You worried about the regionals?
I know Clayton Prep has that one speedy Mexican girl,
but I know you could beat her.
Are you offended I called her Mexican? 'Cause she actually is.
I kissed a boy.
Wow.
That's something.
Yeah, I wasn't gonna tell you, but you're kind of my goto,
which makes me feel like a loser.
Wow. That's your first kiss, huh?
That's...
That's a big deal.
Oh, God, you're being weird. I'm not being weird.
You are. You're running away from me, moving your arms weird.
No, I'm not. I'm just gangly.
It's how I run.
Wait a second. Hold on a second.
Who is this boy?
What school does he go to? What do you guys do together?
How tall is he?
His name is Evan, and he goes to tech school.
And we mostly just hang out at Kennedy Park.
And he's coming over to do homework. Homework?
What kind of homework do they give at the tech school?
Can he fix our AC? Can we stop talking about this?
Casey?
Casey, wait up!
Whoever said "Practice makes perfect"
was an idiot.
Humans can't be perfect, because we're not machines.
Unfortunately, the best thing that you can say about practice
is that it makes... better.
Which is why I know that in order to be a good boyfriend to Julia,
I need a practice girlfriend first.
You get good at something when you do it repeatedly...
when you get into a routine.
Casey.
Why does my todo list say "Remove stick from butt!"?
I don't know.
But if it's on there, you got to do it, right?
You guys need fuel after your run? I made cinnamon buns.
No, no, no, no, no.
I got all the sugar I need right here.
Did you know there are 432 girls at our school
and 91 of them have a name that starts with an M,
which is 21%,
and the national average is only... 9%?
I 100% don't care.
Boop! Cool fact, buddy.
I'm going to the mall later. Does anybody need anything?
"No, Mom, but thanks for everything you do."
In second grade, Madison Gold gave me a valentine
with a picture of a western honeybee on it
that said "Bee mine." Bee.
I didn't understand why the word "be" was misspelled,
but she was nice and explained it to me.
That's the first joke I ever learned.
Hey, Madison. Bee mine.
Um... what?
Would you like to go on a date?
That's so nice, but I'm busy.
Okay.
Wait. I didn't tell you when the date is.
Friday, 6:00 p.m., Eastern.
I'm still busy.
Okay.
I also forgot to tell you that you would be my practice girlfriend.
The person I really like is Julia, my therapist, if that makes it better.
It makes it worse.
If Friday is bad, I could do Thursday instead.
My God! I don't want to go out with you.
Why not? Because...
Look, no offense at all... at all, at all...
but... you're really weird.
And you wear the same clothes every day.
I also have this guy from camp that I haven't seen in a while,
but we text all the time...
I need new clothes.
Okay. How come?
Girls seem to like it when boys wear more than one type of shirt. Why is that?
I guess to get a sense of your style. It says something about a person.
Like how some iguanas flare their colorful dewlaps to attract a mate.
Exactly... like that.
I think.
How do you currently pick out your clothes?
I don't. My mom does. Doesn't your mom pick out your clothes?
Not anymore.
I think maybe it's time to start picking out your own clothes.
But... how?
There are so many clothes.
And different colors and patterns and sizes.
This shirt is called "fog gray,"
but fog isn't even a color... it's translucent.
Just pick something that feels like you.
Once you live on your own, you'll need to choose your own clothes.
You can do this, Sam.
There's a stylish dude in there.
You mean me, right?
I do.
All right, you're doing great.
So, Casey has a boyfriend.
Uhoh.
Oh, no. It's okay. Casey's got a good head on her shoulders.
Just breathe normally, ma'am. You're doing great.
She told me about it, so that's a good thing, right?
I'm sure I got nothing to worry about.
That's the same thing I said about my daughter.
It's fun being a grandfather.
You'll like it.
Mom, I want to go shopping with you.
What?
You're going to the mall. I want to come.
I love spending time with you. You know that.
But it's easier if I go to the mall by myself.
But Julia says I need to learn how to do my own shopping
for when I live by myself one day.
Well, that's fine, and that's good for Julia to say,
but she wasn't with us the last time we went to the mall.
It was so overwhelming,
with all the sounds and the lights
and, God, that awful fountain
with the water going every which way.
