ANNOUNCER: Tonight on Hard Quiz.
Ruth, public servant. Expert subject, Beastie Boys.
Jon, museum curator. Expert subject, medieval footwear.
Dominique, dentist. Expert subject, NRLW.
Rico, apprentice electrician. Expert subject, Sacha Baron-Cohen.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Here's your host, Tom Gleeson. Yes, hello.
It's Sam Pang Tonight still on? Welcome to Hard Quiz.
These contestants are astrologers.
Last one to be full of shit will be tonight's Hard Quiz champion.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
To be part of the show at home, go to the ABC iView socials.
Let's say hello. G'day, Rico. Tom, how are you going?
Now you're into Sacha Baron Cohen. Yep.
Who got you into it because you started watching it very young?
Yeah, I did. Yeah, so my parents got me into it.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Are your parents (BLEEP) in the head?
Do you want to get it out of the way
and give us your best Borat impression?
Oh, Borat. OK. Yeah.
(AS BORAT) Very nice.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Now, you once dressed up as the character Ali G.
We asked you to send us a photo, but then you sent us this.
Why are there so many?
Well, they're mainly my family's dogs,
but I just got a dog, a puppy dog.
I don't know. We just love them. I don't know.
The middle two are my sisters, so not actually ours.
Yeah.
If anything, none of those are my dogs,
so it makes no sense why I sent that picture.
So instead, instead of sending us a picture of you dressed as Ali G,
you sent us a photo of someone else's dogs?
You say it. Dominique.
Hello. OK.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
So you're into NRLW. When did you first get into it?
What really grabbed you?
Yeah, I think it was the 2023 season.
So it was after the Matildas were in the World Cup
and everyone was riding the women's sports train.
So you were watching the Matildas. You thought, "Too soft."
Yeah, well, I was like...
"Someone just pick up the ball and run."
Being a die-hard Queenslander, I was like,
"Where's the rugby league version of this?"
And turned out it'd been going for six years already.
So, yeah, very happily jumped on board.
Do you play it yourself? I do not play it myself.
Why not?
That's because I'm a dentist and my hands are very important to me,
and I cannot break my wrist.
Alright so...so you can't play NRLW because you might break your arm.
Do you do any other physical activities instead?
I do trail running. What's trail running?
Trail running is like running, but in the bush.
So this is a photo of us...
It running, but with tripping hazards?
Running with tripping hazards, actually quite dangerous.
OK, so you're doing trail running.
You can't do rugby league
because you can't injure your arms because you're a dentist.
Let's have a look at the next photo.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
What happened?
So the unfortunate part is
this wasn't even on the trail part of the run.
We're at the very end on the bitumen,
getting towards the car park.
So you sort of switch off, we're having a chit chat,
and then I was just on the end,
tripped on a rock, fell into more rocks.
And now I have a really cool scar so...
So you went and got it repaired,
but then you went to an NRLW game that evening?
Yes. Immediately after. OK.
So the hospital said to me,
"You're having surgery tomorrow." Just be back at midday."
And I was like, "Can I go to the rugby league this afternoon?"
And they were like, "We don't care what you do."
Go and break the other arm. Relax. Jon.
Hi, Tom.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Now your expert subject is medieval footwear.
Uh, that sounds both niche and boring.
What's wrong... What's wrong with modern footwear?
Is it too effective for you? Pretty much.
Yeah, it's just not... There's just not enough interest in it.
Did they even wear proper footwear in medieval times?
I just assume they stuck their foot in rats.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
No, it's...
Medieval footwear is a really, um, a really technical thing.
There was a particular way of making them and it's, you know,
it's a...
I think it's pretty special.
Here's some footwear that you've made.
So you got into it
because you wanted to make more accurate footwear.
Is that right? That's right. Yeah.
I used to do a lot of re-enactment. Oh, of course.
Yeah. That type of geek.
That's just standard behaviour on Hard Quiz.
Yeah.
And you know, you can't exactly go
and buy a pair of size seven Poulaines at,
you know, Spend Less shoes, so I learnt to make them.
Do you know why you can't buy them? Because they're grossly out of date.
