1 00:00:02,830 --> 00:00:04,020 Previously on Young Sheldon... You got a roommate? 2 00:00:04,220 --> 00:00:05,180 No, it's a single. 3 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:06,320 I have a chaperone. 4 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:07,790 Why do you need a chaperone? 5 00:00:07,990 --> 00:00:10,220 Maybe they think I'm, like, some kind of troublemaker. 6 00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:12,930 As the owner of the face you punched, they're right. 7 00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:14,230 Do you play D&D? 8 00:00:14,430 --> 00:00:16,430 No. I actually just sit in my dorm room 9 00:00:16,630 --> 00:00:18,300 and study because I have no friends. 10 00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:19,700 That's a bummer. Yeah. 11 00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:21,300 I think I'm gonna go. 12 00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:23,690 Bye. 13 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:25,640 You should go after her. 14 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:29,090 Why? She's a bummer. You just said so. 15 00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:33,650 ADULT SHELDON: Many cultures throughout the world 16 00:00:33,850 --> 00:00:35,450 relied on percussion to send messages 17 00:00:35,650 --> 00:00:37,450 across long distances. 18 00:00:37,650 --> 00:00:40,390 For example, the West African dundun 19 00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:42,190 was used to imitate human speech... 20 00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:44,020 (loud music playing) 21 00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:46,460 ...while I used my fist, the wall of my dorm, 22 00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:48,860 and Morse code to send a message. 23 00:00:49,060 --> 00:00:51,630 (four knocks) 24 00:00:51,830 --> 00:00:54,980 That's just the letter "H." What does that mean? 25 00:00:56,450 --> 00:00:57,600 Yeah? 26 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:58,970 I'm here to talk to you about your music 27 00:00:59,170 --> 00:01:00,870 and your abysmal Morse code skills. 28 00:01:01,070 --> 00:01:02,010 What? 29 00:01:02,210 --> 00:01:03,340 Four dots is just the letter "H." 30 00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:04,910 Was your message "Huh"? 31 00:01:05,110 --> 00:01:06,100 What? 32 00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:09,500 Paige? 33 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:11,820 Sheldon? 34 00:01:12,020 --> 00:01:13,620 You know him? 35 00:01:13,820 --> 00:01:14,990 Yeah, no, we go way back. 36 00:01:15,190 --> 00:01:16,320 What are you doing here? 37 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,720 Would you believe me if I told you I was working on 38 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,230 a femtosecond laser in the engineering department? 39 00:01:21,430 --> 00:01:23,030 Yes. Then that. 40 00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:25,700 You know she's not old enough to drink beer. 41 00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:27,530 I'm not old enough to drink beer. 42 00:01:27,730 --> 00:01:29,170 Yeah, one second. 43 00:01:29,370 --> 00:01:31,500 Come here. 44 00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:33,140 Did I convince you that drinking is wrong? 45 00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:34,240 Good for me. 46 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:35,370 Just leave me alone. 47 00:01:35,570 --> 00:01:37,110 But what are you doing here? 48 00:01:37,310 --> 00:01:38,680 I'm trying to have fun, 49 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,980 and I don't want them to know how old I am. Why? 50 00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:43,520 Because I want them to think that I'm cool. 51 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,650 But you're smart. What's cooler than that? 52 00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:47,320 Just go away. 53 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,290 Hey, we're fixing to play some beer-pong. You in? 54 00:01:50,490 --> 00:01:51,720 You should know, she is not... 55 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:53,690 Not had dinner. I have not had dinner yet, so 56 00:01:53,890 --> 00:01:55,130 we are going to go get some food. 57 00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:56,400 We are? 58 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:57,830 Do you have cash? Of course. 59 00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,270 I always have an emergency 20, 60 00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:00,800 plus four quarters for the telephone. 61 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,600 21 bucks? Okay, you're buying. 62 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,200 We're going the wrong way. 63 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,360 Okay, well, I'm drunk. You lead. 64 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,840 * Nobody else is stronger than I am * 65 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,650 * Yesterday I moved a mountain * 66 00:02:12,850 --> 00:02:14,980 * I bet I could be your hero * 67 00:02:15,180 --> 00:02:18,080 * I am a mighty little man * 68 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:21,900 * I am a mighty little man. * 69 00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:26,290 DINOSAUR (on TV): Here, take a look at this. 70 00:02:26,490 --> 00:02:28,490 Does this look like tuna to you? 71 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,060 (laughs) 72 00:02:30,260 --> 00:02:31,830 What am I watching? 73 00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:33,770 It's called Dinosaurs. 