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With us tonight is Pastor Jeff Difford
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from the First Baptist
Church of Medford.
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Thank you for being here, Pastor.
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- My pleasure.
- So it would appear
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that your church's
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Halloween Hell House has stirred up
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quite a bit of controversy this year.
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Oh, I wouldn't call it
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controversy.
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What would you call it?
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A-As you know,
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the purpose of a Hell House
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is to demonstrate the wages of sin,
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so as to lead people back to God.
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That's wonderful.
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But doesn't it concern you that a lot
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of parents were alarmed
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at the gruesome scenes you portrayed?
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Once again, our intentions were pure.
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Why don't we take a look
at just how pure they were.
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Let's roll the clip.
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Oh, boy.
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I need another beer.
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Oh, darling, don't you
think you've had enough?
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I'll tell you when I had enough!
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Whoa! Hey, cowboy,
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why don't you put that
down and call it a night.
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Don't you tell me what to do.
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That's enough, Peg.
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Dear Lord.
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As you can see, our last
attempt at a Hell House
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may have been a tad... traumatizing.
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I thought it was a hoot.
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Some of the little
ones peed their pants.
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But that wasn't the goal.
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A nine-year-old crapped himself.
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Why are you showing me this?
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Well, Mary, this year, we'd like to go
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with a more family-friendly production.
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And I thought you'd be the
perfect person to head that up.
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Really? Me?
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Yes, you. Absolutely.
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Gosh, I don't know.
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I always felt I had a
flair for the creative arts,
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but putting on a big show like that...
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You'll have a sizable budget
and all the help you'll need
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constructing sets, building props,
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special effects, makeup.
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Does sound tempting.
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But, most importantly,
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you'll have an opportunity
to bring people to God
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by vividly demonstrating
the perils of sin.
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Be careful if you touch on adultery.
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Last year, one of the
actors got pregnant.
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Thanks, Peg.
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So, what do you say?
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I already know the first
change I'm gonna make.
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Instead of calling it "Hell House,"
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which is a little off-putting,
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I'm gonna call it...
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"Heck House."
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Isn't that great?
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That is great.
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You don't really mean that.
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Yes, I do.
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Oh, I get it.
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Happy wife, happy life.
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You need to stop talking.
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So it's not gonna be scary?
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It will, but without
all the blood and gore.
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But I like blood and gore.
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Hang on, y'all are
trying to scare people
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into joining the church?
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Yeah. But people like
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getting scared on Halloween anyway.
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Why not make 'em jump
in the right direction?
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Actually, fear has
been a recruiting tactic
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used by organized religion
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for centuries.
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When you add guilt to
keep people in line,
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it's an extremely efficient
form of crowd control.
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Our religion is based on
love, Sheldon, not fear.
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So what happens when people
don't follow the rules?
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They burn in hell.
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Because God loves 'em.
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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Sheldon.
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Oh. Hi, Georgie.
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Why was Veronica Duncan hugging you?
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I'm tutoring her in trigonometry.
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And that gets you hugs?
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Thanks to me, she got her first C-minus.
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Just between us, she's a little slow.
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That's not what I heard.
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What did you hear?
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Is she secretly clever?
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Because if she is, I
completely missed it.
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It doesn't matter.
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You just need to introduce me to her.
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Why?
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I want to be her friend.
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Well, you better take a number.
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She's friends with a
lot of boys around here.
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Let me worry about that. You
just need to introduce us.
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All right.
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You know, she pays me
two dollars for every one
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of our tutoring lessons.
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How much did it cost
her to get a C-minus?
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$26.
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That's a good deal.
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Now, remember, next
week, we start our work
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on Streetcar Named Desire.
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So please prepare a monologue
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for either Blanche or Stanley.
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Usually, the girls do Blanche
and the boys do Stanley,
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but no judgment...
You follow your heart.
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Thank you again
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for letting me come
by to pick your brain.
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Oh, please. Anything for the church.
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Are you a religious man?
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I'm an actor.
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I'm whatever you need me to be.
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All right.
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As I told you on the phone,
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I have been tasked
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with mounting this year's
Halloween production.
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Oh, is that a haunted
house kind of deal?
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Yes, but with the goal
of bringing people to God.
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I do know something about that.
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When I played Puck in Midsummer,
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the Tulsa Herald called
my performance heavenly.
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Wow! Good for you.
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Thank you, thank you.
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Okay. Um, I was hoping
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to put on a little play
in each of the rooms
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that portrays one of
the seven deadly sins.
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Pride, envy, gluttony,
lust, sloth, wrath and greed!
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Wow, you know your sins!
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Well, again, I'm an actor.
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They are the tools in my box.
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Um, have you considered
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a narrator, you know, um,
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like, a tour guide kind of thing?
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Oh, that's interesting.