Ruth. Yes. Hi, Tom.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Now, you don't look like the average Beastie Boys fan.
Oh.
I would have thought more Beach or Back Street?
Oh, no. I've always loved the Beastie Boys since the '80s.
Now, this is one of your most prized possessions.
Yes. Can you describe what it is?
I feel like a younger audience will think it's something from Woolies.
Well, it's a Beastie Boys picture disc single
in the shape of a medallion.
And so what's a picture disc? Oh, it's got a picture on it.
What's...
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
On the record. OK. But what's a record?
Oh. This is where we're at.
I'm telling you, you've got to explain what...
This is tape... Yeah.
Kids of today, they know about vinyl because it's come back into fashion.
But a picture disc was a very special form of vinyl, is my point.
We're trying to educate on the ABC.
Yes, yes, yes. Only a rare special edition came out.
Um, and yeah, some bands had the creativity
to do something like that.
How much would that be worth, do you think?
I don't know. $40.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
I just feel like that would be a particularly disappointing
episode of Antiques Roadshow.
Now, you used to run a pub? Yes.
Where was that? West Wyalong.
And here's one of your regulars at your pub.
Yeah. And...
That's Da. So who's that?
Da. Da.
Now, you made that T-shirt for him? Yes.
Is that right? Yes.
We had a there was a crack issue and,
you know, we were just trying to camouflage.
Oh, OK. I don't think you can see anything.
Yes. Alright, let's play...hard.
ANNOUNCER: Expert round. Expert subjects.
Win or lose five points. Steal an answer, double points.
I'll ask each of you five questions on your expert subject.
Right, you get five points. Wrong, I will take five points from you.
The rest of you can steal at any time to get double points.
Let's start with Ruth and her expert subject, Beastie Boys.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Originally formed in New York as a punk band,
hip hop trio, Beastie Boys gained early exposure
in 1985 when they toured with which female pop star?
Ruth. Madonna.
Correct.
According to the title of the group's hit song,
You Gotta Fight for Your Right to what?
For this steal, it's Jon. Party.
A point to you.
I also would have accepted 'paaaaartay.'
Take a listen to this.
(BEASTIE BOYS SONG PLAYS)
In the music video for the song Sabotage,
the Beastie Boys parody which genre of '70s TV show?
Ruth. Ah, criminal, crime. Police crime.
Correct.
Yeah, police shows, crime shows, cop shows.
Yeah, Sabotage was directed by Spike Jonze and is considered
one of the best music videos ever made.
Starting in 1996,
Beastie Boy Adam Yauch organised a series of benefit concerts
in support of which Chinese controlled region?
Ruth. Tibet.
Correct.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Last question in your set, Ruth. Yep.
According to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,
the group's second album, Paul's Boutique,
is considered "the pinnacle of hip-hop's golden era"
of what music technique?
For the steal is Jon. Scratching.
Incorrect.
Ruth. Funk.
Incorrect. Rico for the steal.
Rap.
Incorrect.
Wide open.
Time's up. Sampling. Yeah. Yeah.
It has a lot of samples in it. OK.
Next set of questions is for Jon on medieval footwear.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
What kind of shoes are you wearing this evening, Jon?
Oh, medieval ones. Oh, really?
Oh, well, you've gotta get to the final round so we can look at them.
Or maybe we'll have a peek at them when I boot you out early.
Medieval shoemakers known as Cordwainers derive their name from
the high-quality leather that came from the city of Cordoba,
located in which modern-day country?
For steal it's Dominique.
France. Incorrect.
Jon. Spain.
Correct.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
In 1463, England's King Edward the Fourth
passed a law that restricted the length of which part of the shoe?
Jon. The...the points.
Correct.
Do you know why? Yeah. It's a status thing.
You know, if you were really wealthy,
you could afford an impractical shoe.
But they had to put a limit on it because they were concerned
that it was also seen as being sinful and encouraging sexual deviancy.
Now we really can't wait to see your shoes, Jon.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
How long is the point?
We're going to go, "Oh, what a toe perv."
A medieval skeleton with thigh-high boots
was discovered in 2018 in the mud of which UK river?
Dominique for the steal. Thames.
