1
00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:54,889
[IN RUSSIAN]

2
00:01:12,383 --> 00:01:14,351
[IN KOREAN]

3
00:01:15,386 --> 00:01:16,717
[YELLS]

4
00:01:34,705 --> 00:01:37,003
[IN ARABIC]

5
00:01:38,976 --> 00:01:40,841
[IN ARABIC]

6
00:01:51,656 --> 00:01:55,148
[ABBA'S "TAKE A CHANCE ON ME"
PLAYS ON HEADPHONES]

7
00:02:24,455 --> 00:02:27,720
WOMAN: And this display is all that's left
of CONTROL, a secret spy agency...

8
00:02:27,892 --> 00:02:31,589
...which once battled against
the criminal syndicate known as KAOS.

9
00:02:31,762 --> 00:02:34,492
CONTROL was disbanded
at the end of the Cold War.

10
00:02:34,932 --> 00:02:37,924
Okay, up next, an exhibit...

11
00:03:19,243 --> 00:03:21,302
[BEEPING]

12
00:03:44,368 --> 00:03:48,634
Judy, the elevator is still doing that thing
where it drops really fast.

13
00:03:48,806 --> 00:03:50,467
Are you sure Maintenance fixed that?

14
00:03:50,641 --> 00:03:51,972
Let me check.

15
00:03:52,143 --> 00:03:53,906
Yep, they fixed it.

16
00:03:55,846 --> 00:03:57,143
See you later.

17
00:04:00,217 --> 00:04:01,980
- Hey, Max.
MAX: Agent 50.

18
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,344
[FLY BUZZING]

19
00:04:03,521 --> 00:04:05,614
16 floors down,
how'd a fly even get in here?

20
00:04:05,790 --> 00:04:07,155
- Hey, Max.
- Max!

21
00:04:07,325 --> 00:04:08,656
Hey, Larabee, 91.

22
00:04:08,826 --> 00:04:12,387
Yeah, big day. Could be
your last chance to push a pencil.

23
00:04:12,563 --> 00:04:14,394
Field-agent test results are due.

24
00:04:14,565 --> 00:04:18,661
Oh. Is that today?
I wasn't really thinking about it.

25
00:04:18,836 --> 00:04:21,270
Can you imagine Max as an agent?
Little suit, little shoes.

26
00:04:21,439 --> 00:04:23,066
[LAUGHING]

27
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,229
Uh-oh. Two-nerd pile-up.

28
00:04:24,408 --> 00:04:25,397
[IMITATES CARS CRASHING]

29
00:04:25,576 --> 00:04:26,978
- Move!
- Ow!

30
00:04:26,978 --> 00:04:27,478
- Move!
- Ow!

31
00:04:27,478 --> 00:04:27,705
- Move!
- Ow!

32
00:04:27,878 --> 00:04:30,642
Pretty boys. Nothing but empty suits.

33
00:04:30,815 --> 00:04:33,841
- Good morning, Bruce, Lloyd.
- Why would you wanna be an agent?

34
00:04:34,018 --> 00:04:37,784
I mean, lab guys like us, analysts like you,
we're the real soldiers.

35
00:04:37,955 --> 00:04:40,321
BRUCE: We're the true guardians
of freedom and democracy.

36
00:04:40,491 --> 00:04:42,959
And I hear we're getting
a new cappuccino machine.

37
00:04:43,127 --> 00:04:44,560
No, that's only for agents.

38
00:04:45,162 --> 00:04:46,288
Oh.

39
00:04:58,509 --> 00:05:01,103
MAN:
Hey, Agent 23 is back.

40
00:05:10,388 --> 00:05:12,219
Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

41
00:05:12,923 --> 00:05:14,823
- Welcome back, 23.
- Maxie.

42
00:05:14,992 --> 00:05:16,857
So how was the assassination?

43
00:05:17,028 --> 00:05:19,826
Maxie, you know assassinations
are specifically prohibited...

44
00:05:19,997 --> 00:05:21,862
...by executive order 12333.

45
00:05:23,167 --> 00:05:25,158
[ALL LAUGHING]

46
00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:27,001
23, you kill me.

47
00:05:27,171 --> 00:05:29,401
- I could if I wanted to.
- Yes, you... Oh. Oh!

48
00:05:29,573 --> 00:05:32,098
Did you see that face he made? Scary.

49
00:05:35,112 --> 00:05:38,445
Six months' work. 18 million dollars.

50
00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,751
Fricking agents, man.

51
00:05:41,919 --> 00:05:43,250
MAN:
Come on, let's see it.

52
00:05:43,421 --> 00:05:48,222
MAX: A lot of chatter in this region
involves nuclear material.

53
00:05:48,392 --> 00:05:51,919
You may remember
from page 627 of my last report...

54
00:05:52,096 --> 00:05:54,894
...that there has been an uptick
in KAOS interest in nukes.

55
00:05:55,066 --> 00:05:56,966
[BEEPING]

56
00:05:57,134 --> 00:05:59,967
To wit, I offer
the following conversation.

57
00:06:00,137 --> 00:06:02,298
What are you doing? Are you texting?

58
00:06:02,473 --> 00:06:05,704
Yeah, letting my fiancee know
we won't be able to get married in June.

59
00:06:05,876 --> 00:06:07,434
I'll still be in this meeting.

60
00:06:08,379 --> 00:06:09,971
AGENT 23: Can I see that a second?
- Yeah.

61
00:06:10,381 --> 00:06:11,405
That's great.

62
00:06:11,582 --> 00:06:12,571
[CRACKING]

63
00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:14,809
That's weird. You lost your signal.

64
00:06:14,985 --> 00:06:16,953
Sorry to interrupt, Maxie, go ahead.

65
00:06:17,488 --> 00:06:19,718
Next time use your own damn phone.

66
00:06:21,058 --> 00:06:23,151
Good morning, men. No, offense, Karen.

67
00:06:23,327 --> 00:06:24,589
Snappy tie.

68
00:06:24,762 --> 00:06:27,560
Sorry I'm late, but I just came out
of a budget meeting...

69
00:06:27,732 --> 00:06:31,725
...with our incredibly abrasive, dismissive
and sarcastic vice president.

70
00:06:31,902 --> 00:06:33,062
MAX:
It's no problem.

71
00:06:33,237 --> 00:06:38,231
I have obtained a snippet,
at great risk to a busboy in Balahd.

72
00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:41,835
[MAN SPEAKING IN PUNJABI
ON RECORDING]

73
00:06:42,012 --> 00:06:44,242
"Aftab, how is your coffee?"

74
00:06:45,216 --> 00:06:48,083
"Good, Dalip, it's decaf.

75
00:06:48,919 --> 00:06:50,216
How is yours?"

76
00:06:51,422 --> 00:06:53,515
"It is good also.

77
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:56,223
How is your muffin?"

78
00:06:57,762 --> 00:06:59,127
Powerful stuff.

79
00:06:59,530 --> 00:07:01,964
So "muffin," then, is a code word?

80
00:07:02,133 --> 00:07:03,794
No, it is comfort food...

81
00:07:03,968 --> 00:07:06,835
...and quite frankly, more
fattening than most people realize.

82
00:07:07,004 --> 00:07:08,403
Which begs the question...

83
00:07:08,572 --> 00:07:12,736
...why would two
hardened KAOS agents...

84
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:15,708
...risk the carbs?

85
00:07:16,714 --> 00:07:19,205
Because they are under
a great deal of stress.

86
00:07:19,383 --> 00:07:21,044
- Hence the decaf.
- For Aftab, yes.

87
00:07:21,218 --> 00:07:23,584
Dalip takes his full-strength. Why?

88
00:07:23,754 --> 00:07:26,552
Because he has been sleeping
on the couch for three days...

89
00:07:26,724 --> 00:07:29,994
...because he called his sister-in-law
a "leathery hag."

90
00:07:30,194 --> 00:07:30,494
People often say things
in anger they don't really mean.

91
00:07:30,494 --> 00:07:33,019
People often say things
in anger they don't really mean.

92
00:07:33,197 --> 00:07:37,190
Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore.

93
00:07:37,368 --> 00:07:42,237
Just words, really, that shouldn't
be used against you in a custody hearing.

94
00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:45,971
Let it go, man. Those kids
don't even look like you.

95
00:07:46,443 --> 00:07:48,070
Can we put a pin in this, please...

96
00:07:48,245 --> 00:07:51,009
...and go back to Max's
extraordinarily detailed report?

97
00:07:51,182 --> 00:07:52,945
Thank you, Chief. All I'm saying is...

98
00:07:53,117 --> 00:07:55,984
...that until we understand
that our enemies are also human...

99
00:07:56,153 --> 00:07:57,814
...we will never defeat them.

100
00:07:57,988 --> 00:08:03,654
Yes, they are bad guys, but that
is what they do, not who they are.

101
00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,724
Let's continue listening...

102
00:08:05,896 --> 00:08:09,764
...and bear in mind that the next 100 pages
can get a little bit dry.

103
00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:11,731
MAN:
Come on...

104
00:08:23,314 --> 00:08:26,306
Easy, Durat! This stuff is radioactive.

105
00:08:26,483 --> 00:08:28,451
One slip-up, and it's "ka-fricking-boom!"

106
00:08:28,619 --> 00:08:29,779
MAN:
Shtarker.

107
00:08:31,121 --> 00:08:35,023
This is KAOS.
We don't "ka-fricking-boom" here.

108
00:08:35,526 --> 00:08:37,153
Sorry, Mr. Siegfried.

109
00:08:37,328 --> 00:08:40,764
Get it in the truck,
and let's burn this place to the ground.

110
00:08:40,931 --> 00:08:43,422
But if we have what we want,
why burn the building?

111
00:08:50,808 --> 00:08:53,072
Any more questions?

112
00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:18,293
Missed me!

113
00:09:18,469 --> 00:09:20,164
[LAUGHS]

114
00:09:20,638 --> 00:09:23,732
All right! All right! I'm out!

115
00:09:23,908 --> 00:09:25,899
He was lying, Max. It was a good shot.

116
00:09:26,076 --> 00:09:27,373
Thanks.

117
00:09:27,544 --> 00:09:30,240
I am so sick of training.
I wanna get out in the field.

118
00:09:30,414 --> 00:09:34,180
AGENT 91: Give it up, 23! It's just you
and Maxi-pad against the six of us.

119
00:09:34,351 --> 00:09:37,582
Oh, gee, Maxi-pad,
I've never heard that one before!

120
00:09:38,022 --> 00:09:39,990
I never have actually heard that before.

121
00:09:41,759 --> 00:09:43,386
[YELLS]

122
00:09:47,031 --> 00:09:48,225
23, you're bleeding.

123
00:09:48,699 --> 00:09:52,294
It's a knife wound from the last mission.
My blood gets pumping, it seeps.

124
00:09:52,469 --> 00:09:53,834
LARABEE:
Hey, Maxine!

125
00:09:54,004 --> 00:09:56,734
Come over here
and we'll play a game I like to call:

126
00:09:56,907 --> 00:09:58,772
"Let's Go to the Dog Show."

127
00:09:58,943 --> 00:10:01,070
I put a collar on you
and make you my bi...!

128
00:10:01,245 --> 00:10:02,337
[GUNSHOT]

129
00:10:02,513 --> 00:10:04,310
[LARABEE GRO ANING]

130
00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:08,118
I think I really got inside his head.

131
00:10:08,285 --> 00:10:08,619
I am not proud of what I just did.

132
00:10:08,619 --> 00:10:09,950
I am not proud of what I just did.

133
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,747
Game over, Chatty Cathy.

134
00:10:13,657 --> 00:10:15,784
[GRUNTING]

135
00:10:17,361 --> 00:10:19,761
Game over when I say it's over.

136
00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:21,720
- Okay.
- Wet willy.

137
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:25,229
Okay. Who wants lunch?

138
00:10:25,402 --> 00:10:28,769
Well, excellent work, 23,
but I could've handled it my...

139
00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:30,130
[MAN GRUNTS]

140
00:10:30,307 --> 00:10:31,706
[EARS RINGING]

141
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:35,311
- Max, the Chief wants to see you.
- It is nice to see you too!

142
00:10:42,753 --> 00:10:44,118
You wanted to see me, Chief?

143
00:10:44,288 --> 00:10:46,756
Yes, Max, yes, please, sit down.

144
00:10:46,924 --> 00:10:50,451
Your field-agent test results
just came in and...

145
00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:54,524
- Something wrong with your ear?
- Absolutely not.

146
00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:57,132
Would you like me
to wait while you answer that?

147
00:10:57,301 --> 00:10:58,393
Answer what?

148
00:10:58,569 --> 00:11:00,503
Nothing. You were saying?

149
00:11:00,671 --> 00:11:03,071
I was saying the results
are quite extraordinary.

150
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,232
In fact, your essay on existentialism
was quite amazing.

151
00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:07,934
I left that section blank.

152
00:11:08,112 --> 00:11:09,909
Blank? Brilliant.

153
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,570
Brilliant, Max.

154
00:11:11,749 --> 00:11:14,411
- You passed with flying colors.
- Yes!

155
00:11:14,585 --> 00:11:17,076
You know what, sir?
I can't say that I am shocked.

156
00:11:17,254 --> 00:11:19,984
I felt good about this year's test,
in light of the fact...

157
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,853
...that in previous years,
my fitness has been an issue.

158
00:11:30,367 --> 00:11:31,391
Personal best.

159
00:11:31,568 --> 00:11:34,469
But not anymore. I'm ready for duty.

160
00:11:34,638 --> 00:11:36,765
I know how hard
you've prepared for this...

161
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:38,737
...and how much this means to you...

162
00:11:38,909 --> 00:11:41,070
...but I'm afraid I can't promote you.

163
00:11:41,245 --> 00:11:44,772
- What?
- I can't afford to give up my best analyst.

164
00:11:44,948 --> 00:11:48,145
I mean, the amount of chatter
you get through, and the reports...

165
00:11:48,318 --> 00:11:50,445
...I mean, they go way beyond
the raw data.

166
00:11:51,155 --> 00:11:57,219
So to be clear, you're not promoting me,
because I do such a great job.

167
00:11:58,062 --> 00:12:01,498
Max, the way you and I work
is becoming a lost art form.

168
00:12:01,665 --> 00:12:04,463
I spend half my days
trying to convince the vice president...

169
00:12:04,635 --> 00:12:07,433
...that intelligence comes
from humans and not satellites.

170
00:12:07,604 --> 00:12:11,040
Men with hunches,
that's where the real work gets done.

171
00:12:11,208 --> 00:12:13,142
I'm very proud of you, Max...

172
00:12:13,677 --> 00:12:15,838
...very proud of you...

173
00:12:16,013 --> 00:12:17,878
...but I need you where you are.

174
00:12:41,872 --> 00:12:44,170
<i>MAX:
I am sorry, but we can never be.</i>

175
00:12:44,341 --> 00:12:48,368
Despite today's setback,
I will at some point become a field agent...

176
00:12:48,545 --> 00:12:49,807
...and when that happens...

177
00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:53,245
...one phone call could take me
to the other side of the world.

178
00:12:53,851 --> 00:12:57,685
Who am I kidding? I'm a middle-aged
man who's missed the train.

179
00:12:58,355 --> 00:13:01,984
You don't deserve this.
I don't deserve you.

180
00:13:02,159 --> 00:13:04,627
You're so young and so full of life.

181
00:13:05,696 --> 00:13:06,822
Don't do it, Fang.

182
00:13:07,698 --> 00:13:08,995
Don't love me.

183
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:10,758
[GRUNTING]

184
00:13:11,502 --> 00:13:12,799
MAX:
Here.

185
00:13:12,970 --> 00:13:14,938
- Oh, great.
- Sorry.

186
00:13:15,105 --> 00:13:17,573
That was my last mile.
I have no idea how fast it was.