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But who would that be?
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Well, I'd have to think
the big man himself.
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- God?
- Satan.
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Oh! That's spooky.
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And he's trying to
lure people toward sin.
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Exactly.
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That's a pretty big role.
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I wonder who could do it.
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Huh.
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Well, it would have to be someone
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with enough range to
convey sincerity and charm,
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all the while, hiding
a dark and corrupt soul!
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Good golly.
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If you were just a little
taller, you'd be perfect.
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I have lifts.
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What are we doing here?
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Waiting for Veronica.
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How do you know she's in there?
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It's kind of her homeroom.
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Oh, hello again.
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Oh.
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Hey. What's up?
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This is my brother Georgie.
He wanted to meet you.
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- Really?
- Really.
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I like your hair.
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Uh, me, too.
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What do you think?
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Pretty great, huh?
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Realtor's letting us use it for free.
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Wow. How'd you swing that?
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Well, I promised
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Fred Murphy a lead role
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in the lust room.
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Ooh.
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Look at you, just wheeling and dealing
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like a big-time Hollywood producer.
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Maybe you're in the wrong business.
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Being a mother?
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- Being a Christian.
- Ah.
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Greetings!
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Oh, good! Mr. Lundy, you made it.
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Oh, we're gonna be working
together. You can call me Gene.
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- All right, Gene, this is my mother, Connie.
- Hi.
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Hello.
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Now, I would've bet
she was your big sister.
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I thought you said he was a good actor.
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Oh, now.
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So, what do you think?
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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
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- Spiderwebs.
- What?
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We're gonna need some
spiderwebs and I think
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maybe some fire effects on the left
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and right side of the portal.
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Portal?
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Portal to hell.
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Sure, sure.
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Now, the script calls for me to appear
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from beneath the house
in a cloud of smoke.
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But I think that's gonna be ambitious.
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Script? What script?
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Oh, I wrote a script.
Don't worry about it.
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I was gonna write the script.
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Well, now you don't have to.
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Do you believe this?
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Believe it, love it,
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glad I didn't wait in the car.
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I can't believe this.
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No good?
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It's awful.
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It makes sin seem like a good thing.
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Well, that's the problem, isn't it?
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I mean, if sin didn't
seem like a good thing,
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nobody would do it.
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George, please, I'm in no mood.
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Hey. Wrath.
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That's one of the seven sins, right?
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Pastor Jeff gave me this project
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because he knew I'd be best at it.
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Now Gene... Lundy is taking over.
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Oh, look, pride. And envy.
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Don't stop. Four sins to go.
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I'm guessing lust
ain't happening tonight.
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You see a large red button.
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What do you do?
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I press it.
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The floor opens up and you
plunge into a 60-foot pit.
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I fly out.
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Up, up, and away!
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Again, you're not Superman in this game;
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you're Superman for Halloween.
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Which isn't till next week.
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So I'm in a pit.
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You're in a pit.
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Then I blast my way out
with my super breath!
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Just let him do it.
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Dinner's ready.
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- Five more minutes.
- Hey, Georgie.
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I saw you talking to Veronica Duncan.
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Yeah. So?
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How well do you know her?
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Not as well as I'm gonna.
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I introduced them.
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He math skills are dreadful.
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Did you know Superman has a dog?
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His name is Krypto.
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He plays fetch in space.
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Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.
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It's supposed to be wrath.
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Oh.
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Give him a little kick
now that's he's down.
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Give him a little kick.
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00:10:01,020 --> 00:10:03,180
That's right, that's good.
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Yes. Yeah.
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No, go for it.
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Yes.
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Kind of stomp down on
him, stomp down on him.
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Yes. That's the way. Good.
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Now, Fred, remember,
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you are the personification of lust.
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Your sole reason for
being is to try to satisfy
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this unquenchable thirst
for physical pleasure.
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Great. Will there be
kissing and touching?
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- Oh, you bet.
- Mm. Mm.
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Now what?
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Pretend kissing. Pretend touching.
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Oh.
271
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:53,030
Fred, would you just give me a moment?
272
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,530
Mary, I-I've tried to be patient,
273
00:10:56,540 --> 00:10:58,060
but if I'm gonna do this,
274
00:10:58,070 --> 00:11:00,370
put my reputation on the line,
275
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:03,070
I'm gonna need you to
back off just a little bit.
276
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,100
Do I need to remind you that
the purpose of Heck House
277
00:11:06,110 --> 00:11:08,410
is to show how sins destroy our lives?
278
00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:09,610
Yeah, so?
279
00:11:09,620 --> 00:11:12,280
You are making them into a good thing.
280
00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:14,290
Have you read the script?
281
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:16,750
He's gonna get syphilis.
282
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,380
He goes home, he gives it to his wife.
283
00:11:18,390 --> 00:11:19,750
She goes crazy.
