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Previously on Young
Sheldon... I'm Georgie.

2
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Mandy.

3
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How about while this runs,

4
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I take you to dinner?

5
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How old are you?

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GEORGE JR.:
Do not say 17.

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Twenty-one.

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Well, funny seeing you here.

9
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I'm just taking
a little dinner break.

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Here we go. Two margaritas.

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I love their margaritas.

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Well, this was fun.

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It was for me.

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Nice meeting you.

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I don't want
to get ahead of myself,

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but the strength
of the temperature deviations

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is looking rather spicy.

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How spicy?
Five microkelvin.

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Muy caliente.
(chuckles)

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When should we publish?

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Not yet. There's only

22
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a three-sigma significance.
It needs to be higher.

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That'd require a much
more robust signal.

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And you know
what that means.

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Road trip to the
super telescope?

26
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Road trip
to the super telescope, baby.

27
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When are we leaving?

28
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Oh, right. You.

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♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

30
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

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♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

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♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

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So far, the data
is extremely promising.

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Five microkelvin!

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HAGEMEYER: Ah.

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Well, you seem excited,

38
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so... cool.

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(chuckles)
We just need

40
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budget approval
to travel to the radio telescope

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in the Davis Mountains.

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Fine by me.

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Yes!
On to more pressing matters.

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Does Sheldon Cooper
have to come?
STURGIS: Shouldn't he?

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He is part of the team.

46
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But isn't there some rule
against minors traveling?

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No.
Can there be?

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No, it's better for the project
if he's out there

49
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in the field with you.

50
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But isn't it better
for his education

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if he stays here in class?
HAGEMEYER: Oh, I think

52
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that a trip like this
could be very educational

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in its own way.
LINKLETTER: Mm.

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You just don't want him
around here bugging you.

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Winner winner
he's-going-with-you dinner.

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Hey, there.

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You're Georgie's friend, right?

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Yeah. Mandy. Hi.
(chuckles)

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You grow up around here?
I did,

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yeah. And then I, uh,
moved to San Antonio

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for a while after college.

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After college. Yeah.

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A&M. Then I got an internship
at Good Morning San Antonio.

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Uh-oh.
MANDY: Then I worked my way up

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to doing
the morning weather report.
Hey, y'all.

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Well,

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speak of the devil.

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What's going on, ladies?
MEEMAW: Just

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getting to know Mandy here.

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Yeah, I was telling her
about San Antonio.

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Oh, she's from Texas. She
knows all about that stuff.

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Anyways, I'll let you
get back to work.
MEEMAW: Well,

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I'll leave you two kids be.

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And listen to me,
calling you young adults "kids."

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(chuckles) Like you were
still teenagers or something.

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I wish.
(chuckles)

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Mom, can I have your AAA card?

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Why?
I need to order

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a TripTik
for my road trip to Fort Davis.

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Who said you could
go to Fort Davis?

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President Hagemeyer.

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Well, I didn't say you could go.

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It's fine. I'll be with
Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter.

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For how long?

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Three days.

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And they're okay with this?

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Why wouldn't they be?

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No reason.

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Hmm.
Just the same,

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I'm gonna check in with them.

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In the meantime, can I call AAA?

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Can it please wait?
No.

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(sighs) Card is in my purse.

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You're what guys call
"a keeper."

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Mandy seems nice.

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She's all right.

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Things getting serious?

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I don't know. Why?
Just wondering

99
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when you were gonna tell her
your real age.

100
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Age ain't nothing but a number. Yeah,

101
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well, her number's
way bigger than your number.

102
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You ain't never lied
about your age?

103
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I'm a lady. Different rules.

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It's not a big deal.
We're just having fun. Yeah,

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well, before you have
too much fun,

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you better tell her.

107
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That sounds less fun.

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Welcome to being an adult.

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It sucks.

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Dr. Linkletter? Mary Cooper.

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Ah, Mrs. Cooper.