74 00:02:33,970 --> 00:02:37,240 It's like The Flintstones, only with dinosaurs. Come on. 75 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:38,570 Well, that's dumb. 76 00:02:38,770 --> 00:02:40,970 Well, they talk, he's got a job. It's fun. 77 00:02:41,170 --> 00:02:44,110 Wasn't The Flintstones just The Honeymooners? 78 00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:46,810 Huh, I never even thought about that. 79 00:02:47,010 --> 00:02:49,050 Well, see, you just kind of ruined it for me. 80 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:50,250 Good. 81 00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:51,720 Hey. 82 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,850 Please tell me you brought some movies home. 83 00:02:54,050 --> 00:02:56,790 Tootsie. Ooh, thank you. 84 00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:57,860 Really? We're supposed to believe 85 00:02:58,060 --> 00:02:59,460 Dustin Hoffman is a woman? 86 00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:01,980 But we believe talking dinosaurs? 87 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,660 Okay, I'll leave you to it. 88 00:03:04,860 --> 00:03:06,400 Little late to start a movie. 89 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,600 It's 8:00. 90 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,070 We're saying the same thing. 91 00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:10,340 So, you want to go home? 92 00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:12,940 Well, I don't know. I stayed here last night. 93 00:03:13,140 --> 00:03:14,270 So? 94 00:03:14,470 --> 00:03:15,770 So, two nights in a row. 95 00:03:15,970 --> 00:03:18,010 At what point are we living together? 96 00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:19,550 Fine. Go home. 97 00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:22,880 Oh, I'm okay with staying. You're the independent one. 98 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,780 If you want to stay, stay. If you want to go, go. 99 00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:29,560 Fine. I'll stay if you're gonna beg. 100 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,490 And this isn't what I wanted. 101 00:03:31,690 --> 00:03:33,230 Are you still inebriated, or can we have 102 00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:34,960 an intelligent conversation? 103 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,130 Both. 104 00:03:37,330 --> 00:03:39,930 You do realize that alcohol kills brain cells. 105 00:03:40,130 --> 00:03:42,200 Ah, but it also makes life tolerable. 106 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:43,640 What do you mean? 107 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,100 Well, talking to you is usually annoying. 108 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,540 So you're what's called a mean drunk. Noted. 109 00:03:47,740 --> 00:03:48,910 I'm messing with you. 110 00:03:49,110 --> 00:03:50,710 It's just, sometimes life sucks, 111 00:03:50,910 --> 00:03:52,650 and it's easier not to deal with it. 112 00:03:52,850 --> 00:03:54,780 Could you be more specific? 113 00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:59,150 Um... well, I have no friends, 114 00:03:59,350 --> 00:04:02,090 I don't fit in anywhere, and I dropped out of college 115 00:04:02,290 --> 00:04:03,660 but I'm too young to get a job, 116 00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:07,640 so killing brain cells makes it easier. 117 00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:09,700 Huh. 118 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:13,650 Go ahead, smart guy, fix me. 119 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,730 Mm. 120 00:04:15,930 --> 00:04:17,300 Well, give me a minute. (stammers) 121 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:22,070 * Sweet Tootsie roll... * 122 00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:26,010 Well, how do they not see that's Dustin Hoffman? 123 00:04:26,210 --> 00:04:27,410 I buy it. 124 00:04:27,610 --> 00:04:29,620 So if I put on a wig and lipstick, 125 00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:30,920 you'd think I was a chick? 126 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,350 (chuckles) Only one way to find out. 127 00:04:33,550 --> 00:04:35,690 Nice try. 128 00:04:35,890 --> 00:04:38,370 You do have some pretty nice legs, though. 129 00:04:40,810 --> 00:04:43,260 Well, if you want, we could pause the movie, 130 00:04:43,460 --> 00:04:46,130 and I'll let you touch 'em. 131 00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:48,270 Lucky me. 132 00:04:48,470 --> 00:04:51,300 So I'm assuming you haven't taken the DARE pledge. 133 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,610 The what? 134 00:04:52,810 --> 00:04:54,010 DARE. It's an acronym. 135 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,170 It stands for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. 136 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,280 It's not too late. You can take it now. 137 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,550 I promise not to do drugs, to avoid violence, 138 00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:04,350 to be responsible, and to make responsible choices. 139 00:05:04,550 --> 00:05:06,120 Now you say it. 140 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:07,490 No. 141 00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:08,850 I dare you. 142 00:05:09,050 --> 00:05:10,190 Clever, right? 143 00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:11,720 Because I still have all my brain cells. 144 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,110 Sheldon, just eat your pizza. 