1
00:00:04,860 --> 00:00:07,628
You walk down a hallway
and come to a wooden chest.
2
00:00:08,116 --> 00:00:10,083
Lord Gray Matter, what do you do?
3
00:00:10,352 --> 00:00:13,529
I poke it with my dagger
to see if there are any traps.
4
00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:15,713
There are no traps.
5
00:00:16,036 --> 00:00:18,152
Fire Beak, what do you do?
6
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:20,752
- Billy?
- What?
7
00:00:21,106 --> 00:00:22,505
You are Fire Beak.
8
00:00:23,159 --> 00:00:24,345
Okay.
9
00:00:25,529 --> 00:00:27,242
So what do you do?
10
00:00:29,128 --> 00:00:30,524
I'm Fire Beak.
11
00:00:31,304 --> 00:00:33,536
Hey, guys, I brought snacks.
12
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,166
Thanks, Mom.
13
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,328
What are y'all playing,
Chutes and Ladders?
14
00:00:37,364 --> 00:00:39,737
Tam is teaching us Dungeons & Dragons.
15
00:00:40,199 --> 00:00:41,226
Oh.
16
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:45,111
We're on a quest to find the pitchfork
of a devil named Baalzebul.
17
00:00:45,228 --> 00:00:46,490
I'm Fire Beak.
18
00:00:47,289 --> 00:00:48,955
And is this the devil?
19
00:00:48,991 --> 00:00:51,392
No, he's just a monster
who doesn't wear pants.
20
00:00:51,438 --> 00:00:52,839
Oh, I see.
21
00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:55,586
Yes, oh, he's just hanging
right out there, isn't he?
22
00:00:55,621 --> 00:00:57,726
Okay, well...
23
00:00:59,236 --> 00:01:01,192
You kids have fun.
24
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,028
My mother didn't believe in elves,
25
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,787
fairies, or dragons.
26
00:01:05,823 --> 00:01:06,856
George!
27
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,434
But she did believe in the devil.
28
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:10,568
And she did not view him
29
00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:13,171
as an appropriate playmate for her son.
30
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:14,238
George!
31
00:01:30,429 --> 00:01:32,428
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:35,824 --> 00:01:36,941
I'm worried.
33
00:01:36,977 --> 00:01:40,387
There are incantations in this
book to summon actual demons.
34
00:01:40,746 --> 00:01:42,645
Is that how we wound up with you?
35
00:01:43,441 --> 00:01:45,044
That's a good one.
I'm gonna give you that.
36
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,281
This is not a joke.
37
00:01:46,317 --> 00:01:48,084
This is one of the children's games
38
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,386
we were warned about in church.
39
00:01:49,422 --> 00:01:51,236
Then tell him to stop playing.
40
00:01:51,272 --> 00:01:52,396
It's not that easy.
41
00:01:52,432 --> 00:01:54,199
He's finally got a couple of friends.
42
00:01:54,235 --> 00:01:55,705
I don't want to scare them off.
43
00:01:55,806 --> 00:01:58,107
Well, when you're ready to scare kids,
44
00:01:58,143 --> 00:02:00,069
you got this face locked and loaded.
45
00:02:00,358 --> 00:02:02,009
All right, the other one was funny,
46
00:02:02,045 --> 00:02:03,557
now you're just being a jackass.
47
00:02:05,229 --> 00:02:06,994
I'm glad you're both amused,
48
00:02:07,030 --> 00:02:09,457
but our little boy's soul
may be at stake.
49
00:02:09,493 --> 00:02:10,467
Come on.
50
00:02:10,503 --> 00:02:12,837
When I was a kid, we were
listening to Black Sabbath,
51
00:02:12,873 --> 00:02:14,151
all that devil music.
52
00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:16,984
Didn't hurt me.
Satan didn't get my soul.
53
00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:19,888
What happened to it?
You trade it for some donuts?
54
00:02:21,172 --> 00:02:23,840
You had that one coming.
55
00:02:33,901 --> 00:02:35,735
Hello? Mr. Sparks?
56
00:02:35,770 --> 00:02:37,228
- Oh, hello, Mary.
