ANNOUNCER: Tonight on Hard Quiz...
Expert subject, Bratz Dolls.
Expert subject, Kate Bush.
Expert subject, British comedy - The Goodies.
Expert subject, Kakadu National Park.
Here's your host, Tom Gleeson.
Yes! Hello. I smell scones. Here's your host, Tom Gleeson.
Yes! Hello. I smell scones. Welcome to Hard Quiz.
Yes! Hello. I smell scones. These contestants are batteries.
Last one to be disposed of incorrectly
will be tonight's Hard Quiz champion! (CHEERING)
To be part of the show at home, go to the ABC TV socials.
Let's say hello. G'day, Vicki. Tom. To be part of the show at home, go to the ABC TV socials.
Let's say hello. G'day, Vicki. Tom.
Now, your expert subject is Kakadu National Park.
Correct. Why is that?
Well, it's my only chance on national television
to plug some lovely businesses
that are run by the Aboriginal traditional owners.
that are run by the Aboriginal So, I thought I'd do that.
It's the ABC. You're not supposed to,
which makes me want to do it. (LAUGHTER)
Now, you worked as a GP in Kakadu. Correct.
Have you worked in other places? I have.
Have you worked in other places? Where else have you worked?
I've worked at the youth jail and at Headspace.
I've worked at the youth jail OK. Yep.
And I was a Flying Doctor OK. Yep.
And I was a Flying Doctor in the Pilbara for four years.
And I was a Flying Doctor (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
What are the main medical conditions you see at Kakadu?
Malaria? Crocodile bite?
By night, you mostly see tourists. Yeah.
And by day, it's really the whole gamut of chronic illness
and birth, life, death.
Here's you doing a cliff rescue.
You look like a very cheerful bunch there.
You look like You're all in a great mood.
"Oh, look, we're helping someone who fell off a cliff."
I presume they survived.
They did, and the reason we're looking cheerful
is that we survived getting down the cliff.
is that we survived getting down They had to be sort of winched.
And so we're all very relieved to still be there.
Now, you've recently retired as a GP. Correct.
In your last couple of weeks, did you slack off?
(LAUGHTER) You're like "Oh, Brian,
(LAUGHTER) "I've got the scans.
"Your lungs look shadowy but let the next person..."
Vic. Hi, Tom.
Now, when you sent us a photo in your application,
we thought you looked like Paul Rudd after a big night out.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Is that why you've tidied yourself up?
Is that why You've polished up the old noggin?
Well, look I thought "I'm on Hard Quiz.
"You know, take after the master himself. I'm going to...".
Oh, it's a tribute is it? Absolutely.
You're into The Goodies. Uh-huh.
They were like a less cool version of Monty Python
They were like a less cool version but for kids 40 years ago.
Are you clinging onto someone else's childhood?
Only the same one that I can guess that you're clinging onto, Tom,
being of roughly my vintage.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Now, here's you with your Goodies collection.
It's not a very big collection.
And some of those things It's not a very big collection.
And some of those things aren't The Goodies.
And some of those things Why didn't you try harder?
Helen. Hello.
You're a fan of Kate Bush. Are you a recent convert or...?
No, no, no. Last on the bandwagon?
No, it all started back in 1978 watching Countdown.
Yeah, I could tell from your age. But...
Yeah, I could tell from your age. (LAUGHTER)
(AUDIENCE SQUEALS)
I was just making... I was just making chitchat.
So, when did you first see Kate Bush?
On TV. I saw her on Countdown, 1978, when I was in Grade Six.
Not trying to age myself there. Yes.
Not trying to age myself there. And then I did later see her live.
OK. Where did you see her live? In London.
Oh, wow. So, she didn't come to you. You had to go to her.
Yep. She doesn't fly. She doesn't fly?!
No. So, she's never toured Australia.
No. Oh, OK.
Is that why the Kate Bush fans in Australia
are just a bit more nutty? Because they haven't had their fix?
