1
00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:03,302
[gasps]
what the...
2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:06,304
Anne: Why are we--?
Jenny: [gasps] huh?
3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,373
Val: [gasps]
sloane: Oh, shit!
4
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,175
Val: Nooo!
5
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,443
Kate: Okay, what happened?
6
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:12,677
I don't remember anything.
7
00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:13,812
Me neither!
8
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:14,880
Why are we on the floor?
9
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,148
How long have we been here?
10
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:17,816
Kate: Who are we?
11
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:19,451
I'm fucking around.
I know who we are.
12
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,786
But I don't know anything else.
13
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,788
Jenny: Why would you joke
at a time like this?
14
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:24,389
Kate: Well, you know,
just trying to make light--
15
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:25,557
Sloane: Shh!
Who was that?
16
00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:29,928
♪
17
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,330
Anne: Alice?
18
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,265
What are you doing here?
19
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:37,603
I don't know.
20
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:38,904
Mom?
21
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,240
Anne: Yes, honey?
22
00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:43,541
What the fuck
happened last night?
23
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:47,813
♪
24
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:49,948
♪
25
00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:54,486
I guess we just
drank our faces off?
26
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,221
How hammered do you have to get
27
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:59,357
To not remember the entire
night, start to finish?
28
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,025
Wait, do you guys
feel hungover?
29
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,227
Sloane: No.
Kate: No.
30
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:03,629
Then how does that
make any sense
31
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:04,863
If we were that shitfaced?
32
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:06,565
Maybe we were good girls
and pounded water
33
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:07,800
Before blacking out.
34
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,968
Anne: Wait, let me have
a look at you.
35
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,703
Yeah.
Yeah, you look okay.
36
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:14,039
Maybe we don't tell
your dad about this.
37
00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:15,373
Tell him what?
38
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,375
That you and your friends
got me so drunk
39
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,977
We can't even remember
what happened?
40
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,545
Yeah, that.
41
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,914
Val: I don't think this level
of confusion is just alcohol.
42
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,182
Something else is going on here.
43
00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:27,085
What the hell are these?
44
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,092
That's cake, alright.
Buttercream.
45
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:36,461
Anne: That's it!
Cake, yes.
46
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,997
We were...
We were celebrating.
47
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,900
Jenny: Celebrating what?
48
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,069
Celebrating alice.
49
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:48,607
♪
50
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,410
Anne: We're here!
All: Surprise!
51
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,979
Alice: [laughs awkwardly]
what-- what is all this?
52
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,681
I-I thought...
53
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:57,482
You were just...
Picking something up.
54
00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,550
Oh!
55
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,419
Welcome to your
coming-of-age party.
56
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:05,223
We're here to celebrate you and
to commemorate your first time.
57
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,558
My first time what?
58
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,427
Kate: Ah, slappin' wrinklies!
59
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:10,162
Hittin' pinkies!
60
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,796
Bumpin' stinkies!
61
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,265
What?
62
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:16,702
Your first time having sex.
63
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:20,272
[dance music
playing in background]
64
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:22,907
No, no, no, no!
Wait, wait, just wait.
65
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,310
Just hear me out, okay?
66
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:26,578
I made a mistake.
67
00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,980
A woman's first time
is something
68
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,250
That should be honoured,
not shamed.
69
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:34,319
Now, these women
are some of the smartest
70
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:37,189
And the strongest broads
that I know,
71
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,391
And we are here to celebrate you
72
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:43,528
And to impart some wisdom as you
embark on the rest of your...
73
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,129
Sexual journey.
74
00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:46,465
Mom, this is...
75
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,865
So humiliating.
76
00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:50,001
I-I actually want to die.
No, thank you.
77
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:53,672
Anne: No, no no--
val: Happy slut mitzvah!
78
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,406
No, we're not
calling it that!
79
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:56,708
Do you think calling me
a jewish whore
80
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:57,942
Makes up for what you did?
81
00:02:57,944 --> 00:02:59,811
No one's calling you that.
82
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,713
"mazel tov you dirty whore"?
83
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,682
Val, I did not tell you
to write that on the cake!