- Got a minute?
57
00:02:37,264 --> 00:02:38,418
Sure, what's up?
58
00:02:38,489 --> 00:02:42,542
Um, I was just concerned about a
game that the boys were playing
59
00:02:42,577 --> 00:02:44,638
and was wondering if you and
your wife knew about it.
60
00:02:44,674 --> 00:02:45,672
A game?
61
00:02:45,747 --> 00:02:48,223
Yes, a very disturbing one.
62
00:02:48,259 --> 00:02:49,705
Well, what're we talking about?
63
00:02:49,741 --> 00:02:51,475
Did you catch those boys
playing grab ass?
64
00:02:51,511 --> 00:02:55,588
No. Dungeons & Dragons.
65
00:02:55,624 --> 00:02:57,357
So everybody's got their trousers up?
66
00:02:57,392 --> 00:02:59,282
- Yes.
- What's the problem?
67
00:02:59,727 --> 00:03:01,595
The game contains demonology,
68
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:04,193
which goes against
the teachings of the church.
69
00:03:04,229 --> 00:03:06,168
But nobody's touching nothing, right?
70
00:03:06,204 --> 00:03:07,234
No.
71
00:03:07,506 --> 00:03:09,306
Well, then I don't quite know
what you're worried about.
72
00:03:09,342 --> 00:03:10,675
- You don't?
- Nope.
73
00:03:10,711 --> 00:03:12,205
I'm just thankful Billy
found some friends
74
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,675
and he ain't eating dirt
and crabgrass any more.
75
00:03:15,310 --> 00:03:17,611
Some point, he just got a taste for it.
76
00:03:18,761 --> 00:03:20,639
On an unrelated note, uh,
77
00:03:20,675 --> 00:03:22,175
you doing something new with your hair?
78
00:03:22,211 --> 00:03:24,178
It looks, uh, real pretty.
79
00:03:25,287 --> 00:03:26,920
No, but thank you.
80
00:03:27,455 --> 00:03:29,322
Okay, well, I'm gonna leave you to it.
81
00:03:29,357 --> 00:03:31,540
- Smells good, too.
- All right. Bye-bye.
82
00:03:31,576 --> 00:03:33,026
Hey, you want chicken for dinner?
83
00:03:33,061 --> 00:03:34,928
I'll slaughter a big one
for you right now.
84
00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:36,022
I'm good.
85
00:03:36,058 --> 00:03:38,226
I'll kill one in case
you change your mind.
86
00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:42,618
Now which one of you's
tired of this life?
87
00:03:44,239 --> 00:03:45,313
You.
88
00:03:52,948 --> 00:03:54,714
Excuse me, Mr. Nguyen?
89
00:03:54,749 --> 00:03:55,654
Yes?
90
00:03:55,690 --> 00:03:57,990
Hi, you don't know me.
I'm Sheldon's mother.
91
00:03:58,019 --> 00:03:59,352
Ah, the smart boy.
92
00:03:59,387 --> 00:04:01,200
Yes, the smart boy.
93
00:04:01,236 --> 00:04:02,532
You are lucky.
94
00:04:02,568 --> 00:04:04,802
To have a smart son is a great joy.
95
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,227
I do not have that joy.
96
00:04:07,543 --> 00:04:10,031
Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
97
00:04:10,471 --> 00:04:12,499
Listen, are you aware
that Tam and Sheldon
98
00:04:12,534 --> 00:04:14,794
are playing Dungeons & Dragons?
99
00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:16,263
Dungeons & Dragons?
100
00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:20,006
Yes, and it's filled with
demons and satanic images.
101
00:04:20,041 --> 00:04:23,209
_
102
00:04:23,679 --> 00:04:25,667
_
103
00:04:25,703 --> 00:04:27,608
_
104
00:04:27,823 --> 00:04:29,697
_
105
00:04:30,346 --> 00:04:32,696
So what is the problem with this game?
106
00:04:32,732 --> 00:04:35,922
The problem is, it goes against
the teachings of the church.
107
00:04:35,957 --> 00:04:36,890
All right.
