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Previously on Young Sheldon...
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I saw Connie
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for the first time since
I broke up with her,
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and it's making me wonder if she also
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is feeling lonely, and I made
a bad decision for both of us.
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I hate to be the one
to tell you this, John,
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but she's kind of been
seeing someone new.
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She seems to be doing okay.
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Oh, I hope he gets lost
at sea and never returns!
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I'm having a lot of feelings.
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- Hey.
- Connie.
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I thought I'd just, uh... say "hi."
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Would it be awkward if
I asked her to join us?
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Oh, couldn't be any more awkward.
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In many ways,
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a high school is like an
academic house of horrors.
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There's the cafeteria,
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which when even freshly cleaned,
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maintains a subtle aroma
of tater tots and throw-up.
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The schoolyard, where one is exposed
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to bullying by delinquents
and attacks from above
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by eye-pecking demons.
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But all of these pale in comparison
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to the most horrific location of all.
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A place teeming with
the sweat and secretions
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from hundreds of unwashed bodies.
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The swimming pool.
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Sorry, Sheldon. Water
safety is a required
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part of your P.E. class.
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But other kids use that pool.
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It's basically a big
bowl of teenager soup.
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It's out of my hands.
It's a state requirement.
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If you don't like it, take
it up with your congressman.
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I did.
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He won't return my calls.
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Then I guess you're swimming tomorrow.
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Except for the laughter,
the glowing eyes
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and the lightning, that's
exactly how it happened.
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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I'm a little nervous.
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You're the first ex-girlfriend
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I've ever been friends with.
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And you're also my first ex-girlfriend.
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And that's because you...
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How about you just think
of me as your friend?
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Okay. Yes, that's good.
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So, I understand
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you're seeing someone new.
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Tell me everything.
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No!
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I assumed that, uh, as friends,
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we could tell each other
about our personal lives.
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Trust me, John, you-you don't
want to hear about these things.
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Actually, I do.
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Your happiness is very important to me.
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Oh, what the hell.
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His name is Dale.
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He owns a sporting goods store.
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And we've only been out a few times,
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but so far, so good.
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Well, that sounds wonderful.
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Good for you.
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Thank you.
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Now, would you like to hear
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about the women I'm dating?
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You're dating other women?
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Heavens, no.
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Come on, Jesus. This is for
your birthday. Help me out.
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Boy, Sheldon is really worked up
about this whole swimming thing.
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Don't you think he should
learn for his own safety?
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You really think he's ever
gonna go near a body of water?
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Yeah. It's only a matter of time
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before someone throws him in one.
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Well, break it to him gently.
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Wait... Me?
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Swimming's a sport, and
you're a sports person.
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And he's a mama's boy,
and you're his mama.
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How about we do it together?
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Fine, but you can't hang me out to dry.
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Of course not.
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We're a team. We're in
this together, right?
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You bet.
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She's gonna hang me out to dry.
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Observation is an important part
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of the scientific method.
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Darwin observed the finches,
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Jane Goodall observed the chimpanzees,
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and for some reason,
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Dr. Sturgis wanted to observe
my meemaw's new suitor.
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Couple days, so...
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Excuse me just for one second.
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Howdy. Can I help you?
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No, no, just browsing.
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Yeah, well,
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any particular sport
you might need that for?
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Depends. What the heck is it?
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It's a cup.
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A cup?
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What kind of a cup has holes in it?
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Well, it protects your private parts.
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Oh.
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Well, I can see how
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that might be useful.
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Well, this has been very informative.
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Thank you.
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You're welcome.
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You just, uh...
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If you have any more
questions, you let me know.
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I certainly will.
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All right.
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Georgie, I want you
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to keep an eye on that
weirdo over there.
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I know
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that weirdo. He used to date my meemaw.
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That guy?
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Yeah, he's, like, super smart.
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I'm not sure I believe you.
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Hey, Dr. Sturgis.
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Hello!
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Wait. Uh-oh.
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Hello.
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I may have made a
questionable, uh, decision
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regarding our friendship.
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What have you done, John?
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I went to the sporting goods store
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to check out your new fella.
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Did you speak to him?
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Oh, yes. In fact, he sold
me an athletic supporter
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to protect my genitals.
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Good.
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You may want to be wearing
that next time I see you.
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Okay.
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Shelly,
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can you turn the TV off for a second?
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But after this commercial break,
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Professor Proton is
going to use a candle
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to suck a hard-boiled
egg into a milk bottle.
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We'll make it quick.
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Go ahead.
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Your father has something to tell you.
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- Your mother wants you to swim.
- George!
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Mom!
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Who's ready to suck eggs?
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That was the lamest
tantrum I've ever seen.
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I'm being forced to
swim tomorrow in P.E.
