1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:37,291 --> 00:00:41,166 [distant waves] 4 00:00:48,958 --> 00:00:50,125 [electricity pylon buzzing] 5 00:01:00,958 --> 00:01:03,958 [electrical buzz] 6 00:01:48,916 --> 00:01:50,583 [Naoki] When I was small, 7 00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:56,291 I didn't even know that I was a kid with 'special needs'. 8 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,833 How did I find out? 9 00:01:58,875 --> 00:02:00,541 By other people telling me 10 00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:02,666 that I was different from everyone else. 11 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,875 And that this was a problem. 12 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,291 [boy makes sounds] 13 00:02:10,458 --> 00:02:12,291 True enough... 14 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:16,625 it was very hard for me to act like most other people. 15 00:02:16,666 --> 00:02:20,541 And even now, I still can't do a 'real' conversation. 16 00:02:23,666 --> 00:02:26,791 From your point of view, the world of autism 17 00:02:26,833 --> 00:02:30,125 must look like a deeply mysterious place. 18 00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:36,333 So my big hope is that by writing this book, 19 00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:39,708 I can help to explain in my own way, 20 00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:41,125 what goes on in my mind. 21 00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,083 [low electrical hum] 22 00:02:58,291 --> 00:03:00,791 [Naoki] Can you imagine how your life would be 23 00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:03,458 if you couldn't say what you wanted? 24 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,958 [light buzzing] 25 00:03:08,208 --> 00:03:09,333 They're turned off. 26 00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:14,916 The fountains are off in Greece. 27 00:03:14,958 --> 00:03:16,625 The fountains are off in Greece. 28 00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:23,708 Hi, all the fountains are off in Greece. 29 00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,125 [man] Are they? 30 00:03:25,166 --> 00:03:26,916 All the fountains are off in Greece. 31 00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:27,916 [man] Okay. 32 00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:32,166 Those fountains are off in Greece. 33 00:03:35,625 --> 00:03:36,958 [loud traffic] 34 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:41,416 -[game beeps] -[Emma makes sounds] 35 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,541 [Emma makes sounds] 36 00:03:48,625 --> 00:03:52,666 [game beeping] 37 00:03:52,708 --> 00:03:55,083 -No more. -[game beeping] 38 00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:57,125 [murmurs] 39 00:03:57,166 --> 00:03:59,416 [Naoki] Every time I do something 40 00:03:59,458 --> 00:04:01,625 that other people wouldn't, 41 00:04:01,666 --> 00:04:03,791 it must make you wonder why. 42 00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:06,333 [Ben makes T and S sounds] 43 00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:10,041 [Jestina laughs] 44 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,625 [Naoki] But don't judge me from the outside only. 45 00:04:13,666 --> 00:04:17,083 Spare a little time to listen to what I have to say 46 00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:19,208 and have a nice trip through our world. 47 00:04:21,416 --> 00:04:22,458 [horn beeping] 48 00:04:25,791 --> 00:04:27,625 [wind chimes chiming] 49 00:04:31,875 --> 00:04:33,000 [fan blades reverberate] 50 00:05:04,916 --> 00:05:06,166 [fan blades continue reverberating] 51 00:05:20,458 --> 00:05:23,958 [Aarti] Amrit picks up on things which people usually do not. 52 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:35,708 That was kind of a revelation. 53 00:05:39,583 --> 00:05:41,833 For a very long time 54 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,750 she had so much anger in her 55 00:05:44,791 --> 00:05:47,875 but there was no way that she could tell us about it. 56 00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:54,000 She must've had some bullying moments in school. 57 00:05:56,041 --> 00:05:58,333 She was wanting to make friends 58 00:05:58,375 --> 00:06:01,125 but others did not know how to be friendly with her. 59 00:06:03,708 --> 00:06:06,625 She would scream for hours, 60 00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:09,041 and then she would cry and I would cry 61 00:06:09,083 --> 00:06:10,416 and-- not knowing what to do. 62 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,833 That was the time 63 00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:19,125 when she used to really rub the crayon 64 00:06:19,166 --> 00:06:22,791 on one particular spot until the paper would tear 65 00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:25,208 and there were impressions on her desk. 66 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,291 But within that, 67 00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:33,875 there was such a strong message for others. 68 00:06:36,041 --> 00:06:40,041 And I realized that it wasn't just art that she was doing. 69 00:06:40,083 --> 00:06:43,375 She was actually giving me the routine of her day 70 00:06:43,416 --> 00:06:45,000 and what all was happening. 71 00:06:45,041 --> 00:06:47,333 So, she would draw what she was eating, 72 00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:51,333 she would draw other students around her, 73 00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:53,041 she would draw the landscape. 74 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:03,250 And that is how the journey began. 75 00:07:03,291 --> 00:07:06,666 [music swells] 76 00:07:25,708 --> 00:07:28,041 [Naoki] So how do I see the world? 77 00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:34,500 You may be looking at the exact same thing as me, 78 00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:37,541 but how I perceive it appears to be different. 79 00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:42,791 When you see an object 80 00:07:42,833 --> 00:07:46,875 it seems you see it as an entire thing first 81 00:07:46,916 --> 00:07:49,541 and only afterwards do its details follow on. 82 00:07:55,125 --> 00:08:00,166 But for me, the details jump straight out first of all, 83 00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:03,708 and then gradually, detail by detail, 84 00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:06,125 the whole image floats up into focus. 85 00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:08,583 [curtain flaps] 86 00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:14,791 [rain splashing] 87 00:08:32,791 --> 00:08:36,916 [exaggerated metallic rain-like sounds] 88 00:08:36,958 --> 00:08:41,125 [Naoki] My eyes are captured by lines and surfaces. 89 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:51,125 Just to get a grip on things, I have to scan my memory 90 00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:54,666 to find an experience closest to what's happening now. 91 00:08:54,708 --> 00:09:01,541 [Drop-like sounds, reminiscent of rain] 92 00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:08,666 [street sounds resume] 93 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:16,083 [David] The chaos of the world has to be 94 00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:18,750 turned into some kind of coherent order, 95 00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,833 almost by hand, 96 00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:24,750 inside an autistic mind I think-- I don't have one 97 00:09:24,791 --> 00:09:27,541 so I can't be sure but this book helps me understand a bit. 98 00:09:29,833 --> 00:09:32,125 [David] Naoki Higashida wrote 'The Reason I Jump' 99 00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:35,083 when he was thirteen years old. 100 00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:37,958 And like my son, he was autistic and didn't speak. 101 00:09:41,125 --> 00:09:44,875 It's like cartography. He makes a map of his mind. 102 00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:51,291 There's an example where Naoki talks about the steps 103 00:09:51,333 --> 00:09:53,500 that he has to go through to understand 104 00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:55,541 that it is raining. 105 00:09:55,583 --> 00:09:59,083 And it would never occur to you if you're neurotypical, 106 00:09:59,125 --> 00:10:04,000 that you have to flip through this mental card index, 107 00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:07,208 connecting the sound, previous memories 108 00:10:07,250 --> 00:10:10,166 with the word 'rain' to work out what's happening now. 109 00:10:11,625 --> 00:10:12,916 You just know it's raining. 110 00:10:14,541 --> 00:10:15,833 [rain falling] 111 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,833 [Jes makes sudden sound] 112 00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:32,875 [David] The world that Naoki describes is different. 113 00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:37,166 Chaotic, swirling, raw and visceral. 114 00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:38,875 [Joss shouting] 115 00:10:38,916 --> 00:10:41,208 [David] It's emotionally very taxing. 116 00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:43,083 Meltdowns can blow up out of nowhere. 