84
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,284
So I took some liberties!
85
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:07,952
Buttercream...
86
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,120
Kate: Okay...
87
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:10,455
Hey.
88
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,424
Look, I know this is weird.
89
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:16,361
No one wants to talk about sex
with their mom, or her friends,
90
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,897
But I promise,
if you stick this out,
91
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,898
You will walk out
of this lighter.
92
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,835
And so will your mom.
93
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,303
Okay?
Look.
94
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,572
This is gonna be great, alright?
95
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,307
When I was your age,
no one threw me a party.
96
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,842
No one told me anything.
97
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,844
I thought you couldn't pee
when you wore a tampon.
98
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,179
I'd hold it for eight hours.
99
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:36,648
I didn't realize there was
a hole to put the tampon in.
100
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,951
I used to just slip it between
my lips like a hot dog.
101
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:39,851
Kate: Val...
Alice: Ew.
102
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:40,919
Kate: I'm sorry.
103
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:41,853
It worked.
104
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,388
Alice...
Sloane.
105
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,989
You don't know me.
106
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,259
I'm here because you deserve
a better introduction to sex
107
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,961
Than what your fucked-up mom
did to you and your boyfriend.
108
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:51,730
Anne: Thanks.
109
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,199
Jenny: And, alice, your mom
and I haven't always seen
110
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:57,602
Eye-to-eye, but she made an
effort when I was going through
111
00:03:57,605 --> 00:04:00,405
A very hard time,
so I am here to give back.
112
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,273
Guys, let's get
this party started, okay?
113
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,209
Val, where's that hooch
you demanded to supply?
114
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:05,911
I thought you'd never ask.
115
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,012
Look who's one of
the big girls!
116
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,214
L'chaim, sluts!
117
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:10,415
[cork pops]
118
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:13,285
♪
119
00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:17,889
You know, I'm honestly glad
I can't remember more.
120
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,391
Can we please go home now?
121
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:20,925
Maybe we should just go home.
122
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,226
Sleep it off.
123
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:23,762
I'm sure our memories
will come flooding back
124
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:24,830
After a good night's sleep.
125
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,631
Obviously we just
drank too much.
126
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:31,370
Yeah, you're right.
Let's call it, come on.
127
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:35,507
"zero percent alcohol,
one hundred percent good times"?
128
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:38,109
♪
129
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:41,212
Is this all alcohol-free booze?
130
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:44,416
What the fuck, val?
131
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:47,251
Well, you all got so angry
when I didn't bring alcohol
132
00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:48,987
To the haunted house,
but I couldn't risk
133
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,722
Tainting my milk supply!
134
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:53,558
And alice is underage,
if anyone cares about that!
135
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:58,596
And, you're welcome, sloane,
my sister in lactation arms!
136
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,164
Sloane...?
137
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,934
Sloane?
138
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,803
Sloane: What the hell is that?
139
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:09,006
What the hell is that?
140
00:05:09,043 --> 00:05:12,811
[mysterious music]
141
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,813
It's obviously
a dick throne.
142
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,481
But what on earth
is it doing here?
143
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,883
Alright, no, fuck this.
144
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:20,619
We definitely didn't black out
on alcohol-free booze,
145
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,954
And that thing, well,
that's just terrifying.
146
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,223
Uh-uh, we are not leaving here
147
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,559
Until we know what the hell
happened to us last night.
148
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:28,694
Sloane: 100%.
149
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,095
Val: Good idea.
Alice: Really?
150
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,296
Yes.
151
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:32,297
Ugh!
152
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:36,968
Alright, what do you remember?
153
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,636
Think, bitches, think!
154
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,971
Okay, let's go!
155
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,105
Slut mitzvah!
156
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,241
Kate: Slut mitzvah.
Anne: Mm-hm.
157
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:44,810
Jenny: Dick throne!
158
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,711
Dick throne!
159
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,045
Sloane: Fake booze!
160
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:49,314
Uh...
161
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:50,749
Black out?
162
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,517
[marker squeaking furiously]
163
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,120
Kate: Great...
164
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:59,424
What else, what else?
Come on!
165
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:02,627
Dammit!
