1 00:00:02,656 --> 00:00:04,933 ♪ This little light of mine ♪ 2 00:00:05,001 --> 00:00:06,902 ♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪ 3 00:00:06,970 --> 00:00:09,576 ♪ Let it shine, let it shine ♪ 4 00:00:09,644 --> 00:00:11,218 ♪ Let it shine ♪ 5 00:00:13,455 --> 00:00:15,680 ♪ Everywhere I go ♪ 6 00:00:15,757 --> 00:00:18,093 ♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪ 7 00:00:18,428 --> 00:00:20,859 ♪ Everywhere I go ♪ 8 00:00:21,141 --> 00:00:22,398 ♪ I'm gonna let it shine... ♪ 9 00:00:22,547 --> 00:00:25,570 Well, I am happy to report that my potato salad 10 00:00:25,638 --> 00:00:28,234 is once again the hit of the potluck. 11 00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:29,886 - That's great, honey. - I feel bad 12 00:00:29,954 --> 00:00:31,179 for Pam Staples. 13 00:00:31,258 --> 00:00:33,445 No one's touching her potato salad. 14 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:36,875 If you feel bad, then why are you smiling? 15 00:00:37,179 --> 00:00:40,289 'Cause sometimes your mommy's a big ol' hypocrite. 16 00:00:40,871 --> 00:00:42,947 Howdy, Coopers! How we doing today? 17 00:00:43,015 --> 00:00:44,575 - Pastor Jeff. - Thank you, Pastor Jeff. 18 00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:46,345 Y'all remember my wife Selena. 19 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:47,803 - Hi, Selena. - Oh, yeah. 20 00:00:47,903 --> 00:00:48,983 ¿Qué tal? 21 00:00:49,051 --> 00:00:50,312 You're married to her? 22 00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:52,258 Why, yes, I am. 23 00:00:52,539 --> 00:00:54,429 You can think it... You don't need to say it. 24 00:00:54,497 --> 00:00:56,820 How are you liking Medford, Selena? 25 00:00:57,539 --> 00:00:59,484 ¿Cómo te gusta Medford? 26 00:01:03,414 --> 00:01:04,734 She likes it fine. 27 00:01:04,804 --> 00:01:05,824 Oh. 28 00:01:08,312 --> 00:01:10,445 She needs to use the little girls' room. 29 00:01:10,679 --> 00:01:12,445 Mary, could I talk to you for a second? 30 00:01:12,513 --> 00:01:13,560 Sure. 31 00:01:13,799 --> 00:01:15,901 Don't worry. I'll bring her right back. 32 00:01:16,103 --> 00:01:17,718 Wasn't worried, but okay. 33 00:01:17,879 --> 00:01:18,945 Okay. 34 00:01:19,851 --> 00:01:21,726 His Spanish is terrible. 35 00:01:21,794 --> 00:01:23,375 That's not what she said at all. 36 00:01:23,443 --> 00:01:24,591 Oh. 37 00:01:25,491 --> 00:01:26,969 I don't know if you've heard, 38 00:01:27,037 --> 00:01:28,304 but our church secretary, 39 00:01:28,372 --> 00:01:30,687 Elizabeth Sohinki, is currently seeking treatment 40 00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:32,892 for a little problem with... shall we say... 41 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,461 Under-the-counter medications. 42 00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,547 Oh. So that rumor's true. 43 00:01:36,615 --> 00:01:37,697 - Mm-hmm. - Well, she did 44 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,632 always seem extremely alert. 45 00:01:39,731 --> 00:01:42,015 Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway, 46 00:01:42,281 --> 00:01:44,287 we need someone to step in and fill the position. 47 00:01:44,364 --> 00:01:46,203 I was wondering if you might consider it. 48 00:01:47,632 --> 00:01:49,140 It's not just bookkeeping. 49 00:01:49,208 --> 00:01:52,211 I'd be in charge of handling the maintenance issues... you know, 50 00:01:52,305 --> 00:01:54,093 plumbing, electric, what have you. 51 00:01:54,161 --> 00:01:57,429 And I'd also head the planning committee 52 00:01:57,497 --> 00:01:58,807 for all the social events, 53 00:01:58,875 --> 00:02:00,814 which, of course, includes the big three: 54 00:02:00,882 --> 00:02:02,586 baptisms, weddings, funerals. 55 00:02:02,654 --> 00:02:05,718 And here is... the cherry on top. 56 00:02:06,656 --> 00:02:09,629 The sign in front of the church with all the clever sayings... 