- (knocking)
♪♪♪
(latch clicks)
- Sloane! Oh my god, are-are you okay?
What happened? What's wrong?
- I'm having a hard time sleeping.
- Okay.
- I don't know if it's the hormones talking, but...
Can I hold your kid?
You know, the smaller one?
- Ella? You talking about my two-year-old?
- Sure. Yeah, I just...
Feel like I need a little bit more practice.
Maybe I can feed her.
- Uh, sorry, it's uh, it's not even 5 a.M., so...
- Totally, I just, I feel like I need to warm up
On the bag a bit before I get back in the ring.
- My-my kid being "the bag."
Uh, why don't we just make an afternoon plan,
You know, regular hour, park playdate, something.
- Mommy.
(laughs) hi.
- Right on cue.
- (sighs)
♪♪♪
(ella laughs)
- Come on in.
♪♪♪
(sighs heavily, doors slams)
- Infancy through one I understand,
And six-year-olds I kinda get,
It's this in-between I need help with.
- That's quite a lot of in-between.
- Hey, ella...
Fetch!
- Did you just say "fetch?"
(ella giggles)
- That's what I'm talking about!
- Oh my god.
(ella giggles) - no, no, ella, "fetch" means
You bring it back. Bring it...
- (blows raspberry)
- Bring-- how do you get 'em to come back?
- I clearly haven't trained her well enough.
Look, you guys hang out, right?
I'll go take a shower,
More opportunity for you to learn the in-between.
- (laughs) I'm not a babysitter, kate.
I have to get ready for work.
(sighs) all right, you two have fun.
♪♪♪
- Hey, nathan jr., are you ready to go?
(sax squeaks, jazz plays)
(plays runs of notes)
(sax squeaks)
Good lord!
Wow, that is loud. Hey, what are you doin', man?
We gotta go! We're gonna be late.
- Oh, I uh, was making a video...
For someone.
- Who are you recording yourself playing the sax for?
- No one.
- Ohh, okay.
I know that face, are you doin' this for a crush?
(gasps)
You're makin' a sax tape!
Gimme a taste, I want to hear it.
- (scoffs)
(sax squeaks, notes play)
- Mm-hmm. Mm.
(sax wails, squeaks) yeah, wow.
You've got lungs on you, I'll give you that.
- (laughs)
(sax wails, sound cuts off)
It's a medley of some of my favourite riffs.
- Is it? - Do you like it?
- Uh, yeah, uh, you- uh...
You know what I'm thinking?
This is maybe not the exact way to go about it.
- Because not everyone likes jazz.
- Bingo. Yeah.
- It's just, it was a big part of my plan.
- What if, just go with me here,
What if you were to let loose?
Let your guts take the wheel!
Get out of that head of yours!
- I mean, when I play the sax--
- No offence, I'm trying to get you away from that sax
And into some trouble. - But I already got in trouble
For the panic attacks, and the locket,
And the honey slippers. - Honey slippers? What are--
I don't even wanna know.
I'm not talking about your mustache twirling schemes,
I'm talking about some regular, young,
Dumb teen boy trouble.
- How do I do that? - Come on.
- Meet two of the dumbest teen boys I know:
Jacob and joseph.
Not sure which one's which, and it doesn't matter.
What does matter is that you show my nathan jr. Here
The time of his life.
Get him out of that head of his.
No matter what it takes, don't let me down.
You get in some trouble. - Not too much trouble.
- Isn't that your jewelry appraiser?
- Uh-huh. - Hello.
- What's in it for us? - What are you guys into, huh?
Cash? Dirty mags? Beef jerky?
- Well, uh--we can confuse her, we can get them all.
Ready? Three, two, one.
- Jerky-- damn! - Jerky. Damn!
- Beef jerky. - Cash.
- Yeah, cash, probably the cash.
- Thank god. No dirty mags.
- I'd really rather go to school,
I don't want to fall behind. - Listen to me, okay?
This is gonna be good for you.
Trust, one day won't kill you.
- You know, boys, you could learn a thing or two
From nathan jr. Here. He's very clever.
- You wanna get your dick wet? We can get your dick wet.
- That's definitely doable.
- (sighs) it's just a saying, it's not--
- Boys, what did I say?
Jacob and joseph: Dry dicks. - Dry dicks only, yeah.
Kate, you know, I think this is a really good idea.
You know, as long as they don't go full tilt.
- Great point, listen to me. Half-tilt max, okay?
- Question. Can we kick ducks?
- No, absolutely not.
- And no dogs, either.
- It's okay, you'll find your groove with this.
- Can we go in the sewer?
- I mean, you could go in the sewer, I guess.
- Can we do a tough-guy photoshoot?
- (gasps) or wild west! - Uh, yeah.
- Sick. Easy.
- All right, listen to me, nothing illegal,
Just have a good time. Loosen him up, all right?
