1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:03,390 Previously on Young Sheldon... 2 00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:07,920 - Sheldon Cooper. - What? 3 00:00:07,970 --> 00:00:10,140 I finished reading it. My name's Sheldon Cooper. 4 00:00:10,170 --> 00:00:13,096 - What... You finished it? - Yes. 5 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,249 Impressive. 6 00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:17,600 Wha... You should major in computer science. 7 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:20,270 No, thanks. I'll stick to real science. 8 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,649 Excuse me, but you're not Evan. 9 00:00:32,650 --> 00:00:33,950 True. 10 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,969 - Where's Evan? - Elsewhere. 11 00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:38,247 - So you don't know? - True. 12 00:00:39,020 --> 00:00:40,999 Oh, good. You met Joaquin. 13 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,550 Proper introductions were not made. 14 00:00:42,570 --> 00:00:43,759 What's he doing here? 15 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:45,659 Uh, he's helping me write an algorithm 16 00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:47,599 so, uh, we can beat the stock market. 17 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:48,689 Why? 18 00:00:48,690 --> 00:00:52,927 Uh, well, so we can get rich, buy cool cars and get girls. 19 00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,340 But mostly the girls. 20 00:00:55,139 --> 00:00:57,307 Isn't the search for knowledge its own reward? 21 00:00:57,308 --> 00:01:00,893 Uh, yeah, sure, if the knowledge helps you get girls. 22 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,379 That seems like a lot of unnecessary effort 23 00:01:02,380 --> 00:01:03,771 just to meet females. 24 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,732 Yeah, we've tried talking to them. 25 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,358 Actual disaster. 26 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,735 You want to help us? 27 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,000 I don't need to meet girls. 28 00:01:10,010 --> 00:01:12,697 In fact, I'd like to know fewer people, not more. 29 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,575 You could use the money to buy yourself something fun. 30 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,519 Ooh, like a particle accelerator 31 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,412 or 100 tanks of liquid nitrogen. 32 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,665 I was thinking of a hot tub, but okay. 33 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:23,909 I can't get you to take a shower, 34 00:01:23,910 --> 00:01:25,793 and-and you want a hot tub? 35 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,588 Girls like hot tubs. 36 00:01:28,180 --> 00:01:30,131 How much would it cost to build a particle accelerator? 37 00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:32,258 Conservatively, four to ten billion dollars. 38 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,718 Then you need to help us. 39 00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,619 Hmm. Well, I haven't done much coding, 40 00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:36,740 but I am good at everything. 41 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:38,359 Okay, I'm in charge. 42 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:39,680 Scoot. 43 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:58,240 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.MY-SUBS.com -- 44 00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:01,914 - What are you watching? - Travis Lemon. 45 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:03,748 The crazy church guy? 46 00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,124 He's not crazy. 47 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,250 Well, his hair is. 48 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,460 Well, I got news for y'all. 49 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,659 Jesus wants you to prosper. 50 00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:15,218 He wants you to have nice things, a life of abundance. 51 00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:16,887 Says so right here in the book. 52 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,960 "My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches 53 00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:24,894 in glory by Jesus Christ." 54 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,729 He's right. It does say that. 55 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,731 When's it's over? I want to watch MTV. 56 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,499 Reverend Travis has a band. 57 00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:32,068 They rock pretty hard. 58 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,169 The same is true for you. 59 00:02:34,170 --> 00:02:38,324 Jesus fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread, 60 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,284 but somebody had to give him those loaves. 61 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,954 And that's what I need from you. 62 00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:45,549 Every dollar you donate to the Travis Lemon ministry 63 00:02:45,550 --> 00:02:47,458 will be returned to you tenfold! 64 00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:49,752 Tenfold, my sweet patootie. 65 00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,839 As ye sow, so shall ye reap. 66 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,730 Daphne, get the address on the screen? 67 00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,659 _ 68 00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,100 So you get the checkbook out, 69 00:02:58,780 --> 00:03:00,540 and you show how much you love the Lord, 70 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,724 and the Lord will love you back. 71 00:03:02,725 --> 00:03:04,459 And when your neighbor asks you, 72 00:03:04,460 --> 00:03:05,849 "Where'd you get that new Cadillac?" 73 00:03:05,850 --> 00:03:08,896 you tell 'em, "On the corner of Heaven and Saved." 74 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,699 Oh, what the heck. 75 00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:12,659 All right, Steve-arooni, let's hit it! 76 00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:21,325 - Hey, Missy. - Hey. What are you doing? 