145 00:05:16,710 --> 00:05:19,260 Hey. You guys going to a party? 146 00:05:19,470 --> 00:05:20,600 Uh, Gamma Kappa house. 147 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,170 Cool. 148 00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:24,500 Mm, you know, Officer McDaniel was in charge 149 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,140 of our DARE program. 150 00:05:26,340 --> 00:05:28,770 One time, he even brought in his drug-sniffing dog Alfie. 151 00:05:28,970 --> 00:05:30,680 Which I didn't care for, but it was nice to see 152 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,460 a dog gainfully employed and off the streets. 153 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,550 MEEMAW: Really? You're gonna leave your socks on? 154 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:37,880 DALE: My feet get cold. 155 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,150 MEEMAW: Take 'em off. DALE: What do you care? 156 00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:42,150 MEEMAW: It feels like a lack of commitment. 157 00:05:42,350 --> 00:05:44,590 DALE: Aw, fine. 158 00:05:44,790 --> 00:05:46,960 MEEMAW: When was the last time you cut your toenails? 159 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,290 DALE: I don't know. 160 00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:49,830 MEEMAW: Seriously, you look like something 161 00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:51,530 that could swoop down and pick up a squirrel. 162 00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:53,500 (knock on door) 163 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:55,800 Look who's here. Come on in. 164 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,500 Thanks. 165 00:05:57,700 --> 00:05:58,800 Everything okay? 166 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,710 Mind if I hang out here with y'all? 167 00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:01,970 Come on, mama. (pats couch) 168 00:06:02,170 --> 00:06:04,040 Need a break from Connie? 169 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:09,150 I'm just trying to give her and Dale some privacy. 170 00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:11,120 Gross. Oh. 171 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:12,800 What? 172 00:06:13,570 --> 00:06:16,250 Oh, nasty. 173 00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:17,260 Wait, sex, right? 174 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,260 Yeah. 175 00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:19,860 Missy's at a sleepover 176 00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,530 if you want to use her room. 177 00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:23,160 I might take you up on that. 178 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,010 You'll be safe here. They never do anything. 179 00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:30,600 (rock music playing, lively chatter) 180 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,340 What are we doing here? 181 00:06:32,540 --> 00:06:34,210 It's a party, Sheldon. 182 00:06:34,410 --> 00:06:36,680 But we weren't invited. I didn't bring a gift. 183 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,940 Then go home. 184 00:06:39,140 --> 00:06:41,110 Wait, this is dangerous. 185 00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:43,550 ADULT SHELDON: There I stood, the classic hero 186 00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:45,380 outside the dragon's cave. 187 00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:48,550 Should I risk life and limb to save the maiden? 188 00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:50,520 My every instinct said no. 189 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,830 But I drank a lot of root beer and really had to go pee-pee. 190 00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:55,210 * Let's go! * 191 00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:05,320 (rock music playing, lively chatter) 192 00:07:07,090 --> 00:07:09,410 Hell does exist. 193 00:07:09,610 --> 00:07:13,560 Excuse me. Where's the nearest restroom? 194 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:16,950 Hey, look, Pee-wee Herman's at our party! 195 00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:20,820 ALL (chanting): Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 196 00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:22,350 Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 197 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:23,890 The hell continues. 198 00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:25,290 Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 199 00:07:25,490 --> 00:07:27,740 (toilet flushes) 200 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,700 Oh, thank goodness. 201 00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:33,500 Come on! 202 00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:36,490 Hey, there's a line. 203 00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:42,530 Oh, boy. New hell. 204 00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:46,180 (Dale cries out) MEEMAW: What?! 205 00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:48,510 What?! Charley horse. Charley horse. 206 00:07:48,710 --> 00:07:50,320 What-what do I do? I don't know. (stammers) 207 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,650 Here, rub it, rub it, rub it. 208 00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:54,550 That's kind of how this whole thing got started. (snickers) 209 00:07:54,750 --> 00:07:56,250 That's not funny. Mm-hmm. 210 00:07:56,450 --> 00:07:58,140 You'll laugh later. 211 00:07:58,940 --> 00:08:00,430 DALE: Rub harder. Harder. 