117 00:10:43,125 --> 00:10:47,916 [Jes makes sounds of distress] 118 00:10:47,958 --> 00:10:49,750 [David] So that's where my son's living. 119 00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:53,375 And it's not easy. 120 00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:57,666 [busy market sounds] 121 00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:02,958 [sewing machine whirring] 122 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,208 [coat hangers clicking] 123 00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:11,791 [reel spooling loudly] 124 00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:16,375 [chickens clucking] 125 00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:20,458 [gas hissing] 126 00:11:23,625 --> 00:11:25,875 [sizzling] 127 00:11:29,791 --> 00:11:31,958 [indistinct chatter] 128 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,958 [Aarti] She used to have these obsessions. 129 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,458 -[gasps and clicks tongue] -[Aarti] Uh, my fear 130 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:39,583 was that it is socially awkward. 131 00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:41,916 And I-- I would try and stop her from doing that. 132 00:11:45,583 --> 00:11:47,625 But when I read Naoki's book, 133 00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:50,416 I realized what she must be going through. 134 00:11:51,916 --> 00:11:54,416 So, it's difficult. Yes... I'm sorry. 135 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,208 [sniffs] 136 00:12:15,041 --> 00:12:18,291 I've acted so strange with my own child. 137 00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:19,291 I don't know... 138 00:12:20,458 --> 00:12:22,458 how I fit into a mother's role. 139 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,083 [Aarti sniffs] 140 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,708 [Aarti sighs] 141 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,958 [sighs] 142 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,458 I've tried to stop her from being herself. 143 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,083 [kisses] 144 00:12:45,791 --> 00:12:47,000 [chuckles] 145 00:12:48,666 --> 00:12:49,750 [blows air] 146 00:12:49,791 --> 00:12:50,750 [chuckles] 147 00:12:56,458 --> 00:12:57,458 [kisses] 148 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:07,125 [gentle music playing] 149 00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:19,958 [wet clay slapping] 150 00:13:21,416 --> 00:13:22,666 [pottery wheel whirring] 151 00:13:43,375 --> 00:13:47,416 [Naoki] Every single thing has its own unique beauty. 152 00:13:47,458 --> 00:13:49,625 [rickshaw engine whirring] 153 00:13:49,666 --> 00:13:52,875 [Naoki] When a color is vivid or a shape is eye-catching, 154 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:56,541 then my heart kind of drowns in it. 155 00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:59,250 I can't concentrate on anything else. 156 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:06,833 A person who's looking at a mountain far away 157 00:14:06,875 --> 00:14:08,666 doesn't notice the prettiness 158 00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:11,416 of the dandelion in front of them. 159 00:14:11,458 --> 00:14:13,291 [rickshaw continues vibrating] 160 00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:25,416 [pencil scrapes on paper] 161 00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:28,166 [distant rumble] 162 00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:36,000 [Aarti] There are certain sounds, 163 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:41,458 there are certain sights, that are either painful 164 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:45,041 or they are very pleasant. 165 00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:50,333 When she comes home, she picks up a paper to... 166 00:14:50,375 --> 00:14:53,625 to kind of put it there for the world to know. 167 00:14:53,666 --> 00:14:55,708 [Amrit murmuring] 168 00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:05,000 [hums in a high pitch] 169 00:15:09,333 --> 00:15:11,708 [choir echoes] 170 00:15:12,958 --> 00:15:14,458 [humming continues] 171 00:15:21,166 --> 00:15:23,375 [choir echoes] 172 00:15:24,583 --> 00:15:26,125 [hums] 173 00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:32,041 [murmurs] 174 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,000 [humming] 175 00:16:03,125 --> 00:16:04,750 [rickshaw engine whirring] 176 00:16:09,708 --> 00:16:10,708 [mooing] 177 00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:23,291 [car horn] 178 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:27,958 [barks] 179 00:16:34,791 --> 00:16:36,833 [car horns] 180 00:16:38,666 --> 00:16:39,666 [bubble wrap popping] 181 00:16:50,375 --> 00:16:52,208 [piano music playing] 182 00:17:07,416 --> 00:17:09,833 [Naoki] Not being able to talk 183 00:17:09,875 --> 00:17:11,375 means not being able to share 184 00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:13,416 what you're feeling or thinking. 185 00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:18,125 To live my life as a human being, 186 00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:19,833 nothing is more important 187 00:17:19,875 --> 00:17:21,750 than being able to express myself. 188 00:17:32,208 --> 00:17:36,166 [David] How can you be subject to all this wild, 189 00:17:36,208 --> 00:17:38,666 uncensored, sensory input 190 00:17:38,708 --> 00:17:41,500 and then render that into language? 191 00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:49,750 Naoki Higashida sort of achieved the impossible. 192 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,916 A kid who could still remember what it's like 193 00:17:53,958 --> 00:17:55,625 to be four or five years old. 194 00:17:57,375 --> 00:17:58,458 It's kind of poetry. 195 00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:03,250 It felt like our son was talking to us. 196 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,875 It felt like when I was at-- 197 00:18:04,916 --> 00:18:07,000 at my most desperate, 198 00:18:07,041 --> 00:18:08,541 knowing I wouldn't get an answer, 199 00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:11,000 but just saying, "Why are you doing that?" 200 00:18:11,041 --> 00:18:12,708 Uh... 201 00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:14,333 Well, here's the answer. 202 00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:20,000 My wife and I wanted the people who work with our son 203 00:18:20,041 --> 00:18:21,958 to read it as well. 204 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,541 So, we started translating it. 205 00:18:26,875 --> 00:18:32,083 [David] The book felt like an envoy from another world, 206 00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:34,750 whose culture, whose rules, 207 00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:36,500 whose reasons I didn't understand. 208 00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:38,083 [boy makes an "ah" sound] 209 00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:42,791 [Naoki] My mind 210 00:18:42,833 --> 00:18:46,875 is forever swaying this way and that. 211 00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:50,708 [Naoki] I never ever feel at ease wherever I am. 212 00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:59,291 As a child, I used to wander off from home. 213 00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:01,166 It wasn't because I wanted to go out 214 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,333 for a special reason. 215 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:06,541 My body moved because it was lured outside 216 00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:08,833 by something there, 217 00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:12,291 in search of somewhere where I felt at ease. 218 00:19:23,416 --> 00:19:26,958 [swing screeching] 219 00:19:31,666 --> 00:19:34,833 [Joss] Hi. Hi, Joss. 220 00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:36,750 The lady is going to turn the fans on. 221 00:19:40,291 --> 00:19:41,500 It's like a fan. 222 00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:48,958 The fan-- The fan goes round and round. 223 00:19:57,208 --> 00:19:58,583 We're making a fan. 224 00:19:59,875 --> 00:20:01,750 Make it-- make it spin fast! 225 00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:04,916 Make it spin fast. 226 00:20:04,958 --> 00:20:08,375 -It's going round. -[carer 1] It is going round. 227 00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,333 -Joss going high. -[carer 1 chuckling] 228 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:11,875 [Joss] High! 229 00:20:11,916 --> 00:20:12,916 [carer 1] High, Joss. 230 00:20:14,583 --> 00:20:17,916 Joss... because it's raining... 231 00:20:17,958 --> 00:20:19,750 [the sound becomes muffled as Joss covers his ears] 232 00:20:19,791 --> 00:20:21,625 -Good lad. -Good lad, well done. 233 00:20:21,666 --> 00:20:24,708 - I am a good lad. - Joss, Joss we're gonna take the sausage and chips 234 00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:26,125 back to Bradstow, okay? 235 00:20:28,875 --> 00:20:30,250 [Joss laughing] 236 00:20:30,291 --> 00:20:31,666 [normal sound resumes as he removes hands from ears] 237 00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,500 [carer 1 chuckles] Come on. 238 00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:35,625 -[Joss] We're at big school. -[carer 1] We are at big school. 