77 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,412 Just breaking in my new shoes for school. 78 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:25,998 They're brown. 79 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:28,750 Cool. Can I watch your TV? 80 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,251 Sure. 81 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,006 That squeaking you're hearing is my new shoes. 82 00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:38,050 ♪ Getting edgy all the time... ♪ 83 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,510 Where's your mom at? 84 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,989 She went to my Aunt Sylvia's for a few days. 85 00:03:41,990 --> 00:03:44,056 Aunt Sylvia has a big lump on her neck. 86 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,266 So you're alone? 87 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,726 Just me and my chickens. 88 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,352 Billy, we have to throw a party. 89 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,729 For the chickens? 90 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,710 - No! For us! - Why? 91 00:03:51,730 --> 00:03:53,775 What do you mean "why"? Your mom's not home. 92 00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:56,444 What would we do? Play games? 93 00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:57,862 Yeah, drinking games. 94 00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:00,865 Like when you paid me a dollar to chug a gallon of milk? 95 00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,160 That was a different game, and I'm sorry. 96 00:04:03,740 --> 00:04:05,745 Boy, did I throw up. 97 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,247 For this party, I'm thinking beer. 98 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,749 We're not old enough to drink beer. 99 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,083 That's why kids'll come. 100 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,640 Smart. 101 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,962 Do you think they'll like eggs? 102 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,860 I have so many eggs. 103 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,979 What's that A-sub-one-variable? 104 00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:21,009 It's undefined. 105 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:22,999 It's defined in the previous subroutine. 106 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,472 Oh, my. That is elegant. 107 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:26,474 We don't use the word "elegant." 108 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,976 Why? What's wrong with it? 109 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,379 Well, last semester, I invited a girl to my room 110 00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:33,879 to look at my elegant coding, 111 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:36,859 and... she called the police, so... 112 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,320 Understood. So what happens next? 113 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:42,323 Uh, we just buy the stocks the algorithm suggests. 114 00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:45,034 - With what? - Our student loan money. 115 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,202 How much are you in for? 116 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,969 Oh, my mother's always warned me 117 00:04:47,970 --> 00:04:49,680 against the evils of gambling. 118 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,929 Well, it's not gambling, it-it's math. 119 00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:55,628 Is your mother against math? 120 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,019 Well, when you use it to prove the Earth wasn't made in seven days, 121 00:04:58,020 --> 00:04:59,132 she gets a little touchy. 122 00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:00,929 It's your call. 123 00:05:00,930 --> 00:05:03,762 Particle accelerator, or no particle accelerator? 124 00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:07,307 Let me fetch my money sock. 125 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,648 You keep your money in a sock? 126 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,650 My meemaw keeps her money in her bra. 127 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,736 Does she like hot tubs? 128 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,259 So how are you and Dale getting along? 129 00:05:24,260 --> 00:05:26,325 Well, I rode a bike seven miles 130 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,036 to have coffee with you, so that should tell you. 131 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,330 Not going well? 132 00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:32,039 Oh, it's fine. 133 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,039 It's just, after you've lived by yourself for a long time, 134 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,461 having a roommate takes a little getting used to. 135 00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,923 I'm sure Dale's doing his best. 136 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,300 That's my fear. 137 00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:46,429 Mare, what's this $50 to an "R.T.L.M."? 138 00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,459 Reverend Travis Lemon Ministries. 139 00:05:48,460 --> 00:05:49,724 I made a donation. 140 00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:51,809 The goofy guy with the hair? 141 00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,269 He's not goofy, 142 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:56,647 and he preaches the gospel in a way that speaks to me. 143 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,429 Yeah, well, let me speak to you. 144 00:05:58,430 --> 00:06:00,569 We can't be throwing away 50 bucks. 145 00:06:00,570 --> 00:06:02,050 We are not throwing it away. 146 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,447 We are gonna get that money back plus some. 147 00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,619 Oh, honey, now, come on. 148 00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:08,409 You can't possibly believe that B.S. 149 00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:09,420 Maybe. 