Correct.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Unearthed in Norway, this shoe, dating to the 12th century,
features an inscription in runes that translates to what conquers all?
Jon. Love.
Correct.
Last question in your set, Jon.
In 2021, a study made headlines after it linked the rise
in popularity of pointed shoes in the medieval era
to an increase in what foot condition?
For the steal it's Rico.
Trench foot.
It's wide open. It's wide open.
For the steal it's Ruth.
Tinea. Incorrect. Still open.
Dominique for the steal.
Warts. Incorrect.
Jon. Uh, what's it called?
Um... Uh, they've... Forgotten the name of it.
Uh, it's the one where your foot gets that,
uh, that little, um... yeah, due to too pointy shoes.
Incorrect.
What the (BLEEP) is going on with this shit?
The correct answer is bunions. Oh, that's what it is.
You were trying to think of bunions.
I was trying to think of bunions. OK.
It's like that.
When you try to think of bunions, you can't think of bunions.
Alright, time now for Dominique and NRLW.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
After launching in 2018 with four teams,
the NRLW premiership was won for the first three seasons
by which Queensland team?
Dominique. Broncos.
Correct.
They were at the time the only Queensland team.
Is it much of a sport if there are only four teams
in the competition?
Because you finish in the top four straight away?
Yeah. Well, they just go straight...
It was three rounds in a grand final.
Right.
There's no final series. Who came fourth?
Ooh, that was the Dragons. Suck shit, Dragons.
In 2025, Indigenous all-star Caitlan Johnston-Green
returned to play only 11 weeks after what major life event?
She had a baby. Correct.
The North Queensland Cowboys mascot, Bluey, is what animal?
For the steal it's Rico. Dog.
Correct.
Double points to you.
In a 2020 game,
a Broncos player was fined after a tackle on the Dragons...
Dominique. She bit someone.
Incorrect.
A tackle on the Dragons Isabelle Kelly was initiated
by pulling on what part of her body?
Rico for the steal. Hair.
Correct.
Double points to you.
That's the only reason I don't have any hair, too.
So Marc Fennell can't tear my hair out at the Logies.
I know what you're all thinking. Who's Marc Fennell?
Last question in your set, Dominique.
In honour of this pioneering women's rugby league player,
The Karyn Murphy Medal
is awarded each season to the best player during which game?
Dominique. The grand final.
Correct.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Alright. Last in the expert round is Rico and Sacha Baron Cohen.
Known for his satirical characters,
Sacha Baron Cohen says a leading influence in shaping his comedy was
which star of the Pink Panther?
For the steal it's Dominique. Steve Martin.
Incorrect. For the steal it's Ruth. Peter Sellars.
Correct.
Double points to you.
See, Ruth, this fits. I expect you to know this stuff.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Knowing about Beastie Boys is off brand. I don't...
Dominique said Steve Martin like he was the original.
Following comments as the fictional journalist Borat in 2005,
Baron Cohen received legal threats from the Foreign Ministry
of which country?
Oh, Rico. Kazakhstan.
Correct.
Here's Borat in action
Like we say in Kazakhstan,
"To let the woman be a journalist is like to let the pig fly a plane.
"Very dangerous.
"We stopped doing that ever since the 2001 Astana air crash."
Kazakhstan later relaxed
and even used a Borat catchphrase in their tourism slogan.
Uh, Rico, do you want to do it? Very nice.
According to the wannabe rapper character Ali G,
the sentiments, keep it real, represent, and hello
can all be expressed with which of his signature exclamations.
Rico. I.
Incorrect. It's wide open.
Uh, time's up. Booyakasha! Yeah.
Why didn't you say it?
I don't know.
He's just, like, made of catchphrases and you...
What are you going to do at the end of the show?
"Thanks for playing...soft." Like what are you gonna...
In 2010, Baron Cohen married Aussie actress Isla Fisher
after she converted to what religion?
Rico. Jewish.
Correct.
Yeah, they've since divorced,
so now he can say that she's his... (AS BORAT) ..ex-wife.
Last question in your set, Rico.
Baron Cohen has played multiple roles in dramas including
The Innkeeper Thenardier, in which musical?
