(papers rustle)
♪♪♪
- Have you seen my keys?
Kate?
Keys? Hello?
(paper rustles)
♪♪♪
(line rings)
- You've got cassandra.
Leave me a message. (beep)
- Who's cassandra?
- What? Who?
(paper rustles)
Oh, uh, "cassondra."
- "cassondra," yes. Who is she?
- Uh, she's uh... Oh, hey!
Uh, sport! Big guy!
Ha! He shoots, he scores!
- Morning.
- I'm gonna go check the bedroom one more time for keys.
- Yeah.
- Did you tell him?! - No! Uh-uh.
- Then why is he acting so weird?
- I don't know, but I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
Uh, how are you doing after last night?
How's your tatt feeling? - It's a little sore,
But no regrets. You wanna see it again?
- No, I'm, I'm good, actually. - You like it though, right?
- Like it? I'm obsessed with it.
In fact, that's why I can't see it,
I'm worried I'll go get it. Lower back-style, right across.
- (laughs)
(keys jingle) - found 'em!
They were in my other jacket. - Ah.
- Congratulations. He, he shoots, he scores.
- What? - You know, 'cause er-earlier...
- Oh! Right! Yes. - Yeah.
(awkward silence)
- (tense exhale)
- Uh, aren't you gonna be late for school?
- Oh! Yes, school, right. Um, I will see you later.
- Yep! Sounds good, see you later.
Kate: Bye, honey.
(ella babbles quietly)
- Nathan, who is she?
- Uh, she's just a colleague.
- A colleague, huh? - Yeah, my phone died,
And I jotted down her number.
- Okay, okay, sure. Yeah.
Um... Sorry, you'll-you'll have to excuse my paranoia,
It's just that we've--
- Honey, I get how this looks.
She's-she's just a colleague.
You have nothing to worry about, okay?
- Okay. Okay. (laughs)
Yeah, yeah.
What-uh, what department is she in, though?
- Accounting. She's an accountant.
- Kind of a young, tight thing? Don't answer that.
Okay. Okay. All right.
- Okay, I'm officially late. Gotta go.
- You look nice, by the way.
- Yeah! Uh, thanks.
I thought I'd step it up today.
(sinister music)
(footsteps recede) (paper rustles)
(front door opens)
♪♪♪
- (knocks) just checking in.
I haven't seen a time off request come through yet
For you or jenny, or a "save the date,"
For that matter.
- I didn't realize there was a deadline on my nuptials.
- Well, it's been brought to my attention
That if you read all of chapter 4 section 82
Of the handbook, it does state that you have 45 days.
- Brought to your attention?
- Mr. Patrick, in the past people have lied
About these kind of things,
And with you being a senior member,
I do need to make sure this isn't just lip service.
- Okay, yeah, louise. Who would lie about that?
- Peter bishop, 2007. He went on record to hr
With falsified marriage claims. - Gary, you're not needed here.
- Oh, excuse me for trying to preserve the dignity
Of this establishment.
Louise: But he does bring up a good point.
Peter was relieved of his responsibilities
With the company. - And then promptly died!
- Unrelated, but yes, he did.
- Yeah. Okay. Um...
Thank you, yeah, we're on it. All right?
Now, if you don't mind, I've got some work to get back to.
- Great. Thank you, mr. Patrick.
- Mm-hmm. - Gary. - Yes.
- Hey, gary? Yeah, I'm gonna need that
Wilson madden report by the morning.
- But that's gonna take me all night!
- (chuckles) sorry.
- Fine.
♪♪♪
(chair rattles)
(pages rustle)
(quietly) - hey.
We need to get married like, tomorrow.
- (scoffs) good one.
We can't just give our guests a day's notice.
- Jenny, I'm not joking.
Louise is on my ass with this thing, where we at?
- Well, you can tell louise
That a beautiful wedding takes time.
And she would know that if anyone wanted to marry her.
Now, what do you like better, lilacs or peonies?
- I-I-I don't know!
Lilacs, peonies, it doesn't matter, okay?
If we want to keep our jobs, we need to get married asap.
- Well, I don't know what to tell you,
There's only so many hours in a day!
- Then get help, hire someone, I don't care.
- You'd pay for a wedding planner?
- If it gets us married faster, absolutely.
Okay? Get it done. Please!
♪♪♪
- Welcome to anger management.
Please feel free to contact me for a follow-up session,
I am a registered psychiatrist.
- Alrighty.
Welcome to anger management, folks.