108
00:04:36,925 --> 00:04:38,367
Listen to me.
109
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,782
A problem is starving to death
in a Communist reeducation camp.
110
00:04:41,818 --> 00:04:43,444
A problem is not seeing your family
111
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,098
for many years while
you remove land mines
112
00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:46,705
from the Ho Chi Minh trail.
113
00:04:47,068 --> 00:04:49,736
A game boys play with
make-believe demons,
114
00:04:49,771 --> 00:04:50,942
not a problem.
115
00:04:52,635 --> 00:04:55,542
Well... I think they
can all be problems.
116
00:04:56,511 --> 00:04:58,526
_
117
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,272
I'm sorry, I agree with you.
118
00:05:01,308 --> 00:05:02,474
I will talk to Tam.
119
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,800
Oh, good. Thank you.
120
00:05:04,836 --> 00:05:07,637
Well, bye. Nice meeting you.
121
00:05:09,691 --> 00:05:11,233
Five dollars.
122
00:05:20,635 --> 00:05:22,405
So, Pastor...
123
00:05:23,752 --> 00:05:25,219
How's things going at the church?
124
00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:27,218
Please, call me Jeff.
125
00:05:27,296 --> 00:05:30,944
And everything's going great
'cause I have the coolest boss.
126
00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:34,570
I'm sorry, but I'm kind of
having a hard time
127
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,917
feeling the Holy Spirit
calling you Jeff.
128
00:05:37,952 --> 00:05:40,135
I'm-I'm gonna stick with Pastor.
129
00:05:40,321 --> 00:05:41,456
Sure.
130
00:05:41,894 --> 00:05:43,519
Thank you, Pastor.
131
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,927
Yeah, that feels better.
132
00:05:46,210 --> 00:05:49,602
So nice of you to
come over, Pastor Jeff.
133
00:05:49,638 --> 00:05:51,080
He prefers Jeff.
134
00:05:51,399 --> 00:05:52,966
I'm sticking with Pastor.
135
00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:56,220
Wait, I changed my mind.
I'm going with PJ.
136
00:05:56,610 --> 00:05:59,680
Brings to mind pajamas,
but that's fine, too.
137
00:06:00,157 --> 00:06:03,343
Anyway, I'm sorry to drag you into this,
138
00:06:03,378 --> 00:06:05,877
but it is demons,
so it's in your purview.
139
00:06:05,913 --> 00:06:06,946
It is indeed.
140
00:06:06,981 --> 00:06:09,049
In fact, at a recent Young
Baptist Leaders Conference,
141
00:06:09,084 --> 00:06:12,341
I attended a seminar on
satanic leisure activities.
142
00:06:12,377 --> 00:06:13,453
And?
143
00:06:13,488 --> 00:06:15,121
And the important lesson is,
144
00:06:15,156 --> 00:06:17,757
rather than have a parent
or authority figure
145
00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:19,659
take the offending game away,
146
00:06:19,694 --> 00:06:22,711
let God remove it, root and stem.
147
00:06:22,747 --> 00:06:26,867
Question, PJ. Uh, how's
the big guy do that?
148
00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:29,803
Simple, Sheldon needs to start
attending Sunday school.
149
00:06:29,838 --> 00:06:32,467
If he likes books
with demons and devils,
150
00:06:32,537 --> 00:06:35,141
I've got one that will blow his mind.
151
00:06:35,652 --> 00:06:37,025
What book is that?
152
00:06:37,061 --> 00:06:38,460
The Bible, George.
153
00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:39,729
Sure, yeah.
154
00:06:40,215 --> 00:06:42,382
I think that's a wonderful idea.
155
00:06:42,418 --> 00:06:43,982
Although, I am concerned
156
00:06:44,018 --> 00:06:46,658
that we may get a little
pushback from Sheldon.
157
00:06:47,369 --> 00:06:48,621
A little?
158
00:06:49,087 --> 00:06:50,411
No, I won't go.
159
00:06:50,447 --> 00:06:52,135
I don't believe in God.
160
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:55,381
Well, now, what you
believe in is not the point.