You're gonna have a great time, look at me.
Relax, okay? This is going to be good for you.
You're gonna thank me for this, all right?
Half-tilt max.
- And dry dicks. - Yeah. Yeah.
♪♪♪
(cars rumble)
♪♪♪
- You're right, I've never thought of that before.
- Heather, I see you've met my daughter, alice.
Please, come on in.
- Hi, dr. Carlson, I'll be right there.
- Sorry?
- It's just I was in the middle of getting
Some really great advice from your daughter here.
You should be very proud. - Oh, I am... Proud.
Yeah, it's just that our hour starts now, so.
- Oh, I don't mind.
- Okay, no problem. Hmm.
Alice, please confirm those afternoon appointments asap,
And change the garbage,
Preferably before it stinks next time.
- Oh, mom? - Yes?
- Would you mind closing the door?
- Of course.
Jenny: Hey, fucko-fiancé!
I was just doing some reading about honeymoon destinations.
- What are you talking about?
- You don't want to go on a vacation to prove
How married we are? - No! No.
But I did punt some meetings so that we can go to city hall
And get this thing done today. - City hall?
Gross, I'm not getting married there.
- Who cares where we get married, it's all bullshit.
- Right, but no one's going to buy that you or I
Had a city hall wedding, look at us.
We're too hot. - Okay, hold on.
Are you saying that only ugly people get married
At city hall?
- What I think is that we need to do something
That looks really real if we want to keep our jobs.
- (pensive exhale)
Okay, yeah, whatever "really real" means,
We'll do that, I guess. - Yes.
Yes, I believe this is the best for optics.
Good day.
♪♪♪
- So just to be clear,
Goldie doesn't know about the book that's going to bury her.
- Correct.
- And nobody knows about the double-dipping?
- Well, sloane doesn't want to know, and as for goldie,
She's in our rear-view. - Oh! Too bad.
I mean, good riddance.
- Uh-huh. The good news is, we can finally focus
On rebecca's book, which is gonna be huge, press-wise.
- I thought we agreed for good news, we get champagne.
- What? Richard! - What? I'm just saying,
There's a way of doing things and a way of not doing things,
So-- (phone vibrates)
- Ooh! It's goldie! I mean...
(scoffs) what does she want?!
- Wait! She does not know about the book.
- No, no, no, no, I mean,
She implied she was gonna get "to the bottom of it,"
But those are just the words of a rejected client, so.
- Kate, are you sure? (phone vibrates)
- She's not gonna get to the bottom of it.
(taps call on) - hey, goldie!
Goldie: So I figured out your "conflict of interest," honey.
- What?
- You see, kate, what I can't wrap my head around is...
How are you gonna publish a book without an author?
- Wait, what do you mean? (call beeps off)
Goldie?
Okay, we need to get rebecca back in here now!
- She ran you off the road?! - Yeah!
I was on my bike, next thing you know, I'm in an ambulance,
I'm lucky that this is just a sprain.
- And-and you're sure it was goldie?
- (scoffs) - did you have your helmet on?
Were you in the bike la-- were you listening to headphones,
Because I see these bikers doing that,
Oblivious to the world and I'm like, you better watch out,
Because I'm gonna-- I wouldn't, but they could,
If you think about it, they're asking for it a little bit.
- What? No, it was her, I know it.
The car pulled up, window rolled down,
She locked eyes with me, kate. - Jesus.
- How does she even know about this book?
I've been so careful.
- Uh...
I might be able to explain that, um...
(nervous laugh)
There was a, there was an extremely,
Extremely brief amount of time that I represented goldie's.
- You what?!
- This is before I knew what companies were in your book,
And the moment I found out, I took action.
I didn't say anything about the book,
I just said I had a conflict of interest, nothing specific,
And I was out-- - well, there you go!
You sounded the alarm. Wow, brought down by my own p.R.,
That's... You know what? I'm done.
- No-hey, hey, hey, look.
We can figure this out together, I will come up
With a plan-- - no, we can't!
Because honestly, I don't think I'm cut out for this.
This is some scary shit, and...
It's too much, I'm done! - Hey--
(footsteps recede)
- Well, again, I'm sorry our session was so brief.
But I do hope you feel a little bit lighter.
- Uh-huh, thanks. Alice!
I'll call about booking a time with you next week.
- You can't actually book with her,
Because she's not a doctor. - Well, whatever,
Let's do this again. - Of course!
Have a great week. - You too!
- Okay, heather, bye, take care.
Man, she is a tough nut to crack.
No wonder her students don't respect her.
- That doesn't sound very psychiatrist-y.
I mean, I think being a substitute teacher
Is really hard.
Kids can be pretty mean, actually.
- What did she say to you? - What did she say to you?
- Come on, doctor/patient confidentiality.
- Ditto.
