1
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Previously
onYoung Sheldon...

2
00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:05,092
Here we are.What is this?

3
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:06,093
The dorm room.

4
00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:07,964
It's all yours.

5
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,488
Now you can study, take naps,
do whatever you want.

6
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No one's living here?

7
00:00:11,837 --> 00:00:13,970
Well, we had
an Indian exchange student,

8
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,798
but he developed a taste
for barbecue,

9
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:18,279
so his parents made him go home.

10
00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:20,455
Wait, he has a room
here and at school?

11
00:00:20,498 --> 00:00:23,066
You have your own room.
I never had that growing up.

12
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,982
And then I was in the barracks,
and then I married your mother.

13
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[chuckles]:Dang.

14
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Yeah, tell me about it.

15
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:30,160
What happened to
appreciating what you have?

16
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:31,901
Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah.

17
00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:34,295
Wait, you have a single?Uh-huh.

18
00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:35,731
And you don't
even sleep here?

19
00:00:35,774 --> 00:00:36,949
Well, sometimes
I take naps,

20
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:39,039
but that mattress
is lumpy, lumpy.

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ADULT SHELDON:
I was learning to enjoy

22
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,348
the perks of university life,

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00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:47,047
including a dorm
to study and nap in.

24
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And since this was college,

25
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:52,487
I was even allowed to have girls
in my room.

26
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,402
Here we go. Nice and clean.

27
00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:56,665
Did you use
the unscented detergent?

28
00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,841
You've got a nose.
Sniff it yourself.

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ADULT SHELDON:
I even had my own bathroom,

30
00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:04,673
which gave me the perfect place
to store

31
00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,675
my impressive collection
of sunscreens

32
00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:08,111
and bug repellents.

33
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However, one thing
I would never get used to

34
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was college students' love
of blasting rock and roll music.

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00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:17,294
[video game music playing]

36
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[grunts]

37
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[music continues]

38
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Uh, who are you?

39
00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:37,401
I'm in the room next door.

40
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Oh, you're that smart kid.

41
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:39,882
Who is it?

42
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,057
That smart kid.

43
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,754
Tell him to come in.Want to come in?

44
00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:45,192
No, I'm here to complain.He's here to complain.

45
00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:47,063
Then don't let him in.You can't come in.

46
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I'm trying to study, and your
loud music is very distracting.

47
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,807
You mean the game?"The game"?

48
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:54,244
I'm not up
on today's one-named pop stars.

49
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:55,593
No. It's a video game.

50
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:57,291
You have video games?

51
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:58,553
A bunch. You play?

52
00:01:58,596 --> 00:02:01,208
My meemaw and I
beat Quest of Adeera.

53
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,644
Dude, this kid beat Adeera.

54
00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:04,776
Well, tell him to come in.Come in.

55
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,433
Hello.What's up, homey?

56
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,394
Why do you have a
Rosetta stone poster?

57
00:02:13,437 --> 00:02:15,439
Linguistics major.Hmm.

58
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Sit. You can play next.

59
00:02:17,485 --> 00:02:19,226
So, how old are you?

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Twelve.

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Damn.DARREN:
And they let you

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live here by yourself?

63
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That room's just for
during the day to study.

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Didn't I see some
lady in there?

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That must've been my mom.

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Dude, his mom is hot.

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00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,673
What is wrong with you?
Don't listen to him.

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00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,762
He thinks any female
with a pulse is hot.

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I don't think yourmom is hot.

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Congratulations,
you're more mature than him.

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Don't feel bad. I'm more
mature than most people.

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You're up.

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ADULT SHELDON:
Grown-ups and the elderly
had always liked me,

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and now I had won over
undergrads.

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Like a beloved board game,

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I'm fun for ages nine to 90.

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♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

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♪ I bet I could be your hero

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♪ I am a mighty little man

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♪ I am a mighty little man.♪

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Oh, look at these prices.

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I could make this dress
for Missy.