Now here's you at Wuthering Heights Day.
Now here's you (CHEERING)
Were you embarrassed that everyone was wearing the same thing?
What's the point of it? I don't get it.
Well, the point of it is to enjoy Kate's music.
Raise money for charity and have a lot of fun.
Oh. I didn't realise it was a worthy cause.
I thought it was just a pack of idiots in a park.
Sammy. Hi, Tom!
Sammy. Bratz Dolls is your thing.
What got you into these creepy, big-eyed freak dolls?
Well, I just wanted to, you know, get one that looks just like you.
Oh.
You've made one of me. Did you shave its head?
Yeah, it's bald. Do you want to have a look?
Aw.
(APPLAUSE)
Does it have my catchphrase (APPLAUSE)
Does it have my catchphrase on the top there of the packet?
What's it say?
That says "Let your true colours shine."
Oh, that's... That's not my catchphrase.
Now, most people outgrow their obsession with dolls
when they become adults. So what's your problem?
I never grew out of it. I've been collecting since I was six.
I never grew out of it. I've been OK. Now here's your collection.
AUDIENCE: Aw!
How many dolls do you have there?
254.
And, yeah, I do have friends.
I have a Bratz community on Facebook and Instagram
and we share photos of our dolls. That's impressive.
and we share photos of our dolls. (APPLAUSE)
You see, Vic? That's a collection.
That's over 200 dolls.
Let's have a look at Vic's collection again.
Let's have a look at Vic's collection (LAUGHTER)
"Look at me."
"I've got a VHS tape."
Alright, let's play Hard!
ANNOUNCER: Win or lose five points.
Steal an answer, double points.
I'll ask each of you five questions on your expert subject.
Right, you get five points.
Wrong, I will take five points from you.
The rest of you can steal at any time to get double points.
Let's start with Sammy and her expert subject Bratz Dolls.
Released in 2001, the four original Bratz Dolls,
Chloe, Jade, Sasha and Yasmin were marketed as bratty tweens
who have quote, "A passion... " for what?
Sammy. Fashion.
Correct! (APPLAUSE)
Some retail stores only wanted to buy Chloe, the white one.
Some retail stores only wanted AUDIENCE: Oh!
But the CEO said it was all or nothing.
After buying the Bratz concept from designer Carter Bryant,
MGA Entertainment was sued by his previous employer,
which major toy company? Sammy.
Mattel.
Correct!
Yeah, Mattel claimed that because Bryant was their employee
when he came up with the idea, they owned the copyright.
I have the same deal with my employees,
but I own their ideas and their soul.
but I own their ideas (LAUGHTER)
Bratz Dolls are recognisable by their big heads,
Bratz Dolls are recognisable varied skin tones,
and which unusual way of changing varied skin tones,
and which unusual way of changing shoes? Sammy.
They take them off, like, completely with the foot.
They take them off, like, completely Correct!
The things women will do for fashion.
In the early 2000s,
you could buy a Bratz terrarium
marketed to house what pet?
For the steal, it's Helen.
Turtle.
Incorrect. It's wide open.
Wide open!
Sammy. Bunny.
Incorrect.
It's still open.
Vic for the steal.
Snake?
Incorrect.
Vicki!
A bratfish?
Everyone's out.
And I have to say,
that is some of the stupidest gameplay
I've ever seen in the history of the show.
I've ever seen in The correct answer is crabs.
(LAUGHTER)
Oh, now I know!
Yeah, it came with plastic shells
in case your crabs have a passion for fashion.
in case your crabs have Last question in your set, Sammy.
Part of the 2003 Electric Funk range Last question in your set, Sammy.
Part of the 2003 Electric Funk range was a landline phone
Part of the 2003 Electric Funk range in the shape of what facial feature?
Sammy. Lips.
Correct!
I have two of them.
I have one in my office I have two of them.
I have one in my office and one in my cubby house.
Time now for Helen and Kate Bush.