Now, will you excuse me while I go change
Your disgusting garbage.
- Not a doctor!
- I want you to be my maid of honour.
Congratulations.
- I'm sorry, what?
Oh! This is about your sham wedding to mcp
That gary won't shut up about. - It's not a sham, gena.
- Okay, but aren't you guys getting married
So you don't lose your jobs?
- Why is everyone saying that?
- Because you only got engaged when you got caught by h.R.!
- That may be true,
But that was just the little extra push we needed.
- Right.
- Look, mcp is totally obsessed with me,
And we're not having a huge, amazing wedding
And popping out a baby for h.R.
- You're pregnant? - Oh my god, gena, keep up!
So, will you or won't you be my maid of honour?
- Yeah, yeah, it's every woman's dream
To be a maid of honour, right, so...
And is this not both your second weddings?
- Yeah, so?
- I'm just saying, you know, you've done all the things,
So most people don't want all- - I don't know what this
Has to do with anything, can you just listen?
- Mm-hmm, that's a great start.
- So, your responsibilities include: Bridal shower,
Bachelorette party, obviously a baby shower too.
- Mm-hmm.
- Why aren't you writing any of this down?
- Okay, I'm gonna go get my notepad.
This is happening, this is actually happening.
Gary! Ohh fuck!
- What do you want?
- To remind you that outside this little charade
You're running, you still have an actual job to do.
I need that report by end of day.
- I don't work for you.
You'll get that report when it's goddamn ready.
And don't let that door hit your flat ass.
- Wow, I wonder what h.R. Would think
Of that little comment? - Fuck off, gary!
- You can't curse at me, okay?!
I sent you four memos. (seething exhale)
♪♪♪
- So-wait, you just let your daughter say that?
- What do you mean, "let" her?
- I mean, you didn't punish her or even try to stop her?
Or stick up for your poor boyfriend when she repeatedly
Called him "this bitch" to his face?
- I thought she was supposed to be "running her own train."
(frustrated exhale) - oh!
Okay, cindy, we have 20 minutes left, if you--
- You are so much different from your book.
I-I don't think this is working for me.
- Well, I'm sorry to hear that,
I think we're just at a little impasse, so it--
- Respectfully, I did not come here to be scolded.
I get enough of that from my god-awful daughter,
Which you were supposed to help me with!
- Cindy, cindy! That's exact-- - yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Bye, cindy! Thanks!
- You know, in my experience, you're really supposed to
Listen to them without judgement.
- Oh! Oh, in your whole five minutes of experience?
Please, yeah, enlighten me.
Oh, hi, you. Great.
- Hi, anne, I'm here to collect--
- I know, my piss. Listen, I have a full day,
I did it an hour ago, it's in the desk.
- You know I can't accept an unobserved sample.
- I think you can, tanya. - Tina. And no, I can't.
- Come on, it's still warm.
- I need fresh pee, those are the rules.
- There's no free show today, you creep.
Alice, hand me my sample. - I'm not touching your pee.
- Like I said, I can't take it anyways.
- Look, I don't have time for this, take it!
Alice, give it to her! - I won't.
- I can't. - Oh my god,
I'll just do it myself! Jesus christ!
Do you want my piss or not?!
- I am just trying to do my job!
- Well then, take it! (pee splashes)
(container clatters) - mom!
♪♪♪
- Anger management, lionel, can you believe that?!
This clown thinks that I need professional help.
She's sending me to a class!
- Huh. Right.
Wow.
- And I can't see any more clients until I get
Some stupid sign-off from some stupid, know-nothing
Anger management bozo!
God!
(spray bottle hisses)
- Lionel, hello?! Are you hearing this?
Lionel? - Uh, yeah, yeah.
Um, here's the thing. Okay, sweetie...
Honey, uh, love of my life,
Well, uh...
- Say it. - I don't feel safe.
- So help me god, lionel, if you don't say it...
- Okay! Uh, well, the thing is--
- Careful, now.
- I'm having a lot of trouble navigating these waters.
- Say it! - Okay, yes, I can believe it.
That you were sent to anger management.
I can believe it! It's no shock.
- Ex-fucking-scuse me?!
♪♪♪
- Thank you for coming back in, rebecca.
- I'm only entertaining this
Because sloane offered me private security,
Which I can't even believe I'm back here.
- Well, come on in, there's a couple people in here
We'd like you to meet. - Sorry, what's going on?
- Rebecca, meet thomas sherman,
Who had to enter witness protection to finish his book
Exposing big pharma. And gilda miller here,
Who dealt with multiple death threats
After blowing the whistle on police corruption.
- And we can't forget solana singh,
Had her name dragged through the mud when she took on--
- Farm unions. Yeah, I read your book in school.
Wow!
- So what's it gonna be, rebecca?
Because when we first sat down,
You said helping the victims was on the top of your list.