239 00:20:38,291 --> 00:20:40,125 [gurgling water] 240 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:46,458 [cello music playing] 241 00:20:47,541 --> 00:20:50,083 [seagulls squawking] 242 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,416 [sound becomes muffled as Joss covers his ears] 243 00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:55,083 Is the umbrella hot? 244 00:20:55,125 --> 00:20:57,250 [Naoki] As soon as I try to speak with someone, 245 00:20:57,291 --> 00:20:59,125 my words just vanish. 246 00:21:03,916 --> 00:21:07,125 There is a gap between what I'm thinking 247 00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:08,500 and what I'm saying. 248 00:21:08,541 --> 00:21:10,333 Mummy got me two milkshakes. 249 00:21:10,375 --> 00:21:12,750 [carer 1] Mummy did get you two milkshakes. 250 00:21:12,791 --> 00:21:14,208 [Naoki] It's like a reflex... 251 00:21:15,625 --> 00:21:17,541 [Joss shouts] 252 00:21:17,583 --> 00:21:21,041 ...reacting to what I've just seen in some cases... 253 00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:22,916 or to some old memories. 254 00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:30,500 As if I'm drowning in a flood of words. 255 00:21:30,541 --> 00:21:32,500 The cover is like a black hoover. 256 00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:34,166 -[carer 1] It's like a-- -[Joss] Red? 257 00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:36,291 [Joss] This cover is like a black hoover. 258 00:21:36,333 --> 00:21:37,458 [carer 2] It's like a red hoover. 259 00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,875 It's like a black hoover. 260 00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:41,041 [carer 2] Oh, it's like a black one. 261 00:21:41,083 --> 00:21:42,875 [Joss] This cover is like a red hoover. [carer 2] I think it's like a black hoover. 262 00:21:42,916 --> 00:21:44,250 [Joss] Its cover is like a black hoover. 263 00:21:44,291 --> 00:21:45,708 [carer 2] It is. 264 00:21:45,750 --> 00:21:48,208 [Naoki] The big exception is words or phrases 265 00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:49,916 I'm familiar with, 266 00:21:49,958 --> 00:21:52,208 like playing a game of catch with a ball. 267 00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:53,708 -[Joss] Papa! -[carer 1] Papa. 268 00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:57,541 [laughs] Papa, Papa! 269 00:21:57,583 --> 00:21:58,708 [dog barks] 270 00:22:00,041 --> 00:22:01,708 [dog barks] 271 00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:03,791 [carer 1] Do you want to wait for the doggy to go? 272 00:22:06,708 --> 00:22:09,125 Joss, the dog's gone now, we're gonna keep walking 273 00:22:09,166 --> 00:22:11,000 to the cafe, okay? 274 00:22:11,041 --> 00:22:12,708 Good lad, well done. 275 00:22:12,750 --> 00:22:16,166 -[distant dog barks] -[threatening drone sound] 276 00:22:21,208 --> 00:22:24,125 [distant dogs barking] 277 00:22:27,791 --> 00:22:30,541 [Stevie] Joss can see everything, 278 00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:31,958 and he can hear everything. 279 00:22:34,750 --> 00:22:36,541 [nostalgic music playing] 280 00:22:36,583 --> 00:22:38,500 When Joss was little, 281 00:22:38,541 --> 00:22:41,250 his sensory world was entirely a positive thing. 282 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,416 Everything related back to water and light, 283 00:22:50,458 --> 00:22:53,041 so we provided as much water and light as we could. 284 00:22:53,083 --> 00:22:54,708 [rush of water] 285 00:22:57,708 --> 00:22:58,625 [Jeremy] What can you see? 286 00:23:02,291 --> 00:23:03,375 What can you see, Joss? 287 00:23:05,833 --> 00:23:07,250 One of the things I would love to be 288 00:23:07,291 --> 00:23:10,250 is just inside his head. 289 00:23:10,291 --> 00:23:13,500 Just-- just for ten seconds to understand, 290 00:23:13,541 --> 00:23:15,916 how he sees the world. 291 00:23:15,958 --> 00:23:17,541 [indistinct whispering] Let's go. 292 00:23:19,083 --> 00:23:20,500 It's making a noise. 293 00:23:20,541 --> 00:23:22,000 [Joss] The green box is making a noise. 294 00:23:22,041 --> 00:23:23,541 [Jeremy] The green box is making a noise. 295 00:23:26,166 --> 00:23:29,166 [low humming] 296 00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:37,583 [Joss] Shall we get in? 297 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:40,166 You cannot get-- No, you cannot get in, no. 298 00:23:41,583 --> 00:23:43,750 Green box is like music. 299 00:23:43,791 --> 00:23:45,583 Green box is like music. 300 00:23:45,625 --> 00:23:47,708 [humming noise continues] 301 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,916 -[electricity box hums] -[Georgian choir humming] 302 00:24:09,750 --> 00:24:11,500 Is it like a black hoover? 303 00:24:11,541 --> 00:24:15,041 No, it's like a red hoover. Sounds like a red hoover. 304 00:24:15,083 --> 00:24:16,458 Does it sound like a black hoover? 305 00:24:19,083 --> 00:24:20,208 Does it sound like a black hoover? 306 00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:21,500 No, it sounds like a red hoover. 307 00:24:24,458 --> 00:24:25,458 [Jeremy] Want to go now? 308 00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:36,416 [electricity box fizzes] 309 00:24:36,458 --> 00:24:38,666 [Stevie] Green boxes have become a massive part of our life 310 00:24:38,708 --> 00:24:41,833 because we realize that Joss can hear them 311 00:24:41,875 --> 00:24:43,625 from a long, long, long way away. 312 00:24:45,375 --> 00:24:47,833 [electricity box humming] 313 00:24:50,333 --> 00:24:53,250 [electricity box humming] 314 00:24:56,458 --> 00:24:59,666 [choir humming grows louder] 315 00:25:12,250 --> 00:25:15,375 [loud static and choir grows louder still] 316 00:25:29,916 --> 00:25:31,333 [music and static abruptly cuts] 317 00:25:31,375 --> 00:25:33,416 [sound of pen scribbling] 318 00:25:40,291 --> 00:25:42,083 -We need to get pizza. -[Stevie] We're gonna go-- 319 00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:43,583 Daddy's driving to get the pizza now. 320 00:25:59,333 --> 00:26:02,333 [sound of running water] 321 00:26:02,375 --> 00:26:04,625 [loud sprinkler sound] 322 00:26:07,291 --> 00:26:09,291 We had a sprinkler at Number Eighty. 323 00:26:11,083 --> 00:26:12,500 We did have a sprinkler. Mummy used to-- 324 00:26:12,541 --> 00:26:13,708 "You're not having a sprinkler tonight" 325 00:26:13,750 --> 00:26:15,375 at Number Eighty. 326 00:26:15,416 --> 00:26:17,000 [Stevie chuckles] Is that what-- Did Mummy say that? 327 00:26:17,916 --> 00:26:19,416 Did Mummy say that? 328 00:26:19,458 --> 00:26:21,958 No! Mummy always let you have the sprinkler on! 329 00:26:27,291 --> 00:26:29,083 [Joss squeals with happiness] 330 00:26:29,125 --> 00:26:30,916 [Jeremy] Number Eighty was the number of a house 331 00:26:30,958 --> 00:26:33,208 we used to live in. 332 00:26:33,250 --> 00:26:35,166 Joss is remembering the things that happened 333 00:26:35,208 --> 00:26:39,458 in that garden when he was about three or four years old. 334 00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:41,500 [Jeremy] Specific events. 335 00:26:41,541 --> 00:26:43,291 -[Joss] Number Eighty. -[Jeremy] Number Eighty. 336 00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:47,958 To him, they are just as real as something 337 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,583 that's happened half an hour ago. 338 00:26:50,625 --> 00:26:52,250 I think the earliest we've had is when he was 339 00:26:52,291 --> 00:26:53,916 just before his second birthday. 340 00:26:58,208 --> 00:27:01,166 Like some kind of, um, slideshow, 341 00:27:01,208 --> 00:27:02,833 an out of control slideshow. 342 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,000 [Naoki] Time is a continuous thing 343 00:27:15,041 --> 00:27:16,625 with no clear boundaries, 344 00:27:18,125 --> 00:27:20,416 which is why it's so confusing. 345 00:27:22,875 --> 00:27:24,500 Inside my head, 346 00:27:24,541 --> 00:27:26,250 there isn't really such a big difference 347 00:27:26,291 --> 00:27:29,291 between what I was told just now, 348 00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:32,208 and what I heard a long, long time ago. 349 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:38,666 I imagine other people's memories 350 00:27:38,708 --> 00:27:41,500 are arranged continuously like a line. 351 00:27:44,083 --> 00:27:48,625 My memory is more like a pool of dots. 352 00:27:48,666 --> 00:27:50,333 Memories are all scattershot 353 00:27:50,375 --> 00:27:52,541 and never connected in the right order. 354 00:27:52,583 --> 00:27:54,083 [rushing sprinkler sound] 355 00:27:54,125 --> 00:27:56,041 [children laughing] 356 00:27:56,083 --> 00:27:58,166 [Joss] Mummy did turn the sprinkler on at Number Eighty. 357 00:27:58,208 --> 00:27:59,541 [squeals] 358 00:27:59,583 --> 00:28:04,375 [Stevie sings "Away in a Manger"] 359 00:28:10,250 --> 00:28:12,208 [Naoki] The trouble with scattered memories 360 00:28:12,250 --> 00:28:14,375 is that sometimes they replay themselves 361 00:28:14,416 --> 00:28:17,791 in my head as if they've only just taken place... 362 00:28:17,833 --> 00:28:20,125 and the emotions I felt originally 363 00:28:20,166 --> 00:28:23,500 come rushing back to me like a sudden storm. 364 00:28:27,750 --> 00:28:28,958 Daddy can't get the pizza. 365 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,541 [Stevie] Daddy is getting pizza, 366 00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:32,958 and Daddy's getting more dough balls now. 367 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,375 Two minutes for pizza. 