57 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,507 "Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus"? 58 00:02:11,575 --> 00:02:12,656 Exactly. 59 00:02:12,788 --> 00:02:15,145 Guess whose job it would be to write those. 60 00:02:15,512 --> 00:02:16,614 Yours. 61 00:02:16,715 --> 00:02:18,426 Already working on a couple. 62 00:02:18,494 --> 00:02:19,723 Listen to this. 63 00:02:22,021 --> 00:02:26,637 "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1." 64 00:02:28,793 --> 00:02:29,965 What? 65 00:02:31,097 --> 00:02:32,287 You know, be one. 66 00:02:32,355 --> 00:02:33,757 Like be a Christian. 67 00:02:33,825 --> 00:02:36,071 And also B1 the vitamin. 68 00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:38,442 Well, now that you explained it, it's funny. 69 00:02:38,548 --> 00:02:40,379 Yeah. Might be a thinker. 70 00:02:40,447 --> 00:02:43,207 But there's a lot more where that came from. 71 00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:46,082 What about the twins? 72 00:02:46,348 --> 00:02:48,848 Well, I'll still get 'em off to school every day. 73 00:02:48,916 --> 00:02:50,629 And when they get home, 74 00:02:50,699 --> 00:02:53,412 Mom can keep an eye on 'em till I get back. 75 00:02:53,581 --> 00:02:54,667 Think she'll go for it? 76 00:02:54,765 --> 00:02:57,100 Are you kidding? She loves 'em like crazy. 77 00:02:57,246 --> 00:02:58,570 Fat chance. 78 00:02:58,638 --> 00:02:59,856 Oh, come on. 79 00:02:59,924 --> 00:03:03,199 You come on. I'm in the prime of my life. 80 00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:06,270 I got my water aerobics and my salsa dancing 81 00:03:06,338 --> 00:03:07,830 and my bowling league. 82 00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:09,629 But you love your grandchildren. 83 00:03:09,697 --> 00:03:12,137 I love ice cream, too, but I don't want to eat it 84 00:03:12,205 --> 00:03:14,449 from 3:00 to 6:00 five days a week. 85 00:03:14,578 --> 00:03:16,371 Well, I'm very disappointed. 86 00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:17,746 And I'm fine with that. 87 00:03:17,821 --> 00:03:19,379 Why don't you just get a babysitter? 88 00:03:19,535 --> 00:03:22,035 Kinda defeats the purpose of making extra money. 89 00:03:22,103 --> 00:03:23,421 Oh, yeah, right. All right, 90 00:03:23,489 --> 00:03:24,848 let's think about it. 91 00:03:24,916 --> 00:03:25,992 Georgie. 92 00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:27,090 Football practice. 93 00:03:27,158 --> 00:03:29,301 - And I don't trust him when I'm home. - Oh. 94 00:03:29,369 --> 00:03:32,051 Okay, now, what are we talking about here? 95 00:03:32,119 --> 00:03:35,618 Sheldon is intelligent and responsible, 96 00:03:35,686 --> 00:03:39,637 and Missy... is his sister. 97 00:03:39,944 --> 00:03:41,445 I think they'll be fine home alone 98 00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:43,981 all by themselves for a couple hours after school. 99 00:03:44,062 --> 00:03:45,809 - You think? - I do. 100 00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:48,356 As a matter of fact, I actually think it'll be great for them. 101 00:03:48,424 --> 00:03:50,115 These kids today are so coddled, 102 00:03:50,183 --> 00:03:51,977 I honestly think y'all are raising 103 00:03:52,072 --> 00:03:54,379 a whole generation of sissies. 104 00:03:54,676 --> 00:03:57,762 Is that the way you speak about your grandchildren? 105 00:03:58,535 --> 00:03:59,918 Yes. 106 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,621 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 107 00:04:04,895 --> 00:04:07,397 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ 108 00:04:07,527 --> 00:04:10,123 ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ 109 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,886 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 110 00:04:12,954 --> 00:04:16,392 ♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪ *YOUNG SHELDON* Season 01 Episode 14 111 00:04:16,459 --> 00:04:19,043 Episode Title: "Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey" 112 00:04:22,049 --> 00:04:23,574 Hi. 113 00:04:24,175 --> 00:04:25,401 How'd it go with your mom? 114 00:04:25,469 --> 00:04:27,199 She's not interested in watching 'em. 115 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,121 Doesn't want to give up her afternoons. 