Gah...
166
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:05,731
What?
167
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,432
Whose is this?
168
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:08,900
Oh!
I remember this!
169
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,669
It was a guy that stopped by!
170
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,170
Kate: Guy?
Anne: What guy?
171
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,671
I think his name was mom?
172
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,407
No, ram!
173
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:16,474
What?
174
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,710
♪
175
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,379
Kate: Look who's one
of the big girls!
176
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:22,581
Val: Here you go.
177
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,583
Anne: Okay,
take it down a notch, val.
178
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,918
Oh, relax, anne.
You need to loosen up.
179
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:27,953
Ram: Uh-oh.
180
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,221
I'm... Interrupting something!
181
00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:30,421
Kate: Oh!
182
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:31,823
Sloane: Oh, this party
is gettin' started!
183
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,458
Take it off, take it off!
184
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,560
Val, please tell me
you didn't hire a stripper.
185
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,028
Gross.
He's... Old.
186
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,696
Kate: Okay, guys, stop.
187
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:42,100
This is ram javeri.
He's my client, not a stripper.
188
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,901
Ah, that you know of.
189
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:44,936
[chuckles]
190
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,839
Anne: Wow, this is ram.
191
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,507
Sloane: Let's, uh,
take a little looksy at you.
192
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,643
Kate: Alright,
I am so sorry about them.
193
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,178
You wanna talk in the boardroom?
Ram: Okay.
194
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:54,913
All: Woo!
Kate: Will you fucking stop?
195
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,514
You guys are so immature,
you know that?
196
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:58,517
Stop it!
Don't mind them.
197
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,117
They're just stupid
and obnoxious.
198
00:07:00,154 --> 00:07:01,820
They're all stupid.
199
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,154
[in a whisper]
shut the fuck up!
200
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,689
[all giggling]
201
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,858
Val: Mm...
202
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,260
♪
203
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:12,998
I-I only closed the blinds
204
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,933
Because you guys
were acting like idiots!
205
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:19,136
Then what were you doing in here
with your saucy friend?
206
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:20,672
I can't remember!
207
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:21,940
How long were we in here?
208
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,041
Like 5...
209
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,242
Maybe 45 minutes?
210
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,409
45 minutes!
211
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,712
Jesus christ,
that's a long time for sex.
212
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,214
And you're sure
I closed the blinds?
213
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:30,682
Because maybe we--
I probably didn't.
214
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,150
I don't always close blinds.
215
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,952
You 100% immediately
closed all the blinds,
216
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,687
Like, super fast.
217
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,689
Fuck!
218
00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:39,424
Can we get back
to this dick throne?
219
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:41,493
And why was it at what was
supposed to be a respectful
220
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,761
Coming-of-age party
for my daughter?
221
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:43,862
Val, I'm looking at you!
222
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:47,231
I don't rememberrrr...
223
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:50,168
♪
224
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:54,105
This chair is a ceremonial
display piece I found online
225
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,975
To celebrate alice's entry
into a elite group:
226
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,910
Women who conquer.
227
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,780
Specifically,
women who conquer dick.
228
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,381
By sitting on this throne,
229
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:08,085
You are saying that you are
in charge of your sexual self.
230
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,020
That's pretty good,
actually.
231
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,188
Kate: Love that.
Anne: Yeah.
232
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,589
Now, in the spirit
of beginnings,
233
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,457
I thought we could each
take a turn on the throne
234
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,560
And tell our virginity stories.
235
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,261
I'll start.
236
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,664
I was 19 and working
part-time as a party clown.
237
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,366
I was 17...
238
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,201
I was young.
Fifteen.
239
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:24,669
I didn't have sex
until college.
240
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,805
My boyfriend and I
both had headgear,
241
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,674
Which we wore the first time
we tried to have sex.
242
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,076
Wanted to get it over with.
243
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,410
It was all business.
244
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:35,246
My first time was with brad,
my ex-husband.
245
00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:37,515
I mean, I rounded all
the other bases plenty, but...
246
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,951
Alice: La, la, la, la, la, la!
Kate: Oh, come on.
247
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:41,886
I met a charming magician.