150 00:06:09,430 --> 00:06:12,509 Reverend Travis says that Jesus wants us to prosper. 151 00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:13,829 Is that why he huffed and puffed 152 00:06:13,830 --> 00:06:15,291 and blew my house down? 153 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,200 - I'm cancelling this check. - Don't you dare. 154 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,045 Mary, this is groceries for a week. 155 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,349 We will get it back. 156 00:06:20,350 --> 00:06:21,964 We just need to have faith. 157 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,425 Will you talk some sense into your daughter? 158 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:25,989 If I could talk sense into her, 159 00:06:25,990 --> 00:06:27,887 she would never have married you. 160 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,259 She had to marry me because I got her pregnant. 161 00:06:30,260 --> 00:06:31,725 Ha! 162 00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:33,894 Huh. 163 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:38,105 He ain't wrong about the money. 164 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:39,566 Thank you! 165 00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:46,520 Well, gentlemen, we've doubled our income 166 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,115 in a little over eight hours. 167 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,826 I'm gonna need a bigger sock. 168 00:06:49,830 --> 00:06:52,449 The good news is, our algorithm is working, 169 00:06:52,450 --> 00:06:54,538 and it's getting more efficient with every trade. 170 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,320 Which is why we have to stay strong. 171 00:06:56,330 --> 00:06:58,180 We can't expect to be millionaires overnight. 172 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:02,004 It'll take... 12 to 14 business days. 173 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,229 It's actually gonna happen. 174 00:07:04,230 --> 00:07:05,730 I'm gonna have sex. 175 00:07:07,090 --> 00:07:09,170 - Where are you going? - To take a shower. 176 00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:14,600 Hey, can I talk to you? 177 00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:16,394 Yeah. What's up? 178 00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:17,728 Actually, in there. 179 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,313 You ain't pregnant, are you? 180 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,607 No. How could you say that?! 181 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,025 Been known to happen. 182 00:07:26,910 --> 00:07:28,239 Okay. 183 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:31,200 So, Billy's mom's away, and we're throwing a party. 184 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,576 All right. 185 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:35,079 Do you think if I took some of Dad's beer, he'd notice? 186 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,914 Do you think he'd notice? 187 00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,457 Okay, dumb question. 188 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,877 Anyways, you're too young. You shouldn't be drinking. 189 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,587 You just asked if I was pregnant. 190 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,172 Well, don't do either. 191 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:48,426 So you wouldn't buy us a case of beer if I gave you the money? 192 00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,636 Missy, I'm not old enough to buy beer. 193 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,304 That's never stopped you before. 194 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,056 And I'm ashamed of myself. 195 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,183 I'll tell you what I can do. 196 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,610 I got something for a party 197 00:07:57,630 --> 00:07:59,710 - that's better than beer. - What? 198 00:08:01,810 --> 00:08:04,129 Bottle rockets, Roman candles, 199 00:08:04,130 --> 00:08:05,693 M80s, the works. 200 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,738 Oh, sure. Thanks. 201 00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:10,409 You're not excited now, but trust me, 202 00:08:10,410 --> 00:08:13,325 you blow up one mailbox, and you got yourself a party. 203 00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:20,840 - Need a hand? - Yeah, sure. 204 00:08:25,690 --> 00:08:29,467 Hey, so, when you were my age, did you go any parties? 205 00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,259 Oh, yeah. 206 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:34,972 The good ones I remember, the great ones... gone. 207 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,599 That is so cool. 208 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,870 Ah, I was pretty cool. 209 00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:39,650 You get invited to one? 210 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,356 - Kind of. - Ooh, tell me. 211 00:08:44,410 --> 00:08:46,859 I'm sort of helping my friend throw it. 212 00:08:47,870 --> 00:08:50,071 First party. That's a big deal. 213 00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:51,322 Any advice? 214 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:55,690 Hmm. Well, for starters, music is key. 215 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,259 You want it good, you want it loud, 216 00:08:57,260 --> 00:08:58,800 but not so loud the cops come. 217 00:08:58,810 --> 00:09:01,290 Although, if they do, you're a legend. 218 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:02,416 Damn. 219 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,089 And if you have make-out spots, 220 00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,369 you want to keep 'em private, 221 00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:06,449 but not too private. 222 00:09:06,450 --> 00:09:07,850 You know, closets, pantries. 223 00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:09,381 You want to keep your guests standing. 224 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,509 - Makes sense. - Mm-hmm. 225 00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:16,390 And, um, I've heard at some of these parties there's drinking? 