212 00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:01,590 MEEMAW: I'm rubbing as hard as I can. 213 00:08:01,790 --> 00:08:03,400 DALE: Well, use your elbow. 214 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:04,660 MEEMAW: All right. (Dale groaning) 215 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,130 I don't need my toothbrush. 216 00:08:06,330 --> 00:08:07,500 MEEMAW: You like that? 217 00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:10,000 DALE: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. 218 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,670 ADULT SHELDON: This night of depravity had reduced me 219 00:08:12,870 --> 00:08:15,170 to urinating on a tree like a forest animal. 220 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:16,580 How much worse could it get? 221 00:08:16,780 --> 00:08:18,410 PAUL: Hey, Pee-wee's back! 222 00:08:18,610 --> 00:08:21,850 ALL (chanting): Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 223 00:08:22,050 --> 00:08:23,530 Pee-wee! 224 00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:25,520 Excuse me. 225 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:26,790 I'm looking for my friend. 226 00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:29,290 Blonde girl, about a meter and a half. 227 00:08:29,490 --> 00:08:31,660 (rock music and lively chatter continue) 228 00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:35,690 * Suck the poison out... * 229 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:38,160 Excuse me. I'm looking for... 230 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,970 Missy? Sheldon? 231 00:08:40,170 --> 00:08:41,270 What are you doing here? 232 00:08:41,470 --> 00:08:42,370 What are you doing here? 233 00:08:42,570 --> 00:08:43,700 Do Mom and Dad know you're here? 234 00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:45,300 Do Mom and Dad know you're here? 235 00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:46,640 Okay, stop. You go first. 236 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,610 Heather's sister goes to school here. 237 00:08:48,810 --> 00:08:51,180 She invited us. Now you. 238 00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:52,910 I'm looking after Paige. 239 00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:54,850 Where is she? 240 00:08:55,050 --> 00:08:58,100 Well, I didn't say I was doing a great job. 241 00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:01,120 Where's your toothbrush? 242 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:02,620 I don't want to talk about it. 243 00:09:02,820 --> 00:09:04,460 (phone ringing) 244 00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:07,630 Who the hell calls at this hour? 245 00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:09,260 Hello. 246 00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:10,730 Oh, hi. 247 00:09:10,930 --> 00:09:12,360 Everything okay? Who is it? 248 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,630 Heather's mom. Oh. Is everything okay? 249 00:09:14,830 --> 00:09:17,500 You just heard me ask. Wh-What's up? 250 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:20,760 No, Heather's not here. They're at your house. 251 00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:23,810 Huh. What? 252 00:09:24,010 --> 00:09:26,340 Heather told her mom she was staying here. 253 00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:28,630 (chuckles) Classic. 254 00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:32,650 Paige is drunk? 255 00:09:32,850 --> 00:09:34,590 And high on what Officer McDaniel's called 256 00:09:34,790 --> 00:09:36,990 Mary Jane, reefer and ganja. 257 00:09:37,190 --> 00:09:38,390 Is she okay? No. 258 00:09:38,590 --> 00:09:39,760 She said her life is terrible. 259 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,830 What? Her life is terrible. 260 00:09:43,030 --> 00:09:43,830 What? 261 00:09:44,030 --> 00:09:45,510 (rock music continues loudly) 262 00:09:47,650 --> 00:09:50,120 (music stops) 263 00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:53,020 Her life is terrible. 264 00:09:54,290 --> 00:09:56,520 (crowd murmuring) 265 00:09:58,190 --> 00:09:59,780 (muttering) 266 00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:02,380 How's your sex cramp, old man? 267 00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:04,380 Athletes get cramps all the time. 268 00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:07,520 It comes from dehydration, overexertion. 269 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:08,990 I'll give you the dehydration, 270 00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:11,790 but I didn't see any overexertion, though. 271 00:10:11,990 --> 00:10:13,190 Why, Connie? 272 00:10:13,390 --> 00:10:14,930 'Cause it's fun. 273 00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:16,530 Well, just give me a minute, I'll be ready. 274 00:10:16,730 --> 00:10:18,060 Why don't we just call it a night 275 00:10:18,260 --> 00:10:19,230 and get some sleep? 276 00:10:19,430 --> 00:10:22,600 That's fine by me, but just to be clear, 277 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,940 you're calling it, not me. Yep. 278 00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,140 I'm good to go. I'm sure you are. 279 00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:29,070 Yep. 280 00:10:29,270 --> 00:10:31,930 Damn tootin'. (groans) 281 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,350 I don't know if it's any help, but when I was her age 282 00:10:35,550 --> 00:10:37,550 and pulled this, it was just to go to a party. 283 00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:38,980 (scoffs) Oh, great. 284 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,750 So she's at a party, who knows where. 