248
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,756
He convinced me that my
clitoris was inside my bum.
249
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:46,157
And I believed him.
250
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,059
Anne: He insisted
we be absolutely silent.
251
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,027
"not a peep," he would say.
252
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,430
We were terrified.
He was so sweet.
253
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,999
I think I scared
my little partner.
254
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,834
Poor jimmy iverson.
255
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,502
I lost my anal virginity
to sam the spectacular.
256
00:08:58,539 --> 00:08:59,838
Lesson learned.
257
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,440
Never trust someone
who tricks people for a living.
258
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:05,042
Kate: He actually threw up
right after he came.
259
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,511
Which I never knew if I should
take as a compliment.
260
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,781
Sloane: I don't know
how he even stayed hard
261
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,817
Given how emotionless
and clinical it was...
262
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:14,852
Now that I think about it,
263
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,689
He did have to thumb it in...
A lot.
264
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,525
Dong like a tiger, though,
I'll tell you what.
265
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:22,994
Anne: I just thought that
if I waited long enough,
266
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:26,931
I would be sure to have
the perfect first time, but...
267
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,666
I don't think that exists.
268
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,535
Honestly, my first time
269
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:34,672
Was pretty freakin',
flippin' perfect.
270
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:38,242
[all mutter]
val: Mmm!
271
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:42,013
Mmm...
Mmm!
272
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:47,252
You guys ever eat cake
with just your face?
273
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,953
You alright, val?
Are you feeling okay?
274
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,054
Sloane: No...?
275
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,856
[vengaboys,
"we like to party" playing]
276
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,092
Quite fucked up,
now that you mention it.
277
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,927
♪ we like, we like to party!
278
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,029
♪ we like to party!
279
00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:01,199
♪
280
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,802
♪
281
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:09,540
♪
282
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:13,244
♪
283
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:16,514
♪ I've got something
to tell ya. ♪
284
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,918
♪ I've got news for you.
285
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:23,721
♪ gonna put some
wheels in motion. ♪
286
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:27,692
♪ get ready 'cause
we're comin' through. ♪
287
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:31,229
♪ hey now, hey now!
Hear what I say now! ♪
288
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,699
♪ happiness is just
around the corner! ♪
289
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:38,335
♪ hey now, hey now!
Hear what I say now! ♪
290
00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:40,738
♪ we'll be there for you!
291
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:44,209
♪ the venga bus is coming,
and everybody's jumping! ♪
292
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:47,712
♪ new york to san francisco,
an intercity disco! ♪
293
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:49,614
♪ the wheels of steel
are turning ♪
294
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,249
♪ and traffic lights
are burning ♪
295
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,050
♪ so if you like to party
296
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,986
♪ get on and move your body!
297
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,956
♪
298
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,458
♪
299
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:04,829
♪
300
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:08,833
♪
301
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,669
♪ the venga bus is coming!
302
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,771
Well, it certainly
seems like we had fun!
303
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:14,906
Val...
304
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,308
We still have no idea
why we blacked out!
305
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:21,312
Hey, so, when I was here
in the boardroom with ram, um...
306
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,714
Did you...
307
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,715
Did you hear any sex sounds?
308
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:27,151
When I walked out,
did I seem dry-ish?
309
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:29,554
Was my hair normal?
Did I look pleased?
310
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,689
Dude, I don't know.
311
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:34,058
I mean, is it still cheating
if I don't remember?
312
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,326
Yeah, pretty sure.
313
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,328
It's not a "tree falls
in the forest" situation.
314
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:41,232
Well, fuck.
315
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,934
Meat boy?
316
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,569
Forrest?
317
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:45,904
Mm?
Oh...
318
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,638
Kate: What the hell
are you doing here?
319
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,006
Forrest: Model adjustments.
320
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,309
Just head needed some
side-to-side improvements
321
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:54,411
Just to bring it
over the top, you know?
322
00:11:54,448 --> 00:11:56,080
How did you get in here?
323
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,582
Father gave me a key.
324
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:59,216
I've been coming in every
weekend, using his work bench.
325
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,618
It's called a desk,
forrest.