I hated that fountain.
Yeah, you did.
And you ended up getting upset,
and do you remember what happened?
I slapped the nice man at Panda Express,
and then we got banned forever.
And we love their Kung Pao chicken.
But...
Julia thinks I'm ready.
How about this?
How about if I see anything that's cute,
I'll take a picture on my phone and send it to you,
and then you can shop from the comfort of home?
Pretty great idea, right?
No.
Mom, I'm not a little kid anymore.
I can go shopping.
I can do things.
Of course you can.
All right.
I'll finish up here, and we'll go, okay?
You want to help me put away the groceries?
No.
Wow, I have never seen a less photogenic family.
Yeah, we pride ourselves on that.
Can we be done now? No, no, no.
Oh, look at you in this one. Look at you scowling!
Yeah, I was annoyed.
My mom plans this autism walk every year,
and makes us take a picture to remember how sweaty we are.
Oh, man.
These are great.
Hey, where's your dad in this one?
That's weird. My mom never lets us skip.
When I had appendicitis, she told me to walk it off.
Dad.
This is... Evan.
Hey. It's nice to meet you, sir.
Thanks for stopping by.
Dad, why weren't you at the autism walk in 2004?
Huh?
You're not in the picture. Oh. I don't know.
I think I had a work thing.
Really? Mom let you skip it for a work thing?
Yeah.
So, you guys all done studying?
Is Evan ready to go?
No, he's gonna take me to track practice. I can take you.
Well, I don't need you to. He is.
Oh, Evan drives? You drive? Yes.
How's your record? Clean.
Parking tickets? Traffic violations? Mnhmnh.
Parole? None of that? No.
He stole a tuba. Casey.
What's that mean, "tuba"? What's that, slang?
We should probably get going.
Maybe you should get going. Dad!
Can we have a second?
Yeah. I'll be in the car. Yeah.
What the hell? I say that to you.
What are you doing? Coming home early. All up in my face. Acting like Mom.
You know, I love your mom, but that's a low blow.
Okay, I justYou know, I get worried about you.
I don't want you distracted.
I don't want you to screw up your track career.
I'm not. Track is important to me.
Is it? Yeah. Stop acting like a lunatic.
We're gonna talk about that tuba thing later, too.
Okay.
Thanks for the ride. Yeah.
We could've walked here faster. You drive like my nana.
Have you seen my car?
If I drive too fast, pieces fall off.
So... that was weird with your dad, right?
Yeah. He's just being stupid.
That's the way dads are with boys their daughters are dating.
No, I get that.
I mean, him lying about missing the autism walk.
Why do you think that he's lying? Because he was.
I mean, it was obvious.
"Casey, I... I had a work thing."
You know?
You don't even know my dad.
Maybe not, but I've got a lot of experience with lying fathers.
And mothers.
And uncles.
Even my dog pretends he has to go out when he doesn't.
All right, well, I'm sorry about your dad, but my dad wouldn't lie.
That's not the way he is. He's the only one in my family that gets me.
And honestly, if he's acting a little aggro...
it's probably because I told him about our kiss.
Hmm.
You told your dad that we kissed. Okay.
Yeah. See, that's exactly my point. We're honest with each other.
Good. That's good.
He didn't lie.
The light is so harsh in here.
It's like...
Do you want your sunglasses? No.
Boop! Boop! Boop! Does that sound annoying?
When you make it. Do you want your headphones?
No. I'm fine.
Okay. Great. Okay.
Well, we'll just grab a few things
and make this... short and sweet.
Oh, it's gonna be sweet, all right.
Zahid. You're here.
Zahid's here.
I invited Zahid, because he's the most stylish person I know.
Sometimes he wears two watches.
I think I'm also quite stylish.
Bring it in, Mrs. G.
Mm. Nice.
Long hug. Okay. Thank you.
You smell amazing.
Um... hey, Sam. This would look very handsome on you.
You're such a winter.
Julia says I need to pick my own clothes.
Well, screw Julia.
Ooh! I'm sorry.
Um...
I didn't mean to say that out loud.
I get it, Mama. She bugs.
I once worked with a guy like that.
Really irked me.
So you know what I did? No.