(APPLAUSE)
Kate Bush was signed to a major record label at 16,
after being discovered by David Gilmore
after being discovered from which legendary rock band?
Vic for the steal! Pink Floyd.
Vic for the steal! Correct!
Double points to you!
You're a boring, middle-aged Double points to you!
You're a boring, middle-aged white man.
You're always going to get that one right.
You're always going to get That's fair.
Do you know how this came about, Helen?
I think her brother knew someone who talked to Dave Gilmore.
They'd bought a tape recorder
and had taped Kate singing and passed it onto him.
and had taped Kate singing And, yeah, he liked what he heard.
Yeah, and he showed the tape to EMI And, yeah, he liked what he heard.
Yeah, and he showed the tape to EMI and the rest is history.
Bush's song The Sensual World was re-released in 2011
Bush's song The Sensual World as Flower Of The Mountain,
incorporating text from as Flower Of The Mountain,
incorporating text from which James Joyce novel?
Helen. Ulysses.
Helen. Correct!
The song was first released in 1989.
At age 63, Bush became The song was first released in 1989.
At age 63, Bush became the oldest female artist
to have a UK number one after Netflix series
Stranger Things featured which of her songs?
For the steal, it's Vicki! Running Up That Hill.
For the steal, it's Vicki! Correct! Double points to you!
(APPLAUSE)
She also broke the records for longest gap
She also broke the records between number one singles,
which was 44 years,
and the longest time for a song to reach number one,
which was 36 years and 310 days after release.
So, were you upset when everyone jumped on the bandwagon
or did you welcome them? No!
No! I welcomed them into the fold. Into the Kate fold.
There's going to be all these millennials now at
Wuthering Heights Day just running around on it.
Yeah. My whole collection has gone up in value as well.
Bush's 1979 concert tour featured what's claimed to be
the world's first wireless headset microphone,
the world's first wireless headset made from what household item?
Helen. Coathanger.
Correct!
(APPLAUSE)
So, she wanted to have her hands free so she could dance.
So, she just dodgied one up with a coathanger.
Innovative. Yeah.
And dodgy.
Last question in your set, Helen.
Here's Kate receiving her CBE in 2013.
Eight years earlier, Bush said she'd made a complete arsehole of herself
Eight years earlier, Bush said she'd by asking the Queen for what?
Her autograph.
Correct.
Yeah, it ended up proving fatal.
Alright!
Next set of questions is for Vic on The Goodies!
(CHEERING)
Alright, you ready, Vic? I think so.
Alright, you ready, Vic? A three-man agency from London,
The Goodies offer to do anything, anywhere, when?
Vic. Anytime.
Correct!
The Goodies travel on Buttercup,
which is what three-person mode of transport? Vic.
which is what three-person mode Trandem. Or bicycle.
Correct! Trandem. Or bicycle.
Correct! Yeah!
This is the Green's net zero plan.
When London is attacked by Graham's creation
Kitten Kong, The Goodies deliver an antidote
in a giant syringe while dressed as what creatures? Vic.
in a giant syringe while dressed Mice.
Correct!
A running joke sees Tim break into rousing speeches
accompanied by which composition? Vic.
accompanied Land Of Hope And Glory.
Correct!
By Edward Elgar.
Land Of Hope And Glory is correct.
A lot of Australians would struggle Land Of Hope And Glory is correct.
A lot of Australians would struggle to take this tune seriously.
A lot of Australians would struggle (LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY PLAYS)
Last question in your set, Vic.
Touring Australia in 2013
with a run of one-man shows was which Goodie?
Vic. Bill.
Vic. Correct!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Five from five!
Last set in the Expert Round, it's Vicki and Kakadu National Park.
Alright, you ready, Vicki?
Ready to be humiliated. OK.
Located in the north of Kakadu,
these three rivers were named by navigator Phillip Parker King,
who mistakenly believed they were infested... Vicki.
who mistakenly believed they were Alligators.