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I assume
this is about the upcoming trip

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and perhaps your
very understandable reluctance

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to let Sheldon come.

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I have to admit
I do have some concerns.

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As you should.

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So, you're saying you'd prefer

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he not go with us?
(Mary sighs)

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But he'd be so disappointed.

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Not more disappointed than me.

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So, you feel good
about him going?

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Only if you feel good about it.

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You're his parent. I'm just
an absentminded academic

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who's never had children.

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Come on, now.

126
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You've been such a great help

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looking after him at college.

128
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Yes, but college isn't the same
as three days in a van.

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Huh.

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Sheldon can be
a nervous traveler.

131
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Ah. Sounds like
you don't want him to go.

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No, I do want him to go.
I just want to make sure

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that you and Dr. Sturgis
are okay with it.

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We're okay with it.

135
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If you're okay with it.

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If you're okay with it,
I'm okay with it.

137
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Then it would seem
we're both okay with it.

138
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Okay.
MARY: Oh,

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he's gonna be so happy.

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Uh-huh.

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You ready
for your road trip?

142
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Yes. I'm plotting
bathroom breaks.

143
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It's tricky because I'm not sure

144
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how frequently Dr. Linkletter
and Dr. Sturgis need to urinate.

145
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Maybe I should call them.

146
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Ooh, I wouldn't. You ask
old guys about their bladder,

147
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you're in for
a long conversation.

148
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What's with the maps?

149
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I'm going with Dr. Sturgis
and Dr. Linkletter

150
00:05:53,863 --> 00:05:56,282
to a radio telescope
in the Davis Mountains.

151
00:05:56,282 --> 00:05:57,825
(sighs)
Of course you are.

152
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Problem?
Nope. He gets to do

153
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whatever he wants, and
I'm not even allowed

154
00:06:02,163 --> 00:06:03,790
to go the beach
with my friends.

155
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It's just a school trip.

156
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It's fine.

157
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SHELDON:
Oh. Says here Fort Stockton

158
00:06:09,879 --> 00:06:11,923
is home to the world's
largest roadrunner statue,

159
00:06:11,923 --> 00:06:13,383
which is the stuff
of nightmares.

160
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But they do have a restroom.

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(knock on door)

162
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Can I talk to you?

163
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Am I in trouble?
No.

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It's about a girl.

165
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Oh. You're in trouble.

166
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Yeah, sure.

167
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I'm not really in trouble.
I'm just dating this girl,

168
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and she's a little older
than me.

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What's the problem?

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She doesn't exactly know
how much older than me she is.

171
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How much older is she?

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Like ten years.

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But she's blond
and she's really hot.

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Well, that doesn't matter.

175
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I mean, if you're lying to her,
that's not okay.

176
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Hold on.

177
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You're saying if you were my age
and dating this hot girl,

178
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you'd tell her the truth
and blow your chances?

179
00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:54,007
Well, that's not the question
you asked me.

180
00:06:54,007 --> 00:06:55,592
So, what would you really do?

181
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(exhales)

182
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She married?

183
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,096
No.
She got kids?

184
00:07:00,096 --> 00:07:01,764
No.
I don't see the problem.

185
00:07:01,764 --> 00:07:03,600
Thank you.
My pleasure.

186
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,602
You're like the son
I never wanted.

187
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Hey, I know
I don't work here anymore,

188
00:07:10,732 --> 00:07:12,984
but could I use
this office tonight?

189
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No.

190
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Fine.

191
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Did you used to?

192
00:07:17,989 --> 00:07:20,199
(scoffs softly)
No.

193
00:07:24,454 --> 00:07:26,164
You might want to pace yourself.

194
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Our next rest stop
isn't for another...

195
00:07:28,166 --> 00:07:29,959
62 miles.

196
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If anyone needs to go
before that,

197
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I've got a trucker's
buddy in back.

198
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What's that?

199
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A bottle you urinate in.

200
00:07:36,341 --> 00:07:37,425
I'm sorry,

201
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are we the Donner Party?