116 00:04:29,429 --> 00:04:31,480 Of course. Sorry. 117 00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,553 You know what, it's okay. 118 00:04:35,755 --> 00:04:37,023 The timing wasn't right. 119 00:04:37,091 --> 00:04:38,730 Maybe when the kids are older. 120 00:04:40,979 --> 00:04:42,376 Okay. 121 00:04:45,188 --> 00:04:47,064 I guess I'll go get dinner started. 122 00:04:57,509 --> 00:04:58,868 How about this? 123 00:04:59,650 --> 00:05:01,369 Go ahead and take the job. 124 00:05:01,655 --> 00:05:02,764 Yeah, if it turns out 125 00:05:02,832 --> 00:05:04,664 Sheldon and Missy can't look out for themselves 126 00:05:04,731 --> 00:05:06,527 for a couple hours after school, 127 00:05:06,595 --> 00:05:09,639 then... well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 128 00:05:09,707 --> 00:05:10,787 Are you sure about this? 129 00:05:10,855 --> 00:05:12,647 Yeah. Actually, probably good for 'em. 130 00:05:12,715 --> 00:05:14,576 Teach 'em a little responsibility. 131 00:05:14,957 --> 00:05:17,178 That's exactly what my mom said. 132 00:05:17,256 --> 00:05:18,475 Really? 133 00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,498 Well, I still like the idea. 134 00:05:21,069 --> 00:05:23,539 Mmm. 135 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,298 Thank you, God, for this food 136 00:05:27,366 --> 00:05:29,202 we're about to receive, and for the nourishment 137 00:05:29,269 --> 00:05:31,561 of our bodies, and bless the hands that prepared it. 138 00:05:31,629 --> 00:05:33,787 - Amen. - Amen. - Amen. - Amen. - Amen. 139 00:05:34,232 --> 00:05:35,717 So, kids, 140 00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:38,292 we have a little family business to discuss. 141 00:05:38,416 --> 00:05:39,931 - You're pregnant? - No. 142 00:05:39,999 --> 00:05:41,967 - We're getting a puppy? - No. 143 00:05:42,035 --> 00:05:43,608 I'm not sure I care. 144 00:05:44,818 --> 00:05:46,889 Starting next Monday, I'm gonna take 145 00:05:46,957 --> 00:05:49,025 a full-time job at the church. 146 00:05:49,193 --> 00:05:51,522 Well, who's going to take care of us? 147 00:05:51,690 --> 00:05:54,251 Well, nothing will change in the morning... I'll make breakfast, 148 00:05:54,319 --> 00:05:56,069 take you both to school. Then, after school, 149 00:05:56,144 --> 00:05:58,311 you'll come home, do your homework, 150 00:05:58,451 --> 00:06:00,176 watch TV, play with your toys 151 00:06:00,244 --> 00:06:02,115 till I come home around 6:00. 152 00:06:02,227 --> 00:06:04,316 Well, why can't Meemaw take care of us? 153 00:06:04,384 --> 00:06:06,140 'Cause she's not the person you think she is. 154 00:06:06,207 --> 00:06:08,100 - George... - You're really gonna leave 155 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,045 - these two alone? - Yes. 156 00:06:10,483 --> 00:06:12,201 That's a brave choice. 157 00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:14,631 Look, this job is important to your mother. 158 00:06:14,699 --> 00:06:17,115 We expect you both to step up and be responsible. 159 00:06:17,537 --> 00:06:18,951 I can do that. 160 00:06:19,522 --> 00:06:20,764 Missy? 161 00:06:21,061 --> 00:06:22,537 I'm thinking about it. 162 00:06:23,748 --> 00:06:25,373 Very brave. 163 00:06:35,374 --> 00:06:37,795 Okay, let's go over it one more time. 164 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:41,001 House key's under the plastic owl by the front door. 165 00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:44,295 There's after-school snacks in the fridge. 166 00:06:44,468 --> 00:06:46,949 One for each of you. 167 00:06:47,662 --> 00:06:50,342 Emergency numbers are right there by the phone. 