1 00:00:01,566 --> 00:00:04,004 Previously on Young Sheldon... 2 00:00:05,918 --> 00:00:06,745 What's going on? 3 00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:08,225 Are you Connie Tucker? 4 00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:10,227 A secret casino room? 5 00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:12,055 The cops shut me down. 6 00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:14,797 Well, let's get this going again.I'm listening. 7 00:00:14,927 --> 00:00:16,407 I was thinking about Chuck E. Cheese. 8 00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:19,671 Grown-up people don't-don't gamble to win a teddy bear. 9 00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:21,064 I'm trying to help you. 10 00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:23,588 You think that grown-ups 11 00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:25,808 are gonna gamble for some stuffed animals? 12 00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:27,679 Yeah, that you're buying back from them. 13 00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:30,378 It seems I owe you an apology. 14 00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:32,902 Come on in. 15 00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:36,819 ADULT SHELDON: When children reach adolescence, 16 00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:39,169 a cascade of hormones are released, 17 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:42,172 causing mood swings, impulsive behavior 18 00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:44,131 and an unbelievable amount of eye rolling. 19 00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:45,915 [George Sr. cheering] 20 00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:48,048 During this time of change, members of the opposite sex 21 00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:50,528 who caught my sister's fancy included: 22 00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:51,703 New Kids on the Block, 23 00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:54,097 Rufio from the movieHook, 24 00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:55,925 and, oddly enough, 25 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,536 our new Sunday school teacher, Pastor Rob. 26 00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,235 Was Mary Magdalene Jesus' girlfriend? 27 00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:03,759 No, just one of his followers. 28 00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:05,543 Yeah, Jesus didn't have a girlfriend. 29 00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:08,459 Do you have a girlfriend? 30 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:10,331 No. No, I don't. 31 00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:12,550 I don't have a girlfriend either. 32 00:01:12,681 --> 00:01:14,204 All right. 33 00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:16,815 You and me, Billy, couple of bachelors. 34 00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:19,122 Are you allowed to have a girlfriend? 35 00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:20,732 In the Baptist church, yes. 36 00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:21,951 Pastor Jeff is married. 37 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,648 And was marriedbefore, 38 00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:25,259 so he's had two wives, but not at the same time, 39 00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:26,260 that's not allowed. 40 00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:27,304 Thank you, Sheldon. 41 00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:28,566 At least not anymore. 42 00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,090 In the Old Testament, Abraham had two, 43 00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:32,570 Jacob had four, and Solomon had 1,000, 44 00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:34,616 but those were largely for political alliances. 45 00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,922 Fun fact: only 700 of those were wives. 46 00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:38,794 The other 300 were concubines. 47 00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:41,318 I wouldn't count on the Bible for facts, but that was fun. 48 00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:44,843 So boyfriends and girlfriends are okay? 49 00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:50,501 The way I see it, God is love, 50 00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:52,634 so if we love someone else 51 00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:56,159 in a committed relationship, 52 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:58,161 we're feeling God. 53 00:01:58,292 --> 00:01:59,467 So, holding hands is okay? 54 00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:02,209 Sure.What about kissing? 55 00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:04,428 Maybe at some point, when you're older. 56 00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:06,430 And what exactly is third base? 57 00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:07,953 I'm thinking it might be a good idea 58 00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:11,305 if we gave the kids a talk about the facts of life. 59 00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,785 You mean like, S-E-X? 60 00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:15,396 Who are you spelling that for? 61 00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:17,006 G-O-D. 62 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,226 You really think that's an appropriate topic 63 00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:20,792 for kids their age? 64 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,751 Well, they seem to have a lot of questions about... 65 00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:24,927 S-E-X. 66 00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:27,799 Sex, sex, sex. Get over it. 67 00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:30,324 I just think that's a subject 68 00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:31,760 best left up to the parents. 69 00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:33,283 Glad you feel that way, 70 00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,111 because it was your daughter who had the most questions. 71 00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:36,504 [laughs] 72 00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:41,030 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 73 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,511 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain 74 00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:46,905 ♪ I bet I could be your hero 75 00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:48,994 ♪ I am a mighty little man 76 00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:52,998 ♪ I am a mighty little man.♪ 77 00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:58,917 Even if... [exhales] 78 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:00,789 Missy had one or two questions... 79 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,007 It was a lot of questions. 80 00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:02,965 Doesn't matter how many questions. 81 00:03:03,095 --> 00:03:04,706 We can answer them at home. 82 00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,142 I'm sureyou can. 83 00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,666 I just think this is our chance to get in first 84 00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,364 before they learn it on TV. 85 00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:11,582 That is true. 86 00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:13,018 I flipped past MTV the other night, 87 00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,499 and a song was on called... 