202
00:07:39,218 --> 00:07:41,137
Societal norms are different
on road trips.

203
00:07:41,137 --> 00:07:43,473
Normally, I don't eat junk food,

204
00:07:43,473 --> 00:07:46,309
but here, it's tradition.

205
00:07:46,309 --> 00:07:49,646
I'm not even sure
what a chicharron is.

206
00:07:49,646 --> 00:07:51,689
It's the deep-fried skin
of a pig.

207
00:07:51,689 --> 00:07:54,817
That seems like something
they should say on the bag.

208
00:07:54,817 --> 00:07:56,361
How about some music?

209
00:07:56,361 --> 00:07:58,154
No one likes music.
How about a car game?

210
00:07:58,154 --> 00:08:00,323
Ooh, I have a fun one
where I say

211
00:08:00,323 --> 00:08:02,200
a formula, and then you have
to say another formula

212
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,160
starting with the last letter
or number

213
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,329
that I said.
So, for example, if I said,
(Linkletter groans)

214
00:08:06,329 --> 00:08:08,581
"X" equals negative "B"
plus or minus...
Music it is.

215
00:08:08,581 --> 00:08:10,625
(classical music playing)

216
00:08:14,170 --> 00:08:17,590
I'm sorry I can't help out
on driving duty.

217
00:08:17,590 --> 00:08:19,967
You really never learned?
I got

218
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:23,388
my permit, but I've never been
comfortable behind the wheel.

219
00:08:23,388 --> 00:08:24,889
That's a shame.

220
00:08:24,889 --> 00:08:27,392
I do enjoy the tranquility
of the open road.

221
00:08:27,392 --> 00:08:30,395
I find it produces
a Zen-like calm.

222
00:08:30,395 --> 00:08:31,896
Mm.

223
00:08:31,896 --> 00:08:33,523
You know what else
is calming?

224
00:08:33,523 --> 00:08:34,691
A fun car game.

225
00:08:34,691 --> 00:08:36,234
How about this.

226
00:08:36,234 --> 00:08:37,944
We'll count
out-of-state license plates.

227
00:08:37,944 --> 00:08:39,779
First one to a hundred wins.

228
00:08:39,779 --> 00:08:41,864
Not as fun as mine,
but very well.

229
00:08:41,864 --> 00:08:43,324
Um... Ooh, Oklahoma.

230
00:08:43,324 --> 00:08:44,659
Silently.

231
00:08:47,578 --> 00:08:50,081
(crunching)

232
00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:58,297
(TV playing indistinctly)
(door opens, closes)

233
00:09:00,216 --> 00:09:02,260
Hey. Is your mom home?

234
00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:03,428
Church.

235
00:09:03,428 --> 00:09:04,804
Oh. What are you up to?

236
00:09:04,804 --> 00:09:06,639
Nothing.

237
00:09:07,890 --> 00:09:09,809
Put your shoes on.

238
00:09:09,809 --> 00:09:11,394
Why?

239
00:09:11,394 --> 00:09:13,229
Let's you and me
go do something fun.

240
00:09:13,229 --> 00:09:16,232
Something I think is fun
or something you think is fun?

241
00:09:16,232 --> 00:09:19,152
Something we both think is fun.
Come on, get in the truck.

242
00:09:19,152 --> 00:09:21,696
You gonna teach me how to drive?
No.

243
00:09:21,696 --> 00:09:24,282
You sure? It would just
make me feel so much better

244
00:09:24,282 --> 00:09:28,244
about all the stuff
Sheldon gets to do.
You're not driving.

245
00:09:28,244 --> 00:09:31,247
I would seriously love you
so much if I could drive.
Stop it.

246
00:09:31,247 --> 00:09:35,168
At what age do guys
stop acting like idiots?

247
00:09:35,168 --> 00:09:36,836
Oh, no. What'd I do now?

