- Holy shit, dude, holy shit!
Woman: I first heard about goldie's goodness
Through another mom.
She said she had an amazing opportunity for me.
But amazing opportunities
Aren't supposed to put you 35k in debt,
Or strip away your self-worth,
One spray bottle at a time.
- Holy hell, this shit is a goldmine.
Look at them all!
- It was then that I realized I had lost everything.
- God, look at rebecca, she's practically drooling.
- You have no idea what kind of kegel strength
It's taking not to piss my pants with joy right now.
- Dude, me too!
- Foster, you're smiling. - Well, you're fuckin' smiling.
- They're sharing pain, pull it back.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(clears throat) I mean, don't get me wrong,
What happened to them was terrible,
- Mm-hmm. - Like, that 100% sucks
That they were exploited, taken advantage of.
- 100%. - So sad,
It was very, very sad.
But dare I say, the book might actually be better for it?
- Are we a couple erin brockoviches here?
- "big mistake. Huge."
- That's "pretty woman." - no, I don't think it is.
Goldie: Kate foster, your office, now!
(laughs) this?!
Big mistake. Huge.
♪♪♪
- Oh, it is "pretty woman."
Now, I hear it.
I see you brought your security team.
They look like lots of fun.
She get you guys gift baskets, too?
- Aren't you cute. They're my lawyers,
And the best ones, at that. Go ahead, fellas.
(paper rustles)
- What's this, your memoir? - Nice one.
- It's actually a cease and desist.
- Oh please, what exactly do you want us
To cease and desist? - Well, let me think about it.
How about rounding up a group of women
Who are still under my company's employ,
And pressing them for privileged, and false,
Information for you to spread and profit from.
That's what I'd like you to cease and desist.
And judging by this little shindig here,
I'd say our timing couldn't be more perfect.
- You think we're afraid of a little paperwork?
We always knew this was a possibility, right, sloane?
- Absolutely.
Wynston publishing has an entire legal team
Dedicated to this sort of thing.
- And get this, their lawyers speak.
Seriously, you guys ever talk?
Cool, that's not totally creepy.
Listen, last time I checked,
It's not illegal to tell the truth.
I'm sure even ginnie here could agree with me on that.
- Well, I guess--
- Please do not talk to my daughter.
- Oh, she not allowed to talk, either?
- Listen, I need you to put a stop to this little
Horseshit book that you are so intent on publishing.
- Yeah, we're not gonna do that.
- This book is 100% happening. - 100% happening.
- Well, let me put it this way.
If you proceed with this book, I'm going to make it
My personal mission to sue not only the two of you,
But every single woman in there
Who has been spewing lies about me,
Until they have nothing left.
Understood?
Yeah, I thought that might shut you up.
So why don't we just save ourselves a lot of time,
And put an end to all of this?
♪♪♪
Say hi to the ladies for me.
♪♪♪
(door latch clicks) - oh my god,
It feels so good to be home, I could cry!
- Yeah.
- What's wrong?
Aren't you excited to wake up in your new house?
(door shuts) - yeah. Sure.
- Okay, seriously, what's up?
You've been giving me the cold shoulder since the trial.
- What's up?!
Anne, you were kicked out of the courtroom.
The courtroom! - Oh my god,
That's what you're upset about?
- Of course that's what I'm upset about!
I mean, you weren't even there to hear the verdict!
- Well, I'm sorry, but I thought the whole thing
Was kind of a joke. - Not to me!
I mean, do you have any idea how freaked out I've been?
I could've gone to jail.
- But you didn't. - But I could have.
- But you didn't! - That's not the point!
I was in a room full of people that hated me,
And the moment I needed you there, you abandoned me!
- I didn't abandon you, I got kicked out of the courtroom
Because I was pissed off on your behalf!
- That's bullshit! - Excuse me?!
- You got kicked out because you make everything about you.
All you had to do was just sit there,
And be supportive, and you couldn't even do that.
- Okay, I think you're being a little too sensitive
On this one. - I love when you explain
My emotions to me. Please tell me how I feel.
- Lionel, that is not what I'm saying.