326
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,987
Well, wait, do you know
what happened last night?
327
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,288
Forrest: Sorta.
328
00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:07,024
It's all a little fuzzy...
329
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,827
You see, I was in the zone, when
I heard through my headphones
330
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:12,163
The unmistakable sound
of older women having...
331
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,597
Fun.
332
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:17,101
All: Go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go!
333
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:19,904
Whoa...
334
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,172
Meat boy!
335
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:24,208
Forrest?
336
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,978
Is that breast milk?
337
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,113
There's more where
that came from, meat boy.
338
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:30,448
Can I play with you guys?
339
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,349
Anne & kate: No.
340
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,583
Val: Yes, you can.
341
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,819
Holy... Shit.
342
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:37,088
Kate: Where did you
get this get-up?
343
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,057
Her.
She made me wear it.
344
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,326
[gasps] I can't imagine
what we were doing
345
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,528
That would necessitate that!
346
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:44,996
Nes...
347
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,597
Nesse...
Necessiss...
348
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:47,999
Kate: Necessitate.
Forrest: Necessi...
349
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:50,068
Kate: Just stop talking.
350
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,769
♪
351
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:54,105
Which has more nerve endings,
the penis or the clitoris?
352
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:55,807
Um... The clitoris?
353
00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:57,074
All: Yeah!
354
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,810
Forrest: Correct!
Kate: I'm so proud of you!
355
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,211
Forrest: You may advance.
Kate: I'm so proud of you!
356
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,346
Val, I am impressed!
357
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:02,813
I can't believe
you put this together!
358
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:05,150
Val: Oh, it was nothing.
Forrest: Silence!
359
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:10,221
Alice, now, where on this
diagram is the prostate located?
360
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:11,656
Um...
361
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,358
Anne: I mean, god,
does it even matter?
362
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,692
Of course it matters, anne!
363
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:15,760
No, I know this one!
364
00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:17,495
I stick fingers up
people's buttholes!
365
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:18,863
No helping!
366
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:20,398
Alice!
Now!
367
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,001
Um, I...
368
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,537
Kate: His balls!
All: Noooo!
369
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,772
I'm sorry,
but the answer's incorrect.
370
00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:30,341
And you know your punishment.
371
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,776
[sound of hair clippers]
372
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:34,178
Wait, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
373
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,613
I don't make the rules, alice.
374
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:36,981
You literally
made these rules!
375
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,283
Mom!
376
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,084
I mean, they're the rules!
You know the rules!
377
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:41,085
It'll be over soon!
378
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:41,952
Oh my god!
[clippers buzzing]
379
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,622
Alice: Oh my god!
380
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:46,324
What the hell, mom!
What were you thinking?
381
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:47,591
Well, I don't know, alice!
382
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:48,860
That's the whole problem,
isn't it?
383
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,261
Alice: Aah!
Forrest: Excuse me...?
384
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,597
Mothers, daughters,
I have to bounce.
385
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:53,965
I ran out of shrooms,
386
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,533
And I need more before
I lose my creative juices.
387
00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:57,768
Did you just say "shrooms"?
388
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:58,802
He shroomed us!
389
00:13:58,939 --> 00:13:59,804
What?
No, you little freak.
390
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:00,805
I would never.
391
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,206
Prove it!
392
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,408
I strictly limit myself
to three grams a week.
393
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:06,010
Otherwise I would get stupid.
394
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,512
And we wouldn't want that,
would we?
395
00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:09,714
How much is three grams?
396
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:11,416
Val: Oh, anne,
don't embarrass yourself.
397
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,150
Look, shit was already
litty like a titty
398
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,552
Before I found you all.
Kate: No.
399
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,554
No way, it had to be you.
You drugged us.
400
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,155
Otherwise, we still don't
know what the fuck happened
401
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,091
To us last night!
402
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,561
That's a bummer, for sure.
403
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,296
Let me know
when you figure it out.
404
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:26,631
Hey!
Hey!
405
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,299
Kate: [in a whisper]
piece of shit.
406
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:29,967
[phone ringing]
407
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:33,037
Hey... That's my phone!
408
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:36,774
Where is it?