Correct! ..with what animal?
Alligator is correct.
Yeah, they're the East, South and West Alligator rivers.
The name 'Kakadu' probably comes from a mistake as well?
Uh-huh. What's the mistake?
Isn't that a question I can get points for?
No, you're going to have to chalk it up as banter, I'm afraid.
OK, so, Gaagudju was the name of, depending on who you ask,
but a language or a group of people from the flood plains of Kakadu.
Yes. I like it how in Australia we mishear something
Yes. I like it how in Australia and we know it's a mistake
and then we're like "No, it's Kakadu".
and then we're like Yeah.
The Top End is often said Yeah.
The Top End is often said to have two seasons.
The Top End is often said The wet and the dry.
Vicki. Six seasons.
Correct!
(CHEERING)
Did you go, "Oh, oh, oh, six"?
The rest of the question was
But Kakadu's traditional owners recognise how many seasons?
But Kakadu's traditional owners Six is correct.
They're marked by the changes Six is correct.
They're marked by the changes in the landscape and not set dates.
What season would I be, based on my complexion?
There is a season called 'Bangkerreng',
which is the 'Knock 'Em Down Storms'.
which is the I'll take that.
(APPLAUSE)
1998, over 5,000 people took part in a blockade
to stop the construction... Vicki.
to stop the construction... Jabiluka.
Correct! ..of which uranium mine?
Jabiluka is correct.
It's surrounded by Kakadu
but not technically part of the national park.
Because if it were, they wouldn't be allowed to build the mine.
Because if it were, they wouldn't be Did the blockade work?
It did temporarily,
but they're having another go It did temporarily,
but they're having another go at mining it now.
So, they just keep coming back and coming back,
So, they just keep coming but that blockade was successful.
Let's vilify them. Is it Rio Tinto?
Well, it's actually changed. It was...
Is this going to be a question later?
Is this going to be a question I don't know.
I don't want to blow it.
You're very confident that you're getting through
to the last round, Vicki.
Rio Tinto were the multinational
who were the bosses of ERA, who run Ranger Mine.
Oh, right, OK. Alright, they're probably promising
they won't blow up any ancient art works.
Mm. "We promise this time."
"This time we're serious." Mm.
AUDIENCE: Mm. "Mm. Mm-mm."
(LAUGHTER)
The harumph of an ABC audience in virtuous defiance.
The harumph of an ABC audience "Mm-mm".
"Mm".
You're used to doing it on your own
while watching Insiders on a Sunday morning.
while watching Insiders "Mm!"
"I know!"
Located in Jabiru, this hotel was built
to capitalise on the increasing tourism... Vicki.
to capitalise on the Crocodile.
Incorrect.
Increase in tourism after the release of which film?
Increase in tourism after Vic for the steal.
Crocodile Dundee?
Correct! Double points to you!
Yeah, before the film, Correct! Double points to you!
Yeah, before the film, Kakadu was known mainly for mining.
There were basically no tourist facilities at all.
There were basically Last question in your set, Vicki.
Containing more than 100 times
the vitamin C of an orange... Vicki.
the vitamin C It's either called the Kakadu plum,
it's also called the Billygoat plum.
Correct!
..in sharing a name with the national park is which fruit?
..in sharing a name with the Kakadu plum is correct.
We've walked through their subjects, now let's walk through mine.
This week, I've been really getting into idols. I love idols.
This week, I've been really getting Being one is hard work.
This round is multiple choice, select your answers on your screens
and press the buzzer to lock in the answer.
The answer is B, worship it as a god.
Yeah, the Bible says greed counts as idolatry, too,
Yeah, the Bible says greed counts which would make sense
if you saw how I worship which would make sense
if you saw how I worship a slab of craft beer.
Is it this one or this one?
Or this one? Or this one?
The answer is D, this one.
Sensing a generational divide.
The answer is C, Gerryflappers.
That was us.