88 00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,458 [quietly]: "I Wanna Sex You Up." 89 00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:18,589 What does that even mean? 90 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:19,764 I turned it off 91 00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,244 before the young man could clarify. 92 00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:22,854 Well, if you ask me, I think it means he wants to... 93 00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:24,943 No one asked you. 94 00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,685 See? Even we have questions. Why wouldn't the kids? 95 00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,687 I think they deserve honest answers. 96 00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:31,559 You seem to know a lot about children 97 00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:34,388 for someone who has none of their own. 98 00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:35,737 [imitates cat growling] 99 00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,479 GEORGE JR.: So what's my 100 00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:39,610 title here? 101 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,351 Manager? Supervisor? 102 00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:44,224 Your title is "grandson who can go home now." 103 00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:46,574 What are you talking about? We're in this together. 104 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:49,011 I'm sorry, did you buy these machines? 105 00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:51,883 No, but it was my idea how to get them up and running again. 106 00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,234 And thank you. Now, go home before I tell your mother 107 00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,410 you want to work in a secret casino. 108 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,063 Oh, yeah? 109 00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:00,718 Maybe I should tell her you own a secret casino. 110 00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,198 Is that the way you want to play this? 111 00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:03,852 Yeah, it is. 112 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:06,420 MARY: Missy 113 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,422 was asking about sex. 114 00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:09,510 What? 115 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,425 You don't think that she's... 116 00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:12,817 No. 117 00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:15,385 But she's clearly interested in the topic. 118 00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:17,909 That's it-- she's grounded till she's 21.George. 119 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,738 Well, maybe it's good this pastor wants to talk about it. 120 00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:21,870 I sure as hell don't. 121 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,567 [scoffs] You're unbelievable. 122 00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:26,266 I had to do it with Georgie, and it was a disaster. 123 00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:29,138 Well, here is a chance to do it right. 124 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,184 I have two words for you: not it. 125 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,491 Fine. 126 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:37,581 You can be my assistant manager. 127 00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,757 Oh, I like the sound of that. 128 00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:41,106 So, it's a deal? 129 00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:42,891 Well, hold on, how much you gonna pay me? 130 00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,762 Did I mention that assistant manager 131 00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:46,677 comes with a spiffy nametag? 132 00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,289 Does it also come with a spiffy paycheck? 133 00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,204 How much did Dale pay you? 134 00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:55,077 Uh, minimum wage plus five percent commission. 135 00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,774 I'll give you half of that. 136 00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:58,080 So, two and a half percent commission? 137 00:04:58,210 --> 00:05:00,648 No, half of the minimum wage part. 138 00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:02,693 What about a percentage of these? 139 00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,173 [laughs]: Yeah, right. 140 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,522 I'm serious. 141 00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:07,176 If it wasn't for me, none of this would be happening. 142 00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:08,786 I'm your grandmother. If it weren't for me, 143 00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:10,222 you wouldn't be happening. 144 00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,704 How about this: no hourly wage, just a cut. 145 00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,489 What kind of cut you thinking? 146 00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,317 Five percent.Three percent. 147 00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:18,796 Five.Three. 148 00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:20,363 You're supposed to go in the middle and say four. 149 00:05:20,494 --> 00:05:21,625 Why don't you say four? 150 00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,627 Fine, four. 151 00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:25,499 Two.Come on. 152 00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,109 I'll tell you what, 153 00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:29,590 we're in the gambling business, why don't we gamble for it? 154 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:30,721 Okay. 155 00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,201 Great. The number 156 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,464 I'm thinking of in my head-- is it odd or even? 157 00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:36,248 How dumb do you think I am? 158 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:39,121 In my defense, you used to be dumber. 159 00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:41,297 Why don't you two have a seat. 160 00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:42,385 In here? 161 00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:43,734 Did somebody die? 162 00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,649 No, I just want to talk to you. 163 00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:47,172 They're getting divorced. 164 00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,870 At least they waited until one of us was in college. 165 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:53,135 We are not getting a divorce. Just sit. 166 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:58,270 So, you two 167 00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,403 are both growing up, and I thought 168 00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:01,926 that maybe it might be time 169 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:04,146 to have a talk about... 