161
00:06:55,417 --> 00:06:57,296
Mary, if I may...
162
00:06:57,332 --> 00:07:00,240
Sheldon, I understand you hope
to be a scientist someday.
163
00:07:00,276 --> 00:07:01,367
Yes, sir.
164
00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:02,775
Well, let me ask you a question.
165
00:07:02,872 --> 00:07:04,339
You say you don't believe in God,
166
00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:06,272
but what kind of scientist
comes to a conclusion
167
00:07:06,307 --> 00:07:08,213
without first doing the research?
168
00:07:09,173 --> 00:07:10,698
A bad scientist.
169
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:11,694
That's right.
170
00:07:11,730 --> 00:07:13,879
So I'll see you Sunday morning at 8:00.
171
00:07:14,441 --> 00:07:15,674
No, you won't.
172
00:07:15,710 --> 00:07:19,212
I cast a second level spell
of invisibility on myself.
173
00:07:22,921 --> 00:07:25,389
Well, that game isn't
making him any smarter.
174
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:39,895
Shelly, why aren't you asleep?
175
00:07:40,317 --> 00:07:42,692
I'm studying for Sunday school.
176
00:07:42,727 --> 00:07:44,527
You're reading the Bible?
177
00:07:44,562 --> 00:07:46,343
That's wonderful.
178
00:07:46,765 --> 00:07:48,098
I do have a question.
179
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:49,633
Sure, what?
180
00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:52,802
Is there anyone in our town
from the Amalek tribe?
181
00:07:53,163 --> 00:07:54,608
I don't know, why?
182
00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:59,042
If there is, we're supposed
to kill them and their cows.
183
00:07:59,308 --> 00:08:01,873
Well, no. There's no Amaleks.
184
00:08:02,314 --> 00:08:03,592
Told you.
185
00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:09,886
And lead us not
186
00:08:09,921 --> 00:08:11,855
into temptation,
187
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:14,691
but deliver us from evil.
188
00:08:14,726 --> 00:08:17,096
For thine is the kingdom
189
00:08:17,132 --> 00:08:19,646
and the power and the glory
190
00:08:19,682 --> 00:08:21,498
forever and forever.
191
00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:22,777
And ever. Amen.
192
00:08:22,813 --> 00:08:24,977
- Amen!
- Very good.
193
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,870
Now before we get started this morning,
194
00:08:26,905 --> 00:08:29,306
I want to introduce two new students,
195
00:08:29,341 --> 00:08:30,874
Sheldon and Missy Cooper.
196
00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:32,309
Let's give them a warm welcome.
197
00:08:36,859 --> 00:08:37,867
Yes, Billy?
198
00:08:37,903 --> 00:08:39,045
I know them.
199
00:08:40,004 --> 00:08:41,046
Thank you, Billy.
200
00:08:41,082 --> 00:08:42,861
You're welcome, Pastor Jeff.
201
00:08:43,788 --> 00:08:45,889
Now, uh, last week,
202
00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:48,758
we started talking
about the Gospel of John.
203
00:08:48,793 --> 00:08:50,560
Does anybody have a notion
204
00:08:50,595 --> 00:08:53,135
as to what God's getting
at in that passage?
205
00:08:53,797 --> 00:08:54,883
Yes, Sheldon?
206
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,033
Chapter one, verse one states,
207
00:08:57,068 --> 00:08:58,702
"In the beginning was the Word,
208
00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:01,781
and the Word was with God
and the Word was God.”
209
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,277
Well done.
210
00:09:04,313 --> 00:09:06,776
Thank you. I read
the gospels last night.
211
00:09:06,811 --> 00:09:07,846
Suck up.
212
00:09:08,208 --> 00:09:10,424
Did you know when
the Bible says "the Word,”
213
00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:12,848
they're translating the
Greek expression "logos,”
214
00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:14,551
and logos means knowledge.
215
00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:17,861
Sounds like someone has
a noggin full of "logos.”
216
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,340
Yes, Billy?
217
00:09:19,376 --> 00:09:20,886
They live on my block.
218
00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:22,877
Terrific.