368 00:28:34,416 --> 00:28:35,583 Can you wait with Mummy please, darling? 369 00:28:35,625 --> 00:28:37,250 [Joss] There's no more pizza! 370 00:28:37,291 --> 00:28:39,083 [Stevie] No, no, the pizza is coming. 371 00:28:39,125 --> 00:28:41,583 -Daddy is bringing the pizza -[Joss] There's no pizza today! 372 00:28:41,625 --> 00:28:43,375 [Stevie] Don't panic, there's gonna be a pizza. 373 00:28:43,416 --> 00:28:44,583 -[Joss roars] -[Stevie] Don't hurt me please. 374 00:28:44,625 --> 00:28:45,541 Don't hurt me. 375 00:28:45,583 --> 00:28:47,125 [Joss] There's no more. 376 00:28:47,166 --> 00:28:49,000 -Oh, no! -[Stevie] Don't panic. 377 00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:53,500 There's no pizza! 378 00:28:53,541 --> 00:28:54,708 -Daddy's gone to get one? -Please, honey. 379 00:28:54,750 --> 00:28:55,708 Daddy's gone to get one. 380 00:29:05,958 --> 00:29:09,000 [Naoki] Exactly what the next moment has in store 381 00:29:09,041 --> 00:29:12,333 never stops being a big, big worry. 382 00:29:24,250 --> 00:29:26,041 [Stevie] It's pizza, it's Joss' pizza! 383 00:29:26,083 --> 00:29:27,625 [Jeremy] I brought you some pizza! 384 00:29:27,666 --> 00:29:29,333 Here! 385 00:29:29,375 --> 00:29:31,833 [Stevie] Daddy! You brought the pizza. Thank you! 386 00:29:31,875 --> 00:29:33,791 [Jeremy] Fucking Pizza Express. 387 00:29:35,958 --> 00:29:39,416 -[scribbling] -[the sounds of a storm] 388 00:29:54,541 --> 00:29:56,291 [Stevie] As he's hit puberty, 389 00:29:56,333 --> 00:29:58,666 his relationship with that sensory world 390 00:29:58,708 --> 00:29:59,791 has changed. 391 00:30:01,875 --> 00:30:03,541 His anxiety is just huge. 392 00:30:05,416 --> 00:30:07,250 [scribbling] 393 00:30:18,791 --> 00:30:20,708 [Joss breathing heavily] 394 00:30:25,416 --> 00:30:28,416 [Naoki] There are times when I can't act, 395 00:30:28,458 --> 00:30:31,291 even though I really badly want to. 396 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,458 [breathing loudly] 397 00:30:40,583 --> 00:30:43,416 [breathes loudly] 398 00:30:47,958 --> 00:30:51,000 [Naoki] It's as if my whole body belongs to someone else. 399 00:30:53,458 --> 00:30:56,708 As if I'm remote-controlling a faulty robot. 400 00:30:56,750 --> 00:30:58,625 [scribbling] 401 00:31:10,041 --> 00:31:14,125 [Joss roaring] 402 00:31:15,958 --> 00:31:17,666 [Jeremy] Get up. 403 00:31:17,708 --> 00:31:19,666 [Jeremy] Daddy loves you. Daddy loves you. 404 00:31:23,708 --> 00:31:25,541 -[Jeremy] Joss! -[Joss roaring] 405 00:31:25,583 --> 00:31:27,291 -[Jeremy] Stop! -[Joss roaring] 406 00:31:30,333 --> 00:31:32,333 -[Jeremy] Joss, stop! Stop! -[thudding] 407 00:31:32,375 --> 00:31:34,958 [Joss roaring] 408 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,083 [Stevie] Stop hurting Daddy. 409 00:31:37,458 --> 00:31:38,541 -[Joss roaring] -[door closes] 410 00:31:40,291 --> 00:31:42,875 [Joss roaring] 411 00:31:47,291 --> 00:31:49,208 [Naoki] It's a feeling of helplessness 412 00:31:49,250 --> 00:31:52,208 which brings on a panic attack or a meltdown. 413 00:31:52,250 --> 00:31:54,791 Even when I make a tiny mistake, 414 00:31:54,833 --> 00:31:57,625 the fact of it starts rushing towards me like a tsunami. 415 00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:03,541 To get away, I'll do anything. 416 00:32:04,833 --> 00:32:06,583 And afterwards, 417 00:32:06,625 --> 00:32:09,375 when I see the wreckage I've made, I hate myself. 418 00:32:11,375 --> 00:32:12,833 I just hate myself. 419 00:32:19,833 --> 00:32:21,500 -[Joss] Hello. -[Stevie] Hello. 420 00:32:21,541 --> 00:32:23,583 -[Joss] Let's go? -[Stevie] Let's go! 421 00:32:29,083 --> 00:32:32,166 We had this kind of horrible, hellish few months 422 00:32:32,208 --> 00:32:35,625 where his aggression got worse and worse. 423 00:32:35,666 --> 00:32:38,208 From there on in, something had just changed. 424 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,375 [high winds blowing] 425 00:32:51,375 --> 00:32:53,291 [Stevie] He was expelled from the school he was in... 426 00:32:54,416 --> 00:32:56,166 and we found a school 427 00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:58,958 that could take and cope with children 428 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:00,708 with really challenging behavior. 429 00:33:05,166 --> 00:33:06,458 [Stevie] And so we took him there, 430 00:33:06,500 --> 00:33:08,041 and we had to leave him there. 431 00:33:11,875 --> 00:33:13,708 He comes home a lot... 432 00:33:13,750 --> 00:33:16,625 but that decision to send him to a residential school 433 00:33:16,666 --> 00:33:18,916 was the most painful we've ever had to make. 434 00:33:35,791 --> 00:33:37,708 [birds chirping] 435 00:33:51,833 --> 00:33:53,958 They need to get some more bubbles from the shop. 436 00:34:07,208 --> 00:34:10,666 [trampoline springs squeak] 437 00:34:16,875 --> 00:34:18,333 [trampoline instructor] Right, Joss, 438 00:34:18,375 --> 00:34:21,291 shall we see what we've got today, yeah? 439 00:34:21,333 --> 00:34:24,500 Can we reach our hands really nice and tall? 440 00:34:24,541 --> 00:34:25,875 Beautiful! 441 00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:35,708 [Naoki] What is the reason I jump? 442 00:34:39,083 --> 00:34:44,291 I react physically to feelings of sadness and happiness. 443 00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:48,083 So, when something happens that affects me emotionally, 444 00:34:48,125 --> 00:34:51,583 my body seizes up as if struck by lightning. 445 00:34:57,625 --> 00:35:00,250 But when I'm jumping, 446 00:35:00,291 --> 00:35:02,583 it's as if I'm shaking loose the ropes 447 00:35:02,625 --> 00:35:04,916 that are tying me down... 448 00:35:04,958 --> 00:35:08,041 as if my feelings are going upwards to the sky. 449 00:35:15,375 --> 00:35:18,625 If only I could just flap my wings and fly off 450 00:35:18,666 --> 00:35:19,958 to some faraway place. 451 00:35:23,375 --> 00:35:26,875 [loudly rustling grasses] 452 00:35:26,916 --> 00:35:29,041 [David] 'The Reason I Jump' turned on its head 453 00:35:29,083 --> 00:35:30,916 many of the things that we all think 454 00:35:30,958 --> 00:35:32,583 we know about autism. 455 00:35:32,625 --> 00:35:35,541 That people with autism don't do emotions, 456 00:35:35,583 --> 00:35:39,958 uh, that they have no imaginative intelligence. 457 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,125 Naoki couldn't possibly have written it, 458 00:35:42,166 --> 00:35:43,375 were these things true. 459 00:35:46,666 --> 00:35:49,125 And autistic people who can write like Naoki does 460 00:35:49,166 --> 00:35:51,375 are in a bit of a double bind. 461 00:35:51,416 --> 00:35:54,583 Some people will not believe that they have written the book, 462 00:35:54,625 --> 00:35:58,375 uh, or some people believe they have written the book 463 00:35:58,416 --> 00:36:00,750 but, therefore, can't be-- can't possibly be 464 00:36:00,791 --> 00:36:03,500 properly autistic. Only a little bit autistic. 465 00:36:06,083 --> 00:36:09,333 [coach] Nine, ten, over here, and I've got three over here. 466 00:36:09,375 --> 00:36:12,291 [boy] Move to the other side, please. 467 00:36:15,083 --> 00:36:17,958 [Bertra] So, you're not late, you're totally on time, Ben. 468 00:36:19,083 --> 00:36:22,791 [Ben makes repetitive sounds] 469 00:36:24,291 --> 00:36:26,583 -I'll see you-- -See you on the ice! 470 00:36:26,625 --> 00:36:33,375 [Ben makes repetitive sounds] 471 00:36:33,416 --> 00:36:34,708 [man] We've been waiting for you! 472 00:36:37,291 --> 00:36:43,416 -[Ben's sounds get faster] -[music plays] 473 00:36:45,583 --> 00:36:48,833 [hockey sticks and skates clacking] 474 00:36:52,750 --> 00:36:54,541 -[Emma] Mm-hmm. -[Donna] Yep. Let's do it! 475 00:37:10,500 --> 00:37:14,666 [coach] Ben, go! Move in. Yay! 476 00:37:14,708 --> 00:37:16,875 [Emma] Awesome! Awesome! 477 00:37:16,916 --> 00:37:18,541 Alright, yeah! 478 00:37:27,875 --> 00:37:31,458 [sounds of ice rink fade out] 479 00:37:42,458 --> 00:37:44,666 [sound of a ceiling fan fades in] 480 00:37:53,208 --> 00:37:55,500 [Naoki] " Ah, don't worry about him, 481 00:37:55,541 --> 00:37:57,583 he'd rather be on his own." 482 00:37:57,625 --> 00:38:00,000 How many times have I heard this? 483 00:38:00,041 --> 00:38:04,375 The truth is, I'd love to be with other people. 484 00:38:04,416 --> 00:38:07,333 I can't believe that anyone born as a human being 485 00:38:07,375 --> 00:38:09,166 really wants to be left on their own. 486 00:38:10,916 --> 00:38:12,458 [Bertra] When people don't talk, 487 00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:14,083 you assume they're not understanding you. 488 00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:15,541 And then they assume 489 00:38:15,583 --> 00:38:16,750 that it's a cognitive impairment. 490 00:38:18,583 --> 00:38:20,041 Ben is twenty-three. 491 00:38:20,083 --> 00:38:22,875 E.V. started working with Ben when he was 492 00:38:22,916 --> 00:38:24,333 seven, E.V. baby? 493 00:38:24,375 --> 00:38:25,791 [Elizabeth in other room] Seven or eight. 494 00:38:25,833 --> 00:38:29,916 And, um... at the time, Ben had, what, 495 00:38:29,958 --> 00:38:33,833 an attention span of what, about two minutes maybe? 496 00:38:33,875 --> 00:38:36,416 [Bertra's voice in next room] He was just all over the place, 497 00:38:36,458 --> 00:38:39,666 and we're trying to do speech therapy with this kid. 498 00:38:42,416 --> 00:38:45,041 And finally, when Ben turned I think sixteen, we said, 499 00:38:45,083 --> 00:38:46,583 "You know what E.V.? 500 00:38:46,625 --> 00:38:48,541 Speech therapy is not what he needs." 501 00:38:48,583 --> 00:38:50,500 And E.V., bless her heart, said, 502 00:38:50,541 --> 00:38:52,125 "Let me try one more thing." 