Rico. Les Miserables.
Correct.
We have floated through their subjects.
Now let's float through mine.
ANNOUNCER: Tom's round. Tom's subject. Multiple choice.
This week, I've been really getting into interior design.
I love interior design.
It's responsible for a whole genre of pillows that I'm allowed to throw.
This round is multiple choice.
Select your answers on your screen,
then press the buzzer to lock in the answer.
(READS QUESTION)
The answer is C, low, low, low.
I don't think I'm alone in being surprised that Rico got that one.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Feels like a group thought we're all having.
(READS QUESTION)
The answer is D, this disturbing one. RUTH: Oh.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
(READS QUESTION)
The answer is B, patina.
(READS QUESTION)
The answer is A, this one.
Last question in my round's worth double points.
(READS QUESTION)
The answer is D, Swatch This Space. Oh, yeah.
And all those other shows exist.
Alright, at the end of my round,
Dominique, you're at the bottom of minus ten.
Get over here.
This feels a bit like the 2018 season of
the NRLW when there were only four teams.
And you're the St George Dragons. Yeah.
Anything you'd do differently if you had another shot at it?
No, I just think our footy is better than your footy.
I'm from New South Wales.
Don't try and run out of here 'cause we don't want any broken bones.
And there's a minor step there, so take it easy, OK?
Careful. Alright. Out!
There she goes.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Alright. It's the People's Round.
ANNOUNCER: The People's Round. Against the clock.
Charge your phone. Play along at home. Your time starts now.
What is the smallest prime number?
Ruth? One.
No, two.
The brightness of lighting is controlled
with what device that rhymes with shimmer?
Rico. Dimmer.
Yes. Who wrote the classic novel Animal Farm?
Jon. George Orwell.
Yes.
A pure obsidian gemstone is typically what colour or shade?
Rico. Purple.
No, black.
Goa and West Bengal are states of which country?
Ruth. India.
Yes. Cathy Freeman won Olympic gold running what distance?
Ruth. 400.
Yes.
What word can refer to a horned animal,
a variety of grass, and a type of mozzarella?
Rico. Buffalo.
Yes. Rumi, Zoey, and Mira are characters in the hit movie?
Jon. K-pop Demon Hunters.
Yes. Time's up.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Alright, at the end of the People's Round,
Jon, you're at the bottom on 20.
Get out here.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Jon, your shoes don't have any points at all.
Are you a virgin?
What kind of shoes are they?
These are a 1300s side-lace boots with patterns under them.
Although I feel like my barista was wearing them today as well.
OK. You ready to go? I am.
Out!
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Alright, only two left.
Who's gonna be the Hard Quiz champion?
Ruth and Rico, get over here because it's time to play Hard Quiz.
ANNOUNCER: Final round, head-to-head.
Sacha Baron Cohen versus Beastie Boys. Hard Quiz.
Now there can only be one Hard Quiz champion
who gets to take home the limited edition Big Brass Mug.
What will you do with the mug if you win, Ruth?
It's going to be my step up. Oh.
It's my step up. My step up to the bar.
I step up to, you know, the overhead locker.
Anything, in the supermarket. OK.
What about you, Rico?
It's a pretty good size for a dog bowl, but...
Nah, probably just sit on the shelf,
gather dust with the rest of the trophies.
What other trophies do you have? Not many.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
It's best-of-five penalty shootout style.
Harder questions on your expert subject.
So it's Ruth's knowledge of Beastie Boys
versus Rico's knowledge of Sacha Baron Cohen.
Let's play...hard!
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Ruth, The Beastie Boys 1983 single Cooky Puss
includes audio of a prank call
made by the band in search of the Cooky Puss, which is what item?
I believe it's named after an ice cream.
Um, I can't remember the shop, but, yeah,
I believe that, um, it's an ice cream.
Correct.
Yeah. An ice cream or an ice-cream cake.
Rico, the first Borat film has, what 12-word full title?
Oh, OK.
You're testing me here, Tom.
I'll give you a hint. The first word is Borat.
Something, something, something.
Um, documentary on...
Uh...