248
00:09:36,836 --> 00:09:38,755
Not you. Georgie's

249
00:09:38,755 --> 00:09:41,841
dating an older woman
and he's lying about his age.

250
00:09:41,841 --> 00:09:45,303
Oh. That rascal.

251
00:09:45,303 --> 00:09:46,512
You already knew.

252
00:09:46,512 --> 00:09:48,139
You don't know what I know.

253
00:09:48,139 --> 00:09:49,599
I see it in your face.

254
00:09:49,599 --> 00:09:52,602
(sighs) Fine. Well, he
asked for my advice.

255
00:09:52,602 --> 00:09:55,855
Well, I hope you told him
that he has to come clean.

256
00:09:56,814 --> 00:09:58,441
I did.

257
00:09:58,441 --> 00:10:01,152
Sounds like there's
a "but" on the way.

258
00:10:01,152 --> 00:10:04,113
(sighs) But then he asked
me what I would've done.

259
00:10:04,113 --> 00:10:05,490
Dale.
Well, uh,

260
00:10:05,490 --> 00:10:07,116
you don't know
all the facts.

261
00:10:07,116 --> 00:10:08,451
What are the facts?

262
00:10:08,451 --> 00:10:10,036
(clears throat)
He said

263
00:10:10,036 --> 00:10:12,497
that she was blond and hot.

264
00:10:12,497 --> 00:10:14,791
And that makes it okay to lie?

265
00:10:14,791 --> 00:10:16,459
At my age, no.

266
00:10:16,459 --> 00:10:18,586
At his age?

267
00:10:19,796 --> 00:10:21,923
No.

268
00:10:21,923 --> 00:10:24,217
STURGIS:
Does it go straight
like this for a while?

269
00:10:24,217 --> 00:10:25,885
It's Texas.

270
00:10:25,885 --> 00:10:28,471
Goes straight like this
for the rest of our lives.

271
00:10:28,471 --> 00:10:30,306
You thinking of
giving it a try?

272
00:10:30,306 --> 00:10:33,017
Well, there aren't
any cars around.

273
00:10:33,017 --> 00:10:36,479
Uh, seems like a good place
to practice.

274
00:10:36,479 --> 00:10:39,273
Excellent. I could
use a break.

275
00:10:39,273 --> 00:10:40,900
This is exciting.

276
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:42,610
I'm all atingle.

277
00:10:42,610 --> 00:10:44,946
You are not peeing in a bottle.

278
00:10:48,991 --> 00:10:50,368
(engine turns off)
Here we are.

279
00:10:50,368 --> 00:10:52,620
Red Lobster?

280
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:54,247
You love this place.

281
00:10:54,247 --> 00:10:55,915
Holy moly.

282
00:10:55,915 --> 00:10:56,999
It's good, huh?

283
00:10:56,999 --> 00:10:58,209
Unbelievable.

284
00:10:58,209 --> 00:11:00,169
Yeah, when I was,
like, eight.

285
00:11:00,169 --> 00:11:03,172
Well, come on, we had our first
daddy-daughter date here.

286
00:11:03,172 --> 00:11:05,591
Oh, my God,
don't ever call it that again.

287
00:11:05,591 --> 00:11:07,009
What?

288
00:11:07,009 --> 00:11:09,011
I have friends
who come here on actual dates.

289
00:11:09,011 --> 00:11:11,055
They might see us.

290
00:11:12,348 --> 00:11:14,684
Thought it'd be nice.

291
00:11:14,684 --> 00:11:16,018
(indistinct chatter)

292
00:11:16,018 --> 00:11:17,937
Can we please go
anywhere else?

293
00:11:17,937 --> 00:11:20,731
(sighs)
Fine.

294
00:11:22,859 --> 00:11:25,027
You know, they have
those cheddar biscuits. Dad.

295
00:11:25,027 --> 00:11:26,904
Fine.
(engine starts)

296
00:11:26,904 --> 00:11:28,447
STURGIS: I'm doing it.

297
00:11:28,447 --> 00:11:30,366
This is going quite well.