219
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:26,129
...as Ellis will come in to punt.
220
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:29,228
Five kicks, 38-yard average
221
00:09:29,624 --> 00:09:31,201
I can't believe he's reading the Bible.
222
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:32,802
I know.
223
00:09:32,837 --> 00:09:35,205
I'm actually grateful to that
Dungeons & Dragons game.
224
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,507
It helped lead him to God.
225
00:09:38,476 --> 00:09:40,676
Ixnay on the Odskay.
226
00:09:43,982 --> 00:09:44,981
I'm done.
227
00:09:45,477 --> 00:09:46,887
You finished it?
228
00:09:47,191 --> 00:09:50,120
All of it. Ask me which
birds are kosher.
229
00:09:50,602 --> 00:09:52,555
I'll bite. Which birds are kosher?
230
00:09:52,870 --> 00:09:55,625
Chickens, yes. Quail, yes.
231
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:57,492
Owls, surprisingly no.
232
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,276
Well, there ain't a lot of meat
on them anyway.
233
00:10:00,312 --> 00:10:01,279
Shelly,
234
00:10:01,315 --> 00:10:04,000
I'm so happy you're taking
an interest in religion.
235
00:10:04,035 --> 00:10:05,201
I am.
236
00:10:05,236 --> 00:10:08,371
And I've decided
to explore other religions, too.
237
00:10:08,821 --> 00:10:10,095
What's this, now?
238
00:10:10,408 --> 00:10:11,741
Pastor Jeff encouraged me
239
00:10:11,776 --> 00:10:13,610
to approach religion scientifically,
240
00:10:13,645 --> 00:10:16,535
so it only makes sense
to enlarge my database.
241
00:10:16,571 --> 00:10:17,781
No, your database
242
00:10:17,816 --> 00:10:20,322
is Baptist. That's all
the data you need.
243
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,575
Baptist data.
244
00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:24,421
What other religions you considering?
245
00:10:25,176 --> 00:10:26,222
Buddhist, Jewish,
246
00:10:26,257 --> 00:10:28,411
Hindu, Catholic, all of them.
247
00:10:28,447 --> 00:10:29,497
Nope. Nope.
248
00:10:29,533 --> 00:10:30,676
That's not happening.
249
00:10:30,979 --> 00:10:34,615
Well, why? As an American, don't
I have freedom of religion?
250
00:10:35,949 --> 00:10:37,139
Um...
251
00:10:37,702 --> 00:10:39,536
Those dungeons and dragons
are looking pretty good
252
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:41,237
right now, aren't they?
253
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,604
I'm also looking into voodoo.
254
00:10:49,594 --> 00:10:51,527
Tam, you're Catholic, right?
255
00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:52,415
Yes.
256
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:53,983
Explain it to me.
257
00:10:55,073 --> 00:10:56,085
Explain what?
258
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,887
Well, for starters, who do you pray to?
259
00:10:58,748 --> 00:11:01,658
I guess, Jesus, God and Mary.
260
00:11:02,377 --> 00:11:03,760
Jesus isn't God?
261
00:11:03,795 --> 00:11:05,383
No, he's his son.
262
00:11:05,586 --> 00:11:07,641
But you do eat him, and drink his blood.
263
00:11:08,321 --> 00:11:10,308
Oh, there's also a ghost,
264
00:11:10,344 --> 00:11:11,734
but not the scary kind.
265
00:11:11,769 --> 00:11:13,436
Like Casper?
266
00:11:13,471 --> 00:11:14,552
Exactly.
267
00:11:15,607 --> 00:11:17,073
And how does the pope work?
268
00:11:17,108 --> 00:11:18,241
Well,
269
00:11:18,276 --> 00:11:19,802
the pope lives in Italy.
270
00:11:19,838 --> 00:11:23,006
He has a special car,
and a big pointy hat.
271
00:11:23,577 --> 00:11:25,170
It's a wonderful hat.
272
00:11:25,454 --> 00:11:27,521
And is there anything else
I should know about?