- Then what are you saying?
- That you're blowing things way out of proportion
And acting like a little bitch!
(sighs) I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that. It's just my rage talking,
It's something I'm working through in anger management.
- Which you're not even going to anymore.
- Well, I'm a quick study, and I got the gist of it,
Plus I had a pretty big breakthrough.
- A breakthrough.
Uh...
Look, I'm really tired,
And I just wanna go make myself
An outrageously unhealthy sandwich,
And enjoy my first meal as a free man.
- Again, you never went to prison!
- (sighs) could've fooled me!
What? There's no fridge! Where's the fridge?!
Cool, it's the fridge.
(bottles rattle)
This is pretty cool, actually.
- So, I mean, do you believe her?
- That she'll go to any imaginable length
To make sure those women suffer if we publish the book?
Absolutely. - (sighs) yeah, me too.
Just making sure I wasn't misinterpreting
Anything back there. - Unfortunately not.
- So what's the right move here?
I mean, we could shut down the book,
Those women are protected, great.
But if we don't put the book out there,
Then countless other women will fall prey to goldie,
And god knows what other pyramid scheme.
- It's a tough decision. - Aah...
Have I mentioned I hate tough decisions?
I couldn't even decide whether to put my hair
Up or down today, went with this sort of half-up situation.
Do you-do you like it? Don't answer that.
- I think we both know the right thing to do.
- Put my hair down?
Oh, yeah, we can't publish the book.
- No. - Right.
(streetcar rumbles)
♪♪♪
(phones ring in the distance)
- Jesus! - Oh! Sorry.
You're probably wondering why a person you barely know
Is casually hanging out in your office.
- And using my nail file.
- Oh my god, sorry. (laughs)
I am too much!
I just, I saw it sitting there, and my brain's been like,
On autopilot these days.
- Okay.
- Oh! Why I'm here! Yes.
I-I was walking past your office and I saw this,
And I just, I couldn't resist.
- You know "the raccoon and the rock?"
- Oh yeah! My grammy used to read it to me
When I was a kid all the time,
It's-it's one of my favourites. - Yeah, mine, too.
In fact, I've been trying to convince the board
To reissue it for a number of years,
But uh, maybe one day.
- I love that goal for you.
Well, seeing this book made me realize how much
We had in common, and I-I thought I'd ask -
And totally feel free to say no -
I-I just wanted to know if maybe you would um,
Be my-my mentor?
- What?
- I-I just--I've been working up the nerve to ask.
- Well, uh, I'm flattered,
But I'm just not really the "mentoring type."
Mostly because I don't wanna be.
- Oh yeah, totally cool, yeah, I just--
I don't even know why I asked, I-I just really look up to you
And I thought it'd be super cool to learn from you,
But, you know what? Thought I'd ask.
Um, I will leave you to your stuff.
Okay.
- Wait. - Yeah?
- I'll be your mentor, sure, whatever.
- Oh my god! Thank you so much.
You-you won't regret it. - Yeah, I mean,
You know, women supporting women and all that shit, right?
- Yeah! Tot-yeah.
Amaz-, oh my god. Okay, great! Thanks!
♪♪♪
(shredder whirs loudly) - that's it?
Just a fine, and a ban from cochrane?
- That's it. He's a free man.
- Dude! That's great,
You can finally put this whole nightmare behind you.
- Yeah.
Yeah, no, yeah, it's totally great.
- Uh, this is great news, what's the matter?
- Yeah, I just uh,
I may have gotten kicked out of the courtroom.
- Jesus, anne. - I know, I know,
But I couldn't help it, it was--
The whole thing was so ridiculous,
And I kinda just lost my shit,
And I think lionel's mad at me now.
- Hey, what? Speak up.
I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of this pyramid fiasco,
And the shredder is acting up. (shredder whirs)
- Oh, okay, uh... I said, I think lionel's mad at me now.
- Huh? Oh, well, he's probably overreacting.
- What? - What?
- I was really hoping you might have some wisdom for me.
(knocking)
- Oh hey, uh, I gotta call you back,
But basically, lionel's an idiot, and you're doing great.