Short documentary movie.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Do I include all the somethings as well?
I don't, I don't quite know
when your guess ended and your actual answer began.
Will they help with my answer?
Uh, you're (BLEEP) either way.
Incorrect.
The correct answer is Borat: Cultural Learnings of America
For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.
Ruth, here are the Beastie Boys on ABC's Rage talking about
when Sabotage missed out on an MTV Video Music Award.
He lost control, jumped on the stage
when another director nominated for a different video and won.
And, uh, I wouldn't say it was hostile,
but it was, it was, um, tense moment.
I thought it was beautiful. I thought it was weird.
Who did they say jumped on the stage?
Um, it was Adam Yauch dressed as, um,
Nathan Wind, um, which was, uh, his character in,
um, Sabotage, and, uh, he came on stage
when R.E.M. got the award and, uh...
Yeah.
Incorrect.
The correct answer is Nathaniel Hornblower.
Ah, yes.
Not Nathan Wind, but you're kind of right.
it was a character that Adam Yauch was playing.
So Nathaniel Hornblower is a Swiss film director
and Adam Yauch's alter ego.
It was all just a joke.
But not everyone in the room understood it.
No. No.
Imagine being at an award show where you're joking
and half the room doesn't understand what's happening.
That would feel so weird to have to live through that.
Rico, in a 2003 interview, Donald Trump said,
it sounds like a good idea and I hope you make a lot of money
in response to Ali G pitching what business idea?
Yeah, I remember the interview.
I can't remember if it was
something sexist along those lines or something like that.
I think it was.
It'd be appropriate for Ali G to say something like that.
Um, so let's say... I'm never gonna remember it.
Um, not off to a good start here.
Stay tuned.
You never know what's gonna happen.
Stripper housemaids.
Incorrect.
Correct answer is gloves to stop ice cream dripping on your hands
and to keep your hands warm.
Trump later called him a phoney and a creep.
In other words, an inspiration.
Ruth, in 2023, the corner of New York's Ludlow and Rivington
streets was officially named Beastie Boys Square.
What is the significance of this exact location to the Beastie Boys?
I think it may be where Paul's Boutique is.
So, yeah, I think it's near where Paul's Boutique is.
Correct.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Yeah, it's the location for the cover art of their album,
Paul's Boutique, yeah.
It's the one we saw back in the first round.
Alright, Rico, at the 2009 MTV Movie Awards,
rapper Eminem left the ceremony following what
interaction with Baron Cohen's character Bruno?
Yeah, so from what I remember Bruno came in on a zip line
or something for some reason,
and I think he face planted into his crotch.
Correct.
Yeah, so Eminem was actually in on the gag,
but they thought he was genuinely mad.
Yeah, I wanted to eliminate contestants
by lowering Marty in his undies, but, um...
Marty was a bit too enthusiastic and it threw me off.
Ruth, made up of nine different song fragments,
the track B-Boy Bouillabaisse,
features quirky weather reporter Lloyd Lindsay Young.
Complete his line...
And I can bug out to it.
Correct.
Do you bug out to it? Oh, sure. Yeah.
Alright, Rico, you need this.
If you get this wrong, then, Ruth, you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion.
Rico, in the series, Who is America?
the character Erran Morad, an anti-terror expert,
interviews former Vice President Dick Cheney
and gets him to autograph an object said to be used for what?
Alright, this was recent.
So really no excuse not to know this,
but I don't... I can't remember, but no, it's somewhere back there.
I rarely say this, but, believe in yourself, Rico.
So I think it was...
I think it was a bit of a gag what he did give him, um,
as in it was a bit of a joke that he would even sign it at all,
which is once again fitting for his character.
So I'd say he'd maybe give him something
like a, I don't know, an AK 47 for shooting.
Incorrect. The correct answer is waterboarding.
It was an object that was said to be used for what?
It was used for waterboarding,
which means, Ruth, you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
Alright, Rico. You know what this means. Out!
There he goes.
Congratulations, Ruth, you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion,
which means you get the Big Brass Mug.
Thanks for playing...hard!
If I knew it was that kind of party, I would have stuck me...
Captions by Red Bee Media