298
00:11:30,366 --> 00:11:31,909
Feel free to pick up the pace.

299
00:11:31,909 --> 00:11:34,370
A butterfly just passed us.
STURGIS: Well,

300
00:11:34,370 --> 00:11:36,914
what's the speed limit?
75.

301
00:11:36,914 --> 00:11:39,625
And I'm going...

302
00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:40,668
ten.

303
00:11:40,668 --> 00:11:43,087
I'll pick up the pace.

304
00:11:43,087 --> 00:11:44,922
Speaking of slow-moving
transportation,

305
00:11:44,922 --> 00:11:47,008
did you know that the slowest
express train in the world

306
00:11:47,008 --> 00:11:49,093
is the Glacier Express
in Switzerland?

307
00:11:49,093 --> 00:11:50,970
I spent a month
in Switzerland at CERN.

308
00:11:50,970 --> 00:11:52,513
(thud)
STURGIS: Oh, no!

309
00:11:52,513 --> 00:11:54,515
I hit an armadillo.

310
00:11:54,515 --> 00:11:55,892
So? Just keep driving.

311
00:11:55,892 --> 00:11:57,101
(seat belt clicks)
STURGIS: No,

312
00:11:57,101 --> 00:11:59,437
I can't. I have to check on it.

313
00:12:00,688 --> 00:12:02,899
(car door closes)
Is he hoping it's
alive or dead?

314
00:12:02,899 --> 00:12:04,442
Alive.

315
00:12:04,442 --> 00:12:05,818
Ugh.

316
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:15,244
Oh, no, what have I done?

317
00:12:15,244 --> 00:12:17,246
It's still moving.

318
00:12:17,246 --> 00:12:18,289
Like we should be. Let's go.

319
00:12:18,289 --> 00:12:20,583
We need a box and a towel.

320
00:12:20,583 --> 00:12:22,627
We don't need a coffin.
The birds will eat it.

321
00:12:22,627 --> 00:12:25,880
It's to keep it safe
until we find help.

322
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,174
John, these animals
carry all kinds of diseases.

323
00:12:28,174 --> 00:12:30,593
That's what the towel's for.

324
00:12:30,593 --> 00:12:32,178
This is Texas.
Armadillo roadkill

325
00:12:32,178 --> 00:12:33,971
is practically the state animal.

326
00:12:35,431 --> 00:12:37,934
So, where you want to go?

327
00:12:37,934 --> 00:12:40,770
I am up for anything.

328
00:12:40,770 --> 00:12:43,648
I was thinking the bar,
but I go there so much.

329
00:12:43,648 --> 00:12:45,274
What about a movie?

330
00:12:45,274 --> 00:12:49,570
Or we could just go back
to your place.

331
00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:51,280
Oh.

332
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,032
That-That'd be amazing.

333
00:12:53,032 --> 00:12:55,034
Well, amazing's
a lot of pressure,

334
00:12:55,034 --> 00:12:57,328
but I'll give it a shot.
(chuckles)

335
00:12:58,287 --> 00:12:59,664
♪ I don't know who I am... ♪

336
00:12:59,664 --> 00:13:01,624
Listen,

337
00:13:01,624 --> 00:13:03,751
when I said I moved out
of my parents' place,

338
00:13:03,751 --> 00:13:05,670
that was true.

339
00:13:05,670 --> 00:13:08,839
But I'm kind of living
in their garage.

340
00:13:09,757 --> 00:13:12,009
Well, my parents are
in the bedroom next to mine,

341
00:13:12,009 --> 00:13:13,219
so it's your place
or nothing.

342
00:13:13,219 --> 00:13:15,054
My place works.

343
00:13:15,054 --> 00:13:16,806
(faucet running)

344
00:13:16,806 --> 00:13:18,641
(faucet turns off)

345
00:13:18,641 --> 00:13:22,061
Don't get bitten. I'm not
wrapping you in a towel, too.