503 00:38:53,666 --> 00:38:55,333 Ready? 504 00:38:55,375 --> 00:38:56,625 [makes S sound for each letter] 505 00:39:05,375 --> 00:39:09,208 -"I never..." -[Ben continues making S sounds] 506 00:39:09,250 --> 00:39:11,375 [Elizabeth] "I never..." Go, look at it. 507 00:39:14,875 --> 00:39:15,875 Look at it. 508 00:39:19,625 --> 00:39:20,916 -"I never dreamed..." -[continues making S sounds] 509 00:39:24,833 --> 00:39:27,375 "...this..." Get it. 510 00:39:28,916 --> 00:39:30,125 "...this was..." 511 00:39:33,166 --> 00:39:34,833 Get it. Get it. 512 00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:38,500 Get it. 513 00:39:38,541 --> 00:39:42,166 Good. Get it. Look for the letter. 514 00:39:42,208 --> 00:39:45,291 "I never dreamed this was P-O-S-S-I-B... 515 00:39:47,291 --> 00:39:48,958 ...L-E." 516 00:39:55,333 --> 00:39:58,791 [Elizabeth] When I first saw kids spelling, 517 00:39:58,833 --> 00:40:01,250 that was it for me. 518 00:40:01,291 --> 00:40:04,666 Many people who are autistic their brain knows what to do 519 00:40:04,708 --> 00:40:07,083 but they can't get it to their body. 520 00:40:07,125 --> 00:40:09,750 And it made so much sense looking at it 521 00:40:09,791 --> 00:40:12,583 from more of a motor skills standpoint. 522 00:40:12,625 --> 00:40:14,875 Because speech is motor. 523 00:40:14,916 --> 00:40:17,333 Taking language out of the fine motor 524 00:40:17,375 --> 00:40:19,541 of the speech, putting it into the gross motor 525 00:40:19,583 --> 00:40:22,583 of the arm to point made a lot of sense. 526 00:40:22,625 --> 00:40:24,333 -[Ben makes S sounds] -A... 527 00:40:25,208 --> 00:40:26,541 Look at it. 528 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:30,500 Get it. 529 00:40:30,541 --> 00:40:35,833 -[music plays] -T, and it, W, go, O, go, R, go, 530 00:40:36,708 --> 00:40:39,708 K, go, E and D. 531 00:40:47,666 --> 00:40:52,625 [Elizabeth] If non-speakers are capable of spelling 532 00:40:52,666 --> 00:40:55,083 and are capable of intelligence, 533 00:40:55,125 --> 00:40:56,916 that really shakes the foundation 534 00:40:56,958 --> 00:40:59,458 of a lot of things that we've believed. 535 00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:03,666 [tutor] Okay. "There was once a time I had nothing..." 536 00:41:03,708 --> 00:41:05,500 You've gotta finish that, that's kind of sad. 537 00:41:13,958 --> 00:41:17,833 [Emma] E-V-E-R-Y 538 00:41:20,125 --> 00:41:24,291 Everything! Everything! 539 00:41:28,375 --> 00:41:29,500 I'm done! 540 00:41:29,541 --> 00:41:31,833 [music plays] 541 00:41:35,458 --> 00:41:38,208 [Naoki] Perhaps you're thinking that it's no major effort 542 00:41:38,250 --> 00:41:40,416 for me to write these sentences, 543 00:41:40,458 --> 00:41:42,916 but that isn't true at all. 544 00:41:42,958 --> 00:41:45,500 When I learned to use the letter board, 545 00:41:45,541 --> 00:41:47,708 it let me anchor my words, 546 00:41:47,750 --> 00:41:50,333 words that would otherwise flutter off 547 00:41:50,375 --> 00:41:54,125 as soon as I was able to speak them. 548 00:41:54,166 --> 00:41:57,041 [Bertra] Can you imagine the frustration... 549 00:41:57,083 --> 00:42:01,375 being autistic and non-verbal and you hear everything 550 00:42:01,416 --> 00:42:02,916 and you see everything and you feel everything 551 00:42:02,958 --> 00:42:05,291 but you can't respond? 552 00:42:05,333 --> 00:42:07,916 When you think about it that explains the anger, 553 00:42:07,958 --> 00:42:09,875 it explains the... [sighs] 554 00:42:09,916 --> 00:42:12,708 ...you know, the violence, the aggression. 555 00:42:12,750 --> 00:42:15,666 You-- you can't negotiate. 556 00:42:15,708 --> 00:42:19,458 To reach a point where he is able to express, 557 00:42:19,500 --> 00:42:24,000 has just been a huge blessing. 558 00:42:24,041 --> 00:42:25,833 [game beeps] 559 00:42:25,875 --> 00:42:30,458 [Emma makes sounds] 560 00:42:30,500 --> 00:42:32,958 [Naoki] Please don't assume that every word I speak 561 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,500 is what I intend to say. 562 00:42:35,541 --> 00:42:37,375 [Naoki] Making sounds with your mouth 563 00:42:37,416 --> 00:42:39,291 isn't the same thing as communication. 564 00:42:39,333 --> 00:42:42,291 Let's go home, please. No more. 565 00:42:42,333 --> 00:42:43,958 [Donna spells out the letters as Emma points to them] 566 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,833 -Yeah! -"We could finally..." 567 00:42:45,875 --> 00:42:47,458 [beeping continues] 568 00:43:00,916 --> 00:43:02,666 "We could finally let each other..." 569 00:43:02,708 --> 00:43:04,416 No more. No more! 570 00:43:14,416 --> 00:43:15,791 -No more. -"...how..." 571 00:43:18,958 --> 00:43:20,208 No, that's a... 572 00:43:20,250 --> 00:43:23,375 [music starts and stops] 573 00:43:23,416 --> 00:43:24,375 No more. 574 00:43:25,833 --> 00:43:29,291 "We could finally tell each other how we felt." 575 00:43:29,333 --> 00:43:30,375 No more! 576 00:43:37,208 --> 00:43:40,375 [Emma plays music through phone, then stops it] 577 00:43:43,291 --> 00:43:47,166 [electronic music starts and stops] 578 00:43:47,208 --> 00:43:49,708 No more! No more. 579 00:43:52,500 --> 00:43:58,208 [music starts and stops] 580 00:44:01,791 --> 00:44:02,958 [music plays, stops] 581 00:44:08,375 --> 00:44:09,416 [music plays, stops] 582 00:44:19,583 --> 00:44:22,916 [techno music plays] 583 00:44:22,958 --> 00:44:24,083 [Emma hums] 584 00:44:28,541 --> 00:44:30,708 [Emma hums] 585 00:44:31,708 --> 00:44:32,750 [music stops] 586 00:44:33,875 --> 00:44:35,958 [music starts and stops] 587 00:44:43,500 --> 00:44:45,125 [new techno song plays through phone] 588 00:44:45,166 --> 00:44:46,583 [Ben sighs] 589 00:45:08,875 --> 00:45:12,958 [gentle music playing] 590 00:46:01,708 --> 00:46:03,583 [game beeping] 591 00:46:11,208 --> 00:46:13,875 [Donna] Our kids were both in preschool, 592 00:46:13,916 --> 00:46:17,833 that's when our families first met. 593 00:46:17,875 --> 00:46:19,583 [Donna] It seemed like Emma was in a lot of pain 594 00:46:19,625 --> 00:46:21,333 and she could scream at us all day long. 595 00:46:21,375 --> 00:46:22,833 There weren't many people 596 00:46:22,875 --> 00:46:24,541 that you could invite into your home 597 00:46:24,583 --> 00:46:27,666 but we could always invite Ben's family. 598 00:46:27,708 --> 00:46:29,458 And they seemed happy to be together, 599 00:46:29,500 --> 00:46:32,458 but there was no way really to gauge 600 00:46:32,500 --> 00:46:34,291 what they felt about each other. 601 00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:35,958 [woman 1] Remember when we all were together in Seattle? 602 00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,666 [all laugh] -[man] How about that? -[woman 2] Oh, man! 603 00:46:38,708 --> 00:46:40,208 Alright, to the oldest 604 00:46:40,250 --> 00:46:42,166 -and bestest friends... -Cheers. 605 00:46:42,208 --> 00:46:43,500 -[man] Cheers. -[woman] Come what may. 606 00:46:43,541 --> 00:46:45,125 [Bertra] Come what may. 607 00:46:46,291 --> 00:46:47,375 [Donna] Cheers, Emma, cheers. 608 00:46:47,416 --> 00:46:48,791 Emma can you-- 609 00:46:48,833 --> 00:46:50,250 Open the present, open the present. 610 00:46:50,291 --> 00:46:51,916 [Donna] Emma, can you do cheers with Ben? 611 00:46:51,958 --> 00:46:53,250 -Open the present. -[Ben makes vibrating sounds] 612 00:46:53,291 --> 00:46:54,333 [Donna] Can you do cheers with Emma? 613 00:46:54,375 --> 00:46:55,833 Oh, uh, uh, walk to Target. 614 00:46:55,875 --> 00:46:58,208 After we walk to Target. Can you cheers with Ben? 615 00:46:58,250 --> 00:46:59,541 Go like this. Ben's waiting for you. 616 00:46:59,583 --> 00:47:01,166 -Hold your cup. -Emma's going to Hawaii, 617 00:47:01,208 --> 00:47:03,666 -Emma's going to Hawaii! -There you go, cheers! 618 00:47:03,708 --> 00:47:04,750 Emma's going to Hawaii. 619 00:47:04,791 --> 00:47:06,416 [Donna] Emma is going to Hawaii. 620 00:47:06,458 --> 00:47:09,666 [Naoki] You talk at an incredible speed. 621 00:47:09,708 --> 00:47:12,125 Between thinking something in your head 622 00:47:12,166 --> 00:47:15,333 and saying it, takes you just a split second. 623 00:47:15,375 --> 00:47:17,291 -Uh, Emma's going Target. -[Naoki] To me, 624 00:47:17,333 --> 00:47:19,833 -that's like magic. -Target. 625 00:47:19,875 --> 00:47:22,625 [Naoki] I have to speak in an unknown foreign language 626 00:47:22,666 --> 00:47:26,125 every minute of every day. 627 00:47:26,166 --> 00:47:28,458 [Bertra] Before they actually started communicating 628 00:47:28,500 --> 00:47:30,958 using the letter board, we put words in their mouths 629 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,833 -all the time. -[woman] Yeah, exactly. 630 00:47:32,875 --> 00:47:36,833 You know, just to, kind of, fill up the-- the-- the void. 631 00:47:36,875 --> 00:47:38,583 We would say, "Hey, Ben, dadada." 632 00:47:38,625 --> 00:47:40,291 And then someone else says, "Well, Ben says dadada." 633 00:47:40,333 --> 00:47:43,583 And then, of course, you fast forward fifteen years 634 00:47:43,625 --> 00:47:48,041 and you realize that they-- they have been friends 635 00:47:48,083 --> 00:47:50,916 for so long. That's what makes this unique. 636 00:47:50,958 --> 00:47:55,041 How do you establish and sustain and nurture a friendship... 637 00:47:55,083 --> 00:47:57,375 for twenty years 638 00:47:57,416 --> 00:47:59,666 with no spoken language? 639 00:47:59,708 --> 00:48:02,291 -[man 2] Yeah. -[Emma exclaims] 640 00:48:02,333 --> 00:48:04,625 [Ben makes high pitched sounds] 641 00:48:10,333 --> 00:48:13,208 [Ben makes "S" sounds] 642 00:48:17,291 --> 00:48:18,291 Walk to Target. 