226 00:09:18,610 --> 00:09:19,850 Oh. 227 00:09:20,470 --> 00:09:23,309 Well... yeah, sometimes, 228 00:09:23,310 --> 00:09:28,550 but, uh, fun can be had without... it. 229 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:32,159 Uh-huh, but just in case, 230 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,490 would you buy it for us? 231 00:09:34,170 --> 00:09:35,990 - No. - Why not? 232 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,560 - Because you're a kid. - You were a kid. 233 00:09:38,570 --> 00:09:40,650 - Yeah, but it was different. - How? 234 00:09:42,270 --> 00:09:44,875 The point is, I'm a mom now. 235 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,239 - A cool mom. - Not that cool. 236 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,849 Besides, the only underage person 237 00:09:48,850 --> 00:09:51,660 that I'm gonna buy alcohol for is the father of my child. 238 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,260 You really aren't cool. 239 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,182 Thanks for seeing me. 240 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:02,434 Of course, my door is always open. 241 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:05,646 - Smoke? - I'm good. I'll just breathe in yours. 242 00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,059 Suit yourself. 243 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,445 Could we have a little privacy? 244 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,570 I'll just be listening at the door. 245 00:10:17,290 --> 00:10:18,784 She does. 246 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,077 So, what can we do for you? 247 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,499 Well, I was thinking maybe it was time 248 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,169 for Mary to come back to the church. 249 00:10:23,170 --> 00:10:25,040 You know, be a part of your herd again. 250 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,333 We say flock. 251 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,969 Although, Texas... herd works. 252 00:10:28,970 --> 00:10:30,630 With all the beef and whatnot. 253 00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:34,091 Well, Mary's always welcome. 254 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,589 Great. 255 00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:38,137 Oh. Maybe you could use her back here in the office. 256 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,680 Nah, we got things covered. 257 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:43,976 Do you need to answer that? 258 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,269 No, they'll call back. 259 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,770 Peg, please. 260 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,420 All right, bossy. 261 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,575 So, uh... what do you think? 262 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,452 Mary said she wants to come back? 263 00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,130 Not in so many words. 264 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,359 But I know if you asked her, 265 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,189 it would just mean the world to me, 266 00:11:06,190 --> 00:11:08,589 to her, to us... 267 00:11:08,590 --> 00:11:09,960 To God. 268 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,503 I'll pray on it. 269 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,810 Great. 270 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,718 I'll pray on it later. 271 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,510 Right. Sure. 272 00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,360 Fascinating. 273 00:11:29,630 --> 00:11:31,315 Why aren't you doing what I tell you? 274 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,809 We rich yet? 275 00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:34,401 Yeah, we better be. 276 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:36,570 Evan went nuts. He got garlic sticks. 277 00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:38,660 Did either of you authorize the algorithm 278 00:11:38,670 --> 00:11:40,030 to make foreign trades? 279 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,076 - No. - No. 280 00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,535 Well, that's what it's doing. 281 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,339 We own 7,000 shares of Chow Fat Enterprises 282 00:11:46,340 --> 00:11:47,916 on the Hong Kong exchange. 283 00:11:49,070 --> 00:11:50,209 Fascinating. 284 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,460 That's what I said. 285 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,464 It's trading on its own? 286 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:56,619 It would seem so. 287 00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:59,139 Uh, we... need to stop it, pull the plug. 288 00:11:59,140 --> 00:12:01,971 Oh, wait, wait, wait. Are we up or down? 289 00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,013 We're up. 290 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,556 Then what's the problem? 291 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,601 The problem is we've lost control. This is Frankenstein's monster. 292 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,228 You say that like it's a bad thing. 293 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,479 What? 294 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,779 To reanimate life was an incredible scientific achievement. 295 00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:15,442 The real bad guys in the story are the ignorant villagers. 296 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:18,070 You were on the monster's side? 297 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,749 Unfairly hounded for being different? 298 00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:21,240 - You betcha. - Guys, guys, guys. 299 00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:23,029 Chow Fat stock just split. 300 00:12:23,030 --> 00:12:24,535 We have 14,000 shares. 301 00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:28,359 So, we created an algorithm that's evolving by itself 302 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,250 and becoming a new form of intelligence? 303 00:12:31,140 --> 00:12:32,909 And I, Sheldon Cooper, 304 00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:34,960 wholeheartedly think it's terrific. 305 00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:37,048 It may be listening. 