The answer is
A, The Wedding Singer.
Last question in my round's worth double points.
Last question in my round's Like that'll help.
You never know!
You just might be on a game show where people can't add up!
A, Joel Turner beatboxing a medley of sounds.
B, Cosima De Vito singing When The War Is Over'.
C, Guy Sebastian singing Climb Ev'ry Mountain.
D, Casey Donovan singing You're So Vain.
E, Anthony Callea singing The Prayer.
F, Jessica Mauboy singing Beautiful.
Ooh, who's going to get kicked out?
Who could it be?
Coming for you.
The answer is
A, Joel Turner beatboxing a medley of sounds.
I thought that was too obvious.
Alright, at the end of my round
Sammy, you're at the bottom on minus 10. Get over here.
Sammy, you're at the bottom (APPLAUSE)
It was so close, Sammy.
I mean, if only you'd got that one right and the one before it
and the one before that and the one before that one.
and the one before that And the one before that one?
Yeah, all of them. And the one before that one?
Yeah, all of them. It would've really helped.
I think I lost my passion for fashion.
I think I lost my passion Alright, out!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) There she goes!
Toot-toot, it's the People's Round!
Loosen your pants, play along at home. Your time starts now.
What jam-like preserve is made with citrus fruits? Helen.
What jam-like preserve is made Marmalade.
Yes! A classic Aussie song lyric is
"Give me a home among the..." what? Vic.
"Give me a home among the..." Gum trees.
Yes! Dividing the now German capital into east and west was
which concrete...? Helen? Berlin Wall.
Yes! Which concrete barrier?
Berlin Wall is correct.
Minus the area code, Australian residential landline numbers
have how many digits? Vicki.
Eight.
Yes! What sport, would I likely be playing
if I 'took a mulligan'? Vic.
if I 'took a mulligan'? Golf.
Yes! Something For The Hotties
is an album by Megan Thee what?
Helen. Stallion.
Yes!
An arrow pointing from A to Z
features in the logo of which trillion-dollar company?
Time's up! The answer is Amazon!
(CHEERING)
At the end of the People's Round, Vicki,
you're at the bottom on 35. Get over here.
you're at the bottom on 35. (CHEERING)
Vicki, you might have to do
a bottom-of-the-cliff rescue on yourself.
I might. What happened?
I Kaka-didn't. (LAUGHTER)
Out!
There she goes.
Only two left, who's going to be the Hard Quiz champion?
Helen and Vic, get over here because it's time to play Hard Quiz.
Kate Bush versus The Goodies.
Now, there can only be one Hard Quiz champion
who gets to take home the limited edition big brass mug.
What will you do with the mug if you win?
Helen? I will use it as a 'wassail' cup,
Helen? and that's an old English tradition
for blessing apple trees for the cider harvest.
Oh, a 'wassail' cup? Mm.
You go 'wassailing'.
I wasn't expecting to learn a fact at this point.
That's nice... What about you, Vic?
Oh, well I thought I'd take it home
and any time Kitten Kong comes around,
and any time Kitten Kong comes instant milk saucer.
OK. It's best of five, instant milk saucer.
OK. It's best of five, penalty shoot-out style,
harder questions on your expert subject.
So, it's Helen's knowledge of Kate Bush
versus Vic's knowledge of The Goodies.
versus Vic's knowledge of Let's play Hard!
(APPLAUSE) Let's play Hard!
(APPLAUSE) Helen.
In 1985, one of the tracks on the album Hounds Of Love (APPLAUSE) Helen.
In 1985, one of the tracks on the album Hounds Of Love
In 1985, one of the tracks on had its title changed to increase
its chances of being played on the radio.
What was the original title and what was it changed to?
The original title was A Deal With God
and it was changed to Running Up That Hill
and it was changed with A Deal With God in brackets.
Correct!
And then it was re-released with Stranger Things
when that came out, and you welcomed all the new people.
I welcomed them all in. In open arms?