643 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:27,291 Emma's going to Hawaii. 644 00:48:33,875 --> 00:48:35,875 [Emma stops and starts techno music on her phone] 645 00:48:48,916 --> 00:48:50,333 [music stops] 646 00:49:09,166 --> 00:49:12,500 Alright, this is the homework that is due on Tuesday... 647 00:49:12,541 --> 00:49:14,208 [Ben responds affirmatively] 648 00:49:14,250 --> 00:49:17,208 -...um, about Argentina. -[Ben talks indistinctly] 649 00:49:19,708 --> 00:49:21,166 [Donna] Intro to Argentina, 650 00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:23,291 Argentina is the second largest country 651 00:49:23,333 --> 00:49:26,541 in South America, eighth largest in the world, 652 00:49:26,583 --> 00:49:28,708 today it is seen as a democracy. 653 00:49:28,750 --> 00:49:31,416 Okay, we talked about a few famous Argentinians, 654 00:49:31,458 --> 00:49:33,666 we talked about that in class the other day. 655 00:49:33,708 --> 00:49:36,041 -Um... -[Ben makes a low hum] 656 00:49:36,083 --> 00:49:37,083 Emma, do you remember... 657 00:49:38,291 --> 00:49:39,291 who we talked about? 658 00:49:42,791 --> 00:49:45,916 [Donna spells out the letters Emma points to] 659 00:49:49,458 --> 00:49:50,833 Peron. And do you remember there was something 660 00:49:50,875 --> 00:49:54,208 very unique about... 661 00:49:54,250 --> 00:49:56,791 Peron, there was something very unique about him, 662 00:49:56,833 --> 00:49:59,458 because after he died 663 00:49:59,500 --> 00:50:02,250 who was-- who replaced him? 664 00:50:02,291 --> 00:50:03,416 -Touch it. -[Ben sounds out "S" and "T"] 665 00:50:09,250 --> 00:50:11,041 His wife. 666 00:50:11,083 --> 00:50:14,583 -They made a movie about her. -[Emma calls out.] 667 00:50:14,625 --> 00:50:16,375 Yeah, Em, we're gonna have lunch in a little bit. 668 00:50:16,416 --> 00:50:17,916 -[Emma] Oh. -[Donna] After we do 669 00:50:17,958 --> 00:50:19,125 our homework. We're going to do our homework, 670 00:50:19,166 --> 00:50:20,500 then we're gonna take a walk, 671 00:50:20,541 --> 00:50:22,208 and then we're gonna eat our lunch. 672 00:50:22,250 --> 00:50:28,125 Do you guys remember who Peron admired during the war. 673 00:50:28,166 --> 00:50:30,500 -Do you remember who that was? -[Ben responds affirmatively] 674 00:50:30,541 --> 00:50:32,125 We talked about this the other day in class. 675 00:50:44,083 --> 00:50:46,875 Mussolini, that is correct. 676 00:50:49,666 --> 00:50:52,083 They've never been able to do this before. 677 00:50:52,125 --> 00:50:53,541 I mean this is 678 00:50:53,583 --> 00:50:55,458 the first time they've ever had any access 679 00:50:55,500 --> 00:50:56,791 to curriculum. 680 00:50:56,833 --> 00:51:00,583 Emma, what was education like before? 681 00:51:00,625 --> 00:51:01,875 You had these classes to go to? 682 00:51:02,791 --> 00:51:05,083 -T... -T... 683 00:51:05,125 --> 00:51:08,500 [Donna spells out the letters as Emma points to them] 684 00:51:20,083 --> 00:51:22,500 [Emma shouts] 685 00:51:22,541 --> 00:51:24,500 [Donna spells out the letters as Emma points to them] 686 00:51:24,541 --> 00:51:25,750 "They wasted time." 687 00:51:28,708 --> 00:51:30,458 Okay, Ben. How do you feel? 688 00:51:37,708 --> 00:51:38,958 "They"... 689 00:52:11,333 --> 00:52:12,916 "They have denied our civil rights." 690 00:52:12,958 --> 00:52:15,541 [Emma] I'm sorry, Mommy. Sorry, Mommy. 691 00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:17,583 Yeah, I'm sorry. 692 00:52:35,500 --> 00:52:37,916 [Naoki] I used to wonder why nonspeaking me 693 00:52:37,958 --> 00:52:39,083 had ever been born. 694 00:52:44,500 --> 00:52:46,750 Autistic people have no freedom. 695 00:52:49,083 --> 00:52:50,375 We need a place to belong. 696 00:52:52,541 --> 00:52:57,083 This world is our world... there is no other. 697 00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:44,416 [Jestina laughing happily] 698 00:53:45,333 --> 00:53:47,458 [music plays] 699 00:53:57,208 --> 00:53:58,833 [waves crashing] 700 00:53:58,875 --> 00:54:01,916 [sound of fingernails scraping sand from hands] 701 00:54:13,208 --> 00:54:18,166 [Roland] Jestina, she taught me how to be a father. 702 00:54:18,208 --> 00:54:19,708 [Roland patting hands] 703 00:54:19,750 --> 00:54:21,791 The type of love we've got from her 704 00:54:21,833 --> 00:54:25,250 just changes your whole perspective on life. 705 00:54:25,291 --> 00:54:26,500 [hands patting] 706 00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:37,791 -[Jestina humming] -[Roland] Hmm. 707 00:54:37,833 --> 00:54:39,458 [humming continues] 708 00:54:42,208 --> 00:54:43,833 [humming] 709 00:54:45,333 --> 00:54:47,083 [music chimes] 710 00:54:47,125 --> 00:54:48,666 [car horn honking] 711 00:54:55,333 --> 00:54:57,666 I wish I could get a gift that I loved this much! 712 00:54:57,708 --> 00:54:58,708 [Roland chuckles] 713 00:55:04,041 --> 00:55:06,958 Seems like you can buy something so expensive 714 00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:11,666 and, Jes, you're not bothered, but the one that you like, 715 00:55:11,708 --> 00:55:13,916 it's all about the sensory, eh? 716 00:55:17,666 --> 00:55:20,541 [Naoki] Autistic people obsess over certain things 717 00:55:20,583 --> 00:55:22,791 because we'd go crazy if we didn't. 718 00:55:27,916 --> 00:55:32,166 Repetitive things are comforting. 719 00:55:32,208 --> 00:55:36,291 They soothe me and protect me from uncertainty. 720 00:55:36,333 --> 00:55:38,583 [repetitive beeping] 721 00:55:48,833 --> 00:55:51,583 [loud street sounds] 722 00:55:51,625 --> 00:55:54,333 [loud welding sounds] 723 00:56:00,791 --> 00:56:02,375 [car horn honking] 724 00:56:03,458 --> 00:56:05,583 Oh, Jestina, football. 725 00:56:05,625 --> 00:56:08,708 [indistinct football commentary over PA] 726 00:56:11,250 --> 00:56:12,416 Jes, let's go! 727 00:56:12,458 --> 00:56:16,000 [boy commentates in Krio over PA] 728 00:56:17,166 --> 00:56:19,041 [Roland] Okay, it's time to go. 729 00:56:19,083 --> 00:56:21,250 [crowd cheering in distance] 730 00:56:21,291 --> 00:56:24,625 [boy commentates excitedly in Krio over PA] 731 00:56:29,291 --> 00:56:30,791 [Mary] Anywhere in the world, 732 00:56:30,833 --> 00:56:32,125 when you have a child with autism, 733 00:56:32,166 --> 00:56:34,833 there's still a lot of stigma. 734 00:56:34,875 --> 00:56:37,291 As she grew up, I started to realize that 735 00:56:37,333 --> 00:56:39,500 Jes wasn't looked at with love or empathy, 736 00:56:39,541 --> 00:56:41,791 it was with hatred and such negativity. 737 00:56:43,708 --> 00:56:46,500 One day, just outside these gates, 738 00:56:46,541 --> 00:56:48,708 she went into crisis, full-blown crisis, 739 00:56:48,750 --> 00:56:50,750 screaming, head-banging, biting. 740 00:56:52,958 --> 00:56:56,250 And I just saw people, they think... 741 00:56:56,291 --> 00:56:59,333 in Krio, they'll say... [in Krio] " Debul don olan." 742 00:56:59,375 --> 00:57:00,958 So, "the devil has possessed her." 743 00:57:31,750 --> 00:57:34,416 -[exclaims joyfully] -[uplifting music playing] 744 00:57:36,833 --> 00:57:40,083 [laughing and clapping] 745 00:57:47,041 --> 00:57:49,166 [engine revving] 746 00:57:53,083 --> 00:57:54,291 [Mary] Jes knows, right? 747 00:57:56,666 --> 00:57:57,750 [burst of street sounds] 748 00:58:01,958 --> 00:58:02,916 [burst of street sounds] 749 00:58:09,708 --> 00:58:11,416 [loud motorbike sound] 750 00:58:20,791 --> 00:58:21,750 [truck horn honking] 751 00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:25,666 [Mary] Oh, did that scare you? 752 00:58:34,791 --> 00:58:36,500 [Mary] I wanted to meet other parents 753 00:58:36,541 --> 00:58:38,458 with children with autism 754 00:58:38,500 --> 00:58:41,041 'cause I-- I didn't even see such kids on the streets. 755 00:58:43,166 --> 00:58:45,833 So, we started with just going into communities 756 00:58:45,875 --> 00:58:50,791 and quickly realized that the stigma was so bad 757 00:58:50,833 --> 00:58:53,666 that the families were still not really coming out. 758 00:58:55,833 --> 00:58:57,416 The problem is 759 00:58:57,458 --> 00:59:00,458 centuries of misunderstandings about autism 760 00:59:00,500 --> 00:59:02,291 and that's not just in Sierra Leone, 761 00:59:02,333 --> 00:59:03,958 but across the world. 762 00:59:08,125 --> 00:59:09,833 [Mary] So... 763 00:59:09,875 --> 00:59:13,208 [Mary speaking in Krio] Today I want us to share our experiences. 764 00:59:14,333 --> 00:59:17,541 I want people to understand what we all are going through. 765 00:59:19,833 --> 00:59:21,916 My own daughter is here at the back, Jes. 766 00:59:23,791 --> 00:59:26,583 So we're all in the same shoes here. 767 00:59:27,041 --> 00:59:29,625 Truly I can say, I undertand. 768 00:59:34,875 --> 00:59:36,458 [parent 1 speaking in Krio] The neighbors and their children... 769 00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,666 they say my child is mad. 770 00:59:40,250 --> 00:59:42,250 And we have to move out... 771 00:59:42,833 --> 00:59:45,416 because of pressure from the community. 772 00:59:47,333 --> 00:59:48,541 [baby babbling] 773 00:59:48,583 --> 00:59:50,375 [man] Next, anybody? 774 00:59:50,416 --> 00:59:52,791 [parent 2 speaking in Krio] Everywhere people call her negative names. 775 00:59:54,250 --> 00:59:55,916 They say she a devil. 776 00:59:56,458 --> 00:59:58,375 They say she a witch. 777 00:59:58,833 --> 01:00:02,166 Some say I myself must be a witch to give birth to her. 778 01:00:03,333 --> 01:00:05,750 Everyone wants me to get rid of this child. 779 01:00:06,125 --> 01:00:08,958 I have done everything I can. 780 01:00:09,750 --> 01:00:12,000 But I don't have anyone to help me. 781 01:00:12,916 --> 01:00:15,791 People tell me to dump her in the river... 