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MISSY:
Meemaw, make her stop.

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Come on, Mary. You already got
one kid that gets picked on.

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Oh, cute.

87
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,166
Oh, it's a little short.

88
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It's supposed to be this length.

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It's adorable.

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Thank you.

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Does it come down any?

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Mom.

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Come on, Mary, it's fine.

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00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:40,176
Well, you're not getting it.

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All my friends dress like this.

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Arms by your sides.
I want to measure.[Missy sighs]

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See? It's shorter
than your fingertips.

98
00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:50,839
What the hell is happening?

99
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She wants to ruin my life.The school dress code

100
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says that all bottoms
must extend past the fingertips.

101
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,847
It's close enough,
and they don't even check.Well,

102
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I am not wasting good money

103
00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:02,198
on something
that you can't wear to school.

104
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,852
Then I'll wear it on weekends.

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00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,506
Go try on something else.

106
00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:07,551
[sighs]

107
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:10,511
I'll get it for her.
I don't mind wasting my money.

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MISSY:
Please?

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00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,557
Fine.

110
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,298
But you are not wearing it
to school,

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00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,039
and you are not wearing it
without tights.

112
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MISSY:
Love you.

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Hey, I'm the one
paying for it.

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MISSY:
Love you more.

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[chuckles]
Hear that?

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[knock on door]

117
00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:28,790
Hey, Tom. You wanted to see me?Yeah.

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Why don't you shut the door
and have a seat.

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The door?

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00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,621
This can't be good.

121
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[exhales]Uh, look,

122
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you know your team
didn't have a great year.

123
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I'm aware.I'm aware,

124
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too, 'cause I've been hearing
about it everywhere.

125
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The grocery store,
gas station,

126
00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:49,941
barbershop.

127
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:52,640
And I'm only in there,
like, 30 seconds, George.

128
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I know people are upset,

129
00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:56,557
but we're gonna
turn things around.Look,

130
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I'm on your side.

131
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But you should know the boosters
got pitchforks out.

132
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Not literally,
but Charlie Dean owns

133
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:06,915
that feed store, so...

134
00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:08,743
Are you saying I'm
losing my job?
No.

135
00:05:08,786 --> 00:05:10,745
No, no, I'm saying

136
00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,790
you just got some fires
to put out.

137
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:16,098
Well, what am I supposedto do?Talk to the boosters.

138
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Tell 'em something encouraging.

139
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:20,276
Yeah. Got it.

140
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,409
And say it like your job
depends on it.

141
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:24,976
Not that it does.

142
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:27,805
But it does.

143
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,764
[video game sound effects]

144
00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,940
[toad croaking]OSCAR:
Watch out for the CyberToad.

145
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:34,856
What's a CyberToad?The evil little robot frogs.

146
00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:37,380
Although they're only known
as CyberToads in the west.

147
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,948
In Japan they're known as...MechaGamas.

148
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,602
Can I finish my own thoughts,
please?

149
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:43,125
He's very sensitive.

150
00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:45,170
I'm protective of
my fun facts, too.

151
00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:47,782
I'm hungry.
You wanna order something?

152
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:50,654
Chinese? Little man,
you want Chinese?

153
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:53,701
I don't know. I've never
had Chinese food.Really?

154
00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:55,355
We get it, like, two,
three times a week.

155
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,139
Chinese food three times
a week?

156
00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,401
That seems excessive.

157
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,447
How have you never had
an egg roll?

158
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,318
Mom, can I please be
picked up later?

159
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,060
No. Your meemaw's already
on her way.

160
00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:06,931
But the people next door
want me to try an egg roll.

161
00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,498
MARY:
What people?

162
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:10,152
Don't take food from strangers.

163
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:12,241
They're not strangers.
They're Oscar and Darren.

164
00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:14,243
Well, they're strangers to me.

165
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:16,376
Well, maybe when Meemaw
gets here,

166
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,160
she can wait in the car
for a few hours.