187
00:13:17,741 --> 00:13:20,073
You were moving.
It's not easy to knock me down.

188
00:13:20,244 --> 00:13:22,474
I have a low center of gravity.
Pretty solid.

189
00:13:22,646 --> 00:13:24,978
I'm just gonna call that one a 4:50.

190
00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:29,142
Impressive. I once ran a 5:16.

191
00:13:29,319 --> 00:13:32,186
Oh, really? That's, uh, slower.

192
00:13:32,356 --> 00:13:33,846
Not everything's a competition.

193
00:13:34,124 --> 00:13:35,853
Well, if it were, I'd win.

194
00:13:36,026 --> 00:13:38,221
Ah. Are you flirting with me?

195
00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,389
Not at all. Are you flirting with me?

196
00:13:41,565 --> 00:13:43,328
That depends. Is it working?

197
00:13:43,867 --> 00:13:45,698
Not at all.

198
00:13:45,869 --> 00:13:48,337
Well, nice meeting you!
I admire your focus!

199
00:13:48,505 --> 00:13:50,234
[YELLS]

200
00:13:51,942 --> 00:13:53,534
Am I invisible?

201
00:14:05,656 --> 00:14:08,352
[ALARM WAILING]

202
00:14:29,413 --> 00:14:32,211
Bruce, Lloyd, what happened?

203
00:14:32,382 --> 00:14:34,907
And what is that ungodly smell?

204
00:14:35,285 --> 00:14:36,582
Fear.

205
00:14:38,322 --> 00:14:39,619
I'll be back.

206
00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:41,225
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

207
00:14:45,762 --> 00:14:46,854
AGENT 99:
Freeze.

208
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:48,327
Freeze.

209
00:14:48,966 --> 00:14:50,490
- No, you freeze.
- You freeze.

210
00:14:50,667 --> 00:14:52,794
- I told you to freeze.
- Freeze times infinity.

211
00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,267
Oh, my God.

212
00:14:55,072 --> 00:14:56,471
- You.
- You.

213
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,437
- Are you CONTROL?
- I'm Maxwell Smart.

214
00:14:58,609 --> 00:15:00,577
I am a CONTROL analyst. Who are you?

215
00:15:02,346 --> 00:15:03,904
I'm Agent 99.

216
00:15:04,081 --> 00:15:07,278
Oh, my word. You are Agent 99?

217
00:15:07,451 --> 00:15:10,181
- I am a huge fan!
- Thank you.

218
00:15:10,354 --> 00:15:12,083
[CLATTERING]

219
00:15:20,731 --> 00:15:22,460
What are you doing?

220
00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:24,656
I'm right here, just talk to me!

221
00:15:24,835 --> 00:15:27,269
I'm going to cause a diversion.
You run and get help.

222
00:15:27,437 --> 00:15:29,405
- I really don't think that that's a...
- Shh.

223
00:15:29,573 --> 00:15:31,507
- Did you just...?
- Shh!

224
00:15:49,693 --> 00:15:50,887
Go, go, go!

225
00:15:51,395 --> 00:15:52,419
MAN 1:
Wait!

226
00:15:54,865 --> 00:15:56,230
MAN 2:
Somebody shut it off!

227
00:16:04,207 --> 00:16:06,971
MAX: Good, 23, just in time.
I think I got one of them.

228
00:16:09,012 --> 00:16:10,604
Is that the Chief?

229
00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:13,676
AGENT 99:
Yes, it is.

230
00:16:13,850 --> 00:16:15,078
Sorry about that, Chief.

231
00:16:15,686 --> 00:16:17,677
Is that a dent in his head?

232
00:16:27,331 --> 00:16:29,663
[WHISTLES]

233
00:16:34,571 --> 00:16:36,266
Hi. Hi.

234
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,273
Agent 13, you are in a tree.

235
00:16:39,443 --> 00:16:42,708
Yeah, communications got knocked down,
so they put me in a tree.

236
00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:44,870
- Old-school stuff.
- Glad to see you're okay.

237
00:16:45,048 --> 00:16:46,072
Yeah, yeah.

238
00:16:46,616 --> 00:16:49,949
Well, I have to get going.
Would you raise up the walkway, please?

239
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,418
You don't have to get going.
You don't have to go.

240
00:16:52,589 --> 00:16:53,783
Yeah, I've got a meeting.

241
00:16:53,957 --> 00:16:55,549
- How you been?
- I've been well.

242
00:16:55,726 --> 00:16:58,456
- Everything good?
- It's great. Well, I gotta...

243
00:16:58,628 --> 00:17:00,220
Could you come back this way?

244
00:17:01,431 --> 00:17:03,092
Yeah, yeah, I think I will.

245
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:04,764
What time?

246
00:17:05,235 --> 00:17:07,760
Well... Mm.

247
00:17:08,171 --> 00:17:09,900
I get it.

248
00:17:11,007 --> 00:17:12,998
Who wants to talk to a guy in a tree?

249
00:17:13,176 --> 00:17:14,473
I get it.

250
00:17:15,579 --> 00:17:18,377
Hang in there.
Don't cry, don't... Please don't cry.

251
00:17:28,959 --> 00:17:31,052
[BEEPING]

252
00:17:39,403 --> 00:17:41,496
CHIEF:
Okay. Let's get started.

253
00:17:41,671 --> 00:17:44,333
You'll have to bear with me,
I'm still a little fuzzy.

254
00:17:44,508 --> 00:17:46,976
I got a pretty good
hit in the head yesterday.

255
00:17:47,144 --> 00:17:51,137
Yes, it was dark in there.
You probably tripped.

256
00:17:51,314 --> 00:17:54,374
I hurt my knee. It was smoky too.

257
00:17:55,819 --> 00:17:57,878
CHIEF:
All right, here's what we know.

258
00:17:58,054 --> 00:18:00,852
Wait. Chief, I request
the cone of silence.

259
00:18:01,024 --> 00:18:04,755
Max, not the cone of silence.
We're in a safe room, for God's sakes.

260
00:18:04,928 --> 00:18:06,520
We thought CONTROL was safe.

261
00:18:07,297 --> 00:18:08,628
Okay. Lloyd.

262
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:16,403
CHIEF: Okay, we have reason to believe
that our security was breached by KAOS.

263
00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:18,837
- You have to speak up.
CHIEF: Can you hear me?

264
00:18:19,009 --> 00:18:20,840
- I'm not hearing anyone.
- What?

265
00:18:21,011 --> 00:18:22,945
CHIEF: Can you hear me?
AGENT 99: What did you say?

266
00:18:23,113 --> 00:18:25,673
- Bruce, it's not working.
- It's not working!

267
00:18:26,950 --> 00:18:29,748
Chief! I hit you in the head
with a fire extinguisher!

268
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,888
No, no, no, we're not ready yet.

269
00:18:32,055 --> 00:18:33,989
LARABEE:
Okay. All right.

270
00:18:34,157 --> 00:18:36,421
- It doesn't work, get rid of it.
- Turn it off.

271
00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:39,187
This thing is no good.
It's a useless piece of garbage.

272
00:18:39,362 --> 00:18:41,523
- Turn it off!
- Larabee, you all right?

273
00:18:41,698 --> 00:18:43,632
Larabee wants out!

274
00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:48,197
[YELLS]

275
00:18:48,371 --> 00:18:51,169
Today's the day, and we're gonna
get rid of this damn thing.

276
00:18:51,341 --> 00:18:53,935
LARABEE: That is cold. That's cold.
AGENT 91: All right, easy.

277
00:18:54,110 --> 00:18:55,737
CHIEF:
All right, are we done?

278
00:18:55,912 --> 00:18:57,277
Yep. I can hear now.

279
00:18:57,447 --> 00:19:00,541
Sorry, Chief, someone led me to believe
the cone was ready.

280
00:19:00,717 --> 00:19:03,413
For the record, I never actually
used the word "ready."

281
00:19:03,587 --> 00:19:06,147
"I'll show them the cone.
The cone's the shizzle."

282
00:19:06,323 --> 00:19:07,722
- You said that to me.
- All right, shut up.

283
00:19:08,425 --> 00:19:09,449
Listen up, people.

284
00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:11,958
There's been a rash of thefts
of nuclear material...

285
00:19:12,128 --> 00:19:14,562
...especially yellowcake,
over the last three months.

286
00:19:14,731 --> 00:19:19,361
Now, based on Max's intel, we were
able to get Agent 38 inside KAOS.

287
00:19:19,536 --> 00:19:21,731
We must've been close
to uncovering something...

288
00:19:21,905 --> 00:19:23,736
...so KAOS hit us and they hit us hard.

289
00:19:23,907 --> 00:19:25,675
They hacked our system...

290
00:19:25,876 --> 00:19:26,176
...and learned the identities
of all our field agents.

291
00:19:26,176 --> 00:19:28,576
...and learned the identities
of all our field agents.

292
00:19:28,745 --> 00:19:30,804
Around the world
our people are under attack.

293
00:19:30,981 --> 00:19:33,040
[DARTS WHIZZING]

294
00:19:38,188 --> 00:19:41,885
Our only lead is the maker of the bomb
KAOS used against us.

295
00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:43,582
Vladimir Krs...

296
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,694
- It's pronounced "Krstic," sir.
- Yes...

297
00:19:45,862 --> 00:19:46,886
[MUMBLES]

298
00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:48,428
MAX:
Krstic.

299
00:19:48,598 --> 00:19:49,758
[MUMBLES]

300
00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:54,267
Yes. He is a Bosnian national, and one
of KAOS' favorite munitions suppliers.

301
00:19:54,437 --> 00:19:57,235
Unfortunately, we have no idea
where he is.

302
00:19:57,407 --> 00:19:59,534
Actually, sir, we do. He is in Russia.

303
00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:02,735
- How do you know that?
- It was on page 482 of my report.

304
00:20:05,081 --> 00:20:06,708
Doesn't anybody read my reports?

305
00:20:07,951 --> 00:20:11,409
All right, our mission is clear, people.
Find Krs...

306
00:20:11,588 --> 00:20:13,180
- Krstic.
- Yes. Find him!

307
00:20:13,356 --> 00:20:15,347
- Kris Kringle. Fish stick.
CHIEF: Yes, Krs...

308
00:20:15,525 --> 00:20:17,117
- Okay, I got it, I got it.
MAX: Krstic.

309
00:20:17,294 --> 00:20:20,889
Use him to get to KAOS,
then recover the stolen nuclear material...

310
00:20:21,064 --> 00:20:23,498
...before they can do something
less than friendly...

311
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:27,626
...and maybe, if we're lucky,
we can apprehend the man behind it all...

312
00:20:27,804 --> 00:20:28,896
...Siegfried.

313
00:20:29,072 --> 00:20:31,973
Pictured here with his
number two man, Shtarker.

314
00:20:32,142 --> 00:20:34,975
How are we gonna do that
when our agents are compromised?

315
00:20:35,145 --> 00:20:38,012
Put me out there, Chief.
I'm not afraid to expose myself.

316
00:20:38,181 --> 00:20:40,240
Do you ever think before you speak?

317
00:20:40,417 --> 00:20:42,817
No, I just whip it out there.
It's what's best.

318
00:20:42,986 --> 00:20:44,647
Fortunately, we have other options.

319
00:20:44,821 --> 00:20:49,588
99 recently underwent massive plastic
surgery, so her new face is not known yet.

320
00:20:49,759 --> 00:20:52,694
We also have a new agent, Agent 86.

321
00:20:52,862 --> 00:20:54,124
Who's that, sir?

322
00:20:54,297 --> 00:20:55,924
It's you, Max.

323
00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:59,361
All right, Maxie.

324
00:21:00,637 --> 00:21:01,661
You did it.

325
00:21:03,607 --> 00:21:05,370
Lloyd, may I have the C.O.S. Please?

326
00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:11,374
I'm so happy!

327
00:21:11,548 --> 00:21:15,644
I'm so happy!
This is the best day of my life!

328
00:21:17,887 --> 00:21:21,323
Max, you didn't push
the button hard enough.

329
00:21:21,491 --> 00:21:23,982
- So you could hear me?
BRUCE: Yes.

330
00:21:24,794 --> 00:21:27,160
- Right.
AGENT 99: Excuse me, Chief, just a thought.

331
00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:31,266
- I'm not questioning your judgment...
MAX: 99, I insist on complete honesty.

332
00:21:31,434 --> 00:21:34,460
If you have something to say to me,
I wish you would just say it.

333
00:21:34,638 --> 00:21:36,970
Max has no experience.
I don't want him as my partner.

334
00:21:37,140 --> 00:21:40,541
Well, that is a sucker punch
to the gonads.

335
00:21:43,046 --> 00:21:46,982
Hey, Max. We got you a lovely
parting gift for your first mission.

336
00:21:47,150 --> 00:21:49,414
Oh, a pocketknife.

337
00:21:49,586 --> 00:21:51,918
Not just a pocketknife, Swiss Army knife.

338
00:21:52,088 --> 00:21:54,579
Comes with tweezers, pliers,
a tiny magnifying glass.

339
00:21:54,758 --> 00:21:57,921
Fish scaler, a saw, a flamethrower,
chisel, a wire-crimping tool.

340
00:21:58,094 --> 00:21:59,959
- What was that thing you said?
- Chisel?

341
00:22:00,130 --> 00:22:01,893
Before that.
Did you say flamethrower?

342
00:22:02,065 --> 00:22:03,396
- Yeah.
- Check it.

343
00:22:06,036 --> 00:22:08,197
We also added a crossbow
that fires harpoons...

344
00:22:08,371 --> 00:22:12,102
...connected to spider-silk nano-thread.
Has the strength of steel cable.

345
00:22:12,275 --> 00:22:14,766
It's a time-consuming,
labor-intensive technology.

346
00:22:14,944 --> 00:22:17,071
The spiders
have to be individually milked.

347
00:22:17,247 --> 00:22:19,215
And they do not like it.

348
00:22:19,382 --> 00:22:20,713
No, they don't.

349
00:22:20,884 --> 00:22:22,852
Gentlemen, you're the best.

350
00:22:23,353 --> 00:22:24,377
Thanks.

351
00:22:41,438 --> 00:22:43,838
WOMAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
while you are in your seats...

352
00:22:44,007 --> 00:22:46,202
...please keep your seatbelts fastened.

353
00:22:47,110 --> 00:22:49,704
I feel really good about us as partners.

354
00:22:49,879 --> 00:22:51,574
23 says that's important.

355
00:22:52,315 --> 00:22:54,943
"Trust is a must." That's what 23 says.

356
00:22:55,118 --> 00:22:56,142
Does he?

357
00:22:56,319 --> 00:22:59,311
You and I share a bond, I think.

358
00:22:59,489 --> 00:23:03,653
We both know what it feels like to look
in the mirror and not like what we see.

359
00:23:03,827 --> 00:23:06,625
You with the surgery,
me with the weight loss.

360
00:23:06,896 --> 00:23:08,887
I wanna show you something.

361
00:23:13,069 --> 00:23:14,161
That was me.

362
00:23:14,337 --> 00:23:16,237
AGENT 99:
Wow, impressive.

363
00:23:16,406 --> 00:23:18,067
Congratulations.

364
00:23:18,241 --> 00:23:19,731
Thank you.

365
00:23:22,345 --> 00:23:25,280
This is me.

366
00:23:26,116 --> 00:23:27,845
MAX:
Wow.

367
00:23:28,017 --> 00:23:29,917
Very impressive, 99.

368
00:23:30,620 --> 00:23:33,180
You were truly hideous back then.

369
00:23:35,759 --> 00:23:38,284
Since we are going
to be portraying husband and wife...

370
00:23:38,461 --> 00:23:40,827
...maybe we should get our story set.

371
00:23:41,164 --> 00:23:42,654
Okay, good idea.