My name's buddy, and if you'd like,
That's what I'll be.
Oh, let's get started, shall we?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- What the fuck? You're in the class?
- Ah, no, no, no, no, it's just a mix-up.
I don't need to be here.
You know what, why don't you take another card?
Okay.
- You're not better than any of us.
- Seriously, dude, I don't need to manage my anger, okay?
I'm just here so I can get back to my practice.
- And why can't you return to your practice?
- I may or may not have thrown my urine...
At a person.
- Nobody thinks they need to be here.
You're not the only one who's thrown their urine before.
So, keep an open mind.
Let's give anne a very welcoming round of applause,
Shall we? (scattered applause)
It takes guts to show up at this class wearing all white.
Sloane: Hey, so it worked.
Rebecca wants to publish the book.
Yay for us, and boo, I guess, for pyramid schemes.
Anyway, we live to see another day, foster.
- Thank god. Rosie: Whew! Okay.
It got a little hairy there, but we're good now.
(chuckles) it was like that time
My uncle jerry fell asleep in the cockpit,
And we straight-up nosedived. So I got in there,
And it really is like the movies, you just gotta pull up
On that thing, but there I was, screamin'.
Kate?
- Sorry, what? - You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Hi, hello.
Is nathan foster in?
- Sorry, but I believe mr. Foster is out for lunch.
- Oh, right.
Ah, sorry, I forgot. Sorry. (chuckles)
Have a good day.
On second thought, is cassandra in?
- Uh, sorry, who?
- Right! Uh, "cassondra,"
In um, in accounting?
- No "cassondra" works here.
♪♪♪
Group: Ho! Ho! Haaah!
- (sighs) wasn't that nice?
- Yeah, great.
- Let's hear from the person who doesn't feel
She needs to be here. Anne?
- Hmm?
- Why don't you tell us about yourself?
- Uh, my name is anne carlson...
And you pretty much nailed the rest.
So, next.
- Bullshit.
- I'm sorry, what? - I said, "bullshit."
It was a bullshit answer. You're deflecting.
How does it make you feel to be in anger management
When you feel you don't feel you need to be here?
- Come on, dude, I am the queen of "how does it make you feel?"
- I'm just asking a few simple questions.
- Except you're not just asking me questions.
You're asking me questions because you're trying to get--
Seriously, dude, I just need you to sign this form
So that I can get back to my practice.
- I am more than happy to fill out your form
Once you share with the group, anne.
I need your participation in order for this to work.
What are you angry about?
- I'm not angry about anything.
- (scoffs)
Yeah. Yeah.
See, isn't it wonderful how our body gives us clues
That we're at the end of our fuse?
Look at anne, here. Reddening skin,
Flared nostrils.
Do we notice anything else? - Oh! Uh, balled-up fists.
- Yes, reggie, great observation.
- I'm not angry about anything!
- Oh! A bulging vein in the neck.
Buddy: Very good, reggie. Very good.
- She's also yelling.
♪♪♪
(traffic rumbles)
♪♪♪
(sloane hums softly)
(door creaks open, then shuts)
- Oh!
- (inhales) - you kissed me.
On a-- - oh, park bench.
- And then you barfed. - Right.
Right. Sorry about that,
That was a bit of a day. - No problem.
Actually, now that I know you're pregnant,
I'm way cooler with that whole situation.
- (laughs) well, this is a punishingly small world.
- I'm sorry, do you want me to get you a different technician?
- Nah, it's fine. It's not weird for me
Unless it's weird for you? - It's not for me,
I'm excited. I'm--I mean, I'm not--I'm sorry.
I'm not--I didn't mean to say it like, I'm just--
- It's all right, I got it. - Okay.
Um, because it's relatively early in your pregnancy,
We're gonna be doing a transvaginal ultrasound,
As opposed to a transabdominal.
- Cool. Cool, cool.
- How have you been feeling these days?
- Fine. - Good, good.
But listen, if you are going to throw up again,
If you could spray it away from me, that would be like,
Really appreciated. - No problem.
- Um, should we get started or are we waiting for anybody?
A parent, partner?
- No, it's just me.
I went the donor route.
- No way! I'm a donor baby. - Really?
- Yeah. You know what they say about donor babies?
- No.
- We always have the best moms. Yeah.
Okay, so this is going to be a little cold,
At first, so I'll count you down from three, okay?
- Okay. (clears throat)
- Three, two...
One.
(keys clack, machine beeps)
So any weird cravings? - Burritos.
Can't get enough of 'em. - Oh, that's not too bad.