167
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,249
That is not happening,
and you know it.

168
00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:22,556
Can we at least have
Chinese food for dinner?

169
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,079
I'm making Rice-A-Roni.

170
00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:26,864
Does that count?Nothing Chinese ends in
"a-roni."

171
00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:28,475
Well, their loss.

172
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,523
Oh, I know that face.

173
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:36,700
Heartburn? Gas?
What are we working with?

174
00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,572
Not in the mood, Wayne.

175
00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:40,748
Are you in the mood for Tums?
I could hook you up.

176
00:06:40,791 --> 00:06:42,750
[sighs heavily]

177
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,186
Apparently, the football
boosters think

178
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:45,666
I'm not doing my job.

179
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,059
Just 'cause they give
a little money to the team...

180
00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,365
A lot of money.

181
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,585
They give some amount
of money to the team.

182
00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:53,108
And the new scoreboard.

183
00:06:53,151 --> 00:06:56,938
Okay. But I-I give my time,
my talent, my sweat.

184
00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:59,375
You see any boosters out there
doing two-a-day summer practice?

185
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,290
I do not.Damn right.

186
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:02,683
If they really want to help,
you know what they could do?

187
00:07:02,726 --> 00:07:04,249
Give birth to stronger,
faster kids,

188
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:05,555
'cause theirs ain't cutting it.

189
00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:08,471
You know you're gonna have
to talk to them, right?

190
00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:10,691
[exhales] Yes.

191
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:13,868
And you know you can't say that
stuff about their kids, right?

192
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:17,567
Well, what if it
comes up organically?

193
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,613
Maybe I should come.

194
00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:22,398
[scoffs]
I'm not gonna insult
their children.

195
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,704
You sure?

196
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:25,488
Okay, come.

197
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:36,847
Where's the coffee?I finished it.

198
00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:39,676
When you finish a pot,
you're supposed to make more.

199
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,330
Oh, is that the rule?

200
00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:43,201
It is for him.

201
00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:44,594
Why are you reading
my paper?

202
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:47,597
Well, pardon me for keeping up
on events of the day.

203
00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:51,035
Tomorrow's headline:
Father Strangles Son.Good luck.

204
00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:53,516
My horoscope says
"things are looking up."

205
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:57,215
Well, don't you look nice.

206
00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:59,391
Nice and boring,
thanks to you.

207
00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:01,611
Is everyone gonna be
crabby today?

208
00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:03,047
I've been a delight.

209
00:08:03,091 --> 00:08:04,875
Dad, can we just leave?

210
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:06,486
I haven't had my coffee yet.

211
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,704
I'll give you a ride.

212
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,227
Thanks.

213
00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:10,751
Where are the damn filters?

214
00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:13,710
They're in the cabinet,
where they always are.

215
00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:16,191
These two, fighting like
the Serbs and Croatians

216
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:17,453
in Bosnia.

217
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:21,109
["Long Way Up" by Jailhouse
playing]

218
00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:23,981
Mom make you wear that?

219
00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:25,896
Yeah.

220
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,942
She did the same thing to me
with pleated khakis.

221
00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:30,161
I looked like Pastor Jeff.

222
00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:32,947
Well, she doesn't know
that I brought a change.

223
00:08:32,990 --> 00:08:34,470
Good for you.

224
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,342
I tried cutting
the khakis into shorts.Did it help?

225
00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:39,127
No. I looked like Sheldon.

226
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:41,564
That's tragic.

227
00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:44,132
GEORGE SR.:
You never get any glory
without a little pain.

228
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:46,613
I know we've had
our share lately,

229
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:49,267
but we've got the pieces
in place for next year.

230
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:52,662
With your support,
we're gonna make it happen.

231
00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:55,578
I think we can agree that
our boys are in good hands here.

232
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:59,103
So thanks for coming out.
Go, Wolves.

233
00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:00,452
I got a question.