782 01:00:16,208 --> 01:00:17,708 So I can find peace. 783 01:00:19,041 --> 01:00:20,833 This is our situation. 784 01:00:29,291 --> 01:00:32,833 Jes, Jes, Jestina! 785 01:00:32,875 --> 01:00:34,208 [Jestina makes low noises of distress] 786 01:00:42,125 --> 01:00:44,250 [Mary] Because of the way autism presents, 787 01:00:44,291 --> 01:00:48,083 the screams, the-- You know, the sudden jumps. 788 01:00:48,125 --> 01:00:49,750 No matter what you do, 789 01:00:49,791 --> 01:00:50,916 you're the family with the devil child. 790 01:01:09,291 --> 01:01:12,958 [electrical hum] 791 01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:16,750 [muezzin calls to prayer] 792 01:01:27,208 --> 01:01:29,583 [Jestina humming] 793 01:01:33,541 --> 01:01:35,625 [indistinct chatter] 794 01:01:40,208 --> 01:01:41,958 [caterpillar crawling] 795 01:01:45,583 --> 01:01:47,333 [gentle piano music playing] 796 01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:55,333 [Naoki] I'm guessing that what touches you in nature 797 01:01:55,375 --> 01:01:58,500 is the beauty of the trees and the flowers and things. 798 01:02:01,666 --> 01:02:04,083 [Naoki] But for me, 799 01:02:04,125 --> 01:02:09,208 however often I'm ignored and pushed away by other people, 800 01:02:09,250 --> 01:02:11,708 nature always embraces me. 801 01:02:17,583 --> 01:02:20,333 [Naoki] When I look at nature, 802 01:02:20,375 --> 01:02:23,833 I receive a sort of permission to be alive in this world. 803 01:02:28,166 --> 01:02:30,833 [crickets chirping] 804 01:02:30,875 --> 01:02:32,791 [Roland] The mentality we have here, 805 01:02:32,833 --> 01:02:35,541 is that we give to children 806 01:02:35,583 --> 01:02:37,583 and we expect them to look after us. 807 01:02:40,166 --> 01:02:42,750 So, when they look at kids with autism, 808 01:02:42,791 --> 01:02:45,500 to them, those children cannot give them back anything. 809 01:02:45,541 --> 01:02:47,000 [vehicle approaching] 810 01:02:47,041 --> 01:02:48,791 And because of the pressure 811 01:02:48,833 --> 01:02:51,083 of the neighborhood, pressure of the community, 812 01:02:51,125 --> 01:02:52,125 they tend to abandon them. 813 01:02:53,625 --> 01:02:55,291 They leave them in the bush. 814 01:02:55,333 --> 01:02:56,958 [insects chirping] 815 01:03:01,541 --> 01:03:03,958 [Mary] Kids like ours, if they are alive, 816 01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:05,375 they're the lucky ones. 817 01:03:19,708 --> 01:03:20,791 [boy makes quiet exclamation] 818 01:03:23,083 --> 01:03:26,000 [cello music plays] 819 01:03:35,333 --> 01:03:36,791 [David] For most of history, 820 01:03:36,833 --> 01:03:38,583 we've assigned autism to demons, 821 01:03:38,625 --> 01:03:40,833 or to witchcraft or in the early 20th century 822 01:03:40,875 --> 01:03:43,875 to 'retardation', um, and-- 823 01:03:43,916 --> 01:03:46,750 And have acted accordingly, I'm afraid. 824 01:03:46,791 --> 01:03:48,125 Um... [clicks tongue] 825 01:03:48,166 --> 01:03:49,791 ...which I don't like to think about, 826 01:03:49,833 --> 01:03:50,916 'cause that would have been my son. 827 01:03:54,666 --> 01:03:56,791 Ah. 828 01:03:56,833 --> 01:03:58,500 [man, on archive recording] Very occasionally, 829 01:03:58,541 --> 01:04:00,291 amongst such severely disturbed children, 830 01:04:00,333 --> 01:04:02,083 a child may be seen 831 01:04:02,125 --> 01:04:03,875 quite out of touch with the rest of the group, 832 01:04:03,916 --> 01:04:06,458 living apparently in a world of its own. 833 01:04:06,500 --> 01:04:09,583 This is a 'psychotic' child. 834 01:04:09,625 --> 01:04:12,208 [man 2, on archive recording] A child with autism suffers 835 01:04:12,250 --> 01:04:16,666 from a very specific kind of a defect in his comprehension, 836 01:04:16,708 --> 01:04:18,500 in his cognitive ability. 837 01:04:20,625 --> 01:04:22,458 [man 3, on archive recording] Eugenics seeks to apply 838 01:04:22,500 --> 01:04:24,291 the known laws of heredity 839 01:04:24,333 --> 01:04:26,750 so as to prevent the degeneration of the race, 840 01:04:26,791 --> 01:04:28,750 and improve its inborn qualities. 841 01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:33,875 [man 4, German archive recording] We call upon a merciful destiny... 842 01:04:34,750 --> 01:04:37,416 to liberate these regrettable creatures... 843 01:04:37,708 --> 01:04:40,375 from their existence without life. 844 01:04:44,875 --> 01:04:48,000 [In English] So, it's always been with us, it's just... 845 01:04:48,041 --> 01:04:51,333 neurotypicals are rubbish at understanding anything 846 01:04:51,375 --> 01:04:52,833 that is not neurotypical. 847 01:04:56,916 --> 01:04:58,458 [Naoki] We are born outside 848 01:04:58,500 --> 01:05:00,833 the regime of your civilization. 849 01:05:05,291 --> 01:05:07,625 With all the killings and planet-wrecking 850 01:05:07,666 --> 01:05:10,208 that humanity has committed, 851 01:05:10,250 --> 01:05:14,000 perhaps autism could help you remember what truly matters. 852 01:05:23,250 --> 01:05:27,541 [both make popping noises to each other] 853 01:05:27,583 --> 01:05:29,916 [Bertra spells out letters Ben points to] 854 01:05:32,833 --> 01:05:35,375 Look at you dancing at your party. 855 01:05:35,416 --> 01:05:37,166 I loved that dancing you did. 856 01:05:39,291 --> 01:05:43,458 Yeah, Jes' turn, okay, she knows, she knows. 857 01:05:43,500 --> 01:05:44,625 Your turn, Jes. 858 01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:48,500 -[exclaims] -Jes' turn. 859 01:05:49,791 --> 01:05:50,916 [Mary] Jes' turn. 860 01:05:52,833 --> 01:05:56,791 -[Roland] Yay! [clapping] -Yay! [claps] 861 01:05:56,833 --> 01:05:58,583 [Roland] We cannot just close our eyes 862 01:05:58,625 --> 01:06:00,333 to what we've seen. 863 01:06:00,375 --> 01:06:03,083 We need to do something about it. 864 01:06:03,125 --> 01:06:05,833 We decided to take it to a different level. 865 01:06:05,875 --> 01:06:09,958 Went to TV stations, radio stations, to go all out, 866 01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:14,250 to get the nation to understand what autism is. 867 01:06:14,291 --> 01:06:16,958 So that they'd be able to walk the streets, 868 01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:18,791 you know, without having that fear. 869 01:06:21,625 --> 01:06:23,000 They need a normal life. 870 01:06:26,125 --> 01:06:29,125 So eventually in 2017 871 01:06:29,166 --> 01:06:31,041 we set up a school. 872 01:06:33,458 --> 01:06:35,208 [teacher] How do you feel? 873 01:06:35,250 --> 01:06:38,458 [all] I feel fine. 874 01:06:38,500 --> 01:06:40,333 [Mary] I started to see a big difference, 875 01:06:40,375 --> 01:06:42,000 in the families' lives and in the kids' lives. 876 01:06:44,208 --> 01:06:47,041 It's certainly the first school of its kind. 877 01:06:47,083 --> 01:06:49,166 And eventually, after many months, 878 01:06:49,208 --> 01:06:51,500 we got the community on our side. 879 01:06:51,541 --> 01:06:54,000 I think they were fearful because they didn't know 880 01:06:54,041 --> 01:06:55,791 what was wrong and all they knew 881 01:06:55,833 --> 01:06:57,875 was these traditional beliefs. 882 01:06:57,916 --> 01:07:00,916 But now though we've seen a total turnaround. 883 01:07:00,958 --> 01:07:03,041 They know most of our kids by name now, 884 01:07:03,083 --> 01:07:05,458 so when they're coming down the road they'll call them, 885 01:07:05,500 --> 01:07:07,458 say "Hi." 886 01:07:07,500 --> 01:07:09,291 So, I think the fact that we now have that relationship 887 01:07:09,333 --> 01:07:12,458 with the community, means our kids are safe there. 888 01:07:13,750 --> 01:07:15,791 [all cheer] 889 01:07:15,833 --> 01:07:18,250 [Mary] The new government has recognized the school 890 01:07:18,291 --> 01:07:22,333 and I think the narrative is changing for Sierra Leone. 891 01:07:22,375 --> 01:07:25,500 What is in the box? 892 01:07:25,541 --> 01:07:29,833 -[all cheering] -You don't know? 893 01:07:31,625 --> 01:07:38,041 -There is a lunch box! -[all cheer] 894 01:07:39,500 --> 01:07:40,916 Who wants to go to school? 895 01:07:45,083 --> 01:07:47,875 [Naoki] I want to grow up learning a million things. 896 01:07:50,625 --> 01:07:53,625 There must be countless other autistic people 897 01:07:53,666 --> 01:07:54,916 who have the same desire. 898 01:07:58,958 --> 01:08:00,916 [Naoki] We too want to grow. 899 01:08:04,250 --> 01:08:06,625 [man] Welcome to North Foreland lighthouse. 900 01:08:07,958 --> 01:08:10,666 It was originally built in 1691. 901 01:08:12,416 --> 01:08:15,708 [woman] It's very high, Joss, very high. [chuckling] 902 01:08:19,125 --> 01:08:21,041 -[Joss] It's a house. -[man] It is a house, 903 01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:22,041 it's a lighthouse. 904 01:08:25,291 --> 01:08:26,791 Can you hear the wind? 905 01:08:35,125 --> 01:08:37,375 [Naoki] The hardest ordeal for me 906 01:08:37,416 --> 01:08:42,416 is the idea that I am causing grief for other people. 907 01:08:42,458 --> 01:08:45,958 Please keep battling alongside me. 908 01:09:01,875 --> 01:09:03,333 [Joss] We're in the color tent! 909 01:09:03,375 --> 01:09:04,583 [Jeremy] We are in the color tent! 910 01:09:04,625 --> 01:09:05,750 [Joss] The boys are happy? 911 01:09:05,791 --> 01:09:07,750 Joss is going back to see Mummy. 912 01:09:10,958 --> 01:09:12,166 [Stevie] Joss, everything is blue! 913 01:09:13,583 --> 01:09:16,875 Everything is red! [laughs] 914 01:09:16,916 --> 01:09:20,000 [Jeremy] We're in the color tent! [laughs] 915 01:09:20,958 --> 01:09:22,291 Oh, Joss! 916 01:09:29,625 --> 01:09:32,625 Right now, Joss is having a joy that I will never come close to. 917 01:09:34,708 --> 01:09:39,833 [Stevie screaming] 918 01:09:43,041 --> 01:09:46,666 [Jeremy] Being with Joss is to live more in the moment. 