284
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,120
She kills him and her entire family.
285
00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:23,620
What am I missing?
286
00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:25,160
Sorry I'm late.
287
00:11:25,170 --> 00:11:26,760
I couldn't find my keys,
288
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,620
and then my car wouldn't start.
289
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:30,060
Then I got lost.
290
00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:31,500
Holy smokes.
291
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:34,100
Hi. Are you my make out partner?
292
00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:38,350
No. No. No one's making out.
293
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,250
This all stops right now.
294
00:11:40,260 --> 00:11:41,960
You have got to calm down.
295
00:11:41,970 --> 00:11:44,480
I will not have innocent
children walk through this house
296
00:11:44,490 --> 00:11:46,650
on Halloween and see a half-naked woman.
297
00:11:46,660 --> 00:11:49,260
A half-naked woman
chock-full of syphilis.
298
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:53,120
- What?
- It's pretend syphilis.
299
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:56,920
Mary, I am a trained
theater professional.
300
00:11:56,930 --> 00:12:02,160
Why don't you just let me
do what I do, while you,
301
00:12:02,170 --> 00:12:06,560
you know, go home and
make a nice tuna casserole.
302
00:12:06,610 --> 00:12:08,330
Hmm?
303
00:12:08,340 --> 00:12:09,690
All right, Fred...
304
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:11,460
I know what you're thinking:
305
00:12:11,470 --> 00:12:13,380
she's going to tear his throat out.
306
00:12:13,390 --> 00:12:15,640
But what in fact happened is she did
307
00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:17,350
what she thought Jesus would do.
308
00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:20,110
She went home and made
that tuna casserole.
309
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,420
It was a little salty
310
00:12:21,430 --> 00:12:23,690
but I ate it because she was in a mood.
311
00:12:24,180 --> 00:12:26,310
Trick or treat!
312
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,770
Greetings. Pleased to meet you.
313
00:12:44,780 --> 00:12:48,630
I go by many names: Satan, Lucifer,
314
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,910
Mephistopheles, Beelzebub.
315
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,670
Of course, when I make
a dinner reservation,
316
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:56,240
I-I go by "Eric."
317
00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:58,250
It's easier to spell.
318
00:12:58,260 --> 00:13:00,020
Before we begin
319
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,680
tonight's descent into Heck,
320
00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:05,590
I'd like to tell you
a little about myself.
321
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,580
'Cause it's all about you, isn't it?
322
00:13:08,650 --> 00:13:11,380
I was God's chosen angel.
323
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,580
I was his favorite.
324
00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:15,750
We used to go camping together.
325
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,460
But then, because I wanted
to have a little bit of fun,
326
00:13:19,470 --> 00:13:22,150
I was cast from heaven.
327
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,850
Tonight, you will bear
witness to that fun.
328
00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:30,230
You will decide whether it is sinful...
329
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,200
or just another Saturday night.
330
00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:36,600
Come with me... if you dare.
331
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:40,740
Just watch your step right over here,
332
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:42,740
'cause there's some electrical wires.
333
00:13:44,660 --> 00:13:46,470
Trick or treat.
334
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,220
Oh, look how cute y'all are.
335
00:13:49,230 --> 00:13:52,440
Now, I know you are Superman.
336
00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:53,830
What about the rest of you?
337
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,500
- I'm Cyndi Lauper.
- I'm a wizard.
338
00:13:56,510 --> 00:13:57,640
Uh-huh.
339
00:13:57,650 --> 00:13:59,440
And I'm Carl Sagan.
340
00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:01,280
Who?
341
00:14:01,290 --> 00:14:02,840
Carl Sagan.
342
00:14:02,850 --> 00:14:04,850
He's the host of Cosmos.
343
00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:07,480
Well, isn't that something.
344
00:14:07,490 --> 00:14:09,450
Now, y'all be safe and have a fun night.
345
00:14:09,460 --> 00:14:10,720
I'm Super...
346
00:14:17,130 --> 00:14:18,530
You like Guns N' Roses?
347
00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:19,870
They're all right.
348
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,010
Yeah, they're all right.
349
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,870
You as smart as your brother?
350
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,840
Nobody is.
351
00:14:32,850 --> 00:14:35,210
I got an older sister
that's kind of a genius.
352
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:36,710
Oh, yeah?
353
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,010
Why didn't she tutor you?
354
00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:39,780
She's in jail.
355
00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:42,520
What'd she do?
356
00:14:42,530 --> 00:14:44,150
She sold a piñata full of weed
357
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,690
to an undercover cop.
358
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:48,230
Doesn't sound like much of a genius.
359
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,630
Oh, I don't know, she
graduated high school.
360
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,430
Ooh, peanut butter cups!
361
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,230
Superman loves peanut butter cups!