285 00:10:40,950 --> 00:10:41,890 GEORGE SR.: You know what? 286 00:10:42,090 --> 00:10:43,920 I'm gonna go find her. How? 287 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,690 I don't know. I'm just-- I'm gonna drive around 288 00:10:45,890 --> 00:10:47,960 till I hear some carousing. I'll go with you. 289 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,360 Will you both just stop for a minute? 290 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,920 There's nothing to do but wait. 291 00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:56,080 Fine. 292 00:10:58,590 --> 00:11:00,110 Nope. Georgie, let's go. 293 00:11:00,310 --> 00:11:01,570 Let's check out that creek in the woods 294 00:11:01,770 --> 00:11:02,640 where they found the headless body. 295 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:03,980 GEORGE SR.: Will you shut up. 296 00:11:04,180 --> 00:11:06,040 (sighs) Now what do we do? 297 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,450 We can't just leave. Paige is still in there. 298 00:11:08,650 --> 00:11:10,050 Maybe we should call Mom. 299 00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:12,450 I do have four quarters for that exact reason. 300 00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:14,240 Paige? 301 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,620 Wait! 302 00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:18,320 What are you doing? 303 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:22,330 Well, this is Bradley, and we're going to another party. 304 00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:24,060 Another party? It's 9:30. 305 00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:26,580 Bradley, do you know how old she is? 306 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,330 She said she was 18. 307 00:11:29,530 --> 00:11:30,800 Lower. 308 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,340 Sixteen? 309 00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:33,610 Lower. 310 00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:35,690 Okay, I got to go. 311 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:40,100 Thanks a lot. 312 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,380 Come on. 313 00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:45,170 We're running again? 314 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,140 We just ran. 315 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,430 I'll tell you what. 316 00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,330 My daughter's never gonna put me through this. 317 00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:02,370 Oh, really? How you figure? 318 00:12:02,570 --> 00:12:05,340 I'm gonna run a tight ship. Set some rules, some boundaries. 319 00:12:05,540 --> 00:12:07,040 If she breaks them, then she faces the... 320 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,140 Oh, what do you call it? Repercussions. 321 00:12:10,340 --> 00:12:12,040 (snickers) 322 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,830 Why you smiling? 323 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,650 I just can't wait till you're a dad. 324 00:12:16,850 --> 00:12:18,600 Thank you. 325 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,090 "Repercussions." 326 00:12:21,290 --> 00:12:22,790 It's a word. Look it up. 327 00:12:22,990 --> 00:12:24,360 (sighs) 328 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:25,690 MISSY: Hurry! 329 00:12:25,890 --> 00:12:27,530 This is as fast as I can go in sensible shoes. 330 00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:28,590 (Paige retching) 331 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:29,960 (groans) 332 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,030 You okay? No. 333 00:12:32,230 --> 00:12:33,500 Oh, dear. What? 334 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,630 I'm going to have the mother of all blisters. 335 00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:36,800 (sighs) 336 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,700 I'm worried about you. Thank you. 337 00:12:39,910 --> 00:12:40,740 Well, don't be. 338 00:12:40,940 --> 00:12:42,640 I'm having fun. You're drunk 339 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,610 and you were about to get in the car with some stranger. 340 00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:47,610 So? He was cute. What's wrong with you? 341 00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:49,880 You're smarter than Sheldon. Why don't you act like it? 342 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,880 Um... I am. 343 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,350 If that was true, then how come my pizza's still in my stomach 344 00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:55,690 and yours is in the fountain? 345 00:12:55,890 --> 00:12:57,320 (groans) 346 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,390 What good is being smart if you're all alone? 347 00:12:59,590 --> 00:13:02,160 Let's go to Sheldon's so I can get you cleaned up. 348 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,160 (groans softly) Thanks. 349 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,100 Just so you know, you're not alone. 350 00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:07,470 You've got me. 351 00:13:07,670 --> 00:13:09,200 I thought we were trying to make her feel better. 352 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,770 (music playing quietly over radio) 353 00:13:10,970 --> 00:13:12,910 I'll tell you another idea I have for keeping my kid in line. 354 00:13:13,110 --> 00:13:14,910 Oh, can't wait. I seen this show where they put 355 00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:16,910 these electric trackers on these dolphins. 356 00:13:17,110 --> 00:13:19,580 And with satellites, they can tell exactly where they are. 357 00:13:19,780 --> 00:13:20,980 Dolphins? 