409
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:43,181
Alice: Gimme that!
410
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:44,916
Why do you have my phone?
411
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,518
Uh...
412
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,789
Oh, yeah.
413
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,561
This slut mitzvah
is turning into a real bust.
414
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,430
Honestly, this is not
what she needs.
415
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:02,166
What that girl deserves is a
re-do with her little boyfriend.
416
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,335
Sloane: Yes!
You're right.
417
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:05,703
Your mom ruins your first time,
418
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:11,376
You get right back up
on that teenage-penis horse.
419
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,344
Jenny: I'm gonna steal
her phone before it locks!
420
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,879
Oh!
[chuckles]
421
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:19,217
I like you!
422
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,352
Seamus, seamus...
423
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:22,954
There you are.
424
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,223
Hey, sexy man...
[typing sounds]
425
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,225
Yes!
Yes!
426
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,895
Re-do, re-do, re-do!
427
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:34,131
[both chanting]
re-do, re-do, re-do, re-do!
428
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,301
Re-do, re-do, re-do, re-do!
429
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,639
The last thing
those two need is a re-do!
430
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,041
What the hell were
you guys thinking?
431
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,375
You know what?
432
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,743
I officially don't care
what happened last night.
433
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,111
I'm leaving.
Anne: Wait, no, no, no, no!
434
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,046
Alice, alice, alice, stop.
435
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,447
Stop, please.
436
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,316
I fucked up.
437
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,652
Tonight was supposed to be
about making it up to you.
438
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,654
Sharing pearls of wisdom,
you know?
439
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:58,122
Like, um...
440
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,725
Like... Like how
it doesn't matter
441
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,794
Who you lose your virginity to.
442
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,996
Whether you marry them,
or you never see them again,
443
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,531
You can't control that.
444
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:09,300
But what you can control
is yourself.
445
00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:11,969
And what you need to know,
what is the most important thing
446
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,405
That you know, is to prioritize
you and your own pleasure.
447
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,908
Well, you clearly prioritize
your own pleasure.
448
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,643
Okay, what the hell
does that mean?
449
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:22,680
Seamus told me all about
your flirty little field trips.
450
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,415
I mean, asking him
about his sex life?
451
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:25,583
Calling that therapy?
452
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,218
What is your problem?
453
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:29,420
Val: I'm sorry?
Sloane: You did what now?
454
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,556
You told us that you
walked in on them having sex.
455
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:32,890
Anne, isn't that what you said?
456
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:35,292
Oh, that's what
she told you all?
457
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,460
Cool story.
458
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,429
I didn't know!
I-I didn't know!
459
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,064
[stammering]
460
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,500
For most of the time.
461
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,435
By the way, why didn't
he recognize that we both
462
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:45,903
Have the same last name, huh?
463
00:16:45,939 --> 00:16:47,671
Well, he said carlson's actually
a really common last name.
464
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,139
[in a whisper]
common last name, my ass.
465
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:50,374
Alice: And don't blame him.
466
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,510
Fine, you're right, okay?
I crossed a line.
467
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,780
I crossed many lines,
and I'm horrified with myself!
468
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,181
But that doesn't matter.
469
00:16:57,316 --> 00:17:02,519
What matters is that I am
genuinely and incredibly sorry
470
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,121
For ruining your first time.
471
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,390
Well, you didn't.
472
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:09,660
Wait, you didn't...
473
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,295
You're still a virgin?
474
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:12,830
No.
475
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:15,266
It wasn't my first time.
476
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:18,870
Not even close.
477
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,537
Oh, boy.
478
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,872
Seamus: Hello?
479
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,574
Uh...
480
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:24,809
Hey.
481
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,543
Hey, alice.
482
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,479
Alice: What--
what are you doing here?
483
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:30,214
You sent me a text saying
484
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:33,151
"your one way ticket
to smash town"
485
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,285
With a pin to this address?
486
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:37,755
Alice: No, I--
[sighs]
487
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,490
Actually, you know what?
488
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,558
That's... That's perfect.
489
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,497
Not bad.
490
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:49,300
Oh!
491
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,802
Thanks for this...