168 00:06:50,454 --> 00:06:52,678 First aid kit is in the hall closet. 169 00:06:53,225 --> 00:06:54,951 And you won't be needing it, 170 00:06:55,026 --> 00:06:58,553 but under the kitchen sink is a fire extinguisher. 171 00:06:58,721 --> 00:07:00,353 Ooh, that looks fun. 172 00:07:00,535 --> 00:07:03,876 For fires only, and don't be starting one just to use it. 173 00:07:04,435 --> 00:07:06,942 It's like she can read my mind. 174 00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:08,488 Don't worry, Mom. 175 00:07:08,556 --> 00:07:09,747 We'll make you proud. 176 00:07:09,815 --> 00:07:11,356 I know you will, baby. 177 00:07:11,424 --> 00:07:13,288 All set for your first day? 178 00:07:13,356 --> 00:07:14,802 - I believe I am. - Mm. 179 00:07:14,870 --> 00:07:15,917 - Mwah. - Mwah. 180 00:07:15,997 --> 00:07:17,302 - Go get 'em. - Um. 181 00:07:17,694 --> 00:07:19,383 Thanks for waking me up. 182 00:07:19,513 --> 00:07:21,645 I woke you up 40 minutes ago. 183 00:07:21,713 --> 00:07:23,825 Well, you didn't do a very good job. 184 00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:26,177 Bye, y'all. 185 00:07:32,999 --> 00:07:35,911 Okay, yeah. Yeah. 186 00:07:36,251 --> 00:07:37,652 Okay, later. 187 00:07:38,938 --> 00:07:41,653 Sorry to bother you, Peg, is Pastor Jeff available? 188 00:07:41,721 --> 00:07:44,341 Jeff! You available?! 189 00:07:44,479 --> 00:07:45,747 On the phone. 190 00:07:46,055 --> 00:07:47,786 He's on the phone. 191 00:07:58,716 --> 00:08:01,497 You know, my mother's had some luck cutting back on the smoking 192 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,395 by chewing that nicotine gum. 193 00:08:03,661 --> 00:08:06,286 Got some right here. 194 00:08:06,393 --> 00:08:07,794 So you do. 195 00:08:08,086 --> 00:08:09,215 Come on in. 196 00:08:09,294 --> 00:08:10,737 Go on, you heard him. 197 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:13,997 Thank you. 198 00:08:14,505 --> 00:08:15,775 Hey, hey. 199 00:08:16,236 --> 00:08:17,494 Hey, Mare. 200 00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:19,260 Uh, you finding everything you need? 201 00:08:19,328 --> 00:08:20,508 Oh, you bet. 202 00:08:20,682 --> 00:08:23,721 So, I've been going over the books, 203 00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:26,294 and I think we have enough money in our budget 204 00:08:26,362 --> 00:08:28,432 to purchase a personal computer 205 00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,859 to handle all the church business. 206 00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:32,935 Okay. 207 00:08:33,003 --> 00:08:34,794 Well, uh, why don't you leave the paperwork here, 208 00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,192 and I'll-I'll take a look at it. 209 00:08:36,260 --> 00:08:37,268 Of course. 210 00:08:37,339 --> 00:08:39,031 That's for your perusal. 211 00:08:42,765 --> 00:08:44,003 Everything okay? 212 00:08:44,136 --> 00:08:45,440 What? 213 00:08:45,508 --> 00:08:47,604 Yeah. Right as rain. 214 00:08:47,672 --> 00:08:48,768 All righty. 215 00:08:49,346 --> 00:08:50,823 Hey, if you have a minute, 216 00:08:50,891 --> 00:08:53,927 I would love to talk to you about the sign out front. 217 00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,182 Yeah, sure. 218 00:09:08,205 --> 00:09:09,875 So far so good. 219 00:09:30,157 --> 00:09:31,540 Hello? 220 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,696 Anybody? 221 00:09:36,717 --> 00:09:38,329 They weren't kidding. 222 00:09:44,446 --> 00:09:47,352 Maybe I'll just have one little peek. 223 00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:51,579 How come you're not eating your snack? 224 00:09:51,766 --> 00:09:55,586 I prefer my snack to be a reward for homework well done. 225 00:09:55,810 --> 00:09:57,821 You're like an old person. 226 00:09:57,983 --> 00:09:59,344 Thank you. 227 00:10:08,749 --> 00:10:09,750 What's your homework? 228 00:10:09,906 --> 00:10:11,366 Non-Euclidean geometry. 