --> 00:18:53,781
I would give the death penalty to
men who leave the toilet seat up.

319
00:18:53,821 --> 00:18:55,821
Wow!

320
00:18:55,861 --> 00:18:59,181
OK, ladies, I think we've seen
everything we need to see.

321
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,341
We'll be in touch. Lights!

322
00:19:03,661 --> 00:19:05,741
You are one sick puppy, Andy.

323
00:19:05,781 --> 00:19:07,901
An absolute nutbag!

324
00:19:07,941 --> 00:19:11,261
So, thanks for coming down.
I actually do have something

325
00:19:11,301 --> 00:19:14,261
I've been meaning to talk to you
-about.
-Yeah, you mentioned that.

326
00:19:14,301 --> 00:19:17,661
I'll have Kay set up a call.
I got a million things going on,

327
00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:21,221
and I got this new project.
Donald... I'm gonna negotiate peace

328
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:24,781
with the Soviets, and I'm gonna
stop a nuclear war from happening.

329
00:19:24,821 --> 00:19:27,941
My lawyer says I can do it,
and he's a smart guy.

330
00:19:27,981 --> 00:19:29,981
Thanks for having us.

331
00:19:30,021 --> 00:19:32,341
When will we know which
cheerleaders get selected?

332
00:19:32,381 --> 00:19:35,341
Oh, Christ, we picked them months
ago. This is just for show!

333
00:19:35,381 --> 00:19:38,821
I have the daughters of a couple
of friends I owe a favour to,

334
00:19:38,861 --> 00:19:41,461
and then a few of
my executives' nieces,

335
00:19:41,501 --> 00:19:44,941
and then at least one ex-girlfriend
who I wanna keep on my good side.

336
00:19:44,981 --> 00:19:47,181
You know what I mean?!

337
00:19:47,221 --> 00:19:49,621
This will only take
a minute, Donald.

338
00:19:49,661 --> 00:19:52,421
Actually, I have dinner at
Delmonico's and I'm running late,

339
00:19:52,461 --> 00:19:55,701
and I don't wanna be a white guy
downtown after dark, you know?

340
00:19:55,741 --> 00:19:59,541
Sitting duck.
I, I just have one question.

341
00:19:59,581 --> 00:20:04,101
-Christ, what?
-Why didn't
you pay me for my paintings?

342
00:20:04,141 --> 00:20:06,741
Oh, well, if I remember...

343
00:20:06,781 --> 00:20:12,141
Uh, I wonder if it
was miscommunication.

344
00:20:12,181 --> 00:20:16,221
Uh, Ivana, honey? Do you remember?

345
00:20:17,981 --> 00:20:21,461
OK, well, I'll look into it. Because
I'm just as confused as you are.

346
00:20:21,501 --> 00:20:24,861
I would appreciate the truth.
And you deserve it, you deserve it.

347
00:20:24,901 --> 00:20:29,461
It's just that I'm wracking my brain,
to try to figure out what happened.

348
00:20:29,501 --> 00:20:33,741
-You know.
-Answer me, Donald.
Why didn't you pay me?

349
00:20:34,741 --> 00:20:37,301
You didn't even have the decency
to call me yourself

350
00:20:37,341 --> 00:20:40,741
and tell me you didn't want them.
-Come on.
-You had an underling do it.

351
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:44,341
You know that I deserve... You wanna
know why I didn't buy your paintings?

352
00:20:44,381 --> 00:20:46,941
Because I fucking hated them!

353
00:20:52,781 --> 00:20:54,381
Thank you.

354
00:20:55,501 --> 00:20:57,581
Maybe it's all for best.

355
00:20:57,621 --> 00:21:00,781
Art is what you can
get away with, isn't it?

356
00:21:01,821 --> 00:21:04,221
Well, I mean, I know art.

357
00:21:04,261 --> 00:21:07,581
I'm an artist, too! You should
know that more than anybody.

358
00:21:07,621 --> 00:21:09,621
Good business is the best art!

359
00:21:11,181 --> 00:21:13,341
♪ I could be right

360
00:21:18,781 --> 00:21:21,101
♪ Could be wrong...

361
00:21:21,141 --> 00:21:24,221
'January 15th, 1984.

362
00:21:24,261 --> 00:21:26,461
'The papers are going
to write a little column

363
00:21:26,501 --> 00:21:29,661
'about the cheerleader auditions
today. They're going to leave out

364
00:21:29,701 --> 00:21:32,701
'the part about how Donald Trump
is cheap and rude,

365
00:21:32,741 --> 00:21:35,741
'and about how I gave him
a piece of my mind,

366
00:21:35,781 --> 00:21:38,581
'and about how he's a dull bore.

367
00:21:38,621 --> 00:21:42,141
'But it wouldn't even matter
if they did put that stuff in.

368
00:21:42,181 --> 00:21:44,381
'Donald Trump knows that.

369
00:21:44,421 --> 00:21:47,901
'It's one thing to have the papers
write bad stuff about you.

370
00:21:47,941 --> 00:21:49,981
'What you really have to worry about

371
00:21:50,021 --> 00:21:53,021
'is if they stop writing
any stuff at all.

372
00:21:53,061 --> 00:21:55,061
'Can you imagine?'

373
00:21:55,101 --> 00:21:57,141
♪ ..I could be right

374
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,821
♪ I could be wrong

375
00:22:05,261 --> 00:22:07,341
♪ I could be right

376
00:22:07,381 --> 00:22:10,021
♪ I could be wrong, I could be right

377
00:22:10,061 --> 00:22:12,781
♪ I could be black, I could be white

378
00:22:12,821 --> 00:22:15,541
♪ I could be right, I could be wrong

379
00:22:15,581 --> 00:22:18,181
♪ I could be black, I could be white

380
00:22:18,221 --> 00:22:21,021
♪ Your time has come,
your second skin

381
00:22:21,061 --> 00:22:23,781
♪ The cost so high, the gain so low

382
00:22:23,821 --> 00:22:26,381
♪ Walk through the valley

383
00:22:26,421 --> 00:22:29,061
♪ The written word is a lie

384
00:22:29,101 --> 00:22:39,941
♪ May the road rise with you

385
00:22:46,421 --> 00:22:48,421
♪ I could be wrong

386
00:22:49,661 --> 00:22:51,861
♪ I could be right... ♪

387
00:22:51,901 --> 00:22:53,901
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388
00:22:53,941 --> 00:22:56,621
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