170 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,496 that and some of the things 171 00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:08,977 that go along with... that. 172 00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:10,979 [whispers]: What is happening?I think she's trying to have 173 00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:12,241 the human reproduction talk. 174 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,374 Oh, God.Uh, speaking of God, 175 00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,985 He is very clear about the do's and the don'ts, 176 00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,769 especially the don'ts. 177 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,684 I'm not talking about this with you. 178 00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:22,382 I don't think you'll have any new information for me, 179 00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:24,514 but I'm happy to chime in with biology facts. 180 00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:27,387 I don't have any questions. I'm good. Can we be done now? 181 00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:30,172 So, you'll ask Pastor Rob, but you won't ask me? 182 00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:32,174 I didn't ask you 'cause I know what you'll say. 183 00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:33,915 You don't know what I'm gonna say. 184 00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:35,699 "It's a sin." "You're too young." 185 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:36,874 "Wait till marriage." 186 00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:37,962 Well, it is, you are, 187 00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,399 and you should. 188 00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:40,878 You can't be too young if you're an aphid, 189 00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:42,489 some of them are born pregnant. 190 00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:45,056 I didn't do anything wrong. I just asked some questions. 191 00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,797 Well, you can ask me. 192 00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:49,104 I'm not asking you anything, ever. 193 00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:56,067 It's just her hormones. 194 00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:57,765 Would you like to learn more? 195 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,463 When children reach adolescence, 196 00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,073 a cascade of hormones are released... 197 00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,038 [music playing softly through headphones] 198 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,784 What are you doing? 199 00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:18,786 Making sure you don't run away. 200 00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,657 Why?Because that's what happened 201 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,572 the last time you and Mom fought. 202 00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:25,183 I'm not going anywhere. 203 00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:26,968 Now, get out of here, creepo. 204 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:28,360 Why did you get so mad at Mom? 205 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:29,797 I don't want to talk to her about that stuff. 206 00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:31,451 It's so embarrassing.Why? 207 00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,322 If you have to ask, then something's wrong with you. 208 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,543 But the topic was procreation, and she clearly has procreated. 209 00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,022 Ew. 210 00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:39,981 [knock on door] 211 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,418 Hey. You got a minute? 212 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:43,941 Sure. Come on in. 213 00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:46,422 [sighs] I just wanted to say, 214 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:48,685 about yesterday, you were right. 215 00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,644 Oh.I don't have kids, 216 00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,733 I overstepped my bounds, and I'm sorry. 217 00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:55,475 Thank you for saying that. 218 00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,302 Forgiveness five? 219 00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,217 [chuckles] Sure. 220 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,349 Oh, come on now, 221 00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:02,090 that didn't feel like you forgave me. 222 00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:05,267 All right. I'm feeling it. 223 00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:07,530 Okay, well, I'll let you get back to it. 224 00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:09,837 Actually, um... 225 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,361 I might have overstepped yesterday. 226 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,450 In fact, I... 227 00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,670 think there might be some value in the kids hearing 228 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:20,325 some of these things from people other than their parents. 229 00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:22,327 Great. [chuckles] 230 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,678 Hey, maybe it's something you and I could do together? 231 00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:27,115 Oh, no, no, no, this was your idea. 232 00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:29,726 Yeah, but you've got way more experience. 233 00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:31,598 With kids, I mean. 234 00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,382 [chuckles] I know what you meant. 235 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,818 [chuckles] 236 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,691 Plus, it would be great for them to hear from a woman. 237 00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:39,910 So, either you or Peg, so... 238 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:43,523 Oh. I want to scare them, but not that much. 239 00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,350 So, you'll do it? 240 00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:46,917 Okay. 241 00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:49,877 I'll tell Pastor Jeff. I like watching his face get all red 242 00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:51,574 when I mention S-E-X. 243 00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:52,706 [chuckles] 244 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,359 Hey, yours does, too. 245 00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:56,710 [chuckles] 246 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,363 MEEMAW: So, you're gonna 247 00:08:58,494 --> 00:08:59,843 give us your ticket, 248 00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:01,889 and we're gonna give you the teddy bear. 249 00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:03,543 Why would I want a teddy bear? 250 00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:05,762 'Cause then we're gonna buy the teddy bear back. 251 00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:08,504 But I said I don't want a teddy bear. 252 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:09,549 I want cash. 253 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,072 You're gonna get the cash. 254 00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:13,030 Then why do you keep talking about a teddy bear? 255 00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:14,597 'Cause this way it ain't gambling. 256 00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,033 But I want to gamble. 