372
00:23:44,534 --> 00:23:49,028
We met at a marketing convention in Vegas.
Married a year later. No kids.

373
00:23:49,205 --> 00:23:51,105
I like your parents, but you hate mine.

374
00:23:51,274 --> 00:23:52,639
Do we want kids?

375
00:23:52,809 --> 00:23:55,676
Well, you do,
but I'm concentrating on my career.

376
00:23:55,845 --> 00:23:58,609
I don't know if that's fair.
I mean, I'm older than you are.

377
00:23:58,782 --> 00:24:01,808
- Well, not by much.
- Really?

378
00:24:03,386 --> 00:24:06,719
When they gave me a new face,
I had them...

379
00:24:07,557 --> 00:24:09,650
...take a couple years off.

380
00:24:09,826 --> 00:24:11,316
You know, why not?

381
00:24:12,162 --> 00:24:16,861
Well, if that's the case, then you are
at an advanced age, and you should be...

382
00:24:17,033 --> 00:24:18,830
Well, no. I was never...

383
00:24:19,002 --> 00:24:23,200
I'm just saying that your eggs could dry up
and fall out of your uterus.

384
00:24:23,373 --> 00:24:25,739
So time is of the essence.

385
00:24:26,843 --> 00:24:29,812
- That's your opinion.
- No, that is a medical fact.

386
00:24:29,979 --> 00:24:32,675
There is a lot of time
for me to make this decision.

387
00:24:32,849 --> 00:24:35,249
I will not be rushed into it
by you or my mother.

388
00:24:35,418 --> 00:24:37,852
- You don't have much time.
- Where is the drink cart?

389
00:24:42,559 --> 00:24:43,548
Uh-oh.

390
00:24:43,726 --> 00:24:45,489
- What?
- Six o'clock.

391
00:24:46,362 --> 00:24:49,957
Don't turn around, don't turn around.
Use your peripherals.

392
00:24:54,404 --> 00:24:55,735
Do you see him?

393
00:24:56,005 --> 00:24:59,270
I'm just widening my eyes.
I'm not actually seeing anything more.

394
00:24:59,442 --> 00:25:01,876
The big guy that might as well
be holding up a sign:

395
00:25:02,045 --> 00:25:03,842
"I'm an assassin, here to kill you."

396
00:25:04,013 --> 00:25:06,413
Okay, 99, you know what?
That is profiling.

397
00:25:06,583 --> 00:25:11,213
Just because he is large doesn't
necessarily mean that he is a bad guy.

398
00:25:13,122 --> 00:25:15,682
Oh. Wow.

399
00:25:15,859 --> 00:25:18,953
That's a bad guy.
That's a really bad guy.

400
00:25:19,128 --> 00:25:20,891
- You don't say.
- Did you see his face?

401
00:25:21,064 --> 00:25:22,088
Yes.

402
00:25:22,265 --> 00:25:25,632
His head looks like
one of the Easter Island heads.

403
00:25:27,871 --> 00:25:29,862
You know what?
I'm doing the same thing.

404
00:25:30,039 --> 00:25:32,906
That's profiling,
and I will have none of it.

405
00:25:33,076 --> 00:25:36,910
Darn it, I have gum on my new shoes.

406
00:25:41,918 --> 00:25:44,250
- He's trying to light his shoe.
MAN: It's a shoe bomb!

407
00:25:44,420 --> 00:25:45,682
- Get him!
- It's gum.

408
00:25:45,855 --> 00:25:49,347
- He's got a gun!
- Not... Gum! Not... No! Gum!

409
00:25:49,525 --> 00:25:51,755
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

410
00:25:52,562 --> 00:25:54,120
Gum!

411
00:25:54,297 --> 00:25:56,322
Federal marshal, you're under arrest.

412
00:25:56,499 --> 00:25:59,900
Sir, I believe you just shattered
my coccyx.

413
00:26:01,204 --> 00:26:03,934
<i>MAN [O VER SPEAKER]: Folks, we may
be experiencing a little turbulence.</i>

414
00:26:04,107 --> 00:26:06,667
<i>The "fasten seatbelt" sign
has been turned on.</i>

415
00:26:08,511 --> 00:26:11,275
Well, you were no help whatsoever.

416
00:26:11,447 --> 00:26:15,144
How could I help?
I'm just a woman with a dusty old uterus.

417
00:26:15,318 --> 00:26:17,616
I never said dusty.

418
00:26:18,254 --> 00:26:20,313
We're close to the drop site.
I'll go first.

419
00:26:20,490 --> 00:26:23,516
- Gonna be all right with your cuffs?
- No cuffs can contain me.

420
00:26:25,328 --> 00:26:27,319
Excuse me, violent sky marshal.

421
00:26:28,264 --> 00:26:29,492
What do you want?

422
00:26:29,666 --> 00:26:31,133
I have to squeeze the lemon.

423
00:26:31,301 --> 00:26:32,791
MAN:
Ugh.

424
00:26:33,269 --> 00:26:34,668
MAX:
You heard me.

425
00:26:34,837 --> 00:26:37,032
Squeeze the lemon.

426
00:26:50,153 --> 00:26:53,554
- Do you work out?
- Occasionally.

427
00:26:53,723 --> 00:26:55,884
Yeah, I'm big on protein. Protein's great.

428
00:27:06,936 --> 00:27:08,836
[GRO ANING]

429
00:27:09,005 --> 00:27:11,872
I gotta get it out. I gotta get that out!

430
00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:13,668
[MAX GRO ANING]

431
00:27:13,843 --> 00:27:16,744
That's in there, that's in there.

432
00:27:25,521 --> 00:27:27,182
No time for pain.

433
00:27:27,357 --> 00:27:29,052
Over the drop zone.

434
00:27:33,763 --> 00:27:35,094
[YELLS]

435
00:27:35,264 --> 00:27:37,095
Ball sack!

436
00:27:46,576 --> 00:27:48,203
Son of a hamster.

437
00:27:48,378 --> 00:27:50,608
MARSHAL: You all right in there?
- Yeah. Yes, I am.

438
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,040
Everything's fine.

439
00:27:52,215 --> 00:27:54,274
Mother of pearl!

440
00:28:01,624 --> 00:28:03,182
That burns!

441
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:04,690
Last chance.

442
00:28:08,264 --> 00:28:11,961
<i>WOMAN [ON RECORDING]:
Airlock activated. Three, two, one.</i>

443
00:28:13,269 --> 00:28:15,533
[SCREAMS]

444
00:28:16,539 --> 00:28:18,370
First package away.

445
00:28:25,948 --> 00:28:27,882
Absolutely, I love cats.

446
00:28:28,051 --> 00:28:29,075
- Really?
- Yeah.

447
00:28:35,258 --> 00:28:36,725
Damn.

448
00:28:50,306 --> 00:28:52,137
Second package away.

449
00:28:57,346 --> 00:28:59,780
[MAX YELLING]

450
00:29:10,660 --> 00:29:12,594
Oh, good, you heard me.

451
00:29:15,465 --> 00:29:17,330
Third package away.

452
00:29:18,434 --> 00:29:19,458
Third package?

453
00:29:25,708 --> 00:29:27,835
99, Easter Island.

454
00:29:30,413 --> 00:29:31,539
[YELLS]

455
00:29:31,714 --> 00:29:33,272
[FABRIC TEARS]

456
00:29:35,051 --> 00:29:39,886
- I'll be right back!
- Where could you possibly be going?

457
00:30:00,543 --> 00:30:02,010
[YELLING]

458
00:30:04,881 --> 00:30:08,112
Okay, never do that again!

459
00:30:08,284 --> 00:30:10,309
AGENT 99: Stop hanging on me!
MAX: Never! Stop it!

460
00:30:16,659 --> 00:30:20,322
AGENT 99: Max, I can't reach my reserve!
Do something!

461
00:30:26,335 --> 00:30:27,825
[LAUGHS]

462
00:30:28,004 --> 00:30:30,370
That would have definitely
worked on me.

463
00:30:30,540 --> 00:30:34,909
Are you crazy?
If I can't pull my chute, you'll die too!

464
00:30:55,097 --> 00:30:56,758
MAX: Aim for the haystack.
AGENT 99: Stop talking.

465
00:30:56,933 --> 00:30:59,697
- Aim for the haystack, it's softer.
- Stop talking!

466
00:31:01,470 --> 00:31:02,869
MAX:
You missed it.

467
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,499
[IN RUSSIAN]

468
00:31:31,133 --> 00:31:33,761
MAX:
Okay, not to keep dwelling on this...

469
00:31:33,936 --> 00:31:36,268
...but that was some kiss.

470
00:31:36,439 --> 00:31:37,963
How did you know that would work?

471
00:31:38,140 --> 00:31:40,802
Have you kissed other men
who plummeted to their deaths?

472
00:31:40,977 --> 00:31:42,001
Okay, you know what?

473
00:31:42,178 --> 00:31:46,581
So far, our entire partnership has consisted
of me getting you out of trouble.

474
00:31:46,749 --> 00:31:49,013
Do you know why?
It is because you keep leading.

475
00:31:49,485 --> 00:31:51,646
So here's how we stop that. I lead now.

476
00:31:51,821 --> 00:31:53,948
I'm the one with experience.
You know nothing.

477
00:31:54,290 --> 00:31:55,814
I beg to differ.

478
00:31:55,992 --> 00:31:58,688
I looked up your field agent exam,
and I scored...

479
00:31:58,861 --> 00:32:00,852
- My what?
- Your field agent exam.

480
00:32:01,030 --> 00:32:02,793
I scored eight points higher than you.

481
00:32:02,965 --> 00:32:04,057
This is not a classroom.

482
00:32:04,233 --> 00:32:06,758
That's the difference between
an A plus and an A minus.

483
00:32:06,936 --> 00:32:10,667
- You'll get us killed if you don't listen!
- A minus!

484
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,273
Okay, you're faced with an assassin.
What do you do?

485
00:32:14,443 --> 00:32:17,879
- I take out my gun, and I would shoot...
- You don't have a gun.

486
00:32:18,047 --> 00:32:19,810
- I did until you took it.
- Bang. You're dead.

487
00:32:19,982 --> 00:32:21,210
- No, I'm not.
- Bang. You're dead.

488
00:32:21,384 --> 00:32:22,646
- Stop shooting me.
- You are dead.

489
00:32:22,818 --> 00:32:24,786
- I don't like it when you shoot me.
- Bang. Bang. Bang.

490
00:32:24,954 --> 00:32:26,114
- Stop it.
- Bang. Bang.

491
00:32:26,289 --> 00:32:29,452
Stop shooting me more.
You already said I was... Hey.

492
00:32:29,959 --> 00:32:31,483
Throw out your manual.

493
00:32:31,661 --> 00:32:35,062
Out here there are no grades,
there's only dead, and not dead.

494
00:32:36,165 --> 00:32:40,192
You know, I am not completely
incompetent without a gun.

495
00:32:40,369 --> 00:32:43,395
I am a master in the art of Hwa Rang Do.

496
00:32:45,041 --> 00:32:46,565
[GRUNTS]

497
00:32:46,742 --> 00:32:48,869
- I was not ready.
- That's my point.

498
00:32:49,045 --> 00:32:50,342
Yeah, you know what? That...

499
00:32:50,513 --> 00:32:52,674
Hey, what was that?

500
00:32:57,753 --> 00:33:01,484
Max is halfway to Moscow. Don't tell me
you're still translating that Russian.

501
00:33:01,657 --> 00:33:03,215
They talk fast, it's hard.

502
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,885
BRUCE: It takes like eight of these morons
to do what Max did.

503
00:33:07,063 --> 00:33:09,258
I can't wait till we finish
the Hymie project.

504
00:33:09,432 --> 00:33:11,457
All these stupid agents will be obsolete.

505
00:33:11,634 --> 00:33:13,124
- Bye-bye.
- What's a Hymie?

506
00:33:13,302 --> 00:33:16,396
Hybrid Mechanical Intelligence Entity.
Basically a robot.

507
00:33:16,572 --> 00:33:18,506
It's a stolen KAOS technology.

508
00:33:18,674 --> 00:33:21,074
Being reprogrammed. Top-secret.
Need-to-know.

509
00:33:21,243 --> 00:33:22,938
And you don't need.

510
00:33:23,346 --> 00:33:26,611
I'm a trained killer.
I can kill you with anything in this office.

511
00:33:26,782 --> 00:33:29,751
You wanna die by Post-its?
Because I could make that happen.

512
00:33:29,919 --> 00:33:31,614
And that's a slow death.

513
00:33:33,122 --> 00:33:34,453
AGENT 23: Larabee.
- Yeah.

514
00:33:34,623 --> 00:33:36,352
- Were you the last one to use the copier?
- Yeah.

515
00:33:36,525 --> 00:33:37,685
You left it jammed.

516
00:33:37,860 --> 00:33:40,192
So? Why don't you...

517
00:33:40,563 --> 00:33:41,860
...unjam it?

518
00:33:42,031 --> 00:33:45,023
- Just open the door, read the instructions.
- This your stapler?

519
00:33:45,201 --> 00:33:47,761
- Yeah, want me to show you how to use it?
- No.

520
00:33:49,505 --> 00:33:50,529
Unjam that.

521
00:33:50,706 --> 00:33:51,934
- 23.
- Yes.

522
00:33:52,108 --> 00:33:54,633
- Can I have a moment, please?
- Sure.

523
00:33:55,277 --> 00:33:56,471
Yes, Chief.

524
00:33:56,645 --> 00:33:59,808
Let me tell you about a pattern
that's beginning to emerge.

525
00:33:59,982 --> 00:34:02,177
As a former field agent,
I'm very much aware...

526
00:34:02,351 --> 00:34:05,445
...of how difficult it is
to make the transition to office life.

527
00:34:05,621 --> 00:34:07,145
He didn't unjam the copier.

528
00:34:07,323 --> 00:34:10,588
We have rules here. If you don't
follow the rules, then what are we?

529
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:14,924
I'll tell you what we're not. We're not
people who jam staples into people's heads.

530
00:34:15,097 --> 00:34:16,724
That's CIA crap.

531
00:34:16,899 --> 00:34:19,094
All right, look, Chief, I'm your best guy.

532
00:34:19,268 --> 00:34:22,760
I don't belong in an office making copies.
I should be out there with Max.

533
00:34:22,938 --> 00:34:25,372
Look, 23, no more stapling today.

534
00:34:25,541 --> 00:34:26,633
[LARABEE GRO ANING]

535
00:34:26,809 --> 00:34:28,106
Just hold on.

536
00:34:34,450 --> 00:34:36,509
So how do you know this place?

537
00:34:36,685 --> 00:34:38,983
Well, as an analyst,
I like to keep my ears open.

538
00:34:39,155 --> 00:34:40,554
It's amazing what you learn...

539
00:34:40,723 --> 00:34:44,523
...listening to chatter.
In fact, Ladislas Krstic loves this place.

540
00:34:44,693 --> 00:34:49,630
As do many KAOS agents.
Cafe Minsk-Pinsk in Smolensk.

541
00:34:49,799 --> 00:34:51,994
It doesn't get any better than "thinsk."

542
00:34:53,369 --> 00:34:55,337
You see what I just did?

543
00:34:55,504 --> 00:34:58,132
I added an "insk" at the end,
made it sound Russian.

544
00:34:58,307 --> 00:34:59,865
Should've smacked you harder.

545
00:35:00,042 --> 00:35:01,373
Is that your default setting?

546
00:35:01,544 --> 00:35:04,012
Do you just punch people
in the face willy-nilly?

547
00:35:04,180 --> 00:35:06,148
"It's Tuesday,
I'll punch Max in the face."

548
00:35:06,315 --> 00:35:09,011
"A box of kittens,
time to punch Max in the face."

549
00:35:09,185 --> 00:35:11,517
"I'm having bread,
time to punch Max in the face."