229 00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:12,719 How about you? 230 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,430 "Symonyms." 231 00:10:15,227 --> 00:10:16,735 You mean synonyms. 232 00:10:16,803 --> 00:10:19,157 I'm pretty sure she said "symonyms." 233 00:10:22,077 --> 00:10:23,235 Did you see that? 234 00:10:23,380 --> 00:10:24,993 Someone's out there. 235 00:10:27,067 --> 00:10:28,869 Oh, no. They're in the backyard. 236 00:10:28,993 --> 00:10:30,550 What do we do? 237 00:10:33,473 --> 00:10:34,942 Aah! 238 00:10:47,395 --> 00:10:50,161 Would one of you please get me a towel? 239 00:10:59,107 --> 00:11:00,755 Why were you sneaking around out there? 240 00:11:00,837 --> 00:11:02,491 Yeah, you scared us. 241 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:04,668 I was checking up on you two. 242 00:11:04,911 --> 00:11:07,708 And in case you're wondering, you scared me back. 243 00:11:07,776 --> 00:11:09,466 Well, why didn't you knock? 244 00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:13,321 Because you two are supposed to be doing this on your own. 245 00:11:13,398 --> 00:11:14,934 And you don't think we can. 246 00:11:15,002 --> 00:11:16,045 Of course I do. 247 00:11:16,113 --> 00:11:17,546 I'm the one who told your mother 248 00:11:17,614 --> 00:11:19,537 that you were fine by yourselves in the first place. 249 00:11:19,604 --> 00:11:22,053 Then why were you checking up on us? 250 00:11:22,263 --> 00:11:24,192 That's called being two-faced. 251 00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:25,684 We'll be okay on our own. 252 00:11:25,777 --> 00:11:28,302 Yeah, we need to prove we can do this. 253 00:11:28,950 --> 00:11:30,061 All right. 254 00:11:30,512 --> 00:11:31,996 I respect that. 255 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:36,458 And I'm happy to keep this little incident a secret. 256 00:11:36,526 --> 00:11:38,339 Really? I'm telling everyone. 257 00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,270 It was hilarious. 258 00:11:41,512 --> 00:11:43,372 I'm going bowling. 259 00:11:46,512 --> 00:11:49,981 When we first started dating, everything was wonderful. 260 00:11:50,058 --> 00:11:51,682 That's when it I wonderful. 261 00:11:51,759 --> 00:11:53,825 All the problems started once we got married. 262 00:11:53,893 --> 00:11:56,669 Well, marriage will do that to a relationship. 263 00:11:56,824 --> 00:11:58,374 I-I got Selena a credit card 264 00:11:58,442 --> 00:12:00,411 to make small purchases for the house. 265 00:12:00,479 --> 00:12:03,362 You know... coffee maker, DustBuster. 266 00:12:03,638 --> 00:12:04,973 You know what she did? 267 00:12:05,054 --> 00:12:06,895 She went to that Sharper Image store 268 00:12:06,963 --> 00:12:08,614 and she bought a massage chair. 269 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,997 Oh, I sat in one of those at the mall. 270 00:12:11,077 --> 00:12:12,312 It was terrific. 271 00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:13,489 It's $2,000. 272 00:12:13,614 --> 00:12:16,645 Oh. Well, seeing as I know how much you make, 273 00:12:16,713 --> 00:12:17,880 you can't afford that. 274 00:12:17,999 --> 00:12:20,281 I... uh-uh. 275 00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:22,544 Of all the afflictions 276 00:12:22,612 --> 00:12:26,083 that can befall a child, one reigns supreme. 277 00:12:26,403 --> 00:12:29,120 Beyond scraped knees and paper cuts, 278 00:12:29,197 --> 00:12:33,403 nothing strikes fear into the hearts of kids around the world 279 00:12:33,612 --> 00:12:35,302 like a splinter. 280 00:12:35,423 --> 00:12:40,841 No! 281 00:12:40,911 --> 00:12:43,270 Tell me why you were pretending to have amnesia. 282 00:12:43,348 --> 00:12:45,073 I've got a splinter! 283 00:12:45,323 --> 00:12:46,604 So? 284 00:12:46,681 --> 00:12:47,966 So, it's an emergency! 285 00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,069 Call Meemaw! 