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Poor baby. You have to play in a pool
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instead of sit in a classroom.
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A pool of sweat, germs
and dead skin cells.
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Still better than learning.
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Maybe it's time for me
to run away from home
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and join a traveling math club.
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Just pretend to be sick.
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But that would be lying. I'm not a liar.
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Well, you better be a swimmer.
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Or a drowner.
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Ugh!
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Why don't you like me?
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You're full of bacteria.
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So are you, but you don't hear
me saying, "Ugh." It's rude.
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Look, I may just be pool water,
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but I still have feelings.
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Sorry, water.
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Come on.
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My pH level is 7.4,
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and with three parts
per million of chlorine,
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I'm cleaner than your daddy's plate
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after Thanksgiving dinner.
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Wow. That's pretty clean.
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Look how clear I am, Sheldon.
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You can see all the way to the bottom.
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Closer.
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A little closer.
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A little closer.
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Gotcha!
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Pool monster!
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I don't feel well.
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What's wrong, baby?
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I don't know. I just feel awful.
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Well, there is something going around.
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Billy Sparks got some kind of bug.
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That is consistent
with what I said. Good.
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You're staying home today.
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I'll go make you some tea.
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Welcome to the dark side.
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Mom says you're sick.
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He's faking.
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Really?
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Why? You love school.
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Swim test.
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Oh, sure. You would die.
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If you're gonna do this,
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let me give you some pointers.
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You've done this before?
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Tell him.
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Oh, he's the master.
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He coached me through my last two...
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sore throats.
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I slept on the couch during those.
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I know.
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First of all,
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you got to cough even
when Mom's not in the room.
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Got it.
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And don't put the
thermometer in the tea.
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114 fever is a giveaway.
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- Smart.
- Told you.
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Oh, don't be afraid to let
her look in your throat.
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She's checking to see if it's red,
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but it's always red.
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You are good.
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Here, try spitting up a little phlegm.
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We got work to do.
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I'm sure he'll feel better tomorrow.
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And you can send any
homework that he needs to do
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with his brother.
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Thank you.
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Doesn't this all seem
a little convenient?
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You think he's faking it?
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Today's the swim test.
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00:09:53,090 --> 00:09:55,669
It's pretty suspicious.
220
00:09:55,670 --> 00:09:58,559
Sheldon just coughed up
something gross in a tissue.
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See?
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00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:01,760
And that's why he's staying home.
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00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:04,360
Mary, come on.
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00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,569
No, I am not changing
my mind. My little boy
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00:10:06,570 --> 00:10:08,270
is not a liar.
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00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,200
Connie Tucker?
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00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:15,770
- Yeah.
- Here you go.
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00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:18,169
- Well, thank you.
- You're welcome.
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00:10:18,170 --> 00:10:19,640
Hmm.
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00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:26,069
"I overstepped
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the bounds of friendship.
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00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,219
Sorry.
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00:10:29,220 --> 00:10:32,120
John."
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00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:33,289
Hello?
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00:10:33,290 --> 00:10:35,129
So, why in the hell
would your ex-boyfriend
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00:10:35,130 --> 00:10:37,330
send me a giant cookie?
237
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,320
_
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00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:44,550
My little boy is not a liar.
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00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,570
My little boy is not a liar.
240
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,770
You don't have a temperature.
241
00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:53,440
That's good. You want
to get comfy on the couch
242
00:10:53,450 --> 00:10:55,480
and watch your Star Trek tapes?
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00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,819
No, thank you.
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00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:01,860
I know what'll make you feel better.
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00:11:02,890 --> 00:11:05,929
♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪
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00:11:05,930 --> 00:11:08,169
♪ Little ball of fur ♪
247
00:11:08,170 --> 00:11:10,459
♪ Happy kitty ♪
248
00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:11,829
♪ Sleepy kitty ♪
249
00:11:11,830 --> 00:11:14,869
♪ Purr, purr, purr ♪
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00:11:14,870 --> 00:11:17,750
♪ Soft liar, warm liar ♪
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♪ Little ball of fib ♪
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00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:23,909
♪ Happy liar, sleepy liar ♪
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00:11:23,910 --> 00:11:27,080
♪ Fib, fib, fib. ♪
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00:11:29,010 --> 00:11:30,349
Feel better?
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00:11:30,350 --> 00:11:31,820
Uh-uh.
256
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:37,019
Really?
257
00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:38,659
Cooper's out sick?
258
00:11:38,660 --> 00:11:39,989
What a baby.
259
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,799
Really? Cooper's out sick?
260
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,299
Oh, baby!
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00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:45,999
Hallelujah!
262
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,769
Happy birthday to me.
263
00:11:48,770 --> 00:11:51,539
Shelly, I'm gonna run
264
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to the grocery store real quick
so I can make you some soup.