257 00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:19,776 Well, gambling's illegal. This is a gray area. 258 00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,779 Just give him the cash. 259 00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:24,389 No, he's gonna get this. 260 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:25,521 I don't think he is. 261 00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:27,915 Listen to your Meemaw. I don't get it. 262 00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:29,307 Just give me your ticket. 263 00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:34,182 Wow. That is a nice teddy bear. 264 00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,314 I'd like to buy that from you. 265 00:09:43,495 --> 00:09:45,628 I don't think he got it. 266 00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,325 SHELDON: And then Missy 267 00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,371 said it was embarrassing to talk to our mother 268 00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:50,285 about reproduction. 269 00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:52,809 Interesting, yet the two of you 270 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,550 are living proof she has at least 271 00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,596 a working knowledge of the subject. 272 00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:59,424 That's what I said, then Missy said something's wrong with me. 273 00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:02,689 Oh, I think you're as normal as I am. 274 00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,081 Thank you. 275 00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:07,737 Although, I have been called an odd duck 276 00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,870 and, one time, a quirky turkey. 277 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,220 Those people were probably jealous. 278 00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:15,615 You know, there's some science to indicate 279 00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:16,964 that adolescents 280 00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:18,530 process embarrassment 281 00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:21,664 with a different part of their brain than adults do. 282 00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:25,450 Really? So maybe Missy's right, and I'm an outlier. 283 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:26,974 Perhaps. 284 00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:30,107 Let's increase our sample size. 285 00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:33,371 Andy, would you feel embarrassed 286 00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:35,635 talking about sexual intercourse 287 00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,245 with your mother? 288 00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:38,463 Uh... 289 00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:40,161 Stammering, red-faced. 290 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:41,423 He does seem embarrassed. 291 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:43,555 Although, he may just be embarrassed 292 00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,035 by the subject in general. 293 00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,255 How would you feel 294 00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:49,997 discussing it with a co-worker? 295 00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:52,390 Say-say me, for example. 296 00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:57,613 And now we know conversations like that 297 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,006 can cost you your job. 298 00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:01,661 You learn something new every day. 299 00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:04,576 I think First Corinthians 7:2 300 00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:07,318 is actually a pretty good place to start. 301 00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:09,843 "Each man should have relations with his own wife, 302 00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:11,496 and each woman with her own husband." 303 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:15,239 Yeah, I'm just not sure quoting scripture 304 00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:18,286 is the most exciting way to engage. 305 00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:20,027 I was going more for guilt and fear. 306 00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,420 Well, those are classics for a reason. 307 00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:25,380 I just think that if we make the fruit too forbidden, 308 00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,643 someone might want to sneak a bite. 309 00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,340 They look up to you. 310 00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:32,517 If you say that abstinence is the way to go, 311 00:11:32,648 --> 00:11:33,693 they'll listen. 312 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,173 Well, abstinence is important. 313 00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:38,349 But I also believe in honesty, 314 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,830 and abstinence wasn't my journey. 315 00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:43,050 Oh. 316 00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,575 Well, that's none of my business. 317 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,360 That's okay. I'm not saying I'm proud of everything I've done, 318 00:11:49,491 --> 00:11:52,059 but, you know, I was young, the mustache was just coming in... 319 00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,408 You could stop right there. 320 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,584 Look, all I'm saying is, I was a little wild, 321 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,586 but it's all part of what led me to the Lord. 322 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,936 That is good to hear. 323 00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,243 Actually, this is great. 324 00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:03,853 You can tell the kids how you waited till marriage. 325 00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:07,161 I think it'll be really powerful for them to hear your story. 326 00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:12,601 Uh-huh, right, right. 327 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,776 Right. 328 00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:16,257 Something seems not right. 329 00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:19,739 Um, it's just, um... 330 00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,871 [chuckles] 331 00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:23,917 I didn't wait 332 00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,746 all the way until marriage. 333 00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:28,617 Hey, none of my business. 334 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:29,966 Thank you. 335 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,142 But I appreciate the honesty. 336 00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:38,279 Well, this just got a little awkward. 337 00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:40,107 Yup. Yeah. [laughing] 338 00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:41,630 All right, have a good one. 339 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,937 Okay. Oh... 340 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:46,113 [stammers] 341 00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:48,115 ♪ We're in the money 342 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,943 ♪ We're in the money ♪ 343 00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:53,860 ♪ We've got a lot of what it takes to get along ♪ 344 00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,384 ♪ We're in the money... 