286 00:12:49,137 --> 00:12:50,202 Oh, calm down. 287 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,610 - We can take care of this. - No, we can't! 288 00:12:52,687 --> 00:12:55,757 Sheldon, if we can't handle a little splinter, 289 00:12:55,825 --> 00:12:58,059 they're never gonna leave us alone again. 290 00:12:58,520 --> 00:12:59,617 You're right. 291 00:12:59,694 --> 00:13:00,919 So, what do we do? 292 00:13:00,987 --> 00:13:02,270 Let me see it. 293 00:13:05,963 --> 00:13:08,216 Oh, boy. That's a deep one. 294 00:13:08,566 --> 00:13:10,637 Hey, it's throbbing really bad. 295 00:13:10,708 --> 00:13:12,364 Mom would take it out with tweezers. 296 00:13:12,432 --> 00:13:14,423 Well, where would we find tweezers? 297 00:13:14,542 --> 00:13:16,267 Let's see what we got. 298 00:13:16,454 --> 00:13:17,835 Band-Aids... 299 00:13:17,903 --> 00:13:19,437 cotton balls. 300 00:13:19,872 --> 00:13:21,356 What's "gowz"? 301 00:13:21,473 --> 00:13:23,618 It's gauze, and the fact that you don't know that 302 00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,520 is not filling me with hope. 303 00:13:26,721 --> 00:13:29,080 Where would Mom keep the tweezers? 304 00:13:29,157 --> 00:13:31,137 Sometimes she uses a needle on splinters. 305 00:13:31,205 --> 00:13:34,020 No. No needles. Anything but needles. 306 00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:37,020 Wait, she has tweezers in her makeup bag. 307 00:13:37,088 --> 00:13:38,848 She plucks her eyebrows with them. 308 00:13:39,348 --> 00:13:41,442 And sometimes her mustache. 309 00:13:47,442 --> 00:13:48,622 Anything? 310 00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:49,948 Nope. 311 00:13:50,637 --> 00:13:51,694 Wait. 312 00:13:51,762 --> 00:13:53,104 Maybe they're in her room. 313 00:13:53,243 --> 00:13:55,645 We're not allowed to go in Mom and Dad's room. 314 00:13:56,075 --> 00:13:57,966 Want me to get the needle? 315 00:14:00,598 --> 00:14:02,280 Let's make this quick. 316 00:14:02,411 --> 00:14:03,781 Why are you whispering? 317 00:14:03,858 --> 00:14:06,098 That's how people speak when they're being naughty. 318 00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:07,294 I wouldn't know. 319 00:14:07,362 --> 00:14:09,120 I'm naughty all the time. 320 00:14:17,338 --> 00:14:19,091 You're really not coming in? 321 00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:21,559 No. But you're doing great. 322 00:14:27,091 --> 00:14:28,472 What's wrong? 323 00:14:28,653 --> 00:14:30,551 This really is naughty. 324 00:14:30,698 --> 00:14:32,122 I told you. 325 00:14:36,674 --> 00:14:38,165 I don't see anything. 326 00:14:38,359 --> 00:14:40,442 There's just a Bible and a flashlight. 327 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:43,607 What do I do? 328 00:14:43,762 --> 00:14:46,101 Answer it but sound calm. 329 00:14:49,435 --> 00:14:50,559 Hello. 330 00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:51,843 Hey, it's Dad. 331 00:14:51,911 --> 00:14:53,083 How you guys doing? 332 00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:54,305 We're great. 333 00:14:54,512 --> 00:14:55,677 Glad to hear it. 334 00:14:55,809 --> 00:14:57,140 I'm watching TV, 335 00:14:57,208 --> 00:14:59,106 and Sheldon's reading quietly. 336 00:15:00,050 --> 00:15:01,321 I knew you could handle this. 337 00:15:01,389 --> 00:15:03,132 - I'm proud of you. - You know what? 338 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,675 I'm proud of us, too. 339 00:15:04,752 --> 00:15:06,607 Uh... Okay, baby doll, 340 00:15:06,675 --> 00:15:07,896 I'll be home in a couple hours. 341 00:15:07,964 --> 00:15:10,088 Stay out all night. We got this. 342 00:15:10,729 --> 00:15:12,522 Wha... Love you, too. 343 00:15:14,768 --> 00:15:16,544 That was intense. 344 00:15:16,612 --> 00:15:19,400 I don't think I'm cut out for this latchkey life. 345 00:15:21,229 --> 00:15:22,526 You answer it this time. 346 00:15:22,654 --> 00:15:24,789 I can't; I'm supposed to be reading quietly. 347 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,474 Answer it, Sheldon. 