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Okay.
266
00:11:56,860 --> 00:11:59,699
I had lied to my mother
and gotten away with it.
267
00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:02,260
The guilt was more than I could take.
268
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,149
I had to make this right.
269
00:12:06,150 --> 00:12:09,489
I could confess and
break my mother's heart,
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00:12:09,490 --> 00:12:12,759
or I could turn my lie into the truth
271
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,560
and actually get myself sick.
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00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,329
Hi, Sheldon.
273
00:12:17,330 --> 00:12:19,769
Hello, Billy. I hear
you're not feeling well.
274
00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:21,549
I'm not. I have a cold.
275
00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:23,499
That's too bad.
276
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,170
Put her there.
277
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:28,170
Why?
278
00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:29,770
Just shake my hand, Billy.
279
00:12:29,780 --> 00:12:32,129
But my mom says that's
how germs get spread.
280
00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:33,330
- I know.
- You do?
281
00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:35,110
When did you talk to my mom?
282
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,280
Just, eh...
283
00:12:38,820 --> 00:12:40,889
Ugh!
284
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,490
Wait, want to play?
285
00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:45,180
Aw.
286
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,739
Ooh, is that for your patient?
287
00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:56,740
Yes.
288
00:12:56,741 --> 00:12:58,439
He's still under the weather.
289
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,370
Oh, that's too bad.
290
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,309
Running a fever?
291
00:13:02,310 --> 00:13:03,779
No.
292
00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:05,140
Sniffly nose?
293
00:13:05,150 --> 00:13:07,029
No.
294
00:13:07,030 --> 00:13:08,299
But he couldn't even
295
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:10,580
bring himself to watch
his Star Trek show.
296
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,739
Oh, dear. I better go call an ambulance.
297
00:13:12,740 --> 00:13:13,969
You're not funny.
298
00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:15,710
And he ain't sick.
299
00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:21,299
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
300
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,160
Mm.
301
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,669
Now, don't fill up on those.
302
00:13:25,670 --> 00:13:28,259
We still got two giant
cookies to finish.
303
00:13:28,260 --> 00:13:30,660
I'm sorry about all
that stuff with John.
304
00:13:30,670 --> 00:13:32,939
I... He means well, but sometimes
305
00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:35,840
he can just be, uh... a little quirky.
306
00:13:35,850 --> 00:13:37,679
Yeah, I kind of figured
that; yeah, I watched him
307
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,989
play ping-pong with his own crotch.
308
00:13:39,990 --> 00:13:43,480
I don't know what that
is, but I'm sure he did it.
309
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,349
Well, I mean, how'd you meet this guy?
310
00:13:45,350 --> 00:13:47,419
What, did you try to
steal his pot of gold
311
00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:48,759
at the end of the rainbow?
312
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:52,200
Okay, okay, he's a very sweet man.
313
00:13:52,210 --> 00:13:53,770
Well, I bet he is.
314
00:13:55,490 --> 00:13:57,260
If you must know,
315
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,699
he's Sheldon's college professor.
316
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:02,069
Smart, short and weird...
317
00:14:02,070 --> 00:14:03,339
well, that's the whole package
318
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,069
- right there.
- Hey, okay,
319
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:06,370
that's enough.
320
00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:09,929
Well, I got to ask.
321
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:12,369
Do you feel like you're dating
322
00:14:12,370 --> 00:14:14,850
a supermodel right now?
323
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:22,360
You didn't touch your soup, baby.
324
00:14:23,390 --> 00:14:24,980
I'm not hungry.
325
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,690
You aren't feelin' any better?
326
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:31,099
Well, it'll be in the fridge
327
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,770
if you change your mind.
328
00:14:39,610 --> 00:14:41,160
Young man.
329
00:14:41,170 --> 00:14:42,880
Yes, you.
330
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:45,549
Pretending to be sick.
331
00:14:45,550 --> 00:14:47,799
You should be ashamed of yourself!
332
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,879
But I was afraid to go in the pool.
333
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,089
You are in a pool.
334
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,030
A pool of your own deceit.
335
00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:55,379
If my mother were alive,
336
00:14:55,380 --> 00:14:58,189
I'd never lie to her.
337
00:14:58,190 --> 00:15:01,559
And I'd always eat her soup.
338
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,629
My grandson's trying to steal home,
339
00:15:03,630 --> 00:15:06,239
and he trips and he
falls and lands face-first
340
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,319
on the plate, lost a
tooth, we won the game.
341
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,380
Get this.
342
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,239
He finds the tooth two days later...
343
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:17,079
when he goes to the bathroom.
344
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,830
That's it?
345
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,149
You don't understand.
346
00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:26,189
He found the tooth...
347
00:15:26,190 --> 00:15:27,650
I got it.