273
00:11:27,768 --> 00:11:28,868
Every once in a while,
274
00:11:28,904 --> 00:11:30,740
you have to confess your sins
to a priest.
275
00:11:30,776 --> 00:11:32,789
Not me, I don't have any sins.
276
00:11:32,824 --> 00:11:34,490
Then you have the sin of pride.
277
00:11:36,069 --> 00:11:38,361
Your religion is making me feel bad.
278
00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:40,200
That's how you know it's working.
279
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,267
Ms. Hutchins, what's your religion?
280
00:11:44,545 --> 00:11:46,035
I'm a Mormon, why?
281
00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:48,271
I'm conducting a research project.
282
00:11:48,306 --> 00:11:50,306
Can you tell me about being a Mormon?
283
00:11:51,049 --> 00:11:53,109
Well, it started in New York,
284
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:56,206
when a man found gold plates
buried underground.
285
00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:57,512
The plates said that,
286
00:11:57,548 --> 00:12:00,149
when we die, we get to
go to our own planet.
287
00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:02,068
Unless you're a woman,
288
00:12:02,104 --> 00:12:04,231
then you have to go
to your husband's planet.
289
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:07,056
But that won't be a problem for me.
290
00:12:07,236 --> 00:12:08,836
I don't have a husband.
291
00:12:08,872 --> 00:12:10,906
All I have is a cat.
292
00:12:10,942 --> 00:12:13,143
A big, mean cat.
293
00:12:13,179 --> 00:12:14,097
Oh...
294
00:12:14,132 --> 00:12:16,432
Maybe I'll get to go to his planet.
295
00:12:18,539 --> 00:12:21,171
Lonely Cheryl on Planet Cat.
296
00:12:22,888 --> 00:12:24,660
I like her. She's funny.
297
00:12:27,579 --> 00:12:28,745
You're gonna love Ira.
298
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,146
He's a great guy.
299
00:12:30,181 --> 00:12:31,800
Is he your boyfriend?
300
00:12:31,836 --> 00:12:34,284
Well, he's one of them,
so let's not bring that up.
301
00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:38,230
- Hey.
- Is this a good time?
302
00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:40,182
Absolutely. Come in, come in.
303
00:12:40,346 --> 00:12:42,158
Ira, this is my grandson Sheldon.
304
00:12:42,193 --> 00:12:44,632
Sheldon, this is my friend Ira.
305
00:12:44,668 --> 00:12:46,162
- Hello.
- Howdy.
306
00:12:46,673 --> 00:12:48,974
So Meemaw tells me you're Jewish.
307
00:12:49,738 --> 00:12:51,146
Right to it, huh?
308
00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:53,703
All right, let's do this.
Please, sit down.
309
00:12:53,738 --> 00:12:55,751
Thank you so much for helping out.
310
00:12:55,787 --> 00:12:57,841
Aw, Connie, you know, anything for you.
311
00:12:58,380 --> 00:12:59,646
So, Sheldon,
312
00:12:59,682 --> 00:13:00,782
you hungry?
313
00:13:00,818 --> 00:13:01,978
You want a nosh?
314
00:13:02,263 --> 00:13:04,330
I don't know, I've never eaten a nosh.
315
00:13:04,515 --> 00:13:06,482
Uh, no, a nosh isn't a thing,
316
00:13:06,517 --> 00:13:07,584
it's a... never mind.
317
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:10,320
Um, would you care for some hard candy?
318
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:12,312
Are they kosher?
319
00:13:12,348 --> 00:13:13,556
Who are you, my mother?
320
00:13:14,592 --> 00:13:16,326
All right, so what can I do for you?
321
00:13:17,399 --> 00:13:19,379
What's it like to be Jewish?
322
00:13:19,415 --> 00:13:21,431
Oh, it's terrible. I don't recommend it.
323
00:13:21,692 --> 00:13:23,327
- Why?
- Well, for starters,
324
00:13:23,363 --> 00:13:26,605
your life is hemmed in
by ancient, pointless rules.
325
00:13:26,641 --> 00:13:29,005
There's a lot of yelling, and, uh,
326
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:31,741
you're probably not gonna get
into a good country club.