362
00:14:58,180 --> 00:15:00,930
So you see, the sin of greed.
363
00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:04,100
Very wealthy man, a beautiful house,
364
00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:06,610
swimming pool, several German cars,
365
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:09,940
and a young wife who worshipped him.
366
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,610
Excuse me, Mr. Satan.
367
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:14,110
What?
368
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,330
You kind of left out
369
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:16,980
how greed is the root of all evil,
370
00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:18,450
and how it corrupts the soul.
371
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,620
It's in there. It's called subtext.
372
00:15:20,630 --> 00:15:23,970
Why don't we take a gander
at the eternal torment
373
00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:25,330
that is sloth.
374
00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:27,690
Eh!
375
00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:29,930
I can't believe no
one in this town knows
376
00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:31,470
who Carl Sagan is.
377
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,200
Why even have a TV?
378
00:15:33,210 --> 00:15:36,400
Stupid Mrs. Gifford gave me a banana.
379
00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:38,340
Where's Billy?
380
00:15:38,350 --> 00:15:39,770
He had to go to the bathroom.
381
00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:41,640
- So he went home?
- No.
382
00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:43,610
He's right behind that tree.
383
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:45,660
Wait up, guys.
384
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:48,420
Oh, I got a little on my cape.
385
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:50,040
Ew.
386
00:15:57,430 --> 00:16:00,060
There's nobody at my house.
You want to come over?
387
00:16:00,070 --> 00:16:01,160
Yes.
388
00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:02,840
Okay, let's go.
389
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:13,610
Look at this.
390
00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:16,880
We threw a party for
heaven and nobody came.
391
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:20,180
Not one person chose to be saved.
392
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:22,170
Well, did you tell
'em about the cupcakes?
393
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:23,200
Where I think you went wrong
394
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:24,690
is in your timing.
395
00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:28,020
If you'd done this deal
during a war or a plague,
396
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:30,020
then you'd have a boatload of converts.
397
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,840
Famine. Famine would bring 'em in.
398
00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:33,600
What do you know about famine?
399
00:16:35,090 --> 00:16:36,650
Hola, amigos.
400
00:16:37,570 --> 00:16:38,880
Hey, Pastor Jeff.
401
00:16:38,890 --> 00:16:41,350
Why so glum? This is going great.
402
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,650
Donations are through the roof.
403
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,320
Nobody wants to be saved.
404
00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:50,260
Yeah, but donations
are through the roof.
405
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,730
Is that all this means
to you, raising money?
406
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:55,430
Hey, that money is
gonna do a lot of good
407
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:56,730
for a lot of people.
408
00:16:56,740 --> 00:16:58,540
Now, quit being such a fun sponge.
409
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,900
Here, have some grapes.
410
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:08,640
What's that?
411
00:17:08,650 --> 00:17:10,370
Some stupid haunted house
412
00:17:10,390 --> 00:17:12,320
my mother's doing for the church.
413
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:14,320
Let's check it out.
414
00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:16,950
But I-I thought we were
going to your house.
415
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,360
We are, let's just do this first.
416
00:17:19,470 --> 00:17:20,870
It'll be fun.
417
00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:28,540
Pleased to meet you.
418
00:17:28,550 --> 00:17:31,600
I go by many names: Satan...
419
00:17:31,610 --> 00:17:34,140
My mother's fears that
no one would be saved
420
00:17:34,150 --> 00:17:36,490
that Halloween night
were proven incorrect.
421
00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:39,350
As they kissed, she
thought about the choices
422
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,240
that led her to this moment.
423
00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:44,610
Mr. Lundy's scene about
lust made a deep impact
424
00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:47,450
- on my brother's date.
- Her youth was gone.
425
00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:49,480
She had traded her beauty for a few
426
00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:54,270
tawdry dollars, and now she
had nothing left but shame...
427
00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:58,200
...and venereal disease.
428
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,620
She asked to be saved by Jesus.
429
00:18:06,630 --> 00:18:09,130
I don't want to live like this anymore.
430
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:12,630
Oh, just repeat after me...
431
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,490
And as it turns out, she was.
432
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:17,180
She went on to live a
life devoted to God,
433
00:18:17,190 --> 00:18:19,720
feeding the poor, even
helping her sister
434
00:18:19,730 --> 00:18:22,560
start a literacy program
for female prisoners.
435
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,880
My brother, on the other
hand, became a devout atheist
436
00:18:26,890 --> 00:18:28,860
after that night.
437
00:18:28,870 --> 00:18:30,280
We got one!
438
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,700
Trick or treat.
439
00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:35,650
Aren't y'all precious.
440
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:39,010
And you look like a little Carl Sagan.
441
00:18:39,020 --> 00:18:44,530
Vindication, the sweetest candy of all.
442
00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:53,510
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