Sloane: Finishing this book is how you do that.
Kate: Mm-hmm. - But then again,
You could always get some job at a tabloid,
Writing fluff pieces for the rest of your life.
- It all depends on what kind of journalist you want to be.
Something they know a thing or two about.
Here, why don't you take a minute, sit down,
Talk to these guys.
- (quiet laugh) - (sighs)
- We'll let you guys connect.
- For the record, as far as alarms go,
That one was worth sounding. - Noted.
And again, sorry for the fire.
- Well, good idea bringing them in, nice work.
Now let's see what she decides.
- Yep. - (sighs)
♪♪♪
- Hey, would you call me back?
I'm looking for the weed we got on the weekend.
Oh my god, nathan, this day I've had,
You would not believe it.
Also, where are you?
I swear, if I didn't know any better,
With all these long hours you've been pulling,
I'd be getting a little paranoid! (laughs)
I'm just kidding. I'm just-I'm- I'm good,
I'm just messing with you. Ah! Found the weed.
All right, uh, call me--
I'll see you when you get home, I guess.
(chuckles)
(paper rustles)
♪♪♪
(jazz music plays loudly)
Oh! (groans)
(groans)
♪♪♪
(squishy sound) ohhh!
(gasps)
(saxophone plays loudly)
(gasps)
Oh! Honey slippers! That's what he meant.
Ohh! Fuckin' hell.
Oh goddamnit!
(sighs)
(knocking) nathan jr.!
Nathan jr.: One sec!
(knocking)
Nathan jr.: Okay, you can come in.
(loud jazz music plays) - honey slippers?!
Look at this shit. Horrible prank, goddamn--
Don't laugh! (laughs)
How did you even--ohhh!
You're evil.
Why is it so loud? Can you turn the horns down?
- Oh, sorry.
It's my favourite song.
- This one? - Mm-hmm.
- Cool! - Right?
- I didn't realize you were back from your grand adventure
With val's boys.
- Yeah, I'd like to never see them again.
- Was it that bad? Anything to report?
- No, um, nothing-nothing to report, really, no.
Not at--uh, nope.
- What are you...
Nathan, what's going on?
Come on.
Jacob and joseph got me high. Like, for the first time.
And I'm kinda freaking out right now,
So if I'm acting weird,
That would be why I'm acting weird, okay?
- Okay.
First of all, you're safe. Hey, look at me.
You're fine, you're safe, okay?
And thank you for sharing with me, very big boy of you.
- That's good to hear. I'm tired.
- No, but tell me about it though, like,
What did you guys do? What'd you get up to?
- Okay, real quick, I guess.
Jacob and joseph are insane.
Like, I hate them.
But they definitely know who they are,
Which is kinda cool,
And they encouraged me to be who I am,
Which is also cool.
- That is cool.
- Yeah, I'm a jazz boy, and that's just who I am.
- You're absolutely right, you're a jazz boy,
And how cool is that?
I'm sorry I was pushing you to be anything but that.
(sighs)
This song's actually not bad, I kinda like it.
I mean, the beat, the way it kinda sneaks up on you,
Just like, wow! - Aaah!
- Oh no, I'm sorry! Was it that hard?
What is it?
- Please promise you're not gonna freak out.
- Oh god.
What the hell is that?
- Jacob and joseph made me get a tattoo.
- They did what?!
(sighs)
Okay.
What'd you get?
Ji-jizz boy? - Jazz boy!
- Okay, I-I...
I kinda see it.
I-I wish his legs were... Further apart.
- Like I said, I'm-I'm a jazz boy!
And it's inside me, and it needs to come out.
- Oh boy.
- I'm wanna spread it around, and put it in people's ears.
- You should stop. - I'm like a jazz addict!
- That is... Holy.
Okay, uh, for now why don't you promise me you're not
Gonna share it with that girl you're trying to impr--
(thud, clatter)
You've got your crush up here this whole time?
It looks like you did get into trouble with those boys!
This is good! But she doesn't have to hide.
I'm cool-- why am I whispering?
Hey, sweetheart, get out here!
- No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh no! Please, no--
- What? I--
- Hi. - Oh!
Oh. Okay.
- Please don't tell dad.
- I-I won't.
Hi, I'm gonna go.
Lot of information. All of it fine.
Love is love.
But news, nonetheless.
But... Great stuff.
I gotta wash these slippers! - Wait, what?
- They're full of honey.
Bye guys, you uh...
Yeah.
(door latch clicks)
♪♪♪
(sighs)
(line rings)
Nathan: You've reached the voicemail of nathan foster.
Please leave a mess--
- (sighs heavily)
(paper rustles)
Uh uh.
Fuck it!
(keys tap)
(line rings)
Cassandra: You've got cassandra.
Leave me a message. (beep)
♪♪♪