550
00:35:11,687 --> 00:35:13,211
You know, I love bread...

551
00:35:13,389 --> 00:35:15,721
...and I know bread
has a few carbs, but...

552
00:35:15,891 --> 00:35:17,950
...I've never really been afraid of carbs...

553
00:35:18,127 --> 00:35:22,564
...because it seems like no matter
how many I eat, I stay "thinsk."

554
00:35:31,173 --> 00:35:33,801
[IN RUSSIAN]

555
00:35:37,813 --> 00:35:40,008
I'm sorry, are you talking to me?

556
00:35:40,182 --> 00:35:41,911
<i>No sprechen Sie Russian.</i>

557
00:35:43,385 --> 00:35:45,819
[URINATING]

558
00:35:46,722 --> 00:35:48,212
[IN RUSSIAN]

559
00:35:51,093 --> 00:35:52,583
[STOPS URINATING]

560
00:35:52,761 --> 00:35:54,626
[URINATING]

561
00:35:56,799 --> 00:35:58,960
[STOPS URINATING]

562
00:35:59,134 --> 00:36:01,193
[URINATING]

563
00:36:02,671 --> 00:36:04,036
[STOPS URINATING]

564
00:36:04,206 --> 00:36:06,174
[URINATING]

565
00:36:11,146 --> 00:36:12,443
[STOPS URINATING]

566
00:36:12,615 --> 00:36:14,845
[URINATING]

567
00:36:17,286 --> 00:36:18,753
[STOPS URINATING]

568
00:36:18,921 --> 00:36:20,320
[URINATING]

569
00:36:24,059 --> 00:36:25,822
[TOILET FLUSHES]

570
00:36:25,995 --> 00:36:28,964
MAX: Boy, you know what? I will tell you,
I love your country.

571
00:36:29,131 --> 00:36:32,430
No more Communism.
No rules of any kind, really.

572
00:36:32,601 --> 00:36:36,264
I'm filling my suitcase with steroids
and art from ancient Mesopotamia.

573
00:36:36,438 --> 00:36:40,067
Ran over an old woman yesterday.
Best vacation I've ever had.

574
00:36:40,242 --> 00:36:42,472
[WATCH BEEPING]

575
00:36:43,779 --> 00:36:45,770
Time to take my pill.

576
00:36:52,254 --> 00:36:54,586
There was a guy in the bathroom
who's really hot.

577
00:36:56,225 --> 00:36:57,749
Okay...

578
00:36:57,927 --> 00:37:00,054
No, no, no. Radioactive hot.

579
00:37:00,229 --> 00:37:03,494
Although he did have a certain
rugged quality that some find appealing.

580
00:37:03,666 --> 00:37:05,634
How did you know he was radioactive?

581
00:37:06,001 --> 00:37:09,493
My watch is a Geiger counter.
You don't have one of these? Huh.

582
00:37:09,939 --> 00:37:12,908
Listen, I think he was part
of the nuclear theft in Chechnya.

583
00:37:13,075 --> 00:37:14,269
We should follow him.

584
00:37:14,443 --> 00:37:16,070
AGENT 99:
I gotta say, Max...

585
00:37:16,812 --> 00:37:18,279
...you picked a good restaurant.

586
00:37:56,285 --> 00:37:57,377
MAX:
Of course.

587
00:37:58,187 --> 00:37:59,620
Tripe soup.

588
00:37:59,788 --> 00:38:02,882
- This must be Ladislas Krstic's house.
- What?

589
00:38:03,058 --> 00:38:06,619
Tripe soup is his favorite dish.
It was in the mission dossier.

590
00:38:06,795 --> 00:38:08,888
Let's just see what we're
up against, okay?

591
00:38:10,666 --> 00:38:13,066
[WRAPPER CRINKLING]

592
00:38:17,473 --> 00:38:19,464
I didn't get to eat at the restaurant.

593
00:38:19,642 --> 00:38:22,839
And if you skip a meal,
the next meal you overindulge.

594
00:38:23,012 --> 00:38:25,071
- Well, let me. I've got nails.
- It's a recipe for...

595
00:38:25,247 --> 00:38:26,839
[SPLASHES]

596
00:38:27,016 --> 00:38:28,347
You owe me $3.

597
00:38:30,219 --> 00:38:33,382
AGENT 99: More guards.
We'll have to figure out a way in.

598
00:38:39,294 --> 00:38:40,318
Miniature blowgun.

599
00:38:40,496 --> 00:38:42,691
You don't have one of these?

600
00:38:42,865 --> 00:38:46,926
These darts are tipped with a tranquilizer
derived from the skin of a lizard...

601
00:38:47,102 --> 00:38:49,229
<i>...known as los zapatos de la muerte.</i>

602
00:38:49,405 --> 00:38:50,497
"The shoes of death."

603
00:38:51,407 --> 00:38:52,704
Excuse me.

604
00:38:53,242 --> 00:38:56,439
They're 40 yards out,
that's definitely the edge of my range.

605
00:38:56,612 --> 00:39:00,275
I'm going to have to give this one
a little something extra.

606
00:39:00,449 --> 00:39:01,973
[BREATHING DEEPLY]

607
00:39:02,151 --> 00:39:03,641
[CHOKES]

608
00:39:04,420 --> 00:39:06,149
[THUDS]

609
00:39:15,998 --> 00:39:17,522
Wow.

610
00:39:17,700 --> 00:39:19,258
You look spectacular.

611
00:39:19,435 --> 00:39:20,561
Thanks.

612
00:39:20,869 --> 00:39:22,700
You don't look too bad yourself.

613
00:39:23,972 --> 00:39:25,234
Is that a wig?

614
00:39:25,407 --> 00:39:26,931
Yeah, it came with the dress.

615
00:39:27,609 --> 00:39:31,636
- How did I get into these clothes?
- That's not important. Let's go.

616
00:39:34,917 --> 00:39:36,214
Am I wearing boxers?

617
00:39:39,254 --> 00:39:42,485
For future reference,
I usually prefer briefs...

618
00:39:42,658 --> 00:39:45,092
...for their security and peace of mind.

619
00:39:45,260 --> 00:39:47,592
Going free-bird is not exactly ideal.

620
00:39:47,930 --> 00:39:49,591
I don't like it.

621
00:40:01,543 --> 00:40:03,135
[BAND PLAYING WALTZ]

622
00:40:05,481 --> 00:40:07,415
There must be 200 people here.

623
00:40:07,583 --> 00:40:10,677
Finding Krstic will be like
finding a needle in a haystack.

624
00:40:11,153 --> 00:40:14,054
[IN RUSSIAN]

625
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:19,421
[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]

626
00:40:19,595 --> 00:40:20,857
I'd love to dance.

627
00:40:21,029 --> 00:40:24,988
English? But you understand Russian?
Very impressive.

628
00:40:25,667 --> 00:40:27,259
Shall we?

629
00:40:28,103 --> 00:40:29,798
I hope your date doesn't mind.

630
00:40:29,972 --> 00:40:31,872
AGENT 99:
Oh, he's not my date.

631
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,203
He's just a local horse groomer
I hired to drive me around.

632
00:40:35,377 --> 00:40:39,370
It's a tragic story. He's quite deaf.
Really not bright.

633
00:40:40,315 --> 00:40:43,876
I am going to dance now.

634
00:40:44,186 --> 00:40:48,122
You go get yourself some punch.

635
00:40:49,358 --> 00:40:50,791
Okay.

636
00:40:52,027 --> 00:40:54,495
I don't even know
how much gets through.

637
00:41:03,372 --> 00:41:04,862
Chief, I need your help.

638
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:06,371
You're on. Go ahead.

639
00:41:06,542 --> 00:41:07,668
<i>MAX:
We have found Krstic.</i>

640
00:41:07,843 --> 00:41:10,403
<i>I searched his house.
I can't find his computer network.</i>

641
00:41:10,579 --> 00:41:10,979
Get me an infrared satellite scan.

642
00:41:10,979 --> 00:41:12,207
Get me an infrared satellite scan.

643
00:41:12,381 --> 00:41:15,475
I have to get back to 99,
she is in grave danger.

644
00:41:18,754 --> 00:41:20,654
Your house is so beautiful.

645
00:41:20,989 --> 00:41:23,389
It must be difficult to go to work.

646
00:41:24,393 --> 00:41:26,827
I don't have to go very far.

647
00:41:58,193 --> 00:41:59,990
[CLEARS THRO AT]

648
00:42:00,162 --> 00:42:02,323
[IN RUSSIAN]

649
00:42:02,497 --> 00:42:04,226
I don't think so.

650
00:42:04,566 --> 00:42:06,124
I wasn't talking to you.

651
00:42:10,405 --> 00:42:11,429
Me?

652
00:42:11,607 --> 00:42:13,040
[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]

653
00:42:13,208 --> 00:42:14,368
I don't know.

654
00:42:14,543 --> 00:42:16,101
It'll be fun.

655
00:42:16,511 --> 00:42:17,535
Trust me.

656
00:42:26,154 --> 00:42:27,985
[WOMEN LAUGHING]

657
00:43:09,364 --> 00:43:11,161
You are so light on your feet.

658
00:43:11,333 --> 00:43:12,766
I recently lost 150 pounds.

659
00:43:13,101 --> 00:43:14,898
So did I.

660
00:43:15,070 --> 00:43:17,300
Isn't it great?
I have so much more energy now.

661
00:43:17,472 --> 00:43:18,939
Me too.

662
00:44:25,674 --> 00:44:27,869
- Thanks for jumping.
- No problem.

663
00:44:51,733 --> 00:44:53,758
Thank you for the lovely dance.

664
00:45:15,524 --> 00:45:17,389
Did you see anything
while I was dancing?

665
00:45:17,559 --> 00:45:20,926
Just once, but I don't think you expected
him to lift you so high.

666
00:45:22,297 --> 00:45:25,323
Anyway, I found out that the office
is in the guest house.

667
00:45:25,500 --> 00:45:27,092
Really? How'd you do that?

668
00:45:27,269 --> 00:45:29,931
Show him a little decolletage,
cleavage, bat your eyes?

669
00:45:30,105 --> 00:45:32,096
I'm not judging, just detecting a pattern.

670
00:45:32,274 --> 00:45:34,640
- Ready to work?
- I'm ready to work. You ready?

671
00:45:34,810 --> 00:45:36,744
- Oh, my God.
- You're just having fun showing your:

672
00:45:36,912 --> 00:45:37,913
[GRUNTING]

673
00:45:45,253 --> 00:45:47,517
Six guards.
We are going to need another way in.

674
00:45:47,689 --> 00:45:49,850
Stand by, Max. Larabee, let's go. Move it.

675
00:45:50,292 --> 00:45:52,419
- What'd you do?
- I can't find the right screen.

676
00:45:52,594 --> 00:45:54,789
It was here a second ago,
then it went away.

677
00:45:54,963 --> 00:45:57,625
- What did you hit?
- Don't yell at me. It's not helping!

678
00:45:57,799 --> 00:45:59,266
If you don't find that screen...

679
00:45:59,434 --> 00:46:02,369
...I'm gonna have you hunting
for land mines, with a hammer!

680
00:46:05,373 --> 00:46:07,364
<i>AGENT 23:
Got it, Max. There is one other entrance.</i>

681
00:46:07,542 --> 00:46:08,600
What kind of entrance?

682
00:46:08,777 --> 00:46:11,678
The kind where you'll wanna
throw your shoes out afterwards.

683
00:46:12,347 --> 00:46:16,340
MAX: Oh, great, rats.
It's not enough that there's poop.

684
00:46:16,518 --> 00:46:21,455
You know what, I never saw James Bond
in rats or poop, let alone rats and poop.

685
00:46:22,324 --> 00:46:25,225
Look, a rat riding on a piece of poop.

686
00:46:25,393 --> 00:46:28,123
AGENT 99:
Stop it. It's just a storm drain.

687
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:33,833
Here it is.

688
00:46:45,213 --> 00:46:48,842
Exploding dental floss.
You don't have this? Hm.

689
00:46:58,426 --> 00:47:00,326
Three, two...

690
00:47:00,996 --> 00:47:02,020
...one.

691
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:26,547
Right.

692
00:47:32,394 --> 00:47:33,554
Come on.

693
00:47:50,712 --> 00:47:52,077
Are you staring at my butt?

694
00:47:52,948 --> 00:47:54,745
No, I am not.

695
00:47:54,916 --> 00:47:57,248
I might have been before, but I am...

696
00:47:57,419 --> 00:48:00,149
Now I am again. All right, I'm stopping.

697
00:48:00,322 --> 00:48:03,382
Pay attention to what I'm doing,
so that you can follow me exactly.

698
00:48:03,792 --> 00:48:05,054
Yep.

699
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:27,744
Okay, Max. Little heads-up.

700
00:48:27,916 --> 00:48:30,976
High-intensity lasers. Whatever
part of you does touch gets sliced.

701
00:48:31,152 --> 00:48:34,315
One more reason
why boxers were a bad idea.

702
00:48:46,601 --> 00:48:49,001
All right, so do I have to do it
exactly like that?

703
00:48:49,170 --> 00:48:50,364
Just come on.

704
00:49:04,085 --> 00:49:06,485
That's impressive. Wow.

705
00:49:08,790 --> 00:49:10,485
Careful, this one's tricky.

706
00:49:10,659 --> 00:49:12,126
Good.

707
00:49:12,294 --> 00:49:13,318
Very good.

708
00:49:15,530 --> 00:49:16,690
Okay, it's not that good.

709
00:49:22,170 --> 00:49:23,364
[GASPS]

710
00:49:36,384 --> 00:49:37,578
Max. Max.

711
00:49:37,819 --> 00:49:39,081
Stay calm.

712
00:49:40,989 --> 00:49:43,685
Max, keep it together. Keep it together.

713
00:49:44,726 --> 00:49:46,250
Max. Max.

714
00:49:47,829 --> 00:49:49,421
Careful! No, no.

715
00:49:49,597 --> 00:49:51,497
He's nibbling. That's not cheese!

716
00:49:51,666 --> 00:49:53,133
[MAX GRO ANING]

717
00:49:53,301 --> 00:49:54,529
Max, be quiet!

718
00:50:02,844 --> 00:50:04,835
Okay, shall we?

719
00:50:38,246 --> 00:50:40,373
[BEADS RATTLING]

720
00:50:43,284 --> 00:50:44,774
Did I hear something?

721
00:50:44,953 --> 00:50:48,223
Yes, there were some
tap dancers in the hallway.

722
00:50:50,558 --> 00:50:53,652
Damn it. I can't get into their system.
Biometric security.

723
00:50:53,828 --> 00:50:55,591
If you don't mind, 99...

724
00:51:00,802 --> 00:51:04,898
The old "steam sticks to everything
but the oil from the last thumb print" trick.

725
00:51:05,073 --> 00:51:06,097
Here we go.

726
00:51:06,341 --> 00:51:09,572
- Shipments of explosives.
- Your boyfriend is a very bad man.

727
00:51:09,744 --> 00:51:12,907
- And a really good kisser.
- Ignoring that.

728
00:51:16,017 --> 00:51:18,747
Look at that shipment of detonators.
It's a little odd.

729
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:20,820
Well, he is a bomb-maker.

730
00:51:20,989 --> 00:51:24,186
No. What is odd is that it was shipped
to a bakery in Moscow.

731
00:51:24,359 --> 00:51:26,919
These detonators can also be used
for nuclear bombs.

732
00:51:27,095 --> 00:51:28,926
I think this is our connection to KAOS.

733
00:51:29,097 --> 00:51:30,621
[CREAKS]

734
00:51:42,010 --> 00:51:43,534
I set that up.

735
00:51:54,355 --> 00:51:55,617
Let her go.

736
00:51:56,057 --> 00:51:57,456
No.