358 00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:22,280 Go on. 359 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:23,450 I'm gonna stick one of them things in my kid 360 00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:24,780 so I always know where she is. 361 00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:26,520 So you're gonna keep track of your daughter 362 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:27,850 like she's an animal. 363 00:13:28,050 --> 00:13:29,540 Damn straight. 364 00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,580 Actually a really good idea. 365 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:38,260 Missy's a good kid. I'm sure she's okay. 366 00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:39,870 (sighs) 367 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,270 I was a good kid. 368 00:13:41,470 --> 00:13:44,040 Didn't stop me from getting into trouble. 369 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,270 (chuckles) Me, too. 370 00:13:45,470 --> 00:13:47,420 One time, I was at this party and... 371 00:13:48,290 --> 00:13:49,810 Actually, never mind. 372 00:13:50,010 --> 00:13:52,260 The important thing is we survived. 373 00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:54,080 Yes, we did. 374 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:55,750 (inhales deeply) 375 00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:58,180 You just want your children to have an easier time of it. 376 00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,850 Easier. 377 00:14:00,050 --> 00:14:03,310 My baby's gonna have a broke single mom and a teenage dad. 378 00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:05,690 Mm-hmm. 379 00:14:05,890 --> 00:14:07,530 Let me get you some more tea. 380 00:14:07,730 --> 00:14:09,260 Okay. 381 00:14:09,460 --> 00:14:11,530 You know what else is nice? Hmm? 382 00:14:11,730 --> 00:14:14,170 I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes. 383 00:14:14,370 --> 00:14:15,570 I'm starting to think 384 00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:17,400 letting you live this long was one of 'em. 385 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,570 Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. 386 00:14:20,770 --> 00:14:21,910 (scoffs) 387 00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:24,060 Thanks, big guy. 388 00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:26,380 (crickets chirping) 389 00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:28,180 You awake? 390 00:14:28,380 --> 00:14:30,430 Mm-hmm. 391 00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,320 I've been thinking. 392 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,990 We don't have to spend every night together. 393 00:14:38,190 --> 00:14:39,660 Wow. 394 00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:42,460 You're preaching to the choir there, Connie. 395 00:14:42,660 --> 00:14:44,230 I've been lying awake here for an hour, 396 00:14:44,430 --> 00:14:46,360 wishing I were back home in my own bed. 397 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:47,600 Really? 398 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,470 Everything's the way I like it there. 399 00:14:49,670 --> 00:14:51,100 Got a TV in the bedroom 400 00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:53,470 and leave the seat up on the toilet. 401 00:14:53,670 --> 00:14:56,410 And thermostat's not set to storing meat. 402 00:14:56,610 --> 00:14:58,410 I did turn the toilet paper around 403 00:14:58,610 --> 00:15:00,850 so it comes over the top like you like it. 404 00:15:01,050 --> 00:15:02,010 Like the world likes it. 405 00:15:02,210 --> 00:15:04,350 Don't start on this again. (chuckles) 406 00:15:04,550 --> 00:15:06,250 Hee-hee. (chuckling) 407 00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:07,950 So, we got a plan? 408 00:15:08,150 --> 00:15:09,220 We got a plan. 409 00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:10,910 Mm. 410 00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:13,230 (sighs) 411 00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:14,490 (grunts) 412 00:15:14,690 --> 00:15:16,960 So I'll spend tomorrow night at my place. 413 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,100 Yep. 414 00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,020 (sighs): Oh, thank God. 415 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:23,770 Where you going? 416 00:15:23,970 --> 00:15:26,840 Think I might have to crank up the AC. 417 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:28,640 DALE: 'Cause I said "thank God"? 418 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,760 MEEMAW: No fooling you. 419 00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:34,910 (quietly): Okay, she's asleep. 420 00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:37,380 I put a trash can by the bed in case she gets sick. 421 00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:39,150 Where am I supposed to sleep? 422 00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:40,420 On the floor. 423 00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:41,720 Why can't she sleep on the floor? 424 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,020 She doesn't even know where she is. 425 00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:44,560 I don't have time for this. 426 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:45,890 I have to find Heather before I lose my ride home. 427 00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:47,690 Fine. But first, 428 00:15:47,890 --> 00:15:48,960 we have to get our story straight 429 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,360 about where I was tonight. 