I had this one patient, she craved chalk.
And she was a schoolteacher, too, so...
It's dangerous.
(both laugh)
- What are you, a comedian in your off hours?
- Uh, no, but I'll take that as a compliment.
What about you, sloane, what do you do?
- Uh, I am in publishing. - No way, I love books.
- Yeah? - Yep.
- Any favourites? - "beowulf."
- "beowulf," seriously? - "beowulf," yeah.
I saw the movie first, it blew the hair off my head,
Then I found out it was a book, and I was like,
I gotta read that book. Turns out the book
Is even better than the movie.
- Yeah, that's usually how it goes.
- It took me about four months to get through it.
You know it's the oldest story in the english language, right?
- Well, it hasn't crossed my desk yet.
- Someone should put it on your desk, then.
Okay, we are just about done here.
So again, I'm gonna count you down from three, okay?
Three,
Two,
One, okay!
Sloane mitchell, publisher extraordinaire,
We are done.
Uh, the front desk will be in touch with your result,
Due date, and next appointment.
If you have any questions,
Don't hesitate to call the clinic.
I will-I'll um,
I'll let you get dressed.
♪♪♪
(door click open, then shuts)
♪♪♪
(low hum of chatter)
- It was kind of a safe bet order.
- Well, well, well.
If it isn't "cassondra."
- Wow, most people pronounce it wrong.
(mug shatters) oh my god! - Do they?!
Do they pronounce it wrong? - Kate, what the fuck?!
- Once a cheater, always a cheater!
- Wait! - You know I hate it
When my mother is right! - Do not throw my files!
- All my friends judged me, but I stayed with you anyway!
- Hang on! Hang on a second, please! Listen, I--
- In my heart, I felt stupid. I doubted myself,
I didn't know if I was sexual anymore,
- Really? Every single pencil? - And here you are with this
The whole time?! - Come on, you're gonna run out
Of stuff to throw at me. - You think I'm out of stuff?!
- Jesus, kate! Take my stuff!
Kate, you are getting this all wrong!
- (growls) - are you done?!
- (angry panting)
- I guess this is a bad time to introduce myself
As nathan jr's aunt?
- What? - Kate, meet cassandra.
Cassandra, this is my wife, kate.
- Hey. - You're marlene's sister.
Not banging my husband.
- No! - Absolutely not.
- Useful information. (clears her throat)
Nice to meet you. (chuckles)
Big fan of your nephew.
Could I get my shoes?
- I have a meeting in 26...
Nope, 25 minutes.
Where the hell is this wedding planner?
- Well, I told you to take off the afternoon.
We're planning a wedding, not a picnic, nimrod.
- Some of us have too many responsibilities, dimwit.
- Hi, sorry I'm late. Uh, I'm kim.
You must be jenny and malcolm.
- Uh-huh. - Kim. You're a guy.
- Yes, um... Yes, I am.
- Ah, forgive my fiancée, here.
Pleasure to meet you, kim.
Wait, haven't I seen you at my gym?
- Nope, uh, I don't work out. - No?
- It must have been another six-foot-three beef castle.
- (laughs)
Oh, that's funny.
- Okay, don't you have a meeting to run to, honey?
- No.
♪♪♪
- Alice, we didn't get the stupid signature,
So we gotta close up shop.
Heather: Oh my god, you're right.
They're all jealous. How did I not see that before?
Alice: It's easy to miss these things when you're in it.
- What are you doing in here?
- Nothing. I-I was just-- - you hadn't arrived yet,
So she was just keeping me company.
- Well, unfortunately I'm gonna have to cancel our session
And all future sessions until further notice.
- What about alice? - She's not a therapist,
And we're closed, so, goodbye.
- What the hell were you thinking?
- What? It was nothing.
She just asked me stuff, so I answered her.
- It's not nothing, these are real people
Telling you about their real lives!
You pretending to be a therapist is not only stupid,
It's dangerous! What, no lip, huh?
No clap back? What, are you scared now?
- Not as scared as your patients are of you!
That's why they'd rather talk to me!
- You don't know what you're talking about!
And you're fired.
- (gasps) I fucking hate you.
♪♪♪
Anne: You wanna know what I'm angry about?
I have an entitled brat of a daughter
Who seems to be connecting to my patients better than I do.
My husband got arrested in a butthole town
Thousands of miles away from here.
My book, which I actually care about,
A gift in honour of said entitled daughter,
Is a total bust!
And-and-and that's just me and my small life.