737
00:51:57,625 --> 00:51:59,320
[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]

738
00:52:01,463 --> 00:52:04,955
I'm not totally incompetent
without a gun, you know.

739
00:52:29,691 --> 00:52:30,817
AGENT 99:
Thanks for the help.

740
00:52:31,860 --> 00:52:34,385
KRSTIC:
That's enough. Pity.

741
00:52:35,029 --> 00:52:39,227
I'm about to shoot beautiful woman
and her retard stable boy.

742
00:52:39,434 --> 00:52:40,458
And yet...

743
00:52:41,336 --> 00:52:43,531
...I will sleep like baby.

744
00:52:49,511 --> 00:52:52,036
- Not bad for a rookie.
- Not bad for an old lady.

745
00:52:56,117 --> 00:52:59,416
[PLAYING BEETHO VEN'S
"ODE TO JO Y"]

746
00:53:01,322 --> 00:53:02,550
[PHONE RINGS]

747
00:53:02,724 --> 00:53:03,884
SIEGFRIED:
Siegfried here.

748
00:53:04,058 --> 00:53:06,185
<i>MAN [O VER PHONE]:
How could you possibly screw this up?</i>

749
00:53:06,361 --> 00:53:07,851
Krstic was a fool.

750
00:53:08,029 --> 00:53:09,030
<i>- And they got lucky.
- Who's that? Who's speaking?</i>

751
00:53:09,030 --> 00:53:09,531
<i>- And they got lucky.
- Who's that? Who's speaking?</i>

752
00:53:09,531 --> 00:53:10,759
<i>- And they got lucky.
- Who's that? Who's speaking?</i>

753
00:53:10,932 --> 00:53:12,058
That's no one, sir.

754
00:53:12,233 --> 00:53:15,031
<i>They're heading towards you.
Don't disappoint me again.</i>

755
00:53:15,203 --> 00:53:16,693
Don't worry, sir. They won't get pa...

756
00:53:16,871 --> 00:53:18,270
[DIAL TONE HUMS]

757
00:53:18,439 --> 00:53:19,531
Why does he do that?

758
00:53:19,707 --> 00:53:21,572
Don't look at me. I'm no one.

759
00:53:21,743 --> 00:53:23,233
And don't you forget it.

760
00:53:23,545 --> 00:53:25,775
Everyone here can be replaced.

761
00:53:25,947 --> 00:53:27,608
I even have backup for you.

762
00:53:27,782 --> 00:53:29,773
It's called a rhinoceros.

763
00:53:55,610 --> 00:53:58,408
I think it's time to find new wheels.
Pull over.

764
00:54:04,452 --> 00:54:06,818
I feel good about the mission so far,
don't you?

765
00:54:06,988 --> 00:54:08,250
So far, sure.

766
00:54:08,423 --> 00:54:10,323
I think we work very well together.

767
00:54:10,491 --> 00:54:11,822
Like at the mansion.

768
00:54:11,993 --> 00:54:16,123
The way I held that guy's hair
while you punched him in the throat.

769
00:54:16,297 --> 00:54:18,162
That was nice.

770
00:54:18,833 --> 00:54:19,857
Nice?

771
00:54:20,034 --> 00:54:21,695
Yeah, well, good teamwork.

772
00:54:21,869 --> 00:54:23,336
What are you doing?

773
00:54:23,504 --> 00:54:26,029
I'm just saying that I think
we're very compatible.

774
00:54:26,207 --> 00:54:29,643
I think that you are confusing adrenaline
with, I don't know...

775
00:54:29,811 --> 00:54:31,369
...some other kind of hormone.

776
00:54:31,546 --> 00:54:33,946
- No. That's not...
- Know what, Max? Just stop it.

777
00:54:35,116 --> 00:54:37,846
Let me give you a lesson
that I had to learn the hard way.

778
00:54:38,019 --> 00:54:40,180
You can't trust anyone out here,
not even me.

779
00:54:40,355 --> 00:54:43,051
I mean, you know,
I could be a double agent.

780
00:54:43,625 --> 00:54:45,957
The break-in at CONTROL
was probably an inside job.

781
00:54:46,127 --> 00:54:49,187
It happened just as I got back.
How do you know that it wasn't me?

782
00:54:50,164 --> 00:54:52,724
- What are we talking about here?
- Let's just find a car.

783
00:54:52,900 --> 00:54:55,562
Which one's gonna attract
the least attention?

784
00:54:56,070 --> 00:54:59,665
All right, well, we have
a couple Soviet-era sedans here...

785
00:54:59,841 --> 00:55:03,242
...we have that tractor, that cart...

786
00:55:04,045 --> 00:55:06,240
...and... That'll work.

787
00:55:07,248 --> 00:55:10,115
- No.
- Yes.

788
00:55:10,284 --> 00:55:11,683
No.

789
00:55:12,020 --> 00:55:13,214
Yes.

790
00:55:16,858 --> 00:55:19,850
- Oh, yeah, we are really under the radar.
- Will you relax?

791
00:55:20,028 --> 00:55:22,895
Since the fall of Communism,
everybody has one of these here.

792
00:55:26,167 --> 00:55:27,828
[IN RUSSIAN]

793
00:55:28,002 --> 00:55:29,299
[SHUTTER CLICKS]

794
00:55:50,324 --> 00:55:52,087
AGENT 99:
There's our little KAOS bakery.

795
00:55:52,260 --> 00:55:55,388
I don't have to remind you,
but this isn't like the last place.

796
00:55:55,563 --> 00:55:59,090
There's no party, there's no dancing.
Everyone in there is a trained killer.

797
00:55:59,267 --> 00:56:01,132
Do you understand? Okay.

798
00:56:01,302 --> 00:56:03,770
Did they explain to you
how your belt buckle works?

799
00:56:03,938 --> 00:56:06,964
No, but the technology for holding
up pants hasn't changed much.

800
00:56:07,141 --> 00:56:09,109
- Max.
- Hey, what?

801
00:56:09,577 --> 00:56:12,375
This one has a compartment.
Inside there's a pill.

802
00:56:12,547 --> 00:56:15,607
If captured, it would cause death
in nine seconds.

803
00:56:15,783 --> 00:56:16,807
Great.

804
00:56:17,351 --> 00:56:20,320
But how exactly do I get them to take it?

805
00:56:22,457 --> 00:56:26,359
- Not much of a laugher, are you?
- Here. Put this on.

806
00:56:26,527 --> 00:56:27,926
- On what?
- On your molar.

807
00:56:28,096 --> 00:56:31,224
It's a tooth radio. It sends sound
up your jawbone, into your ear.

808
00:56:31,399 --> 00:56:35,563
I can't hear anything outside your mouth,
so if you get in trouble, you have to say so.

809
00:56:35,737 --> 00:56:36,726
Is it working?

810
00:56:36,904 --> 00:56:38,872
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

811
00:56:40,208 --> 00:56:42,073
- [WHISPERS] Is it working?
- Yes.

812
00:56:42,243 --> 00:56:43,471
Good.

813
00:56:43,644 --> 00:56:44,668
Okay.

814
00:56:44,846 --> 00:56:47,542
Well, you know what to do.
Good luck in there.

815
00:56:47,715 --> 00:56:49,376
You too.

816
00:57:12,340 --> 00:57:13,967
[BELL RINGS]

817
00:57:17,545 --> 00:57:19,376
<i>Free rugelach?</i>

818
00:57:19,547 --> 00:57:22,311
No, thank you.
I am here for something else.

819
00:57:22,650 --> 00:57:23,947
Bread?

820
00:57:24,118 --> 00:57:28,054
- Something hot.
- We have rolls that just came out.

821
00:57:28,222 --> 00:57:30,850
Even hotter. Much, much hotter.

822
00:57:31,192 --> 00:57:33,353
I already have boyfriend.

823
00:57:34,162 --> 00:57:36,756
- All right...
- Although, I could make exception.

824
00:57:36,931 --> 00:57:37,955
No, that's okay.

825
00:57:38,132 --> 00:57:41,329
Sure? Flour sacks in back,
very comfortable.

826
00:57:41,502 --> 00:57:44,994
I don't think we are on the same page.

827
00:57:45,339 --> 00:57:49,298
I'm here because Ladislas Krstic sent me.

828
00:57:49,477 --> 00:57:52,139
Ah. Take number.

829
00:57:53,447 --> 00:57:55,516
But I'm the only one here.

830
00:58:00,221 --> 00:58:01,848
Oh.

831
00:58:31,452 --> 00:58:32,749
Who are you?

832
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:35,616
My name is Nudnik Shpilkes.
Who are you?

833
00:58:35,790 --> 00:58:38,384
- I am Siegfried.
- [LOUDLY] Did you say Siegfried?

834
00:58:38,559 --> 00:58:39,548
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

835
00:58:39,727 --> 00:58:40,716
Max!

836
00:58:40,962 --> 00:58:41,986
Yes.

837
00:58:42,163 --> 00:58:44,063
I understand that you're
the man to see...

838
00:58:44,232 --> 00:58:47,292
...if someone is interested in acquiring
items of a nuclear nature.

839
00:58:47,468 --> 00:58:51,029
- How do I know you're not CONTROL?
- Lf I were CONTROL, you'd already be dead.

840
00:58:51,205 --> 00:58:53,139
If you were CONTROL, you'd be dead.

841
00:58:53,307 --> 00:58:57,266
Well, neither of us is dead,
so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.

842
00:59:01,007 --> 00:59:02,998
That actually makes sense.

843
00:59:04,343 --> 00:59:07,403
Follow me, Mr. Shpilkes.

844
00:59:13,619 --> 00:59:15,644
Test. Test.

845
00:59:18,858 --> 00:59:21,656
MAX: Ah. The "Ode to Joy"
from Beethoven's Ninth.

846
00:59:21,828 --> 00:59:25,821
Stone deaf when he wrote it.
Syphilis. Fun stuff.

847
00:59:26,465 --> 00:59:30,993
Yes, a personal favorite.
A bit familiar, but it ends with a bang.

848
00:59:32,338 --> 00:59:33,828
You're doing great, Max.

849
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:38,067
What I'm about to show you is
the inner sanctum of our entire operation.

850
00:59:38,244 --> 00:59:40,769
[LOUDLY] The inner sanctum
of the entire operation?

851
00:59:40,947 --> 00:59:42,938
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

852
00:59:44,650 --> 00:59:45,708
Yes.

853
00:59:54,594 --> 00:59:56,061
This is it?

854
00:59:56,229 --> 00:59:57,662
Of course not. I lied.

855
00:59:57,830 --> 00:59:59,127
He does that.

856
00:59:59,298 --> 01:00:02,267
I'm going to kill you,
and then I'm going to kill your partner.

857
01:00:02,435 --> 01:00:04,198
I don't know who you're talking about.

858
01:00:09,408 --> 01:00:13,003
MAX:
Ah. Mrs. Shpilkes must be lost.

859
01:00:13,179 --> 01:00:16,444
I think it's only fair to warn you,
this facility is surrounded...

860
01:00:16,616 --> 01:00:19,517
...by a highly trained team
of 130 Black Op snipers.

861
01:00:19,685 --> 01:00:21,653
- I don't believe you.
- Would you believe...

862
01:00:21,821 --> 01:00:23,812
...two dozen Delta Force commandos?

863
01:00:23,990 --> 01:00:26,515
- No.
- How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun?

864
01:00:27,093 --> 01:00:28,526
Goodbye, Mr. Smart.

865
01:00:29,929 --> 01:00:31,021
[DOOR SLAMS]

866
01:00:31,197 --> 01:00:34,894
Well, Mr. Shtarker,
I think you've underestimated me...

867
01:00:35,067 --> 01:00:37,058
...and the element of surpr...!

868
01:00:47,146 --> 01:00:49,876
99, we've been compromised. Get out.

869
01:01:09,769 --> 01:01:11,464
<i>COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
Access denied.</i>

870
01:01:13,739 --> 01:01:15,900
[GRUNTING]

871
01:01:23,883 --> 01:01:26,511
[MAX GRUNTING]

872
01:01:34,961 --> 01:01:36,792
[GRUNTING]

873
01:01:41,300 --> 01:01:43,825
<i>Access denied. Access denied.</i>

874
01:01:44,003 --> 01:01:46,471
<i>Access denied.</i>

875
01:01:59,518 --> 01:02:00,542
AGENT 99:
Max, where are you?

876
01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:02,950
99, I found the yellowcake.

877
01:02:03,122 --> 01:02:04,783
Of course you did, it's a bakery.

878
01:02:04,957 --> 01:02:07,619
No, not yellow "cake" cake,
yellowcake uranium.

879
01:02:07,793 --> 01:02:12,287
Although there is yellow "cake" cake
here as well.

880
01:02:13,132 --> 01:02:14,394
Oh, Max.

881
01:02:42,128 --> 01:02:43,755
Max, do you read...?

882
01:02:43,929 --> 01:02:45,191
99!

883
01:02:45,364 --> 01:02:47,195
What happened to your radio?

884
01:02:47,366 --> 01:02:50,358
I swallowed it. I can get it back,
but you may not want it.

885
01:02:50,536 --> 01:02:52,338
- Good Lord.
- Listen...

886
01:02:52,538 --> 01:02:52,838
...I've placed charges
at points all over the building.

887
01:02:52,838 --> 01:02:55,068
...I've placed charges
at points all over the building.

888
01:02:55,241 --> 01:02:58,938
What? Max, you can't blow up a building
full of radioactive material!

889
01:02:59,111 --> 01:03:03,013
I know that, 99. I've placed only enough
charges to safely bury the weapons lab.

890
01:03:04,050 --> 01:03:05,244
Max, that's brilliant.

891
01:03:05,418 --> 01:03:09,218
Wow. That's maybe the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.

892
01:03:09,722 --> 01:03:11,349
[GUNFIRE]

893
01:03:14,860 --> 01:03:16,691
[BEEPING]

894
01:03:31,977 --> 01:03:34,605
[GRO ANING]

895
01:03:37,616 --> 01:03:41,552
- I don't get it, I thought he was dead!
- I will say this, he is not a quitter.

896
01:03:58,037 --> 01:04:00,539
This is just ridiculous!

897
01:04:06,779 --> 01:04:07,803
99!

898
01:04:07,980 --> 01:04:09,106
Wake up, 99.

899
01:04:09,281 --> 01:04:11,442
Maybe you should kiss him again.

900
01:04:12,952 --> 01:04:14,214
[IN PUNJABl]

901
01:04:14,386 --> 01:04:17,685
Wait, I know that voice.
The chatter! Dalip.

902
01:04:17,890 --> 01:04:19,585
[IN PUNJABl]

903
01:04:21,026 --> 01:04:23,153
[YELLS]

904
01:04:25,464 --> 01:04:26,658
Ow! That was me!

905
01:04:30,569 --> 01:04:32,571
- Max?
- I'm... Yep, still fighting.

906
01:04:51,690 --> 01:04:56,150
Now, Dalip, I can prove that I know you.
Your favorite dish is chicken tikka!

907
01:04:56,929 --> 01:04:59,955
<i>Like me, you enjoy
American Top 40 with Ryan Seacrest.</i>

908
01:05:12,444 --> 01:05:14,002
[GRO ANS]

909
01:05:14,180 --> 01:05:15,114
Ow.

910
01:05:15,114 --> 01:05:15,614
Ow.

911
01:05:15,614 --> 01:05:15,909
Ow.

912
01:05:25,658 --> 01:05:28,821
Wait, wait, Dalip,
there's something else that I know.

913
01:05:28,994 --> 01:05:30,154
Max. Max.

914
01:05:30,329 --> 01:05:34,060
Your marriage is in trouble.
Your darling wife, Zeenat, is leaving you.

915
01:05:34,667 --> 01:05:36,862
But there is still hope.

916
01:05:37,036 --> 01:05:38,503
Do you love her?