348 00:15:27,096 --> 00:15:29,233 Well, I'm not going in there. 349 00:15:29,908 --> 00:15:31,486 Hello. Cooper residence. 350 00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:32,893 Sheldon speaking. 351 00:15:32,961 --> 00:15:34,085 Hey, Shelly. 352 00:15:34,316 --> 00:15:35,557 Oh, hello, Mom. 353 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,526 How's your day going? 354 00:15:41,196 --> 00:15:42,331 Shelly? 355 00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:46,386 Shelly You there? 356 00:15:46,594 --> 00:15:48,151 Yes, I'm here. 357 00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:50,315 She wants to know how my day's going. 358 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,451 Say it's going good. 359 00:15:51,519 --> 00:15:53,214 - I can't say that. - Why not? 360 00:15:53,282 --> 00:15:54,315 It's bad grammar. 361 00:15:54,383 --> 00:15:56,761 - How are you supposed to say it? - "It's going well." 362 00:15:56,829 --> 00:15:58,354 Oh, that's nice. 363 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,013 I've got to get back to work, 364 00:16:00,081 --> 00:16:03,611 but I love you and miss you very much. 365 00:16:04,415 --> 00:16:05,472 Okay. 366 00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:08,393 I handled that really well. 367 00:16:11,586 --> 00:16:12,620 Got a minute? 368 00:16:12,697 --> 00:16:14,545 Sure, come on in. 369 00:16:15,128 --> 00:16:16,614 I just wanted to apologize. 370 00:16:16,792 --> 00:16:20,315 It-It was wrong of me to unload my personal business on you. 371 00:16:20,409 --> 00:16:21,846 Here it is, your first day and all. 372 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:22,972 Oh, that's fine. 373 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,465 Always happy to lend an ear. 374 00:16:24,542 --> 00:16:26,667 Great, 'cause I didn't tell you everything. 375 00:16:26,948 --> 00:16:29,003 Really? 'Cause you told me a lot. 376 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,956 This morning, while Selena was in the shower, 377 00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:33,557 I went through her purse and I took the credit card. 378 00:16:33,645 --> 00:16:35,181 - Oh, my. - Now, 379 00:16:35,249 --> 00:16:38,276 do you think that's stealing, or is it doing the right thing? 380 00:16:38,423 --> 00:16:41,015 You know, saving us from bankruptcy and whatnot? 381 00:16:41,698 --> 00:16:44,842 Wow. Um, yeah, that's complicated. 382 00:16:44,956 --> 00:16:48,565 Um... going through her purse... Probably wrong, 383 00:16:48,659 --> 00:16:50,257 but on the other hand... 384 00:16:50,768 --> 00:16:52,445 well, there is no other hand. 385 00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:53,971 You can't be doing things like that 386 00:16:54,063 --> 00:16:55,409 and have a healthy marriage. 387 00:16:55,477 --> 00:16:56,815 Why don't you just talk to her? 388 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,875 Explain your financial situation? 389 00:16:59,198 --> 00:17:00,596 That... 390 00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:04,721 Oh, we're closing the door now, okay. 391 00:17:04,814 --> 00:17:07,931 That's not so easy. 392 00:17:08,453 --> 00:17:10,291 Because of the language barrier? 393 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:13,385 That, and I implied, when we were dating, 394 00:17:13,453 --> 00:17:16,302 that I was... well-to-do. 395 00:17:16,484 --> 00:17:19,620 Oh, Pastor Jeff, why would you do that? 396 00:17:19,774 --> 00:17:20,878 You saw her. 397 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,524 Uh, she is the kind of woman 398 00:17:22,610 --> 00:17:25,393 that can make a man do bad things. 399 00:17:25,743 --> 00:17:30,337 Well, I... I don't know what to say to that. 400 00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:33,569 Maybe you ought to pray on it. 401 00:17:34,282 --> 00:17:35,459 You're right. 402 00:17:35,933 --> 00:17:37,809 You're absolutely right. 