Special evening.
492
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,407
Let's go.
493
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,947
Val: Anne...?
Are you okay?
494
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:06,917
No.
495
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:08,452
I think I gotta go.
496
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,456
You think she's already
slept with more people
497
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:13,691
Than you have your whole life?
498
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,293
Kate: Oh my god, jenny.
Sloane: Jenny!
499
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,229
Anne: I gotta go, I gotta go.
Kate: Yeah, of course.
500
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,131
Sloane: Kate, kate, don't.
Let her go.
501
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,266
Let her go scream
in her car all alone.
502
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,667
Kate: [sighs]
you're right, I'm sure.
503
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,870
Fuck.
Now what do we do?
504
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:28,806
Jenny: Uh, well,
I think I'm gonna go home.
505
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,274
Val: Moi aussi.
506
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:31,542
Oh, by all means.
507
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,611
Thanks for helping clean up.
508
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,412
I can't believe
we didn't figure it out.
509
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,348
All six of us blacking out
over nothing.
510
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:39,016
I know.
511
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:40,284
Anyway, go home.
512
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:41,886
I'll help you
clean this up later.
513
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:44,355
No, it's alright, I got it.
You go.
514
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,557
I got it.
515
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,605
Oh...
516
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,842
Kate: You guys are so immature,
you know that?
517
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,911
Stop it!
Don't mind them.
518
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,646
They're just stupid
and obnoxious.
519
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,014
They're all stupid.
520
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:11,582
[in a whisper]
shut the fuck up!
521
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:15,019
[all giggling]
522
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,255
I'm sorry to
crash the weird party
523
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:22,093
That you're throwing out of
your office over the weekend.
524
00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:26,163
May I ask what brings you
to my office on the weekend?
525
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,267
I was gonna just
leave this at the front
526
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,802
For you to find Monday morning,
but this is way better.
527
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,771
Oh, shit!
Is this what I think it is?
528
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,039
Ram: Horamo.
529
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,507
With your slogan
right there on the label.
530
00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:37,875
Kate: Oh!
531
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,109
Look at that!
532
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,611
Ram: Yeah, it was
worth the trip
533
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,746
Just to see that
shit-eating grin.
534
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,415
[chuckles]
535
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,217
Alright, well, uh...
536
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,985
Don't let me keep you
from your party.
537
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,820
Uh, thanks for stopping by.
538
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:54,025
Yeah.
539
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:57,161
Now, uh, walk me out, please?
540
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:58,829
I don't want to
walk by your friends alone.
541
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,198
Kate: Oh, yeah.
[laughs]
542
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:01,699
[sighs with relief]
543
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,100
[chuckles]
544
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,469
I knew I wasn't a bad person.
545
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:16,380
Anne: [clears throat]
ram: Goodnight, ladies.
546
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:19,650
Have fun!
All: Goodnight!
547
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,652
He is a lot cuter
than you let on.
548
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,654
Okay, is he?
He's fine.
549
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,122
Can we just cheers
to alice, please?
550
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:26,323
Thanks.
551
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:31,195
[glasses clink]
552
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:32,996
Mmm, that is delicious.
553
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,364
Yeah, I'm just
gonna say it, val.
554
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,533
This champagne is cheap as shit.
555
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:36,834
So friggin' sweet!
556
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,468
Yeah, we're gonna get
killer hangovers for this.
557
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:39,470
Take it easy, alice.
558
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:40,938
Anybody have an advil?
559
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,839
I don't fuck with champagne
unless I take one of those.
560
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:44,141
I don't have that, but...
561
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:45,809
This could do the trick.
562
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:46,944
Is that your migraine pill?
563
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,279
Uh-huh.
564
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:49,680
Sloane: Any side effects
we should know about?
565
00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:51,148
Well, there is one.
566
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,284
You could drink your tits off
and not get a headache.
567
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:54,685
Sloane: Yeah!
568
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:59,890
Kate, you are a genius!
569
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,425
Bottoms up!
570
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,427
♪
571
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,029
♪
572
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:08,432
Oh, fuck...
573
00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:13,037
♪ here lies a series of
questionable decisions... ♪