917
01:05:43,742 --> 01:05:47,576
- Wha...?
- Then show her. Go home for lunch.

918
01:05:47,746 --> 01:05:50,306
Take her with you the next time
you go to kill someone.

919
01:05:50,716 --> 01:05:52,308
She just wants to be with you...

920
01:05:52,484 --> 01:05:54,748
...and that means
less time with her sister...

921
01:05:54,920 --> 01:05:57,616
...who we both know is undermining
your relationship.

922
01:05:58,457 --> 01:06:00,891
Kick the gun to me.

923
01:06:01,060 --> 01:06:02,618
99, please.

924
01:06:03,362 --> 01:06:04,920
Big people feel pain too.

925
01:06:17,076 --> 01:06:18,407
What are you doing?

926
01:06:19,211 --> 01:06:21,611
Oh, no. Oh, no.

927
01:06:21,780 --> 01:06:23,407
Max!

928
01:06:25,784 --> 01:06:30,414
Okay. Okay. That's all right. That's okay.

929
01:06:30,589 --> 01:06:32,352
[DALIP SOBBING]

930
01:06:32,524 --> 01:06:35,687
Her sister's such a bitch.

931
01:06:43,235 --> 01:06:45,533
- You all right?
- Yeah. That was amazing.

932
01:06:46,839 --> 01:06:48,204
Thank you.

933
01:06:50,309 --> 01:06:51,833
We gotta go.

934
01:07:00,386 --> 01:07:01,410
99.

935
01:07:08,260 --> 01:07:10,956
- What was that?
- I cramped up.

936
01:07:13,465 --> 01:07:14,955
Come on. Come here.

937
01:07:15,334 --> 01:07:16,995
Good idea.

938
01:07:17,169 --> 01:07:20,900
We will climb up with you,
and we'll all go... together.

939
01:07:25,311 --> 01:07:27,245
[IN RUSSIAN]

940
01:07:30,883 --> 01:07:32,214
MAX:
He left us here.

941
01:07:32,551 --> 01:07:34,178
What a douche.

942
01:07:51,904 --> 01:07:54,805
Missed it by that much.

943
01:07:58,610 --> 01:08:01,545
Well, that's convenient. Shoot them.

944
01:08:10,055 --> 01:08:12,353
Whatever you do, 99, don't look down!

945
01:08:12,524 --> 01:08:16,153
I'm gonna try to get us over to that ledge!
We can do this, 99!

946
01:08:17,496 --> 01:08:18,554
Max.

947
01:08:19,198 --> 01:08:20,222
Right.

948
01:08:25,070 --> 01:08:26,298
AGENT 99:
Thanks, Chief.

949
01:08:26,905 --> 01:08:28,429
Okay, no problem.

950
01:08:28,607 --> 01:08:31,440
The Chief is thrilled.
He sent 23 out to observe the cleanup.

951
01:08:31,610 --> 01:08:32,634
Great.

952
01:08:33,846 --> 01:08:38,112
Listen, is it possible that you could
answer a personal question?

953
01:08:38,283 --> 01:08:40,114
It's possible.

954
01:08:40,953 --> 01:08:43,046
Why did you change your looks?

955
01:08:44,189 --> 01:08:47,818
Oh. Um...
That's not really a personal question.

956
01:08:48,127 --> 01:08:51,619
Things from my non-work sphere
spilled into my work sphere.

957
01:08:51,797 --> 01:08:55,733
Facts became known, identities were
compromised, and I became a brunette.

958
01:08:55,901 --> 01:08:58,961
Wow. That is a great story...

959
01:08:59,138 --> 01:09:02,539
...in which you revealed
absolutely nothing about yourself.

960
01:09:07,980 --> 01:09:09,607
I blew a mission.

961
01:09:11,383 --> 01:09:16,047
I was involved with someone from work.
I lost focus. The mission blew up.

962
01:09:16,221 --> 01:09:20,681
I broke it off with that person,
but my identity had already been revealed.

963
01:09:20,859 --> 01:09:22,417
So I had two choices.

964
01:09:22,594 --> 01:09:25,290
I could either spend the rest of my life
behind a desk...

965
01:09:26,165 --> 01:09:28,133
...which would be like
eight hours a day...

966
01:09:28,300 --> 01:09:30,996
...of scraping a cheese grater
against my forehead.

967
01:09:31,170 --> 01:09:33,001
- Oh, you know.
- Yes.

968
01:09:33,172 --> 01:09:35,800
Or I could change my face,
so that's what I did.

969
01:09:38,644 --> 01:09:43,308
And it was painful,
but it needed to be done, and s...

970
01:09:47,753 --> 01:09:51,052
- I don't wanna talk about this anymore.
- Okay.

971
01:09:54,526 --> 01:09:56,790
I used to look like my mom.

972
01:10:02,167 --> 01:10:05,159
I used to look like
two of my moms put together.

973
01:10:43,408 --> 01:10:46,241
Sir, if I may ask...

974
01:10:46,411 --> 01:10:48,572
...how did you choose the target?

975
01:10:48,747 --> 01:10:51,113
- Why Los Angeles?
- Major city...

976
01:10:51,283 --> 01:10:53,148
...Iots of media attention...

977
01:10:53,552 --> 01:10:55,213
...and the president will be there.

978
01:10:55,721 --> 01:10:58,986
Still, it's too bad
about all the dead movie stars.

979
01:10:59,157 --> 01:11:00,454
Yes.

980
01:11:00,626 --> 01:11:04,995
What will we do without
their razor-sharp political advice?

981
01:11:09,501 --> 01:11:12,595
Oh, my God, have you eaten the crew?

982
01:11:13,105 --> 01:11:15,665
Oh, look, it understands.

983
01:11:15,841 --> 01:11:17,502
Get back to work.

984
01:11:33,759 --> 01:11:37,923
AGENT 99: No, that's not possible.
No, no, no. Max said that...

985
01:11:40,365 --> 01:11:41,525
No.

986
01:11:45,270 --> 01:11:47,204
That doesn't make any sense.

987
01:11:48,974 --> 01:11:51,909
Yellowcake uranium, warheads,
an entire production line.

988
01:11:52,077 --> 01:11:55,046
There's nothing here
but what used to be a bakery.

989
01:11:55,213 --> 01:11:57,773
There are no weapons?
No radioactivity of any kind?

990
01:11:57,950 --> 01:12:00,714
Nothing. I've swept the entire area,
and it's clean.

991
01:12:00,886 --> 01:12:04,083
- But Max said that he s...
- Did you see the evidence yourself?

992
01:12:04,590 --> 01:12:05,921
No.

993
01:12:06,325 --> 01:12:09,123
No, every time he found something,
he was alone.

994
01:12:15,334 --> 01:12:17,131
What do you want me to do with Max?

995
01:12:17,302 --> 01:12:18,792
- Do with Max?
- Max?

996
01:12:21,406 --> 01:12:23,897
You were right when you said
I shouldn't trust you.

997
01:12:25,744 --> 01:12:26,938
Give me the phone.

998
01:12:31,249 --> 01:12:33,717
And who might this be? Siegfried?

999
01:12:33,885 --> 01:12:35,045
<i>Hello, Max.</i>

1000
01:12:35,220 --> 01:12:36,244
Chief?

1001
01:12:38,690 --> 01:12:40,453
Knockout gas, 99?

1002
01:12:40,626 --> 01:12:43,993
Please. I have trained my body
to be impervious to...

1003
01:12:44,162 --> 01:12:45,493
That's new stuff.

1004
01:12:48,433 --> 01:12:49,957
Oh, Max.

1005
01:12:57,376 --> 01:12:59,401
CHIEF:
I'm very disappointed, Max.

1006
01:12:59,578 --> 01:13:02,479
I thought you and I were supposedly
cut from the same cloth.

1007
01:13:02,648 --> 01:13:04,843
How can you think
that I am a double agent?

1008
01:13:05,017 --> 01:13:07,485
You lied about finding evidence
of radioactivity.

1009
01:13:07,653 --> 01:13:09,951
Killed Krstic before
anybody could question him.

1010
01:13:10,122 --> 01:13:13,319
There's a matter of your
stoving my head in with a fire extinguisher.

1011
01:13:13,492 --> 01:13:17,429
I said I was sorry. You just didn't hear me,
because you were in a mini coma.

1012
01:13:17,429 --> 01:13:17,793
I said I was sorry. You just didn't hear me,
because you were in a mini coma.

1013
01:13:17,963 --> 01:13:19,658
You've made CONTROL a laughingstock.

1014
01:13:19,831 --> 01:13:22,629
The vice president wants to shut us down,
you know.

1015
01:13:25,404 --> 01:13:26,428
99.

1016
01:13:27,139 --> 01:13:28,731
This whole week...

1017
01:13:29,374 --> 01:13:30,636
...last night...

1018
01:13:31,576 --> 01:13:32,770
...you know me.

1019
01:13:32,944 --> 01:13:34,377
Apparently not.

1020
01:13:35,180 --> 01:13:36,374
Oh, my God!

1021
01:13:36,548 --> 01:13:38,641
You two? You and Max?

1022
01:13:38,817 --> 01:13:41,513
You said we had to break up
because we work together.

1023
01:13:41,687 --> 01:13:42,881
Oh, my God! You and 23?

1024
01:13:43,488 --> 01:13:45,956
I am so sexually threatened right now.

1025
01:13:49,861 --> 01:13:51,260
[LINE RINGING]

1026
01:13:51,430 --> 01:13:52,920
<i>MAN [ON RECORDING]:
You have reached...</i>

1027
01:13:53,098 --> 01:13:54,963
<i>... the United States
Department of Homeland Security.</i>

1028
01:13:55,133 --> 01:13:57,601
<i>For threats against
the continental United States, press 1.</i>

1029
01:13:57,769 --> 01:14:00,533
<i>For threats against Hawaii, press 2.
For threats against Puerto Rico...</i>

1030
01:14:00,706 --> 01:14:02,037
[SHTARKER BREATHING NOISILY]

1031
01:14:02,207 --> 01:14:05,643
You know, you're the only human being
I know who snores when he's awake?

1032
01:14:05,811 --> 01:14:07,438
<i>If you're calling from a rotary...</i>

1033
01:14:07,612 --> 01:14:10,206
Okay, today's threat assessment.

1034
01:14:10,382 --> 01:14:14,876
- There are 72 threats on the list. Mike?
- Thank you, Mr. Vice President.

1035
01:14:15,053 --> 01:14:18,318
Okay, we have a deteriorating situation
in Venezuela.

1036
01:14:18,490 --> 01:14:21,050
We have a deteriorating situation
in Afghanistan.

1037
01:14:21,226 --> 01:14:23,922
What about the deteriorating situation
in North Korea?

1038
01:14:24,096 --> 01:14:25,961
- I was getting to that.
- When? Next week?

1039
01:14:26,131 --> 01:14:28,463
Yes, next Tuesday,
right after I kick your ass.

1040
01:14:28,633 --> 01:14:32,865
Gentlemen, when we argue,
the terrorists win.

1041
01:14:36,341 --> 01:14:39,105
Anyway, last night at a private dinner...

1042
01:14:39,277 --> 01:14:42,974
...President Kim Jong-il
made a very odd threat to, and I quote:

1043
01:14:43,148 --> 01:14:45,742
"Make a pudding from the bones
of Americans."

1044
01:14:45,917 --> 01:14:47,748
That guy's insane.

1045
01:14:47,919 --> 01:14:51,946
Doesn't he know bones are crunchy?
Who'd want a crunchy pudding?

1046
01:14:52,124 --> 01:14:53,819
[PHONE RINGS]

1047
01:14:53,992 --> 01:14:55,016
War room.

1048
01:14:55,193 --> 01:14:59,186
Finally. My name is Siegfried,
and I represent KAOS.

1049
01:14:59,364 --> 01:15:03,562
<i>Over the past few months, we have
assembled a stockpile of nuclear weapons...</i>

1050
01:15:03,735 --> 01:15:08,638
<i>... which we have distributed
to 20 unfriendly, unstable dictators.</i>

1051
01:15:09,407 --> 01:15:12,672
For the moment, KAOS retains
the bomb activation codes...

1052
01:15:12,844 --> 01:15:16,746
...but we will release the codes
unless our demands are met.

1053
01:15:16,915 --> 01:15:17,973
What are your demands?

1054
01:15:18,150 --> 01:15:20,209
200 billion dollars by 3 p.m.

1055
01:15:20,385 --> 01:15:22,910
200 billion dollars by 3 p. M?

1056
01:15:23,088 --> 01:15:24,487
<i>You seem a bit slow.</i>

1057
01:15:24,656 --> 01:15:27,853
- Is there someone else I can talk to?
- Good one.

1058
01:15:28,426 --> 01:15:31,156
Look, Siegfried,
we don't negotiate with terrorists...

1059
01:15:31,329 --> 01:15:33,661
...and you're obviously bluffing.
Take a hike.

1060
01:15:33,832 --> 01:15:35,459
CHIEF:
What? Are you kidding me?

1061
01:15:35,634 --> 01:15:39,263
You spent the morning talking about
pudding, and you ignore a credible threat?

1062
01:15:39,437 --> 01:15:41,905
Credible? Come on.
KAOS has been defunct for 20 years.

1063
01:15:42,073 --> 01:15:44,598
CHIEF: With all due respect,
the CIA knows nothing about KAOS.

1064
01:15:44,776 --> 01:15:47,210
CONTROL has to be in charge here.

1065
01:15:47,379 --> 01:15:50,371
- Like when you bombed that bakery?
- Muffins of mass destruction.

1066
01:15:50,549 --> 01:15:52,073
[MEN LAUGHING]

1067
01:15:52,250 --> 01:15:54,411
That's it!
I've been waiting for this since Nixon.

1068
01:15:54,586 --> 01:15:57,817
- Here we go.
- I got a new pacemaker, I can go all day!

1069
01:15:57,989 --> 01:16:00,048
- Okay!
- Okay! Come on!

1070
01:16:03,361 --> 01:16:05,955
It seems like they don't believe you.

1071
01:16:06,531 --> 01:16:10,865
Which is why we've arranged
for a little demonstration.

1072
01:16:58,850 --> 01:17:00,647
Chief, you wanted to see me?

1073
01:17:00,819 --> 01:17:04,220
Yes. You and 23 are coming with me
to see the president.

1074
01:17:04,389 --> 01:17:07,119
- Can't you call him?
- Vice president won't let me through.

1075
01:17:07,525 --> 01:17:10,358
I can't believe we have to go
all the way to Los Angeles.

1076
01:17:10,528 --> 01:17:12,359
Why is the president never here?

1077
01:17:12,530 --> 01:17:15,090
I'm sure whatever he's doing
is vital to the nation.

1078
01:17:15,467 --> 01:17:17,332
"Good night, moon.

1079
01:17:18,103 --> 01:17:21,038
Good night,
cow jumping over the moon."

1080
01:17:22,040 --> 01:17:25,339
Actually, I think you would suck
as my teacher.

1081
01:17:25,510 --> 01:17:28,001
Well, from wh...

1082
01:17:28,947 --> 01:17:31,677
Hey, Smart. Happy birthday.

1083
01:17:38,924 --> 01:17:40,687
I'm fat!

1084
01:17:47,165 --> 01:17:49,292
[BEEPING]

1085
01:17:50,635 --> 01:17:52,068
Gentlemen.

1086
01:17:54,339 --> 01:17:57,137
Oh. Good, the itchy kind.

1087
01:17:57,309 --> 01:17:58,401
My favorite.

1088
01:17:58,576 --> 01:18:00,373
Does this one also have smallpox?

1089
01:18:02,113 --> 01:18:03,375
[CLINKING]

1090
01:18:03,548 --> 01:18:05,675
And that was a human tooth.