348
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,289
What's going on? You okay?
349
00:15:29,290 --> 00:15:30,689
Actually, no.
350
00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:33,470
I don't like the way you've
been talkin' about John.
351
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,929
I was kidding around.
352
00:15:35,930 --> 00:15:37,312
Well, it bothered me.
353
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,099
Wait a minute, hold
it, hold, hold, hold.
354
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:42,859
Your weirdo ex comes sneaking
around, checking me out,
355
00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:44,736
and all of a sudden,
I'm the bad guy here?
356
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,470
You don't get to call him a weirdo.
357
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,100
You don't think he's a weirdo?
358
00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:49,179
Of course he's a weirdo.
359
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:50,740
You just can't say it.
360
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,780
Oh, I didn't think it
was that big a deal.
361
00:15:53,790 --> 00:15:55,749
Well, it is. He and I
362
00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:57,979
are friends, and if you
don't stop makin' fun of him,
363
00:15:57,980 --> 00:16:00,269
you and I are gonna have a problem.
364
00:16:00,270 --> 00:16:03,340
Are you saying that I'm being naughty,
365
00:16:03,350 --> 00:16:06,559
and you're threatening to punish me?
366
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,760
'Cause I might like that.
367
00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:11,969
Uh-huh.
368
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:14,640
See, you're tryin' to be
mad at me and you can't.
369
00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:18,350
Now you are getting punished.
370
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:19,479
Check, please!
371
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:23,590
Mom.
372
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,060
Oh, baby.
373
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:26,580
What are you doing out of bed?
374
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,380
I don't need to be in bed.
375
00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:31,130
I'm not sick.
376
00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:32,189
What?
377
00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:34,050
I lied to you
378
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,450
so that I wouldn't have
to take the swim test.
379
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:37,579
You lied?
380
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,729
I feel terrible about it.
381
00:16:39,730 --> 00:16:42,499
Well, you should feel terrible.
382
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:43,999
I trusted you.
383
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,249
I'm sorry. It's just
that I was so afraid
384
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:47,789
to get in that pool, so I let Georgie
385
00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:49,089
and Missy teach me how to fake it.
386
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,590
They said it was easy, but it's wasn't.
387
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:51,939
It really wasn't.
388
00:16:51,940 --> 00:16:54,039
Georgie and Missy taught
you how to do this?
389
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,409
I cannot tell a lie... they sure did!
390
00:16:56,410 --> 00:16:59,810
Okay, calm down.
391
00:16:59,820 --> 00:17:02,560
Now, you listen to me,
you shouldn't have lied.
392
00:17:02,570 --> 00:17:05,249
It's always wrong.
393
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:08,789
But you made up for it
by telling me the truth.
394
00:17:08,790 --> 00:17:10,359
So, you forgive me?
395
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:11,859
I do, but...
396
00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:13,590
I need you to do me a favor.
397
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,940
As far as your father is
concerned, you were sick.
398
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,329
Isn't that lying?
399
00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:20,069
Honestly?
400
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:21,249
No.
401
00:17:26,090 --> 00:17:28,379
The following day, I returned to school.
402
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,280
I had no choice but to fulfill
403
00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:31,919
my swimming requirement.
404
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,239
Much like Batman,
405
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,880
I suited up and faced my fears.
406
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,159
Unlike Batman, I did
it with a doggy-paddle
407
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,299
across the shallow end of the pool.
408
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,439
Uh, regarding pool sanitation,
409
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,869
it turned out I was right.
410
00:17:44,870 --> 00:17:46,700
It was teeming with germs.
411
00:17:46,710 --> 00:17:48,399
Only I was the one
412
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,549
who put them there.
413
00:17:49,550 --> 00:17:50,560
As it happens,
414
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,139
my interaction with Billy Sparks
415
00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:53,339
did get me sick.
416
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:56,849
I, in turn, created a small epidemic
417
00:17:56,850 --> 00:18:00,290
taking down 128 students,
418
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:01,809
four teachers...
419
00:18:01,810 --> 00:18:03,479
and one principal.
420
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:04,889
It didn't stop there.
421
00:18:04,890 --> 00:18:07,209
I also infected my mother,
422
00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:08,479
father,
423
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:09,609
sister, brother,
424
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:10,739
Meemaw...
425
00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:12,809
and Meemaw's friend Dale.
426
00:18:12,810 --> 00:18:15,559
The newly established
boundaries of friendship
427
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,520
helped keep Dr. Sturgis healthy.
428
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,799
However, in an unrelated incident,
429
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,469
he crashed his bike
into some garbage cans.
430
00:18:22,470 --> 00:18:26,040
Luckily, he landed on his
recently acquired athletic cup.
431
00:18:27,290 --> 00:18:29,239
That was a wise purchase.
432
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,340
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