234
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:03,281
Go ahead, Roy.That game against Tyler.

235
00:09:03,325 --> 00:09:06,110
What in the hell
were you thinking

236
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:08,765
punting with a minute 24
on the clock?

237
00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:10,332
That's a fair question.

238
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,205
Sure is.

239
00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,294
That was a tough one.

240
00:09:16,338 --> 00:09:18,253
But our offense was
giving up 30 pounds

241
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:19,820
to everyone across the line.

242
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:24,346
And we had a quarterback who had
an uneasy relationship

243
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:28,350
with... with holding onto
the ball.

244
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,787
So you're blaming our kids?

245
00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:31,788
Well...
No.

246
00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:32,789
No?
No.

247
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,051
No.

248
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:35,487
Look, they're great kids.
A lot of heart.

249
00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,968
They were getting killed
out there.

250
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:40,318
It's a coach's job
to know when to pull back.

251
00:09:40,362 --> 00:09:42,059
So your strategy is
to surrender.

252
00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:44,192
That's not what I'm saying.You know who don't surrender?

253
00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:46,150
That new coach they got
up at Carthage.

254
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:48,588
You know he played
for the Packers.Mm-hmm.

255
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,546
Oh, come on.
He played for two minutes

256
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,504
and broke his collarbone,
and that was his career.

257
00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,028
Well, that's two minutes more
than you played.

258
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:56,160
[laughter]

259
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:57,205
Help me.

260
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:01,383
Vince Lombardi never played
for the pros.

261
00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:03,211
So now this clown is
Vince Lombardi?

262
00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:06,170
[laughter]

263
00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:08,433
I'm not Lombardi, but I don't
need to put up with this crap.

264
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:10,000
Wait, what I think
we're all seeing

265
00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:11,828
is the passion

266
00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:13,569
that Coach Cooper brings
to the field.No, what you're seeing

267
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,832
is me running out of patience.
Meeting's over.

268
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:17,529
Oh, there it is.

269
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:20,184
The Cooper Surrender.[laughter]

270
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,578
The Cooper Surrender!Bye-bye.

271
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:25,712
♪ Straight up, now tell me

272
00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:28,366
♪ Do you really want
to love me forever? ♪

273
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,672
♪ Oh, oh, oh♪

274
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:33,850
♪ Or am I caught
in a hit and run? ♪

275
00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:35,547
♪ Straight up, now tell me

276
00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:38,463
♪ Is it gonna be
you and me together? ♪

277
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:39,682
♪ Oh, oh, oh♪

278
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,119
♪ Or are you just having fun?

279
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:43,860
[sniffles]

280
00:10:43,904 --> 00:10:45,688
What's the matter?

281
00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:47,647
[voice cracking]:
Everything.

282
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,257
Did somebody die?

283
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:51,738
No.

284
00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:53,609
Then we can fix it.

285
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:57,047
Come on. Come on.

286
00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:58,875
I was wearing
the new skirt,

287
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,268
and I felt really good.

288
00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:02,052
Cute skirt.

289
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:03,488
Thanks.

290
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:06,274
Your legs are so hairy.

291
00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:09,756
Ew.Gross.

292
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:13,107
Those bitches.
Thank you.

293
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,762
Is that why you got on
sweat pants?

294
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:18,068
It gets worse.

295
00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:20,070
Oh, boy.

296
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:22,899
I came home, and I was
in the bathroom,

297
00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:24,901
and I saw Mom's leg razor.

298
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:26,511
Oh, no. Please tell me

299
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:28,078
you also saw shaving cream.

300
00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:30,254
I didn't.
Soap?

301
00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:33,431
Water? Lotion?

302
00:11:33,475 --> 00:11:34,998
Anything?

303
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,003
[knock on door]

304
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:42,614
Hey, it's Darren.

305
00:11:44,573 --> 00:11:45,748
Hello.

306
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,837
Any chance you play
Dungeons and Dragons?