306 00:12:41,580 --> 00:12:42,928 How do we do this? 307 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,270 We just got to wait for someone 308 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:45,449 who's old enough to buy beer 309 00:12:45,450 --> 00:12:47,224 but young enough to be cool. 310 00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,310 Got it. 311 00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:51,219 - Try him. - Excuse me, sir... 312 00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:52,720 Buy your own beer. 313 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:53,732 Thank you. 314 00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:56,359 I think he was onto us. 315 00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,738 Let me try. 316 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,239 - Hey. - Hey. 317 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,534 Would you buy me beer? I forgot my ID at home. 318 00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:06,952 How old are you? 319 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,239 Um... 320 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:09,330 thirty. 321 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,458 Twenty-five? 322 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,793 This isn't working. 323 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,690 Maybe the party was a bad idea. 324 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:18,720 Hey, mister, 325 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:20,799 will you buy us some beer? 326 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,430 I'm not old enough. 327 00:13:25,690 --> 00:13:27,556 Those guys thought I was a grown-up. 328 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,016 Billy! 329 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,559 What? 330 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,770 - Here's your change. - Thank you. 331 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:36,199 ♪ I'm on my way to Italy ♪ 332 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,769 ♪ From the Gulf of Mexico... ♪ 333 00:13:38,770 --> 00:13:39,902 You can go now. 334 00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,860 Thank you. 335 00:13:45,060 --> 00:13:46,241 Howdy, neighbor. 336 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,827 Pastor Jeff, how nice to see you. 337 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,245 Am I interrupting anything? 338 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,650 No, no, come on in. 339 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:56,293 So, what brings you by? 340 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,939 Well, I've been thinking, uh, 341 00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:00,580 we really miss you over at the church 342 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:03,384 and maybe you might consider coming back. 343 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:04,640 Well... 344 00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:08,670 that's awful kind of you, but I've joined a new church. 345 00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,760 Oh! The Methodists got you, didn't they? 346 00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:13,769 Oh, no. Reverend Travis Lemon. 347 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:16,269 Oh, not the fella with the hair. 348 00:14:16,270 --> 00:14:19,040 Mary, he's a snake oil salesman, 349 00:14:19,070 --> 00:14:21,985 taking people's money and promising 'em all kinds of riches. 350 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,490 Well... 351 00:14:25,050 --> 00:14:29,360 Then how do you explain this check I got from the IRS? 352 00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:31,328 $800. 353 00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:32,839 I sent Reverend Travis $50 354 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,540 and that came the very next day. 355 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,840 Oh, come on. 356 00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:39,795 It had to be in the mail before you sent your money in. 357 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,130 Did it? 358 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,259 Of course. 359 00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:44,220 I'm as patriotic as the next guy, 360 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,269 but our postal service flat-out sucks. 361 00:14:47,270 --> 00:14:48,554 Excuse my French. 362 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,130 Well, we disagree. 363 00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:54,440 Reverend Travis says that the Lord wants me to be prosperous 364 00:14:54,470 --> 00:14:55,812 and I believe him. 365 00:14:55,820 --> 00:14:58,120 This is nothing but a coincidence. 366 00:14:58,140 --> 00:14:59,565 You overpaid your taxes, 367 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:02,734 you got a refund, Jesus has nothing to do with it. 368 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,320 You sound like Sheldon. 369 00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:08,574 I believe I know my way out. 370 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:09,900 Mm. 371 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,649 ♪ Like me care for you? ♪ 372 00:15:13,650 --> 00:15:15,539 - ♪ Ah ♪ - ♪ Why do I bother... ♪ 373 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,040 Help me move this, will you? 374 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:19,418 - What are you doing? - Making a dance floor. 375 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,490 - I'm a very good dancer. - Really? 376 00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,469 My mom says so. Watch. 377 00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:25,549 ♪ I saw the sign ♪ 378 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,199 ♪ And it opened up my eyes... ♪ 379 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,729 I'll get it. 380 00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:31,013 ♪ Life is demanding... ♪ 381 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,015 - Sparks' residence. - Hey, sweetie. 382 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,559 - Oh. Hey, Mom. - You okay there all by yourself? 