1091
01:18:05,850 --> 01:18:09,547
<i>MAN 1 [O VER RADIO]: American Top 40.
WOMAN: With Ryan Seacrest.</i>

1092
01:18:09,721 --> 01:18:12,554
<i>MAN 2: Here's a sweet dedication
from a little lady named Dalip.</i>

1093
01:18:12,724 --> 01:18:14,191
<i>It's to her boyfriend, Max.</i>

1094
01:18:14,359 --> 01:18:18,887
<i>"Meet me in L.A.
Things will be very hot. Nuclear hot. "</i>

1095
01:18:19,064 --> 01:18:22,431
<i>I don't know, if I were Max,
I would get myself to L.A.</i>

1096
01:18:22,600 --> 01:18:25,626
[MADONNA'S "4 MINUTES"
PLAYS ON RADIO]

1097
01:18:32,243 --> 01:18:34,609
Hey! Dumb guards!

1098
01:18:34,779 --> 01:18:39,011
Why don't you come in here so I can
make you my pretty little girlfriends.

1099
01:18:39,184 --> 01:18:40,651
You'll have to shower for weeks!

1100
01:18:40,819 --> 01:18:42,616
[BEEPING]

1101
01:18:42,887 --> 01:18:44,650
But you will never get the smell off...

1102
01:18:44,823 --> 01:18:47,053
You two seem very angry.

1103
01:18:48,793 --> 01:18:50,920
Thank you, sir, may I have another?

1104
01:18:53,231 --> 01:18:54,799
I was kidding.

1105
01:19:02,941 --> 01:19:06,536
9-4-3-6-8.

1106
01:19:08,646 --> 01:19:09,977
[BEEPING]

1107
01:19:10,148 --> 01:19:13,083
9-4-3-6-8.

1108
01:19:13,251 --> 01:19:14,809
[DOOR CLICKS]

1109
01:19:30,135 --> 01:19:31,898
BRUCE:
Turn around slowly.

1110
01:19:34,105 --> 01:19:37,404
Guys, you have to believe me.
I am not a double agent.

1111
01:19:37,575 --> 01:19:40,066
- We never thought you were.
- Yeah, we love you, man.

1112
01:19:40,245 --> 01:19:43,009
Then what's with the firearm
and the freak-show expressions?

1113
01:19:43,181 --> 01:19:44,580
For the security cameras.

1114
01:19:44,749 --> 01:19:48,014
If it looks like we let you go,
we'd totally get fired.

1115
01:19:48,186 --> 01:19:49,244
Got it.

1116
01:19:51,890 --> 01:19:53,357
So where are the Chief and 99?

1117
01:19:53,525 --> 01:19:55,493
They flew to L.A.
To talk to the president.

1118
01:19:55,660 --> 01:19:58,060
I need to get out of here
before someone stops me.

1119
01:19:58,229 --> 01:19:59,821
- Overpower us.
- Good idea.

1120
01:19:59,998 --> 01:20:01,659
Bruce, I will smash you in the face.

1121
01:20:01,833 --> 01:20:04,427
- Thank you.
- Lloyd, I'll simulate your disembowelment.

1122
01:20:04,602 --> 01:20:06,126
Ready? One...

1123
01:20:06,304 --> 01:20:08,704
Not yet! I haven't punched yet.
React when I punch.

1124
01:20:08,873 --> 01:20:10,238
- Oh, yeah.
- One...

1125
01:20:10,408 --> 01:20:12,171
...two, three.

1126
01:20:13,611 --> 01:20:15,238
- Wrong way.
- Okay, wait.

1127
01:20:15,413 --> 01:20:17,881
- Sometimes I faint.
- I'm not going to hit you.

1128
01:20:18,049 --> 01:20:21,644
No, but when I see blood, or when
I talk about blood, or think about blood...

1129
01:20:21,820 --> 01:20:24,482
There will be no blood.
Hang in there. Hang in, buddy.

1130
01:20:55,220 --> 01:20:57,450
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

1131
01:21:11,803 --> 01:21:13,464
What are you doing, dummkopf?

1132
01:21:13,638 --> 01:21:17,404
Running out in the middle of the road!
You could get hit by a car!

1133
01:21:17,876 --> 01:21:20,401
Well, that was ironic.

1134
01:21:34,692 --> 01:21:36,182
PRESIDENT:
Chief, I'm not buying it.

1135
01:21:36,361 --> 01:21:39,353
With all our satellites,
there's no way anybody could possibly...

1136
01:21:39,531 --> 01:21:41,795
...have nuclear bombs
that we wouldn't know about.

1137
01:21:41,966 --> 01:21:43,365
"Nuclear!"

1138
01:21:43,768 --> 01:21:45,326
- What's that?
- Sorry.

1139
01:21:45,503 --> 01:21:48,836
AGENT 99: Mr. President, if I could just
please show you some data, you'd agree...

1140
01:21:49,007 --> 01:21:50,531
Well, just back up here a second.

1141
01:21:50,708 --> 01:21:52,699
First thing I'd like to know is...

1142
01:21:52,877 --> 01:21:55,038
...what did the vice president
say about this?

1143
01:21:55,213 --> 01:21:58,944
I'm afraid the vice president and I had
a less-than-cordial encounter yesterday.

1144
01:21:59,117 --> 01:22:00,880
- Less-than-cordial, you say?
- Yes, sir.

1145
01:22:01,052 --> 01:22:02,076
I'll say.

1146
01:22:03,454 --> 01:22:06,150
The chairman of joint chiefs
sent me this little movie.

1147
01:22:06,324 --> 01:22:07,985
Put it right here on my cell phone.

1148
01:22:08,159 --> 01:22:10,150
Let me share this with you.
This is my favorite part.

1149
01:22:10,328 --> 01:22:12,819
<i>VICE PRESIDENT [ON VIDEO]:
I got a new pacemaker, I can go all day!</i>

1150
01:22:12,997 --> 01:22:14,521
<i>[GRO ANING & CLATTERING
ON VIDEO]</i>

1151
01:22:14,699 --> 01:22:15,893
Oh, Chief.

1152
01:22:16,067 --> 01:22:17,227
Very sweet tackle.

1153
01:22:17,402 --> 01:22:19,893
Look. Look at the surprise on his face.

1154
01:22:20,071 --> 01:22:22,403
I probably owe you an apology
for that, sir.

1155
01:22:22,574 --> 01:22:24,166
No. Please, just save your breath.

1156
01:22:24,342 --> 01:22:26,606
But I have to agree
with that son of a bitch.

1157
01:22:26,778 --> 01:22:29,110
We cannot respond to every threat.

1158
01:22:30,481 --> 01:22:31,914
Case closed.

1159
01:22:52,036 --> 01:22:54,095
[PHONE RINGS]

1160
01:22:55,506 --> 01:22:56,530
Max?

1161
01:22:56,708 --> 01:22:57,834
<i>MAX [O VER PHONE]:
Hello, 99.</i>

1162
01:22:58,009 --> 01:22:59,840
Trace 99's call, now!

1163
01:23:00,011 --> 01:23:01,876
<i>- Where are you?
- That's not important.</i>

1164
01:23:02,046 --> 01:23:05,948
<i>What is important is that KAOS has planted
a bomb somewhere in Los Angeles.</i>

1165
01:23:06,117 --> 01:23:08,085
We got him. He's still in Washington.

1166
01:23:08,253 --> 01:23:11,518
<i>Listen, while I was in my cell,
I had some time to think.</i>

1167
01:23:13,658 --> 01:23:18,721
<i>I realized that even though I was accused
of something I didn't do, I was happy.</i>

1168
01:23:19,163 --> 01:23:24,032
<i>Because at least for a little while,
I got to live my dream of being an agent.</i>

1169
01:23:25,036 --> 01:23:26,799
<i>And I got to be with you.</i>

1170
01:23:26,971 --> 01:23:29,804
<i>I learned that you have
a mean right cross...</i>

1171
01:23:29,974 --> 01:23:33,171
<i>... you are almost as good
a dancer as me...</i>

1172
01:23:33,344 --> 01:23:36,575
<i>- ... and you used to look like your mom.
- Max.</i>

1173
01:23:36,748 --> 01:23:40,081
<i>Please, 99. All I'm asking is for you
to look me in the eyes...</i>

1174
01:23:40,251 --> 01:23:42,845
<i>... and tell me that
you don't feel something too.</i>

1175
01:23:43,621 --> 01:23:44,781
MAN:
Freeze!

1176
01:23:44,956 --> 01:23:48,722
Oh, Max. How could I look in your eyes?

1177
01:23:50,094 --> 01:23:51,356
Just turn around.

1178
01:23:58,770 --> 01:24:00,761
Why are you talking into your shoe?

1179
01:24:00,938 --> 01:24:04,339
The old "call forwarding
from the shoe phone to the cell phone...

1180
01:24:04,509 --> 01:24:07,842
...so you don't know where I am,
then I appear on the roof behind you...

1181
01:24:08,012 --> 01:24:10,003
...and surprise everyone" trick.

1182
01:24:10,181 --> 01:24:12,046
- Don't move.
- What are you doing?

1183
01:24:12,216 --> 01:24:13,240
How did you get here?

1184
01:24:14,385 --> 01:24:16,250
[VOMITING]

1185
01:24:16,421 --> 01:24:18,514
Do you have another one of these?

1186
01:24:22,327 --> 01:24:23,351
It doesn't matter.

1187
01:24:23,528 --> 01:24:26,497
What matters is that there is a bomb,
and I'm here to find it.

1188
01:24:26,664 --> 01:24:28,825
- How do you know this?
- I'd rather not say.

1189
01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:30,991
CHIEF:
Max, there are millions of lives at stake.

1190
01:24:31,169 --> 01:24:34,366
If you have credible information
from a reliable source...

1191
01:24:34,539 --> 01:24:36,734
...I wanna know it,
and I wanna know it now.

1192
01:24:37,809 --> 01:24:40,676
I heard it from America's sweetheart,
Ryan Seacrest.

1193
01:24:40,845 --> 01:24:42,176
- Whoa.
AGENT 23: Come on.

1194
01:24:42,347 --> 01:24:43,939
It was a coded message.

1195
01:24:44,115 --> 01:24:47,482
CHIEF: Max, we're running out of time here.
What are you talking about?

1196
01:24:47,652 --> 01:24:51,486
I received a tip from a KAOS agent
who I befriended at the bakery.

1197
01:24:56,994 --> 01:24:58,757
I think we should trust him, Chief.

1198
01:24:58,930 --> 01:25:00,898
AGENT 23: Absolutely, Chief.
I'm with 99 on that one.

1199
01:25:01,065 --> 01:25:03,863
Every time I look at Max's puppy eyes,
I'm a goner.

1200
01:25:04,035 --> 01:25:07,835
Oh, my God. You've really never
had anyone break up with you, have you?

1201
01:25:09,407 --> 01:25:12,308
Chief, you said that you and I are alike.

1202
01:25:12,477 --> 01:25:14,843
That we are both old-fashioned men.

1203
01:25:15,513 --> 01:25:17,640
Well, I have an old-fashioned hunch.

1204
01:25:17,815 --> 01:25:22,377
I have a hunch that you have a hunch
that I am telling the truth.

1205
01:25:23,488 --> 01:25:24,580
Max...

1206
01:25:26,023 --> 01:25:29,254
Any double agent who escapes
from a high-security holding situation...

1207
01:25:29,427 --> 01:25:33,022
...only to fall into the arms of
the people that got him in the first place...

1208
01:25:33,197 --> 01:25:36,997
...is either an idiot or not a double agent,
and I don't think you're an idiot.

1209
01:25:37,769 --> 01:25:38,793
Thank you, Chief.

1210
01:25:39,437 --> 01:25:42,770
Now, we know that the president
is in town.

1211
01:25:42,940 --> 01:25:46,740
- But what exactly is he doing here today?
- Max.

1212
01:25:46,911 --> 01:25:51,211
- Yes. We need to find out his itinerary.
- But, Max, the...

1213
01:25:51,382 --> 01:25:54,112
I know, 99. I need to go get a paper.

1214
01:26:03,494 --> 01:26:05,018
We're in position. More or less.

1215
01:26:05,196 --> 01:26:08,131
Roger. I have the whole
security system online. Just remember...

1216
01:26:08,299 --> 01:26:12,065
Yes, we know.
How about a little radio silence?

1217
01:26:12,236 --> 01:26:15,907
I wanna quit, but what can I do?
He's married to my sister.

1218
01:26:15,907 --> 01:26:16,236
I wanna quit, but what can I do?
He's married to my sister.

1219
01:26:16,407 --> 01:26:20,867
By the way, I reviewed the security tapes
from the explosion at the bakery...

1220
01:26:21,045 --> 01:26:25,072
...and I know that you let those
CONTROL agents get away.

1221
01:26:25,249 --> 01:26:27,513
So unless you do your job today...

1222
01:26:27,685 --> 01:26:33,817
...your lovely wife, Zeenat,
will have eaten her last kebab.

1223
01:26:55,513 --> 01:26:59,415
<i>Blue team, check for access violation
at quadrant three, sector seven.</i>

1224
01:26:59,584 --> 01:27:00,608
Copy that.

1225
01:27:01,986 --> 01:27:03,146
Go.

1226
01:27:20,638 --> 01:27:22,333
SHTARKER:
That's it. You're there.

1227
01:27:54,105 --> 01:27:55,834
Door secure.

1228
01:28:28,372 --> 01:28:30,636
We need to get everyone out
and shut this place.

1229
01:28:30,808 --> 01:28:32,275
We've swept the building.

1230
01:28:32,443 --> 01:28:36,209
The Secret Service doesn't make mistakes
like the fabulous bakery boys.

1231
01:28:36,380 --> 01:28:38,314
Who told you about that? Who told you?

1232
01:28:38,482 --> 01:28:40,746
Take it easy.
You'll give yourself a heart attack.

1233
01:28:40,918 --> 01:28:43,546
And this day will not include
me blowing into your mouth.

1234
01:28:43,721 --> 01:28:46,713
- You want a piece of me?
- Come on, Chief! He's not worth it.

1235
01:28:46,891 --> 01:28:48,518
- Hey.
- I'm shaking. I'm shaking.

1236
01:28:48,693 --> 01:28:49,717
You better watch it.

1237
01:28:49,894 --> 01:28:51,384
CHIEF:
Let me at him!

1238
01:28:55,333 --> 01:28:55,733
[CROWD APPLAUDING]

1239
01:28:55,733 --> 01:28:56,233
[CROWD APPLAUDING]

1240
01:28:56,233 --> 01:28:57,393
[CROWD APPLAUDING]

1241
01:29:00,805 --> 01:29:02,705
<i>MAN [O VER RADIO]:
From Los Angeles, California...</i>

1242
01:29:02,873 --> 01:29:04,208
<i>... we welcome you to a live broadcast...</i>

1243
01:29:04,208 --> 01:29:04,709
<i>... we welcome you to a live broadcast...</i>

1244
01:29:04,909 --> 01:29:06,900
<i>... of our concert for the president.</i>

1245
01:29:07,078 --> 01:29:09,546
<i>Dignitaries from around the world
have gathered.</i>

1246
01:29:09,714 --> 01:29:14,151
<i>We will be broadcasting from the Walt
Disney Concert Hall throughout the evening.</i>

1247
01:29:14,318 --> 01:29:16,752
MAX:
There has got to be another way in.

1248
01:29:16,921 --> 01:29:19,822
Why are we even still here?
There are 50 other perfect targets.

1249
01:29:19,991 --> 01:29:23,392
The Golden Gate Bridge, Space Needle.
There's no chatter to support this.

1250
01:29:23,561 --> 01:29:26,359
And you know what,
I'm done with this. Stop!

1251
01:29:26,530 --> 01:29:29,988
Wait a minute, 23.
You're radioactive hot.