I put my butt on his car.
Excuse me?
I went outside to the parking lot while he was working,
pulled down my drawers,
and plopped my nutbrown bottom on his car.
And what did that do?
Nothing.
But now I'll always know that my butt was on his car,
and he has no idea.
It's the ultimate power.
Okay.
Sam, let's get you into a dressing room.
Oh, no, no, no.
This is all wrong.
I called. I was very clear about what we needed.
Okay, I'm gonna go find somebody.
I can just go in here.
No, sweetie. I'll be back in two shakes.
Let's get rid of this Mr. Rogers shit your mom picked out.
Party shirts first, bro.
Hi. Excuse me... Dolores.
My name is Elsa Gardner.
I think I spoke to you on the phone earlier.
I remember. You told me I have a beautiful speaking voice.
You do. It's even nicer in person.
Anyway, I was calling about my son,
who, you know, he requires a special environment,
specifically, a private dressing room,
no music, dim lighting.
Yes, and I said I'd see what I could do.
Uhhuh. Turns out, I couldn't do anything.
Sorry. We're just in the middle.
Sorry.
I just don't understand why you didn't say, "I'm sorry, ma'am,
but I can't help you."
"Go spend your money elsewhere."
Preferably somewhere that is sensitive
to the needs of its diverse client base. Mmhmm.
I'll say that next time.
Aw, hell yes.
Slow clap, all the points.
Zippers, buckles, flaps?
I hate it.
Trust me, leather jackets are chick magnets.
I wore one to a coed wedding shower
and got a twohour foot massage from the bride's cousin.
Not the hot one, but the hotenough one.
It doesn't feel like me.
Julia said to find clothes that feel like me.
You're trying to get girls. The last thing you want to be is yourself.
I'm taking it off.
Trust me, Sam.
It's not like I'm asking for the moon here.
I mean, all I'm asking is just a little consideration.
Imagine what it's like to be on the spectrum
in a place like this, with the harsh lighting,
and the music that's so loud
and people jostling by, you know?
Ma'am. What?
Did you just push me? What? No!
I was demonstrating!
This is it. I found it.
Great. Now lose it again.
That shirt is terrible, bro.
It's not even shiny. I love it.
It's 100% cotton, which is my favorite percentage of cotton.
And it has eight Antarctic whales on it,
which is higher than I've seen on any other shirt.
Fine. If you have to get the whale shirt, at least wear this over it.
Hi, honey.
Um...
I've been banished from the store...
basically, for being a good mom.
So here's my credit card.
You know, buy two or three things,
and I'll meet you out front.
I know what I'm getting... this wonderful whale shirt
and this terrible leather jacket,
which Zahid says will help me get chicas,
which means "girls," which was the whole reason for coming.
Wait... What?
That was the whole point of coming?
Of course.
And Julia knew about this?
It was her idea.
Huh. Terrific.
Uh...
Yes. I'm coming.
Okay, sweetie, I'll see you out front.
So... girls, huh?
Where?
No, I just mean...
Is this something you really want?
I mean, you want to date?
Aren't you afraid of getting hurt?
Well, not unless I date a great white shark.
No, I know what you mean.
You mean my feelings, right? Yeah.
Talking to girls makes me a little nervous,
but Julia says it's good to do things that scare you.
Sometimes.
Fear is also there for a biological reason.
I mean, fightorflight, right?
If I'm walking down a dark alley
and I start to feel afraid,
that's my body trying to protect me from gang boys with knives.
Mom, I'm getting older,
and at some point, I really hope...
that I get to see boobs.
You know, we should get six more pillows each.
That way, we could both throw our own six pillows off the bed.
I think we could afford that expense, right?
Yeah.
I think...
Julia has too much influence over Sam.
He's getting too attached to her.
Really?
I think she's good. He likes her.
I mean, he's doing well socially, right?
Yeah, but he just puts too much stock
in everything she says.
You should've seen him today. Everything was, "Julia says this,
Julia says that."
Well, is that bad?
Yes. She's pushing him.
She's like 12, and she's pushing him and pushing him.
She's gonna push him too far.
I have to go talk to her.
Well, just be nice.
I'm always nice.