327
00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:33,807
What about God?
328
00:13:33,843 --> 00:13:34,809
What about him?
329
00:13:35,095 --> 00:13:37,095
Does he play a part in your life?
330
00:13:37,243 --> 00:13:40,428
Well, historically, he's gotten
a kick out of punishing us.
331
00:13:40,935 --> 00:13:42,602
What about Jesus?
332
00:13:42,637 --> 00:13:44,036
He was Jewish.
333
00:13:44,071 --> 00:13:45,605
Oh, we've got a lot of celebrities.
334
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,541
Uh, we've got, uh,
we got William Shatner,
335
00:13:48,576 --> 00:13:49,976
and Leonard Nimoy...
336
00:13:50,011 --> 00:13:52,011
Kirk and Spock?
337
00:13:52,046 --> 00:13:53,713
I want to be Jewish.
338
00:13:53,748 --> 00:13:55,381
Hold on a second.
339
00:13:55,416 --> 00:13:57,150
Hold... I got a question
for you, Sheldon.
340
00:13:57,380 --> 00:14:00,447
When you grow up, are you
planning on living in Texas?
341
00:14:01,255 --> 00:14:02,522
Probably.
342
00:14:02,557 --> 00:14:05,224
Then I strongly advise you
to stay Baptist.
343
00:14:05,588 --> 00:14:07,515
Maybe even wear a cross.
344
00:14:08,162 --> 00:14:10,229
Why did you move to Texas?
345
00:14:10,264 --> 00:14:11,464
Well, that's simple.
346
00:14:11,499 --> 00:14:14,567
Medford had no Jews,
so there was an opening for one.
347
00:14:15,290 --> 00:14:17,524
And you got it? Good for you.
348
00:14:18,573 --> 00:14:20,490
I love this kid.
349
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,014
Me, too.
350
00:14:23,133 --> 00:14:24,665
Mwah.
351
00:14:32,186 --> 00:14:33,519
Hey.
352
00:14:33,554 --> 00:14:34,954
How's it going?
353
00:14:34,989 --> 00:14:39,091
Good. Did you know that
Zoroaster believed in two gods?
354
00:14:39,126 --> 00:14:40,432
No, I did not.
355
00:14:40,612 --> 00:14:42,595
And the Taoists don't
believe in God at all.
356
00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:44,597
They believe in a principle of harmony.
357
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:45,998
How very nice for them.
358
00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:48,301
Shelly, I understand
you enjoy researching things.
359
00:14:48,336 --> 00:14:49,569
Love it.
360
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,305
But it's important to keep in mind
361
00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:54,774
that there is only one true God.
362
00:14:54,809 --> 00:14:56,776
That's called monotheism.
363
00:14:56,811 --> 00:14:59,646
I have a book about it
if you're interested.
364
00:15:00,481 --> 00:15:03,750
That's okay, I have the book about it.
365
00:15:05,485 --> 00:15:08,931
Would you be angry with me
if I don't pick your religion?
366
00:15:10,491 --> 00:15:12,658
I could never be angry with you.
367
00:15:13,861 --> 00:15:16,764
You be a seeker of your own truth.
368
00:15:18,799 --> 00:15:20,333
Thanks, Mom.
369
00:15:24,104 --> 00:15:26,037
And if the truth turns out to be Satan,
370
00:15:26,073 --> 00:15:28,374
I will do battle with him.
371
00:15:50,048 --> 00:15:51,775
Welcome, Sheldon.
372
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,268
We've been waiting for you.
373
00:15:55,303 --> 00:15:57,870
Are you the Ten Commandments?
374
00:15:57,905 --> 00:15:59,038
No.
375
00:15:59,073 --> 00:16:00,373
We are one.
376
00:16:00,408 --> 00:16:02,141
And zero.
377
00:16:02,176 --> 00:16:03,943
We are the binary code
378
00:16:03,978 --> 00:16:06,025
that underlies the universe.
379
00:16:06,061 --> 00:16:09,096
The ten thing is a common mistake.
380
00:16:09,627 --> 00:16:11,984
I want to understand God.