And then there's the world!
Do you know how fucked up the world is?!
People are allowed to be angry,
And they shouldn't be judged for it.
In fact, you're fucking psycho if you're not angry!
Are you telling me that you don't get angry
Working with these assholes all day?
Life is infuriating, man!
And then I can't even operate my practice
Because you won't sign this fucking stupid piece of paper!
(exhales)
(sighs heavily)
- Welcome to the club, anne.
It takes balls to admit why you're angry.
(paper rustles, pen clicks)
But before you get any ideas, this is just the first step.
You need to learn to find the tools that can help you
Keep your anger in check.
Find them, and use them.
Here's a start.
♪♪♪
(footsteps recede)
- (sighs)
(sniffles)
(sighs heavily)
♪♪♪
(door opens)
(door thuds shut)
(approaching footsteps thud, keys jingle)
- Hi, honey.
I'm an idiot.
(sighs) okay, I'm a fucking idiot,
And a jerk, and I'm sorry I lied today.
- Getting closer.
- Can you look at me? (arm thuds)
What are you even doing, here?
- Well, if you weren't so busy sneaking around
And keeping secrets,
You would know that it is affirmation Thursday
At charlie's school tomorrow, and we have to write a note
To every kid in the class.
- I deserve that, okay.
Can I help? - Knock yourself out.
(markers rasp)
- Listen, about what happened--
- "you're terrific?"
Did you just copy my note?
Nathan, you can't write the same thing to two kids.
What if they sit next to each other?
- Oh. Right.
- Why-why didn't you tell me?
- This morning? In front of him?
It didn't seem like the right time to debrief.
- What, don't give a butterfly decal to annabelle.
She didn't invite charlie to her birthday.
She's an asshole. - So uh...
Skull and crossbones for annabelle?
- Better.
- I didn't tell you his aunt was coming to town
Because I didn't wanna worry you.
- Oh, well. (scoffs)
Why would I be worried about your deceased
Ex-girlfriend's sister that you're, you know,
Secretly skulking around with?
- She wants custody of nathan jr.
- You're kidding, right? - No, I'm not.
- Well, too fuckin' bad.
I mean, right? - Well, honestly...
I-I don't know. - What are you talking about?
- I mean, it's not the worst idea.
- What-- - he grew up around her,
There's a history there. Maybe he'd be better off with her.
- Okay, is this a fucking joke?!
- No, look, that was my initial reaction too,
But the more we talk, the more I realize
She might be right.
I didn't want to burden you with this
'til I had figured it out in my own head.
- What exactly did you need to figure out?
There is a will that very clearly states
That marlene wants him to stay with us.
- Honey, she is his family. - We are his family!
- I know, and-and I thought our shared dna would be enough,
But, I-I'm having trouble connecting with him.
- Ohh! (chuckles)
Are you? Are you having trouble connecting?
"he shoots, he scores?" are you even trying?
Why are you so weird around him?
- You don't understand.
It's like having the ghost of my ex in my own house.
It's just a lot!
- You're just as much a part of him as she is,
And you would know that-- - oh, bullshit.
- If you actually made an effort with him.
Nathan, you're his father!
The least you could do is give him an opportunity
To know you. - I am trying.
- Try harder!
(footsteps recede)
- (sighs)
♪♪♪
(pen rasps)
- I think you did the ultrasound wrong.
- Sloane mitchell?
Did you forget something or-- (door shuts)
- It was too fast. And it couldn't have been right.
- I'm sorry, I can get you a different ultrasound technician
If you'd like, though they've probably all gone home by now.
- Nope, I want you to do it. - Okay.
Well, you know the drill.
So if you just wanna- oh!
Your feet are already in the stirrups.
Okay, so I will just...
Count you down from three.
- No counting.
- Okay.
- (gasps, moans) (keys clack)
(sighs)
- Sorry, it's just really hard for me to get an image
When you keep bucking your hips.
- Look at me.
- Oh. - Sorry.
- It's okay.
Just tell me where you want me to go next.
- Move that a little to the left.
Yeah.
(gasps)
Yeah. - Better?
- Uh, a little faster?
(exhales)
(panting)
Yeah.
(panting)
Yeah! (laughs)
(breathing heavily)
Oh! (sighs)
(gasps) yes!
(moans)
(laughs) ohh!
Ohh!
(moans)
(moans loudly)
(laughs)
- I would love to take you to lunch some time.
(laughs softly)
- I would like that very much.
(exhales, laughs)
♪♪♪