307
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:50,187
And how. I once created
a campaign

308
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:53,451
set in 1940s London where
Alan Turing was a character,

309
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:55,453
and I had the mathematicians
be magic users

310
00:11:55,497 --> 00:11:57,107
with theorems instead of spells.

311
00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:58,500
The intelligence officers
were clerics...

312
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:00,371
"Yes" works. We're playing
tonight and we're down

313
00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:01,764
a magic user.You in?

314
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,374
When are you playing?

315
00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:04,767
We start at 7:00.
We'll go till whenever.

316
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,204
My mom didn't let me stay
past 6:00 yesterday.

317
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:09,816
She'll never let me stay
till "whenever."Bummer.

318
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:11,861
Mm. you could play
at my house.

319
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:14,124
No.Bummer.

320
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:16,213
I've never said that before.
Did it sound cool?

321
00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:18,694
No.Bummer.

322
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,702
Oh, before you open that,
could you pick up Sheldon

323
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,052
so I can get dinner on?Do I have to?

324
00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:32,534
I'm sorry. I guess I'll do
all the parenting around here.

325
00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:35,667
I'm having a hell of a day.
Can I get five minutes' peace?

326
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:37,844
When do I get
five minutes' peace?

327
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:40,803
Honestly, can you just take
this one thing off my plate?

328
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:42,979
[phone ringing]

329
00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:46,983
Hello?

330
00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:48,811
Dad, my friends are playing
Dungeons and Dragons.

331
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,552
Can I please stay the night
in my dorm room?

332
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:51,858
I promise it's safe.

333
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,729
Fine with me.

334
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,949
Thank you. Bye.

335
00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:57,994
That was easy.

336
00:12:58,038 --> 00:12:59,996
Who was that?
Sheldon.

337
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,258
He's gonna stay the night
in his dorm.

338
00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:03,739
Why would you let him do that?

339
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,349
One more thing
off your plate.

340
00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:13,618
You did not just
tell our son

341
00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:15,707
that he could stay the night
by himself.

342
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:18,667
The campus is safe, and he's not
by himself, he's with friends.

343
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,625
Friends that we don't know.

344
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:21,975
What if there is alcohol?

345
00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:24,064
Then they're gonna get
a lot of fun facts

346
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:25,848
about the history
of fermented beverages.

347
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:27,676
I am serious.

348
00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:29,504
So am I.
How else would I know

349
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:30,766
that monkeys get drunk
by eating rotten fruit

350
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,028
off the jungle floor?

351
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:35,031
He is not ready for
this kind of situation.

352
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:36,772
Mary, he's a good kid.

353
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,252
He's not gonna drink
anything he shouldn't.

354
00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:39,862
And if he cared
about peer pressure,

355
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,081
he wouldn't wear a bow tie.

356
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,694
I don't know.
I don't think I should.

357
00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:47,348
It's just root beer.

358
00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:50,090
This late in the evening,
my mother wouldn't approve.

359
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,874
Okay.

360
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,267
Then again, I didn't think
they'd let me stay,

361
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,747
and they did,
so maybe it's fine.I know,

362
00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:58,838
why don't you roll for it?Ooh, good idea.

363
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:02,189
Seventeen.
Guess I'll have it.

364
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:06,454
We playing?

365
00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:08,064
Hold on.
Do you have a coaster?

366
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:10,197
Yeah, it's in the china cabinet.

367
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,026
And where would that be?

368
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:17,247
You're good at Band-Aids.

369
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,989
I've had practice
on Sheldon.

370
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:22,209
He's a fragile boy.

371
00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:25,734
I don't want to go
back to school tomorrow.You have to!

372
00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:28,389
You can't let them win.

373
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:29,912
But wear pants.

374
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,305
This is hard to look at.

375
00:14:31,348 --> 00:14:32,915
I heard women in Europe
don't shave.

376
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,482
Maybe I should move there.

377
00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:36,049
They also drink warm beer.