346
00:13:22,061 --> 00:13:23,771
I'm just giving it water.

347
00:13:23,771 --> 00:13:26,399
Okay, there's a firehouse
28 miles away.

348
00:13:26,399 --> 00:13:28,109
I bet they can help.

349
00:13:28,109 --> 00:13:30,653
I was thinking we'd leave it
on their doorstep.

350
00:13:30,653 --> 00:13:33,739
This isn't a joke.
I injured this creature,

351
00:13:33,739 --> 00:13:36,409
so I have to take care of it.
Do you understand?

352
00:13:37,368 --> 00:13:39,287
Yes, sir.

353
00:13:40,830 --> 00:13:44,333
GEORGE SR.:
Well, it's not lobster, but...

354
00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:47,545
least your friends won't see us.

355
00:13:47,545 --> 00:13:49,714
Sorry.

356
00:13:49,714 --> 00:13:51,799
It's okay.

357
00:13:52,925 --> 00:13:54,844
You're just getting older.

358
00:13:54,844 --> 00:13:56,804
I guess.

359
00:13:56,804 --> 00:13:59,724
Sure I was a jackass
to my parents, too.

360
00:13:59,724 --> 00:14:00,891
Hey!

361
00:14:03,561 --> 00:14:05,271
How's your burger?

362
00:14:05,271 --> 00:14:06,605
So good.

363
00:14:06,605 --> 00:14:09,066
It is pretty good.

364
00:14:09,984 --> 00:14:12,695
Hey, maybe this can be our new
spot for daddy-daughter dates.

365
00:14:12,695 --> 00:14:15,072
Please stop saying that.
What?

366
00:14:15,072 --> 00:14:16,323
Daddy-daughter dates?

367
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,575
Yes.

368
00:14:17,575 --> 00:14:19,618
Mm. Okay.

369
00:14:19,618 --> 00:14:22,580
What would you like me to call
our daddy-daughter dates?

370
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:24,498
(chuckles):
You're so annoying.

371
00:14:24,498 --> 00:14:27,376
(chuckles)

372
00:14:27,376 --> 00:14:29,462
("Cry for the Bad Man"
by Lynyrd Skynyrd playing)

373
00:14:30,796 --> 00:14:33,299
(toilet flushes)

374
00:14:33,299 --> 00:14:35,217
LINKLETTER:
This isn't

375
00:14:35,217 --> 00:14:38,054
exactly the firehouse
I was expecting.

376
00:14:38,054 --> 00:14:39,889
Are minors allowed in here?

377
00:14:39,889 --> 00:14:41,390
No one should be
allowed in here.

378
00:14:41,390 --> 00:14:43,225
I'm sure they have
a phone we can use.

379
00:14:43,225 --> 00:14:45,227
Excuse me, barkeep?

380
00:14:45,227 --> 00:14:47,229
Could we get
some help over here?

381
00:14:47,229 --> 00:14:48,814
And don't say "barkeep."

382
00:14:49,857 --> 00:14:53,277
♪ Well, he knocked me down,
but I'm on my feet... ♪

383
00:14:53,277 --> 00:14:55,196
Y'all must be lost.

384
00:14:55,196 --> 00:14:58,741
Oh, we're not lost. You can't
get lost with a AAA TripTik.

385
00:14:58,741 --> 00:15:01,827
I mean, I don't know
where you're trying to be,

386
00:15:01,827 --> 00:15:03,579
but this ain't it.

387
00:15:03,579 --> 00:15:06,248
Message received.
We'll be on our way. Please.

388
00:15:06,248 --> 00:15:09,919
We have an injured armadillo
that needs medical assistance.

389
00:15:09,919 --> 00:15:13,089
You brought that filthy thing
into my bar?

390
00:15:13,089 --> 00:15:14,965
And now we're taking
it out. Let's go.

391
00:15:14,965 --> 00:15:17,134
If we could just use your phone. Look,

392
00:15:17,134 --> 00:15:18,594
you seem like nice folk,

393
00:15:18,594 --> 00:15:20,971
but Yankees ain't popular
around here.