430 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,060 There's only one story, and it's straight: 431 00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:53,070 you were here. 432 00:15:53,270 --> 00:15:55,400 No, I wasn't. 433 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,670 I was at Heather's, and you didn't see me. 434 00:15:57,870 --> 00:15:59,500 Got it? First I have to sleep on the floor 435 00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:00,940 and now I have to lie for you? 436 00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:02,310 How 'bout this? 437 00:16:02,510 --> 00:16:04,340 Work with me, and I will officially owe you one. 438 00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:05,540 One what? 439 00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:07,280 I don't know. One anything. 440 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,880 "Anything" is awfully vague. 441 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,820 What say we draw up a contract or... Sheldon, you went 442 00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:12,950 to a frat party; now there's a drunk girl in your bed. 443 00:16:13,150 --> 00:16:15,190 That's the coolest college story you'll ever get to tell. 444 00:16:15,390 --> 00:16:16,290 So I can tell Mom. 445 00:16:16,490 --> 00:16:18,220 No. Someday. 446 00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:19,720 When? 447 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,830 Someday when we're old and we can laugh about it. 448 00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:23,230 I got to go. 449 00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:24,630 (sighs) 450 00:16:24,830 --> 00:16:26,100 ADULT SHELDON: 30 years later, 451 00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:28,070 still not laughing. 452 00:16:28,270 --> 00:16:30,450 (crickets chirping) 453 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:33,670 What are you doing out here? 454 00:16:33,870 --> 00:16:35,370 It's the middle of the night. 455 00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:38,810 I can't sleep not knowing where she is. 456 00:16:39,010 --> 00:16:40,560 Yeah. 457 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,280 (grunting) 458 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,470 (sighing) 459 00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:48,220 So we're on the same page, when she does show up, 460 00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:49,720 I'm gonna kill her. 461 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,120 You're gonna have to beat me to it. 462 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:53,860 Not saying I love her the most, 463 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:55,840 but if anything happened to Missy... 464 00:16:56,610 --> 00:16:59,200 She is your little girl. 465 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,700 Not so little anymore. 466 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:01,500 Hmm. 467 00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,800 And I hate it. 468 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,370 Well, pretty soon, you're gonna have a granddaughter. 469 00:17:07,570 --> 00:17:09,010 Start all over again. 470 00:17:09,210 --> 00:17:10,790 (chuckles) (snorts) 471 00:17:12,190 --> 00:17:14,000 You know, I had an idea. 472 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,350 I'm gonna put a tracker on her, like they do with dolphins. 473 00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:19,680 You're making that up. No, it's true. 474 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,720 Yeah, wherever she goes-- 475 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,920 Timbuktu, doesn't matter-- 476 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:24,960 we're there. 477 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,610 (snorts) 478 00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:30,610 (both sigh) 479 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,240 (door opens) 480 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,170 MISSY: I'm home! (door closes) 481 00:17:40,370 --> 00:17:42,240 (footsteps approaching) 482 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:43,380 Hey. 483 00:17:43,580 --> 00:17:44,880 Hey to you. 484 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:46,380 How was Heather's? 485 00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:47,550 Uh, fun. 486 00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:48,550 Pizza, movies-- 487 00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:50,220 the usual. 488 00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:51,780 You look tired. 489 00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:54,090 I didn't sleep too well. 490 00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,150 Oh. Sorry. 491 00:17:56,350 --> 00:17:58,570 Well, I'm gonna go to my room. 492 00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:00,930 What happened to killing her? 493 00:18:01,130 --> 00:18:03,030 I'll get to it. (door closes) 494 00:18:03,230 --> 00:18:05,480 Just so relieved she's okay. 495 00:18:06,980 --> 00:18:08,300 (slurps, smacks lips) 496 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,600 Okay, I'm good. Missy! 497 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,590 Wait for me! 498 00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:21,650 Captioning sponsored by CBS 499 00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:24,420 WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 500 00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,980 and TOYOTA. 501 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:30,140 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org