I love you. - Wait! Kate, I--
(call beeps off)
- Hey, sorry, you were in the meeting earlier today, right?
- Is the book really not happening?
- Oh, uh, where did you hear that?
- Well, is it or isn't it?
- Uh, I'm-I'm sorry, we're just trying to protect you.
- (sighs) well, no offence,
But we don't need your protection.
Plus, this isn't your decision to make.
- Right.
(sighs) hey, I know it sucks,
But you're gonna have to trust me on this one.
If this book goes forward,
You'd be the one paying the price.
- That's just it, I've already paid the price.
Do you have any idea how many friends and family members
I got wrapped up in this nightmare?
This is our chance to stop people
From making the same mistake we did.
And the only way we can do that is if you publish this book.
I-I really hope you'll reconsider.
You know what, that's all I wanted to say.
(sighs heavily)
- (sighs)
♪♪♪
(line rings) sloane: Hello?
- Hey, sloane. - Hey, what's up?
- Change of plans.
- I got here as soon as I could.
It was very brave of you to call me.
- Thanks for coming, val.
- Of course.
Now, tell me about your sex problems.
- I'm not having sex problems. I'm having lionel problems.
- Tomato, tomato. - Seriously, val,
I-I just feel like lionel's angry at me all the time.
- On account of the lack of sex?
- Jesus, val!
- Listen, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Every relationship hits this all-too familiar road bump.
Why do you think I bought these unfamiliar road bumps?
Hmm?
- I'm not getting a new ass, val.
- Relax, you couldn't handle it.
I think it would look forced on you.
But there are other ways to spice things up in the bedroom.
(fabric rustles)
- Please tell me that is not a- - a sexy getup?
You better believe it.
Trust me, nothing wakes a man's spirits
Like a slutty firefighter
Or a horny waitress,
Or a naughty elderly care worker.
- Gross!
- Anyway, while I sort of admire your firm stance
On not dressing for the male gaze,
I think you could veer away from diane keaton chic
For one night.
- What's wrong with diane keaton? She's a classy lady.
- Oh, anne.
For a therapist, sometimes you really don't get it.
This is the turnkey your passion so desperately needs.
- For the last time, our "passion" is--
- Just take it.
I'll come back and get it in a few days.
- I thought it was a gift. - Our gift.
You ever heard of a timeshare?
Toodles.
(door opens and shuts)
- She's like the mary poppins of fucking.
(phones ring in the distance)
(low hum of chatter)
- Okay. (sniffles)
Thank you.
- Nina? Everything okay?
- Oh! Sorry.
- Okay, all right. Listen to me,
Lesson number one,
Never be the woman who cries in front of her co-workers.
It's a trope. They'll think you're weak.
- Oh god, you're probably right, sorry.
- Well. - You're not gonna believe it.
I convinced the board to re-issue
"the raccoon and the rock."
- What?! - Isn't that amazing?
- How? - Oh, I told them
How incredibly moving it was.
Hence the tears.
Oh, the best part is they want us to partner on it.
- Excuse me? - I know.
Oh, I am so excited to hear your thoughts.
Thank you, mentor.
(small laugh)
♪♪♪
- (sighs)
Yeah, this is okay.
This is sexy.
Maybe not sexy.
Handsome.
(sighs) oh god.
(pensive exhale)
♪♪♪
(car rumbles)
- Where are you? (emergency braking alarm beeps)
Oh! Ah! Jesus christ.
(emergency braking alarm beeps)
It's like they have a death wish.
Yeah, go ahead. (scoffs)
(emergency braking alarm beeps)
Come on, dude! Oh, hey!
It's me! (laughs)
Hey, we met, remember?
In, um, in nathan jr.'s closet?
Listen, about the other day, uh, I just want you to know
That you are always welcome in my house.
I think it's beautiful. Like, really beautiful.
In fact, I think that um...
I think that gay teen sex is the best kind of sex.
- Oh god, please stop. - Yeah.
- It's really okay. - Sorry.
Have you seen nathan jr.?
- Yeah, he left with his aunt. - What?