919 01:09:46,708 --> 01:09:50,708 It's to let go of the long train of things 920 01:09:50,750 --> 01:09:52,833 that we all carry around behind us, 921 01:09:52,875 --> 01:09:56,041 and that interfere with us living now. 922 01:10:20,875 --> 01:10:22,291 [train approaches] 923 01:10:29,625 --> 01:10:32,166 [Naoki] I used to think it would be the best thing 924 01:10:32,208 --> 01:10:35,125 if I could live my life like other people. 925 01:10:35,166 --> 01:10:38,958 But now, even if somebody could change my autism, 926 01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:41,666 -I would choose to stay as I am. 927 01:10:41,708 --> 01:10:42,666 -[train rumbling] 928 01:10:54,416 --> 01:10:58,666 For me, you see, autism is normal. 929 01:10:58,708 --> 01:11:02,333 I can't be sure what your normal is even like. 930 01:11:02,375 --> 01:11:03,625 [birds singing] 931 01:11:05,333 --> 01:11:08,666 [boy makes 'ah' sounds] 932 01:11:08,708 --> 01:11:12,041 [Jeremy] The future is an undiscovered country, 933 01:11:12,083 --> 01:11:16,666 literally, for us, and our hope is that there will be a place 934 01:11:16,708 --> 01:11:20,166 for Joss, there will be a world, there will be a society, 935 01:11:20,208 --> 01:11:22,416 there will be an understanding for Joss that would mean 936 01:11:22,458 --> 01:11:26,250 that when we are not here, he will be okay. 937 01:11:26,291 --> 01:11:29,125 And that's what we-- That's... 938 01:11:31,500 --> 01:11:32,541 [inhales] 939 01:11:33,750 --> 01:11:34,750 That's... 940 01:11:36,583 --> 01:11:39,416 [clicks tongue, sighs] 941 01:11:39,458 --> 01:11:42,916 This is why we don't go to the future very often. 942 01:11:42,958 --> 01:11:46,250 Because the idea that Joss is going to be alone 943 01:11:46,291 --> 01:11:47,291 is really frightening. 944 01:11:50,208 --> 01:11:52,250 [cello music ripples] 945 01:11:52,291 --> 01:11:53,375 [humming] 946 01:12:10,375 --> 01:12:11,833 [Bertra] It sounds like I'm nagging you, 947 01:12:11,875 --> 01:12:14,583 but you know what? I'm getting you ready. 948 01:12:14,625 --> 01:12:16,333 Mommy's not gonna come and fold clothes 949 01:12:16,375 --> 01:12:18,500 at your new apartment. Huh? 950 01:12:18,541 --> 01:12:21,625 I'm not gonna do that! [laughing] 951 01:12:21,666 --> 01:12:22,708 Let's try another way. 952 01:12:30,916 --> 01:12:33,125 And? Hmm? 953 01:12:33,166 --> 01:12:34,333 [Bertra] Keep going, keep going. 954 01:12:36,250 --> 01:12:37,250 Keep going. 955 01:12:39,583 --> 01:12:40,791 Okay, what's next? 956 01:12:43,541 --> 01:12:45,291 [Ben] Hmm. 957 01:12:45,333 --> 01:12:46,958 [Bertra] Look, look, look, come on, Ben! 958 01:12:52,208 --> 01:12:53,291 Try it your way! 959 01:12:55,083 --> 01:12:57,458 Let's see if that works, you may have discovered 960 01:12:57,500 --> 01:13:00,541 a new way, that's better than Mommy's way. 961 01:13:00,583 --> 01:13:02,916 Okay, now what do you do? To get it to look like that, 962 01:13:02,958 --> 01:13:04,458 what are you going to do next? 963 01:13:07,375 --> 01:13:09,958 Ah, interesting, you know, it's interesting! 964 01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:11,333 What do you think? It's gonna be 965 01:13:11,375 --> 01:13:12,416 a little bit different with Mommy 966 01:13:12,458 --> 01:13:13,875 not doing laundry every day. 967 01:13:15,333 --> 01:13:16,500 Hmm? 968 01:13:56,750 --> 01:13:58,875 [inquisitive music playing] 969 01:13:58,916 --> 01:14:00,791 [woman] The building is under construction. 970 01:14:00,833 --> 01:14:02,916 Just got to be careful where we walk. 971 01:14:02,958 --> 01:14:05,500 When you move in in a couple of months 972 01:14:05,541 --> 01:14:07,500 you'll have a full orientation 973 01:14:07,541 --> 01:14:09,916 and tour of everything in the building, 974 01:14:09,958 --> 01:14:13,666 including how the elevators work and where the laundry rooms are. 975 01:14:13,708 --> 01:14:16,041 And today we're gonna take a look at the rooms. 976 01:14:17,750 --> 01:14:21,041 [Emma] Yes! Emma say yes! 977 01:14:28,791 --> 01:14:30,833 [Ben hums happily] 978 01:14:30,875 --> 01:14:33,750 [woman] So, do you want to come look in the bedrooms? 979 01:14:33,791 --> 01:14:34,833 [Emma] Emma say yes! 980 01:14:39,083 --> 01:14:41,375 [Ben hums happily] 981 01:14:58,833 --> 01:15:00,625 [gentle music playing] 982 01:15:00,666 --> 01:15:02,833 [Aarti] So a very warm welcome to everyone gathered here 983 01:15:02,875 --> 01:15:04,625 for Amrit's solo show, 984 01:15:04,666 --> 01:15:06,833 'Metro Diaries, Lives Extraordinaire.' 985 01:15:06,875 --> 01:15:09,416 [applause] 986 01:15:37,708 --> 01:15:41,916 [Ben sounds out "S"] 987 01:15:58,041 --> 01:16:00,000 [Elizabeth] I think we can change the conversation 988 01:16:00,041 --> 01:16:01,833 around autism. 989 01:16:01,875 --> 01:16:03,291 [Ben sounds out "T"] 990 01:16:03,333 --> 01:16:05,791 [Elizabeth] B... Get it. Y. "By..." 991 01:16:05,833 --> 01:16:10,791 [Elizabeth spells out letters as Ben points to them] 992 01:16:11,666 --> 01:16:12,750 "By being..." 993 01:16:17,041 --> 01:16:17,958 " ...part..." 994 01:16:19,916 --> 01:16:20,875 Get it. 995 01:16:21,625 --> 01:16:23,250 "...part of..." 996 01:16:23,291 --> 01:16:26,125 [Elizabeth spells out letters as Ben points to them] 997 01:16:26,166 --> 01:16:27,375 "Part of the..." 998 01:16:30,375 --> 01:16:31,625 Right to it. 999 01:16:33,458 --> 01:16:34,541 Look at it. 1000 01:16:43,250 --> 01:16:45,250 [Elizabeth] "I think we can change the conversation 1001 01:16:45,291 --> 01:16:48,291 around autism by being part of the conversation." 1002 01:16:52,208 --> 01:16:55,125 [choir vocalizing] 1003 01:17:07,166 --> 01:17:09,541 [tinny sound from passer-by's headphones] 1004 01:17:22,833 --> 01:17:24,750 [cello music playing] 1005 01:17:24,791 --> 01:17:27,666 [Naoki] When I was little, there was always a question 1006 01:17:27,708 --> 01:17:30,250 that was a big, big worry. 1007 01:17:30,291 --> 01:17:33,166 What am I going to become? 1008 01:17:33,208 --> 01:17:35,000 Will I ever be able to live properly 1009 01:17:35,041 --> 01:17:36,208 as a human being? 1010 01:17:43,625 --> 01:17:46,666 I don't pretend for a moment that everything I've written 1011 01:17:46,708 --> 01:17:48,625 applies to all autistic people... 1012 01:17:49,666 --> 01:17:51,250 but I wrote this book 1013 01:17:51,291 --> 01:17:54,333 so that you can come to understand me. 1014 01:17:54,375 --> 01:17:56,541 In the hope that my future 1015 01:17:56,583 --> 01:17:58,458 will be connected with your future. 1016 01:18:02,916 --> 01:18:06,041 Above all, that's what I want. 1017 01:18:47,791 --> 01:18:50,625 ♪ Having trouble telling How I feel ♪ 1018 01:18:50,666 --> 01:18:55,541 ♪ But I can dance, Dance, dance ♪ 1019 01:18:55,583 --> 01:18:58,666 ♪ Couldn't possibly tell you How I mean ♪ 1020 01:18:58,708 --> 01:19:02,416 ♪ But I can Dance, dance, dance ♪ 1021 01:19:02,458 --> 01:19:06,291 ♪ So when I'm tripping my feet Look at the beat ♪ 1022 01:19:06,333 --> 01:19:10,458 ♪ The words are written In the sand ♪ 1023 01:19:10,500 --> 01:19:14,166 ♪ When I'm shaking my hips Look for the swing ♪ 1024 01:19:14,208 --> 01:19:18,375 ♪ The words are Written in the air ♪ 1025 01:19:18,416 --> 01:19:25,833 ♪ Ooh dance I was a dancer all along ♪ 1026 01:19:25,875 --> 01:19:29,750 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 1027 01:19:29,791 --> 01:19:32,958 ♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪ 1028 01:19:35,166 --> 01:19:38,041 ♪ Easy conversations No such thing ♪ 1029 01:19:38,083 --> 01:19:42,750 ♪ No I'm shy, shy, shy ♪ 1030 01:19:42,791 --> 01:19:47,208 ♪ My hips they lie 'Cause in reality ♪ 1031 01:19:47,250 --> 01:19:49,625 ♪ I'm shy, shy, shy ♪ 1032 01:19:49,666 --> 01:19:53,708 ♪ So when I'm tripping my feet Look at the ground ♪ 1033 01:19:53,750 --> 01:19:57,875 ♪ The words are written In the dust ♪ 1034 01:19:57,916 --> 01:20:01,541 ♪ When I'm shaking my hips Look for the swing ♪ 1035 01:20:01,583 --> 01:20:05,666 ♪ The words are written In the air ♪ 1036 01:20:05,708 --> 01:20:13,083 ♪ Ooh dance I was a dancer all along ♪ 1037 01:20:13,125 --> 01:20:17,041 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 1038 01:20:17,083 --> 01:20:20,500 ♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪ 1039 01:20:37,041 --> 01:20:44,458 ♪ Ooh dance I was a dancer all along ♪ 1040 01:20:44,500 --> 01:20:48,250 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 1041 01:20:48,291 --> 01:20:52,125 ♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪ 1042 01:20:52,166 --> 01:20:55,750 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 1043 01:20:55,791 --> 01:21:00,041 ♪ Ooh I was a dancer all along ♪ 1044 01:21:00,083 --> 01:21:03,750 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 1045 01:21:03,791 --> 01:21:07,791 ♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪ 1046 01:21:07,833 --> 01:21:15,583 ♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪ 1047 01:21:15,625 --> 01:21:23,375 ♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪ 1048 01:21:23,416 --> 01:21:27,416 ♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪ 1049 01:21:27,458 --> 01:21:31,208 ♪ Oh I was a dancer all along ♪ 1050 01:21:31,250 --> 01:21:34,958 -♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ -♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 1051 01:21:35,000 --> 01:21:39,125 ♪ Now words could never make up For what you do ♪ 1052 01:21:39,166 --> 01:21:46,833 ♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪ 1053 01:21:46,875 --> 01:21:54,625 ♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪ 1054 01:21:54,666 --> 01:21:58,291 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