403 00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:39,091 I'll do that now. 404 00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,382 I'll do the same. 405 00:17:40,718 --> 00:17:41,742 Thank you. 406 00:17:47,948 --> 00:17:50,257 God, please give me the strength 407 00:17:50,325 --> 00:17:53,255 to not spread this juicy gossip about Pastor Jeff. 408 00:17:53,638 --> 00:17:54,762 Amen. 409 00:17:56,088 --> 00:17:57,289 What are you doing? 410 00:17:57,506 --> 00:18:00,761 I'm reading quietly, so I don't have to lie about it later. 411 00:18:02,452 --> 00:18:03,587 Found 'em. 412 00:18:03,764 --> 00:18:05,014 The tweezers? 413 00:18:05,116 --> 00:18:07,327 Mom's needles and her magnifying glass. 414 00:18:07,408 --> 00:18:08,665 Absolutely not. 415 00:18:08,946 --> 00:18:10,413 Let me at least try. 416 00:18:10,481 --> 00:18:11,483 No. 417 00:18:11,577 --> 00:18:13,045 You're being a baby. 418 00:18:13,203 --> 00:18:15,686 Nothing you can say will change my mind. 419 00:18:15,827 --> 00:18:17,578 What if it gets infected and turns green 420 00:18:17,646 --> 00:18:19,147 and they have to cut it off? 421 00:18:21,373 --> 00:18:22,959 I think it's numb. 422 00:18:23,027 --> 00:18:24,592 Great, put your hand out. 423 00:18:26,921 --> 00:18:29,857 Wait, how do you plan on sterilizing the needle? 424 00:18:30,288 --> 00:18:32,015 Mom uses a lit match. 425 00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:34,077 We're not allowed to play with matches. 426 00:18:34,225 --> 00:18:35,630 What else would work? 427 00:18:36,264 --> 00:18:37,565 Alcohol. 428 00:18:46,373 --> 00:18:47,498 Stick your finger in there. 429 00:18:47,575 --> 00:18:48,643 I'll do the needle. 430 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,295 Okay. I hope I don't get drunk. 431 00:18:52,248 --> 00:18:53,481 How long till you're sterile? 432 00:18:53,558 --> 00:18:55,951 I don't know, but I'm getting lightheaded. 433 00:18:58,519 --> 00:19:01,856 No matter what happens, hold still. 434 00:19:09,997 --> 00:19:11,021 I can't do it. 435 00:19:11,170 --> 00:19:12,890 - Yes, you can. - No, I can't. 436 00:19:12,967 --> 00:19:14,649 - Just let me get it. - What if you slip 437 00:19:14,717 --> 00:19:15,936 and stab me in the eye? 438 00:19:16,013 --> 00:19:17,373 I'm not gonna slip. 439 00:19:17,507 --> 00:19:19,693 Who always wins when we play... 440 00:19:20,555 --> 00:19:21,912 Be right back. 441 00:19:26,482 --> 00:19:29,974 In 1989 the Milton Bradley Company 442 00:19:30,042 --> 00:19:32,706 had dozens of board games on the market, 443 00:19:33,667 --> 00:19:38,125 but only one where you were the doctor. 444 00:19:40,511 --> 00:19:42,558 Operation came complete 445 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,409 with a red light-up nose, 446 00:19:44,776 --> 00:19:48,081 13 plastic body parts for players to remove 447 00:19:48,284 --> 00:19:53,737 and, most importantly, one pair of genuine tweezers. 448 00:19:58,977 --> 00:20:01,995 My sister performed a medical procedure using 449 00:20:02,063 --> 00:20:03,604 a children's board game, 450 00:20:03,696 --> 00:20:06,558 while I bravely sat very still. 451 00:20:19,073 --> 00:20:22,589 I guess you could say there were two heroes that day. 452 00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:31,933 Gee, how do you suppose that happened? 453 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,910 - Hello? - In here. 454 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,870 Why does the kitchen smell like whiskey? 455 00:20:39,136 --> 00:20:40,652 Ask her. 456 00:20:40,963 --> 00:20:42,665 Oh, dear Lord! 457 00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:46,881 Wait till you hear what I did to Meemaw. 458 00:20:46,949 --> 00:20:49,484 Our show came at number one. 459 00:20:49,577 --> 00:20:51,832 I did it! I did it! 460 00:20:53,304 --> 00:20:57,254 ♪♪ Synchronized by srjanapala 461 00:20:57,363 --> 00:21:00,597 ♪♪ 462 00:21:07,855 --> 00:21:11,362 ♪♪