345 00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:58,778 Oh! Don't take all my money! 346 00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:02,607 I'm just a Texas grandma trying to make people happy. 347 00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:03,608 [laughs] 348 00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,915 ♪ We never see a headline... 349 00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:07,656 Here you go. 350 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,964 Ooh, sweet bear. I'll give you 20 bucks for it. 351 00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:12,835 ♪ We can pay, oh 352 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:13,967 ♪ We're in the money... 353 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,229 How we doing? 354 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:16,839 There's a problem with the cash box. 355 00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:17,840 Oh, what's that? 356 00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,842 I can't get it to close. 357 00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,801 That is my kind of problem. 358 00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:28,677 Pastor Rob. Well, this is a surprise. 359 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,636 Sorry to show up unannounced. Can we talk? 360 00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,725 Of course. Come in. 361 00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,511 Everything okay? 362 00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:40,080 Yes, but I need tell you something in confidence. 363 00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:43,431 No one's home. It's just the two of us. 364 00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:44,998 That's what I was hoping. 365 00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:46,303 MALE VOICE: Oh, yeah. 366 00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:49,219 Why are you in my bed?Why are you? 367 00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:53,180 This is wrong. 368 00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,747 Does it feel wrong? 369 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,837 No. 370 00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,361 Mary Cooper, 371 00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,189 I want to sex you up. 372 00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:05,018 I would like that very much. 373 00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:07,063 ♪ I wanna sex you up. 374 00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:09,587 [gasps] 375 00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:13,243 Everything okay?Yeah, I just, um... 376 00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:14,854 I had a weird dream. 377 00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:17,030 Must've been a doozy. 378 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,554 You're all sweaty. 379 00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,469 [sighs] 380 00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,514 ♪ I wanna sex you up. 381 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,787 What a haul, huh?! 382 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,441 Amazing. 383 00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:39,574 Now what happens? 384 00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:42,185 I take it home, pour it on the bed, 385 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,970 and just roll around in it. 386 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,188 What about me? 387 00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,016 You just go home. 388 00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,192 No. We're partners. 389 00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:51,978 First of all, we're not partners, and second... 390 00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:55,024 Actually, "not partners" covers it all pretty well. 391 00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:58,854 Fine. Good luck laundering this money without me. 392 00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:01,335 You know how to do that? 393 00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:03,119 I've seen Scarface, like, ten times. 394 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,730 Great. I'll just watch Scarface. 395 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,558 Dang it. 396 00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:12,128 Pastor Jeff, you wanted to see me... Oh. Hello. 397 00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:15,088 Looks like we both got called to the principal's office. 398 00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,133 Guess we've been naughty. 399 00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:19,048 [laughing] 400 00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:20,745 That's not a thing. 401 00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:21,790 You okay? 402 00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,053 Yeah, I just didn't sleep too good. 403 00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,100 Well, I didn't either. My phone was ringing off the hook. 404 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:28,797 Apparently, this little talk 405 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,626 y'all were planning on giving is causing quite the tizzy. 406 00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:34,411 A good tizzy?There's no such thing as a good tizzy. 407 00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:35,935 There's only bad tizzies. 408 00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:37,937 You know who wasn't afraid of causing a tizzy? 409 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,416 Yeah, yeah, Jesus, 410 00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:41,941 but He didn't get 14 messages from angry parents 411 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,464 on his answering machine. 412 00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,509 There was probably more, but that little tape got full. 413 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,425 Yeah, people have had some strong feelings, 414 00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:50,601 but I think if they heard us out, they'd see 415 00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,864 we're not putting impure thoughts in anyone's heads. 416 00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:53,996 Right, Mary? 417 00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:56,912 No. I mean, I mean, yes, we're not. 418 00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,044 I mean, 419 00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,741 if we're upsetting people, 420 00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:00,960 we should just back off. 421 00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:02,787 Exactly. The talk is off. 422 00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:04,964 I never want to talk about the talk again. 423 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,052 Hallelujah. 424 00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:07,488 If you'll excuse me, 425 00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,272 I have 14 phone calls to return. 426 00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:11,927 Well, sorry this didn't work out. 427 00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,669 It's probably for the best. 428 00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,585 MARY: Do not look at his butt. 429 00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:19,065 Do not look.[door opens] 430 00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,197 Okay, do not look again. 431 00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:23,765 MAN ON TV: ...the weather didn't finish him off, you can bet that 432 00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:25,288 the polar bears did.