1252
01:29:30,167 --> 01:29:32,226
When were you exposed to radioactivity?

1253
01:29:32,403 --> 01:29:35,702
I just got back from Russia.
Half the people there are radioactive.

1254
01:29:35,873 --> 01:29:36,897
The bakery.

1255
01:29:37,074 --> 01:29:39,702
You said you swept the area
and everything was clean.

1256
01:29:39,877 --> 01:29:42,277
- I did, and it was.
AGENT 99: Really?

1257
01:29:42,446 --> 01:29:45,040
Was there anyone else there,
or do we just trust you?

1258
01:29:45,516 --> 01:29:46,540
23.

1259
01:29:47,718 --> 01:29:49,413
Your knife wound is seeping.

1260
01:29:50,021 --> 01:29:51,852
Sudden rise in blood pressure?

1261
01:29:52,023 --> 01:29:55,356
Perhaps you're nervous because
there is a bomb here and you know it.

1262
01:29:55,526 --> 01:29:58,984
And what is with the briefcase?
Could that actually be the football?

1263
01:29:59,163 --> 01:30:02,155
You mean the computer
containing the bomb activation codes?

1264
01:30:02,333 --> 01:30:06,201
Exactly. I have no interest in a real football
unless it is signed by Joe Montana...

1265
01:30:06,370 --> 01:30:08,565
...and I don't believe that's the case.

1266
01:30:10,307 --> 01:30:12,070
Well, 23?

1267
01:30:12,877 --> 01:30:14,902
You know what? We're out of time.

1268
01:30:16,414 --> 01:30:18,473
You follow us, she dies.

1269
01:30:28,292 --> 01:30:29,987
Stop this car!

1270
01:30:30,394 --> 01:30:33,795
Max! You idiot!
What the hell is wrong with you?

1271
01:30:33,964 --> 01:30:37,297
You don't just slap your hands
on a government vehicle!

1272
01:30:38,836 --> 01:30:43,205
All right, that's it! When we get back
to Washington, you morons are through!

1273
01:30:46,343 --> 01:30:49,801
Damn it. How have you gotten
away with this for so long?

1274
01:30:49,980 --> 01:30:52,346
I can't believe none of us saw it,
especially me.

1275
01:30:52,516 --> 01:30:54,916
Don't beat yourself up.
You'll be dead soon anyway.

1276
01:30:57,455 --> 01:30:59,514
Chief, he's heading
southbound on Grand.

1277
01:30:59,690 --> 01:31:01,282
Thanks, Bruce. Keep us posted.

1278
01:31:01,926 --> 01:31:05,555
<i>AGENT [O VER RADIO]: Hey!
CONTROL assholes who just stole my vehicle!</i>

1279
01:31:05,730 --> 01:31:10,167
<i>I know you're listening! You two dickwads
put one scratch on that car...</i>

1280
01:31:11,368 --> 01:31:12,733
<i>What was that?</i>

1281
01:31:12,903 --> 01:31:14,666
Sorry, I'm losing you.

1282
01:31:15,439 --> 01:31:16,463
What the?

1283
01:31:17,942 --> 01:31:20,433
All right, fellas.
20 dollars if you hit the car.

1284
01:31:22,446 --> 01:31:26,280
MAX: Chief, I have to say,
this whole thing really steams my clams.

1285
01:31:26,450 --> 01:31:29,146
I cannot get over the fact
that 23 is a traitor.

1286
01:31:29,320 --> 01:31:30,719
Sand trap!

1287
01:31:30,888 --> 01:31:33,721
Now I know how you felt
when you thought I was a traitor.

1288
01:31:33,891 --> 01:31:35,153
Tractor!

1289
01:31:35,326 --> 01:31:38,193
I don't know how I missed it.
I'm usually very observant.

1290
01:31:38,362 --> 01:31:39,693
Swordfish!

1291
01:31:46,871 --> 01:31:49,271
MAX: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
CHIEF: I don't know.

1292
01:31:49,440 --> 01:31:53,308
Were you thinking, "Holy shit, holy shit,
a swordfish almost went through my head?"

1293
01:31:53,477 --> 01:31:55,001
If so, yes.

1294
01:31:55,179 --> 01:31:56,476
Come on.

1295
01:32:19,003 --> 01:32:22,564
On behalf of the United States Government,
I hereby commandeer this plane.

1296
01:32:23,474 --> 01:32:25,374
The device is armed.
I hope you're moving.

1297
01:32:25,543 --> 01:32:28,512
Don't worry, sir. I'll be well clear.

1298
01:32:32,983 --> 01:32:34,917
<i>BRUCE: Chief, they're headed
southbound on l- 47.</i>

1299
01:32:35,085 --> 01:32:36,916
Thanks, Bruce. I got them!

1300
01:32:37,788 --> 01:32:39,517
I need to get down to that car!

1301
01:32:39,690 --> 01:32:43,182
No, no good. If I get too low,
he'll hear me coming!

1302
01:32:46,997 --> 01:32:48,965
I have another idea.

1303
01:32:49,800 --> 01:32:51,461
What are you doing?

1304
01:32:53,971 --> 01:32:56,667
Get back in the plane!
You're gonna kill yourself!

1305
01:32:57,975 --> 01:32:59,272
Hang on!

1306
01:33:15,793 --> 01:33:17,385
Hang on! We're going in!

1307
01:33:19,463 --> 01:33:20,930
[MAX SCREAMING]

1308
01:33:22,166 --> 01:33:23,292
Sorry, Max.

1309
01:33:28,906 --> 01:33:31,568
Tuesday's not gonna work.
Cannot do Tuesday, I'm already...

1310
01:33:31,742 --> 01:33:33,710
- Mom! Mom! Mom!
- Sean! Sean! Sean!

1311
01:33:33,878 --> 01:33:35,903
See how annoying that is?

1312
01:33:56,233 --> 01:33:56,667
See, this is your problem.
Some men like women more feminine!

1313
01:33:56,667 --> 01:34:00,125
See, this is your problem.
Some men like women more feminine!

1314
01:34:00,304 --> 01:34:01,771
- I'm not feminine?
- No.

1315
01:34:01,939 --> 01:34:03,065
I'm not feminine?

1316
01:34:13,984 --> 01:34:15,542
Freeze!

1317
01:34:15,819 --> 01:34:17,514
That was so cool.

1318
01:34:18,422 --> 01:34:19,753
Max!

1319
01:34:28,265 --> 01:34:29,289
Damn it to hell.

1320
01:34:39,109 --> 01:34:41,236
You know, I might be more help
if you untie me!

1321
01:34:41,512 --> 01:34:43,878
There's a knife in my right front pocket!

1322
01:34:48,686 --> 01:34:50,176
[MAX LAUGHING]

1323
01:34:50,354 --> 01:34:51,582
Stop it! Stop it!

1324
01:34:52,056 --> 01:34:53,080
What?

1325
01:34:54,325 --> 01:34:56,919
That's not my knife! That's not my...

1326
01:34:57,461 --> 01:34:58,758
I got it!

1327
01:35:05,469 --> 01:35:07,130
No, 99, don't touch that!

1328
01:35:10,474 --> 01:35:11,964
Oh, my Lord.

1329
01:35:33,664 --> 01:35:35,757
Yeah! The kid's still got it.

1330
01:35:41,572 --> 01:35:42,596
AGENT 99:
Max, hurry!

1331
01:35:44,675 --> 01:35:46,438
MAX:
Hold on, 99!

1332
01:35:52,483 --> 01:35:56,351
Chief, we can't stop the car! We have
the football, but we do not know the code!

1333
01:35:56,520 --> 01:35:57,987
We need to figure out something!

1334
01:35:58,155 --> 01:36:00,988
These tracks are taking us back downtown,
towards the bomb!

1335
01:36:05,429 --> 01:36:08,296
We gotta get you out of there,
and you won't survive the jump!

1336
01:36:08,465 --> 01:36:09,489
I'm coming to get you!

1337
01:36:30,854 --> 01:36:32,481
[AGENT 99 SCREAMS]

1338
01:36:34,525 --> 01:36:36,584
- Oh, God!
- Hold on, 99!

1339
01:36:38,062 --> 01:36:40,860
It's not over, Max!
I'll take that briefcase!

1340
01:36:41,031 --> 01:36:43,090
If you want it, you'll have to take it!

1341
01:36:43,534 --> 01:36:47,061
- That's what I just said!
- I know, I'm just trying to annoy you!

1342
01:37:00,918 --> 01:37:02,476
[GRO ANING]

1343
01:37:35,819 --> 01:37:37,719
Unusual but effective.

1344
01:37:38,155 --> 01:37:39,679
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

1345
01:37:45,496 --> 01:37:47,396
- You all right?
- I'm fine!

1346
01:37:53,704 --> 01:37:55,137
Max!

1347
01:37:55,873 --> 01:37:56,897
Max, your foot!

1348
01:38:02,846 --> 01:38:05,815
- I wish we had more time!
- What?

1349
01:38:26,170 --> 01:38:29,333
- Max!
- No!

1350
01:38:50,194 --> 01:38:51,661
Oh, Max.

1351
01:38:54,231 --> 01:38:56,324
[SQUEAKING]

1352
01:38:57,734 --> 01:38:59,224
No. No!

1353
01:39:04,875 --> 01:39:07,343
I wish we had more time too.

1354
01:39:10,047 --> 01:39:11,844
MAX:
So you did hear me?

1355
01:39:14,651 --> 01:39:15,675
Max?

1356
01:39:19,856 --> 01:39:21,687
But the train...

1357
01:39:22,693 --> 01:39:24,888
Missed it by that much.

1358
01:39:44,214 --> 01:39:46,114
"Operation Joy"?

1359
01:39:47,618 --> 01:39:51,452
The "Ode to Joy" will end with a bang.

1360
01:39:53,257 --> 01:39:56,351
[PERFORMING BEETHO VEN'S
"ODE TO JO Y"]

1361
01:39:56,526 --> 01:39:59,689
- Chief!
- Yeah, Maxie! Are you okay?

1362
01:39:59,863 --> 01:40:03,924
Listen, I think the final notes
of the "Ode to Joy" trigger the bomb!

1363
01:40:04,101 --> 01:40:05,898
We have to stop the concert!

1364
01:40:06,069 --> 01:40:07,366
I'm on it.

1365
01:40:30,494 --> 01:40:31,756
[CLEARS THRO AT]

1366
01:40:43,874 --> 01:40:47,435
My buttocks are really stinging
from being dragged.

1367
01:40:56,687 --> 01:40:59,121
Hey, grandpa, I already told you...

1368
01:40:59,856 --> 01:41:03,053
Speak up, son.
I'm an old man, you know.

1369
01:41:09,966 --> 01:41:11,593
[CLATTERING]

1370
01:41:14,304 --> 01:41:16,568
I like that tackling part.

1371
01:41:20,877 --> 01:41:23,641
MAX:
I am so, so sorry about that.

1372
01:41:23,814 --> 01:41:25,611
Wait! No, no, let him go.

1373
01:41:26,583 --> 01:41:28,676
- There is a bomb.
- Where?

1374
01:41:28,852 --> 01:41:31,844
Would you believe in the piano?

1375
01:41:37,160 --> 01:41:39,526
Whoa. How did we miss that?
That is huge.

1376
01:41:39,996 --> 01:41:44,490
- Max. Was that...?
- A total guess, yes, it was.

1377
01:41:53,276 --> 01:41:55,767
That old son of a gun
can take a hit, huh?

1378
01:42:03,120 --> 01:42:07,523
- Do you think I should tell him?
- No. Let's just savor the moment.

1379
01:42:16,199 --> 01:42:18,531
He's a funny son of a bitch, isn't he?

1380
01:42:19,236 --> 01:42:21,704
This is the proudest moment of my life!

1381
01:42:24,641 --> 01:42:26,199
Bomb not go off.

1382
01:42:26,376 --> 01:42:28,936
Oh, really, bright-eyes?
What alerted you?

1383
01:42:29,112 --> 01:42:32,240
Was it no "Boom, boom," or the lack
of a mushroom cloud?

1384
01:42:32,416 --> 01:42:35,112
It was the mushroom cloud for me.

1385
01:42:36,086 --> 01:42:40,955
Well, you did your job,
so I suppose I can't kill your wife.

1386
01:42:41,358 --> 01:42:44,953
Although to be honest,
I'd be doing the sighted world a favor.

1387
01:42:48,899 --> 01:42:50,799
[SCREAMS]

1388
01:42:53,403 --> 01:42:55,701
What good hang time, huh?

1389
01:42:56,440 --> 01:42:59,671
Yes, Mr. President.
Thank you and goodbye, sir.

1390
01:42:59,876 --> 01:43:03,403
86, the President wanted me
to convey his personal thanks...

1391
01:43:03,580 --> 01:43:07,311
...and to tell you how impressed he was
with that dragged-by-a-train thing.

1392
01:43:07,484 --> 01:43:11,580
Well, sir, as an agent, I have trained
myself to be impervious to pain.

1393
01:43:11,755 --> 01:43:12,813
[DOG BARKING]

1394
01:43:12,989 --> 01:43:15,219
Ah! Hey, it's Fang.

1395
01:43:15,392 --> 01:43:18,054
I wanted him to be a surprise.

1396
01:43:18,228 --> 01:43:21,356
99, please, nobody here
knows that we're dating.

1397
01:43:21,531 --> 01:43:23,089
CHIEF:
Yes, they do.

1398
01:43:24,367 --> 01:43:25,664
On the cheek.

1399
01:43:26,770 --> 01:43:28,499
- Let's go.
- Maybe a little one?

1400
01:43:29,473 --> 01:43:33,375
Hey, new guy. Hold up a second.
Welcome to CONTROL.

1401
01:43:33,543 --> 01:43:36,774
We have a tradition called "pick on
the new guy." Here's how it works.

1402
01:43:36,947 --> 01:43:39,939
- We pick on the new guy.
- And you can't do anything about it.

1403
01:43:40,116 --> 01:43:41,481
Let's try one.

1404
01:43:42,319 --> 01:43:45,311
- You dropped your pencil.
- Did you hear the man?

1405
01:43:45,722 --> 01:43:48,987
I don't see a man, I see two little girls.

1406
01:43:49,159 --> 01:43:53,186
I think I'll call you Maureen,
and you Brittany.

1407
01:43:53,363 --> 01:43:56,696
- New guy did not.
- New guy did.

1408
01:43:56,867 --> 01:43:58,858
AGENT 91: Okay, new guy...
LARABEE: I got this.

1409
01:43:59,336 --> 01:44:00,826
And I'm going to enjoy it.

1410
01:44:01,004 --> 01:44:02,995
That will make me happy, Maureen.

1411
01:44:03,406 --> 01:44:04,430
Maureen.

1412
01:44:04,608 --> 01:44:05,734
[DINGS]

1413
01:44:05,909 --> 01:44:07,171
Ow! What's in there?

1414
01:44:07,744 --> 01:44:09,575
- And just for the record.
- What's in there?

1415
01:44:09,746 --> 01:44:10,974
[LARABEE SCREAMS]

1416
01:44:11,147 --> 01:44:12,637
My name is not "new guy."

1417
01:44:13,884 --> 01:44:15,249
My name is Hymie.

1418
01:44:15,418 --> 01:44:17,818
Now, if you ladies will excuse me.

1419
01:44:20,223 --> 01:44:21,986
This is gonna be so fun.

1420
01:44:22,158 --> 01:44:23,750
Make him high-five me.

1421
01:44:58,128 --> 01:44:59,356
Max, we're gonna be late.

1422
01:45:03,366 --> 01:45:06,028
Oh, Max. Let Maintenance
take care of it.

1423
01:45:10,173 --> 01:45:11,265
Ah!

1424
01:45:11,441 --> 01:45:13,375
<i>You've gotta be kidding me!</i>