I'm probably not supposed to be telling you this,
but Casey has some sort of boyfriend.
Oh, yeah, I know that.
I read all her texts.
I love that.
Cool shirt.
Thanks. I'm hoping it'll get me a practice girlfriend.
I was being sarcastic. You look stupid.
But hey, you're not hideous.
I'm sure some sad insecure girl will crush on you someday,
deep in the very far future.
I wish.
Now, jacket or no jacket?
Zahid thinks jacket, but I think no jacket.
As many jackets as you can find.
Hey, Sam, this is random,
but do you know why Dad wasn't at the first Autism Awareness Walk?
In 2004?
Mmhmm.
That's the year he left us.
What do you mean, he left us?
Like, he moved out of the house?
Yes, for eight months.
Are you sure?
How could he do that?
I guess he packed his clothes and drove off.
God, I hate you.
Not you. You seem fine.
I just... I can't believe that my dad would leave us.
Like, why?
Was he having an affair?
Or, like, does he have, like,
a whole other family somewhere else?
Just, it feels so unlike him.
I'm sorry that I even brought it up. I should've never said anything.
No, I mean, I'm glad that I know.
I thought that we were so close.
Like, who abandons their family?
Well, if it makes you feel any better, my dad's got a gambling problem.
And last year, he stole my identity.
Yeah. I don't think it's that funny.
Okay, well, thank you for calling.
I appreciate it.
Okay. Thank you.
Shit.
I know! There's no jelly in this.
No, that was Casey's coach. She wasn't in her history class today.
She got suspended. I don't know if she's trying to get suspended again.
She won't answer the phone.
You think she's with the boyfriend?
I think she's with the boyfriend.
Actually, you know what? Go to Kennedy Park. They hang out there.
Let's go by there. Let's kill him.
Take it easy, Chuck. No, we're gonna kill him.
Chapter eight... photosynthesis. Who's excited?
You guys all read this last night in your...
When a lobster gets too large for its shell, it molts.
When a snake is feeling a growth spurt, it sheds.
Many of the organisms called heterotrophs...
Sometimes, you must get rid of your outer layer.
Uh, Sam?
Yes, Miss Jablonski?
Is everything okay? Yes. Thank you.
Is everything okay with you?
Yes, I'm fine.
Okay. That's good.
You've got to be kidding me. Hmm?
Really? This is what you're doing? What?
Skipping school after getting suspended?
Are you gonna ask why? Because of this asshole.
You said he wouldn't be a distraction. I'm not distracted by him.
I'm distracted by you. What?
I know that you left us.
In 2004.
For eight months.
Oh, forget it.
Casey!
So...
You stole a tuba?
Casey.
Listen...
I never told you about that,
because, honestly, it's just...
It's not something I'm very proud of.
Okay?
You know, it was hard when your brother was born.
It was hard having a son who...
didn't smile and...
look you in the eye.
And I kept thinking things would get better,
and he would grow out of it, and then he was diagnosed and...
You know, Mom threw herself into all of it,
with the support groups and the special diets,
and she was great.
I just...
I just couldn't wrap my head around it.
And I felt like I was just messing things up.
So I left.
Okay, and it wasn't your fault,
and it wasn't Mom and Sam.
It was me.
Where'd you go?
I went to Grandpa's cabin.
And...
first, he wanted me to build an addition to the house, and...
and I just stayed.
I built a stupid fire pit and...
I drank beers, and it was...
It sucked.
I'm embarrassed that it even happened.
I can't believe that you left us.
I know, but I'm sorry, okay?
And you know I love you so much.
Okay? I love you more than anything.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
I get it.
I want to leave every single day.
But you can't leave.
Look, I just want to
I want to make things good between the two of us.
Okay? Please? Can you tell me we're good?
Yeah.
We're good, Dad.
I'm acting erratically. I know that.
But here's what I don't know.
I don't know who I am anymore.
I don't know who needs me.
Hi!
I like your shirt.
Are you being sarcastic?
Oh, no.
Then thank you. Wai
Certainly not Sam.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what's coming next.
Or what to expect.
Because everything is changing.
And I'm not so good without my routines.
You ready to go, Casey?
I'm gonna kick your butt!
Casey?