394
00:15:20,971 --> 00:15:23,808
I suggest you be on your way.

395
00:15:23,808 --> 00:15:25,184
Sorry to have troubled you.

396
00:15:25,184 --> 00:15:27,770
Let's go.
Excuse me.

397
00:15:27,770 --> 00:15:29,563
My colleagues
may be from the North,

398
00:15:29,563 --> 00:15:32,358
but for your information,
I'm a Texan, born and bred.

399
00:15:32,358 --> 00:15:34,401
I know that real chili
has no beans,

400
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,153
and when my meemaw says,
"Bless your heart,"

401
00:15:36,153 --> 00:15:38,030
she means
something very different.

402
00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:40,282
Now, my friend here
is in need of help,

403
00:15:40,282 --> 00:15:42,368
and since our state motto
is literally "friendship,"

404
00:15:42,368 --> 00:15:44,995
may he please use your phone?

405
00:15:44,995 --> 00:15:46,372
♪ Well, I work... ♪

406
00:15:46,372 --> 00:15:49,041
Well, dang.

407
00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:51,961
♪ Eight when I am able... ♪

408
00:15:51,961 --> 00:15:54,588
And could I trouble you
for a yellow pages?

409
00:15:54,588 --> 00:15:56,507
Oh, boy.

410
00:15:59,927 --> 00:16:01,971
MEEMAW:
Oh, Georgie.

411
00:16:01,971 --> 00:16:04,098
I'm so disappointed in you.

412
00:16:07,309 --> 00:16:09,061
Is everything okay?

413
00:16:09,979 --> 00:16:13,065
Yeah. Very okay.

414
00:16:13,065 --> 00:16:16,485
Tell her
before things go too far.

415
00:16:16,485 --> 00:16:18,028
DALE:
Would you leave the kid alone?

416
00:16:18,028 --> 00:16:20,239
He's just having some fun.
He's lying,

417
00:16:20,239 --> 00:16:22,199
and she deserves to know.

418
00:16:22,199 --> 00:16:23,367
Just let it go.

419
00:16:23,367 --> 00:16:24,660
No. He's feeling guilty,

420
00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:26,203
and he's gonna
do the right thing.

421
00:16:26,203 --> 00:16:27,746
DALE:
Connie, the second

422
00:16:27,746 --> 00:16:30,082
that girl's shirt comes
off, it's game over.

423
00:16:30,082 --> 00:16:32,001
No. My grandson has

424
00:16:32,001 --> 00:16:34,086
more integrity
than you're giving him credit...

425
00:16:35,171 --> 00:16:36,714
GEORGE JR.:
Amazing.

426
00:16:36,714 --> 00:16:38,174
(exhales)

427
00:16:38,174 --> 00:16:39,842
Boy, I am stuffed.

428
00:16:39,842 --> 00:16:42,595
You know, if you're too full
to drive, I could help.

429
00:16:42,595 --> 00:16:44,889
You're not driving my truck.

430
00:16:44,889 --> 00:16:46,765
Come on.
Just here in the parking lot?

431
00:16:46,765 --> 00:16:47,892
No.

432
00:16:47,892 --> 00:16:49,643
Please, Daddy?

433
00:16:51,562 --> 00:16:53,272
I know what you're doing.

434
00:16:53,272 --> 00:16:56,358
Creating memories
that'll last a lifetime?

435
00:16:56,358 --> 00:16:59,111
(exhales)

436
00:17:00,362 --> 00:17:02,740
Okay. Foot on the brake.

437
00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:05,367
Which one's that?

438
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:08,412
Oh, boy.
The one on the left.

439
00:17:08,412 --> 00:17:10,706
Got it.
All right. Now

440
00:17:10,706 --> 00:17:12,708
pull the shifter toward you

441
00:17:12,708 --> 00:17:15,127
and then down to "D,"
like this. Here.