381
00:16:12,019 --> 00:16:13,386
Can you help me?
382
00:16:13,421 --> 00:16:15,388
Did you not hear what we just said?
383
00:16:15,423 --> 00:16:18,024
It's a binary universe.
384
00:16:18,059 --> 00:16:19,458
God is yes and no.
385
00:16:19,493 --> 00:16:20,893
Left and right.
386
00:16:20,928 --> 00:16:22,161
On and off.
387
00:16:22,196 --> 00:16:23,629
Something and nothing.
388
00:16:23,664 --> 00:16:25,002
Positive and negative.
389
00:16:25,038 --> 00:16:26,666
Male and female.
390
00:16:26,701 --> 00:16:27,967
Light and dark.
391
00:16:28,002 --> 00:16:30,706
But why is there evil and suffering?
392
00:16:30,742 --> 00:16:32,805
Well, without evil and suffering,
393
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,674
there is no good and happiness.
394
00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:37,054
Oh, sure. Binary.
395
00:16:37,581 --> 00:16:40,680
Shall we give him the
final piece of information
396
00:16:40,715 --> 00:16:43,322
that unlocks the secret of the universe?
397
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,052
Why not?
398
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,683
At least one human being should
know the reason for everything.
399
00:16:48,009 --> 00:16:49,443
Sheldon,
400
00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:52,826
before the universe began...
401
00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:55,789
Hey, dummy.
402
00:16:55,825 --> 00:16:57,859
You're drooling all over your books.
403
00:16:57,895 --> 00:16:58,918
Huh?
404
00:16:59,365 --> 00:17:00,499
No.
405
00:17:00,534 --> 00:17:03,536
Zero was about to tell me
the secret and you ruined it.
406
00:17:04,939 --> 00:17:07,856
I never heard from One and Zero again.
407
00:17:08,036 --> 00:17:11,777
Although, I was once visited
by Nine when I had chickenpox.
408
00:17:11,812 --> 00:17:15,196
He was a lot less funny
than he thought he was.
409
00:17:16,733 --> 00:17:20,553
Okay, "What God means to me."
410
00:17:20,893 --> 00:17:22,493
Who'd like to go first?
411
00:17:22,669 --> 00:17:23,616
Billy.
412
00:17:23,652 --> 00:17:25,185
I'd like to go third.
413
00:17:26,318 --> 00:17:27,560
All righty.
414
00:17:27,595 --> 00:17:28,961
Who's feeling brave?
415
00:17:29,566 --> 00:17:30,666
Missy.
416
00:17:30,702 --> 00:17:31,968
I'll go second.
417
00:17:32,241 --> 00:17:34,967
Great. Does anybody want to go first?
418
00:17:35,002 --> 00:17:36,002
I'll go.
419
00:17:36,037 --> 00:17:38,955
Okay. Come on up here, Sheldon.
Let's hear what you got.
420
00:17:41,292 --> 00:17:44,610
I've spent the last week
studying what people believe,
421
00:17:44,645 --> 00:17:46,312
and I've come to a conclusion.
422
00:17:46,347 --> 00:17:47,713
And what's that?
423
00:17:47,911 --> 00:17:50,395
- I'm starting my own religion.
- I'm sorry, what?
424
00:17:50,651 --> 00:17:52,585
I'm calling it Mathology.
425
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:55,087
It's based on a universal binary system.
426
00:17:55,122 --> 00:17:58,090
That's terrific, Sheldon, but
this is a Baptist Sunday school.
427
00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:00,626
I know, I'm here to convert everybody.
428
00:18:00,661 --> 00:18:02,346
- Any takers?
- Okay.
429
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:04,040
Let's go have a talk with your mom.
430
00:18:04,298 --> 00:18:07,249
The only sin in Mathology
is being stupid.
431
00:18:13,079 --> 00:18:15,578
Welcome to the Church of Mathology.
432
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,447
Today, I'd like to talk about prime
numbers, and why they bring us joy.
433
00:18:19,602 --> 00:18:21,369
Hallelujah!
434
00:18:24,814 --> 00:18:28,814
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