383 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,730 I'm not by myself, Missy's here. 384 00:15:38,650 --> 00:15:40,100 W-wait, she's not here. 385 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,523 Put her on. 386 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:42,649 Okay. 387 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,600 ♪ But where do you belong? ♪ 388 00:15:45,490 --> 00:15:46,987 Hey, Mrs. Sparks. 389 00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:48,197 What are y'all up to? 390 00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,364 Just hanging out. 391 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,370 Cut the crap. 392 00:15:50,380 --> 00:15:51,742 You throwing a party, ain't you? 393 00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:53,577 What? No. 394 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,500 Relax, I'm all for it. 395 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,290 I want my son to have a life. 396 00:15:57,850 --> 00:15:59,625 Wait, he's invited, right? 397 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,585 'Course. We're just making a dance floor. 398 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,712 Oh, God, Missy, do not let him dance. 399 00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,829 ♪ Bring me joy? ♪ 400 00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:07,739 ♪ Under the pale moon. ♪ 401 00:16:07,740 --> 00:16:10,720 Lord, I know everyone thinks I'm being foolish 402 00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:12,420 giving money to Reverend Travis, 403 00:16:12,450 --> 00:16:15,350 but why wouldn't you want us to be prosperous? 404 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,680 You love us, it makes sense. 405 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:21,349 And I got that IRS check, which feels like a sign. 406 00:16:21,350 --> 00:16:24,089 And I think I know a sign when I see one. 407 00:16:24,090 --> 00:16:26,236 Ugh. Oh! 408 00:16:28,190 --> 00:16:29,321 Oh! 409 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,739 Ew! 410 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:31,907 What's going on? 411 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,910 A bird did its business in my eye. 412 00:16:34,450 --> 00:16:36,078 Better than your mouth, right? 413 00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,580 You think you're funny?! 414 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:39,332 Yeah. 415 00:16:40,090 --> 00:16:41,416 We may have a problem. 416 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:42,584 Oh, what's wrong? 417 00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:45,003 The program's running really slow. We're losing money. 418 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,340 Well, what's happening? It was fine this morning. 419 00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,470 I don't know if this is related, 420 00:16:49,490 --> 00:16:51,135 but I did add a new subroutine. 421 00:16:51,770 --> 00:16:52,886 To do what? 422 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,100 To resolve the inconsistencies 423 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,390 between general relativity and quantum mechanics. 424 00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,724 Why would you do that? 425 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:58,959 Because our algorithm's so smart 426 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,936 and it's the biggest unanswered question in the universe. 427 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,312 But it's messing with the computer. 428 00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,522 We're losing money. 429 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,607 What about my car? What about girls? 430 00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:08,020 Rest assured, you solve general relativity, 431 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,240 the girls will be lined up around the block to kiss you. 432 00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:17,169 Someone's having a party and we weren't invited. 433 00:17:25,450 --> 00:17:27,330 Gosh darn it. 434 00:17:31,690 --> 00:17:33,310 Stupid car. 435 00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:35,840 Oh! 436 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,420 - Make it stop. - I'm trying, it doesn't want to. 437 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,353 I think it finds the question too interesting. 438 00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,989 Ooh, but it's messing with the computer. 439 00:17:44,990 --> 00:17:47,400 - We're losing everything. - I don't know what else to do. 440 00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:56,800 You could have just unplugged it. 441 00:17:56,820 --> 00:17:58,760 Or at least opened the window. 442 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:00,900 I showered for nothing. 443 00:18:08,510 --> 00:18:10,140 You know, honey, nothing much you can do 444 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:11,965 about a broken toe. 445 00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,967 Unless you think Reverend Travis can fix it. 446 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,636 Maybe I'll stick it up your butt. 447 00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,650 Mary Cooper. Language. 448 00:18:18,210 --> 00:18:19,739 I'm going to bed. 449 00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:22,520 Ah! 450 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:28,600 I'm in. 451 00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:31,130 My bottom is scorched, don't look at it. 452 00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:41,370 And as we're passing the collection plate, 453 00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:43,409 let's give a warm welcome to the Coopers 454 00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:45,415 who are back in the fold. 455 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:48,418 Our donation room is looking a little empty after the tornado. 456 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,469 So please bring in your canned goods, 457 00:18:50,470 --> 00:18:51,679 your used clothing... 458 00:18:54,180 --> 00:18:55,679 Is that beer? 459 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:56,802 Oh, my... 460 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,349 Anyway, welcome back Coopers. 461 00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:03,049 Please turn to page 37 in your hymnals. 462 00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:06,900 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.MY-SUBS.com --