[front door closes] 433 00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:26,550 Not necessarily. 434 00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:27,987 Everything okay?No. 435 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,901 What's wrong?Everyone's parents are upset 436 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,512 about the sex talk Mom wants to give, 437 00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:32,992 and all my friends are all blaming me. 438 00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,863 What? This wasn't your fault. 439 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,647 That didn't stop Marjorie Jones from taking 440 00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:37,953 my seat at the lunch table, 441 00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:38,998 and I also got uninvited 442 00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:40,608 from two birthday parties. 443 00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:43,306 That's silly. All you did was ask questions. 444 00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:44,786 And it's ruining my life. 445 00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:47,180 I'm never talking about sex ever again. 446 00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,357 Well, all right. 447 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,839 [door opens][Jake clears throat] 448 00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,276 Hey, there, Connie. 449 00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:57,668 What do you want? 450 00:16:57,799 --> 00:17:00,149 Is that any way to greet an officer of the law? 451 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,933 Sorry. 452 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,152 What do you want? 453 00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:04,675 I hear you're back in business. 454 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:07,504 We're not breaking any laws. [chuckles] 455 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:11,204 People are just winning these prizes. 456 00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:12,335 That you buy back for cash. 457 00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,729 It's a gray area. 458 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,644 Look, I-I'm not here to argue. 459 00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:20,474 At the risk of repeating myself, 460 00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:22,171 what do you want? 461 00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:25,435 I've heard that in cash businesses 462 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:27,176 such as this, 463 00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:29,004 that some owners can benefit 464 00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:31,615 by having a strong relationship with their local 465 00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,878 police department.What are you getting at? 466 00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,663 I'm just wondering 467 00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:39,188 if there's something you can do to incur good will. 468 00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,060 Are you shaking me down?No. 469 00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:42,626 Are you hitting on me? 470 00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:44,150 No. Uh... 471 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,065 I'm just saying 472 00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:48,371 I've heard some business owners 473 00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,547 like to invest in local law enforcement. 474 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,071 You are shaking me down. 475 00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,247 It's a gray area. 476 00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:58,381 What kind of contribution are we talking? 477 00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:00,427 [inhales] well, that's up to you. 478 00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:02,516 Oh, I understand that somewhere 479 00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:05,301 between nine and 11% is popular. 480 00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:06,650 Ten percent? 481 00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,261 [chuckles] If you insist. 482 00:18:08,391 --> 00:18:09,914 How about three? 483 00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:11,394 Three what? 484 00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:14,354 Three counts of illegal gambling? 485 00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:16,007 Three years in jail? 486 00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,793 I'm paying you in quarters. 487 00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:22,101 [knock on door] 488 00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:26,931 Missy, I know you're upset. Would you like a hot beverage? 489 00:18:27,062 --> 00:18:28,411 MISSY:Go away. 490 00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:31,110 ADULT SHELDON: Every culture has their taboos. 491 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,287 In the Ukraine, it's rude to whistle indoors, 492 00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:35,810 and they're correct. Not a fan. 493 00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:37,116 In our society, 494 00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,119 any discussion of human reproduction 495 00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:41,250 seems to be so upsetting, 496 00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,644 it causes nothing but chaos. 497 00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,343 Lost jobs. 498 00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:51,826 Lost friends.[crying] 499 00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:55,134 Sleepless nights. 500 00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:58,137 Even the word "sex" provokes an uncomfortable reaction. 501 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,356 I thought "fornicate" might work, 502 00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:03,446 but that seemed too judgy. 503 00:19:03,577 --> 00:19:05,448 Then I found the perfect word, 504 00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:08,016 a word so bland and clinical 505 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,975 that it would be impossible to take offense to it. 506 00:19:11,106 --> 00:19:13,195 "Coitus." That'll work. 507 00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,859 My little angel. 508 00:19:26,904 --> 00:19:29,516 ["Bridal Chorus" plays on organ] 509 00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:32,867 Do you, Pastor Rob, take Melissa Cooper to be your wife? 510 00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:33,998 Heck yeah. 511 00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:36,000 And do you, Melissa Cooper, 512 00:19:36,131 --> 00:19:37,785 take Pastor Rob to be your husband? 513 00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:39,656 I totally do. 514 00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:41,528 I hereby pronounce you 515 00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:44,052 Mr. and Mrs. Youth Pastor Rob. 516 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,446 You may now take the bride to Six Flags. 517 00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:48,230 Yay! Yay! [whoops] 518 00:19:57,065 --> 00:20:00,199 Captioning sponsored by CBS 519 00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:03,202 WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 520 00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:06,030 and TOYOTA. 521 00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:09,512 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org