I welcomed them all in. Yes.
Was it weird seeing all those young people suddenly get excited about
a song you heard so long ago? It was very weird.
So when I came away from the audition for this show,
got on the tram, and there were kids literally
playing Running Up That Hill on the tram as I was going home.
Vic. Tom.
Vic. With black pudding as its weapon,
the Lancastrian martial art of Ecky Thump
featured in an episode that made actual front page news
after viewer Alexander Mitchell did what?
He did something that his wife later said
was the greatest gift that The Goodies could have given to him.
was the greatest gift that He died laughing.
Correct.
Yeah, it's believed he died from a rare heart condition
Yeah, it's believed he died triggered by prolonged laughter.
His wife later sent The Goodies a 'thank you' card...
(LAUGHTER)
..for making his final 30 minutes so enjoyable.
And, with any luck, someone's going to die at the end of this episode.
And if you do, you're welcome.
(LAUGHTER)
Helen. Kate Bush played her first gig in 1977,
fronting the KT Bush Band at a pub with what name?
Oh, I was looking at this yesterday.
and there were two that she played,
the Kate, KT Bush Band in.
I think it's something like The Rose Lee. the Kate, KT Bush Band in.
I think it's something like The Rose Lee.
Incorrect.
You were right in that you said it's something like Rose Lee.
You were right in that you said The answer is 'Rose of Lee'.
Oh!
(GROANING)
Vic.
In 2012, Australia's National Vic.
In 2012, Australia's National Archives uncovered
Goodies footage previously censored for our screens,
including a scene in the episode Give Police A Chance
depicting what?
Ooh. See, I know,
I know that the episode with the Commonwealth Games
was censored and that footage turned up from a section
that's been notoriously called The Sex Test,
see if you can guess why the ABC decided to cut that.
Um, hadn't heard anything from Give Police A Chance, though.
Um, hadn't heard anything I always thought that was,
that was uncut. Um...
Let's see. Roll my brain through everything
Let's see. Roll my brain that was in that episode.
That would take half an hour so don't do that.
That would take half an hour I shan't do that. Um...
Oh, was that...?
If it was only cut from the ABC copy was that Bill's naked bum?
Correct.
(CHEERING)
Yeah, people think it's a kids' show
but it was actually a late night Yeah, people think it's a kids' show
but it was actually a late night comedy show.
That's right. Originally it went out about 10PM on a Sunday
so definitely not for kids. Yeah.
so definitely not for kids. Unlike this show which is...
Go to (BLEEP) bed!
Helen.
Writing about Bush's Hounds Of Love album,
Writing about Bush's music critic Richard Cook said,
"Most of her records smell of Tarot cards,
"kitchen curtains and lavender..." what?
Mm. Um.
Your body language is not encouraging.
I'm thinking it's like those lavender sweets.
Um. Lavender pastilles.
Incorrect.
Correct answer is pillows.
Oh. Correct answer is pillows.
Oh. Lavender pillows.
What do you reckon her records smell of?
What do you reckon Vinyl?
Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
Vic. In a season six episode,
giving Tim a lesson in advertising,
Graham says that the market can be divided up into this hierarchy.
In top place, what does the A stand for?
Ah, yes. 'D' for dumb, 'C' for clever,
'B' for brilliant and 'A' for advertising men.
'B' for brilliant and 'A' That's my Graham impersonation.
Correct. (CHEERING)
Helen, you need this.
If you get this wrong, then, Vic, you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion.
Kate Bush directs many of her music videos,
once saying her "ultimate reference point" was which film director?
Orson Welles.
Incorrect.
The correct answer is Alfred Hitchcock,
which means, Vic, you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion!
Alright, Helen, you know what this means. Out!
There she goes!
Congratulations Vic, you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion!
You get the big brass mug and you get to do the sign off.
You get the big brass mug Thanks for playing Hard!
(CHEERING)
# Goodie, goodie, yum, yum. #