378
00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:37,833
They don't know
what they're doing.

379
00:14:39,443 --> 00:14:41,097
Will you show me how
to do it the right way?

380
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,925
Shave? Yeah.

381
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:45,232
Drink? Your dad's the expert.

382
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:46,886
Boys have it so easy.

383
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,583
They can be as hairy
as they want.

384
00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:50,541
Yeah, but they gotta
walk around being dumb

385
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:51,542
and smelly all the time.

386
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:52,935
Who wants that?

387
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,415
So I have to shave forever,

388
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,243
then marry someone
who's dumb and smelly?

389
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:58,941
Not necessarily, but...

390
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,595
there's a good chance.

391
00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:02,292
That's depressing.

392
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:04,164
That's where the
drinking comes in.

393
00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:08,690
Where you going?

394
00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:10,648
To get our son.

395
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,955
Mary, leave him alone.
He's fine.

396
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,957
We have no idea
who he's with,

397
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,480
and you don't even care.

398
00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:20,006
You're right.
Do whatever you want.

399
00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:21,659
What is your problem?

400
00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:23,139
Doesn't matter.

401
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:26,012
Hey.

402
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:27,448
[sighs]

403
00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:32,279
If something is
going on, tell me.

404
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,282
[sighs]

405
00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,023
They're coming after me at work.

406
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,807
Who?

407
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:42,332
The boosters.
They want a new coach.

408
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,467
Are you getting fired?

409
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:50,601
I don't know. Maybe.

410
00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,044
Don't you have to go?

411
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:09,359
I'm sorry.

412
00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:23,417
Thank you.

413
00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:30,772
"You open the gate of the crypt,

414
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:32,730
and you see two identical
elven princesses."

415
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,341
Sheldon, what do you do?

416
00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:37,213
I-I don't feel so good.

417
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:38,301
What's going on?

418
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:40,173
My stomach hurts.

419
00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:41,565
How much did you eat?

420
00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,306
Well...

421
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:50,009
Dude.

422
00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:51,836
I need to lie down.

423
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,360
[groans]

424
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:54,839
Oh, I don't want to
throw up.

425
00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:56,276
We don't want you
to throw up.

426
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,147
If he throws up, I throw up.Well, what should we do?

427
00:16:58,191 --> 00:16:59,540
I don't know.
Why are you asking me?

428
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:01,063
You're the closest
to a mom here.

429
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,499
I don't know.
Call his mom.

430
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:03,892
Oh, no, don't call my mom.

431
00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:05,850
She'll never let me
do this again.

432
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:07,504
[groaning]Get him something
to throw up in.

433
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:09,898
No, not the Skittles.

434
00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,032
Here, here.

435
00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:14,468
Here.

436
00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:17,253
Next door there's an emergency
Alka-Seltzer tablet

437
00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:18,863
in my bathroom medicine chest.

438
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:19,864
You have a bathroom?

439
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:21,083
Why does he get a bathroom?

440
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,389
Go throw up in
your own bathroom.

441
00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:25,392
I don't know if I can make it.
[groans]

442
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:30,527
[Sheldon groaning]Get his door!

443
00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:31,702
It's locked.

444
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,443
Key.

445
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:35,054
I'm not gonna make it.Please make it.

446
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:38,231
What is going on?
Sheldon, are you okay?

447
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,580
My stomach hurts.

448
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:41,408
He's gonna throw up.

449
00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:43,888
Did you give him beer?
Did they give you beer?!

450
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:44,976
SHELDON:
Just root beer.

451
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,978
MARY:
It's gonna be okay, baby.

452
00:17:47,022 --> 00:17:48,763
[Sheldon throws up]MARY:
Oh...

453
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:50,069
Why is it so colorful?

454
00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:52,636
SHELDON:
Too many... Skittles.

455
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:53,942
[retches]

456
00:17:58,425 --> 00:17:59,991
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

457
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:00,427
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org