442
00:17:15,127 --> 00:17:17,004
(gear shifts)
All right?

443
00:17:17,004 --> 00:17:19,089
Now, the most important step.

444
00:17:20,299 --> 00:17:22,968
Do not ever
tell your mother we did this.

445
00:17:22,968 --> 00:17:24,553
I'm not an idiot. Let's go.

446
00:17:24,553 --> 00:17:26,555
(sighs)
All right. Now

447
00:17:26,555 --> 00:17:28,098
take your foot off the brake

448
00:17:28,098 --> 00:17:29,975
and gently put it on the...
(tires screech)

449
00:17:29,975 --> 00:17:31,894
MISSY:
(laughs) I'm driving!

450
00:17:38,317 --> 00:17:40,069
I know you're
a human hospital,

451
00:17:40,069 --> 00:17:41,946
but the animal hospital
isn't answering their phone.

452
00:17:41,946 --> 00:17:45,783
Well, is there a doctor who
has a soft spot for pets?

453
00:17:45,783 --> 00:17:49,411
Maybe a nurse with pictures
of cats on her desk?

454
00:17:49,411 --> 00:17:51,622
You can hang up the phone, John.

455
00:17:51,622 --> 00:17:53,249
Why?

456
00:17:53,249 --> 00:17:55,292
I think you know why.

457
00:17:55,292 --> 00:17:58,837
♪ But only would I... ♪

458
00:17:58,837 --> 00:18:01,507
Thank you for your time.

459
00:18:06,011 --> 00:18:08,013
Well, that's a shame.

460
00:18:08,013 --> 00:18:09,598
I'm sorry.

461
00:18:09,598 --> 00:18:12,768
It's just an armadillo, right?

462
00:18:12,768 --> 00:18:15,020
It didn't seem that way
to you in the van.

463
00:18:15,020 --> 00:18:17,773
I know it's silly, but...

464
00:18:17,773 --> 00:18:21,652
when I saw it lying there
all bald and helpless,

465
00:18:21,652 --> 00:18:23,696
I thought,

466
00:18:23,696 --> 00:18:25,990
"That's gonna be me one day."

467
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:31,036
That is the most damn depressing
thing I have ever heard.

468
00:18:32,037 --> 00:18:34,999
The end of life
does tend to be depressing.

469
00:18:34,999 --> 00:18:37,876
In New Orleans, they embrace
the tradition of a jazz funeral

470
00:18:37,876 --> 00:18:40,421
where the deceased
are celebrated through music.

471
00:18:40,421 --> 00:18:42,339
That's true.

472
00:18:42,339 --> 00:18:44,508
Barkeep, do you happen to have

473
00:18:44,508 --> 00:18:46,593
any Dixieland jazz
on the jukebox

474
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:49,638
to celebrate the life
of an armadillo?

475
00:18:49,638 --> 00:18:51,807
Y'all need to leave now.

476
00:18:51,807 --> 00:18:53,684
MAN: Turn away from sin...
ADULT SHELDON:
After a quick burial

477
00:18:53,684 --> 00:18:55,269
(radio changing stations)
behind the bar,

478
00:18:55,269 --> 00:18:57,104
we were back on the road.

479
00:18:57,104 --> 00:18:59,606
Dr. Sturgis tried to find
some appropriate music

480
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,483
for a proper send-off.

481
00:19:01,483 --> 00:19:04,945
Three Christian talk shows
and a whole lot of static later,

482
00:19:04,945 --> 00:19:07,156
he settled on what he declared

483
00:19:07,156 --> 00:19:10,117
the Dixieland jazz
of West Texas.

484
00:19:10,117 --> 00:19:12,161
("El Son de la Negra
/ Guadalajara" playing)

485
00:19:12,161 --> 00:19:13,912
Mariachi.

486
00:19:19,501 --> 00:19:22,087
Vaya con dios, armadillo.

487
00:19:22,087 --> 00:19:24,423
Vaya con dios.